On Feeling Stuck
Many of us feel ‘stuck’ - wishing we could escape a job or relationship, while being incapable of doing so. Coming unstuck involves examining unhelpful messages we internalised in childhood.
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FURTHER READING
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“Many of us spend a large a part of our lives, in one way or another, feeling stuck, that is in a state where a strong desire to move forward on an issue meets with an equally strong compulsion to stay fixed where one is. For example, we might at one level powerfully want to leave a job in finance in order to retrain in architecture - but at the same time, remain blocked by a range of doubts, hesitations, counter-arguments and guilty feelings. Or we might be impelled to leave our marriage - while simultaneously unable to imagine any realistic life outside it. To act feels horrific, but doing nothing is killing us as well. Every avenue appears shut off. And so one ruminates, turns over the question late at night, tries the patience of therapists - and watches life go by with mounting anxiety and self-disgust…”
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CREDITS
Produced in collaboration with:
Julia Marchowska
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Title animation produced in collaboration with
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My best friend worries about his father. He’s a Vietnam veteran and he’s been stuck for years. All he does is watch Fox News all day and bashes everyone that’s not like him. He even makes racist or homophobic comments on a regular basis. It’s sad to see because he didn’t used to be that way. He wasn’t always like this. When we were kids he would talk to us about being kind to others. Somewhere along the way something happened to him. It’s hard to think that someone so up in age could change, but we still have hope for him.
This channel needs to be translated in other languages. Please always open your videos to outside translators. 🙏🙏 This content is way too good.
is there any way i can access your video for translation ? I have been recently translating the videos into Arabic language, but after KZhead community removing the option of adding Sub, i can't help!! will you help me with this please .
@@HelgaCavoli i emailed them earlier for the same reason , the translation to other language is highly necessary ..
How do you always guess my feelings xDD?
"To act feels horrific, but doing nothing is killing us as well"
I had to pause after that. It’s so true.
Triple that !
I'm trying to be an actor who says the truth tho.
Because nothing is a choice.
My family was actually incredibly open minded and never asked me or imposed me
School of life happens to know exactly what I’m going through
Bruh same
Its so real that is scary
almost every time....
Coz we're all quietly going through the same things
Quarantine
Parents think that everything they do , they do it for their kids, when in fact they do it for themselves ,because they see us as their continuation. They want their kids to have the same attitudes and the same outlook on life. That's why it hurts them to realize that we are very much different and distinct from what they expected us to be....
And a lot even regret having having kids if it wasn’t what they wanted first. It took 3 babies until the 4th eventually was a girl like my birth giver wanted. I was always treated less than my little sister all because I wasn’t a girl.
@@Mylastavatar It is crazy really the fact that a massive number of people don't even ask themselves if they really want to have kids and if they do then why . They just have them as if it is one more piece of cake that you are not sure if you should have but you have it anyway...
Having children and reproducing is absolutely the MOST selfish thing any human could ever do.
This discussion thread is Golden. Thank you all for sharing. Following
@@PoFFizdaMan I agree with you . Most of the people make children because of the tradition, they are completely clueless about how to raise a child . For them , a child is simply a future caretaker and a source of money , they invest in their children , hopping that in the future they will double the money they received. My parents brainwashed me with their point of view and now is so hard to escape .
Currently reading “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” and this video falls in line with it perfectly. It’s all true. Parents are no saints. The majority of our parents are just unhealed children passing on insecurities and generational trauma to innocent children, us, and deeply stunting our emotional, mental and financial growth. Really sad if you fully understand what’s going on. Can’t take the blame for my wounds but it’s my responsibility to heal them.
And not pass this ignorance to the next-generation
That's the concept of 'original sin' in christian terms, I believe....
Thank you for mentioning that book!
I am reading this book too and I completely agree!
J Amazing book! I’ve read a lot of self help books but this one is the one I’ve been looking for my whole life. It explains EVERYTHING that I’ve gone through and fully explains why I am the way I am today. Finally feels like the puzzle is complete for me in the sense of understanding my parents, myself and how my thinking and behaviors aren’t even my own! Very freeing! What do you think? How’s it been for you?
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.” --Mark Twain
I dont trust mark twain so
This quote haunts me though. Makes me feel like I'm missing out.
not likely, say if you want to ask a girl out but you know she will say no, you wont be disappointed that you didn't ask her out,
@@poiu77 But there is a possibility, no matter how small, that she may have said yes. And until you're given that no, it is possible one day you may look back and think what life would have been if you had asked and she'd said yes.
@@jkv6079 no they all say no, so i guarentee i won't be looking back on it
Everytime we give ourselves permission to try and confidently leaving the past behind without worrying about perfection, can release the 'stuck' and anxiety. May everyone here finds their freedom in living your dream life.
I’m aggree with you. I’m thinking like that completely 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Yes, but that's the problem if you haven't got a great confidence in your core value. What I mean is that regardless of what you do you have an inherent value in your self, you are God enough regardless of your actions. People that haven't had that confidence rooted in them as a small child, often by the unconditional love and attention from their mother, have a hard time trying to get past obstacles, because they can't relate to their worth and integrated self love an self respect. They get stuck as suckers for love or some kind of acknowledgement. If they can't get it from outside of them they stop functioning.
