Robert Waldinger: What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness | TED
What keeps us happy and healthy as we go through life? If you think it's fame and money, you're not alone - but, according to psychiatrist Robert Waldinger, you're mistaken. As the director of 75-year-old study on adult development, Waldinger has unprecedented access to data on true happiness and satisfaction. In this talk, he shares three important lessons learned from the study as well as some practical, old-as-the-hills wisdom on how to build a fulfilling, long life.
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I now realize that the moment I became HAPPY was when I stopped comparing myself to others and came to understand that what others think of me is just none of my business.
How did you do that??
@@harshraj4982 If YOU are not in charge of what you think and value, WHO IS? I choose to control my life as much as possible so I just DECIDED to do whatever it took to free myself from society's ring in my nose. You can CHOOSE to do the same.
So true!
Really really interesting
It's like be free and do what you want and come out of social stigma.
I’m 61, married for 33 years, one daughter 25 years old. Went to college and worked my whole life. Planning to retire at the end of this year. Been lucky, worked hard, lived a good life, very few regrets....hope to be around for many more years. I am no expert but I can offer my thoughts for what they’re worth: pick your relationships based on decency and character, not flash; be prepared to work hard on improving yourself (relationships and education and physical self); live within your means; invest time and money on your health, family first; things don’t last but memories do; and always be thankful. I think as you get older, friends become more important. Good luck to all in finding your own happiness. 👍🏼👍🏼
Mikey'58 thank you 🙏🏽
Thanks sir..🙌
Well said Mikey!👍
Mikey'58 tell me more sir
Respect, Sir!
Who's watching at 20s... anyone in 2024?
Meee
March
Im at late 10s
Hyy
@@EverydayNormalGuy-mp4fp Well there you go, whatever you do, make good friends that you can trust. Not blindly but knowingly trust them. I'm late 30s. Friends are what carries you to the top in this life and keep you happy.
I cried watching this and realized how short my life will be if it continues to be this way (I am 19). I will save this and watch it again to remind me how important relationships are.
😭😭
No worries. You’re not the only one.
Same here man
Mayank, my heart ached upon reading your comment I hope that you see this…whatever IT is - as you didn’t elaborate upon how you’ve fallen into the rut you find yourself in… to continue, whatever it is that’s holding you back from fully embracing your life & making lasting happy relationships with good people who appreciate & care about you - get away from what’s holding you back, embrace life, seek out compassionate people & please be kind to yourself. I wish you all the best that our wonderful (& crazy) world has to offer 😊
Look up Coach EO. It is not red pill even though it may seem that way.
This presenter has a very warm and appealing voice and manner.
his voice comforts me..... :)
He is a dinosaur
Get a room 😂
me im more happy when im alone
Please check out this cool AI website: ******- "facefinder.tech"-****26
That explains why we are happier as children. The bond u had with your friends were the best times of your life
As a child u have no responsibilities, you have no money worries. You think that makes difference?
@@ccdev Yes, and it's so much harder to make friends.
Unless you had a childhood of abuse and neglect. I had a rough childhood but I strive hard to overcome it. It’s a struggle but I’m a survivor.
I never had friends. But, I did play a lot of videogames.
Yeah probably @Trevor Wallace
The choice of occupation obviously plays a huge part in happiness. True story. A patient once asked his psychiatrist, 'What makes people happy? What is common amongst the happiest people that you know'? The psychiatrist unhesitatingly replied , 'Those who waited in some cases up to 10 years after high school before deciding on a career path. In the meantime they traveled, performed odd jobs, found out their strengths and weaknesses, what they liked and didn't like, ultimately deciding only then what they wanted to do with their lives. The unhappiest people were those who didn't wait and chose a profession because of parental pressure or for other reasons.'
I think choosing the right job for yourself also affects relationships. People with common passion and aptitude understand each other deeply and have a very healthy relationship with strong fellowship.
Yes I had a number of jobs but the last one lasted ovér 30 years. I drove vans and delivered things. Over 500,000 miles - sad the day I had to finish. All good things must end. To do something you love is the most wonderful 'career' but cértainly not something I chose at school!
No, actually I don't think it does. If you're not happy with the job you have, then there is no evidence that you would be happy with the job you would like to have.
I don't know why but I feel the biggest truth
I think it’s more important to wait to marry the right person. Careers can come and go…
I’m 21, still super young but this video left me a message! A true life lesson. Thank you for this🤝🏼!!
Hi, I'm 26 years old, and I can say the same.
It’s sad to me that most kids your age can’t even move in to their own apartment. Everything is to expensive! When I was 21 I had my own apartment and a car and I was only a nanny.
Being in a good relationship starts not just finding a good person it starts with being a good person.
I told my ex that I fell in love with her, for what I see in her and I will stay in love with her for what she sees in herself. I talked about how our relationship is akin to a garden...we must rid it of weeds because they will come...our need to take care of the flowers. I spoke to her about the psychology of self-sabotage and our love will change shape, as our characters are exposed and the heady feelings of oxytocin will fade and those things that were once cute and alluring may, in time, turn into things that annoy the crap out of us. We are the sum of our experiences, don't let the negative experiences of previous relationships interfere with your present...she pushed and pushed till I eventually pushed back, just so she could then say, "See, you're just like the rest"...
@@63LIONHEART True. Relationships are very complicated, it needs to begin at the right time for both people, with the right people. It's very difficult to get that right or close to right.
The most important relationship to nurture is the one with yourself.
Thank you
Great point
The pandemic has taught me to appreciate what I have: a nice home, places to walk by the sea and countryside, friends and family, my health, my books. I am trying to be grateful and appreciative every day for these great privileges.
