What Do You Love Me For?
Sometimes, in a cosy moment, one lover might ask another: What do you love me for? It's a moment of huge and philosophical importance: what is a good answer to this complicated question? There are a range of things one should never say - and one or two that will stand the best chance of cementing love.
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“Sometimes, and it often happens in bed, we face an acute test at the hands of a lover to whom we have pledged our affections. We are asked, with little warning, and in a serious tone: ‘What do you love me for?’ Few moments in a relationship can be as philosophical as this - or as dangerous. A good answer has the power to confirm and enhance the union; a bad one could blow it apart. As we try to make headway, we immediately recognise that we can’t simply say ‘everything’. We’re being asked to make choices - and our love will be deemed sincere to the extent that the choices feel accurate to their recipients…”
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What do you think is the best answer to the question, "what do you love me for?" Let us know in the comments below and be sure to subscribe to the channel and turn on notifications to ensure you don't miss our next film.
I believe love in a relationship of a spouse is having similar passions and interests. So, if I was to answer this question for my spouse, “I love that we can talk for hours and hours about rugby and sustainable living. I love that we share the same interests and passions of life”
I love the fact that you don't ask me these kind of questions expecting a sincere and thoughtful answer. Kiss. Good night. Or even worse: I'm finding joy in how you are making an assumption about humans being constant during our life time, when we really are just in the present moment. We are not constant, our feelings and thought models can change (and that is a good thing) and we might really not be loving each other in the future. I guess i can tell you that these are some qualities that you present and currently "synergises" with mine. List qualities. I love the fact that you understand that we have these freedom and can adapt to our environment resulting in a emotionally difficult time while we adapt.
unbelievable ... love does not exist. accept that
"I love your need to find the cause of everything, knowing what you see is merely a symptom and that you don't restrict your curiosity to the bad. You equally pursue reasons for elation and contentment and disconnection and anxiety.
“I love you for the way you see all the parts of me that are invisible to everyone else...”
“We like because, but we love despite.”
good one
This made me gasp
that was brilliant
I've heard this somewhere before but I cannot remember where!
@itsjustaplug from the movie Set it up
"Ever fell in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up" - Neil Gaiman
Which book is that from?
"Losing love is like a window in your heart. Everyone can see you're blown apart." - Paul Simon _Graceland_
Y’all have a very distorted perception of love
You’ve been hurt. Not in love
To be honest I am only with a girl for kids and financial reason not really For love only love your kids that is it
If someone asks you the why-like-me question, he/she is probably doubting about the value of themselves and how you see them as a partner. What he or she really wants to hear, therefore, is not only what physical and mental characteristics they have, but also, more importantly, the very feelings you have being around them. So, express your feelings, tell them how special they are, not as a person, but as your lover. Tell them what they means to you. How your life have changed when you two became a partner. Give them the feeling that their presence in your life is invaluable . Make them feel safe and protected under the sincere love of yours.
This comment needs more likes
@@jessica8739 thanks haha
@@mg1721 same here bro. Good luck in finding one. You will
I'm sorry to nitpick, but I think you mean "invaluable". Valueless implies no value 😄. Apart from that, on point. 👍🏻
@@suraj_r_vishwakarma No, they're correct. Invaluable means irreplaceable, crucial. UNVALUABLE means the opposite.
Being loved can be scary when you’re not used to it. It can feel overwhelming or like you’re expected to be some type of way all the time. What if he loves me for how I carry myself when I’m happy only? What if he’s frightened when I’m feeling anxious? To feel comfortable in love is incredibly hard for me. I’m always worried that the person who claims they love me is not seeing what I see. This video is the epitome of what someone like me needs to help comfort that anxiety.
I feel be same way. If someone says they had a good time hanging out and that I bring energy and joy to the room, I feel like that the only part they love, and that I cant be any other way. And I cant show up If I feel differently one day. And that makes me not want to hang out anymore.
Think of how you handle your loved one(s) different moods. Are you understanding, kind and empathetic? Chances are, these people extend that same grace to you. The grace to be a multifaceted human being.
Don't blame love for your own insecurity. Sort your own life out before bringing someone else into it.
I'm not an anthropologist or a life coach, but instead of focusing on your feelings on being loved, why not focusing on how to love them back? You can start a conversation if you want to ask about it or you can do it in your own way. relationships are always involving 2 or more people, so you can move your attention to the other person and hopefully decrease the stress of being loved. If you're not seeking for a relationship, you can always tell the other person and move on. It might be hard to change a habit right away, but at least you have the idea on your mind and you can try it whenever you are ready.
@@samnorth4287 Just curious why you feel pressure to always be stuck in the mold they love you for. Is it because you are afraid that you won't get the same love if you are not brightening up the room or did the company make you feel like you couldn't show up any other way?
