The Sex-Starved Relationship
2015 ж. 22 Қар.
8 345 637 Рет қаралды
Not having enough sex in a relationship could sound like a rather trivial issue, to be laughed off in front of others. But in truth, a shortage of sex threatens relationships like almost nothing else - and deserves thought and attention.
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It's not just about the lack of sex itself, the toll it takes when you feel rejected by the one closest to you cuts deep and makes you feel unwanted and unattractive. You feel dirty or uncaring for wanting it and it really wears you down.
Are you me? I told her almost the exact thing here, 4 months later she left me.
Yes to that
Told my wife the same thing almost word for word. She replied " I'm sorry it makes you feel that way but I'm just not interested in sex" is that not the most selfish twisted thing you've ever heard?
@@corytrevorson1411 it's a little more twisted and selfish to try and force her to do something she doesn't want to do bud
Like the rest here in this thread, I relate to this comment. This is me at the moment. 4 years ago me and my girlfriend would have amazing sex everyday. In turn that gave me the confidence I needed for my work and my social interactions. As years go by after the birth of our daughter, things changed. At first I understood that she was too tired of taking care of our child. Ever since then sex started to becoming less frequent. I'm lucky that we can do it a time in a month and I have gone 3 months of no sex because of the same old excuse. That translated to me having almost no self confidence now. Thoughts of having an affair was on my head but sad part is I'm unattractive so that would be near impossible. Uh well sucks to be me I guess.
What I've learned from this channel over the years: *Lack of communication ruins **_everything._*
absolutely!!
Yes. But a good communication can sometimes only find a way out of the situation via divorce.
Lack of options would be more apropos. Scarcity makes people put up with anything. Just leave.
Communication an opinion is the base to build understanding
Everyone knows this, but many have not been taught HOW to communicate properly. THAT is the key.
1 of the most difficult things is to tell the person you love that you are feeling sexually neglected, lonely, and unwanted by them. It's a pressure that can feel so overwhelming and painful. Especially if after openly sharing it with them, they reject that or nothing changes.
That's what it's like for me.
What are you really supposed to do it feels like I would be invalidating how they feel js by expressing how I do
I tell her how I feel and it somehow ends up as “all you care about is sex” which just isn’t true at all
I only ever actually want sex once a month when I’m on my period 😂 other than that I will do it because I feel obligated to.
Whewww
The worst feeling is when you communicate these feeling clearly to your partner and are met with "Stop trying to guilt me into sex". I wasn't trying to guilt you, I wanted to know why you didn't want me.
Find someone who wants you, period.
Exactly
That's when you get the fuck out. But there are a lot of women who just have low sex drives - and are honest about it. Personally, if I was in a relationship with a woman who had EVERYTHING else I was looking for - I'd be able to accept that. But most men don't have the self-discipline to do that and end up fooling around.
I get always get this response "life isn't all about sex, you should stop asking me". Despite it being true, it became a red flag for me since we weren't doing anything for MONTHS.
Same, word for word. I can’t speak to her, she just gets angry and turns it round that I’m unreasonable. And when we do have sex, it’s very much she’ll just lay there and wait for me to hurry up and get it over with. “live isn’t all about sex” “why does everything have to be able sex?” “maybe we’d have sex if you didn’t keep guilting me into it” - tried that, I never mentioned sex once in three months. Didn’t work.
"When there's *enough sex it's 10%* of the relationship. When there's *no sex it's 90% of the relationship."*
Sorry i am not good at English but could you please elaborate? What does it mean? I am interested.
Wow. You're so right! lol
Very well said Allison. I don’t think I could describe it better. You hit the nail on the head with your comment.
Samurai what this means is, when there’s enough sex in a relationship, then sex is not a problem. This allows couples to focus on other things. financial situations , traveling , spending time together, etc.. On the other hand, when there is not enough sex , one partner is not happy. That usually leads to both partners being unhappy. In that instance sex is 90%. Because it’s a big problem within the relationship.
Galaxy _TheBeast Wow now I got the meaning! Thank you very much!!
I am very sex starved. And I always communicate that and how it makes me feel ugly and unwanted and self conscious about myself. And nothing ever changed. I feel like I have a roommate.
Jenn Stephenson, I feel the exact same way!! So frustrating, I hope things are looking up for you now
Same here
Jenn Stephenson I literally feel the exact same 😭
Jenn Stephenson me too. it's very very lonely.
I know exactly how that feels, now we are seperated and still roomates
Getting rejected for sex is not a fun thing to experience regularly. Your partner getting angry with you for even asking is absolutely brutal.
Been there and even though the relationship has ended 6 years ago, that feeling still haunts me.
not really, constantly asking your partner when they are uncomfortable is also brutal
@@Mayawamaq Who said constantly? Is it brutal to ask for sex once every month or two? Dropping sex after 20 years because you don't feel like it anymore is selfish. I do a lot of things for my wife that I don't like to do. I don't think it's too much to ask to continue a sexual relationship that has a significant precedent. I say this excluding any actual medical condition such as painful intercourse because that is understandable.
@@OShackHennessy who said its every month or 2? in this example it seems more persistent. its not everyday in a while but an everyday issue. no, losing your sx drive witch is something thats happens with age is NOT selfish, you are not a selfish person for not being intersted in intercorse. you would be a selfish person if you try and force you partner to do something you know makes them unconfutable and dont want to do bc you want it. you don't care how your partner is feeling all you care about is sx. the world dose not revolve around you. you would willing make your partner feeling harassed and cornered and unconfutable do to your selfish disaries?
@@Mayawamaq I guess we need to cater to one person then, no compromise. You don't want sex then no one gets sex. This is how women think and it's called selfish.
It’s the rejection for me. When you communicate and discuss your feelings and feel invalidated.
Same here, but in opposite for me. I’m a female, and I have been rejected so many times and never been liked back, I have given up hope for anything. Even if i were to be in a relationship with someone, I don’t think i’d ever feel comfortable with sex. Jokes, sure. Hugs and cuddling is perfectly fine- i just feel broken for not wanting sex ever. I guess what i mean is that we are both different sides of the same coin. I hope your troubles are solved and you and your partner can work things out in a way that both of you are happy.
I think you need to do a video on the emotional starved relationship, where one person puts in no effort for affection but expects sex.
It’s cause and effect
@@jeffgraham436 Read the 5 languages of love and maybe you will understand why I said that.
thats a narsasistic person-
Stop It you get affection from sex that’s your problem right there
Stop It you didn’t watch the whole video, apparently.
Divorce; starts in the bedroom, ends in the courtroom.
Now that's the best I've ever heard it put . And so true just like a marriage isn't just a piece of paper. It starts with the relationship.
.. usually from the man CHEATING.... not always though, and yes women cheat too .
@@1besieged at this point JP would be asking for the data.......
1besieged no food at home? easy, just go to the restaurant 🤷♂️
@@1besieged Observation: Far more frequently, the man cheats because the wife turned the bedroom into a freezer. Not in all cases, of course, there are always exceptions. However, most women *know* if they're getting involved with a man who is a womanizer, or is a bad boy, or is unreliable. If they choose to stay involved in such a relationship, then wind up getting cheated on, they are partially if not wholly to blame for being delusional. Only if a man makes a legitimate commitment *then* breaks it without some reasonable cause, is she pretty much off the hook. Of course, females are averse to responsibility, _that's why it's always his fault_ even if she was an abusive harpy who maliciously withdrew sex and affection in order to get him to do what she wanted. She's the victim....right? Things are not as straightforward as most meatbags often wish to portray them to be. However, the general thrust of this video is correct. Honest communication solves virtually ALL of these problems.
Everyday it comes down to the question “is love enough to stay together?”Because I do love her very much, but there’s no way around our sexual incompatibility. I just wish I knew this aspect of myself before looking for anything serious
Reading through this comment section made me feel understood and gave me back hope. My last relationship ended a few days ago, and probably the main reason was the lack of sex. We love each other immensely, we were caring, we talked and actively listen to each other, but she always had serious difficulties with sex, and I was no exception. We talked a lot about it, decided to make some moves but she didn't want to take the commitment for the moves to take any relevant effect. It felt that every agreement only increased her comfort zone around not having sex. The worst thing was that one of the ideas we tried was that she, and only she, would try to initiate sex. But she didn't try to increase her libido in any way, nor solve her traumas that blocked the idea of sex being something natural. I always supported her self-steem, and I truly truly loved her body. Seeing her was sometimes well beyond enough for to turn me on. But she just used this agreement to increase her comfort zone so she didn't have to face her traumas or make an effort, and when I tried to look for sex back again she though of me as an invasive person. I felt, and still feel, like shit because of everything that came from it. The thoughs of not being enough, than even when "you're the best boyfriend ever" you're missing something. I have now to remove myself from under the dumpster of toxic thoughs I told myself about this whole situation. I know they are not true, but when you love someone and truly want to make things work with her you start to justify why things are not working in order to reduce your own expectations, and you start to think less and less about yourself to do that. My selfsteem is garbage now and, as I said at the start, this video and this comment section made me feel understood, for I was still thinking I did something wrong.