Thanks for sharing ♥️
You are lucky to have all that. Don't forgot to invest time with good relationship to make life worth living.
So you taught yourself to appreciate this stuff but your conclusion is that you are still trying to appreciate?? 🤣🤣🤣
Be grateful to god 🙏
Only thing you need is good friends and family, consider yourself blessed for that
Thank you for this Ted Talk. I am almost 70. I’m a retired middle school media teacher, mother, grandmother, wife, friend. Evaluating my life after listening to you, I have to agree with you completely. Stable, loving, long lasting relationships are the joys in my life. I am hosting a family reunion in a week. This reunion brings me more joy than planning a vacation. ❤
Exercise and an active lifestyle are half of the equation. Start eating clean. Eat fruit, lean meats, egg whites, no yolks. You would benefit from watching our Master Chef's cooking videos. Who wants to live longer? Learn more superfoods and recipes.💥
@@chefgiovanni The HEALTHIEST diet is Whole Food Plant Based. The next best one is the Mediterranean Diet.
Some quotes that I really needed to hear... "The good life is built with good relationships" "Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period." "It's not just the number of friends you have, and it's not whether or not you're in a committed relationship, but it's the quality of your close relationships that matters."
I'm 18, and I'm thankful to gain this knowledge at such a young age.
I am 16 and I feel the same way. I am just so grateful for such a great opportunity of being able to learn stuff in a way that was never ever possible.
I’m 14 i feel the same
and you shared that with strangers on social media who have no bearing on your life congratulations you learned nothing
Im 12 i feel also good
I'm a fetus and also agree
This is so true. Here in Japan we have one of the highest suicide rates. We are working 24-7 to chasing money, we are on our phones and computers watching internet, there’s very little socializing and no real connection with anybody. Our society has become sick and lost.
Come to India and learn about family and relationships.
dev singh I have been there already!!! For almost 6 months. We had to come back because of the COVID-19, otherwise we would’ve stay longer. Yes, people there is very kind, loving and patient... We loved it!!!
@@cora9249 oh that's great you are welcomed again.
Cora Wait so if I commit suicide, I get to meet god
😂😂😂😂😴
I wish i had heard of you and this Ted Talk when i was in my 20's - i grew up in dysfunction - losing my Mom in Dec 22' i had to face my reality - im slowly working on being a better friend a better daughter im 58 now no man in my life - i want very much to have true love but its working on me to get there i have to be happy and healthy first
I do totally agree with what this man told us on this video . I 'm nearly 70 years old, and I do really deeply think, that a good reationship with people you meet all along your life, keeps you healthy , helps you to carry on appreciate being older and older , and makes you happier and happier .
"LA BUENA VIDA SE CONSTRUYE CON BUENAS RELACIONES" que potente reflexión. Al momento de nuestra partida solo nos llevaremos aquellos momentos que compartimos con familiares amigos y comunidad. Me encantó!!
Me too and i agree😆😊
These TED TALKS.. are worth watching in this time of pandemic.
Agreed
True..
True
WTF!! WHY??????? NOBODY KNOWS What this pandemic is, nor know a predictable outcome!
Watch videos of nanak naam
Old man here. Stunningly good talk. And 100% true. I spent so much of my time when I was younger working hard and worrying about our finances. And I am glad we worked hard and planed for the future. But I am more glad my wife and I also took time for each other and for our two sons. We did everything together. Sports, vacations, weekend outings, reading books out loud, praying together. Now my joy is spending time with my lovely wife, and our weekly calls with our grown sons who are still close to us. I wish everyone could experience the joy of being loved and understood.
It sounds like you’ve had a wonderful life ! Enjoy it until the end!
It seems that every once in a while someone manages to avoid the potholes in the road of life. They do so by keeping their eyes on the road & steering around them. However, in my experience, most of life "happens," not ON the road, but everywhere else. The question to answer is 'When on my deathbed will I regret missing most of the interesting parts of life that result from taking my eyes off the road? Clearly, it's a balancing act. You only get one chance to LIVE.
Amen
Stay blessed and happy! This is so nice to see and read . Continue to live your best life 💚
@@gregpeterson3144 You would never know it from my life now, but my childhood was a nightmare. My dad beat me and yelled at me constantly. I moved out at 19 and I spent most of my twenties getting wasted. Then I decided I had to change, but my life was such a mess. In desperation, I turned to God. And he helped me. I ditched all my old friends. I completely quit drinking and drugs. I joined a church and made new friends. I started a construction company with one of my new church friends, and God gave us success. And then I met my future wife. We married in less than a year. She came from a stable family, and she knew what it takes to make a happy home. We had two sons and I decided I didn't want them to go thru what I did. I learned to be happy and poured myself into my family. God brought me out of darkness and into the light.
This was the biggest advice I have been given so far. Thank you so much for sharing this valuable research with us. You changed at least one life for sure: mine.
m2 =D thanks
Same here
It sure changes life towards a better one
ㅇㄷ
This is why scandinavian countries are NOT the happiest countries And this is why Africa, Latin America and Caribbean countries have the lowest suicide rates
This just proves how connected we all are and that the true purpose of life is learning to connect and draw lessons from/with each other. I really long for more close fulfilling relationships and hope that I’ll have a strong network of people around me as I grow older.
Very true. That first statement. I'm working on a treatise on happiness, and your comment is quite orienting in that respect. Thanks. And all the best.
This guy is the best ted talker ever because he is sincere and humble
I absolutely agree. It look me a long time, in life, to figure out humble = class.
And also he believes in whatever he is sayig. He is genuine.
