Jordan Peterson: Why Do Nice Guys Nice Finish Last? (MUST WATCH)
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I heard someone once say "Don't be a nice Man, be a GOOD man" That has stuck with me, niceness holds the idea of being untruthful to protect feelings, not telling people what you want, avoiding all conflict even when it's necessary etc, but being a good man you tell the truth and assert yourself in an ethical manner and treat people with respect and caring, BUT based in truth. There is a glorious middle ground where the incredible people are found.
95TurboSol middle ground is the hardest to achieve. I tell the truth way more than is necessary and the women in my life hate it. Telling the truth (including personal feelings) all the time is an extreme to be avoided.
@@Iranianjunkie definitely true, that's where the ethical part comes in, sometimes it's better to not say anything or if you do tell the truth, the way you tell it can either be in the other person's interest and benefit or be an excuse to be hateful and hurt someone, I knew a kid that would say he was being good by telling people mean things because those things were true, this is just an excuse to be evil, ethical truth is doing what uplifts others and makes them better.
95TurboSol 4 Gates of speech in a Buddhist tradition. is it true? is is necessary? is it beneficial? is it kind?
"niceness holds the idea of being untruthful to protect feelings, not telling people what you want, avoiding all conflict even when it's necessary" I was certainly a victim of that. No More Mr. Nice Guy though and when I have some negative feelings or thoughts I don't betray myself and tell whats on my mind. You have to watch words and find balance though but because I value myself much more than before I am always ready for things to leave.
Couldn't agree more. It's also important to remember that sometimes you don't have to say anything especially if it is pointless. But if you must speak, speak the TRUTH.
“Some people are so agreeable, they don’t even know what they want.”
story of my life, just realizing that i never knew what I wanted and always just did things to please others. that might be the reason for some of my misery...
@@Maxxomatik Or most of it. ;)
Mario Rumrich i was like that freshman year but thankfully I met some girls that made me more aware of it and than I went onto the otherside of the spectrum were I was just in everything for selfish intentions to try to figure out wut it is that I want. Than I went back to old humble self
Me
I think I've fluctuated in agreeableness through my life. Both on the extreme ends of agreeable and disagreeable as you would've guessed, both have major weaknesses
If I could go back to my high school graduation year and about to start college, I would sign up for every class I could with Jordan Peterson. This is the kind of education that should be taught in schools at all ages. Brilliant man.
Raise Your Health Standard-Motivational People; kzhead.info/sun/gN6CqLKMgYehgWw/bejne.html
🎉 *AMEN!* 👍🎉
The very first night I met my current girlfriend (of 1 year so far), I basically raped her. We were having fun, we got to the bed and she sat up and firmly said "No!" when I took her clothes off. It was this awkward moment where I had to decide whether I respected her "no", let her put her clothes back on and probably leave or ignore it and jump on her and go to town. I decided to go to town. She ended up spending the night, we went out again a couple nights later and ended up becoming a couple. We are about a year in now. That moment has burned into my memory because she could have basically accused me of rape and sorta been correct if she wanted to. But had I been a nice guy and let her leave I doubt I would have seen her ever again. So this issue of how a male is supposed to engage sexually is extremely difficult since many women sort of want to be forced. Thats whats keeping them interested to some extent. Very complicated.
@@auditoryproductions1831 I think it depends on the type of woman you're attracted too. Like you said very complex but definitely be careful with it. I'm currently dating this girl (About a month in) Who is absolutely against this type of thinking as far as the idea of "Wanting to be forced" into (Not specifically in a sexual standpoint but just in general with a relationship). Multiple variables to consider..... Depending on the type of woman, relative mindset (such as does she like you like, does she like parties/ the bottom line characteristics that define what makes her a person) , age, etc. I think its important to understand that not all woman have the same or even a similar mindset of how they would like to be pursued, captured, or "engaged" how you say by their physical/emotional long term partner. I think the issue or discussion of Mr. Nice guy and that to assertiveness in the way you approach women, can be an entirely different discussion. Peterson covers it as a whole how to differentiate the differences in your nature (In who you or such as introvert or extrovert for example) and how to open up to the other sides (your opposite) so you have a wider spectrum and broaden your "tool kit" as Jordan referred to. And in doing so allows you to apply yourself in different areas in your life INCLUDING your long term partner. Let me know if this helps in any way of if I need to clarify, i usually don't do this sort of thing.
@@auditoryproductions1831Do you realize that you're giving some really dangerous, harmful advice? I'm glad for your girlfriend that apparently she's the kind of girl who 'likes to be forced' because if I had been in her place, I'm pretty sure it would have led to live long damage for me and a lawsuit for you.
I'm 22 now and this speaks so deeply to me, it took me so long to stop being being a pushover and accept that I deserve respect as much as everyone else
I’m 35+ and just realizing this…
Raise Your Health Standard-Motivational People; kzhead.info/sun/gN6CqLKMgYehgWw/bejne.html
I'm so happy you came to this realization.
same man, like already feeling so lost in life
Nicely put man💪🏻
Im a nice guy but somehow always finish before my wife does.
😂😂😂
LoL try some licking and finger play. Jk
That's nice
C C - According to the "experts" , if she married you then you are NOT a nice guy!
@@enniswhalen2428 What does that mean?
This man got my 20 yr old ass worried about the social skills of kids I don't even have yet. Awesome lecture.
I'm in highschool and I'm starting to worry about that too :v
Sameeee lmaoo
Better now at the tender formative age of 20, were you're on the cusp of manhood, than in the twilight of your years, past your prime riddled with shame and regret.
@@andrewforte3852 You’re not wrong. I’m thankful information like this is available to people who would like to learn from it.
good. you don't want to waste your time on bullshit. build yourself
What a gift this man is. Being truthful means your agreeableness won’t let you attract narcissists.
would you bet on it?
Raise Your Health Standard-Motivational People; kzhead.info/sun/gN6CqLKMgYehgWw/bejne.html
@@anaranjadisimo lol. Not a lot of money, no.
a gift perhaps, as long as you're not female
@@anaranjadisimolol. No I wouldn’t bet the farm on it.
