What Representing Men in Divorce Taught Me About Fatherhood | Marilyn York | TEDxUniversityofNevada
Attorney Marilyn York owns a Men’s Rights Family Law Firm in Reno Nevada, established in 2001. She and her ten female employees focus on representing men for two reasons: 1. As her talk explains, fathers are crucial in the upbringing and development of their children; and 2. Fathers are the disadvantaged parent in family court and society and while the laws are improving, the statistics are not. There are currently more than 17,000,000 children growing up in America without their fathers and every year this number is growing. According to the Center for Disease Control, children from fatherless homes account for 90% of homeless and runaway children; 71% of high school dropouts and 63% of youth suicides. Listen to this talk to find out how you can help America's 17,000,000 fatherless children avoid these fates! Marilyn D. York is a Men's Rights Divorce Attorney, licensed in California since 1998 and Nevada since 1999, where she is a Certified Family Law Specialist. Since 2001, Marilyn has owned her law firm in Reno, Nevada, where she and her 9 female employees specifically represent men in divorce and family law battles. Marilyn chose her career because of her passion for children and relationships but most of all, Marilyn is driven to help underdogs. While the laws are improving for men, not all laws are yet gender equal and the interpretation and enforcement of those that are, have a long way to go. Despite her focus on representing men, Marilyn has a deep compassion for women in need as well. It isn't lost on Marilyn that women remain disadvantaged outside Family Court. She serves that need as Board President for a local housing program for homeless young women, Nevada Youth Empowerment Project, or NYEP. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
"Advocating for fathers isnt about diminishing mothers." Thats a fckn statement that should always be remembered.
Seriously. I don’t understand how people cant handle two things at once
Then why are they diminishing women?? Almost every comment here is a man diminishing a woman.
@@janicejohnson6438 uuuhm if you say so? I just scrolled about 20 comments and none of them are that. The worse I saw was just people explaining a situation where the mother affected the fathers case in court. Which isnt diminishing WOMEN its explaining their situation and how the mother wronged the family. So unless comments are displaying differently for you, you're wrong.
@@lucaleone4331 Most of these comments are men going on a big, self-pitying, crab session about wicked witches that apparently weren't too wicked for them to stick their dicks into. That IS diminishing women, Luca. So, no- Janice is not wrong.
@@janicejohnson6438 You are quite right, Janice. The so-called mens movement is nothing more than identity politics at its most vile.
it's funny how society mocks women with "daddy issues" while at the same time refusing to acknowledge the significance of a father's role in a girl's life Edit: yes not just girls but it is more established that boys need strong male role models in their life, and it’s not as vocalized how much girls need the same
Lydia Smith in a CHILDS LIFE. MEN need fathers too
Of course
Nobody refused to acknowledge that. Sorry.
Say it louder for the ones in the back
First Last did u even watch the video...? If they don’t refuse to acknowledge it then society is knowingly undervaluing it
My mother was neglectful when I was young and my father took custody of me. He was a 44 year old man without much experience wth children and he suddenly found himself raising a 6 year old girl all by himself. He really stepped up and I will always be deeply grateful. I loved him more than words can express.
✊️❤️
Tell that to the Family Courts and they'll tell you to get out of here.
Loved? Did he pass away?
The fact that your father had to take custody shows that he was also neglectful. Sounds like he had no choice but to take you.
@@joettaharris4230 Just walk behind a so called Family Court and you'll see how women use the state to get rid of fathers I their children's lives. The female can just say he abused me. She can hit him with a shoe and call the police on him amd the police will proceed to arrest tye male and use emergency laws to remove tye man from tye home. I see it daily in my working g life. The judge will say oh yes I know that she was violent against to but ehm tye children takes priority so the female will have primary custody and as there was violence involved, it is better to exclude the male from the situation to diffuse tensions. The man will scream but she was violent. The judge will still say I understand but I want the children to have some semblance of stability and from the facts the female have the best capacity to take primary care of the children. We are not considering the violence for now. Oh dear. Oh I also so order that the payments on the house should continue so that the children have a roof over their heads. Then screams again my income is not enough to take care of two households. The judge will just say its for tye upkeep of the children and its so ordered. If you fail to pay, it's contempt of court and you may receive a custodial sentence. Now the man is disenfranchised. He has only his care to sleep in. I think you have no clue do you?
When I divorced in 2002, I insisted my ex get half custody. My friends were baffled, but he was a devoted and active father. The judge would have given me full custody & my ex only every other weekend, but I was adamant he get half. It sure wasn't easy to deal with him, but our child benefitted and that was what counted most.
W.
Judges are financially incentivized to give primary custody, so they can award child support. The federal government subsidizes courts based on the amount of child support they order, under Title IV-D.
You are a good mom
Bet you were the one that initiate the divorce too, there's one common thread about women in society, women are only loyal to their own feelings, not their duties, and they are largely what has gone wrong with boys in society today, till you get old and decides it's in your interest to settle, again loyalty to your own feelings and only yours.
@@personreanimation A good mom do not check out of a relationship because she does not feel fulfill, women initiates close to 80% of divorces and they divorce for very different reasons to men, most women divorce not because of abuse but because they don't feel like their marriage is what is all crack out to be, men are loyal to duty and country, which is why you don't expect women to ever dare go on the frontline in war, that's their nature, they only care about their feelings, their own feelings, and that's where their loyalty lies.
I had my son when I was 18. His mom and I were together for a year after he was born. Things didnt workout. She was abusive. She tried to keep him away from me. I constantly visited but she refuses to open the door everytime. I fought and represented myself in court for 3 years. I saved every receipt, photos, school awards, etc. At first, I was only able to see him on Every other Sundays. Then it turned to every other weekend where he would sleep over. Then I requested for more time. It became every other weekend and every other Tuesday and Friday. The last mediation on May 29, 2013, I requested for every other weekend, monday, Wednesday and Friday. It was approved. From there she started to slowly fade away. She wouldnt show up for the exchange. Got plenty of notes from police officers for a no show. Total neglect. So I took matters into my own. Enrolled him in schools and other activites while I went to work. She would pick him up here and there but there was a time where she forgot to pick him up from school. They called me at 7:00 pm. He was 4 years old at this time. She didn’t reach out for a year. He’s basically lived with me since then. I am 29 now and he’s 11. For any fathers going through something similar, Your child deserves to have a good father. Don’t stop fighting. Whatever it takes.
Thanks for being a great Father!
Keep up the good fight
Wow! What a story. If your son knows how much you fought for him that sets a great example for his future.
Thank you for fighting that uphill battle.
@@thetruehuman4390 She was abusive. People need *good* parents. No mom > Abusive mom.
This reminds me of my mother use to say to, "Your dad is great father, but a bad husband, so just because I don't like your dad, doesn't mean I'll ban him from you."
did she really need to say he was a bad husband? she could have just said it didnt work out.
@@agee7777 yeah, because we already knew what he have done so there was no point of sugarcoating it.
@@galaxy7525 And his version of events was the same as your mothers?
@@agee7777 yes, he knew what he did was wrong and told us to not do the same things he did.
Eyyyyy, my mom says the same thing.
“Advocating for Fathers isn’t about diminishing Mothers.” Truth.
The word “mother” barely means anything anymore anyway…it’s just “uterus havers”
@tablescissors67 you okay?
True….. but that’s what happens
This is why we have the Kate Cox Ken Paxton nightmare
Probably making the life of mothers easier too by sharing the responsibility...
I love that as a society, we need data, research, experts, psychologists and lawyers to explain to us that dads are important
It's crazy honestly
Here's what we also need to realize about this talk: She never tries to take anything away from the women. She just wants men to have the same chances.
Beautiful.
@@christinelaloba8869 They also don't have a 'leg up' on prison sentences, where they spend 60% more time in jail when committing the EXACT same crimes. They also don't have a 'leg up' on birth control, where women have 14 and men have 2, one of which is permanent. I can go on about what men don't have a 'leg up' on. Men don't have 'privilege', they have RESPONSIBILITIES.
@@Slitheringpeanut You're absolutely correct.
@@christinelaloba8869 I would be very interested to see where you believe men have a clear advantage that is not available to you.
Exactly. It's not pie.
Resentment between A husband and wife should never reach the child.
It did for me. I hated my dad til I realized that my mother imprinted all of her insecurities onto me.
"Resentment between A husband and wife should never reach the child." Yet, it almost always does. Do you think parents should LIE to their children about what's going on, or try to hide it from them? Do you not think that children learn how to run their own relationships from how their parents handle their own?
Interlocution OP means that a mother and father who resent each other shouldn’t enlist the help of their child to hate the other parent as well. There are situations where mom hates dad, and fills their child’s head with reasons why the child should also hate the father, regardless of their being true or not. It happens the other way around, but not to the same extent. Children see the relationship that their parents have, but the parents shouldn’t put their anger towards each other into their child.
