We Aren't The Only Ones Paranoid About Election Day, Trump Is So Superstitious He's Re-enacting 2016
As Biden supporters hold their collective breath heading into the weekend before Election Day, President Trump is retracing his final steps from the 2016 campaign, hoping that lightning can strike twice in four years. #Colbert #Monologue #LSSC
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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via CBS All Access, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.
At his rally in Minnesota today, Trump said that our doctors get more money when someone dies from Covid. He literally said that. This is how unhinged and desperate he has become. Everytime I think that he can't possibly go any lower, he proves me wrong.
Starting to worry that this is the darkest timeline.
@@TheRAH1 Nice Community reference! I have not been able to finish Season 6, though.
He's extremely paranoid, adderall won't help. He knows he's done. Bye bye donny, your time is up. Game over 😊
That's actually true. Doctor's fudged the numbers and were paid 20% more for each patient they claimed died from COVID. CDC'S newest numbers Only 6% actually died from COVID
dopes ; 6% deaths is high , and Trump caused them . He knew a year before we were unprepared for an epidemic and chose to do nothing . see “ crimson contagion “
Don't let them intimidate you, or keep you from voting. Don't engage with them. No matter what, VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! 🌊🌊🌊💪💪👍💙🇺🇲💙🇺🇲💙👍💪💪🌊🌊🌊
@Wary of Extremes this right here is proof that the MAGAts and Redhats are sweating buckets. Because they know their good times are coming to an end. Resist. Revolt. Vote Blue. Viva la resistance!
@@gamepapa1211 I am from India and I support trump
@@liana.chawngthu well you look pretty silly now don't you.
@@craig1508 he lost. Get over it.
@@gamepapa1211 yo I don't watch CNN
It is so heartwarming to see the love & support stephen's wife gives him. She is there for him every single night, responding with giggles to his punchlines. I recall how he struggled when he 1st lost his audience- hearing dead silence after every joke was rough. We got the old Stephen back once his wife became a fixture on the show.
I'm not American but I get anxiety over this election. Still suffering from 2016 PTSD. Praying for our American neighbors for a much bigger result this election 🙇♂️💙💙💙💙💙
Us Americans too! UGH
Me too. From Australia. Hopefully you will soon be done with that poor excuse for a president. Stay safe.
Still hoping an orange wouldn't won again here in Quebec.
Thank you. We are suffering too. Like being at top of roller-coaster and we either go down and level out or the track ENDS!!!
@@fathfez7991 what about our pretty boy Justin ?
Trump's mantra: My authority is total but I don't take responsibility at all.
Trump: Respect my Arthur Rioty...and my authority.
Still four more years 🤣
@@tuyenle8107 absolutely
When Trump said "i take no responsibility at all", he sounded like the guard in Star Wars who said "there was no danger at all".
There's only one way to solve this
I'm Canadian and #Biden2020 Please...
Thank you for your prayers. I can’t wait for this election to be over. I only pray Biden wins by a landslide
@@kathyroberson1913 dont pray... VOTE.
Still four more years 🤣
Thank you friend 😊
🇳🇿 New Zealander 💯 agree *VOTE* Biden/Harris 2020 *please* - for you, for us - for the *UNITED* states of america -🇺🇸 again - not the divisive hellscape drumpf has turned your great country into, please, for you 🇺🇸 For us all... 🌍🌎🌏
"Long walk but worth it" was my favorite line in this whole monologue.
Me: That joke about the writers of his monologue was kinda rude. My brain: Who do you think wrote the joke? Me: Ohhhh. My brain: Yeah.
Your brain IS you. I think you might suffer from double personality.
It wasnt rude. It was a throwback to a statistics joke. The original is something along the lines of "if a monkey would randomly write letters for infinite amount of time, it would eventually write all books by Shakespeare"
@@funkaddictions wait you dont have at least two voices in your head? oh...
"Hey, what's a few hundred thousand deaths? America is full of people!" - Turdman Jr.
That's his version of 'let them eat cake'
A Trump minion recently said on TV that they don't have any worries about holding packed rallies in Covid hotspots at all because Trump and Pence have the best doctors in the world. Obviously they couldn't care less about the ordinary Trump supporters.
