What a sex worker can teach us about human connection | Nicole Emma | TEDxSaltLakeCity
"In a society that values strong, stoic alpha males, where can a man find space to be vulnerable? Nicole Emma, a sex worker with 18 years of experience, gives a unique perspective on men's need for connection.
About the speaker:
Nicole Emma is a relationship and intimacy coach, and sex worker." What can the people at the edges of society teach us about ourselves? About Love? Cultivated through a life of connecting with people at the edges of our community, Nicole shares a message of unconditional love and acceptance. She has an insatiable curiosity about people, how we think and how we work, especially those outside the boundaries of cultural norms and programming. It’s this desire to truly SEE people that led Nicole to a vibrant career in the sex industry.
Drawing from 18 years in sex work, Nicole observes noteworthy patterns of human behavior, especially those of the most vulnerable demographics, while providing a space for them to experience authentic connection without judgment. Bringing to the public dialog a call to shift societal expectations and address our own biases, Nicole speaks out about how we unintentionally create a fearful and angry society, and how we can shift back into curiosity, balance, and love. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
3:30 "We all need just one person in our lives that sees who we really are under everything else and loves us anyways." This line is ultimate truth.
❤️
There is a new TED talk about Twerk: The Healing power of Twerk. It has research involved, worth it to check it out!
But in the reality their will continue to have men and women who never find love. For them, we have to believe in God.
yeah sure. haven't found one yet. Aside from my parents, but I mean, they have Expectations.
This is the realest assessment about men I've possibly ever heard, ever. And it comes from a woman. Shows how empathetic and kind she is. The world needs more people like her.
There's plenty of women all over the world who have empathy and understand males ...........they just didn't choose the profession she did!
Marilyn, si lo que dices fuera cierto, no existiría esa profesión. Si lo que dices fuera cierto, no habría madres criando hombres machistas.
@@marilynschmidt6400 What do you want to say with this comment? Those women choose a profession where they didn't get use for their abilities? Is that better or worse?
@@marilynschmidt6400 very judgemental of you. Shame on you.
It sounds good, but it's not a real study or a real understanding of how men are raised effects how men act, it's more of a personal opinion of what a man is than a actual study.
Have to give her an insane amount of credit for being so fearless and taking on such a taboo topic, and in such a way that it's overwhelmingly impactful. Nicole Emma is the real MVP.
& to do it in SLC, even more so.
People can't ignore truth forever.
She was born winning the genetic lottery and she exploited that for money. She’s a good communicator but she also chose to exploit men as a living.
So true. Her introduction on the stage is deeply touching.
@@camogrrl Exploit men in what way? Is she creating victims?
"Everybody needs at least one person to be intimate with..." This hit me real hard.
People nowadays take it too far 🤪
@@t-bagbagwell1327 What do you mean?
@@adrianlentz4029 i meant people nowadays are more into having multiple partners. Polygamy is thing now.
For me, it's my left hand. Sure I'm a Righty, but I still have to use a mouse, eh?
@@tommynikon2283 🙄 perv
I've never heard a woman talk this way before. We need to break the barrier between feminine and masculine, and understand each others struggles and issues. A lot like the "us versus them"-thinking causes problems. Great talk!
Richard Backlin Yes! Thank you!
Anjuna fam💜
Ana Sabovitch Lol yesssssss!!
Yah a lot of the comments are filled with men and women bashing each other and pointing fingers and crying over who has it worse.
Erica Chappel 😔
Every once in a while you come across a truly kind and compassionate person who is also wise
zemetor THANK YOU SO SO MUCH 🙏🏼
@OligarchySlayer some are smart sir
@OligarchySlayer but they have experience and know under ground stuffs
@OligarchySlayer some are, some aren't. They are usually extremely compassionate, especially if they're good at what they do.
@OligarchySlayer Careful your insecurity is showing.
What a beautiful human being who has kept herself together in order to help others. She must have weathered many storms to get to this unlikely level of insight.
❤️ 🙏🏼
I am so proud of her for seeing how damaged her clients are while everyone judges them.
@@SDwilly you can do good things that help people and make money at the same time, they’re not mutually exclusive.
@@rymanshroomzorz how is she “exploiting” them? The guys are clearly getting a lot of benefit from the service she provides and I’m sure they see it fair to pair her for it. Based on what you’re saying, I’d be exploiting people if I’m a doctor who charges people money to provide them care…
@@rymanshroomzorz Your mind & heart are closed is closed.
@@rymanshroomzorz and them dumping their problems and trauma nto her is not "exploitation"?
@@rymanshroomzorz Do lawyer’s exploit your ignorance of the law? Do baristas exploit your unwillingness to buy and learn an espresso machine? Are plumbers exploiting your lack of plumbing skills? It seems like the answers here are all the same - either we all provide services to people that need those services, or it’s ALL inherently exploitative. 🤷🏻♀️
There’s a joke that goes: “Love is a serious thing. Do it with professionals”. After this video, I give it a completely different meaning.
I like that........
I felt that...
xD
I'm going to borrow this 👌
you weren’t be clear of which meaning you’re referring to...?
