How Relationships Reveal Our True Selves
One reason why relationships are valuable is that they enable us to know ourselves better; being part of a couple can help us to understand who we are.
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“One reason why relationships are valuable is that they enable us to know ourselves better; being part of a couple can help us to understand who we are.
Our partners may see what we no longer can; both what is adorable and what is more perplexing and difficult. They might, for example, remind us that we’ve told that anecdote (three times) before or that purple doesn’t suit us. They can tell us that we’ve overreacted to a problem at work or that we’ve placed our trust in an envious friend. Their responses give us a chance to grow sightly less obtuse, haughty and peculiar…”
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CREDITS
Produced in collaboration with:
Léon Moh-Cah
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Title animation produced in collaboration with
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Someone told me a lil thing along this vein of thinking today; "Honesty without compassion is cruelty & kindness without honesty is manipulation." It really sparked into my mind whilst watching this!
This world lacks compassion what do u call that cruelty or life
Absolutely love this! I think I'd change the second wisdom to: "Kindness without honesty is insincerity." Manipulation is intentionally trying to get someone to do what you would like (to see happening). Kindness in its essence is about altruism; giving back, helping.
@@UlasMTKindness can absolutely be used to manipulate. Of course it's not true kindness then, but you don't necessarily know that when there is a lack of honesty and you're being manipulated, you just see the kindness and not the whole picture / underlying intentions.
@@dmoskhaYes true, I believe both pearls of wisdom (my version and the original) are equally true. They both imply ill will. However, from my experience with kind people, I've noticed the intention isn't to manipulate (at least not with me), but the lack of confidence to give feedback/or to speak their mind. That's why I had altered it to "insincerity".
Love this quote
"The only people that we don't want to change are the people we don't care about." There's a lot of wisdom in this.
I don't want to change my self 🤔
The real wisdom is knowing that trying to change people is a waste of time. Only themselves can decide to change.
Classic, "I'm more myself now that I met you. "
In the beginning of the relationship it was harder to hear criticism. After 15+ years it gets accepted because he's my best friend and I trust his judgement now. You have to BOTH be interested in self growth though.
And it's really that simple, is it? I don't know about that. We're way messier than what psychology tries to convey and 'cure'.
@@Rnue If you're both committed to self growth then there are few things left to throw a wrench in your goals, but it is possible.
@@erinsuzy613 I'm not sure. Seems like there's a lot of wrenches. A collective 'just do it' Nike ad mentality coupled with archaic institutions, policies and regulations, toxic dating culture and apps and a suicide rate that isn't decreasing seem like a pretty massive level of wrenches. If our structures and systems need to be based on results, and aren't, does it really come down to being interested? People are interested in being rich. But how many actually achieve that?
so nice to hear a success story to be inspired by ☺️
Nice
"We expect the love we think we deserve." No truer words were ever spoken.
If you don't love yourself, no one will love you the way you think you deserve, and you shouldn't expect that from others. Learn to love, respect and accept yourself instead of demanding that from other people. It's nice when someone has the attitude: "I truly love and respect myself so much that I can easily deal with those who don't love or respect me. They just can't bother me in any way.''
@@jovandavidovic1Fortunately, it doesn't work like that in real world 😊 and giving generic advices like this one only confuses people. People might love you despite your self-hatred and it's normal to expect love if you respect and love those people. If everything worked as pop Internet psychology "huggets of wisdom" say, we would have lived in a much more miserable world. It's already bad, and bringing people down with such advices does no good.
@@rinalero301 so would it be more accurate to interpret it as, just because we have low or no expectations of love for ourselves doesn’t mean we can’t be loved more than that? That sounds to me much more compassionate that the the previous statement that sounds like it’s saying, “unless you accomplish the difficult task of loving yourself you can be sure that no one else loves you either.” Lol
@@rinalero301 sorry , you already clarified that in the first part of your comment I just forgot that part of the comment by the time I finished my comment lol
@@rinalero301 "people might love you despite your self-hatred", that can be true but it's not possible to be in a close relationship for too long with someone who hates themselves although we can always love them from afar! "it's normal to expect love if you respect and love those people", can also be true, but reality has nothing to do with one's expectations and sometimes, if the situation is desperate enough, the only gesture of love a person can muster is leaving the scene. unfortunately "pop internet psychology huggets of wisdom" has truth to it. if in doubt try to love someone who loathes themselves and not only that but *stay* with them. good luck!
