Don’t chase happiness. Become antifragile | Tal Ben-Shahar | Big Think
Don’t chase happiness. Become antifragile, with Tal Ben-Shahar
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Antifragility is the idea of putting pressure on a system, or human, the system or human actually grows bigger and stronger.
Antifragile systems are all around us. One example of this is our muscular system. We go to the gym to lift weights. By doing so we are putting pressure on our system to help it grow stronger. The human body is an antifragile system.
From a psychological perspective, antifragility comes in the form of PTG, or post-traumatic growth. After we experience a stressful event, we learn and grow to become more resilient.
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Read the video transcript: bigthink.com/videos/happiness/
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About Tal Ben-Shahar:
Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar is an internationally renowned teacher and author in the fields of happiness and leadership. After graduating from Harvard with a BA in Philosophy and Psychology and a PhD in Organizational Behavior, Tal taught two of the most popular courses in Harvard’s history: Positive Psychology and The Psychology of Leadership. He then taught Happiness Studies at Columbia University. A prolific writer, Tal's books have appeared on best-sellers lists around the world and have been translated into more than 30 languages.
Tal Ben-Shahar consults and lectures to executives in multinational corporations, educational institutions, and the general public. Topics include leadership, education, ethics, happiness, self-esteem, resilience, goal setting and mindfulness. Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar is also the co-founder of the Happiness Studies Academy. Learn more here: www.happinessstudies.academy/
Tal is an avid sportsman and a certified yoga instructor whose work bridges Eastern and Western traditions, ancient wisdom and modern technology, science and art.
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Read more of our stories on happiness:
Epicurus and the atheist’s guide to happiness
►►bigthink.com/thinking/epicure...
The meaning of happiness, according to a baker in ancient Pompeii
►► bigthink.com/the-past/ancient...
How to avoid “toxic positivity” and take the less direct route to happiness
►► bigthink.com/neuropsych/avoid...
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What ways can you think of to become antifragile?
Well, if you can’t fix it… At least you can laugh at it… Wink wink… always consider the source of where your feelings are coming from… Before you talk or even think of talking… Assess yourself & then express yourself! That’s pretty good huh!
Live on a very low budget for a while
By accepting that pain is a part of life and we can't eliminate it. By learning to deal with difficult situations in the most positive way possible.
Putting a definition for happiness makes it limited. Everytime you get happy, you compare it with your definition which makes you less happier. Human mind is a mix of self thoughts and thoughts from other people around us To become anything you need to change these thoughts, by: 1. Practice saying good things 2. Prove to yourself, you have good things in life 3. Lower expectations, your happiness is not what you think it is. We know the meaning of something if we know the opposite of it (Happiness vs. sadness) 4. Be Convinced that people you see on social media are not happy as you think they are. 5. Delete social media or use it properly and follow people who share knowledge not their life
Engaging this terrible video.
“I do not believe things always happen for the best, but I believe we can make the best of what happens.”
That quote stuck with us too!
I literally want to wake up one morning to discover my portfolio is above $60k
@@harrisvangeest5134 I will recommend you stop trading on your own if you keep losing and start trading with a professional.
The mentorship from a professional coach should definitely be the first step taken while trading.
Earning a minimum of $37,480 weekly is worth testifying .
Antifragility is the key. As the Buddhists say "Existence is Suffering" if you try live your life in a bubble avoiding everything that causes anxieties, then it will always have control over you.
Yup! And we need to be aware of our anxieties, or suffering, and that they are emotional states that we can control rather than let control us. Here's a good explanation of it from a Buddhist monk: kzhead.info/sun/i7eOZqWnpn9qrKM/bejne.html
What does that even mean??
@@AO-wg9ne it basically another way of describing entropy, before entropy was understood and defined.
@@dephy2003 entropy? How?...please elaborate...
I did it for years. Then the bubble exploded and i got into full depression mode cause it felt like i discovered the world for the first time all at once
I love that this video actively avoided toxic positivity. “I do NOT believe that things happen for the best, but we can learn to make the best of things that happen.”
its another well thought out way to say " just deal with it, because its not getting any better" which leads to toxic work cultures
Absoultely spot on.
@@greenderpNo. Antifragility doesn't advise people to be a doormat. It advises to be antifragile. Pursue betterment even in face of hardships and failures.
@@greenderpguess that depends on how the "deal with it" part goes
Bro summoned an entire fandom
never knew there's this many happiness finder
ayy another lost-in-translation reader!!
Become Le Sserafim
Only reason I clicked on this video XD
😂🤣
Pls explain
We have to show them our impurities
@@florentin4061 le sserafim - antifragile is a song 😅
"Get comfortable being uncomfortable." one of the best pieces of advice i ever received.
Applies to the workplace, lol
But think before doing that if its is really useful to you
"Resign yourself to unhappiness" no
agreed. who gave you that advice? in what context?
@@themannymouse a mentor i had sought out.
He who binds to himself a joy Does the winged life destroy; But he who kisses the joy as it flies Lives in eternity's sun rise. William Blake
Oooweee. Mr. Blake was on to something
nice share ty
"When we appreciate the good in our life we have more of it" Affirmation
“There are only two kinds of people who don’t experience emotional pain, the first kind are psychopaths and the second kind are dead.” - well, Sir, you have my attention.
haha ikr
I’m sorry Theresa
I've seen this video in my recommended for a while now and I just decided to click it because 'why not' and I was immediately grabbed by that line
Definitely a powerful, attentive opening!
Also very much pure bullshit. Psychopaths feel plenty of painful emotions; they just don't feel any empathy for others.
“The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, while the wise man grows it under his feet”
You’re not a philosopher bud
@@sfridisow185 ???
*eats another cookie*
Say this again, but in James Brolin’s voice!
@@sfridisow185 who cares
anti-ti-ti-ti-fragile 💖 Edit: how did this comment get so many likes. Many FEARNOT i see💪😁
LMAO i was gonna comment that too
So glad there’s Kpop friends here 😂❤️
somehow i knew y'all were gonna hijack the comments section 😂
@@felmargego2534 honestly i was surprised no one did yet when I first came across this video)))
Hi Blooms!!
I hope the fearnots who entered this video because of lesserafim actually learn a lesson from this. Besides, this is the message the song wanted to convey. We should embrace it.