@@blfalken yeah! Plus some ppl still lives with one of their envy parents, and have no money at all, and no mental health to grow outside of the negative patterns. Its a prison inside a prison... there's no exit
🧡
Sometimes reality demands more than we can give… some of us will struggle hard to adapt and never be hapoy 😢
"watches life goes by with mounting anxiety and self disgust" EXACTLY,,,,,
I was there once, trying and failing constantly to hide from myself.
"We are stuck because we are being overly loyal to an idea of something being impossible generated in the distant past..." Such a well thought out video, and the animations do such a wonderful job of expression what it actually feels like to be stuck.
A lot of us are just overly loyal to the people that make us feel trapped. My once best friend is now just a overbearing roommate. I can’t just leave cause my dog has a good home and my roommate is dependent on me. I can’t give up my dog and I can’t fuck someone over, even if they aren’t honest with me.
It's also called learned helplessness. This stuckness arises when we subconsciously reinforce the feeling of incapability, just because in the childhood, we were told that we weren't not allowed to do something.
I was taught “you have to be realistic, your dreams won’t come true...” - I’ve been stuck for absolutely years, I’ve gotten so used to it now 🤷🏻♀️ 2019 was just awful, I suffered with debilitating depression, from loss after loss, this year was supposed to be better. I had so much hope on New Years Eve, I was going to start my own business, I never feel like that but I did. Then bam! since March everything has been a struggle again, I’m just so tired 😔
I'm so sorry you've been feeling bad. This being human isn't easy. I've found it helpful to focus on enjoying the little everyday things. You deserve to be happy. Big hug to you.
So sorry to hear about your incident, just keep your progression on track, the upheaval is an indispensable part that could exist in any era. Be optimistic to embrace it, and you'll be fine soon. take a look at this channel, hope you could find a bit of serenity kzhead.info/tools/ybBViio_TH_uiFFDJuz5tg.html
Don't lose hope please... You've gained so much experience. We can only get up if we fall.. please get up, keep going, it can only get better from here.
"He (Colonel Sanders, KFC) started travelling by car to different restaurants and cooked his fried chicken on the spot for restaurant owners. If the owner liked the chicken, they would enter into a handshake agreement to sell his chicken. He was turned down 1009 times before his chicken was accepted once! By 1964, Colonel Harland Sanders had 600 franchises selling his trademark chicken. Now, he sold his company for $2 million dollars but remained as a spokesperson. In 1976, the Colonel was ranked as the world’s second most recognizable celebrity."
It will get better. You are not alone in this ) ❤️
Childhood will always have an impact to one's present.
the important thing to remember is that the past explain the problems of the present, but the past does not move the present, unless you inssist it does, than it will.
True :(
Our past.
So sitting helpless and afraid on the couch as my parents yell at each other is the reason for depression and unwillingness to try for fear of getting yelled or someone yelling at me.
“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” ― Albert Einstein
And is afraid to succeed
I made so many mistakes, I don't think I can move on
@@youdeservetobehappynow7584 have you tried to move forward
@@nathalieduverna6963 yes I did, but my motivation did not last, it always expires at the end of the day
@@youdeservetobehappynow7584 I know I’m not fit or certified to say this, but as an artist plagued like many with motivation and art block since, as of typing this comment, my drawings take about 15-25 hours per piece, I can say that I have commitment issues with a lot of stuff. Some trivial some important, things I hesitate on often pass me by because I’m not willing to either take the spot. My scenario is probably very different from yours, but starting is almost always the most difficult step in finishing something. Whether the task daunts me in my mind, or self doubt creeps in from past trials, it discourages me from starting; from taking on a new responsibility and task. If I put it off for long enough i then ask myself why I’m doing nothing, and when I am working I wonder if the time spent that cannot be regained was worthily spent. It is infinitely easier to say this thank to follow through, but try starting a project of yours and don’t chase perfectionism in what you do from the start, as we humans aren’t perfect. I sometimes have to force myself to start a drawing or project despite not having motivation because sometimes the motivation will grow as I work. I doubt this was that helpful but I’m here to talk if you need ^^ Edit: another thing I recommend although it might not exactly pertain to your predicament is to compare your current self only to your past self and focus on how you’ve improved for motivation! If not much improvement has been made, then seek out what specifically is at the root of your choices that cause you to stumble
5:56 *"We may need to be disloyal to a way of being that protected someone we cared about or depended on, in order to start to be loyal to a more important person still: ourselves."* Indeed!
That also resonated with me a lot. It is a very eloquent and true way to phrase it :)
Damn man you really explained my whole life, 20 years of pleasing my family for no reason.
I’m at this point in my life where I just question everything that’s been happening to me. I don’t know what I did wrong. I just want to feel like I’m actually on my path to success. I’m fed up of what if’s and constantly worrying about where my future will lead. Sometimes I get depressed especially seeing friends succeed. I want to be in that place too. It’s all too suffocating.
