How to Correctly Praise Children to Foster Growth Mindset | Dr. Andrew Huberman
Dr. Andrew Huberman discusses the impact of intelligence versus effort feedback on children's motivation and performance.
Dr. Andrew Huberman is a tenured professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford University School of Medicine and host of the Huberman Lab podcast.
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After coaching children for twenty years, I find that each kid responds differently. Be careful with absolute mentality. Some need positivity based on effort and others on performance, and some have enough enternal confidence to not need either. There is no one way. The key is understanding their heart and what motivates them.
Exactly if you have children or more importantly worked with children you will instantly recognize that each child is different to the next. Different learning techniques and about, different barriers and challenges when learning. You cannot adopt a single method for all children, I totally understand his theory but in reality it is a totally different story.
What do you mean based on performance?
@Mariamdiares good question! Some children/people are eager to know if their results are as good as they thought it was in their head, and others just want to be seen. Performance depends on the application, but it's important to remember that the outcome doesn't always reflect effort. As a coach and teacher, it is my job to recognize based on the athletes' day if they need encouragement of effort or to focus on one thing to get a better result. Performance is the end result based on their focus and effort to improve in that moment. In a sport like gymnastics, it can feel like it is never enough, and perfection can seem unattended and lead to discourage the athletes from putting a max effort. I could run on this topic for a while, but I hope that helps.
Exactly this. Each child reacts differently to praise and criticism.
If you say they are all responding differently, the burden of proof is now on you to explain why the scientific results presented in this video are wrong, as they are demonstrating that the children were in fact responding the same on average. Go ahead.
As a child who was labeled "gifted," I was constantly told how smart I was. I barely worked at school but being "smart" came easily to me. Fast forward to my junior year of college, and I finally had to work to do well and I floundered. Not only did I not have the work ethic to pull off better grades, but I suffered mentally as I realized all my value had been placed into some innate intelligence that actually didn't mean anything in real life. I suffered all my 20s until I slowly trained myself to work and learn. I wish my intelligence had not been praised because I firmly believe I was a less successful adult as a result.
I also had this experience and it hindered me. I also watched this happen to several of my friends to a worse degree. Hard work is more important than ability. Praise for effort and hard work is how I’m going to raise my daughters.
You guys are so smart!
Thank you for this information! I’m glad you made it!
Wow, this is incredibly similar to my experience. Although I am still struggling to train myself to learn and work hard. Reading this has given me a dose of hope!
They were praising level 1 bias, our innate abilities which we are all born with at different levels. Level 2 takes constant hard work to achieve, to override our level 1 bias thinking. We need level 1 but as we can see the flaw level 1 possesses. Child development is not common sense but all parents have to go through bringing up a child without being educated while expetiementing, doing trial and errors instead of having any sort of general guidlines on theory of mind, growth mind set and etc...
“Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard.” Tim Notke
Hard work beats talent 100% of the time. Talent is just how much gas you start with in the tank. If two people work hard, no one remembers whether they were talented or not.
Love that thank you
@@seraph...4473Isn’t talent more like having a better car, and the tank in the gas is the amount of effort you put in?
@@Alex.Kalashnik No definetly not, thats the lie that society tells you. There are physical gifts that people have that would be the "car" like no amount of hardwork is gonna make you 7' tall. However, Usain Bolt was much taller than he should have been to be that fast. His "car" wasnt perfect, and it certainly wasnt talent that made him the GOAT. He perfected his own skills through hard work. The trick and the lie is that you cant figure out how to be Tiger Woods. Theres nothing special physically about Tiger Woods but hes the GOAT. So how did that happen? Was it talent? No, talent isnt real when you find yourself at the top of the heap, it might help you early on, but when you have worked hard enough and honed your skills enough to be the near the best, no one talks about talent anymore.
tell that to messi@@seraph...4473
My daughter loves the game Timberborn. It's a game where you manage a beaver colony. One day she remarked "I love how hard working the beavers are". I immediately perked up, "hmm yes that is cool". Now my daily ritual when she goes to school is to say "hardworking like a beaver" and she says "you too, daddy". I should mention that our native tongue is German so we don't have the expression "eager beaver".