Dr. Peterson's thoughts and breakdown of things has given me so much relief and sense of not being alone in these mental struggles.
4 years late
You’re not the only one going through mental struggles bro, stay strong
Life means struggle, we have to find ways to be happy. Good times, bad times part and parcel of life. Everyone goes through it.
He breaks down people like a math problem, its amazing.
Castle that’s what you do when you’re smart
He is very analytical and thoughtful, because of that he has developed an agile and intelligent mind.
Critical Analysis. Rene Decartes, "Cogito Ergo Sum".
Because that’s what people actually are; certain percentages of energy, which are quantifiable. Helps to have great insight on each emotion in depth. Thank you to Jordon Peterson for the amazing perspectives.
mo farah won all his races. just saying
It’s not about being nice. You can still be nice. It’s just about being assertive and sticking up for yourself.
Passive, Passive Aggressive, Assertive and Aggressive........The best is to be assertive without being overly assertive which =aggressive......Passive= total push over ....Passive Aggressive= is an angry pushover who instead of confrontation will hide their anger towards that person and instead go vandalize their car.The person might not even realize they somehow made the passive aggressive person mad because they hid their anger and instead of confrontation, damaged their car for revenge.... Assertive person= someone who will confront and explain why they are mad at a co-worker, instead of hiding their anger then vandalizing their car later.They won't get aggressive but will defend themselves if the other person gets too aggressive....Aggressive person= Gets mad, attacks co-worker and gets fired.
@@peace.love.laughter1014 you are correct but most of society does not know how to verbalize that properly and also most of society does not handle people being strong. It gets preached all the time. But hardly anyone does it or accepts it if they are confronted by it.
@@peace.love.laughter1014 that’s men and women
100% i used to be the nice guy. Got tired of that cuz i always ended up blowing up like a super nova, got me no where, instead i let out the rage instantly, which was also no good but i kept on the path adjusting as i went and now, im more towards the assertive side coming down from aggressive to a good balance. I think its EXTREMELY IMPORTANT to stay nice, thats what holds the world together, just dont let people walk all over you, it takes self control but man is it worth it
It’s just so artificial feeling especially with women because they enjoy the conflict and typically desire getting the last word over actually having a rational argument.
I was seriously stunted socially as a kid and I still remember the alien feeling on my very first day of school. It was almost exactly like he said, I was the 2 year old around 4 year olds, at least to some extent. While watching this is no miracle cure by itself, it's nice to get a pretty solid explanation and possible solutions to make up for it.
Raise Your Health Standard-Motivational People; kzhead.info/sun/gN6CqLKMgYehgWw/bejne.html
Watching this clip I realized something about myself that I have been too afraid to admit to myself, which is I'm a very agreeable person. Not necessarily to my detriment, but I'm too concerned with pleasing people and will go to certain distances to achieve that. I would like to believe that a part of that is because I have a fair amount of compassion and truly want to see people happy, but I will have to find a middle ground as I go through life. I'm 26 so I hope I will have time to make the necessary adjustments before I get to settled in my ways. This lecture clip was truly insightful! 🙏💯
We are young, just getting started
I wish he was my college professor... wouldn't miss a single class
I was just thinking that. I'd sign up for every class he offered even if it was totally unrelated to my major
You will miss every single class, trust me... my professor gives more information than him and he didn’t stop talking for 2 hours in our class... he got Phd in Psychology, his thesis is about Human Communication in Social environment and Parenting (sort of), then he make 2 more thesis after that for Certain award, he won both... and now teaching us...
@@HafeezBlackLeg Not to be an ass and to claim your proff isn't great, but Jordan Peterson is literary the most cited psychologist of all time and he has a few Phd's as well.
True.He won't feed you communist , brainwashed bullshit.
Not one
Finally cleaned my room after getting yelled at by this random man to do it--never worked when my parents told me. Now I feel much better.
Benjamin Bovard I will clean my room today
😂😂
Or else daddy Jordan will be mad and use the belt
@@davute9546 😂😂😂
More power to you!!!
He is just so damn smart. This lecture has no time limit...it is just as important today as it would have been 30 years ago and 50 years from now.
He is not.
@@michaelwright8896 he used to be smart and a respected psychologist but now he’s just a propaganda mouthpiece for the extreme right
@@samuelzev4076 What makes you say that? What exactly did JP say to make you think that way about him?
@@leoracham some of his claims on topics that he’s not an expert on like climate science tend to be wrong. Even climatologists who are republicans or hold conservative values say that he’s wrong.
@@samuelzev4076 About climatology you could say that. But it doesn't disavow him from having great insights on many other topics. Specially about giving people a purpose of they own.
Your talk was life changing. It went to my core. I’ve been cursed with high sensitivity so I try to protect myself. I’ve missed out on so much growth and experience because I always tried to never be the fool.
Raise Your Health Standard-Motivational People; kzhead.info/sun/gN6CqLKMgYehgWw/bejne.html
I hear what he's saying but i don't know how to practically apply it to my life
@@joem13yearsago73go read christians scholars. Wake up early eat correct foods to produce healthy body and don't curse become morally righteousness and read the bible and first thing you do is worship God in the morning as you wake up. And get the woman you need.
@@IsraelCountryCube forgot this: /s
"If the truth shall kill them, let them die." Immanuel Kant
That's intense.
Fun quote. Which book?
Please don't malign Kant but quoting him to celebrate this misogynist. He literally said and implied that women are more agreeable and then goes on to say that "agreeable people don't know what they want," and that they're essentially losers.
woah, never heard that one before. I like it.
@@johnyoutube4073 Nah, I'm an academic myself so I'm sorry that white men with low prospects are so haunted by the fact that a man.is standing up against the rampant misogyny in society.
“Try not to hit the other kids with a truck any more than necessary.” 😂😂😂
LMAO!!! Well put!!