“The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost.” - Gilbert K. Chesterton
Chesterton was a wise old one he was.
what a powerful quote.
I don't quite really understand, could you please give me your version of this quote?
@@StompL7 Its saying that in order to be able to truly love something, you must be vulnerable enough to accept that it can be lost, that you can be hurt deeply by it. You have to be willing to give your whole heart, which is a terrifying feat, in order to holistically love.
@@vessicagames147 thank you for sharing. I think it relates to me. I love music thats what I've always been doing and a few years ago I began to lose interest and kinda lost hope. But I kept on learning things. I still feel the terror and the doubts but i think I love music!
When my nephew was about 4 or 5 while playing suddenly he turned to me and said "i love you". I was surprised and said "why". He said "why do you ask? It is like that". There is no need for any reason if you just love a person❤
that love is purer than water
@@yiwanye1221 ❤
Extremely cool of your nephew to say 'why do you ask'...that's beyond Alaine's philosophy tee hee...1st love is 'giving'...if a person checks into their 'givingness' that's all they need do ... 'talking itself' separates one from 'love'...i liked Alaine's referring to love expressed differently in different parts of the body....i'm a retired massage therapist and , only now , am i realizing the love in the hands attached to my arms...generations ago a psychologist was on the Mike Douglas or Merv Griffin show and he said 'THE MOST SEXUAL ORGAN OF THE BODY IS THE HANDS', not eyes, lips, breasts, penis, clit, calves etc etc...that statement comes to me every so often....so so true...gardeners, mechanics of all kinds, writers, musicians, nurses, brick layers, boxers, accupuncturists
Or too many reasons to list.
I would freak out if I asked someone that and they delivered that diatribe like Alain just did. Way too intense. I love your freckle because… whoa!
I understand the point of the video in that it encourages a perceptive, articulate form of verbal love, but I just want to caution others to not be disappointed if your partner is not as articulate as this video deems ideal. Your partner may have difficulty pointing out specific attributes about yourself in endearing ways, not because they don’t love you deeply but perhaps that “words” is not their love language.
That's also one of the underlying intents of the video, I believe. It encourages us to be more wordy, expressive in our love. Because it strengthens the relationship I guess. We as a human race cannot hide under the umbrella of " I am not a very expressive person " for too long. ...
@@SCkite But as he kinda mentioned in the video, it becomes more about them than it is about you and what you love. Articulating feeling isn't natural to all, or even most, people. By nature, feelings require a great deal of care to express properly. Hell look at anger, has a single yelling match ever adequately communicated anything?
This channel is providing what would be thousands of dollars of therapy, for free. Thank you so much for helping me better understand human behavior- this should be taught from a young age.
Yes!!!
some of the most important things in the world are free; things that kill us could be very expensive
“It's little things that only I know. Those are the things that make you mine.”
Czarina Luna I’m in a relationship with my FBI agent by these points.
Czarina Luna beautiful!
Ruben Studdard💕
mate, heres poem supporting that sentiment kzhead.info/sun/ZrF_ctSLepmPe6s/bejne.html
Flying without wings🎶😍
My high school sweetheart would say how much he liked the lines that would form around my mouth when I smiled, and would compliment me on things like my sparkly purple eyeshadow. It was really sweet. I felt very seen without quite being able to realize that that’s what was happening because that feeling of being seen was hidden under this immense confusion because I didn’t know how to digest someone loving me so purely and so much. I couldn’t totally take the compliments and expressions of affection. I was criticized and humiliated by my family for my experimental fashion sense and my body. It’s nice, now, to be able to savor the sweetness my first love was offering me, but it’s also bittersweet.
beautiful and bittersweet, as you said. your words ring so true (and your smile feels so warm!) have a lovely day, thank you for sharing this :)
Many people are alone even when they are in a relationship.
Talk to someone about it. Dont suffer in silence. I'm sure, given the right tools, everyone can change. If they dont change, dump their ass.
Are you talking about family relationships?
everyone is alone. A relationship isn't supposed to make you stop feeling lonely. It's probably supposed to make you feel alone in the company of another human being that is, too, feeling alone
I asked this too an ex, who in my mind at the time was out of my league so I genuinely wanted to know why and maybe get some validation and confidence in my self that I could be worthy of this person, in hindsight I definitely wasn't in the right mind set going into the relationship, anyway she refused to answer the question. Then later on when we did brake up, she brought up when I asked this, and she said the reason she didn't answer because she couldn't think of a single reason, this wasn't just something she said in the anger of a breakup because the breakup was actually really calm and we both knew it wasn't working, but when she told me that it was probably the most painful thing anyone has ever said to me. Anyway 3 years later and I'm now in a healthy relationship and I don't even have to ask this question she'll just randomly tell me why she loves me.