LOL ME CLICKING THINKING IT WSA ABOUT KPOP but learned so much more lol
For a second I actually thought you had indeed used two extremely archaic English words.....
I like how he presents himself as a student first and then a teacher
Underrated comment
Well the first the he said was flat out wrong, so I was relieved when he said student, then worried when he followed up with teacher.
@@PraiseTheFSMonster he's a teacher but still learns
@@thecamillarose9806 He has a lot to learn if he thinks psychopaths don't feel negative emotions. He shouldn't be allowed to teach anyone since he seems to have failed psych 101
@@PraiseTheFSMonster he said painful emotions, not negative
Ben Shahar: I am student and a teacher. I like that introduction.
As did I
Curiosity makes you live longer ❤
@@miniscusapogee9129 But it kills cats
A great attitude to have! And like they say, if you can't teach something you haven't really learned it yet.
@@letsgowinnietheflu5439 They have nine lives anyway.
The most important thing I’ve learnt so far this year is that building self confidence is key to happiness. I was so self critical and insecure for so long and would constantly look for outside sources of validation. It was a roller coaster that took me to some very high highs and some VERY low lows. Now that I’ve started to accept myself for who I am and have stopped relying on others to make me feel good about myself, I’m in a much healthier place.
Kindly how did you do that... I think I'm in the same position
@@renu9541 By being let down by people and realising I only truly had myself to rely on. I'm lucky in that I have a very supportive family that I can always count on, but through a number of negative experiences I've learnt not to invest too much of myself in relationships outside of family, or at least not to put more effort into a relationship than the other person is putting in. I do not go out of my way for people anymore unless I know that I can trust them, and that they are as invested in our relationship as I am.
But how did u do that
Please tell
Not the original commenter but something that helped me with self confidence was - 1. Stop caring about what people think about you. Think about it, how much time do YOU spend thinking about other people, not much I believe, but you are thinking about yourself most of the time. That's it, everyone is thinking about themselves, not you. 2. Try setting goals for everyday, however small it is but make the goal a part of bigger picture. Like learning a new language, everyday set a small goal of learning about the language, watch content in that language, just small goals everyday. Consistency is better than intensity, doing a little everyday adds up. Just my 2 cents and also become curious about new things and learn about them, keep yourself busy and you will stop thinking about other people. Hope it helps, ✌️
the analogy between indirectly pursuing happiness and looking at the constituents of sunlight is just so damn amazing!!
Is it though? I really don't like his analogies and it makes me almost not want to trust him. There are no similarities between the two things and the analogy doesn't actually help explain anything or provide any clarification on his Antifragility idea that I feel like I'm trying to be sold.
I was born disabled and became chronically ill at 12 years old, I am 22 now and have learned the hard way that life does not always get better, sometimes things somehow just get much worse, even with brute-force-positivity and countless nights of wishful thinking. I find the less that I specifically make time to validate myself, the more guilty, angry & confused I feel in life, for some reason we are taught that “victimizing ourselves” is bad, but I think suppressing your true emotions is just detrimental. The more I acknowledge how bad my life is at times, the more I am able to also focus on the happy things I do have, it took me a long time to understand that some people need that balance! Strictly focusing on the positives isn’t for everyone, especially when your basic needs can’t be met. I definitely wouldn’t say eating dark chocolate feels like a fair trade to being bed bound for weeks on end, but hey, the point is that I have finally learned to feel very thankful for the little things that bring me happiness. This was a lovely reminder that resilience looks different case to case
This! You are absolutely right, and you put that wonderfully. Sometimes reality is skewed and unfair, and not recognizing that only brings more trouble and paranoia. It takes a brave heart to see life as it is, and then to keep going without trying to sugarcoat it or find the silver line in everything. Life has its own worth regardless, and no one life is the same as another, so of course it's not helpful to compare and implement techniques or methods or schools of thought that were created by another for (and from) their own personal experience. It's good to get ideas, but ultimately to have your own unique sense of what is helping you and what isn't. And it's beautiful to find people that do, like yourself!
I have learned that positivity can itself be toxic when it comes from wanting more than what is rational, and in the end, you’re less happy when you don’t get what you invested all that energy into. ‘It can always get worse’ is not a bad mindset like people like to think. It brings you towards gratitude for what you have now and conditions you for life’s many disappointments.
I totally agree with you...i never believed in that forced positivity bull shit ...when you have terminal illness or you are physically disabled then what's the least good in that ? Your life is tragic and every being that lives dies in some regret and pain... we need to accept that this is life ...it is tragic ...it always has been
Your comment moved me to my core. You are brave and wise and self aware beyond your years. Though I don't even know you I feel such love for you, after reading your comment I've done geriatric home health for a long time, so I know what it is to take care for people. To help them with even the most basic needs. But that's so different really isn't it?! You're a young person, who hasn't lived out a long life, free of normal unencumbrances. In one fell swoop, you cut through the proverbial crap that we're fed about not thinking of ourselves as victims!! Sometimes there isn't a bright side to look at, and as you stated, being able to stay positive all the damn time, isn't real. Let any of us who are able-bodied try it for a while. Talk to us then and see how we feel, we'd be sniveling babies. I want to reach right through my device and hug you tightly, and say nothing. For what could I say. I don't have the first clue about what you go through, and you've heard all the words before. I'm truly humbled. Thank you!
Thanks for posting your comment. Your resilience is truly remarkable. You can look to your past and your future knowing that you've got what it takes to endure hardship and that is truly inspiring. Wishing you well.
Managing expectations is like 50% of happiness
May you tell about it more, please?
@@Aiaupiupiu The paradoxical nature of happiness is such that it is directly related to low expectations. I consider myself lucky because I always receive more than I expect to get.😀😁
@@kevinlimcoolYes, absolutely It’s good to know that you are the only responsible person for your own happiness
@@kevinlimcool True, if a person has too many expectations from others, they cannot be happy.
This is so true. I've been trying to really focus on lowering my standards with life, cause I guess I expect far too much. Hard, but when you can expect a turd and get a shiny turd, you'll be far more appreciative.
*happiness is clearly a good thing, but valuing it as a good thing is problematic.* that speaks volume.