You obviously were just lacking self control.
Do you really believe that or are you just being sarcastic? Because if you believe it I think you disregarded the comment in and on itself
@@sarahrobertson634 You obviously haven't read his comment properly
I have similar feelings. My last partner was almost not interested in sex with me, in 2 years there were about 7 times. At the beginning of the relationship, he warned about his trauma, assumed that he was asexual, said that his past girlfriend blamed him a lot because of this. Therefore, I tried to be the most sensitive and gentle person, never to ask for anything. He didn't even mind me having sex with others, but it broke my heart. I had problems with body acceptance and self-confidence before and after this relationship it got even worse. Of course, I tried to think that the problem was not with me, he was just such a person, but the thought that I could not be attractive and desirable did not give me rest at all. Now I have a husband, we have a great relationship, but my stiffness and shyness has not gone away, which makes it difficult to enjoy sex. It's hard for me to directly say this to my partner, but after reading the comments, I think I'll try to talk.
Exactly the same situation with me mate. Totally feel for you as your story was spot on from mine. I hope your get your self esteem back soon as do I. Wishing you the best dude
ok but why did that person marry a chicken wing?
undergroundalcoholsi Lollll! Very funny comment. U made me lol🤣
who doesnt? bitch said she will die for you. but she didnt...chicken did not said it will die for you but it died anyways for your pleasure..appreciate chicken #ChickenWingsMatter
why not marry a chicken wing?
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
undergroundalcoholsi lol
It’s so true about not wanting to ask for it, cause for me it’s not just about the sex but I want my partner to WANT it so asking is just something I don’t normally do.
Same boat 🚢 here. Any tips that you have found to work?
My ex always said the same, but at the end, I felt so much pression, trying to figure out when/what/how many times he wanted, that was just too much. It wasn't like I didn't like him or anything, but at some point, he put his self esteem in my hands, and was something that I couldn't work it out. My point is that sometimes, your partner don't know what would be the ideal for you. And in my case, I felt like he was actively making the moments more complicated to put me in a more vulnerable position, and of course, it happens the exactly opposite, I felt exposed, hurt and with all responsability over our relationship and himself
same
Thats dump, you really should ask, it goes both ways, it seems to me that you rather have Sex too often that too few, Os so Important
I get you, in the sense of wanting your partner to also feel the desire, but for me for example, I'm a guy, so usually women dont come at me. Is a little frustrating. Best scenario, every time I come at her, she's willing. But gotta admit it would be great if she came at me once every ten times. Feeling wanted really helps to fuel things up.
I honestly thought I was the issue for wanting sex and it was super scummy for me to want to break it off because of the lack of sex. I kept telling myself I'd be a horrible person to break up over such a trivial thing and it absolutely fuck me up mentally. In the end we broke up and I left feeling ashamed and as if I was the toxic gross partner. Thank you for helping me come to terms with this.
Ive watched this video a few times. Just can’t bring myself to show my Lady. But it sums up exactly why I “always am mean and have a tone” as she says it.
Bro I’m having to make the most difficult decision ever
@@ProdOchoowhats your decision?
@@marthacornish42 I had a convo with her I think we’re good
I'm in the same situation now. It's been going on for months if not a year. There were conversations, even gynecological examinations to make sure everything was okay. Sometimes I thought she was cheating on me, but that's off. It wasn't boring either because I'm inventive and have a slightly higher libido. But in her opinion, twice a month is cool and you have to earn good sex. Ultimately, I don't think I have anything to count on changes and it's time to get out of here. Everything would be fine just fucking sex! Rather, its absence. I'm 30 and she's younger, it's a misunderstanding.
Dear comment section, Some of you are dating asexual people. You aren’t obligated to keep dating that person, in many cases, you should break up. you aren’t a monster for wanting physical intimacy, but you can’t force them to give it to you, because then you would be a monster. Neither of you are “the problem,” you are just incompatible. Please move on and don’t “fix” us. We are not broken.
Yes, but if you're an asexual person, it's YOUR responsibility to be aware of your own asexuality and refrain from dating or getting involved with people who are naturally sexual.
This video saved my relationship with my partner. He never saw the relationship from my perspective until I showed him this. Thank you, sincerely, for handling this topic so delicately and tactfully
Yall still together
Same. This plus the other few about anxious and distant partners.
It really isn’t my business but how are y’all now?
And wat was yo perspective
It was a bot guys lol 🤣
The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.....
Zeppelin Floyd I've been married 16 years. I can't remember the last time I had sex.
OMG THIS IS GOLD.
lolol
@Drake ICN EXACTLY don"t be passive. Even at 60 and 69 yrs old if you enjoy sex go, leave and have a life filled with love and sex. Is money and possessions more important than YOUR happiness? Happy Life!!!!
My last time was 8 August 2000. I do not miss sex. It is over rated.
I find it bewildering that we are able to share these thoughts in the comment section with totally confidence with people we never met and it feels good to share, yet in a relationship with the one person, we love, we choose for our own reasons, beliefs and feelings, it is so goddamn hard to open up and actively try to change our situations. Crazy times...
That's because people know that there will be judgement or reactions that will be detrimental to the relationship so better avoid the issue althogether until it becomes unbearable. The alternative is that one partner will partially try and then things will go back to normal and tht will be even more painful.
Naw - thats because the other person in the conversation is a women that is unhappy with herself, emotionally immature and lacks any ability empathize. Thats why.
Because we care what partners think
I am one of those men that do not like having sex all that much. I always knew this hurts my partner, but damn, this video really strikes it down to my very core. The worst part is - I love my wife, I find her attractive, I am willing to go down on her (tongue-game, you know) if she is in the mood, no problem, but I have a deep trauma. Back when I was a kid doing stupid stuff I got injured in my crotch, back than I thought that it was nothing serious, yeah I peed with blood but only once so I quickly forgot about it. But as I got older and started getting in a relationship the signs began to show. Not gonna go down on specifics as it is very hard to type this comment as it is, but I either finish very quickly because of the feeling of the injury, or, if I try to go in a normal pace - pain starts to flow. It’s not a sharp one but it is annoying enough that my libido drops and I can’t continue. The thing that wretches me the most is seeing the disappointment on her face, so it’s a constant battle between making it quick and pleasant for me or painful and with a lack of finish. Every time we try to talk about it I get panic attacks and start trembling. It’s really embarrassing for a grown ass man but it is what it is. And psychology doesn’t help either, if I try to think too much about it I also lose the mood. Never would I have thought that this will become such a problem. I visited a doctor, he told me that the operation is necessary the recovery time will be about 2 painful months. I am currently mustering up the courage to undergo it, but I’m very afraid. Sorry, random stranger, I never told anyone about it and it’s eating me up from the inside. I hope I can get an operation before it gets worse
I wish you luck!
If you don't do anything about the situation, it can stagnate or (more than likely) it will get worse, influencing your physical health, your marriage, your self-worth and hers as well! Think about how lucky you are! A safe medical operation that helps your situation and ends your suffering actually exists! So why not do it? For the 2 months after, well... Depends on the people, but toys in the bed are an option too!🤷🏻♀I wish you the best!
You’re obviously trying your best. None of what’s happening is your fault. I’m very sorry for your injury and wish you best of luck for your surgery! I suggest talking to your partner about your feelings and experiences with your injury. Learning to be comfortable with uncomfortable feelings will always help you in the long run and make you feel more confident in your relationship. Helps your partner as well so she doesn’t feel like she’s done something wrong to turn you off. Communication is key. You sound like a great guy, have a lovely day! ❤
Still wouldnt have sex if you dont want it, think of yourself pls :(
Aw man, I really feel for you and your wife. If there are no drawbacks to the surgery (other than the two months of pain) then you should totally do it! The pain is temporary and will be worth it for your wife’s self esteem, and for the enjoyability of both of you. I’m sorry you had to go through this. I hope all goes well!
Sex is very important in a marriage. It releases oxytocin and serotonin. It cures headaches, lowers blood pressure, helps anxiety, burns calories and helps with your overall mood. My husband works 60-80hrs a week and is always too tired to.. He works, comes into the house, eats and passes out in his recliner. Sometimes he falls asleep in the middle of eating. He needs help at work but no one around here is qualified enough or wants to get paid but not work. I used to get mad at him but after these last 13 years, I'm over it. It's not always the woman, it can be the husband. But when your husband breaks his back to provide for his family and pays all the bills, you really just have to have some patience and understanding. I still look forward to the day he can find another shop helper and goes back to working 40 hrs a week
Usually the woman though....and they still find time to flick le bean 😀🔫
Umm - it's not that hard to find a good worker. Just takes a bit of work - and a bunch of interviews to find the RIGHT person for the job. Make sure never to hire someone who you feel is bellow standard but you're desperate so you hire them. It ends up a disaster and discourages you from ever hiring again. Help him figure it out. Hire someone. And have more sex :)
why dont u help ur husband ? Work hard like him,thrn u shall feel it.
