Jordan Peterson : How to Stop being the Nice Guy
2022 ж. 5 Қар.
3 274 937 Рет қаралды
Jordan Peterson speech about stop caring and how to improve your life.
WakeUp Book Recommendations:
1. 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos by Jordan Peterson ~amzn.to/3XUNlAr *
2. Maps of Meaning: The Architecture of Belief
~ amzn.to/3VAVuZC *
3. The Gulag Archipelago by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn - amzn.to/3UrLxft *
4. Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz - amzn.to/3H4Z0XF *
5. Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl - amzn.to/3VIpP7Y *
Most nice people aren't actually nice. They're just afraid of conflict.
I think it's more of avoiding conflict, not being afraid of it.
SO TRUE either way you say it.
Well that's exactly make them nice guys. Do you think someone who can kick your @ss will be nice to you? Only an alpha male can pretend to be a nice guy.
@@squidusn71 why do people avoid conflict? I'd say it's nearly always fear / anxiety based. Avoidant Personality Disorder for example is characterized by anxiety / fear.
@@Kay-zv3mk It really depends on an individual's personality, age, life experience, and the situation at hand. Imo, I believe that most would rather avoid or be more cautious than be afraid. If you're mature and intelligent person, you either likely stand up for what you believe is rigth or know when to face it or not. An introvert will probably avoid or give in but not necessarily afraid and an extrovert will probably take it head on. You have to be a coward or a traumatized person to be afraid and those people represent a smaller number. How can a nice person not nice anyway? I know we all have positive and negative traits regardless if you're a nice person or not.
It’s pure art to know when to be agreeable and when to tell someone to fuck off.
people get paid tons of money to do it... they are usually called Psychiatrist or they work in something where you literally have to read people all day
what does the expression " nice guys finish last" really mean?? my ex used to say it all the time!!!
Its common sense
That might be the most important line i have read in the past decade. Thank you for that!
This man is an absolute legend on earth, may he live a great life doing what he loves!
Well he's on drugs dealing w his family issues. his daughter's bf is a pimp. So i wouldn't quite say legend, just cuz he talks good.
@@danielsiapin how do you want me to trust your info? Sources please!
@@davidpaiement6383 trust me bro
Doing what he loves? Aka making a ton of money off folks like you who buy into his nonsense. Go look at his history, he has not done one thing that he has talked about. He is selling you lies.
He likes handfuls of Xanax.
My parents fight every single f*cking day, since I was born. I am 21 now and they still do it. That made me extremely agreeable since I hated screams and violence, but recently I realized that's making my life harder. It's hard to take decisions for myself, and also to convey my thoughts to others, specially my girlfriend, since she's also agreeable. She wants me to take the initiative on things and also take the lead on decisions, but then I also end up wanting her to do so cause of that agreeableness. I also quit college 4 times, only to end up wanting to try again. I'm a man, but I don't act like one, and that's not cause I don't want to, I'm just not used to do it. Conflicts were bad when I was young, and I just wanted a way to not suffer. I'm trying my best, Dr. Peterson's videos are clearing my mind and making me think more deeply about me.
Stay strong brother!
Same here. Had to literally leave home cause I couldn't stand the childish, loud constant arguments over the most trivial things. Literally like living with bratty overgrown toddlers. I don't really know how it has affected me but I'm beyond agreeable and see a lot of the traits you described in me. It's great you understand your issue and listen to people like Jordan Peterson early. I'm 30 now and wasted my 20's doing sh*t jobs, avoiding relationships and allowing bad friendships and habits cause I had the idea I wasn't good and that life is about being good to people where your only focus should be to stand your ground, take care of yourself and let the rest come naturally.
I feel you. I spent 13 years fighting all the time w my alcoholic mother and watched my parents fight until they bitterly divorced. I tell people I want a peaceful adulthood and to live and let live.
Morgan, read How to be a 3% Man by Coach Corey Wayne. The dude had similar childhood as you and the book is a great way to understand women, understand how to set your boundaries as a man and how to learn self-respect as well as how to communicate with your girlfriend when you've had such a fked up background. One of the best books I've ever read and it's helping me improve the perception I had of myself. Don't let your childhood dictate your life, let it be an example of what not to be and a guide to a better life for you and your family in case you decide to go that path. All the best my guy.
take good care of yourself, first
At almost 50 this is me… I have spent my work life in professional service position… I make a very good living, but holy cow… building consensus, agreeing with people, not causing conflict, keeping everyone happy, not being able to be me or say what I think, etc… it’s draining.
Walter White moment
It is draining which why you should stop it and never apologize for it.
Sometimes you have to say NO, either your friends:family like it or not. Also think about yourself, do things make your feel good.
