Our Secret Wish Never to Find Love
The process of locating a partner to love is famously so hard, it may for a long time disguise an alternative, even more complicated reality: that whatever we claim, it would be a lot easier for us if we never found them.
FURTHER READING
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“The process of locating a partner to love is famously so hard, it may for a long time disguise an alternative, even more complicated reality: that whatever we claim, it would be a lot easier for us if we never found them. The hurdles of dating undeniably exist; that doesn’t mean that they aren’t also being gratefully used to hide - mostly from ourselves - a harder-to-mention wish to remain on our own.
Consciously, we may tell ourselves that we would dearly love to land on a compatible soul. Inside, we are hard at work ensuring we won’t - and for a variety of hugely understandable reasons:
- because it is simply too painful to hope.
- because we have realised that we have too much talent for identifying characters who can torment us.
- because we have had enough of other people’s madness and too much experience of our own; because humans may be best enjoyed from a distance.”
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If you’re someone who is waiting to better yourself before you allow yourself to fall in love, just remember this; You will never be where you want to be in life. There will always be something greater to strive for once you get where you think you want to be. We’re here to grow with people, not for them. As long as you understand the responsibilities of having a partner, it’s okay to allow yourself to feel love.
Wise words. ☝️❤
I after many years of being depressed and anxious about relationships, came to the same conclusion. I am miles away from the person I used to be. I am happier, have friends I can trust and enjoy spending time with, more fit, have more money, have a nicer apartment, have a much more balanced life. And yet, there is always this feeling of being inadequate, feeling like I need to do everything right, otherwise I would suffer rejection from others and even myself. I realized that there is no sweet spot in life, and even if I became a God I would still doubt myself, that I am yet not there yet. This is all a defence mechanism I created over my entire life. It's me telling myself I would need to be absolutely 100% sure that I would succeed. If I am going to feel like a impostor my whole life, then might as well make an effort to go all the way in and try it. If I get it, Great. If not, Oh well... let's try again better next time. Life is too short to be anxious about yourself.
After I lost my husband to COVID, I met someone in the bereavement group, and we’ve been together for two years. I’ve learned a lot about myself while working through our differences!
Wow we are here to grow with people, not for them 🥺 thanks for those words
You dont know how much you've changed my perspective
"Recovery from a love that promised a future can rob us of too many of our remaining years." This.
Going through this right now
Yeah, that.
This!
The best way is to get to know someone else on places where you can usually meet fitting people. If you make progress concerning this, you will all ready feel relieved and your self-confidence will come back quite soon. It's even not necessary to start an affair or a new relationship.
School of Life videos always seem to find me at the right moment. I've long stopped conflating LOVE with a romantic relationship. Love is in all forms, and it's been a lot more peaceful to just love. Love my little dog, love my family, love watching the sunrise over the mountains.
I would recommend 'Conversations on love', a book that talks exactly about what you just said, there are many forms of love and they are all possible. Romantic relationships don't have to be for everyone
Similarly, just because I feel pain of existence, doesn't mean I want to die. Just because I don't want to feel the pain of love, doesn't mean I want to be alone. Just trying to live this life as normally and socially acceptable as I can.
❤
Same here
🙂
Agreed. Although I do question what our purpose is in life. It has to be more than simply paying bills, paying tax and dying.
That doesn't sound like living to me. A 'normal' life is, by its very definition, an average, mediocre life. Sure, there are much worse ways to live, but why not keep trying? Giving in to society's norms feels like a surrender of sorts to me. Sure, it is likely to reduce the depths (or 'lows') you're likely to encounter; but it'll surely also severely flatten the possible heights as well! In Dutch, we have a saying: ‘Nooit geschoten, altijd mis.’ When literally translated, it goes something along the lines of: ‘Never shot, always miss.’ Its meaning is that if you never take a shot, you're guaranteed to miss your mark. I know that life is pain, I think a good kind of pain. But in my opinion the only way to die without dying, and the only way to make sure that you'll never truly live (as in: living your life to the fullest, reaching your true potential) is to surrender oneself to normality and the inextricable societal norms that come with it. There is a Stoic proverb that's painfully applicable here, I think: “Shame on the soul, to falter on the road of life while the body still perseveres." ─ an excerpt from Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations, bk. 6, sect. 29 Stoic philosophy has been a tremendous help for me, and perhaps it can be for you too. There is a great KZhead channel called ‘The Daily Stoic’, with the mission of making Stoic philosophy accessible to all. Here is a video that may be a good starting-off point for you: kzhead.infoRU07Tl_m3f4 ─ '4 Incredible Lessons from Marcus Aurelius'
Mankind's attitude towards Love is all wrong. It isn't something that we should strive for, it should be nice if it happens. As a consequence people tend to panic and end up in terrible relationships.
