Revamp your sex life in 6 minutes | Ruth Ramsay | TEDxDaltVila

2023 ж. 10 Шіл.
2 268 839 Рет қаралды

Is there a simple mindset shift that can radically improve our sex lives? One which can apply whatever our circumstances, experience or preferences? Yes! Sex coach Ruth Ramsay shares this shift, and how its ramifications go way beyond increasing our pleasure. Ruth Ramsay is an adult sex educator and coach. She helps people understand who they are sexually, how their bodies and minds work, what they need and desire, and how to communicate that. Her style is upbeat, shame-free and pleasure-led.
Ruth holds a coaching diploma backed with vast life experience. She won an Erotic Award for campaigning for the sexual rights of people with disabilities; was a striptease artist for 14 years; teaches exotic dance; and has been a sex journalist, activist and more. Her mission is for sexual energy to be recognised as a force for good. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

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  • Variety with a partner you love and respect can bring you to a level of trust and excitement unimaginable.

    @baldeagle5835@baldeagle583510 ай бұрын
  • For the hobby method to work. Both partners have to have, a reasonable level of interest already. I’m many relationships, one partner will try anything, the other won’t even talk about it.

    @billpetersen298@billpetersen29810 ай бұрын
    • Amen!!

      @donnieearlharrisjr5941@donnieearlharrisjr594110 ай бұрын
    • Sounds like incompatibility to me!

      @grote__julia@grote__julia10 ай бұрын
    • ​@@grote__juliasounds like 3 kids and 20 years together to me...

      @hanspersson9451@hanspersson945110 ай бұрын
    • @@hanspersson9451 seems like that long together would lead to better communication skills!

      @grote__julia@grote__julia10 ай бұрын
    • @@grote__julia That too is something that requires a mutual interest. Life sometimes gets complicated along the way.

      @hanspersson9451@hanspersson945110 ай бұрын
  • I took Ruth's course a few months ago then had a 1:1 session recently and it has simply been life changing. I feel so connected with my husband of 18 years but also much happier and fulfilled in other areas of life - family, work, friendships. Thank you Ruth xxx

    @PriscilaHancock@PriscilaHancock10 ай бұрын
    • Thank you @PriscilaHancock - it's been my honour to help.

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_10 ай бұрын
    • I am absolutely looking up her course material. Thanks!

      @markcavandish1295@markcavandish129510 ай бұрын
    • How appropriate- I hit the 69th like.

      @RiverDogRun@RiverDogRun10 ай бұрын
    • ❤❤❤

      @ToggleSwitch808@ToggleSwitch8089 ай бұрын
    • She literally said nothing

      @tnix80@tnix809 ай бұрын
  • God, I wish I'd heard this talk when my wife was still alive and healthy. I would have shared this with her and could have helped us avoid so much emotional pain.

    @lewashcliffe@lewashcliffe10 ай бұрын
    • God bless you brother

      @TerryTibbs57@TerryTibbs578 ай бұрын
    • You’ll see her when your time is right and you can have a conversation with her. Keep your chin up ! use this energy and see if there’s something else with someone.

      @raymondotoole2600@raymondotoole2600Ай бұрын
  • Completely agree with you...even Without changing our partner we may play better if we slightly change our priority👍

    @simaroyaich-kf2vu@simaroyaich-kf2vu10 ай бұрын
  • Thanks Ruth, well worded. It’s how I think about it, but didn’t have the words. This will help many❤

    @kyf3557@kyf35579 ай бұрын
  • I love how the idea of asking our partner what they feel interested in doing the day in their hobby takes all the expectations away I might have on my partner and keeping it simple! Well said.

    @wisewomansexuality@wisewomansexuality10 ай бұрын
    • Nice pic I bet you keep your partner happy

      @richardpauly1635@richardpauly163510 ай бұрын
  • The best and more natural advices on this topic I´ve ever heard in my life!!

    @ermonnezzasoio@ermonnezzasoio3 ай бұрын
    • Thank you! I'm pleased you enjoyed it.