abc .z this is probably what I’m scared of the most. my bf also can’t answer why he loves me/what he loves me for
You’re so lucky. I’m happy people can experience that
@@x00xjenjenx00x be thankful. no reason is the best reason.
lol my ex gf asked me this once and like your ex, I legit straight up was at a genuine loss for an answer. And I realized that although we dated and enjoyed the physical aspects of a relationship, I truly did not like anything about her as a person
I have been in this position too. My boyfriend tells me why he loves me every day. More importantly, he doesn't just tell me, he SHOWS me. I KNOW exactly why he loves me without having to ask. I feel it, I experience it. All the little things that used to annoy my ex, that he didn't love about me, are exactly what my current love so adores and cherishes.
We accept the love we think we deserve
Stephen Chbosky u mad lad
Bojack reference?
@@superladdercat1642 not sure if this was also used in Bojack but I'm sure this was from Stephen Chbosky's The Perks of Being A Wallflower 😊
@@izzasanchez2176 we are infinite bitches!!!
... which was the 'kind of love' we received as children.
It’s freeing to not search for _love_
@Copypastable Damn, I wanna have a drink with you
I'm not sure that's possible...at least for long periods of time. I think it's an inescapable biological urge to seek out companionship, intimacy and union with another. Do I mean somebody that will 'complete' you? No. That's impossible. But somebody that will and can satisfy your very human need for connection? Yes.
@@ancientfuture9690 You are a wise one.
Love is stupid, Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science.
Vedant Vijay Come watch TV
I think you often realize you’re in love when you’re not with the person and something special happens, but it doesn’t feel as special without them there to capture it with you.
far better that than to make the pronouncement based on the juxtaposition between the person and others of the person in question and others who have not proving to be a compatible even if they are more initially attractive in some way. The others may have that spark that draws you, but this person specifically has not just grown closer and more understanding with you also has, overtime, shown those traits that you'd never saw initially but have proven that they are aware and understanding and appreciative. I often think that you don't need anything in common with another person; but it does make it easier. But we do tend to allow ourselves to settle and get caught up when in a relationship based on those commonalities being the thing that "brought us together".
@@chaos3 liking the same things does not keep people together, hating the same things does
Being in love with me is a challenge, I've learned, because the person in love has to compete against my love for isolation.
Underrated and relatable comment!
this is exactly part of the reason my last relationship ended. i am too in love with being alone
Lmao this is exactly how my gf is
that's how my ex was... Don't get me wrong, he is a fantastic person - but I was like walking on eggshells trying to give him his space most of the time, and he was cutting himself to let me in the rest of the time... I wish him well, and hope both of us find better matches!
@@louleloup2607 I got left because of this, for the main part. What couldn't you stand
"True love is based on knowledge, not only on how we feel about the other person".
kzhead.info/sun/icdmiN6gpammiZs/bejne.html
Love is a lot like a backache: it doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there - George Burns
This is quote is dumb, love and many other emotions can be seen in brain scans.
@@fervcorsica3358 There are times that they can be shown in other area's too, it's not isolated in the brain in certain spots as people tend to be more than just one emotion at a time, one tends to be more dominant is all.
@@fervcorsica3358 But the face of a lover can be understood when they are showing one thing but it is truly another and likewise.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I often think ‘do I actually love him or just the thought of him’💀
SAME, I've realised if I think that it'd already a red flag
I'd say that's super common. On top of that, there's the whole "do I love him or do I love the feeling I get when I'm with him?". Some people just love infatuation and feeling in love more than loving the actual person so when the feelings fade, doubt starts to set in. It's important to take things slow and not make drastic decisions within the first year or two of being together.
@@wolfferoni Hey, I liked the commend you made. Could you please elaborate on what you mean by "making drastic decisions"?
which is complex because some of the things we "love" about a person expire too. it always made me scared to love a person..what if they change? what happens when their hair turns gray? I wrote a poem about it here last week, if you wanna check it out :) take care kzhead.info/sun/ZrF_ctSLepmPe6s/bejne.html
@@kristianxventura I enjoyed it! Will buy your book.
"you make me a better person" or "i feel safe around you"
But aren't those more judgements of yourself than them. Being inspired to be better or not feeling in danger describe you, not them
You love what they do for you, not them as an individual, more of a means of support
@skeetsmcgrew3282 if they were, for example, manipulative, you wouldn't feel safe
The correct answer is "I love you for being you." Millions of other people can have your personality, your quirks, your achievements or your beauty, but only you are you.
@Daniel Reese Scientifically speaking, hell yes they do. There is only five big personality traits and only so much variation can be done within each trait. "Personality" is a big picture thing, not what particular vegetables you like in your salad.
