Lessons From The World's Longest Happiness Study - Dr Robert Waldinger
Robert Waldinger is a psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, Zen priest and Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest-running study of adult life ever conducted.
What makes for a good life? That was one of the main questions I asked myself when I began this podcast. A far easier solution would have been to speak to Dr Waldinger as his team has been researching thousands of the same individuals for 75 years to answer this question definitively.
Expect to learn how you operate a longitudinal study that spans more time than any researcher's career, just how in depth this study went with brain scans and blood tests, what the most important factors which determined life happiness were, how many friends people should have, whether being married makes you live longer, what role achievement has on happiness and much more...
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#happiness #health #harvard
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00:00 Intro
00:16 Logistics of The World’s Longest Happiness Study
09:09 Why the Study Focuses on Happiness
12:34 Biggest Misconceptions of What Makes a Happy Life
17:42 Defining Happiness
27:14 Why Do Relationships Matter So Much?
35:43 How Self-centred Actions Lead to Lower Happiness
38:02 What to Look for in an Intimate Partner
44:32 Can Friendships Replace Marriage?
47:34 How Relationships Benefit Health
54:49 Influence of Childhood on Future Relationships
57:58 Is Happiness Based on Luck?
1:02:18 Is Current Society Conducive to Happiness?
1:05:34 What’s Next for the Study?
1:07:39 Where to Find Dr Waldinger
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Hello you beauties. Access all episodes 10 hours earlier than KZhead by Subscribing on Spotify - spoti.fi/2LSimPn. Here’s the timestamps: 00:00 Intro 00:16 Logistics of The World’s Longest Happiness Study 09:09 Why the Study Focuses on Happiness 12:34 Biggest Misconceptions of What Makes a Happy Life 17:42 Defining Happiness 27:14 Why Do Relationships Matter So Much? 35:43 How Self-centred Actions Lead to Lower Happiness 38:02 What to Look for in an Intimate Partner 44:32 Can Friendships Replace Marriage? 47:34 How Relationships Benefit Health 54:49 Influence of Childhood on Future Relationships 57:58 Is Happiness Based on Luck? 1:02:18 Is Current Society Conducive to Happiness? 1:05:34 What’s Next for the Study? 1:07:39 Where to Find Dr Waldinger
"He who desires a long life, good health, wealth and to die a peaceful death- let him maintain the bonds of kinship with his relatives" Prophet Muhammad (may peace be upon him) There are intangible rewards for the believers who invest their time and effort in strengthening their ties of kinship. There are many references from the Quran and Sunnah which lead us to carry on the practice of maintaining good ties with family members and having faith that those efforts will be rewarded. Islam calls for the upholding of the ties of kinship because of the great effect that this has on achieving social cohesion and perpetuating cooperation and love among the people.
@ChrisWillx 24:28 this is why you're a top podcaster Chris, and word no doubt gets around amongst the kind of guests you have on which will hopefully lead to you being able to get guests that others struggle to. When a psychiatrist who runs the longest standing study following over 2000 people says that you're asking questions he's never thought of before, you're doing the arts of interviewing and conversation real justice. And a Teessider at that 💪🏽
So does quality friendship make you happy because it relives stress when something bad happens in life, breaks rumination about negative past or self and brings variety in life? I'm wondering in in a day and age where many people dont even have friends. How can we get the same benefits? Is that mediation? Listening to podcasts that are beneficial for you mentally? Going to a phycologist. Vloging on KZhead where you have your youtube friends? These questions would be interesting to study.
There is data on reduction of self rated happiness, it's mentioned in the science of wellness course by Yale. Not on laptop at the moment or else would have shared the exact data and link.
There is also data of increase in self reported negative emotions from 2010 to 2018
Chris is a world-class interviewer because he's intelligent, diligent, tough but humble, and genuinely interested in what his guests have to say. That's a potent combination of attributes.
Agreed 100%. Given time, I believe Chris can make Modern Wisdom as broad and deep as he wants, and I think he can make it as big as he wants. And I LOVE that, despite his substantial knowledge and pleasantly information-extracting style, Chris seems to have zero interest in becoming the biggest podcaster on Earth. Perhaps his ambition is to be the BEST podcaster, but that’s a different pursuit entirely, and on that I support (because that’s an actual possibility for him).