As a 54 year old man when I talk to women about the need for touch.... they usually look at me as though I am pathetic....as if it's just more evidence there's something very wrong with men. And in the significant relationships I've had female touch always become a means of control rather than pleasure and human connection. Control, control, control. I divorced over this. Why in the world do think men get married to begin with? And yet we can't talk about that? Very sad world. I do my part. Raise my kids well. Am professionally successful. Pay my taxes. Help others when I can. But 12 years post divorce.... I never get touched and kind of hate life for it. And I don't trust women or touch at all anymore. Emma is talking about me. But there is no Emma in my life. I wish her well and thank her for speaking the truth.
Amen brother
Hang in there big guy
@@hopefilledsinner3911 Astute observation....and agreed. But others are busy selling fantasy as well....I think of Disney and I'm pretty sure I sold it all to myself a long time ago.
@@hopefilledsinner3911 I heard her say its about intimacy and connection.
@@hopefilledsinner3911 ...amen brother! Don't all women cease being intimate when the cash is gone?
I am a licensed Psychologist, and this was a wonderful talk. Well done, Nicole.
Thank you!
@@Nicole-wr9my hello, I just watched your speech, I am French. I am in the kind of men's that can't cry etc, you are right on litteraly everything. I even shoot bullets (at the shooting stand of course). I had lost hope for almost a year and to be honest I was just waiting for me to die. Going extremely fast on the road and hoping a tragic accident ends everything, working on my roof without any protection etc etc etc. I had decided to let death take me when it will want to but for a few minutes you gave me hope, hope that may be one day people like me would not die and they could have a good life, hope that one day kids like i was would not be broken and reassembled into an emotionless machine. You gave me hope so really thank you for that cause for a few minutes I was happy, I even cried watching your video because now I know that in the future people like me would not die like I will. Thank you for everything, keep going, that was a great lesson of life.
D K Always keep going! Biggest hugs to you! :)
@@Nicole-wr9my thank you. It's so nice of you. Keep going, you are helping many people. Thank you once again, you litteraly saved my life! I owe you so much!
@@Nicole-wr9my I wish one day I could come and thank you in real. Where are you from?
Former sw'er here and she is hitting all the points most of society will never know about this industry. Well done.
The problem is that she doesn’t actually understand men. She ate the beef but missed the flavor.
bro this one made my day lmaoo @@aaronbutler8061
Just a warning!!! AFTER watching this video, please turn your volume down. The next video/music you play will blow out your eardrums. I have blood coming out of my ears
Thanks, you saved me.
thanks. Shame it was recorded at such a low volume
Good tip kekekeke
I'd would have nearly destroyed my ears - thank you! :'D
Thank you so much for informed us before.
I've been fortunate enough to have known Nicole professionally and privately for years and she's been saying privately for a LONG TIME what she just said publicly. I applaud her courage, strength and determination to come forward and address this issue on what is quite literally the world's stage. Congratulations for absolutely nailing your talk! Wow...
Jay Bear Thank you so much, dear friend!
How do i find someone like that. I dont have the time or energy to deal with modern dating.
Nicole Emma I’ll like to meet you.
@@Nicole-wr9my yeah. Where can we get your info
@@Nicole-wr9my Get a room
I am a fifty-year-old man who loves, hugs, kisses my beloved stuffed animals. I am not ashamed because I know I could not survived my childhood without them. But I do know it is supposed to be very ridiculous thing to do for a man over twenty. Someone said that a man who can cry and a woman who can get angry are sane. Thank you so much Nicole. I am so glad to hear your talk.
Sending hugs and y to you ❤️❤️ hope you're doing better nowadays
@@salmabenayed9664 What a heartwarming message! After so many incidents and struggling, now I live my own life happily and peacefully. Thank you so much!
Hlo, Hope u r doing good now Lots of love to you 🤗🤗
I find you so lovely and warm by your acts!! It is not ridiculous at all!! Cold men are.
@@FaFa-bw1mm Thank you so much!! All the reactions to my comment are far beyond my expectation. It's good to know there are so many people who understand Nicole's talk so deeply.
Anyone who has the capacity to hold space for someone else going through their darkest times is an amazing being.
This was an amazing speech, from an amazing lady! I was so delighted to hear what she had to say. My wife died 12 years ago, my sons were 7 and 4. I brought them up on my own, despite criticism from many people. They had tough times dealing with the loss of their mum. We have cried together, laughed together, been angry together. They are great guys, open about their feelings. This speech has made me feel so good about the choices I made! Thank you!
Robert Pascall This is the best feedback ever! I see that you’re doing your best and being a great father. That will impact so many people and generations. Big hugs for the hard work!
You did bring tears to my eyes, such a good father ❤
Robert Pascall Being a divorced mom of a now 18 girl-woman-ish and a 16 year old more-man-than-is-fair-ish, I want to tell you that you absolutely have followed the right path and I also have a twinge of tears. We’ve been the 3 musketeers but I tried to make sure we weren’t ‘buddies’. I was the parent, the mom, I never tried to be a dad and told them as much and I cried with them because it truly hurt me to my core that I had a part in their pain. I’m so grateful to you especially for raising boys that are going to be comfortable in their own skin and feelings, we need them in this world. 😊
Thank you!! As a woman I appreciate what you’ve done,bringing good healthy men to our world,Thank you🙏🏼💖 we need that
Good kob Dad. Sometimes if we can look at it the right way, our tragedies can turn into blessings. If your wife were still here (and no one ever really leaves) she would have taught them something different. You may have let her do all of the teaching about feelings....because she's the Mom. But through the teaching, you also became the student. ❤
shes done far more good for the world then most people, she's probably helped men who very depressed or disabled from harming themselves.