I ordered a book from Amazon Called Chasing Happiness by Kaitlyn Jones.... what a journey
Building wealth involves developing good habits like regularly putting money away in intervals for solid investments. Instead of trying to predict and prognosticate the stability of the market and precisely when the change is going to happen, a better strategy is simply having a portfolio that’s well prepared for any eventually, that’s how some folks' been averaging 150K every 7week these past 4months according to Bloomberg.
That’s crazy, I’m just doing everything wrong with my portfolio.
The US-Stock Mrkt had been on it’s longest bull-run in history, so the mass hysteria and panic is relatable considering we’re not accustomed to such troubled mrkts, but there are avenues lurking around if you know where to look. My wife and I are retiring this year with over $7,000,000 in tax deferred investments. up until 3 years ago we were 100% in the S&P. During bear markets we had a perfect plan. We got an investment manager in our corner and didn’t look at our portfolio for nearly a year.
Same here, 75% of my portfolio is in the red and I really don’t know how long I can stomach the losses. I’m beginning to reach a breaking point.
Patience patience patience. It's a cycle.... a sucky point in the cycle, but a cycle nonetheless.
Hello, I am new when it comes to investing and i would really appreciate if I could get some tips about where it is worth to invest in (ETFs, Stocks, Growth stocks, Dividend stock etc.)
“Health is the greatest gift, contentment is the greatest wealth, a trusted friend is the best relative, Liberated mind is the greatest bliss.” The Buddha
👌
So if you do not have your health anymore you must have done something wrong ? My husband is disabled . All he did wrong was enjoy his freedom on his motorcycle . We all chase freedom . Or people would not chase gods or medication . To each there own is my way for the most part . I just wondered what the other side of this way of looking at things looked like.
8 fold path . I will look into that.
@@montacap we discover things as life move on. for some people it joy, for other it sorrow. If we're happy with what given, make the best of what there will truly liberate you. Vice versa if we only know happiness then we can never truly know happiness cause we don't know the its true value. Only when you experience both extremities you understand what you need, what is valuable to you. For me it's family for other it wealth, I don't judge them cause they have their own referencing system. In your husband's case if he is happy with life at the moment, he have live it to the fullest with no regret. Who know, may be one day I will regret not skydiving or riding a motorcycle, even more so than having good health or live longer for a couple of years. We all choose our own poison anyway...
@@congducdinh7393 He almost died in a motorcycle wreck . Lol. He is now dieing slowly with a blood clot filter in him they can not take out that will brake one day . I have I am not sure how many times heard him say I am so glad you where not on the back that day . I tell him I would have laid there and bled out . I am a tough bird but I do not think I want to fight that hard it is time for some flight .
We need Philosophers like this to teach Middle-school kids to instill in them what is deep and meaningful to what is shallow....
You mean they shouldn't be learning about kink and how to work a stripper pole? Blasphemy!
then you send them home to their materialistic and emotionally bankrupt parents, what's the use?
@@maximuskhan2100 tf gross
@@maximuskhan2100 ….what? Was that supposed to be a joke?
Yes, and also we can do it ourselves. I am with mine
I try not to chase happiness, I try to actively enjoy it when it’s there and wait patiently when it’s not. It works wonders. You’ll feel tons happier in both of those situations. You take time to appreciate joy, which is a very joyful thing and you’ll realise when you’re unhappy that the sun comes up again and you’ll have those moments to look forward to eventually.
One year later I just want to say thank you for this comment. It helped a stranger dealing with some stuff.
Anti ti ti ti fragile fragile Anti ti ti ti fragile This is the only song that was running in my head for 7 minutes 14 seconds straight
spiritual - purpose physical - recovering from stress intellectual - deeply engaging with material relational - quality time with others we love emotional - gratitude
i literally wrote this down in my notebook while watching the video almost exactly like this comment, im gonna read it everyday
Each of them creating a challenge of their own. The search for purpose is equally paradoxical as the search for happiness. Finding material important enough to engage in (what you care about) in itself can be a life long struggle. Quality time with one's we love. Not all of us have that gift.
In esotericism this is like the four elements plus spirit. Spirit is at the top of the pentagram. The reason why the upside down star/pentagram has got a satanic vibe is because its putting spirit on the bottom, as the lowest priority, while earth(physical well being) and fire (ambition, creativity somewhat, libido somewhat) are at the top. I haven't watched the video yet but I just wanted to share that. Also Air=intellect, mind, and the suit of swords in tarot. Water=emotion, relationships, suit of cups in tarot. Lots of people hate this kind of stuff :/ so I just wanted to share
Yeah I heard the video
Thank you
In a generation where it's so common to hear people incredibly sad in their hearts, I find it so important for people who are knowledgeable in this field to speak up
People were always sad duh
I love you for that comment kiwi.
@@SCORP1ONF1RE me 2
@@user-kt8kk2jg7i Nobody disagrees, OP is pointing out that the numbers are getting worse.
I find it hard to get some people to listen to this wisdom. Especially our young people, they don't want to hear anything from us "old" folk. Some even blame us as their source of misery.
"Gratitude is the mother of all virtues, when we appreciate the good in life, we have more of it "
I’ve been writing 3 pieces of gratitude every day for 3 months and it changed my life
Meditation! Sitting with difficult emotions, observing them, allowing them, even befriending them--this has been very powerful for me. I'm slowly learning to let go of the fear of feeling.
What’s the method of meditation that’s worked for you? Do you just sit and process whatever comes to mind, do you prefer guided meditation, silence vrs music or maybe just noise, etc?
THIS! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
'Fear of Feeling' that is a huge thing that I struggle with. That is a perfect description.
@@comfortableovertones this does make a lot of sense i find the gym and especially running to be very therapeutic, you’re completely right meditating is about connecting with yourself in whatever way you feel best doing :)
I tried meditating once and starter to cry even before realising it. That silence in mind was immaculately loud.
Anti-ti-ti-ti fragile, fragile Anti-ti-ti-ti fragile Anti-ti-ti-ti fragile, fragile (Anti-fragile) (Anti-fragile)🎶🎶
Lesserafim
We have to show them our impurities
@@georgebriseno can't believe this channel spoiled antifragile 10 months ago 😕
I WAS LOOKING FOR THIS COMMENT
Keep KPOP to yourself.