Hey man you will be alright I can feel it be strong💪💪
This is me right now friend. You are not alone
When questioning everything.. unless it’s obvious to you that you have acted wrong, Please don’t question what you did wrong or to deserve misfortune. Many times you didn’t do anything wrong or anything to deserve misfortune! Internalising will only cause anger, resentment & pain... because there is no justification for terrible things that happen to us unjustly! Awful things happen to us and it isn’t fair.. but it’s not your fault! ,. you didn’t do anything wrong!! You are on your path to success ! The path to success is a bumpy road.. you only feel successful when you get there. Along the way you’re going to feel labour of the journey.. but you’re still on the path.. In the meantime maybe find other ways to feel success.. Maybe break down what your doing to ensure you stay on your path to success... and make keeping to those things a success in themselves. It’s a long and arduous task of daily commitment for possibly years to reach your ultimate ideal of success.. But sticking to the monotony day in day out is what get’s you there. Every day you can be a success ! Treat yourself accordingly 🙂 Hope this helps !
Definitely not alone here I feel ya
@@TheCryptic08 Then my advice is for you too. We are alone but we are also feeling this way together. Slight paradox... but you are understood, I feel you.
I needed this. Every word, every phrase, every sentence, every enunciation, tone and timbre. I needed this video. Thank you for solving a huge problem for me. Thank you for giving me my answers. I will now work on me. The pain is already half gone just by listening and watching this video. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!
Usha Aron!!!!!!
Totally my childhood. This is a great eye-opener/reality check for me. I have felt tied to my parents hopes and fears my entire life. I'm 55 now. I still feel fearful to be the person who I really am.
Hope things are bit better now...
The more and more of these videos I watch, the more it seems like every problem we ever experience results from something in our childhood
Feeling stuck sometimes is normal and it will probably happen many times over your life. I think the important part is accepting that you're feeling stuck and not dwelling over in in order to be able to start moving forward again!
But how? I made plans early this year, well actually since last year but then covid happened. In a way, it’s a blessing in disguise since I am not sure if I will be okay being in a foreign country + covid. But what’s next for me? Covid will not go away anytime soon...it’s confusing 😐
@@lucillesoriano5257 this is an unusual year... Do not let this exception make you doubt yourself, or your plans. This year, we're all feeling stuck, for more or less the same reasons... But one day, sooner or later, it'll be past us... Let's be patient and not lose our hopes Imagine waiting for a train, that's running unusally late... Eventually, it'll come... :) Good luck.
@@lucillesoriano5257 Well, do something else. Something that you can do.
Aditya Hegade i know but it still sucks. I am fed up with my current job. I know I should be thankful that I have still work given the situation. But I just like really want to move on and move forward.. I have been working in this company for like 6+ years and I’ve been trying to quit for soooo long but almost always nothing materialize. So I decided to take another route (study again full time)...but then covid happened. I’m just really frustrated and feel stuck right now🤦🏻♀️😩 Sorry for venting out, I just want to tell it to someone that doesn’t particularly know me.
@@lucillesoriano5257 It's ok, you don't have to be sorry :) after all, who else would understand the need to vent out to a total stranger, better than the students of the School of Life... 'I know I should be grateful....' There's really no such a thing as 'should be' when it comes to feelings... embrace whatever you feel instead of fighting it, so that you don't make worse what's already becoming unbearable... Covid happened, and many people lost their jobs - you didn't make that happen (did you? :P ) Don't punish yourself over something you don't have control over... Lastly, I don't mean to tell you 'do this' and 'dont do that' 🙊 though it does sound that way... I just wanted to say, sometimes what we're feeling, has less to do with the external world, and more to do with the story we choose to tell ourselves about it... Become your own storyteller, and be a good one... O:) I hope you'll find peace Take care!
I moved cities just before the pandemic. Left for a new job, new city, to meet new people. And I haven't been able to do any of it. I've been stuck home in a city I can't explore and with people I can't meet. ☹
Same exact situation. I understand you
Yep, the same goes for me
Same. I hope things get better for you ❤️
Have you joined some Facebook groups. Openly asked for friends with same interests. Just saw a guy today do this in a local group I have and the response was beautiful. Don’t wait, you can meet for a walk and take a flask if you are both in your own bubble xx
Same. I started trying the meetup app to meet and stay busy online. Not the same but it’s something
THIS IS IT!!!! This was why my procrastination was an issue!!!! Somehow, I had a childhood law that told me that I didn’t have to do anything so that I could be happy. (It’s complicated, so I’ll just leave it at that.) Meanwhile, my parents have given me chores to do and have been repeatedly telling me to do them because of my procrastination. It’s the juxtaposition and contradiction of these two things that have made me stress over my procrastination so much. Thanks to this video, I now realize that because I am an adult, not only do these laws not apply to me anymore, but my parents have also been unconsciously telling me the same! I was just so confused at which path to follow, so I chose the law that was set in stone, only to realize that my parents didn’t want me to follow it anymore! Now, I realize that I have a new GUIDELINE (not a rule or law) for me to follow: My parents want me to do these chores so that I CAN be happy. So that I can be independent. And along the way, they can be happier because of the clean house and because of my growing independence. My anxiety and perfectionism may still get in the way and cause me to slip, but I at least found the root cause of my procrastination! Thank you SO SO MUCH!!! ❤❤❤
Life is hard. Just a little advise, if you as a parent can't give your children a good life or support their dreams/ambitions financially, atleast support them morally. And if parents can't do either of it then atleast dont impose your expectations on children. Because kids have their own dreams and perspectives too. And sometimes going against parents/peers creates immense doubts and pressure in their minds when they are already fighting things/life. PS: I know parents love their children and think about their well-being but children do think about their parents well-being and health too but we all come with personal shortcomings and set of perspectives.
