Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Live With Your Significant Other Before Marriage
At the Auckland, NZ stop of Dr Peterson's Beyond Order tour, an audience member asked him to elaborate on why he advises against cohabitation before marriage.
Watch the full video - utm.io/ueSFn
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My mother told me as a young man, "You don't know who your future wife is yet, but you're going to love her so much that you'll want her to be the only one." Thankfully, I listened.
That is beautiful. Thanks for sharing your mother’s wise words.
@Jackerson I was going to say "Sometimes, mom's lies come true".
@@KirisutonoNeko kirisuto no neko eh? I READ A KANJI IN THE WILD
@@jellyfrogfish おめでとう 👍
How did she get you to listen?
When my wife and I were dating, a friend pointed out that the more physical the relationship becomes, the less you try to get to know and understand the person. It is so true!
exactly this is true
Yep, I agree.
Men see conquests and women see failed relationships , fundamentally .
@@gravitheist5431wdym mean they see failed relationships genuinely curious as to why this is on the women’s part
Not necessarily
When I was married 55 years ago, I saw my wife as God's gift to me. One cannot return a gift from God. Still married. Best gift I ever received. She says the same.
You both are so lucky to have each other❤
I just emailed myself this so I can always read it. I'm getting married in February and this really made me feel good.
Awww❤
All the best to you. We still go out on dates together regularly. A regular reminder to us to always to put each other before all else.@@german80
☺️❤️❤️it's so cute
My father told me something I'll never forget: "If you have the try-before-you buy mentality, and think that you can always divorce him later, your marriage is already doomed." He was married for 46 years before he passed away from pneumonia. The longer time passed, the more I realized he was correct. I'm glad I listened.
Priceless words! Giving advice like that--he wasn't my father, but should have been. I'll take his advice anyway. Thank you for sharing. I will take his advice and cherish it, like the gem 💎 that it is. RIP, Papa.
Fair enough. But if you go into your relationships with the intent to marry I am hard pressed to think it matters if you move in beforehand or not. Before me and my wife were married we may as well been married after our first date. We didn't do that, because getting married has frustrating baggage outside of the devotion we didn't want to deal with until the timing made sense to do it.
@@aprilm4423 Here are other pieces of advice he gave me: "A man who truly loves you will wait" and "Never sacrifice your values for a man" and "A man matures when he hits 40, but 35 if you're very lucky. It takes a long time to gain that much experience to become mature." Again, he was correct on everything. He was often a goofy troublemaker, but deep down he was wise.
20 minutes resumed into a few words.
EXACTLY
45 years of marital bliss! We were both 27 and married in 1975 after a six-month courtship. Our daughter came in 1976 and our son was born in 1978. Two children, nine grandchildren and one great grandson are spreading the joy! We waited until our wedding night to become intimate. Wow, what a night! Waiting was hard but we wanted to become intellectually bonded before becoming physically bound. Our honeymoon was the kick-off for a truly happy life together. We knew what we wanted in life before the wedding, and we were then able to live the dream! Know your mate-to-be well before living together and be happy for a lifetime. It's worth the wait! My sweetheart died in 2020 from cancer. I miss her so much; but I thank God for nearly half a century of happiness together. Nothing in life can be better that a truly happy marriage.
I'm sorry for your loss. Cheers for sharing 🤝🏿🙏🏾
cancer is so brutal, but I can't help but feel your 'wisdom' through your choice to be grateful for the time you had. it's impressive, honestly.
Exactly right - sex is a bonding mechanism. If done pre marriage it can gloss over relationship mechanics. What a couple should be doing is building relationship skills such as communication, insted of a focus on "good" sex.. Also you both get to see each other's discipline if you wait till the wedding. This builds trust!
🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🕊️🕊️🕊️
A beautiful beautiful blessed life you two had and still have with that legacy.
"Flawed as we both are, if we commit to each other we have the possibility of becoming more than we are and i'd like to do that with you" - Jordan B Peterson
true till i start beating the shitt out of my wife for fun :P
Jordan Peterson’s way of proposing to someone 😂
How about not committing and become together more than you are anyway? Do we do this to our best friends? I want us to be BFF-s but you must promise you could never ever have another BFF or leave me for someone else you might love t,oo or even more than you love me. Humans try to force it and nature shows them over and over again that She has the last laugh.
In the Book of Enu, God claims that the man is of lesser status and value if he claims to only commit to one woman. God states that this man rationalizes his commitment by means of society tradition and states that this is the ultimate "cope." God made man to multiply with countless woman but he knew that some men would not have the status and value so he invented computers and encouraged women to be promiscuous so these low status men can simulate their biological design on the internet. And the willing entrapment of the man is the sincerest form of cuckoldry and failure. God looks at this kind of man with the sincerest form of sadness. I highly recommend reading Deretesius in the book. "I shall invent the internet so lonely men can simulate their sexual desires and needs in a safe space" - Deretesius 28:46
I'll keep and use it 😁❤
*My wife in I are now in our mid 30s. We met as virgins in college.* Peers thought we were weird because we’re both fairly attractive but decided to wait until marriage for sex and also move in together. When you build that type of closeness before marriage, sex and enjoying living together is a bonus. 14 years together so far now with children and It’s been an awesome experience for us both; we wouldn’t exchange it for any dollar amount.
