Data Scientist Exposes Men & Women’s Real Dating Preferences
2022 ж. 12 Мам.
371 227 Рет қаралды
Seth-Stephens Davidowitz explains what men and women truly want from a relationship based on Big Data analysis. Do women really want taller men? Do rich men make women happier? How can men be more competitive? Are younger women more attractive?
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Full episode with Seth live this Monday. Press Subscribe you beautiful humans.
Brilliant content/conversation clip. Looking forward to listening to the full episode, Chris!
Hi Chris , what is the "book data" he is talking about ?? thanks .
Hi! Great video. Loved the bit on 9:39 Modifying my standards, while still keeping them high, landed me my husband of 10+ years. How? I changed the _audience_ I was _advertising_ myself within the _sexual market_ and found different customers. The old audience were artsy pale brunets. I then opted for broader the scope to include blonds into tech. It worked!
Chris is taking all the women, handsome, intelligent bastard
Fuck. Now I can’t unhear it.
I'm sorry but the gentleman sounds just like Craig from South Park and I can't get it out of my head xD
😂 😂 So true, practically ruined the video for me only 5 seconds in
@@manbearpig9808 I'm being super cereal guys!
Hahahahahahahahaha
Yes!
U ruined this vid for me 😂😂😂
That's the essence of marketing: choose your target audience but narrow down to your customer avatar. If you try to please everybody, you'll please nobody.
This is a perfect analogy
@@noellecannon1411 Its NOT an analogy, it literally IS marketing
Customer avatar? Please elaborate, don’t know what that term means
"narrow down to your customer avatar". Please elaborate?
@@whoever_81 If you sell dog toys that are made for playing in the water, then your customer avatar is people who OWN dogs, probably live in areas where its warmer weather and through feedback from ads will know if what age group, demographic. Example: Target market is 30-45 year old males who are dog owners, shop at Petco, and live in the South. So ads would be a southern male playing with a dog and the dog toy outside in warm weather, maybe even southern slang in the ads. Get it?
Yep, I had it on my dating profile that I wanted to get married and have kids ASAP, and even how I wanted to raise my kids, how I wanted to be a stay at home, homeschooling mom. I got so criticizes by my friends, they said I would scare men away. And I said good, that's the point, I don't want to waste my time, I am only looking for 1 man! I met and married my husband within 4 months, my dating career was short compared to those women who are bland and average and waste years dating around.
Smart. Unfortunately people are into wasting time nowadays when it comes to relationships, ..one of the most important things we can get ourselves into. We don't even realize how much affect it has, that if we did people would take it more seriously.
@OUTCLASSER Support Team People who get divorced and remarried over and over ago screw up the stats. First time marriages, not being poor, not having your first kid until you're married, etc greatly lower the chances of divorce. And divorce is a choice, it's not like cancer or something.
You barely know eachother. Wait a year or two years and his underlying issues will surface 4 months is nothing.
@@wyleecoyotee4252 4 months is plenty of time to find out what a person is really like. You don't really need years. That's just an excuse guys use to keep having sex with someone they have no intention of marrying.
@@MoralGovernment 4 months isn’t enough lol even in the 1950s people would know each other for years before marriage.
I think the idea of embracing extremes, makes perfect sense to me. I've found that since I'm blunt and transparent, and pretty focused on my values and passions, that naturally deters the wrong people and attracts the right people. It's so much better to find this out up front or ASAP, then you prevent yourself from getting into unstable, toxic or untrustworthy jobs and relationships. It's helped in my personal life and helped me avoid potentially repressed, dogmatic, censoring jobs. Usually a job that is pushing dogmatic politeness as a default uses that to ignore and cover up real problems, so when you try to address the problem, they call you "disrespectful" and suggest there's something wrong with your communication simply because the truth is negative. That's a dangerous environment, not worth it. So not only is this good dating advice, it's important for boundaries and self-protection.
When you have to be confrontational to get a day off or ask to be treated like more of a human lol
You men are Spot On . As Rollo says.. Frame is everything ( i totally agree with you, to understand at work is fundamental!)
@@danfontaine8179 for the brief period of time i worked at Walmart, that is how it was. They would treat everyone not in management like shyt and would perpetually ignore time off requests yet give themselves all of the time off. It was the first time I had yelled at 2 managers to their faces at a job. I had not had the urge to scream at someone before then. Now, i am more comfortable being confrontational but I'm still strategic about it.
@@bigcauc7530 I love living in this upside-down power dynamic world where managers are just shittier versions of employees and the richer people are the more terrible of people they tend to be
@@davids_d3246 Do not quite Rollo, that weird little dwarf. Your frame is nothing. If you can't be flexible, you can't be in a relationship. Duh.
20 year old woman here, I find it incredibly attractive when someone is passionate and really into something. Like fiction be it a TV show or video games. A dorky interest is awesome as I have them myself. Don’t kill off parts of yourself for a woman. The types of women who use dating sites with shallow standards probably aren’t the ones you should be in a relationship with in the first place.
The generic 'i find so and so attractive' stance. Not that it's bad though!
@@nightkingxx they're all over Twitch & hee on KZhead lol
Normally, women don't like video games because they know it's a timesink that doesn't increase wealth or social status and that she'll have to compete for attention with that. And I say that as a gamer, it's a nice hobby but I get why women don't like it.
@@chadchandler5447 I've never heard of that, an interesting hobby is never a 'time sink.' Do you really think women only choose to do something to increase wealth or status? That's crazy, and rather sad.
@@nightkingxx Haha, you would be surprised at how big the female demographic is, especially with JRPGs. I've recently gotten into Final Fantasy VII (late to the party, ik) and it's been a while since I've fallen this hard for a fictitious world and its characters.