Amen!!
yup
Boom
Totally agree, waaaay too much emphasis is put on finding a romantic partner and also youth (under 25) for that matter!
Icing, a really yummy one, on an already great cake.
Ive been wondering why all the married people i know seem to envy my singlehood, while i yearn for a break from doing everything myself. I appreciate this video for being honest about the conflicting nature of wanting companionship and the freedom to do as you please.
The grass is always greener on the other sides.
Well said. I completely agree.
I had abusive parents and the only moments I could feel safe were those when I was alone. The sounds of the adults using their keys to open the door when they came home frightened me. Now I'm 40. When my roommates come home, the same sounds still make part of me very, very alert. I still only feel safe when I'm alone. I don't know how to tell this to people I date. I can't expect them to accept me if they knew. Guess I'll just accept the prospect of being alone. Having a partner or family is just too difficult for me.
I perfectly know what you mean, but: It took me a long time to realize that I often chose people that gave me reason to be afraid. But there are others that don't trigger the past so much. Seeing them is difficult though. They often look rather invisible or even boring.
Same here. The keys. I think that is common to all of us who had those experiences during childhood. (also forever alone :D)
have you ever tried therapy?
@@av3ngers17 No...
@swimjerry I just wanted you to know you are not alone. I am actively working to feel safe around others and even doing some “reprogramming” work where I rewire my brain to believe that some ppl ARE safe. Thank you for your share. It really helps me truly know I’m not alone on the struggle bus.
i met someone I am actually compatible with, and for a while i was just trying to convince myself why it wouldn't work or trying to push her away. she never gave up and im grateful i met her. finally allowing myself to have a loving relationship with someone was the best thing ever
Happy for you!
i’m so happy for you! i’ve met someone who sees this sorrow in me and seems to understand it. i’m hopeful i don’t push too hard. i hope he stays
I'm 39 and I've just found that I'm happier without someone. It's so hard to find loyalty, consistency, & security. I'd can do bad alone, no sense in doing it with someone else. I will just wait for the universe.
It depends for how long you have benn single and also if you are a solitary soul by nature. Maybe that years later, you'll feel incredibly alone. In any case, good luck on your path, maybe you'll find happiness that way.
Never forget though that are many more good people out there than bad, despite what society portrays sometimes.
I tell myself I have not found the right person. Maybe it is a more acceptable way of thinking instead of accepting I live better alone. I am 51. The latter would be better if I could 100% embrace it.
I don’t know whether I’m a solitary soul, having too high expectations (or such that don’t fit the current time/culture), being too wounded or too screwed up for having a satisfying relationship. Probably a mix of all. Me too, I’d like to give it to the universe and meanwhile enjoy the good sides of being single at 42. 😊
You clearly misunderstood this video…
❤I love, love, love being single! I come and go as I please. I travel, spend time with friends. I visit people I like, I do things I enjoy. Every once in a blue moon I feel lonely but it usually passes. It's the price I gladly pay for peace and to feel FREE!
Being single if often described as 95% bliss, 5% loneliness. I've found that the loneliness grows over time.
Yes, I’ve been there too but then I had a relationship with a narcissist, and she left me high and dry, and Jonesing for the real thing that put me on the path to search for love be happy you did not get bitten by the narcissist or the love Fever will catch you too.
@@thelittlehooer It does! 🙄
@@manvolta Narcissists as partners are horrible could watch it often from a side perspective. To have some more or less narcissistic friends is difficult enough. But the acceptance of narcism raised in the desocialised, one child and I centred western societies throughout the last decades..😑🤔😐😱 (😉)
@@manvolta Oh, I was tempted. It looked and felt real good. Only, I couldn't ignore the signs, subtle as they were. I was glad I didn't when I ran into one of the narcissist's exes. Oh, the stories I heard. Scary.
It’s pretty simple. When there’s somebody else, you have to focus on them. When you’re alone, you can focus on yourself in peace.
Exactly. And it's especially heinous if you become involved with a narcissist, because if you even try to use 12% of your hours to focus on yourself... yer gonna be in a WORLD of hurt, lol. 😂 #StaySingle #WorkHard #LiveFree
Other people are just too damn disturbing.
After two divorces I find it hard to hand over the keys to my peace and happiness to the whims of another person.
*Because we had enough of other peoples madness* .. indeed
Greatest line,,,Humans can be best enjoyed from a distance My thoughts exactly!!
