I escaped a cult - I spent a day with an EX-CULT MEMBER
I spent a day with ex-cult member Calvin Wayman to learn the truth about being born into a cult and escaping Mormon Fundamentalism. SPONSORS ▸Go to betterhelp.com/padilla to get 10% off your first month! ▸Visit joinhoney.com/PADILLA to get Honey for FREE
🎙THE PODCAST
Spotify ▸ open.spotify.com/show/5aOLuPe...
Apple ▸ podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
🧨HUGE thank you to CALVIN:
▸ CALVIN’S INSTAGRAM - / calvinwayman
▸ CALVIN’S WEBSITE - calvinwayman.com
▸ BOOK - calvinwayman.com/book
🗯RELATED EPISODES…
▸ EX-MORMONS - • I spent a day with EX-...
▸ CONVERSION THERAPY SURVIVORS - • I spent a day with CON...
🎥Crew
▸ Creator, Director, Writer, etc. - Anthony Padilla
▸ Executive Producer - Alessandra Catanese
▸ Producer, Co-writer & Research - Elise Felber
▸ Director of Photography/Gaffer - Kathy Sue Holtorf
▸ Camera Operator - Garrett McKenna
▸ Production Assistant - Cade Huseby
▸ Editor - Mike Criscimagna ( / morkcrispy )
▸ Assistant Editor - Patrick Horba
▸ Post PA / Assistant Editor - Ash Duckworth
▸ Sound Editor - Gareth Hird
🎵Theme Music Composer - Matt Good AKA The King of Emo
🖼Portrait painted by: Rhianna Robles - / zerogattsu
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📺3D animations by: Jacob Dalton - / jacobdaltonvfx
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I’m proud to call Calvin my son. I appreciate how well rounded he presented his life, talking about the good times and very difficult times. I’m grateful that he could see a better way to live his life and follow his heart with what he knows to be true.
🥺😭❤️❤️❤️
I love you, mama. 🌹
So wholesome
Wow! I was also in a cult. Seeing you his Mother be so amazing, is healing to my heart. I feel so proud of you both!
@@officialcalvinwayman I love you too! 💗💓💗
"a mind full of conclusion has no room for expansion" damn that's wise
One of my favourite quotes has always been 'belief is the death of intelligence' but I feel like this way of wording it would be received better by somebody with a cult-like mentality
Fax
@@JM-qz3hm yeah, because nitpick-y people like me would argue with the meaning of belief and its importance and shortcomings, whilst ignoring the point... I really like the speaker's quote today
It blew my mind
Which is why you should never stop seeking.
The fact that Anthony didn’t force him to continue talking about a certain subject just show how much respect he has for his guests
TOTALLY. That meant a lot to me.
Ik that why I like watching Anthony
I love anthony too and he’s definitely a great host, but thats just basic decency… not that its not good that anthony does it, but its common sense
@@tundraart2693 It’s is true I’m not denying it but u don’t see it sometimes on the internet
Y’all why is drista in an Anthony video
I really appreciate that Anthony assured him he didnt need to talk about anything too difficult. many interviewers chase the story regardless of peoples feelings and seeing Anthony display that this was a safe place was heartwarming.
Absolutlely,of course he needs/wants to know because its an interview but still puts that aside if needed an worries first for the person being interviewed its so heartwarming.
1,000th like. No, the exact 1,000th like. :)
He’s not a therapist
Anthony is really good at interviewing! He makes ppl feel good instead of uncomfortable like some interviewers do
Interviewers should learn from him
"Righteousness can replace love" I was never in a cult, but very "religious" house hold. And that statement is very powerful
yes me too, i heard that word a lot growing up and what he said really resonated with me
I am still in a very religious household. And it definitely hits hard.
Definitely hits hard, because my understanding of my own faith it supposed to showcase love, and all around me all I see are people too caught up in their own righteousness instead.
Two separate things. Love IS righteous, righteoueness is not necessarily love. Christianity tells us to try to be virtuous and righteous, and one of the ways to do that is to love. If you confuse the two, well, you're not following god.
Yeah unfortunately I grew up with my Catholic grandparents and the parallels to what Calvin said was painful 💔
This one really upset me. He was so honest and raw. Sending him virtual love.
I am so unpretty 😭 When I go to the bank, they turn the cameras off. At least I am a big star on YT. Don't feel too bad for me, dear pi
@@AxxLAfriku I don't think anyone feels bad for you. Just fucking hate the fact that you comment the most unrelated things possible.
I too was struck with how brave and loving Calvin seemed to be. He was so honest and emotional and still seemed so accepting of people (like his dad) that you wouldn't blame if him if he hated. Calvin really is an amazing guy, I'm glad he got out of it and is happy.
I really really enjoyed his personality and _confidence_. holy shit dude, if only I had like 2% of that confidence..
Anthony is such a great host! His guests always seem to be comfortable and open up like they trust him, that's so great and underrated
YES!!! So underrated.
Agreed
@@gim3209 Should be 25M :D
@Marie McKenna oh ok
Mhm
If anyone is interested in diving in deeper to what it’s been like for Calvin’s sibling growing up in this family, Calvin’s older brother Clayne Edward Wayman just published his memoir recently, “Echoes of Resounding Love.”
it's a good idea if you edit your prior comment and put this information there, then more people will see it!
minus the polygamy, this reminds me so much of growing up as a jehovah’s witness. we’re taught that everyone else is lost and doing wrong things, and we have “free will” to make good and bad choices. college, long term careers, etc are discouraged. and you’re shunned if you make “bad” choices. it’s so hard to know who you are when you finally leave.