This is literally the sanest, most down to earth stuff I’ve ever heard about dating. I’ve always said what attracts you won’t keep you there in the long run. If it was all looks and status why would good looking rich people ever split up?
For the alimony
Because they can get good-looking partners any day.
To find another good looking person?
Because they have a plethora of options.
to keep playing
I like this guy. He seems very honest and yes, nerdy lol. Exactly the person I would trust for some data.
😂🤣
As a woman in her 40s, Seth's advice on seeking potential partners with solid psychological variables: growth mindset, satisfactory outlook to life, conscientiousness is GOLD!! And, I would like to add that start with Truely Knowing Yourself. That would be a big help when looking for similarity in others, helping you focus more on whether you share a similar Outlook towards life, Values etc. One of my favorite quotes by Carl Sagan: "We make our world significant by the courage of our questions and the depth of our answers!" All the very best to you all!
What does satisfactory outlook to life mean actually?
@@brtbrtbrl7461 Imho, it means Firstly, having Faith/Conviction in Oneself-includes abiding by one's conciousness, trusting one's intution, Carving time for reflection includes Gratitude, Taking good care of oneself: mentally, physically n spiritually, Wonder for mother Nature, Love for Music, Love for learning. I highly recommend Carl Sagan's Pale Blue Dot - it's a must watch video for all! Love & Light to all!!🍀👍
@@aja363 but what about the sex
@@Jack-hq4yq It has served its purpose - I've loving kiddos. More than pleasure which is a fleeting sensation, I believe in joie de vivre - love of life ! Enjoy your weekend, kiddo!😊🍀🎵🥳💃🏞🏖🌄🌅🌃🌇
Looking forward to the full episode on Monday Chris! As a data analyst and massive geek, I love the data based episodes, like the one with Nick Maggiulli on data driven tactics to build wealth. A lot of your podcast episodes I watch and take notes, then figure out ways I can build them into my life. Thank you for the diversity of guests you have, they help to challenge my own beliefs, even if I don't agree with them.
That username has killed me 😂 Thanks man. This episode is so so good. Definitely pre order Seth's book
It’s honestly quite brilliant to realize that you can use basic probability theory to optimize your chances of success with at least one girl. If you’re a 1 asking out a 10 and your probability of failure is 86%, then the probability of getting AT LEAST 1 success after 30 approaches is 99%. Put yourself out there!!
Actually, 40 % of all men do not leave offspring. Between 10 and 20 % of the men get 80 to 90 % of the action. Because of this, men in the Sub-Five have little chance. The math does not seem right. Check out wheat waffles channel for a much bettr explanation. He actually shows the data unlike this video and would refer to this video as blue pilling.
Yes but remember long term happiness is not determined by your partners hotness so it’s important to find someone you genuine like so when the romance dies down you have something worth keeping.
yes so you just get with a random girl lmao what a shitty advice
This guy: If you have a 14% chance of success asking one person out, then you will have a 99% chance of success if you ask 30 people out. Me: Nope. Still only 14%. It doesn't matter how many people you asked out before, your chances are 14% with every single individual. To think that you failed on the last five attempts, therefore, you are due a win, is a gambler's fallacy.
@@synkkamaan1331 He said the chance of at least 1 success after 30 attempts, not the chance that the 30th attempt will be a success...
So make it absolutely clear what you want and who YOU are and you'll get less matches, but the matches you do get are far better overall matches, and put yourself out there. Solid advice.
Actually it is even stronger, you will get more matches and better matches but the people who dislike you will really dislike you. As long as you are comfortable with random strangers having an intense dislike of you it is the optimal matching strategy.
The extremes definitely is a thing. I used to have a crazy emo style when I was 16-20, and I had more attention from girls than I had time. But also was fiercely hated by others, both girls and guys. It's pretty funny - after I decided to change myself and become "normal", I have been single for ages and almost no female interest/only rejections. I guess being 5'6 and at best average looking by itself is not enough to attract much attention. I guess I could spice my looks up a bit again
Time to bring back the black makeup!
@@cras17 I never got that far, skinny jeans in 2008 got enough controversy. Funnily enough, now it's mainstream. I was obviously ahead of the time😂
@@MikaelMahsudjan bring it back. I want to think you just walked out of a time capsule
Hahaha me too
True, just as a joke I walked around with a mohawk at college for a week.90% of people would steer clear but randomly girls would approach me and start a conversation.
Incredibly helpful information-good to remember that what online dating apps are maximizing for are qualities that don’t necessarily add up to satisfying futures.
Best dating advice I've heard was "List the qualities you want in a partner and be THAT".
No...Men & Women have difference preference, that bad advice
I don’t want to implant silicone in my breast
@@bperez8656 The girl exactly like me, wants a guy like the ones in the movies. The math doesn't match.
@Nicolas Oliveira then be like a guy in a movie. Do nofap
No no no don’t do that. If you want masculine qualities do not try to become masculine
I think the concept comes down to being able to establish a connection with someone. If you are already incredibly good looking, people want to establish a connection with you already off perceived traits. But if your not, if you really extreme that makes you interesting and makes a connection through that, and sharing similarities creates a connection somehow off the bat.
Looks will also fade so its much better
No looks will never fade that fast. Looks will always override all the negative die to the halo effect. looks will make people illogical, why there are many simps, why they are many women who are hypergamous about looks.
Happiness is a product of expectations, if you’re attractive your yesterday was filled with compliments. Your outlook for tomorrow will be easier to price in a good amount of uplifting encounters.
the extremes work because the worst thing you can be as a person is bland apparently. a bland person will have little trouble finding friends or fitting in, but they will have a more difficult time finding someone being attracted to their blandness. and yes, dating is a numbers game, it's just rough because if it was merely numbers you wouldn't care but because emotions are involved it becomes an ordeal.