More than necessary lol
As he was saying it I saw your comment🤣
More than necessary
More than _absolutely_ necessary too XD
"Try not to hit the other kids over the head with a truck anymore than is absolutely necessary" Im going to use this exact line one day when the time comes. And if my 3 year old kid comprehends it and the reasoning behind it I wouldn't worry about his/her future as much.
Raise Your Health Standard-Motivational People; kzhead.info/sun/gN6CqLKMgYehgWw/bejne.html
Successful people don't become that way overnight. What most people see at a glance wealth, a great career, purpose is the result of hard work and hustle over time. I pray that anyone who reads this will be successful in life
The thing about been successful is working toward it and not going the other way round
It's obvious everyone is doing this online Investmnt
@@gerredavis8550 I totally agree with you it has been an eye-opening experience for a lot of people.
@@tracy...5245 Invstmnt is the key to achieving success with the current pandemic slowing down so many businesses aww
he've change my life and financial status for the best. All thanks to my aunty who introduced me to him. he is obviously the best, trading with him gives me joy of earning
In 12 minutes he taught me how to develop, choose partner, raise kids.
Ok. Now put your stop watch on ... and measure how long it takes to put it into successful practice.
@@marteenez4987 😂😂😂😂
Very true
Amen
in 12 minutes he taught us things we weren't taught in 12 years of school.
I just turned 26 and i recently got a job, sleeping early, taking on responsibility....its like he was talking directly to me
Finally...
Good job! Wish you the best
What job?
first job at 26??!
I'm 43. I fell into a career of sorts at your age, but I'm only just slowing down the drinking heavily and staying up late. I've no idea how I made it this far, but I'm hanging in there.
In my case I started working when I was 11 and I'm 29 now. I took care of my family lil brother's, sister,mother. I've never smoked or drink. Now I'm starting studying and working at the same time. I used to work 12hr day 7 days week for almost 10 year's. I feel proud of myself.
I absolutely love this man and I’m 37 now. He is right about our development as men. I’ve wanted to have my own family since about 26,27 myself. I haven’t since there are many factors that play against me but it great to have someone like him out there that explains how you are in such simple way is refreshing. I’ve never been a fan of everyone is different, everyone is unique and special. Sometimes a simple bell curve is all someone needs to understand more.
I learned this at 22. My only regret in life is that I was never in control of it up to this point, always living for other people, so much wasted time but this man's book literally saved my life.
with 22 you lost nothing, you lost with 33 or 44.
I was 26 and I consider myself lucky as hell
@@quantumratio4311 i'm 34 technically I lose
@@anonyfamous42 Look I'm 23 and while stagnating at 33 is not pleasant idea, I know hoe fast a human can turn things around. Exercise, mindset, etc. You'll run around and act like a 25 year old till you're 40-50.
@@yohanathandowns9057 I'm 21 .. I lived my life for other people..but I'm changing myself now
Man he described me perfectly. Im that agreeable person who doesn't like conflict and isn't blunt about things cause i consider the other person's feelings more then my own. But luckily I'm changing that
me to i'm trying to become an asshole now because that's what girls like.
Same here, research codependent and empath so you can dig in more. I would recommend looking for an experienced therapist/ counselor to help you understand more about yourself. I'm going thru the same and every week I find something new about me and my many bad habits.
@@frederic6998 Girls dont like assholes except as someone they'd like to conquer into not being an asshole. They also like guys who CAN be assholes. "Nice and doting to me but tough and cruel to everyone else" or "passive/neutral most of the time but can turn aggressive in a second" are the most popular personality trope in female-targeted stories lol
@@samel986 you think this issue is something to see a therapist for?
@@samtheman6188 Yes, because it is more complicated then we think. It is best to talk to a professional that will be able to go over your actions and help you change your bad habits with good ones. Our system created those bad habits to protect us and make us feel good because some how we didn't get enough approval/ afermation so our system creates weird ways to get that high of feeling good from random things and people. Some of us will shop till they drop and some of us go out of our way to make others feel good because in the process we feel happy and complete. Think of it as being proactive for the sake of you sanity and future. You don't want to enter a relationship before getting your character straightened out a bit so you learn how to create boundaries and make a habit of saying no to everyone. I'm 32 and still working on bad habits created over the years from a very bad childhood experience. Praying for you. God bless.
"You will line up to be exploited" is such a hard hitting and apt way of explaining the potential dangers of being overly agreeable.
The way he says things is just so damn well put. Like you know how when someone is explaining something and you're listening attentively, you obviously develop questions about it? He just addresses those questions in the next sentence automatically.
30 seconds in and I feel like he's talking directly to me.
Should I feel sad I feel he's talking ABOUT me in some parts? :)
You and me both partner
😐
R u kidding me? I was 5 yo when I was 24. Then I moved as a minority to a white upstate community in NY. Sh**t I’m not gonna tell you what came out of there
@@headmase SAME
I was moving furniture with my wife to the second floor. A nice guy in parking lot saw us and helped me drag the furniture up the stairs cuz my wife couldn’t. I see him as a savior and not a guy who will lose. Not everything in life is a competition. Be Nice to people. Be a winner but still be nice. Don’t be a fool or a pushover as someone rightly said.
That's kindness. Be kind. Don't be Nice.
@@Dark-wc4pu nice adjective \ ˈnīs \ nicer; nicest Definition of nice (Entry 1 of 3) 1 : POLITE, KIND a very nice person
I like where your head is at but I feel like life is an endless competition for limited resources.
@@WooghaWhoogashwoogha Thinking like that is how one ends up with no one liking them
Couldn't agree more. Competition is for frightened animals, humans prosper so to us competition should just be for entertainment. Besides, it's observed that even in great apes there are examples where the nicest one is the leader. There are two paths to power, you get people to do what you want by making them scared of you, or you get them to do what you want because they like you. Interestingly, with the gorillas being studied, the ones that got their power from being liked held their power a lot longer on average than the ones that used tyranny. The ones that where liked where protected by the whole tribe, even the females, and rarely challenged even after they got older and weaker. While the tyrants where often challenge, rarely protected and taken down by their own as soon as they showed physical weakness. So this idea that you can't be nice and also on top is a myth that's very prevalent in cultures that have taken capitalism and individually too far. Being part of a large group is one of the main reason humans have gotten as far as we have, neanderthals all died because they where too aggressive to form large groups so they where easily overrun by a superior force. Being nice is integral to successful corporation so it's essential for long term human survival.
