12 signs you might be suffering from PTSD
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) refers to a state in which we are severely impacted in the present by emotional neglect in our childhoods. The symptoms include high anxiety, low self-esteem, a constant sense of dread - and (often) difficulty being able to sleep. By learning more about our condition, we can (probably through the help of psychotherapy) hope to free ourselves and be more at ease in the world.
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FURTHER READING
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“The purpose of language is to help us to get a better grip on reality; the more words there are in our vocabulary, the higher the chance we have of being able to describe what we want, what ails us, what is driving us mad - and then in turn, to summon the help we may badly need.
It can help if the words we have to hand are pretty (and even have a long and distinguished history), but at heart, all we really require is that they should help us. Such is the case with one of the most useful terms in modern psychology: Complex PTSD…”
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We need to stop teaching people how to be victims. I'd like to see an episode on how to be VICTORIOUS!!!
@@iamwhoyousayiam6773 i think they're going for healthy self-awareness, personal growth, and consideration for fellow people. it's not about imposing winner/loser dichotomy -- that is not helpful to anyone. so they are not teaching people to be victims, but to recognize real hurt that did happen. and we need to process it properly to be able to fully engage in life in the now without still reacting from a place of pain -- that i would consider as being victorious.
@@GenericConsumer Yes, I know. My point was we all already know we're traumatized. We need to focus more on improving, not wallowing. Here in the USA people are completely shut down because they're coddled.
@@iamwhoyousayiam6773 Some of us know we're traumatized while others only just had that realization (based on this video's comments). I agree that we need to focus on improving, and i think this particular video mostly functions as the first step of recognition. Maybe for you it reads as wallowing because you've already done this step. Also, I do not at all feel coddled here in the US. So i'm not sure what you're referring to in that generalization. It's a big country and I mostly see confusion here and that's why people are shut down as you say
Consider the following: Nature is our greatest ally in so far as Nature gives us life and a place to live it, AND Nature is also our greatest enemy that is going to take it all away. (OSICA) NOTHING to worry about, all of life itself is all ultimately meaningless. It does not even matter that we exist, much less how we exist while we exist.
"Logic doesn't help." I wish more people understood this part of trauma.
somepeople logic too fuck up. there are differnt than logic and citical thinking...
Amen!!
✊
@BL Same
I agree thats what bugs me
1. A feeling that nothing is safe 2. We can never relax 3. Can’t really sleep & wake up early 4. Appalling self-image 5. Drawn to highly unavailable people 6. Sickened by people who want to be cozy with us 7. Prone to lose temper very badly 8. Highly paranoid 9. Other people seem dangerous so we like to be alone 10. Life feels exhausting 11. We’re not spontaneous 12. Attempt to find security through various things like money, fame etc
Thanks 👍
Abhinav Nandan you’re welcome :3
Draugr you’re welcome ☺️
Thanks a million! 👍
Next Phase of Evolution you’re welcome 💕
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.andrew_james. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.andrew_james
Emotional neglect in high achieving families can be as damaging as being in a physically abusive family. That is so true . I'm glad he mentioned that.
It's not true. But you go ahead and pretend that your daddy not hugging you enough in your upper-middle class pampered yuppie life is just the same as my dad beating me with the corpse of a dog I refused to kill at his command when I was 9(regular behavior for him). Hey, go ahead, tell my step-sisters he r*ped that you're just like them because your mommy didn't say "I love you" every day. You're pathetic.
Children who are PHYSICALLY or SEXUALLY abused are also EMOTIONALLY abused. This isn't a competition of "who had it worse" but if you weren't beaten up or constantly raped, consider yourself fortunate.
@@Indubidably0but it all comes down to the fact that different people perceive things differently. someone might go through sexual and physical abuse and not have c-ptsd, while others could go through emotional neglect without physical violence and still be affected by it. Trauma isn’t logical and ultimately a label like ‘c-ptsd’ can’t capture the long spectrum of what’s going on with different people
yep every circumstance is unique.
What happen when both ? Also add Emotional abuse
A therapist friend says that : "We are all wounded children in adult bodies". Thank you for posting !
When I am okay with myself I have no need to judge others is just one thing I try to remember. I agree n learned this many yrs ago, n have said this so often, “we are all wounded children in adults bodies” bc l lived it, I can recognized this in myself, makes it easy to c in others. Most importantly it has helped me to not b so hard on myself or others
Not everybody is wounded.Some are wounded and some others are extremely wounded
@@durgaambika4342 I am glad someone on this planet had perfect parents
*Every inner child is waiting to be understood, loved and protected by an adult, and that adult is you.* that was how I healed myself from Alopecia Areata, which many people suffer from it without an effective treatment.
I agree.
"we look mean, we are in fact defenseless" made me teary eyed
This is one reason why I hate myself.. and why I wish I didn't exist. But the main reason is because grandma, mom, some cousins, some friends, don't think highly of me. Mostly cause they just don't see me as who I am, but someone who is what THEY see
That makes two of us. I too wish more people understood what anxiety looks like from the outside.
Truth
@@even2ez266 💛🕊️🙏
so true ajshsh
I was bullied, excluded and assaulted daily by my peers in my early childhood. I started fighting everyone. When I got to my late teens I realized I was so afraid of people that when they were talking to me I couldn’t hear their voices over my fear, like I wasn’t even present. I reacting to any perceived slight with violence, resulting in prison. I’ve healed a lot now in my early 30s but I still sometimes feel like everyone around me is hostile and I can never relax.
I feel Ya i was never offensive to people I always bottles stuff up and still do but I'm in my 40s now but i figured myself out in my 20s As they say fear nothing but fear its self life's too fucking short B you oue it to yourself just to be happy in peace from within Only you can do that
I feel the same way. When I was a kid most of the people around me either had a problem with me and didn't like me, and would also tell me I'm annoying. Middle school wasn't any better, and because of all of that trauma I hate everyone, and try to do whatever I can to be alone and not talk to anyone. I also hate (not exaggerating) most of humanity and worry about being in public because I feel like people are staring at me and judging me. People getting close to me frustrates me and people ignoring me or being rude to me infuriates me, but I don't like to tell peoplebthese feelings, but they can definitely tell when I'm angry because I've been told my energy changes the room
You are in survival mode. You have to tell Josh, inside you, the fighter, the protector of you, that You, Josh Today has got it covered. You breathe and even talk out loud to him if you must. Say I know you are trying to protect us but we dont need that kind of protection anymore.
This is very true!
🥹❤️🙏
"We need to start loving someone we very unfairly hate. Ourselves." A powerful statement yet not so easily done. I don't know about others here but I have hated myself with all the strength I posses since I was twelve. I don't think it will ever change for me.
I hope things change for you, and that one day, in some way, even if it’s just a little, that you realize you’re worthy and deserving of love. That even just realizing that could help and maybe you can give yourself that love, because it was always something you could do. I know it isn’t easy, but I believe you can do it, and as well as everyone else. I just hope you can choose to see it to one day, for yourself. That’s just what I believe, I don’t know if it will help, but I hope the best for you.
Try psychedelics, you will feel more love for everything, including yourself, than you have ever felt before. It can disrupt the rigid perspective of yourself and the world and enable a different way of being.
If you've ever been mad at someone for mistreating you and justified to them that you didn't deserve it, in a way that's self love. If you take yourself away from sources that are bad for you, or get yourself things you like as a treat, that's also a sort of self love. It's a process that's done with baby steps with a lot of hurt and self relapse in between. I also thought I wouldn't stop hating myself but, with time and preserverance I managed to stop. :) I reccommend to try to stop beating yourself up + speak to yourself in a kinder voice, that will make a big difference.
Same here friend. Hate my face in the mirror, hate my body. I've dated objectively beautiful women that I know most men would kill for, who have their shit together and could have any choice of partner. I still see an ugly crooked face in the mirror. I still feel worthless. I achieve things I should be proud of but I'm more focused on feeling like I should be ashamed that even thinking such a small thing is worth being proud of. My memories make me cringe. All of them. Good and bad. But I'm fixated on my failures. Embarrassing memories, it's like when I think of them I'm literally there again. Even if I was 8 years old and said something stupid, I feel INTENSE shame when I remember it. And on bad days that same memory would be added to the long list of reasons I should hate myself, shouldn't trust myself, and why everybody around me thinks I'm a pathetic loser. It's hard living like this. Outwardly, I know rationally that I look put together, confident, like nothing should really bother me. I have more going for me in terms of success than most people I know. But inside I'm shattered. Constantly anxious. Uncomfortable in my own skin, unsure of myself, insecure. Filled with anger and hate I don't understand. It's just there. And deep, deep sadness. A tiny emptiness at the center of it all. So no, you aren't the only one.
@@fuzzyfeels5041 thank you so much for your Comment 💟. So helpfull . Best wishes From germany 🙏🕊🍀❤️
“The root cause of complex PTSD is an absence of love.” This is really an eye-opener. All the skewed perception we have about life and people are due to the fact that the concept of (unconditional) love is so foreign to us, that we always feel there is no way people can love us the way we are.