On point 👍 Also because I'm overworked and underpaid. Exhausted ALL THE TIME Absolutely no time for anything else other than survival 😅
A sad Truth for many sorry to hear about your plate and I'm glad you're honest about this. Those who can buy "love" don't watch these videos
I've had my experiences, and I have thought a lot. Many miss the point, and the point is: have fun, as you live only once. Do not create too many expectations, do not assume that you are the one who should receive. Give first, and if you do not receive back then change person. Do not get infatuated with people. Eventually it is about the pleasure of living and experiencing...the rest is self inflicted sadness.
It is up to us to consider why we might not be seeking a romantic partner currently. Unfortunately, we often find things we may not like. Our work comes in the form of improving those things that are found. Good luck to all.
The amount of relationships I've seen form because people feel as though they HAVE to date SOMEONE at some point that have ultimately crashed and burned as a result is endless. Its a perfectly noble conclusion to come to: there is no obligation except the standards of others who have been sold the idea that its obligatory. Arguably, its more considerate to never pursue a relationship you're unsure you want or are capable of maintaining, than to keep up the appearance of wanting it for the sake of the other person, or for validating your life as acting it out 'correctly'. Forever carrying this false idea of being an X without their corresponding Y is an unnecessary misrepresentation that serves only to make those who aren't in a relationship feel as though they are faulty.
I sometimes long for a relationship all the while ignoring the fact that I prefer to be alone and living with someone 24/7 would drive me to insanity. I recharge my batteries when I'm alone
Thank you! For several days, I have been in a reflective, melancholy (i.e., self pitying) but this video brings me back to a more balanced frame of mind. Life isn't perfect, our parents weren't perfect, we are not perfect, but if we can free ourselves from our chains, it can have more beauty than we allow it.
Hard video to watch. Very true for myself. At this point being 43 I’ve just given up. But I do wish best of luck to others in finding love.
Ironic. You and I are in exactly inverse positions. I’m only 46, and only recently sterted therapy and trying for love or a relationship. I spent my 20s and 30s just assuming I was unattractive and unloveable and not dating or even really talking to women in an. Ie, that it’s all like TTT, or GTNW. “The only way to win is not to play.” But at some point a year or 2 ago, I decided I couldn’t end up dying without having known if it were possible. Especially after a medical diagnosis that put a cap on my available years.
I have no doubt 2024 is your year! Best of luck to you my friend.
For me it’s basically other around. I’m 42 and now for the first time I believe in love.
That’s great Lu. Best of luck to you
After half a dozen LTRs, a couple of chances of a lifetime union, dozens of short term situations and hundreds, if not thousands of dates I'm finally beginning to believe that you can be happier with yourself than anyone out there can make you.
No one can make someone else happy. But "living as a team" generally works better when both parties aren't independently wealthy. However, if one IS already rich, powerful, and popular, then there is *NO* reason whatsoever for that person to tie themselves to anything nor anyone. If you're wealthy, you're invincible. No laws nor rules apply. 💪😎✌️
Damn… How old are you??!! Thousands???!!! 😳
I've never been able to understand the cycle of finding a partner and having her (I'm male) simply leave on a whim, and then doing it again. If a life partner escaped you in all that expierence then what chance does anyone who can manage one or two partners have?
@@1kid2luv Plot twist: That's Keanu Reeves. He's immortal.
Thousands of dates?
I'm not convinced love is worth the hassle of dealing with someone else's hang ups, traumas and general dysfunctions. From what I've seen, the return on investment is pretty shitty.
Mhh but what about if you have a lot of fun with them, you are gonna have to deal with lots of ups and downs anyways in your own life. If is 2 people and you have lots do fun together isn’t that better than just having fun alone? We as humans generally prefer fun together no?
With another person more downs than ups
@@thijsjong That heavily depends on the person
agreed
If you view relationships as strictly/primarily transactional then your assessment would be correct. Though, I'm not sure that's the right lens you should be viewing love through. Love is about compromise and dealing with all that shit. You can never have real love and just have the good stuff and the benefits. That's the thing I think most people today struggle with that make them give up on relationships and love so easily. People got hung up on idealistic romantic notions and mistake that for love.
I've been thinking about relationships a bit more often and I had this sort of feeling but didn't think too much of it, this feeling that entering a relationship will do more bad than good. Glad to know I'm not alone in this.
I feel this, I just wish there was a single person on this planet who was interested in me so I could test the concept. Forever alone, but peaceful and stress free at least.