People criticize parents too harshly in my opinion. It isnt apparently clear whether any given action is degrading or actually building character; sensitivities tend to differ across generations and individual people.
My only parent who died 17 years ago messed me up so badly that I’m 33 and have no children because I’m terrified of hurting them like I was hurt. We are products of our upbringing & I’m damaged goods.
"building character"... :(
I love the visuals so much! I can pause every frame and it would look like a painting worthy of hanging
agree !
I think you would like Dr. Katz
I like the school of life art but this seem to me all are male characters which disappointed me
Ruleofrose92 hello! I’m the animator 🔆 They were actually meant to be genderless
@@juliamarchowska3425 oh actually I knew thats what it thought to mean but I felt they were all males 💙 I hope my comment didn't upset you
Facile. This is so much easier said than done. I’ve been on the “doing something about it stage” for thirty-eight years.
you mean a 6 minute KZhead video didn't solve all your problems?? this is obviously an introduction to the topic. almost every SoL video advocates going to therapy bruh
Damn
Can't explain how much I related with this. Thanks for making this. It means so much to me
"Their taboos were made to protect them but they are making us ill." Thank you so very much 🙏 This channel is emmencly contributing to a collective shift of consciousness in a positive direction. Thank you so very much.
I had a horrible childhood growing up, there was no stability and those responsible for my siblings and I subjected us to terrible life. My older sister bullied me a lot just because I was book smart while she was street smart and didn't like that I was often applauded by the principal. I now have kids and I feel kind of stuck in this year 2022, I began reading lot's of books and watching contents from chanels such as this rather than waste tike on reality show and it has had a positive impact on me. I'm not there yet but I'm surely not like I was when the year began. Happy 2023 everyone 💓
happy new year!
This channel should instead be called, "The School of How Your Life is All About Your Sucky Childhood."
Well, they do promote a very neo-Freudian perspective on human psychology. Is it possible that many of our adult issues stem from our less than optimal childhoods? Just sayin'. 🤔
LOL! its a beautiful channel... but you have a great point.
Care or careless childhood, happy or unhappy life
@@kewgardensstation guess the ones that are indoctrinated in us do come from either primary or secondary socialisation....
Yea, just sucks for those who had a good childhood because they almost never find useful advice here, despite having the same issues when grown up.
I needed this video more than I thought I did considering how everything has changed in the Pandemic. Thank you
I know right 😭
If this 'pandemic' made you feel stuck..you probably needed it.
8 months into the pandemic bruh. Get over it
You missspelled plandemic
And good Luck!
The message as usual is great, but can we just take a moment to appreciate the ethereal illustration and animation? The colors, the shapes, the interaction - just brilliantly genius.
Thank you for this video! Just helped me make a huge connection one of my childhood "laws". I've always felt stuck in work, esp around money and the feeling is so awful. It's like I'm being suffocated by my own life and it has taken many days away from me, just completely sucking my energy and making me miserable. I have friends like in this video that say "why don't you just go for it, try something out" but it makes it worse, I have never had the self-belief and the thought of actually going after what I might find genuinely fulfilling fills me with fear and dread. I've always blamed my current circumstances and taken it out on them but deep down knew it was something a lot deeper. When I was younger, my Mum got in to a loveless relationship with our next door neighbour. They literally didn't speak to each other or show affection, and in the 9 years he lived in our house he ignored me and my sister and didn't speak to us. When me and my sister would explain that we didn't feel welcome at home or that we didn't feel loved, we were met with "if it wasn't for this man you wouldn't have a computer!" and we were shamed for being "ungrateful" when we spoke out about how we felt. The "law" that was ingrained into me from this experience is that you basically can't have money and security and feel love, or joy or any sense of freedom. I can have compassion for my Mum and I don't blame her, my story is that I am a child of an alcoholic and my Mum was deeply traumatised by my Father's addiction. But it's time for me to start unpicking these "laws" and I hope that in doing so I begin moving out of my stuckness and start creating a life that I want for myself. Not one that's based on someone else's beliefs. Big love and I hope that everyone else watching finds some peace and serenity today. x
Me: What a wonderful life! My childhood traumas: Let's ruin this man's life...
Same
😭😭
Same!!
This year I felt stuck. I had found an intership but with the covid situation, the company that I applied to couldn't take me anymore. It took me 6 months to find another one and my parents weren't helpful, always implying that it was my fault that the first company let me down and that if I couldn't find another one was because I was searching the wrong way. My parents always say that I'm stubborn because I don't listen to their advice but those advice was wrong and didn't apply to what I was looking for. Now I have found an internship that matches all the things I was searching and that's not thanks to them. I love my parents but I can't wait to move out
I've been hitting walls everywhere I try for an internship. I'm sure I'll find something eventually but it is very hard to keep going when everywhere slams the door in your face before you even speak to anyone.