I'm over 50 and I can relate to this. I'm retiring before I reach my minimum retirement age lol.
i'm 40 and feel the same way. i wish i knew how to turn this part of me off when it's needed. if feel like a damn doormat and then i explode. all the build up of just taking it pushes me to the edge, and if i try to communicate to someone before it gets too much, i'm told to "get over it". just i just shrug it off and end up bottling it up instead.
Sitting at work crying trying to be a better man. Thinking about all my failures and how I left so much go without a fight. For the rest of my life I will no longer hold my tongue or be reserved. I have to be free and if you’re enduring something like this, you’re a god in a human body! Not only can we do it, we can succeed 💙. I wish greatness to everyone who pursuits it.
How are you doing?
Bro same here keep ya head up
Same man. I've let it all slip away.
Let that man out King 👑
I'm here with ya sir. How you holding up? Tomorrow's always a new day, thousand mile journeys start with one step, we got this together 💪
this is absolutely true. Ive always been the good guy but recently i was with rude people that were using me and had to evolve and standup for myself to survive. Avoiding conflict is really only useful short-term like with people you probably wont meet again but they will be there for longer time its only making it worse, you HAVE to face the issue
That's make sense
Beeing nice doesnt mean youre cowardly
Toxic people
Me too, I have always been too nice, but the nicer I am the more people ask for favors and each time the favors are bigger, but when you ask for help Noone helps you and start billing you, so now I'm trying to be less nice and no favors for anyone, it's a balance.
@@frankcastellanos yes, it's usually how someone can have you cover for them rather than how they can cover for you.
I feel called out and let me tell you, it's refreshing! It pinpointed exactly why I've struggled. I try to be too agreeable and that often means putting people's needs before my own. I'm not doing that anymore in 2023. This is the year I look out for myself and become the person I've always wanted to be. I understand what I need to do now.
Did the same broke some so called friendship had re adjust my life people think I am a different Guy.
Good luck ❤
Exactly, I stopped caring about other people, humans are all self-centered hypocrites anyway, nobody deserves any help, law of nature; either fend for yourself or get eliminated, stay toxic my friend.
How has this planned out so far?
I Agree! no, wait you're wrong!
Anyone else trying to heal from nice guy syndrome?
Hahaha. Most guys do. Even stopped listening to rnb music. But now that I am on a personal development journey, I am back to listening to love music and more careful about how I love.
Yes good sir. and many other bad habits
I've made progress! Good luck to all ❤
you can't just not be nice guy trust me you me and everyone tried . we are born that way we feel more than others you are blessed . so even if you are being disrespected or used . you'll find people that care about you ,just be you .
@@mojay007METAL. life is heavy, and so is the best music
I'm 21 and i see a lot of myself in what he says and I know he's right. The solutions he gave to highly agreeable people and disordered people came up to my head a lot of times, but I just can't manage to be consistent in those exercise and that's because I'm also a very undisciplined person, and I think that this combo of defects are the worst because they keep me in a circle where I try to change and then just give up on it. It's sad man because deep down I know I'm wasting my life... Edit: I’m currently 22 and i think i changed a lot from when i wrote this comment, I’m more self confident and more productive and focused on everything i do. I wanted to thank everyone for the support, this is the good side of youtube and i hope it will never change, thanks everyone and keep going, the answer is right in front of you you just have to believe in yourself❤.
You’re not alone
You aren’t alone. i’m 22 and i seem to fail over and over, i’m almost all aspects of life. after always putting my broken family first, my ex girlfriend, or my job, i don’t even know how to care about myself. i go to therapy but nothing seems to help besides just learning to love being alone and just doing what i want rather than what other people want. but that isn’t always an option if you want to choose the smart path in life. i don’t even know what path i’m on anymore but i hope you and i and men like us can get better years to come :(
Hey man, just wanted to say I have a 20 year old friend who is completely lost, he's so alone that if he is around a group of people he has to instantly leave because of the anxiety. But he just drinks and smokes, to scared to get a job because he thinks everyone is judging him. He thinks normal people are different and he is never happy, he's completely brainwashed and rejects help. Just wanted to say the fact that you acknowledged your situation, and are watching videos like these. You are 5 steps ahead than a lot of people out there. Get after it bro I believe in you.