Well said. So true
not to mention extremely perceptive
Let's be honest - he's good. You won't become the biggest, most widespread interviewer by being good. The world strives for mediocrity and outrage instead of deep analysis. Just look at the clowns at the top of the pile... Shallow, mindless drivel
Statistics aside, this guy seems like one of the happiest people I’ve ever seen :) Thank you gentlemen
yes, he's being recorded.
@@rabbychan haha...you made me chuckle.
It is so refreshing to listen to two people who are talking TO each other, instead of AT or AROUND.
Thanks for the comment. Can someone please explain above comment like I'm five?
@@edralev1 Robert and William both actively listened to one another during the conversation. Both speakers were engaged in the topics discussed and took turns talking without interruption. A poor conversation is a dialogue in which one or multiple parties are too preoccupied by what they might say next so much so that they forget to listen and the response thereafter becomes meaningless or tangential at best. The aforementioned represents a conversation where two people are talking AT each other rather than TO one another.
@@ijmwpiano Awersome, thank you.
You can tell this gentleman is genuinely happy from how he interacts throughout the whole interview. It's oozing out of him in every way. Truly a beautiful thing to see
He's a Zen Buddhist. Buddhism specifically teaches you how to be happy, and all the tools & techniques it uses are now being turned into podcasts by neuroscientists.
Damn, Chris…you are truly carving out a unique perspective and approach to addressing “modern wisdom.” Your interviews keep getting better and I love that you do so much research and prep for each guest. Keep up the great work!
Chris as an interviewer just keeps getting betteR and better. Making the conversation deeper and more interesting. KEEP IT UP!
I propose that the "good relationships lead to happiness" idea stems from the relative activity of the default mode network of the brain. Poor relationships or a lack of relationships causes much more "self talk," which is known to be highly correlative with neuroticism. I'm exceptionally content and happy as I intentionally isolate myself from other people, because I'm a serious meditator. Meditation calms and focuses the mind, which results in the serenity I experience. I stopped for about 3 weeks, and I started experiencing the anxiety and moodiness I had before I discovered this.
Also, studies done on Buddhist monks seem to show the same positive health effects as the "good relationships" idea.
Does it matter what kind of meditation you do, or it is effective in general?
@@notbrad4873 i believe it's effective in general, but focused-attention meditation is a broad range of techniques which are all effective. This includes holding your attention on anything, whether a sensation, a sound, a mantra, an image, etc. I use the most common one:sensation of the breath (anapanasati). The idea is to develop awareness and control over the movement of your attention. There's a lot of stuff available if you can weed through the new agey weirdos.
@@notbrad4873 my favorite book by far is The Mind Illuminated by Culadasa.
This is poor rationalization based on intro to psych level understanding
Robert shows the Love for knowledge so much you can feel it.
Dr. Waldinger exudes kindness and peace. Thoroughly enjoyed this interview as I have most others on this channel. Thank you!
This guy seems sincere and grateful, and he also seems like he loves what he does! Any topic is instantly more interesting to me when someone clearly loves what they're talking about.
Bona fide Introvert, here! I love people but after a few hours I feel like a quart of blood has been drained from me.
No doubt! I know how you feel.
I listened to this on spotify, but enjoyed it so much I wanted to leave a comment. You can tell how enthusiastic he is and how much he loves his work as well as this interview. Really enjoyed it, great episode.
"The people who are self-centered are more troubled and more tormented" - a good quote to remember.
Putting this on while I do some benchpress. Lets go boys
Jack, the voice of this happiness researcher will make you soft.
This is one hell of a blessing for me, having lots of insights about myself.
Cool episode! I derived a tonne of hedonic pleasure from it. Chris, as always, you restore my faith in human nature with your beautiful heart along with the choice of guests you share with us all 💜💜
Thank you Chris, I have enjoyed this episode so much❤great work. Thank you for sharing your gift with the world.