@@sebastianelytron8450 very lazy oversimplification of literally hundreds of years of study. boooooo👎👎👎👎
Its not specific enough
I don't like it since it sounds naïve..
The only correct answer is "I love You because I choose to". Your answer is simping which will lead to exaggerated self-worth of the person You love.
Alain, I love the way you pronounce “issues.” I love the shy smile you try to suppress after receiving a compliment, and how instantly you turn it around to praise the eulogist, as if he had thrown you a hot ball that you don't want to play with. I love that you confessed that you kicked your suitcase in an airport because it made me not feel so bad for having done the same thing once. I love you for putting yourself out there even if you prefer not to, because it shows that your capacity to love the world and your disposition to make it suck less for us is greater than your introversion and personal fears or vulnerabilities. I love you so.
I read the “i love the child in you beneath the adult” affirmation in a post you made a few months ago, and I tottally agree with you on this probably being the best definition of love. It really brings up the caring part of love that is so important. To care for that child and look up for him/her, from both parts. You start seeing your partner as a hole, as their history and what they’ve become because of it. It’s a really genuine way of looking at your partner.. it takes you far away from idealised and that’s just realiving.
*as a whole.
Alicia B. Haha sorry and thanks, not my main language obviously
@@AV56565 It's a very easy mistake even for native speakers but particularly funny in this context lol. I really like your answer.
I'm 50 ys/o, I stopped looking for someone to love me many years ago, I love my grandchildren, my Mom, my children my country, the USA, the morning sky, the evening sky a long drive through empty roads, my solitude and none of them have a thing in common except, the fact that they are alive with me and as I fight to stay alive so it is that everything around me was made to sustain our lives.
You are only 50 years old. There is still enough time for to share your love.
This is amazing ❤
Exactly. We want to be reminded that we're loved for being ourselves, and that no one can ever replace us because no will ever be like else!
Well the first thing to have this unconditional love for another person is being able to have this within yourself first and foremost. Fulfilling one's self love is the first thing into giving unconditional love to others
I agree. The ability to Love unconditionally, per my view, requires rock-solid emotional stability. The degree of self-love and self-knowledge that allows one to lay him/her self out there completely open and exposed ... yet, not vulnerable. For, with that self-love, no one can hurt you. Only you can. And, having achieved such a state of being, you probably won't. The issue then becomes: Is this truly Romantic Love? Or, is it more parental in nature? Or, could it be both? Both adults loving each other romantically, while also tending to each other's inner child with no less focus and energy. Good gig if you can swing it.
@@tdesq.2463 we are not perfect individuals, and being someone's mom/dad to their partner while having romantic feeling for them is essentially impossible at times. We are fickle as human beings, but at least we are trying by loving ourselves first😚 you have a good point there
@@twoprayingbuddhas892 Good points. For clarification, I was exploring possibility of tying Unconditional Love to the recognition of the partner's Inner Child. The additional perspective helps to promote compassion and understanding. But, ... Unconditional? What if there's overt betrayal ("cheating"). I'm very understanding person, but I draw a hard line there. I appreciate your insights. Very complex issues to ponder. Best to You & Yours, ...
"What do you love me for?" "Yes."
3:32 it isn't enough just to be admired. We also want a true lover to feel well disposed towards our vulnerabilities. Whatever our degree of competence, we are never far from moments of Fear, Ignorance, Humiliation, Childlikeness and Sadness, and it is these moods too that we long for a lover to have the strength to feel generous towards. It may be pleasant to be found impressive. but it is more reassuring to discover that our vulnerability is ready to be treated with generosity, that we are with someone who will allow us to be sad, discomfited and weepy, who has spotted that we sometimes bite our nails and worry about our work late at night. we want that the child in us has been seen and won't appall. " I love the sad child I occasionally glimpse in you beneath your resourceful adult day to day self." comes as close as one can imagine to the epicentre of love.
True love is where two happy, content people come together and add on to the happiness of each other's lives and help each other grow into the best version possible of themselves. -Coach Corey Wayne.
@Copypastable why would she be affected by the guy losing his job if she was already content before meeting him? You talking nonsense. Besides losing job is not end of the world ,he can apply and get a different one instead of complaining
I thought I was the only one who eventually asks my lover this. I thought it was just my insecurity, but yes, it is hard to know what I am loved *for*. I don't want to be loved just because I'm pretty or because I cook dinner.
It is insecure. But also quite natural and normal. Personally I just try to live with my insecurities because frankly nothing will dispel them. No matter the answer to that question you still don't have a definite answer. For all you know they have a bullshit answer ready so they don't have to admit some awful truth. Insecurities be like that
@@skeetsmcgrew3282 Oh yeah, I have recently just stopped asking the question because I know I won't believe anything they say or I will think it's not enough. 🙃
Honestly, this is like Vsauce, at the end , I still don’t know the answer.