Tail finz 🙏🏼
fax
She is fckin paid to do that? Don't fckin justify what she is doing is good.
@@cool28990 - Doctors, nurses, police and soldiers are "fckin paid to do that".
@@RictusHolloweye yup!
I've been a serial dater my whole life, but have now been single for going on 3 years and it's become normal for me to sleep with my arms wrapped around a pillow, or one behind me. I miss that human connection. I miss that touch. This was a powerful talk.
Hugs!
@@Nicole-wr9my Nice one Nicole...you just wrapped virtual arms around a human being who really needed that..probably gave him a warm fuzzy feeling...remarkable achievement. Now, right back atcha, my intent is to gift you the same in words and music...google BREATHE by JASMINE LAMPORT.... P.S. You're welcome. How's that for being "Together in Electric Dreams". P.P.S. I wrote the lyrics to BREATHE.
I do the same with my pillows... Wishing it was someone with me, just to be there
@@Nicole-wr9my Nice!!!
Hey I don't know but how is it so easy to date and say those things what you don't actually feel.I am not judging you I am just ..well I don't know how to explain but I have been single till now and I'm 20 .I never believed in love when I met that person who made me feel what actually love is ...I just met the right person at the wrong place and time.... as I'm writing this tears are coming out even when I don't want to cry.....but after him I never that again for anyone and even when someone proposed me I tried to talk to him but it didn't worked out ...I was just not feeling anything so I never said those things what I wanted to share with him and now I don't know if I will ever gonna met someone or not.. and I can really understand your lonliness ...
As a woman who is widowed it’s the same way with women. You miss the emotional connection with a spouse or partner. It’s true that women are able to be more open with a friend to talk to without fear of judgment. All human beings need touch and connection. In this time of covid and lockdowns even more so. Very interesting talk. Bless you Nicole. 💜
emagneticfield sorry about your husband’s passing. Hugs to you!
@@Nicole-wr9my I live in a neighborhood with a lot of older widows. I make it a point to give them a hug at least once a week. Several times they have remarked to me "You're the only person who touches me." Sometimes they last 30 seconds. Sometimes we both end up tearing up a little. A few of them stop by to "see my dogs" sometimes, but we all know why they came over. Good work, Nicole.
@@DarrenBush Thanks for taking the time to spread love. ❤️
This - lack of emotional connection can kill just as surely as lack of food and water, it's just far longer and more painful.
@@DarrenBush You seem like the kind of man the world needs more of. Gives me a little hope in humanity.
"'Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?' 'That is the only time a man can be brave,' his father told him.” - George R.R. Martin
I agree with this. Fearlessness is not bravery, it is simply the absence of fear. True courage is the ability to act despite experiencing fear and apprehension. This is often depicted in film and TV in the form of a hero. All hero characters require signs of vulnerability and fearfulness. Take for example, Game of Thrones: the story features many different ruthless and fearless warriors, yet the individual with the most hero-like character is Jon Snow. Jon appears as the natural hero archetype of the story as he is full of worry, yet still carries out difficult tasks.
Chem Hung I love that quote! Thank you for sharing!
Big facts. I live by this quote.
“No balls”
the amount of courage you have is measured by the amount of fear you conquer.
Great talk, but it needs to be reuploaded with the volume about 30% higher.
David Lazarus Sorry about the volume! I appreciate you watching!
@@Nicole-wr9my - No worries. Thanks for taking time to respond. I definitely was not expecting a response.
@Nicole Emma - Great Talk. Thanks for sharing.
@V1ctor - I had both the KZhead volume and my PC volume and 100% and still had difficulty hearing it. I usually keep my PC volume at about 50% and the YT volume well below 100% (except maybe with Dust uploads) and can hear just fine.
David Lazarus I’ve heard trying another device helps. I appreciate your trying, either way!
Truly incredible. I cried. I've been in a loving relationship with my husband over 20 yrs, and still found this profoundly moving and educational. Thank you for the work you do. For the love and support you provide.
Thank you 🙏🏼
In Denmark the governemnt pays half the cost once a month to a disabled to go to a sexworker for therapy. Best country ever.
should be 100% government-funded to go every day.
why only for disabled?
Fascinating. Its like I have said for the last 20 years: all the best civilizations had legalized prostitution, and there were so much more people happy and doing well than in the last 1500 years.
Nice...
@@screwthenet well you could move to Nevada...go look at the website of one of the legal brothels there sometime...it's a hoot. i have long wanted to go to one, and probably still will one day after a nice win at the Vegas tables or something..
Nicole Emma did a far better job of preparing and presenting her material than some “professional speakers.” She nailed it.
Sounds like she nails a LOT!
Rick thx for the great set up line 👍
I'd nail her!
And yet I wouldn’t nail any of you. ;)
Nicole Emma you would for $100
Men have emotions too. They need love just as much as a woman and there is NOTHING WRONG with that. Thank you for this video.
It is a crazy idea to even consider that that wouldn't be the case.
We dont get the women we want by being needing love. Its rooted in a women to not respect a man that NEEDS love by nature.
It's called survival.
@@iPlatano07 let's be honest, the reason we don't show emotion is because we know it turns women off quicker than the latest Tesla gets to 60.