I am in a really tough place. Being left and cut off from a man who had taken everything from me, every single ounce of my self worth, confidence, disappear. He left me without explanation. After i've given him everything. I realize now I dont want this trauma to define me, i want it to be a source of growth. Post traumatic growth, thats a new word ive learned today.
Finally, someone explained to me why im a badass woman. I came to canada as a refugee in 2002 as 15 year olde girl. Today i own a home in Vancouver. The last 20 years have been PTG 😊
“Happiness is not a goal, it’s a by-product.” - Eleanor Roosevelt
Eleanor Roosevelt. One of the most effective First Ladies in US history
Say the Privileged few
This woken me up!
but explain how, Eleanor. :(
@@AlexisTwoLastNames for example, when you work the goal is to make money, when you does make money ou feel happy. Thus happiness is the by product
Spiritual- Meaning and Purpose (work&private) Physical- Recovery Intellectual- Curiosity, deep interest and engaging with material Relationship- Quality time Emotional- Embracing , Gratitude (cultivate pleasurable emotions)
Thank you, @Mayya for this!
Thank you.
S.P.I.R.E. 👌🏼 …thx Mayya
He is so humble for saying I am a teacher and also a student in the study of happiness
Everything we experience is based on contrast. You don't really feel one, without the other.
My favourite part of the movie "Inside Out" was the forum that was given to Sadness, and how she was an integral part of the whole process.
A cousin of mine did not like the Sadness character because of her causing problems. Had a hard time explaining to her why Sadness had to exist for Happiness to have impact and meaning.
I looooove that movie. Learn something new every time I watch it
@@doanale3344 We need to analyse the movie for my English class, so these are my interpretations. - There was a scene where in blue memory ball Riley is sitting on a branch alone feeling sad because she lost the winning shot for her ice hockey team. And then her parents and teammates came and cheered her up, then she became happy as the memory ball turned golden (Sadness is a beacon; it signals our distress to others so they can help us) - When Bing Bong lost his wagon in the abyss, Joy couldn't comfort him by saying it's not that bad, distracting him by tickling and forcing him to move on. Sadness on the other hand, sat down with him and got him to recall his adventures with Riley and validated how sad losing his only reminder of Riley is. Only then, after crying he could continue the journey. (Sadness is a core component of empathy - for us to be a good listener so others can vent to us and feel better. Also we need to make time for all our feelings, including Sadness. Avoiding our Sadness with distractions will only bottle it up inside and cause breakdowns/depression/lost of joy) - Sadness caused Riley to act up in the movie, but in the end as Riley came home after her attempt to ran away, her relationship with her parents became stronger than ever. (Sadness strengthens relationships). Perhaps you can tell these to your cousin 😉
This is why stoicism should be taught in every school. Not just as an ordinary lesson, but as a way of life.
100 percent
Absolutely, I was thinking the same thing. There are also many other philosophies that are great for providing guidance, the subject should be taught in depth in place of religion. It is critical that we instill a sense of virtue into all people from a young age.
Yes become anti fragile now shut up and become a slave worker for corporate America and don’t complaint
@@jesuslover5968 even an attempt to escape your so-called slavery would still require anti-fragility tho.
@Alice Amell mmm. You may have a fundamental misunderstanding of stoicism. The virtues important to the stoic are honor, honesty, courage (or lack of fear), determination to do the right thing, but never happiness. I'm not sure if happiness is a virtue, but for the stoic it is not even a goal. It is a by product of living a true life, a gift given to those who do not chase it.
I LOVE this term PTG… there is always room for recovery… instead of being stuck in that emotional and physical distress, we can learn to make the best of bad things that happen, embrace the pain and turn it into emotional and physical strength. I believe that people who have been through emotional hardship have greatly more capacity to Grow, are stronger and have more ability to overcome difficulties and be successful. We are made with these anti fragile systems, we should believe in ourselves!
The phrase “Anti ti ti ti fragile fragile” keeps echoing in my head as he speaks
I think you can call it anything you want but it boils down to understanding that great things and terrible things don't last. Life ebbs and flows. Go with it. Be in the moment.
"this too shall pass" is my go to mantra of every situation in life
Yeah, to me this seems like the only reasonable mindset to have. I generally try to detach myself from anything happening to me, good or bad, by telling myself that it isn't permanent.
@@BiggyJimbo yeah even the death of a loved one isn’t permanent because one day you’ll die too and won’t feel it anymore
I remember telling someone that I just live life as it happens and they responded that it was a bad way to live lol. I still live life as it happens, and I’m thankful for the things I have and try to make the best of most things.
@@BiggyJimbo When you say "detachment", it sounds like you're not letting yourself be in the moment. Like you're just clinging to the idea "this won't be forever" whenever anything happens. If that's so, that's not a good way to live. Buddhism, which this video gets most of its philosophy from, teaches that clinging to the way thing are - attachment - and being averse to the way things are - detachment - are the two root causes of human suffering. It teaches of a way in between those two things - nonattachment - not clinging on, but not avoiding either. It symbolizes these three states as two hands clasped firmly together, two hands held at a distance, and finally, two hands placed gently together with palms open. Rather than clinging firmly to the nature of change and using that idea as an anchor, you should hold on loosely to that idea and allow it to let you live fully in every moment.
Happiness doesn't come from within. "Happiness comes from between. It comes from getting the right relationships between yourself and others, yourself and your work, and yourself and something larger than yourself." ~Jonathan Haidt
It's so briliant
I can’t get the first part down
This is the best to be honest.
Only thing that has ever made sense to me regarding happiness...ever. This comment right here.
This is it.
The problem with being "anti-fragile" is that all of us evenually break. And when you've been anti-fragile, your breakage is particularly painful and long lasting.
i was so tough as a kid, i got soft growing up, the hurt doesn't heal as fast when you aren't as tough
When pressure is placed on the system it gets stronger, it increases and prospers. That’s anti-fragility. That’s resilience 2.0
Being anti fragile is not about covering vulnerability with deniel or being defiant. Real anti fragility is when we can face the harsh realities of life like death, terminal illnesses, separation from loved ones, losing every material possession, having to live with uncouth people etc with equanimity. There is long journey of training required for that. I've stumbled upon a vast source of knowledge ( thousands of Scriptures)on searching for happiness and equanimity through wisdom( true deep realisation of how the body and mind works).
