Check out this article at Scientific American!
This is just a brief announcement to bring a recent article at Scientific American to viewers' attention.
The article features Jacob Skidmore at @Thenamelessnarcissist and Tessa at @spiritnarc , two self-aware individuals with NPD who have been working to spread humanizing and destigmatized representations of this disorder.
The article is also a rare example of a piece written for the public that gets NPD right. It features the work of Elsa Ronningstam and Aaron Pincus, two prominent authors on the topic of pathological narcissism who have been referenced on this channel. It correctly identifies grandiose and vulnerable presentations of the disorder, describes the diagnostic controversies surrounding NPD, dips into the theoretical models conceptualizing pathological narcissism, and references common developmental histories of NPD patients that include relational trauma.
Check it out here: www.scientificamerican.com/ar...
Thanks for mentioning me man!! Me and Tess were ecstatic at being included in such a good article. Plus I managed to get self esteem juice included which was awesome 😂
…which no doubt provided a bit of self esteem juice. 😜 Seriously though, congrats! It’s quite a feather in your cap to be featured on such a prominent platform. You are doing good work. 😎
Here’s some more self esteem juice: you have at least one new subscriber thanks to this video. All the best to you both.
So, you’re famous now.
You deserve great success. A breath of fresh air and an obviously compassionate authority on the topic.
I completely agree!
agreed, keep it up boss
Awesome :D Tessa and Jacob really deserves to get their word out there and get recognition from the therapists and doctors. This is a big step forward.
Thank you once again for not judging us and giving us helpful information. I'm so fed up of people saying we are monsters evil etc....
As someone who had two parents who were undiagnosed narcissistic I NEVER saw them as 'monsters', 'evil', despite the pain they created. I don't agree with these terms either.
@@ARCollaborativesCoachingare they still alive or do you still have a relationship with them?
@whitewings2363 I appreciate you asking the question and heads up, lengthy answer ahead. My mother and I have been estranged for nearly the whole of my life ( I am 43) and I felt the need to end contact completely 2 yrs ago. So hard. My father and I were very close when I was young, then when my parents divorced, he moved back to Europe and I half way across the country in the opposite direction, w/ mother and 2 sibs. I never had a relationship with either of them and developed complex grief and a post-traumatic stress disorder. My father struggled with addiction to both drugs and alcohol and my mother alcohol. I am the eldest of 3 (which enabled for easy triangulation) and always tried to 'save' my parents but often experienced scapegoating/harm/isolation, so was often at a distance from my family. My father died about 4 years ago in an accident. I had had my own near death before that and experienced his narcissistic rage and needed to establish 'no contact' until he could choose to find someone professional to help us. (Which he did not). My mother is still alive but I feel may succumb to her alcoholism in the near future, as she is experiencing health concerns, despite her denial of their severity. She is covert and vulnerable in her narcissism, potentially malignant. (I am also not diagnosing but from my own recovery and work, understand/know this from a different angle). If there was potential for some kind of recovery/reconciliation/relationship, I would be open to it. I also radically accept this may not be and am at peace with where things stand. Though I am constantly learning and seeking to understand and process all of this (and am grateful for spaces like this). Bottom line, I had a complex/estranged/dysfunctional relationship with them. I've been re-parenting myself over the last decade since my near-death and through the process, found traits in me that I know came from them. Their best qualities, are IN me and I've been getting to know them and me through nurturing myself.
Dear Dr. Ettensohn, thank you for highlighting the true nature of narcissists! There's an aspect that I still don't understand about people with NPD: Why do they only do bad things to some people while mainitng their best behavior for strangers and people they seem to respsect? It seems like they know that some things they do are wrong, as they only "choose" to show that side of their personality to a small group of people. Wouldn't that implicate some form conscious knowledge of their bad behavior? I'm obviously a layman and don't understand this topic as well as a professional, so that's a question that always pops up in mind when thinking about NPD afflicted people.
Thank you for your work. I was very hurt by a former friend who I believe is narcassistic. A lot of narcassist resources just increased my anger and took me to an unhealthy place. Your work is helping me find healing, forgiveness and compassion. Thank you!!
Doc Mark! Thank you so much for your time and effort and sharing valuable knowledge. Quick note, you sparked my interest months ago on Dr. Stephen Johnson’s book (humanizing the narcissistic style) and I was able to get a “used” but pristine 1st edition for only 6 bucks! I’ve read a few books on NPD (including yours) but this one was the best one on helping me understand so much more about the condition. Thanks!
Glad it was helpful!
I just read through the article. Brilliantly done. Thank you for sharing this and the two other channels worth following.
I think your channel has at least doubled since I first saw it. Very glad it's growing and you're getting better information out there. Narcissists are difficult people, but they are still people w/ a very challenging illness.
