THIS Perfectly Describes A Narcissist's Gaslighting
It is a given that narcissists want you to doubt yourself, so they gaslight any chance they get. To understand their motive, Dr. Les Carter gives one very succinct phrase to describe what is in their minds. Once you grasp their goal, you can be unfazed by their self-serving efforts.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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“When someone persistently attempts to control you, the strong implication is they feel out of control in their interior” Dr. Les Carter
facts. I called it out and he was like "how is that controlling?" when he basically discarded me, gaslit me, lied, betrayed our best friendship - shared details of my chat/pain of his toxic behavior for a long time. I FORGAVE HIM and blamed myself. he then started talking to me but immediately started to take control and basically redefine our dynamic where he wouldn't respond for hours but I responded right away (we used to talk every day and we responded fairly fast to each other). he then would wait until the next day to say something - sometimes 2 now. only responding directly and never engaging himself. he told me that he doesn't know where this is going and that I misunderstood him, that I "made a good step int he right direction".... because I kept thinking he was the friend before he discarded me. I see now that I was supply for him, and he dominated my time and used me for his own needs to stop his empty feeling but really didn't see me as valuable beyond that. even though i constantly went out of my way for him and above and beyond countless times. he barely did much of anything - maybe invite me here or there to a video game with other random friend groups to which he has MANY random online friendships that he jumps between. like 6? and a ton of alternate online accounts. go figure. he had me thinking at one point that I was the narcissist but never said it but through passive-aggression it made me feel terrible. he is definitely dysregulated to an extreme degree. he even thought he had bipolar once, but he doesn't - he is just a clueless covert narc with BPD and ADHD. a phrase he says "the world is out to get me" and he sways between extreme low-self-esteem and grandiosity within 20 seconds or mere minutes! it always confused me - "I suck - im the worst" and "I am the greatest to ever do it".
I mind my own business, I don't control the narcissist, but he sure tries to control me! Blaming me for his problem. Taking a controlling tone/lecture when I stood up to him (verbally). Too bad for him!(Dad)
Exactly!
“My denial overrides your intelligence.” Very astute video Dr C.
Wow this is a great way of looking at it
my Cousin Windy D. & Sibling cannot have a decent ( give/ take ) converseAtion. Either they speak Smut& filth or say; " you are Sooo Dumb""" (crude cousin; rude AND CRUDE brother!!
Perfectly describes my father.
For them, the exception disproves the rule, the request, the sentiment, the thought or anything else you're trying to express. It's an exceedingly effective way of invalidating you and putting you down, while puffing out their own chest and disregarding and nullifying any and all requests for responsibility or behavior.
And right on target. Think about the intentions of someone with a mindset like that...they are never good!
Words never spoken by a narcissist: "Well, I'm always in a learning mode."
You got that right.
@@SurvivingNarcissism I always wondered if I am a narcists myself since I was raised by two of them. I feel better now and reliefed since I was anxious if I do have these traits inherited from my childhood environment. Acknowledging that I do go by this mindset is a big deal for me. I really dont want to make anyone's life miserable as mine was until recently.
Oh no. Mine used the false front of the AA program where we met to tell me that when he was not talking to me aka Silent Treatment, he was “working on himself “ and he was “so much better” than he used to be.
@@kathiejl1 Oh, the "I'll change/I've changed" hoover. Just awful.
They do when they are in AA. It becomes a new way to excuse horrible behavior: "I'm a work in progress".."I'm learning"...
I knew a guy who was dysfunctional that way, yet because he was a covert narcissist he had many people convinced he was the most fair minded, open minded, person on Earth. I knew him for decades before I caught on to the truth. A mutual friend figured him out many years before I did. So, beware the ones who are superficially charming. These Devil's can put on an act, and I guess as the years go by they get better and better at it.
What made his mask fall after decades?? omg?
Hi Ozzy, I'm in this journey... 40th anniversary next month which we WONT be celebrating (suits it because it has never celebrated my milestones). Through DrC learnt I'm married to a CN. I've been groomed to be the ogre to his innocent bunny routine. 🐰 you hit the nail on the head. Absolutely superb at being Mr congeniality. I will go. Because of this... I'm now half way through my law degree... like ross rosenberg says. Make a plan and leave quietly. Yep ... my plan... my LLB. As someone who has been abused and isolated for decades... it is quite something when you recognize that CN and once you see it you can't un see it. This stuff should be taught at school.
Denial is a primary coping mechanism- yup
yeah the smarter they are the better they are at hiding it because he *need* to behave that way to feel secure! It's the smart ones that borderline on sociopathy on the narc spectrum. Unfortunately, he was a covert - like the one I dealt with - they are "failed narcs" int he sense they lack the self-esteem to just "take" validation they guilt it out of you instead which can make it hard to differentiate between depression/low-selfsteem sometimes if they hide the rage/swings well. I actually successfully convinced his Girlfriend something was wrong -because HE did exactly what he literally tells me he does to people, but I accepted him and tried to help - he just ended up doing it and pretending like those conversations never happened. and that I tried to get his girlfriend to leave him lmfao. thankfully she doesn't believe that now because I explained it all and she is an empath like me so she eventually came around because she couldn't deny the patterns, and neither could he. he isnt very self-aware. I feel so bad for him but copes and treats others like props/objects to suit his own needs and he does know that much but he doesnt know why he is the way he is. he just doesn't know any other way. It's hard because he has BPD for sure, with some strong NPD traits with likely covert narcs.
@@schroongarden The EXTREME denial and rigidity as a result is just surreal. They develop black-and-white thinking as a result which just feeds that inability to see someone as imperfect and good because they can't see themselves as good but flawed, which is why they constantly osculate between the two extremes internally of feeling like the greatest to ever exist or worthless. That gets "copied" into the sense of the other and so now you're either good or bad, idealized or devalued. Which I think is the foundation for most cluster b personality disorders - that lack of a stable identity/sense of self and the as it increases in severity, the lack separation between the mental constructs of the self and the other. That state is gets projected like a mirror where they can only see the world through the that lens - so everything becomes about them by default. if empathy and mindfulness exist its more cognitive than it is emotional as emotionally they turn it off because if they self-reflect on thier emotional state it makes them feel deeply uncomfortable and mostly painful because they feel empty and deep shame so they choose not to self-reflect at all beause they know they wont "choose" to feel - they shut down emotionally and it all is just "logically knowing the rules of what is expected of them to do".