👌👌👌
And the talk wasn't about him
I agree. This was so inspiring, for all ages!
Money won't buy you happiness, but the lack of it can buy you misery.
Only if you're shopping for it..
get.get you misery.
ryan ford very true my brother
ryan ford if you have 2 hands you can work
The law of diminishing returns applies here. Once you have enough money to provide for your daily needs, the amount of happiness that more money will give you becomes less and less. To illustrate: If you earn 15k a year and get a raise up to 40k a year, your happiness will increase a lot. Life will be easier. But if you earn 100k a year and your income jumps to 130k a year, your happiness won't increase very much at all. It won't have a lot of impact on your daily life, you already have all that you need.
I am a 26 year old Millennial and this was a golden nugget. Thank you for this
Good luck!
amogus
This is one of the best talks I have heard: simple, honest and extremely useful for everyone.
I'm 14 years old and was thinking l didn't need to care about human relationships. But after listening to this lesson, I decided to cherish them. Thank you very much.
🙌🏻👏🏻👏🏻❤️🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️
You are a very lucky person.
kekw
Doesn't make any sense, at all
@@tmt3969 In what way?
This gentleman has a very soothing voice.
Sayantani Das It is the man like him that can be credited with “soothing”
So does the guy in the video
Trueeee
@@dogbounty6399 dude 😂😂
i thought i was th only one thnkin bout it XDDDD so damn true
watching this really struck a chord in me. i have been lonely throughout most of my life. When im lonely and alone, the only thing i can think about is wishing i had friends with me or a girlfriend, more than anything. I grew up in a small, isolated, secular family. i had a sister i didnt get along with well, and had little in common with. My parents have been very supported of me, but i have shamefully been mistreating them all my life, and wasting so much opportunity right in front of me. The reasons i have been mistreating them and being unkind to them are extremely complicated psychologically and i have never been able to articulate it. The rest of my extended family, for some reason i will never truly understand, have lived far away from my family, so i rarely see them, always less than a handful of times a year. but when they visited, or i visited them, i found that i became happier and had more energy and had a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I was so happy when i got to play with my cousins. I loved them so much, but i only got to see them not more than 3 or 4 times a year. This isolation that i have had from my extended family throughout my life has been devastating to me. What has also been devastating to me is the lack of connection i had with other kids in school and in high school. I had no friends in high school, and in middle school and elementary school, many of the relationships i had with other kids lacked strong connections, and i never felt like i truly belonged to a larger friend group. when i am alone and lonely, i am dead inside. I am anxious. I dont do many activities because being alone cuts you off from so much of the world. I have never been in a relationship, and i have always wished and fantasized about being in one. when i am alone and lonely, i cut myself off from people around me, and make it impossible to make friends. Loneliness causes so many different negative things on me that i could write on and on about that. but when i socially connect with someone, i completely change. i become talkative, and energetic, and laugh a lot, and feel much happier. the happiest times in my life are the times i had fun with people, not things. my lonely personality and my socially connected personality are worlds apart from each other. from my experience, i could not agree more with this mans incredible ted talk and this incredible study. Thankfully i do have some great friends now who i don't see often enough, but i am now more motivated than ever to talk to people more and maybe just put down the anti-social phone habit for once.
Try to approach people and reach out to help gain a better relationship
I read your every words that you have written...my English it's no bad..but I understand your case very well...I am teacher but I still having the same felling that you have.... however our this case, I am sure that to be more connected with others that to be more happier in life.
Hi, we have same energy. Wanna be my Friend?
Fantastic talk. Couldn’t agree more that healthy, quality relationships are a key fundamental to a healthy life and overall wellbeing. Likewise toxic relationships are a killer to the soul producing unnecessary violations. At 62 I’m still working on this because it’s so essential and valuable to a contented life.... Period!
you are Gen Z i think
Well here’s the question: how can we have a good relationship with others? Some people are so lucky that they are born in a family full of love. For those who weren’t, Loving themselves and other people, creating a good relationship seem so much harder...
The answer to what makes a good relationship has to do with loving others. The biggest lie is that love is a feeling. If we think about the characteristics of feelings one starts to become glad love is not. "There is no greater love than for one to lay down their life for one's friend." Love is actively doing things for others regardless of how we feel. There are bad parents that make their child's quality of life worse, but your question gives the keystone of what it means to be a good parent. So I think the final question should be, what defines our actions as truly loving someone? How do we know?
We have always imagined love as a noun, let's now practice love as a verb, And perhaps it'll become easier
@@joshuastoltzfus4910 yes! I'm so happy to hear someone else say that. I wish our culture saw love as a skill
well Hello from France Jessie TV we have 14 children, and people compliment us.. it s nice ..but I always try to remember to say that prayer has been our greatest privilege, prayer has been our secret weapon. we must have said 10 of thousands of prayers in our lives I can only encourage you to try it for yourself. " If you then being evil, know how to give good things unto your children, how much more shall your Heavenly Father give good things to them that ask him" Jesus said . Our lacks are often God's opportunities May He bless and keep you!
Yes you are right. It is much harder to get up to speed in the relationships area of life if you have not had good parental role models. To cultivate yourself, and intimate relationships, the best pieces of insight and advice I have seen recently are in this KZhead video (Esther Perel) : kzhead.info/sun/ibChfbOqZ3N-a4E/bejne.html Connect with your path of desire, and best of luck to you!
My beloved grandfather died at 98, he has been a widower since he was 42. He never remarried, but he lived a life of hard work, always trying to be of help for his friends. He died remembering his lost wife, but never complaining about bad things of life. I still remember his teachings and his strength like they are etched in stone.