Same. Came here from a post on r/exJw
Me too! Out now and feel much better.
I was having existential crises at such a young age because I was forced to be a JW. I’m there with y’all 🙌🏼🙌🏼
Jesus loves you come to him, yes we have free will but don't be shunned by many because Christ didn't condemn but save the world. Humble your heart and behave in the soul because Christ wants to be your friend and friend.
@@John-ls4xh bots fr wilding… nah…
Anthony is so respectful and patient. When Calvin was overwhelmed and crying, Anthony just waited and asked if he wanted to talk about it. He is an amazing interviewer. Edit: the likes omg-
he should be a therapist
@@buzzingbumblebee7816 he'd be a really good one
Yes. I have noticed this with his interviews; he is this way to all of his guests. Gold content on KZhead, in my opinion.
Unlike OPRAH WHO INTERRUPTS EVERYONE EVERY 3 SECONDS
I just wanna know why he doesn't change his pants!
He was so easy-going and could make a conversation flow very well. Calvin was a great guest, and I wish him all the best!
That's why he ended up in a cult
@@rodneyrodriguezsoberal5522 he was born into it
@@rodneyrodriguezsoberal5522 he was born into it, he didn’t have a chance
@@rodneyrodriguezsoberal5522 either u didnt watch the video or have zero listening comprehension skills
the fact he is crying and says it’s fine this needs to be talked about what a guy
I grew up in a christian cult and one thing that people always mistake about me is that I'm angry and have hate in my heart against the church...while yes I've been hurt by the church and parts of it do make me angry I have empathy for them. The Allegory of the cave is a perfect example of what it was like for me leaving the church. The one thing the story was missing is all the guilt you feel.
Yeeees. The guilt part is real. Something I’ll be talking more about on my podcast
I wish you all the best be strong sensitive and beautifull !!!
Him explaining Plato’s allegory of the Cave was... brilliant. You see visually see his “aha” moment materialize all over again. Incredible.
:)
Same experience
I was not in a cult but I was agnostic since I was 10, his retelling was really reminiscent of the time I finally decided that I don't believe in religion anymore.
2:13 Sounds alot like Islam and Christianity
@@paulsinih7404 funny bc i was an ex muslim and i can confirm, the way i stopped believing is different tho
Advice to cults: don’t send your members to philosophy classes.
This is good advice lol
Just take a look at how schooling has become the enemy of certain powers, keep people dumb. Easy to control.
Shhh don't tell them that.
@@officialcalvinwayman read this comment plz it needs your response Chunk Grape 8 months ago Thank you. So much. I am currently in the same religion with the same thoughts and processes as Calvin. It’s so helpful and emotional for me to see this person who has the same thoughts as me. I’m not crazy. I’m not alone. And this man can go out and live his life the way that I want to. Thank you for giving me that help
@@mollyjames9534 Hey Molly, what do you feel this needs?
The “I hope I did enough” on her death bed really hit home for me I always still wonder if I’ll ever meet expectations of my family and for God.
I don't know if this helps or not, but as an evangelical Christian, the Bible offers assurance of salvation, that is to say, that we truly have a relationship with him. And Christianity isn't based on what you do or don't do, it's based on your heart position, and relationship with God. It's not about if your good deeds outweigh your sins, because all your sins have been paid for :) Edit: typo
We can't ever meet God's expectations and do enough work because his standards are Holy and pure. This is because of human sinful nature and we tend to satisfy our desires more. BUT, God gave us the free gift of salvation by dying for all our sins and through his grace we are saved and the gates of heaven is open to ALL.
Friend, that is the point of the real gospel. We’ve all fallen short and cannot do enough to earn grace or peace with God because our sun separates us. So Jesus cake and lived a perfect life on our behalf, and still took the punishment for our sin when He died on the cross. He bridges the gap between us and God when He rose from the dead 3 days later. He gives Jesus’ righteousness to us as a free gift, so we have peace with God. All you have to do is repent of sin and believe that Jesus was crucified and raised again.
Just try your best dude, but you’re worthwhile anyway.
This really stuck with me, his stament “It’s not always bad” that’s exactly what a toxic relationship is like, especially with a parent. It feels so good to hear someone else say that and to know i’m not alone and i’m not crazy.
You are 100% NOT crazy.
ikr
Yep my parents have abused me emotionally and fiscal and now they are nicer but it still happened
I’ve always felt this way growing up in an abusive household, i’ve had these thoughts circling inside my brain and i would contradict myself and argue against myself by defending my parents saying “well they don’t treat me badly 24/7 i probably did something to deserve it”
@@zbear199b3 why do they do it
when he started to cry I really felt for him ): I love how vulnerable he was willing to get in order to say the truth and reality of his situation
@@officialcalvinwayman Hey Dude, Wish You The Best
@@1ndonly_mya I appreciate that!!
I think that was the first time I cried watching an Anthony Padilla video... Wishing the best
i actually cried without Calvin even saying anything,.. i am amazed of how strong he is! i only got a split second of pain and i couldn/t handle it. Just imagine how hard and painful it gets when you double it with actually experiencing it. Dang! @CalvinWayman thank you so much for teaching us and helping us with your experience! So much love and respect from Kurdistan
I have a direct quote from Plato's Allegory of the Cave tattooed on the inside of my arm, because of how profoundly it influenced me the first time I ever read it. It says, "How could they see anything but the shadows if they were never allowed to move their heads?" I got it to remind me to always be open-minded, since it's always possible that what I think is true is a mere shadow of reality, and I might simply not know enough to even realize it.
💜
“A mind full of conclusions has no room for expansion.” That cuts DEEP, dude.