@@brandonwinslow5132 Damn bro, i think i know exactly how your friend feels... I was in a similar situation a couple years ago. Just like Jordan said people like your friend and I are just a step back respect other people because we missed a lot of occasions to socialize, so the only thing yo can do is try to recover the time you've lost. The fact is that a lot of times this means getting embarrassed so your first impulse is to hide in your own world and never come out. I hope you didn't gave up on him because it may seem like he doesn't want help, but I know deep down he wants it even tho he's the only one who can help himself. I hope you're friend will get better, thank's for the support man🙏🏼
@@TraveleroftheBurningAbyss keep going man I hope we'll figure out our paths one day or another
The 1st few sentence hits me, i admit that's me, i was taken advantage on and now I'm put myself 1st, not in a selfish way, and it change my life to better
It's good to be a nice guy. That's not the problem. Don't be a wimp or a creep or a pushover. Be sufficiently assertive and sufficiently disagreeable. I wish people would stop making the term "nice" a code word for bad things. Go ahead, everyone, be nice. It's good to be nice. Don't be confused by slang that people come up with. "Don't be nice" or "stop being nice" is not good advice, it's clickbait that may or may not have good, nuanced advice behind it.
You can nicely disagree with someone. No one will fight you over it. They might seem to but that is usually for show.
I am still at the age of 47 always trying to put the interest of others first rather than mine and people took lot of advantage of it and If I didn't do just once how and what they want they suddenly start ignoring me and forget about what I did so well in the past. Trying to learn still that you cannot make everyone happy.
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Thank you for sharing your success story. I immediately typed in your coach's name to discover him on Google. He's simple to deal with, and his signals are excellent as well.
@@CatalinaTaylor-gt5jx Although there are plenty of chances on the financial markets, I've learnt enough over the previous few years to be skeptical of that. Knowing where to focus is crucial. I admire you, Karim .E. Karim.
@@aarnavfarhan8737 Yes, he is amazing. Because of the stock and bond investments he showed us how to make, we are currently making more money than ever. I'm content with my $30,000 portfolio as it stands right now. My bank account had $4,000 when I started this journey. I was able to save time for my family and the future because I made the right investments at the right time. Regards, Karim .E. Karim
@@jamalraymond1074 I just searched His name on Google and found him easily, how have I been sleeping on this!
Posted 2 hours ago, over 1000 likes. You bots are less and less subtle these days, aren't you?
One issue that I've never heard him bring up is often when we know what we want, we end up realizing we didn't reallyl need it or want it when we get it. Most people who are so sure of themselves often never realize this, but then again sometimes the only way to find out you didn't really want something is to get it.
The opposite is also true. We sometimes do not appreciate something until we lose it.
This ^^ I say I don’t know, not because I am nice. I am but that isn’t the point. I say I don’t know, because I am one of very few people that I am aware of, that often takes the time to ask myself if I want anything at all. Too many people these days are neurotic about gaining new objects, to the point where they often don’t even take a second to decide if it’s something they even want, need, or can use. Like a bunch of teenagers. My stepson came home from the store with his mom, and he made it a point to show me his new bandana. I’ve never seen him with one before, so I asked him what made him get it. His answer…. It was only a dollar. I’m pretty sure he has no idea that It is currently tying two baby gates together, and has been since the day he brought it home. He is very typical.
well said
@@DJC3PO But you can get it back with hard work. Life is not easy.
People are happy until they get what they want.
I cannot get over how simple this sounds, but how difficult it can be to put into practice! Mr. Peterson is an amazingly insightful person!
you seem very aggreable person by face
He is not insightful, this is basic nonsense that has been regurgitated for ages by everyone who in on the motivational speaker grift. If we want to get even more basic - this isn't even psych 101 stuff.
How are you doing?
@@corail53 Now that's what I call insightful. Nice one, 53.
This is a life-time lesson. I wish the best for Jordan because he is doing his best to make positive changes. I can't repect this guy enough.
u can still be nice but not let others use you
JP is doing his best to sell books based on trivia that are being common for about 14.6 billion years. Maybe you'd better start appreciating more humble, a-narcissistic people a bit more, shadi.
This guy is just brilliant! A gift from God to all of us!! We're just so damn lucky to be alive at the same time.
Stop worshiping grifters.
My portfolio recently reached 6-figures, and here's what I have to say. It is important to carefully analyze your options and keep an eye on the economy when investing during inflation. Make sure your portfolio consistently reflects your risk tolerance and financial objectives by reviewing and rebalancing it. A financial advisor can offer tailored advice based on your unique situation and assist you in navigating the challenges of investing during inflationary periods.
Working with a financial analyst could actually set you up for life. I'm overjoyed that I was able to contact my coach, Joseph Sullivan Anderson earlier this year because, while others were complaining about inflation, I was busy cashing out from my Diversified-portfolio, finally making over 370k for the first quarter of the year. Joseph Sullivan Anderson has assisted us in becoming debt-free and saving for retirement.