What was the question?
Lmaooo, Vsauce do leave you like that
And that is life, friend.
Yes, there is not „the right answer“... :)
Ollie k the answer is in the top comment
Love needs to be learned. Indeed, love, although it is considered the preeminent feeling, it also constitutes one of our most arduous quests. Love isn’t something that transpires organically. Love is something that needs to be cultivated. If this fails to occur, one will lack the capacity to show love and, most possibly, he or she will be oblivious to the love offered by those who actually know how to exercise it.
I had this question when an amazing young woman came into my life showing me incredible love and I’ve been single so long I was taken aback by her intense interest. I then spoiled her and she asked why and I didn’t have an answer, I skirted the question. I couldn’t even say cause I was looking for a way to acknowledge your amazing love. That I wanted her friendship so deeply. She ended up turning away, and it hurt but it’s made me figure out why I would get scared and why I felt unworthy of her love. She was generous towards me because she was vulnerable- she said she believed in me and had faith in me. The feeling with which she said that was more powerful than any I love you.
Oh well, we'll never understand why other people love us. We're always very good a judging ourselves
@@crybaby6356 that is equally judgemental!
I disagree that we're always very good at judging ourselves. "Good" is subjective, and judgement is too. There is no right answer to describe who we are, just subjective realities. We are completely different in someone else's reality than we are in our own alot of the time. So there is not just one "who we are", there are many conceptualized versions of ourselves.
I never trust anyone who says they like me
I don’t think there’s an actual answer for this question. Remember that we love someone even if we know that they don’t deserve sometimes, because when you love someone more than you, you had already gave them the supreme power over you Emotions are to powerful and diversified
True.
We don't and shouldn't love people because they deserve it, but merely because of who and what they are; this is love's main contrast with respect. Both are necessary in a ballanced relationship, but niether are sufficient on their own.
jacob massengale facts
yeah, and that feelings fluctuate and can disappear some mornings so the idea of commitment strengthens a bond in times of challenge/mystery/uncertainty. a poem supporting that sentiment kzhead.info/sun/ZrF_ctSLepmPe6s/bejne.html
If you have to ask that question, then you’re not truly loved. when you’re truly loved, it is shown to you every single day in actions, not words.
Forty Two Not necessarily, although in some cases that might be true. Every couple has a different dynamic, because as individuals we are all unique, and two unique individuals together is an entirely different relationship from the next. Some people aren’t as vocal with their feelings in a relationship whereas others are. It doesn’t mean that they love them any less. Or someone who is feeling insecure in themselves might ask that question many times despite knowing the answer, just so they can hear it. So I suppose there’s many ways in love.
@Katie Clark I realize that we’re all human and sometimes we just want to hear that we are loved, even if we know we’re loved it’s always nice to hear. What I’m saying is we should never have to ask this question out of insecurity. The moment you’re insecure enough to ask this question with sincerity, and not out of jest just to feel pretty, is the moment when you should cut your losses and find someone who will appreciate you the way you deserve to be appreciated. A person whom you already know how much they love you because they show it in one form or another every single day. Whether it be something as simple as a back rub while listening to you talk about how bad work was, or making sure you get rest when the baby is crying in the middle of the night and she wakes you up in the morning with the baby sleeping on your chest on the living room couch. To the toughest times like right now, under quarantine and not certain how you’ll get through financially when this is over, or if you’ll stay healthy enough to make it that far. But nevertheless you both look into each other’s eyes and no words have to be said to realize that whether you get through this or not, this person will be right by your side the entire way. When you have this kind of love, the only acceptable reply to have if you’re in bed and asked “why do you love me” is…”did you see the remote? Dammit I had it right here! I can’t believe I’m missing the game? Honey, are you sure you aren’t sitting on it? Seriously? Please just get up and check for me?” 😂
@Lady Kent A woman's intuition is never wrong. Sounds like he's a player love bombing you, immature, and unconscionable. Save yourself from insecurity and heartache, appreciate your self and avoid cowards, wear your crown.. even in bed! And smile..
@@FVCK- I hope people don't actually listen to this advise, that's awful advise. Cut and run if your insecurities get the best of you? Your gonna put all that blame on your partner? How narcissistic
@Skeets McGrew *You’re
The more I watch and rewatch of your videos, the more free I feel. If we were to be 'judged' on how we make other people feel, your mental models, so warmly delivered, result in a sense of fresh liberty. Thank you!