"I'd rather lie to myself, discredit you, and continue in my disfunction rather than learn to adjust." "the narc. perpetuates their own false reality because they cannot manage truth. denial is a primary coping mechanism a narc. falls back on." all true. thanks, Doctor C.
SPOT ON. "My denial overrides your intelligence" why on earth did I keep on using calm, rational LOGIC in the face of that denial? The N is so dug in to the position of being right. denial, with a huge dose of disdain, delivered on a river of words that drown out any reasonable dialogue.
So True ! The N in my Life, my adult daughter, would Talk Loudly OVER what I was trying to say, then if I carried on trying, she'd Start SINGING OVER MY VOICE ?!! Just Mindboggling how Rude they can Be, but Only when No one Else can See their Behaviour.
@@carriered4715 the really scary part is they cannot see (intentionally see) their own behavior. They have a memory hole that quickly sucks up all that they did to provoke, especially the childishness - then they have a script writer that rewrites everything (in nonsensical crazy terms) the entire memory to suit them. I am determined to never face a conversation by phone again without my loving spouse present; or a recording device to stop the reversal and re-editing of our conversations (if we ever return to a cordial conversational relationship) I have to have a witness to what I did and did not say. sick.
There is no rationalizing or being logical with these people. I married into a whole family of them and have now gone very low contact (like twice a year, if possible) and have peace about it. I finally accepted that they will never be able to see things from anyone's perspective other than their own and I will always be treated as an outsider and I am okay with that. I would rather be discarded than have to pretend to be someone that I am not.
Deduce the " pattern" of chaos -- as quickly as you can -- is crucial for the defence against the gaslighting.
"You are blamed for their ongoing friction with the world" yap, unfortunately 100% true again dear Dr.
As an adult child of a narcissistic parent, I feel like I don’t know how to smoothly enact healthy ways of managing conflict, shame, and my needs. It feels so awkward trying to advocate for myself. Sometimes, it doesn’t feel worth the effort.
No matter what, GREY-ROCK (most of the time) is the way to do it! I'm 49, I've lived decades 2300 miles away from them--and I still get transparently PROVOKED for reactions here or there. I'm not a robot and every once in awhile I go off (and I'm NOT GONNA beat myself up about that as the scapegoat of four children.)
You're not alone. Hey. I'm 43, and I only started to properly see something was "a bit off" (and more importantly, that it wasnt all because I was a difficult and crappy daughter) when I fell pregnant at 40, had my child and then having my lovely old dad die a year later. It was in that time that I slowly started noticing things weren't totally right with my mum (but I still felt like I was the problem).... The shit she pulled after the birth of my child (boundary crossing, guilt trips, etc).... omg... But that was nothing compared with the absolute histrionics she pulled during and after my dad's death. That's what made it all a lot clearer to me. I'm still not sure entirely what to do about it, but I am making progress. I just wanted to say its OK to feel that way. I'm right there with you and feel so stupid that I have wasted so much of my life being compliant and not knowing who I am. Anywho Big hugs to you.
Simple but silly example of gaslighting. There was a day last week I made tacos for dinner, left the meat on the stove and went to an appointment. Texted to say as much. They came home, made a salad, never read the text, used all the cheese. I return, say hey no big deal but tacos. So can you go get more cheese I have to finish my work day. They agree. Next day, hey did you grab that cheese I was going to have left overs for lunch. They respond, No, you said you were getting the cheese. Um... no I said I was going back to work and you needed to replace the cheese and you agreed. They responded no I'm sure you said you were mad because now you had to get more cheese. I respond I was never mad, I simply pointed out that it was meant for dinner (see how now I am on playing defense and the topic has changed) They respond well I'm sure that's what was said but I will be happy to stop at the store later and grab it (and now they are cast in the hero/fixer role)... now if I were to bring up this scenario outside of this group, people would judge me as petty trying to fight over some cheese. And before I was educated I would have judged the same way. The crazy making is SO subtle that unless you are living it, you don't really realize the subtle damage it causes. A few years ago I would have ruminate for days wondering if I was remembering the conversation incorrectly. Once you see it, you can't unsee it.
You're onto it, Eden!
Eden, this has been my life with the N...one simple but silly thing, no big deal...but years of daily simple but silly things can wear you out as you question your sanity. Yes, it can cause such damage to your mental health. So happy I am educated now with these videos and with this community.
@@darleentaylor9058 yes. It's all about patterns. A one off is just that. We are all human we all have one offs. There have been maybe 4 or 5 examples this week. But that one was so subtle and benign I thought it was perfect to share. Because someone who is on the fence about what they are experiencing usually doesn't start out in the trenches. I know I didn't. It was a subtle snowball rolling down the hill. I wrote a lot off to me being forgetful or silly. Started taking vitamins. Wondering about my hearing, my memory, fatigue, must be me right? And not that I'm infallible, but no it's not us. This is valid. I don't think they all do it with intent of spinning us out. I think most are acting like small children do just trying to keep you looking away so they can avoid accountability. At the same time they are not acting with intention or integrity either. It's simply self protective. And if they aren't acting to protect us with the same care and attention that they have in protecting themselves... sometimes acting without care and attention can be just as damaging as acting with mal- intent. Maybe even more so because the mal-intentioned person you at least see coming.
@Eden Jennings you described it perfectly!! Even admitting Your thoughts and feelings in response. That other ppl who don’t deal with this will never understand keeps me from talking about what’s going on behind our closed door. It is too hard to describe the slow descent into depression because you don’t know how or just plain can’t respond and get any kind of resolution or understanding from the narcissist. It is so an example of the frog in the slow boiling water. You just don’t know until it’s too late. You just blame things on the “one off” until you’ve stacked up 100 “one offs”. Now you are stuck in a relationship that is going nowhere but down fast. The tar has built up around you that no matter which way you move you can’t avoid getting dirty and stuck. Financially, with children and pets, medical insurance - something will keep you stuck until They want You out. Beware all! Start a savings NOW! You will need it someday, somehow. Do not become dependent on the narc.
Good example
Narcissists told me I didn’t understand ‘free speech’ or emotions. 🙄 Knowing I have degrees in Philosophy and Counseling.
Remember, narcissists chronically use projection as a defense mechanism.
🤦♀️ They’re so delusional my goodness
In retrospect, I definitely suspect my mother of having had narcissistic tendencies. I've experienced this not only when it comes to opinions but sheer facts, where they'd be denied even after I came up with proof or was proven right. 🙄 Such ridiculous people.