I've considered consulting with advisors. I need advice because I want to retire early and become more financially literate, but I'm not sure how effective their services will be.
My Advisor would say to me that saving nothing is unwise, and that saving every penny that isn't already dedicated to paying bills or buying groceries is unrealistic if you want to retire early, you must have a well-diversified investment portfolio.
My advisor, Joseph Sullivan Anderson, is a portfolio diversity expert with extensive knowledge. It's been a pleasure working with him, and he's been extremely helpful in reorganizing my entire portfolio. I recommend doing more research on his credentials. He has years of experience and is an invaluable resource for anyone attempting to navigate the financial market.
That name is familiar to me. I believe I read about this analyst in a business publication, he has an excellent reputation and good insight into profiting from economic volatility.
Damn this video hit much harder for me, I did fall behind a long time ago and never really recovered, became unsocial, always felt like I did not belong anywhere, now Jordan Peterson told me exactly how I got in this position, the mistakes my parents did that led me down this path. Now I know what I must do as a parent in the future so my kid wont fall on the same path as me, which was one of my biggest fears.
my mentor taught me BE KIND BE GENEROUS, but be solid when you need to be, and never take disrespect form any man or woman
Gosh this is so true I'm such a overly sweet agreeable person and damn it is so much draining, emotionally and physically 😭
How so?
@@jvaish at the end of the day making everyone happy is really exhausting, it's like you are pouring out your own happiness in everyone's cup and usually ain't no one pouring in thier happiness in your cup so you end up feeling so drained and when when you ran out you end up pouring your soul, till you lose yourself
@@cyprianshongwe3860 im 22 i work in a kitchen as a line cook, & on my down time i go help the dish washer, ill ask my fellow cooks if they need to be stocked up, ill do a line sweep, make pizzas or burgers for my coworkers when their in the bathroom but on the fry side im constantly busy, i do ribs,ipa fish chips,cauliflower,voodoo chicken,tenders,wings,crunchrolls, & mini tacos, ice cream, also do desserts & salads by myself, so at the end of a busy night everybody that i helped throughout the day will walk right past me when im cleaning up my tornado side of a kitchen up at midnight im completely exhausted & drained of all happiness, i find no time for myself to eat or energy to maintain my looks, & when i come in & dont talk to nobody & stop helping everyone says something is off about me,nope im giving out the same energy i receive, now im “fake” or “acting out of pocket” but im tired of being used, you cant clean 1 hand without the other, swingers cant even change labels or stock me up but i leave my station spotless when i leave for it to be nasty when i come in the next day, i find myself thinking evil thoughts because im so caught up in making everyone happy i disregard my own happiness.
@gucci-mane in 2006 Live for yourself and take care of those who take care of you. I've come to realize we shouldn't give others the treatment we want for ourselves until they show they're deserving of it. People like us are the pinnacle of righteousness in our society (as close as we can get). But if the lack of godliness in our world has shown anything its that no one wants to live a righteous life. Even if you don't believe in a God, the fact they can't even agree that being a good person is worth it to follow even some of His laws says enough. Therefore, you shouldn't be giving so much of your time and energy to these sadistic people because they only want to see you cater to them. Do your job and do it well. If you have coworkers not doing their part you can either bring it up to them, to a manager, or just not do it for them. When your boss asks why things are going down hill say "idk, I've been doing my part working hard doing X, Y, and Z" the other will have to find a way out of their hole themselves. You deserve the peace of mind knowing you are not their servant but a coworker. As such they need to do their fair share. Otherwise, everyone goes down. They will see once you stop contributing how much you actually do and plead for your help again by picking up slack or being but don't be fooled. They are only doing it to return you to the cycle you were stuck in before.
The solutions to a significant portion of the issues that plague humanity are embedded in these 12 minutes of pure brilliance.
in the first 3 minutes I already learned quite a bit about myself. This is worth the watch and to come back to later to see how you've come along.
A bucket list item for me is to attend on of Dr. Petersen's lectures. I am always enthralled by his enthusiasm for and command of the subject matter.
As an introvert I almost feel like a dopamine surge of seeing extroverted people interacting in soical contexts. Because I wanna move to be there, and I try to push the barrier. Sure, it will drain my energy, but all I do is recharge and contiune work on being social.
WAtch videos of Dr. Joe Dispenza, and Dr. Bruce Lipton about the human mind and subconscious mind.
Dr. Ramani said that it's not true that introverts don't like company and don't like to speak to people or be smart and creative. It's just something that someone said and everybody repeats it. Actually, Introverts can be very social. They just choose to whom they like to talk to, who have some similar interest they are talking to everybody. But thanks to the internet you may randomly watch different topics and find a lot of inf about science humans, and neuroscience. For example, there are many coaches like Gregg Braden, Dr. Joe Dispenza, Dr. Bruce LIpton, Dr. Frank Kinslow, Jim Kwik, Abraham Hicks, etc who teach people about neuroscience happiness.
