Jokes about marriage from Chris Rock, Nick Kroll, Adam Sandler, Iliza Shlesinger, Nate Bargatze, Tracey Ashley, Jared Freid, Hasan Minhaj, Ron Funches, Christina P., Neal Brennan, and Tom Papa.
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"He's socks and sandals white"😂😂😂
"this pillow case is filthy" 🤣🤣🤣
😊
...and the pillow looks like a civil war bandage😂😂😂
“Tryna sleep, couldn’t sleep. Tryna sleep, couldn’t sleep” had me laughing 😂
I get married tomorrow and this is suggested to me on the night before.... Nice 😂
Mazel tov! I hope it was beautiful 😍
Let me know if you need a good divorce attorney. Best wishes though
LOL
Congratulations
« Someone who can pick up the other end of the couch » love this!
Yes! "You don't marry hot, you marry strong." C'mon Tom Papa! Sound, sage, & practical marriage advice! 😂 As the handy one in our house, I'm sure my husband would agree 😆 It helped that I was hot when we got married; he found out I was handy/strong later.😏
One year down, forever to go 😂😂😂
Based on all the jokes made about marriage I’m always amazed that anyone ever gets married.
it is simple.. people are drawn to pain. it gives them a reason to feel alive. Subconsciously. in other words: people are as dumb as a feldspar rock.
It's just a good source. And not at the expense of anyone else other than the partner who would have given permission. Doesn't mean it's a bad thing. Comedians won't talk about the fuzzy wholesome things about marriage. That stuff isn't funny.
Humor can be a trauma response. They really think they’re happy
I have loved Iliza since she was on Last Comic Standing. She's the best.
I sleep with a fan on me all winter long. 😂😂😂
I sleep with my window open most of the winter until it gets too cold to do that (-15°c) because I don't want to catch a cold. My flat is only 27 square metres big, and the breeze from an open window hits my throat because otherwise, I'd have it up much longer.
These married stories are hilarious!!!!
Who’s the third person?? The lady?? She’s GREAT 😂😂
Tracey Ashley's husband is absolutely 100-percent, spot-on correct!
Sock and sandals white!!! Lol!!! I do that too!!
@@carolinehobson7365I was referring to her punchline that was her husband's response when they're walking around Gary, IN, together.
Lliza is so truthful and funny
“Start with the relationship with your mother and go forward form there” - Neil. Gotta him. That’s facts.
Ron Funches is so funny. It's his voice 😆
In reality, marriage has declined rapidly in this century than the last!!!!! People are getting better educated and ambitious especially the women who have become more career minded, earning more money and looking forward for a more independent and stress-free lifestyle
Tracey's delivery is perfect.
"oooooooiííhhhhhhhh" 😂😂😂❤ ded
"I got a ring and lost half of my powers" 😂😅 (Actually it feels like more than half...)
Chris Rock said it best; women do so much, in general, and men don’t even notice until it’s gone.
Tom Papa 😂😂😂
That's my Netflix suggestions and I am no Psychopath! 🤣
That's exactly what a psychopath would say. Also typing it with a capital first letter is a hint. hahaha
Too funny 😂 I love it ❤👏👏🎉✌️❤️🌼
The phone tracked you to the attic. As the flashlight is blinding you in the face. With the doughnuts that you paid for in cash. That you wish you could have ate when they were fresh.
The donuts joke was hilarious!
"What's Their Fookin' Deal‽ …Did They not even want Insurance‽?" #NeverGetMarried! lmao @NickKroll #LittleBigBoy
Last joke priceless and true and kind.
5:22 💯 so true😂😂😂
Is that 2 DBZ references in there? Hyperbolic chamber and not even your final form yet at 9:30
Oreo CoOkieSs In The AttiC 😅
Neal should be more famous. I mean he's pretty famous but ya. He's good =)
7:03 I see you fellow nerd 👀
Chris Rock...😂😂😂
Pay your writers, Netflix
I deleted my Netflix subscription about 3 weeks ago until they start paying their writers.