@@soppingwetburgers6493 same... Having a schizophrenic mom is hard to deal with when you are young.
Too late.
I got great advice when I became separated and started the divorce process. My friend is a marriage and couples counselor. She told me 'don't ever refer to 'jane' as your 'ex-wife' in your thoughts or out loud. Always refer to her as 'the mother of my children'.' She explained that when you think of her as your 'ex-wife' all the reasons for the failure of the marriage just get brought right up front again and again. This leads to nothing but resentment and unconscious bias in interactions. When you think of her as the mother of your children? The first feeling is gratitude for that. It helps smooth a lot of troubled waters. It keeps things focused where it belongs on the kids. I passed along that advice to my kids' mother. She thought it was a good idea and we both asked our friends and family to do the same thing. It has been AMAZING what a difference in makes in how we co-parent. After 10 years now at family events I've had members of both our families come up to me and say 'it is so awesome that we can come to these things and never feel like we're taking sides or feeling uncomfortable around you/her and your family because it's always just about the kids'. If you don't do it now. It's not too late. Stop carrying around the anchor of a failed marriage/relationship. Start focusing on the other person who helped you do the greatest thing you will EVER do in your life in being a parent.
Great if it works for you So as you said it,s always about kids- break up is always the worst option for kids and there are several reasons, why. If you normalize separation and co-parenting, well that is what children learn and accept as normal in the future. I don't think that growing up in a commune with uncle daddies and aunt mummies is something we should spread, normalize or reach for - extended family And btw, its the most common tactic for malignant manipulators to normalize their choices and actions to avoid responsibility - so if it does not concern you that your family is broken, deal with that, and if your child hates that situation or your new spouse - that's,s their right to feel that way, and those are very accurate feelings. Gratitude is a very great tool and helps a lot just... you may be as conscious as you want, by expressing your gratitude in strange places you will get a strange result.
I refer to him as "my boys' dad" rather than "my ex" for this exact reason. Our lover relationship failed, but our co-parenting relationship needs to succeed. Not for us.
Me and my ex-wife, we have a 4 year old together. We dont attend each others events unless its our kids events, like a sport. I help her out with rides and such, never money. We have 50/50 custody its more like 60/40, with me getting the 60. She has a boyfriend and is pregnant with her 4th kid. I have the one. All parents have to do is, be courteous and kind to each other. No need for attending each others family events, thats purely optional.
@@aa.1151 I absolutely hate these great friend exes thing Hard on the kids too Just be neutral If u were such good friends, why are u divorced? Normalizing it all is not a cultural evolution but a backwards step.
@@YeshuaKingMessiah I agree with you totally But that's me and people should live their life the way they prefer. They will fight their demons or they don,t up to them - i just give my best to deal with mine.
This killed a guy I knew. He was one of the best people I ever met. His wife was vicious through & after the divorce. She'd take the kids on vacation on the weekends he was supposed to have them, w/ no warning--just vanished. Once she installed a new SIM card in her daughter's phone so the father's messages wouldn't come through...then she took the kids for a 2-week holiday. The last straw was that he hadn't seen his kids since Christmas 2021. He was supposed to have his children over the weekend of his birthday in April. She disappeared w/ them again, didn't answer his calls. When she finally did pick up & he asked, "Where are the kids?" she said something along the lines of, "If you were a better father you'd know the answer to that question." There was a custody hearing set for the Wednesday following his birthday, but he knew the judge & the laws were biased against him, since he "hadn't spent much time w/ his kids since Christmas" & it looked like he was slacking on his visitation & involvement. He h**ged himself Tuesday night. His last message was a voice message to his daughter, telling her how much he loved her & her brother & how proud he was of them. His note read, "Keiner nimmt meine Kinder weg," "Nobody takes away my children." The ex-wife is my next-door neighbor. He tipped the chair over, but she tied the rope.
Sounds like my son's almost ex, they haven't divorced yet because she's refusing mediation. Yet she's living with another man and has a baby with him. The Court doesn't care even though she has been told not to start another relationship, she did it anyway and does whatever she wants when she wants. 😢 My son and Grandson are the ones who suffer. 💔
Understood living it.
But it's the patriarchy that is bad 😅 Women are biologically narcissists designed to protect offspring and themselves and those instincts when allowed free reign will go to lengths that harm themselves and others more people need to wake up and speak the truth.
Family court held his ex's hand.
That women should be convicted and put in prison
I lost my son during my divorce. The reason was "the mother is the natural care taker". I then was forced to pay child support. Welcome to America.
It's a coordinated attack on fatherhood around the world as part of the plan to undermine the family over the last 50 years. Women hold tremendous power- I've known several women who were only together for a few years with the father, decided "it just wasn't what they wanted", cheated on the father, wanted the divorce and walked away with half of all property plus several thousand dollars a month in child support. This is all romanticised in media, movies and books- Eat Pray Love, etc. The thing is, women aren't happier than they were 50 years ago.
I was lucky to get 50/50. Stay strong brotha
Welcome to the world. Women get and can be anything they want my friend.... Equality does not exist when it comes to men and marriage.
@@mrnewbmcmuffin251 no, he's just speaking the truth. Your simp vibes are off the charts.
@@boblob2003 Dude what. A coordinated attack around the world? By who? And how/when did they all of them, around the world, together decide to coordinate the same attack? How did that happen? How would something like that even happen? What have you been smoking? Get out of the rabbit hole mate.
People must begin to see the greatest privilege of all: having two parents.
It is not a privilege, it is a duty to provide two parents to every child
I don't understand how that is a privilege. Is a person made by one person that having two should be considered a privilege?
@@charliemike1092 I agree that it is the duty of whoever is responsible for the birth of the child should be responsible for their upbringing.
@@noma6214 it’s more about the statistics that support the “two parent privilege” philosophy. For example, people are more likely to make more money if they grew up in a two parent home and are way less likely to commit crimes.
Meh, it's overrated. Greatest privilege is health and wealth.
When she said "now erase your father from all your memories" i ended up crying :(
Yeah, what's really sad is when you have nothing to erase
(つ≧Д≦)つ
The same happened to me
He was never there so it was easy for me.
@@reeceb1259 ….me with 2 moms
Growing up in the 60s with both parents in a nice neighborhood I thought thats how all kids lived. I came to realize just how incredibly lucky I was.
i was raised in a christian family and a christian surrounding so i didnt not know about divorce and such things until the age of 8 until i made non christian friends out on the street. i met kids with single parents and i still remember when one of my friends told me, that his father is not his brothers father. i thought he was joking so he explained to me that his mother has had another man before. that was confusing and i went home and told my parents 😅
"Fathers are crucial, yet laws and society undervalue their importance in their children's lives." - This is impactful.
This is specifically done. The left has been trying to destroy dual parent and dual income homes. Democrats need degeneracy, because they need victims to sell their narratives.
As someone who never had a father because of his death, I sense the need of my father when moments are getting tough, or when I’m losing my will.
I can't connect to any of this. My father was toxic, emotionally neglectful, abusive, and opportunistic... and I still have yet to be certain I've ever met a good father. I'm hopeful that there are many... I've just never been certain I've ever seen one.
@@justaconversation3729 let me assure you that they do exist! I am sincerely sorry that you never saw this yourself! I do hope you were able to see something good in your father, and if not, hope there was a male figure that influenced your life in a positive way. Bless you friend!
That's because we are on 2nd 3rd and even 4th generations straight of not having a stable reliable dad in the home. This generation barely even entertains the idea a man will stay and be with his family
Wonder how many mothers tell their kids “your father left” opposed to the truth of “I’m keeping you from your father and will call him a dead beat so we can share misery”
Probably not as many as you think. Fathers should to fight for their right to their children if they care.
@@angelacuebasmercado4036 they do, a lot of the time it doesnt help regardless how hard they try
@@angelacuebasmercado4036 You underestimate the well documented spite of divorced women.
@@GabeSweetMan and the legal system that majorly supports them..
90%
I was given a choice as a teenager...who do you want to live with, mom or dad...joint custody had been a nightmare for years. It was the easiest decision I ever made. I chose my dad and it's the reason why I'm a successful, productive member of society today. My mother was not a good caretaker and my dad did everything in his power to make every effort to be there. It comes down to individual situations, but I'm thankful that I had the opportunity to make the decision for myself.
I'm safe that I'm not born in America, and I have two of my parents living happily and there with me every time
Just look the difference between how we celebrate mother's day and father's day
My father will call me to remind me to call my mom on mothers day. My mother almost never reminds me of fathers day. And without a doubt Fathers day is the harder day to remember. Mothers day is blasted everywhere.
Or if somebody makes a list of how guys a great, immediately someone will pipe up , ya but what about girls. Yet if we make a video of how girls are great , no one steps up for guys, You are right on the money , if it's fathers day , they try to turn it into mother's day
or international women's day vs international men's day
@@hubbcap18 when is international men's day ?