Thats nice but sex is better when you are younger. Enjoy it while its still fun
Sounds remarkable. How did you decide that you wanted to wait until marriage? We’re you raised religiously? Quite the departure from the prevailing culture these days.
Lucky man
Just lucky she got skills in the end
In the Book of Enu, God states that any man who has mentioned sex in some statement when talking about the great benefits of a relationship with a woman was purely motivated by their sexual desires and rationalized by abstract and spiritual ones. God claims that men always do this and must do this to appeal to the woman's senses of trying to harbor an eternal slave for her offspring in the sense that she claims she is looking for a long and deep connection. Apothicus 26:9
This hits harder when you've already made the mistakes he's talking about. Thank you for teaching me to see the truth, Dr Peterson. You saved my life many times.
You lived together with your partner and your marriage failed anyway? It´s because you failed reading the signs that were there all the time and you refused to see....
Poor sense of why I don't feel like you are randomly making things up because I usually don't have intuitive feelings that produce thought yet know I am wrongfully convicted for the sake of your complex in being a part of a process that is transferring you away from the framework reality and we have those in this particular area afterall this is an industry this guy, from hay river, wanted to make some changes without people getting involved
This one really did hit hard for me. This is kinda what ive figured out in my mind ever since my last relationship. I was the one who left, not for another person, but because i was tired of disagreements and such. Which werent even that big of a deal, and werent usually very frequent, they were just emotionally difficult situations to navigate. I left, because i thought i could find someone better, who i wouldnt have these kinds of disagreements with. I’ve come to realize that even though she wasnt perfect in every way, we definitely clicked in a very special and unique way, and I loved her very much. I was at the point in the relationship where I felt like it was necessary to decide whether or not she was the one. But she was also my first really serious relationship. It felt like i had hit a fork in the road in my own mind, and i had to choose a path. We had been having some more serious arguments in that time, because she began to think i was cheating, which i absolutely was not, and i finally did get her to trust my word. But that really fucked with my head, and made me worry about the future. But at the same time, i loved her so much, and wanted her in my life forever. I just felt like it could be my last chance to dodge a bullet, and at that point in our relationship, i felt like we may never get past some of our conflicts. Looking back, i know that i could have changed some things about myself, and she had already began changing herself for the better. I think it would have worked out beautifully, if i just had faith. She really was everything I wanted, but i let that go. I hit the fork in the road, and took the wrong path. I should have just made the commitment instead, because i now have faith that it would have worked out. Unfortunately she now lives pretty far away, and is in a relationship with someone else. It’s also been like 3 years, and ive gone on some dates, but i dont click AT ALL with most women, and i either cant get a second date, or simply dont even want to because i’m not interested in them. I dont doubt that i’ll find someone eventually, but it was biggest flop in my life, and if i knew then what i know now, i would have protected our relationship at all costs. But ive learned let go. I’ve accepted it for the way it is, and i’m ready for the next great chapter. JP has helped me through.
@@tjziegler8823You can’t realize how much I needed to read this, for me being at exactly the crossroad you’re describing. Bless you and thank you very much for your comment
Same Here
"You don't commit because of the evidence. You commit because of faith." Brilliant
... Hmm Really *Faith....* Faith is what caused you to *Eradicate* *AdolfShitler?* *Faith* is what cause the *Catholic* *to* *Eradicate* *all* *those* *hated* *by* *God?* While Faith is crucial to see thing is Positive light. *Its* *not* *necessary.* And I hear this... *Jordan* *Pete* *saying* *giving* *FELINE* *the* *right* *attention?* When it will be selling it when *It* *doesnt* *get* *ATTENTION...* While saying Ohhh *Skunk* *are* *PRONE* *to* *Negative* *Emotions* *and* *Men?* *Men* *have* *Guns.....* What is that suppose to mean?
Translation "You don't commit because of the evidence. You commit because of faith." *You* *dont* *commit* *because* *of* *Evidence* *You* *commit* *because* *of* *THE* *POSSIBILIY* *OF* *A* *HAPPY* *MARRIAGE...* Sooo what are you waiting for *Marry* *UP* *said* *1* *senator....* Pay off the Student Load, that it is never going to pay off by that *College* *Degree.* What is holding you up *from* *commit* *you* *Thy* *Faith?* Whats the matter, *Life* *flashing* *through* *your* *eyes?* *Marryup* *MarryUP* *MARRYUP!*
Yes, but... 1- Committing to the partner isn't the same as committing to a corrupt state. 2- Faith should be in the process of life, not in society's terms of engagement or the institutional stewardship of the authentic.
That’s marriage in a nutshell and I know that institution isn’t something I want to invest in.