@Life is a Beach it's the man's choice
What a brilliant talk. She came on stage a little intimidated, and flowered with her message. She is clearly a beautiful woman in all the senses of the words. I am a married guy, with a great wife, and I know that we all need intimacy and compassion. Men and women alike. We need more Nicole Emma's in the world. Both male and female.
This is one of the most important TED Talks I've ever seen.
That made me cry. Thank you so much for watching. 💜
@@Nicole-wr9my You're a great Woman! Thank you!
Sergio Sciuto Conti 🙏🏼
@@Nicole-wr9my ❤️
Yes yes and YES
She made me cry...your profession may be looked down upon by most...but it's all about who YOU are...
ohh boy! the next thing that will be celebrated!
@Sassofrassquatch1 🤣😂🤣 but its truth
@@michaelward1108 it's an important service to mankind, and it's been employed since the beginning of time. It's not going anywhere, it's time for people to realize it.
@King Tyler VVS There are far more effective ways to control the global population growth than promoting suicides. Disease, famines and even reduction of agricultural land can be much more devastating in a shorter period of time.
feel the same! I cried for her words.
This woman is absolutely right in all accounts... im amazed by her understanding, and capability to understan other people... we need more people like that...
Ivan Leon Thank you!
It needs a lot of courage to openly talk like that. U r really very very brave. How can I meet you, Nicole Emma I live in NYC and I would love to meet you.
ABHINAV MEHTA Sorry, friend, I’m on the other side of the country. I’m so grateful for your kind words and support! Thank you!
She might be an empath
I raised an eyebrow at the suggestion that shaming was by "mostly men", but still an on point and courageously honest presentation.
This was so calming and healing in itself. I feel too bad at the irony that the stoicism that men are made to force upon themselves harms men and women alike. Men fail to get meaningful emotional connections, and women wallow in misery because our partners are emotional deserts. If only this could change, if only we could stop glamourising the misplaced, we would help ourselves so much
Seems you found me out, Nicole. Thank you, I owe you. After a night of dispair, self-loathing and accusations, I was ready to wake up a strong man when you put your hand on my arm and told me everything was going to be alright. Every word you said told me that the world's ignorance is not total, that there are people who know, understand, and care for me. How wonderful it must be to come home to someone like you every night. There was more love, compassion and care in your words, gestures, eyes and your smile than in any counseling I've ever had or haven't had. Thank you, you dear and loving woman, thank you so, so much. I wish I could kiss your forehead and eyelids to show you my gratitude and tenderness. Namaste, you lovely, beautiful, warm woman
Ralph Baier namaste 🙏🏼
Hi Ralph, your heart felt writings brought me to tears and so true. All the best and I hope things are going well for you.
I unexpectedly started sobbing listening to her speak. Hearing these revelations talked about by an obviously caring and insightful woman was powerful. I just watched the documentary "The Red Pill" last week and it covers related culturally invisible issues men deal with. The fact that a woman noticed and presented this information hit me deeply and my soul was able to take a nice long breath. Thanks for the video.
🙏🏼
It’s incredibly important to feel validated in your experiences and suffering. Please be careful with The Red Pill, it leaves a LOT of important stuff out. Don’t let anger be your fuel, let it be peace and love. Hugs to you!
Me too 😭
@@Nicole-wr9mymmmmmm yesssss
1,000 years ago this woman would have been a Priestess honoured in her community, revered in her tribe and respected by Kings and Queens.
That's very specific
So what happens now in today's society?
Exactly 🙌🏼🙏🏼🙌🏼
Have you thought about this statement...? 1000 years ago this woman, with this profession, would have been completely looked down upon, not even talked about and barely talked to: no matter how intelligent or observant she is outside the covers. Only in the 21st century would she be celebrated.
@@1Ma9iN8tive In millenniums of male dominated patriarchal societies, across cultures, prostitutes were not looked up to. However, in some societies, middle eastern etc., I will give you, prostitutes were "revered" in a sense. But it would hardly be a profession that any family would look forward to giving their loved ones (daughters, sisters, mothers etc.) over to. It's not a truly respected profession, regardless of cross cultural societal norms and peoples forced positive reaction to it; never has, never will be.
After watching this I just wanna go home and make some good food for my husband and hug him ✨
More wisdom.
How did it go?
Beautiful ❤️
Wow. Touched my heart
Why does it have to take soemthing like this to come out, in order for you to feel that way and do things like that for him..
It's amazing how much we can learn if we are open minded.
and apply it
This woman is beautiful in every possible way. I sincerely hope anything she wants finds her. Glad I was here.
This is the realest assessment about men I've possibly ever heard, ever. And it comes from a woman. Shows how empathetic and kind she is. The world needs more people like her.
God bless her she is better than a thousand wives
“We need them (boys) to see that healthy manhood is about facing your fears, overcoming challenges, and living with compassion” - Nicole Emma
a woman telling us what to be...no thanks. I will be my own person.
Facing your fears? Like the fear of risking disagreement, or rejection , or reality in an actual relationship, where you arent paying someone to falsely artifically inflate your ego and sense of entitlement? Those kinds of fears?
End the medieval cruelty to cut off their manhood right after birth. Would be a great sign of compassion.
Leland Bourdages Yes, exactly.
@Randy Vollrath Great quote. The replies thus far, though... They literally feel angry or even _threatened_ by the idea of a woman understanding the folly of society's expectations of men?? Not all women are insane third-wave "feminists." That is a real issue, but it just makes compassionate women like Nicole Emma stand out even more in today's crazy times.