I will never stop being myself, if it means that i will be forever alone or not liked by other people than thats my life.
One of the greatest minds of our generation. I recommend hearing everything this man says & then actually taking the time to think about it in retrospect of your own life.
That guy speaks so much sense love to sit down with him for couple of Hours and have a good chat 👍🏻🙏 Very knowledgeable
This man changed my way of thinking when I was in a truly dark place and I’ll always be grateful to JP for that. A truly gifted, wise and kind man. I wish him a long and happy life.
This is a blessing to watch. I often stress myself out trying to mind what i say to others. When i didnt care about anything but telling the truth i felt better about myself even though people would always say i offended them.
I find so interesting to listen his lectures again. Is so gripping and motivating ❤
Jordan Peterson is a gift. He can explain things in a way that speaks to our hearts. Educational and motivating, makes us think “I can do that!”
Thankyou for teaching me how to fix my life. You have no idea the damages that you've undone. I'm forever grateful to you sir.
One person achieved truth with grace..A clear light to aspire to.
Stumbled on this video and just WOW!!!!! Amazing Truly. Opened my mind literally made me feel some type of way. THANK YOU
I’m so agreeing person and the reason for that is that I try to avoid conflict. When things get out of my control then I’m not the nice person that you knew. I know what I want and I’m glad I’m nice person.
I'm done being angry with the world . Thank you man 🙏 one day when I'm famous encourage people to listen to your voice and your words inspired me to get as far as I have in the past couple months thank you
I'm a nice person. I love harmony, respect and peace. It's very hard for me to get angry to the point of no return. I don't feel embarassed because of it. I am who I am.
True you can't argue with everybody because people have different levels .. I won't cross my boundaries but the other person will. Oftenly even simple answering back to my husband lead me to be abused by my husband on multiple occasions. So it's better for me to not get into a discussion with a narcissist addict for safety of my child and of me . Because when my husband can't talk and doesn't have answers for something he did like cheating, he beats . That's how is grew up. However , I do agree with this video also because it's no gain to be a nice guy and live for others . No no. Self love first.
@@SD-ts6pv No law or bishop will impede you from living separate from your husband in light of the violence you are undergoing. The canon law does not, in my opinion and estimation, exclude you from attending sacraments. Talk to your local law enforcement agency and, if you are sacramentally married, reach out for the bishopry which is nearest to you.
Sometimes i have no idea what he is saying but i’m still learning something valuable as i listen.
Thank you Mr. JP, what a great thinker you are ! Watching your videos gives me such a pleasant brain exercise.. Im also highly agreeable and people take advantage off me frequently . Youre absolutely right,its not good for long term strategy. Im aware of it for a few years now,but im so hard wired into thinking like that.. I enjoy being compassionate,helpful , it gives me a nice kick of 'feels good man'... just doing my good deed of the day kind of situation haha..Thank you for articulating these thoughts so simple and elegant. I think about things like this every day, and sometimes i stumble on one of your videos and they really co-relate with what i was thinking about.. Its like youre speaking through my mind,youre giving my mind clarity,peace.. Its hard to explain,but thank you! Youre such a great teacher . I will be forever grateful for some of the roadmaps you gave us. I hope you stay healthy mr. JP!
He isn't a great thinker - he literally just rehashes what every other grifting motivational speaker has spewed for ages. He is a broken man who decided the best way to make money after a stale career is to spew a bunch of nonsense and it just so happened that he did it during a time of political turmoil when everyone was going nuts.
@@corail53 cool story bro
I've been doing for other since a child .. my parents usually ask me to do for siblings out of temperament to listen and help... You get married and get an A personality wife, that takes your kindness for weakness and not just able to do freely ... learning now doing that can breed resentment due to the lack of reciprocation... live and learn
Mr. Petersen makes a lot of great points as far as having differences between being too nice and low key being more honest with your feelings and/or opinions. I am very much the person who don't like to rock the ocean. And at times, I do feel like I get ran over because I'm so agreeable. And he has a good perspective on introverted individuals. My current shift is majority introverts which at times I have a hard time reaching or communicating with them. Definitely a challenge that I'm learning and helpful for my development as a leader and as a trainer.
the part with the disorder noticing is amazing
jordan peterson is like a dad to me now. his advice really helps me
I have to say that his voice Is "pill of happiness" for me. I enjoy myself, I'm not unhappy herson, but listening in addition to such intelligent person is eye-opening and greatly inspiring. And I like the fact that Jordan and I share the same trait - explaining with hand movements, they just look exactly the same. You just got a new subscriber, and share this golden knowledge so that you can get more and more subscribers. It's win win
beautifully said, we need to awake it again absolutely
i totally agree about all of what he said, being rude is worked sometimes
Thank you for brilliant advice. It is family saving information.