@@tachiroci2500 that just made me sad
"Advocating for fathers isn't about diminishing mothers" - Not enough people understand this
And far too many people try to ignore and/or bury this.
Except it kind of is, isn't it? The core issue here is where children should go when mommy and daddy divorce. In cases where both parents are equally fit to parent... you have to make a choice. Mom or dad. You literally can't have both. And you may have all kinds of anecdotes about how YOUR father was so great, but generally, women have stronger bonds with their children.
@@ThePigeonBrain No, it's not. Custody can be split so that both parents parent. You can have both, and children need both.
👍🏾👍🏾Correct I agree
Only newage feminists would think anything to do with men is a crime against womanhood.
As a dad who fell victim to the system as it stands. This made me tear up. I pray this woman makes the difference she's trying for.
As a father, this made me want to be better. I’ve never heard nor thought of any of this.
She stressed the importance of father's roles without taking away from mother's roles. Both are equally important.
if that's what you took away from this, you missed the point
@@chasedbyvvolves9256 Ok so what is message you got from it. I got several points but in my opinion that was very significant point
h. ann what other point is there? There’s a saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Why then should we remove one of the parent unless it’s for legitimate safety issues? Wouldn’t that just make it less of a village?
Eddie 1925 this is not about them!
@@alexanderchristopher6237 pretty sure Hillary Clinton made that phrase popular
My mother did just this- had an affair and listed her husband instead of my biological father on my birth certificate. They divorced shortly after- shocking, I know- and I lost both fathers. I didn't find my biological father until I was thirty, only to find out that he died when I was 18. But I did find that I have a half sister, cousins, aunts and uncles. A whole family who never knew I existed. I'll take what I can get.
Parenting is not a walk in the park.I know what it feels from my life experience,a teen mother at 16, again at 18 and 20 and no marriage or man in sight.I lost the last baby and got married to a different man but never had more children. I'm a widow now reflecting on my life but blessed with a good family. So,my children are named after my husband not after their biological fathers who never saw them. And i think something karmic happens behind the scenes,those who dump their children never succeed in life,others die prematurely. Bless you.
@@Kruxxor the best thing you and your sister are happy.I love your dad for raising up for the two of you and forgetting himself ,which is rare in men. Till today i've never understood why a man can father a child and stand to deny being the parent and the responsibility!
sweet home alabama ( sorry dont hate me xD )
Have you heard of Eddie Vedder, the singer of Pearl Jam? He has a similar story. He, too, was told that his mother's husband was his father but one day, he found out that this wasn't the truth. He began to look for his real father and when he finally found him, it was to late, he had died a few years before. This has traumatized him, severely. Some of Pearl Jam's songs were written about this and I guess the most known song about this is the song "Alive". A lot of people misinterpret the meaning of this song. When he sings "I'm still alive", he's not actually celebrating the fact that he's still alive. When he wrote this song, he was thinking about his real father and thinking "You're dead and I'm still alive, it's not fair". How do I know all this? He talked about this during a show called "VH1's Storytellers".
@@justinamusyoka4986 I totally agree. I also can't understand how a woman could stand herself after killing a child via abortion because it's inconvenient!!
Finally, father's contribution to a child's development is being recognised. Nice to see that contribution to human progress and development.
What is funny. Is pre-1960's it was well understood the father contribution. It was progressive civil law in the 60's that changed everything. Fathers and Mothers were both seen as inturmental in children's lives, and that is why divorce was difficult in the past. Because even with bad marriages, or some marriages needing to end it benefited society far more for children to be raised my a father and mother in the same home. And most cases do not determine that a little bit of arguing, or even a toxic relationship is worse than divorce is for a child.
I grew up with a biological father but he made it very clear through his actions that I was not valued in his eyes. I’m in my 30s and I have cut off all communication and haven’t spoken to him in almost 3 years. Through lots of therapy and self reflection I made the decision to no longer keep in touch with him or his side of my family and I also made a promise to never be that kind of Husband or Father to my family.
bad example is an example as well.....at least he was good for this purpose for you.
Yeah, that's so unfortunate. I will say that it could just be an extended shadow of childhood development. He didn't learn better while perhaps growing without a father.
My father and i never lived together, he is an alcoholic and we had a very rough relationship when i was young. We also went years without talking. Now at 39 i have the best relationship with him that we've ever had. I truly hope you have found peace with your situation, a tough childhood causes scars that will never heal, but there is peace out there. God bless you my friend
I had an awful father as well. Violent, verbally demeaning, terrifying. I count myself among those who are fatherless.
You will be a great husband/father one day. I believe it for you!
This woman is a treasure. My divorce attorney was a woman... No one represents men better than a woman who loves her father. God bless them all,
My parents got divorced when I was 3 I think and though there was anger and resentment between them I always knew they loved my sister and me. Thankfully the judge saw that they are both great parents and gave shared custody so I lived one week with my father and one week with my mother. It would have been devastating losing either of them. It is sad that society sees woman as more responsible or more important for a child (at least in a lot of countrys) both parents are important unless one is abusive.
That was really sweet of you to say
John Thomson Well said, sir.
John Thomson yup she is a treasure! Sad 😭 though that your child's mom could not be a treasure for you and children!
Good observation very true
It's about time we realized that fathers are just as important as mothers.
Lynda Lee Abdo I agree with you
MsNeela1 that didn’t make any sense whatsoever
@@MsNeela1 They are equally important. Modern psychology is recognizing this.
@@MsNeela1 Why wouldn't they be equally important? Explain.
MsNeela1 I never had neither parents so I don’t know what to say
Reading some of these comments is really healing for me. My dad had split custody, a good relationship with my mother, and lived nearby, but he still abandoned me and started a new family with 2 new kids that he neglected while living with them. I've just recently cut him out of my life at 31, not that he'll notice until a year or so from now, but I am really happy to read about all the fathers who loved their children. I hope every involved, loving father out there knows that your effort means the world to your kids. Don't give up. And thank you.
How do you KNOW this? Do not take any words said from your mother about the father to heart. Mothers have incentives to lie, and are more than happy to do so!
Im not going to lie, I have many times felt guilty for having such an amazing dad. I would catch my self talking about my dad and then realizing my friend doesn't have a dad, and I would just feel like I was selfish or something. Its terrible realizing that one of the best parts of your life is something that so many people will never have.
This is also why men need paternity leave when they have a child with their partner.
Amen! This comment needs more likes so the US gets their priorities straight
We have this in Canada now. It's the law.
It's been in Germany T_T
@J O As far as I know, there is no national requirement for that, although some states have done so, and some companies have done it without being required, but that said... I've worked for companies which provided it (2 weeks usually, compared to 6 for maternity), and every single expectant father I ever met always took it. Usually, they'd delay it for several months to be able to have that significant bonding time a little bit later in development (as the company allowed that two weeks to be taken at any point within 6 months of birth).
@J O I should have been more specific and said "federally-mandated paid paternity leave."
This crushed me. I have been fighting for my son since he was one years old. Now he is 4.5 years old. I will never give up. The mom and courts barely let me see him. I have a perfect record, very good job, homes and all the support and love possible for him. I cry every night, sometimes during the day missing him. He looks like me, acts like me and loves me. The courts deny me my boy! The best thing in my life. My father beat me, abused me, starved me, then left me to fend off the world. I did, I grew, I accomplished greatness in full. Then came my son, planned, prayed for. I knew how to be, act, behave and genuinely be there for him. Because my dad was not, he taught me how to really be me for my boy. God I want my boy, God my boy needs me, God please help me help him.
Create some evidence against her and sue
I hope you get your boy back soon. Abide by the court mandates; keep your temper in check so you don't give the mother ammunition to be used against you; and keep fighting in the courts. I wish you luck.
Do one simple thing for your son. STAY ALIVE...but more importantly... LIVE!!!! MY DAUGHTER WAS STOLEN AWAY AFTER A NARCISSISTIC DIVORCE(I DIVORCED HER AFTER SHE ATTEMPTED TO STEAL EVERYTHING FROM ME WHICH BELONGED TO BOTH OF US. SHE NOW PLAYS THE VICTIM AND HAS POISONED MY DAUGHTER AGAINST ME. IT HAS BEEN OVER A YEAR NOW. BECAUSE MY DAUGHTER IS SOON TO BE 19...I HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL SHE WORKS THINGS OUT. BUT I AM LEARNING TO LIVE AGAIN WITHOUT HER. P.S. I HAD AN AWESOME BOND WITH OUR DAUGHTER. BUT I WILL NEVER BE IN THE SAME ROOM WITH OR SPEAK TO MY EX.
I am gonna say this pal, there is something that curt, the mother or any other person can't take away from you... you will always be the father!!!, no mater what. Keep fighting cause at the end, it will always pay off. I am living prove of that.
Mahadev will help you. Just don't give up.