I love you for you: your past, your present, and your future.
kzhead.info/sun/icdmiN6gpammiZs/bejne.html🕊
@Copypastable how is it that I totally disagreed with all your other comments...then had this exact same thought lol
@Copypastable so if you think love is dead, you're here to learn how to fake it, or..? Hey kudos for recognizing a cheesy compliment. You're off to a great start :)
@Copypastable ok the dictionary is one place to start.... But you're right about one thing, it is subjective. Everyone experiences it differently. My definition isn't going to work for you. That being said, if you want proof - love is what keeps humanity going. Literally, without it, mothers wouldn't take care of their babies without having love for them. It wouldn't be worth all the self-sacrifice.
I love how compassionate you sound in all your videos. It makes me think that someone has shown you such great capacity for love and understanding for you to be able to convey it to millions of strangers🥰.
I swear everytime I feel some sort of way, I see a video relating to it in school of life...
Yes. Makes me wonder if it's always been there, my brain see the thumbnail and caption, but it didn't relate to my mind at the time; OR things just happen for a reason. #Clueless
Well, this came out yesterday. So maybe they heard my conversation yesterday, or checked the online articles I researched...
@@JonesJr876 lol maybe....or just a coincidence
True love can't be quantifiable into traits or qualities. Love is beyond our physical limitations
It's another way of asking "Why do you love me?", which makes us think of concrete reasons but we can't pinpoint what they are because emotions are abstract. There are days we're clear about our feelings, and days we're not. Nonetheless, we love someone who makes us feel good and familiar. When a partner asks this, they're looking for a form of assurance that you're in it for the long run or not which is an opportunity to evaluate where the two of you are at that moment.
I say: people love because they’re selfish not selfless. “You make me feel good, I love you for that. So... do more of that.”
My single ass whilst watching this video: “ ha lol”
"Act in such a way that you treat humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of any other, never merely as a means to an end, but always at the same time as an end." -Kant I love you for you, or not at all.
You literally told me how to love. This channel changed my life in a very good way and i am literally grateful.
This is one of the best videos I’ve seen. How you are able to illustrate (with word and art) the intricacies of love is incredible. It’s amazing and beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
Imagine loving somebody
cant
Hurts too much to do that.
bruh imagine being loved
It's a waste of time 👎🏻
Cringe
Sometimes you end up loving the wrong person for all the right reasons.
what sense does that make at all?
@@micap1121 That makes a lot of sense, let adults speak among themselves.
Give me an example.
Sebastian Elytron what? she looks at least 30
@@sebastianelytron8450 Instead of rudely dismissing someone, why not engage in discussion with maturity..?
When I asked my friend if they still liked me, I got upset because they just said “yes” and left it at that. I was conscious that I had no reason to be upset but I had no idea how to articulate it, and this video put it perfectly. The video also put into words why it meant so much to me when they said they liked me for something small yet incredibly specific
I love this channel for its deep questions, the smooth narrative voice, and the mesmerizing graphics.
I've been married 33 years, there's NO way I would ask my wife that question- that's why we are STILL married after 33 years!
amen.
Too late now for all that drama :-P I feel ya !
It can be a source of validation to hear the things your partner admires or loves you for.
'how we feel in the presence of the other'...exactly....am i feeling joy, open, intrigued, relaxed, excited, embraced, informed etc...uplifted...
i stumbled upon this channel and all i can say is ... WOW you are incredibly brilliant and the animations are so freaking adorable 🥰 as someone who never seems to stop dwelling on my imperfections and flaws, your videos make me feel more at ease with my downfalls and others downfalls and to forgive myself as much as i forgive others. thank you for these pretty dope vids 💕💕
I just wish I had someone who cared enough to ask me this question. In my 38 years my love seems to be disposable to those I have offered it to
I hope you find someone who appreciates you. But someone who asked you this question is not showing how much they care about you, they are showing you how insecure they are about themselves. Not the same.
I love the video because of the unbiased perspective. Love comes in various forms and you can apply the meaning to all> When society really loves and promotes strength, it is the good teacher, the elder, the family, a lover - who will love you even when you are not strong or acceptable to the society. ------- Also, Some of the best commenters in this channel. Thanks guys.
Every time you upload a video it always pertains to something I’m experiencing in my life. I appreciate the relevance and timing of your content :)
Totally agree that we should have been taught this at school. Alaine De Botton is very witty, well spoken and always hits the nail home. Please come to Christchurch New Zealand. We New Zealanders are very emotionally distanced and this teaching would be so valuable.
I CLICKED SO FAST I'M NOT EVEN IN A RELATIONSHIP AKBSGZUWIWJSJHG
Self love is the best so.... We have God by our side always.
The true meaning of Love is selflessness. Love is not about the other person's qualities, but your discipline of taking another person as very valuable without regards to self
I am glad that I came across this channel. The videos, topics and the content is very enlightening and easy to understand. They speak to my inner self trying hard to figure out how I can improve my personal relationships and how I can contribute to them and myself-and progress to be a better humanbeing-Working on my Humanity! Thank you for your videos and for sharing your videos.