Extreme what? perhaps energy level, but not values. If those don't match, the couple will separate.
@@criss5405 i'm talking about personality, where did you get values from?
@@bobxbaker Part of personality is character.
Simplest truth boys and girls: Be the best version of yourself... whatever that may be. Don't let society influence you at all. Just be whatever you want to be - whatever feels true in your heart and soul - and go be that. You will find your person while on that journey.
@Wilhelm Eley - Exactly. You define what it means for you. Not what society says.
Being such a person doesn't help in finding anyone "right". No, you have slight chances that anyone like that will appear in your life. I am truly fed up with all those people giving advices in the internet who bear no responsibility for their words. You people only prolong baseless dreams. That's why so many are single
@nalianalianalia - how do you know they are baseless dreams? Are YOU truly the best version of yourself? If not, how can you say they are baseless dreams? Lots of stories from people who became the best version of themselves and found their person. But... even if someone who is the best version of themselves doesn't find their person, it won't matter because they are already happy 🙏
Met my husband online. After spending a couple months online dating and realizing I was consistently getting paired with assholes, I changed my priority list to have only "kind" and "good sense of humor". Met my future husband on that first post-change match.
So basically u got bored getting railed by chads & settled for a sub 5 beta male in fear of staying a washed up single mum?
Haha…good one…
What did you have your preferences for when you were ending up with jerks?
@@amerhamad4577 THE question.
A very interesting video, good job Chris! And Seth's very fun and charismatic 😀. Will definitely check out the whole episode 🤘
He’s right about extremes. My head turns when I see something different, and it might be an eww or it might be a heyyy. But if they looked boring or regular I wouldn’t even look or think about them at all. Men who want women I think should be more out there in style bc it works.
It could be that someone who feels they are not filmstar material in the looks department might make more effort to attend to other factors, like being conscientious or interesting or understanding or developing what talent they have.
Loved watching this !!!💗💗💗
Some good points and essential questions worth considering here.
As an old lady of mid 40s, happily married for 20 years, looking back on life - this is a very smart, down to earth advice how to look for a happy, long term relationship.
40’s is not old …
41 here married 16 years :)
40’s is not old…especially if your skin is still tight.
Doesn't work. I tried the same and it didn't. More than half of people are single coz it's so difficult to find someone like that.
Simply put, in our culture for at least the last two generations dating has become a sport and marriage has become all but a lost art. This is the consequence of hyper individualism that has become acceptable behavior in our culture. Being in long term relationships is full of compromises and self sacrifice. That’s not sexy, that’s reality. It’s a marathon, not a walk in the park. That’s just the truth. People have to be honest with themselves and decided what they actually want.
"You've got to put yourself out there" Me, 30 years old, never asked anyone out ever: "nah"
😂
he really is a nerd, calculating statistical probabilities of pulling a woman lol love it
I am not sure which study it was but one of the results was that the healthier and happier relationships are those where the woman is more conventionally attractive than the man.
The art of not caring about it brings all beautiful things your way.
Hey
@@janemike3048 kzhead.info/sun/p7p8haWQhnR8aq8/bejne.html
Is it just me, or is there something about attraction that is simply mysterious? I'll crush on a girl who's not a super model, yet still pretty in her own right. Then for some reason I'll want her more than anyone else. I'm at the point where I want something way deeper than sex. To be wanted and loved by someone else.
If you see her friendly eyes, detect an authentic tone, has compassion, and she still looks cute girl next door, that's better some broad with high heels and a clown face full of makeup.
Everything has it's place, attraction is one of them. What you're attracted to once is not what you'll be attracted to the same way because of influences that change your preferences. Take comparing two pictures of the same person based on their attractiveness for example. One of the pictures may be better than the other based on the outfit or angle or whatever. Keep in mind it's the same person, but 'something else' enhances their attractiveness physically. Even if the pictures are both attractive to you, they are still not the same because you acknowledge the difference, but they are attractive to you at the same time. Attraction is the fuel for curiosity. That is it's purpose and that's why we create fantasies if we cannot experience what we are attracted to first hand. Unfortunately our interest in what we are attracted to fades away after we have fulfilled our desires and does not ignite the values that we treasure in our lives, in relation to what attracted us to those interests in the first place. Our eye for attraction keeps changing based on whether we gain value after engaging in our interests; what attracted you then is not what attracts you now especially when only physical attractiveness is concerned. Why do we change outfits?, enhance our physical appearance with makeup? (With different colours, textures: powders, liquids, gel based products; brands... So on and so forth) wear different perfumes... There's so much to choose from and that's just for our bodies. Other attractive designs from cutlery, technology, buildings... I can go on and on but you get the point. The cycle will always continue. The cycle could be vicious or benefitial. It is all up to you. Be aware of what or who attracts you and when you invest your time in partaking your interests that have attracted you, don't forget what you value the most because your values are what you are truly searching for in what attracts you and (your values) remain a solid priority in your life. Stick with what attracts and fulfills your values in life.
I trust his intelligence by the way his words are spoken through his nose.
Hes optimising for nerdiness of appearance :)
😂😂😂😂
I loled.
Nothing groundbreaking here... Kinda makes sense.
Realistically adjusting your standards is what most of us need to hear. But it's the LAST thing any of us wants to hear lmao!!
Now, this, is a valid point!
Who is this "Us", every guy I know has extremely low standards, all we want is a smart, loyal woman who doesn't weigh more than us. Women are the ones who need to lower their standards, and the data shows it. Men are expected to live up to EXTREME beauty standards, while women are constantly told its okay to be fat and lazy.
@@AR-kl7nv Of course a women would agree that men should "lower their standards", all while women's standards are at an all-time high. Ever wonder why "plus-sized" women are always seen in the media nowadays, while tall, muscular men are plastered everywhere? Its because mens standards have dropped, and womens standards have risen. Yet you people still blame men for the problems YOU created.