Yup.👍
I believe this is the exact reason for self-sabotaging
Mine wasn’t love, it was safety.
Yep, welcome to the cold, dark world in which so many of us exist.
Kinda blew my mind. I've struggled with love, any type really, most my life. I love someone so completely finally in my 30s and 2yrs in I'm still shocked. Now that I'm FINALLY comfortable I say "I love you" all the time. It's weird as fck. So it's very interesting to hear this.
I just want to feel safe. I've never felt safe.
I don't even feel safe when I'm alone in my own room.
@@yugiwitastick Me too
Me too I’m always uncomfortable , i feel like everyone around me don’t look at me like I’m regular . One doctor told me i have ptsd then one said it’s not so now idk what to think of myself .. who am i?
@@yugiwitastick Reduce negative thoughts with a simple practice and have a healthier life. Your breath is directly related to your mind [brain] causing negative thoughts-anxiety. For a relaxed life sit on a chair, back straight, eyes closed, be as still as possible and observe the sensations of your incoming--outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for around 5-10-15 minutes or more. Don’t fight with your thoughts. Slowly the mind will relax. No deep inhalation-exhalation needed. Anytime of the day or night before sleep sit or lie down on your back and observe your breath. Stillness brings internal peace. Like me, make this a lifetime daily habit to have a good life. Best wishes Shyaaam Sir. -Counsellor.
@@talkswithdontrell6697 Reduce negative thoughts with a simple practice and have a healthier life. Your breath is directly related to your mind [brain] causing negative thoughts-anxiety. For a relaxed life sit on a chair, back straight, eyes closed, be as still as possible and observe the sensations of your incoming--outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for around 5-10-15 minutes or more. Don’t fight with your thoughts. Slowly the mind will relax. No deep inhalation-exhalation needed. Anytime of the day or night before sleep sit or lie down on your back and observe your breath. Stillness brings internal peace. Like me, make this a lifetime daily habit to have a good life. Best wishes Shyaaam Sir. -Counsellor.
I was diagnosed with CPTSD last month 8 foster homes and 3 adoptions by the time I was 8. I’m 33 now and finally getting help We got this guys, we deserve the love not shown by others, and we deserve to love ourselves
❤❤❤
This made me cry
I feel you. I was taken by cps, put in who knows how many foster homes and then adopted.
@@Apachemiwokmutt777was the fam great
@@lilnarm_smoothblaze meh, adoptive dad, would rather do projects and make my adoptive mom cry than spend time with me, and adoptive mom verbally abused me.
I suffered PTSD; severe anxiety and mental disorder for over 8 years. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. It's just amazing how psilocybin mushrooms treatment saved my life honestly.4 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.
they saved you from death bud, lets be honest here. and mushrooms are one of the most amazing things on this planet i wish people would all realize. they could solve a lot of problems, more than just mental treatments, environmental clean up; the possibilities are endless with fungus.
Can you help with the reliable source. Really need!🙏
Hey! Yes I'm very sure of Dr.medshrooms.
I hate that psilocybin gets grouped with drugs like cocaine and heroin. Mushrooms are a remedy, not a vice!
My first experience with shrooms cleared my mind and I started seeing the world on a whole new level
It's annoying how people so easily say it's going to be okay. I've been waiting for everything to be okay but it never has
Being patient with them is beyond exhausting. I just wanna scream, "SHUT UP! SHUT UP!SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!"
Exactly. Healing is getting someone's recognition.. No matter how much we will tell ourselves that we have the human right to grief or feel injustice, it's still a medicine when another person simply listens with compassion and acknowledgment instead of lecturing etc.
@@peaceofmindofpeace1650 Ikr for so long I thought no one would accept me if they knew wt I've been through and wt I feel until i found someone who actually listens becoz he wants to not for the sake of listening and I've healed and im still healing.
You're right, on it's own, these complex PTSD strategies escalate. I hope you consider accessing professional help
It's going so very slow and every time someone tells you it's your fault, everything feels horrible again. But after 6 weeks the feelings change again and if you care for yourself, it's gonna be good... for a while again.
I love that he says "we", it makes me feel like I'm not alone in my struggles. It warmed my heart. 🥺
Same here!, I agree! Koala B 😼😌😀
I agree! I also love “those of us”
I agree also ❤️
agreed.
Yes
I have 11 of these symptoms, but honestly the biggest tell is emotional flashbacks. Feeling awful in a way that doesn't match up to the current situation or feeling small.
Agreed I have 10
It's weird how that was conspicuously missing from the lineup.
Agreed. I wish this one had been listed.
Wow. Someone told me that I suffered from Cptsd. I’ve struggled my entire life feeling I would never amount to anything. I want to be normal. I want love. It’s all I’ve ever chased.
My ex triggered it in me , I'd suppressed it so deeply under other traumas ♥️
Remember to seek a diagnosis from a licensed professional. Treatment is different for each individual.
@@angelinasamson6996 please seek help from a licensed professional. Other people cannot correctly diagnose you as there is overlap and causes can differ.
@@ThirdHorseman Awwww that’s beautiful thank you ❤️
Does anyone else retroactively "turn" on their younger self and internally berate how stupid, naïve, worthless and oblivious to it all we used to be? Ostensibly pleasant and fun childhood moments lose all their value and just become anecdotal reminders of how everything was doomed from the start?
This.
I thought I was the only one who felt this ?! Like everytime i look back on my childhood I'm like, wow I was very stupid and naive.
THIS
I literally beat myself up (by punching my head until I'm either near unconscious or my hand swells up) for being so trusting and naive at times and also for briefly feeling happy whenever I feel I genuinely don't deserve happiness
@@Thewritingelf Yeah, it's really such a sad reality to have to face. My childhood wasn't especially traumatic or challenging, but I did always sense that something was off about myself, but being an ignorant kid I'd just brush it off. Those same, castaway thoughts are now the ones that keep me up at night and force me to face my suffering.
"We don't register to ourselves as suicidal but the truth is that we find living so exhausting and often so unpleasant, we do sometimes long not to have to exist anymore." is 100% me. I have explained this to someone at the start of this year in almost the exact same words. Also diagnosed with clinical depression at 16, both my first 15 years of life and after that have been filled with all the things listed in this video :P
I can empathize almost 100% with your comment, except, I was diagnosed with depression until I was 23 because I didn't seek mental health before
This one _really_ hit me too. One of the first things I ever say when talking about my Depression (I was diagnosed at 19) is that I've never felt suicidal, but the depression & anxiety is intense. I hesitated for a long time to describe once having a dream where I knew I was going to die, but instead of fear, I felt... 'relieved'. I didn't want anyone to misunderstand & think I would harm myself. I felt guilt for that dream, & a bit afraid that my experiences could make me feel that way. I've not been medicated (had trouble finding something to help) or going to a therapist (which I know I desperately need) for many years now. I know I need to reach out for that help again.
I’ve told multiple therapists, health care providers, certain family members, etc. this same thing. I don’t want to kill myself, I just often wish I didn’t exist. And my feelings about my child hood are so clouded that I can not tell even as a young adult weather I had a good childhood or not.
I never spoke to anyone after finding my poor dad dead it was 5 years ago never gets easier but I’d put a lid on my bad thoughts. Popped the graveyard yesterday cried like a baby I’m not in that place now but I forgot how much I missed the man my best friend hero and legend. on a lighter note Merry Christmas everyone and if your down tell someone if it be a mate a work colleague or family member trust me it helps.✌️
That line hit exactly, as what I think since last couple of months.
I bawled my eyes out the first time I saw this because I have every symptom outside 4/5, I'm weirdly codependent. I still won't go to therapy so I come back to this sometimes to try to muster the courage/will. Good luck to any/everyone else that has C-PTSD. I dunno who you are but I love you out of sheer principle alone. You're loved and not alone.
I'd really like to point out that we often have the opposite reactions as well, depending on how our fight/flight/freeze responses are. I was abused in every way you can imagine; physically, mentally, sexually, psychically (he would play games like holding a gun to my head or otherwise telling me i would die today, then laugh and say perhaps tomorrow).. My response was that my brain shuts down instead. I am the extreme opposite of everything you're saying, save the self image issue. I was desperate for any small amount of affection, or bring touched or hugged, often to devastating ends, as I would risk anything to feel loved for a moment. I slept easily, and too often. I never ever ever get angry at anyone, ever; rather, my brain shuts down and I go into numb mode if I'm upset by any small thing. I was the opposite of hypervigilant; I was mentally blank often. I'm getting better tho. I want terribly to connect with others but don't feel like I being with others. I definitely had a lot of suicidal ideation. My home and my life was anything but regimented. I have always been terribly chaotic, I don't feel comfortable in clean surroundings. If anything, clutter is comforting to me. I can't work; I can't focus long enough to. I have petit Mal seizures, or absence seizures, where I'll appear to be awake, aware and with you, but my brain just.. flips that switch and my awareness is just ... gone. I feel like it's important to illustrate my case so that you're viewers can understand that you don't have to fall under these listed criteria in order to have CPTSD. We each react very differently. There's no right or wrong way to be traumatized. I know certainly that wasn't your intent or message. I just want to encourage anyone who didn't see themselves in these symptoms to still seek out help if you're suffering, but your symptoms are overwhelming your life.