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_3 ай бұрын
  • Brilliant Ruth- a really important message. Thank you x

    @amandahurrell7399@amandahurrell739910 ай бұрын
  • Mae West said, "if I got married, I'd have to give up my hobby." I expected this talk to be more like that.

    @HerminiePA@HerminiePAАй бұрын
  • I know someone who's treated it like this for a long time, he and his polycule are some of the most open people about their needs I've ever known, and that goes far beyond their 'play'. Their levels of communication and respect for boundaries is phenomenal, if someone isn't in the mindset to handle something in the moment they understand how to handle that and return to the topic when they're better grounded for it. Nothing is completely off limits as long as it's approached respectfully and calmly. It's amazing being around people who truly are comfortable with sharing everything about themselves with their partners, it's a thing worth working toward for anyone in a relationship where that level of intimacy is avaliable.

    @ebonyblack4563@ebonyblack45636 ай бұрын
    • Polycule? Really? Did you just get that on Wordle and had to look it up, and now you have to use it every chance you get? FFS 🤦‍♂️

      @RustyKnorr@RustyKnorr6 ай бұрын
    • Great to hear. Poly people and kink people tend to be super-hot on communication, openness and enthusiastic consent. The mainstream world could learn so much from them!

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_6 ай бұрын
    • @@ruthramsay_ Absolutely Agree! That's been my experience being on the fringes of both communities too. The level of interest they expect before engaging in something is a big part of it. If they can't be sure you're really there for whatever they're patient and understanding in a way that was really healing to me after having been in an abusive relationship as a teen; it helped reframe many things into a much healthier place.

      @ebonyblack4563@ebonyblack45636 ай бұрын
  • Couldn't agree more and such a perfect analogy to remove the stigma from thinking and talking about it. Great job!

    @joshuapinter@joshuapinter9 ай бұрын
    • thank you, I'm so glad you liked it!

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_9 ай бұрын
  • Step 1: find a partner

    @gipvision6937@gipvision69377 ай бұрын
    • Thats asking alot these days haha

      @tingting6889@tingting6889Ай бұрын
    • 😂

      @kevinfocht6982@kevinfocht6982Ай бұрын
  • Ruth this is so amazing!!! You spoke so well x

    @louiseday3660@louiseday366010 ай бұрын
    • Thank you Louise 🙂

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_9 ай бұрын
  • Great stuff Ruth!!❤❤❤

    @user-zf3ed4oo6g@user-zf3ed4oo6g10 ай бұрын
  • Interesting and inspiring approach❣

    @ananascarpenter@ananascarpenter9 ай бұрын
  • What an amazing presentation

    @aaronunroe5267@aaronunroe526710 ай бұрын
  • Totally makes sense, thanks for revamping.

    @mughalische@mughalische10 ай бұрын
  • The planning part is easy. Every morning before breakfast. Every evening before sleep, and random times during the day.

    @1964JEDAGI@1964JEDAGI4 ай бұрын
  • Great analogy

    @adventurecoalition3690@adventurecoalition369010 ай бұрын
  • I have realized that is exactly what I was doing last several years , but I did not have words to explain, nice approach, thanks. 🙂

    @BloobUbloobok@BloobUbloobok8 ай бұрын
    • Thank you, I'm glad it gave you the words to describe your approach.

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_8 ай бұрын
  • Thanks! I appreciate you!

    @gregglockhart9551@gregglockhart955110 ай бұрын
  • Totally inspirational talk from an very inspirational woman. Amazing stuff Ruth ❤

    @emmatownsend9259@emmatownsend925910 ай бұрын
    • Nice pic I bet you keep your men happy

      @richardpauly1635@richardpauly163510 ай бұрын
  • Bravo! Positive, exceptional advice - I like that view! Thank you

    @larrymendoza2570@larrymendoza25705 ай бұрын
  • YES RUTH. THATS MY FRIEND 😭😭 being the intelligent legend that she is 💜💜💜 follow her, BOOK HER COURSE. You will never find a safer space discussing these topics than you will with Ruth

    @AschPintura@AschPintura10 ай бұрын
  • Great talk with relatable examples.. 🙌🏻

    @mayankoza352@mayankoza35210 ай бұрын
  • Brilliant talk! So beneficial to be able to communicate openly and overcome the shame.