I think the reason for the non-correlation of classical physical attractivity parameters and relationship happiness may be due to the fact that the potential happiness bonus of attractivity has already been included in all of the sample elements as they have formed a relationship based on being *attracted* to one another. In order to quantify the effect of classical attractivity on relationship happiness, you'd have to form a control group with couples that don't feel attracted to one another (as much) to then find possible correlations in this regard as a basis for continued research....
As one dating columnist (female) jokingly yet honestly noted "I want to date someone like me, but with more money"
This is funny lol but we do want this
Something that rarely gets mentioned but from my experience has an effect on a person's psychological makeup is where they are in the sibling structure. Ie first born, only child, youngest, large sibling group etc.
Weird, just yesterday I was talking to a friend about this because we’re both youngest siblings and we realised that all of our longest-lasting and closest friendships are with fellow youngest siblings. Her boyfriend’s also the youngest, as is the guy I’m dating, and the two people at our work we always struggle to gel with are both firstborns. My older brother is married to a firstborn, too, as is her older sister. Could just be coincidence in a lot of cases but there’s definitely something in it.
@@Emma-dt5tg - very interesting indeed. I'm a first born and so is my partner of 10 years. Obviously its not the only factor. In conversations with my partner about experiences as the first born (both with a number of siblings) - we were the guinea pig, the one who had to help most with other siblings, the first one to work and help support the family etc etc. Only then did I realise how much more it gave is in common...
@@bobz1736 We think the main differences are that we had more laissez-faire parenting and that we grew up at constant risk of being beaten up, and were used to always being the least capable in any given scenario (slowest, the weakest etc.) and were never taken seriously. I think we’re a bit less worried about rule breaking and achievement, less respectful of authority, and generally ‘roll with the punches’ more, but we lack a certain confidence and drive that a lot of firstborns seem to have. We’re probably more likely to be accused of being manipulative but, again, you need to choose your words carefully if you want to avoid beatings and get hold of finite resources. Certainly, my brother and sister never ‘helped’ with anything, (to this day, they don’t help with caring for elderly or ill relatives), and that may not be typical, but I’m definitely the one who’s more family-oriented and my last-born friends tend to be the ones to stay local. Could be because I was still ‘daddy’s little girl’ when my siblings were already moving out. There was never any need for my siblings to support the family financially and both our parents always worked full time, so that might be a bit different to most - all families are different.
@@Emma-dt5tg- some interesting incites. I'm the oldest of five. Two boys then three girls. I was taught to cook, clean and fix things to help the family. I felt more was expected of me and rose to the occasion. It gave me drive and motivation. My brother (next youngest sibling by 1.5 yrs) was almost the complete opposite. Maybe he felt it was a competitive scenario and decided not to take part. Despite being highly intelligent he didn't see the need to prove himself, gave up at school and couldn't hold down a decent job. He basically drank himself to death at 48 several years ago. The youngest of the siblings was my sister around 16 years younger than me. Right up until my mum's passing (at a good old age) she was her 'little girl'. My next youngest sister took this quite badly a for some time she was mum's 'little girl'. Sorry I've strayed off somewhat... you got me thinking.
Also if they have sisters or only have brothers. Guys who have sisters from my experience soooo much more open to express emotions & know how to deal with our emotions better. The 3 guys I’ve been in relationships with that only had brothers.. very opposite. Even if they’re the youngest.. if they had a sister so much better
Early in my pursuit of Hollywood gigs I was forced to take on other jobs and found telemarketing to be an easy in-n-out job to find and then dump. In that sort of high pressure sales environment you get used to rejection, and then it all becomes a numbers game: the more you dial, the more you sell. Same with dating. Dating is just another sale. I ended up marrying a top Hollywood model. But I didn't vet her properly. So I had to break it off after 6.5 years. The other term you learn in sales: NEXT!
Peacocking is still relevant today for attracting.
please more of these
@8:41 he makes an excellent point. And at my age, it resonates. If you're my age (50s) and you find an attractive single woman at 50... the first thing I wonder (and often discover) is that there's a reason they're single...
Hit and quit. We aren't trying to breed anymore. I know I don't want a high schooler at 70
I'm giving up now then....near on 48, currently single, never married, no kids. I thought I was the sane one 🙃
researchers consistently fail to address the magnitude of this issue. People ultimately need love and validation. When a man doesn't matter to a woman, when she doesn't gaze at him with a loving smile, tell him she wants him/needs him, that he matters to her. A lot of guys have never had that. This will cause disillusionment/isolation/soul sadness and mental health issues in men. No amount of material things, por* will be able to replace that. The problem in the west is 2 fold. Incels can't get a woman and the ones that do get one, end up in divorce/breaking up or being cheated on and losing more than the lady. So they swear off relationships and end up lonely all the same. (Mgtow) Both have the effect of creating lonely, angry, atomised ppl and broken society with plummeting birth rates. And can spell the end of that society. What are we seeing in the west now? Falling sperm counts, falling testosterone levels, births, marriage, and a rapidly ageing society, with catastrophic debt levels. White ppl used to have close family bonds but now they no longer keep ties with family and send old ppl to homes. Jobs for life are a thing of the past, from where they used to form friends. White ppl lost their matchmaking culture and used to marry form within their own tried and tested social circle. With all that now gone, internet dating and cold approaching/PUA random women that u know nothing about is the the way. Which can be toxic.