You're a warrior. I'm glad you're here with us today
@@JanG-nx2jf I very don't feel like one, but thank you 😊 Same to you!
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm just an internet stranger, but I love you and I wish you love for yourself.
@@misterfuckingdarcy this made me tear up. I feel ... I mean .. this is a really alienating condition, so having strangers reach out with such loving thoughts really warms my heart. I imagine you're here for similar reasons, and whether it's for you or a loved one, I'm wishing you the same. There's never too much love in the world 😊🥰
@@heathertaylor8904 I cried when I read your post. I hope you're getting some help and guidance now....EMDR and other therapies. Hugs to you.
1. Nothing feels safe. 2. We can never relax. 3. Can't ever really sleep. 4. Appalling self image. 5. Drawn to emotionally unavailable people. 6. Sickened by people who want to be cozy with us. 7. Prone to losing our temper, very badly. 8. We are highly paranoid. 9. We find other people dangerous and love to live alone. 10. Living feels like a burden. 11. Not spontaneous. Changes of plans are horrifying. 12. Workaholics.
Big yikes. These are all me. 😭
You took the words right out of my mouth 🥺
... also can FREAK OUT over social issues, go into a blood boiling rage that I don't want to feel so angry, I especially hate the book banning PC right now. I will probably die of a heart attack brought on by being too anger, stressed and stupid
I like when people note video lists in comments because my attention span is short
Uh oh I think i- So I- ?!
“Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.” --Joubert Botha
Wonderful quote!!!! Thank you for sharing ❤️
I didn’t know I needed to hear that
“One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.” “Out of your vulnerabilities will come your strength.” -Sigmund Freud "What is most personal is most universal." "What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly." -Carl Rogers Hey there!! You should check out our "Enlightening Quotes" videos ft. Sigmund Freud & Carl Rogers. Our channel is passionate about psychology education so that everyone everywhere can live a healthier life. Our goal is to create a free source of #DigitalTherapy for our subscribers. “We deserve some respect. You deserve some respect. You are important to other people, as much as to yourself. You have some vital role to play in the unfolding destiny of the world.” -Jordan Peterson
I had a BPD/NPD father who terrorized me everyday of my childhood. I am 40 and still cleaning up after this mess. The worst part of CPTSD are people who judge you and criticize you for the residual effects, you're at the end of the day the bag holder for what someone else did to you, it's the curse that keeps on giving.
I’m 40 and I finally went to see a doctor and was diagnosed with CPTSD. *I can’t keep up a job specially if I encounter evil people I tend to just move on and the cycle of having triggers and experiencing the same issues never ends *I love being alone. *Even the people I think who cares about me I’ll keep them a distance all the time,I don’t want attachment from anyone at all *I don’t talk to my family who is the main reason why I’m 7,800 miles away from them I thought I was alone in this battle….but hey we got this from a distance! ❤❤❤
I'm on similar journey
This is the FIRST TIME I have EVER felt recognized or understood. It’s a strange, happy video that just made me feel relief. That’s rare, to say the least. Thank you.
Same
Hey Naomi, I’m experience the same thing right now. I’m incredibly overwhelmed by all of it but do also feel a sense of relief. Wishing you the best :)
@@tamarat7404 Thank you! And bless ❤️
@@naomibee8881 Np :) You’re never alone!
I went through traumatic bullying myself and my teachers did nothing and I was never diagnosed with complex ptsd and this video just made me feel recognized and not alone to know their are people who are similar to me and to know their are people who want to help us.
I'm in this video and I don't like it
I feel it's something I shouln't need
Oh dear... that's sign #13!
I thought the same thing!
Well, my mental health plan is good. You can live a productive and peaceful life.
Don't worry, there is a solution, if we get educated about what we need to do, we can come out of this VICTORIOUS!
I am speechless. Thru self research, and therapy and numerous of situations I am able to sit more clear with knowing I have been fighting this battle. Much love to everyone in their own fights....
So true! Although I've spend time with a number of psychologists who were quite helpful, they never suggested that C-PTSD could be a diagnosis! Many of the symptoms described led to my work suffering & my marriage failing (my ex had her own issues), & chronic health problems mean that I can't even manage casual-work. So even though I feel I'm much better in regard to C-PTSD, at 62 I feel life has passed me by & that can be depressing at times! 😥
Thank you for sharing this. I hope you find something fulfilling and revitalizing in your life.
All 12 Symptoms listed :) 1:13 The Feeling that Nothing is Safe 1:52 We can Never Relax 2:22 We can’t ever really sleep 2:36 We have, deep in ourselves, an appalling self Image 2:56 Often drawn to highly unavailable people. 3:17 Sickened by people who want to be cozy with us. 3:26 Prone to losing our temper very badly. (More often to ourselves) 3:47 Highly paranoid. 4:20 We find other people so dangerous and worrying, that being alone has huge attractions. 4:40 not considering yourself suicidal, But associate living as exhausting and unpleasant to the point of longing to simply not exist. 4:50 Can’t afford to show much spontaneity 5:09 in a bid to try and find safety, we throw ourselves into work.
I got a scary 9 but I feel as if 3 of those came from my anxiety. Which actually comes from traumatic events of being abused by my dad. Maybe some instances of severe anxiety should be first tested as PTSD to maybe better help people, I don't know too much about how doctors do this nor do I know much about psychology of the human brain so I am probably entirely off, or doctors already do this and I didn't know since I pushed away my doctor when they asked about my anxiety.
Thanks, good job!
A terrifying 11
I have most of these symptoms, but I haven’t ever been in an immediate danger like the ones listed…
Honestly most people who watch this dont have it. Please dont go around saying it unless you have a medical professional tell you
Many of the symptoms of PTSD are lived internally so that people don’t realize you’re suffering. such a devastating disorder.
When I was at my lowest I put on a brave face which satisfied all my friends, when I recovered and shared how I truly felt the response was revulsion and abandonment. Moral of the story: those people were toxic and I [am] happier without them.
True! 😞
There have been times when trying to explain this to close friends or family felt like I was someone in a thriller or horror movie and only me was able to see the horrors of it.
@@b00gyman1 That's been a hazard for me as well, when police or doctors think the experiences are tall tales or delusions. The Blade Runner soliloquy sums it up: "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe."
@Turtleproof I was meant to find this page
People have no damn clue, I'm 38 and been abused and used my entire life. I'm so broken I'm at the point, it's all shutting down. My childhood, my own child's and then fact that I did so good as a single father for it to be wrongly taken because I couldn't afford a lawyer to fight a criminal. Noone understands how bad it is and can be. I've isolated for 4 years now. I don't even know what's going on anymore. And I've tried everything. God I wouldn't wish this upon anyone.
I understand how you feel. I've isolated for 10 years now. Im struggling, lonely and my parents make my life miserable every day. I put on a smile and a brave fave and pretend everything is ok because I've learnt the hard way that no one cares anyways. At the most I've gotten a "don't worry it'll be better someday" or worse " you're just trying to get attention". Everyday i wonder to myself if i would just be better off dead. I cry myself to sleep almost every night. The only thing keeping me alive rn is my cat. If i loose him I'd probably give up on life
I am so sorry, I'll never know what you truly experienced but I understand the feeling of isolation. I hope you are doing better and holding on, you deserve to feel safe and happy. There is very little a stranger's words can do but I genuinely worry for you and wish you the best out of life.
I've always thought my trauma was never 'bad enough to have just PTSD, but now that I watch more videos and read more articles, I think I might have CPTSD. I've always compared my trauma (emotional neglect and verbal abuse from parents, verbal and some physical abuse from sister) to my friend (physical abuse from dad) and always kind of wished mine was worse so I could feel valid. I'm so thankful for this, even though coming to terms with my trauma is hard and it makes me feel helpless, I'm really trying:D
Same! I also thought that i was just stupid. A childish idiot who deserves to just disappear of from this earth because look what that person went through...my experiences werent that bad...So i must be just completly awful...Unfortunately i had a moment from this video happening, just by reading the comments with people and their much worse experiences, i feel so useless. I should be ok compared to them, how can i have failed this hard at life.
I have this so hard! I was always told I was a hypochondriac/overreacting. It’s hard to accept labels for me now as I feel like I’m not bad enough to warrant them.
Please read, "Complex PTSD:from surviving to thriving" by Pete Walker.
@@jclyntoledo I’m in the middle of that right now 😍
mine feels even less bad than that.
“We need to relearn to love someone we very unfairly hate beyond measure: ourselves” ❤️
That phrase brought tears to my eyes.
I want to know what love is, I want you to show me.