@Cindy Lou why is it God forbid did you have a traumatic experience in your life
@Cindy Lou that's sad. Good sex is something that makes the Earth move. I would seek help to find why you don't have access to those feelings that sex provides for me and others
Never stop dating each other. Taking the time to set aside a date night once a week is the best thing you could ever do.
Great point
Sage advice 🙏
Unless the dates are taken care of by one person and not reciprocated in any way.
What if you've kids and cant let them Alone
@@cronos6574 sounds like a personal problem.
My partner used to deny me sex often and we would have it at max twice a month. I felt so ugly and unlovable and ultimately the relationship ended after I found him on multiple dating sites (he actually broke up with me two days after I confronted him about it.) He would make me feel so silly for asking for it and acting like it wasn’t something that should be a dealbreaker cause it was “just sex” and that I would be stupid to leave a relationship for that reason. I wish I left him sooner or at least cheated on him.
On the other side, it's also difficult for the other person who doesn't want to have sex. Especially if there is something that hinders you from wanting it. After my break-up I realised why my libido was so low. It was because my partner didn't give me any love or affection anymore and the romance was gone. It's hard to get in the mood without that.
The reverse is also true. When you are sex starved and have been rejected many time, it became hard to engage in romantic activities. "Why should I bother inviting her to the restaurant, it will end with her rejecting me and then we are gonna have an argument. I will go drink a beer with my friend instead." No one is owed sex, no one is owed romance. It's a balancing act between give and take.
@@ameunier41exactly. My partner wants to go one more date nights and get drunk just to fall asleep every night. She constantly wants me to give her back rubs and touch her, but sex… gets shot down these days. I’m so frustrated.
Lucky you… Wanna know why I get? I get a man that is extremely hot. One that used to turn me into a blazing furnace. I married him 11 years ago and went on to have multiple kids with him. Here’s the problem… I refuse to get turned on these days because he’s always given me less than a minute of pumping and boom. Done. I’m ALWAYS left to be pointer/middle-d or use a vibe myself. It’s not the same!!! That would be like me making him use his hand. He’s almost 40 and is still a 30-60 second man. I’m 30 and I can’t feel my hormones increasing for more but I look at him and feel disappointed. I used to tell him it was okay when he’d feel bad but I feel like I’m being cheated in the adult fun while he’s getting what he wants.
My parents marriage failed because of the lack of intimacy, I got married and my partner and I seemed to be going down the same path. It took Several conversations and a whole other level of commitment to get our sex life back on track. The more sex we have,the closer we are, the closer we are the more we talk, and hang out, and the more we hang out and converse about our lives and feelings, the more sex we have. It's a beautiful cycle.
"a beautiful cycle" ...that's the way it should be ♡♡
And that’s the way it’s supposed to be! Congratulations!
@@tjsahara44.69 yes, indeed!
i don't thik i could have sex without attraction and i hardly feel attraction. otherwise it'll be full of anxiety. it's a painful life that even if I find someone "like me" a realtionship won't last because of this
That’s kinda sad you need sex to have a functional life lol
The idea about the letter is nice, but i think most people dont understand themselves enough to know what they want in the first place.
But what about those who... simply do not have a high sex drive? Reading these comments is making me feel like I am not worthy of a relationship if I can not perform sexually frequently... Anyone else feel the same?
You're right, I've been reading these comments and feeling an odd mixture of encouragement and dread. Having sex 2-3 times a week, as some have said they do, sounds insane to me. I'm lucky to have a patient and understanding partner, and I'm sure there's someone out there who will be a good match for you as well
This convo basically ignores asexual people who don’t need sex to love someone.
Same. I have the same problem with my husband. I dont know what to do. I dont know if there is something wrong with me or if he has a very high sex drive.
@@shannacollins8371becasue if your asexual be with someone asexual not someone who needs sex…
Less than 4 times a month considers to be far too low? Oh boy...
For real
Comment section is more interesting than whole video
So the *real* problem is simply a *lack of communication.*
And sex
Thanks captain obvious
@Kurt Barryman her comments got deleted, would of loved to see her ridiculous wamen response
No It's women not wanting to bang
Exactly what happened with my ex husband
It’s scary how on point this video is for so many people, including me. Everything said here helped to understand all this a bit more.
I have an anxiety disorder, and for some reason, this has spread to our sex life in the last few months. But we're getting along pretty well with that now. He's learned to read me better and to accept my boundaries, and I've learned to show him how much I love him and still find him attractive.
I wanna know who thought this animation style was the way to go.
Angeline I know just what you mean ‼️😻
lol
Angeline hahahahahahaha pieces of steak face
snow2312 Yes exactly couldn't have put it better.
Angeline Roald Dahl
For the asexual folks here, this video isn't for you, and isn't meant to be directed at you, and it shouldn't be taken as advice by those who are dating you. You and your loved ones need to talk it out.
Hey, it'll all work out. :) The best advice that I can give is to be forward about how you are, and do the best that you can. Due to romanticism, sex is kinda a part of relationships, however there are workarounds, like polygamy, if you're into that. I'd have difficulty with that, and I would just try and talk to the person I'm with.
Gavin Boutdy its impossible for a human to be asexual... thats self reproduction like worms
Ximena Tellez. Sexual orientation is malleable between both genders, but more so in women. Besides that, just talking to your partner and engaging in honest conversation can't hurt.
Jamal Williams I suppose I should've clarified, "asexual, as in the orientation". As in someone who doesn't feel sexual attraction to anyone.
Asexuality is just a phase caused by traumatic experiences or it's being gay and in the closet.
I've been in this situation for 6 years. I finally had a heart to heart conversation with him about this 2 months ago. There were some changes for about 3 weeks then we are now back to no sex. After having the conversation and seeing things go back to the way they were before I've since lost all the feelings of attraction towards him and i dont care about the relationship anymore. I'll no longer try and I'll never ever lift even a finger to try and fix anything that i would want improved in the relationship again. Let it die a natural death. Im done
Yea. 6 years here too. I’m just tired. It’s not ok to feel like this. I feel like I’m nothing and I know I’m not but it’s a hard feeling to shake… I can just have sex whenever. Women tend to like me, but I don’t want them. I want my women and it’s getting to the point where I’ll have to turn into that tennager I once was. I’ll just jerk it, stick to my hobbies and friends and let this run it’s course. It’s hard as a guy since my hormones attack my brain so aggressively but I’ll have to stand strong on this I guess. It’s the only way I can feel like I’m a person worth something
Imagine feeling rejected by someone you are closest with.
Ouch
I don't need to IMAGINE it...
It's unbelievable hurt, too much to cope with
This happens all of the time. We all know what it's like lol
It's important to also address underlying issues that may be at play. For example the partner denying sex may be dealing with sexual trauma that has rendered them unable to engage in a way that feels safe. This is often not talked about in videos about sexual lack in relationships; and I think it's unfortunate.
It depends cause if the beginning of the relationship it was a lot of sex like most relationships than that’s just an excuse to use to make the person have sympathy while theirs another issue that’s not being talked about.
@@yordanoism That's not true...there are many reactions to sexual abuse...you can become a "cold fish," or you can become very promiscuous.
You shouldn't Date if you have any past baggage and jump from person to person 💁♂️
Absolutely true!
I think you are very right, also some people are upfront about this and the partner falsely says it is something they understand and is ok with, but then ” try to fix or seduce them". The "l can secretly fix you and you'll be perfect for me". I have a lot to offer in a relationship. My body isn't one of them. I can't be guilted or gaslight into it. I'm upfront. It is absolutely a deal breaker for me.
Be with someone with the same libido....when there's the right chemistry every time is like the first time.
On which part of the planet shall we all find that one person and know that it's him/her? Damn... It was easier said than done
Words to live by. I just recently ended a relationship for the lack of sex. When I would try to communicate, she would shut down, or get very defensive like she was being attacked. After a year and a half I ended it, and I feel 3x better.
That shit wears off though. 😭
mndlgh it wears off it you let it. Unless you are elderly and really up their in age there’s ways to prevent it. Like eating healthy,exercising,having sex regularly. Women and men are losing their libido so early on in life because they aren’t doing anything to maintain it for as long as they can,
@@shellybabes leave him now
Just as a supportive comment for the people going through this: I'm currently in a 3 year relationship with a person who went through sexual traumas. We took months to start having sex and she took way longer to be able to actively pleasure me (masturbation,oral etc). To this day, I still have to be patient with her. It's weird to think that there are girls with whom I slept once that were more active with me then she ever was. Still, it only got better, and I never met someone as perfect for me as she is. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, and these sexual problems feel so small compared to this sentiment. What made our sexual relationship constantly improve: comunication and patience. I always tried to make myself clear when I felt undesired by her lack of iniciative (not constantly though, just enough to make sure she knew what was going on in my head) and try being patient. If you really love the person and you feel that they love you back, and it's worth it, have patience.