My Dad isn’t one for verbal communication but he knows I love history especially female history. So he gets a Smithsonian magazine monthly finds a female figure, brings it to my attention & hands it to me to read. That’s how I know he’s bonding with me & telling me he sees me. I love my Dad, I know he tries, cares & has always been supportive. Both my parents I know are & have always been crucial in my life and will always be. I’m insanely blessed & know not many have this, so I treasure it greatly.
I’m not telling it’s the same for everyone, but as a child growing without his father (his choice) I can tell I had to struggle à long time before being really confident in myself and what I’m able to do. My mother is the best, but she was focused on security: her wish to see me safe was stronger than to see me doing something new. If I fall from my bike, she would say « are you ok sweety, do you want to stop and go home? » which is good and lovely, but you also need to hear « get up kid you can do it ». I stopped myself so many times to just try something, telling me I won’t make it and that it would just be « safer » to not even try so you cannot fail. I’m not like that anymore. Now I’m a house dad and my little girl is everything to me, I couldn’t stay away from her even a single day! (Sorry for my bad english)
As a male teacher, I can tell you, even if I had never met a kids parents, I can pretty accurately pick which kids are from solo parent homes.
What differences are mostly shown?
Yes, I am curious as well, what differences are there between kids with both parents versus one parent?
Please I want to know too
Are the differences subtle or obvious?
Waste place oh it’s obvious...
I'm a single dad. All 3 kids chose to live with me. The most important piece of advice I give to any man is, when going into a divorce get a woman attorney.
Funny. My brother got a female attorney and got everything he wanted. Said she was worth every penny!
@@a.randolph8112 it cost a fortune, but I was able to give the kids what they wanted. The one time we ended up in court we actually got more than we were asking for at the time.
Wow
Get an experienced woman attorney, she should be older ..that means she has kids and knows the value of a strong family...she will fight for you tooth n nail
Thanks for the advice.
My entire life (I am now 43), I have carried a deep grief at my core without understanding why it was there. This talk showed me: it’s because I grew up fatherless. Thank you for helping me see it’s not my fault I’m so sad so often.
I don't know you, but I would suggest speaking to a therapist and not self-diagnosing something this major by watching KZhead. I mean well by saying this to you and I hope your life improves.
I am a fatherless daughter, and I can't begin to describe how much this video touched my heart. My dad wasn't put on the birth certificate when he was becoming a father, and was prohibited from getting a paternity test. My mom lied and said he was abusing her! To this day I don't understand why she did this and opted to be a single mom. Growing up, she talked as if being a single mom was totally okay and normal, and often mentioned how being a single mom carries a lot of stigma, but that doesn't make it bad. The day that I met him and he started to become a part of my life, I began to question even more. He ended up paying for car repairs at one point, and I told my mom. I asked her if she'd ever wanted some help raising us, and she'd said yes. She passed away this summer. I guess I'll never know. The ability for mothers to lie and get away with not telling the father they are pregnant with their child is something I've just now realized should not be done. I don't know if it should be considered a crime if they don't tell the father right away, because it can be delicate, but it's the right thing to do, in my opinion, to tell the father first. As the child of a story like this, fathers are crucial. They are paramount. I didn't even know I was supposed to have one until I was 23.
Marilyn York (The Speaker in this TED Talk) is the lady who helped save my life and my future. I am an 18 year old boy, and a son to a father who loves me and was able to give me the childhood I needed. I can say with 100% conviction that if Marilyn had not existed my father would not have been able to win against my drug addict, drunk, and criminal mother. Because of her, today I am a cyber security specialist, going into the navy for cryptologic networking. All I can say is that Marilyn York and fathers around the world make MUCH better impacts on the world then just deciding who gets to see the kid. Thank you for saving my life and my future Marilyn. And thank you to my dad for being the father I needed.
I am glad all worked out fine to you my friend. I wish you well, and I hope that you yourself one day in respect the memory of your father, becoming as good as him, if not better, for in this world, good men can never be too many. Stay safe, and good day.
Wow!
That is amazing 👏🏼 I'm really happy for you, man. Marylin is definitely a fking G
That’s wonderful to hear kiddo and I’m sure someday you will make an excellent father, too.
That's incredible dude! I wish you good luck in life.
As a father that rarely gets to see his daughter, I appreciate this Tedx Talk.
Benjamin Lord - Geeze, man. I feel for you.. Keep your head up..
Same. To the extent referenced in the video where she blocked 100% me just before the birth until she had finished registering the birth weeks later with no father listed. Lawyers told me, it’s so up hill just be happy you don’t have to pay and not see the baby. She moved 300miles away. I drive out once a month for two days. Every month.
we are not alone stay strong
@@SuperKingofcastle just keep doing what you're doing... you're a great dad.
This should be really hard for you. Keep strong. I assume that when your daughter turns 18 you can bond more and the mother can't stop you. (And as somebody else here pointed out to me, right now you can still try to connect in any way possible.) You can totally do this bro!
People don't "need" their father or mother. They need more than that. They need a GOOD and SAFE father and mother.
that's implied, if not outright stated if you listen to the talk. Do you think she's advocating for fathers who beat and torture their kids? If you do, then that's naïve, or simply purposefully misrepresenting her talk.
BINGO! Couldn’t agree more! Being a mother or father is not enough if you have nothing to show for it.
I've always said kids don't need a mother or a father, they need a mum & a dad. Anyone can be a mother or a father, but it takes something special to be a mum & a dad.
Define good and safe.
My father left before I was born. I always wondered what it would be like. To have someone so close in my side that understood me as a male.
You were likely better without if he chose to leave before you were born
I feel your pain, my father left when I was about 2, and now I’m 42. he came in the picture few years when he found out that he has grandkids but I haven’t been to build the father/son relationship with him. But the struggle without father was real.
Bet your mom n her family told you that 😂
I grew up never knowing my mom. After I was born she relapsed and disappeared. My dad got clean and went back to school. He raised me on his own (well, kind of with help from my grandparents) while getting his life back together. I’m still not sure how it’s affected me growing up without a mom, but I’m forever grateful that I am the reason my dad is the man that he is today. He’s actually a mental health therapist and drug abuse counselor now. Him being able to say that he not only quit abusing drugs while going to college, working full time, and taking care of me has shown me what it truly means to be a man. I’m so glad that I’ve been able to have my dad in my life. Fathers are important.
That’s awesome 🤩
I don't tear up often, but reading what you wrote about your dad brought a tear to my eye. Your dad sounds like a great man!
@_jeff _ Actually yeah the legal doctrine in many states is "the father is merely a means of financial support"
My dad left when I was three but my mother was the one who wanted a divorce so the majority of the time I was growing up didn’t have a dad and my mom was either sleeping to have enough energy for work or at work so I never got to spend any time with her and the little bit of time that I did get to spend with her she was tired and angry but I had my grandfather and he really in all practical application was the only one to raise me and my brother he died last year when I was 15 I’m turning 17 in three days as of writing this and I’m not sure why I’m writing it but in the end though I only had him for a little less than 13 years I will forever be eternally grateful for all that he taught me even if it took me up until now to understand all those lessons
Your dad is awesome!
“Advocating for fathers isn’t about diminishing mothers.” Truer words than this are rare. We really need to drop this "if you believe something different than me, you are against me" mentality
She was not saying that, she was showing that diminishing a father is the norm and it is wrong as it is to diminish a mother with nonsense because women and men parent differently. I.E. the infant years they automatically got custody nonsense...
That’s your western culture. Maybe the person doesn’t want anything to do with you or never even knew of your existence or a myriad of other things that’s not being for you or against you
@@kingkong8974 I dont understand this? Never wanted anything to do with me or knew I existed but she is DIVORCING ME and taking my kids and money... She married me had children and don't know I exist? I am confused by your comments
sadly "if you believe something different than me, you are against me" is part of the ruling class's divide and rule strategy and while those people are on power and using their money and media to push it on us it will take a long time to get past it!
Da Lone Voice What happened in your divorce?
This made me emotional. My dad got custody of me in early 90s and I am so proud of him because it was quite unusual. I feel lucky. I remember how anxious I was the day he went to court. If I could meet the judge I would give him a big hug and thank him for his right decision. Can't imagine another scenario for me !
This is hard hitting. The awareness on laws against fathers is absolutely required!
I'm glad to see a woman talking about the importance of a father.
I love it too!
she probably a man herself lmao
Yeah, let's be honest. If it was a man saying this, their opinion won't really be regarded. But there's a few reasons behind that, that kinda make sense I guess
@@walmart506aj-7 You're a very sad person.
Sure, just remember she didn't defend them in the court of law out of the kindness of her heart, but because she was being paid top dollar, and you can be sure she's getting paid handily for this 15 minute talk too. Such an angel. Let's see a woman defend a man when she's not being slapped in the face with a stack of money. Funny how she also specifies that ALL 9 of her employees are women. Hmmm, discrimination much?