If it's not love, it's a lesson. I have learned to accept all the heartbreaks, delusions, and rejections that I've garnered after every failed (or once-hopefully-to-be) relationship over time. Magically, I've become wiser, less dependent and more trustful toward myself, eventually ameliorating the most important relationships in my life: with my family and with me. Knowing that if we can't learn sth by ourselves, we will have to be taught by sb or sth else. The bitterness and the resentment are still there but accepting and letting go have become easier common practices. May every good heart out there be heard and be loved at the end one day.
So well said. Thank you for sharing that...
Rightly said but it takes time to divert our emotions our mind and energy from that we had lost out. Only after that we can understand the lesson behind that . The key is patience which I think my heart is very reluctant to appreciate that's why I'm in very degrading situation in myself.
Maturity is of the utmost importance for a fruitful relationship.
I don't think a couple that meets at a young age is as effective at this.
@@geertwtjongIndeed
So true. Respect too.
Using phrases like “maybe you..” and “i feel like..” when expressing concerns or discussing traits with my partner has significantly improved our communication with each other.
Yes, good point. "I" statements about our own feelings, experiences, and perceptions definitely tend to foster better conversations/results than "You..." statements, which can feel accusatory and leave people feeling defensive.
I've been doing that in a new relationship for 6 months. It works I Swear. *Maybe you... *I feel like... *I think I understand but could you explain your view a little more - just want to make sure I am clear.... *
Shame that approach doesn't work in every relationship. In mine it's met with "NO *insert defensiveness here*"
In interpersonal relationships, people often exchange hidden or manipulative messages that are based on some of their deep-seated pain and fear (most often from their childhood). This prevents them from feeling real closeness with another person, from building a healthy relationship and from feeling happy and understood in that relationship. I truly believe that it's so much important to be clear in our relationships with other people and to openly say what we want and what we expect, what doesn't suit us, what we like, dislike and what our values and plans are.
you raise a good point
And to be prepared for that info being immediately rejected and nothing happening. Until the one that listens, hears, says their peace and things vibe it’s okay to do such since you’re both on a closely similar path comes along. Then you say your stuff, they say theirs, until the pride and other things, including boundaries, get in the way (this is good for 1, bad for the other) and it’s time, yet again, to separate and start all over. Growth isn’t always pretty. I’d be happy to find someone willing to do the work for 50 years at a minimum. It’s important both understand this is a long game.
100%!
This is such a truth. Set aside pride or shame and don't forget we grow from being able to be vulnerable. How wonderful would it be to grow together in a relationship.
True😢
Your partner is your mirror. In conflict, they can reflect your worst traits, impulses, and behavior back at you. And if you’re willing, you can look in the mirror and try to improve. And if both are open and willing to improve for the betterment of the relationship, then it will continue to grow & flourish. But it’s not without criticism and growing pains and hard truths. Real relationships aren’t as romanticized as the movies and stories we grew up with, they are beautiful and loving but also difficult to coexist with another human, but unfortunately people give up due to idealizing relationships and what they SHOULD be like. Find a partner who is willing to grow and help you grow.
Do u mean people give up soon or easily without efforts??
How my last relationship ended. She wasn’t interested in hearing out my problems or concerns. It would always be dismissed or turned around back at me until I just couldn’t take it anymore. Find somebody that respects and validates you.
Learning from a partner requires humility and not everyone is humble enough to take some feedback delivered by a well intentioned and well mannered partner in positive way..
Key insights 💑 Being part of a couple can help us understand who we are, as our partners may see what we no longer can, both the adorable and the more perplexing and difficult aspects of ourselves. 😬 We come to love hoping to be admired, but our partners may notice our shortcomings and disappointments. 😡 Instead of using difficult news for self-improvement, we often get insulted and block our ears in relationships. 💔 True love is compatible with attempts to teach people who they are and how they might improve. 💔 Most relationships collapse because two people didn’t want to know more about themselves; the knowledge was too hard and the way it was shared was too tough.