I have always been really patient cause i love her beyond any limits and i thought we had normalised it and reached a checkpoint but everything starts to fall back again to zero its like i have to from zero again like i am some stranger to her and not the closest person she knows. It eats me out from the inside oh godddd everyday is a torture and as the torture continues i have become so grumpy. And it makes me feel like i am some problem to have high libido and it hurts me so much😔 and i end up talking too much about it still she doesn't take any initiative and i am hurting someone just get me out of this phase please just make her want me
@@alanajimon6767 that sucks, I hope it gets better. Many times I also felt really bad with myself about this. My opinion: Don't overcompensate on porn, because its worst. I did that sometimes and now I feel it drove me me further away from my real sexual life/vision. Try to work on other points of your relationship. Spend time together, do new things together, maintain your friendship and talk about each other problems (not only sex). Sometimes this can bring sexual desire in a more organic way. I felt the way you said many times (like we've didnt improve at all) but now I realize that is because she ALWAYS will have those scars and sometimes she will be more introspective/defensive and will not be as inclined towards sex. Also, in general, she is simply not a person with a high sexual drive because of all that happened to her. I, in the other hand, have masturbated a lot and had way more sex than her throughout my life, so I'm more inclined to sex. Sometimes I miss more sexual relationships that I had in the past, but most times I'm pretty contempt with a relwtionship that is not as much focused on that because of the other things that I like about her.
Thank you sooo muchhh for making this video and to anyone who's shared their personal stories & experiences on here. All the points shared in the video helped validate how I've been feeling and what I've been struggling with, that I'm not the crazy one, I'm not being extra or ridiculous here; it's backed by science, statistics, psychology, and various research & studies. IT IS A REAL PROBLEM and is indeed far more damaging and adversely affects a relationship in a many more ways than one may think at first. I'm bawling my eyes out reading you guys' comments, I really thought I was the only one dealing with such an issue but it also hurts me to know that there are others out there experiencing a similar problem because I know so well the indescribable pain, torment, and sadness it causes us. I mean it makes us go through a whole roller coaster of emotions, none of which feels good either, just fills us up with so much doubt, hate, insecurity, demotivation, hopelessness, loneliness, unhappiness, etc. It's hard to even share or admit such problems to anyone without fear of how they'll respond. Of the few people I've confided this problem to, they either don't take me seriously, think I'm exaggerating, or making shit up; they'll either dismiss, undermine, or completely fail to really understand my problems because I guess they just won't fcking get it unless they truly experience it for themselves. It makes me regret even sharing my personal issues with them because they didn't respond in the ways I needed them to.. As for him, I've tried to talk with him multiple times before but there were never any positive changes. It leaves me so hurt, dejected, frustrated, upset, and confused. I think a relationship is like a flower or plant, if you don't take care of it and give it what it needs, it'll just wither and die.. Our relationship feels like this, it's got no more love, no affection, no life, it's just dead, we're just co-existing in the same space. I tell him it legit feels more like we're brothers & sisters than husbands & wives. This problem has been going on for insanelyyy longggg and it's really been killing me physically, mentally, and emotionally 😫😫😖😖😞😞😭😭😔😔💔💔
Idk if you believe in Jesus but I'd try to get him prayer at church and have whatever demons are messing with him to be casted out because this isn't normal
Heya look up dismissive avoidants. Sounds like you are seeing someone who is destroying but they don't mean to. Remember you are amazing and from my own horrific experience as well, should be with a secure or even anxious attachment style. Don't let that self esteem go any lower and realise it's not you who has the issue x
Time to leave
When you’re single and you get rejected, it’s not so bad because you can try to hit on a multitude of different people next time you’re starved for romance. When you’re in a relationship and your partner rejects you, it hurts even more because they’re your only option. So, next time you want romance, there is the lingering pain and resentment over the previous rejection.
That's why people cheat. Cause they lost their only option
@@angelostanojevic304, that’s one of the possible reasons.
@@AV57 For men it's the Main reason. You're going go sexless for months cause your wife is "stressed"
This is so true
I'm living polyamorous and the whole sex thing is so much easier because of it.
I feel super embarrassed when denied then get nervous to ask later on😢
@Jenny Le why do women hardly initiate?
@@sheilakatende8788 probably because we have a culture that shames us for liking s3x. It’s deep rooted shame
I am single 😍😍❤❤🌷
@@MuhammadImran-ln4fz and would always be single
I had a relationship like that once. Never again.
Not every relationship puts a high value on sex. Sometimes a deep emotional & life long connection is what both people find their solace in. True love can manifest itself in so many ways between 2 people with sex only being 1 of those ways.
That's how the rejecting partner always shames the one initiating. Always.
@@mrsherwood2599 well yeah. if i told my partner I did not want to do somthing and they keep trying to pruesser me to do it I would shame them.
@user-qu2sy8gh4u initiating in a sexual relationship is not pressuring. Perhaps you are referring to...a friendship.
@@mrsherwood2599 it is pressuring when your partner tells you know and you keep asking....aka pressuring them to due the deed with you. you do realize pressuring people into sx is commonright?
@user-qu2sy8gh4u are you really young? I'm sorry if I'm misunderstanding. If you're really young that's a different story. When i was young i never would have pressured a young woman about sex. If two adults are in an intimate partnership and one partner does not want intimacy, there's a much bigger problem. If anyone is pressuring anyone in an adult intimate relationship, there is a bigger problem. There's no need to be sarcastic. I know a lot of things, I'm quite grown up. If you're an adult and you got into an intimate partnership with an adult there would have been a reasonable expectation of intimacy. If I join a band I'm going to be expected to play guitar. It's not "pressure". If you don't want to play guitar don't join a band hon. And then shame the band when you refuse to play your guitar. If you're being pressured you need to leave or work on your boundaries. Why are you letting that happen?
I always thought women reject sex more so being a woman I was like this isnt going to be a issue with me I love sex and then I got into relationships and the men didn't have a high sex drive like me and therefore I would get bored and just distance myself cuz I didn't feel like I was their partner I felt like I was just a friend eventually it got to the point where I just wanted to end things all together cuz I felt being with them was not only wasting my time but theirs too it was like why bother stay in a relationship where you don't feel comfortable or confident with that person so the only way to solve the problem was to just end things cuz they didn't understand the importance of how I felt they just ignored it
This world is weird. Man n woman with high sex drive will live too far. Usually they will not get life partner matching their desire. I m also such a victim with high sex desire but I m sitting in the part of the world were sex is a taboo but women showcase themselves as sexy. My life partner doesn't have much sex drive n I can handle two. Atleast if I would get one with great sex drive that would suffice.
@@mcg03 wow that’s interesting, I wish I found a women with a high sex drive like me as well. It really is weird how this world works sometimes
The way you type is horrible. Please use punctuation if you want people to read and understand you.
I Have A High Sex Drive And Single
@@zking007_8 maybe we're not supposed to be the same? I'm a woman with the relatable issue as the above... My husband wants the stars, moon, and earth to align before he's in the mood... 10 years of marriage, going on 11, and man the longing and loneliness during this has been heavy... But maybe my desires and his are to be compromised in such a way that we both get what we want. Instead of all day everyday, going to 1 time every 6 months, maybe to mesh, we need to compromise? Truth is, if 2 people were in the same relationship both having high drives, how much outside productivity would occur? Or, 2 people in a relationship with low drive? How would they ever feel close? Maybe our differences isn't a bad thing when the light of truth shines upon them, and we work something out just because we want to see the other person civil and happy?
That’s what happened to me in my last relationship, half a year with out sex. When I told my friends and family why they laughed or got upset that i ended it, but in reality it was the toughest if not the most frustrating thing I had to deal with in a relationship. I guess you’ll never understand unless it happens to you.
joe chenier forget those people, it’s a very common problem
4 weeks tops and I'm out. Watched too many people waste years away. You 100% did the right thing
NoFapKing gave a girl 4 months and left. Just felt like I was wasting time.
How long would you prefer to have sex?
Been waiting over a year 😢 I totally understand your pain. Needless to say we are getting a divorce
a relationship without tennis is diabolical.
As long as she's grabbing your balls and racket...be happy. Lmao
I totally agree. 😂
🤣
The lack of yoga in my relationships is really taking it’s toll. He’s bitter that my abs are toned and his aren’t maybe if he’d just get his ass on the mat! 🙄😭
It is really tough without pool, billiards, and snooker as well.