    @healingwomanhood@healingwomanhood6 ай бұрын
    • thank you! So glad to hear you enjoyed it.

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_6 ай бұрын
  • Have been a practioneer of this idea for 50 years, she is correct.

    @shynickel8239@shynickel823910 ай бұрын
    • Thank you for sharing your life experience, that's great to hear!

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_9 ай бұрын
  • Amazing Ruth!

    @annabailey770@annabailey77010 ай бұрын
  • Amazing Ruth. ❤❤

    @SeaThatPilot@SeaThatPilot10 ай бұрын
  • Amazingly well done Ruth, so proud of you!!!!

    @cathyhoughton5016@cathyhoughton501610 ай бұрын
    • Nice pic

      @richardpauly1635@richardpauly163510 ай бұрын
  • Awesome Ruth I'm so happy this is out there. Well done xx

    @djdavidphillips@djdavidphillips10 ай бұрын
    • @djdavidphillips thank you so much. A TEDx talk from you next??

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_10 ай бұрын
  • Great presentation!

    @alastairnaughton1288@alastairnaughton12882 ай бұрын
  • brilliant talk

    @12bluering@12bluering6 ай бұрын
  • "We just hope we'll spontaneously want it at the same time"

    @manueljiza@manueljiza9 ай бұрын
  • I'm glad she mentioned "including solo."

    @fad23@fad232 ай бұрын
  • Amazingly conveyed❤❤,

    @infantnelson9356@infantnelson9356Ай бұрын
  • My Love and I do the exact thing and have the exact attitude as she says. I feel so good that we follow unconsciously those best practices.

    @fredziarz@fredziarz9 ай бұрын
    • That's great to hear!

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_9 ай бұрын
    • Want to live the dreams, Mr Pool

      @JeuanS@JeuanS3 ай бұрын
  • Nothing short of genius. Thanks for the knowledge.

    @huub245@huub24510 ай бұрын
    • @huub245 so happy it landed so well for you. Enjoy putting it into practice!

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_10 ай бұрын
    • Looking at Ruth’s collar 👀🧐

      @AA-qg2hu@AA-qg2hu10 ай бұрын
  • Thanks for your advice. I’ve since started a tennis league. I have matches all week long now.

    @kevinmichael4829@kevinmichael48299 ай бұрын
  • Super well done Ruth , may it get seen by many x

    @LastNightADJSavedMyLife@LastNightADJSavedMyLife10 ай бұрын
    • concur!,,, already waiting at the pub!!

      @drusmith6463@drusmith646310 ай бұрын
    • Thank you so much! I'm amazed and delighted with viewing figures so far!

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_10 ай бұрын
  • probably the best tedx i've ever seen

    @IzziedeD@IzziedeD10 ай бұрын
  • Good analogy Ruth, even experienced couples can get better with a little good coaching.

    @kennethreynolds8@kennethreynolds85 ай бұрын
  • Thank U!! That is very very good!👏👏👏👏

    @isabelmartin40@isabelmartin405 ай бұрын
  • Flawless presentation.

    @kidkava@kidkava7 ай бұрын
  • Brilliant comparison ..! Thank you

    @erikschaepers@erikschaepers10 ай бұрын
    • I'm glad you liked it - thank you for commenting 🙂

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_9 ай бұрын
  • Awesome analogy and talk thank you Ruth 😀

    @patrickpoland9223@patrickpoland92233 ай бұрын
    • Happy you enjoyed it. Hope you have fun putting it into practice!

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_3 ай бұрын
  • Such an excellent reframing! Thank you. I was nearly there, as are many of the people I know, but mostly by happenstance - and you just delivered the recipe. I think a bit of scheduling and calling for some training sessions for the upcoming season would be cause for laughs - important! - and simply quite a lot of joy in these parts. I don't think it was mentioned in your talk but there is something powerful in converting expectation (with all the fraughts and perils) into anticipation and excitement (let's see what happens Tuesday).

