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The extended cut of this episode is on / thoraya
Say hi to me on:
Instagram: / thor.aya
TikTok: / thor.aya
Twitter: / thorayaaa
/ thorayaaa
Business inquiries: thorayaproject@gmail.com
P.O. Box 151285
San Diego, CA 92175
I posted an extended version of this episode on my Patreon! If you're interested, here's the link: www.patreon.com/thoraya Your support on there will help me make episodes like this more often! 🙏🏼❤
So, why are you single? (If you are)
Interview more black students
I would find really interesting to ask the same questions to people in different parts of the world.
"Im single because I'm diamond in league of legends." Lol I'm dead, it's so true
@@CRJR94please elaborate?
@@CRJR94I won’t
@@pascalwulf5081 he says all he does is play video games and that’s it, so many young people just lock themselves in their gaming room and do nothing else, curious if he has aspirations to go to college, have a career, or is he planning on being a professional gamer? Like the we need more of those?
@@CRJR94we need more only fans girls and NPC tik tokers
@@CRJR94 In all likelihood, he probably has a job. Isn't that enough?
those group of girls were so wholesome! I hope their friendship remains as beautiful
Riight? I want to be friend with them haha!
I wish I had friendship circle like this
I loved their answers .. they seem so deep.
I loved what the girl at the end said! I wish I was that wise when I was around her age. Never be scared of being single or getting older. Be around people who will let you be yourself and to be the bright light in the world that you are! You can tell she loves her girl group and they love her back.
With their views on the opposite sex its no wonder theyre single
1:14 i’ve never seen a guy talk about NOT wanting a smoker/alcoholic before omg. finally 😭 that was so refreshing, and i like that he support his friend a couple mins later 🥺 he’s beautiful & seems like a sweetheart. i hope he finds his person ❤️
I’m the same and everyone sees you as the nice guy and that’s it. They even use me for my homework and all that. Everytime.
It's rare to find someone who don't drink and smoke, and that makes it harder to find someone for us.
Totally, very refreshing. I love that he wasn't of worldly characteristics but himself. I hope he finds someone that equally matches his vibe. ❤
Yeah I loved his take on it, it's similar for me
Ngl being an adult now out of my 20's I find it really hard to make friends and meet ppl to even start any type of potential relationship. I don't smoke. I rarely drink. I haven't made any good friends that I stayed in contact with. The only ppl I talk to is coworkers and I already dated a coworker and don't want to do that again. I don't put myself out there in real life since I don't go to bars or clubs I have no idea where to go. And the dating apps for most guys are horrible. Been on 4 days 4 different girls in like 2 months and it went no where. So I'm just trying to leave it up to the universe to throw them at me.
The girl who said "You can have him, I'm not gonna fight for you, I'm sorry, that's not who I am." Is so relatable. If someone I'm with doesn't want to be with me and be loyal, then I feel like I won't fight for it. You do what you want to do then and I can't stop you.
It literally happened with me and my best friend a couple of months ago. We were at a party in some friend's house and we both found a guy that was really cute. She always said that she doesn't feel the need to be in a relationship while I always wanted to feel loved. But I couldn't bare to fight with my friend for a guy so I set them both up together and they are currently dating.
@@alicegriloferreira2953 You really pulled an Angelica Schylar for your friend, it's hard being that type of friend. I know you will find your person someday
@@auditoryallusions8983 Thank you. I believe I will someday, I have a lot of life to live yet.
I don’t think any of these people need to feel so at fault for being single. YOURE FINE, all of you.
You don’t know them.
Unless you're an incel or feminist (I don't think it would matter if you're a feminist because men will f*** anything alive or dead)
@@iAmNothingness what a beautiful dp
You're all fine, the guru said !
No no, they definitely need Jesus
It's difficult to be single because you can't stop thinking if it's a sign of you being messed up or is it just a normal situation to be in
It is a normal situation to be in, sadly... (in our current, capitalist world, at least (working more = socializing less, duh)) (I see the word "normal" synonymous to "common", fyi)
Its totaly normal but also something that might help you grow into a better version of you. 🌹so both kinda
Being single is perfectly normal and sometimes preferred. You realize it more and more as you get older. Unfortunately, you start to see friends getting divorced or ending their relationships. If you can find love and peace within yourself, have close family or find really good friends who love you for who you are, you are golden in life!
I think this anxiety is more of a thing if you've never been in a relationship before. After a certain point, potential partners are likely to see that and wonder if it is a red flag or not.
THIS! But also, nothing some therapy can't change ❤
I wish I had friends like those 3 girls, mad respect for y´all
Same would love to pump and dump
The vibes that those girls in the friendgroup radiate are so pure, genuine and beautiful. I hope their friendship last
Big respect for the guy at 6:29 … instead of being bitter, he saw that he could change himself and grow as a person from his experience
Ikr amen
But no big respect for diamond in LoL?
Yeah being bitter is not an option for him he's a man ♂️
Hearing this guy at min 6:29, I really related to him BUT, it made me realize that this was how I felt too BUT. I now think that we should be honest with our partners if we are not feeling full filled with ourself and our lives and we should love our selves even if we don’t have anything going for us in our lives. We are perfect just existing and slowly growing into who we are individually. We don’t need to have everything figured out or be on top of everything like our Careers and finances. maybe our emotions and mental health yes but we also have to accept that it’s ok to not be ok, and we don’t have to go through these things alone, we can share these doubts of ourselves and our lives with others who care about us.
His nose ring ruins anything he says.
I feel the second one so much. Its depressing. Everyone smokes, drinks, does weed or goes to party. U have other interests but is so hard to find someone to match them with
I smoke weed (not tobacco or cigs) mainly just to feel less stressed, I drink occasionally when my mind starts to overthink negatively because it stops the thoughts and just makes me feel happy. I don't go to parties because I'm anti-social and don't like crowds. Even though I smoke and drink it's still been difficult for me to relate to other people due to my little life experience. I have so many other interests (mainly very nerdy, complex shit that would take an ultra nerd to understand) but bruh forming meaningful connections in today's society is hard regardless of what you do in your free time.