Yo this 👀
Sweet but how
How?
That ending... "We need to relearn how to love someone we hate beyond measure. Ourselves." I freaking lost it. I despise myself so much it's impossible to put into words. I wish I could see myself differently. Attempting to get into therapy. Wish me luck, and I sincerely hope everyone else suffering from this finds their light. 💗
Good luck! You deserve to feel good about yourself and the world around you. The blue sky is underneath, there's just clouds in the way right now
I do too. Sometimes I'm convinced I look like a monster. One of my core beliefs is that I don't have the right to be alive because (and this is really bad, genetic hygiene bad) if I were born in medieval times, or maybe even 100 years ago, I probably wouldn't have survived infancy. My eyesight is very bad, I had constant ear infections as a baby... I take this as a sign that I wasn't meant to be born, that I am a genetic mistake. Through therapy I've learned to be very kind to my little self and I comfort the lonely, hurting child inside. I do schema therapy. It's really helpful! Very hard, and it takes time but it is very much worth it. You are very much worth it. Good luck!
Go for EDR and yoga. It is proven to often work better than talking therapy.
Do I secretly hate myself? 😪
EMDR is working for me. Also, depending where you are and your financial abilities, there is a LEGAL MDMA therapy (for those diagnosed with PTSD) clinic opening up in Santa Cruz CA in a few months....
Wow. Since childhood I've been in circumstances which others would refer to as traumatic, but I've always felt invalidated because I dont have the common 'nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks' that everyone else has. This helps me to realise that I do infact have all of these symptoms and that trauma can manifest for us in different ways. I always thought that I was just used to traumatic situations but now I can see a lot of these displayed in my everyday behavior without even realizing it
After years of seeing therapists off and on for 50 years none ever mentioned a lack of love. As a teenager when describing the relationship with my father to my first therapist he cried. The best help I ever had was a year doing the workbook with the Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families. The harm to myself of seeking out controlling people for relationships was one of the awful habits I dropped. Finding contentment with oatmeal love (warm love, not hot love) and running away from limerence is still a challenge. The Persians had 80 words for love like the Eskimos have a variety of words to describe the many characteristics of snow. We are a society crippled by our lack of understanding what healthy love is and truly connecting to people around us. A few close friends who intentionally struggle with their family demons are working pretty well for me. People who have lived with no family trauma don't make my inner circle of friends. That's just an observation, best of luck to others on this path seeking healing love.
"we have.." instead of "they have" is just so reassuring and better to hear.
As someone having CPTSD, something I really struggle with is unintentionally looking, scared, sad, or angry, as I'm going through the world. I don't even realize I'm doing it, but I think it drives people away, further isolating me. I don't want people to think it's directed at them; I'm just usually having a hard time with flashbacks and hypervigilance and all the other things that come with CPTSD.
Same thing here.
Yeah I cant seem to crack a genuine smile and I feel hyper aware of my face when talking to people, which compounds my awkwardness. I hypervigilantly scan strangers faces to see how they are reacting to me. They say if you do this it's because you used to look at your parents facial expressions for signs of love and approval. I remember doing that a lot. And of course it was never there. Covert narcissist mother and codependent enabler stepfather, I am the family scapegoat.
@@HeartFeltGesture damn, guess you're not alone
Yup 😕 I have an audio recording of one of the things that happened to me and sometimes when i woke up scared, i used to listen to it on repeat to 'numb myself' but I'd just get more scared so that was pretty dumb haha
That makes two of us.
I grew up in Chicago, my first memory is of my mom tryna take my dad out. Seen a lot of death n violence, been stabbed, beat, neglected, bullied, shot at, robbed etc. Seen my brother's body after he was shot twice in the head. Appreciate this video, really needed this and that no sleep shit is real as well as the self anger plus paranoia. Also really appreciate how u used "us, our, we" I don't feel so alone. I try keeping myself busy but like u said it doesn't do much. N yeah no one noticed the household I grew up in was both violent and neglectful, so I'd dip out but outside in Southside and Westside Chicago is a warzone. Lost around 37 people since 2020, around 50+ in total and I'm only 24. Been to so many funerals, but best decision I made was leaving at 18. N too, had to kinda raise my lil sister. Also the love thing is sumn I like now actually even though it's a foreign feeling it's... idk how to put it but pleasant
Relatable. Best thing to do is leave and heal. No need to be loyal to chaos. Free yourself. Good for you.
😢
Man, I should have found this sooner, some of my friends and family have cPTSD and knowing this really helps, I am glad my family who does have cPTSD or other mental illnesses protected me from even worse mental health. I do not have it myself but I hope others reading this could gain some confidence in that you are not alone, even if you look a the other comments of this video.
Whenever I try to direct compassion inward I just end up sobbing. When someone expresses love to me in a way that makes it past my extensive network of distorting defenses and actually reaches me for a split second? Same thing. Just break down. It's all so raw. There is a hurt and lonely kid in this tired old body and he is convinced that being loved is dangerous and painful.
@ Eli Bennett Well Said! Perfectly said. I feel the exact same way.
i hear you 😔
When I first started doing this it made me sob all the time as well! I promise as you keep doing it it will start to feel more natural and you probably won't have as big a reaction. And the same thing with affection from other people; it used to make me squirm like nothing else. I think it's a good opportunity to let yourself sit in these feelings, and not push them away or avoid triggering them again, as uncomfortable as it might be in the beginning :)
I can relate. I literally unexpectedly broke down sobbing, uncontrollably, after my *ankle surgeon*, of all people, gave me a hug one time (said ankle sugeon did like, 4 surgeries on me so I knew him well lol). Got to the car and boom, couldn't stop sobbing for like, an hour lol. That was the moment when I was like "ok, something else is going on here" lol. Also had a similar thing happen after one rare car ride with a parent where they suddenly talked to me like a real human being for the first time in my 32 years of living. To then never see that side of them again. Soon as they left I started sobbing uncontrollably and couldn't stop for almost a solid hour again. That was interesting....
R u spying me? Well me being 18 and never trusted whoever showed love to me, finally understood I am not alone and people are out there like me ! Even I never had any accidents, or any death in my family, but yeah stress, family problems, over analyzing parents and their some disturbing behaviour towards me made me like that...Now I understand ! I felt emotional seeing ur comment...Let me cry 😭
This is absolutely me...to the point that I actually feel badly for even thinking it applies to me. I always try to convince myself that I have no right to feel this way, because so many others have gone through so much worse. Thank you for sharing!!
I had to keep reminding myself that emotional and verbal abuse is still traumatic. Just because something may not have been physical, or not as bad as others, doesn't mean it can't hurt. Everyone should feel safe asking for help and support, regardless of how big or small we may see the situation.
Exactly in the beginning of the vedio when he says about the terrorist attack and rape survivor.i was like bro u just did not have supportive parents and environment just think about all the refugees Sry I am not a native English speaker
If anything this understanding of yourself will make you more empathetic towards other peoples suffering, even if their trauma is worse than your own. Accepting the way you feel and why, will make you more equipped for society. All our actions have a ripple effect.
I do the same thing. I was telling my trauma therapist that part of me doesn't feel like I should be so affected because other people have had it so much worse, but another part of me knows that what is traumatic for one person isn't traumatic for another and people shouldn't compare traumas. I remember her asking me something that has stuck with me since: "So why is it different for /you/, but not everyone else?" At the time I didn't know, I just knew I felt that way. Now I realize that it was because of the bottomless self-loathing I feel for myself. I felt it was different for me because I was not worth as much as everyone else.
Me too.
The Trips I've been having have really helped me a lot,I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well
Psychedelic is the answer to most severe anxiety and depression...The use of magic mushrooms completely helps one get over depression and makes you feel like yourself...I used antidepressants for some years but it only made me feel like a zombie but with immediate use of mushroom 🍄 in few months I feel like I'm living a whole new Life.
I made researches and found out that shrooms are very helpful , it has really helped to reduce anxiety and depression and some other mental health issues..i would love to try magic mushrooms but they are hard to source!
I live in Michigan….suffering for awhile now but didnt realize how serious I may have it until recently - probably bc of @self medicating” with alcohol
Saw some reviews about myco_louiis,checked him out and I must recommend he is a genius and an experienced mycologist
On Inst
two things that arent talked about enough with ptsd; 1. fear of abandoment is a symptom or can be one. 2. hypervigilance can also mean having outbursts of anger.
Perfect. Thank you.
In January this year I read the book Complex PTSD by Pete Walker. Took me only 4 days. It was like reading my autobiography. I broke down crying uncontrollably - in front of my son on one occasion. I eventually found a therapist who practices RTT (Rapid Transformation Therapy). It changed my life.
Describe RTT
@Lonely universal potato 00 much better, thank you
If you like such literature try The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk and Soul Retrieval by Sandra Ingerman.
Im so happy to hear that!!! Wish you all the best!!
Yes! I just got that book and already only 2 chapters in I feel like this book knows me. Great suggestion!