I love the way you gesticure, the shape of your eyes when you get surprised or the particular laught you have when I make a rather stupid joke. I love how your general state of mind is "I will help if I can". I love how you can reassure me voluntary, by telling me everything is gonna be ok when Im worried; or passively, when you are vunerable, feel sad or anxious, nervous or ashamed in some way, because it reminds me Im wont be alone when I feel that way, and those feelings are valid, if someone who I admire have them as well. Even more, you give me hope. If you feel that way and still push forward, I can learn from your strenght. If you need to stop to take a break, I learn that is valid to wait and stop for some time. Sorry guys I get over emotional over a crush.
This video is so beautiful. It would be so heart-warming to be able to express love to our partners in such a sweet way and so heart-melting if we receive the same thing for ourselves. I learned something important today. This lesson can be applied with anyone in my life whom I love, not only in romantic relationship. Thank you.
i think its alarming how when i ask people what they like about their partner they can only say very broad and vague things "he/shes kind" etc. like sure but a lot of people are kind: what sets them apart? one should think about these things before crossing the line and getting into relationship - most crucial indeed
I love of The School of Life videos are not just informative and philosophical but also very poetic that sometimes brings joy or tears to my eyes :)
For a person wid fears of some kind,i cant tell u how soothing the last part of vdeo is.Thanku❤️
Never let the idea of the person you love get greater than who they actually are.
I’m gonna come back when the insight and testimonies are posted in the comments. See you guys in two days!
Ryuk Lannister u alright bro?
Mjol ninja it’s free entertainment and discussion. The real question is if you are alright.
Ryuk Lannister I’m doing great, thanks!
oh dear i found 2 beautiful gems in this comment section to look upon for years to come :)
I have followed The School of Life for a long time and I can only say that this channel is AWSOME! This channel have inspired me to start my own channel, I have gotten great response on my videos and I get really happy every time I see that my channel has got a new subscriber
This is one of my favorite videos you've put out in a while
I had given up on relationships I accepted the fact that I would stay single for ever. Which I was completely okay and happy with. I was scared of love, every guy cheated and lied to me. I didn’t trust any man. Until my now boyfriend unexpectedly came into my life in one of the most stressful and emotional times in my life. He completely changed the way I thought and felt about love. We’ve been together for 5 months now and I doubt the “honey moon” phase will ever end with him. We are talking about getting married and having a family together one day. Never thought I’d see that day! I deep down hoped and prayed that it would happen but I was day dreaming. I didn’t think I knew how to love or be loved! Don’t ever give up hope.
Bro that is stupid I want kids but being in love is stupid but I still want Relationship and kids
I think these are some of the better things to answer when asked the “why” question. 1.Physical/Personality Attributes mentioned in the video. 2.Just plain and simply how they make you feel can be something very strong 3.Perhaps even remarks about challenges they’ve overcome in their past.
I've always been attracted to figuring out what happens when the things we love about a person expire (through age/personality changes/etc.) I like your comment of those 3 things mate and wanted to share with you a poem I wrote that supports similar sentiments. Take care! kzhead.info/sun/ZrF_ctSLepmPe6s/bejne.html
This video is a beautiful gem. Never knew the title has so many things to say. Also, what lovely collection of compliments.
These videos are gold. Explains a lot about the brutal self sabotage that comes especially when substance abuse is involved. There's a point where addiction is only hindering and outright intolerable, but quitting leaves one aimless and unresolved.
Why can't i relate? Oh yeah i dont have someone
So bad
@@shrijeet.gaikwad u mean too bad
You have me.
@@775.- bro...
Okay, let's say I take something from this video. My partner asks me what I love them for: "Well you see, I love your for a multitude of reasons, although, a primary example is the way you are fearless to let out the child in you to play and to get the chocolate it wants all the time. The way you never feel ashamed to cry, and even excuse yourself for this reason from conversations like it's normal as saying 'I'm going to toilet', you are infectious in that you bring to me the same comfort to deal with my feelings."
Wow love the psycho-physical compliments!!!! Not sure I have ever gotten/given that level of praise often enough.
These explanations are works of art; they uncover and make understood a complex idea into something I can wrap my mind, (with it's own experiences), around.
I read the title as "do you love me for me?" coz I glanced quickly and I feel like maybe I should reconsider my personal relationships🤔😂
*sees title *is triggered by last relationship *cries **just a little bit *clicks video
Can't relate
Thank you. Your videos always clarify the thousands of thoughts and questions within the mind.
I love you because you care so much about everyone regardless of the fact that they don’t consider you for who you really are. I love you for not allowing the actions of people to choose for you whether or not to love them and protect them.