@@CoolIcingcake3467.Very well put.Thank you for posting this piece!
@jeff-onedayatatime.2870 - wow this one hit home! My whole life as a child I developed the kind of resilience I thought was un-breakable. I always loved and respected the idea of being alone when I needed to. Then some months after a long term relationship I ended I stopped knowing how to be and do all of those things. One night at a concert it just hit me out of the blue. I don’t know what triggered it but it just hit right there and then. Suddenly I felt lonely, wanting the company of others not knowing how to be alone like I’ve been my entire life. Suddenly my forever positive and sophisticated perspective on life wasn’t enough to get me out of the deep. It hit so hard. Weeks later I’m now seeing this video and now this comment. So my problem was becoming anti fragile led me to forget my breakage would be particularly painful. It’s been weeks now but I’m finally healing. Understanding and getting there had a lot to do with me accepting that everyone will always have vulnerabilities. Even I, who always swore I could never have. It took a long time but sometimes admitting to yourself these things is key to healing. It’s okay to be vulnerable. It allows you to love and care for much more deeply!
This is one of the absolute BEST video ive seen about happiness. BE RESILIENT 2.0!
I am suffering from burnout, anxiety and depression. This video has lifted me up and gave me some hints about where to start the process of recovering. Thank you for posting this
All the best 👍
Glad you came and visited this video :)
and how? i don't get what this video is trying to say
You got this
@@nia2088 From my take, I think it's saying to not be afraid of doing hard things. (best summary is the last bit if it's TL:DR) So like for the Spirtual part, he mentions having a purpose in the morning. While this can be something long term like build up a great career, it can also be small things like cleaning a bedroom and then watering some plants (so assigning yourself a task to build up some urgency). While doing this, you also have to consider the physical part, which he said was to do with stress. So when you take time off, you may still be worrying about things or that you're being productive. But what he is saying is to treat it like a productive thing and that you should treat it like a job in itself and actually completely try to de-stress. by doing these steps you are breaking down the task's that you would view as hard or stressful (especially if you're depressed or neurodivergent) and learning how to break it down and not chase instant gratification, but learn how to enjoy and balance the stress of doing the task's you need to do. It's essentially incorporating Frankl's logotherapy, where he suggests we all need a purpose, so instead of trying to find something that will make us happy, Frankl suggests we need something to work towards and that in turn what will bring us happiness. (But this builds upon it, by providing steps as to how to achieve this)
I am currently on a journey of self improvement. This year was arguably one of the most stressful years of my life. Within the struggle an stress there were some good times and good memories. It has triggered me to re-evaluate the way that I think about my life, success and happiness. The more I thought about it the more I realized that I was approach things wrong. I have longed for happiness but I always saw it as a destination not a journey. Now I am beginning to understand that it's the little things you do daily that brings that inner peace and happiness I longed for. For the New Year I really want to embody this in everything I do. I feel like I have been enlightened like Buddha.
Thank you ... I was diagnosed with complex PTSD at the age of 43 just a few months ago, had never considered it, and it was devastating, but moving forward... My counselor advises that Post-Traumatic Stress can be transformed into Post-Traumatic Strength. This is a great video, thank you!
Very positive thoughts. Wishing you the best for your journey! 🙂
Did your counselor provide ways to accomplish these?
Thank you for sharing, and best of luck in your recovery!
@@brian7110 I am attending Dialectical Behavioral Therapy groups weekly, and we discuss this in therapy as well, and work with CBT. I have to kind of relive some of the traumatic events, too, to process those emotions. It's still new and it's day by day. I think the DBT group is the most helpful so far
Wishing you the best
"Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so. Those only are happy who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness; on the happiness of others, on the improvement of mankind, even on some art or pursuit, followed not as a means, but as itself an ideal end. Aiming thus at something else, they find happiness by the way." - John Stuart Mill
Amazing quote! So appropriate.
So true - seeking happiness is a misguided pursuit...seeking becoming who you truly are and enacting your values - leads to deep emotional rewards - satisfaction - increase in serotonin...,feels so much better than the dopamine happiness or pleasure gives you...
@@morganlake41632 what if only about 0.006 percent of the population can even understand who you truly are? where is the happiness in being alone most of the time. There is a certain amount of "you have to go along to get along." This can result in serious cognitive dissonance . Hard to find happiness between a rock and a hard place, but then there is always the humor of the situations. I suppose that could be a form of "happiness", laughter.
Sound like incel speak
The Concept of PTG Rather than PTSD just had me. May be we have control of atleast ourselves and how we perceive events/Trauma and further process it. It's Normal to breakdown and to have PTSD but to overcome it and Be the better version of oneself is to thrive through the situation as PTG. THANKS FOR GIVING ME THIS INSIGHT.
Financial wellbeing is a very important Part of being happy & satisfied, it is not mentioned
There are painful emotions which I’m sure most people expect to experience, but then there are traumatic emotions which is a whole different thing. Traumatic emotions are something that a person was not psychologically ready to experience, something shocking. I think we often underestimate the effect of shock on human psychology. Analogy of this video only works for painful emotions, not traumatic. Painful emotions could be compared to weights that a person needs to lift to get the “muscles” stronger. Traumatic emotions however feel like you have to lift tons of weight which causes your “muscles” to tear apart. It feels like a huge rock fell on top of you completely unexpectedly. Thus a person with trauma cannot just become immediately stronger after such experience. They need healing time and sometimes lots of it to even just return to who they were before such experience
It applies to cptsd aswell. And the corresponding growth which is very very rare is what carl jung described as treasure hard to attain. Its very very very complicated to pull yourself out of trauma in that manner. Healing is not the way, you'll never be healed lol that's pathetic.
@@007lutherking healing is the process of accepting of what happened to you. And if something truly horrific happened to you, it’s not always “to make you stronger”. I work at the hospital and I saw cases that are pretty sad. I saw a guy once who was paralyzed from neck down due to spinal cord injury. He can’t talk, he can’t move, he can’t even breath on his own yet he has a 100% intact intelligence. Are you really going to come to a guy like that and tell him that his injury made him stronger? Seriously? Stop the bs. Such logic only works for light level bad life events such as losing your job or getting a divorce. For truly horrific things such as serious health trauma, repeated sexual abuse, kidnapping, murder of the loved one in front of you etc. For such instances this approach does not work
@@Oktaviii your comment shows your lack of understanding of trauma. But thanks for trying. Learn some psychology and philosophy first.