I don't wanna die but all my life I only enjoyed only 10% of it.
Comrade Doggo I would say that is 100% CPTSD. Please look up some info about it. That is NOT YOU. This causes actual brain injuries that can be fixed! I promise 💕
I recently read that we spend 11% of our lives in REM (dreaming). I sincerely hope that 11% will be happy and fulfilling dreams for you. May those dreams carry over into your waking hours, and guide you to ''the path with heart'' that will give you joy. Metta!
10% is a stretch really
please hang in there 💜 you are loved
Yep! Me too!
Thanks for this video. A lot of these signs were once familiar, I've been struggling with this for the better part of my first thirty years and thankfully almost all of them are solved or greatly diminished now over the span of the last ten years. I wish everybody struggling with these symptoms all the strength and peace of mind in the world they need.
Sometimes denying it for so long makes me feel crazy just can’t go through it man. Keep y’all heads up 💯
I wish I could afford a trauma therapist. All of my therapists throughout my life have been like talking to a random person at a bus stop or something, and it actually just makes you relive everything over and over.
I am pretty sure I have cptsd as well, i come from a very poor family and still see my parents beating each other. I bet we can help each other since no one else can?
CPTSD has many signs, but a major one is the lack of a stable self concept. This lack leads to a terrible conundrum: a feeling of unworthiness that leads to simultaneously fearing both abandonment and enmeshment. We fear the pain of abandonment and don’t feel worthy of another’s love. We fear being attached to someone as they may engulf us and we will lose the little self that we have. We travel the world seeking love, but when we find it, we fear losing ourselves by being engulfed by the other, or being crushed by the inevitable abandonment. Nothing is safe, especially relationships. So we become hyper-vigilant, looking for microscopic proof that this person will abandon us or engulf us. Emerson reminds us that ‘what we seek is what we find’, so we see signs everywhere: our texts are returned too quickly=engulfment. Our texts aren’t returned quickly enough=abandonment. They cook for us=engulfment. They don’t cook for us=abandonment. We can never relax into anything. We look for signs of how the relationship WON’T work, rather than looking for signs of how it COULD work. And since we find what we look for, signs of impending doom are everywhere. Our survival brain screams, “Get out before they hurt you!” As the video states, this expectation of the floor dropping out may lead us to a habit of over-planning our days; but it may also lead to making no plans at all. If everything is going to fall apart anyway, why plan anything? So we spin and walk around in circles, not knowing what to do with our selves. We cannot reason ourselves out of CPTSD for a few reasons. One, our abuse or neglect may have happened as infants, when our brains had no linguistic capability, our explicit memory not yet developed. No matter how much we talk to that part of us, we can’t reach those parts of us. (See Bruce Perry’s Neurosequential Model of Therapy). Secondly, much of our trauma is stored in the body, not the mind. To access our trauma, we must access our bodies. (See VanDerKolk’s The Body Keeps the Score). Some of the symptoms described in the video have their polar opposite. While some may have trouble sleeping, others may sleep all the time. Many seek safety in solitude while others seek safety in manic, superficial socializing. We are drawn to unavailable people because they keep us safe from enmeshment and abandonment. If they live in another town, they can neither engulf nor abandon us. They seem safer because we are risking less of ourselves. We unconsciously fear cozy, warm people because those warm feelings are unfamiliar; we unconsciously seek cold or critical people because they feel familiar. Our neglectful or abusive caregivers taught us that love is cold or critical, so warmth feels alien and uncomfortable. Our fears of abandonment or enmeshment can trigger our reptilian, survival reactions of the 4Fs: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Our logical, linguistic, relational brains are switched off. Instead, 1) We Fight: we get angry and rage, becoming violent in word and/or deed; 2) We Flee: we run away either physically or mentally; 3) We Freeze: our brains and body lock up and we can't think of anything to say or do; or 4) We Fawn: we sacrifice our selves and try to appease the other. These habits are formed when we are very young and stay with us forever, unless we consciously heal. These responses often work when we are younger, but become maladaptive when we age. They help us when we are young but harm us as adults. While some may be able to seek a therapist, some cannot because we feel so unworthy that we don’t want to bother a therapist with our troubles; we are not worth it. We are not worth the expense or the therapist’s time. Or we are so ashamed of being alive and breathing air that someone else could breathe, that we fear a therapist will only ridicule or abandon us. These people may want to begin their journey of healing by reading books or watching videos. Here are a few resources that have greatly helped me along my journey: The Body Keeps the Score Bessel VanDerKolk The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog Bruce Perry Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving Pete Walker Understanding and Treating Chronic Shame Patricia DeYoung Wishing you peace and healing . .
Word up
I hope you do too. I have had a total of 12 or 13 different therapists before I came into contact with my current one. She's a schema therapist and she recently did a course on cptsd. She mentioned it to me when we scheduling an appointment and said it would be valuable for her in helping me. What I'm trying to say is, there are great therapists out there, even when you think there's no hope of finding one. Good luck to you in your journey!
Are we all living the same experience!?!!
I’ve dated people with CPTSD before, and the attraction towards more avoidant people is definitely spot on. I was often called needy just for wanting to spend time with them more than once a week.
Then youve dated idiots. I dont want to be the type to say "I have ptsd" but I definitely have that shit and in that situation Ive never blamed them. I just said Im sorry but I am like this or I ignored them when they messaged me. Not the best manner neither, but Id choose this over blaming a random person anytime
@@c_rx_sh It's true! I highly suspect one of them was actually BPD. She had a lot of the same stuff featured here, but she was also very exploitative and hypersexual.
Tbh you can’t just pin avoidance to cptsd. Because there are so many people, like me, who have this and react the exact opposite. I’ve had cptsd from my childhood for a long time now and being more aware of it now has helped me realize the unhealthy habits projected in my relationships now. I can be clingy and touchy and needy in some peoples eyes. But I also understand why someone could feel so repulsed by the idea of intimacy (not necessarily sexually). What I’m trying to say is. Avoidance can be a strong part of cptsd. But cptsd is not always going to be avoidance. Hope this gives a bit of insight
What's scary is that people tend to gravitate towards certain types of people. You could take a room full of women and I would pick ones with narcissism and mental health issues. Just tells you about the kind of man I am.
Maybe there were other reasons why they were distant 😅
I love that he says "we", it makes me feel like I'm not alone in my struggles. It warmed my heart.tnx😍
After 25 years of being strong, my body just broke down. My fight of flight response won’t switch off, I feel like I’m in danger even tho there’s nothing threatening happening. I think this is what I am, thank you for this video, I’m finally able to get the help I need
I used to wonder if anyone else felt like this when I was a kid. I've just turned 50 and I now know that I was carrying so much un-discharged energy in my nervous system that I literally couldn't function and when I was 18...I thought I was schizophrenic. 4 years ago my therapist told me that "if you have the presence of mind to wonder if you're schizophrenic...... you're definitely not schizophrenic". He was (and still is) my Gandalf. I have all the symptoms (and miraculously, all my marbles!) but have only fairly recently admitted to myself just how awful and scary my childhood and young adulthood was. I used to wear it like a badge of honour... like it made me tough or something. Once you come to terms with and finally accept what happened... it slowly begins to change. And let your wounded inner child know you would never let them go through such things and that they are loved beyond measure. It actually works. ❤❤❤❤❤
I have always wanted to be a hermit. My mantra everyday just to keep going was "Suicide is always an option". My promise to myself after the third attempt was never again because I didn't really want to die, I just didn't know how to live. Now 27 years after that promise I have grandchildren that I am so happy to be here for.
Your words are very honest and gives me courage to live my own life. Thank you for sharing
@Brad Johnson be strong. Suicide is rarely the answer. We know nothing of the nextlife. Be well.
It warms my heart that you found happiness
@Moonshyngirl - I've had three attempts as well. My only regret is not having succeeded! Life is living HELL! I'm glad you found your way out ......
@@puk4763 @P Uk - we don't have to know what comes after we die. All we do know is this present life is not tolerable! ANYTHING is worth trying when your living in HELL!
Best explanation of C-PTSD I have heard The anxiety and uncertainty is soul destroying Raising children to be broken adults is sickening - Lack of love - spot on
I love my kids so hard. I give them everything emotionally thati l didn't have
@@YasAdele90 🤎💙🤎💙 Ayy Shotout to the great Mothers and Fathers 🤞🏾💪🏾
It's not always a lack of love, it's a lack in understanding of how to love properly. There's a difference here.
@@alletsa1575 It has the same result
@@alletsa1575 I understand. We don’t have a rule book on love and individual children’s needs. If there’s abuse involved the kid’s in trouble.
Psychedelic’s definitely have potential to deal with mental health symptoms like anxiety and depression, I would like to try them again but it’s just so hard to source here
Psychedelics are the reason why i didn’t take my life when i was at my end. I was stripped of my ego and saw the beauty of life and interconnectivity and even though i still battle anxiety and depression, I’m doing better everyday and will never think in such a self destructive way again.