This just renfoces the fact that life is about learning, exploring, experiencing and gaining wisdom from it. She has learnt so much from a place where most people will consider as taboo. When she speaks her truth from this place, it feels so powerful and connects to all our hearts. No judgement for anyone for playing any roles in life. I accept myself and others for who we are without any judgement. We don't need to like or agree with everything but we have to listen, trust and accept as it is. God bless you all♥️🙏 ❤❤
Many other TEDex talks feel rehearsed and self-aggrandizing. Contrarily, this one is genuine, honest, and vulnerable.
Brian Stone The most vulnerable thing I’ve ever done, pretty sure. Thanks for seeing that. ❤️
They have to be rehearsed. Memorization is a requirement. It helps the presentation. At the same time, makes everything you said tough. I totally get what you're saying, though. She was brilliant!
@@dominique___1980 I agree. I made a poor word choice. I should have said inauthentic rather than rehearsed. Point taken.
@@BrianStone0 Cheers, mate.
@@Nicole-wr9my I appreciate your authenticity. The world is drowning in fakery.
She's a giver, a healer. Men should cry without hesitation. Lastly, intimacy & warmth are more important than a 5 min act.
Aakash Jain I want a world where we can all be safe to feel, connect, touch, and live authentically!
@@Nicole-wr9myAppreciate your thoughts. I've been single till today. Though been in love, not in a serious long term relationship. Experienced myriad of emotions but had fewer opportunities to express. Because I'm a man! We've got an emotional boundary, demarcated by societies & culture. I can understand the depth of your thinking, as a giver & an individual.
Men will never cry without hesitation, it shows weakness and when we show weakness other men go on the attack. Women shouldn't cry at the drop of a hat either. You have to tough in this world. You can't change human nature no matter how hard you try. It's the nature of the beast. That doesn't mean that men shouldn't open up more, because we do shut ourselves out and it's not good for our mental health. The constant misandry Hollywood narrative isn't helping either. Boys have been shut out in a way that even girls never have. Stop punishing boys for evils that other men did in the past.
a healer? o...kk....
@Luke L. that's one reason of many. For some of us it's because if you show you've emotionally reached your limit, they know how far they can take you before you break and the'll use that precedent to get whatever they want from you. If I am moved to that point, i'll hide it, I'll find a private place later, get it out of my system, then move on. I don't fear being weak, because I know my limitations, I fear others perceiving me as being weak because I don't want them knowing my limitations.
You don’t know what men go through. Is hard being a man these days. That’s why I treat my man good with love and care. Ty for sharing.
What struck me was how sincere she sounded.
I'm not denigrating her or her message but sincerity is her profession, she practices it every day.
It took me till 58 to find a person who really understands intimacy wow amazing lady, just like this lady.
I love Nicole's vulnerability and honesty. "We all need just one person in our lives that sees who we really are underneath everything else and loves us anyways. And oftentimes, men don't have that....Its about intimacy and connection." Truth!
And unfortunately even if you provided the funding to give every lonely man weekly time with an escort, it's still not the same as a genuine loving relationship.
Such a beautiful message - “heathy manhood is about facing fears, overcoming challenges and living with compassion” ❤️
Unfortunately men are bombarded with media messages our entire lives that your worth is determined by your looks, your wallet and your wang. Many men discern what it really means to be a man as they live their lives, but many also live with that insecurity of not measuring up to the idealized "Alpha Man" which leads to a lot of depression and insecurity and bitterness and aggression in a minority of cases.
So brave to open that topic in front of thousands. Everything she said makes sense. We need a complete overhaul of how men are parented from day one and a complete system to help men be better emotionally.
3:33 "We all just need ONE person in our life that sees who we really are under everything else and loves us anyway."
Yeah, and that person is called your mom. Only your mom can love you unconditionally. Dads can too to a certain extent, but the moms are the ones that really do that. Nobody else will love you unconditionally in this life.
@@PermanentHigh completely and utterly disagree!!! I love my kids unconditionally. Not to a extent. Unconditionally. U kinda making her case.( Men cant love their kids unconditionally because they are men.?
@@lukastanner8317 What did my comment say? Do u know how to read?
@@PermanentHigh u said men can love there kids unconditionally to a extent right? I disagreed. The question is can you read i guess.
PermanentHigh That person is neither my mom nor my "father"(idk should I call him dad or not).
A very intelligent woman is speaking here. This changed my perspective so much. Thank you for telling people these things.
Trust Your Gut Thank you very much!
Trust Your Gut Very intelligent. That’s why she bears her perineum and allows men desperate enough to pay $$ to mount her as a pony ride. First, respect yourself, and others. Women in my long lifetime to be honored to be with, are romantic, creative, problem solvers and empaths alike, and don’t do it for cash. TED talks are scraping bottom.
@@commanderthorkilj.amundsen3426 maybe you should stop fantasizing women as gods. We should treat each other same as we wanna be treated. Men are thought to look at women like this, and be nice, act nice, have a good body, stability or "mojo". In reality, those things does not really work, and somehow we put ourselves in a trap, because we are the first one to disrespect ourselves. We have to learn man.
@@Nicole-wr9my Thank you Emma for this speech. You are an amazing woman! I wish I could hug you.
FreeThinker Thank you!
This woman is a hero. I swear. I wish I could shake hands with her just to say "Thank you, ma'am."