I wish more people would see that fighting for men’s rights isn’t an attack on women
But it is an attack to the oppressive biases of women who think that men deserve less than nothing.
Women are emotionally selfish when they are in their feelings.
Dajour Phil0soph3r it’s only an attack when men only want to bring up men’s rights during women discussing women’s rights. Which is often.
@@yvesvixxen But when is the time to discuss men's rights though? Women's rights gets all the spot light so that's why it seems like we only bring it up when yall are talking about your stuff.
I don’t see how men’s rights and feminism are at odds, even though men’s rights activists often seem to think so. It’s so strange.
Honestly as a man it just feels good to see someone portraying us as more than just some monster that ruins society and the world. Really just a powerful, beautiful and simply moving speech ❤️
"The law is improving but the statistics are not" ---thats a very concise way to speak the truth. We cant keep trying to make things "right" by passing laws. Laws dont change the truth. Children need both mother and father
My mother, who didn't lift a finger in raising me and my siblings, was miraculously granted full custody during my parent's divorce. Even after MANY witnesses came forward to tell the judge that my father was the only one who raised us, the judge still gave her full custody. I really appreciate this TedTalk. This prejudice played a significant roll in my childhood.
Some of these judges are worthless and some judges did it because of what some of them went through so they took revenge on innocent men. But they reap what they sow for not doing the right thing.
The courts are satanic .
My mother fabricated evidence, stole money from my bank account, fired her lawyer twice, and got a judge thrown out to get her way in my parent's divorce case. My father was offering her an overly reasonable settlement with 80% of assets, 60% of his paycheck as alimony, and she gets primary custody of 5 of 6 children (me being the oldest I was going off to college and therefore no custody provided). She refused and went after every penny my father had and more. Her two lawyers tried to get her to take the settlements offered, but she fired them and the third finally went with everything she said. The judge brought in to replace the first one only seemed to listen to her side even when she fabricated evidence and my father and his lawyer proved she did. She caused both of them to burn through all their assets, and now neither side has any money. My dad is 60 with a poor physical and mental (due to the divorce) medical condition unable to perform physical labour anymore despite that being his career beforehand and because of the poorly handled situation in the courts, he can't pay anything because he has no assets, a minimum wage job that doesn't even pay half the required alimony, the government has taken away his driver's license and passport, so now basically me, his brother, and his mom (my grandma) have to take care of him. Such a classless area of law.
Your story needs to get out. Many people just don't believe it...
@@Rindiculousfun Back in history, the Romans killed or enslaved all the fathers once they conquered a nation. This way they didn't had to worry about the men in the next generation to become rebellious and being a treat for the empire. Nowadays family courts going by these same tactics.
I actually choked up when she listed the questions fathers can answer, because my dad would know those. Dads are so different from moms, and it’s so important to have that relationship
Me, too. I know the answers to all those things about my son. They are the things that matter to him at his age and nothing matters more to me than him.
LEGENDARYx COW well because mothers want to protect you from the world, and fathers want to prepare you for the world. Nature all gave us a role in this life
@@illyrianbloodline4841 in extreme ways, but that's so true
We've been finding it hard to accept fathers and mothers are different
Milagros Owens we all know that my friend. That was just political propaganda so they keep Americans focus away from the real problems. In my country we have a expression “you give a women your house she will make it a home” we cannot exists without each other. We need to start take responsibilities as human beings cause if we keep continue like this won’t be any left
I’m watching this and reading a few comments in tears as I have gone through a divorce and suffered every psychological difficulty in trying see my kids. I’m 75 now and losing my kids still hurts, the psychological battle didn’t just effect me as my kids were used in that battle by the lies they were told about me. I have a relationship now since their mother died but it’s not that free flowing. Thanks for the work you do supporting fathers as those that care should be allowed to.
I miss my father every day. He was the deepest, strongest relationship I had in my life. Thank you for helping all those fathers out there
I am separated from my daughter and it hurt so bad. I won’t give up on her.
Don't do it sir. If you need someone to talk to or emotional support reach out. I fought for custody of my son and luckily was granted it.
Is very sad to see the law inforce the unjustified action of excluding fathers from their children's life .
You can do it! Believe and don't give up! One day you will receive justice.
My daughter was kept from me for six years, I fought for her the entire six years. I had no money to get a lawyer to fight for custody and her mother was very evasive. She would change her number and move constantly to keep me from finding her. I put child support on myself so I could have visitation, when the agreement wasn't upheld the court told me I had to lawyer up and fight to see my daughter. I was working on getting the money when I got the call to get my daughter or the state would take her. This started my six month journey of fighting CPS to get custody. I was granted custody two years ago and I am so grateful to be able to be apart of her life. NEVER GIVE UP! NEVER BACK DOWN! YOUR BABY NEEDS HER DAD! STAY STRONG BROTHA! You'll be in my prayers.
Godamn... thats what I have nightmares about. I hope you find your way to her again my man. Godspeed.
It's just depressing that people think that fathers don't matter in a child's life. Somehow because the woman bears the child, she's the only one that matters? Not even close.
I WOULD SAY FATHERS MATTER WAY MORE THAN MOTHERS. A MOTHER CAN'T RAISE A HEALTHY BOY INTO MANHOOD. A SINGLE MOTHER WOULD JUST MAKE THE BOY INTO A PATHETIC SIMP.
@@joecooper8527 a mother CAN so long as she herself was raised properly. Say the father died, is it then impossible for a woman to educate a boy into adulthood. Of course. But if a woman doesn't have a right head on her sholders, she won't be able raise healthy girls nor boys.
@@malorie8557 NOPE
@@joecooper8527 What? I can't hear you. See if you can find a larger font size.
that is very true
I can't even describe how much this video impacted me. During my divorce from my children's mother I spent 10s of thousands of dollars and almost two years of my life fighting for one thing only. Not the home, not money, not possessions, not even premarital items. Only to have equal 50/50 time with my children. The result, I pay all the education costs, 80% of all other expenses including medical, dental, clothing, everything. I'm also responsible to pay and maintain all the supporting insurances 100%. For this, I managed to get a 40/60 time sharing judgment. Myself the one awarded 40%. This gives my ex-wife primary parental control of all decisions regarding the children. If we remained married it would have been cheaper. Given I now also pay 2k a month in alimony. We were married less than 3 years so I legally wouldn't of been required to pay alimony. However, instead of dragging the process out further, possibly years. I agreed to pay the alimony, all attorneys fees, as well as the previously mentioned items, and more. I make a nice salary, over 6 figures. I work very hard and spent years building myself up to this point. My children's mother has a PhD that I helped her obtain both financially and other personal sacrifice. Regardless, she refuses to work because with the way the laws are, this way of life is more beneficial to her. I don't care about the money as I'd sacrifice everything for my children, as I've went out of my way to do for my 40% of time. Ultimately, I decided to agree to these terms, refuse to display any ill will towards their mother, and do everything in my power to be the best father I can be. Why? Because even though the legal system skewed and needs some serious correction, in the end the people I fight and care for the most are the ones who suffer and lose the most. My children.
Fought and won full custody of my boys in Nevada back in 2011. They provided her with attorneys to help her while the kids and I were alone to fight and survive alone. Nice to see laws changing but they still have a long way to go when men are fighting for their lives and their children’s lives against lies and state appointed attorneys.
Man Im really happy for you. God bless you and your boys. lots of love king
one of the greatest privileges is having stable and loving parents.
That's just a sad statement and observation of society today. It shouldn't be a privilege, it should be the norm.
It's not a privelage, it's a RIGHT owed to you, by your parents, for deciding to bring you into this world.
@Jon weldy Thank you for saying that! Stop throwing the word *privileged* for what supposed to be a *Norm*
@@aaronburdon221 Yes sir, that is correct!
@@jtg1972 She talked about thinking back to my father and all i could think about was when he would beat my autistic brother. Wealthy lady means well but damn shes lucky to talk like that. Nothing is owed to you, always remember that.
Maybe if society as a whole stopped treating fathers like they are dispensable, we could see even a slight decrease in men that abandon their children. My dad and grandpa were two of the best people I have ever met and I absolutely needed them while I was growing up and I'm grateful every day they were there every single day. Any mother that would try and deny their child additional love and support from a father that wants to be in their child's life is pathetic. Fathers are just as important as mothers.
Well said Erika....well said.
Wow....so it's true.... A good dad often leads to a good daughter... Good to know 😘
But women and children first. Men will always sacrifice themselves. That is how men are treated.
Never thought this would come from a woman. No offense, but most women tend to be sexist against men and fathers.
Anybody will get tired of a lack of appreciation after awhile. And why stay in a situation were you are unappreciated.
I lost my wife when my daughter was seven and my son was three I had to juggle all their needs and try to make an income. Unfortunately women who get divorced don't realize how important it is to remember that children didn't cause the divorce situation and they need both parents love and care.