@@jasonruggles4622 DEPORTATION STATISTICS UNDER THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION VS. THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION ARE ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME. SEE CATO AT LIBERTY BLOG: BIDEN REDUCED DEPORTATIONS, BUT NOT BY MUCH. SEE ALSO THE INTERCEPT'S ONLINE ARTICLE: ICE DISOBEYED BIDEN'S ORDER TO DROP TRUMP'S BLANKET DEPORTATION POLICY MORE THAN A THIRD OF ICE'S ENFORCEMENT ACTIONS DURING BIDEN'S FIRST YEAR IN OFFICE TARGETED PEOPLE WHO POSED NO THREAT TO PUBLIC SAFETY. SEE ALSO THE INTERCEPT'S ONLINE ARTICLE BY JAMES RISEN; AS IMMIGRATION PLUMMETED, CONSERVATIVES FALSELY ACCUSED BIDEN OF FUELING A CRISIS NEVER BEFORE HAS A POPULAR POLITICAL AND MEDIA NARRATIVE BEEN SO AT ODDS WITH REALITY. DEMOCRATS AND DEMOCRATS ON CAPITOL HILL WERE RECENTLY TALKING ABOUT GOING TO WAR AGAINST MEXICO. THE U.S. TOOK 55% OF MEXICO'S LAND AT THE END OF THE MEXICAN-AMERICAN WAR ! ALL OF THE SOUTHWESTERN UNITED STATES WAS MEXICO'S LAND ! SEE WIKIPEDIA RE: THE MEXICAN-AMERICAN WAR. THANKS FOR "LISTENING." -- An American attorney -- An English as a Second Language instructor -- A Roman Catholic theologian -- An Adult educator
Companies like Netflix shouldn't be public & publicly traded (same for weapon manufacturers and well... most firms). It makes companies become whores for their stock price, which often doesn't reflect the actual quality (and especially mortality) of a firm. CEO's main goal becomes making the stock price higher at all cost - because their bonuses are tied to that shit. So they will do all kind of madness to increase their bonuses, then later just leave the company a sinking ship. ...aaaand become CEO at another firm and do the same shit again. Rot economy.
The last joke was genius!!! We have just 6% of getting married with someone we're dating. It's really lucky that two people love each other + stay commited + happy together. We should cherish every moment of it, if we got that lucky in life.
Agreed 👍🏻
NETFLIX! Can you please do a special with CHRIS TUCKER, MIKE EPPS, EDDIE GRIFFIN and another special with JERRY SEINFELD.
My 12th anniversary is next week. This is good timing. 🤣
Congratulations on your anniversary
Second marriage 😂😂😂😂
my middle school history teacher and three of the high school history teachers at my old schools, were also football coaches. swear they all have the calling to coach 😂
That one girl "walking" around Gary. Now that's funny
I really like comedian James Haley the one hundred 💯 PERCENT brother the world shaker and he's a great Dramatic Actor.. .
Yall made my day
Great video, thanks for sharing. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, Really love her so much, i can’t stop thinking about her. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life but to no avail, I’m frustrated because i literally can't envision my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
Your feelings are understandable, It's always difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation when my wife of 12 years left me, i couldn't just let her go. I did all I could to get her back, even had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back.
@@Margart526 Wow, how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do i reach him/her?
@@haynesatteh4463 her name is MONICA ERLENE MORA, and she is a great spiritual adviser as well as a caster and healer, just search her up on Google.
@@Margart526 Thank you for this valuable information, I just looked her up online. impressive.
This is so weird. My relationship of 5 years also ended just few days ago, my partner started her master's degree, and she told me that when her teacher looked at her in the eyes and told her " if you need anything let me know" she started imagining him doing things to her, she threw everything, all the sacrifices, all the love and fun we had, just from a look. I will never trust women again in my life.
Pay your writers netflix
Agreed !!!!!!!
My husband had chicken fried steak from Cracker Barrel the day of our wedding😊
lol he called Kumon Cumin
I live in Alaska and in the winter I still sleep with the fan on!!!!
I ONLY TUNED IN FOR RON FUNCHES!!!
I sleep with a fan in the winter... I live in Cali so it's not like it's Michigan and snowing... and Criminal Minds is good lol
i love nate
Nate and Iliza are my 2 favorites!!!!
Adam Sandler is funny
😂🤣 why DO people get married ???
Should add Gabrial Iglesias' joke about Green Lantern's ring
Yo, weddings should not take a year to plan. Get that shit out the way so you can get on with life.
7:55 oh Nate I hope that's just a bit, that was scary :/
Tracey 😂🤣
Opa Locka Fl…USCG has an airbase there. Scary hood all around.😊
Getting Married. ???? Oh hell no it's like giving up your balls. Honey can I go bowling with the guys ? NO ! I am retired at 57 , single, do what I want, when I want, go to the workout each day hit the gun range twice a week.
Tom Poppa love his humor.
Tom Papa
Chris Rock. Niel Brennan. Adam Sandler (because my boyfriend always does that!). ❤😂
3:38 he just dead ass pronounced “kumon” as “cumin”
Through thick and thin. Together forever. Till death do is part.
