Why We Behave As We Do
A key principle governing the natural world is that animals adapt to thrive in particular habitats; what we call an animal’s character is essentially a set of traits that gives it maximal opportunity to flourish in specific circumstances. We humans are - in the end, beneath a layer of civilisation - not so different.
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“A key principle governing the natural world is that animals adapt to thrive in particular habitats; what we call an animal’s character is essentially a set of traits that gives it maximal opportunity to flourish in specific circumstances. The owl is - for example - furtive and nocturnal to help it succeed in crowded habitats with heavy pressures on food supplies. Stick insects are docile and skilled at disappearing into a background of twigs and branches to help them avoid the attention of rodents and spiders. And African wild dogs are collaborative and respectful of hierarchies to lend them the very best chances of cornering impalas and springboks..”
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CREDITS
Produced in collaboration with:
Jesse Collett
www.jessecollett.co.uk/
Title animation produced in collaboration with
Graeme Probert
www.gpmotion.co.uk
The mere act of questioning the motivations behind people’s behavior with genuine curiosity and empathy is pretty rare, so I appreciate this video for encouraging that
shrinks do that all the time.........
I don't think the motivation is key here, it's more about the actions taken afterwards. Let's say you simply want more money, you can: a) Rob a Bank b) Get better education/training to add value to yourself The motivation is the same in both cases.
Although it is definitely not useful or healthy situations with abuse of any kind. I urge people not to waste their lives trying to extend sympathy to their abusers, or those who want to take advantage of others in any way large or small. Learn to identify these folks and get away from, avoid, don't vote for them etc.
@@SiskoSvK incorrect. get better education/training does not always equate to a better job. at the end of the day, education all comes down to a piece of paper and how reputable the institution is. if it is not as reputable, then you're just dumping money down the drain.
I find it hard to find empathetic people too. Though I too sometimes forget it but then suddenly realise what if I was that person... thought sometimes too late
It seems that we all have this "programming" deep in our brains. It is powerful to be aware of this and to know how to avoid being controlled by it.
You could make a movie about any individual on earth and it could be award winning
It always wins though ... Especially in crisis situations ...
I've been coming back to Alain’s teachings for 8 years now. I must confess that this has become one of my primary sources of emotional learning in addition to Dr Esther Perel and Dr John and Dr Judy Gottman’s teachings.
Same here.
Esther Perel is awesome. The Gottman's?
@@alstone5559 see "Gottman Institute". They are good too.
@@alstone5559 yeah, the Gottmans. You know them?
Good that. I recommend you reading books like 1.The brain 2.The righteous mind 3.Sapiens Hope you will have a great experience seeing through.
There's a chinese idiom that says: "江山易改，本性难移“ it's easy to change your behaviour, but hard to change your nature. I believe in what we've experienced will hone our perspective on how we react, by react differently doesn't change our initial perspective, even after a duration of time.
I haven't started the video yet but I bet it has something to do about our parents and our childhood again. Lol
😂👏 ... *Yes, essentially what we learned to survive in our childhood environment, may no longer be serving us well.*
Alain de Botton also is very keen on REPETITION and believes it's utterly important. He sometimes will compare it to the way church is repetitive.
Yes! I love SOL (especially the animations) but the creators could help themselves (and all of their fans) by taking the time to study, and take to heart, the vast research supporting the current model of ''neuroplasticity''- absolutely one of the most uplifting and hopeful paradigms of personality and behavior ever advanced. As it stands, SOL, invariably suffers from dusty, worn out, (and largely disproven) vaguely Freudian misapprehensions. Freud was a WRONG and a downer! BUT I STILL LOVE THE ANIMATION and SOL, invariably, speaks to my heart.
@@meetontheledge1380 are there any approaches in particular you think about?
It helps for me to regularly sit with my personal intentions and goals for the year ahead, and being self-observant enough to compassionately notice where we are "getting in the way" of living in that desired reality. That way, when a situation comes about which is basically triggering your learnt survival mechanism, you can choose to be your "favourite self" as opposed to auto-pilot self. Start with one coping mechanism that you've noticed is a pattern in your life and gradually prove the programming wrong. Aka, basically start working in the opposite direction of it. In tiny ways. For example... If your response is usually to make yourself small when around potential threat as this video mentioned, how can you do something today that demonstrates to your system that you're operating differently? The opposite is making yourself big and heard. For example, laugh loudly with a friend, hold a bolder posture, sing and dance in the mirror to your favourite song, second think NOT sharing your opinion during a group discussion, tell somebody a fact about yourself that not many know, ask a stranger for directions, help a stranger with directions, etc. That way you're inviting it into your life in easy and less invasive ways, making you identity with it differently. It can take years though!