I loved this episode! Thank you, Chris and Dr Robert. I'll definitely watch this interview again as there is so much to learn. On another note, I wish I was a bit more like Dr Andrew. He sounds so calm, kind and confident
Chasing 'Happy' the Dragon. Don't get lost chasing happiness in life. Happiness is created when 2 people connect with positive energy. Compliment someone. If they appreciate it. You just created happiness
Happiness can and should be created in solitude first, if you can do that you can start looking at other people.
Yea have to agree with Rabby. You always hear: "Happiness comes from within" and "Happines is an inside job"
I don't think of 'Happiness' as a state experienced in solitude. The word that describes being happy with one's Self is 'Contentment'. A feeling of peace and satisfaction with one's Self. I still suggest that truly being happy requires positive energy with another person.
Congrats to Dr. Waldinger and his team for discovery Christianity. Living a life devoted to being a follower of Christ presents pretty much all of these findings. Devotion to family, relationships and personal health being the biggest markers for "contentment" is essentially the basics of the New Testament and much of the Old. Happiness is the wrong word for what he's describing. What he really is researching is contentment or joy. All of these "happiness" studies always point the same things and these lessons have been available for thousands of years in the Bible.
This is one of the best episodes you've done.
I was thinking of how the spectrum between hedonism and long term meaning relates to body building. I was watching a few videos about Arnold Schwarzenegger and how body building generates meaning and happiness and relies on to function. I had a summer of being obsessed with going to the gym. It also struck me when my father's wife said about the gym "how boring" about the gym. I was thinking that in theory the gym sounds boring but to many people this seemingly boring activity enthralls them.
WoW! Chris! You have such an accurate and authentic knowledge. I really like the stuff which have sceintific "rigor" and "critical" appraoch. See, so many times he said: "I don't know", this is a very strong sign of authenticity. I am that kind of person, eudemonic happiness (building something for future) and psychological richness.
What a great guy and great interview. Going to listen to that again!
Always my favourite podcast - I appreciate the effort and thought behind your questions , your curiosity, and humour no matter who you interview 👍
Totally agree, and that he seems to actually prepare and read the content ahead of time. It shows
Agreed, Chris is one of the best interviewers out there and always present throughout which is lovely.
I can appreciate this gentleman willing to admit when he doesn’t know something instead of using statistics to justify some preconceived notion. My husband is everything to me; friend, lover, family. No one is able to contribute to that level of happiness but it’s not something I expect. In fact, others tend to cause more stress, more difficulty and more disappointment overall. Good in doses but not to rely on.
I have the same situation. He's everything to me and I to him. I love him, my children and family the most. We do have friends but I am seriously thinking about going alone. I appreciate them somewhat but more in my heart I just want my family and my hobbies. People irritate me with their stupidity. Here, I can be completely honest. Ps: we are very happy healthy family. I seriously don't need anyone. I also love my own company.
Great conversation I do like these happiness interviews that crop up now and then. truly a important subject.
Thank you Dr. Robert. Great podcast Chris!
This changed everything in my life.. Thank you!
Throughly enjoyed this Chris. Thank you!
Very eye opening conversation. The questions asked were spot on and the answers were insightful. I think that optimizing for a hedonistic lifestyle will give you the feeling of happiness more often, whereas optimizing for a eudemonic lifestyle will lead you to more fulfillment long term.
That was so great! Good interview man! Wow. You engaged and then listened and then engaged and listened. No real ego or bullshit just curiosity
Definitely on point and most crucially, based on experiential data over generational timespans - live's lived as opposed to felt experience.