❤
@@officialcalvinwayman Damn, this dude out here still responding? Major respect for you coming on here and sharing your story. Hope things are going well for you.
A philosophy course saved this man's life. He's happier now and thriving. If that teacher didn't get the wheels turning in his mind and make him question things, how miserable would he be today? It just shows how integral knowledge is to us all.
I hope someone who knows Professor Jane Drexler from Salt Lake City college can show her this. Because yes, it’s been about 13 years since that class and she changed my life
@@officialcalvinwayman As big as Anthony's platform is, someone HAS to see this video who knows her! Fingers crossed; that'd be so cool.
@@officialcalvinwayman I sent her an email! I don’t know her at all but it’s always best to give thanks to those who can make such an impact ❤️ I’m glad things have turned around for you in your life and I hope that this life continues to fill you with all of the love and happiness. Thank you for sharing your experience!
Education is the only true path to freedom. Having for-profit college is a disgrace to the idea of freedom, yet here in America college degrees can cost $100’sK.
@@nevadag606 spoken like a true philosopher!
I loved his explanation of Plato's cave-he's a great communicator.
🤜🤛❤️
This part blew my mind and I'm a huge Matrix fan so I'm surprised I didn't know this! It's the best thing I've learned about in so long! Absolutely love this video. 🙏🏻🙌🏼
@@c_sal tbh,I'd read about Plato's cave before but never quite understood it for some reason! His explanation was really clear though.
I am Greek .I have studied Plato's cave in ancient Greek and I have to say that he explaned it so well .
Reading Platos Cave in Philosophy class in college helped me leave Mormonism
Calvin's point that cults exist on a spectrum is a very important one. A lot of people (my past self included) think they can't possibly be in a cult because it's not like Heaven's Gate or Jonestown, or even worry that using the word "cult" for their experience is insulting to victims of "real" cults, but recognising that it's a spectrum is essential to the process of escape and healing.
"A mind full of conclusion has no room for expansion" is a really good quote. Thank you for sharing, Calvin
Calvin seems like such a well spoken, intelligent person, and Anthony is doing a great job as usual, I think this is one of my favorite interviews he's done
@@officialcalvinwayman hope you're doing great out there 🙆🏻♀️
@@sweetMaKy still figuring out this thing called “life” lol - but yes, doing better than ever
It's really scary to think that someone can just easily get dragged into a cult like Calvin explained. You can't help but sympathize for him.
Good to see your here
Or born into it. So very sad
When he started crying it actually broke my heart a little.
Dude. You are everywhere
I have friends who are part of the mormon community and it worries me.
"A mind full of conclusions, can never expand" Im not kidding, that's something I'm going to keep with me forever. It's profound and can apply to so many facets of life, it's incredible. Thank you for this video
Yes he has a point 👌
I grew up with a dad like that.... He gave my siblings and I alot of attention...he was usually wonderful and loving and then out of the blue he would fly into a rage. Even though I had many good memories with my family, they were always tainted with a fear of that potential violent flip. It really messes with you
That voice recording was almost like a movie, you could feel the mulling and contemplation and the eventual release from the shackles, I felt so much relief for him
🤜🤛
This is a demonstration of genuine intelligence. The ability to think outside the box of one’s own upbringing is difficult and impressive.
You said this perfectly. He's got such a beautiful mind.
Absolutely, was thinking the same thing. And feel bad for the people who are just naturally born with less intelligence, and couldn't do this. It's not their fault.
This guy is so intelligent and eloquent, I could listen to him for hours. The way he told the Plato's cave story was so immersive. I wish him all the best
Ah, thank you that’s very kind of you to say. I’m looking to start a podcast soon, “Calvin and His 44 Siblings.”
I feel like a cult can also be as easy as being raised by a narcissistic parent. They raise you to see them as superior/untouchable, you never knowing when they’ll blow up, boundaries are always breached (because they aid the narc parent’s belief), they make you feel insecure/guilty about leaving, and you never know it’s manipulation until you or someone else pulls you out of it. And when you do try to escape, they don’t leave you alone. Even that is a SMALL example of a cult.
“Things don’t usually start out as a cult.” And THAT is how it can happen to anybody. Stay safe everyone! Even if something is familiar to you and all you know, that doesn’t mean it’s good. And even if it’s with good intention, doesn’t mean it’s always healthy. Thanks for a great interview, Anthony and Calvin.
That's a similar realization I came to after watching the video. Stay safe ♥️
I genuinely think the IG Astro girls (the who think people who don't believe in it are crazy and dumb) are a cult
@@nadeeshaperera6597 You need to be more open minded. I have never seen any astro girl say that. You're either just assuming that and making it up or you have seen it which means that they're just being stupid. Don't listen to those types of astro girls. Also, you need to be more open minded cause you obviously don't know anything about astrology it's not just "If you're an aries then you're angry and you like being outside more than inside" like that's stupid.
@@JJ-oe4qq made a joke about the 'astro' boys and gals who read memes online and relate them to their lives. Also the people who use astrology to excuse their bad behavior. also I live in South Asia ok bye :)
@@nadeeshaperera6597 yeh those people are dumb that's what I'm saying, don't listen to them they don't know what astrology really is, they're just making crap up.
Cults always scare me, idk it just makes me incredibly uneasy
whats up checkmark
hi evil just saw you from therealdarius
whats up checkmark
what's up checkmark
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“Righteousness can replace love” so succinct and so precise. Cuts to the core.