We appreciate your effort in trying to reveal our true selves to us.
this video comes in the perfect timing for me! I am in a new relationship and my partner is starting to spot my not so perfect traits now and the other way around... and I was starting to question my "quality" as a human being because I am not perfect, which is of course ridiculous. It's just that you can't hide your imperfections in a relationship anymore... but that is probably the beauty of love: to be loved as a whole being.
Indeed, relationships are vital for self-discovery, promoting personal growth through constructive feedback and fostering trust. Overcoming pride is key to this process, as we should be receptive to feedback and offer it with kindness. Establishing a safe, trusting atmosphere within relationships leads to more enriching connections.
the popular book “the road less traveled” goes into this concept - love is only real if it is disciplined and hopes to inspire growth in the other. Great video
"The only people whom we don't want to change are those we don't care about." Thank you for this nugget of wisdom.
If we and our partner create a safe environment, the free flow of beneficial feedback can occur. Openness and curiosity in the thoughts and behaviors of our partner can allow the same for ourselves. A healthy relationship then becomes the breeding ground for self improvement and interpersonal growth.
This feels like therapy. You teach me but do not hurt me in anyway.
I mostly have had short relationships, at 28 I dated a girl 32 yo and she was telling me how I was but it was difficult for me to hear and maybe she needed to learn to be more delicate. After 3 months we broke up. However, the 5 years of intense theraphy I did it helped me a lot learn who I am and now I feel that I can accept a bit more my flaws, imperfections, etc.
Therefore we need to ensure that our pickers are in good working order. Having this level of vulnerability requires discernibility when choosing our partners. I love the preamble 😂
I see the value of "making each other better people" but something deep inside me recoils at the idea of trying to change someone. I grew up with a voice inside my head constantly telling me how to better myself. It took a bout of depression and lots of therapy to realize that this voice was the reason I felt pressure all the time, and why I didn't like myself. I think this is why I don't like the idea of trying to change my partner or vice versa, because it can lead you down a bad road, not because I think I'm perfect already, as the video presumes. Another reason I'm iffy about trying to "teach" or "improve" my partner is: how do I know what's best for them? Maybe what works for me isn't right for them. Or even worse, maybe the flaws I see in them are my own projections. It's near impossible to see my partner objectively because I'm seeing them through the lens of my own experiences. Don't get me wrong. I do think that a good relationship changes people for the better. But maybe a better way than trying to "teach/improve" your partner is to approach it from a "let's make our relationship work better" perspective. So instead of saying "Honey, I think you have a bad temper and maybe if you worked on that, it would improve our communication", maybe a better way would be to say "Honey, when you get angry and start shouting, it scares me and makes me clam up and not want to talk. How do make this better?" I feel much more comfortable with the second approach because it steers clear of the pitfall of arguing about who's right and wrong (which usually goes nowhere), and helps to focus on resolving the problem. If both people love each other to the extent that they're willing to make adjustments, then I think both will change for the better.
A lot of this is true for less personal relationships, in particular not sharing with compassion and viewing every criticism as an attack. A lot of people never get close enough to another person to learn from their observations because they can't cope with even these basic interactions, and instead bail on the relationship in the early stages.
So much childhood trauma. I am in my early 40s and have never been in a serious relationship or felt true romantic love. I don't go out looking for it but it would be nice to experience being loved.
It's an unbelievable feeling, don't give it up on the hope of experiencing it. 🤞
Give yourself the love you're seeking for first...
These videos have helped me become a better partner through constantly reminding me of the beauty we can find in everyday life with a romantic partner; as complex as it might be.
That's perfect. By the time I realize from my experiences is that the nicest part of being in a relationship was how much I could always improve my self knowledge. 👍
Damn, that definition of true love is exactly who I see it. All my life nobody close to me was willing to change anything, but I was required to change everything in my life for those people constantly.
More than once, your videos have felt like they were made for me in the exact moment I needed them most. Thank you
it’s truly a gift to discover your true self with someone u love but nothing hurts more than when you outgrow someone who doesn’t want to grow with you. i can’t say i’m happier (yet) but i do feel calmer and safer.
Brilliant wisdom. "The only people we don't want to change are those we don't care about." How true. It is only out of love that we want people to do better.