@@007lutherking sure, go ahead, talk philosophy to people who went through extremely traumatic events. Maybe you should learn what real life is really about. Your comment shows that you only know trauma from books, not experience
@@Oktaviii you're talking trauma. I'm talking about cptsd which is much worse. Do some research
I’m turning 20 this month, and over the last year or so I’ve come to realize that I honestly enjoy and find comfort in sadness. It’s the way you manage that sadness that makes a difference. Like reading a good book or watching a show or a movie that makes you cry. That feels good, right? That’s how I’ve started thinking of sadness from my every day life too. I like and accept all emotions as long as they’re handled with care. Even happiness can be handled wrong and have a negative impact. For example, because you’re so happy you might ignore small issues that have been bothering you for a long time because at the time they don’t really impact you, and so you don’t bother to work on fixing any of it, which later might become a problem. I think of it a bit like in Buddhism. Accepting one’s emotions and not trying to change them. Because if you constantly try to change how you feel you’ll just never feel satisfied, because constant happiness just isn’t possible. But enjoying, or at the very least getting content with other emotions as well *is* possible. I’ve also found that it’s better to focus on physical changes you can make in life rather than emotional ones as those are changes you can actually control. I can go on regular walks every week, and that may or may not make me feel happy, but either way it will get me in a better physical shape, and it is a form of change even if it isn’t an emotional one. Realizing and accepting that fact helps. It also helps letting go of the image that sadness and anger etc are negative emotions. If someone is treating you unfairly anger is important. Crying is also not negative as it releases toxins. So many times friends of mine might say “I’m crying” and my other friends respond with “nooo don’t cry” because sadness is seen as negative. However, I always say “good. Cry. Release those toxins” because rejecting sadness just makes it hurt more. It’s that feeling of hopelessness because you can’t change how you feel that often is the worst, so once you stop trying to change your emotions it immediately becomes a bit easier. I’m obviously not saying to give up, but simply accept and welcome all emotions. Trying to push it away only causes strain. Sorry for the rant lol. I just wanted to share my thoughts.
The thing I said about “nooo don’t cry” isn’t hating on my friends btw. It’s just an observation about what most people honestly do, but I’ve thrown that mentality away myself
I honestly think it’s because society has taught us that sadness is bad, so we want to try and “fix” it whether it’s our own sadness or other’s sadness, but what really needs fixing is how we handle the sadness
Bang on! I feel the same... If sadness and anger were so bad, nature wouldn't have created those emotions
Sadness can feel good to an extent, and it is necessary to feel it from time to time in order to have balance. However, (and I’m not saying this is true to you) if your reaction to any mildly upsetting thing is to be sad for the rest of the day, that is not healthy. It is important to know how to feel your emotions and let them pass through you, rather than letting them drag you through a downward spiral. But overall, I do agree that sadness is necessary and it feels good to release your emotions by crying rather than keeping them stored inside you.
So wise for so young. I'm really impressed. Keep walking ...bundle up when it's cold
Eye opening findings about Happiness 😊. 1. Don't run for Happiness, find happiness in small things in life. 2. When see others happiness, automatically getting happiness. 😊 THANKS FOR THE BIG THANKS
Had a terrible day. I needed this so bad. Thank you. I hope this video finds those who need strength and encouragement.
This video made me teary eyed. I found this in my recommendations. It's amazing how the universe connects everything. 1 hour ago I broke down and cried due to all the stress I'm feeling. Stress that came from all the overwhelming amounts of school requirements that I have to pass on their DEADlines. I was already feeling hopeless and questioned what am I struggling for? Why do I have to feel so much pain and all. This video saved me. I found purpose again. This video was meant to be watched by someone like me who is struggling at the moment. Thank you so much for delivering this.
It's only school, Don't feel so bad
As the person below says, it's only school, but when you're living it, it can feel overwhelming and it's not much help when older people say you will barely remember this stress in a few years. You're stressed in the here and now- is there someone you could talk to? Can you write down the things that are making you stressed? can you put them in an order of what needs dealing with most urgently? Can you ask one or two of your teachers to ease up on the deadlines? If at all possible don't try to manage this on your own- we've all been there, including your teachers!
Damn I'm glad my school wasn't that bad.
You will go through school just fine. You will achieve what you want to achieve. But your health should always be priority because without health in the first place, you cannot achieve what you want to achieve. I had to learn the hard way. I was stressed throughout school and now I'm stressed in my job (I'm a nurse). The stress may never end even if you pass school. Deal with it now, otherwise that stress will continue to impact you in all stages of your life.
When it rains it pours but there is always sunshine after the rain and clean fresh air. Wishing you all the best!
Antifragility is resilience 2.0 Pursue happiness indirectly via SPIRE: SPIRE Model: Spiritual - Finding sense of meaning and purpose in life Physical - Eliminate stress from your life - lack of recovery Intellectual - Deeply engaging with material - books, art, nature... Relational - Quality of relationships and time spent together Emotional - Embrace painful emotions & practise gratitude Happiness is wholebeing - practising SPIRE above Happiness is a lifelong journey Make the best out of bad situations
Thanks for the summary!
I've grown too much on trauma that the people surround me can't catch up and can't relate on me. Now I left that place to find my peace and people who are like minded. Happier :)
Another way of being happy in life, is learning how to accept the circumstances you find yourself in. But this requires high level of maturity and a stable mind.
I love this video's message but I love the comments section even more. The world feels so divided sometimes, but we have much more in common than we may think.
👍
we all are human, at the end.
One thing I started doing in order to bring myself a sense of well being and inner happiness is by no longer living a life according to the guidelines and expectations of others. Far too many of us feel compelled to live up to the standards and expectations set out by others. And if we don't meet these criteria's, we are looked upon as failures, thus causing disappointment no to just ourselves, but to those around us. Ever since I started thinking outside the box, and going somewhat against the grain, I began to feel a sense of empowerment overcoming me. And believe me, this feeling is great, one which channels happiness towards me, rather than me constantly chasing it.
Same exactly
the combination of the music and the way Ben talked, made me get goosebumps. Beautiful video that reached the real main points of every subject discussed.