That is so cute! Great effort at parenting.
That’s so adorable.
I would have followed that up with “let’s be like the beavers and do this laundry and clean your room!” 😂
Beaver has a whole other meaning here. lol All women have beavers.
My entire generation grew up with identity praise. Consequently, I became afraid to ask questions in my early career out of fear of appearing less intelligent. Identity praise absolutely stifles potential and enslaves kids (and the adults they will become) to the opinions of others. It’s truly so destructive, and it took me a long time to get past it. Thank you for posting this, I hope many parents see it.
I honestly never pieced this together until right this second and it explains a lot..
I used to be so scared to be wrong it was paralyzing
Wild I was in resource class as I had adhd and was constantly praised for effort and not giving up and I never had a concern with asking dumb questions which I do but do it confidently 😂
I'm a survivor of this. I realized i was clever and decided that meant everything should be easy. This belief has cost me dearly.
As an elementary school teacher, this is old news, but im thankful for the reminder!
I've always done this. Since the kids were very young (less than two years old), I've had them repeat the answer to "How do you get smart?" Their answer, "Practice, practice, practice." It gives them the ability to understand that they have control over their mastery of things, not that it's simply based on their innate abilities. Credit for this goes to the book "The Talent Code."
I'd like to add that it is obvious that you worked hard on this presentation and put significant effort into its success! Bravo! 😄
Best comment so far, I mean, emmm, sounds like you put some thought into this comment.
I’ve found that hyper specific feedback and praise based off behaviors is not only an amazing motivator, but an amazing opportunity fo development. People listen with intent while receiving praise. Not only are they extremely open to your praise, but you can describe the principles behind their high value actions and why those principles are working on their behalf. They are like giant sponges that soak everything up. And they’re maximally motivated to implement what they learned.
To me, this makes a lot of sense. Since I was little, I had a lot of ease memorizing and reasoning, so I got good grades in school. I always received compliments like "how smart you are", no one ever emphasized aspects like perseverance, effort, or discipline. As the years went by, my ability to tackle more complex topics decreased, and that contributed to a decrease in my motivation for studies. This clip has given me the key to better encourage my children in their studies and in other aspects of life.
I can relate to this story
Same.
Same. Being constantly told I could do literally anything I wanted without emphasizing the work actually made me paralyzed to pursue basically any career for a while.
Sounds like participation trophy?
💯
I studied “growth mindset” over 10 years ago during college and it transformed my teaching philosophy and career. I’ve always thought that this data should be shared with any caregiver or teacher so thank you for sharing Dr. Huberman. It will affect generations to come.
I agree! I love seeing the comments of how many more people out there value this information! ❤
Yes! Right on! 🌟
Where does one study growth mindset? Any recommendations?
Where I live and work in education, this has been common knowledge for the past 10 plus years. We’ve had several discussions around this topic and we’ve leveraged this information in the classroom. It has definitely been a positive driving force in helping students to develop their grit. Battling learned helplessness isn’t fun, but it is incredibly meaningful. It makes you contemplate where it stems from.
@@mrjedmonds1Hi! Carol Dweck wrote a book named Mindset. I'm reading and loving it!
Praise the Process ✅
I am a teacher of 20 years and have spent a considerable time researching growth mindset since Carole Dweck’s book came out many years ago and Sal Khan helped popularize this term. And I truly hope parents will take this advice with a big grain of salt. There is no “correct” or incorrect way to parent or praise. Your best parenting tool is your own intuition. Certainly, drawing attention to changeable traits like perseverance rather than inherent qualities like intelligence helps motivate kids to learn and grow. However, your child is not your employee. The best thing a parent can do is foster a secure attachment with their child by loving them unconditionally. We all need to hear we’re wonderful, smart and beautiful sometimes. Apply growth mindset where it helps, but put your parent instincts first and enjoy the journey.