    @Relicarious@Relicarious10 ай бұрын
    • @Relicarious yes! I love that - converting expectation into anticipation. There were hundreds... thousands... more things I'd have loved to say in the talk, but I only had six minutes. Next time! So glad you enjoyed it, thank you for sharing your thoughts.

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_10 ай бұрын
    • ​@@ruthramsay_ I bet there was! And that conversion speaks to a lot of things also from the wisdom of Emily Nagoski - I assume you are familiar, if not, you will find something there with which I bet you will align very well - and for me is about moving out of the critical mindset and make space for creaticity and exploration. "Next time", you say - Yes! I will look forward to more of what you wish to share.

      @Relicarious@Relicarious10 ай бұрын
  • All I can say is - she found a platform to speak her fav hobby and also do business. 😄😃

    @pritamsri@pritamsri10 ай бұрын
    • Business for sure.

      @charliexu5139@charliexu513910 ай бұрын
  • Very well explained and informative accurate video. Thank you for sharing

    @slipperybeastaviationfishingsh@slipperybeastaviationfishingsh10 ай бұрын
    • I am glad you found it useful, thank you for your feedback 🙂

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_9 ай бұрын
  • Fantastic talk. Thank you.❤

    @NeilHarper1@NeilHarper19 ай бұрын
    • I hope you enjoy putting it into practice!

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_8 ай бұрын
  • So simple and obvious - I can't wait to re-frame :)

    @user-gz2kj1me3x@user-gz2kj1me3x10 ай бұрын
  • Grateful for this reframe.

    @GriffWild@GriffWild10 ай бұрын
    • Glad you found it useful, thank you for commenting 🙂

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_9 ай бұрын
  • Thank you

    @Curious68@Curious6810 ай бұрын
  • Wise words :) liked so much!

    @giacomofrattini4456@giacomofrattini44566 ай бұрын
  • Great article 👏

    @user-gg5ov9hq6g@user-gg5ov9hq6g10 ай бұрын
    • @paulmeszesan8970@paulmeszesan897010 ай бұрын
    • Nice pic and 😃

      @richardpauly1635@richardpauly163510 ай бұрын
  • Thank you! Wonderful comparing🎉

    @Vladimir_osteo@Vladimir_osteo9 ай бұрын
    • I'm glad you found it a useful watch 🙂

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_9 ай бұрын
  • Great talk, I totally agree

    @barrysmith8920@barrysmith892010 ай бұрын
    • @barrysmith8920 thank you!

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_10 ай бұрын
  • Thank you.

    @kathleendixon4125@kathleendixon41259 ай бұрын
  • Excellent lecture!

    @wendellrider1212@wendellrider12128 ай бұрын
    • Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_8 ай бұрын
  • must watch for everyone

    @mabi9731@mabi97313 ай бұрын
  • Absolutely love this reframe! Thank you for the valuable and inclusive work you do.

    @alihendrycoaching350@alihendrycoaching35010 ай бұрын
    • Unless they’re an Olympic pro

      @robbarrell@robbarrell10 ай бұрын
  • Brilliant!

    @jenyadyo6@jenyadyo610 ай бұрын
  • Well done Ruth! 👏🏼

    @wiksson@wiksson10 ай бұрын
  • 3:20 Most of what we are told when we are young is what can go wrong. 4:15 Let's start thinking about it like a hobby. This is a positive affirmative. 6:05 Skill remember: Communication, creativity, empathy.

    @simonsitinjak@simonsitinjak6 ай бұрын
  • I LOVE IT!!!

    @piranhaparran3007@piranhaparran300710 ай бұрын
  • Great talk! I 100% agree

    @claravanser7989@claravanser79898 ай бұрын
    • Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed the talk.

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_8 ай бұрын
  • I love this!

    @Ewinter3707@Ewinter37074 ай бұрын
  • For many people it is not about the choice. Its about being with a person that does not turn you on but a person with who you have children and leaving is a high cost. I agree with the hobby statement.

    @henrikohm@henrikohm9 ай бұрын
    • But you've chosen to have children and to be a Family?!

      @melmier3500@melmier35009 ай бұрын
    • @@melmier3500consider the possibilities. Maybe their partner ballooned up to 300 pounds and are not physically attractive anymore.