I literally just dated a 46 y/o female who wouldn't talk about her elementary to high school experience. She said she only goes from college. She was "confrontational". This has totally shined a light on this for me.
I am/was the oldest male child of a single mother of 3 and very early onset ADHD. As a child I was very disagreeable with authority figures and had a hard time controlling my outbursts. The pain and disappointment I was bringing to the people I cared about caused me to make a complete 180 switch. I spent my adolescence developing empathy and social skills to try and prevent any and all confrontation because I knew I couldn't control my anger. Now at nearly 30 years old I am finally getting balanced with my brain chemistry after years of crippling depression. I am finding that while yes, you can be your own worst enemy, the opposite is also true. You can and should be your biggest ally. There is always hope for change because we humans are maliable and can change/evolve. Jordan Peterson is helping so many people find help and answers
Jordan Peterson is the only person in the history of mankind who INSPIRES me to clean my apartment
I need it
Woah
Nice 😂
don't leave it long enough to become a dragon.
@@mininananana in Jordan Peterson's class, I think it's 2017 playlist, might be 28 hours so... take your time. NVM go watch 2016 personality class.
As a 26 year old, single male with alcoholism and severe social anxiety, Jordan's wisdom and ability to inspire cannot be overstated.
Tad Labrie you got this dude !
Thanks for sharing your views Tad.
Im in my mid 40's stopped drinking at 27 if you kick the hooch you'll remember when you're 40 the day some Irish guy on KZhead suggested something you already know yourself. You can do it, and you'll prosper, you'll learn how to manage the unmanageable, everything will start to go from a squiggly mess into something which is tidy and clear... Kick the beer and loose the fear...
Lose the booze lose the anxiety
With alcoholism and other addictive habits, your in the devil's domain. I suggest you look into Ethiopian Orthodox Christianity for the emotional and spiritual healing you've always been searching for.
A good teacher simplifies complexities and vice versa in order to give you a thorough picture, and that's what JP does. Kudos !
This man is a blessing to a main kind
''Third Man is a blessing, too . . MAN **
Don't forget the other 49 states
This* and to*
its someone who teaches you how to create or do and not someone telling how things are
Not to be confused with Man Nice.
came for the clickbait. stayed because it were actually interesting
Sean Jackson me too hahaha
Same
Got me too. Not complaining at all.
This is 12 solid minutes of value, and JP does not skip a beat. I'm glad it was posted as a clip. This is a life-changer if you are not blind and deaf, like so many commenters unfortunately appear to be. It's like people can't see the Red Pill held before them because they want to ignore it and stay in the warm cozy fart smell of their own little Matrix lives. They are not ready to wake up and would rather fight to hold on to the erroneous mental habits that are not serving them well at all. Blame culture and the lies people have been told, I guess?
was
Nothing wrong with being nice, just don't be a fool, or a pushover.
The problem with being nice is you can be deceived by a disagreeable person who is smart and understands the nature of an agreeable person
Love
If you start having respect for yourself and stand up for yourself, you basically stop being nice and start being kind.
@@MultiRibrob true
Why do I see so many disagreeable people? It's just annoying at this point
Jordan Peterson lecture from when he was in his prime: still uplifting, still capable of kindling and rekindling hopefulness.
It's unbelievable how well Jordan understands out temperaments, and precisely the little details that go along with it. Also, How well he can communicate that complex issue like we're 6 years old, but we understand it perfectly. Truly a treasure.
This man deserves his own action figure.
@@amolvikramsingh3885 hory shet
@@CellGames2006 Hahaha this is awesome mate .D
I would buy three
@@amolvikramsingh3885 WOW! rofl.
@@amolvikramsingh3885 Haha Lobsterman
You can really tell he's not "just" teaching. He's EDUCATING. So rare in schools and universities nowadays..
Hmm. I think we need to stop putting all the blame on schools and universities. The rest of society also is playing a role...
@@jeffmoser4575 pointing out a fact that describes the fashion in which many (not all) teachers carry out their style of teaching during their lectures in schools or universities isn't an act of blame or whatsoever. It comes down to the individual. And if the individual is too absorbed into the conventional approach system of learning set out as by the general educational authorities the results end up in teachers feeding as much data as possible to pupils and students according to a standard guideline while focusing less or not at all to shaping their mind in ways they can become autonomous thinkers before actually acquiring content to fill up their minds. The difference between these goals is that on one hand the aim is to know as much as one can (not saying it's worthless) and on the other the aim is to know how to link and create connections between the things we know. What I'm saying it is pretty rare to have someone feeding you new information and at the same time applying that knowledge to a wider range of potential aspect of one's life, ranging from rational, to philosophical, personal, self developmental levels that actually leaves students think about even after the lecture's ended. Let alone leaving with the thought of 'wow I would like to try to apply such knowledge right away'
oOSilverZackOo K
@@LazyRare hahaha nice one
@@oOSilverZackOo I tried my best
He taught me to believe in myself and my feelings matter🙏the world is a better place for the courage and strength this important human being is loves to teach us, I love to listen to him👍
I like when your videos are fluid with info vs the isometric grand standing off in every direction Jordon. This one was superb. Very spot on, useful, helpful. Knowing ourselves thoroughly today is more important than ever. The good aspects and bad are on parade everyday now. Balance is key. And to avoid Extremes. Great video Ty.
I’m an agreeable person who has become disagreeable because I was done with people screwing with me.
Exactly . My cousin just asked for my charger and I said no just saying when for the first time I said no
@@o_0264 most of the time you get to the other side completely, its important to look for balance, however, I havent figure how to do it properly hehehe
@@christianbadillalee2473 yeah I wasn't great at first but now I look for the balance and it actually makes you and people realize your worth it'd just take time
kindly suggest some things, im too agreeable
@@EducationSabKeLiye Say “no” more. Watch more Jordan Peterson videos on the subject.