"Don't pray for easy lives, pray to be stronger " John Kennedy
The way that I've seen this and got recommended again bcs of le sserafim. Keeep playin antitititi fragile
As someone who does have ptsd i greatly resonate with post trauma growth. Despite of the horrible hardships ive endured, i really feel like im thriving. And even when i feel down i find gratitude in being able to allow myself to simply feel. Im glad someone put into words on how ive been valuing my life. Nail on the head
I'm glad you've thrived I'm so proud of you
Tips on thriving after ptsd?
Happiness is the momentary feeling that sets you in the mood to tackle the unknown not with fear but with curiosity.
Aka dopamine.
"Post-Traumatic Growth." How refreshing. I like to think I'm gaining in this area.
Best advice I’ve heard in a while. It’s interesting that the more you pursue happiness and put it on a pedestal, the more likely you are to lack it. Is this because of our subconscious is not fully believing we can achieve it? Curious!
So early wow.
I've had severe depression for years and I'm in a dark place in life right now, but I have a son who helps to cure it in the moment but I feel the same way every night when I'm alone, how to train my mind to Pursue true happiness and not doubt my progress or lose myself again along the way is what I seek ultimately, for more than just me, for my kid he just turned 1 and I give him everything he wants and needs but I don't want him to grow up and see me this way but it's been this way for so long I don't know what to do.. I'm 22 and I'm seeking help with the answers to my problems and all advice is wisdom and highly appreciated. Words of encouragement, anything. I need help...
I think it's because of the "future" aspect. When we try to achieve happiness, it means that we believe we don't have it yet. So we pressure ourselves to grasp for it but at one point only get impatient: Something like "I want it now!" or "How will it finally feel?" or "how much longer until then?" And similar thoughts I guess. I personally think a better approach would be to just believe we are already happy, which would also closely tie with the concept of gratitude. I mean, it works for me!
@@kaiserwilhelm3680 its very brave of you to reach out and seek help. I dont have a child, but I am currently struggling with consistent panic attacks. Life is rough man. It is going to remain challenging. My advice is try and exercise when you can, stay off social media, try to participate in any healthy social events you can, seek professional help, seek a higher power (whether outside or within yourself). Youre loved
@@kaiserwilhelm3680 I hope you are in a better place mentally, buddy and life is better for you and your son♥
In the absence of honesty, people’s imaginations will leap to fill in the gaps between what is being said and their own direct experiences.
Oh wow I love this, it makes a lot of sense to me.
Wow great quote, who said/wrote it? But what is the connection to the topic?
I've been lucky enough to get to a decent age and only ever experience a few times when I was truly beaten down. Watching this, it's obvious that my recovery matched this model very closely, with only some of it being conscious effort and the rest taking care of itself as elements were fulfilled. It's also going to be very useful in my line of work. Thank you for creating this.
Lovey, lovey, lovey Dovey, dovey, dovey~
Happiness is everywhere and you do not have to look hard, a beautiful sunset/sunrise, a rapid flowing river, a pretty flower, the night sky ect ect. Just open your eyes and see how truly blessed that you are. Appreciate what the Most High has given you, that which is natural and also free to view at any given moment in time.
Yay a positive attitude!
Not if you're in deeo enough despair. If the 5 things the video highlighted are in a bad enough state, the natural beauty in the world can feel hollow and meaningless. If you're just mildly sad or going about your day to day and things aren't so bad, yes those things are nice and good to savor.
I agree 🙌🏽 👏🏽
Such an important exploration. I'm still recovering from a severe depressive episode and one part of my journey was just accepting that constant happiness is not possible and that I shouldn't punish myself for not achieving it. It sounds silly but after a year of debilitating depression your so desperately trying to fix things you forget that we're just human.
I did this daily for 6 months in psychiatry against depression and sticked to it ever since. After soap I turn down the temperature and rinse myself with icecold water going slowly from feet to face, from right side to heart side. Now Wim Hof gathered a lot of knowledge about this technique.
Plan your days realistically, have thinks to do every day from morning till evening . This gives you purpose to wake up and look forward . Get a hobbby . Drowns your mood only on yourself . Accept that u can only control yourself not others. Wake up repeat . Even better go volunteer to countries , shelter where people have so much less but so much more happier . Write daily gratitude. Make small term plans , long term plans . Write steps to achieve them . Make realistic goals . Nothing like I want to be around singer stuff . Something more realistic will be I want to start singing , recording , posting , sing for family , church , school . Enjoy every little achievement. Any small task done ✅ gives so much boost of energy and happiness. Make sure tasks are realistic, consider your own laziness , speed be honest . Good luck .
You got this babe
My notes: Antifragility - Anti-fragile system = when pressures is added the systems grows (f.e. muscles) - On a psychological level = PTG (post traumatic growth) - PTG means growing stronger as a result of pressure/ stress (growing from hardship) - The happiness paradox: happiness is a good thing but valuing it as a good thing/ pushing it can be problematic (can lead to depression) - resolve by indirect pursue: SPIRE model (creates happiness altogether) - SPIRE = spiritual, physical, intellectual, relational & emotional wellbeing whereas: - Spirituality = finding a sense of meaning & purpose in life, work & home - Physical = worst enemy is stress, recovery from stress is required - Intellectual = curiosity, asking questions, deeply engaging with material (art, text, nature) - Relational = quality time with loved ones is the Nr. 1 predictor of happiness -> the quality of our relationships is the most important factor for antifragility - Emotional = embracing negative emotions, gratitude - Happiness is a lifelong journey, not a pursuit You’re welcome:)
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” I believe this is the key to a balanced life. Acceptance has been a very powerful game changer for me. There's so much here to learn. Wisdom being the most important of them all.
Amen
Life began as a curse in my perspective, and through existance i have grown fond of its double sidedness. It is both beautiful and ugly, terrorfying and awestriking.