Good evening Chris and Robert So I wish I had the right energy to, take your shared conversation and work my thinking responses into a wee bit articulated writing. However my daughter 21 years beautiful, has only four days ago, came off a bicycle and is currently in critical care. Having sustained a head injury, collapsed lung, broken wee face and fractured clavical. She has been medically sedated and on ventilator since arrival at hospital following said 'apparent' accident. ' 'According' to police investigation and their police spokes person report of same (to my absolute horror/disbelief) in our local newspaper no less than the following day. Can't find words to describe the fear I feel for my daughter right now. It seems again uncertainty is indeed painful. 💜
Thank you! 🔥❤️🙏
I actually don't think that definition (if you "are energized" by other people or not) really describes what introversion/extroversion is, but it's the definition I hear most often. I learned from someone who analyzes personality/temperament by physical facial qualities that introversion/extroversion is more about how your brain works, where your energy/focus is directed (according to him intro/extro is a quality you can see in people's eyes... fascinating.) My husband and I have very similar desires to be social and around other people, but he is an extrovert and I am an introvert. His energy/focus is directed outward about 99% of the time. He is so much more aware of his surroundings, what's going on around him than I am. He people watches, he notices all kinds of details that I don't, and is very action-oriented. He also claims he has very little inner-dialogue in his mind - he's perfectly engaged in what is happening outside of him. That's where he lives. It makes sense that, on average, someone with a brain like that would seek out stimulating social inputs. My brain, on the other hand, interfaces with the world completely differently. I have a constant inner dialogue that is often louder than whatever is taking place around me. Introverts spend most of their life inside their own mind. I am more of a ruminator, a deep thinker, and much more creative than he is. I tend to be more quiet than extroverts in social situations because so much of my energy is directed inward, I can come off reserved or aloof... even when I'm quite engaged (tho often with my own thoughts than what others are saying, tbh). Because I have to calibrate the external inputs with the internal ones, it makes sense that social situations tend to be more taxing for introverts. However, that doesn't mean I don't love being around people, going to music festivals, and (I believe) love parties more than the average person. I'm excited to get out and do things and see people. I definitely need social + stimulating experiences regularly. I don't think shyness has much to do with it. There are "inhibited" extroverts who can come off as reserved (my husband fits this description) and "disinhibited" introverts who are very chatty (though their energy is still directed very much inwardly). I actually think Russell Brand is a disinhibited introvert - maybe Jordan Peterson as well. Anyway, IMO it's more about how your brain is wired + how you interface with the world than social desire or where you get your "energy" from. The facial temperament analysis stuff is pretty fascinating, btw. It sounds a little "woo-woo" at first, but is based off of biological understanding - e.g. more estrogen will give you softer facial features/larger eyes + ALSO effect your behavior/temperament. It completely changed the way I look at people. It's not a perfect science, but according to the theory, you can recognize introversion vs. extroversion, subjective vs. objective thinkers, abstract vs linear thinkers, and spontaneity/variety/fluidity vs people who thrive on structure/routine/repetition.
One of your best!
Another great interview. This one particularly resonated with me. If you haven't remembered where you read it, yet, Robin Dunbar in his book "Friends" talked about the relationship between stroking speed and apes pair-grooming.
Stroking speed?🤔🫠
I like Dr Waldinger he's great, if he ever wants to adopt a house geordie tell him to give me a shout. Cheers again Chris
I never smiled all my life but that all changed when I had a child. Since then, I've never smiled so big and never frowned so low lol
When Chris was talking about introspection and rumination. That hit me.
Gonna be so happy for you when you get to a million subs. Only a matter of time.
So much to say about this great interview. Actually money if used properly can buy happiness. In my book “Smartphones Don’t Give Hugs “ I define happiness as a state of energy to achieve more meaningful results. As human beings we are created in the image of God who is positively creative and brought people to freedom. If one is wealthy you can become happier if you know you have created something good or brought others to freedom.
Liked subscribed shared and commented, which is the least I could do, and never let it be said I didn't do the least I could do.
Placing happiness at the very top of your value hierarchy for how to live a life well IS the mistake. Philosophy and religion has understood this for 2000 years but modern culture tricks people into thinking happiness is the most important thing in life.
Totally agree! I have a big problem with the whole modern concept of 'happiness' as an end state. It seems like an ever illusory feeling to chase after, keeping one running on the hamster wheel. I think 'contentedness' is a more appropriate goal.. But I guess it depends on one's definitions
Another great video, thanks
Dr. Waldinger seems to ignore definition or context of "loneliness." Being alone and "loneliness" or sometimes the same thing and sometimes not. If I'm an artist, a painter, for example, and I live alone in a remote location, but I paint every day, then I am in relationship with my art and not alone or less alone. Loneliness does mean other people, but it is also about behavior and mindset of the individual.