That's amazing so sweet n loyal meaningful life.wat happened to granny
Give examples of his teachings please :)
Would love to hear his teachings. Share please
Getting married and having kids early is thd essence
@@Celevie I fully agree! One of the hard lessons of life. Unfortunately most people don't learn it nowadays
Wowww thank you soo much for this eye opening message❤️ Too often we think that we have eternity on this earth but our time really is so short. While it is so short, let’s spend our time laughing, loving, and nurturing good relationships❤️ I wish everyone a happy and joyful life!
Successful people don't become that way overnight. What most people see at a glance-wealth, a great career, purpose-is the result of hard work and hustle over time.
Yeah! I agree with you sir.If you want to be successful have the mindset of the rich, spend less and invest More. Don't give up your dreams.
@@owenduke666 People come here with the aim of chasing money more than knowledge and that will damage your progress, trust me. Chase knowledge first and I promise! The money will follow you just like it's following some of us now.
@@tianalucas8147 That's very correct And that is why most of them end up losing they moneyDon't be in a haste to invest. Know what and who you are investing to and be sure that the person will deliver before investing. Learn and get the knowledge first before investing..
@@donaldjason195 Investment is the quickest path to financial freedom, the rich stays rich by spending like the poor yet investing! While the poor stays poor by spending like the rich yet not investing.
@@slimejohn808 That's true.. But Talking of investment! Is there any one who knows what one can invest in and be successful because I really need to invest to avoid rat race during retirement. do you have knowledge about any?
Wow, that is actually very true. Now I know exactly what has been causing my depression recently, the lack of social interaction. And to my surprise, I noticed that even though I haven't achieved anything great in my life yet, socialising more with my family members and close friends can greatly brighten up my mood and make me much more happier and satisfied with the day I had.
+Anood AlKatheeri I recommend lots of (consensual) hugs too;) It helps me a lot, especially if I feel lonely, depressed, unloved or anxious. Good luck;)
+Unknown Anonymous it depends on personality. I am an introvert as well..a real hermit lol, but I have a rhythm that includes times for being social. I think it's great our needs are plain to see! Much love :)
+StandingPerfectlyStill Holly I was talking to anood..whoops!
+Anood AlKatheeri Exactly my thoughts! ._.
+Anood AlKatheeri , I agree with him. I think one of the reasons women have longer life than men is due to higher communication capability. It could be reasonable although I am a man...(smile)
"The best change I ever made in my life was cutting off all of the toxic and negative people in it and stopped trying to make them happy!" That's good idea!
Obsolutely u r right
How do u know a friend is toxic?
@@almasnk7469 : user, abusers and saps energy
Wow, that's powerful!
They don't care about you anyway so this is excellent advice to end he wants to listen! Can you say users!
This brings a tear to my eyes... felt every word he said. Resonates well to everyone even to the audience there I guess. Life truths indeed.
It took me six years to watch this master piece. Hope youtube recommends it to everyone soon and make their lives happy and meaningful.
The 1st 'good' relationship is with yourself
photo 650 *"you gonna like "self " when it can be compassionate to "others""* we're on the same page, compassion was my motive for becoming vegan a spiritual(for want of a label with less cultural baggage) sense of connectedness. This of course doesn't require the invocation of anything supernatural, just loving kindness.
That's why I have a healthy sexual relationship with myself. I do it with me once a day. It really improves the relationship I have with myself.
Amen
I played this videos beacouse i want to die right now, i feel lonly and stupid. I have social anxiety as well.. i have no cure, im almost 24 and i dont see why i should still living
Fede Tapia Listen to what this guy says in the video. Surround yourself with people who will support you and understand you. You need to take time and decide who you are as a person and learn to be proud of who you are (if there is something you aren’t proud of then actively seek to change it if you can’t learn to love it). There is so much in life worth living for it just takes time notice the good within yourself. It’s okay to not be okay and ignore the stigma of seeking professional help as professional therapy helps so many people learn their worth
This study is a reminder that social connection is critical to our physical and emotional health. It's particularly important during this Covid-19 pandemic.
Damn I will die eaely. I - 30 - never experienced love. Every woman I fell in love with rejected me. I also never had friends. I am screwed
Funka Punka you’re not screwed. Read Corey Wayne’s, “How to be a 3% man.” You can get it on amazon, or get it for free through audible!! It changed my life. You have no excuse now!!
Hello Granny hope you okay?
Experienced it
@Young Pappy bro i m just curious how introverts will live their whole life? Like working for NGOs in free time?? Or how will u spend ur life when u r alone
I'm 15 and just acknowledged that it's a really good advice. I hope I can see myself comeback to this video some day and write down the change!
Listening to Waldinger's talk makes me think about our endless obsession with material goods, as many of us oftentimes associate them with fame, success and happiness. However, the "happiness" we obtain through them is meaningless, momentary and empty, completely unlike the happiness we gain through connecting with our friends and family. They are what matters the most to us. The nature to grow and nurture our relationships is deep in our soul, and it is only through establishing high-quality relationships can we not merely be a surviving human being, but a truly living individual :)
To me happiness is being grateful, feeling content. No, I don't want to be rich; I just need being self sufficient. I live in a developing country and see poverty wherever I go. It is such a great feeling sharing with these people. They smile all the time, and very kind and friendly. They make me realize that maybe in life you just need being enough. Enough food, money, have a shelter, etc. It is so simple. I have my ups and much downs, but I can't stop loving life no matter what.