I wish I had this man for a father I would be a very different man Men like this are the real Heroes they change people's lives within seconds if the message gets across
I had a great dad, but I am glad you said this.
yes and no; there is a core to all of us unchanged; however how you curb your actions depends
I'm 23 now, and I'm so pissed off I just found out about this guy 40 minutes ago... I haven't been able to stop watching his videos...
I bet his kids will disagree after puberty
Lee Smith ... lol .. no Lee , you would have been saying 'yeah,yeah,yeah.. I've heard it all before dad!'
Wow, that is so true. I tried the same with my kids without realizing that level of detail.
I agree with this. There is a a difference between truthful in a nasty way and truthful in an empowering way. It's a VERY fine line but it can be done and it's all dependant on maintaining eye contact, using words that convey the complete truth yet show that you want things to resolve peacefully, and the setting you do this in.
Being a "nice guy" was the biggest mistake of my life.
I'm an introverted, self-conscious nice guy... It is fucking awful, especially when I'm so self-aware of it.
I was hurt being the nice guy then I learned. After that it was full speed ahead in my dating life and started getting action. Sad but true.
No, it was not
There’s nothing wrong with being a nice person. People like nice people. As long as you are able to realize when someone is trying to take your kindness for weakness and you don’t allow that to happen or allow yourself to be pushed around then you can be a nice person and still be successful in life. But you should as be nice just because that’s your personality. If you’re nice to people solely because you’re trying to get something from them (like being nice to women purely in hopes of having sex with them) then you’re not actually nice you’re just fake and a lot more people than you realize can see right through that.
@ T C - Oh no you don't ! You have to be YOU ! I'll bet that the "next" guy beats the crap out of her. Just don't laugh when it happens. . .because you ARE nice person .
The title is VERY misleading. Not ONCE did he mention the notion of “nice guys finishing last.” He’s talking about assertiveness, the and cons of being too agreeable and a lot of great things but NEVER said “nice guys finish last.” The reason why our society is so messed up is because a lot of men nowadays think being “nice” is now a sin. There’s a difference between being a doormat and being nice/respectful ect. Which is EXACTLY what he addressed. Best part: he didn’t isolate this solely for men. He made this gender-friendly. Change the title or provide a better explaination of the video before posting.
The reason our society is so messed up is because a lot of men nowadays think being "nice" is now a sin. Really, THAT'S why our society is messed up. C'mon man, it's way way way way deeper than that.
Being nice takes a lot of strength. It's basically like being charitable: If you have a 100$ need 85$ for yourself, you can spend 15$. If you have a 1000$, need to spend 85$, you have 915$ you can spend. How charitable can you be with 15$ and ho charitable can you be with 915$?
Bro, understand his perspective. He is a youtuber who is trying to build up a career on youtube. If he didn't put this kind of 'clickbait' title, he would risk loosing views. Like this, he risked only couple of mean comments, which also help him on youtube. I think that the title is great for young men who are in their 20's and 30's because it attracts them. The video itself reveals something much deeper than that, and I really enjoy this. But, if he made a title like: "Jordan Peterson talking about assertiveness, the and cons of being too agreeable" not everyone could understand ;)
As a french guy whose understanding of the english language is far from perfect, I'm always happy to read such comments because they make me understand things that I didn't understand when watching the video.
Pierrot L'asticot You write very well though.
Unbelievable man!! Each time I watch his videos and delve very much into what he is suggesting I feel that I'm exhausted with new inspiring, extraordinary ideas about myself and about what's around me..I think for a man to be a psychotherapist he/she has to have a fair amount of literary knowledge as this man has because if you analyse a literary work from a psychological perspective you are undoubtedly the only person who can get into as many details as possible and think deep about each expression of each character whatsoever in the novel, this really helps to undestand writers, peoples and the world as well. Many thanks Dr.
This video is such a blessing to me; anyone who reads the comments below will be delighted.
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Jordan Peterson has such a sharp and focused mind when he speaks, you rarely hear him say ‘hmmm or ummm’.
I love listening to him for this exact reason. I’m also glad that someone else has pointed his ability out! Rarely does someone speak continuously without having to reconsider their thoughts before speaking.
He talks continuously without a break. I listen continuously without a break
While it's nice, I feel like sometimes he goes onto crazy tangents and it'S sometimes hard to follow where he's going. And even sometimes he doesn't go back to where he was before the tangent began.
And that's why many women hate him so much. That level of self-assuredness is so alien to them that he MUST be a misogynistic monster. After all, who has that much confidence unless they are repressing the nearest female?
@@michaellynn9763 At least in this instance he uses pauses correctly to conjure a new idea. The pauses give him a brief moment to breath, let the thoughts sink in, and also give himself time to word his next thought. Even if they're brief, they make a bigger impact than "uh".
I'm 38, diagnosed depressed. After few sessions with psychiatrist, I stopped with no conclusion if I'm cured. This video made me realize how a pushover I am, and been living in misery. Now, I'll be figuring what I really want and my true happiness, work on it and pursue it.
Amazing! I hope you are still working on it, and if you have given up on it, I hope you'll pick it back up!
@@HereTakeAFlower thanks
Hell yea bro
Good for you man
💯💯
Bless Jordan Peterson, I feel disturbingly lost at 18, having been raised to be very agreeable in an environment which was very forgiving to me in the sense that it hasn't punished me for being a pushover. However, the time came for me to become a full fledged individuality and I'm too anxious about going with the flow. His way of distilling the intelectual contents of people like C.G. Jung into more easy to consume information has helped me understand my own nature somewhat better, as well as start seeing myself more objectively. What bothers me is the fact that most of these revelations I seem to have can't really be put in my own words, which makes them easy to forget. I don't know how much sticks with me, and it makes it hard to develop a deeper understanding of the shown material.
Guys, if the knowledge reaches the heart, it really start working for people's sake. Damn I respect this man!
Being nice (or too nice) to the wrong person is really the only mistake.