Me too, I was hoping to read some other comments resonating with the second guy. It’s so uncomfortable and depressing that people let these things dictate their lives and it’s just considered normal to so many people.
Yup, same here and at the same time I just cannot lower my values. I did in my late teens and early twenties and it just got me completely depressed and I started doing drugs too. Now I live completely sober and wish for the other person to live a lifestyle like that too. It rules out a lot of people and yet still I have to keep up my standards because I would rather be alone then feel lonely in a relationship again and like I have lost my self and sold my values just for the sake of being with someone.
Yeah same! I feel every guy (I'm only interested in men) I've met on dates has some sort of unhealthy coping strategy and/or they lied about it in their profile (doesn't smoke and then smokes legit on the date). It's so hard to find guys that have some sort of healthy outlet that are available to date. I have a ton of guy friends who are in committed relationships who have a ton of healthy outlets and they also have tons of hobbies (so I have proof guys with healthy lives exist!). Why is it only the dudes that have poor coping strategies, baggage, and no hobbies the available options out there? Like come on. I'm happier with myself than trying to go through the fatigue of getting interested in a guy only to find out he lied on his profile about drug use or he's got legit no hobbies or other friends so he'd be depending on me for socializing and entertainment constantly.
@@HouseMDaddict well that's because we're oppressed and constantly fed false information on what we NEED to be or do that no-one is focused on themselves. I have nothing against smoking or drinking in moderation. And most people nowadays have baggage, I for one will never forget living next to pedos and having the cops come only to call me crazy while there were children being abused next door. I hate authority and always will just a bunch of peeps who want control and a badge. At least in the UK. I'm on medication but I think people need to stop looking at baggage as bad thing unless it's actively stopping a person from living. And yes there's a difference between living and surviving
The girl who talked about not fighting over a guy, I TOTALLY relate to that. I'm not single, but that mindset led me to find my partner who is also the father of our child. If you find the right person, you won't even have to fight someone or suffer if they don't like you back, because they were not the right person in the first place. I don't know if it is having high standards, but it is knowing when to move on and trust your intuition.
If i dont trust someone enough to not watch them, or worry about other women, then the initial attraction never takes off. It's a total turn off. I'd never fight anyone over a partner. Save it for when you have a partner and you both need to fight your demons to work out your problems. Relationships can be worth the struggle, but never is battling for partner who doesn't want it as much worth while. But It seemed to me that girl didn't accept a boy interacting with other women much. In which case her ideas may actually be her problem. I reserve the right to have friends of any gender and engage socially with whomever i find is interesting to talk to, and would expect any love interest of mine to be the same way. I have nontime for jealousy and controlling behaviors. It's trust or forget it. I'm old, but this was always true for me. I've had lovely partners for very long relationships, and I still consider them my friends. Respect is just the basis for any type of actual relating worth engaging in.
Exactly girl💜
Out of curiosity what would those high standards be? Is trust a high standard or being able to be trusted, or is it that your high standards lead to seeking out people are naturally more sought after leading to people fighting over them.
@@jaiwalke how could one not understand? I'm really surprized. It's about confidence in ones value. If you value yourself and authentic relationships, you don't need to compete for them. People that really see and value you will chose you and not be subjects of competetive rivalry. If they are that weak and feeble they simply arent worth holding on to at all. Trust goes both ways, and is all about being confident and comfortable with yourself and the people you spend time with. If you aren't, you'll second guess others, worry, be suspicious and jealous. A good relationship is all about (self-) respect, being authentic. That's what she's saying. "High standards" is a tired phrasing but implies she thinks better of yourself, it's beneath her dignity to fight over someones attention. I totally agree. I would never. You save your fighting spirit for the challenges you face sooner or later as a couple, and if you choose a worthy partner you fight as a team to iron out those problems or conflictd when they present themselves. Thats actually the entire point of a long term partnership. I never had the inclination to hang on to any live interest that wasn't in my ringside corner, and dont understand partnerships where frequent quarrels or control issues are even a thing. I'd lose my interest too early to ever end up there. But what turns people on obviously varies a great deal. I'm happy to say I've had wonderful partners and always remained friendly with them.
that's the only one i didn't understand, why is fighting in the picture?
"i dont believe in dating just to date" "i like short term relationships with an end date" .... so dating... just to date....
Im single because 1. I don’t put myself out there a lot 2. Men doesn’t seem that interested in me 3. I have not found someone that have the same morales, values and ambition as me
Exact same with me.
This!
👏🏾
❤❤❤❤
exactly my caseee
I'm a male. Divorced 18 Years. Last Relationship was 13 years ago. I'm forever single now. Most of the time I was in a relationship, I was restless and wanted out. When my last relationship ended, I decided I was done. My interactions with women now are more genuine. When you get away from the romantic/sexual subtext, you can connect with people on a deeper level. I'm so much happier now.
The expectation of sex/romance puts a wild amount of (often different) pressure on everyone tbh - like getting rid of that weird and unnecessary cloud hanging over you really does create space for a lot more types of dynamics and you're just more in it overall
I agree 100%. Men and women are both so much alike and can relate on so many levels but people get clouded, especially early in life, because they try to play into roles of how they think they should be. Wanting to be fun, sexy, attractive to everyone, etc. Not even realizing why they want to attract people. Humans at their core can tell when someone isn't being genuine with them and they subconsciously act in response to that. Genuinely being interested and curious about someone on a deeper level makes for more trusting and meaningful relationships, between men and women, men and men, women and women and everyone.
That's nice, I'm happy for you man!
@@coolbreeze5683 YES, completely utterly agree. Thank you for saying this.
I agree.
Ugh this is the single people representation I needed, so refreshing to hear them all !!