Thanks for your support. 🙂
This is amazing! Thank you 🙏 I have recently found your channel, your work! And compassion! Dear God we all need compassion on this topic!!! More than that, or at least added to that, I need a survivor’s guide. I can educate myself, I can love and have compassion for BPD/NPD/covert/grandiose/ malignant….but how do I not just survive but stay healthy and thrive. I’m well aware, I am only responsible for myself and I’m not holding onto a fiction or need to save or heal another as that can only happen within. But I’m at a loss as how to offer this human being assistance without getting “drowned” in the process. I don’t leave it at the office. I live with him
New to your channel & like very much your information on Narcissism. Unlike other channels which seem to have a particular demographic in mind..which at times gets repetitive ...I enjoy those like yourself who can see out side of the binary & can include both/and..with fresh new information without pandering & dumbing down your information...Thank You for going outside of the matrix of Narcissism ,that's so common now on You- Tube
Welcome aboard, and thanks for watching!
@@healnpd Dear Dr Ettensohn I have really interesting things to share with you that myight interest you. I have no idea whether you situate me or not. But please give me a little feedback. I am a nice person, intelligent and I really know too much for one person. And a bit of flattrey: you really helped me in understanding a few things that the pioneers haven't figured out. I like your approach. It's about gr ing up while not having exactly a inviting vision of the adult world and in my case having to carry the guilt to have decided that my mum wouldn't do and that I was on my own. I believe they are right. Diana Diamond was insightful. I can feel it in me everythig makes sense. What they don't get is that we are resentful our this false self who tries to comply. It is us of course. I was never fake. But we still fear people and expect a blow from above for having sinned as babies. Well think aother things happen later as welll. Now I feel that we must be in a waarm environment. Puting us in a cold room facing a non-smiley therapist expecting telling us that the best would be to love our husband the way his, with his flaws, whiic,h is which we should be supposed to be able to do at our age, which we danmn know we should to but why does our shrink suddenly pretends as if I could ever do that, how could he just tell me casually to do a cartwheel on one finger, when we have never managed with all our fingers? My shrink was good. I did my best but this doesn't work. I believe in multi-appraoches, doing things with our hands, drama classes, daring to say how we feel,, dancing whatever ideally with someoe to help orchestrate all that. Just realizing that it would be costly ... a bit less then and sessions with you. Just thinking now. And you also I think you mentioned the importance of smile as babies. I know I didn't get my share at all because my mum cannot smile to someone who doesn't smile, she mirors to a fault and her face must have been pretty scary considering the fact that I was born early and was a crying baby. Now one more thing: D. Diamond
It's really interesting stuff, but a large part of me thinks we'd all be better off adopting the dimensional model used by the ICD. The DSM personality disorder categories manage to be arbitrary, reductive and vague at the same time, with a lot of overlap. It's no surprise that there's so much confusion and dispute. I have a strong suspicion that in several years, the DSM will have moved to a dimensional model too.
The label NPD is awfully blurry to me too. The thing I fear with the dimensional apraoch is to lose touch of the root causes and the psychology of the person as a whole (we are not just a bunch of traits). The overlaps with other PDs. can be purely accidental, or not. NPD for all its blurriness probably has genetic root factors and a psychological 'choice' made early on. Grandiosity is not just a costume we put on in the mortning..But I feel that we are far from having reached a realistic portrayal of the different forms. There is one profile missing (the wild animal) whom I happened to date and who is very different. It seems that there is no 'deulional grandiose self in sociopathy. Sociopaths seem to know who they are and to be more personality types (my impression). But I think much more research should be done to clarify real overlaps from accidental ones. Sociopaths failed to integrate their vulnerability and this failute might be compensated for psychologically.
Thank you.
Like a breath of fresh air! This channel is still highly underrated. I was shocked and scared by the hate spread against mentally ill people by other very popular channels! I came across this channel dealing with the aftermath of a relationship with a 55 year old narcissistic woman. I just can’t forget the shock and desperation I saw in her face when I abandoned her. When I left she stood next to the door with her head down like a sad disappointed child. I’ve never felt so bad before! Just couldn’t stand it anymore…
Thank you for your compassionate approach. You have answered why people with Narcissism feel empty inside, but I still feel like I don't understand what that experience actually looks like. What are some good examples for this experience? I find it a confusing concept and would like to know more. Thanks!
If I understood your question correctly and if I may answer it, have you ever had a relationship that wasn't enough for you, that it was a bit meh, and you felt like you wanted more from a relationship? Have you ever been hyped for a movie but when you finally saw it it wasn't really what you expected it to be? Where you ever hungry for a certain food from a certain restaurant but when you ate it it was nothing like you remembered? If you have, try to multiply this feeling and apply it to every aspect of your life. That's the emptiness inside, the lack of a degree of fulfillness. (which of course extends to other parts a persons personality). Sorry if my English is not good or if I misinterpreted your question.