Thought I find it difficult to switch off this autopilot mode😔
@@SkyGuardianHelmet You'll be surprised how just noticing that you're doing it in the moment is actually a massive step towards slowly evolving from it! Awareness is a game changer. It makes sense that you find it difficult because it has been years and years of "working out just right for you" (because, here you are, alive and well!). Your body thinks it's the way to be. You've just got to prove your survival brain in little ways that a different approach does not equal death 💀 (which both me and you know that you will not die from approaching conflict differently 😝) You've totally got this!
@@NinkComPoop I'm trying but it switches itself on in some unexpected situations and I sometimes forget all about it. Though I'm aware of it afterwards 😅. And I'm happy for your kind words🤗
I have not been feeling mentally good lately; but these videos from The School Of Life keeps me going!
Chin up, hope you feel a bit brighter soon - all the best. ❤
It's very important that you recognized you are feeling low. I hope you have a trusted loved one to talk to. I find that the best way to combat the blues is with an attitude of gratitude. There is always something to be grateful for. 🌷🌻💜
It's truly brave of you to open up about not feeling mentally good, and I'm glad these School of Life videos have been a source of comfort for you. I just want to add a few things. First, it's completely natural for our emotions to ebb and flow. Feeling good isn't a constant state, and recognizing that can be a big step towards understanding ourselves and our emotions better. Something that has personally helped me get through feeling down, and even depressed, is setting a big, audacious goal for myself and then chasing after it with everything I got. It might sound daunting, but it's all about that dopamine rush-the brain's feel-good chemical that kicks in when we achieve something, no matter how small. There's an indescribable joy in going after something challenging, and conversely, nothing feels quite as depressing as inaction and the sense of our lives wasting away. This realization led me to start something I’ve always dreamed of-my own KZhead channel. It was a way to channel my energy and passion into something productive and meaningful, beyond just a hobby. It’s one example of taking action that not only brought a sense of achievement but also positively impacted my mood and outlook on life. I encourage you to think about what excites you, what big goal can get you out of bed in the morning, eager to take on the day. It doesn't even have to be huge, just significant to you. The journey of going after this can be a powerful source of motivation and happiness. One more thing, don't live by feelings, live by actions. Feelings follow action, not the other way around. For example, if I'm feeling down, I can guarantee that those feelings are telling me it's because I'm not going after my dreams and goals. The second I start going after something, the feelings change. Don't let feelings dictate your actions. Let actions dictate your feelings. Hope this makes sense and hope it helps.
@@thebesttheworst2277 people on the internet are better than people in my life. Thank you for this
@@CorpseBride64 rn i have no one I could talk to but i keep going. Thank you for your advice:)
While this is true it should be said that as an adult you are responsible for your own behavior. The meaning of why you act a certain way does not matter if you are hurting or bringing others down. That said I do think we would do better as a society if we would fix the underlying issues instead of always putting a bandage on the festering wounds.
yes but for one to stop their behaviour they must be aware of the root cause of it to heal, otherwise they will go around with habits that makes them irresponsible when really they just needed to heal their wounds. Im glad you recognized this as well.
This partially is true, but how a persons brain works accounts for their reactions a lot too. A set of twins raised can have completely different personalities and reactions. Most siblings have different ways they deal with things too. I feel like many people can grow up in the same kind of abusive household and all have different ways of growing into an adult. Some will become abusers themselves and others will strive to never have abuse in their life ever again, you know?
I agree with that , everyone has a set of boundaries and their own beliefs that may or may not be affected by their surroundings
Love this because it makes so much sense. We see adults acting like 5 year olds every day when faced with difficult circumstances. Loved the animated characters.😊
This episode hits me very hard, because I have 20 years now and still needs to adapt to the persons in my home, but I have a life too that doesn’t need my constant vigilance of the people around me. It’s a duality that I have to fight everyday and remind myself that the existence out there is much pleasurable 💛
Fascinating and yet so common sensical too
Such an eye-opening point of view. I have to work with people I have a great disdain for as I find they lack the quality of "mindfulness" and would not think twice about inconveniencing me with their various workplace eccentricities like not using headphones to listen to music or slamming their bottles on their tables instead of gently placing them down to minimize noise. I've always believed that the sins of fathers will be borne by their children but I've never really thought to apply it to people's actions. The actions or inactions of our "fathers" sinful or not have gone on to mold our current behaviors. I just wish more people had enough self awareness to conduct a thorough introspection of themselves and how their conduct affects those around them. But that is just wishful thinking.
