In this CK3 challenge we will attempt to recreate the Habsburg dynasty in a historically accurate way; only inbreeding is allowed! What will happen to our Austrian ancestors and royal court after hundreds of years of keeping it in the family? From Swiss sister wives to cousin consorts it’s time to recreate the most inbred historical dynasty in crusader kings 3!
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Special thanks to the following patrons and member supporters: Andrew Campbell,btop85,Cass,David Yves,D.K.,Dylan Steele,Graf Zahl,Gwij Desloovere,HippoHobbily,Jackarice26,Jarod L Vautrot,Jasper Bolte,Jude Sawyer,Lindsay Summerville,LonesomeShoe,Lord of Ark,Luc Cesca,Luke Cooper,Luke Turpeinen,Markus Delves,Mateusz,Matteo Stanchina,nick koo,Oisín McColgan,Paul Bruene,Peter Hayward,Ryan Drake Newell,Shamir Khodzha,Sheamus Byrne,Sir Quiggle
Table of Contents:
Introduction 0:00
Count Werner of Aargau 0:48
Duke Otto of Transjurania 5:58
Duchess Stephania of Alsace 10:53
King Glurgle of Glurglia 14:49
Hit the Red Button 15:49
King Jurgen of Glurglia 16:12
Queen Glarglia of Glurglia 20:39
Empress Adelinde of Glurglia 21:32
Overview of House Habsburg 24:47
Conclusion & Credits 27:58
All music is owned and copyrighted under their respective owners. Crusader Kings III is a grand strategy game published by Paradox Interactive. All rights reserved.
#ck3 #ck3inbred #alzabohd
Are you looking forward to Royal Court? Let me know what CK3 content you'd like to see in the future! PS: This took forever to edit, sorry for the delays.
Make an Indo-Greek Kingdom in South India and make a hybrid culture using the new mechanics of Royal Court
Culture convert Poland, preferably to Russian 👀
Id be interesting to see you playing playing joan of arc and creating a religiously dogmatic matriarchal utopia
@@imperatoralexanderi7068 That’s nice too
hybrid anglo-saxon and saxon culture
I like to imagine the emperor went from trying to convert you back to Catholicism for political reasons, to trying to convert you back to stop your crimes against humanity.
don't think that would help stop crimes against humanity lmao
I think the Catholics like it even more 👀
@@eatmyphatphuckingass I mean, it would be a different flavour of crimes against humanity
@@eatmyphatphuckingasscringe fool! DEUS VULT
“You successfully beat the child” You gained 👑75
Ah , lovely.
Ck3 moment
imagine you need that 75 Prestige to form a kingdom lol
now beat the fetus
@@GumShuro "I'm sorry little one."
"he was too inbred to form words" lmao
IM DONE💀💀
Brown detected
Lol
"Don't sleep with someone you didn't grow up with" - Glurklian proverb. Meaning: Literally what it says.
"A family that sleeps together, stays together." - Glurklian saying, possibly maybe
The worst part of an inbred playthrough in ck2/ck3 is the lag when you open the family tree
Relatable!
300+ years in game and more then 900 living relatives, I opened it....it crashed the game after a min or two of trying
Is there a reason why?
@@cloudsombrero It tries to compile all the profiles in order, in all of the appropriate locations. Meaning each person will have a profile several times over, and if you're too inbred, any one member of your family might appear on the tree over a dozen times. This gets worse the longer you've been playing the game.
Wait until you use mods to remove the child limit that’s where it gets chaotic.
"1044 start date" ah yes, the synthesis of playing way too many hours of eu4 and ck3 back to back
I remember that fateful day when Harold Godwinson defended the walls of Hastings against the invading Ottoman empire.
@@l0rf 😂😂😂
@@l0rf after Harald Hardradas failed invasion of the Aztec Empire.
@@joshuawall646 A rarely discussed topic, sadly forgotten by mainstream history.
God imagine having a country named after yourself and only ruling it for 4 months.
I lost 2 sheep on a wager. Damn fool was supposed to rule for decades!
Straight up. That's how the family tree goes. No branches.
Queen Victoria - “It’s beautiful”
I want to blindfold someone so they can't see the videogame footage, and see if they think this is real history.
You assume to question the historical validity of glorious GLURGLIA!? You wretched non-motherf:er, how dare!?
In the USA 40% will believe this to be real
@@KZheadCensors _Sweet home Alabama._
@@RuSosan sweet home Europe
I mean.. it kinda is?😂 they would be wrong about the characters and places, but not the subject matter🤣
"Glarglia II III" makes perfect sense. She is the third to be named after Glarglia II, coming after Glarglia II II but before Glarglia III.
