All Parents Should See This | Michael McIntyre Stand Up Comedy
2024 ж. 7 Мам.
2 901 201 Рет қаралды
Watch Michael's stand up comedy special Showman, streaming now on Netflix!
www.netflix.com/title/8125897...
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Website: www.michaelmcintyre.co.uk/
Facebook: / themichaelmcintyre
Twitter: @McInTweet
“You never love your children more than when they are unconscious, but still breathing.” So true :)
Therese Davis I’m so sorry for your loss. My daughter drives me mad somedays, but I can’t imagine losing her like that.
😂
i like how he used unconscious rather than sleeping
*Chris Benoit enters the room*
Yep 😂
"where's Ozzy?" - "He's by the front door" 😂👍
He's never been there in his life
It’s 2 in the morning!!!!
Being a comedian is basically telling the truth about everything to groups of people.
And making those people break down in laughter instead of tears. Michael's a master.
...while flapping your arms. Making funny noises and faces. Adults. Kids. Even babies love that.... 🤣
@@ittakesallkinds809 Good one! You broke it down to the essential part.
absolutely 💯
I love his high-pitched, beyond frustrated, angry voice. It conveys that feeling exactly. The voice of someone who is ALMOST over the edge… trying desperately to hang on.
The funny thing about this, is it doesn’t matter how much money you have, what race, religion or ethnicity you are, everyone with kids can relate!
Adam Hofman , It's a lot easier if you're a multi-millionaire.
@eleven why wouldn't they be able to relate? if u are they one raiding ur kid then u can relate, its not their kids are robots, they're human too
@@jessidiary4884 they wouldn't be able to relate because it's not them who is battling the kids, it will be all the nannies and maids
Ms. Zainab Michael McIntyres net worth is $80 million, and he obviously relates... the stupidly rich probably wouldn’t though!
@@adamhofman4933 unless they aren't raising their own children y wouldn't they relate?
14 years for your parents to beg you to go to sleep and after they beg you to wake up!
Hahaha true!! 😂😂😂
roflllll exactly
Hahaha
Gosh, you are right!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA SO TRUE!
I had three kids within 4 years and have lived every single one of his jokes/true life stories! He and the audience are laughing because of how true and universal those events are!! TY 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻😂😂😂😂😂
getting your sleep deprivation all in at once so in 18 years, you can make up the sleep, huh? 😂 around 14, it's the opposite, you can't get them out of bed, but in that short time span, the youngest will be 14 just 18 years after the first born.
I have 2 that are 12mo apart as well as a 3rd so I can relate😂.. Hang in there, Mama. You're doing a great job!💪❤
I have 4 kids within a span lo 2 and half years. Last kids being twins 😀
And my husband passed away because of stroke when the youngest were 2 years 3 months. I so relate to all these jokes 😂
Same .. same 😂
Michael is gonna thank Ozzie and Lucas one day for providing him with so much stand up material
I hope ozzie and lucas get royalties from this
Can we stop laughing long enough to appreciate how intelligent Michael McIntyre is to keep up these rapid fire jokes in his monologs? Love this man!
“You have to REMIND them how it works CLOSE YOUR EYES AND GO. TO SLEEP.” 🤣🤣🤣
Lay down, put your head on the pillow, put the blanket over you, relax, no it's not time to eat, no more water, no talking just try to relax...etc. etc. Lol
Wth me every night, close your eyes
He wasn't doing a comedy sketch. He was ranting. 😂😂😂
Your not even funny he is.
So relatable! 😂
In the most comical way possible... :)
Yet comedian all base their acts on real life .Take Fluffy from Mexico
Maybe, but with pizazz, facts and his own particular style.
The utter contempt he has for people without kids is what makes this so great every time. 😂😂😂
*FREEDOOOOOMMM!!!* 🙆♀️🤣🤣🤣
You call it contempt, but I call it envy. 😉
@@pinstripesuitandheels I'm 100% agree with you. 🤣 My friends (especially the ones with 3 children or more) often hid their jealousy by "pitying" my "childless lonely life". Some of them don't understand that some people can be "alone without being lonely". 🤣 It is the ultimate freedom indeed.
@@pinstripesuitandheelsso delusional 😂
@@LadyVoldemortthey will never understand.