Thank you. So much. I am currently in the same religion with the same thoughts and processes as Calvin. It’s so helpful and emotional for me to see this person who has the same thoughts as me. I’m not crazy. I’m not alone. And this man can go out and live his life the way that I want to. Thank you for giving me that help.
I definitely agree 💓☺️
How are you doing now?
he has so much positive vibes that seeing him cry actually hurts
had me cryin
@@xgoawayx9477 same
Lol your such a gen z...."good vibes BrOo"
@@bye92 And you can't spell
@@kenzir612 Oh no I said your instead of you're. That's rich coming from a person who probably believes we have an infinite amount of genders 😂
Cults and toxic relationships are very similar and I'm glad he brought that up. In both scenarios, you can be more or less brainwashed and coerced to not think for yourself and be scared to leave no matter how uncomfortable you are. I wish nothing but the best for Calvin.
isn't every religion a cult?? a place where they teach by forcing their stories into people and brainwashing them???
@@ZairaBandy I quite disagree with that statement; or by your definition, one could argue education is a cult; as in education stories are quite literally forced onto children. But in that case it is not a bad thing. Although technically you could say the only difference between religion and cult is arguably the number of practitioners; you could argue having many people with many backgrounds and different perspectives and interpretations of what they are told causing different denominations and where discussion of all sorts of spiritual, morale and intellectual thoughts are encouraged. You have the ability to have discussions with people of other belief systems, outside of people of the religion and the ability to decide and question for yourself if your religion provides any spiritual value to yourself or if you are only religious because your parents taught you to be. Whereas in a cult is a small community where people don’t have the opportunity to think any other way than the way they are taught.
Narcissistic people are cult leaders that's why are very similar
@@ZairaBandy religion is a choice, and isn’t forced the whole life, but cults are very forced and people can find it hard to leave because of family
"Saying "how could anybody ever join a cult" is like saying "how could anyone ever get in a toxic relationship" You'd be surprised of how many people I've heard say stuff like that smh 🤦🏻♀️
I absolutely love and respect that way that Calvin did not hide or apologize for his emotions. I feel like men are so conditioned to hide from or apologize for their feelings and seeing him genuinely get upset was absolutely heart breaking but also beautiful because you rarely see men genuinely upset without any fear
"A mind full of conclusion has no room for expansion." Dang. It went by so quickly, I think this line deserves more notice. Well said.
Like expansion into worldlines, sin and despair?
@@tracytomlinson3409 you can still get out
@@tracytomlinson3409 learning to love, learning fear is not respect, and learning to love one’s self
@@spleens4200 Your interpretation of someone else's reality is warped by the the particular cult you are shaped be. Anthony Padilla is the same. He's just misrepresenting the beliefs of others to manipulate the faith bearing ignorants into following his populist concepts. It's a worldly brainwash that works well on most people who believe that the bible is complete.
@@tracytomlinson2888 I’m going off what the video told me
I prefer the deep dive into one guest. I'm always a little sad how surface level the multi interviews are, we don't get deep enough to really hear about the individuals. It's like a broad intro for people who know nothing about that experience.
True, but not everyone has the same experience all the time. It’s better to get multiple perspectives, even if they feel surface level. Although since I think Anthony already did an interview on Ex Cult Members, it allowed this interview to be much better
yep but i feel like more serious topics are better for one guest but other things i like the normal format :]
@@marystarlightsky or how about this.. 3 videos. all with one person about the same topic. you get the multi-perspective view like previous videos AND the in depth view of this kind of video
I don’t think it’s Anthony’s fault I don’t think it’s anybody’s fault if you’ve been in something traumatic why would you wanna go super deep in your experience
I like having multiple guests and I would sit through long in depth interviews of all of them. I love this series so much!
This touches so close to home. I’m a year and a half out of a cult myself, and hearing somebody else went through something similar… it helps me remember that I’m not crazy
❤
Just curious what yours was?
@@officialcalvinwayman mine was a fundamentalist New Testament church that closely followed Bill Gothard’s teachings, homeschool, unique terminology, the whole us-vs-them thing… Actually, there was a book written about my brother’s experiences (which were the same as mine), called “In My Mother's Home: A Canadian Cult Exposed” by Brian Ward and David Carter. It’s only ten chapters, but it’s a VERY heavy read. Pretty much every trauma trigger warning applies to that book lol! I must say, I admire your strength and kindness. Sometimes I struggle to balance reality and memory lol! 🫂
@@judgemental-chicken I have my moments, lol--there are definitely times I don't feel as kind towards it. Comedy helps. I think having my podcast will also help.
@@officialcalvinwayman oh thank you! so much
‼️Crap whenever he started tearing up it made me cry. I was so hurt. For him. Absolutely heartbreaking.
“That’s how it becomes toxic, because it’s not always bad” I’m about to cry because he’s articulating the abuse that I’ve experienced in such wonderful way. Or not exact but similar? I’m really grateful for this
💯
Sending you 💕💕💕
i hope you get out of this
I wasn't in a cult but yes. It makes you feel crazy for believing something is wrong. And by the time you actually understand your perception is messed up.
Anthony I just have your say, your audience is freaking nice. I’ve never been bombarded with so much LOVE! ❤️❤️❤️
thanks so much for sharing your story!
Thank you so much for sharing your story!!
you deserve all the love! 💕❤️
love you man! you explained your experience so well 💕💕
Thank you for sharing your story!! You are a truly strong individual! I’m glad your education was able to open your eyes, I believe education is the only true path to freedom. My heart broke hearing your story and I’m happy that you are loving your best life ❤️
I come from a family that has branched off of Warren Jeffs cult. I’ve never felt so connected and bonded in a video with a person. People think it’s all bad and awful but it was so normal and so loving it felt like in its own twisted and manipulative way. I’m so happy I got out. I would’ve never saw the damage it actually was doing to me and my family until after I escaped. My sisters and mom are still in. I still have very brief and rare conversations with them. It’s sad to watch their brainwash continue to happen from the outside. Thank you for sharing your story.