@@VicvicW Sometimes it's good to take a break from searching to release the pressure for like 2 or 3 days. We're leaving in a really difficult time, I hope that you'll find something, don't give up!
I had a nightmare that I was stuck inside a truck's tailpipe last night. I woke up exhausted.
nice
I am a dream interpreter - this means you shouldnt drive a truck
@@VevoSux pfffff XD
I had a dream where i was buried alive. Gravy biscuit.
LOL! Just a little humor to break the tension. And it did. Thanks!
the recommendation algorithm knows my life a little too well.
5:28 "...the original family drama no longer has to apply." SO true but tough for me to practice in real life
Covid-19 has caused an impasse in my present life more than anyone can imagine. I've been waiting for some personal opportunity that I was building up for 3 years and now I don't know where to go. I've been thinking about it a lot but the sheer coincidence of this video not even including the content gives me a little hope. Like it's made for me
I hope you overcome these times of hardship. In my case, these past 6 months have been a total rollercoaster of emotions. We just have to hang in there.
No matter how much effort I make, I sense that the last year is a waste of time with no visible progress in any field. It's like living in the unvisible bottle of acid. No matter how many or how strong connections/plans you make, all dissolve slowly. But alas, fear not! After all, it's not a tragedy! Don't worry!
Everything changes. It will get better. You can find ways to benefit from these times that will help you going forward.
Same here, I'm not stuck because of some childhood thing, I'm stuck because covid regulations closed everything I was working on.
I feel ya. I was about to take care of things i needed to so i can move on with my life and actually enjoy it for once... but like a curse im stuck unable to proceed. every time i attempt to progress i'm met some force that keeps me trapped for the last 10 years. its endless hell and suffering. i've been unable to take drastic action to "free" myself, but the effort was fruitless.
This whole pandemic, with its isolation, lack of community, jobs, outings, opportunities, meeting new people, ability to try new things, etc, it's making me go crazy. I feel more stuck than ever in my life.
It all goes back to our childhood, as in every problem we try to solve... this makes me feel so angry with my parents. And they say you can't heal living in the same place you were hurt...and here I am... I still think I can break free though and find happiness.
Me: opens a random school of life video the school of life: your troubled childhood is the reason
I’ve noticed that. Their approach is ALWAYS psychodynamic
Why is that? I do understand some adult issues do occur because Alight childhood factors..but every.single.video is about that. I dont get it.
@@fayrouzabdelhalim4883 but, that is it, man... it's because of the many screwed up situations we lived in childhood that, today, we have to deal with many shits, that's how it works, unfortunately
@@matheus6894 facts
@@cheshireerlinberts5806 It's pretty unfair hahaha but 🤷🏻♂️
KZhead always recommends me School of Life videos at the right time. Finally convinced myself ANS parents to let me change my major of uni next year from industrial engineering to philosophy. Life was never better.
Nothing we do is without consequences, no matter how far in the past. Every thought, word and deed will at some point bring forth results. It's crucial to reflect upon this from time to time to not get stuck!
We can get stuck if we reflect too much on this, too. You can get stuck in indecision for all of these things if you think too much about how all of what you do can have so many effects and how a lot of these can't be known beforehand and are beyond your control.
also everything you do is a consequence of something.
@@toni2309 This is so on point with my current ruminations.
True wisdom. Thank you for this - and am saying this from the depth of my heart. That cage is the worst thing to happen to someone. The worst thing is that it's created by those who "love" us.
Lost my job this week after being furloughed for 5 months. This was definitely needed. Thanks!
Best of luck to you!
Thank you! Be safe and be free my friend.
Ill be praying for you
How's it going now?
I found another job. It doesn't pay as much but I'm not as stressed and I have more time to work on my own projects, which is great.
The anxiety of being stuck is now swallowing me😭
It feels like drowning but you don’t get to die and rest only the endless agony
My parents were fine. It was school, church, and the workplace that gave me anxiety and made me quash parts of my personality.
Well, you are not in school anymore and school doesn't matter in the overall scheme of things...do you go to church? If not then it shouldn't affect you anymore. Well, we all have to work. But you might want to find a job you enjoy.
For everyone who is going through a tough time like me, God bless you dear. Idk for real how can I overcome my emotions and start enjoying my life when I'm TOTALLY stuck as an average student from God gifted one tbh. Every student going through the same issue of losing your "hidden side" please feel free to co-operate..we both need serious help and consult or else these depressing thoughts won't go away
I feel stuck too but the cause is simply that I can't self-sustain myself, economically. Currently, the environment all over the world is really unstable especially when it comes to housing. Every job I have ever been offered up, pays way below my means of living so I am stuck in-between being unemployed or working at some job that has a low "time to money" conversion rate. It is really hard being young and ambitious these days not just because of how the times have changed compared to the past but because there are way less opportunities for someone to stand out from the rest of the world.
Yes unfortunately for youth of today the American Dream is dead. The notion that you can achieve anything you want if you just work hard has been lost.