Currently in this situation and I’m a little embarrassed because I’ve never had to ask for sex before.. I feel so unattractive and no longer make effort. in this relationship we go for months without having sex. It’s something I have brought up but there seem to be feeble reasons as to why or feigned surprise that it’s been that long. I’m not a believer of cheating so that’s not an option. I can’t take it anymore. We are roommates. No planned dates, no surprises.
As soon as the relationship becomes a dead bedroom, I'm out. I've made it clear how important sex is to me in a relationship. I've tried talking to about sex. I asked if there is anything for improvement. These aren't working. So I'm out. I'm ending the relationship. It's not fair that sex is so important that if I have with someone else, it's cheating and serious enough to terminate the relationship but not important enough to make me go without it. I refuse to go as low as cheating, but I'm not spending years of wasting my life trying to fix something that can't be fixed.
same here. My husband stopped sleeping with me right after our honeymoon, since then Ive been begging for 4-5 years… I was 28 then now Im 33… I cant have kids this way and I dont feel confident even tho Im a fit good looking woman ( I dont feel that way anymore either just told by others and logically try to remember ) He came out finally and said he always had low libido … he was afraid I would not like him before marriage if I knew ( we had sex multiple times a day and he knew how important it was for me ) now its once every two months or so and its one minutes , ending in tears and arguments because Im so tired of explaining and begging 😢😢 wish you luck!!!
Good one
@@thegalhorowitzmy women lied to me in this way. I know the truth and she refuses to say it bc she knows I have the balls to leave. Sadly I don’t have the balls to quit. I’m thinking I don’t need to hear her confession…
Sometimes even after sharing your feeling's openly with your partner . They still lack intrest in meeting you , talking to you and being intimate.
Rachita pati I can totally relate to your comment.
Rachita pati yup. That’s the sign that they’re just not that into you
Mr Nobody hell yeah lol I don’t even believe in marriage to begin with. A lot of People commit with the wrong people for the wrong reasons
I agree with You,You can't meet the others wants and needs if both are not willing to honestly talk,if one doesn't then they obviously don't care,i would live an honest conversation with a women who was willing to listen
Then theyre not right
It's not about sex, it's about intimacy, being appreciated being touched Etc. Some people have problems performing and others have problems receiving. If you have a sympathetic, supportive spouse or significant other then you should be able to work through any of the problems that are associated with a lack of intercourse
Definitely not about sex, just being touchy and intimate. You don’t have to have sex, it’s just your partners response hugging and kissing in bed is just enough.
this stupid issue didn't exist for most history because people had actual issues to deal with
@@appiah948 Those women who don't even want touch or hugging reject it BECAUSE they think it will lead to sex. Too many women are taught not to ''tease'' a guy into wanting more, so they pull back even further.
Not really true. As a man, being close and intimate and touched is all good, but it is not the same need as sex. I wouldn’t be able to be satisfied with just cuddling, though it seems some people would.
@@josephk.4200eah...these posts are clearly from women 😂. It IS about sex. Guys can have fantastic sex with people they don't care about or like.
I asked every 6 months... since year 2, he couldn't explain what happend. I have finally split with him after 6.5 years as I couldn't wait more. If he doesn't want to take initiative with me and make me feel like a woman, then bye! And I am extremly happy!!! Sex is so healthy, it helps my body, mind and connection.
This was so healing for me!!! I have a dead bedroom and have ever since I first started dating my now wife 5 years ago. I've struggled with trivializing this problem for a long time, as the beginning of this video states I felt like it was a first world problem and I don't have any right to complain. But It really affects me emotionally. It's hard to talk about with my partner, impossible to talk about with anyone else. When I've opened up to friends about this problem in the past I get dismissed because my friends do not have this problem. I've turned to hurting and shaming myself assuming I am the problem. It's good to remember it's a two way street.
But that one end (of frustration) needs to either vent, or talk you way on to a solution…..
**agrees in virgin**
Same same lol
Your virginity is a gift dude. Most chicks wanna take advantage of your kindness and generosity. I wish I was a virgin.
Virgo is a constellation.
Goddamit, you got me
Better be a long time virgin then having sex to early. Especially women shouldn't let their innocence and purity be taken without being in a long lasting relationship
The talk leaves out the medical issues that kill libido. Chronic pain, depression, and anything that needs libido-suppressing medications can mess things up all by themselves.
Old age too. Some age poorly. Furthermore, people put their partners on pedestals and it's a long way down when he/she fails. Plus some want others first, so cheating is encouraged.
Absolutely agree, Kathy.
I agree, fluoxetine killed my sex drive, im having problems with my husband, he saiys that I put me taking antidepressants like an "excuse" to no wanting sex, but What can I do? You cant take an secundary effect like and excuse :(
Kathy McGirt that’s a great point. In the beginning of my relationship with my boyfriend he had a low sex drive from depression. We got him medical help, now his sex drive is up. But as life situations have gotten tougher, now I’m in depression and anxiety and need help, as well as have a low sex drive. Love and sex, is great. But understanding how to help someone underneath it all, to become healthier in general is more important
Not to mention the pill, which actually lowers women's libido among the other brutal side effects
Gracias por hacer este video y por mantenerlo en la plataforma por lo que veo lo subieron hace 7 años, desearía haberlo visto antes. Me sentí profundamente identificado y me a ayudado a entender en parte lo que mi pareja siente. De verdad muchas gracias, saludos desde chile ❤
I know this video was meant to help people but I feel that 95% of the things said are just about the point of view of the person that wants to have sex and it says almost nothing about the person who clearly needs help, it's almost insulting that they reduce their problem to "i would have more sex if you listened to me more" when there could be an insecurity, they may feel too pushed, they may be discovering their sexuality and be ace (which is hard to find out when your partner isn't), or it could be even a trauma (and yes, people with traumas can date and love too and they deserve it jusr like everyone else)
The worst part is when they say people being in this sec-starved relationship cheat. I mean wtf? Never in the history of humans, lack of self is the excuse. The cheater has a huge moral failure in him/her and him/her trying to solve that problem with this « « « « solution » » » » is just proof of huge disabilities in managing difficult times in a relationship.
@@xDiananasyou clearly weren’t listening…
So glad I've never had this problem. Yay, single life. *cries in the corner*
I can fix that!
Khalil Garrison isn't that what match.com is for?
They say love can be found in strange places and that would include KZhead ;)
professional victim detected
yosharian I am offended by this
I always assumed that it was just women rejecting men until I got into a relationship with a man who was the one who always rejected sex. I thought it was a weird phenomenon until I found endless forums where women were dealing with sexless partners. It's heartbreaking. We get tired of hearing it's a lack of communication or a health problem when clearly it isn't always the case. Sometimes men just don't like sex but won't say it because of the stereotype that no man would refuse sex. . *Edit: I'm stunned by some of the comments who just keep backing up the stereotype of 'if he refuses sex, he's cheating or gay'. It seems we've a long road ahead in convincing some folk that there are many, many men who live outside of the stereotype. Sad for everyone involved.
So true. I was married 18 years and my husband had little to no interest in sex. One reason I left.
Where do you find men like that? I'd love to date a guy who isn't obsessed with sex. It's so annoying.
@@tiacuppe6681 Get an old boring dude with ED
I would think that more men do not want sex. They want us to believe that it is the women but it is not so.
@@tiacuppe6681 RIGHT!!!! Like can we talk and have fun. The pressure for sex is insane. I like sex but its starting to feel like relationships are only fueled if sex is involved.
Wow. The part about how not wanting to be intimate with your partner indicates that you feel you can’t be yourself with them … I never actually connected those 2 things, but that is the only time I ever shut down sexually … very interesting!
It's the worst long term pain I've endured
0:54 "Oh they're gonna take off their cl- WHAT THE FUUCCKKK"
Kelly Moy clothes
Kelly Moy clothes...are you serious?
Husband: Honey, I am a tentacle monster... I hope you can still love me, regardless. Wife: You are? ME TOO! Let's do the nasty! *que "wet" noises*
Scabbage 😂😂😂
WTF XD WAHAHAHAHA This channel knows some powerful kinks xD
It’s more about dialogue, closeness and sincerity than about sex. I’ve had periods of weeks without sex with my wife, not because we didn’t desire each other but because we were so exhausted by the daily routine that we just didn’t have the energy. We talked about it, understood that it was a phase and did everything we could to get back to our normal sex life and it worked. Had we not talked about it each of us could have gotten the wrong impression that there was no desire, love, or even that there was cheating involved.
Daniel MGF you and your wife seem to have a good understanding of each other. What a blessing!
That’s awesome!
Well... What if only one of you were exhausted due to work? Another person was just playing along?