Find Оut Hоw To Undеrstaaаnd Yоur Мan Hеre => twitter.com/2be9b0f063ef5ed01/status/804693412402241537 What maааkeees а gоod lifе Lеssоns frоm thе longеst studу on haрpinеss Robеrt Waldingеr
Yeah. I get my massage
Keep the flame alive : )
Nurul Aeni that's the realest comment. Keep lovin' your life and your people. Peace :)
Nurul Aeni you got it right.
When he says relationships, he means every human relations, not only married couples
What if I told you there was something you could do to help your brain, body and whole system improve? And use a plant to naturally fight most any virus and boost your immune sytem ? Watch our KZhead video ; kzhead.info/sun/bN1qaZSplqyXpI0/bejne.html
@@chefgiovanni I would say "get the f*ck out, don't ruin this video with pseudohealthy marketing.."
@mary jane I disagree, it was "called for" : it's the ad which actually was "uncalled for" and therefore upsetting (moreover because it sells "natural" plantbased health solutions against viruses in youtube comments, which tends to make me suspect potentially dangerous bullshit). Plus it was actually asking "what if I told you?", so there, I answered in all honesty. I get your point regarding the video but I do not intend to have good relationships with spammers on youtube. We'll all be better if they actually get the f*** out. Hope you have a nice day.
True...
My friend, I offer you the most beautiful human values that humanity has ever heard. The beauty of his words and the support of logic and reason to him. And his answers to the inquiries of the soul makes the soul feel happiness that it has never found before and is not bored of it, and the appearance of tears of joy from the West to hear it attracts the souls of those seeking happiness to hear it. Thank you. kzhead.info/sun/etKndJuRjImvlYE/bejne.html kzhead.info/sun/nchxpcqlh6mmi6M/bejne.html KZhead kzhead.info/sun/ndWzmtGNa3tjpH3c/bejne.htmloutu.be/bngMSeCoIbo
I’ve never been so touched but any speeches like this.. amazing
I am 19 and I never comment nor watch long ted talks but this one is very interesting to the point i had to listen and finish it. Praying for everyone to have a good and healthy relationship and love doing simple things with their love ones cos life is too short ❤️
Same to you!!
"Yesterday is history , Tomorrow is a mystery , but now is gift , That's why is Called present " -Master Oogway
this was actually said before Oogway by St. Mother Theresa. I don't where she got it, though.
@@eduardosacasa5007 from oogway , duh
Oh 😍
Big Sean stole this verse 😂
@@virus-rights7001 Mother Teresa must’ve been a huge star wars nerd.
6:12 Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. 3 lessons: 6:27 Social connections are good, loneliness kills. 7:20 Quality of your close relationships matters. 9:05 Good relationships protect our bodies and brains.
and 9:22 relationships where they really count on (trust) the other person
OR, are good relationships the the result of being happier and healthier? Is it causation or correlation? Is the nature a person is born with a big part of where they are on the unhappy/happy spectrum? This speaker did not address this but rather implied it’s a personal choice to have fulfilling relationships. I say the nature and nurture of an individual determines the personality and therefore the amount and quality of interaction with others. Introverts, for example, have to have alone time away from people because interaction is exhausting for them whereas extroverts want as much interaction with others as possible because that is what charges their batteries. The bottom line seems to be the person being able to or not to develop and sustain or have as many relationships as others may be something that is not as controllable as the speaker implies.
@@michaelpace1075 absolutely true
@@michaelpace1075 very thoughtful and true
BS !There are plenty of people who live alone and are much better off than in toxic relationships. It all depends on your attitude
i love this TED Talk. i keep rewatching 5x a year.
You are really the inspiration Ted. Thank you for sharing your dedication and wisdom to the world of us. Thank you Ted! God bless you Ted.
Good relationships are all I've ever wanted. It's the best feeling in the world to meet a likeminded person you can spend time with and just be happy together.
HapticBlitz you and me both buddy
HapticBlitz yeah I want a best friend who is like a sister or brother to me.
It's the best man..
Bad Idea Gaming awww dx x, °vvv
The best change I ever made in my life was cutting off all of the toxic and negative people in it and stopped trying to make them happy. Some not entirely, I now just keep a safe distance from them. At that same time, leaving my decent paying job I absolutely hated after getting out of debt. I'm making considerably less, but in a positive work environment with just enough responsibility. I don't owe anyone a thing. In Ontario, that is becoming unheard of. I spend most of my free time now volunteering at the local youth group and taking Karate, what a rewarding experience.
Universal Steele sounds great. A hostile work environment harms all the good things in life. Best is to get rid of it ASAP.
Absolutely love it. Kudos!
That is so cool! Keeping your focus on things that really matter!
Thanks. Very inspiring. I am ready to make the same change.
I have just made the same changes ;)
Thank you so much for this TED conference! Now as an young adult, I realized I was missing some of many of important things of my life.
I got emotional after watching the whole video. I'll keep this video to me and watch it again to remind me how important relationships are.
1. Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. 2. Quality of close relationships. 3. Good relationships protects our brain.
I practice Chi Kung. I'm in very good shape mentally, physically, energetically and spiritually.
Thank you for the sum up!!
Short and to the point 😊
epic fails on all 3 points for me...
So what's knew (added value) about this? didn't everyone know that?
It's better to live alone, than being in a relationship with toxic people.
It`s even better to live with a good relationship
I wonder if that's the case with those who withdraw from society. So commonly disparaged as being socially inept. Maybe it's really because the people around them are so toxic that it's just healthier to isolate than to connect.
Frankerzed Yes and not necessarily a romantic one.. relationships with the community, close friends and family too
Zero is greater than negative.