There are a few too many if you include the Trumps.
Did he actually say that?
@@toadjiang7626 And you can just abandon them to the freezing cold waiting for buses for hours. Great combination: advanced age, Covid, and hours in the cold. Darwinism in action.
Shout out to the Florida woman in labor who insisted on going to vote before going to the hospital. We should all be such dedicated voters.
There's no way Don Jr ISN'T on massive amounts of cocaine.
Someone needs to set Junior up with a reservation at The Betty for an extended stay. Soon.
Really. I have noticed that when ever a liberal accuses you of something, they are engaged in that very activity. Just an observation.
I find it funny that Trump makes fun of Hunter's drug habits, but his son is an obvious coke head on national tv. He does like to project. lol
@@madlibdb2521 obvious coke head? Do you have one shred of evidence, about that?
@@ralphquaglia5637 oh yeah! I love coke! It's how I can tell!
06:15 the state official really killed it with the clown costume. It’s fantastic!
I’m a nervous wreck.And I will stay a nervous wreck until Trump leaves the WH in January.
🇨🇦 Got you in my prayers Valerie ❤️
Val the guards could just about face and the WH could become the newest Federal Prison.
Hugs, Valerie. Tons of hugs.
... Preferably in handcuffs.
You are not alone, Valerie. Our Nation is facing the most pivotal time in the history of our Constitutional Republic. Waiting to see "if we can keep it" is no doubt nerve-wreaking. May the Peace that surpasses all understanding be with you!
*PLEASE* people.... 💙vote💙
INSTANT GRAM Laughed so hard my supervisor finally discovered I watch youtube all day
"They have the therapeutics to deal with this" Ony if you're the President and gets the best healthcare our money can buy. The rest of us peasants are on our own.
the drugs trump claimed to take are on hold because there is no evidence they do anything for covid. he never had covid. he claimed to have it, have a miraculously quick and painless recovery, and is now out there acting like he is superman, immune, and so has no need to wear those pesky masks. which is exactly what he wanted. AND, he can tell all his cult followers that covid is great, easy, go ahead and get it like i did, you'll love it.
@@nonyabizness.original myself and everyone i know (save one 85 year old) had a quick and painless recovery, no therapeutics needed. 85 year old was hospitalized and came out fine. Y'all watch too much TV if you're afraid. Try reading scientific journals.
@ The Mouse that Roared. I love your screen name. It’s a great book!
Trump is SERIOUSLY sweating right now. But I'm nervous that he isn't sweating enough.
Shi**in himself
@jai pennycuick in your dreams
@jai pennycuick Then I wish you took things more seriously.
Still four more years 🙂
@Tony From Syracuse no ain't happen the American people have had enough it's going to be Biden in the white house trump in jail have a good day
Hello from Melbourne, Australia! I watch your show every night. I'm a big fan ..Keep up the good work guys and fingers crossed that Joe Biden wins. Stay safe USA
Absolutely. And yay to another Donut day in Melbs.
🇨🇦 hey from Canada. The world wants to see the end of the 45.
Are you worried about us, that we might not survive as a democracy?
Thank you, we're doing everything we can to end the nightmare.
@@elizabethwhite1068 Do you think it will end on election day? California will vote blue but I don't know about Pennsylvania, Florida, Michigan or Ohio. I can hardly sleep!
I miss quarantinewhile! You lift our spirits! Thank you.
"The rats cushioned his fall" is a line out of a Stephen King novel.
"He juniored on" oh yes indeed , bonus for that writer.
All the writers deserve a fat bonus for tonight’s monologue!!!
@@michaelkors9449 nobody clicks on these bruh. Better find a better tactic.
@myone lock But multi-colored eyes are beautiful and everyone knows it.
Toss the rotten pumpkin on November 3rd!🌊🌊🗳️💙💙
Colbert: “... Well Liz, you’re wrong.” Me, sipping coffee: Huh?