I needed to see this comment sir
That is great to hear! Since my gf and I have a similar problem, how did you manage to make it work? My gf has a lot of daily stress and therefore can't really sit back and get herself in the mood and I obviously try to reduce that stress but it doesn't seem to be enough.
"everyone wants sex on principle" infeel like this is asexual erasure on some level. Some people don't have the drive, or even just a lower drive than their partner. And it doesn't have to be from something wrong with them.
Exactly. This phrase in particular made me quite angry while watching the video.
Love how they completely miss out how people just have different libidos and sex drives, or how hormones play a big part or other medical reasons. 4 times a month suggests once a week, but when you can lose a week or more to your period and you may not want anyone touching you during that time, you’re already running behind according to this. Really don’t think it’s as simple as what they’re saying in this videos.
thank u - it's incredibly dismissive to say that (almost) everyone wants sex, and makes people with naturally low libidos (me for example) feel unseen.
I used to want sex frequently until I started taking antidepressants. My libido diminished to basically nothing, and it's hard for me to even feel sensations during sex sometimes. I tell my partner that I'm happy to have sex whenever they want, but it's not something I feel I need... I have only rejected sex once in our relationship, and that was because I was sick with some stomach bug...
they do talk about it and how both people should communicate what they want from sex and hopefully reach a compromise. they even mention how people are always slightly sexual incompatible and that's why communication is important. they don't say having less sex than 4x/month is bad or that it's a sign of a sexless relationship. it's simply a statistic for divorced couples (also important to notice those are averages). they mention that sex-starved relationships are relationships where at least one party is not getting nearly enough intimacy as they need and that varies from person to person. a couple where one has high libido and the other low libido can be challenging. if a compromise is not reached, at least one party is always going to feel unsatisfied. it's a team effort. if both don't make the effort, then there's a significant incompatibility which will likely doom the relationship.
Exactly my thoughts, this video made me feel worse about myself because I'm taking oral contraception for medical reasons and it makes my libido nonexistent. In a state like this having sex with your partner is nothing more than a chore that you need to do so they're happy. But that just leads to more trauma that will make it even more difficult in the future to deal with sex problems. And everybody's talking how shitty it feels not to get sex/feel unwanted by your partner, what about how difficult it is to hear that your partner feels unloved because of this one thing even though I would give my life for them? Should I just force myself to have sex and lose respect for my body?
@kate90jang i'm so glad you said this, it feels like these people think they are entitled to sex in a relationship. if my partner would only have sex with me because i want to have sex i would feel horrible not because i'm "unwanted" or whatever, but because my partner feels guilty for not feeling like it. nobody owes anybody sex, and if anyone is truly unhappy in a relationship because of the lack of sex, which is completely out of their partner's control (literally nobody controls when they feel aroused or in the mood for sex) then honestly just break up and find someone else.
Lack of sexual desire isn't something you can simply solve with "communication". Desire is not negotiable and no amount of talking about how unfulfilled you feel is going to make that person want you.
Right?
I am dealing with lack of sexual desire with my partner
Desire can wax and wane, but if it's truly gone, you're right, it can't be brought back by talking.
I witnessed it with my parents. Messy stuff, my dad was that monster who lashed out at anything my mom said which was inconvenient. In truth, my dad lashed out because he felt humiliated by my mom, who was planning an affair for 10 years. She stayed with my dad because it was convenient, not because she loved my dad. People are pretty vile sometimes.
Your mom belongs to the streets
teh one Dad does too
@@bri3449 nah she was the one who was gon cheat. She deserve hell
your mom cheated before- she just got caught that last time
@@elrey1176 nah he was the one that caused her to cheat
My last relationship was all of this My new one is the complete opposite, and it's such a more intimate and rewarding relationship, always taking each other out on dates and doing cute things for each other. It's unbelievable the difference of the dynamic
Shut up
Watching this video and reading these comments has been very helpful. Im not crazy, theirs nothing wrong with me, I’m not alone. And this does have a huge effect on your self esteem (rejected partner) - I feel so undesired and unwanted cuz of it. Esp as a women i have found it confusing and I haven’t met almost any women irl who are the ones not getting sex
Taking your partner for granted is no joke. I was miserable for over a year before I finally said "no more." Leaving my ex was probably the best thing I could have ever done. It feels so great to feel wanted and accepted.
Jaycee Jellies Same.
And I bet you have found someone who will meet your needs.
BY getting banged ? that makes you feel the wanted? Nothing else ? I am trying to understand... I never felt valued because someone piped me down and sent me home with a wet ass. I like spending time, having adventure, doing good for the world have some sex and go about my day. But if feeling wanted was solely due to sex its kind of alarming.
@@Evajjane okay let’s not sit here and act like sexual attraction isn’t a huge part of it. It doesn’t have to be the focal point but it definitely adds a reassurance to the relationship. It feels good to be wanted sexually by your partner and there is nothing weird or wrong about that.
@@AEDIVINE I have said several times that I enjoy sex on this thread however I feel that as I become closer to god my sexuality changed. I want to be VALUED over the feeling of basic sex and attraction. In my personal experience it felt great to have a man attracted to me but I now want something more meaningful. I never said its weird to have sex or that its anything wrong with it. However, it seems that when a person doesn't want to have sex, cut back on the frequency, experience libdo changes they are the villain. I think society places SEX above the relationship as a whole. So when the sex stops the relationship should fall apart? Why? what about the other aspects of the person? Also this video leaves out disabled people, what happens if you are attracted to your partner and you sustain injury and can no longer have sex? Then what? I personally want someone to want the whole of me with or without sex.
Sex is very important, but I can't quite put my finger on why after 15 years I still desire my husband. I have to say, it's something much deeper then simply spicing things up. I feel so loved and adored and in turn I try to do the same for him too. We make time for each other everyday just to talk, laugh, and check-in. We know what's going on in each other's lives, emotionally, at work, and with any other family or relationship conflicts. It feels fun, and when we disagree, we disagree and try to work it out. We never go to bed upset at each other and we don't hold grudges. I have a feeling something like that can break marriages. I'm not trying to toot how wonderful my marriage is. There was a period there years ago when I was in college, that I took a break from the relationship. We got back together with a little more maturity. All I can say is that there is no denying when you meet someone that's really great for you and you for them. Laughter comes easily and it feels like you can get through anything together. And when the years pass by, your spouse is not just your spouse anymore. They become somebody who embodies all the memories you've had together!
Outermost_Owl So uplifting comment. I really wish to have relationship like yours
How beautiful. You have a truly healthy, loving marriage. What do you attribute that to? Great role models growing up, great match, faith or all the above? Inquiring minds want to know!
That's so beautiful to hear. My ex and me were always laughing and having fun together, unfortunately one day I did something that left her angry (it wasn't cheating or lying) and she broke up with me. It's been almost 6 months and I still remember all that good times. Wish I could bring them back :(
Rafael Paz, sounds like your partner got triggered and did not possess the tools to deal with things so she fled. Think about her overall attachment style in the patterns from her past. Your attachment style is formed in childhood. She has, like 50 % of the population, an insecure attachment style and this is what she does when things get bumpy in a relationship. Not good. There are some great videos on KZhead explaining the styles: avoidant/dismissive, fearful avoidant or disorganized, anxious/pleaser and secure. Usually avoidant and anxious styles pair up. You can become an earned secure if you have a more insecure style and have much better relationships with good, clear communication. Check it out and have a great day!
Cindy Pope, thks for your reply! Yes, I'm a student and I also have to support myself and pay my studies and for that I usually work during the week from 8 am to 11pm. So, the weekends I spent with her. Last year she decided to go for holidays in europe for 2 months with her mother. Then, a week before her departure for holidays, she came over my place and we spent the night together, but we had no sex, even though I really wanted as she would stay away for 2 months and our last sex was 2 weeks before that night. The following week I had 4 test at my uni and I didn't study for those tests because I was with her that weekend, so I got really angry because I felt like we were more like friends than partners. We were together for just 5 months and I didn't understand why we were having sex just twice a month. So, the following weekend she was expecting to see me on Saturday and Sunday(Sunday evening she was leaving for holiday), but I told her I would see her just on Sunday as Saturday I had to study. She got really pissed off and broke up with me by text. I called her after, but she said she was really tired of seeing me just on weekends, she said she didn't need a "mate" for weekends, she need a boyfriend. Started to compared me with her brother, saying that her brother works everyday and after finishing his work he goes see her girlfriend etc... Started saying she was too young (26 years old) and she wanted to enjoy life etc... Then, in the end she said that for now it was over, but if I wanted I could send her text when she was on holidays and then when she returned from holidays she said "We will see". I said to her, NO, I won't text you, if it's over it's over. She got even more angry and blocked me on Facebook and we haven't spoke anymore. It's been 6 months . In the beginning I was ok with the break up, but after few weeks I started thinking too much about her and started feeling really sad for the end of the relationship. We shared so many similarities and we were always happy together, laughing, making jokes, making plans for the future etc... She said she liked me so much and I was the first of her boyfriends to meet her family. We used to say to each other how blessed we were for meeting one another and I always treated her with respect, never cheated on her and no lies, but I got shocked after she saying all those sweet thing to me she just decided to broke up for silly stuff. A month later was her birthday and I sent her a happy birthday text, she reply back thanking me for the text, then, I tried to get close to her and sent her another text, but she never return the text, this was 5 months ago. So, that's my story haha. When I was with her I felt like she was the woman of my life, I really thought we would marry, but...