      @schroederluck7984@schroederluck79849 ай бұрын
    • @@schroederluck7984 we don't know what Future hold. I guess I'm a little bit tired of people acting like they don't have a choice. Humans Change and our bodies are changing as Well. Gainig weight can have a Lot of different reasons. Would be great if a Partner can help and motivate to Change a Lifestyle amd behavouir and sometimes accept a Situation If the reason are health issues for example. I guess I'm a little bit tired of people blaming others and acting like they don't have a choice. We tend to be lazy and are often not willing to change something even if we are not happy. Love and grattitude are powerful 🌤️💕 Wish you all the best

      @melmier3500@melmier35009 ай бұрын
    • @@schroederluck7984 Exactly. The love is still there, but physical attraction is a real struggle.

      @mabriff@mabriff7 ай бұрын
    • @@schroederluck7984 MFT for couples therapy is an option.

      @ShrinkiesWife@ShrinkiesWife18 күн бұрын
  • The Hobby analogy assumes that both partners have an interest in that Hobby. I married someone that later came out as asexual and can attest that this definitely is not always the case

    @thatoneguy1821@thatoneguy18219 ай бұрын
    • Not everyone likes tennis either.

      @davidjennings2179@davidjennings21799 ай бұрын
    • @@davidjennings2179 And?

      @thatoneguy1821@thatoneguy18219 ай бұрын
    • @@thatoneguy1821 It doesn't assume both partners have an interest in the hobby, the video is just addressing the situation where they are both interested. The analogy still works if they aren't, it just assumes the connection is clear. If someone doesn't like tennis no one is making them play (hopefully).

      @davidjennings2179@davidjennings21799 ай бұрын
    • @thatoneguy1821 mismatched interest in 'the hobby' is the most common issue people are describing in the comments under my talk... I will be preparing a workshop or resource around this soon. Thank you for sharing your situation.

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_9 ай бұрын
    • ​@@ruthramsay_ Interested to know if this workshop is called divorce and legal uncoupling

      @teinspringz@teinspringz7 ай бұрын
  • What a fantastic idea 👍

    @k6fgj@k6fgjАй бұрын
  • This makes the movie Challengers make even more sense! 🎾💜🎾💜🎾

    @AmanCreatesArt@AmanCreatesArtКүн бұрын
  • What a wonderful talk! ❤

    @ximenafuentes3522@ximenafuentes35223 ай бұрын
    • thank you, I'm delighted you enjoyed it so much :)

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_3 ай бұрын
  • amazing!!!

    @carlos.deoliveirafilho@carlos.deoliveirafilho10 ай бұрын
  • she just loves it, it shines all the way through her

    @technov1king@technov1king5 ай бұрын
  • Communication , Creativity, Empathy

    @sandeepcyno@sandeepcyno4 ай бұрын
  • God bless you woman.

    @ctwarmuth@ctwarmuthАй бұрын
  • Sadly it takes two to make this happen as the one watching this is the only one who’s on board.

    @thefpvlife7785@thefpvlife77857 ай бұрын
    • She did say, "Solo".

      @blackknight9558@blackknight9558Ай бұрын
  • Thank you Ramsay for your epic bliss story. I'm an intermediate English learner. I've first heard most comprehensible talk in TED talk. I would like to make this video my textbook. But when I'd encounter that 3 letters, my solo violent activity would come not to be stopped even if I'd grit my teeth. I hope these three letter would be changed into 'it' or 'debate' or better stuff.

    @nun-chan9433@nun-chan943310 ай бұрын
  • Thank you for this! Great job!

    @powerfuleric7398@powerfuleric73989 ай бұрын
    • Glad you enjoyed it, thank you for commenting.

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_8 ай бұрын
  • My wife of 24 yrs play tennis everyday! We both love TENNIS but only together no doubles!

    @jamielancaster01@jamielancaster013 ай бұрын
  • Well done Ruth. Proud of you!

    @emmasfather999@emmasfather99910 ай бұрын
  • I have always approached it this way. It is a hobby.