"Electile Dysfunction. Warning: If your Trump lasts more than four years, call your doctor." 😆😆😆😆
Must admit I missed that pun
" he juniored on" so now it's a verb 😄😄
Yeah, except it's more like an _in_ action word for Trumps... ;")
Can’t decide what is worse...looking at Laura’s face or listening to Don Jrs voice🤢 Thank you Stephen for using comedy to help us get through this.
Yeah - but you could see she was pained listening to him as well! She knew he was full of it 😒
Oh definitely Laura's face.
It’s a tough one.
Another witty monologue. You knocked it outa the park! Thanks for helping me hang on to my last shreds of sanity, knowing I'm not alone out here. Love you man!
At a time when America _really_ needed a Franklin Roosevelt, GOP gave us a Hoover that _really_ sucks!
If you haven't voted yet, or received your ballot, go to the polls! VOTE BLUE! Let's fix this mess & help each other!💙💙💙
Blue team all the way! Joe biden president 2020
So how exactly is 90k new cases each day “rounding the corner??” Or “a number that’s almost nothing??” Or “a really great job??”
kzhead.info/sun/Z8x_lpWkgqeHdok/bejne.html
Ever since he rounded 4 corners on the parade lap at the Daytona 500, corner rounding keeps popping up.
@Wary of Extremes a good job is what japan and south korea have done. The US is not a good model for how to handle a pandemic.
101,000 or 99,000 on Friday depending on source. Rounding the corner into a street you don't want to be on. Hopefully it can still be managed and go down heading into winter.
They’re not good at math either
Believing in Stephen! Running on all cylinders baby full throttle let's go bro! That's the Colbert we know and love!
As always, another wonderful dialogue, Stephen. Thank you for keeping me alive. 💐
That rat story had me rolling🤣🤣If you ever think you're having a bad day, it could always get worse.
Please no. I don’t need that. Not today. Not ever.
@@philiphockenbury6563 I can...actually *hear* the panic in your voice...!
@@SanbaiSan It's less panic and more dread.
Legit was talking to my psychiatrist and said that we're essentially all in our houses watching the world burn. Apparently this is my new ok.
Those of us who live abroad are watching the flames in horror and dismay. Our thoughts and hopes are with you. Hugs!
@@krejados1 The world is burning; climate change and obliteration of nature isn’t just happening in America. Apparently people are sweet with it. Let’s all watch teevee and play with our smartphones.
@Rebbeca Chunn Stay strong! We will get through this.
:) That was back in August when Seattle skies were so smokey and filled with chemicals from west coast fires that we had to close the windows, doors, vents, AC, and just pray for rain. Now THAT drove me nuts - wishing for rain in Seattle. Life is good, I can see the clouds again.
Did your shrink tell you you watch too much TV??
"Gnawing anxiety" - I see what you did there.
That was great, and I also loved his use of Boomtown Rats.
"Another timely reminder of how important it is to wear a mask" I don't know why I burst out laughing on that one but I did😅 This was a good monolog. Don't believe polls #GoVote Ya'll🗳🌊
Don Jr’s intelligence level is almost nothing. And empathy level.
Don jr. thinks he will inherit America.
@@joedufour8188 😂😂
That’s because the deaths are in far almost nothing...people are dying of suicide 100 times more and were not causing lockdowns because of that
@@shababrk Wow. Call every news agency! 100,000 people are killing themselves a day after finding out just how stupid Trump supporters can be.
@@shababrk And you actually posted that dumb ass comment?! TF!!
I voted today! Thank you for getting me through the last four years, Stephen!! I adore you ♥️
☑️ YAY‼️
The look on the newspersons face as Don Jr spoke - priceless!
"Boomtown Rats!" I love this guy.
Stephen’s hair is the real bombshell of this monologue lol 👌🏻🥰❤️😅
right? I wonder if the wifey doez it for him 😄😊
I thought this was Rachel Maddow 🤣
Lindsey A Riegel that would be cute!! I really love his hair here! 😃🤩
That’s some sweet hair
Definitely the best waves of 2020.
“They’ll be stuck with *raging elections!* “ That pun just slayed me, thank you Steven!
We are not paranoid!!NO NEGATIVITY!!WE GOT THIS,MR.STEPHEN!!