I don't think they even know. I think it is so buried deep in a place they cannot find. They are living their false self.
Having to deal with a narcissistic spouse for over 10 years has my brain fried. I appreciate these videos so much. Thank you, Dr. C 😊
I am there at 10 years. I am on my way though. It is very hard to have any power. I was very sick and he fooled everyone. I almost died invasive fungal infection. He told my kids, my mom everyone I was just crazy. It almost cost me my life. I am getting better and he of course is very scared. I am done being bullied. Being called names every day. Telling me we are done talking when he does not like it. Tells me I am crazy with a BA in psychology. I had fluid around my brain and this man used it to get control over me. These people are absolutely evil.
@@movingforwardfco1587 I’m so sorry. That is horrific. It’s really hard when you have no one to help you or to advocate for you. That’s how it is for me. So I’m just holding on and I hope I will escape some day. I’m getting weaker and have very little energy. My kidney disease has advanced dramatically since I’ve been with him. I have a huge pkd belly and look 9 months pregnant. It’s awful! 💔
Dr. Carter is able to cut through all the BS like hot butter, which is a great way to learn about narcissism, thank you.
You're very welcome
He literally saved my life and I'm sure I'm not alone. I'm not the same person at all that I was just a few years and several of his videos ago!
@@chelleb3055: I echo your exact words.
Dr. C - the patron saint of narcissistic abuse recovery, lol.
Yes, a lifelong issue we've had with our mother is her disinterest in implementing any of the solutions we've proposed to her for her problems and complaints. She clearly just wants to continue complaining. Very weird.
Complaining is a way to get attention and pity. She enjoys it
But when you bring a new solution, say an new small appliance that fixes a long complaint, suddenly they've never had that issue or complaint, and your solution is not needed.
This is what I’m dealing with as well. My aging mother and the complaint machine.
Been there, done that and got off that treadmill. I'm so relieved to learn that some people don't want solutions but your compassion and emotional energy to feed on.
"My denial overrides your intelligence." That makes perfect sense. I am very good with finances, and I kept telling my mother she was headed for a financial cliff. A year later, she had to file bankruptcy.
When one is a little kid and endures gaslighting and triangulation it really stir fries the mind until something is seen n slowly realization steps in. I finally broke down at age 14 after being told nearly every day for months that "you're crazy".... first time I ever prayed n cried Please God don't let me go crazy. She's the crazy one. It was a very deep and profound moment. The first step on a long but great life journey. Keep your children away from malignant narcissists and the horrors of crazy making gaslighting. Kids can't defend themselves or run off without repercussions. Many blessings for a more peaceful and compassionate world..
Good for you. I'm glad you got the right answer. She is the crazy one. I had one of those Moms - more subtle, but on the same track at about the same age.
Les, I got "You don't even know what's going on ".... That was within the first week of meeting him. Yes, I married him after 4 years. He waited another 5 years to tell me he was separating and taking half of my property.....only 4 months after our 5th year anniversary trip to Italy. I see now all the psychological, verbal, and emotional abuse that I accepted. I just didn't know these people existed.
I once worked at a grocery store that had a mouse problem. Employees had seen mice in the store room, customers had seen mice in the aisles, there were bags giant bags of dogfood that had mouse sized holes in them, mouse poop on the shelves. Every time anyone saw a mouse or evidence of mice it was reported to the manager. The manager would just say "Until *I* see a mouse, there is no mouse!" What can you even do with that?!?!?
Classic 🤣
🎀Hollowness, calculated cruelty and willingness/aim/intention to destroy someone else...
Imagine the malignancy is an intention some will use narcissism in attempt to fulfill.
@@chickenbiscuit4525 🎀
"You don't even know what you're talking about"...when you said that Dr. C....I laughed out loud - you don't know how many times I used to hear that!!! When I used to voice my opinions, I was told that I wasn't being supportive of his ideas and that I was "always" trying to control every situation. So of course at that time, I bought into the gaslighting and kept quiet for fear of being chastised. Gus is adorable, he loves listening to you that sleepy pooch! ♥ Thanks Dr. C for continuing to put out these videos. They are really helping me process and heal. Hugs.
Thank you for commenting.
WOW! I'm glad I'm not the only one! Right down to being told I wasn't being supportive and was trying to be "controlling". After 6 years of his gaslighting and b.s. I felt completely exhausted and empty. It took me a while to get over all the manipulations and to realise that I actually am a rational person. It's okay for me to have my own opinions, beliefs, likes, and dislikes. And it's okay for me to just agree to disagree! After all, I wasn't the one who flew into a rage or had a tantrum just because I wasn't getting what I wanted or hearing what I wanted to hear! 😥
@@anndra1160 I do agree with you! I don’t fly into a rage or tantrum. I Shut Down, Withdraw, Walk Away. I learned here that when I did raise my voice or be angry it was called Reactive Abuse and I was usually shouting that he wasn’t understanding what I was saying or he didn’t hear me correctly. In other words trying to be Heard and Understood.
@rainskitchenandgarden, yes my narc husband doesn't tell me anymore that I don't know what I am talking about, now he just makes ANYTHING I say that I like or feel or want to do about him which is usually the opposite. I don't care!! I do for me anyway cuz I don't ask him... for anything, I TELL him what I am going to do. He can DO for himself (he doesn't) but he will always have to try to control me. I just will never understand how a narc thinks. He asks me questions about why I do this or that yet NEVER approves of my reason so I just started saying "because I want to" or "bc I want it". I started doing for me yrs ago when I separated from him and I am not about to start answering to him now. He complains I treat him like a child and other times I'm mean bc I don't ask his opinion or I tell him to put my tool back where he got it or clean up his mess. He IS like a child and nothing will EVER change THAT.
Don't forget them trying to act like you're stupid🙄.Narcs essentially suffer from severe emotional retardation known as "arrested development"...I honestly 💭 it's really funny when a narc tries to act like they're so much more "brilliant" than you because you're basically being called "dumb" by a severely retarded individual😂.
The narcissist would probably be so angry if she knew how little I think of her. I know it's pointless to have a discussion with her, I can't help her and I don't want her hurting me, so I've gone no contact. Its so sad that some mutual family members and friends don't understand. I pray for their wellbeing and welcome them to be a part of my life. ❤
😂… an illustration- My professional work is with people on social skills communication. My narcissist has told me I am the worst communicator he has ever met, that I do not know how to communicate and have problems communicating with everyone. 🙃
Been on the receiving end of that one before.