You do know where those hands have been right.. 😂👌
@@daviedood2503 🙄 Oh geez lol
@@Keith0384 gonna have soem stuff jump on u the Dr can't get rid of... 😂
@@daviedood2503 No, I'll just keep it to a handshake and wash thoroughly. Very thoroughly.
@@Keith0384 you better wear a damn glove or wrap your shirt around ur hand. 😂 ✋
This is brilliant. I feel like I'm single at the moment, I am married but my wife was abused and is unable to be intimate with me because she feels uncomfortable being touched, even by me, and as for me touching her, well that's worse. I am physically disabled and she doesn't even have to stimulate me for me to get pleasure, I'm paralyzed from the waste down. I wish more people like this lady were available and known about in the UK.
Absolutely stunning talk. Such a brave, smart, intelligent, and vulnerable woman. Thank you Nicole!
and brave too???
how is she valnerable?
As a man, I am so thankful to women like you. Thank you for all you did and then for sharing them with the world. You are the true hero.
This is the most insightful explanation of being a man, I have ever heard. I’m not exaggerating to say that every boy and man should watch this. I’m 56 and now fully understand myself, and it came from the most wonderful speaker I have ever heard. Wow, what a Lady she is. She didn’t have to share this, but she listened to her heart and just think all the good it will do. I’m a better man for this, certainly!
This talk made me shed a tear. It's heart breaking to think of all our male friends, male relatives and lovers/ former lovers as hurt boys.
Hi Carolina how are you. Greetings from Ireland ☘️. It’s a good video. Your comment is very good. Best wishes for a lovely weekend 😊🙏 Michael
@@Michael-bf1dt Please stop spamming women in the comments. This isn’t an appropriate way to meet people. Please go out into the world and find some hobbies or charity or projects, and make friends (without expectations of dating them), it starts there. I’d be happy to take a quick look at your dating app profiles and make some suggestions, if it would help!
"It is not good for man to be alone" -GOD My brothers, I wish you the best of luck. Stay strong and keep your head up
"I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord."... "he who marries does well, he who refrains from marriage does even better."
Its not good for Anyone to be alone!
But sometimes it is
Being alone isn’t necessarily bad thing. Being with the wrong person is a bad thing. Also, there’s a difference between being alone and being lonely.
It isn't, normally. In today's world with the way women are and what they've morphed into over the years....yeah, inmost cases it is better to be alone. Certain things change......
Human touch is so important. My friends teased me when I told them I went to a cuddle party, like I'm a big hipster now or something, but I don't care, I ended up in a puppy pile with a bunch of people and it was so comforting. I was nervous at first but the hosts were really good, and people were friendly. It carried me through some hard weeks at work just to remember that feeling. Don't suffer alone, find some kind people, find a way to connect with people.
R M. That sounds beautiful!
Your friends don't know what their missing then, or simply being hypocrites. Physical affection is something binds people together and keeps us mentally healthy from 10% to 500%. It's pretty sad how people down play physical affection when it is the core part of being human. I'm glad you have a cuddle party. I could really use one...
Nicole Emma is giving voice to millions of men who suffer in silence. It's healing to know that someone on the planet gets the depth of loneliness and the longing for intimaticy many of us live with decade after decade waiting for relief by death. Thank you. I hear you and appreciate your amazing open heart. You are so valuable! 🙋
Bob Bilheimersky 🙏🏼
Bob, your words make me think of the words of Thoreau, "The mass of men live lives of quiet desperation." We men have been sold a lie and Nicole's words point the way home. Blessings to you.
I don’t need a voice or an advocate. Talk is cheap.
They say boys don't cry, but men do...
No. I'm a grown man, I run my own stuff fine, and i havent cried in over a year.
I am a woman and I totally resonate with this message!
Sublime Diakrisis Women like you are much admired Cz only a few women like you can actually understand us.. ❤️❤️
@Jack Jonas gna, gna, gna untrue
How much?
She is certainly a credit to your gender......and a great speaker with utmost class.
She’s an amazing woman. Unlike you
Totally brilliant speech , funny that it takes a woman to tell the truth about men’s real problems , hard to argue with any points, take a bow that lady !
Yeah, that's interesting. I'm sure some men are talking about these issues too. Can't provide any examples off the top of my head though, haha.
I don't think it is funny that a woman is addressing these problems....men wouldn't cos they're brought up that way ...someone needs to get this thing out
Y ou know the problem when you are the cause.
Had me listening to and hanging on every single word. This woman delivered this in a way that someone with a wall full of degrees never could, with real empathy.
I'm completely amazed and speechless. Her spirit is pure gold.
Can't hate on that.
She's right about the dangers of male breakdown. Men cry bullets.
Peter Smith Sadly, yes. And fists and drugs and knives and cars and plain ol misery. 😔
men cry bullets only in USA
Big boys don’t cry. Jesus wept
@@1lightheaded that's sexist,both male and female are pretty much same mentally,saying "boys shouldn't cry" is wrong.
@Pete Fish every human has to find happiness in themselves first
Thank you for this. I have been in a very low period after losing so many vital connections. Without intimacy, life is an exercise in survival. Men and women are just two sides of the same coin. I wish i could give a hug to every dude who needs one today! Much love to you all. X
Chelle Law Hugs to you!! :)
How nice.