O man Donkey Kong was my first game as a teen back in 80's. Memories
That "Electile Dysfunction" bit at the end of the vid was hilarious.
I wonder if it is contagious to other countries..
@@AndreasDelleske Brazilians might say yes?
Call your doctor if your trump lasts more than 4 years. I died.
The Donkey Kong joke made me laugh. Haha I loved it!!
The psychedelic festival poster is the best thing I've seen in a while!
BIDEN 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙
Trump 🗽🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 Biden = 🇨🇳
😂😂😂 Brother, you are killing me. The rat hole monkey band thing😂😂😂Thank you I really need this
It’s because they want to save money but don’t realize he isn’t actually helping them do so.
I personally know a number of shy trump voters. That’s the danger. People are ashamed but they still support him
I know a few shy Biden voters.
Then I don't buy their pseudo-shame. At all. If they were truly ashamed, they'd not support a literal wannabe-autocrat.
Lol losers!
@@clavesseptem7223 I said shy, not ashamed
@jasonnnization 🤣🤣
I have friends in the US who are Republicans who don’t attend rallies and don’t agree with Donald Trump but are still voting for him. I’m sure there are thousands more like this so don’t underestimate him
I know this...people with huge bank accounts..not the backwoods inbreds...want him because they want to see their money grow and pay no or little taxes..but really..love of frigin money aside..where's your damn morals??? Sold out to the money.
@@sicilyny5375 Many wealthy people got where they are BECAUSE of a lack of morals. A climb to the top sometimes involves stepping on others to get there.
Creepy Joe is going to raise taxes.
I have the same thing at my job A lot of people are saying they don't like him, but still want a republican or that they don't fully find him good Their still voting for him or that they really don't like Biden
What's really sad is... Trump isnt really a Republican. He just ran as one bc he knew he could win. And he knew they would defend him so they could keep Republicans in power. Sad, really!
"I wouldn't ask Don Jr. to give a eulogy." No, but I would make him do a basic math test. 😏
“You scored a -5%.” “How?” “You spelled your name wrong again.” “Fake news.”
💕💕 We hold our collective breaths all the way from Oz land!!👐👐 ~ We Know America will WIN this Time!!💕💕 ~ Americans Over Tyranny ~!!👐👐
3:00 _There's no way a guy can walk away from that without PTSD_
He's going to become Ratman
Don Jr. sounds like he's doubling up the dose for his Best Is Yet To Come Powder.
@@ghays9742 It's coming from listening to djtj and watching him twitch. Google the effects of cocaine abuse.
@@ghays9742 hey if you can accuse Biden's kid for anything, we can do that too. Probably has more substance as well since a) Junior acted the part of a junkie really well and b) it comes from a much more credible source than Breitbart.
Double eight balls? Sheet. Triples man. Triples.
👍Underrated comment. Lol🤪🥴🤤😪🤧
As always, truly mind blowing!
Dear God, thank you for letting me see this hilarious monologue today. I have no idea how i missed it the first time around, but today was the day I needed it.
Stephen my birthday is on Tuesday (I know) and I will be keeping myself busy (day off) and distracted as the day passes and try to enjoy my day...I will be thinking about you and with comfort knowing you are gonna be on top of this and feeling all the anxieties for us...like I've said before YOU have made these past EXHAUSTING 4 yrs bearable...LOVE YOU STEPHEN and THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU HAVE DONE AND CONTINUE TO DO 💙
The Rat Pit carried less disease than a Trump Rally.
Fewer rats, too.
@Tyler B #2 The "my body my choice" sentiment disappears when "your body" can kill my body with a single breath.
@Tyler B #2 Pretty sure the Republicans put an end to "My body, My choice"
@Tyler B #2 Actually abortion has a %100 chance of removing an unborn fetus. Hence the term, 'abort'. And it's not your fascist body that is at issue here, it's other, living, breathing people.
@Tyler B #2 So do cats and dogs
We are familiar with that in the UK - we have 'shy Conservatives".
“It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times?!”
This is not a drill! Love you Stephen
Watching you right now on the TV. You are one of the only things getting me through this crazy time. Thank you for your work. ❤️ 🇺🇸 💙
All right folks. Hold tight and pray. The day we all dread is finally here.