I also lost my job because my boss couldn't allow me to adjust to been a single parent, then my medical aid said they decided that my unborn child my wife was carring for 8 and half months is still a fetus so they're not obligated to pay and they sued me for the funds, I fought it tooth and nail but lost unfortunately and I lost our home, vechiles, money then fortunately I got a job but it didn't pay me as I did recieve previously but with time I got another car and we survived. Unfortunately I had a stroke about five years ago and the company I worked for put me on early pension which is at least something unfortunately not enough to buy anything fancy or to treat my children on a holiday or take them out for dinner. I really think woman should be more sensitive to their childrens needs and not always their own. If a man is abusive report him, if he jealous help him by going with him to a psychologist, remember your promise to God and stand by it
@lawrencehenshaw7491 sorry to read about your loss. I hope you're in a better place now.
5:40 made me cry, I hadn't realized how much I'd taken these memories for granted. Thank you.
It blows my mind how my dad won full custody of me in the early 1980's. I haven't thought much of it until becoming a father myself. I think I need to sit down with him and thank him for how hard he fought for me.
Much respect for your father, God bless him.
You are truely fortunate.
Wow. Tell him I respect him VERY MUCH. From Italy.
it's been 2 months and i hope you did sit with him and tell him
me too!
Before I was even old enough to remember my mom, she demanded a divorce and took my dad to court. She hated working and having responsibilities, but she still wanted custody of me and my sisters. My dad worked all day every day while my mom sat with her face in the computer from sunrise to sunset. It was two of my older sisters who changed my diapers when I was a baby, and they were only 6 and 7 years old. My mom just didn't care. But she still wanted to get back at my dad for "not paying attention to her" even though he had to work all day because my mom didn't want to do anything. So, to get her "revenge," she tried to win over custody and the massive house we lived in. Her plan was to take everything, kick my dad out, and live off of child support that he has to pay while getting a low-effort part-time job. Thankfully, her plan never went into effect. My dad did everything he could to save the marriage because he knew my sisters and I couldn't grow up without a woman in the house. But my mom lost the case because she couldn't prove that she could provide a stable environment for her children to live in. My dad got full custody and my mom disappeared for several years. The last thing she said to my dad was "I hate you for taking my kids away from me." My dad's case was one of those rare cases where the father is the stable one and wins. But if the tiniest circumstances were different, then I fear my mom would have won custody and used me and my sisters as a weapon to manipulate my dad into getting what she wanted. It's sad to see how so many fathers lose the ability to see their children because the mother is narcissistic and selfish. It almost happened to my dad, but happy endings in cases like these are rare and that's upsetting.
"I hate you for taking my kids away from me." I guess irony wasn't her strong suit hey
I was a 911 operator for several years, and I can attest to the frequency with which children of divorcees are weaponized. The thing is I honestly can’t remember a situation I handled where the father was doing it to the mother; it was always the opposite. I recall the fathers sounding exhausted, and sounding like they just wanted to see their children and have as little to do with the mother as possible. Meantime I can recall shrill, angry, bitter mothers making all sorts of threats and demands. Sad stuff, it really is.
!!! How do you know about my life and why are you narrating it in a youtube comment...
Your case is not that rare. I'm in the same boat.
I’ve had almost the same experience except my mom won but couldn’t afford to keep the house and we’ve been living at my grandmother’s house for years while my dad has a mansion in Florida
The older I get the more I see how a dad could have helped me
Ditto
I am the oldest of 3 sons raised our mother, the father of 4 sons, I've outlived my birth family and my oldest & youngest sons. My 2nd son, a semi-retired eye surgeon with an international reputation, hosted a family dinner 3 or so weeks before my 90th birthday. At the dinner I gave a short speech. I told my descendants, "I am a miracle, that makes you miracles also." This talk convinced me I am a miracle.
It was very refreshing to hear someone defend the fathers of this world, because there is plenty of really good ones that love their children and are being treated badly by the mothers.
Not only that the state treats us worse. Its sad because they literally can dictate our relationships with our children and that's super fuckin unfair.
This video made me very emotional becuase I am new father, my son just turned one and I havent seen him nearly as much as I want because of his selfish mother.
@@micahvelli_236 smh. Man I been there before. Stay strong. Hopefully it gets better brother.
@@mtdubdachamp6917 preciate it man.
i could write a book in this section. you guys arent alone.
Let’s not forget when a mother is alone with her children in public nobody bats an eye but if it’s their father alone with them society wonders if they’re safe. Horrible double standard
I tried bringing this up with my ex. Don't do that. Women are not able to relate.
Sometimes it is not about child's safety, sometimes they just assume it is the father's "week with the kids". Still no one thinks the dad is out grocery shopping with the kids while the mom is at work or spending time with her friends.
J W ?
@@trucetruce335 !
J W I’m asking what you mean
Not a father, nor did I grow up without one, but I’ve seen these effects firsthand around me and it’s incredibly sad. Keep fighting the good fight
I grew up with an abusive father who never wanted to be a father. He never did anything that a father should do. Even with him around my mother had to take on both roles. I learned to be a man and father by having an example of how not to be one
I thank God for my father. He was a great dad.
Damn, I guess God hates 40% of us 🙄
@@reeceb1259 no brother, think on how it made you stronger, and gave you a unique perspective. I believe I am 10 times the father I would be if my dad was around when I grew up. I know that sounds crazy, but it taught me to ALWAYS be there, and to always listen to my daughter. My daughter is 7 years old, I’ve only spent *two* nights away from her to go on a backpacking trip with my brother. All 7 years. I know how important it is to have a father’s presence consistently, and it is because I never had that. Do I wish my dad was different? Sure. But I also understand that life is a lesson, and every path is different. Never feel sorry for yourself, and attack life with vigor. Take care ❤
Noone cares
I have an alcoholic dad, can't really relate to the good memories, but I'll do my best to be a great father. Please, everyone with bad parents, do not inerhit their character, if you didn't have a good childhood, at least do your best to make your kids childhood the best.
Also if you think you can’t be a good parent there’s no shame in not having kids
Same here, I didn't really have any good father figure growing up from either my step dad or bio dad. So the way I look at it is I'm going to use them as an example of who not to be.
Bad parents are still better than no parents, obviously don’t be a bad parent but if your partner is alcoholic or an addict, get it worked out, because even if you fail it will be better than just leaving them.
@@mj6463 That's what everyone that has no clue how it feels to have "bad parents" say, it's like telling someone with depression to just "get over it bro, everyone has bad days".
@@hayian2575 omg. Finally someone who can relate! You a are totally right. My father behaves like bad at crucial moments. And ur also right on how to be a good father. U can learn how NOT to be a parent form our fathers!
Im a single Dad. I raised my son since he was 10 years old. It's been the toughest 6 years of my life. But then when he called me from school to tell me he's passed his high school exams, I almost cried. God bless Father Support companies and TedX for doing this speech!!!
Thank you to all the people that liked my comment!
Congratulations
Trending Worldwide, I feel you. I also raised my son for over ten years. Most of that alone. I can truly say that It is the toughest job, but I love it and would not give anything this world has to offer to change that. I still am bringing him up. Keep up the fight! Don't quit!
God bless you!
I'm a single father and my son is currently 4 years old he lives with me full time I dedicate every free moment I have to his success and well-being I can really appreciate the success that you feel from your child's accomplishments
I work in mortgages and I am PETRIFIED of marriage. I deal with at least 4-5 calls per week of men who are being RINSED by divorce settlements. It's like 'yeah I get to stay living in the house, he is coming off the deeds but staying on the mortage, he will be paying for the whole mortgage with no ownership, and is contributing to 50% of the bills and paying £300 child support too'. And I'm like.... OKAY THEN.
Just don’t do it or you’ll get screwed very badly
Just make sure that when you meet someone, they're not a psycho, you'll be fine. ;-)
@@donteventryit007 So far I'm very lucky then.
Wow, all I have to say is 300 pounds a month for child support is very low. That's what I pay for health insurance ($450) every month in the US. And I'm lucky to be paying for a plan that cheap
Yeah not worth it. It’s an ancient set of marriage laws that are not longer relevant.
I’m a mother, and I’m glad my husband is a great father. My own father was a terrible person. I know how important to have a father close to his son or daughter based in my experience and I’m so happy that my kids grew up with my husband.
When I met my husband he was a divorced father of three. His kids lived with their schizophrenic mother several hundred miles away. The courts had awarded her custody because the maternal grandparents were present in the same city. My husband spent every spare moment and spare penny he had maintaining his relationship with the kids. He phoned them at least once a week and made a monthly visit. Often he would make the trip to their far-away city, only to learn that the kids wouldn't be spending their 24-hour weekend or Christmas, with him because some remote uncle had come to visit... But he never gave up, he never forgot the kids, not even when our son was born. Every month until the kids were old enough to take the train alone, we would go visit them with our baby. We spent all our holiday time with them. My husband faced major opposition when one of the children decided to come live with us. Despite the years, he has constantly kept up contact with the three children, who are now all in their 30's. Despite slander and lies from their maternal family, the all really know who their Dad is, how much he loves them, and, most importantly, the fact that he never, never chose to leave them, but was forced to do so by his ex-wife's manipulative parents. This wonderful man is a hero to me, and though he is not perfect, he is a wonderful father. All four of his children adore him. Every child should have this kind of dad.