Thank you for this video, it just helped me understand why my relationship with my partner is failing. I cried so hard at the end of this video because for the first time in a long time, I can clearly understand what our problems really are. Thank you.
Very often I find myself observing how much excess info and intelligence we have and not nearly the commensurate wisdom to know how to deal with it. That’s why i love your posts - they are about tipping the scales in favour of long lasting wisdom 🙏
“Emotional truths can only ever be heard in an atmosphere of intimate safety.” 2:49
This is literally what I have to do with somebody that I used to know. Although that person isn't who I thought they were. I only saw who they appeared to be. Thank you for this video.
💯. This is 3 mins of pure gold. Thank so very much for your life changing work. ❤️🙏
Insightful message beautifully delivered again. Great work from The School of Life and Alain de Botton. I feel like you should win a Nobel Prize for your contribution to human being.
The whole thing about helping someone change for the better is so true, I want feedback and to grow with a person.
Today I learned a bit more why my previous relationship did not work out. Insights like these are so rare and valuable!!!
Thanks, now I'm confident that not only am I potentially a horrible person, but because I know nobody on a more intimate level than that of colleague, I am actively worsening by marinating in my own arrogance ❤😊
H love this! My partner is Haitian, the first things out of his mouth is the truth... very refreshing!
You don't need to be in a relationship to find out who you really are...a good journal writing session, focused on self-introspection, will do the trick.
Wrong
@medeawashere7574 Please don't assume everyone is incapable of this task if you aren't able to achieve it in your own life 🙏
Disagree. I feel like we as humans definitely learn more about ourselves by being in relationships with others (romantic, platonic, friendship etc). You can’t learn about yourself if you don’t put yourself in a situation where you’re forced to learn about something outside of you. You can’t do that alone.
Realize how hard it is to change yourself and you will understand how foolish to try to change someone else... Know yourself through introspection, do the necessary work for your sake and use relationships around you as a training field, make a decent mate selection and live your life... you ain't nobody's mama, and nobody's messiah ... they will never change no matter how gently, softly and emapthically you voice their issues... it is not your job to raise a grown adult , because at some point you will lose your patience, grow bitter, resentful and even agressive and things will go downhill... The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior... and it is valid for all humans... you cannot force someone to learn something... if they are able to learn, they would have done it before you came their way...accept it and life will be a lot easier and you will be happier than ever...
I like your comment, but I really hope that ppl can change in a loving environment if they want it enough
Relationships are a forgone and irrelevant concept in this day and age especially with regard to romance. Focus on yourselves and refuse to fall for the doctrine of finding a partner. We're better than the tales society spins to envelope our minds with these social "niceties", nothing but ideas to fuel capitalistic goals and power hungry agendas.
Exactly. If you are not fine with your partner, just leave and look for your perfect one. Yeah, we come in relationship to learn more about ourselves, but not to teach the partner. It's just toxic.
I never felt in love and never saw the point of it, but I don't judge those who care, and I hope y'all have a fulfilling life!
Genuine question--love your content as always, SoL. This video demonstrates the immense benefit of humility on the part of the recipient of criticism and what they stand to gain from allowing love to teach them. But I would also love to see a take on how we should behave when the other chooses not to heed our counsel, though it may be well-meaning. Isn't an equal part of love the ability to accept the other as they are, with all their quirks and flaws? Not out of self defense so that we too, can remain stagnant as we are preoccupied with our egos, but because true love isn't self-serving. I know you had another video on assuming good faith in our partners, remembering that their difficult behaviours usually stem from parts of themselves that need healing. I do agree that people say that you can't love someone enough to help change them largely because relationships lack for one reason or another, the trustful environment that would allow people to look inward and work on that. The other person may miss out by refusing well-meaning advice or support. But how should the person on the giving end respond to a refusal to reflect? Should we hold on to the hope that we can truly help our partners change for the better if we only love them deeply enough? Where do we draw the line between an acceptable difference and an irreconcilable difference, or something that is truly beyond the scope of genuine love and good intentions? Something we simply cannot seem to help the other person through? Is it selfish of the other to not want to listen, or are they entitled to their own pace of growth? Just something to think about, if nothing else.