Heard people talking trash about you. That means you're doing the right things man. Thank you for teaching me so much
I realize this is a few weeks old now, but what would happen if we gave BOTH intelligence praise and effort praise? “You’re so smart. I love that when you ran into a challenge you kept trying new ways to find a solution.”
I think because the intelligence praise sets in stone for the child that they are smart and they would do whatever it takes, even if harmful to their growth, to keep the intelligence praises coming? Even at a subconscious level maybe. Could customize the intelligence praise by saying "you will continue to be smarter and smarter if you keep..." I guess that would be helpful
I love that the entire 8 minutes climaxed in an attack on the self affirmation talk, which agreed, is truly weak tea
Praise the effort over the outcome. ❤
But we need equality!!!😂
Learned something similar to this from the book Mindset by Carol Dweck based on fixed mindset vs growth mindset. I was a naturally talented athlete as a child and I was praised for my natural ability and not for my hard work. One day the other kids caught up to me and I took it as I’m not naturally talented anymore. This crushed me as a child trying to sort through this. When I had to call upon hard work to stay competitive there was nothing there to build on because it was never communicated to me that way. Fast forward I have a 2.5yr old who is super smart but I always praise him as a hard worker instead of his natural abilities.
Yes. This is a classic situation. There are many examples of how too much talent can thwart progress. Your little one is fortunate that you now understand this.
This is integrated in Montessori principles! It also teaches intrinsic motivation which goes hand in hand with this! Great video.
Thanks for this! I’ve always given my 5 year old a ton of intelligence praise but I haven’t focused on a ton of effort praise. He’s a typical boy that doesn’t want to spend a ton of time on schooling so I’m hoping switching this up will get him to try harder on his schooling.
Reminds me of my younger son - he didn’t seem as interested in listening to me read as his older brother - but I kept with it anyway and he ended up loving reading more than his older brother. He even would just pull out books in 2nd and 3rd grade when his classroom would get chaotic according to his teachers
As a mother of sons who wanted my kids to develop a life-long LOVE of LEARNING. facilitated by a true LOVE of READING...I invested hours upon hours of research into how I might best help them become STRONG and avid readers, unlike their father. To the dad who wrote the O.p. YOUR ENTHUSIASM and willingness to MODEL any behaviour you want your sons to internalize goes a long way to reinforce the idea that this skill is important...as is YOU, as the male role model READING TO YOUR SONS. This was 3 decades ago but I read scientific studies at the time (in the course of my research), as well as non fiction books on related topics...and spoke to educators and RESEARCH LIBRARIANS who are an incredible resource for helping one's SONS become life-long readers. Each of these women were PASSIONATE about boys SPECIFICALLY becoming strong readers as they had each observed that many of the boys who LOVED BOOKS when younger were lost to this world when they discovered SPORTS. Not so much "girls" (as might be expected) but SPORTS. Huberman notes that TESTOSTERONE makes hard work FEEL GOOD...so perhaps that contributes...but these wonderful people were so helpful to me. Whereas it was noted that a man reading himself (or better yet reading to his sons) was IDEAL, I could not convince my then-hubster to do the latter with even a modicum of enthusiasm. The kids would mimic the unenthusiastic TONE he habitually used those few RARE occasions that he "agreed" to read at bedtime...and I stopped asking him as I was loathe to have their enthusiasm...quashed. I LOVE READING, so when I was wracked with pain, I chose the first book and read silly poetry which never failed to make the kids GIGGLE. THEIR JOY was contagious and I felt far better. Your sincere efforts will positively impact your sons. Reading theory fell into two camps: MAKE THEM READ EARLY and DEVELOP a life-long LOVE of reading. The former will turn boys OFF OF READING (as will subject matter). The latter involved my not pressuring my sons to read early. I homeschooled my kids and they did not read independently until they were 10. By the time they were assessed (in grade 8) they were reading and writing at a post university level...so their late "start" did not impede their progress but helped them excel. Another tip: the research librarians pointed me towards "Trade Paperbacks" (which boys were PUNISHED for reading in the 1970's). I read the kids The Art of War and other books in trade paperback form and they loved it. The youngest INSISTED I read a University text book on the subject of Palentology (picked up at a garage sale) when he was a TODDLER. I READ them juveniles and adult works by Neil Gaiman and other favoured authors at ages when people were reading their age peers poorly written children's books. My criteria was the books needs must be BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN and their attention RAPT. THEY read voraciously now, at 30 (and 28) years of age. Parents can very positively influence our kids.