    @eliasblum753@eliasblum75310 ай бұрын
  • Ruth is fantastic, and we love this talk 👏

    @nobsblend@nobsblend10 ай бұрын
  • If people evolve constantly trying to do new things.... You dont need a new person, you renew yourself...

    @NightXof@NightXof10 ай бұрын
  • Foi com esse vídeo que eu comecei a praticar tênis, mudou minha vida

    @fellipemarques1247@fellipemarques12474 ай бұрын
  • What a talk! I just found my new hobby!

    @gbengaogun@gbengaogun10 ай бұрын
  • Sounds so good. Thanks

    @waldemarkrupa2744@waldemarkrupa274410 ай бұрын
  • Ah, not a bad idea. Put it on the shelf with all the others that I'll never get around to doing. Hehe

    @CurriedBat@CurriedBat10 ай бұрын
  • Кира, спасибо за то, что смогли додавить Александра Александровича на интервью))

    @pitonstrut@pitonstrut10 ай бұрын
  • Simply brilliant, thank you!!

    @diverbrent@diverbrent9 ай бұрын
    • I'm glad you enjoyed it 🙂

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_8 ай бұрын
  • Wow hahaha this is exactly what my mom thought me when I was a teenager in the 2000’s. She thought me to see it as a hobby, like tennis! It was such a good lesson for me! ❤

    @TheCucabarra@TheCucabarra8 ай бұрын
    • That's amazing that your Mom described it this way!

      @ruthramsay_@ruthramsay_8 ай бұрын
    • It’s TAUGHT, not thought. Maybe she should have also taught you how to spell. 🤦‍♂️

      @RustyKnorr@RustyKnorr6 ай бұрын
    • ​@@RustyKnorrI tawt I taw a puddy tat

      @adunknowng@adunknowng6 ай бұрын
  • Always has and is STILL my favorite hobby😉🔥💓

    @darmazzy1@darmazzy18 ай бұрын
  • This was great. Good stuff. I need to listen again so I can get better at tennis.

    @christianmarquez3143@christianmarquez31432 ай бұрын
    • I really want ponroticacom hotsexmovies

      @user-cq6uj9xs8q@user-cq6uj9xs8q2 ай бұрын
    • This is my iñtrest request

      @user-cq6uj9xs8q@user-cq6uj9xs8q2 ай бұрын
  • This is for apsolute beginnerss ❤❤❤❤❤❤

    @aaleksaacar@aaleksaacar6 ай бұрын
  • This... seriously helped me. I wanna be more active with my wife

    @passingby4547@passingby454719 күн бұрын
  • Never had it, and now I'm too old, I guess you don't miss what you never had. Not upset about it,I've always just accepted it

    @Pault3788@Pault378810 ай бұрын
    • How old are you?

      @minni1094@minni109410 ай бұрын
    • @@minni1094 63 in a few months

      @Pault3788@Pault378810 ай бұрын
    • @@Pault3788 It's never too late!

      @victoriajones8974@victoriajones897410 ай бұрын
    • @victoriajones8974 prostate issues,and pelvic floor disfunction prevent it

      @Pault3788@Pault378810 ай бұрын
    • Try prostate massage?

      @bgouthrogrunwald1665@bgouthrogrunwald1665Ай бұрын
  • We don't educate ourselves... correct 💯...

    @sureshbolagani9041@sureshbolagani9041Ай бұрын
  • Absolutely communication is important with your partner. If you cant talk about what you want then you are with the wrong partner. 😉😊

    @cindyborcherding8927@cindyborcherding892710 ай бұрын
    • I don't think she is promoting divorce or breaking up from a meaningful relationship .

      @desertsunset8025@desertsunset802510 ай бұрын
    • Or you've been raised in a very conservative household.

      @heatherstocker4171@heatherstocker41719 ай бұрын
    • Absolutely not true.

      @MindyTunnell@MindyTunnell6 ай бұрын
  • As someone who paints abstract paintings by just splattering paint everywhere, as a hobby, I see this as an absolute win :-D

    @mrawesomeDK@mrawesomeDK6 ай бұрын
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