Excellent questions. Relatedly, what of the reality that a person who, out of love, accommodates the other so willingly that the other sees an opportunity to control and diminish the accommodating one?
I think the most important thing is to listen to both ourselves and our partners. If our oartner wants to do A more than B, then there is no problem supporting your partner through that. Where it can get complicated of course, is when your partner can't see how their actions prevent them from getting to point A. If it's possible for two parties to work together in getting to place A then it can at times be a harmonious journey. But if your partner has no intention or has stated no desire to get to point A, I do think it's egotistical to assume they need to be there. Our happiness is not their happiness, and those who don't consider this tend to ignore the requests of their partner to cease pushing them in a direction they have no intrest in going in. At that point, I'd say the person doing the pushing may be bordering on selfishness, and if not that, then they may also be throwing away their precious time. These things teend to be better understood when simplified (whuch isn't always helpful as it isn't that simple) but if partner 1 didn't want sex and partner two was pushing them to read books and wtach videos on how to get into sex a bit more, we'd all clearly see what is wrong with that. But for some reason, when it comes to personality and life choices, we feel more confident to push our ways onto our partners.
There are many challenges in getting close to someone as everyone has their issues, fears, values and needs.Also having a close relationship makes all the difference . However I am not sure if many people manage to be themselves with a few others.
My recent relationship turned me into an insecure, dysfunctional, irrational and an anxious person. Didnt grow as a person but rather shrunk. Dont know if i were the problem or her behaviour was. I guess I'll never know but i'd rather not want to know who i am based off someone else's companionship.
You have use this experience as opportunity to become better person. We grow only with hardships, challenges and not the other way around. Usually these kind relationships guides us and lead the way into better relationships and life if we are truthful to ourselves instead of being bitter, blaming her, others or environment.
I laugh, I’m laughing, because to me it’s funny - everyone talks of “growing as a person”, and here’s this fellow talking of how he has “shrunk as a person” from a horrible relationship.. 😂😂 Sorry. I don’t know what kind of person she was, but if manipulative and controlling and toxic, that’s super unfair and horrible. I guess it’s a good thing you are no longer with her! It doesn’t sound like too much damage was done, so I wish you good wishes in getting back to your original self and getting better than that. I agree with you - I would not want to know who I am based on a relationship or friendship with someone else, but that’s how it works. We go out into the world, we interact with the world and its people, and from the bad, sad, terrible times and situations (like when we are forced to stand up for ourselves and fight for ourselves) we get to know ourselves. Best wishes.
Yeah, there isn't really such a thing as "relationships show you your true self" = BECAUSE your partner gives you certain feedback about yourself. Your partner might be delusional or absolutely toxic and outright manipulative. So... in the end how much you learn from a relationship is really gonna boil down to your level of wisdom and self-awareness.
@@sarpsays Agreed. I think that, in life, in many cases, times, situations, relationships… the lessons are all around us, IF we are paying attention. ; )) A good example: in a biology college class about a couple years ago, this new girl I made friends with (and wanted to have as an actual friend after class would be over) and was helping out in the class… guess what happened? For help with most or every quiz, exam preparation, homework, etc. she would reach out to me for help and guidance, but whenever it was my turn to ask her for help or assistance with anything equivalent, it would either be, she can’t pick up the phone, she is outside with mother, she has to run her dog, she is helping the family, whatever it may be. When I really realized it, “I am always there for this person, and she is… she is NEVER there for me? Really?”, it felt very insulting. I simply made distance with her, stopped doing group work with her in class, and stopped responding to her texts and calls, and stayed far away from her from then on, pretended not to notice her, started working with other people, and tried to forget about her. As far as I remember, I remember noticing she noticed my change in behavior towards her, but I didn’t care anymore because I believed, or made myself believe, “this person doesn’t care about you… why should you?”. Anyway, long story short, we need to realize if the friendships and relationships in our lives are mostly an equal give and take, or if it’s just one-sided only…
Perfectly stated and all in just over 3 minutes. Wow. Thank you for this video. It reflects similar sentiments I've been having and then some.
I used to like School of Life years ago when I was younger, but now it just feels like the narrator is projecting their own understanding of the world and their own experiences as universal. I am, in fact, not that terrible at receiving feedback, I am great at giving it, and communication has been one of the best parts of my past relationships.. so much so that we're still on friendly terms with most of my exes. The problems described in this video are not the problems that I most often run into with a partner..