✨✨🌟
I always thought the reason is myself, lack of confidence, childhood trauma or whatnot. But the older I get I find it’s because I’m a complete person and am the most comfortable by myself. I found it important to have a community around you to support you, but a lot of people don’t actually need a ‘partner’ to live a good life
Couldn’t have said it better myself! ❤
This, thanks. I'm so baffled because of some people near me who are really looking just for a relationship, not a person to be with. That doesn't sit well with me.
I think there’s something beautiful about everyone whether you’re male or female doesn’t matter
Yes! And I don’t know if it’s just me but I find it’s hard to find guys who are just themselves. They often try to play something they’re not, and we can see right through it. I wish I could just tell them, hey, you’re so cute when you’re yourself, just leave it!
@@Ankesadventures tell us then!!! idk i feel like its hard being yourself when noone ever tells you that that real side is actually the good side when the only thing that comes through is pressure from social media etc that just changes u to a different person
You know, in the end it’s the same for us, too. We try to mask it with clothes and makeup and project our worth on our looks because that’s what we’re taught. I think it just takes each individual coming to terms with who they are and looking for someone who sees that. Even if it means being single for a while. And P.S: I am telling you NOW 😜 go and be your cute self hehe
@@Ankesadventures Ye sadly were taught to be that version "everyone" wants to see. Even for me wanting to show that real side of me its just still so hard to get over the pressure we have to be how were "supposed" to be. And like id propably lose motivation in that time span it would take to find someone who takes you for who you are and go back to showing a fake side off to try my luck with that again.
Amen,,, and there is always someone for someone
I noticed that each person interviewed were of a younger generation, which is totally interesting to me as a Gen X, but I hope Thoraya does a version of this video with “older” people, as a comparison or different perspective on why they’re single. I think the answers will be quite different!
That's the first thing that I noticed. They all looked like teenagers so their answers don't hold a lot of weight.
I agree. I thought this video was amazing. Would love to see more, each with a different age group. I'm single because I want to love the next person more than I did the previous one, and that feeling becomes more difficult to find.
I couldn't agree more. I found the answers a bit shallow. If u ask a person that has only lived 15 years what they know about life, its just not gonna b that deep...
Yes!
@@sabadaga1 wdym don't hold a lot of weight. I get that older people have more experiences or may have had more partners, but every age is special, every person is special and different, everyone has different experiences in life, both young and old people and both their experiences hold the same weight. Or at least to me. For me it was interesting to hear young people talk about love, about what it means to them, what they are looking for in a partner, their point of view. Plus dating today is different than dating back then, it comes with new issues and even that is interesting to hear and think about.
I'm 25 and have never been in a relationship. I've never even been kissed. I understand that I'm a shy person and am afraid of what others might say about me but I've still always tried to keep my heart and mind open just in case someone comes along. I have a lot of issues with anxiety, sometimes depression and overall feeling like my life will never amount to anything so that drags me down as well. It's a struggle just to make it through the day a lot of times and I just wanna run away from everyone and everything. Just yesterday I was thinking what would happen if I just got on a bus and left my home for a little while despite knowing how scared that would make my family. I just feel so tied down by my own thoughts and can see myself being 40 and not having met anyone.
It took me a long time to have a relationship, too. I had to get some confidence in myself and also stop looking for the perfect girl and just date. It's not as serious as it seems, women are just people trying to have fun.
pretty much the same for me as well
I feel that. Same sort of situation here. I live with my parents in a small rural town with pretty much no one my age which also makes it hard to meet new people even if I was brave enough to. Best of luck ♥
I’m in my 50s and my last relationship was about 20 years ago. I REALLY liked the guy concerned but I’m not someone to wear my heart on my sleeve, nor do I trust men easily, but in this instance I was beginning to believe that there might have been a future in it. Obviously things weren’t doing it for him, because (from my end, out of the blue) he pulled the plug on it. I was absolutely destroyed and it took me well over a decade to get past him. I can’t ever imagine myself in another relationship, but I’m ok with that. I think the final girl got it right when she said that you have to love yourself. And never ever settle for something because you’re fearful of not getting what you know you want. Wishing you all the very best for the future…don’t ever settle, hold out for what you want!!
God you just said my life story and I am 27 and its does get concerning because most of my circle of friends and cousins have had multiple relationships, have married and some with kids but I dont see myself doing that until maybe later in life. I cant help but compare but again we need to remember everyone is different and I don't have to force myself to jump in the sea when I am not ready to swim. I would drown. Everyone takes their time in different stages of life and I am sure there is no expiry date on any of them. Make yourself ready, allow the natural readiness of your mind and body and next thing you know you are ready and someone that is supposed to be there will be. We all just need to focus on our present and live to the fullest without the peer pressure surrounding us. It might consume us if we let it, and I dont like that sound of that nor do I liked to imagine that happening. Not easy but life in general is never easy to begin with
Beautiful video. At 26, I am in my first official romantic relationship. From the start my partner made it clear that my lifelong singleness was not only NOT a red flag for them, but also a good sign, because I was using that time to build a healthy relationship with myself.
The amount of girls who have just given up on relationships completely was alarming to me... and the men in this all seemed so genuine and wholesome. Damn.
It’s the hate all men movement, Women in the quest for equality (domination) have been programmed to be anti anything men further leaving them more lonely than ever.
This what dangerous ideology indoctrination does to people. This new poison injected into the minds of our new generations will kill us off slowly but surely. Imagine everyone on the globe adopting the same ''right way of living life'' that the western society promotes, as of tomorrow with 1.2 birth rate it will take only a few generations to makes us disappear from this planet. Is beyond me how people can be so stupid and unaware.