Stephen you are here for Americans - I don’t know if you realise how much of a lifeline you are, but through the horror of 4 years of Trump and covid19 you have kept me and millions of people like me. Sane!! You rock :)))
i guess all those dominatrixes are giving their subs BLUE BALLS!!! im just gonna take my leave now.
I was just thinking that too. That would have been a funnier punchline. I was disappointed, the joke writes itself.
I was waiting for a blue ball line, it didn't come....
"COVID, COVID, COVID!!" Does anyone else hear "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!" when he says this?
We all do :)
Lmao, I thought it was just me.
For its fifth edition, ARTE Concert Festival is back in a period as difficult as it is uncertain to bring live music to life in spite of everything and to support the world of culture and artists. See you in 10 days on @arteconcertFR with Sébastien Tellier, Yelle, London Grammar, Lous and the Yakuza, Ichon, Matt Berninger, Prudence, Arlo Parks and P.R2B live from La Gaîté Lyrique and elsewhere.
The "don jr hitting on someone at a funeral" bit absolutely destroyed me because it is absolutely within his wheelhouse.
That guitar riff awoke my soul
I love you, Colbert, but I really missed hearing Evie's giggles in the background tonight. Somehow that makes everything so much funnier.
She was there, just hard to make laugh out loud jokes this close to the election.
I heard her.
6:38 - Honestly, I was going to give DJTJ a pass on the supposed cocaine habit, but not this time. I've seen it. This guy is hyped on it.
Trump jr: alleged coke addict Hunter Biden: verified crack head
Being addicted to dangerous substances isn't a moral failing; research has shown that addiction is an illness that requires treatment and support from loved ones and community. If DJTJr has an addiction, he needs that treatment like everyone else, but destructive habits don't make you say shit you weren't already thinking or turn you into an uncompassionate waste of jizz. DJTJr doesn't need coke's help, he was all of that already.
@@xerbersucker69 At least Hunter isn't out spouting stupidity on talk shows.
He'll disappear for about 30 days after the election
@@xerbersucker69 at least he didn’t deny it.
Goddamnit... EXACTLY when you broke to the footage of the Oregon Health Commissioner, I got an add for McDonald's new apple fritter. I was genuinely confused.
Good luck folks with the election on Tuesday. May the transition of power be peaceful. Best wishes from European fans. Stay safe, stay strong everyone ! 😘
Let's take advantage of the Blue Full Moon on Halloween to cast our Binding Spells against the orange one 💫😁
I already voted blue so I guess I am eligible to cast along.
Put the hoodoo on the doodoo.
I cast Counterspell
@@scetchmonkey007 ohhh, Trumpster rolls a 3, your Counterspell deflects off Mirror of Truth. Witches roll a 20.
Voting is a better option.
Stephen may be joking but Jr. truly seems coked up.
Truly! Truly!
He gets extremely frantic on interviews and interrupts himself while ranting.. I’ve never seen a sober person do that.
@@ktlemongrass5129 Except for Senior?
@@Blunder03 Trump’s definitely hopped up on steroids and perhaps just old fashioned brain damage; he’s always had accusations of drugs throughout in addition. Trump might not drink, but that doesn’t mean he’s not on other drugs.
It's no joke. Junior is always whacked out.
Excellent monologue, and it seems Stephen got his ultimate guest bookings in one show!
Endless gnawing anxiety... brilliant
"Long walk but worth it..." LOL. Yes Stephen that's exactly how this monologue felt.
I'd be honored if some fellow concerned Americans who appreciate 80s music would take a quick listen to my acoustic piano & vocal performances of DANCING IN THE DARK by Bruce Springsteen and PURPLE RAIN by Prince on my YT channel in tribute to a pair of legendary American classics. Peace and vote 'D' for Decency on Nov. 3rd.