Beautiful, insightful and wise piece of message again. Thank you The School of Life.
Some people behave SO terribly...I see how some people act in public or treat their "loved ones" in public, and I can imagine how much worse it is behind closed doors.....I REFUSE to be known as someone who behaves poorly or treats others poorly. I'm sorry most of us had shyte examples for mature adult behavior when we were kids (me included), but most of us have the capacity to be self-aware and change our behavior for the better. Many people need to somehow be made aware that they need to think beyond their noses once in a while......
Five minutes that will make you think for the whole day. Thanks!
*Essentially what we learned to survive in our childhood environment, may no longer be serving us well.* Time for us all to take stock and discard traits we no longer need that may be hurting us overall.
That's why The Reggio Emilia method is so vital at early stage of toddlers and children development. The environment is really the 3rd greatest teacher.
Thank you ❤
Long days and sad nights, Things that makes us cry , Although some parts in us are broken but it's never too late to try. Being in situations where I was ignored by my own, I got to know that I am always alone, It's absolutely a rare view that in a world full of people and everybody seems joyful but the fact is we all are alone. I wish good luck and hapiness to everyone . The darkness will fade away and a bright day will come. You just need to have faith. ❤❤❤
Thank you❤
How should we deprogram ourselves then?
Therapy, a healthy and regulated amount of doubt regarding ourselves and the world and perhaps the most important - compassion and understanding directed towards the self 😊
Regularly sitting with your intentions and goals for the year ahead, and being self-observant enough to compassionately notice where we are "getting in the way" of living in that desired reality. That way, when a situation comes about which is basically triggering your learnt survival mechanism, you can choose to be your "favourite self" as opposed to auto-pilot self!
You can't do anything to alter. But the people of your surroundings can, so to answer your question is to escape from negativity and find a positive social circle. That might now answer your question directly, but you got the formula.
Become self-aware of your actions/words and how they affect those around you. Observe your words and behavior and ask yourself things like "why am I acting this way?" "why do I have this reaction around this particular person?" "was I right to say the first thing that popped into my head?" It takes time and work to dig into our behavior and figure out why we do what we do. Mindfulness and meditation help slow down our knee-jerk reactions and help us to take space (or think) before acting/speaking. Therapy is very helpful for many people also. It is 100% possible to change. You have to want it and work at it. I am so proud of myself for no longer being the way I used to be. I was only copying the way my parents act/speak, and thankfully I was able to see that this was not the way I wanted to be. "I can do all things through Me who strengthens Me."
I'm currently reading Determined by Sapolsky. That book fits in well with this
Well, it turns out your quite correct SOL. What a lot of hard work it is to change. But change we must. 🤦💪👍
Yep. You're correct
A little over a year ago I adopted a 19 month old kelpie crossed with staffy who was bought to the pound after living on the street. I found a few less than ideal traits and it took a LONG time for her and the cats to make peace but she was motivated from the start to respond to training and I have found her very plastic. She's like a different dog now but I should point out I am home all day so we are rarely more than 20 feet apart.
A very good one, thank you.
We are animals so it's only fair to try and understand one another.
The psychology equivalent of “living in your head rent-free”
Very good video thank you for your insights as always! Is our brains our brain washed at Early age. After that bad habits are formed and hard to break Much less to be aware of why we do the things we do.
With the snap of a finger.... those old paterns are gone. Gone, i say! And you be free. Free to live your life as who you truly are. * Snap *
I remember trying to explain this idea to other kids at highschool in the mid-90s when they'd complain about the behaviour of another kid. "Meet his mum and you understand why he's f'd up" 😢
Who else here is withdrawn because of a narcissistic unstable father and enabling passive mother? It's hard to change because I'm like a trained dog. I remember him getting mad at me for everything, even when I cried because I was scared of a thunderstorm. I would get yelled at and get a belted spanking. I was trained to be quiet and not show emotion but now I'm still withdrawn as an adult. I don't trust people to accept my real self but I don't even know what that is anymore.
I think its hard to understand our childhoods even relatively ordinary ones and so much is also influenced by peers and the community. Sometimes I think I will die by analysis.
Nice conclusion.
I've always been told we are all products of our environments
A child have to entertain others life of Chandler bing and he died early this video quite true
schema therapy very relevant here❤
2:57 Aw, he made the office worker sad.