*"Without intimacy, life is an exercise in survival."* That is an excellent sentence. Thank you for that, and for the digital hug :)
Hug to you 😗😉
Yon Warner **hugs**
My thanks to Nicole Emma for the compassionate perspective. Being without physical or emotional connection for such a long period of time has been exhausting. The nourishment we get from those interactions is a value that is too often taken for granted.
Knowing how much it takes to put together---and land--a TEDx talk, I'm incredibly impressed by the effort you're put in here to be clear and sincerely determined to make the world better. There is an irony to the fact that many men who grew up in these emotionally stunting conditions will be harder to convince to take a chance on being vulnerable and not perpetuate the system that made them so. Hearing this makes me hopeful. Thank you.
Very rarely you hear the sound of wisdom. It is a blend of experience, reflection, sincerity, eloquence and love. Very powerful. Very real. Thank you!
Reaaaaaaally brave of her to do this in Salt Lake City.
Nah, far worse in the bible belt. I have found Mormons to be the most tolerant and "Christian" of Christians.
You have not been around Mennonites. More Christian than any Mormon.
That's funny, that was my immediate reaction! Mormons must be loving her presence!
Hey Internet friends, mind filling us in? Why would Salt Lake be bad for such a topic? I just know Mormons are dudes who go around knocking on doors
@@ryantanyu1096 - It's someone who has a limited view of people and religion making the suggestion that since members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons - the Church HQ is in Salt Lake) are pretty devout Christians, they must judge and hate her. @8jhartzell has some personal bias' that he can't get past.
I wish I could be there at that moment clapping at every sentence this lady said much much respect to her and all the people under the same profession
The key word: connection ... The most important and missing feeling even though we are living in a 100% connected world today... You just need one person that can make you feel that connection... We have lost how to do that even with our loved ones ... She is out of this world
This way of looking at the violence in the U.S. is eye opening. I believe her insights would help usher in a more evolved society. Excellent talk!
Thank you so much for watching and for your thoughtful reply! I hope we can all start talking about this and maybe even shift it. A world where we understand each other’s pain, and love each other in that, is a world I want to live in. Thanks for your help creating that. :)
She is so bold and real. Something is admirable about that. She is articulate.
I've watched this video several times, it never gets old, good to see someone discussing male issues for once.
I have a problem I’ll call 📱 later later on tomorrow I’m sorry I’ll let you know when later I’ll call
This made a grown man cry. Literally. A very important subject.
A great talk by one of the few women I've seen who seem to actually understand men, and what we go through. The desperate loneliness and ache for human contact certainly haunts my life. But- intimacy is by definition something that can't be bought and sold. You can't pay someone to love you, you can only pay them to pretend.
Bravo
You can develop a strong emotional bond with your therapist, and experience true human love and emotions.
that's better than nothing though
I care deeply about all humans and every person I’ve met. I find beauty and wonder in everyone. I’m not going to marry anyone, but there’s no pretending. I hope you find that connection soon, too! You deserve it. :)
@@wendlerkurt no its not, because its just fake.
I wish more women see this video. It will clear up a lot of things between men and women.
What about men?
@@carmcam1 well, the video is good for men, as it shows them that it's bad for you to suppress yourself to be tough. But it's also important for women to see this as they need to know what is truly going on in men's brains. All they know is the tough exterior, not the damaged interior Tbh, I already know that it's bad to suppress your emotions and act tough. But I do it, and have done my whole life, because it feels like something you have to do, and to some extent it is. As a man you feel like you need to be a pillar for others and if you express pain then u become a burden and therefore dead weight. I know men don't need to be that pillar, but I think in this society a man needs to act like this and feel like this to get respect, from other men and women. Sometimes I think it's something we're just meant to be and we should just "man up" and accept it. Idk.
@@oisinlarkin6885 i.e. men are expendable.
Dendo Crann A LOT of women say this. Feminists say this all the time, they men shouldn’t have to be tough, that they should be allowed to have emotions. Yet, they get ridiculed for it. I’m a guy, and honestly, men only have themselves to blame. They teach their sons not to cry, to “be a man”, to “not hit like a girl”, as if sensitivity and love are foreign to them. It’s sad. If you want change, then BE sensitive. Care. Show love. Teach younger children to be kind. The “tough guy” persona will fade with time, but only if we- me and you included- do something about it.
@@zain4019 it's not just men who are to blame, it's society as a whole who expects this of men. Feminists say they want men to express their emotions and be tough and not have that fake exterior. But I've seen feminists who say this then they don't respect the men who actually are this. But just in general, from experience women (not all women), treat men that our society would consider weak, with just a kind of casual disrespect. So I'd say all of society is to blame, not just men. And I'm not saying men should act tough, it's very hard to not comply with society's expectation because that comes with a personal cost.
She’s a genius … She actually gets it.
My best friend saved another great friends' life, after he lost his wife to cancer. I'm so grateful she helped him.
Done properly, parenting is a heroic act. Done properly. Great speech.
What I do not like about TedEx talks is that usually they are artificially delivered or over sturctured. This one has its natural flow. So liberating!
Női Csatorna Thank you very much!
Nicole Emma Aw bless you:))
Wow, Nicole, you have so much love within your heart. Men everywhere, even who don't need much help, will love this view you have to have society everywhere support men's deeper needs. Those needs we men often can hardly talk about. Thank you for your wisdom and your compassion -- it is so needed in the world.