AGREE
One of the best ever talks I have ever listened to in my life and maybe one of the best ever research studies conducted by Harvard. Appreciation, thanks, and gratitude to the whole team for such a useful, dedicated, and consistent study :) :)❤❤🙏🙏
What a beautiful and profound presentation. Thank you to Professor Waldinger, and thank you to TED for recording and sharing this with us
This study is absolutely amazing. Why is humanity not doing more of this stuff?
sd86it Hope you're ironic :) Seriously, happyness is all that counts. Why is ther only one single sucessfull stuy?
+sd86it The zombie apocalypse will happen.
he explained that in the video didn't you listen?
cause took them 80 years and huge resourses to come up with .... yeah, it's better to have friends
genti You'll crave bigger accomplishments in your life soon as well, just wait until you're out of your teenage years
Life is like the internet, it’s best when you have good connections!
Omg LOL
HAHAHA preach shishter xD. this changed me life
Thank you 🙏🏾. I’m gonna quote this more often.
@@robertsimon-sween2673 m967
Agree with you
It's amazing how I always felt that invisible thing! I truly appreciate you all 💖🙏
I have always admired the clear speakers and I bow to this man that how clearly and effortlessly he give me a great view of a better life and help me to grow from some customery beliefs I had about life. Thanks a lot sir❤️
Conclusion: Good life is built with relationships I am only 16yrs of age and Ive realised what works for me is a good relationship with myself first
Absolutely. When you are a good friend to yourself, and like yourself, in time, good friendships and relationships will come your way.
Fake deep posts
Same age as me, yeah I agree with you, we have to understand ourself first of all, but untill today i still cant understand me😭
@@gojoswife9415 it’s not always easy but be patient with yourself and just watch your mind.
Weil said
My father often calls greedy people miserable. When I was young I didn't fully understand the connection, but having 'grown up' I have witnessed how sad and miserable mean people are.
+chestypants78 The problem, like with Dickens' stories, is that those miserable greedy people set the infrastructure up to make everyone else miserable too.
+justgivemethetruth we should get them
+justgivemethetruth Great point. They infect society.
+justgivemethetruth Greed, like misery, affects people from all walks of life. So it only makes sense that some are responsible for the like of others.
"Greed" without logic, is what able the economies to thrive... If you don't know why, read Adam Smith's Wealth of Nations
I salute all the researchers for being curious in searching for the answers for what makes life good and for dedicating so much time and effort into this longitudinal study. This study is bigger than any one of us and will go down (and partly already has gone down) as a very significant development in understanding human happiness. It strengthens the essential fact in psychology that we need eachother to not only feel good, but to survive. I mean I'm still young (19 years at the time of writing this comment), but lately I've been pondering alot about regret and how to make this life count. I believe I may have come to the intervention that there's more to life than being on the top of your career, being well known and having all the materialistic things that one might think that would make them "successful". These aforementioned things might play a part in having some sort of safety or momentaneous satisfaction, but it's not a recipe for long lasting joy. It's having good people you love around that makes all this worth it. "There isn't time - so brief is life - for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. there is only time for loving - & but an instant, so to speak, for that." Mark Twain really tugging on the heartstrings.
This video is so good we agree with you. Quality relationships are the most important thing in life. One of the best ted talk i've ever heard
This actually makes a lot of sense. I have often wondered why depression and other mental illnesses seemed more prevelant in the west / developed countries. It didn’t make sense. Having been raised in the second most populous country in the world, where simply living is a lifelong struggle, it seemed very strange that people who had a comfortable life would actually want to kill themselves for ANY reason. But now, this video puts everything in perspective. Many developing Asian, Latin American and African countries may be dirt poor but the social cohesion is still very strong. People may live in poverty and struggle to feed themselves, but they usually don’t suffer from depression in the same numbers or in the same way as lonely people from rich countries do. This also explains why depression and suicidal tendencies seem to become more common lately... especially amongst young people. In this age of curated life memories, virtual friends and me-me-me culture, I believe, young people are struggling to form authentic and meaningful relationships with others. Attention spans are getting shorter and the fear of missing out is preventing people from forming bonds that are just a result of spending time together sharing conversations, memories, etc. I feel that this is at the root of the modern day explosion in mental health issues and unless we fix the root cause, pills are not going to make them any better.
Well said!
Eva Luna ✔️
I think people in poor countries are just more lonely. Because you rarely see them smile.
Word.
Absolutely true! I myself am an Indian, and cases of mental health issues here are also increasing. You said it correctly that we need to find the root, pills aren't the absolute cure.
Great talk. Made me think of my grandmother. She was very lonely throughout the last part of her life. Then she had a stroke and ended up in the nursing home. Then Covid happened and we saw her even less. She died the summer of 2020. As busy as I was when she was alive, nothing served as a good excuse to not give her an hour or so of time each week. It probably would’ve meant the world to her, even if it was a small gesture on my part. How I regret now that I wasn’t more mindful of her loneliness then.
I have never had grandparents, if I had I would have cherished them.
We all do the best we can at any given time. COVID was disastrous on seniors residences where so many seniors passed away and the homes introduced many restrictions and staff there were overloaded. Even if you had time to go see your grandmother, you most likely would not have been able to. I am sure that you must be remembering your grandmother a lot and every time you do think of her, she would be smiling. :)
Crystal please Pray for her Soul
no
Sorry to hear that. Prayers for her soul and for you. Amen!
Absolutely true! Thank you for making that so clear!
It’s amazing to know how the relationships are important for us. I always give so much value for my time with my friend and with people I love.
This video changed my life years ago... I’m so grateful to have learned what really matters in life
What did you do to change your life ?
Lies again? Get Laid
When you seek happiness for yourself, it will always elude you. When you seek happiness for others, you will find it for yourself.
What why how?
Sounds contradicting.