Im 17 years old and still haven't fallen in love with anyone,it may seems like im not mature enough.But for some reason i think that main purpose of my life is something more rather than love and maybe its all because i was raised by my uncle who was single his whole life.Despite of it he was godblessed person.He adopted and raised 3 children(besides me),cured and sheltered a bunch of different animals (he was a vet).He is like a rolemodel for me and lesson that he gave me is that first of all you must stay human no matter what and love everything that surrounds you and what you do
You are just 17, you have so much to look fwd to when I was in a relationship at 17 for ten yrs I lost myself it took many years to rebuild my life, self care went out the window and even now after a few career changes I don’t really feel content or settled, I look back at my life and realise that although I didn’t have many regrets life would have been better if I had focused on myself and my future instead of relationships at such a young age. The world is your oyster get your career out of the way so you can really enjoy life financially from your early to mid twenties, you’re at the stage of self discovery, friendships, exploring different places, holidays etc save money monthly from your first job, enjoy your young beautiful life and you will meet someone at some point
@@jc_80 ♥️
your very first heartbreak is around the corner kiddo. it will open the doors for you to truly understand the nature of relationships and women. good luck.
1:34 "Because longing alone can be so much more gratifying than a scratchy day-to-day reality together" That's what happens when our ideals are far removed from reality. In that case, reality just becomes a dream killer (since it makes us realize we want something that doesn't exist).
The singer James Morrison just found his wife dead yesterday, she died by hanging herself. The pain must be indescribable beyond words. I know what heartbreak feels like, and it’s the worst feeling ever, I was paralysed with grief, and they were still alive. My mother’s husband, my lovely stepdad dropped dead age 50, in front of her, and she has never recovered in the twenty years passed since, still a zombie like day one. She’s a shadow. It also made me fear ever being with anyone ever again and at my age 58, I’m happy and content to be single and avoid romance as I’d hate to live the winter of my life in paralysing heartache and grief. I’m never lonely, and I genuinely am happy to be solo, and know that I’m healed from the last times I felt such despair. I’d like to stay that way, and do all the things I have planned for later life, travel the world etc. I know, I’m weird, but I’m a good weird, and quietly content 😊
Thank you. When someone rejects you just remember that it’s not about you. It is because of what the other person holds in their head and heart that they did that. You could have never changed them or loved them into not rejecting you. But also, examine yourself to see if you have the beliefs depicted here too and self sabotage. It is scary, but most of that stress and tension to find love will dissipate if you are just honest with yourself. When I say self sabotage I don’t only mean sabotaging an external relationship. But also, sabotaging your relationship with yourself by pretending that you really want to find love. Doing that causes immense inner struggle because you are saying one thing and doing another. You’re essentially splitting yourself into two and pretending that you’re trying to figure it out. Please don’t do that. Many blessings ❤❤
I disagree. Rejection is very often about the person being rejected. I can think back to many times when I was rejected, and it was definitely because of ME. Of course, the other person was involved, but they rejected me because of me, not because of themselves.
@AA-wc3tw Rejection comes in many forms. It could be because the other individual isn't attracted to you physically or mentally. It could be that both parties are in the wrong place at the wrong time, and their personal goals are different than the other's. I don't think the rejection from another person is because of you, completely. I think that the rejection has a lot of underlining factors that are just not addressed or foreseen at the moment of the rejection. Don't be so very hard on yourself. No one is perfect! 🩵💛
@@Leo-mr1qz I'm not hard on myself, I'm realistic. I used to be AWFUL. I had no idea how to behave with maturity. Sure, my past partners had problems also, but I don't blame them for dumping me. I wouldn't have put up with me either. Thankfully I have learned how to grow, and I'm no longer AWFUL.
In many ways it's good to read you, healer. ❤
A very hard truth to admit. But I will. Thank you for bringing something so important yet often buried, to light! It was always easier to just say- "I'm not uninterested, just waiting for the right partner!" when, in actuality, I wasn't even observing for any potential partners. It was just easier to think that everyone around me were not really my type. Even when I met my current boyfriend, I kept making excuses to myself because I was deeply afraid. It would just be easier to stay good friends forever. I'd be with him while maintaining all the peace and quite in my life. A win-win huh? No. It's nothing but losing the one opportunity that is right in front of my face, just cuz I'm scared. I'm grateful to this day that he ended up confessing even though I drew the friend line strong between us. I can't imagine having to lose the chance to this beautiful and challenging relationship. No one should.
Fr this makes me ache too that if you don't find that okay but if you have one right in front of you and you let them go that's more painful than being in abusive relationship though both pains are different we can't compare both❤❤
Just saw a show that had the author of “Single at Heart.” Some of us just don’t want a romantic relationship. I honestly wouldn’t mind a strictly platonic relationship with a guy, but nothing more serious. Not afraid of anything involving a romantic relationship, just have no desire for it.