LSD and mushrooms completely changed my whole outlook on life. I became a better version of myself This experience gave me a lot of confidence about my self and my body. A bunch of bad thought / behavior patterns were broken. One of these was pretty bad OCD that made me wash my hands a lot. It gave me a lot of hope that things will be fine, this is the one thing that I heard throughout the trip: Everything is alright. The main reason for the trip was my severe depression and it definitely helped me (although it's not gone). Before all I could do was lay in bed. Now I am trying to rebuild my life one step at a time which wasn't possible before."
[_James_tray] Got psychs
@@sarahh321 Where to search?? Is it IG?
Last year, I took shrooms at Las Vegas thinking it was going to hit like an edible or something. Shit was scary at first but amazing once you start getting deeper into your thoughts
This video made me realize how much healing Ive done. There are flashbacks that will never go away but Im now more hopeful, mentally/emotionally stronger and not so negative.
Everyone in the comments is so nice and helpful to each other.
Trauma can create deep empathy 💖
people do need little help... not every commect section are bad...
One's own pain makes him/her solidary; not wanting to see other people go through the same shit.
@@ilkku239 True
@@thaliakate444 and its in this empathy and shared trauma where we're able to find community, understanding and compassion, and not so much alienation..
"The root cause of CPTSD is a lack of love." It NEVER hit me until now. My mom used to physically abuse me and my siblings specifically while my dad was at work. She un-schooled us, kept us trapped in an isolated house in an isolated town while he abandoned us with her for ten hours a day. She got addicted to opioids and spent seven entire years in bed, mostly asleep, causing all kinds of shit. My sister had to raise me and my brothers, my dad emotionally cheated on her because she was emotionally absent. She got out of that, but now she just sits in the corner scrolling away on conspiracy theories, repeating them to us 24/7 and making no effort to engage in what WE'RE doing. Meanwhile, my dad has done nothing but enable her, sit there with his balls between his legs and never defended us or protected us from her. Which he still refuses to do. I thought I just had anxiety, but now I think I have CPTSD from how god-awful this living envornment is. I need to get OUT.
You can call cps on your own parents. Introducing other healthy minded people to the circumstances may help (not that that is cps directly).
This is my ex wife. She was\is a severe alcoholic and bullimic. Its been a hard 9 years, the length of time my son has been alive. We divorced last year and my dad died a week prior. Its been an 18 month long $37000 custody battle. Plus covid, it was really hard last year and im really messed up by it. All of it and i will never be the same again. Take care of yourself. Do yourself a favor, stay in school and get a good job/career so that you can be in control of your life.
@@shornandkenny Good advice mate. My ex (and daughter's mother) is similar but turns violent towards me and after 7 years of dealing with her damage I find myself split between despising her and still wanting to help her heal. She had the most hideous childhood and was married to a man who physically and emotionally abused her and their children for 13 years. She became the abuser. I'm not perfect but I have certainly suffered my own damage after our 8 year relationship. I just try to see and be my best for our daughter and deal with her barrage when I have to communicate with her. I thank God everyday that she is out of my house but I suffer from the anxiety of knowing she'll never truly be out of my life.
Ur still going threw it now ?
@@accradata That's what I hate the most. I want my mom out of my life, but she's so engraved in the family that we can never truly get rid of her. My dad can try to kick her out, but he's too much of q coward to have any hard conversations with her, and she probably won't leave. At the thought of rejection she just threatens suicide every time, and she one time cut her wrists and had to go to the hospital over a fight they had, so she's capable. And he can't stand up to her because of that situation. The sad reality is that this is HIS fight, and he's not gonna fight it. All of his kids are gonna grow up and move out, and he's gonna be left with her alone and never get to see us because we'll have to go through her.
This video is absolutely amazing. I have been officially diagnosed with Complex PTSD and everything mentioned is 100% accurate. I have forwarded this video to ĺoved ones to help them fully understand this evil condition
We need to learn to love someone we hated beyond measure..... OURSELVES! ❤ That is a very powerful message and lesson we with ptsd need to apply in order to heal forgive yourself and learn to love yourself again.
its hard when your undiagnosed because you dont know if you have a disorder or your just a terrible person-
That's so fucking real I'm literally 12 and wished I wasn't alive since 8 💔. Fucking hell idk what to do 🖤. Depression... 😫
@@rubiin15 I love you. You are NOT a "terrible person" no matter what you've done or gone through in your life. I promise. Please keep fighting. You will find the people and places that make you feel loved and safe if you just keep looking.
so true... and that hurts.
Hey friendly remainder when you are doing well you know you're doing well you feel you are doing well. If you doubt if you need help then you probably do indeed need help. Being undiagnosed doesn't invalidate your emotions nor your experience
It's you're not your
Anyone ever thought how life would be without these traumatic experiences and what came after. What kind of human beings would we be without scars? The energy we would have, the love we would radiate, the achievements we would accomplish, and the money we would save from spending on therapy. I checked 11 of 12.
I started writing down things I remember from my childhood, mostly from ages 2 to 13 or so. I call it "What He Might Have Been". My favorite aunt, now (sadly) deceased, once told me she thought I'd be either an astronaut or a serial killer. I've leaned towards the former, thankfully.
I checked 12/12... And when he said bad impact from parents, I literally cried..
Yes we need to find net strength.. it’s how I feel that I don’t need therapy to forget past but it makes me stronger snd if anything I want to speak my Mind and stand up for my boundaries.. I don’t want some pathetic sympathy but I want justice and in some other videos I have seen on Sigma women is we take our revenge when time is right by standing up our grounds and shining through our struggles
Same I didn’t think I would even check five 😔 this honestly brought me to tears 😭 now I understand myself a bit to be completely honest I think of my self as all of the above 👆🏻 but now I just feel less crazy less alone I just have this big knot 🪢 in my throat as I type this idk what to do with myself and I want so bad to get out of this rut but it’s not I just confirmed it’s PTSD from childhood things that happened honestly my husband contributes to it and he doesn’t know I think I been like this my whole life for all the trauma but when I got married 11 yrs ago I think it got me the worse and 11yrs later I have two beautiful kids 11 and 9 and I’m just barely pushing day by day and it’s so sad I feel helpless and alone in this world I feel misunderstood forever ☹️😖😭
@@StAyWeIrD95 i feel the same way, powerless, helpless, entirely misunderstood and broken
This is absolutely the most accurate video I have seen today. I hit all 12 of these signs. This is exactly me at this point, my guard is never down.
Thank you mister! I needed this..Glad also for your reference to "ourselves" makes it more...human :)
As a mom suffering from a child loss, this was beautifully written. Thank you for being a ray of sunshine in my bleak grey world right now.
Sorry to hear that. I hope you are doing okay. Stay strong. Your child would've never wanted to see you sad. So, try to smile as much as you can. May you get the strength to recover from your loss.
Ashley, on a TV programme the other night, Alastair Campbell quoted a phrase, "Grief is the price we pay for love". Apparently, The Queen said it after the 9/11 tragedy. Perhaps you can find some comfort in those words. Take care!
I am very sorry for your loss. That is every parent's worst nightmare. I extend a virtual hug if you would like one. ❤
You are not alone.
My uncle lost his child in a car accident. He turned to anger and resentment unfortunately and cut himself off from the rest of the family. This isn't what my cousin would of wanted at all, he was so happy go lucky all the time. You gave a soul a life, even if that life was cut short it was still a life. Hope you find peace, my heart goes out to you.
If you've experienced trauma, consider reading The Body Keeps The Score by Bessell Van Der Kolk. I have experienced CPTSD for 31 years and found it immensely empowering and helpful to understand the science of trauma and its impact on the brain. Also: don't wait for a diagnosis. If, like me, you don't want to go through years of jumping through hoops and ticking boxes by taking SSRIs in order to be worthy of further investigation by doctors, (although no judgement if you do want to take them!), best thing if you suspect you are suffering is do your own research and seek treatment/therapy accordingly on your own terms. You know your body like no one else does!
Amy Turk Omg - this book changed my life! Everyone who has experienced trauma *must* read it.
Have either of you tried the treatments introduced in the back? any thoughts?
I wish I had enough attention span to read a book
Brandon Muñoz listen to it on audible! You get one free download.
Also consider checking out the book Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker!
This video made me realise that I have C-PTSD. Not like I did not take that into account through earlier introspections, but almost every single one applies to me or all of those applied to me in the past at least. I've made my decision after that video and I will go with it to the therapist. Thank you SoL.
“We need to relearn to love someone we very unfairly hate beyond measure - ourselves” Your last line sums it all up Grateful for this 🙏
My mother was a borderline personality disorder. Insane rages. I'm over 50 and only really started processing her abuse a few years ago. I function in society but I'm screaming inside.
Same, it took me about 15 years to start to process and understand what happened too.
I think everyone is watching me & I see videos & hear songs about me on people cellular telephones. 😊
So sorry to hear that yes sometimes it takes years to heal from those experiences.