How do you say farewell to those traits no longer aid? Asking not for a friend but myself
All well and good being aware of our traits, but how do we go about saying goodbye to the traits that aren't serving us anymore when they're so deeply ingrained in our psyche? When our environment demands an immediate response out of us, how do respond more appropriately than what comes naturally to us?? (asking for a friend....)
Those without connection will take attention just to have their existence acknowledged
4:05 funny...😅
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:05 *🦉 Animals adapt their behaviors to thrive in specific habitats, and humans do the same within their family environments.* 01:52 *🤔 Understanding people's behavior requires considering the adaptive strategies they developed in response to their family dynamics.* 02:48 *⚠️ Traits that were once beneficial in childhood environments may become problematic or obsolete in adult life.* 03:42 *🌱 Failure to adapt behaviors to new circumstances can hinder personal growth and cause problems in relationships and careers.* Made with HARPA AI
Great video! But my German shepherd is extremely nice and well trained.
❤❤
Thank you!
A cute video but it doesn't mention that often, awareness to our programming is just a first (although important) step in a very, very long journey of learning to adapt and "re-educate" oneself. Sometimes, if awareness is gained late or if the patterns of childhood became very rooted, it even may be impossible to change because said programming affects not only behavior but, more importantly, our thoughts and perspective about the self and the whole world with all it aspects. You may understand that something is not adaptive but to notice it in every context and question your own subjective experience is very difficult and demanding. That said, I still encourage such journeys of self discovery and if this video will act as the first domino for someone - good luck!
Self-discovery is this channel's brand.
@@carlgemlich1657 I know :) That is why I am subscribed and also the reason for my (hopely constructive) criticism.
@@RussianAssassin100 I appreciated your comment.
Easy to say "just get rid of your early programming".
Nobody said it was easy! But knowing why we act in a certain way is half the battle ☺
@@NinkComPoop It's half the battle. The second half is to struggle for the rest of your days it seems like.
@@alexxx4434 Start with one coping mechanism that you've noticed is a pattern in your life and gradually prove the programming wrong. Aka, basically start working in the opposite direction of it. In tiny ways. For example... If your response is usually to "lightning react" to potential threat as this video mentioned, how can you do something today that demonstrates to your system that you're operating differently? The opposite of pushing things away is curiosity, so maybe think of a few ways within your schedule today that you can let curiosity in. I.E. Seeing something through a little longer than you would, giving someone/something the benefit of doubt, maybe even give an emotion that you bump into (such as nerves) curiosity by sitting with it and asking it where it came, or practicing a "pointless" task that doesn't have a purpose or end goal such as creative arts, etc. That way you're inviting it into your life in easy and less invasive ways, making you identity with it differently
@@NinkComPoop Thanks for suggestions. But I'm afraid that in order to change the programming done by OTHER people you'd need different people's support to undone it.
@@alexxx4434 Never said that wasn't part of the process ☺ It definitely helps to practice with people that make you feel safe. All the best ❤
Someone needs to do Guilty Moms. Mom's who felt guilt early enough to stunt the growth of their children.
What traits did that cause? People pleasing?
The video told me to move out already, im working on it dude
Moral of the story: don't let's your vestigial traits play a role in your current development and also learn to adapt fast
But as u said..animals adapt to their surroundings..camel for instance..but all camels of desert have humps..it's common in all..but unlike them..people in the same household have startling differences..so it may be highly possible individual attitude is circumstantial..or attitude does get affected from stimulus from outside world..but we cn nt ignore the possibility a liar is liar bcz he is bad person..he shud own..not evrythng is bcz of household or upbringing..some people do want to behave badly bcz it gives them the pleasure
Who has read Tim Lahaye's - Why you act the way you do?
This can obviously help people with their self awareness of character flaws. But having developed such coping systems in such formative times in our lives mean actually addressing the behavior is surely a mountain to climb.
aww what cute dogs...OH SHI -
4:15 "Our angry father or manipulative mother" It's puzzling how common those kinda figures seem to be. I think it's a combination of historical gender roles and biological (hormonal) differences.