I'm Single at Heart! When people find out we don't want it, they act like we're turning down an easy, one-way trip to paradise... but we know that's not what it is. A romance is just repeatedly trying to make someone be what they cannot be - someone who builds your ego and attends to all your physical, financial and social needs. Someone who prioritizes you. A parent to end all parents. But a human just won't and cant do that. You're on your own. Nobody will understand you. We're the realists.
Datng Plattforms usually don't bring one very far in this field. You have to go out and meet people. There's someone for everyone, just gotta keep searching.
Ah! I don’t know why but the last line gave a hope to my lonely life.
As someone who is broke and all their intrests are long driving distance away, please explain how to "meet people" when your sol like me. It's so frustrating seeing things like this and always being told "just do the thing" or "if you did this thing you can financially or physically be there for" is just old
Talking to Neighbors, going to clubs, getting a job and talking to your coworkers, parks or partys. Or even at conventions @@PoopSandwich-fi4kg
@@PoopSandwich-fi4kgnearest prison these days have many forms.
I really appreciate your effort of bringing such realistic philosophies alive. Please, keep continuing the great service.
This channel is a lifesaver
Sometimes you just need a good long break from love and relationships to recharge and decide for yourself that the rewards are in fact worth the risk.
LoL sometimes we just need a lifetime away from love and relationships 😂
Love is so hard but its really what we are made for. Such a paradox
_"what we are made for"_ Who told you that? Our culture?
@@50-50_Grindi think it’s less about cultural standards and more about who we are as human beings.. we fr have an innate desire to love that comes from within, it’s just something that is naturally human. we search and yearn for others (in my opinion)
I actually agree but I would expand the definition of “love” well beyond the “primary romantic partnership” paradigm.
Coleyod is so right about the paradox.
is this sarcasm or what?
Before I even clicked on this video I knew I was about to be called out in every single way haha! Well done, hit the nail on the head as always!
I was extremely intrigued by the concept of this video and am glad you made it, but I feel like you did not cover the way I got to this point, spending 25 years trying to throw myself into any relationship that would have me and eventually realizing love was never going to find my astoundingly weird self and I was going to be happier not trying anymore.
I find the entirely ethereal nature of friendships and relationships with all their hype and promise to be incredibly painful. The whole world from media, family, and friends all tell me that I need it because they have it or are selling something of it. Needing and looking for something that will kill me when it disappears is a special kind of hell for me and I can only assume many others. Relationships are the spice Melange, it extends life, expands conciousness, and is fatal to withdraw. Fuck it, I'll just keep buying old motorbikes instead.
I always thought I was so “weird” or alone when finding breakups after just a few months catastrophic. I’d think to myself HOW do ppl survive this? HOW has humanity gotten this far? I’m deeply empathic and highly sensitive. I thought perhaps I just feel things deeper than others? Your comment make me feel like I’m not alone! Only instead of motorcycles my companion is my dog
...ill just keep building the relationship i have with myself.❤
@@aa3186 I'd love to see @theschooloflifetv explore this. I've never been able to understand how some people can easily avoid relationships (when not asexual or aromantic) or seek them despite the danger of abandonment. I think most people are nuts for seeking relationships with that risk. Imagine if most morotcycle trips ended in a leg-breaking crash that left you with a limp, you wouln't be at all keen ti ride again. (Pardon the pun) Some or most it seems, can brush it off or not feat it in the first place. My Interceptor 1200 would never leave me, but she might break my legs if I mistreat her.
relationships are like a poison covered with sugar. Initially sweet, but then inevitably causes you pain.
I just don't know what I'd do with a romantic partner. I don't feel attracted to other people, I've never fallen in love, and I don't get lonely. It would be nice to have someone who's on my side and helps out when I need help doing something, but so many couples out there cause more problems for the one they're with than they solve. Seems like a lot of work for little to no reward for me. I think I'd benefit more from having a personal assistant than someone to be "in love" with. Lol. These videos miss the mark for me most of the time, but I still like listening to Alain's lovely voice. :)
There are so many married single moms that are making videos now. Some lament about doing all the work, some even flat out say they hate their kids. Romantic love is a construct that has been tagged on to marriage, something that was more a necessity in the past. So, most of us grow up thinking someone else will love us, that’s what’s the norm. But, it just isn’t necessary nowadays, or even wanted. Birth and marriage rates are plummeting all around the world. Women are wising up to not doing anything they don’t want.