85 percent of women around 45 and up do not take care of themselves. The simply let themselves go. Instant softie.
but there is also a reason why you a single..? 🤨
omg i think this is true. the guy i liked the most meeting from dating app he stood out to me because he was very specific. he was just a sweetheart who went to see his parents every weekend and his life was really boring he just read books and went to hikes and didnt do social media or fancy travel or anything remotely exciting he was so low key and boring lol but that's what i really liked that about him cuz thats what i wanted. he wasn't much in looks but i was happy in his peaceful presence and cuz he was so predictable it made me feel safe wowww you really gotta be yourself eh ppl who are like everyone else like travel or skydiving pics trying to impress someone presenting something that looks just "socially acceptable and desired" i just ignore them and they dont catch my attention. im always looking for someone very specific and i only notice people who fit that criterea
Shocker! The more you “Optimize” for it, the more it eludes you, that’s just poetic. Trying to see if you can date “out of your league” is like to trying to Fk a concept or “connect” with some type of friggin unlockable steam achievement. First thought is “the hell is wrong with these people?!” but hey if that is what they truly believe they want or do want I hope they do find it. Not out of spite but only then they find out if it’s worth it, if it’s “real” or not.
He took a very sex nutrual view, but i have seen studies of dating app data, and it's pretty grim for most men. Women find over 80% of men below average and most women are only swiping right on like 4.5%.
@Top Lobster my 4.5 % number is from a survey of actual data reported by guys like Rollo Tamassi, fact from actual data from these sites and apps.
kzhead.info/sun/nbWImLawaph6fXA/bejne.html
Most men swipe on every profile. Most men have no real profile.
@@wyleecoyotee4252 woman's standards are over the top and they grossly overrate themselves because our society tells all women they are perfect.
First off you are using a freaking dating app. That’s is pure visualization. Even then it doesn’t measure actual engagement with the person
We have a source for "Activities that give the most happiness" Data Chart? Would be super interested in seeing it.
This generation is way too fixated on online dating. I think people love the idea of gamifying and finding "hacks" for dating success. But that misses a lot of the in person skills necessary for translating that success offline.
What skills? Just go and fucking approach and TALK. Then ask if they want to meet for drinks sometimes or smth. If yes - good, go and do something fun together and TALK to each other. If no, repeat first step.
Learn how to be happy healthy and strong on your own. Theres no price too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. I've always found romance to be imposing and overly demanding. Seemingly no one today realizes that you need very little outside yourself to be content.
Precisely! I remember reading something to the effect of, it is impossible to seduce a contented person. Contentment would seem to put a damper on romance...at least as we know it conventionally. I have found in my own life that while I am in a contented place in my life, I have no desire to be romantically attached to a person. The physical desire may still be there, and quite strong too, but I just have no desire to otherwise be around some of the people I have been the most physically attracted to when I am content in my life in other ways. Weird, I know, but true!
I will say that i am absolutely happy on my own, but that is because i still have people in my life. Many types of relationships and things i do to help those around me. However, i cannot deny that a romantic partner who is loyal and wants to build together, without being joined at the hip, would bring me a feeling of completeness. It would be a different kind of happiness. It's this notion I have that i would rather share this life with someone who actively chose me every day because of course I'm already sharing it with family. That will never change.
Well I have had a few extraordinary men in my life (widowed 2x) and I am content with solitude but it just seems sort of selfish I might look about some out of curiosity but not out of some obsessive state of mind
All good points. However, the 4 of us all have different life experiences, trajectories, aptitudes, ineptitudes, propensites and genetic predispositions. While I'm a lone wolf introvert who thrives in solitude, it wouldn't suprise me if most people couldn't relate to my anecdote as I've stated it above. I love individuals but can't stand crowds...or humanity by extension lol. I've been single for about 11yrs (currently 38), was quite socially and romantically active throughout my 20's. But sometimes life changes us fundamentally via things that happen to us that shouldn't and/or things that don't happen to us that should. And while some lessons can be taught, others need to be lived. You're free to read into that as you see applicable... 1000 different definitions of a life worth living, but certain immutable truths echo throughout all 1000.
This obsessive, perceived need always to be in a romantic entanglement that most people seemly have is genuinely quite disturbing. People today simply do not know how to be comfortably and contentedly alone. Not lonely, mind you, just alone. There is a difference. I think this is one of the things that gets to the heart of the plethora of psychological issues we're facing societally.
Looks & status attract you -- personality keeps you. It is really pretty simple.
I'm a man, and my main preference in a woman? Just don't be overweight. That's it.
I'm a woman, prove yourself to be worth fighting for, then maybe we'll think about it
@@AR-kl7nv fighting for what? You're health? Being able to live a long life? Not being fat?
@@rnt45t1 well, you should be a good man to raise kids with, if you can't even prove yourself to be a worthy husband, why try to look good for you, or infact anyone?
@@rnt45t1 you gotta be top 20% of men in looks. Don’t listen to her abt being a good husband, hit the gym my guy
@@Real_DonaId_Trump What’s _20% in looks?_ His expectation on a lady (not be overweight) is very reasonable. To me, I also pay a lot of attention to a man’s physique, very visible six packs and very cut muscles aren’t my thing. I am a face person. Sure, good physical shape matters a lot. Just not super scrawny but not super obese either. I find so many kinds of men’s physiques attractive as long as their shoulders are visibly broader than their waist; and like I said, overall shape matters more as long as a man isn’t super scrawny or super obese. And the face must be attractive. No, I’m not too picky about heigh: I rather be with a slightly shorter man, but who meets the physical part to a T, than a taller but lesser looking man.
The initials thing is sooo funny, I know many couples where both of their first names start with the same letter.
Am I the only guy here that thinks this guy is next level hilarious because of some of the statements he made and words he used.? I respect brutal honesty
Yes.
Yeah, at a party or social event, whenever my personality got really outrageous, when I was in rare form, I'd get mad attention from a couple fairly attractive women, as in, they're putting their numbers in my phone. It was, uh interesting.