If you seek happiness for your self it sends messenge to your inner self that you lack of happiness. It will attract more unhappiness. If you spread happiness to others it will send the message that you already happy thats why you can pour it to others.
This one is tricky, it needs to be understood right. There is a lot of people who always put others' needs before their own. Making everyone else happy, even at the cost of their own happiness. And they aren't happy at all. You need to love yourself first to truly love others. I'm not talking about egoic love, but the good love that helps you guard your boundries. Similar like If you are rich, you can help others with your money. I know people who were seeking happiness for many others and didn't find it for themselves. Anyway, great lecture and I bet that all people in the comment section of such video will eventually find peace and happiness! All the best!
So true
Now this is research that makes the world a better place.
All I deeply want is to be kind to each other while interacting,it's not about you, it's about us :)
Always be compassionate towards others and happiness will follow you like shadow.
Great comment. Hope you are doing well.
Well I would say always be passionate about something and you will be happy and healthy no matter what.
wholeheartedly agreed :)
Unless a drunk driver jumps a curve and paralyzes you for life.
My goal is to be alone and be happy, so far I'm doing rather well.
At age 58, I fit the definition of schizoid, loner, introverted, & philophobic. I have very little social value to share with others. I never enjoy socializing. I only feel lonely when around other people. But I enjoy my own company & can honestly say that I wouldn't change places with anyone else. I believe your theory that socializing is good for most people. Not for everyone though. The fact that some will think I am lying makes me realize even more how fortunate I am that I don't have to be around them.
Has ever crossed your mind to be on track of man's ultimate now life realization, which is divine love ? With that you see through all human fallacies clearly. Yet the challenge is to enhance consensus in situations, by implanting divine love based outcomes. When and if so, you bloom with everlasting divine love based self realization. Therewith being expands onto cosmic consciousness, encompassing all events with divine love, which is unsurpassed by anything at all times.
Aloof Ness the study says if u think u r lonely than u think u should be. Everyone's threshold is different n exceptions doesn't define the rule of thumb. The study is for most ppl n u don't have to fit in most ppl. I don't think the study or the scientist would push u
Schizoids are the only people who this study wouldn't apply to. If you feel happier when alone, then you are not lonely. And if you feel lonely when surrounded by people, then that won't make you happy. The good life is a happy life. Which is kind of circular logic. Happiness comes from having a good life which means being happy. Even though paradoxical, it is true. For most people happiness comes from good relationships but it doesn't have to be that way for everyone.
Honest reply. Good for you!!!!
I feel you
What a beautiful and simple truth that we forget. Thanks for the reminder.
Thank you Robert Werbinger for sharing this wonderful message from your study. It gave me a lot to reflect on and the need to readjust certain things when it comes to relationships going forward. Thank you once again... I'll do better and be better.
this perfectly explains why my happiness seems to increase when i left the states. I lived 30 years in the states chasing the American Dream via the rat race only to become burnt out, stressed and angry. Once I left for Asia, I automatically sensed a social unity that I never experienced back in the states. Despite the poverty, the social openness and hospitality of the people enabled me to experience happiness in which i seldom experience back in the states where narcissism and independent pride run amok. Its no wonder America has so many shooting rampages, the culture is inauthentic and goes against our spiritual nature
👍 :-) :-)
I agree! :)
I lived a similar thing, and agree ! You might find something like that again by communicating with the Cambodian or Vietnamese or whatever community you want, in the US. ;)
I think similarly
^great question. In for the answer.
Thank you for this, I´m not in a good place mentally. I have been isolating myself for many years. I am 21 and this video helped me broke my isolation. I contacted a girl I like and we talked for an hour on the phone. I'm planning to meet one of my closest friends and I am seeing another person that has shared physical intimacy with me. After just watching the video, already only the thought of contacting people and opening up to them helped me gather strength and motivation. Also I had no distinct dream job or plan for my career, I thought to study civil engineering only of logical points. I would definitely be employed and would have good pay but now I´m thinking about helping other people in similar situations. Who knows if I will go that route but even without that this was important video for me and I think I will say, that watching this video was a major turning point for me. Once again thank you for making the world a better place.
I love this comment! You seem like a good person! :) Thank you for sharing this comment
First you need to be in a position to help others. With right means, skills and if possible financially. earn to give away. Look for people who are willing to help people lesser fortunate than them.
Ur comment warms my heart
Good luck!
I’ve also isolated myself for many years and I’m 27. I’m trying to get my life back on track, but I lost my daily routine and it’s hard to get it back. I can’t believe I made such a mistake, but the only thing I can do now is to move forward.
It was one of the most incredible speeches I have ever listened to, thanks a lot.
My life is forever changed after watching this video. Thank you for this!🥺💛
He is giving advice to adult people but I am 16 and am glad I got to know this.
🙏🏻🙌🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I am also 16! Fight hard 💜🌱✨
Wow lotta 16 year olds in the chat - A fellow 16 year old
4 and a half years later, youtube recommended me this and to be honest, I needed this more than ever....
Glad to hear this video, it was a great piece of inspiration to continue to build up relationships and find new ones that will ultimately be fulfilling for the long term!
Sensacional! This speech has an impact that will forever be etched in my memory.
Yes, for those of us who are workaholics, this brings tears - and recognition that it is the truth
Nicely said, thanks
+Leil Lowndes I am a work a holic but I have plenty of happy relationships in and out of work. Maybe I'm just like that. I find work a wonderful place to have excellent happy relationships. I work in media and maybe it's just one of those jobs that where you have to interact all the time with people.