Good luck bruh
This makes sense. Praise isn't the problem. It's what behaviors you focus on and how you praise that makes the difference.
When my son was in primary school, (he is now in college) parents received info about using this technique at home, to follow up what was being done at school. I found it fascinating! Growth mindset was also used as a way to encourage children who performed poorly.
Makes sense. As a kid I was considered “gifted” constantly praised on how smart I was… I absolutely hated school and didn’t want to put any effort into it ultimately getting put on suspension from college because of my grades (lots of other things were going on but still never finished my BA)
Same story here!
42 years old. Just now figuring this all out. And my life is becoming meaningful and amazing.
@@matiasishere1487 I often look at some of the others that were with me in the classes and seems like majority of them burned out. some did manage to be successful by traditional standards (college grad) but Im not giving up. eventually I will have my business and be more successful than if I finished my degree
I hate "talented" label. My mother used to tell me and everyone that all the time, leading to me having misconceptions on how far I can get with certain things. Only in my late teens after looking up to many really great people around the world I was able to get into growth mindset and build my way up ignoring completely the "talent" part. I even called my company "Strive" and that's what I want to convey to the rest of the world as well. Thank you for getting up research, so I can keep continue praising my 2 years old daughter for her efforts and help her growing as a healthy human being.
This is a beautiful story of what you faced and how you’ve changed! Thank you for sharing a snippet of you! ❤ inspiring!
This feels very validating to me! I generally say praise phrases to my kid like, "You had a great attitude about finishing up your work!" or "Thanks for telling me how you got to that opinion. Lots of people struggle to explain their thinking, but I feel like I understand how you got there." *pats self on back*
Thank you, Andrew..I have three grandchildren and they love intellectual praise..but I forwarded your suggestion to my daughter who loves her children and wants them to succeed in life.
Realy appreciate your efforts Andrew
This is so eye opening !!!! I see why i am messed up, but i will ensure i help my little one with growth mindset
I often ponder if studies on praising kids really look into the long-term effects. Growing up in a family that was supportive yet always pushed for more, constantly saying "you can always do better," has left me walking a fine line between ambition and self-doubt. It makes you wonder about the balance between fostering a growth mindset and accidentally creating a feeling of never being good enough. From my own path, I've realized just how key self-esteem and positive reinforcement are, alongside recognizing the importance of effort and intelligence. Despite being smart and dedicated, I wasn't automatically happy, successful, or even proud of myself. I firmly believe that children need to feel valued and supported exactly as they are. Letting a child know they're good enough to follow their dreams is incredibly powerful.
Not trying to undermine your take on this but I have to wonder if there is really anything wrong with "walking a fine line between ambition and self doubt." I mean, isn't this normal and healthy? Doesn't everyone do this? Only people with various neuroses continually display no self doubt whatsoever, for example NPD. Balancing ambition and self doubt keeps us safe and our goals practical. Also, how is commending a child for their effort on a something NOT positive reinforcement? "I firmly believe that children need to feel valued and supported exactly as they are." Being valued and supported is not at all the same as being stimulated and motivated to pursue growth. One thing that is not taught enough is outcome independence. I can tell my daughter that regardless of her achievement she is always loved and cherished by me, it makes no difference in my eyes, but I can also instill in her the sense of enjoying accomplishment at achieving so that she learns to be self stimulating and thus drives herself forward without me having to always push for more. This is how some adults are self starters, make their beds, pursue lofty goals and ambitions and achieve and others are losers that are not really productive because the former learned to harness their internal positive feedback loop and the latter didn't.