14:30 ~ 15:40
Funny.
The socks and Sandles white is like saying some is an athletic shoe and athletic pant black
At an 10:00- dude, be good to wife #2, she’s a keeper!
Kristina P., those are the interests of most men, 😆.
Nate’s was SO good! Ugh I think I married a cat you’re always on me 😅
This is hilarious, my husband and I met in 8th grade 😂. Have you tried 8th grade?
Hey, pay your writers, im running out of reasons to keep my subscription
06:50 it’s NOT about weight loss ! It’s about staying calm. And so glad you got cut off before you did it a 3rd time.
I had to turn it off as soon as that guy who made up being a victim came on.
Fuchsia seemed a little less effeminate than what he usually sounds like but he's funny
Someone check on Nate Bargatze No joke he is in an abusive relationship if his wife is legit tracking his location
Who ever the editor is, they are cutting all of the punchlines…
Less people are getting married and half of marriages end in divorce.
7th grade!
🤣❤️🔥🤣
Christina P spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on how her special looked, and 30 seconds writing her jokes.
“Hundreds of thousands “ “30 second of writing jokes” Definition of dramatic 😂 She fuckin killed it 🥳
OK Cassandra, tell me what the funniest joke on her special was, and not the ones in this video
jared freid's idea of comedy is just yelling. hasan minhaj's idea of comedy is nothing at all.
Where’s the funny?
You know why the guys don't do all that extra shit for a wedding? It isn't their day and we don't care. We want it over with... .
Tired, not funny.
Thats a man.....the big joke....
Is it a requirement to be horribly dressed when you are a comedian? How is that even possible? Is it necessary to be a terrible dresser to be funny? Even clowns have better style. I have always asked myself if this is an unwritten rule. Do they pretend to be "relatable" and "a normal person" to be accepted by their audience?
Why TF does it matter what they wear? Just because it's not pleasing to you it doesn't mean it's somehow wrong. They're not the issue, it's you.
@@DailyDose926 Wow. Triggered much?
Funny fact Nate Berghatze’s Dad was a clown and a magician.
Chris Rock is genuinely one of the least funny people of all time. I'm old enough to remember when he was on the radio constantly because people found him funny. No sex in the champagne room...... monument to shitty comedy.
I can't listen to comedians like hasan. they are exhausting comedians that say message above comedy. so annoying
...these are jokes ?! ..fuckin' "Muppets" were funnier, hell, Big Bird was funnier than... whatever "this" is !
That was NOT Tiffany Hadish
Right, that was Tracey Ashley.
Joke Time - Marriage Jokes ++++ “Marriage is an institution. Who the heck wants to live in an institution????” - Groucho Marx ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ The Three Rings of Marriage 1) The Engagement Ring 2) The Wedding Ring 3) The Suffer - Ring ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Doctor: I have some horrible news, you only have six months to live. Patient: That’s terrible, six months? Only six months? What should I do, Doc? Doctor: You should get married. Patient: Get married? What are you talking about? With only six months to live? Doctor: You see? If you get married, those six months….they will feel like a lifetime…. ++++++++++++++++++++++++ Why do the female spiders murder their husbands after the wedding night? - because they are trying to stop the snoring, before it starts… ++++++++++++++++++++++++ A newlywed goes to her aunt: “Oh, Aunt Sally, my Bob is not nice to me. All he does is yell. The stress is so bad, I am actually losing weight.” Aunt: “Oh, Honey, you should just leave him.” Newlywed: “Oh, I am going to. I am just waiting until I get down to 120 lbs.” ++++++++++++++++++++++++ "Shortly before our 25th wedding anniversary, my husband sent 25 long-stemmed yellow roses to me at my office. A few days later, I plucked all the petals and dried them. On the night of our anniversary, I spread the petals over the bed and lay on top of them, wearing only a negligee. As I'd hoped, I got a reaction from my husband. When he saw me, he shouted, "Are those potato chips?"" +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Some of the joke collections contain some decent marriage jokes, but they do tend to be a bit tame: 200 Marriage Jokes from Parade: parade.com/1043061/marynliles/marriage-jokes/ ++++ Marriage Jokes from Reader’s Digest: www.rd.com/jokes/married-life/ ++++ Marriage Jokes from Yahoo www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/marriage-jokes-laugh-hard-youll-164543633.html ++++
Hilarious 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
🤷🏿♀️
Stay SINGLE People! Marriage is stupid