Yup
And there's the standard "I never said that" response even when they said it a few seconds ago. Who are you going to believe? The narc or your own ears? If you said your own ears then that is the incorrect answer (to the narc anyway).
You made me chuckle.
The narcissist's denial is so powerful they can bully someone relentlessly, contributing to their suicide and still feel good about themselves. In fact it is the thing that makes them feel good.
You're Absolutely Right. The Narcissist in My Life, is my adult daughter, and I made the mistake of telling her a while ago, that I was feeling just about as Low and Depressed as I Could Go. Her Response was to Totally Cut me Off, and Hasn't Spoken to, Or Messaged me Since. In Other Words, she's telling me to just Go Ahead and End my Life, She Certainly Won't Miss me. I've been her Emotional Punch Bag for Years now, and I'm Only glad we don't live in the same town anymore. I'm beginning to enjoy the Peace now, although it Is Completely Isolating.
Agreed, both my parents have brought me to the edge several times. Do they care, nope! They'd be standing at the grave still denying! ✌
You know this is really interesting. I remember one time when my sister ,who has narcissistic personality disorder, and I were talking on the phone about something and I confronted her strongly because it was a very important topic and I heard her aggressive, controlling personality start to crack. I could tell she was losing it, like falling apart, and getting confused right there on the phone and just instinctively I kind of backed off because I knew she couldn't handle the conversation. It was actually quite pathetic. So I get that these people are broken and afraid but boy, it sure doesn't stop them from cause a lot of damage and destruction to others and for this reason, I don't feel in the slightest sorry for them. I don't believe they have to choose the path of lying and gaslighting and hurting others. I just try to stay away as much as I can.
I had to resort to recording and video taping my older sister, the gaslighting, abusive narc in my life. She would tell me, "Ya know. You left the doors unlocked last night. We could have been robbed or killed. This is the third time this month you did this. Are you getting forgetful? Dementia? Alzheimers? You are getting old ya know." My memory is great. She is the one who kept going in and out and then her granddaughters came over, then her daughter. Sheesh...! So the next time she tried to gaslight me on this, I showed her my videos from making sure all doors were locked all over the house every night. She was shocked and went into one of her rages. I ran into my room, locked my door as she pounded on it, and laughed my head off!!! LOL!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 What a bellowing buffalo!!🤣🤣🤣
I'm 49 years old and I don't even talk to my older sister anymore, but I'm happy that you caught her BUSTED with the evidence like that. You scored one for "Team Healthy" there!
I learned the hard way to make my suggestions in public. Narcissists are not above appropriating your input and passing it off as their own (especially in business).
They love to take credit for what you came up with, only to later put you down with what you supposedly made a mistake with in some other area semi related or not
Sometimes it truly feels like dr C is talking directly to us about our personal situations. I’m so grateful for that.
Right? It is insane seriously how they are all alike.
These small discussions are a lifeline for me. Thank you.
Well said
My mother always said "Denial has worked very well for me". I explained (as a nursing student) that denial for those times when you are running out of a burning building. It wasn't a good coping strategy for every day life. Well, wasn't that the end! I have been disowned for 19 years! I'm fine. Loving husband and WTF with family of birth.
I agree, the need to uphold and perpetuate their alternate reality is what drives them and their behavior.🙄
And if you are at a distance from them emotionally but they still appear, they try the same baiting tactics over and over. I see the narc I know has seasonal gambits. I tell my real friends I don't have to look out the window to know seasons have changed.
Pretending to know more than you do and then shaming someone for having good input is simply not a good strategy. And yet that is the ultimate strategy of the narcissist. Holy wow. It is operating without a license in life in a way isn’t it. Very very very succinct way to explain the whole kit and caboodle. One of your best videos ever.
Pleased!
Exactly! A telling sign is how they'll go around being hypercritical of strangers or even friends of theirs behind their back. As we all know, if they'll gossip about others, they'll gossip about you
In narcisistic arrogant mind there is such a strong tendency for denial and they truly believe that If they choose denial and they use it as their favourite tactic than it just simply overrides your inteligencje. - you have nailed it dr Carter. Nothing else to say. Thank you for your voice of wisdom . God bless you.
"Everyone is entitled to MY opinion." Lol! 🤣
"My denial over rides your intelligence" brilliant
‘You don’t know what you are talking about’ I got that so many times😢 great video
They give you their M&M’s . . . Manipulation and Management of their perception . . . Thanks Doc!
The 'I win' is such a strange way to live, for me. How do you win life?! In the view of a narcissist, winning is to feel superior. And they do that at any cost. One could say, winning life (if there is something like that anyways) is to be at peace with yourself. Something a narcissist never will be able to, so they shame you for doing it and be able to in the first place. It's exhausting.
Narcissists do the opposite of what is right. That’s what makes them so cruel. If they’re capable of crazy-making and gaslighting you to get their way, if they’re capable of giving you the silent treatment knowing you’re in pain and looking for answers, if they’re capable of destroying your reputation by starting a smear campaign and if they’re capable of triangulating you with their flying monkeys so they can humiliate you…then why in the world wouldn’t they be capable of something like cheating? Narcissists are entitled. Narcissists lack empathy. Narcissists are delusional enough to justify their actions. They have all of the ingredients for being a cheater. They’re known for cruel and devastating discards, but somehow they would stop at cheating on you because they have morals and just couldn’t go through with it? No one can truly believe that. The narcissist believes he’s so slick that the other person’s name will actually come up in conversations, if you’re paying attention. But the narcissist will mention them with disgust, as if he wants nothing to do with them. “I can’t stand working with Karen. She annoys me everyday and I can’t believe the things she wears sometimes.” It’s a test to see how you respond to this name coming up periodically. It’s also a way for the narcissist to gain some sadistic glee because they can talk about the other person with you while you’re not yet aware of this person’s role in their life. When they drop the bomb on your head and the realization hits that they’re leaving you for “that Karen” they’ll be overjoyed. If you’re with a narcissist you should be prepared for the push and pull, the other women or men popping up or even outside children. They can’t even be trusted to show up to an event on time. They certainly can’t be trusted with your heart. Additionally, Cheating in marriages is not restricted to only men. Women cheat as much as men do. If you're suspecting your wife of infidelity, you'll have to keep an eye on her of her without her knowledge of her. One of the best ways to know if your spouse cheats on social platforms is by paying close attention to how your spouse behaves while online. The signs are pretty the same. Is your spouse more time on the app without explanation and gets unnecessarily defensive when you ask about it? If your spouse behavior has changed lately, and continues to spend more time on social apps, it's time for you to take action, with the help of a private investigator (suggested; METASPYHUB@GMAIL. COM , you can find out what is taking all their time on social apps, who they are talking to and other things happening,,
Narcissists live their life governed by feelings. It is illogical behavior
@@hurlentropy6866 And caring about only their own feelings. Everyone else's feelings be damned.