I can feel you brother✌🏻🍀
Are you saying "the wrong person" isn't making a mistake? It sounds like you're blaming the nice person (who did nothing to hurt, harm, or degrade others) for something you should blame the other person for. There's a term for it: victim-blaming.
Thelonestar Pelican: Well to be fair, a) if you have a bad actor, they won’t care about being or consider themselves to be in the wrong, and so you’ll still have to protect yourself if you want to avoid harm. On top of that, b) if you do not take steps to correct “mistakes”, you aren’t a contributor to the solution of said problem and so you are (arguably) a part of it. You may not be responsible for such people, but you can’t wash your hands of accountability.
@@fetchstixRHD To a) if a person's too powerless to defend themselves (phys or psych), it's unjust to blame them for something out of their control. b) is still victim-blaming. Your distinction between victimblaming and accountability is artificial. Both are practically the same thing, or at least one is the direct result of another. Inability to resist an aggressor or to change one's self = / = deliberate effort to hurt others. So the victim-blaming charge still stands.
This is because sometimes many of us ain’t emotionally prepared , that’s why we experience shock or trauma , but that doesn’t mean you are incapable or weak at all it means you are learning so keep up and believe in yourself more , Unless you wanna speed up the process and have an expertise of an analysis that can make you instantly figure out people’s behavior..
As soon as he uttered the word "agreeable" I was like "ok, he's talking about me."
Lol @ your youtube name... "sky high!"
Did you agree that you were agreeable?
hhhh me too
david stewart that’s basically a group of betas with one alpha
Speaking the truth in love covers almost all of this. I’ve always desired to be a peace maker but true peace requires real reconciliation between two people and that type of resolution needs to be built on something. You don’t have much to build on if you don’t have the guts to stand firmly for the truth. God bless you all.
this is absolutely the best video I've seen from JP
"Dont hit other kids over the head with the truck more than is necessary" -Jordan Peterson.
So everyone has accepted that hitting them with a truck at least once is acceptable!! ;)
@@michaellynn9763 Well it's going to happen, isn't it... as long as you learn once told that it's not a desirable way to manage a dispute, then you're on the right track.
@@michaellynn9763 you have totally missed his dry sense of humor. I love dry humor, but it totally goes over some people's heads, particularly the pc brigade.
@@evazemek4231 Nono, quite the opposite: that’s exactly what my comment is referring to.
@@evazemek4231 the proper criticism is that he spilled out the joke and made the humor wet
In France we have an expression for that, "trop bon trop con" literally "too nice too dumb", because some people take advantage of too nice people.
Must be a place full of narcissists, sort of a motto for them.
Lots of fights will happen if the world ran out of nice peoples
C’est vrai.
@@buddiesfast what do mean ? France is really diverse and all those clichés aren't accurate at all. I'm French and I haven't even heard this expression once in my life so it's not a motto lol. The French are kinda like the Americans (USA) with different law structures but same mentality imo. I mean, they both contain citizens who think their country could replace the world alone (not all) 🙂🙃. And btw, don't attack the french canadians, they are too cutie
@@Nomatterwhat69 moto of narcissists. I did not specifically accredited to the french,. As an American, I believe the only one ruling should be Christ, not any nation, and there is a great divide in our country on this matter.
I wish I took this advice three years ago. It would've saved me so much time, heartache, and money. Hindsight is a hell of a thing.
It’s all about being strategic on the moves you make. Be nice with the right people and you can go far. It’s like this, “always bring in knife with you, in case you have to slice a cake or stab someone”. Always be strategic.
"Your job as a parent is to make your child socially acceptable by the age of four" - I love it!
I had struggled great part of my life knowing I was one of those "not socially acceptable" kids. Dunno why, my younger brothers succeded in those terms, but now I have a 5 and a 1 year-old kids and am very concerned about that, always trying to make them good but secure people so they grow up in society.
@@LautaroTessi worrying about it is half the job IMHO. Keep it up. I believe in you :)
@@LautaroTessi i'd say similarly i too struggled as a child growing up as one of those "not socially acceptable" kid who was trying to be accepted. then i realized that's not who i am at all, i actually don't care at all about whether i'm accepted or not and now I live with a clear conscience and do what I want regardless of acceptance, and have never been more free. Frankly i see all the ways society has been doing things wrong all this time and don't want to be a part of it by association anymore.
by golly. my daughter had some realllly terrible 2s and 3s. worth every white hair and give a damn because she is a great playmate now. my son is her yang, naturally very passive and giving and helpful and generous. don't get me wrong, not playing favorites. they are both very sweet, smart and have good hearts. my daughter is naturally just more stubborn, gritty, overly assertive (reactively, not in a predatory antisocial way) and talkative. he has started to advocate for himself a little bit but it's huge for him. but it's crazy that it's harder to get someone to stand up for themselves than it is to get someone to be considerate. but you take strengths and weaknesses and realize they can be one in the same. jordan is so right about being in touch with your shadow side. it will save yourself a lot of heartache in the long run on either end of the spectrum.
I'd say by the age of 5 or 6 is better
Im grateful to live in an era where knowledge that has been discovered, thought of, and accumulated over the past ten to hundred years exists all in just a youtube video in my phone that fits in my pocket
If you think about it, everyone has always felt like that. Everytime anyone is alive they're at the pinnacle of technology saying the same thing ;-)
@@bigsteve6729 I'm glad everyone can appreciate it as well as I do :]
That's crazy
I agree. I used to dream about this future as a child in the 80s. Now that we finally have it. KZhead and podcasts have changed my life.
Maximizing use of the tool.
What ever he says i can relate almost 100% to it .....he is a one in a million personality...would love to meet him.
he just gave me advice that i did not receive as a child
Tbh none of us received it as kids.
Same here, brother.
Any of you had narcissistic parents?
@@yusufibnyusuf3058 yup, now I'm 19 and they always talk about how much better they were when they were my age even though everything was different back then
Nabel Pauzi : me too
Nice guys finish last, because they are so nice, they want to make sure everyone safely crosses the finish line, before they do.