Hey Alyssa! Have we met before? Where do you live now??
It’s things like these that make me realize I was raised in a borderline cult. It wasn’t 100% a cult but it was (and still is) getting to that point. I’m so glad I got out before it got worse.
Damn.
Extra time was so necessary for the invaluable voice recording and excellent explanation of Plato's allegory. Just like cult members benefit from critical thinking about the outside, the rest of us benefit from examining how one can end up in that situation...and it's enlightening to recognize how subtle things can lead to something sinister. Be safe, y'all.
I thought everyone knew the story already and was annoyed! Glad it’s being shared if that isn’t the case.
@@summer-xt1gg I learned about the cave allegory in college but it's been...a while, haha.
@@summer-xt1gg I've Never heard about the story haha
@@yesterdaydream your channel is interesting
@@squidle7812 lol thanks I barely remember what's on there except me being a stupid teenager 15 years ago
PLATO'S ALLEGORY OF THE CAVE WAS EYE-OPENING FOR ME TOO
Changed my life. (Thanks Professor Jane Drexler!)
SAME
Literally
I just commented about this same thing it's honestly life changing to actually learn about and it's explained in a very easy way to comprehend.
His story of leaving the work and the journey that led him there sounds near identical to my experience with coming to terms with being trans while growing up in a conservative Christian family. Like near identical, from the self doubt, to the fear of damnation, the person asking "well don't you already feel like you are living in Hell," accepting that being wrong about "god" was better than living how you were, and especially the part about how once you say it, it becomes real
@@officialcalvinwayman HEY! Really cool to see you still responding to comments on this video! And yeah, at the core of our stories it truly is about reconciling what we were taught to believe with what we discover the truth is. No matter how deeply we once believed something, it cannot coexist with our reality, so we had to completely upheaval our world views and re-teach ourselves. And despite what others said or how much it hurt in the moment, we knew it had to be done for long-term self peace. Honestly, watching your testimony brought me to tears and I agree, its really cool to see how our different situations were actually so alike. Much love
@@saigesmart4167 yeeeees!!! 1,000,000%
I like how Anthony structures his interviews, he doesn't force the person to say anything and makes the room feel warn and safe❤
I love your username 😂
The story that Calvin said about the shadows really sticks with me.. I'm going to be thinking of this for a long time
if you find that interesting, you might be interested in something called philosophy
Oo la la! It's quite the rabbit hole. Make sure you have a solid group of friends lol
The name is Plato's allegory of the cave. You should look it up online, theres probably tons of analysis of it
Ahhh first time hearing about The Cave?
I've never heard of the shadows either! Now I have to know everything
I respect anthony saying he doesn’t have to talk about it when Calvin gets visibly upset about the subject but I have a lot of respect for Calvin pushing forward and telling anthony “I know it NEEDS to be talked about” and I thank him for his story and Raw honesty so much.
:)
The cave story is really cool, but what's also interesting is that the version i learned was a bit different. The person got dragged out of the cave and he fought and screamed and when he was brought outside his eyes hurt from the sun and he couldn't see immediately. After some time, he started to see and the story progressed like in the video.
i was raised in mormonism, not quite as intense and fundamentalist mormonism, but god it’s so demanding emotionally and mentally. i remember my process of leaving was filled with so much grief. everyone around me telling me i’m making a mistake was so difficult. something important about these two religions that wasn’t mentioned is that many believe in order for a parent to go to heaven they have to be accountable for their children. my parents had a very difficult time when i left because they felt like i was ruining their chances of having a forever family. the guilt is horrible. thanks for sharing calvin :,)
I’m a current member of the church and I do believe that the people in the church tend to be hypocritical and definitely turn people away from the church , what I have learned is that I truly love the gospel and couldn’t leave the gospel because I believe it’s perfect, the people in the church are still humans who aren’t perfect, I don’t think that parents are accountable if their children leave the church, but every parent is accountable for how they raise their children to be good adults, I feel sorry for parents who do feel accountable if their kids leave the church because that has to be hard.
@@kelsiewood7544 I just want to point out, it's a very culty thing that Mormonism does, and that's always saying members leave because of a bad experience with the humans in the church, not because they don't believe in the teachings. It's the teachings. We all know humans are imperfect, and are intelligent enough to separate behavior from gospel "truths". Teaching people to "doubt their doubts" is cult behavior. Teaching people questioning doctrine means they aren't faithful, and don't dare look into the history, is cult behavior. Saying "not secret, but sacred" is cult behavior. It's controlling, manipulation, brainwashing, and causes a lot of damage. And THAT'S the gospel truth. If it's so infallible, spend one day reading ex-mo literature about inconsistencies in the book of Mormon, or watch the testimonials on KZhead of why people left the church. It's not because of a bad experience with a member. It's because off the doctrine. Don't be brainwashed yourself. You're open to watching a video about FLDS, you can take a step back and see the LDS is the same boat.
How do you feel now?
It’s crazy how Anthony has sympathy for everyone he interviews. It must make them feel so understood.
Yes
That’s literally the bare minimum human decency... stop giving people credit for the least
@@shaqaeqrezai5875 did we ask you’re opinion?
I'd even say that he expresses empathy over sympathy which can be even more powerful.