Two therapists couldn't help me. They just wanted me to function, so I can get back to work. But this guy is an absolute genius. His words really help to understand what I always felt and now I can improve.
How are you doing?
@@Click..on.my.Profile.Abo1231 I'm still in the depths of the abyss, but I see light at the end of the tunnel. Now I can only hope that it is not a train. How are you doing?
Thank you for your very existance in the world and for sharing your wisdom Jordan 🙏
This message is gold for many... 🙏🏽
This is such an important realization!! Peterson outlines the very main issues with people’s modern day struggles. Such a a smart man
He really doesn't.
So much gold in this one. I honestly cannot for the life of me see why people don't like you. I guess trying to talk truth today is becoming illegal. Keep up the good work. The world needs more people like you.
One Word....JEALOUSY
Please keep the conversation and information coming to the light
Temperaments my dude touched my situation on the precise right spot this is where we struggle with
What a absolutely brilliant video and speech from a brilliant man. So many valuable, applicable, and tangible life lessons in one 12 minute video.
He is not brilliant, if he was brilliant he would have made substantial studies and contributions to psychology as that was his career. But no, he never did any of that and instead he fell hard with depression and didn't fix it and then figured he could make money the old fashioned way - motivational speaking and using the same tired bs that has worked for every motivational grifter since the start. You are being lied to for profit.
@@corail53 : : " he would have made substantial studies" like the books?
Balance is everything
I've always been only reading the comment section on all of those videos where he was figuring in. I don't know why, but this one makes me feel called out. Hope that's the signal meaning that I gotta make the right decisions soon. And I will. I'm really grateful for content like this on the internet
Nice and kind are different. Nice is a display you put up, kindness is genuine.
Thank you for this enlightenment ❤
It's crazy I use to date a narcissist and I was overly agreeable never stood up for myself and was just pathetic. I slowly changed that and she went crazy I stopped always bending, later on she didn't wanna see me because I wanted to work more and hang out with friends. I expressed I'm tired of how I'm treated and she broke up. Best thing that's happened to me. I'm no longer as agreeable I'm going to do what benefits me more then not. It's acceptable to be the nice guy sometimes but you need to think for yourself
I’m going through that now but we have a child I don’t know what to do
Exactly what I needed.
I am introverted I do not go out much but I am so confident in myself I am able to speak in public thanks to school which gave me the chance to over come that from when I was about 10yrs but I had no idea that being to nice would make me a wimp I used to be the class clown since from 3rd grade at 10 yrs old today I am 16 turning 17 next month I noticed goofing around and being nice will make people disrespect you make you a joke. Around August last year I came across a girl that I liked but ended up being friends with telling me I am way to nice and a few videos saying I should say what I want and stop being so nice because people will take advantage of me, I am definitely starting to master the decision making now been doing it since the beginning of this month and it is working!🔥🔥I believe you guys should also do and say what you want regardless of what others think or say but do not do the decisions on the act of being selfish thank you.❤️
So... im agreeable and an introvert. I avoid people because I'm uninterested in the conflicts and how willing people are to take advantage of a person. Its interesting to hear this put to words. I have come a long way with work as i have no choice but i still am quite anti-social to what i can only say is an unhealthy amount. Jordan Peterson is one of the greats when it comes to seeing the truths in life. I really hope he continues to offer his wisdom for a long time.
dude.... this hits me really hard my parents did not really let me out on a young age thus resulting awkward and anti-social current me. This helped me a lot thank you
Yeah, temperamental variables are really important to succed in life. Thanks for sharing.