May have a Disorganized Attachment style
I have lived a life of mental abuse and only 3 years ago found info on narcissists. I am now 68, & have been trying to absorb and start to doing some healing. My mom is a 93 year old narc. on steroids...with dementia as an added bonus. Looking at the list, I would say I have at least 8 of the signs of PTSD. I am too old for all this crap...seems like too much to handle at my age. Not only is my body breaking down from a lifetime of stress, but now I have finally realized, my mental state is in question too. But...there is no choice but to carry on and try to work on healing.
That bliss in loneliness, the routine, the suicidal tenancies, the small criticism causing big internal hurt and so many more hit so hard.
We are together 💕❤️
shit that sounds like me too
kzhead.info/sun/lbWJmdWrqIWhjHk/bejne.html
@@victorfisher6070 poser kzhead.info/sun/lbWJmdWrqIWhjHk/bejne.html
@Alan Doyle do it.
Hey there, I wanted to say that I was feeling pretty down before watching this video but the advice at the end that you gave to forgive ourselves really helped me feel better. Thanks for that.
Thank you for creating this. It is life affirming. I work with new fathers experiencing mental health difficuties. I have been through my own journey with trauma related to my upbringing, emotional neglect, lack of love and safety, my then witnessing and caring for one of the perpetrators of this, my dad who got alzheimers in 2018 and died in 2020 mid pandemic. The ongoing mental health issues from this whole experience are varied and complex. On the surface I am a gregarious, loving, high functioning dad and husband, but constant exhausting battles with my mind ensue. Some days/weeks better than others. But always a navigating, finding peace in the gaps between. This is the first and most complete explanation of my experiences, it made me cry with relief. Thank you. I can now refer to this, share this as a way to explain my perspective and help others find theirs.
Look up ☝️☝️that handle, he’s got the best tips and helps. I’ve microdosed shrooms for about 6 months now and it has really helped my CPTSD, anxiety and depression and I’ll recommend it for anyone.
I still suffered every year on Christmas. My daughter would have been 31, we lost her as an infant, her heart stopped on Christmas Eve. I came to terms with the traumatic experiences of my childhood, the symptoms of terror from the robbery (fear every time I went into a store, terror of guns and strangers) when I was younger, but the holidays still have a dark spot, usually when alone late on Christmas Eve. So many years of wrapping presents for my family, trying to wipe away the tears before they left a mark on the paper or bows. This year my youngest child turned fifteen and we decided to not have the traditional Christmas, due to the pandemic and money being tight. This is the first time I've not had pain at Christmas in decades. No tree, no decorations, one small present for each of us. Just spending time together. And this video appears on my recommendation. I feel like I have a great burden lifted, I feel empty, but not the black/red/sharp images every time I close my eyes. I feel like I am just an empty vessel waiting to be filled, and looking forward to tomorrow. I still wonder what you would have been in the world and as a person, Amy, but it doesn't hurt to think of you anymore. I am ready to try to live again. Finally, I am at peace.
I would like to send you a big virtual hug! I hope you find peace in your life
May God give you peace and acceptance. Hugs
Funny on the paranoia, as I barely watched Narccicus and Echo and how they met in the forest less than a day ago and now this video was suggested and you are the first few comments that show up.But hey, It's not paranoia if its real.
Lol
Bless you 🥺
Waking up in the middle of the night, afraid of things... Does that happen to you too?
Yup. With a racing heart.
it a jerking it more like you falling or feel like you r forgeting something...
All the time..🙁 I get nocturnal panic attacks. They are terrifying.
yes😫
Yes. Feel... unsafe
this is by many means one of the best short videos to help figuring out if you yourself have this. Im really thankful for it. I think now I need to digest this...
I suffer from PTSD myself and when I first found out in 2021 I found this very helpful to understand a little bit more about it
d-does anyone else ever feel like if u love yourself you will become a narcissist? or is it just me-
Yes!
why do you stutter in text
Loving yourself isn't what makes a narcissist. An inflated sense of self-importance, deep (but hidden) insecurity leading to an excessive need for external attention, and a lack of empathy for others is what makes someone a narcissist.
@@ponponpatapon9670 it's a way to convey the emotions behind the words, as one would do irl. The feelings I get from the comment are: disbelief, hope, anxiety, recognition, fear of rejection and an eagerness to bond. I can actually imagine the person stuttering, I can hear the tone of their voice, the expression on their face and their body language.
Either we love ourselves or hate ourselves. What's the balance? I have come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter what you think of yourself. Other people will hate you regardless. Therefore, the way I think about myself will no longer be available for observation. 🤪
Trauma is personal. It does not disappear if it is not validated. When it is ignored or invalidated the silent screams continue internally heard only by the one held captive. When someone enters the pain and hears the screams healing can begin.
Sounds pretty scary
@Adora Belle make sure you credit them. Good luck with your book.
Whatever you are experiencing is not what I experience as CPTSD. That sounds social/emotional, while my experience is psychological and physical.
@@stevedoetsch It would encompass all.
Wow this was helpful 👌
I think 8 applied to me definitely brought about by a challenging childhood. I’d not heard of CPTSD until today; perhaps another piece of the jigsaw that may help me move forward. Thanks for posting. 🙏
FINALLY a summary of my reality. I couldn’t in a million years explain it like this. I’m just living it.
For those of you watching this and realizing this is exactly their situation: you are definitely not alone in this. I struggled for years trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Ive gone through a good 19 years of physical/emotional abuse at the hands of a narcissistic unstable mother, and feel for those who have gone through similar experiences seeing firsthand how difficult living with CPTSD can be. Still stuck in this hole but theres always hope for things to get better, no matter how awful if youre here reading this, you've made it this far in life and Im so proud of you. Take care ❤️
So true, sending hugs your way!! Keep the faith ❤️
Yes i made this far. And it's boring to leave with this. It's hell time to quit.
I almost passed out at work today, I had to go to the bathroom and cry, i think I started to release 40 years of trauma. Side note, I mentioned to my mother about my issues with blood sugar and life issues. The only response I got was she said she's coming into the kitchen later to get some wine and walked away. Took me decades to accept that as a response
I feel you. I grew up with that kind of mom too
I'm just realizing how messed up I am, but I'm only 15, my family is not supportive and mental health to them is just attention seeking, I haven't been hugged in years, and honestly hate the idea of being hugged now, I can't maintain any friendships, I'm venting in a fucking youtube comment section cause I have no friends that I trust, I act very tough at day but when night comes around and I'm alone with my thoughts I have a total breakdown. Even if I open my shit up, which I tried doing before, I don't think my family would use any of their resources to get me some help, I'm slowly falling apart, my tough carefree happy image type of teenager is slowly showing its cracks, I want to just go see a therapist so they can tell me wtf is wrong with me, which I suspect to be cptsd as I was raised in an emotionally abusive and physical abusive household. Someone please fucking tell me what I should do because I really am starting to lose my hope and will to do shit about it, maybe I'd just lay here and die.
I had no idea this was even a thing. I was abused physically and mentally for my first 16 years of life. All this applies and makes me feel understood
Explains a lot, doesn't it?
just make sure to actually go to a professional and not diagnose yourselves with something so serious
Agree!! Really recognized myself in this video. Felt good!
You *may* have DID but that is super unlikely.
“One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.” “Out of your vulnerabilities will come your strength.” -Sigmund Freud "What is most personal is most universal." "What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly." -Carl Rogers Hey there!,! You should check out our "Enlightening Quotes" videos ft. Sigmund Freud & Carl Rogers. Our channel is passionate about psychology education so that everyone everywhere can live a healthier life. Our goal is to create a free source of #DigitalTherapy for our subscribers. “We deserve some respect. You deserve some respect. You are important to other people, as much as to yourself. You have some vital role to play in the unfolding destiny of the world.” -Jordan Peterson
I was diagnosed with this today and this is the first video that really helped me understand it better. Thanks to it's creator.
I'm living with a sibling struggling with this and it is painful to watch and even harder to help them 💔 😕 😪 please if you have a family member who struggles please do the research and help them and yourself! It can be stressful and confusing! I use to think it was me but having a better understanding it gives me compassion and true love for the soul of my sister! Thanks for this video!
"We look mean we are in fact defenseless" very well said 😔
That's my dad to a "t". The more I learn about myself, the more I learn about my father, who I used to hate because he was a tyrant and an agressive, absent father. Basically my parents are two traumatized people who came together in an unhealthy relationship and made traumatized children. I am staunchly childfree.
All this time I thought I was introverted, meanwhile I resonate with all 12 signs of PTSD. I never wanted to accept that my childhood trauma still affects me, but this video has encouraged me to seek help from a counselor. Thanks for your ever-helpful videos xx
I'm definitely still introverted and prefer being alone or with a few people, but I talked to a few people and it helped a lot. Mind you, I also have other struggles and felt I had to hide my disabilities for a while and I think that's why I still feel so tired around people. I tend to take on their emotions (like empathy to the extreme), plus I don't feel safe being myself around others due to my past, and it's a lot of work to fake it.