They dont want to be monogamous
I don't think it's about monogamy at all. I have been single for years because men don't want the burden of committing, and I am not into one nighters. Men ask for sex when you're at the point of the first cup of coffee in a café. It a total turnoff. Also men don't like that I am non-alcoholic. I want to commit fully to the right man and build a proper life with him and both our families. I dont want to degrade myself or bend my core values of loyalty and being a family person
@@user-lt3yb4fm6q yea its our fault of course
the guys who are friends are giving eachother their love... that is why he has confidence recently... love is not exclusive to your gender :) and it doesn't always involve sex
that's a beautiful message, all you need is really one person who truly gets you and that can be anyone. If you have no-one like that even if you have a huge friend group that is where feeling alone becomes a huge problem. Doesn't matter where I am or who I'm with I feel alone and like no-one will ever understand or take me seriously
No one’s gonna see this but I’ve been feeling down lately, I don’t really have a lot of good friends that I can about deep stuff with and what the last girl said made me tear up not necessarily about the relationship stuff but how she wanted to stop being sad and help others but not stop loving herself. I love videos like this because I always come out of it with a little more insight then when I started it
💛
i see this and totally agree
🥰
I see this and understand the pain of not having people around you who care about you and who you can be emotionally intimate with. Being an adult can be so lonely sometimes.
Right there with you gives you a little hope things will get better
I never wanted the last girl to stop talking, as a woman I loved hearing her
As a man, I'm really trying to find a cute quirk so I can pretend to not be a lizard that likes to consume the souls of children like the rest of my fellow men
When I was an alcoholic living in my mom's attic with no ambition, dreams or direction, dating was very easy. I didn't place any value on life and didn't really care about anything outside of fulfilling my immediate impulses. I was a mess and a million screaming red flags, but my dating options were so abundant that it was almost overwhelming. Eventually I got sober and got my life together. I found purpose. Life started to actually mean something to me and I started to seek out and enjoy responsibility. But it seems like ever since I found my path and became a man actually worth investing in, no one has been interested. I've effectively become invisible. So, I don't really know why I'm single. It's tough. But I'd rather be lonely and actually striving to give something of value to the world than go back to being a womanizing degenerate.
damn, this is a major departure from the stuff all the self-improvement gurus preach about. really shows that everyones experience is different
I can't remember what show I saw this on, but I instantly related to it. WOMAN: "Why aren't you married? Aren't you lonely?" MAN: "I've been married - and I've been lonely. I'd rather be lonely."
It's because people are scared to commit in today's society. Most people do just look for short and sweet over long and difficult which really sucks. Like I want to get to know a person, not what's under their clothes 🤣
I don't think it's that no one's interested, you yourself might not be interested in a lot of people that would be open to dating or wtvr (given your change in mentality). Your "dating pool" was huge bc you were getting with people that were probably in the same headspace as you were at the time. It's *very easy* to not care about people etc. it's just terrible both for yourself and the people you cross paths with (general you)
Thats interesting experience
That last young woman was so wise! I agree with everything she said! 🫶
Same, I see so much vulnerability and beauty in women that lacks in guys... like she said, not all are bad, there's a lot of good guys out there, I just see more effort in self-reflection and growth in women than I do men.
I'm all about appreciating the uniqueness and beauty of women, but they she speaks about men makes me wonder how many men she has gotten to know, especially at a deeper level. Seemed reductive and bitter.
Her inability to see the inner beauty of men was sadly predictable though.
She's being seixst but its okay because she's a woman@@ZuperFlax
Everything she said was refreshing ❤
Just want to say for all the single folks out there: I was single all my life, and at 23 years old, I found my girlfriend! We've been together almost 2 years and I couldn't be more grateful. We're so happy, and I never could have imagined it was possible to find a relationship like this. Don't give up! You will find your person! 💛💛💛💛
Also: It is TOTALLY okay to be single!!!! You don't need a relationship if you don't want one, and you certainly don't need one to be happy. Just wanted to share my story to give hope to people out there. Much love to all of you wonderful people! 💛
Thank you for sharing! I’m going to be heading off to college very soon, and I still haven’t managed to get a date. It was hard to watch so many of my old high school classmates burn through relationships because of how easy it was for them and how little care they took. I hope I’ll find someone who enjoys spending their time with me as I make my way through college, but I just can’t help but feel like there’s something wrong with me
“Single all my life” lmao dude you’re 23. Stfu
@@thepursuiterer I would fall under the "classic beauty standards". I'm thin (maybe too thin), fair skinned, average height, hip length straight hair, etc. I didn't get asked out till I was 19. The guy who took me on my first date became my first boyfriend, who became my husband. I have no qualms with how things ended up happening. I was sad I didn't get asked out by anyone to prom and that I didn't go on any dates or have any relationships in highschool, but I had been forced to mature quickly as a child, so I was accustomed to being alone. Even now I feel twinges of sadness about it, but I know that a high school kid wouldn't have been able to handle my baggage and care about me the way I needed to be cared for. The guy I married was 27 and I was 20. He still feels that I'm the mature one, he still has difficulty helping me carry my baggage, he is still learning the depth of my foresight, but we're doing it together. Being single doesn't mean something is wrong with you, it just means that you're at a different point on your path than others are on theirs. Everyone's path is different and that's fine. In all honesty though, there is a lot "wrong" with me according to medical/mental health standards, but that doesn't mean I don't deserve to be loved and in a healthy relationship, if that's what I want.
I was also single until 23. Had the worst insecurities about my appearance, which in turn affected my personality. And then I gave up (I also had CBT to try and tackle it). It was once I stopped looking and trying to get into a relationship (I guess for the approval of those around me who were successful at that) that I met my current girlfriend of 3½ years. As the years went on I got more and more insecure and desperate (those two fed each other) but the real change happened when I began to work on how I could stop hating myself, rather than trying to push that responsibility on someone else.
The group of friends - I love their energy ☺️☺️
It's interesting to see the dichotomy of people thinking no else is good enough for them and people thinking they're not good enough for anyone else.
Did anyone else notice the other thing that most of the people in each camp had on common with eachother?
Do you mean the fear of commitment?
I think fear of commitment is fear of connection
But have you thought about that one person can think no else will ever be good enough for them but realise that theres nothing that person can bring to the table that anybody else can’t
women vs men
Sometimes it's because we are really shy and introverted, or work isolated, from home. 😢 And people may not even know that we exist.