@@warrenbradford2597 Remember, nobody else has feelings worth considering, where a narcissist is concerned: after all, supply has no feelings, but the feelings of the oh-so-special narcissist are the rules by which the world turns -- at least to hear them tell it.
Don't fall for this, it's probably a scam.
@@No-xs1no I have had at least three narcissists try to kill me. One by planting a black widow spider just outside an open window at the back of my house. Knowing that I was not afraid of big spiders & just would pick them up & take them outside. However black widows do not look like any U.K. spiders & this lead me not to touch, fòrtunately.
I always heard " you worry too much ' and I had plenty to worry about over his actions!!
My ex grew up in a home where, in moments of conflict, her mentally ill mother would grab a knife and threaten to kill her father. Now, as an adult, she is 100% conflict avoidant, and instead of having a disagreement and working it out, she lies to get her way. It took me 3 years to figure out this pattern, and it did make me feel insane. Now I see it so clearly.
No one will deny more than a narcissist. Its truly amazing to see how far it can go when there could not be more clearer or stronger argument of something they will always find a way to say its not true or valid. Just complete bias towards oneself
It's like the final response to the narcissists saying, "Ok, but don't say I didn't warn you."
It's not just a matter of a different perception it's a matter of them flat out lying about actual facts. I've seen them do it even when you have PROOF that they are lying. Completely nuts.
Ive had a couple of narcissistic "friends" in my life. Ive cut them out. They cant stand it - being rejected- so they try to rope me back in, all the while gaslighting me via feedback through friends. These people are truly the worst humanity has to offer.
Yesss indeed!! I've experienced this with my narcissist mom for 30 years From childhood to adulthood. Everything that you can describe of a narcissist, definitely describe my evil & wicked mom. It's been over a month since i cut all ties from her. No contact! She's blocked from ever speaking to me again. Nothing will change with her. I was verbally abused for too long. But the disrespect stops now!!! ✊️🚫
If you can master staying calm while they're dehumanizing you and follow it up with a question to their insulting accusations then they're completely lost in what to do.... My x would always say, don't tell me what to do,( as if you could 🤣) you've been messed up since you were a kid! And I'd ask calmly, " what exactly was I doing when I was a kid that was messed up when you didn't even know me until I was an adult"? Then you get the" everyone knows you were messed up" 😅 Oh WOW like who? If it's everyone how come you can never name 1 person? Ya know what I'm so sick of all YOUR drama.... Still aren't naming anybody... 😁 Rinse and repeat 🔁
Rinse and repeat the same over and over and over and over and NOTHING solved....bye bye.
I'm wondering if anyone else noticed most narcissists watch a lot of TV probably a lot of soap operas. It would be nice to do a show on how TV relationships are nothing like real relationships but that narcissist take their moves from those same chaotic movies
They do seem to love drama! 😅
His sex performance was straight out of porn movies. Scripted. And he thought he was Amazing. He did watch a lot of tv but I think a lot of men do. He would get up and go smoke if there was any kind of intimacy scenes though. He would make fun of the guy in the movie that was sad over a break up and want the woman back. He make snide comments about the guy being a pussy.
Yeah, I knew a few like this, I had a friend like that, and an ex-girlfriend like that. Others like yourself including me have pondered that this IS perhaps a revelation of what a drama queen they really are with that very regular activity as a red or yellow flag maybe. I'm glad for your comment here because it reinforces why I need to go/stay NO CONTACT against a former friend even more so than I already thought I needed already. (I can use all the reminders in the world to stay away after one too many times of red flags or yellow flags from them)
"You don't even know what you're talking about" It took me a long time to notice that my Dad loved knocking every single thing I liked, did, said, everything. But more, he wasn't even listening when I'd talk. He got into the habit of "contradicting me on auto-pilot". I'd be saying something, and right in the middle of a sentence, he'd interrupt with... "OH I DON'T THINK SO." When I first started working for my current home care clients (4 years with these guys now!) I noticed the younger guy (who usually appears the more "reasonable" one) would do something like that. It was clear he loved arguing for the sake of arguing, and loved going on long-winded rambles, trying to overwhelm me with his excessively-detailed reasons for why he believed what he did-- and here's the really crazy part-- even or especially, when it was a topic he KNEW NOTHING ABOUT! How many times he starts in with, "Well, MAYBE...." and then go on non-stop for 5 minutes, concocting hairbrained theories as he went. Today was a "good" day for me... but I saw some really terrible behavior aimed at someone ELSE. I just sat there not saying a word... as the target (my older client's "occupational therapist") reacted in such a way that sounded as if she'd been studying Dr. Carter's advice... even though, earlier, she told me she'd never heard of Dr. Carter. WOW. This was 2 people on the "care team" in 2 weeks who just left me amazed. I hope they're able to stick around awhile, this is more people for me to have as part of MY "support system", really helping me do my job better.
Watching these videos is a bit like attending a psychological church lol -- preaching self-love and emotional healing 💪🧠 _one step at a time_
My narcissist) made a point of listening in order to gather ammunition. That man lied even when he didn't have to.
I have sometimes difficulties with the difference between having different viewpoints and gaslighting. In both cases you have two persons with different viewpoints.
Always listen to yourself! I finally audited our family finances…and my fancy CPA ex-husband was squirreling away $500 a month on who knows what…(don’t want to know).