Women: "I love you for the sense of security you give me - so um don't loose your job." Men: "I love you for the sense of femininity and sex you give me - so um don't loose your sweetness and beauty." Obviously one would hope for a relationship more complex and robust than just that but those are definitely a couple of the unfortunate cornerstones we don't dare admit to.
Sadly that’s not too far off for most. Brutal truth tellers don’t have very long relationships.
So for external stuff that anyone can have or lose. Sadly that's real.
That's extremely generalised. Kind of a broader reason for why you might look for a partner, but not for why you are with a specific person. Also extremely sexist, it's not like women aren't in relationships for sex or that a man couldn't just be looking for a woman to support him. All in all, kind of a shitty one-dimensional take that makes me feel like a) I wouldn't like you if I met you and b) you've never been in a real relationship.
@@chloedsmith As you can read in the second half of what I wrote I say, we would hope for relationships that were more complex and robust than that but we shouldn't deny that it's a major unspoken part of most relationships - even if we don't like the feeling when we realise that in ourselves and our partners. Obviously I can't list off the millions of subtle variations in relationships in one YT comment so we have to talk about common situations (aka generalizations). With that said, if you think it's sexist to point out there are millions of women who are in a relationship only as long as it provides them with that sense of security (physical, financial, etc) - but on the flipside very very few men who will use/lose women for the same reason...well I can't say any more for you to accept that unfortunate truth. On the other hand I think it's shitty that men put too much importance on sex and beauty in women but in the end these desires for security and beauty run very deep.
@@brettcameratraveler you've not actually said anything that contradicts what I said or gave me anything new to add to the picture you've painted of yourself. You can call it "truth" all you want, it's still a generalisation and a lack of word count in a youtube comment isn't an excuse to say the easy, lazy, stupid thing.
When you are ready to live without love, start analysing love. Thats the only thing you need to know. Flush the wisdom down.
Probably one of the best videos you've done in a while.
We have a beautiful proverb where I come from. It says “Love is a gift” A blessing from God, just accept it. We want to know the reason because we want to ensure never losing it.
I’ve found that in the past when my ex’s would ask me this question. They just wanted to be complimented I guess
I like to tell my bf after telling him everything I really like about him "I love you and all of your imperfections, its cheesy but I like it because it describes you" Sometimes, it's ok to be cheesy, as long as you mean well.
Those are the best answers ever. Wish I could be such an articulate & astute observer .
Once again, 'The School of Life' provides thoughtful, wise, entertaining, well-researched, helpful & engaging bits of wisdom to some of those often unspoken, yet pervasive complicated issues. Is it possible to become addicted to your channel? THANK YOU!
I just love the narrator , whoever narrates the entire thing , I just really love him !
Alain de botton , check out what he has to say . He is a genius of our times , much needed genius.
It's Allain du Botton himself, the creator of the channel/store. You can look up his talks on KZhead
@@kevinone6464 thank you so much !!!!🥰🥰
@@neo2419912 thank you so muchhhh 🥰🥰
I once asked that question to my boyfriend. After several minutes he answered: "you're a good worker". I felt "really happy" for getting the job...
NiniannE 🤣🤣
This is such a beautiful video. This is indeed how we want to be appreciated. We want to be seen
Not long ago, my husband told me that I was one of the best listeners he knows. We've been together for 13 years and it was one of the best comments he's made about me because it's a specific trait and it's not generalist and generalized (unfortunately). It's a specificity that I'm proud of and he's aware of it. He, on the other hand, is an excellent accountant, which is why we complement each other so well.
KZhead: recommends Me: but I'm single, still class clicks on video.
Lamao another one like me
Unfortunately, there is no such thing as *"Unconditional Love."* The whole point with that emotion is to create a compelling case for a safer and securer upbringing of an offspring.
that I think entails from this video. if your lover were to tell you they like things about you that you don't, you might find that uncomfortable, dishonest, alienating... they might mean well, but there wouldn't be an authentic connection there
@@micap1121 People can be so sensitive about simple truths, because it goes against their beliefs and ego investments. Reality is never the problem, only how we choose to perceive it.
What if both lovers decide to never have one?
Well I guess you need to open your heart more O’SSEIN. There definitely is unconditional love. I have experienced it. Loving someone with all of their flaws. Unconditional love is knowing not everyone is perfect, you can still love that person for being them. No judgements, just being content with their presence. Sure everyone has emotions and people have conflict, but after those conflicts are over and you are able to resolve the problems in a healthy way, the love you share is still there. At least for me and in my relationship anyway 🤷🏻♀️.
@@kirmcook Let's have a discussion about this on my channel
watching this video made me realize I already admire peoples unique qualities, I always notice the little things that make a person unique, no wonder my compliments always land
I like the way you’re so modest you don’t realise your own amazing qualities