I agree. It's not all about individual initiative. Life in the 1970s in Australia offered so many more opportunities to young people than today. Sometimes it is worth enduring a tough time for the bigger picture. I got up 6 or 7 times a night for 3 years for my troubled little daughter but then she settled into a better routine. I'm so glad I stuck by my kids. Now I'd like to have a person to share my life but I also know that relationships take more effort than i want to provide so I'll endure the loneliness and enjoy other friendships. Sometimes there is a wonderful job or relationship around the corner but it's a gamble and you can end up unemployed or in a worse place.
Man, I feel this in the highest level. I graduated last year and I'm still unemployed today. I don't have stable income as I just do "on call duties" which basically means I'm not employed but just work to make ends meet. I only earned enough money to eat for one person. I tried applying for a job in my profession but I get rejected since I don't have any "connection" with the company to back me up to hire me. I have the qualifications and yet I wasn't accepted cuz of that, it seems like these days people don't look for a person with potential but just someone you know. So now, I'm depressed and sometimes contemplating to just "end" this once and for all cuz I'm tired of hoping for an opportunity that doesn't exist. It seems like I'm not progressing with my life.
@@wildlyrebellious Let me start by saying that KZhead is absolutely terrible in handling replies to comments or upvotes. I had to head back to the video to see if anyone is in the same place. I feel you on the "connections" part. Especially in my country it plays a major role in getting employed anywhere. It is often the difference between getting employed and not getting employed but I don't let that bog me down. Eventually something good or relatively beyond average *will* come up. I just have to keep my eyes open and my criteria at a reasonable level, so that I am not being exploited by greedy employers... From that point on when I manage to get a job that can sustain me I will abandon my parents house and start living on my own even if it means paying 80 to 90 percent of my salary for expenses(because that is the modern reality, rent just keeps going up while the salaries just keep going down). I won't be pretentious and say things will be pretty and everything will come nice and easy, but to eventually rise above the debris you have to keep a winners' mentality. Look for the positive things in your life, as few and as little as you find yourself with. Don't beat yourself up over the things that you don't have currently but focus on the things that you *do* have currently. Get a blank piece of paper and describe the place you want to be at 1 or 2 or 5 years from now(do so for months if thinking that far ahead is overwhelming for you) and how you plan to reach that place. Life is really a precious thing. Don't let a few bad phases in it make you feel stale, or to put it in your own words, make you feel like you are "not progressing with" your life. "Progress" comes faster for some and slower for others. We will get there eventually...just have to keep a high spirit. I hope I helped.
@@pallios terrific
... wow, I've been feeling SO SO stuck these past two years, and the feeling intensified since school started last month, and the "childhood laws" I could relate to them all but one, thank you school of life so so much for posting this, you really help me to understand myself, once again, thank you
It's not always about childhood. Even though you grew up in a loving and supportive family, you're still confronted to social norms that make you feel like you cannot be yourself or follow your dreams and desires without being criticized or rejected.
To anyone reading this I hope you will eventually get your self higher and move on in life and accomplish your dreams
Thank you for this wonderful video! Being stuck seems to be one of our core fears. It's so hard when you feel like there are no options. Hopelessness can be a real tricky emotion to handle. For anyone out there who feels stuck, remember you always have options that are not visible right now. You are never stuck, you might just need some help.
Can we take a moment to appreciate how fitting the animation was with the narration?!
I broke it off with my gf of 3 years whom I loved very much. And left my comfortable job for a more challenging position. All for self betterment and improvement. Don't be afraid to leave comfort for the unknown. Change only happens outside your comfort zone. I feel very good at this point in my life and I know it's only going to get better.
This stuff should be taught in health class so that we all can understand ourselves and not repeat these mistakes with future generations. This kind of stuff impacts your entire life.
I agree.
I’m so glad I found this channel. The perspective it provides is invaluable
The end almost made me cry.
Oyes. On being loyal to the most important person in our lives - ourselves
I found this video to be spot on. Very relatable. I’m still unpacking some of the parental “laws” from childhood at 23. I am slowly recognizing that living my most fulfilling life is the new priority and that I can love and respect my parents while not entangling myself in their worldview. And that’s okay. Thanks for another great video!
Man I've really been struggling with my relationships/perceptions/stuckness, and I am SO grateful that you guys have so much information available, because I'm tired of burning out and not being my authentic self! THANK YOU
I love the way you explain the deeply hidden reasons through simple samples. Putting everything or right shelf.
Thank you guys for bringing clarity to my situation! I knew there was something inherently wrong feeling like I'm lazy, and people telling me I am, but not actually *being* lazy. I had no idea that it was linked to so many "stuck-ness laws" from my childhood. I've written out my dilemma from my past to my current state to see if I can recognize a way over/through this obstacle.