It's interesting to me that he says the children/no children choice doesn't affect happiness when I've heard alternate studies suggest that beyond a certain age, childless women reported a measurable degree of regret about never having had kids. Which I suppose isn't to say they are unhappy in their lives. But the biological factors do seem to be programmed in that creating and nurturing offspring DOES reward us with feel good brain chemicals and long term satisfaction. So.... maybe more tropical vacations with the money you save can offset that? But that seems like measuring an entirely different kind of "happiness" like describing water and alcohol both as "drinks"...
Hmmm subscribed and this was posted 2 hours ago but no notification.
The mind adapts to not needing human interaction, it feels like it builds new pathways, and shrinks social pathways so you literally forget all the emotional attachments that you would otherwise need for so many reasons for a healthy happy mind. I've completely cut humans out, except for rare (monthlyish) family visits which I enjoy but don't feel like I need, and try to delay as it gets in the way of my productivity. The only experience I've had with humans in the past 10 years have simply slowed down my productivity, in some cases setting me back by years. Now all I think when I think about being social is "no way, it will slow me down". Maybe it's just a phase while I try to make progress in my life, but right now, I feel like if I never see another human again I'll be just fine. And I'm happier than I've been in 10 years
amazing content
"We don't keep in questions we don't see a reason for" aka Chesterton's Fence.
We hear from all kinds of people in this world what will make us happy. How has that worked out for us? Madly chasing sensory pleasures not only does not deliver the happiness we seek, but it also tends to destroy peacefulness, an essential foundation for happiness. It is so crucial that we know our real identity, eternal spiritual beings. That we need spiritual happiness to feel complete. And that spiritual happiness is very different to fleeting material pleasure that we can experience with our senses and in our mind. There are three different types of material happiness or pleasure. They are connected with the three modes of material nature. The three modes of material nature greatly influence everyone’s activities, the way people choose to live their lives.
What about Widows & Widowers who never remarry???
You should do a study about the health effects of staying in unhealthy relationships.
so im broken, because being alone and isolated feels great , its my hobby outside of work lol
I love my own company and would prefer to go without people/friends. Just me and my family.
It just means you get your natural need for human connection met with the small amounts of interactions you have in your routine. He said everyone has different amounts they need. Some more some less. Your needs are met.
Excited to learn what I don't know about being happy. I would presume this will ALL be new to me. I am a melancholy fella. 😁
This dude is ecstatic
😂😂😂😂😂
Awesome podcast! I wish he had touched upon the impact of pets, I'm curious how it compares to human relationships, happiness-wise.
Chris's bro science distinction about types of people who hew toward hedonism vs meaning is found in Hinduism... but in Hinduism it's 3 types, hedonism vs achievement vs meaning / philosophy.
Thanks for the genius
This episode boils down to "DID WE JUST BECOME BEST FRIENDS?!?!?!?!" "YUUUUUUUUUUPPPPP!!!!!!!"
Great questions, Chris. Unfortunately, with this type of data, any conclusions have to be taken with a huge grain of salt. Realistically, the people that do the statistical analysis should be the ones presenting the findings because people that are not statistical experts will draw much more out of the data than is really justified. It’s so easy to pull out findings that you want to find even if you’re trying to be unbiased with these types of studies
Based on the research I have conducted for my final dissertation, I believe that the statistics indicating married men live longer are fairly skewed. Most studies group divorced men with the men who chose to remain single for life, rather than categorizing them as married or creating a separate category for them. This approach certainly impacts the accuracy of the results, especially considering that divorced men have the highest rates of suicide and depression. From the research I have conducted, it appears that men who have the ability to attract partners but choose to remain single or engage in short-term mating strategies tend to live the longest. Examples include celebrities like Leonardo DiCaprio or Henry Cavill. While I understand your desire to promote a society that values marriage, Chris, I think it's important to consider alternative strategies, especially in our technologically advanced era.