+Leil Lowndes It is true. Many workaholics think that the acquaintances they interact with through work are the same as being people they have strong relationships with. Sadly, it probably isn't true. I go to a lot of estate sales. A common thing I see is a framed recognition from work, usually years of service, sometimes a training or production award. These make the best sales to go to; these people spend their time buying stuff they don't use. They don't have estate sales for happy people when they die. Happy people spend their time invested with loved ones, and the loved ones gift themselves the few possessions these happy people acquired, as memory of their lives together. I was a workaholic for 30 years before noticing this about estate sales, averaging about 50+ hrs/wk and lots of travel. I noticed this about estate sales and then got a certificate at work with a silver frame the next week. I quit soon after and just worked to make the money I needed, spending more time with my kids and grandkids, taking the wife on a day trip - on a flipping weekday! My doctor is amazed at my blood pressure now, he thinks I've been working out when I'm actually about half as active as I used to be. I wasted a lot of years on a strong work ethic being productive. People tend to respect others that "work hard". Sad.
1Howdy1 Simply working hard is a no brainer. and slaving away at a job where your heart isn't in it is sad. I admire people who really enjoy their work. Loving what you do makes it easy work.
1Howdy1 50 hours a week is a part time job
6:12 the clearest message that we get from 75 year study is this: good relationships keep us healthier and happier. Period. first , social connections are really good for us. and loneliness kills. People who are more socially connected , to family, to friends, to community, are happier, healthier and live longer. secondly, it is the quality of those relationship that matters. Living in the midst of good warm relationships is protective. thirdly, good relationships protect our bodies and brains. securely attached who feels they can count on the other one, have a better memories. Leaning into relationships. people time, do something new together, Long walks and date nights, reach out to that family member.
This should be the top comment.
Hello Josephine hope you okay?
SDF submitted
This TED talk changed my life for the better. Thank you 👍❤
I love TED talks and this is one of my favorites
I have to say that meeting my wife and letting go of my issues into her love has brought a light to my life that I can't describe without tears streaming down. The sheer happiness and joy that I feel from deep within every day that we welcome each other home is something I deeply hope that YOU will get to experience. But to get to this point, please take a good look at yourself and let go of issues that keep you from opening your heart to the ones you love. The amount of love you get back will blow your mind into your heart.
inner aesthetics 💕
Beautifully phrased, that's what I always looked for. Good for you that you have found it. Wish both of you a long and happy life!
Beautiful❣️✨
I hope I find someone I can shower my love on someone like this some day
Unfortunately, every single person that I have ever loved or helped has done nothing but stab me in the back. Get real! You must live in an alternate universe.
After watching the whole video, I agree 100% percent..... Family, good relationships and being social is so important for our health.
Be social with me
Good move E R I K!
@@kirstinstrand6292 good morning, do i know you
Dee M u r beautiful.. Lob
Friends... Lov
This is one of the best videos i've ever seen in this platform, thanks.
Great content. Delivered with simplicity, honesty and warmth/genuine feeling.
My 17-year-old naive self would have scoffed at this. Now, at 20, after going through a host of personal struggles and getting a taste of the real world, all I can think about is how incredibly fortunate I am to have people in my life who genuinely want to understand and love me. And who I can count on to stick with me through thick and thin, while also having lots of fun with. Thank you for reminding us of this age-old wisdom, Sir. Beautiful talk!🧡
you are just in the beginning of 20s be an optimistic person ...take care of yourself and follow your passion.......and be happy 😊😊😊
I can relate
I’m almost 19 and I’m so scared of growing old and taking on adult responsibilities. I regret not having enjoyed my teenage years more. I feel like my best years are already behind me and that I’ve missed out on so much fun. I could’ve been more and I should’ve done more. Have you felt this way before? How did you deal with this?
@@arrietty1619 hello, I'm much older than you and I can tell you that my teen years were miserable. But it got better. Take heart, don't be afraid. This man's advice is golden and it's true. btw I'm 59. Those regrets your feeling > write them off, they're not worth milling over. Also, the most fun I ever had was in my 30's and 40's. You've got time - a very valuable asset.
@@arrietty1619 I think it's safe to say that most people have felt that way at some point in their lives. The good news is that as long as you are still alive, it is never too late to start living a life with no more regrets. Best wishes to you!
It could be the other way around. Happy people have good relationships.
+slm129 I'd like to hear them address your response.
+slm129 Happy relationships have good people
Seems as though they haven't spotted other significant correlations.
+slm129 if it could then i dont think he would lead the presentation with a conclusion
+slm129 Well, I tend to trust research made at Harvard since it is a very reputable academy. I assume other researchers and the leaders of the university would not let someone taint their reputation with unjustified claims. From that perspective it is, hence safe to assume that the lines of evidence where more conclusive for this hypothesis. Moreover, I would expect the odds of happy people meeting those with whom they participate in healthy relationships to likely leave a trace and cause noise inferring such correlations.
Please keep up the good work ❤️ dedication from people like you help us stay healthy and happy. Understanding how we can improve ourselves and lives.
I really like the way he speaks, it's very easy to understand and his demeanor is very deep but still relaxed
I really liked this talk. It made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. It's something so blatantly obvious, but so easy to forget.
I wouldnt say obvious most interpret this idea the wrong way.
It is an obvious thing that we don't want to believe because it goes against everything we believe in. And the talk has it's amazing part when you stop and think about what these 75 years mean, when you realize that the essentialy objectified happiness
this guy has such a calming and gentle voice
Highly fascinating lecture. Saw it many times already. Wish you made a new one up to date of near 2022. Thanks.
I have read about this study and I was impressed. I have used it in my conversations with people. I am glad I found it here at TED🙏