Hahaaa LAD
The problem is, changing the dynamics of modern day dating, in particular online dating which is becoming the only game in town for most people, is not a financially sound strategy. Why would a free dating app change its strategy to ensure people pair off into successful, long-term relationships? They have a vested interest to keep unattractive men shadowbanned or paying highly for subscriptions whilst encouraging attractive men and women to join to add value to their service but not to the point where they won't need the app ever again. This is why matchmaking services charge thousands for each client - if they do their job correctly, they only ever need to do that job once!
The majority of guys on dating apps should get off of there. Women mostly use it for validation, occasionally to set up an appointment with Chad. That’s it.
@@blackpillfitness9136 You're right, but you need to find just one that is good one, just like on the street most will reject you, but feel validated that you approached them - but eventually you'll meet one that is the real deal.
excellent analysis
“Taking the objective is easy: Holding it will be hard”
Basically play the numbers game, and that is valuable insight. It largely goes back to the psychology of marketing too (know your niche and market to it, be ready to get rejected but market often).
I always thought there were three parameters, looks, personality, and sanity. You can choose two.
I like how they both just glance over the data showing that a 1/10 woman trying to date a 10/10 dude has over twice the chance of succeeding. That data alone debunks that myth we're usually told that guys have impossible standards for women. It's women who have those impossible standards for men (not all but as the data shows, more women have them than men).
In what ridiculous circles do you find yourself where it's the common theory that guys have impossible standards for women? Women have *always* been the selective force of nature, especially for vertebrates. The only way we got around this was arranged marriage (and encouraged monogamy). Women are generally picky, men generally just take what they can get (as the swiping data on Tinder suggests).
yep i always knew women were a lot more shallow than men are.
@@danjones6702 What do you mean with shallow?
@@jeroenverschaeve3090 thats what google search is for if you dont know the definition of a word. as for women they mostly care about looks and wealth a lot more so than men. women are also shallow when it comes to other women as well plus themselves. men dont attack other men for what they look like, women do attack other women for what they look like and wear. how many guys wear make up compared to women? looks and appearances matter a lot more to women than men.
I am highly suspect of that statement anyway. He said a 1 man asking out a 10 woman has a 14% chance of success, but a 5 man asking out a 5 woman doesn't have a fucking 14% chance. There would be no complaints about the dating market if average people had a 14% success rate at anything.
Interesting, I hadn't really thought about this before but my husband is extreme in some of his personality traits and he lead with that and now that I think about it that attracted me to him. He is also unapologetically nerdy like this guy but also outdoorsy, traditional and rigid too. Kind of like Matt Walsh of the DW. Probably the only one that most people would think is okay to lead with is the outdoorsy aspect but he wasn't shy about any of it and I liked everything about him. We have a very happy marriage, together going on 13 years now. So anecdotally my experience follows what he said. We are also alike in a lot of our preferences and hobbies, values and life goals and we have the same face shape and hair color so we follow that too but I'm mixed race and he's white, I'm extremely short and he's tall so there are some differences.
haha. ofcourse he is tall, and ofcourse you totally oversee the importance such a factor. you think your ancestors selected for which male was the biggest doofus?
Congratulations. Happy for you two :)
Was he attracted to your extremes ?
@@lavish_1717 I am not sure, I don't think I have as strong personality traits as he does but I would guess that he was or he would not have married me. I've also changed a bit more than he has over the years so it's hard to remember for sure... think probably the most extreme thing was that I was strongly libertarian then and he liked that (it was close enough to his more traditional conservatism) and also I was very enamoured with him and many women might try to play coy or hide their true feelings so as not to seem to invested or needy at the start but I didn't do that.
Aww! Gives me hope. :')
If dating sites are putting height preferences in for women to select, then they mandatorily should put breast and waist sizes in for men to select.
You're funny
😂
@@criss5405 I’m as serious as a heart attack.
@@biffbifford402 The feminist backlash will make your run for the woods. Not that I am a fan of feminaz*sm.
@@criss5405 F em. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.
Pretty much play to your strengths. The question is whether to cast a wide net or to be targeted in your ideal partner who can appreciate said strengths.
All the grief I've had from women for saying I like boobs and bum and here they are demanding 6ft men. Try saying you want 36dd boobs and you'll be called a sexist or worse! However a preference for a 6ft man is what exactly? Lol
Apartheight
@@mathewhale3581 lmao
The height in a man can’t be changed
@@josecarlosxyz Exactly why it's so stupid to be a female requirement.
beggars cant be choosers mate
Hi all, what is the "book data" he is talking about ?? thanks .
Most people are not mature enough to know what they NEED. Wanting is an immature way to looking at marriage. Love is fleeting and unstable. For marriage to work it needs to go deeper than just emotions. If not, you will end of divorced and MISERABLE.
Replace the word "mature" with "self reflective" and I'll agree with you. It doesn't come with time, age or maturity. Self reflection is something that you learn how to do, it can be done by young and old alike and is absent in young and old alike.
@@elinope4745 self reflective is more of a euphemism. Mature emphasizes that you are being immature by doing the opposite.
@@elinope4745 during the time of the Roman empire era, Mature ADULT was achieved by 18. Today's standards are WEAK. Age doesn't mean anything in this context. These principles must be passed down by parents that have successful long-term marriages.
@@Dominicanbulk There are those whom are over sheltered and over-protected to the point that they fail to develop important skills by important development points. That is a common problem in the world today. Many parents do not allow their children to "grow up". Such people are akin to perpetual children.
Love dosen't have to be fleeting and unstable if both of the partners want to keep the love going. And plus people can want things such as love more than wanting their needs(food, water, shelter). And its possible to not feel like doing something such as staying in a marriage just because of "needs." But also, you don't need to feel miserable if you don't want, you can be fine within yourself no matter the circumstance. Your meaning may be of staying together even if romantic feelings fade. In that case, platonic love and care can still be there, and people may value love from their partner and not just want to be in a relationship to meet needs.