I read my daughter a bedtime story when she was 5 and the little bugger said “Can you read it with more expression next time please”. I just said no and walked out with my jaw on the floor😂😂
Love it!🤣
Mandy 😂😂😂😂😂❣
Oh my gods 🤣🤣
As someone with a mom that has a monotone voice, I can understand the kids thought process. She was probably asking that because her school teachers read stories while still being expressive. (At least thats what I was thinking when I was yonger.) Not only that, but tone of voice is a very important thing in human communication. Its important that they learn what each one means. Human communication is mostly (about 70%) body language, about 20% tone of voice and about 10% what we say. You can Google it if you dont believe me. This is an important lesson to learn because it will help with making friends (emthay/Sympathy), good conversation and it will also help with problem solving when she gets older. Not to mention, I would also bring up active listening to the kid as well because that will also help with making friends and it will help you too. That is another good lesson that everyone should learn. How to ask good questions. (The who, what, when, where and how.)
Kas S Please go away
I can’t get tired of Michael. He’s the one that get me through this chaotic world of American politics! So instead of watching news or American humor, I’m thankful that I found Michael McIntyre ‘s comedy and since then, I watch him over and over and still laugh every time. Thank you so much Michael McIntyre!
so so true
Necy Mamaril great choice for mental health 👍🏻 well done. ☺️
Necy Mamaril I also find comfort in his humour, so much so, I can fall asleep to him like a lullaby 😴
same here lol
We do love England
It's right leaving the house with kids is like a military mission just getting them dressed 😂🤣😂🤣😂
It's when you're singing along to the children's CD and suddenly realise that the kids are at school/nursery etc and you won't be seeing them for another couple of hours . Or, you've laid down with them to get them be quiet and go to sleep and you end up falling asleep on their bed. Best I had was my wife waking me up and my child going shuuush, dad's asleep !
Or, sitting on a train when it goes past a field of horses and you automatically say "Oooh, look at the horses!", when you're alone... Except for the dozen or so people surrounding you, who now think you're a simpleton.
@@graceygrumble 😂
Or my favorite always having to refer to yourself in third person. Mommy, Daddy...is tired, needs to clean etc.
🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
“You have no idea what it’s like!” Hear the cheering from the childless couples? They are well aware and super happy
The whole time when he was like "you have no idea" I was like "yeah I do that's why I don't have any!" LOL
Exactly! Conscious not choosing for children is very underrated. So much time for me left. XD
Jeez it's part of the act🤦......and no you don't know what it's like no matter how much you think you do🤣
@@MsDrientje selfish
@@SB-dx7kb and so what ? Get over yourself... With that attitude, I hope you never breed
I have two little boys and I can’t remember how many times I’ve watched this already, still cracks me up every single time! LOL! 🤣
I swear I do the same any time I have a bad day this is my go to 5 kids I need a laugh
"You never love ur children more than when they're unconscious but alive." So true 😂
Actually all NON parents should see this before becoming parents :p
and take the clue about not going to nice restaurants with little kids. ;)
I Am , I Said guess it depends on what you consider a nice restaurant. if you need to call a week or more in advance to make reservations, then you probably also have enough money for a babysitter. i don't have kids, but i love kids and want them. even when a baby cries on the plane, it doesn't bother me, because i know the parents probably don't want their kid crying either, and are doing the best they can. if you consider red lobster or tgi fridays a "nice restaurant" then you should know as well as i do that we couldn't afford the extra expenses of not bringing our hypothetical children, if we had them. also, if people are travelling, they might not be in an area where they can reasonably find a babysitter that they can trust in short notice. but even then, if the restaurant you're going to has a formal dress code, then yeah, don't bring your kids there because that's straight up impolite. people are dropping 500$ on that dinner for an anniversary or something, so it's just impolite to bring noisy kids there.
Then the human race would become extinct 😂
Great idea, that way no one will want kids and humans will go extinct in only a few more generations.