@@elananova yeah, I think that's what makes him such a likeable interviewer as well, he expresses *empathy* and that also shows how much he's actually listening and care for those he interviews
When Calvin told the story of his grandmother saying “I hope I was good enough, I hope I was good enough” on her death bed, literally made me picture my Nanna in that situation and I cried for a while. I feel for her and Calvin for ever having to think that way.
:,(
made me think of my grandma and cry a lot too :(
22:10 this photo makes me so sad; such sweet moments being tied to such a toxic dynamic
Anthony Padilla is so respectful. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to" content creator rarely say stuff like that. Respect to this man
Calvin : "I have 4 moms" Me : Wow, that's a LOT of moms Calvin : "and 44 siblings" Me : Oh, no, that's NOT ENOUGH moms, no, more moms, please that's a lot of children to bear for 4 moms, wow
🤣
The mums probably had 11 kids unless someone took it and made more kids than other mums
@@FFrish c did c
Maybe some of the kids were adopted or given to his family
Maybe 3 more dads
Just hearing "I hope I did enough" gives me shivers. It's sad that people have to worry about burning in hell right before they die instead of spending it with their loved ones in a better atmosphere.
Yep. This is why I don't believe in religion.
@@_nyx same
@@angelfish1192 Every religion is a cult imo. The majority of people who are religious are born into religion and are raised with it (even if it is mildly) and so they don't know any different.
I never think I could go to hell... that's crazy to me
@@_nyx well also if you are religious what's the point if you aren't sure that you are going to heaven/the afterlife/ whatever. Like what's the point if you have a 50/50 chance lol
Sending love to Calvin!! He seems so strong, intelligent and courageous. Wish him the best of luck and thanks for sharing your story Calvin!
:)
“Righteousness can replace love.” that cuts deep to anyone who has experienced what Calvin had
“Righteousness can replace love.” Yes, thank you for this. As an ex-JW, this interview meant a lot. thanks, cult cousin ;)
You’re welcome, cult cousin :)
I'm an ex-JW too, and Calvin really described everything so well. Thank you Calvin for sharing your experience.
Jw isn't a cult
@@Spheriment I think it is. My school taught us about different cults and what they actually are and they used JW as an example, so I think it is. But I'd like to hear your oppinion, why do you think it's not a cult? Just courious.
@@Spheriment it is
I'm a philosophy major, so knowing that my 'useless' and 'impractical' subject helped someone makes me so happy. I'm glad you had a great enough prof to show you another way to look at your life!
haha there's a difference between "being helpful" and "making you money". It totally helps people! It's just hard to make a living off of it these days, like many other careers.
It helps lots of people but it’s hard to get a job with it.
I don’t know if taking philosophy needs to be followed up with a job in that subject, I always saw studying philosophy as more of a passion and a ‘quality of life’ class (by which it boosts the quality of your life by helping you, not necessarily financially). I think, even if it doesn’t guarantee you money-making jobs like other subjects, it’s just as important if not moreso to the people who are interested in it. What’s important is what you learn from it and how you can apply that experience personally and externally, even if it’s not with a job.
Honestly ignore those folks, you can derive value from things in life that won't always "make you money". There is a level of privilege that comes from going to school to learn what you want and not what makes you money... and lot of people will remind you of that out of jealousy. we can't all make money doing what we love, and if you managed to do that, its an even bigger slap to their face.
As much as i hate taking philosophy in college and it requires a different kind of brain power...ngl it makes you see things different when you actually get it.
The way he describes a cult sounds exactly like my experience with Christianity
Eyebrow intensifies
These one-on-ones are absolutely my favorite type of content you make, seeing people go in depth on their own stories can provide incredible insight and it's always extremely fascinating. I've always been much more drawn to the idea of two people in a room, talking with each other and sharing stories in an attempt to learn. I love the idea of this format of content.
I'm only 15, so my experience may not be as in depth as Calvin's but I was raised a Mormon as well (although not fundamentalist). It's always a bit startling to see videos about cults that are based on Mormonism, since I only recently left the church. Though I never knew anything else, I never really felt connected to the church's ideals, mainly because of the way it treated women. I watched the women in my church (including my mom and sisters) suffer for years, being actively silenced and brought down for literally anything they ever did. As a little girl I was taught that I did not have any value other than to birth children and keep them and my husband happy and healthy. Although there is so many ways the church has negatively affected me, I believe the worst is that I was told directly that I did not matter. To the church, I didn't matter as a girl, as a woman or as a person. ESPECIALLY because I have type one diabetes (an autoimmune disorder), so I was seen as "impure". While the men had purpose, and were vital to the church, I was taught that women were expendable and basically useless other than to give their husbands children. This was implemented even by the youth groups, because the boys always did fun, adventurous things like camping, learning survival skills or even just going to an amusement park. The girls, however, did a lot of service activities such as sewing quilts for premature babies, cooking food for church events or learning how to clean. Sorry this is a long comment and not very well written, and there is so much more I can say on the matter but I just wanted to get my personal story out there to show other young people that you *can* get out of a toxic place even before you're an adult. Also, I am open to any questions you may have! I will try to respond to all the replies as soon as I can :)
I’m proud of you! Must’ve been very hard to take that step :)
do you still live w your family? what it’s like living somewhat separated from them in terms of faith and beliefs? this was very cool of you to share! :)
Thank you for sharing your story. I hope that you can find your way! You have a whole life ahead of you, and grow up to be the amazing woman you are!!
how are things with your family?