I'm going through this at the moment. My eldest son, 24, denies anything he has ever done wrong and would sooner blame other people. I've always been there for him. Recently his attempts at trying to confuse me have left me weary. Today's video at chat confirmed that. More knowledge = more empowerment. I'm definitely onto him. Work in progress. Thanks Dr.C and Team Healthy ❤
It's funny though - my mother would have said the same about me at 24. She left my father when I was 10 because 'she didn't love him anymore' - he's a bit verbally abusive and probably a narcissist - but he works hard and is very anti drugs and alcohol. Then she quickly remarried an even more abusive drug addict. Us kids locked ourselves in our rooms and werent allowed to speak. When we heard him pull up home from work we switched off the tv and ran into our rooms - I still shudder when I hear a diesel ute chug to a halt. She started chainsmoking inside, dope plants grew in the garden and she started buying me alcohol for school parties - bottles of wine and boxes of beer every week when I was 14. Tubs and tubs of ice cream. My school results went from great to poor, I stopped applying myself and I got into drugs as they were easily accessible in my new environment. Stats on the children of divorce show I was no anomally. Sure she'd cook us dinner and care about us - but she sat there while we were screamed at. At 18 she had her 2nd divorce - blamed me and he cleaned her out so she couldnt afford a big enough house to have me at home, I was kicked out on the street. Super obese, sick, I was a smoker and lacked the self esteem to have a conversation with anyone. There was a period where I started hearing voices. My father blamed my situation on me, looking back he wanted to see me fail to get back at my mother, he wanted his new family to outshine hers - he hadn't raised me, in his mind it wouldn't reflect badly on him. I had no car but managed to get a job staying on a farm - no help from my parents. My early adult life was a series of screw ups and mistakes and of me being taken advantage of by abusive employers on farms. I definitely didn't take responsibility. But my upbringing was HER responsibility. Even now she takes none. I have my own son now and she isn't part of my life.
A parent acting like they're the victim is always suspect.
We had to kick our own now 24yo son out because of that, he was living with my narcissistic mother for the last 4 years and NEVER would give notice since. Obviously, he moved out of her now too. Everybody is estranged because of these narcs. But I will not change my healthy course, may they "eat from the fruit of their own way" now. I'm fine. May God deal with him now, perhaps he will still repent. Proverbs 1:20-33 "Wisdom crieth without; she uttereth her voice in the streets: She crieth in the chief place of concourse, in the openings of the gates: in the city she uttereth her words, saying, How long, ye simple ones, will ye love simplicity? and the scorners delight in their scorning, and fools hate knowledge? Turn you at my reproof: behold, I will pour out my spirit unto you, I will make known my words unto you. Because I have called, and ye refused; I have stretched out my hand, and no man regarded; But ye have set at nought all my counsel, and would none of my reproof: I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear cometh; When your fear cometh as desolation, and your destruction cometh as a whirlwind; when distress and anguish cometh upon you. Then shall they call upon me, but I will not answer; they shall seek me early, but they shall not find me: For that they hated knowledge, and did not choose the fear of the LORD: They would none of my counsel: they despised all my reproof. Therefore shall they eat of the fruit of their own way, and be filled with their own devices. For the turning away of the simple shall slay them, and the prosperity of fools shall destroy them. But whoso hearkeneth unto me shall dwell safely, and shall be quiet from fear of evil."
@@damo9961 Thank-you so much for telling me this. It sounds, hopefully, as though you did good in the end despite your upbringing. And now you have son yourself, a stable if not an amicable relationship with his mum? I split up with my son's father when he was 4 and his brother was 1. It was an abusive relationship. My eldest son witnessed this. We divorced in 2005. It was not amicable. We sold the marital home to which we were awarded the majority share and bought our small home outright. Their father was allowed contact initially until his behaviour was abusive towards them. In fact we were put under watch by a vulnerable victims team and police. The courts took contact away. They were 8 and 11 The last time I saw him was 2012. The lads started seeing him occasionally about 4 yrs ago in which time they'd grown bigger than him. I never remarried. In fact I had 1 boyfriend 14yrs ago. They've always been my priority. My eldest lived with his girlfriend for a while when they had a child. They had me there for the birth. When they split he came home then I found out he was on cannabis. I was surprised as he made my mum give up cigarettes when his brother was born then watched his nan fade with oesophagus cancer. She passed in 2007. I know he has issues and I took him for counselling when he was younger. To cut a long story short. He's always been angry. The weed makes things worse. I'd never kick him out but I may have to issue an ultimatum (hopefully not) but now my youngest, 21, drinks. Again I'm trying to have patience. I used to have a glass of wine when watching Liverpool play on Telly but don't bother now and I've never smoked anything ever. I'm no goody two shoes. I just try my best. Take care 🙏 🙂
@@LuvBugBlaqkHart There isn't enough resources no matter where in the world you live for mental health issues. I've been following this channel for about a year now during which time I've found answers to my past experiences and continue to ask for help in managing my family life with my lads in pointing them in the right direction. My ex stepfather was one for playing the victim. It's not nice. Take care 🙏
My word..I've been living like this for 33 yrs. My husband has been getting so bad that I just stopped talking to him all together, no eye contact, NOTHING!!!...otherwise we end up arguing. It breaks my heart and soul now knowing that he really doesn't care about loving me....gosh the things he used to say to me just to hurt me...and he would have a SMILE on his face knowing that he hurt me with his words. And when I caught him cheating many years ago...the only thing he said why he did it...was because "She was like me when I was 30".......My husband did't EVEN know me back then...I've been living with this asshole for 33 ys and NEVER one word of " I'm sorry I tore your heart out" Nothing to say.....At this point I can't stand to even look at him or hear his voice or be in the same room with him. It's very heart breaking to live like this. I love going to the gym, camping, Painting Art work, gardening, dog sitting, walking dogs...and playing PIckleball, Ping pong, and YET my husband said "Oh go find somebody else, and then when I do..he just has to put his two cents in about that person....so now at the age of 70 I'm doing my own things with other people who enjoy being around me! It's heart breaking to have to live like this, knowing you're living with a person who doesn't love you, he only wants me around to tear me down. Gray Rock works great. I just wished I met someone who really really loves me for who I am. Why is it other people see me but my husband just wants to destroy me. Oh it so the Narcissist can feel better about themselves, WOW what a Heartless soul they have.
You go girl. Live your life hun. Live your life.
Thank you sir for your commitment into enlightening this community. You have shown me the way to peace.
I finally have peace after untangling the snare the Narc had set for me and last night I dreamed that the Narc was sitting behind a heap of muck with a beer bottle in his hand shouting that everyone should eat the same food . That summed him up .
This describes a sibling, and am cast in a very narrow box. Any movement in any direction (any verbal expression/input) is nixed.
Just what I needed to hear. Sometimes it's them, and NOT me and I tolerate being ghosted for way too long for my own peace of mind. Thank you for helping me to find my core center, a person of Peace!💕 Note to self: ghosting is just one more control mechanism in their arsenal of tactics
The silent treatment of ghosting is a blessing of silence.