You don't have PTSD
@@MC-wh3xm What is wrong with you.
@@MC-wh3xm Shut up
@@MC-wh3xm How would you know? Are you them? Are you an omnipotent being who knows everything? Kinda rude, yknow
Thank you so much for this! I really needed it. This reminds me of the scene in Goodwill Hunting with Robin Williams and Matt Damon…it brings so much closure and tears.
Thank you, feels good to know that I am not alone. And there is someone who actually took the time to acknowledge my situation.
Gosh this made me cry. I never knew my parents were part of my CPTSD diagnosis. I remember being hit as a child for simply talking to a boy at school, not romantically, just saying bye to him. It was conditional love. My mother still to this day brainwashes me into thinking that we had a 'glamorous' childhood. When social workers came to our house, my mum gave us lollipops to make it look like we were having fun. I was also, so afraid of the social workers going to the house. I still remember my dad giving me a chilling and disgusted look after I did that. My mum would always say 'awww you hate me so much, you hate me, I know you hate me' when the social workers would visit. Soon enough, I lied to them, telling them everything was okay, just so I didn't have to face the guilt of seeing my mother so upset. When really, I just wanted safety in my family home at the age of 14.
i hear you girl 😔
Mother does exact same thing and still does 40 years later. My friends are bad for me. I don’t love her enough. My kid is fat. My house is a mess. I am bit doing enough as a full time working solo parent…right…
Yeah. I wish I didn’t, but I know what you mean. Im 58, and still can’t really let it go…
Breaks my heart:(
seems like she had some problems of her own too, thats usually how it works. hurt people, hurt people.
Don’t tell people what you’re dealing with they’ll factually exploit it to try to use it against you in a negative way
Context exclusive to this post
@Testa Rossa remember your words are important 9/10 if you come across those narcissistic people acting like they don’t understand after you know you’ve made yourself clear in multiple ways internalize their actions a understand it’s Them deliberately trying to attack u mentally
@@SeedsAndStuff wow
@@SeedsAndStuff so tru
somewhat true... I think it depends very much if you have at least one friend who you really trust. I have a friend who also has CPTSD and we really understand each other :). .... but def I have told people who exploited it.
Wow. That resonated 😳. Coming from a home where everything looked good to the outsider but felt unsafe to me was difficult to cope with. Parents were OK, not terrible people, we had a nice home with good food, toys and holidays but there was no love. And constant criticism plus an alcoholic father, and a mother who disengaged made me feel unloved and so sad. Therapy has helped. It's taken years to feel I might actually be attractive and not ugly at all. Five yrs ago I'd never post a photo of me anywhere, I couldn't even look in a mirror! Hopefully my experiences taught me to be a better mother and my children are loved and told they're loved too. Never once was I told I was loved as a child, teenager or adult! But now I'm feeling so much better and have strength to carry on after many times of not wanting to be on this earth. I didn't even know I had ptsd until recently!
Look up ☝️☝️that handle, he’s got the best tips and helps. I’ve microdosed shrooms for about 6 months now and it has really helped my CPTSD, anxiety and depression and I’ll recommend it for anyone.
This came at the right time for me. Thank you for this. My mom cut me out of the will officially last week and made sure to tell me about it. Between that, and my father threatening to kill me and my kids 2 months ago, and promising to distroy my life, I completely fell apart again and havnt been ok since. I know those are not ideal situations, amd would shock anyone, but it shouldn't debilitate me to the point where I cant physically function. It doesnt take much now and I am crippled. I have been struggling to discribe what I feel. I dont want to die, I wish I was never born. I dont hate myself, but they hate each other so I hate the body I was born into. Trying to pull it together in every way possible. It aint going well, but i think this video will help me go forward. Thank you.
In 8 minutes I learned more about my CPTSD and felt more “heard” than with any therapist ever. Tells you all you need to know about therapy in the US. I’m not joking. I’ve had therapists shame me for some of these reactions to life.
My therapist blamed me for my abuse and another therapist always picked my parents side without even listening to my siblings or I sides. It's extremely hard to find a good therapist. I thankfully found one but went through a counselor, a psychologist, another counselor, and a therapist before I found someone who actually helped.
@@themagicalllama8514 oh Jesus, hope you're okay, that honestly scares me
I mean, good ones exist lol.
I mean yeah, but you have to go through hopes to find one. Just because there are good ones doesn't lessen the negative effects a bad one can have on you.
Do yourself a favour and dont refer to is as "MY" CPTSD. Your identifying with it as if your protecting it. People do this alot with depression but if you really want to end it you need to see it at an unwelcome part of your current paychology and reconnect with the you from before this all started.
I tried to love a person with complex PTSD + bpd.. it was a nightmare, but she really knew how to support, how to be kind, but thought she didn't deserve love. heartbreaking.
What happened man
Hope she got the help she deserved ♥️
I tried the same, and it destroyed me. Still rebuilding my life and self 5yrs later. She could be sweet for short sprints, but overall she was toxic as all hell. If you “never know which person you’ll get” when you show up to their place, leave the relationship. Period. Right there. The Jekyll and Hyde thing will ruin you, and what you might stand to gain is absolutely NOT worth it. Run. Run while you can.
@@TwinTalon01 its kinda cruel how you view them in that way, they can’t help it, they truly love the person but they are afraid, thats why you always have to understand that mentally ill people aren’t easy to be with, but if you truly care, you have to understand our struggles, saying that would only make us hate ourselves more
@@TwinTalon01 why you talk like people with ptsd and bordeline are all the same?its way more complicated.
This is the best video on PTSD on YT by far. Succinct and clear. I know because I've got it.
Listening to this reminds me that even now, at 69 yrs of age, I still embody ALL of these PTSD traits to the level of caricature. My Dad was a violently abusive narcissist that made it his mission in life to make sure he destroyed any hope of normalcy or happiness for both my Mother and myself. Sadly, he largely succeeded.
😢😢😢
"We associate bliss with having to see no one ever." Spending Christmas alone by choice. That sentence sums me up.
Yet, feeling guilty and selfish that you want to spend time to yourself on such a festive holiday. No? Just me? Okay.
Christmas alone squad unite
@@3dini I normally see my niece and nephews but I felt worse this year. It could be the quarantine and new variants. I just felt too overwhelmed 😞 I still feel bad I didn't see them
Same.
Hey man, you'll get em next year. It's not the last holiday, keep working and eventually it won't feel like quite "so much". I'm going to my first family Christmas in the last 2 or 3 years today. Ya know a month ago it really felt like too much, but my mom asked me 3 weeks ago and It felt achievable, so i'm gunna go for it. There's 2 episodes of parks and rec where 2 characters do a day once a year they call "treat yo self", and its an awesome premise the way they handle it in the show. Cuz It feels like everyone else is working half as hard and having twice as much fun as I am sometimes if you go on FB (which I dont) or look at socials. The point is, you aint gotta do a whole day of straight ballin' out to treat yo self, it can be hitting the grocery store and grabbing dope snacks for the week. But try it out sometime when you've been doing well paper-wise and just treat yo self! Just get that $80 game (with a friend if possible, socialize a lil) and tear through it in the evenings with em online, or get that weird $150 *thing* you've wanted to do a hobby. Isolation isn't the worst thing in the world, but without direction it can be. Hobbies help in my opinion. Also gives you something to talk about with people. Take care man, wishing the best for you! :D Keep your stick on the ice, im pullin for ya!
I've had complex PTSD from childhood sex abuse, bullying, rape. I was a single mother at the age of 16. I've had another string of events that only multiplied it. I pray everyday that God will help heal me.
I wish you both all the well 🙌❤️
my god u are so strong, hope u will heal dear
I hope we turn out alright too. It's like being up against a wall fighting everyone.
💚💙💜
You should try hypnosis therapy. It has been working splendidly for me so far when nothing else has. Wishing you the best.
This is so hard for me to realize. I have come to the devastating realization that my poor mother has had ptsd in her childhood. I am weeping because she’s spent the last 30 years alone and has dealt with this all by herself while at the same time trying to be the best mother she can be. My brother and I have had to deal with her catastrophizing, Lack of sleep, complaining, fears, negativity and gloom. We’ve always reacted to the symptoms and spent our emotional capital resenting her neediness, negativity and nees for attention . What a shameful waste. I wish I would have understood her, to see WHY she is the way she is. Right now I type this with tears. My mother is with me on vacation and I realize that I have little time left with her. The thought of her going through this breaks my heart but whats the most difficult is realizing that I broke her heart when ai get mad at her. Demanding that she explain her behaviour and her responding that she doesn’t know. Love your fam and your mother but most importantly seek to u understand them. The way she grasps my hand with her frail hands. The realization that every night she sleeps alone. With no human touch. Everything to her is her children. Help me not get mad at her again. Thank you for reading this because I am weeping and cannot tell anyone. I don’t have anyone. I need to ve steong for her in her final years and just love her. She won’t change and I want out memories to be happy