The second one is so true. I just am not naturally inclined to do stuff that's bad for my body like drinking and smoking but in this day and age it's more than difficult to find someone who thinks it's cool to care about your health and your future. It all ties into self-discipline and it speaks a lot about who you are as a person imo but not a lot of people shares that opinion. It literally had me googling how do I surround myself with healthy minded people
Sadly many people including me, don’t actaully feel inclined to smoke, or vape. We aren’t addicted, we just do it to fit in, it doesn’t have much to do with self discipline, rather it’s a very morbid form of people pleasing. I would rather vape than be a loner
@@rosie6 I get what you're saying. I also considered doing crappy watered-down drugs when it was "cool" for some in hs, but I decided not to out of not discipline but just having to do a lot of studying. You have a point cause I don't really care much about fitting in now that I'm happy with my work friends and myself. If I wanted to go out and drink I guess I'd be smoking
You can be a “healthy minded person” and do drugs 😂 I get what you’re saying but I don’t think using substances makes someone healthy or unhealthy it’s all relative
Being single is a sign of strength. You don’t need someone else romantically to make you feel validated. Also you will live longer as a single if you’ve watched enough dateline.
Depends
Hmmm Sounds like cope Some people genuinely have no choice but to be single
Married people statistically live longer… but I do agree with your point about being a sign of strength.
@IamINERT not really, I feel like I'll be happier being single, all I need is my family, friends and God.. don't have time for cheaters, gold diggers, or people who love you conditionally, all I need to do is focus on my future and doing my best. Also, most girls I know are either atheist or don't love God the same way I do, so I think it'll take some time.
@@Osav_kimi That doesn't change the fact that many people have no choice but to be single. I know women that date men that cheat on them so they choose to stay single. I know very very few men that can't get a girlfriend because they're incels and are way too desperate at the same time (give creep vibes)... I only know a few because I don't like to surround myself around men like that, but there's many.
I’m 57 and have not been in a relationship for 10 years by choice. In my younger years my relationships were superficial and I denied myself the relationship I deserved by settling. At my age I’m not interested in sex only companionship. At this point I don’t even try to find someone and I find I’m content. I have love from friends, family and my daughter and that’s good enough for me.
Same here. I'm 54 and haven't been in a relationship for 13 years by choice. There's an underlying social expectation that you can't be fulfilled if you're not in a relationship. That is absolutely untrue. If you have the love of your family and a core group of friends, you're going to be great. I can honestly say that I am substantially happier single than I ever was in a relationship.
I'm just 23, but I feel the same. No, I haven't been in any long relationship. No, I obviously don't have kids. But I am content with being by myself. I do find it enough with the love of my family and the love from my friends. And every day I also am closer to finding my own self-love
Just in case people are thinking that this might be true (10:00): I feel like I've met a lot of people in the last decade of my life (I'm 31), all different walks, all different sides of masc and femm, and I can honestly say, guys are 100% capable of this too. Old, young, and everything in between, guys can have quirks that can be unique and cute. They just have a really hard time opening that up to people. I've met and had friends who have had such pure hearts of friendship, comradery, compassion, and empathy for their fellow humanity and for those they call family. And yes, I know she makes a point to include those on the masc side of the human experience too, and I really like what she says after. I guess I just didn't want someone to hear her words and think that there's no hope for someone like you, that what makes you unique, quirky, or cute isn't valid or willing to be scooped up by someone who will cherish you as a good friend or person. Remember: don't be somebody else, be you, because there's no one else who can do it like you.
I get uncomfortable with how casually women seem to look down on or badly of men in general. I know theyve been hurt, and im empathize. But ive been hurt too, by women, in horroble ways repeatedly. And the fact than no woman in my entire life let me use that as an excuse to look down on them generally has been such an important and life bettering lesson they were correct to teach me. I just wish women held themselves to the same standard and it doesnt seem like they generally do.
Here is where I disagree though. I feel like if you wanted to find something so beautiful in each guy. You would find it. I think she speaks from the bias of thinking women are good and mean are bad But life is that black and white. If you wanted to find something bad about someone you can find it and if you wanted to find something beautiful about someone you can really find it.
@@yasuke4593 I wish i could go back to a time when i was so naive as to believe women were good by default. She has *no idea* how cruel some of them can be, and when she learns it she'll never see things the same again.
@@brycesumrall7248I am a woman and agree with you some women can make life so difficult having something unique or cute doesn't mean she can be a great wife there is more about personality than just one unique thing or cuteness
for me this topic in a way "doesn't make sense". ofc you can find some differences between woman and man. but these are mostly formed by society. and the main point here is: no matter the gender, no matter the sex, you need to see a person firstly as a human. and within our species there are a lot of very different personalities with good and bad sides.
The second guy is so competent and genuine it's really hard to find people like that nowadays. p.s: second guy give me a time and place I'll be there 🤝
Right?! He melted my heart. It was nice to hear I'm not the only one who feels similar.
I don’t think I would mind being single so much if I at least got to experience a relationship just once in my life. I want to know what it’s like for someone to tell me I look pretty or care about what I’m thinking even if it doesn’t go that deep
I hope you find what you’re looking for!
Love seeing some asexual representation! I think my answer would be we live in a world of superficial relationships and just haven't experienced anything real.
more like a world full of superficial people
You know, it's good to be independent. Helps you to rely more on yourself more than relying on other people. In the real world, all you have is your own. Your family and the random people around you are just there as the supporting characters in your life. Sure, they could be the main protagonists in some way, but it's you who gets all the spotlight. This applies to being single. Apparently being single gives you the opportunity to grow as an individual and develop the things that you feel as though they lack improving. So, don't be hesitant to put yourself first and your needs and wants. It's necessarily being selfish. Well, I guess in some angle, it can be depicted as such, but trust me when I say that it's for your own benefit as a member of this society and just a regular person in general.