@@martinhodges572 i find that highly unlikely
The zipper🤣🤣🤣 “you pause thinking about your free life. “
I am so glad that we are slowly breaking down the taboo that you can't say anything negative about having children. It's such a harmful taboo. I have autism and other disabilities, so for me having children will be more difficult than most, but everyone keeps just brushing that away and claiming it won't be hard at all. That's putting both future parents and future children at risk, because people are getting into the situation not realising the reality, and then potentially regretting it, or finding they are wholly incapable. Even besides that fact, it's damn tough. We constantly talk about how important it is to reach out and talk to others about tough things in our lives, but when it comes to parenthood if you try to you are too often labelled an awful parent (which is completely illogical as seeking help and talking about it makes you a GOOD parent)
Our generation certainly has more support than our Moms/parents had.. Good luck with parenting. It IS hard but worth it & there's no shame in talking about the hard stuff.. God designed us 2 lean on Him & each other!❤
Noone wants to be cursed with bad disabled genes. And I'm saying this as another autistic
There are salient points you mention definitely. I feel one can make a decision themselves if they offer to care for nephews or nieces or friends children. Everyone is very different and depends on the childhood they themselves have had. I have some disabilities and all my energy has been in trying to recover. I decided a long time ago that rearing children would distract me from what I need to do in my own life, and also I wouldn't make even an okay parent, but the opposite due to childhood traums. So I am at peace and thankfully I seem to have excess in masculine energy in my brain, so I don't even have that dreaded biological clock myth thing going on for me. If you live in the UK, you will find there are a lot of parenting courses now available to adults who have children (check your local children's centre), and baby massage courses which are fundamental for essential bonding and developing a healthy attachment style. Having kids is very challenging. It just is. It's a human being you have to raise for 18 years, whilst also going through your own life experiences. I hope you're able to make the correct decisions for yourself to lead a fulfilling life 😌🙂 because this planet needs happy, well adjusted, self loving, conscious and self actualised human beings in order to shift the trajectory of human history 🥳
I have autism plus anxiety and I don't want children because of the kids screams, not having the patience and the political correctness gone crazy. And I don't want want kids with the same autism that I have. Not being rude, but I don't want and I wouldn't be able to cope. I don't how my mother with autism deals with all 4 girls with Autism? She is amazing.
Totallly agree with you! For me happiness can come from many things, the ulimate thing is self achievement. That's justvwhat I think
“GO TO SLEEP!” “GO TO SLEEP!!!” *us insomniacs at 2am...*
Don't give your kids vegetables ever. When they ask "Why can't I have the same food as you?" Tell them "This is food for grown ups, you are not allowed to eat this, you are not old enough". They will start begging you for vegetables...
nvstewart : 😂. Especially avocado, asparagus, artichoke hearts, mushrooms ...
nvstewart , That's genius :)
@@_Daio_ I never mentioned, that the real trick behind this method is quantity. Because they are 'not allowed' to eat veggies, when they start begging you don't fill up the plate with veggies, but transfer some from your plate, a few slices of carrot, a small stalk of broccoli, a few pees etc just to enforce the illusion that you are allowing them to do something that they are not supposed to be doing.
@@nvstewart, It's a bit late for me, but honestly, I found that if you give them veggies from a very young age, like as soon as they can eat baby food, then I didn't have a problem with mine eating veggies, and like them, we used to blend a Sunday dinner and freeze some for the week. Babies must-have very different taste buds because it tasted like sh*t, but she loved it. PS. It's a genius bit of Jedi mind sh*t for someone struggling to get a toddler to eat veggies though, peace out ;-)
@@nvstewart HAHAHAH! GENIUS
My dads way of getting us to things was threatening to sell us to the Gypsies 😂 and I believed him until I was 10! 🤣
So it us only our dads 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
My daughters kindergarten teacher called me to ask if I could shed some light on something my 6 year old daughter said, She told that d s he asked the class where they were before they were born. She was getting answers like heaven, on mommy’s tummy etc. My 7 yr old was the only one who said she was in Cleveland, what made her say that? The teacher wanted to know. I had to take responsibility and tell the teacher that when she was being impossible, I would tell her that I would wrap her up in plain brown paper and mail her to Cleveland .
Lol so relatable . My daughter literally just got engaged and i have already shared this with her with a “ please watch before you even think of starting a family .”😁
Don't want grandkids huh?
@@searose6192I don't think you mean it, but that sounded very bitter and awful.
We dont tell it others. We just let them have their surprise.
When I listen to Michael, I sometimes choke with laughter! He is most definitely one of the greatest comedians the world has ever seen!!
I swear this gets funnier every time I watch it. The punchlines punch harder because I've forgotten whats coming.
Oh god...the mornings...3 young boys, trying to get them out the door...this is so true, every bit of it!
As a preschool teacher with a class of 2-3 year olds I find the putting them to bed one so relatable. The telling them to "Close Your Eyes and Go To Sleep!" Is so true.
"Things you don't consider as THINGS will become nearly impossible!"
Michael Mcintyre + Parent jokes + Children jokes = GREATNESS
This man had me laughing so hard I couldn't catch my breath. Normally mundane life became incredibly hilarious when told the way he did.
It's hilarious because as parents we can relate but as adults, we need to remember, we were once like that too at some point 😂😂
Oh no,. We were the children who were perfect with Roman costumes 🤣
I haven’t got children and I still find this hilarious 😂
I love how his hair is it’s own little character.