Real. IMO, it sounds like you might be on the aromatic spectrum-you should look into it. There are many (on the aro spectrum) who like the IDEA of relationships but don’t really feel drawn toward anyone or incentivized to actually pursue them. Good luck
@@mila3432 Yeah, I figured out a few years ago that I'm asexual, aromantic, and agender. (Also autistic.) Straight A's. Lol
I never was a believer in fate and destiny until lately. I believe some people just seem to be more lucky than others and seem to have things virtually handed to them. Whether it's down to their personality or whether it's something supernatural - who knows?.
I've been suspecting this, and this one nailed me it's great for me to come clean with myself😂
I've been in this dilemma for many years. There is a lot of angst about finding Love and being in a Relationship. Really, just having one or two friends would be pretty low key. But even this proves difficult to stumble into.
My wife, Penny and I were EMT/Paramedic partners working on the ambulance for many years. We were a great team on and off duty. We suffered and sacrificed, building a successful life together. I knew her for 43 great years. Unfortunately, she passed away suddenly in 2020. I wouldn't trade what I had with her for anything in the world. I can tell you they don't women like Penny anymore. I love and miss you, my wonderful wife. But life goes on.
I love this video so much. I have close friends who are terrified of love, and are not fully concius about it.
Loved this video, been catching up on your archive and I am impressed by the quality of the video and messages. Regarding this particular video, it resonates with me (longing to find a partner, being "disappointed" by others lack of perfection), and then it goes under the surface to discuss why these feelings exist in the way that they do. I've had a few relationships over the years, including one terrible heart break that took me years to get over, and I have a rich and fulfilling life. I think everything covered in this video--the longing for a "perfect person" satisfies my desire to be in a relationship without all of the messy complications. Also I can tell that now I'm a bit older I'm a bit more set in my ways and "melding" that with another person is becoming more and more difficult. Overall this video helped me to embrace my current situation and the positives behind it.
I will be forever alone with company.
Me too 😅
finally i'll find it,a way to heart,doesn't rely on anyone,stick to love
5 years and i didn't even get a proper goodbye, and you try to remeber the good times and be positive but you just can't. This song conveys the message perfectly. You give everything to someone and it still won't be enough.
It all goes back to childhood, but i am not sure if these causes can be used to deal or change the Way we delve into relationship. I think it's useful to geta glance at trauma but never to move on. One must not surrender to the past and always takes actions using encouragement (take it step by step
I'm just learning to have selflove
I truly hope that all who wish to have true love can find it soon. Oh Universal Energy, please make it so. 💖🙏💖
❤❤❤
The Game of Your Love Life🙄You win some You lose some depending on what You have experienced in Relationships before it will either be worth it or detrimental to your health/well being🤔What are you willing to sacrifice to have another as a companion because it’s not just about You anymore🤔A relationship can be a Godsend or the most loneliest feeling in the World🤔Sometimes being your own partner is enough with finding outside activities to fill that void and guess what that’s just fine to Just Be😇🦋☮️❤️🌟
this video said exactly what currently happening in my life, what i feel in my heart, what i think in my mind, everyday. i tend to ignore plenty of good women that has some interest in me, and i'm really believe that each one of them actually will be good partner for me, but i prefer to fall in love and admiring someone who's really awful and don't even pay any attention to me, because she's my coworker and i met her every workday, i always seeking for little moment at every chance i get just to spend some time with her and create memories just to make me feel alive in messed up life i have. it sick, very sick, and i'm perfectly aware of it, something wrong with me but i don't wanna fix that. thing like this makes me wanna give up on love and find a partner for me in the future, funny and sadly enough it also makes me wanna die sooner, i don't want to kill myself or anything it's just i think it's fine for me if i die soon
Find job in another town. Ask her out. If she says no sever all communication with her. Being stuck in unrequited love sucks. Where do you meet all these woomen.. I dont get it. If you have that much choice you must have something going for you.
Limerence - is Nature pushing us to reproduce, and screwing with our hormones at the same time, but real love isn't limerence. Fantasy is safe as we can indulge ourselves in our heads and play out whatever safe fantasy in our heads, and sometimes in our beds. But really that's the joke - we're jerking oursekves around by settling for a fantasy, rather than the real thing. It may sound cruel, but you need to get a real life, and give up the fantasy one, because you're really missing out on what a real connection with somebody is like. Yes, it's messy, sometimes, frustrating, boring, and staid. But at the same time it can be glorious, funny, and reassuring to wake with someone, who is as imperfect as we are, but doesn't dissolve into a apoplexy when we fart in bed or have spinach on our teeth. Who stick with us as we are and not measure us to the impossible standards everyone is supposed to fit but never can. Who've chosen us instead of a fantasy. I hope you choose to live a thoroughly rich life, where your problems don't disappear, but are accepted and taken responsibility for, because they reflect your real prioritities. So you knuckle down to them, and conquer them because what's in your life is chosen by you, and they bring you occasionally joy. Good Luck. Live Long and Prosper.