I would argue that we have almost zero control over our happiness. Try to unlike something you like. Now try like something you dont like. Voila. Whatever it is you like was never chosen by you. You have a choice to pursue whatever it is but you may not achieve that due to limitations. Whatever it is you dont like was never chosen by you but you can attempt to remove it from your life, but it may not happen. Even ppl who are easily entertained, amused, pleased, they never chose that. Now they might think theyre just grateful or appreciative but thats just a narrative about why they feel that way, not a reality. They are just hedonically predisposed to enjoying some simple things a lot. Similarly say people with depression and low mood. They dont choose this, its just how they are. They may pursue things that once made them happy, pursue things that others find make them happy but there is little control of the outcome other than trial and error. Our mind and body operate without our control. - Try to control your thoughts and emotions, you'll see that you cant. Meditation will show that you cannot control the mind, only abandon it. - Try control your genetics, your heart, liver, blood type, try control the part of the brain that operates dopamine, serotonin, GABA receptors, the limbic system and amygdala. The idea that we have control is just that, an idea.
There is truth in what you say... Still, we can learn to like something we never liked before, or never considered before. I don't believe for a minute we are completely trapped by our biology or by our thoughts. We have the ability to change and control parts of our bodies, our thoughts and outcomes. I've seen people change, I have changed - I bet you have too, and it's genuine not an act. We change over time naturally, that's just not disputable. What you say is true when there is absolutely no effort to change.
No timestamps?
Having finally made it through the entire interview… I find contradictions with the advice I’ve been given over the past several years, but by laypeople and mental health professionals. “You have to be happy in order to have any relationships.” This one is becoming more true as time goes on for me. I haven’t felt happy since 12/17/2019 and now I’m down to one text connection and one person I see when he has time for me. I suspect that if I lived another year, I would be down to zero relationships outside of work and I REALLY dislike all but one of my coworkers. As an introspective extrovert, this sucks. I haven’t figured out how to “be happy” with almost zero pleasant and meaningful IN-PERSON interactions. “Everything must come strictly from within.” F**k. How? I started horseback riding again last year, which was nice until my therapist said it didn’t count because the horse was external. I started going out to events again and casually chatting with people. I got a couple of gropey creepos, but I felt a little better while I was out. That got trashed by the therapist because the events and the people were external. “You cannot need ANYTHING from another person.” Really? Who is going to build my car? Who is going to create a transport system if I don’t have a car? Who is going to drill the oil and refine it into gasoline? Who is going to grow all the food and tend and slaughter all the livestock? Who is going to develop all the medication? Who is going to ensure I have water supply? Who is going to harvest the fiber, spin the thread, weave the cloth, create cutting instruments and needles, and fashion garments for me? Me? All by myself? Really? I’d like to shove some of this study into the eyes of several persons. Question regarding the research in this interview. He said we need sex, but that friendships can entirely replace an intimate relationship. I don’t doubt this from my youth (I was deemed “fun to hang with but unf**kable” back in high school.). If you only have friends, where do you get non-empty, meaningful sex?
Overall I liked the podcast but there were a couple of things that raise my eyebrow, same as you. For me the big one was that psychologist who said that your current situation only accounted for 10% of how you feel. I think that’s off by orders of magnitude, and is related to your struggle, which seems eerily similar to mine.
To maybe answer your question a little bit, I’ll give you my own example. I was very extroverted as a young man and one day I realized that a lot of the social interactions I had were done just because “that’s what you do”. I started examining them. Was I truly enjoying what they brought to my life? Not really. They were nice people but we were quite different. I stopped doing things for the sake of doing them, and found out that I’m quite comfortable keeping my own company and I would rather go to a movie by myself than go hang out with someone who wasn’t really benefitting me. I’m much more lonely now, and I can pinpoint the date I became extra lonely, same as you, but I’m OK because I’m OK with myself. It was a rather long transition but I’m so glad I made it. I’m still lonely but I prefer it to being social strictly for the sake of being social. All the time alone gave me a ton of time to think and really get to the bottom of who I am and what I want. It’s much harder to make friends when you are middle-age and have moved around for work quite a bit but I cope because I don’t require other people for validation. It’s great when I do meet someone awesome but they supplement my positive feelings as opposed to being the positive feelings. OK now I’m getting preachy. That’s a little too adult for me so I’m gonna do something childish tonight just to balance things out haha. I really hope you find what you’re looking for, and don’t discount how much of your happiness is built upon a foundation of understanding and liking yourself first. It’s not the whole package but it’s a major part.