I have always been stuck in my creative side being subjugated...also there are many social ideas (wrong) implanted in me by the sick people of the past. This video helped me realize the real problem with me.🙏thanks
One of the best videos on your platform, it so happens that i was discussing this same sort of issue with my brother, on how our parents limitations and their strengths are automatically passed on has our own limitations and strengths as well just because we are their offspring and they are their to mentor us, and hopefully they have the right tools to give us, where in the real sense they utilized those tools for their own life's and we should exist outside this so called law where we can be able to go out and figure out our own life and make new tools or better still utilize other tools. I have never regretted subcribing to School of Life, i really appreciate you guys, i found your page when i was depressed and ever since then, i have felt better and walked through the depression whilst being my own therapist by inputing new thoughts into my head from what i learn from your videos. Thank you School of Life.
Thank you so much, this video is totally awesome. This is exactly what happened to me in the past. There were many hidden laws preventing me from doing something that i really wanted to, especially the feeling of guilty as when i disappoint my nearest and dearest. It’s just like a cage in my mind, I always thought that i was like a bird just learning to sing a birdsong that others wanted me to, not a birdsong from my heart. However, i could change my circumstance, by firstly learning to see the overall picture of my current existence, then showing it to my family and friends not only with my rationality, but also with empathy and compassion, to tell them how they made me happy, and how they imprisoned me with that “happy”. I hope those who stuck in their cage could free themselves not only for themselves, but also for their family and friends. It makes life worth living.
Thank you for continuing to bring awareness to this subject! There are many adults who unknowingly suffer from this fixed mindset. Learning how to reset our childhood programming is not an easy task but it can help release those "laws" from our unconscious mind 💙 "Your history does not define your destiny "
wow.... This really hit home. I've always tried to explain this feeling and never could articulate it, let alone explain it in such detail. Thank you so much for creating this and sharing this.
This reminds me "Morpheus" philosophy: - Take a red pill, you will go adventurous life with uncertain future, but you know what's the meaning of life and how it's actually work - or Take a blue pill, you will facing with consistent life, won't bother to escape the "safe zone", it's like laying on bed and thinking for self problems
Everything single time I’m in place where I am emotionally stuck lacking guidance that I don’t get from either of my 5 siblings or parents, the school of life pops up. Thank you.
Every time I watch a video of yours, I just get more scared, because I realize that all my problems are caused by my childhood...and I have no idea how to change it...I'M LITERALLY STUCK!
I feel like you're getting significantly better at this over the years, humility allows such growth. Didn't think you had much room to improve.
This hit me hard. I am a DV survivor with PTSD and this is so accurate. In my 30s I still experience what is described in this video and I have to be extremely aware of patterns emerging. Seems like many other people experience similar issues - I wish you all well and that you may find strength, courage and happiness in your lives.
Before adolescence, I was naive. I was taught that if I worked hard and prayed, I could achieve anything I wanted. There was no alternative. I grew up thinking that people who didn't make it in life just didn't work hard enough or they weren't Christian. I and the people around didn't realize how naive I was until I went off to school internationally. While in undergrad, I had a plan of getting my Master's, getting a high end job and being successful. I barely graduated from undergrad. And that shared my confidence and I became depressed (amongst other things). I thought I wasn't good enough, not smart enough, undeserving of good things. After 6 years of being stuck, I recently went to therapy and started medication and gained enough confidence to apply to grad school so that I can improve my life. But I didn't get in. I feel like that set me back, worse than I ever was. 😕 It's so hard trying to address these laws, and when you are them and end up proving your depressed mind right, how do you come back from that?
I feel like what is holding me stuck is the thought that I can't fit in anywhere in this world. Unfortunately I have little evidence against it and don't know how to dismantle it.
If as a child you felt like you didn't fit then you probably feel the same way now.
@@IAmHereForeve I felt like I belonged with my friends for some time, but then after some years it felt like they have eased into a lot of new things and tasks while I have not been managing.
Toni, lots of us feel the same way. Maybe we should form a club.
@@aliciacolinas3461 Where do I sign up?! XD
You could ask yourself a series of "why" questions? Like why do you think you need to fit? I do that when i need to unstuck myself. Write them down too. Letting the questions lead me down a rabbit hole of my beliefs and principles, i end up with a lot of answers. The answers themselves are not reassuring, but the point is, before i asked questions, i had no data to work with, but now i do. You can question the questions themselves too like "why does this matter to me?" You can look at your answers, and you can question "why do i think this" as well. "Could i look at the issue from another angle?" If there is a specific answer you think would be silly to question the validity of, that one answer is especially worth questioning. It does take effort and time, but what else can one do? It seems to be the only thing that ever yielded long-lasting positive effects for me so far.
Thank you for this. This is timely as at this moment I'm at a point in my career and personal life where I'm making these very assessments, and feeling - stuck. I'm relieved to hear the powerful impact of childhood rearing being given validity. Everything said about possible parental behavior in this video were my parents. Yes, how one's parents regarded you, treated you, words said to you, praise and validation not given when needed molds and forms your thoughts and habits and perception of self all your life, and sets in like cement. Now, to pull out of it.
This is one of the best videos i have watched on KZhead. The fact that is discusses the origin of being stuck among adults is from childhood is what I very much agree with because I have been stuck and found out that that stuckness came from my parents beliefs of nurturing me. I am 18 as i currently type this and i truly agree with the concept of this video. This is what every child, especially from my generation and in Africa need to watch and see that what is impeding them from going in life is some beliefs of the past. I still experience these effects as i am still with my parents. Thank You School of Life.