This is super challenging for me as someone who is both a nerd and usually the most fit guy in the gym. Lean into who you are? Be more extreme version to appeal to that subset? How do you do that if you are a stereotype contradiction?
Lean into that contradiction!
It's called polarization
Cool
I’m 5’2”, so as long as the guy is taller than me, then I don’t care. 6 feet is too tall for me. My husband is 5’8” and my first husband was 5’7”. I don’t understand wanting to date only 6’ tall men regardless of your own height.
Wow, thank you for letting us know.
12:10 I think this was a subplot in a movie 'Lost in Translation' but I have seen this traveling abroad when it might be (example) two native English speakers from the 'CANZUCK' countries which are all very similar in culture, laws, social structures. The so-to-speak 8.5 Australian man and the 6.5 Canadian lady seem to have hooked up very well. Whatever the number/combo there really is that Same Initials Factor.
There should be a line that is drawn when it comes to establishing the extreme boundary on what would attract a potential partner. Actors can’t go out of their way to be extreme versions of themselves all the time.
Can confirm, trying to portray a bald headed metal freak got me many dates, it also was tiring and made me feel fake and unloved. Exagerated my already muted personality until i spirraled into full depression.
@Mike J emocute girls :) Goth baddies :) Very rarely a cute nice girl that somehow likes a dark edge. But you certainly do attract women if you lean into an extreme as a normal guy. But it is exhausting, especially when you are an introvert like me :)
@@morgezorge6387 "somehow". you probably had decent height and good facial structure, things like that. your average pudgy metal head with greasy hair does not win anything.
Hey
Makes sense. I'm into several things, some nerdy stuff, some "cool" stuff like playing electric guitar. My thought is just what you said, it would be really hard to stay on one extreme or the other and keep the "act" all the time.
@@morgezorge6387 Go into extreme introversion - some women like mysterious guys.
Speaking of increasing/decreasing chances, I'd say one of the oddest deal-breakers would be whether or not you drive or 'can' drive. I've never put this thought into practice, but to me the implications of not being reliable due to not driving is one of the biggest deal-breakers. This video is months old so it's unlikely that anyone will see this comment and reply, but figured I'd ask anyway.
if you live in a major metro it’s less of an issue. and it’s less of an issue if you’re a woman. but rural men def need to be able to drive
Doesn't everyone drive?
@@wyleecoyotee4252 no. globally it’s not the norm. it is the norm for americans outside of the Acela Corridor and Chicago tho lol. even everyone in LA drives
@@supitschillbro I wasn't aware of that as everyone I've ever known drives.
This guest is awesome!!
The book he mentions, "Dataclysm" by Christian Rudder, is absolutely fascinating. Tons of data about how people actually date and what they actually like. Highly recommend!
The whole %85 of women on bumble requiring 6 feet minimum is outright hilarious.
I'm very shy about dating. I get so awkward sometimes meeting new men especially if I find them attractive.
Try being a guy.....an endless stream of most likely rejection.
@@toddjohnson271 oh I never thought of it that way. I'm so sorry you've gone through that
@@memastarful that's not just my experience....that's all guys. But you cope with by becoming better. It doesn't define you.
@@toddjohnson271 amen
Well, you ain't some good looking, confident Stacy. Those have no problems starting flirts with men themselves :))
Great video.
On dating not hot people: if I don’t find them attractive, I will simply just not care about them as much. I won’t want to have sex with them as much, I won’t put up with as much difficulties in the relationship, I won’t go as much out of my way for them. I just won’t be a great partner if I’m not sexually attracted to them. So I feel it’s almost wrong for me to date someone I’m not attracted to
and therein lies the main problem. Chris talks about adjusting standards to potentially see a new "untapped pool of prospects," but i think that's just euphemizing ugly people. We all want to date beautiful people. It's just now with dating apps, we can play behind the screen and filter for our exact type, whether they'll go for us or not. Dating apps just extract and amplify our innate behaviors and desires
so true
8:50 what he is describing is the 'hot crazy matrix'
True words have been spoken
Is it possible that people who end up long term are likely to be less attractive because there are greener temptations, so I wouldn’t say it doesn’t matter, people are probably happier with a good looking person but it just doesn’t fall out that way.. It would be hard to imaging me just walking around not caring what my si looks like
Human beings advertising themselves on the open "dating market." It's good to know that romance isn't dead! ❤️
I hope thats sarcasm, romance is TOTALLY dead.
@@RiddimWook10 I'm English so, yes, that was definitely sarcasm my friend!
Romance is dead and feminism killed it lol
@@officialthomasjames See this is bad advertising. You’re making yourself look like an incel :D
super interesting, Lived in Asia 6 years, had literally 1000s of matches(it was almost a crazy amount of matches, Came to London, few years ago, hardly any matches at all. Definitely different Bias, for Race Culture and what's normal. I'm now engaged, so not online dating last 2 years, met my Fiancé on there.
Are London girls more promiscuous than Asian girls? lol
What race is your fiancée?
@@MrKrushgutz Asian ofcourse where he met in Asia
@@pinaypie4 That makes sense. Asian women worship white men
This all makes sense. I have a question about the idea of dating similar people to ourselves though. If that's the case, why do so many women like dating foreign men?