I think the take away on the video is “your good enough bc you try so hard” Don’t focus on the outcome but on the effort
You can always do better is still outcome focused rather than effort focused.
How powerful! ‘The narratives that we hear from others reinforce our behaviour’ this speaks so much truth about what we maybe continue to value as an adult and the growth or challenges we decide to take on😮
Thanks for this useful information Dr Huberman ! As a parent I look forward to more contend focused on children’s growth.
Wow, looking back I can see this in my daughter. She would generally take challenges she knew she could easily master. She did great overall, but this info would have been so valuable. At least I can now use it with my mentees. Many thanks Andrew!
I do agree !! Wish knew much earlier!!
Andrew is awesome. Love it
So I have to catch myself a lot because my two year genuinely surprises me with how smart he is, how much he remembers and the connections he makes at such an early age. I definitely do the feedback praise but sometimes I can’t help but exclaim look how smart he is!! It’s just a genuine emotional feedback. I wonder if it’s ok to say both. I give him praise for trying things too so I wonder how that plays into this
So far so good for us. Whenever my kids have had a success I always point out the hard work they put into it. Right now honestly - my biggest problem with them is staying up too late to study. Sometimes it’s procrastination but neither of them would consider not turning in an assignment. Also have been happy to see that while they have stuck with some hobbies for years (one plays piano and one started his own weight lifting program) they also aren’t afraid to try new things outside their comfort zone. I secretly also have breathed a sigh of relief when they have failed. I want them to be able to handle it and learn when they are young to deal with it and learn from it. When I was in grade school I was put into a program for gifted students - it was fun but half the kids in it dropped out of college. College was the first time they had ever been challenged and a failure meant that they ‘weren’t smart’.
4:28 to 4:51 sums it up... I can see how one could also argue against reinforcing effort only too but it's good to be aware of both sides and nurturing the refinement necessary to know when to persevere or pivot in an endeavor. Best
Thank you for sharing this. As a parent and a teacher this is extremely helpful.
Modern parenting classes typically teach that if a child draws a picture, rather than saying "Oh wow that is the BEST picture ever! You are so clever!" which isn't genuine and the kids knows it. Tell them "I can see you put a lot of effort into that and look what you made". Then you point and ask them about bits of their their picture. That way you build trust, communication and don't set them up for failure when (like in the video) they run away from challanges knowing they won't get easy praise.
But what if they didn't put heaps of effort, what if it was easy. Every child has different learning capabilities, strengths weaknesses that will not always respond to the theory he his focusing on.
This is really great research. I totally agree using that approach. Yes, we also need to watch out about keep praising about effort because I could say it from a first-hand experience. I was driven by the efforts and how hard-working I have been. I'm 45 years old now and it did take some time to retrain myself when I realized that just working hard to get the praise for the effort is not enough. In my 40s, I gotta reshape my brain to learn how to work smartly since my identity got attached to working hard.
Totally agree! I have seen people suffer and feel lost in life because of intelligence labelling. Thanks for sharing this Insight.
I often praise others for their effort without thinking about it. Thanks for the reminder, now I will be more conscious about the "Why"
Thank you Dr. Huberman☀️
Wow this makes so much sense!!!!! EFFORT not SMARTS!
I moved to Iceland over a decade ago. The highest and most frequent praise given to children here is "duglegur," which means hardworking, more or less, though I feel like it is used far more broadly than the term would be used in English. The word is used in all kinds of cases: Kids are hardworking at learning, singing, playing with their toys, brushing their teeth, eating, etc. They are always working hard at whatever they are doing, as long as they are trying to do it. I have tried to do this with my son too, and he definitely hears this all day long from everyone else in his life. I have heard adults describe a certain child as smart, but only when speaking to other adults about the child, never when speaking to the child. The term is used for adults too, of course. I do feel like people in this country are less afraid of failure or of how they are perceived than my peers in the US. Certainly less afraid than I am. That said, I also know a lot of workaholics who just can't stop, and I am convinced it stems from this concept of duglegur being so all important since childhood.