Unfortunately, not only they receive nothing in return (that most genuinely nice people never seek for) but also they don't even get a descent treatment, they can even be punished for it (which ultimately feels awful and destroys their confidence on people) have been there, know the feeling. Just sad tbh
@@josejaimeceja3979 being nice is nice, even with the consequences it might bring, maybe you focus on the negative impacts rather than what it will felt and felted inside. Bittersweet, I'm still into the warmer thing.
I would agree more with @jose. The worst kind are those that go a step further and even punish or humiliate you for your kindness. I don’t think it’s because he has seen it in another way. I’ve experienced it and it doesn’t feel good.
its true;)
Nice guys don't finish last, they finish in a tissue.
He speaks out of my soul. I begun to go to Kindergarden very late at the age of five, and to this age of 5 i never had some friends of my age, and it was really hard till the age of ~12-14. When i begun to go to therapy at age of 20 i realised that my parents made a HUGE mistake in my childhood. Now i finally got good self-respect that feels healthy at age 21. not a native eng speaker here btw.
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That's one of the most informative videos I have ever watched.
He's like a Father every son wished to have, just imagine if Men become like him just imagine how well mannered and great children they might have.
every son wishes to have a drug addict as a father? do you have some science to back that up?
@@TheBrainScratcher Woah now, I think that is both an unfair implication and an unfair critique of Jordan Peterson.
@@heisenberg9494 Has he recovered yet? Or spoken in public?
@@TheBrainScratcher Even if he is/was drug adict, that doesnt mean his character isnt real. And btw, 90% of drug adicts in that age talk stories and educate joung ones what not to do and to be aware of consequences that every action brings. He probably learned his lesson on the hard way. Wisdom comes with lessons learned trough mistakes and situations you put yourself into.
@@TheBrainScratcher lmao he is and never was a drug addict, reacting negatively to prescribed medication doesn't make you a drug addict, but bitter boys like you clearly have a bone to pick with your own deadbeat fathers and hate to see others take on an amazing father figure and share how much they have changed for the better
Man, whoever is taking his class, they are fortunate. Wish I can talk to him in person and learn his skills
You mean you want to be a lying con artist?
@@boffeycn yikes
@@unfortunate7803 Correct. If you want a realistic approach first read this en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nice_Guys_Finish_First Then the book and watch the docus. I had heard of Peterson but just considered him another psychologist until a video of a talk he gave at the Oxford Union came up on my "recommended" list. It was about AGW & ACC and was so full of lies and bs I looked into JP and found he has a history of dishonesty and misrepresentation. I also ascertained that he makes a tremendous amount of money from telling a certain demographic what they want to hear. As he is doing here.
@DroopyWorm Wrong. He knows how to lie and make money out of doing so,
@DroopyWorm Everybody "knows things." He invents bs and lies to keep his paying, braying fanbois happy and paying him. And he is a proven liar. He was just another psychologist with a bit of a reputation of being wilfully controversial until he realised a lot of money could be made from telling a certain demographic what they want to hear. He hasn't looked back since and his wealth continues to increase .
I was having a discussion with my brother and two male cousins. All of us grew up together, my brother and I aren't as social as my cousins are. We are all in business now and I made mention that because of how we were raised we could gain from learning how to socialize and build relationships that could build our business at a rate of unknown magnitudes.
Once you got hurt by playing the nice guy, you change and choose to become a better or a worse version of yourself
I am in that phase of change and choice now
maybe you were never really a nice guy just lacked maturity so most women aren't into that
Exactly
So I guess my problem is that when I am in equal position I get extremely disagreeable, but whenever someone has leverage on me(eg, my boss at work) I get extremely agreeable. This makes me feel like I am bullied and exploited everywhere I go. I think im starting to develep some paranoid states.
@@hal7112wym?
Jordan Peterson is the Clint Eastwood of psychologists, no nonsense and straight to the point.
Growing up as a man, you notice that other men, assert dominance over the weak ones. Happened to me, no father figure influence while growing up. I grew up so confused and being bullied. No idea of what boundaries are (women pass emotion, fathers pass boundaries and "disagreeableness" to their sons). I hope that all men who don't have stable father figures watch and understand this video. It will save you from a lot of headaches, confusion and rats and snakes.
I know exactly what ur talking about and it happens to me i wanna save myselff
@@derbawah Of course
@@avuyilecakwebe6880 Well said and I can relate to these things.
@@niravthacker6596 Long as you're aware of it before entering the big bad world.
Be you life screws us all.
Jordan is so right on this, this is what happened to me, I'm 57 now, never had a friend(s)
To me what it is to remember is to do your best. Finishing first is the icing on the cake but what is important is to ''mettre la main à la pâte'' as we say in french and try to do your best in all levels in the process
Women under 30 years old: Nice guys tend to finish last. Women over 30 years old: I want a nice guy! (however nice guys don't care anymore)
I m actually a nice person until u pissed me off
Lol but how about men?
@@arvinguevarra8416 a man above 30 if keep educate emselfs will become very successful
Unnnnnd travel the world
Brooooooo this is so true hahahhahahaha
This man has taught me things my own father never could. And never bothered to try, either. I owe a great deal to Jordan for teaching me that it’s perfectly alright to be what I am. And I should be proud of who I am while trying to continue to better myself further. I’m a young, straight, white, conservative man and I’m damn proud of it. All the while I still respect every single person I come across to the best of my ability. Thank you Jordan
Be proud of things you gave earned, and aspired to. Being young, straight, white and even conservative, has nothing (or little) to do with you…it’s all inherited. Goodie. Now make yourself into a man.
He never said to be proud of yourself. You need accomplishments not this false "self esteem"
How you learn from Jordan ? It was a classroom program or online one??
But your name is Belinda....
I think he taught us that the only way to handle the pressure and anxiety of being deeply and profoundly selfish is to load up on benzodiazepines until your career collapses and you go to rehab where the kind people are.
Thank you, it was very helpful it’s like an open eye.
You've got to love this man
You can be humble and nice but also sharp at the same time. Don't let anyone mistake your kindness for weakness.