That means her middle name is basically "The Second". Why would... WHY??
@@Alizudo Garglia The Second The Third
Wait, does the language of the game actually change when you get too inbred? That's hilarious 😆
I sure hope so
I think its an issue with the game, but I could be wrong. I like to believe its true
I am proud to call myself Glurglian, a brother-son-uncle-husband of my glorious nation
The idea of someone being both someone else's son and uncle is quite frightening
ahahaha congrats, that is the most inbred name i've ever heard.
@@leirbag1595 that means that someone would have made a baby with his grandma... ewww
18:08 "Cousin-Countess Klara was thus married as Jurgen's third bride. Though, his former dwarven lover was open wide to provide further Roll Tide." 🤣🤣🤣
At first I was almost offended by his German pronunciation, but then I realized it's just part of roleplaying the swabian characters
I'd wanna see him attempt Danish haha *That* would be interesting
Quick reminder for future adamite runs: there's in-game option to censor nudity, so you don't have to do it manually
Quick note: The achievement titled A Perfect Circle, requires you to have only 2 distinct parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents. Only .8 percent of players have this achievement, making it the rarest i personally own. Im so proud of myself?
Should your dad also be your granddad and great grand dad? How does that work?
@@mirjanbouma I'm gonna be honest I have no clue, I just kept breeding family members until the achievement popped up
@@mirjanbouma So create a custom character with a faith allowing unrestricted marriage. Start as a women to prevent cuckolding, and have kids. Then when your son is adult divorce your husband, and marry your son. Ideally you will do this again with a grandson. Either way if you keep having kids with your grandkids it should go through
@@derekskelton4187 I've attempted that achievement so many times and I don't know what I keep doing wrong. I just keep marrying brothers and sisters in each generation until I think I got the achievement but nothing
I have this achivment, and I actually got it by accident while doing my Tall Visby game (fun tall game, kind of). I needed something to do, so I wanted to do some eugenics. Made a custom ruler that was 32 years old, had hale, quick and beautiful, plus the pure-blooded trait. Then made them Messalianian, and gave them one daughter, which my ruler married at the start of the game for gold and piety (16+16=32). I kept doing this sort of thing, marrying my current ruler to their sisters/daugthers when they came of age, and 3-4 generations (might have been more) I ended up with perfect circle. If you really want to do inbreeding, you need pureblooded, but the chances of getting it natrually are tiny, 0-3%, while the odds of your children having it are 15% (which means you can reroll to have your one daughter have it), when both parents have it, it's a 75% chance to inherit. Either of the two male sucession laws are preferable as males can have a lot more children if you have polygamy, or concubines.
Time to hear about incest from a smooth narrator-like voice.
yea that... that doesn't sound right...
You think Glurgle's reign was short? I once had a Queen die in child birth, along with the child, 24 days into her reign. Shortest sovreign with a tragic death
Thats just how it was before modern medical science
My daughter and heir married another sovereign. She was pregnant with her first child which would of been an heir of both Poland and Bulgaria. She died during childbirth and so did the baby.
Mine was a king who only served one day before being assassinated
16 days for me. He assumed the throne after his pops died in a dungeon in the middle east, and himself died 2 weeks later in a battlefield also in the middle east.
I once had a king who died on the day of his coronation. I immediately held court and I got the event where someone challenged me to a duel, I accepted because he had like 4 prowess to my 16 and he killed me. 0 day reign
This talent for writing the narration and playing CK3 in nightmarish ways...Only for it all to lead up to creating a very inbred empire. Truly, this is the man who must become emperor of the world.
I live in Strasbourg, I mean Glurgleburg, thank you for allowing me to learn more about my origins and the history of my region.
"Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.”
Unlimited Genetic Power!
When royal court comes out I just want you to be like Norse or Norman and just conquer and hybridize with all
Can't wait for the new culture features!
With royal court im going to have a realy hard time not making ck3 into a viking alternate history machine
Hybridize? And contaminate their pure, incestuous blood?
When the family tree looks like a family bush
Creative™️Cousin™️Cuckoldry™️ This man is a gift that keeps on giving!