Thank you for sharing this. I will definitely incorporate this more into my parenting.
Thank you for the insights. Will apply them immediately. Reward for effort 🙏
An excellent support for parents for more presence so as to notice authentic effort and speak it back to the kids, lets them know they are seen .. and in a good light.
This is deeper and even to correlates to adult social media usage, fitness and bodybuilding and the dopamine pathway, if people praise your physique then you stop performing better in the gym to break your previous limit. I have witnessed that
simple (but not all parent did this) yet so effective, thankyou Andrew
A mindset of fixed, acceptable self leads to entitlement and complacency. A mindset of humility and opportunity for improvement leads to growth and earned confidence. Now, getting this to stick with modern parents and school systems...
This is great! I realise that I do this by joining in with the enthusiasm
Vygotsky's zone of proximal development. Give challenging tasks to children that present a certain degree of difficulty but not totally impossible for them.
Thank you for sharing! I know this way of praising from Montessori, but for some reason, only some people know about it.
I’m Head of Physics in a UK school and have been teaching in a growth mindset way for the last 10 years or so after reading Carol Dweck’s book “Mindset”. It definitely has a positive effect on exam results, and most importantly, increases a young person’s self esteem by empowering them to take responsibility for their personal development, but MUST be coupled with information about the plasticity of the brain.
Fantastic to hear this insight being applied at such a critical time in these students lives. 🎉
Very true. I made this mistake with my kid. She's smart and very capable, but I can definitely see the results of my praise for intelligence.
I first read Mindset when i was pregnant 11 years ago and so thankful that I did. I am actually pulling it out again now:)
It sounds like we’re really just changing the types of labels we’re choosing to enforce. Congratulating persistency is still a sort of label, it’s a trait that your reinforcing as positive the same as you’d tell a child that it’s important to be smart through praise. I would say that it’s obviously a better attribute to reinforce, just saying the two modes aren’t that different, you’re just emphasizing one type of label or character trait over another. Rather than the child saying, I want to get this problem right so I can keep being smart, they’re saying, I want to try this problem so I can keep being persistent, being persistent is more important than being smart. Genius
An amazing lecture! Thank you very much!
I believe the research is correct and really valuable to my family. Thank you, this is ground breaking research! With my kids and self I observe , we tend to not like hearing we are good or that we look good.... and children don't like that either when looking at their reaction. It's an indoctrination and an enslavement of the mind we don't like compliments or praise... but we do like to hear once in a while when children come to you, for you to be enthusiastic and take interest in what they are doing and how they are doing it amd perhaps give them affirmations or words of wisdom that what they are doing is good, not to criticism or point on improvements.... And once in a while they want to be treated with a nice treat to say... job well done... 🎉 Fantastic research!
Thank you for this !!!
I cited this as my favorite takeaway from the book in one of my early psych classes. I was the only guy in the class and my professor was nice to everyone and gave them great feedback. After my brief contribution to our discussion, all she said to me was "good job". Kind of blatant snobbery, considering the material. I really felt singled out. Others noticed it and came up to me after class. I shrugged it off and still got an A in the class. Still not sure what I did to upset her, but whatever. This video reminded me of it.
Everyone appreciates their hard work being recognized
Absolutely interesting topic! I immediately think of operant conditioning (Skinner).
Most people get hung up on the result. Yet every result is the shadow of a process. Process-oriented thinking optimizes the process over time and the result comes by itself. The school system is mainly result-oriented and compares results through grades. But the death of happiness is comparison. In principle, the study confirms exactly that.
Your ‘key’ point that you glossed over was that if you gave praise and you were ‘genuine’ The problem is that we tell kids they’re great when they are clearly not! There is nothing wrong with not being the ‘best’ or even losing at a competition But giving a trophy for losing so as to not hurt a child’s feelings as opposed to making them resilient IS THE PROBLEM!