No, Teri, it's not you and thankfully you are waking up to this fact. Hang in there, it does get better! ❤
Yeah ghosting is abusive manipulative behavior....But it's FANTASTIC once you realize what you've been dealing with,it makes it much easier for you to go no-contact😌👍🏻.
It's ALWAYS THEM, not you. Honest. The older I get, and the more I look back, I realize that it always was them.
Heck yeah! I laugh inside.
Narcisists need to control others because they can not control themselves. Thank you dr Carter 😊
He's made me go crazy. He knew I had mental issues all my life. N preyed on that. I'm finally free, but I'm still suffering. Have good n bad days. Have gone no contact. But he's spying on me. Car broken into, car scratched badly, dead rats, things stolen from front house n list goes on. I'm 62yrs old. I just want peace. 💙
I am so fed up with being nice to the narcissist and him being mean to me. His delusion.
The most agregious act my elderly mom has ever done is deny my thoughts feelings circumstances and my childhood. I do not deny the 'good' parts but they were overriden by the bad. Those bad parts changed me, altered who I was and set me up on the wrong path but I can still see the good bits although that caused confusion. To deny my reality and what DID happen though is to deny me, who I am and what ive been through. It's not a competition, I appreciate her very bad upbringing but this denial is the most agregious and hurtful part for me. The grief that followed was overwhelming. Having worked on this based on dr. C's teachings im beginning to feel more whole and realise I never was the problem. What a gift you give to us dr.c. thankyou
You dismiss the good parts quickly. If she didn't raise you right it don't make her a narc, but if she abused you and manipulated you, and took advantage of you or gaslighted you then she is a narc. Someone may raise their kids how they were raised it don't automatically make them a bad person or a narc. You also could have got help when you saw the path wasn't working for you. You can't go on through your adult like blaming your parents for everything that doesn't work. Once you get grown you raise yourself, you seek out resources to help you. Your personality was not just built from your parents, you had friends and other family members and family members who spoiled you and always gave you your way could have been narcs as well and bad for your personality. I am an expert in this field after having friends diagnosed with narc and other personality types and one thing I notice is they all always blamed their parents so be careful of rushing to blame your parents for your grown up identity cause we don't have to stay who we are, even the monks will tell you that. This is not an attack it is something that I learned as a child of parents who were truly narc, always abused me in every way and even today I don't blame them for the life I have as a grown up.
If you are part of a couple and your partner is doing to you(gaslighting)as this doctor explains ,RUN!! get out they are usually sociopaths! My son is dead because of it.He was poisoned and even with all the labs in the state handled legally by us his parents,she got away with it. If your relationship is not loving and respectful, you can respectfully disagree, get out you can't heal these people . and they have no empathy ,not capable of it. They are permanently broken. save yourself.
Spot on. It’s interesting that once you have this knowledge, when a narcissist exhibits this trait, you almost sit in awe just watching it live, in fascination.
2:13 "My denial overrides your intelligence."😟
Narcissistic HOA Director falsely believes that her "opinion" is "the law", and doesn't get that anyone, anywhere at anytime can be sued in court.
My ex-narc responded with a denial that took the cake. When I told him I was finally pregnant after years of trying, his said, "you might not be" . I thought he was just trying to make sure that he took away my happiness was but just using denial as a way to gas light me. He NEVER showed that he was ever happy about it either. I guess it was outside his wheelhouse. Thanks for explaining it!
My ex Narc would have said , You only think that , one could be on their their hands and knees and his retort was always ' you only think that' mad fools, the lot of them .
A wonderful talk!🙌🏻 I wonder if Gus has group meetings at the dog park with all the information he has absorbed. ☺️
Oh yeah, he is legendary among the dogs in Waco, Tx.
@@SurvivingNarcissism 😂
That is real courage to realize what is happening and trust your own wisdom to change direction. Do not hesitate in all aspects of life, make the change for the better, and remember to never allow people to be treated in this abusive manipulative manner. Do the opposite be kind and supportive of your co workers and friends. You may have a smaller group but they will be genuine and the benefit is being happy throughout the day.
Perfectly explained! Going through this past 3 months. Said no to a decision he made without consulting with my husband & I. Refused to call us so hubby could be there to go through what needs done. Took Mom out to see her home & furnace man was there just leaving in his van. Ugh! I asked bro nicely why he didn’t let us know so hubby could be there too. Bid was too high, and called the company. We will get more bids. So now bro is ghosting us. And he blew up during the visit again… no matter how nice I try to be, he flips out saying I full of bs. He hates it when someone else disagrees. I am so grateful for the insight I am learning here. Learning how to handle things with him is confirming there’s Not a way to have it work out. Every way we approach him he reacts like we are attacking him. Realizing what this is so enlightening. I feel badly for him at moments then I realize he wants that. Retraining my mindset is all I can do to cope. And decided he needs to move back home with his wife since he refuses team work. We’ve tried that and he attacks and accuses the workers so they don’t want to work with this person. Everyone is walking on eggshells!!! We will get through this. It’s a have to situation. We have to sell. We believe strongly in forgiveness. 77 times 7. But never let yourself become their victim. They get puffed up when they see they accomplished wounding you! It’s their power over you.
Thank you. I feel not alone in this nightmare after listening to you, Dr. and testimonies on here.
Words of wisdom as always! When I have my moments of doubt I tune in here and am quickly reminded of what I was dealing with.
When the narcissist would say inappropriate things to me, I'd complain, he'd tell me it was my problem, no sense of humor. It was his problem, not mine. He would make me the joke, cruel man!
I cannot believe how many times I have given so many solutions to my soon to be ex, he is covert, he will sit there and soak up all the attention and time I spend on him and then do nothing to improve his situation. Then claim to be a victim and claim that I don’t care. It’s an endless cycle. It’s exhausting and I can’t do it anymore
Yep. It's a waste of energy. And very demotivating, even depressing, to hope once more that this time you're getting somewhere. Makes you beg for an honest "No, I won't change!" so you can move on, but that never comes. Whenever you finally choose to save yourself, you'll inevitably take with you the feeling that you're giving up on them and leaving them behind, that maybe there was something else you could have tried. The thing to realise is, they have shown (never admitted, but definitely shown) that they're not helping themselves, and in that case there's just no way you'll ever succeed in helping them.
I had a husband narc ( 22 yars), but I am laso rised by a mom narc. I was rized to think that there is something wrobg wuth me. So, I tried to love and change the narc for 22 years. Now, at 53, I am becoming my self.