Wise as serpents, innocent as a dove
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This is the one right here!
That seems to be modern ..life
Wife, "everything has a place". Husband, "everywhere is a place"
😂☺️
No!! A place for everything, And everything a place!!
@Dynah Dixon stay pure my young one
Classic… Order vs Chaos
Husband: Last time I looked for this, it was in that place. Wife: That has changed
It's amazing how good this really is.
Thank you doctor, we all enconter this kind of people, but no one explained as you do!
I just realize that i always want to fullfill other people wants instead of my own
Time to stop that. Because if you look around there’s no one that gives a damn about you or me. Everyone is thinking of themselves. We need to learn to prioritize ourselves.
feel free to fullfill a few of mine :P , but in all honesty take care of yourself & make sure you know what you want & work towards it, you can help others at the same time but always work towards your goal, no matter how slowly it may seem to progress.
blackdeath4eternity You should pretty much come first always. I remember something that happened at work. Two colleagues where talking about work. Colleague1 saw colleague 2 eat fresh gum. So colleague 1 asked politely for a gum. Colleague 2 immediately said no with a straight face and raised voice, it was her last one and she wanted to also have gum in the afternoon after lunch. Said no sorry, no regrets, continued talking about work like it was no big deal. So ask yourself what you would have done in a situation like that.
@@xSunnyDaysx Iol if i had a piece i would have given it, but i also only chew one piece a day at most unless theres something going on lol , if it was something that i cared about at all though yeah i would have kept it & said sorry but no. & sometimes helping others is helping me so im still putting me first :P
There's nothing wrong with that, but you need to determine who's worth helping. And if it's something you're really uncomfortable with, then don't do it.
This guy has unlocked 90% of his brain.
Seriously. Not only does he have the information but the way it just flows out in a comprehensible manner is incredible.
Me too...that is why I would love to meet him:)
Seth Rollins your using 100% of your brain
@@djbdyckfbsgsg9176 we never use 100% at the same time. It would probably fry otherwise
@@djbdyckfbsgsg9176 We generally don't make OPTIMAL USE of the brain. This is why people can become smarter by using their brain a lot and practising new skills.
It is really useful to investigate the viewpoints of the people who have opposing views to yours. Not only they will know things you don't know, they will also tell you how to see the world in the ways that you don't see it. They will also have skills that you don't have, that you could develop.
Remember his words!!! Great motivation
I used to be an agreeable person and avoid conflict. I stumbled through life until I learned to be disagreeable. I still struggle with conflict at times, but mostly embrace it. I stand up for myself in all situations now. I can see now how Dr. Peterson is right on the money in this, and every other topic I’ve heard him lecture about.
I dissagree a lot with some people!
I found the following strategy which works for me quite Ok. I am extremely polite with people who are not meddling with my interests and show a lot of hostility right away towards people who are trying to foil my plans. That is it. Don’t be scared. It is life and we are learning it all the time. You should find you own way which works for you and there are no universal advices. First of all, I marked my crucial interests and tell to myself that I should protect it by any means possible (in borders of law of course) and secondary interests which I can ignore sometimes and be patient if somebody is violating them. The main issue is to KNOW what are you primary and secondary interests.
"...try not to hit the other kids on the heads with a truck... than is absolutely necessary.." lol. he's funny.
Yes!! I was laughing too )))
It is theoretically still possible☠
some people in politcs didnt got this advice,likely hit others that they dont agree with a truck
Just Another Shitty KZhead Channel that sentence doesn't make a lot of sense but sure buddy, hahaha, that is so true!
MrInkblots ?
I began this expecting a explanation the question but this seems way more like a counter argument...kind of a relief
Well said always a common sense and clear in reality. Thanks Jordan always a helping advice based on evidence and intelligence.
Boy did this talk open my eyes Being a nice guy I’ve had people treat me with disrespect in so many ways My sister has always told me You always see the good in people but people aren’t always good My breaking point finally came when 2 guys who I thought were my friends turned on me It will never happen again!!!
Everybody is my enemy.
I can relate
@@kanjifreak420 No one is your enemy IF YOU ARE STRONG!
@@kanjifreak420 Going to extremes doesn't solve any problems, it's finding a healthy middle ground.
@@kanjifreak420 To the man who only has a hammer, everything he encounters begins to look like a nail
Jordan Peterson, you are becoming a father to many. You are a just a miracle
That's really unfortunate... It doesn't speak for his intellect, it speaks for the staggering vacuum
@@potaterjim Thank God we have someone to fill it. That's why he's so popular; it's not so much for his intellect as for the fact that he just talks to people in a way they can understand and he actually helps them as opposed to all of history's supposed great philosophers who always talk in high English and grasp at random theories that no one but a small elite group can claim to understand, these being modern day Intellectuals who for the most part are just a group of extremely arrogant and intellectually lazy Left leaning academics
father to many? alimony saviour.
You can be good but you can't let people use/walk over you. That has been my down fall for some time now.
Learned that the hard way, still haven't recovered 13 years later.
This video is pure gold.
It seems that "nice guys" are driven by the fear of conflict, and "bad boys" are driven by the fear of not being valued/receiving validation. Don't be one of the extremes and be driven by fear and short-term thinking. Instead, be a grounded man who takes the best of both worlds. Have a purpose that goes beyond yourself, but be willing to enter conflict if it benefits your greater cause.
Yes should not hang with bad people, that put you in conflict with no other choice. I think nice guys are so nice, when think being nice get far in life, so they are usually so nice to their girlfriend, but dont understand that girls can also take andvantages of their niceness, so they should learn to stick up for themselves and beat anybody hard up to the blood, that try take andvantage of your life.
All nice guys should get into martial arts. That's a start but unfortunately we will always remain nice guys. I've tried.
@@ianpollard4501 have a purpose you're willing to die for. Then train yourself to be effective towards that purpose. Don't be measure yoruself by the opinions of others, but rather by how effective you are at accomplishing your purpose.
Why we need the dislike button
bad boys are highschool bullys