Having a baby or children, I was once told is the great 'leveller', that we're all changing shitty nappies etc etc no matter how cool, successful, rich, ripped or up ourselves we were prior. I was pregnant with my first at the time. How right they were 😂 Michael nails it with the same sentiment but with his hilarious slant. Absolutely brilliant
Rich people can hire someone else to do that stuff
@@kharnthebetrayer8251 And
He's a genius i was HOWLING the whole time
Just two more weeks and then his Netflix special airs!! I'm so ridiculously excited 😂
I was severely disappointed, not because his routines weren't any good but because I'd seen every one of them on KZhead!
My husband and I love this so much we show it to everyone we know! We often quote it to each other when our children do something that reminds us of this. We have even begun saying good luck at night to each other!
When my kids argue over putting on a jersey/coat because they're not cold I tell them "go stand outside for a minute", works (almost) every time
Sounds just like something my dad would do…
Comedian Jim Gaffigan has 5 kids when he had his 4th he was asked what it was like. He said "imagine you're drowning and someone throws you a baby" 😄😄😄
Me: *Cleaning room* Parents: ''CLEAN YOUR ROOM!'' Me: ''Nah.'' *Makes room messy again*
I did that too. Every time my mom told me to do things I already in the middleof doing (by my own initiative), I actually just stopped. 😅 I don't know why. Maybe I'm still a rebel child at 39 years old...because I don't have children of my own.
@@LadyVoldemort lol
@Uma lol
Me:gets the belt
@@8daudiomaster962 :O Me: *Cleans room*
OMG the zipper battle is so real!! 😂😂
I love how theatrical his voice is. My stomach hurts.
These serene moments are exactly the moments I describe when people acte shocked that my husband and I have no children! It isn't shock, is jealousy. Being a good parent is exhausting. I literally go out of my way to applaud parents of a well behaved child in public. I'm not nosey, it's just that rare! Go to sleep. See Samuel L Jackson's good night read....🤣
I’ve seen this so many times and it never disappoints! 😂😂😂
I'm literally so glad I found this guy randomly one night. His hilarious 😂😂
How can he be so right about every parents nightly battles, and daytime battles.
Michael has a great talent of turning everyday events into something funny and less traumatic to what we actually live !! Love him !
So funny I actually belly laughed! A deep funny that I haven’t had in a while. Without one curse word well done Michael!!! 😉👍🎉🎈🎁🥂
The wife saying he’ll get lucky when the kids are asleep totally knew he wouldn’t be getting any! 😂
Michael’s kid “I’m still awake!” Michael “GO TO SLEEP!”
He is a good actor as well that is why his jokes/truth works sooooo well
I showed this to my parents and they went hysterical XD
One of the best comedian on planet earth
My kids are adults now, but watching him go through the morning routine makes me laugh and my eyes twitch simultaneously!! Great routine!!👍🏼👍🏼
I don't have children yet, but I have siblings, and I remember how my mother had to howl for one of my sisters to get out of bed and come get breakfast. Sometimes we were late for school because the little brat wouldn't get up ! Her twin sister on the other hand usually was up before the rest of us to play with the dog so our puppy wouldn't feel so lonely staying at home all Day :)
I had the task of waking up a younger brother. I popped my head in door woke him up. Made sure eyes are open and he was awake, not still half in a dream. 5 minutes later, I took his blanket. He became a morning person, I did not.
He makes everything funny it’s ridiculous 😂😂😂❤️
"...things that you don't even CONSIDER to be Things!!!" Love him + his falsettos!!!
"You can't _force_ us" is probably the most relatable thing I (still sometimes!) do lol
As a mother of a toddler I can heavily relate 😂
Same
I don't know how many times I've watched this by now, but it still makes me laugh every single time.
The spotlight operator in his performances is one of the busiest among all stand-up comedians
This is the 5-6th time I've watched this. I just love watching him do this.
Yoooo i love how he has continued to upload during lockdown
How does this already have 3 likes
I mean a lot of it is just older stuff , but it's good that he's got someone who's great at editing together relevant clips this way
I will NEVER get tired of these bits 😂
Omg tears from laughing! The daily battles are my life. 😂😂😂 my son drives me insane every single day
"I've got a plan and an alibi."
I was looking for this comment 😂
Hilarious.😂😂😂..what a legendary comedian.👍👍
Love his impersonations of his sons!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
He’s absolutely spot on..... battles after battles after battles!!
and i'm watching it again and my life is still about the same!!!
Hahaha 😂 😂 ... 'we will NEVER go there' 😂
Michael: describes everyday things with genius skill Us: at home wiping tears of laughter and watching several people in the audience doing the same 😂😂😂
Oh the joys of never having to deal with this XD
I have watched this soooo many times. PERFECTION!