I’ve been on the opposite end of this though. It seemed like my partner saw me as a machine that’s meant to just pump out sexual favors. He would never help with anything. He wouldn’t really talk to me about anything deeper than how “sexy” I am, and how much I turned him on. I felt like an unpaid pros****te. It feels disgusting being objectified in your own home. And it’s horrible when your own partner feels like an unfulfilling one night stand. And it’s even worse when the person on the receiving end of this treatment is vilified as the evil bad guy who’s “WiThHoLdiNg” sex. If it makes no difference to you where you put your genitals, why not just leave and go live out your little fantasies someplace else?
Did you communicate this? If you did not that’s your fault. You likely accepted and enjoyed it until you didn’t. And instead of being mature and voicing this you simply began to resent him…
I Can only speak for myself and say was usually because I was so tired with a new baby and back at work full time. My son’s father did not do much to help around at home and after a while you start to resent doing all of the work but then they expect you to turn it on because they feel like it, and then get nasty if it’s not every 2nd day, and I mean nasty. A female’s biggest sex organ is between her ears, and if she’s not getting respected and valued, I can tell you now that that is the biggest turn off. You do NOT want to have sex with someone who treats you like crap. In my case, I got so sick and tired of being like a single mother while being in a relationship so decided that I would just rather do it all alone. So I said what I had to say and made him leave. Such a lovely relief, it was the best feeling and I was so happy. I didn’t mind at all doing everything for my son, as I had been doing it all anyway but at least I didn’t have that lazy selfish narcissist to live with anymore. Oh but the stalking continued for 18months. And he played the victim, and still does 31 yrs later. Also has not bothered with his only child for 7years. Such a cretin!
So much respect for you! Your son is lucky to have a mother like you.
I thought “waiting till your married” was good until I realized, when if y’all don’t have the same sex drive? when if one person wants it 4 times a week and the other 2 times a month. I just don’t see it working out.
@Tony Mario what do you mean by you're cattle?
Relatable
That's why people leave. Single life is preferable by far. Better to be lonely for life instead of in an unhealthy relationship.
Ong so true
i was going to say that "no sex before marriage" is a baaaad idea. My experience has been that men who talk about wanting to "stay celibate" before marriage had serious sexual issues: either some sexual dysfunction or even being gay... so they didn't want their potential wife to find out until after marriage
I talked to a girl, once.
younglink309 noice
How was it?!
That’s so alpha
Woah, I thought I was a badass
It was awful.
Ive always heard this saying in the past..."Once the sex is dead, the relationship is dead" or will be eventually. I'm currently in this situation and haven't had sex for over 7 years. I only stay for my Son. I'm practically married to a Nun and she could care less about sex. Once my Son is older I'm going to leave her and find someone that is sexually motivated
I’m 27 been inactive with my partner for 3 months, I could not imagine 7 years I’m already loosing my head
Why not try to set up a date night, cook a nice dinner, candles and flowers, run a hot bath, clean up the house and get a sitter, wash her back in the bath, adorn her with compliments and affirmations of how much you love her and how much you appreciate her and how sexy she is and PERHAPS do foreplay and focus on sexually pleasing her. You are at a complete sexual disconnect and I’d suspect she’s just not feeling desirable, her plate is full and she’s stressed and she doesn’t feel valued or sexually stimulated.
She’s sleeping with someone else…
Has she had sex in the last 7 years? That's the real question. Stop using your son as a meat shield. If you are not getting what you want in a relationship, why are you giving her what she wants? Take away your time, attention, and commitment. Hit the gym and find other things to do with your time.
My boyfriend just says he doesn’t find it as an important part in a relationship and he’s just not interested or intrigued by anything sexual… it hurts always longing and wishing. It’s usually months that we go without it, and it’s fine by him since it’s more of a chore but for me it’s agonizing not being in a passionate relationship.
I've had this discussion many times with many people. It appears to me there's two ways to see this: 1) Good relationship creates good sex or 2) Good sex creates good relationships. For me and many others, sex is born out of a solid, intimate clothes-on relationship. Once that clothes-on relationship starts to devolve due to daily casualties (you don't help me enough, you don't hear what I'm saying, I'm unsatisfied in other clothes-on or naked ways) then the sex starts to slide off the table. Lots of people will "take one for the team", and have sex with their partner when they don't really want to. This is a powerful killer of feelings, to be plundered yet still left untouched. For many of us, having sex with someone we love,but don't like much right now is downgrading, spiritually. And when we consider that a majority of women don't achieve orgasm during intercourse, the term "having sex" might mean two different things to the audience. To "have sex" minus the summit, enough times, can make even the sweetest person lose hope in the relationship. Yes, communication is paramount, but empathy is too.
Nancy McCurry wise words!!
I cannot agree with you more, Nancy. It never fails to amaze me how many people cannot see this, especially as it's usually pretty obvious.
jellybean91 I know, right? people need to build the relationship and keep on building it if they hope to have a long-lasting, physical relationship.
President Trump , awww, poor thing. Maybe try a little butt play yourself with some guy friends and see if you can find a workable sales pitch, after.
President Trump i have noticed girls dont want it in the butt best not to ask let them ask instead
Less than 4 times a month? Try a year
Haha great comment
This is why I can't get married legally in the western world
Seriously.
I'm going on 3 years. My wife doesn't see this as a problem at all.
Curtis Schepers leave its not worth it or be in a open relationship
Gotta say, as an asexual, this video still taught me a decent amount of stuff.
Really great content. Key is acknowledging we are all dealing with the same issues
This has been happening in my relationship for about 3 years now, I’m literally doing everything this videos says. As a woman you would think it’s me who doesn’t want sex but he’s the one constantly rejecting me, and it hurts me to the core.. I just wish he would open up to me and tell me what he wants and needs.
Im with ya.
This video doesn't talk about those who are emotionally unavailable and therefore have never felt an emotional connection during sex. To those people sex gets boring and they don't care as they are uncaring in general. They prefer to watch porn as they have to make no effort, also the porn often gets more and more extreme as normal stuff gets boring to them, or maybe they cheat. They need that extreme excitement to get off as the emotional connection is lacking. You'll know if that's the case
If you aren't married, LEAVE. But, when you do, try to get him to tell you why he didn't want sex with you. LISTEN to his reasons without being defensive. If he listed things that you can change, change them and have sex with your new BF when you get one.
Maybe he just wants cuddles instead of sex?
Your stereotyping, self-hating and generalizations of women are why he treats you like this.
It’s rarely a relationship problem. Reality is people are too depressed, stressed, time poor and technology-addicted to bother.
There are 7 Billion people on earth.....so somebody is bothering.....
Ain’t that the most accurate response yet.
Cassandra Etc porn has replaced sex.
No it hasn't. Plenty of people are having sex. Some people use porn as a tool. Some people make their own......
Or a fact that you married a nun who thinks just mentioning the word penis is improper
It's been 2 years and a half, thought I was just a bad person but now I understand, I can clearly remember that what I felt back then is exactly what's described
its not about sex. its about communication. if you want something out of a relationship, you discuss it and decide on how you go about it. if your partner cant provide what you want you discuss that and talk about how you’re going to make it work. this isnt just about sex, it can be about many things, but because the way we live puts such an emphasis on sex that when theres problems in a relationship and one of them involves sex, thats what gets the focus. and while there will be situations when the problem is related to sex, theres likely other problems too.
not everything can be solved with communication unfortunately
@@dodgethe762this is true. I’ve stated my case many many times and not much changes comments are made of tryin more and not much happens. Then it all starts over again. I hold my frustration in as long as I can stand. Then have a massive explosion and it is cyclical.
I hate it when the velociraptor doesn’t reciprocate my feelings.
We're in our 60's and sex has slowed WAY down. I had the general impression that that's probably pretty normal, and have adjusted. It doesn't seem to be hurting our marriage, but we're very close, affectionate and communicative, so I'm not too concerned
it's true your sex libido decrease and you have less interest by age you get older and older
I think it is irrelevant what is normal. You are in a specific relationship, not a relationship where the averages of relstionship dynamics are at play. You don't need to settle for anything, just because it is the norm. In saying that you are happy in your relationship - from a holistic perspective - that should be what matters to you.