It would take generations for the inbreeding to clear up. That's a whole video series right there
25:24 I've been chuckling throughout the entire video but the name of the usurper 'Queen Glargleglurga' made me lose it
If anyone wants to know how the hapsburgs actually got into inbreeding territory, it's because of the tradition of joining families to join or keep peace with other nations and the fact that you couldn't really make a legitimate heir with someone not of royal heritage. They married off family members for nobility and inherited so many titles from war that eventually their offspring had no other choice than to marry their 2nd cousin in order to either not dilute the lineage or keep tradition with joining the families together. The hapsburgs married themselves into a corner where they created a fuzzy divide between them and some other royal lineages. This is definitely not unique to the hapsburgs, but the fact you can find at least one or two in a shocking amount of country titles speaks to how large and widespread the family line was. Edit: was typing from memory and added more clarification and the context of the Holy Roman Empire's shenanigans.
Suffering from success
As one great man once said- "Incest is wincest."
The fact that you inbred this dynasty until the game didn't know how to english anymore will be top 5 funniest things I probably hear this week.
The prophecy is true. During our darkest days, He comes to save us... through the power of virtual incest
My favourite thing about Alzabo is how he deliberately pronounces everything wrong.
is it tho?
@@ClamTheClammy “spin”-dly, not “spine”-dly
“PayPal Sea”
9:36 My favourite part "Nobody battered an eye when Otto married his niece-lover the afternoon afterwards. Love had finally prevailed in the way god had intended, but what wasn't intended was when a NON-RELATED woman tried to seduce our sovereign. Talk about disgusting!" Also, 18:24
8 minutes in and the descriptions of family relations is ending me. Each new one is like being beaten with a bag of teeth
Going full inbreeding without aiming for congenital traits leads to this video. Going for selective inbreeding leads to god-tier genius attractive herculean rulers. Therefore it could be concluded that only the genetically superior have a right to dabble in the purest form of love.
This might _actually_ be high on the list of my most cursed comments
@@JohnSmith-kb4re praising yourself...you must actually be an American
Sooo eugenics but with incest?
@@awesomemel yes
@@JohnSmith-kb4re well, you make it
"Time to make peace, and find release" I enjoy hearing you almost break while going through this lol
Now here's my question. How the hell did he do all this and still not get a single pureblood? Paradox made it ridiculously difficult to get that considering the process IMO
The inbred trait overrides the pureblood trait.
theres a better chance of getting pureblood if you marry an outside noble who already has it and then keep it in the family. its almost impossible to just get pureblood from just your own relatives
I love how calm he stays while saying all these ridiculous names
Well Charles II of Spain was literally the king of Alabama, like it was a Spanish possession during his reign.
pretty sure it was florida not alabama
You know you are doing everything right when your wife is your child, great grandchild and lover. xD
I'm so lost
@@JessiDeerSims Marrying the child of your child who you had the kid with.
@@Skr4x that's.... Really twisted
@@JessiDeerSims Definitely something you'd expect to see anywhere between the Stone to Dark ages.
@@Skr4x I guess since they didn't have access to any information at all, it wouldn't have been seen as all that bad
This chromosome pool is drier than the Atacama Desert
Your editing method makes the video much more enjoyable and more immersive to watch. It's like watching a movie. Thank you again for making this video after all your hard work. 😁
‘as barren as the search for Mankrik’s wife’ lmao very educational video. I learned a lot
This is a certified “keeping it in the family” classic
This will have a part 2 right? You can't leave us at a cliffhanger.
I did not expect a Mankrik reference in a CK video about inbreeding!
Creative Cousin Cuckoldry is not a term I was expecting to hear today.
This is the most impressive lore I've seen, this should be a movie. I would pay to see it.
With the smooth voice, quality content and honestly incredible script writing I genuinely think this video will never be as appreciated as it deserves, I feel like I've just watched a piece of literary history and someday wish to create something as beautiful as "Switzerland was ceded, genetics were unimpeded, offspring were seeded, Franconia was conceded, daughters were greeted and a younger wife was soon needed"
Finally! Continuation of the famous album of the musical group "The Habsburgs" God, I love this music channel!
Holy shit! I laughed so hard that i got a stomach ache. Crusader Kings is a unique game in terms of role playing! Have played CK 2 in the past and boy it's fun. You should try a playthrough where you marry female heirs patrilinearly and inherit land through your wife. Sort of like a dude gold digger game. Would be fun to see
I’d love to see this campaign taken all the way to stellaris.
Only make their species have the disgusting trait and basically the same, ones there was a Targaryen Mod that allow you to add the incest trait, but that way back 1.0 version, but disgusting work the same, only more vague, you can make in your head that all your species is inbreeding.
god this is my first video ive seen of this guy’s and theres so much i could say that i love but the alliteration got me. subscribed.