I know what you mean. I really like the channel but a lot of it is just opinion. This video didn't resonate with me because I think it's best to find a compatible partner and support each other rather than try to change each other. I think criticism should be kept to a minimum and each person instead can be responsible for their own growth. Obviously if there are problems they need to be communicated with honesty and kindness. But it would be miserable having a partner constantly pointing out our faults and criticising. Also, what one partner may see as a fault another will see as a strength so I think the most important thing in relationships is finding someone you're happy and compatible with.
@@katec9893 Yes, I agree with you. 😊
"We must become the most willing of students and the kindest of teachers"
Thanks for making this.Really shows how to make our relationships work for ourselves. :)
I can never muster the courage to express feedback "when the iron is cold". So, it builds up inside of me, fueling passive aggression. The feedback only comes out when I'm motivated by fighting chemicals in my body "when the iron is hot". Nobody can deliver or receive things in those moments.
This video sheds light on the profound role relationships play in self-discovery and personal growth. It emphasizes how our partners can serve as mirrors, reflecting our strengths and areas for improvement. But the key takeaway is how we react to these reflections. Do you think it's easier to accept compliments than constructive criticism in relationships? How do you balance the desire for admiration with the need for honest feedback from your partner? Let's discuss the challenges and rewards of using relationships as a pathway to better understand ourselves and grow as individuals.
Nicely put.
This is only good if there is a valid reason for criticism and change. Some people just want to be in control and want to completely change their partner because they feel powerful if they manage to 'break' and 'mold' someone into a shell of themselves. When you want to change someone so much that they are no longer the same person then why did you even enter a relationship with them? It's just something that people should look out for. This can also happen in friendships. I had a narcissistic friend who seemed to dislike everything about me, constantly criticizing me simply for having a different outlook on life, rolling her eyes at me for inconsequential things and making me feel like dirt every time we were together. In the end I had to end the friendship, not because I didn't want to grow, but because she obviously didn't even like me as a person and was just using me as an emotional punching bag. Ironically enough, she would instantly get angry and go into denial at any type of suggestion that there is something about her behavior that should change.
Great point! Her narcissism was on full display. Leaving was the right choice for your mental health
A VERY Spiritual message indeed! What is a spiritually awareness? It’s being in a relationship with SELF, with others and with GOD, however you define him.. Stay blessed, Everyone. Robert-
The last :33…OMG!!! BRILLIANCE!!! Thank you!! Writing it down!!!
One of the best videos by The School of Life.
This is why toxic relationships are incredibly hard on your psyche. Someone telling you things that you aren't make you reconsider and even possibly mold your identity around a caricature of yourself made by someone who might just actually have bad intentions and is lying to you or to both you and themselves.
Beautiful upload, there is a ton of insight here. Thank you.
Awesome video, as always!!! I simply love the content. I'm a Psychology student, and all of this videos, even before i started graduation, helped me a lot to understand myself better and to comprehend those around me, being more emphatetic with them and with myself. Thanks for the content!
Really appreciate your content. Do you happen to have advice for a relationship where one partner seems to struggle with honesty? Or has in the past, and there is a need for trust to continue to be rebuilt.
Thank you so much for bringing back some clarity in a noisy environment
. . .the best way to respond to this is everything in moderation. in the wrong mindset, this is priming someone for abuse.
Relationships have revealed to me that I should stay alone.
That's a profound observation, thank you for telling us all this and putting it in this way.
You don’t need a lover, friends too can give you a mirror like that. And they will, way more readily.
I have loved others all my life. Have always been in relationships where I am helping to build others. I'm tired. I have nothing left to give. I need to find people who can help me be better.
This is very well done. Thank you!
LoL. Thanks for this. I especially appreciated the part about the partner their therapist, & their mum thinking one's a bit...unhinged (my word) in some ways.
Oh this was awesome!! Gave me a few giggles too
Spot on! A simple solution that would prevent many divorces IF it wasn’t so hard to do.