I’m in my 20s and sex has slowed way down lol
Even as a young man i know that I can’t have it all. I know my drive won’t dip so hard into okd age and I told my women that I’ll handle that. It’s natural. But her lack of libido right now is killing me. Idk if I can take it. I’ve got 30 solid years I don’t want to feel lonely in
It's really hard in relationships because what drives men and womens sex drives are completely different. For women its usually building a connection outside the bedroom, doing things together and feeling connected emotionally. When men dont want to spend time with their wife/girlfriend, the woman usually is less inclined to want to have sex. When the woman doesnt want to have sex, the man doesnt want to go do little date things together. Both couples have to put in the effort and be concious of the other persons need for intamacy. Its so easy to get lazy and not go on little dates, or to skip sex for days on end. Men have to keep courting their partner continuously throughtout the relationship, and women need to be receptive to their partners need for regular sex. Also, both parties have to be honest with each other, faithful, and kind from the start. I think we also need to build up habbits and behaviors from the start that are more realistic to what we are capable of long term, rather than doing everything at the beginning, getting burnt out, and then stopping those activities. Communication is important, but listening to and understanding your partners needs are just as essential. If your partner has a need that you find stupid, you need to be receptive to it anyway.
Never stop dating each other, cuddling on the couch or just touching one another and kissing a few times daily. That will keep the passion flame going 🔥
The constant rejection is the absolute worst- your self confidence spirals downwards and you fill in the gaps why your partner no longer desires you. Its no surprise the rejected person becomes angry and simply looks elsewhere for a quick fix aka infidelity or one night stand. But in the end, it just deepens the problem by now adding guilt and shame into the mix
100%
Learn some self control. WTF is wrong with you?
I tried this, after 3 years we divorced - thank god - that divorce saved my life
I love love u u u u so so much forever really I like u i mske u so so happy i am single relationship with me i am alone 😗😗😚😚😘😘😙😙💑💑💑💑💑💑😍😍😍❤❤❤🌷🌷🌷🙋🙋🙋🙋
@@MuhammadImran-ln4fz tf
Happy you got away.
Some people reject sex because it hurts. When your wife has a medical condition, you must learn to accommodate her condition, and love her
My wife doesn't have a medical condition. It's just that I have such a huge cock she can't handle it. So for my birthday she bought me a rubber vagina and uses it on me every morning. She's so cool.
that's a very niche case that the majority will never have to deal with though. and as with everything else, communication is key when you find yourself in that exact situation.
If it’s something that you feel will make you unhappy for the rest of your life, you should just respectfully let her know that this relationship is not for you due to sexual incompatibility. Forcing yourself to stay with her by accommodating her defect, may cause you to unknowingly resent her.
or find someone else
Sexually incompatibility is real though. Whether it’s the man or woman who feels pain or has dysfunction around sex, you’re not obligated to love them anyway and stay with them if your needs aren’t being met. That said, there are many different kinds of love and some people might want to stay anyway for the companionship and are willing to entire being sexually unfulfilled.
Really interesting that this video only talks about the absence of sex. What about the absence of GOOD sex? In every relationship I've had, there were multiple experiences that ended with me feeling used, or gross/unattractive, or generally uncared for. A woman can only ask to be touched so many times before she feels the shame of her partner's disgust with having to do so. I could only listen to _sigh_ *fine* so many times before I couldn't bring myself to ask anymore. Then men wonder why the sex slowly stops... I developed a very intense desire for another man at the end of my last relationship, didn't cheat though, despite wanting to. The reasoning this video presents fits mine exactly, but I got the added pleasure of being used as a human fleshlight, discarded and ignored after he got what he wanted. Then made out to be a manipulative bitch when I started avoiding sex. I don't even want to try to find a relationship anymore. I cannot do that again.
It's you again. And here I am again to validate what you're saying. It doesn't sound like you need it, you seem very clear, but it can't hurt. No one wants to play tennis with someone who can't freaking play and when you give them tips they get angry and defensive. Up. Your. Game. Gentlemen.
Great writing
I feel so sad for people in relationships these days, wanting so much and remaining unfulfilled... I have chosen to remain single as I realize that is the state I am happiest in, pains my heart to see people willing to put up with things that seem almost abusive to me just so they dont have to be alone. Singleness doesnt mean loneliness it is a gift too. If you use it wisely. If you find that you need someone, BE PRESENT in the relationship dont just coast along. Anything worth having takes active effort. Specially when it pertains to matters of the heart.
Rac Morr I am beyond ready 2 be single again. I dont even think I want to marry @ this point.
Being in a loveless marriage is the loneliest I've ever felt. At least when I was single there was a chance for passion. Now I'm just trapped.
@Gaming On A Shitty TV good luck my friend. Keep me posted how everything goes.
Best comment so far
The cellphone has basically destroyed any chance for a relationship these days.... people can't get their noses out of them for even 10 seconds.
My wife has been telling me for almost 5 years that she will start hugging, kissing, and making love to me again. Yes, you read that correctly, almost 5 years. Basically, I’m just a roommate. I work, pay all the bills, no side chick. I have begged, pleaded, screamed, prayed, talked, and anything else you can think of to get her to change, but nothing. I don’t even mention it anymore. I’m just a roommate.
Dude, get special help for your marriage, your point of view is wrong
If a partner keeps promising to do something, and doesn't do it, she's just holding you for something. Whatever it is, it's for selfish reasons, and she doesn't love you as much as she loves herself, if at all. A lot of people take for granted that all partners love each other, or all parents love their children. It's actually not true. Love means actually caring, listening and making changes to make the other person happy and fulfilled, and it has to be *mutual*.
It’s been a year since your comment, if nothings changed leave man. Your paying all the bills and providing and getting nothing in return. Do you have any idea how many women there are That would actually appreciate you? Keep scrolling through these comments, you’ll see men that waited 30+ years. Don’t be one of em.
Jesus barroso riveriego How is he wrong idiot?
Would you get couples therapy? It might work.
I had the same issue with my partner a few years ago, and one day I walked in to the bedroom wearing my scuba gear and said this is who I am. They went over to a drawer and pulled out a snorkel and we’ve never looked back.
what does this *mean*
Getting out of shape also affects a couples sex life. Never get too comfortable in a relationship always strive to look good for your partner!
Exercising regularly also boosts libido
Well, my husband is the kindest, loveliest, most likeable person. But I have a problem finding him attractive because of his weight and 'small world' mind. We're getting older now. I'm far from perfect but I'm interested in a much wider range of issues. I'm sorry to say I'm finding him boring. So we're communicating less and less.
That can also create a problem if one partner does this and the other doesn't acknowledge it and still stays distant, but now with the excuse of feeling worse about themselves or threatened.
My desire waned because my partner refused to talk to me like a human being, humiliated me on a regular basis to others, and treated me like a maid. Then blamed me for not wanting it. Why would I want it from a narcissistic sociopath? 3 years free and am happier out of a relationship than i ever was in one!
Keepers of the Grid Exactly!
'Good for you I'm glad You had the courage to end it
you needed to tell him -even when you are walking out of the door bags in hand. I know a man who treats his GF the same way and he treats me in a similar manner. I am hoping she snaps and stabs him.
I love u Really I like u I am alone single 💑💑😍😍😍❤❤❤🙋🙋🙋💋💋👄💏💏😙😘😘😚😗😗
My marriage hit a point several years back, where u realized that any advance I made was rejected. No matter the factors or effort I put in, I was declined. I tried everything I could think of. I worked during the day then came home and cleaned up the house. I'd take care of most of the responsibility of our son as well. I tried date nights and sending her on getaways with her friends to lift her mood. None of it helped. Hours of conversation on the subject, to tears at some points, still no dice. Eventually I accepted defeat. I quit asking for sex, instead I wait my 10-14 days for her to offer me a quickie (never more than that). In the last 6 months or so she has started complaining that I never express sexual interest in her anymore. Now I just kinda feel like it's a game or some kind of power play... I won't walk out on the mother of my son, and I have no desire to hurt her, so I can't have an affair... Feels like I'm damned no matter what.
You guys should go to couples counseling.
Exact feeling!!
That's real bro 👍
Maybe it's the contraceptives she's using if they're hormonal,you can suggest a change of them.if you've really done all that cause it's crazy ..I feel u
Mannn just hookup with other women
Great video, I’ve struggled with this at times, I find this video helpful!
My partner is ALWAYS making sure that I am satisfied at the end of the day and am able to reach a climax but whenever I ask to help him out, I get rejected. He states that it is enough for him to see me finish. I don’t want to be pushy, or come off horribly, but I would love to physically give him the same satisfaction that he gives me. There are always other factors that help in his rejection, like the mess it could make, but I always have solutions for those factors. It makes me feel loved that he wants to make sure I get what I need, but I also feel so selfish not being able to give anything back in return. He is my entire world, and I wish I could figure out the right words to say to express those feelings to him.