Beautiful story. He's a great man.
Manipulations is the worst. I know the struggle and you gave me hope that there is a way to overcome it.
@@Dantillosos you never overcome it, you must just keep going forward untill you break through it. dont ever give up. after nearly 20 years of my daughters mum trying to cut me out of her life we still have a bond that cant be broken. its worth it in the end, never give up
And you are a really good person and understanding lady. Every man needs a wife like you.
Calling the mother a schizophrenic is kind of sad. He had 3 children with her. How did she develop schizophrenia? When did she develop it? Did she always have it? This story makes it sound like the mother is a monster, and I'm sure she wasn't. He married her for a reason. What happened?
I can attest to this. and yes, “Advocating for fathers isn’t about diminishing mothers.” TRUE!
I hate how so many think everything is zero sum. :(
It's crazy how that needs to be said now. Thought fathers and mothers were meant to be a team.
The crisis of fatherless homes has alot to do with women purposely having children without planning to have the fathers in their lives. If you grew up in a city you saw it all the time. Even though mothers are not diminished they should be held accountable.
@@luisseverino740 Men having an advantage in the workplace doesn't mean it needs to flip when it comes to parenthood. In reality, there are injustices for both genders that need to be addressed. It's a shame we always have to resort to discrimination when trying to solve problems of discrimination.
@@BrunoAnton I largely agree with you. However justice rarely sees fair to the person being asked to give up something...even if it is more equitable for everyone in the bigger picture. Whether it's in the workplace, or at home, creating a balance often means one side will have to lose/give up something for the other side to gain a fairer balance. That's just the nature of reality.
I come from a single parent household. One amazing thing that happened was that the single parent was my father. It still did not help. Me and all my siblings were set back close to 20 years by the event and all the collateral damage of the following years. Adults really need to keep in mind how serious marriage is, especially when kids are involved!! I am now married with a daughter of my own and am making sure to be as big a part of her life as possible. She is my world, and she will be reminded of that daily. Thank you so much for the presentation and needed information.
when she said to think of your father had me get a tear in my eye, I miss him so much... then I think of my brother, who was 12 when he passed. I wish he could have had more time with him.
I lost my mom when I was 15. I spent so many years in my grief that I didn't acknowledge the sacrifices and unconditional love I was already getting from my dad. He went above and beyond as a father and no amount of birthday and Father's day gifts and cards will be able to express how much I love and appreciate him
losing mom so early that's rough
How old are you now? I lost my mom when I was 15 as well. I am 20 now. Wondering if I'm also not acknowledging my father enough. I do respect him a lot, he's the best example I have of what a real man is supposed to be. He did get re-married and I have a step-mother now, but the relationship just isn't the same as it was with my mother. My siblings and I try to make it work though
My mom left when I was 4 and luckily my dad won us in custody. He was rough and hard growing up. A lot of it was because of how hard he worked for me and my sisters. I was the oldest but I respected him so much. He tried to be fair and reasonable but was also strict. He passed away when I was 21 years old from colon cancer at the age of 44. I miss him so much to this very day. One of the last things he told me before he died and I can still see it so vividly was to let go of the hate I held for my mother. That it wasn’t my fault and it was their issues and that as much as o deserve to hate her I had to let it go. And it was hard but it helped me heal so much internally. I still sometimes cry or get tears in my eyes when I think about what he taught me. He died a year before my son was born. Unable to be there to see him and I strive to raise my son the way my dad raised me. And I strive to give him the stability I severely lacked as a child growing up with only 1 parent.
@@velocity7779 is fine. You don't need to love your new mom, but it is important that you remember that him re-marrying doesn't make him a worse dad as long a he still loves you the same and would still go out of his way to look out for you. It is also important to remember that most humans are social creatures and crave romantic company. So keep it in mind. The relationship dies a bit because he now has someone else in his attention spectrum as well. It's sad but such is life.
Wow. Seems like this should be the club of "l5 & lost mom" . I will be a member. And while I lovey dad,and respect him and know that he loves me as much as he can, I still feel that void and am still in depression after 5 years. Nothing makes me happy.
“Advocating for fathers isn’t about diminishing mothers” Of course not. It’s not a zero sum game.
Talon Greenlee for some it seems like it is but they are just delusional. Unfortunately they are too many.
Some things that are obvious to others aren't to others
the missile skud No, to batshit insane radical feminists it is. And men are under that umbrella as well as women.
"Of course not. It's not a zero sum game." If only that were true. Unfortunately, it's not. It's not economically, it's not emotionally, and it's not socially. The bias in our legal system when it comes to father's rights is astounding. The onus of economic support for a child is almost solely placed on the father. And more so, any man who dares utter the words, "men's rights" is immediately labeled a misogynist, and can have real professional and personal impact from those that get it in their heads to seek to ruin them for their slight against the modern era of feminism.
EVERYTHING is game theory.
I am always so amazed to hear stories like these; my community does not value their children or their relationships with the mothers. Often the men disown their children and get their families to do it too. Additionally, my own father was a very terrible, abusive person. The exercise asked me to recall the good times I remember with my dad and then erase them was different for me because when I close my eyes and think about my dad, all I can remember is abuse. I would gladly remove those memories and him from my mind if possible. The primary thing to remember is that advocating for dads is necessary, but it should happen in lock-step with keeping the children protected. Today, men from my community will argue that they're good deserving parents who should be allowed the same access to their kids as their child's mother. They will get custody and immediately place them with family members and new relationships where the children are exposed to unhealthy, dangerous, and even abusive people and behaviors. Ultimately, all good dads deserve equal access and equitable treatment during the family law process. My children have a fantastic dad who I wouldn't even dream of taking to family court because I know even on our worst day, he would prioritize our children's safety. However, for people in a situation where destructive, dangerous, or impulsive behaviors are a problem that can put kids in harm's way, Nah, you need observation and a demonstrable record of care and safety, proving kids have a healthy, safe environment to grow in
This sounds personal and not about your “ community “ smh
@@cbshine how else could someone speak to the importance of having a good father if they, themselves didn't have a bad one to compare it to.
@@nicholeweltanschauung8245 that’s the thing you should personalize your experience instead of putting it on the entire community because that’s what you experience further played out stereotypes
@@cbshine how do you know her experience isn't shared by 80% of the children in her community? You don't, so your comment to her is a little rude unless you know her community and what is going on in it. Outside of that, she is the only one that can share the experiences of what the children in her community faced as she grew up.
@@FlorenceElu first of all you’re not in my community and what she did is a generalization and she alone is not capable of speaking for her community
As a father, still married, this is the best I've heard in a long time. Staying together when love has faded is common I believe, but getting some support that the reasoning is right really helps. So thank you
I just turned 13 when my parent's divorced. My mother wouldn't allow me to see my father plus brainwashed me into fear of him. Then she forced me to be adopted by her second husband just to hurt my father. Life was so confusing! Mothers can get so bitter and use their children to hurt their father.
ugh it feels like these stuff happen only in tv shows
That is emotional abuse and neglect. She should not have had custody of you.
Bet she’s starting to regret it now
I hope you will not be as your mother was.
I’m sorry friend. It was my grandparents on both sides that tried to brainwash me against the other parent. It’s sick.
When my daughter was about 10, her mother left me. We were not married, but a little while after leaving me her boyfriend was filling her head with ideas that made me fear for custody of my daughter. I immediately got a lawyer to draw up custody papers (2 weeks on, 2 weeks off) and child support. I think I caught her off guard with this, because she signed without any fuss. My daughter is now 25, and I don't know how either of us would have survived without that time together for all those years.
Vwlss Nvwls good for you man, you’d be shocked how often men lose custody
Wonderful story. Well done Sir
@@infamousgames7621 to be fair, men pick these women with which to make babies. Perhaps they ought to be more discerning.
@@zapkvr Nothing better than a good woman....nothing worse than a bad one...and no way to tell the difference, deception is their rule of life. Oh that it was so easy to just be more careful when picking a spouse..they are raised to deceive and manipulate in everything they do.
Vwlss Nvwls Wait you paid neglectful mom child support? I hope not
I grew up with parents who have a very stable marriage - and I still did not have a secure male figure in my life. Just because a dad is there, does not mean he is really “there, there.” He was always so into his own work and projects. In fact a lot of what I have accomplished in my life subconsciously grew out of a pattern of seeking his engagement and interest. This outward success made both my parents very proud, while leaving me with a deep hole in my heart that was always waiting for my dad to fully engage - and that has impacted my life in so many hard ways. Yet if my parents had split, I’d’ve still very much wanted him in my life, just like I always have.