I am so proud of you I have a question how was you able to get out and how did your family react. I hope you are doing well :)
My grandson shared this with me. Extraordinary! Calvin's courage, and Padilla's compassion and interest. Just wonderful 😊 And Calvin's mom, her support of his personal journey. Beautiful ❣
im an ex morman, i grew up in the church and when you finally get out and realise whats happened and what you had been involved in its traumatizing
I disagree with you, only because I and others close to me left the church because of all the “guidelines” and the people that are hypocritical in the church that turn people away, but living my life out of the church was hurting my life, I joined again later but with the mindset of the gospel they are teaching is perfect but remembering people are not, I got my life back on track and have a stronger testimony of Jesus, I’m sorry the church felt traumatizing for you though.
Honestly I like this format with one guest especially with these darker topics. It really helps me understand his story and everything he went through on a deeper level.
yea i also like the ones with multiples but maybe a longer video to get more in depth with each one instead
when i was listening to this i was imagining an amish type scenario. like ratty clothes and no technology. it’s wild to come to terms with the fact that cults are everywhere and may appear invisible.
Oh the Mormons are not invisible at all...
@@SomehowCreative oh definitely not Lol
@@SomehowCreative I was gonna say that lol
Well this was a fringe group outside mainstream Mormonism. "Normal" Mormons don't practice polygamy or are THAT closed off to the outside world.
@@nickgarcia6572 yeah i was just saying religions can get out of control and become culty but sometimes it’s hard to catch
I actually had to replay the “44 siblings” part at least three times because I kept thinking “I can’t possibly have heard that right”
none of us are immune to persuasion, manipulation, and propaganda. this guy is amazing.
Thank you Anna :)
"righteousness can replace love." this hit home. growing up in the same way as calvin, as a once closeted member of the lgbtq+ community who came out after years- this rang true so many times.
Congrats on being able to come out tho 😀
I hope you feel valued and safe in your space as an LGBT member. I’m non binary and bi myself and thankfully I have an accepting group of people around me. It must not have been easy. Just know you have a whole community behind you to support you. You can lean on this community whenever you need ❤️ I hope things are well
❤❤❤
Same. I came out to my mother a few years ago. My mom is like: "I accept you. But I don't agree." And honestly that kinda hurt me.
Solidarity from a queer enby exmormon (the big one, not FLDS).
My heart aches for the children born into it with zero choice and no way to fight it. A lot of children were murdered in Jonestown. Heartbreaking stuff.
It’s a lot worse than people realize it’s rapid all over the world children getting dragged into stuff they did not consent too and it’s been happening forever
i grew up in one. thank you for your love and support. a lot of kids eventually find a way out. A lot dont. but your kind words mean a lot as someone who has survived. a lot of times i fear people will judge and not understand. but its nice to talk about it with people who respect the situation
we all are born into a religion, one way or another. the thing would stop if parents wouldn't force their religion onto their kids. that way, they can be raise in a neutral environment and when they are older, can research religion and decide for themselves, what they want to believe in.
@@ZairaBandy yes. In the cult teaching children not to question the religion is everything. I remember hearing the pastor telling a parent that because their son liked to read more than playing outside he was possessed by demonic spirits and he needed to be prayed over. If you let kids read- they might get ideas from the outside world.
@@LaurennM360 im so sorry to hear that :( i hope you're okay now, and living your best life
I love how respectful Anthony is with everyone he meets, makes sure his interviewees are comfortable, stating they can disclose as much information as they'd like or not, is unbiased, and how much he interacts with his audience, this chanel is so inclusive and educational, has amazing content and it's refreshing to watch an interviewer with these qualities, becoming successful, opposed to the typical "will push as hard as needed in order to get the scoop" dirtbags that are all too common in this industry Thank you Anthony and team 🖤
I had goosebumps when he start to recount the Allegory of the Cave. I had a wave of nostalgia from my Philosophy class
RIGHT?! The cave story is epic
The moment he broke into tears, recalling what should have been a beautiful family moment… and the way that his father manipulated the situation and his feelings to make him calm down and think it was ok. I feel for the women in this story, and for this man and all the other children. These individual interviews are so powerful, thank you sir for sharing your story. ❤️
❤️🤜🤛
I really do wonder why he hit her though, what could she have done?
Mandy Waynick uhm?? Nothing, you don’t hit your wife. The mother of your children that just went through childbirth having another one of your kids?? You don’t hit your wife or girlfriend or children, or boyfriend or husband either. You just don’t hit people, if you care about someone why would you cause them physical harm?!
@@nevadag606 i don't think thats what they meant, i think its because there are details calvin didn't know of, like what the FATHER'S reasoning was, if he had done it before, and other questions like that. there is no justifiable reason to hit your spouse, but i think they just wanted to know what was going through the fathers head at the moment
Can we talk about how he’s already breaking the cycle with his daughter? The guy grew up in a cult, cults aren’t usually very allowing of imperfection or *mistakes* and often make kids feel evil/wrong or like a freak for just making mistakes any developing child makes. This guy grew up in that sort of environment and went on to write a book called “Mistakes are A-Okay Maggie May”. What strength he must have to make such progress in such a short time.
❤️🥺
Just started the video but I love Calvin's explanation because yeah, no one wants to be in a cult just how no one wants to be in a toxic relationship.
Please continue making these one on one interviews! They are so eye opening to different experiences. I appreciate Calvin sharing his story so intimately, his authenticity is refreshing
Hold up, this guy is really good at explaining.
@@officialcalvinwayman wait are you him
As someone who’s also broken free from a fundamentalist religious, I would guess it’s because he had to be. I had to be able to explain it to myself to be able to move forward into a healthier life
@@TheBoyBanditKing1911 in the flesh. (Well, virtually lol)
@@emileehoerl98 like being able to tell the complete story can free you of it.