I wasnt allowed to tslk back therefore I seldom challenged authority . I didn't like for my.own children to talk back Although we would have open discussions were anything could be voiced. I did not punish my kids if they told the truth about breaking something they knew was off limits but accidents happen.. however if i found out 1 of my children were dishonest especially pointing the finger a younger sibling ( bc punishment for the youngest wasnt mych more than time out where an older child may get their phone taken) i didnt punish if being honedt but i did if i found out later they had lied to me. My daughter.is now a mom. She allows her children to talk back as long as it isnt disrespectful. She wants them to always know they can & should speak up. She handles lying the same as i did with her & her siblings. Honestly is best. I didnt allow yelling at one another. Nor does she. (Adults or children) everything can be handled without dominating the situation with your voice
I wish It was that easy😢
God bless you guys. Thank for doing this channel. I will donate to you when I win the lotto❤️
👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
understanding this will create only tolerance, empathy, compassion and forgiveness. which sucks.
Education, repetition, Fer of changing and conservative spirit.
please add spanish subtitles :(
Two kings, one is sometimes incompetent
From india attendance
Why shouldn't you ask a question after a question?
I don't know, why shouldn't you?
The old Blank Slate theory, refuses to let go.
Men theories refence; Our thoughts. Where do thoughts come from?
Poor bug
No human being has ever changed the world in the way that would require that he change the fundamental nature of the human being.
We have created the world that constantly changes the human being. You can trace that by the amout of trauma that routinely gets inflicted by the world upon human beings. This leads to the natural selection. Eventually it will end up in the line of humans that doesn't need to be traumatized to fit the world.
Tell that to the inventors of agriculture, cities and the industrial revolution. Of course it opens a debate regarding what is specifically the "fundamental nature" of humans.
@@alexxx4434 The world is different in all sorts of places, sub-cultures etc. These adaptations are based on circumstances that aren't ideal for the conflicltess existance of a human. As the world develops, people that are able to provide their kids with stuff that enables them to repeat the process of reproduction and nurture them to live in the world or adapt to it will be likely the ones to pass on the genes.
@@GloryBlazer Parents not only nurture their children but also traumatize them to fit the environment. This is an overlooked aspect of parenthood. Just like in Asia not long ago parents were breaking their daughters' feets to reform them into small appendages to fit the societal norms of beauty at the time; so are psychological traumas that form certain beneficial traits in modern market societies (e.g. narcissism) often get passed down from generation to generation, unconsciously. An outlook on childhood psychological traumas as passed on cultural genes. Of course, the problem with trauma adaptation is that it's far from guaranteed to work: some are getting broken without acquiring desired traits.
@@alexxx4434 People experience trauma when their needs aren't met, if a child develops a stratedy like narcissistic traits, the reason is very often a result ot their parent's inability to navigate their relationships in a way that fulfills needs of others (and often also themselves). These strategies are usually formed in childhood or in a traumatic environment, but in most situations become maladaptive, because defense mechanisms like narcissism are not optimal for wellbeing in societies and places that foster growth, integration and other high-level personal accomplishments.
Why did I ignored my crush . Now she's disappeared out of nowhere
🤷🏻.. let's find out.
00:48
People make judgements about me… without ever bothering to get to actually know me.
1. People also have their personal backgrounds that may lead them to be prone to judgements. 2. You may sometimes do the same towards others without noticing it, subconsciously. If you want people to know you, you have to make yourself known. 😊
You can't control other people.
People will judge you regardless of if they know or don't know you. But if you react to them and gain negative emotion from such bias judgement, that negativity will affect your mind, you feel sad because you care of what people think of you, not because they misjudged you. Listen, no one matters to you other than yourself, you can't get everyone's approval, because you don't have to. Once you have a mind of peace, you can analyze the misconception by them then improvise from it, if needed.
This happens to every single human on this planet. We are all judged, and we all judge others. It's part of being human. The key is to grow enough so that we no longer take others' judgements personally. "Another person's opinion of me is none of my business." Absolutely easier said than done, but we can get better at it with work.
I think this happens to everyone really. How often have you tried to know someone else? I don't really try, so I shouldn't let it bother me when I'm invisible. This world/society favors extroverts anyway.
🤍
You don't know me
There’s only strength or weakness
What about Pokemons then?
Cuz we are dumb animals 😂😂😂
I am 69th like
Social engineering
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
This is a very confused use of terms and is not very accurate. Adaptation to a habitat is a phenomenon of genetic evolution over thousands to millions of years. It is simplified as "Nature". Shaping of personality to the social environment is quickly done at the beginning of one life, and is simplified as "Nurture". Human evolution has created our propensity to be influenced by our upbringing. It is simplified as "Culture". This video confuses all three.
Are there any books related precisely or even remotely to the topic discussed in the video that the School of Life would wanna recommend to us?
I can't even look at any of those other psychology videos on youtube after having followed tSoL for so long; those will never come close to being nearly as Insightful and useful