Finally I understand why happened some things on my life, sadly in spanish nobody speaks this clear, so I'm grateful for the learning
All Jordan is saying makes so much sense to me. One of my first memories is that I was run over by a car. All my father did was screaming "someone has to take care of my brother" he was rejecting me. He didnt care at all what was going on with me, Mom called friends and they had to bring me to the hospital, father was home alone.... rejecting me. First memorie... Last was 23 years later, my father uninvited me to new year cause of a woman my family did not know at all, but she did not liked me so I had to go (26 years old). He never believed in anything I did and my Mom was effected by guillain barre, she could not move for when I was 11-22. Now I am 32 years 352 days old. Good luck getting all that out of ma head. So all my life I was rejected and experienced that I can not be trusted. Some drama lost my child and girlfriend when I was 20, lost my grandma the same week and my dad killed my dog. Now I do not trust myself or anyone else. I do not trust goverments...schools noone and nothing. So I try to keep everything around me as comfortable for anyone except for myself cause I do not know how. Yeah I am the "super nice guy" cause I do not know what I want what I can. I can not take responsibility for anything cause everytime I was trying, I lost someone or got screamed like hell what the f*** I am doing. BUT at least my friends think I am the super nice guy. Maybe I am aswell but I stand for almost 6 years on a place and do not move at all. I am not aggressive at all, but that is thanks for my lost love, she said something like ""you never harm someone else if you do not want to be harmed, you only do things you want for yourself. Treat others good if you want to be treated the same way"". If the would not teach me that I am sure I would take another path full of aggression, pain and violance. Hope my little story shows you how bad a dad can be and what it did to me. Hopefully you will do better.
Oh my gosh, I am so so sorry your dad did not realize what a treasure you are! john 3:16
I'm sorry dude but your Dad sounds like an ass wipe that didn't earn/deserve your love and time anyways.
That is terrific!
That‘s an eye opening speech right there.
Jordan is so insightful...so much to learn from him.
I'm speechless. I really needed this. Thank you.
I have been exploited before, I often have put others ahead of me sometimes at the costs of my own happiness, what I've learned is I'm better at that and it is more fulfilling to careless of myself. When I work for my own gains it tends to feel meaningless. Empty. But I find putting a smile or helping someone else to be rewarding. I think this is an amazing lecture but I am content in remaining selfless at my own expense.
He's absolutely right
Unfortunately, the moment that kicked me into not being a “nice guy” was when I turned against the majority of humanity because of how poorly I am treated even though I’m more caring and pleasant than most others ^-^’ I guess I got here a bit too late for my own good, I hope others find this quicker than I did.
Conflict is a waste of time…while you can just turn away and do something better….but I agree with JP that it’s good to just speak the truth however harsh it might be…that’s a better solution. Speak the truth in a polite way and move ahead to do your good work. Let the non conscientious person figure out what is wrong with them if they can😊
How are you doing?
I agree, I am nice and polite yet I speak my own thoughts and if I disagree I say something so we can work it out. I do not talk to my parents as there is no hope on being agreeable with them. I am the most happy in my life right now. :)
9:56 This is exactly what I've started doing. I noticed whenever I was at a social gathering I always felt like I had to be the centre of attention. I also noticed other people doing this which is when I noticed I was doing it to. Now I just sit back an take it all in for the most part. Its still something I'm working on.
Exactly opposite for me
Same here, feel like it is my job to make sure everyone is payed attention to and no one is ignored… exhausting…now I will practice being quiet and watching everyone else. Feel relieved already
@@Yuls777 fr bro, i felt the same things like that
I will keep moving forward, even after death, and beyond!
The perspective you have is wonderful.
Yes, from personal experience, I was wayyyyy too agreeable growing up. I had to learn the hard way through many hard experiences to stand up for myself, stand up for what I want, and be bold. Being pushed around, taken advantage of, and polite about it all is no way to live. It will make you resentful too.
How are you doing?
@@Click..on.my.Profile.Abo1231 so far, I have made lots of progress. When I was younger I was very shy and avoided conflict, avoided people, so that means I also didn't have the experience I needed to develop the social skills necessary to deal with difficult people down the line. However, I was aware of this early on thankfully, I knew I had a problem, and so often I felt I didn't know what to do. I would read into it online and watch whatever I could find to help me understand myself. Gradually I did my best to just take a chance on people, and to also try to gain more experiences in the real world, instead of avoiding it. I overcame a lot fear by volunteering, socializing on a daily basis at my volunteer post, and taking a chance and getting into a relationship even though I was insecure and afraid, to eventually having a stable job somewhere for a long time. The thing is, what really taught me was being in a relationship with someone who was the complete opposite of me, he was severely narcissistic, manipulative, and selfish. I suffered on and off for 4 years, and it shook me to my core deeply. It was enough to toughen me up and wake up out of my ways. Not to say that is the ideal situation to learn, or the right way, there was a lot of trauma involved, but I'm thinking I may have not learned as much if I haven't gone through what I went through. If you are weak and afraid, the narcissist will likely find you one way or another. Getting a job and having to navigate difficult people there also really helped me, and now I have a child and another one on the way with someone who does truly care about me. Getting out there in the real world, doing things, gaining experience has helped me mature. My babies need a strong mother they can depend on and a mother that can be assertive.
I have been this way my whole life getting ready to turn 48. I just want to be a good person. I also feel like people who seek power like politicians or other power positions tend to be not so great of people.