I think this channel loves me a lot. ❤
This was so refreshing. Thank you🫶🏾
Great video. Thank you 🙏
I rarely comment that this brought forth true words have never been said.
bro is SPITTIN 🔥
God, I love this channel!
Thank you for sharing this one🙏
Brilliant beautiful and concise, thank you very much
"teach people how they can improve" is always according to OUR idea of ideal person.... I think that love is accepting the person the way he/she is. A good feedback is helpful but the border between helping the person became a better version of herself and trying to change her nature is very subtle...... I've been in relationship where the partner was at first fascinated by my personality and the fact that I was "out of the box" comparing to other girls and then.... They wanted to make me change!!! They wanted to transform myself in someone I wasn't.... like anideal that didn't have anything to do to what I was and am ..... So I decided definitely to stay single and I believe that good friends can really help me became the best version of myself and not somebody else
Wow this is probably why I’m so scared of being in a relationship. I’m always scared if people see the real Me they’ll hate me.
which is why you self-reflect and try to do better for yourself everyday. But everyone even the person you decide to date will have flaws and imperfections. If you're happy with yourself others will be happy for and with you as well :)
@@orangebear001 thanks this made a lil less anxious
What an awful feeling that must be! I haven't had a successful relationship but I don't know how they're measured really. I've had passion at least. 😏
Thank you!
People scare me. Relationships scare me more. So I don't think I'll ever fall in love or be in a relationship.
They will grab you - metaphorically speaking - and make use of you and take advantage of you and squeeze until the life goes out of you completely, that’s what “people” are like, or can be like.. MUHAHHAHHAHAH!!!!! 😈😈😆😆😂😂 And while doing so they will even say with a smile “I love youuuu! I care for youuu! I want the best for youuu!!!” X D 😂
The animation is amazing as always
What if the person you’re with is putting you down in order to control you? should we listen to all of their criticism and feedback that makes us feel less than? I would take this advice with a grain of salt. We should all be open to changing learning, expanding finding out about ourselves, but placing too much trust in another person to be our moral and personality compass can be a dangerous game that can lead to emotional abuse.
Problems arise with people trying to fit by force your personality to a strange mold….
The animation is superb 🎉🎉🎉
If me and my partner ever brake up, I want them to give me their critiques. It makes me sad that my brain brings me to such thoughts over imaginary situations but I’m always up for improving myself or at least knowing why I might be hard to love. I think our downfall could be my lack of self esteem
Profound in its simplicity.
The thing is they use me as a stepstone for their next relationship, telling me I'm perfect and "You never do anything wrong!", while I help their growth and self improvement. They become a better person for their next partner (or friend) and I'm left behind being the same person, trying to not hold grudges and forgive. Sigh... It gets really tiring and for now I give up.
My advice for you, step up for yourself, learn to say NO, especially as a people pleaser in a relationship.
@@Tomas-fz7tl I'm not a people pleaser tho. I actually say no a lot ( and sometimes people don't like that, people don't like boundaries, haha).
@louisenobrega6183 Be a partner in the relationship, and not a teacher. You are there to live and enjoy the relationship, and not to fix others. In that way you won't feel used and abused in the end. Wishing you the best
@@sendukumeperla lol I'm not teaching anyone. When I said " I help their growth and self improvement" I meant unintentionally: they do me wrong, but instead of fixing things and "work" for a better realationship, they can't deal with the responsability and pull out. THEN epiphany arrives, and they realise what they've done, but I'm not their partner anymore, so whoever is treated better is their next partner. Like, I was just a lesson, an experience for them. It's tiring not to meet people who are willing to grow together.
.......and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make......
Don’t assume. Unsure what someone means ask, and keep asking until you completely understand what they meant.
This is an interesting way to reflect on past relationships.
I needed this. And this comment section, too. 👏👏👏
You will find healing, power, freedom, meaning, purpose, compassion, connection, conviction and resolve, when you redirect that energy into fixing yourself. Then your external surroundings will ultimately comply and match your inner reality.
Thank you.
Not everyone is supposed to be with you for the rest of your life. Some people enter your life for a season, some for a reason, and some for a lifetime.
Why do these things always seem like everyone should be this way? Not everyone is the same.
This video is paramount
the only people whom we do not want to change, are the ones we don’t care about willing student, kind teacher soften the verdict