Gee, I'll hav e to check that out. My late father subsribed to Scientific American when it was hard copy. I am 66 years old and recently spent 2 yearsvliving in an assisted living in Northfield, Minnesota. Today is the first time I've had the algorithm present your videos and I clicked on. I am glad you described narcisstic abuse, for that is the reason I left the so-called assisted "living" where I went in good faith. I really take exception to some of your presentations, for they seem to be taking an apologists view for narcissists and their harmful habits of exploitation. As we all know, acts of self-centered exploitativeness, should not be downplayed and excused when they rise to the level of criminal actions against vulnerable people. The elderly and the very young are most vulnerable. Where I went expecting to survive peaceably in fact was a place where a early forties UNSUPERVIZED female administrator, fairly attractive for her age, was given free reign to ignore facts of specified thefts, et c., and mess with the residents in order to keep the Gelt coming in. . . I experienced the full brunt of what is intentional stonewalling, her own projections onto me, false accusations, DARVO, the works, and all because an, now 80 year old resident, with whom I became so close that other clients thought we were married, was stolen from when he was trespassed upon in his room by a 26 year younger resident male I could discern was psychopathic the day my brother helped me move in. Now we all know that psychological diagnoses are not necessarily scientific at all. Case in point, famous criminals like Ted Kaczynski. Ted did not consider himself to be mentally ill and multiple professional diagnosticians came up with varying diagnoses, or an I thinking of Ted Bundy? Regardless, the so-called 'manifesto' of the 'unibomber' is studied in colleges today, still. Someone famously said that you can judge a society by how its most vulnerable persons are treated, and this would include babies and children as well as the elderly. There are laws protecting residents, but if people assume that someone who manages to get into an unsupervized power oosition and that person chooses to ignore those laws at her will and whim, inorder to deny reality, and give rein to her craving for money and power, with, really, no respect for human dignity at all, but seeing the residents as contemptible subhumans--or dead meat already, only good for the money that can be extracted from them, well this is osychopathy/sociopathy most definitely. It became an unbearably traumatizing experience for me--and all because of her chroinic lying, Machiavellian manipulations, over the 14 month period after my best friend, an 80 year old now was stolen from by someone 26 years younger, and I attempted to advocate for him. All she has to and dies do is advance her fakse narratives to the nonchalant state employees charged with investigating abuse. IN SUM, I would like youbto do a video explaining how narcissism can verge into defacto psychopathy, and how vulnerable people who are taken advantage of through their vulnerability can successfully address and remove exploiters like this from positions of power where they feel free to sadistically and sneakily indulge their desire to scapegoat and traumatize People whilst they squeeze every dollar they can from them. It truly was horrid, to the point where I can in good conscience compare that woman to an Aufseherin like Irma Griese from WWII! My apologies to all the sufferers multigenerationally from the Shoach, but when one us becoming aged and treated the way she treated me, and others, obstructing justice for them, and with lying contempt, she cannot be allowed to continue there, because there will be more victims. I was astonished;. the people still there are sitting ducks for neglect and mindf-ckery via the hyperdishonest Administrator, who actually takes pleasure in negating lives and spirits, completely! I never dreamed this could happen to me, trying to advocate for my friend! The thief still lives there, and he is a groomer of staff and residents and they cannot legally keep him there, but she dies; he is her favorite! She has NO empathy, but to her desires and thise desires are to lie and dominate. So, do you have any empathy, are human lives and human rights meaningless to you, too, and people have no inherent value save to suck them dryp of every dollar possible, and your angle is to indulge your narcissistic toxifying patients. Let us be honest, we are living in Kali yuga, and what occurred there, and still does, is an opportunity to exploit financially people, real humans, until they croak, eith the side benefitbof having someone to feel contemptuous of, project one's unacknowledged shadow self upon, exploit financially until they die! Except for the thief, whom she favors, oeople slowly sink into depression, get sick and die of depression, despair, and neglect. The state of Minnesota doesn't care!