I dont like the whole concept of the world. Why should a few thousand people decide the fate of millions? Just because it was always done that way? Because somebodx needs to do it? Who is saying that? The one's in power right? Cause they dont wanna give up their power. Kinda like a doctor telling you you need to do as he says cause he a doctor and you're not.
I don't think that anybody should have the right to tell people what they are supposed or allowed to do.
👏 always a great day when i get to listen to him talk .
Thanks Mr. Jordan Peterson, Helping me realize the my problem and posssible solution.😊
This video is a guide to be the average human, great lesson!
As someone who is an introvert (and probably a borderline recluse,) there are certain skills that I do not now, nor will I ever, possess that will take me from my own confines. I accept that for being the way that it is and I live my life accordingly.
help
same
I needed this right now thank you algorithm
I broke down crying watching this, being nice cause me a lot pain
I think its fine to be an agreeable person as long as the argument in question doesn't really effect your life/ turn you into a doormat. I think its better to bring out your inner self on situations where you actually need it. Your voice has a much greater impact when you don't always use it for every little thing.
Dude we need more nice people, if ur nice to others it comes back from someone else, and bring nice towards others can actually stop depression and anxiety and it can make someone’s day. Im working for property managment and its actually important to be nice and being friendly towards other’s, they will appreciate it. Tell me if im wrong but i just think we live more in anti-social world People are usually just nice to others, if they get something or want something from others.
He’s not saying to be a rude dick head. You can be a nice person and still have standards for yourself. If your tenants ask you to clean their sink out, then their bedroom, then their toilet are you going to smile and say yes?
@@Itslilmoist nah bc cleaning doesn’t apply to my work its more like if something breaks i’ll fix it or cut their grass or just clean the road and do all kinds if that stuff
Ive beeing giving up this hope. I got 50 for about 1 month and i always take care of others and didnt watch my own. for about 2 years i got the bill for "beeing the nice guy, helping everyone, stay awake 3 days and nights to make other peoples work, so they could go for BBQ, party and stuff like that". i got a strike felt into very deep depression and was needed mental therapy. today i am not over the hills, but i only care about people which i really love and know for a very long time. all the other ones can suck my... my focus is on me, my family and nothing else. you can create the devil if you dont stop going to far
@@Lomaxxx idk abt you but when ur born in mid europe ur automaticly pretty damn social so its no problem to me, and im trying to be the nice guy, but not going too far in to it
@@SomeoneWhoForgot i was born in germany, so youre right for that. and i 100% agree with you, that everyone can be nice, as long as you do for them what they're expecting from you. you can help out a 100 times and when it comes to the 101 attempt and you say no you're the asshole. i face that a lot and when you try to explain that it doesnt work like this you will hear: but you've done this a 100 times before, why not yet? it feels sometimes a lil good to be some kind of selfish
Thank you, sir!
I have always been the in charge type. But I have to be careful to to be compassionate at the same time. Its a fine line to be on both sides.
He is my teacher for Life.
it is fascinating that you can find out your kid is agreeable or not by birth data. Jordan is an emotional being and does not get influenced by others. He wouldn't try to make others happy all the time by playing nice and %50 of people are like that. The agreeable people are not emotional , instead they are overwhelmed by other's emotions. So they always smile in order to prevent conflict. İn the end they get hurt. it is a self defence mechanism to think if you make other people upset you get more upset. Because you are getting that emotion from others. This is human design knowledge and if you dig in you will find more.
Source?
Exactly me
Its like that, just why to Interact with most of the people if they wouldn't understand a word. Its not worth it to spend your own time, but Ive been the crazy guy and back time a Lot of people laughed about me. Did it hurt me? I Don't think so, but it hurt to me to See that there is something inside others, call it ego or what you want, but they really think they are the kings, so Don't waste your time I think. Connect with people that are that 'crazy' like yourself. And im the first one to say, no one understands me. But sure there are amazing people out there. Keep it up you are all fantastic people if you're here trying to find some help to get happy. 😍👍🏽
This was a beautiful lecture
The ability to learn is just as important if not more than the knowledge you hold.
To whoever needs to hear it: I love you, even though I don’t know you. And I want to thank you for just being you. Now go get some sleep. You deserve a peaceful rest. You’ve fought enough today. Good night. BAM Loves YOU. 🥰 See ya next
Wow. Im speechless and crying.. im 29 and im done with my life..
Same here
God gives the strongest battle to the strongest soldiers . .
39.
Me too, I’m not going to nice anymore
So much gold right here
Man JP hit it on the head straight on he's absolutely right. 💯 %.
Being a nice guy can hurt sometimes.