I've had a bad childhood and in consequence I'm just not interested romantically in anyone that doesn't replicate that same kind of crazy exactly. You could be the perfect supportive partner super model sharing all my interests and my humor, and I just wouldn't be interested. It just doesn't unlock that burning desire that is the best aspect of falling in love. I could be in a relationship with a normal person, but it wouldn't be fair to them if I feel nothing for them. If you could have some expert on that on your show, that'd be greatly appreciated. Many others probably feel the same. It'd be nice to get some actually useful advice.
To me you sound fine. Maybe your approach/way of being is healthier than most. Maybe you'll find someone who will fully accept it and you'll just share some stuff on some unique to you level :)
@@kc6810 Thanks, that sounds exactly like what I'm looking for
In response to your original topic, there's every chance that you're clinically psychopathic, which means you can't replicate or experience feelings of empathy or love when it's sent your way. Either that or the women you've been exposed to and interacted with are just... Beige 🤣 and boring 🤷 again you attract what are. See them as a mirror to your life
What kind of crazy exactly? And what defines "normal" folk?
"He who desires a long life, good health, wealth and to die a peaceful death- let him maintain the bonds of kinship with his relatives" Prophet Muhammad (may peace be upon him) There are intangible rewards for the believers who invest their time and effort in strengthening their ties of kinship. There are many references from the Quran and Sunnah which lead us to carry on the practice of maintaining good ties with family members and having faith that those efforts will be rewarded. Islam calls for the upholding of the ties of kinship because of the great effect that this has on achieving social cohesion and perpetuating cooperation and love among the people.
Chris! Have you read the book "Driven: Understanding and Harnessing the Genetic Gifts Shared by Entrepreneurs, Navy SEALs, Pro Athletes, and Maybe YOU"? Reviews?
Given the importance of relationships, you've got to wonder how much long-term damage has been done to people through all those lockdowns during the pandemic. I mean, does the implications of this study mean those multiple and unpredictable lockdowns have actually shortened our lives?
I had to laugh at this - "Call them, unless it's 3 in morning and you don't want to wake up your friends" at my age calling someone a 9 pm would be waking them up.
income at 1:00:00
i really enjoyed this guest and the topics discussed, felt like you, chris, were trying to come across a bit too "knowledgeable" a couple times even unnecessarily finishing your guests sentences, but not in a good way. it was a weird vibe. maybe just a moody day for ya, we all got them. but it stood out, cause you're typically much more patient and let your guests unravel topics even if you're already familiar with them, just for their own satisfaction and joy of sharing.
I think sometimes interviewers do this to disrupt monologues in a way, and some people resist in conversation, and it makes it seem aggressive when they are just trying to get more juice per squeeze, y'know?
Showing up for a party is not enough. Friendship is not a party.
The brain's need for stimulation and novelty might be a source of curiousity. Otherwise, why am I browsing KZhead at two in the morning?
Are there intimations that happiness can arise from assuming responsibility for your own and your family's welfare, and then working to ensure their welfare is realized? The Jordan Peterson recipe for meaning, if not happiness.
Also curating friends to have perfect homogenous lives reference minute @13:00
To me, people are problems. I have a few good friends that I see every now and then. I love being alone 95% of the time. I have no deep connection with anyone and have no desire to.
why isnt there a link to the citated study in the description?
Friends change. I've ditched people who became someone else. For a relationship work, whatever. Dead. Ok, bye. I can't carry it.
I want to see the race and culture-dependent results as well. Why not publish those results too? I thought the push these days was to make health advice more individually personalized. Drilling down into specific results by race and culture is a step in that direction.
Does this mean that people like myself; introverts, are less healthy because we don't actively pursue relationships? Is it loneliness that's the 'killer'? So if I am not lonely, no problem..?