@@thijsjongi don't wanna find another job for now because i have good prospects in my company, and i just got promoted even though i worked there less than a year. i can i ask her out but it would be a disaster whatever the answer is, I'm not afraid of rejection, but I'm afraid it will affect my professional relationship with anyone in the office, i worked in large company with more than thousand employees that's why i met a lot of women. funny thing is, i wrote some love letter and i posted it on Instagram but i don't tell it for whom, and the some girls forced me to tell them who's that letter for, even one of the girl tell me confidently i wrote it for her, even though it's not. now you can understand how crazy my workplace is
Thank you truths that can be hard to hear, in a tone that is easy to listen to.
Thank you for everything
I liked this episode. It’s seems true. Being ASD, means most people are very different from me. I spent most of my life in a relationship or searching for one. Then I met someone. I ended up in a place that was horrible and almost inescapable. Spending years thinking of death left a deep impression. It left me physically and emotionally disabled. Now, for the first time, I’m happy being and staying single. I have a wonderful family and that’s enough for me. I’m happy and content.
I too loved a person who soon later run away from me just bc she got afraid that I someday will run away from her. A frightened soul who will never dare to take a leap of faith again, encaged and bewitched by her logic in such way that if to be told, she'd deny all. It is an awful contradiction to be a human yet still exciting. I guess I will stop trying when I am dead.
Thanks for such content. This video is so truthful
I fell in love in a nearly literal sense. I had no idea it was happening until it did. We have grown together, fought, lost and regained each other's trust, and we now identify strongly with our relationship. I would not want my life to have been without this complex, painful motivation to be more myself than ever before. Should it end before I die, I have no interest in attempting to create another.
This video came at a perfect time for me, I was getting caught up in all these terms like aromatic and asexual online when I would type how I felt, but this video took the words and feelings right out of me. I’m still trying to figure out if this whole thing and mindset is wrong?
I think Ecclesiastes said it best....there is a time to love and a time to refrain. The difficulty, it seems, is finding that one person who is compatible enough for us to love unconditionally. It just doesn't come around that often.....til it does. יוי
Wow this spoke to me the volume was very loud to me..I realize that I am more motivated alone,was born and will die alone..especially the divorce rate in today's era is simply ridiculously. Glad I have my independence 🎉learning to love myself is the best love before even sharing that with anyone else ❤️
No one can deny this feeling irrespective of age and gender affiliations, if these words came earlier. the concept of marriage would have sailed a-crossed a slightly more different pattern and that includes the expectations that comes with relationships, these are the words of the voiceless in modern day relationships.
Well said❣️
I feel like I just got read to filth by a KZhead video unexpectedly. Hit me in the feels!
This is what recently I've discovered about myself also. 🖤
I am feeling very despondant at the moment. I am 34 years old and my longest relationship was in high school for 2 years. I enjoy my solitude but my therapist told me that I need people and I have been putting all my energy to dating, going out, joining activities, having a job facing public, and I hardly meet some women every few months and sometimes is just for one night, or a week, or a month, then they leave. I get a lot of rejection and my self-esteem goes down.
Idk what's this video about. I love love, I love falling in love, I love people, I love the experiences. It's been awhile thou, oh love love lovvvvwee
It's not self sabotage then. Here's mine: because we've had enough of other people's madness and too much experience of our own. Because we end up feeling that humans are best enjoyed from a distance. Because it might be better to remain unknown than to be adored and then despised.
in a healthy society not finding love is a sign of mental issue but in unhealthy society not loving someone is a sign of love and mental health, love is like anger, sadness, compassion, sex and happiness, is illogical side of human than differentiate us from any animal and AI, our emotion is complex.
I was a classic romantic, but that got me nowhere and I don’t even know what love is or feels like in this context. So, I’m not too sure what will being coming next here.
Honestly if you learn about why some people become attracted or not, how they describe love and what not, then it's pretty depressing.
Aren't there other forms of love? Romantic love is way too overemphasized.
What Divine timing!
Me an assexual: I see this as an absolute win
I really love that last line.
I didn’t quite understand the message of this one. Let’s say I admit I secretly want to be alone. Now what? Is that self awareness enough to start changing my pattern and actually find someone?