This was surprisingly optimistic
Borderline delusional too. Ditch the apps and work on yourself first to be in your best physical shape, then join various social groups. It's a numbers game more now than ever before
I can only speak from my own experience but being attracted or not to similarities is dependant on what the similarities are. For example with tangible features like eye colour, hair etc. I have noticed that people tend to be a lot more interested in something totally opposite. My personal example would be that for no good reason I have always had a strong preference for blonde women and I think it's because it just stood out as out of the norm (I have jet black hair and bold eyebrows for example). On the flip side the vast majority of my matches online are from blonde women too. The only tangible feature that goes against this would probably be height. As for intangible features like personality, interests it may be that the initial attraction to something familiar is deemed more safe as you do not know the other person at all and it is something to latch onto to sell yourself on the idea that you both would be compatible. But hey just my opinion.
Middle Easterners have a preference for fair skin and lighter hair, it may be their perception of what is beautiful because it's rare, but in the Western world, I saw many people liking and wanting partners from the same background. Perhaps they like their genetic heritage. Nowadays 'multicultists' try to mix everything and promote social engineering, but it will backfire because it's too artificial and people start to see the other side of mixing opposites.
@@DG-kr8pt there is still social conditioning on what features are considered attractive or not. I’m not saying it’s racism, but it is what it is. A lot of the features associated with blackness will traditionally favour black men, the same way a lot of the features associated with asians favour asian women.
9:45 I have been saying this for years. A lot of women simply don't understand. Chad is a cad and he is not paring off anytime soon and unless you are hot AND a wonderful human being, he certainly isn't pairing off you YOU, especially if you are over 30.
Problem is most women think they’re hot wonderful human being…
I’d say that what he said in 9:39 is very true, and the reason I landed my husband of 10+ years. I did not lower my standards. I’d say I did quite the opposite (but non physical standards), actually. But rather, I changed what audience I _advertised_ myself. My _type_ up to that point was rather restrictive to artsy types and they needed to be pale and brunet. So I decided to broaden the scope of hobbies and opted for blonds instead. And boom! Almost immediately met my current hubs. It’s incredible what a tiny change in audience and physique could do.
Perfect reason to finally get my face tattooed
It’s insane how simple this is, but societal structure has blinded the vast majority of people to the fact that, the best way to find a partner that is compatible is to be yourself. It’s so obvious when you stop and think about it.
I like how his explanation is pragmatic as ever. It's not obscure or anything you have to learn over the course of a few years. Dating is so simple, man..lol
Chris' aesthetics make this guy look like he's filming with a gameboy pocket
Something else that it was sort of touched on was having similar values.
Humor. A wonderful life requires laughing. Friends laughter is wholesome. Family lives love and laughs together. Spouses having the ability to tickle each others funny bone making life joyful and filled with fantastic experiences make the sad and sorrow and grief not as bad
This is great but there’s no chance the stats on the 1 asking out a 10 are true unless the 1 is actually a 7 and that 7 is a guy asking out a woman…or a rich 1
Really loved this video. Very educational. And he's right people who are most happy in relationships are poeple who are average looking. If you dont beieve me google and you'll see. People who are better looking have bigger divorce rates than other people. What this guy says is true.
Makes total sense, probably the pressure of (am I settling? could I do better?) is much lower and they are more grateful to have somebody.
True. I am a decent looking guy and this is something that encourages me to being ok if a relationship ends. Why? Because I know I have possibilities. It’s hard to commit to a relationship when you know you can find someone new easily.
@@hyper_channel Exactly. I heard many times that more beautuful women have much higher standards (probably bcs everyone wants them) , dont now if this is the same with men .
Ok I need to see this chart on the iPhone!
So we have to like someone we don’t want basically to not be alone? That’s stupid!
🙏 Prayers before going on a blind date - Woman : Oh God, I just hope he is not a serial killer,psychopath,needy, incel, stalker, poor,balding, ... Man : God, don't let her be fat
Or ugly
The only way to win with dating apps is not to play.
Its like gambling the house always win.
All this has never worked for me because the people that I fancy are so few that I have to optimize to I fancy you enough.
Not another one saying just be yourself I’ve been hearing this from pretty red pill sources and it grinds my gears but it seems to be true being yourself is long-term sustainable while wearing a child mask is not at some point you will slip up plus you won’t resent yourself for having to hide who you are or resent the other person for never being able to actually connect with them without fear of being left for who you are There are lots of reasons to lean into who you are actually unapologetically. And the confidence to lean into your person unapologetically is a real turn on for women Go figure this some mad things right here
Instead of leaning in to your extremes, why not just get ripped, smell nice, dress well, be well groomed, and have a secure job with good career prospects, this will attract way more women and then you can filter for the good ones amongst a pool of attractive women. Catering to your extremes in the hopes of finding that one attractive women who digs you is more of a long shot in my opinion.
And doesn’t seem likely to yield the type of woman you were initially looking for.
I think from their viewpoint they don't want to change into something they feel like they aren't. Like how that nerdy data scientist doesn't want or see himself being a ripped, well dressed stud and would rather just lean more into his true nerdy self. I don't really agree with that mindset but I also get that we can't all be ripped well dressed studs. I personally, am somewhat nerdy but I also decided to workout, dress better and just take care of myself. I can be nerdy AND fit and good looking. But I guess some people think you have to lean into a stereotype.
@@Gnomesmusher Thats a fair analysis, your right not everyone can be a ripped badass, but regardless of your mental proclivities you must at least be fairly in shape and take pride in your appearance, as you mentioned being nerdy and good looking are not mutually exclusive and if you think you can't be be both or at least work on them then you won't do as well in the dating scene. Women are attracted to well groomed, well-dressed, intelligent, in-shape men, it's a fact of life, so as a man you have to work on those qualities. Unless your happy being a slop which means you'll most likely attract women who are slobbish and don't take care of their appearance and let's be honest no man want's that.
It takes too much effort if it was easy everybody would do it
@@neo1coder990 Certainly. Excellent idea of yours. Every man will try his best to get approval from obese women and women who have never tried for anything in their lives. Damn, what a beautiful way to live.