Being in a relationship doesn't stop anyone from being independent or from growing. It's called interdependence. A healthy relationship still allows autonomy and should encourage and support growth. Sure, I agree that there's nothing wrong with being single and to be in a healthy relationship you need to do a certain amount of "self-work" however, I believe staying that way is a lie people convince themselves of these days out of cowardice. Incidentally stunting growth. We haven't survived this long without depending on each other.
💯 agree with the above comment around healthy relationships. To the person who posted the original comment, I’d definitely look into attachment styles and see where you fall. The mindset of “be independent and only rely on yourself” absolutely sounds like a dismissive avoidant attachment style.
I'm taking a moment to notice that we live in times when women don't have to have partners in order to function in society. We can have our own homes, our own money, careers and connections. It wasn't that long ago that women had to get married and have children in order to survive.
2nd guy is too relatable, it's quite hard in this day and age to find someone who doesn't do drugs/smoke/do weed or drink a ton.
I've liked many girls growing up and I wished I was with one of these girls I liked. As having Autism, its hard because they might not like my quirks and I feel like a child sometimes in my own mind. I just feel like girls don't have interest in people who are on the spectrum at this time in my life. I know someday someone will like me for who I am.
Keep that head high bro, I got some crazy social anxiety an It’s hard to talk to people for me so I feel for you, but life gets better just be patient.
Oh man, I wish you meet the person you deserve.
Maybe pick someone else with quirks.
As someone who as Asperger myself. I absolutely can relate to this. Well spoken! Sure, felt bad about being on the spectrum, but you also get a different understanding of other people. Something i value a lot. But having social anxiety doesn't help either xD Terrifies me. But working on it to go outside my bubble. As we all should!
Hey man! My husband is autistic + adhd. I’m not autistic, but I understand him so well when others don’t. I love him so much. We have been together for 9 years, married for 2. High school sweethearts. You’ll find someone who understands you and loves all the things that makes you authentically you.
I'm single because I have a lot of hate, prejudice, and spite in my heart after my last breakup (guess that's what you get when you treat your partners better than yourself). And I don't think I can have a genuine romantic relationship without my insecurities and trust issues disturbing my peace. It's just not worth it right now.
I feel you
Same here
I'm 42, been in a relationship (now married) for the last 21 years. Just do what you enjoy, both being single and being in a relationship have their plus and minuses. Do what brings meaning to your life.
I prefer being single, but if I happen to get into a relationship, I am honest up-front and make sure it's known that I am not going into this expecting forever. I am loving, kind, and respectful, but my peace and happiness, to me, are exponentially more important than anyone else's.
My social anxiety. I believe I can be a good partner, but most dates I go on result in putting irrational pressure on myself. Once made it to four, but she decided she wanted to do her own thing which I accepted (but was also incredibly disappointed about). It sucks, but I’m trying.
Hello there, don't give up! Social anxiety can be managed. I'm doing therapy and within a year I went from not even leaving my house to volunteering, organizing events and talking to random strangers. Still a long way to go, but I hope my story helps you asking for the necessary help.
I wish you well
Trying is half the battle, space cowboy
absolutely love that group of girls, they were speaking absolute facts, and seeing their appreciation for the other women in their life and close bonds together is so heart-felt and amazing!! May ye always remain friends 💖
I totally related to the part where she said every woman has something cute and unique and amazing about them but can't say the same for guys. I find it easier to admire women than men
@@noeliagutierrez4223Its because so many guys are absorbed in that stupid aLpHa mAlE bullshit that repulses all women, and seeing them put on a cringe act just makes you not want to interact with any guys at all :( otherwise I believe gender doesn't change the uniqueness of people, we are all sweet in our own ways🥲❤
@@noeliagutierrez4223I hear men saying that a lot too that women don’t have hobbies…yet every one has things to admire you just have to be willing to see it
@@noeliagutierrez4223 I think as a society, women are just put onto a higher standards and pedestalized way more(at least attractive women). A man’s worth seems to be what he does for society while women’s seem to be what she does and how she looks or is. Most find women easier to admire and appreciate but men are seen as brutes if strong or weak if less than their certain ideal level of masculine.
@@Yeeha494 you say women are put on to a higher standard but then that men are harder to admire/appreciate and that theyre only seen as strong or weak... uh??????????????????
That last girl is sooo wholesome and spoke to my heart. It’s amazing to see the shift where women are supporting one another and finding their soul sisters. Being a man, I know my place is to help support and provide a space where women can be seen and heard. So so beautiful
I'm not sure if you understood her tho. She basicaly hates most men and can't find anything special about an individual. We men choose to ignore when such Misandry happens. That's why women think they are better than us.
@@MII2o90she may be sapphic.
@@MII2o90 What part of the way she expressed the love and joy in her heart translated to hate? I'm sorry that her light can't be felt by you. I encourage you to examine why her being strong in who she is makes you feel as if she is "better than others." In the most respectful way possible, your insecurities are being projected through what you wrote and it is not an accurate representation of that women. I wish you well my friend
@@Ethannthomas Part where she said that she can't find anything special in "men" in general. Not some guy she does not like. But all men, by that standard even in her father. You should rewatch it..
She's not wholesome she's borderline misandric. What she said made me cringe. Respect yourself, dude.
I'm single because I don't think I would be good enough for someone else at this moment. I have to work on myself before I start bringing others down with me
that's the first thing to change, the mindset. You aren't dragging anyone down, that's just how you feel. Most people as soon as they get home will forget people they saw that day. If you feel like people can't handle you venting to them then it's best to keep that for a doctor or therapist, someone who is professionally trained with how to deal with said thoughts. One thing I noticed about constantly telling my mates about how I felt was that they couldn't handle it and as a result I kept pushing them away until I was left with no-one. Had I just sought the proper help beforehand that wouldn't have happened. But at the same time if you're friends aren't there for you when you NEED them then they aren't true friends. I hope you get yourself to a better place and never feel scared or ashamed to ask for help. It's better than bottling all of that up inside
Thank you man :( I really appreciate it and you are absolutely right about the real friends talk. I know I'm a good person but as of now im not where I want to be so im definitely working on that before i start dating you kow@@Mr-Geist-Bong
Same
The problem is being able to afford a therapist. What do you do in the mean time? Talk to the walls? lol
Working on oneself and improving before entering a relationship with someone doesn't mean one needs therapist. You need to like yourself first to also be able to like other people.