Thank you!! 🙏🏼
Boys Who Can't Cry Shoot Bullets.... That was an incredible statement. Important talk very a very wise, genuine woman. Thank You Nicole!
She has chosen a profession that is vilified but probably does more good than 100 therapists doctors or whatever put together. Amazing
@Ashtaroth Solemn Hypnotic very presumptions, especially since we only know her from a 12 min video.
You have to be a very clever and reflexive person to reach this kind of deeply human insight.
Or maybe just have experienced people at their most vulnerable without being judgemental. I don't think you need to be a genius to realise people are in pain, you just need compassion. It's in short supply these days.
@@GuinessOriginal Agree; compassion is the key.
Where is her evidence showing men break mentally due to being told to man up? When, I think, it’s a lack of self esteem and ability to solve your problems forthrightly without seeking others for comfort.
@@Redfeather80 the reason "she can never be happy" is because you're not making her happy.
@@Redfeather80 and what about the men who pay for it? After all, supply means nothing without a demand.
The world needs more people like her. She is brilliant as a human, thats all that matters.
Social pressure on both sexes to meet cultural standards leaves victims in its wake.
Word.
Talked like an expert who has done extensive research in the subject. Congratulations
Thomas Daniel Thank you!
Thomas Daniel ...first rule of marketing: tell your potential clients exactly what they want to hear.
When prostitution becomes academic discipline.
@@BowlerTheHatGuy and u didn't understand anything !😂
@@Nicole-wr9my well, you have really. Better and far more in depth, long term and personal research then most academics. We need more women like you raising men and looking after us, cos yeah, we need it. What you say about connection really resonates.
Proud sexworker here, and this woman is 100% right. I've always considered myself more of a therapist and healer than anything.
You're parents must be soo proud of you , just to be able to open you're legs? Wow what a great contribution to society
@@christophernichols9707 *your
What about your own wounds my friend. Have they honestly healed through this line of work?
Shake his comment off… I promise he’d be at you because and call.
@@steviebuxton4923)) ✨👊✨ -Brother! (Omaha Nebraska)
What an excellent talk. Thank you, Nicole. This is the most genuine assessment about men I may have ever heard. She fearlessly addressed a taboo topic, delivering an incredibly impactful message about masculine struggles. Her empathy and kindness shine through as she dismantles societal barriers. It is a brilliant demonstration of courage, strength, and determination, tackling a global issue/taboo.
Thank you Nicole for one of the most healing messages I have ever heard! I am 57, and I only wish I could have gotten a message like this 30 years ago. Love you for doing something that will hopefully open the door for men like myself to face our fears.
probably one of the best ted talk I have ever seen
Talking more sense than anyone with multiple masters, PHd's etc.
Strongly agree!
I think you are right, I am a PhD student in social science and this woman has clearly done her research, but not only has she sought to make comparisons, she has the intellect to draw on commonalities and reach conclusions. This is what research is all about. Thanks for pointing this out :-)
yeah true man.
Spoken like a man who has no friends with graduate degrees.
PhD in life that you don't get in college.
Being a man, I know that all of what you are saying is so true. It was emotional to hear you put words on my experience. Thank you so much for saying what so badly needs to be said. You are a beautiful person. ❤❤❤
I am a white male with a son and i want to tell you that today you taught me a very dear lesson. Thank you
Albert van Wyk This is the best compliment I could possibly receive! I’m so grateful you took the time to share it with me, and I wish you and your son the best!
@@Nicole-wr9my the talk was awesome and more people need to hear it! Building intimacy can be a challenge to navigate with there being so many different kinds and talks like these really helped me.
diomedes39 Thank you!!!
@@Nicole-wr9my , I want to tell you how much I admire the wisdom and tactfulness that you have when speaking about how men think and feel...
La_Chihuahuense831 Thank you! I really approach people assuming the best, sometimes to a fault, but it helps me really get under people’s behaviors and see what’s actually going on. People are good at heart, and we do not teach healthy tools in our society, so I try to help make those connections and understand what makes people do the things we do. I hope this little slice of humanity has helped you somehow too! You seem to do this too. :)
Such a universal message. I had some incredibly tough challenges growing up, and the message was to "keep a stiff upper lip." I've been far from perfect as a dad, but showing emotion, fragility, and sensitivity has helped create an awesome bond with my kids, not to mention connecting with intimate partners as well as male friends. Letting down the male ego guard is scary but super rewarding - most if all because of the relationship a man can develop with himself. Thanks for sharing your insights and compassion...really great talk!
"Boys who can't cry shoot guns." ~ Joe Ehrmann... 💞 And most authentic opinion I ever heard about men by her.
Emma, you show us all what courage is. Deepest respect...
One of the best T talks I have ever listened to. Really struck a chord.
@Robert Edgington Jr well, you know what you need to do
I lost one of my best friends a few years ago, I’m 44 and He would’ve been the same. He committed suicide and there was a note but no specific reasons why, I truly believe I/she found the reason… she is absolutely brilliant, as a father of a seven year old boy I daily set aside time with to talk about what’s on his mind and express feelings. Damn I want to show him this but may have to wait a bit!
What a beautifully intelligent, compassionate lady. God bless & keep you & yours always Nicole. Real people are getting kinda scarce these days. Thank you for being one of them.
Tex Herrell Thank you so much for your time and consideration! Best wishes to you, as well!