Except you don’t need god’s or anyone else’s permission or help-/ you always ALWAYS have the choice of what you focus on. You’ve far more power over your life than you’ve been led to believe
@@corareece9078 that yin/yang is universal- not something unique to your experience. Tides ebb and flow, day becomes night, up and down, in and out-- it’s EVERYWHERE not just where you live. In other words- don’t take it personally- the universe didn’t single you out
@@differenttakethanmost yeah i got that mate. Thanks for the reminder kiddo
The last point about gratitude is so incredibly important. I wish he had expounded on it more as I’m sure he does in other talks and his book. I consider myself a very happy person and I’ve never in my life gone through a significant depression and I attribute it to the fact that I always remind myself, consciously or otherwise, that I have such a great and easy life compared to 99.9% of humans that came before and even most of those living poor and oppressed in the world now. One thing I’ve seen highly functional people who are trying to maximize productivity and happiness do to increase gratitude is write three things they are thankful for every morning. Once you take just a moment to think about every little thing and person you have to be thankful for, it really begins to trivialize the often silly things bothering you in your life.
Well said. Thanks for sharing!
How do you know you would have been depressed if you hadn’t had a gratitude practice? Maybe you are just not the type of person to get depressed.
I think that's good and I'm glad for you, but it's also a lot easier when you've never suffered. be wary of the darkness, because it will come, and be prepared to embrace it just as much as you do your happiness
The saying "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger" comes to mind and even "embrace imperfection". I loved this video and will be reading a few of Tal Ben-Shahar's books next.
Read Emile Zola instead. Enough of those new-age books.
Yes! This was the secret to my happiness, to realise it wasn’t the goal and nothing mattered, literally nothing matters. If you become nothing matters, that our existence is not important, suddenly you are happy. It’s weird but I have felt this way for more than 5 years and I have set free high performance
I think this can lead to a path of nihilism as well if you’re not careful, speaking from experience.
I’ve always considered myself a relatively happy person and even when others have criticized the ways I use and think to stay happy, I’ve been very content in the way I prioritize my life. I came to this video to see how to achieve happiness scientifically and I realized that I’m already doing what is necessary to be happy. That makes me feel so good because now I’m able to say with confidence that I know what’s important for my life.
Sounds like youre trying to convince us that you really are happy. This initially led me to believe that you're actually trying to convince yourself that you are happy. I then thought to myself that doesnt have to be true. Maybe youre just frustrated with how "others have criticized the ways you use and think to stay happy", and relieving some emotional pressure from this by commenting on KZhead, affirming yourself. Thats okay. Stay strong Stella.
@@nemonym711 what the f is that response...
@@trappart9209 I think we call that an "empath response" 🤣
@@InvaIidGaming sounds like some gaslighting bullshit. “Empaths,” needs to stop projecting their bs.
Congratulations, Stella! That's great to hear. I recently came to find happiness through a similar version of the antifragility model, posed 30 years ago in the book The Power of Full Engagement. Anyway, congrats to us both for finding what (very tragically, sincerely) isn't so often accessed by most!
"persuing happiness indirectly because thinking happiness as a value is problematic" I really needed to hear that today. Thanks you so much for sharing
I don't seek out specifically happiness nor do I see days as good or bad. I just aim to fulfill my goals and increase my mental, spiritual, and physical health. Generally I aim to do things that make me uncomfortable or that sound very challenging. This video makes so much sense, because most people around me describe me as a generally happy despite me not caring too much about happiness.
What has lead to more happiness for me is confronting and letting go of my trauma... getting closer to my truth and seeing who stands beside in that truth
I wrote my whole senior thesis on this idea. Happiness comes as a result of having a strong mind. That’s what’s up!✊🏼
@Ethan Brown - Yet nobody tells you how to make your mind stronger ......
And becoming billionaire by exploiting others
@@montesa9136 everyone’s journey is different, that’s why. What exactly works for one does not work for another.
I naturally am anti fragility so I often run into trouble with work because of it. 😏
no matter the passing contexts which is constantly changing..
LOVEY LOVEY LOVEY DOVEY DOVEY DOVEY
I didn't even watch the video, I just came straight to the comment section to see a comment like that 🧎🏽♂️
I love watching this and revisit this every time I feel overwhelmed
Anti-ti-ti-ti-fragile, fragile Anti-ti-ti-ti-fragile
I can’t believe in my 30 years this is the first time I am hearing about post traumatic growth!! Which makes perfect sense! Why I get through every challenge stronger…
ANTI TI TI TI TI FRAGILE- LE SSERAFIM 2022
The last line was noteworthy too, Not everything happens for a reason , but we can make best of things that happen.
It´s so wonderful how did i step on this video. Two days ago a had a conversation with some friends and we all had the same kinda question, "how to be happy?". After a few words and thinking I came up with a kind of theory that is represented on this interview. "We must be grateful of the moment that we live and enjoy everything, the good and the bad moments. If we break things down as the most fundamental thing, we realize the luck that we have to exist and to be conscious of everything that the Universe has to us. Enjoy any aspect of your life." Howa!! Let´s all be antifragile!! Big love to all of you!
LE SSERAFIM
YES
SPIRE 4:00 S - Spiritual 4:19 P - Physical 4:31 I - Intellectual 4:59 R - Relational 5: E - Emotional 5: Happiness 6:19
Thank you. Blessed you.
Thanks, Lucas 👍
The secret to happiness is low expectations.
Or ignorance. Not sure how anyone can be happy knowing people are dying preventable deaths everyday. I guess it’s easy to ignore when you’re only real problem is whether or not you are “happy”
This doesn’t work for anyone who has sustained long term abuse: where a person has not experienced happiness at any time. This unrelenting pain where a child has been subjected to punishment at the hands of their parents or caregivers, means that even after the abuse has stopped, the individual is so stretched and scarred that they cannot feel anything. They disassociate from themselves and no longer exist; I call them them the ‘living dead’.
Wanting happiness in spite of having a shitty life is like wanting to breath in while being under water. Do not strive for happiness. Focus on doing what is good for you and you will be happy as a a consequence.
ANTI TI TI TI FRAGILE
This man..... This man should appear in more videos, that was so inspiring and motivating.
I heard a similar thing once. Happiness is like a bird and your life is like a ship. If you keep guiding your ship, standing on its deck the whole time and waiting for the bird to come, it will never really arrive. The bird will come and sit only when you go away from there and get busy in your own tasks. And i found it really informative. Truly, in the process seeking happiness, we end up losing it.
I’ve been unconsciously integrating this model in my routine. Maybe that’s why it feels awesome. I wish success to people reading this as well 😊🙏
Who else found this whole searching for le Sserafim anti fragile and set comments to new to see how many fearnots found this