A relationship is a bonus, but to me, not a requirement for a happy life. I feel most people feel they need to be in a relationship because that is what is expected, just like marriage and children. Therefore many people are uncomfortable with being on their own because they are also used to rely on someone else. And yes, I'm single, not looking and if it happens, it happens. ;-)
Not gonna lie though, even though it isn't a requirement, it would honestly be nice to have, like who wouldn't want to? At least have 1?
6:29 SPOT ON !! I have high standards but I don't actually meet them myself yet... So i'm waiting until i'm my best self before i go looking for others. Being insecure in a relationship, whether it's financially or physically etc, sounds exhausting to me and I don't wanna put my partner thru all that
This video was incredible. It voiced so many things that I have thought about myself but never actually heard others say outside of my family. The second person who talked about the rarity and frustration of not finding people who done smoke, drink, and are obsessed with partying had me looking at the screen saying “THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IVE BEEN FEELING!!!” and then to see that he and his friend support one another in an uplifting and healthy way was beautiful. And the last friend group was just beyond. The very last girl, the way she talked about women and the intricacies and beauty that each woman has was just heartwarming and I felt such solidarity with her. How she pointed out that “I’m not saying all men are like this” was important because it’s true, but just that women are amazing and fierce and make the world a more lovely place to be really really truly made me smile. Thanks Thoraya💖💖💖and every incredible and strong and amazing person in this video🌎🦋🌴
I think love can hit you, but relationships are a decision. You have to invest and open yourself to the possibilities.
The last woman literally said exactly what's on my mind.
yes! makes me feel glad that I am not alone in this way of thinking
the last girl took the words right out of my mouth....who cares if women age and yes I've also felt an unbalance of interesting, caring women to men.....those group of girls all have eachothers' back, that's beautiful. I want a crew like that !
Bro what 😂😂 so all guys are just not caring people now 🤦♂️
That last lady's take on life and love is exactly me. I absolutely love what she said
💀
I’d love to see the responses of older ppl…these people mostly seemed to be in their 20s. Please interview ppl in their late 30-40s!
I love these videos. Everyone has such a different experience, and their own wisdom to share.
Being on my own is ultimately so peaceful. I love being alone and being able to be completely independent and self reliant. I don’t owe anyone anything, and I don’t have to force myself to accommodate them and their all consuming wants and needs.
That last girl got to me ! You can see she meant it with her heart. So genuine.
So powerful. Not gonna lie, more than a few of these made me cry. Thank you for what you do. ❤❤❤
Thank you for adding subtitles 😊🔥💪🏽💯
Thank you so much for putting everything the last girl said it really helped me! Everyone on this video was great ❤
I love seeing their smiles while talking. ✨
Me too, I'm still single because im a guy who likes guys I just keep it to myself
I'm single because I'm trying to find myself. I'm 21 and in the past years I was chasing what is to "Get in a Relationship", at the end it didn't work and I decided to take a step back and try to understand myself more, I have a lot of flaws and I want to work on them so I can be a better person, then when I feel in a better spot for myself, then I'll start again trying to find a relationship, until I discover myself and I feel satisfied at least a 60% with it. Thanks for your videos Thoraya, keep up the good work.
You are amazing!
I was in love with a man I met in France for four years. It was very one sided, but I considered him the love of my life. I flew out to tell him I want to marry him, and the moment he turned the corner and I saw him I knew he wasn’t the same man I fell in love with all those years ago . I decided to give my heart a break, and enjoy the rest of my 20’s before opening up the possibility of talking to someone else. My love for him was that even if I was married with kids and one day he finally said yes I’d leave my husband. Now I have no feelings for him.
that friend group is awesome and so supporting I hope they stay friends for life
The last girl to answer with the short curly hair put me in a good mood
Thank you for this type of content Thoraya!
Love this film, and I LOVE the choice for the first and last interview. You're so beautifully talented, Thoraya 🥰💛✨️☀️
I love how everyone’s answer was different, truly showing that the greatest diversity is in our experiences.
The Paradox of love is when you don't try so hard things happen on their own accord, its about flowing with it and not having a fixed mindset about life.
This is for everyone who needs this right now. The first prayer is for God to grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference, living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; taking this world as it is and not as I would have it; trusting that you will make all things right if I surrender to your will; so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with you forever in the next. Amen. The second prayer is O God and heavenly father, grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed; courage to change that which can be changed, and wisdom to know the one from the other, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. I HOPE THIS HELPS YOU! MAY, GOD BLESS YOU, ALWAYS!
I've always been independent. I've not had great examples of relationships therefore I've steered away from them. Part of me loves when I see that older couple married for 50 years and a sweet couple just starting out. Part me doesn't feel the need for a relationship
im still single because i'm afraid. in my mind, i have this perfect image of a relationship. and im afraid that relationships aren't as perfect as i think they are. i'm afraid of getting my heartbroken. i'm afraid of it ending poorly, and i'm afraid of hurting someone. i'm a coward, but that's alright, because one day i'll take the leap. i'm just waiting for the right person.
Aw, she is so wonderful and I love all what she said. 9:42, great message and honestly I needed to hear that so much. Blessed her and everyone in this video!! ❤
I broke down at "the right mistake" man nothing hurts more than knowing the person your with deserves more because you have one foot in and out... she gave me a lot... and I knew she deserved someone who could give that back...