I'm thankful every day that I listened to myself when I said, "There's no way I'm having a child with this person!". Many times, many conversations with yourselves, by yourself can do more help than 50 Therapists at the end of the day. So many mistakes I've made in my life, career- wow. Let me write a book. But, as long as I know & learn from the mistakes then I'm on the right path. Will I never let a Narcissistic person slide through again? I'm sure we'll meet again, but, with a different outcome.🙏 Dealing with so many in every day life is hard enough, not wanting to bring it home like a bad energy. Good luck & many Blessings to those on the journey 💖 Thanks to Dr. C & sweet Gus🤗
They can be holding a lit cigarette, saying they aren’t holding a lit cigarette.😡
Nope. They never listen or hear anything. Then you watch them do exactly what you warned them of. Even when that happens, they still deny and blame you for it happening.
I had two narc out of no where just attack me, though I never yelled or insulted them or did anything to them, and they did it when my back was turned and even one pushed me down the steps as I walked up, and they pretended to walk by me and pushed me down the steps and they both GASLIGHTED ME yet I had the marks to prove it. 😡
Need to keep in mind it’s a new day
Denial is way worse than someone who can’t weigh pros and cons and lacks critical thinking skills. It’s a complete cop-out and refusal to see others’ viewpoints. In fact, they don’t interact with others at all - collaboration and teamwork fail. Run!
Dr C is is so spot on… Only thing i regret is not finding him sooner….
What still surprises me about all of this, the lack of creativity. 😂 It's like every narcissistic person everywhere attended the same college for cruel people. No creativity, no originality, no deviation. I rarely think of humans as cookie cutter, I tend to think of each person as an original, yet every single narcissist is almost exactly like the last. Baffling.
My ex had temper tantrums and rages about things big and small and when I said anything about them...I was told (with mocking tone) its normal to have a temper. Apparently I was being unreasonable.
I've been watching reruns from TV show "Criminal Minds" and a lot of their crimes are committed by narcissists. Their screen writers were on to something ...
Yep!
I’m going to listen to this a few time because this is exactly what I have been through- and have spent many a time thinking I was going mad after the love bombing stage. This would happen in cycles but one thing I know, it never ended and he never looked within despite saying that he never had a problem saying he was wrong or sorry when he needed to. He seemed to think it was ok calling me nasty names and his excuse to that was ‘ I only react to what you throw at me. If you didn’t do what you do then I wouldn’t react like this’ Half the time I was left wondering what I said and actually wondering if I said something I’d forgotten about. It was best for me to stay silent, but even in my silence I was causing him issues.
Ditto!!!
🌟 🌟 🌟
Wonderful revelation Dr C!! I have this with my oldest son for all his life. Everything that went wrong was blamed on me. I own some of that as i attributed some realities of my narc parent. Didn't know about narcissism in the 1900s but now am strengthened and ready to speak the truth in love!! My son always turned it to me and in my sel love deprivation mode i sucked it in..that backfires...
I think one problem with a narcissist’s denial is that it can make the victim feel like they have to defend, reaffirm or deny the denial. “I don’t ever say that kind of thing to you. - Yes you have! You do it all the time! “Wow. I just can’t understand why you would say something like that about me…” They use the old return serve and make it look like you’re the one denying making stuff up to defame them. Then it just becomes circular and usually they are more passive and calm about their denial, and they let you get worked up- rightly so, because you know you’re actually telling the truth. Then the one with the most emotional reaction and defensiveness looks guilty by human psychology. They’re not dumb. Very very cunning people. And in that kind of circular logic and redirection it’s no wonder the victims begin to lose their minds!
The narc in my life is making me feel like I am going crazy. She will recall something that happened totally different than I remember it. It always makes her look smarter, better and me look like I lost my mind. And recently she said to me "that is a stupid idea" for something that I was planning. I think it was simply because I was going to take care of some things in a way that she would not. Either 'way' of doing it would work, but I simply had a plan that did not agree with the way she would do it. Something simple has puzzled me. When I attempt to help her move something (like a table or chair) it turns into an argument of descriptors. I say "do you want to go left or right" and she will say "up this way" or "over this way", but will push or pull in the opposite direction. At first I thought this was just a directionally challenged thing, but it happens every single time and it's weird!!! It's like if I want to walk a straight line she wants to turn immediately. I came home from a trip and the house was a mess. There was a recliner turned upside town in the middle of the living room. The kitchen counters were covered in paint and hobby supplies. And she is sitting on the patio scrolling on her phone, acting like it's all good. What am I getting excited about? And then there's the micro managing. My son put in some ceiling fans for her and it took HOURS and HOURS due to the fact that she had to spend so much time telling him what to do and questioning everything. He came to my house and I pointed out the fans (two of them) and told him where I wanted them and he was done and gone in about 45 minutes. He won't answer her calls anymore.
We can not allow narcisists who are full of fear and internal chaos and confusion to dictate and control how we should live our lives. Let us live our lives as authentic, integtated and free people who live lives of harmony, love and peace. Thank you dr Carter❤
❤😊
Narcs are shifty know it alls.
This is such a helpful video as I continue to understand this strategy my narcissistic spouse uses so often. I would find myself agreeing with the gaslighting because there was usually a grain of truth in what they said and I was focused on assuming the best in them. Also I wanted to avoid the inevitable flood of words they would unleash to justify themselves and control me. I'm sharing this with my adult children to help them learn and cope with their narcissistic parent. Thanks for another great video. You are helping me so much!
Very well said and I identify strongly.
This is what can make dealing with them so difficult (especially for an empathic spouse); it's often not obvious and blatant, but rather an insidious weaving of truth and gaslighting, real hurt and pseudo-vulnerability, desire for emotional intimacy but need to assert control whenever real intimacy starts to be present.
Thank you so so much for this. I just got out of a relationship with someone who was constantly trying to gas light me. She would shame me for having tattoos, for having certain friends I've known for years, for playing concerts. It was bad. 6 months I had to deal with it. Very toxic. Love this video and your channel.
Alternate reality, and they want to hold you hostage in their hell world
Your videos have helped me immensely understand the world of the Narcissics in our lives and how to protect ourselves from their dysfunction. And, Gus's presence has a calming, loving effect on me. What a beautiful being !
I can't really apply any of these insights, because I went no- contact years ago, but the confusion still haunts me.
Another tactic of my narcissistic family member is sometimes a refusal to make a decision when it's urgent. He forces me to make it, and then will inevitably find fault and criticize the decision that I made. This is also part of a general fault-finding in others, too.