Olá! Eu sou de Portugal e aqui já aconteceu o mesmo em residências para idosos. Infelizmente, muito do que se passa lá, fica escondido do mundo. Só se sabe quando algum funcionário faz denúncia e as autoridades vão averiguar. Acredite, que aqui em Portugal, as autoridades não fecham os olhos. Fecham sim, esses lares onde acontecem essas coisas. Essa administradora não deve ser narcisista, mas sim, psicopata. Quando entra nesse nível, é mais perigoso. Em relação ao narcisismo, eu acho que temos que olhar de forma científica e isso inclui não fechar os olhos ao mal que eles fazem. A minha mãe é narcisista oculta e eu tive que cortar o contacto com ela por 3 anos, depois que descobri que ela é narcisista. Só eu sei o que sofri desde criança. Mas agora já estou curada. Não me magoa mais. E estou muito interessada em aprender sobre o narcisismo. Percebi que, quando a dor passa, já conseguimos olhar para eles de forma fria, sem sentimentos. E também com compaixão, mas estabelecendo limites. Ter compaixão não significa fechar os olhos aos abusos nem permiti-los. Significa entender a pessoa pelo entendimento do transtorno e lidar com a pessoa nessa óptica.
Thank you for sharing the article. I'll get to it right away!
Please make a video about “Narcissistic Collapse” thanks!!! 🙏
@MissCracker - Stop reading my mind! 😳😜
Thank for telling oeople to go eithin themselves. Would you or have you done a video on Reactive Abuse?
❤
Nice video. And thank you for bringing this article to us.
Hi Dr. Ettensohn! Love your content. I would really enjoy a video on why pwNPD often struggle with infidelity. If you could discuss certain core feature that may drive them to cheat and how this could be addressed in treatment, that would be so helpful. I know often pwNPD may have superficial relationships as well. Is there a way they can grow them deeper?
Great video. I would say the concept of the reflection is that they get they their self-worth based on what is reflected back about themselves from others.
What books are you reading from. Please share
I came to conclusion, a long time ago, that all of life was empty meaningless nonsense anyway. Many narcissistic people take this nihilistic view. Especially the counter dependent type. Codependents are always looking for an existential meaning to life. Even if it’s just the perfect relationship.
You mean like Indians and Cow-boys?
Hello sir, do you think you could share some of your insights and therapeutic goals that work for vulnerable narcissism as oppose to grandiose? Do you think that vulnerable narcissism presents differently when compared between an overprotective / overvalued upbringing and a more critical one? Do therapy goals differ for the more "man child" representation of the vulnerable subset of narcissism compared to the less over indulged and more critisized one?
Vulnerable narcissism is a collapsed and 'hidden' presentation of grandiosity with strong correlation to BPD; more trauma, abuse, 'excesses of adrenaline' ...nothing to do with over protective or over valued upbringing. Spoiling only creates entitlement as a trait - in anyone... thus the confusion.
@@rw7975 Totally, I am a vulnerable NPD. Below is Diamond's theory. Diana Diamond't theory is that the baby is born different, more fearful (that's on me), and so the baby fears for their life and so the baby makes the attacks about her (trauma or first defence mechanism cf Kernberg) and this results in a fragmented self (BPD) but the baby continues to feel scared and the mother fails to reassure her (for ex. non-smiley mother that the baby doesn't manage to make smile, because the baby is stubborn it would seem - Diamond is a bit judgmental..), so the baby turns away from the mother as not good enough and decides to make it on her own (grandiosity). D. Diamond claims that there is something constitutive in the baby that makes the baby take this terrible decision that will alienate her from the world. She talks abut that in a video on here. To me the so-called grandiose types such as Jacob are similar to me. I find the real grandiose type (whith very robust defesnses (the wild animal) is represented nowhere. I know that type because I dated one and they are very different. But too long to develop. Other than that I feel like even those big experts talk about NPD with contempt - we just failed and failed and didn't manage to.... I am mad at them.
What about when they are wicked to you and abuse you. Screaming and yelling and hurling insults. I have been married to this person for 35 years. It is time for me to go. He has gone out of his way to convince me the relationship will never change. He treats me like a co-worker and talks down to me. Spiritually abuses me. Nothing I do or say is good enough. It is very sad. He says I AM ABANDONING HIM. It is very scary. Only God can help them. If only they want help. Mine thinks he is okay.
Has there been some backlash or something? The article at Scientific American gives me an error page.
Huh. It’s down for me as well.
Article is removed from this website. why is that ?
It’s back up now.
What’s the cure ?
@isobelle.London - Psychotherapy.
@@healnpd 🤭 I mean what type like CBT etc.. ?
@isobelle.London - I made a video answering that question: kzhead.info/sun/nbyxgsOkr56ooas/bejne.htmlsi=W775FxPFG6TC6lRr
Sam vaknin is good channel
Yes, i think he goes deeper than any other
@healnpd How is it best to support people with this? When their focus is so much on producing in order to be loved, successful, powerful etc….its hard to know what to say even when u tell them they r cared for for who they r vs what they produce-it seems not to be heard by them. Also what is distinguishing factor between NPD & ‘High-Functioning’ BPD?