That reminds me a bit of my father. It is not uncommon for men to have a hard time figuring out how to connect emotionally with their children, even if they really love you and want to show it. That's why they sometimes do it indirectly. Is your father still alive? If he is, have you considered telling him how you feel? Maybe he doesn't know it (as I said men are sometimes not great with this stuff). If explicitly talking about it is not an option or it doesn't work, something that might help is having hobbies in common with him, spending time together doing the same thing. Just an idea. (btw I realize you did not ask for advice, so forgive me if it is unwanted)
Sadly we cannot force people to behave as we need them to. Should you need help with getting behond this insecurity, I can help. You only need ask, God bless
I have a similar experience but I think having him physically present was better than missing. And having him emotionally present would have been the best.
Mothers do a LOT to make it hard for men to bond with their kids! My mom hen pecked my dad so bad, that he was afraid to say anything to us. My brother & i's relationship with dad was strained untilwe had a couple girlfriends and noticed the bad behaviors that mom exhibited. As adults our relationship vastly improved with our dad! Nobody likes to blame moms, because moms are SO fragile! But the chances are good thats why dad was distant!
this woman is sacred please protect her. As a single father who's child isn't with him I'm in tears.
"Fathers aren't second class citizens!" -Judge Judy
Judge Judy rocks.
They are second class citizens. They shouldn’t be though.
Double J is a boss I'm so glad she's been pickled and will now past forever
I saw that..was really good! AMEN
If I were getting divorced, I'd go to judge Judy
My mom was abusive, for 15 years no one believed me. DSS didn’t pay attention. My father did want me, in fact when I was 10 he got my brother who was 15. I was stuck with my mom because it was believed I needed a mother’s touch and love. During that 5 year I went to a mental hospital twice, three of my grandparents died, my uncle died and my mothers abuse got worse. I have three scars that are from my mother, one on my wrist I see EVERY DAY. DSS only believed me one I had a psychotic break in a police station. My mom was right outside the door laughing and gossiping. I have been diagnosed with severe PTSD. When I went to my dads, I no longer need everyday medication, I was more social and I didn’t have to be afraid of my mother every second. My mother got away with this for 15 years with it because she was so good at the image. My Dad tried but no one cared until I was in mental hospitals crying for over 5 hours begging them to not send me home and begging for my dad. Dads are extremely important without my Dads support I would not be here. Don’t always believe the mother most the time they are the most abusive. Mine was and I sometimes I still wake up crying in fear that she will punish me for not being a good daughter Edit: I wanted to say thank you for all over your sweet and caring comments. I didn’t want sympathy however I just wanted to spread the importance of people having a father and how mothers can be horrible with children. To update about how I’m doing I’m okay. I’m a lot better than I was with my mother. I still have my struggles but I’m grateful for them due to them helping me understand things better.
That fuckin sucks
Some of thes stories are too messed up I can’t begin to imagine what you had to go through
I feel you... I'm stuck with an abusive mother too...
this almost made me cry
Reminds me of a child called it.. and my life.. sorry to heart that. Love you dude
I adopted my son when he was 1. His mother split when he was 8. I stayed in his life. He's in college. Yes i help keep him there. He still calls me Dad. He's my greatest happiness.
I was a stay at home dad and I still had a tremendous bias against me in divorce court.
I’m so sorry. As a teacher to at- risk teens , I have seen what the absence of dads. Most parents who have stepped up for these teens are , believe it or not, the ex-step-dad. Mom is usually out of the picture but mom usually have child custody money from biological dad but they aren’t taking care of them.
During my custody trial, my ex was dating a guy who had a criminal record. My lawyer and I successfully petitioned the court to access the criminal record since it shows how he treats other people and is an insight into his personality as he is around my daughters. Turns out he had two incidents against his own children. Anyways, in the end, I got full custody.
Bullet dodged! Good luck
And the best father award goes to you In all reality you most likely prevented your daughter from being abused i’m having a hard time of thinking of anything that can top that
Congrats man. Glad that worked out for ya. Your daughters are lucky to have a dad willing to go all out like that.
congrats
Why do men come on here and lie? I have been through the ringer had GREAT lawyers and the fact is NO you wouldn't get full custody for the scenario you talk about. NEVER. But more importantly why make it up? What do you get from that. You are only giving men false hope they may see their kids again.
Shocking that it has to come a woman to stand up for men. I hope she's heard.
Having a woman speak these truths is the only way some people will truly hear these truths. I'm not shocked. It's the same for racism or any other bias/prejudice. Only when the other side starts to talk about it, does it change for the better.
Check out the TedTalk with Cassie Jaye. Shes another fantastic speaker.
It is not shocking at all. Because nobody is listening to men in our society. We are portrayed as incompetent idiots in popular culture. Have you seen the Simpsons, Family Guy, car commercials, etc.? The man is portrayed as a complete moron and the woman as the smart, industrious, collected individual. Yes, it will take a woman to raise these issues in order to be heard. I'll take it.
That's cause bitches will only listen to a women regarding this.
@@StaceyAnne702 and even then you'll have those who respond to her by making ad hominem attacks and studiously ignoring her message.
This was incredible. I miss my Father everyday and I still remember everything he said and follow his words.
I cried when she started talking about imagining life with your father. I miss my dad😢
I cam home to a furnitureless home, the ex left and took our daughter with her. If I had done that to her, I would have been arrested for child abduction.
*F A C T*
Antony Drossos did you try to press charges or fight it?
@@veronicabanales5255 Speaking from personal experience, no she wouldn't have
@@veronicabanales5255 no she wouldn't have. All she'd have to do is make up lies about him and courts would believe her. Heck even without lies, she'd walk away with the kids anyway.
@@veronicabanales5255 In alot of states, even if they're now married, if the baby was born out of wedlock the Mom automatically has more rights. The only time a father could take the child and leave and not get in trouble legally is if they were married prior to the child being born, and are still married. Every other scenario would give the mother more rights. That's how it is in Ohio at least.
This is actual equality!! Giving both genders their due importance, appreciation and accountability.
Exactly
The input of parents is highly disproportional still. It's weird for fathers to want more rights, when they still do so little.
@@KZheadTookMyNickname.WhyNot yes it's worse in Russia, but you're wrong about the world, you can Google stats, women do 2 times more housework and childcare in western countries. So don't flatter yourself, you only want to look equal, but you're still far away from it. But sure thing men often overestimate their input, I can get where you're coming from, that's typical for you.
@@Nitrogenmonoxid And housework I guess is the criteria for contributing to the child's life? lol. How about the fact that fathers overwhelmingly on average provide more to the household monetarily? Just like our caveman days, women were meant to care for their children, men went to hunt and defend their family. Nowadays, we replaced hunting for jobs and "careers", but the social dynamics are all the same. People trying to changing that is trying to change nature in itself.
@@markmiller6111 That is very much untrue in the sense that in the "cavemen days" people lived in far more tribal cultures. Women would actually participate in bigger hunts, too. The classic "family unit" where everyone raises their own children ist actually not all that natural in that context.
My father hasn't taken a big part of my life. At some point he went through something that has impaired his mental health. The most I had was playing with him Minecraft on the computer (with different accounts in the same world), I learned from him, but it was the only thing he really taught. Only now he's slowly coming back to who he originally was, before that happened (I can't remember, my mom does remember the difference). All those memories you described, I couldn't imagine them, I couldn't imagine any of them... The most would be remembering a slightly deeper conversation that I asked him about some things (don't remember about what- mostly knowledge), playing with him on the computer, saving me when there's computer and technological errors, it's almost impossible to beat him in board games... And he's mostly on the computer or his phone, or sleeping, or his job, or doing something mom told him to do, and he isn't always great at it... She took the toll of everyone, of my dad's, who was an equal partner who then became a person who needs support. To children with unique minds, on the autistic spectrum, who need more support in a world that isn't built for them. My brother who has social imparements and difficulty speaking (he had hearing problems- it was taken care of), and without forgetting the constant toll of her own mental health that never disappeared. And I- after feeling so neglected and alone for so long- years, decades, I lost my taste for living. I can't talk to my father I don't know what it means "To have a father" I just know what it means to have someone in this role, but I could never imagine a father relationship. I don't know what it means having a father who would really be "there for you", rather than just the few things he did for all those years You could tell me you love your father I would be happy for you But I don't know what it looks like I don't know what it means Another parent that isn't my mom, that would have a full on conversation with me. Only lately there were sometimes he offered me to go and eat ice cream together, that's the most you could say we did together... As father to child. And those were so rare Could you tell me how it feels like?- Having a father *Who's there for you?* I realized I know about my father more than I thought, but I don't know him as a person... I don't know him, as a father. As my father.
Brilliant and long overdue! TEDx ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️