Fascinating insight. I will incorporate this into my parenting.
Heard someone talk about their dad telling them as a kid that they didn’t have it in them to succeed. That started a fire and that person became well known and successful. Not saying this is right but there’s something there worth discussing.
I LOVE this exposure info 🤩 Thank You!!
i appreciate the effort you made in publishing this video ! 😊
This is fundamental in Dr Becky's good inside parenting which also includes IFS content
So glad I took the time to stop and listen to this video. Thank you.
This also highlights the impact feedback has on kids.
Praise their commitment to the learning process
Very much required advice for all parents...very interesting too😊
This is the concept laid out in the book "Mindset" I highly recommend that book to anyone
This makes sense thank you 🙏🏾
That's so useful to know. I'm a teacher and I have used both methods. However, from now on I will only praise for effort. Thank you for the feedback ❤
1:18 totally agree with this point!
Very interesting. Thanks!
Thank you.
It is definitely more logical in reality to push effort feedback because it is everything regardless of how smart you think you are
Nice watch. Good job in the effort it took you to choose it.
You gave me the courage to build my own business and start my KZhead channel, I am grateful 💛💛💛💛 thanks
Key Takeaway: Praise effort as feedback. Reward effort is crucial for improving performance.
Very useful and relevant information for parents. Thank you 👍
This is also what is taught in Montessori schools.
This explains a lot. Very helpful to know as a parent. My compliments are going to change forcus.
You helping my 10 years old boy tremendously ❤
This is wonderful information to know
I am part of the generation that was around 7 years old when the war in Bosnia ended. My parents were young after that war, and like many others, they were focused on survival. They didn't pay much attention to us children. Sometimes during play, we would be reprimanded, with insults mostly consisting of phrases like: "Leave that. That's not for you. You don't know anything," and so on. Today, nearly 30 years after the war, I work as a quality manager in Austria and am responsible for the functioning of all processes in a large company. My two friends also live in Austria and have their own businesses. Everything seems great. Financially, we are stable, but we constantly have a problem of never being satisfied. We always want more, and that is really exhausting. That is the negative side of upbringing in contrast to what is discussed here. Even though everything may seem clear and quite simple at times, especially after watching such videos, it is still far from that. I believe that moderation is important in everything. However, again, how do you know when you are moderate?
I dont know why parenta choose to humiliate their kids. My parents were similar and we are not close at all. We end up having hypervigelance and feeling unsafe. Do you have patience with your kids?
@@elise9537 I am also not close with my parents. But I would say I have patience with my kids. Although they have to follow my rules almost always.
@@user-jv3pu7fi8b how long is that list of rules?;) do you hug them often?
Just rules Not hugs
This is an improvement over praising intelligence, but the obvious concern here is to make them focus on work rather than outcome/output.
My mom always (and only) overly praised me, telling me how perfect I am. I would get so mad because I am not looking to be perfect (what crappy pressure) nor and I looking to be the best. I just want to enjoy what I do and feel good enough. So I knew she was blowing smoke up my a$$ and it was insulting, and disconnecting. I didn't feel she saw me. She didn't get curious on HOW I got to where I got or where my dreams and aspirations for where I want to go. She just shut me down by saying "Wow you are so good you are so perfect, you are the best!" conversation over. Bummer
Nowit makes sense why David Goggins exists despite him opemly admitting to himself all his flaws from the start of his journey. "I'm dumb as 💩, but I'm going to out-study everyone else until I accomplish X." And he simply carried that mimdset into everything else.
damn this is literal eye opener
Pride comes before the fall!
First time hearing this , thanks a lot
Praise the effort over the outcome.
When I put a lot of effort in my studies and profession, my year-end bonus gets bigger and I’m motivated to get a bigger bonus. Same applies here for children, except the reward is positive feedback on effort.
This is great!