I sooooo loved what the last girl had to say, She is so evolved in her thinking. We should really look within. I became divorced with a beautiful special needs baby boy. I stayed single for a few years. I leaned more a about myself in those few years being single and grew immensely as a human being. We need to learn to Love ourselves, and the love we deserve will come to us so much more easily. I know this to be true. It happened to me, and I have been happily married now for many years now and also have a wonderful daughter I!!!
Definitely, she is wise beyond her years! I'm happy to hear your life is filled with love! We're surrounded by it and just need to open our hearts to be receptive. There's so much depth in life that we can never be truly bored. Always finding beauty in everything and much to be grateful for.
How can be wise saying that probably all the girls around her are unique but guys aren't? That is some 13 yo mindset
@@coolbreeze5683 Thank you very kindly...
@@G2P7 That is not the message
@@DearDana It Is. I used her exact words.
This makes me feel better about people than I have in a long time. THANK YOU!
I was single until 23. Had the worst insecurities about my appearance, which in turn affected my personality. And then I gave up (I also had CBT to try and tackle it). It was once I stopped looking and trying to get into a relationship (I guess for the approval of those around me who were successful at that) that I met my current girlfriend of 3½ years. As the years went on I got more and more insecure and desperate (those two fed each other) but the real change happened when I began to work on how I could stop hating myself, rather than trying to push that responsibility on someone else.
Second person: dude there’s a lot of us! You are in the wrong circles for who you want to know. I hope you get away from the cloud of smoke soon
Oh my gosh this was one of my favorite videos yet. The friends group at the end ♥️ I needed this. Thank you!!!
Mine too, I'm single mostly because of not wanting to be embarrassed
I Love the Vibe of the Video💯💯💯 the calming Music and all the Smiles in their faces even If they were Not so proud of to be Single. Great Content 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I love your videos, they restore my faith in humanity. I want to watch your videos instead of the news every morning to start my day off right with a good heart.
It makes me wonder why I'm single, I have several female friends who like me, but it's not something I do much , date
@@bubba283 I mean you kinds answered your own question. lol
Yea I don't date them, I figured since their married don't bother.
That's such a sweet and amazing friend group at 9:05 and also the two guys and the beginning! They all seem to have their heart in the right place whether it is knowing themselves or supporting their friends💖
This was so good! Thank you
Im gonna cry, i love the last girl's message 😭❤❤❤❤
I agree with every sentence the last girl said! So relatable!
She basically said "guys are all bad" and then said "im not trying to say guys are all bad" and then said "But women are all good and guys are bad". And then went on to make some really good points about age and stuff so I agree with that part
I’m single because nowadays it’s so hard to meet new people if it’s not through internet or parties. I don’t like that kind of way to interact with people, i hate crowded places and most people who attend parties because they are so invasive and superficial (at least in the country i live in). Tinder is so subjective and shallow, think about it, you judge someone by the way they look in a picture to decide if they’re good enough for you, that’s so messed up and i just can’t do that. I tell my friends all the time that i was born in the wrong era, because i love how things were back then, meeting someone at a park, store or small gatherings. Everything was so simple and real, because internet didn’t exist so everyone had to interact in different ways. I miss deep conversations, talking about random but interesting topics, being silly, admiring someone for being smart, polite and caring. Sadly, to wish that nowadays is “having high expectations” and “living in a cliche movie”, as people already said to me. I believe the guy i deserve is out there, but honestly maybe i’ll never find him, because there’s so many obstacles on the way. And maybe romantic love isn’t for everybody, who knows?
Love the group of friends at the end!
It amazes me everytime I see relationship or dating videos, that the guys/boys react way more mature and realistic than the girls most of the time. The girls have their "high standards" whatever that means (some of them, ofcourse not all). And in this video a lot of girls say that people are shit, or something similar. But the guys point it to themselves what they can improve or that they were not ready or that they made a mistake. Most of the time not pointing fingers to the other and blaming. I hope this mentality will change in the girls/ladies, and that the view on relationship/dating becomes more realistic and mature, and human. Everybody makes mistakes or has different intentions, goals and views, and they can change over time. Everybody wants to be loved. I hope the dating market will become more real instead of using apps.
Thanks Thoraya. The same day my grandmother asks what’s wrong with me and why I’m not with anyone, youtube hands me this. But honestly thank you
I'm single cause I haven't found a man who wants me for me. I can't be the only one to change in the relationship, we BOTH are supposed to change and grow while staying true to ourselves. And we are supposed to keep our autonomy (One guy tried to take that away from me and NEVER AGAIN). We are supposed to support EACH OTHER and be there for each other BOTH 100%. Haven't found him. Nor was I allowed to date men cause of my conservative christian upbringing. I went most of my life not able to even try so I'm very inexperienced and that has hurt me in the long run. I don't look for one anymore either, I put a lot of effort only to get hurt a lot and see that most men just wanted s*x and not a relationship. *Sigh*
Keep your anatomy is interesting, what on earth did they want you to do? And yeah don’t do it
@@M_SC autonomy. Not anatomy.
Similar situation. I'm lesbian and currently celibate, but straddling the fence right now. I have the need for intimacy like any other person, but can't fulfill that because I avoid intimacy with another woman out of fear.
My story is exactly the same. I dont want sex with a stranger, and I don't want to be with someone who is not willing to spend time getting to know me and my family
Great question as always! And great answers!
Heck yah Thorya! Love your content!!! ❤❤❤❤
I love your videos😭😭😭
I’d be very interested to see the flipped version of why people are in a relationship. I wonder if it would be as heartwarming
This was so beautiful ❤ I resonate
this is amazing!
1:10 I feel the same. I hate parties, and drinking and smoking but I don't have a way to meet new people. I would definitely enjoy going on a walk with him
whatever hobbies you like, go find groups or clubs who do that 😊 it is hard though. I enjoy a good club night but only like once a year or something, mostly I'm an introvert who likes nature and walking and drawing. but I'm also at the age where people have passed the party stage so