Always my favorite routine, but Michael is my favorite of all .
McIntyre = BRILLIANT
6:35 She agrees😂
Omg!! Totally spot on ,and so funny!! Thanks for being so relatable and hysterical at the same time Micheal! You crack me up:)
This is still one of the funniest things I have ever seen! I DARE you to try to get through it without laughing! Good luck! LOL!
I was a shampoo kid! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
My big sister made the flannel into a sort of talisman. "Put a wet flannel on your eyes and the shampoo won't get you!" If there did get some shampoo in my eyes it was less of a big deal.
I have watched this so many times. And I laugh/cry every time.
i will watch this every time you reupload it, i dont care its So funny
Reading my then toddler nephew a "familiar to him" story and sneakily skipping a couple of pages. I thought I'd flawlessly nailed the transition, but NO! He knew the order of the words, from page one until "The End". He was three, I think. I hid the book, in an iron box, with sixteen padlocks, then swallowed all the keys. Nah, that was just a dream.
Brilliant! I laughed so hard I cried because I know 💯 how he feels as I went through so many of the same exact things while my children were growing up. Ah, the joys of parenting 😂
He is a genius! Love him!!
Raised old school. We were given to a count of 1. That's basically it. Threats of death, ... for us that was the non-breathing, non-blinking look of love. That was all I had to see and I never pushed the issue. My parents never laid a finger on us. It was that some things were never done.
Omg i laugh ao damn hard at the hair washing part EVERY TIME bc that's my son 1000%!!!!! The damn drama if ANY WATER even comes NEAR HIS EYES is real. And the GET A TOWEL part...holy shit true!!! Even down to the "why woukd you do that to me???" Part!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 omg kids are funny and shits at the same time!!!!!!!!
Ugh! When my husband washes the kids, all I hear is, “My eyes! My eyes! Daddy!! A towel!!” They don’t dare do that when Mommy washes them 😈
I remember the days of cloth over the eyes as my mom washed my hair
This wonderful man just makes me laugh in hysterics, I loving watching him. I also have a few of his D.V.D.s. 😅❤😅
My nephew eats vegetables and fruits. He has been taught/trained since he was a baby. And when he's super hungry he will eat other people's vegetables too.
Lucas, is that your poo? That is not my poo. Oscar, is that your poo? That is not my poo. Darling... Don't you even. 😁
Yes that is the joke
Reido0203 they know xD they were quoting it
Maybe I should have said, *That one's probably my favourite here.*
Crow I know lol
I have 2 kids and it's never one of them , even now that they are young adults 🤔 😁 (not leaving poo in the toilet, but leaving the kitchen in a mess. Putting the empty milk bottle back in the fridge 😣 etc.
His parenting skills are very similar to mine....i feel validated
Ikr?!
"he's never been there in his life"🤣🤣🤣🤣
After 7:00 is seriously a solid description of our routine 😂 the sleep battle..the wear your coat, hold my hand and brush your teeth reasoning- the thread of death....word to word!! I don't feel guilty anymore 😂😂😂 hahahaha thank you!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 this is my life! Awww thank God for the bundles of joy He has blessed us with. Being a parent is full of challenges, I know, I have 4 children. Despite this, the joy they bring is priceless 👌
I love your comment- because I totally get what you’re saying. For whatever reason, since I was very young, I never wanted children. (As a woman, deciding you don’t want children is viewed in a very poor light. People have tried to push me to have children, they’ve asked what’s wrong with me because I don’t want to have children, they tell me I’m selfish because I don’t have children, and the the list goes on…). I’m not selfish. The thing is, I have always understood the huge responsibility - the enormity - of raising a child properly. It’s hard work, and it requires dedication, unconditional love, and consistency. I truly admire all the good parents in the world- I know I could never do it. But one thing I do get- something people never bring up, but you did- - I realize and always have, that I am missing something truly special. The joy your children bring. I will never feel that. And- I don’t dislike children at all- my niece is the most wonderful blessing I could ever know. Whenever I see her, she lights up my life. Thanks to anyone who made their way through this very long comment 😆
@@yesterdayitrained ❤❤❤
Carol Vorderman in the audience! Nice! Michael's so damn funny. I can relate to everything.
I have kids and that was good one! Thank God my kids are asleep all night. Your will too later probably.. Best of luck to all parents😘 We are superheroes!
I hope it will be available in the Asia Pacific region! I'm so happy! Love your comedy, its so refreshing!