This really made me question my relationship with my religion. And I’m so much better for it! I already know I’m leaving organized religion. I’m not leaving my relationship with my God because I enjoy it and it helps me understand life better, but I am done with the church. All the hypocrisies have hurt so many. I like Gandhi’s quote “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”
Christians are unlike Christ but Jesus wants us to work to be more like him everyday.
I agree, I believe in Christ, I dont take part in the organized religion.
This is a similar direction I'm going in from a viewpoint of not believing in god. My dad says "I don't believe in God but Jesus had a point" and that's where I'm at. In fact many churches wouldn't be at all supported by Jesus.
@@SamWest96 Hi Sam! This statement really bugged me at a logical level. What made Jesus a controversial character back in His day was that He claims to be God and repeatedly mentions it(from subtle ways to explicit), correcting and "undermining" (since really Jesus was in charge) religious leaders who had twisted old testament law . Unless what you meant is that "I agree with his moral viewpoint, but screw the metaphysical angle intertwined with it". If you reread at least one Gospel: Matthew Mark Luke or John (John is the best intro if the Bible is new reading) and you'll see what I mean. Example from Matthew 7:23-27 21“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ 23Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’ basically Jesus is talking about being at the gates of Heaven and turning away people (which means He's in charge of Heaven) who put on appearances, even doing ministry, but whose hearts were not actually on board with following the way of life Jesus taught (aka the fruits of their lifestyle are damaging).
@@peterlantz7966 I feel like Jesus has that authority in Heaven, but only because His Father is speaking through Him
The way that Calvin explained everything was amazing. I’m so proud of him. Absolutely brilliant
"A mind full of conclusions has no room for expansion."
❤
I'd be interested to know how many of his siblings have also managed to break free and how many remain in the cult. And what is his relationship like now with those siblings still in the cult, also with his mother/s
Check out the pinned comment... a short exchange between him and his mama... was lovely to see :)
As a someone who was raised in mainstream Mormonism, I can’t believe the amount of strength it took to leave. It was hard enough for me.
Same
I joined when I was 19, and just left this last year. I feel so free!
I left 3 months ago!!
I'm trying to get that strength.
@@RitoWarrior in the end I had to do what was best for me and my husband and we were tired of being judged and not feeling good enough because the church. It eats away at you and since I have mental illness I never felt “the Spirit” so people told me I wasn’t trying hard enough. It was a never ending cycle of shame. When I read the CES letter and found out the truth about the church, I couldn’t still believe.
Plato - breaking minds for over 2450 years
Right??
Just found this channel today. Such a great interviewer. Listens to the answers. Makes thoughtful responses that shows he is listening and understanding. So much more professional in approach then actual news channels. So much compassion and real connection from such a young interviewer. Great guests as well.
as someone who has a bachelor in philosophy and is going to get a master in the same thing, I almost cried hearing this man speaking about his wake up call.
Changed my life. (Thank you Professor Jane Drexler if you ever see this!)
@@officialcalvinwayman we all need a professor like that in our lives. Philosophy can help so many people if done right
Same! I’m so glad that philosophy is what helped him see, though I cannot say that I am at all surprised. Amazing that platos work is still impacting others in such a way as large as calvins story all these century’s and century’s later. Knowledge truly is power.
Philosophy is a lost art that should be required in secondary school. When I decided to pursue philosophy I realized that I was thinking in a way that others conditioned me to. You have to unlearn your thoughts in order the truly think for yourself. I am so grateful everyday to study it.
My university requires a philosophy class, and my sister changed her major to philosophy after her freshman class. The shift and change in her is so amazing, she has become so much more confident and a critical thinker and is able to really engage in conversations instead of just going with the status quo. It's been a cool, 180° shift to witness. We all grow over the course of 3 years, but I'm really impressed by how much she has grown. ❤
@@mckenziejeanne4508 it it truly a beautiful wisdom to learn. Kudos to your sister and to you for seeing the change that it can create in someone!
In my country (morroco) we have a one hour philosiphy class once a week at highschool (the whole three years)
@@percyuji9058 wow that is awesome that your country does that! I’ve never heard of any school in the US require it. My high school didn’t even have it as an elective class to take for fun. I wish the western part of the world took it more seriously and saw the benefits of it!
In Brazil we also have philosophy and social studies throughout all high school. Doesn't the USA have that? Genuinely asking
Anthony, you should be so proud of the work you do and the awareness you're raising. To think you started out as SMOSH, a fun channel, and you're now doing something so much bigger than yourself -- interviewing survivors like Mary Knight etc. I'm so proud of you for following your purpose in life. Information is power and you're raising so much awareness.
"that doesn't sound like a cult, that sounds like a strict religion" cult + time = religion.
The only difference between religions and cults is social acceptance
Ok note on his children’s book, I looked at the cover an it looks so darn cute! I might get it for my friend. She is close to having her second baby.
❤️🙏🌹
I thought so too! Really cute illustration and title.
this shit is so difficult to talk about growing up in a abusive community, its so hard to open up. hes so brave to open up and talk about this and i'm glad that anthony talks about subjects like these so people dont feel like theyre alone✨✨✨💗💗💗💗 update: YOOO WTF I NEVER REACHED 500 LIKES !? im glad yall support and read what im saying
This was so informative and entertaining such a good job on this! He is great at speaking his mind in a clear way. Love your questions too, always respectful ❤️
I actually cried and got the chills ! this is one of the best interviews I’ve seen.Thanks Calvin for sharing your story you are an awesome Guy !
"your dad is your hero" *tears up* Damn... My heart broke right there
Same 🥺