Donkey Kong was my favorite game. My mom would get up 4:00 am in the morning before work to play. She died of throat cancer 3 years last month in my grandbabies birthday trying to complete her Doctorate. Love you Mom ❤️ I know that you would be voting as the first female union shop Stewart in Philly....She went to the March with Stevie Wonder on the train to Washington when I was a little girl. Stevie if you sing with Biden and Barack tomorrow sings a song for Mommy. If she was alive today she would be with you tomorrow. Power to the People. We must fight for Democracy no matter what games they play to silence us. You would be proud of me mom I took your 9/11 born granddaughter to vote for first time today with your great grand baby today...
Wow, that could be a novel!
You have every reason to be proud of your mom. Blessings on you and all your family.
That NYC rat hole sounds like my nightmare!! 😂
YOU are funny in a time we desperately need some laughs! Thanks Stephen.
Paranoid? Personally, I'm scared af...
Biden said in his closing remarks in Georgia: “I believe when you use your power, the power to vote will change the course of this country ... so keep that sense of empowerment with you. That sense of optimism. What we can do. What we will do. What we can overcome. What we will overcome.” Keep that with you this weekend.
@@dr.z1657 in the meantime, Trump said :" Covid, Covid, Covid,coviid,coviiid, coviiid" choose your side wisely..
I thought it was just me.
Why scared? Its been 4 relatively good years except for covid. You liberals cry over nothing.
No fear girl. Only determination and anger.. cause that's the energy we need right now. Fake it til ya make it.
He killed that "you single" don Jr look😅🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 i died 💀 🤣 😭 😂
Stephen! This was one of your funniest monologues! I laughed out loud all by myself! Thanks!
*Wake up voters everywhere! This is the most important election in American history! Vote Biden/Harris! Vote Democrat! Vote for American Democracy, Decency & Justice!*
I'm worried about the lame duck session. 🦆
Agreed. The lame duck will be very scary this year. 😫
I smile when I think of how torqued Trump will get over the word "lame". Ahhhh.
If the Senate turns blue then there will be nothing to worry about. But for the love of God Vote Vote Vote
He is going to wreck havoc on his way out the door
Lets worry about that when he loses. OK!? Miami-Dade falling behind in voter count. Arent you seeing the news?
Please tell me The Late Show are streaming Election Night live on KZhead for your viewers abroad? Johnnie Walker alone won't get me through that night - I need something to numb my senses as well!
LMAO! Love the concert poster for the Fillmore!
Ahh...thanks for the jokes Stephen, I needed a laugh! Brilliant monologue.
Hi, Stephen. Nice to see you on a Friday.
Can you imagine falling through the street and wanting to yell for help... but decide not to because a rat would scurry into your mouth? Man that’s tough
And the main concern of the man who fell is that he'd be arrested, a reasonable fear, since he is black.
"Texas! A state so conservative, their lieutenant governor is an oil derrick with a pistol!" As a native Texan, this made me laugh so hard. Also, I'm a registered Independent and I voted for Biden. 🇺🇲💙🌊
I hear you loud and clear so what I did was I voted early and voted for TRUMP and the whole Republican ticket down the line. Thank you so much for convincing me. I'm sure others will act the same way after hearing your words!!! Colbert, can't thank you enough for pushing me towards Trump.
15 foot drop into rat infested hole .... I WILL have nightmares about this .. : /
At least it wasn't... hungry rats
I would die from a heart attack!
@@FuckGogleplus "Snakes... why does it have to be snakes..." I'm the same way about rats (due to a personal experience that has left me mentally scarred)...
A view from the UK. Your anxiety is going to continue long after the election no matter what the result. Good luck.
He he, spoken like a true expert! 🤭
OMG this is some of the best stuff Colbert has ever done!
Imagine your life going to school not to learn, going to college to pay for tests, and later selling real estate only to declare bankruptcy and then pay no taxes for decades and give this inheritance to your descendants. Is that what wealth is or is it stealing? They have no shame flaunting everything they never worked for. I got spanked for crying because I wanted to use my neighbors bike at 14. My mom said if it's not yours you cannot use it.
Stephen's *"Shy Trump Voter"* impression surprised me! LMAO
So many shy Trump voters, here in the KZhead comments section :) Yep. That theory completely checks out.
Let's hope for a "happy ending" on Tuesday.