Thank you. My emotions and struggles perfectly summarised and put into words. Thank you so much! 💓
Thank you. Thank you so much. You’ve helped me immensely. Glad I discovered your channel
When he started explaining what was the source of feeling stuck...I was like, yes hit me with childhood 🤦♀️
This is my favorite video I've seen this year, thank you for your amazing work.
This is a relief for the incurable wounds since so many years . Some past experience really changes us entirely to a different person and results in loss of aim ,passion, enthusiasm in life. Best video when we are slid away from track(essence of life)
*Sometimes it’s just part of life* 🙏 Who’s feeling stuck right now?
I got episodes of feeling stuck its like leftover from my past depression thank God im good now
Go away, piggybacker
I needed to hear this. Thank you.
Thank you very much. This is pure therapy, it even moved me to tears. Some realizations at an emotional level going on I think.
Thank for this video! This is exactly how I feel. I feel so stuck and trapped...
This reminds me of the time my dad literally told me that he "lives vicariously" through me
@@alexandrugheorghe5610 thank you 🥺
Read the novel Siddhartha! It shows the cycle of childhood and instilling upon your child your own fears and wants, and Siddhartha only achieves enlightenment after *the* specific scene where he realizes he is doing this to his son. I think you would probably get a lot out of the book :) especially since you, like Siddhartha, seem to be breaking the cycle too
@@alexandrugheorghe5610 How is it hurtful? All parents live vicariously through their children.
I honestly just want to learn how to animate just like this. Simple yet powerful.
Indeed, anyone know how to?
You mean simple, not simplistic.
1234kingconan thanks
Thanks so much for your videos. I have been feeling suicidal lately, but it’s vidéos like these giving me hope.
Excellent. This very issue is something I've more or less suspected to be the reason behind my struggles to move forward with my life over the last decade. Thanks for putting it into words.
The school of Life somehow knows how I feel 24x7
Its the human condition...... Everyone feels much of the same feelings.
Alright, I see the point, but what if the parents aren’t always the case in every mental obstacle? I think I had an average, even good, childhood. But now that I’ve matured, I’m suffering daily internally. I’m always stuck in my head and my parents have treated me good as a child. They’ve been giving and loving and now I’m stuck, lonely, depressed, anxious and unhappy. Sometimes I believe that it’s not always the case of how our parents treated us when we were young, but rather the type of people we were born as. The personalities we were given from day one. We can’t always blame the people in our past for the problems in our present.
I think 'parents' may be a general figure here. It may refer to teachers, siblings, school friends, etc. All these peopleform our lives to some degree. And also, dependind on one's sensitivity, a child can react very intensly to words that may seem irrelevant, were spoken to him in a stressful moment. But children have a different perception of feelings than adults. For example, lets say that mother got very angry only once in her life with her son and got extremely enfuriated, enough to say "You are useless!". This single situation can really influence the childs personality.
We do live in a shifting environment with a lot of factors. I do think the past affects us in more ways than we know, but it would be interesting to see videos that addressed things that happened that no amount of good parenting could ever fully prepare people for, like loss of a spouse or child. I do think some worldviews taught to childred help them better deal with loss, but its hard to say anyone could fully prepare someone for that.
jk0402 I disagree with this one, yes it might change the kid’s perception temporarily about their parents if they did get a comment like that, but I don’t think that one time would change a person’s outlook on life forever. Especially when you live with someone for so many years, in the same house, you’d understand what they really are normally as a person and, even as a child, you’d understand that someone acted out like that because they were angry. What I was trying to say is that these School Of Life videos have the tendency to reflect back on the parents or childhood past, quite frequently. And they have very valid reasons to, but I think we can blame other things for how we manifest in the world now that we’re grown up. I’m just saying, sometimes we were born like this and there’s not much we can do about it.
You have accurately described why I'm feeling stuck. Thank you.
This hit so hard, every single circumstance described I'm living it.
I feel as and when we grow up every single one of us keeps realizing it more and more that our families have not been perfect. Is it normal to have the dilemma between blaming and not blaming them because they were just not aware of it? 🤷♂️
I blamed them for a long time and found out that they're not to blame, because they had broken childhoods too. When you look at it that way you see that it's a never ending rabbit hole going from one generation to other with similar issues. What's actionable though is becoming aware of such issues and breaking the chain of unfortunate events with your children, so they can carry it forward with their children. Blaming while a natural response, almost never leads to action. We need action :)
When I saw the video I just thought KZhead recommendations were getting really good, but you having uploaded it just now that I am dealing with exactly that makes it even more weird :D
The narrator of this did a fantastic job. Their voice is so calm and reassuring, but still expressive. I feel a little better.
Brilliant! This video came at the perfect time and solved some important problems in my life. A very big and heartfelt thankyou!
Lately im feeling stuck and really lost. Lot of things happened way too fast and i still cannot recover. Every morning i wake up im asking my mom even for one day not to go to school because im tired and the only thing she says is "Well im tired too but i still go to work without complaining". Its not the same thing mom.
Thank you. I feel like I just had a free therapy session.
Perfect timing and needed this. Thank you! ❤👍