All jokes aside, i want a book or a long fanfiction of that family. That ONE family.
AlzaboHD is my favorite creative content creator. More content like this.
a casual monday for alzabohd, creating the most inbred dynasty in ck3 :D
A hilarious work of art and worthy sequel to the original. A charming highlight for me was when the camera just casually swept past the one-eyed leper lover at 18:57 without any comment at all (no doubt due to her being completely mundane and unremarkable relative to everyone else).
"Our family tree is more like a family wreath" 🤣
Now you GOTTA keep going until you manage to get a single pureblood
That one is a painful quest you went on. But as always, nice video, story telling and editing.
This is of poggers quality man ! Good job for real !
This just popped up on my feed randomly. I don’t even know what game this. So I just skipped through 10 min in and I couldn’t stop laughing! The gurgles inbred family and city names made me want to know more
proud to be in the 18% gang for some years now, love your vids!
Imagine children of this kingdom of Glurglia trying to learn their history. “Ah yes, queen Glurgle was followed by Glurglia and the Glurglia and then Glurglia II III…
wow, your voice, cadence, rhyming, alliteration, puns, etc... PURE ASMR. I can FEEL my blood pressure lowering as I listen. consider me subscribed.
Your writing is fantastic. This was hilarious!
Dude, I can only laugh so much! I needed this so badly, it's been a terrible couple of weeks and this was the first time I laughed out loud in forever. Thank you!
Haven't laughed this hard in a while. Great video.
God tier witty commentary! Had me laughing the whole way through!
I just find the Hapsburgs being adamites so funny, considering Austria keeps declaring Holy Wars in me as Bohemia in EU4 for being Hussite (Which allows you to pick adamite services as a reform).
Time to further tangle up the old family wreath into a Gordian Knot and set it on fire!
I clicked for the hilarious title and stayed for the alliteration and rhyme scheme. Truly a work of art 😂
This was awesome 😁 Thank you
That was class, thanks Alzabo.
First time I actually subscribed to someone after they brought up that "percentage of unsubscribed viewers" thing. Also, 18:24-18:41 was majestic.
I think I need a new face. Mine broke from cringing and laughing at the same time. The family titles started sounding like that scene from Spaceballs. Great stuff.
I had no idea what was happening for the entire video. Subscribed.
When I saw his previous inbreeding video on the day of CK3 release I remember thinking “Oh my God. It’s happening, already!”
Man I really like your CK3 vids
Over half this video, I just had no idea what was going on... I watched all the way through, but I got lost near the middle XD I call this a great video!
Your CK3 videos are the best ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I live the alitteration and rhyming, the amount of work this must have taken is unthinkable.
Would be hilarious if eventually as you inbreed you could get a special trait that's actually really good like "simpletons might" and it makes your characters personal combat skill unrivaled to make up for literally everything else being terrible, or maybe even you create the perfect lifeform throughout the generations and they literally become a new species
Top tier content, was very enjoyable and funny 😁👍
This is the first video I've seen from this channel. 10mins in, I still cant decide if I love it or hate it. xD
A incredibly smooth voice for an even smoother Habsburg chin. Huzzah
I love how in these videos you're doing the funniest things to do in ck3 while rhyming everything you say like Shakespeare
I'm not going to lie, I am one to silently stalk the Ck3 KZheadr's without subbing. I just don't envision watching this kind of content enough to warrant it. However, you had me at Gurgleburg. The writing in this video is top-notch and had me in stitches multiple times. I slammed that like and sub button, friend. You earned it. "...was open wide for further roll tide." One of the funniest things I have ever heard.
Thanks for this video, this made my morning. xD
I love that you can hear Alzabo just trying to hold in laughs, while saying any sentence.
You should look up the pronunciation on "spindly." Or just count the number of consonants in between the i and the y (it's more than 1.)
".... what... what do you call this video?" AlzaboHD: "The ARISTOCRATS!"
0:46, 1044? someone played to much EU IV
Incredible as usual
Hey AlzaboHD, your video was awesome, as always. Just a pro-tip by a fellow Swiss, Aargau is pronounced (aar-gou, not aar-gu)
lol I came across this shortly after my ill fated attempt to unite the UK with a custom ruler who started off married to his sister and the traditions never stopped. lol It was a hoot.
Yes more Alzabo you’re spoiling us
The rhyming is amazing
The writing was phenominal on this one, though I've never heard spindly pronounced that way before, heh heh