I don’t like to be emotional. Romantic love is emotional. I never survived the turbulent period before sailing into calm, companionable water. As a senior, I’d rather be solo than meeting love. The disruptive nature of two ppl falling in love (in a positive way) is too much heavy lifting.
For me, I can’t seem to track a lack of confidence in myself or pride despite achievements or behaviour to my childhood. Which makes figuring it out all the more challenging
This video is relatable and made me think; however, some of us (like me) are too unattractive and too old. Better to shut that door and just live the best you can.
I guess my wish has been granted 😔
I needed To hear this. It's Me To a tee. And I'm okay with it. Peace❤
I just broke up a relationship for the last time in my life I guess. I am almost 40, and was sure if I can’t make it work with this one, I will just stay with dogs and good friends. I feel like a unicorn in this world anyways, I seem to be so extremely odd and rare, I cannot find anyone Thad seems to think like me and have interests like me and.. just be made out of the same wood. And especially, I don’t seem to be a woman a man can comfortably be with, as I don’t fulfill a lot of clichés and am quite happy with that. Oh well 🤷🏻♀️ I am absolutely fed up at this point.
Im a straight woman who kept choosing men before they came out as gay, partially because i liked their softer more open personalities, and probably partially because i knew deep down they were actually unavailable and, therefore, safer.
Thank you!
as single woman, i just want to have someone to talk with and hang out together , thats enough . i dont really want relationship
I had an average childhood but I'm socially awkward and have a trust issue after a bad experience..in fact I don't know why but I never saw myself as a family man at all..sure it's both lonely and selfish but I rather deal with dogs than humans tbh..
What a life's concept to don't get hurt anymore. Pain and vulnerability is everywhere. I wanna face relationships. Kay, I didn't had that much and I cried oceans for my last lost love. What a woman, wonderful, funny, sexy, respectful, a.s.o. Yes, sometimes I'm f*ing lost. Yes, sometimes I think my 43 years life's over in a way I'll never find another good. Blablablabla ..... Pain is everywhere. Love, too. Pain starts inside of you and love does. Welcome life! Feel, accept, feel. It's winter, it's okay. Dudes, everybody got the right to do what is necessary to.
Haha, I feel personally attacked. This is exactly how I feel. But the real question is what do I then do, to ovecome this fear of being disappointed & hurt?
People are fake and it's becoming worse not better. It takes me seconds to spot an envious person. No thanks staying alone am more happier alone. Peace and tranquility 😊
So true! I do the same as the video mentions.
I mostly understand the philosophy of the school of life ,But I didn't quite get this Closing
Secretly, I would love to be alone. I mean completely alone. If the world was completely deserted and I didn’t need a social safety net to survive more than a week I would feel utterly fine. I know this video is more about finding a partner, but I want to fantasise about living the rest of my life on a planet earth completely free of other humans.
Move to a rural area and go for long walks at 4am... basically the same thing. Works for me!
Well, I’m 75 years old. I’ve been on a dating site for over two years. Well actually I took myself off of last spring anyway, I was alone 15 years by choice I now see that’s when I should’ve been out there trying to find love again I don’t like being alone for the most part in a relationship now with a man who is definitely put up a wall because he’s been hurt so many times that’s not fair to me. I tell him that but we’ll see what happens…l By the way, I love your videos
Why not fall in love with yourself first, then you will vibrate that out. You might meet someone who is on the same frequency. When you are not aligned either one or both are still working from the ego mind. Consciousness (love) which we all are will find its own way when you intergrate both light and dark within (balance). Then you realise you have everything within you to co-create any outcome. 🤔😊.
I'm currently at "how many times you're expected to take off your clothes in front of a stranger" and a childhood that didnt arm me for relationships.
Only God is the good guy for me. Just living while waiting and praying constantly with fervor and serenity for my God-loving guy/girl...with godly love to all of you and do the best the Lord wants
I do see the point in SoL posting this, whereas I don't see any in entertaining related discourse without clarifying the notion(s) of 'love' that are being related to individually, either ex ante or in proceeding, and adding facets. fruit salad is delicious but there's merit in understanding what apples, pears, peaches, lemons went into it if wanting to learn about making it (again or differently), tangibly (i.e. how? anyone tastes what? is irrelevant in not being conveyable anyway to else).
This was fascinating content. Can someone suggest me a book which is a sort of an entension for this.
I'm an introvert. Leave me alone 🤗
“and when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?”
I believe in true romantic love the way i believe in winning the lottery, it's awesome if it happens, but unlikely. I guess you just keep playing and hoping to hit the jackpot, maybe this one time lol