What if you smoke half a pack a day AND have been isolated with no one to talk to, friends nor family included, for 7 years? Sleep during the day, up at night. Go to the grocery store when its about to close because you know that there wont be that many people there, you can get in and get out very quickly. All of this while also learning about EVERY field of study, from physics to biology, astronomy, history, religion, chemistry, economy, global cooperation from country to country, man vs women, psychology, finances. conspiracy theories...literally everything I can, to better my understanding of how we got to be where we are now, and our various explanations as to why, and where we intend on going. All of this while getting brief moments of conversations with family members every once and a while. And when I do bring up certain things during those brief moments....its plug your ears, close your eyes, and walk away....most of the time. And Im still managing to be a good person and treat people with kindness, dignity, and respect, even if it is having a detrimental toll on my overall well being. I've made an oath to myself, and I am prepared for my mind and body to be pummeled into dust. Bring on all the Gods. Bring on all the devils. All the demons and angels. Bring on heaven and hell. Bring on the serial killers, rapist, thieves, rouge agents, guns for hire, cartel, life in prison. Bring on EVERYTHING bad, and EVERYTHING good. I am ready for whatever Life has in store for me. Am I afraid? Very much so. Will I give in and plead for it all to end? Not a fucking chance.
Start volunteering or something.
A happy life means, having the resources in your life to be happy again, whatever that might be for you as a person. Haopyness is finite but the resources that create happiness shouldn't be.
The word happiness itself, which in every Indo-European language is cognate with luck. To be happy is to be lucky.
Bruh as an introvert and hardly any social life, the pandemic did jack shit to me. I was amazed how it was affecting everyone else.
I smoke a pack every 2-3 days , minimal care of physical health (avoiding surgery because I don’t feel like messing with it), I’m lonely no matter who is around, and my closest companion is my Lelo. Can I die soon, please?
Not on social with the fake people. It's lovely.
So did the MRI make all those noises to annoy me cause I wanted to nap 🤬
Waldinger's voice sounds like Michael Malice before caffeine
I disagree fundamentally. Happiness comes from directly from psychological, mental or physical competence, and also so do good relationships. You are deriving causation from correlation. People who are not competent in these ways do not have good relationships and are also incompetent generally. It is not the people but the knowledge of competence that their affection toward you creates which generates happiness. You can have extremely good relationships around you but, if you feel like you only got lucky and don't deserve it, you aren't happy. Whether that is true or not, it remains true that it is the knowledge of your competence that makes you happy. Relationships are one of the best markers of competence, but they are not what fundamentally makes happiness.
This man is talking about on average. Not the outliners.
@@GuidetteExpert Wrong, they aren't just talking averages and correlation and saying "oh isn't that interesting". They are making conclusions on the cause of one half of the correlation. They are blatantly assuming it and I don't see how anyone with braincells can dispute that. This is what I am critiquing as just one very simple hypothetical tears their whole conclusion apart. Correlation is a false equivalent to causation.
Not their best work. No time stamps. Some woke talk. Edit: After watching the full interview, he actually had many interesting things to say and I learned a lot! Don't let the beginning stop you!
There are time stamps.
@@JonnyCook Added later, I was early.
I was lonely in my marriage, so I got a divorce. Living alone and having friends is a far better choice.
As a lonely person not by choice I can assure that loneliness kills you little by little. Great episode, as always.
Then there is something you are emotionally doing wrong if you are unhappy spending time alone, relationship with oneself require mental and physical connection through meditation and self reflection .
@@timmorakinyo9529 I enjoy loneliness but at some point you also need conections. I have had social anxiety my whole life and I have not been able to live a fulfilled life, I guess. Now I am good in many aspects but feel lonely.
@@ericdraven3654 anxiety is a fear of future, unknown and outcome of future event or action. I had the same problem a while ago and decided to get my life back through exercise, meditation and rewiring my brain and toughts that detrimental to my existence. I believe you can do the same through meditation, exercise and feeding your body body/mind with healthy nutrients.
@@timmorakinyo9529 Thats what I am doing. I feel better but I cannot change my past and It haunts me every single day.
@@ericdraven3654 ...You have to accept it and allow those emotions to sail through you without judging them. You cant change the past but you can impact the future with present awareness.
Timestamps pls
happiness : the satisfactory continuation of satisfaction.
Good. Friend Zone EVERYONE 😂
Excellent questions, Chris. You milked em good.