Hmm
When my ex-wife divorced me and left the kids to go be with a married man she told me it was just a piece of paper. It blew my mind. 6 months after the divorce things didn't work out with the other guy and then she wanted back and suddenly valued marriage. I gave her a hard "no". Next time around I'm going to do a better job of finding somebody who has a history of upholding commitment.
Hypergamy definitely isn’t love.
Sadly, marriage is now often viewed as a legal contract. For me, it’s sacramental and is a gift from God.
@@CatholicPrayersNovenas And that's why I got an annulment. She demonstrated that she clearly never understood what being in a marriage means.
@@stupidbeetle Good for you. She neither deserved you nor the kids.
Stand you ground, and you'll find someone worthy of you.
I remember when my younger brother told me he wasn't going to marry his pregnant girlfriend. He used that 'we don't need a piece of paper' line. I asked him, "How likely are you to keep a promise you never made?" He'll be 60 this year. He's had multiple children with multiple women, and never got married. He's killed his liver with alcohol, and is likely to soon die alone. If he would have just made that commitment to that sweet young lady who loved him way back when, his life might have been so different.
“You get to treat them like they are you”. Deep! I need to see how you’re really treating yourself because that’s how you’ll treat me.
I'm a 32 year old woman with traditional values. When I was 23, I had pretty much given up on ever finding a man who shared my values and beliefs, especially when it came to pre-marital sex and marriage. I am happy to report that after giving up, a man appeared in my life who was absolutely perfect. I met him while working at a church. We've been together for almost 10 years now, married for 5 and have a beautiful 4 year old daughter together. Sometimes you have to give up and focus on yourself before you can find the right person!
Beautiful, God bless you and your family !
You say "focus on yourself", I think it's "Give up focusing on yourself and focus on God!" You WERE focusing entirely on yourself when imagining your dream man who'd share all your values. God waited until you let yourself go to give you what He wanted you to have.
@@evage99 I literally told God "I'm done. If you have someone for me, bring it on." I met my husband 3 months later. When I say focus on yourself, I just meant that I focused on my career, my interests, and my life. My interests include my relationship with God. 😊 Most people are to focused on "finding that person" that they lose who they are in the process.
No ladies night?
@@thewishmastur Huh?
"Faith is what makes movement into the unknown possible" Wow... So simple yet so meaningful. I think there is no better description.
faith is what makes humans commit the unspeaks atrocities, and performa the unspeakable miracles. religion, the boon and the bane, where it has shown some of the worst possible tortures, geniceds, rapes , hate crimes to the world, It has also shown some of the kindest behaviors, acts, to be the fuels for passion, kindness, love. humanity being what it is, faith is used for bad more than good, hence humans are better without faith and with logic and morals.
@@atharvsharma1866you need faith for any scientific endeavour...
How can you have logic or morals without faith ? You have to have faith in the science that’s proves the logic or morals. You have to have a basis on which the morals exist upon. Everyone has faith in something. Some have it in religion, some in themselves, some in science, some in ideals, etc. What you believe is what causes us to be human (greater beings than any other species that have existed), it is impossible to have humanity without faith. Lastly, “logic and morals” is what caused Adolf Hitler to commit his mass crimes. So is it really better than faith?
@@atharvsharma1866 You might be talking about faith in extreme religious way. But there is faith in every human being hence everybody believes in something even though you like it or not. And it makes us human.
All the Media/HollyWood will be saying Ohh *Ooman* are leading *in* *the* *world....* But never the bad said of it. *Ohhh* *GendrW* *are* *leading* *in* *College* *more* *then* *EVER* Do they use that *COLLEGE* *DEGREE* of theirs to EARN *A* *LIVING?* Or Debt Ridden they are? *FELINE* *are* *OWNING* *HOUSES* *MORE* *THEN* ever? *Has* *it* *never* *Occured* *to* *you,* *where* are all those *Houses* *FROM?* *Without* having TO *WORK* *A* *DAY* *IN* *LIFE?*
If it weren't for my vows I know for a fact I wouldn't still be married today. Our commitment held things together when the going got rough. And then our marriage got better than it ever was before, and it would never have had the chance to blossom otherwise. 10 years and going strong!
This is really dangerous for those dating ppl who hide who they are until the ring is on your finger, aka narcissists and other cluster b ppl
I will never forget the scene when my grandfather - himself in a wheelchair with two amputated legs and seriously ill - fed my grandmother who was dying. For me it was the most impressive thing I've ever seen. The image of what commitment in marriage means. They have endured so much, into high age, and the love and commitment they gave to each other has impressed and touched me deeply and is a great role model for me. Jordan Peterson is right, it's not just a piece of paper. And the younger generation, which is "old-fashioned", they can learn a lot from their grandparents.
Beautiful, blessed, and together unto death. God honors them and all they gave !
wowwww
Yea. The line about the grandparents thing is completely accurate. You described it perfectly. My parents divorced so my grandparents relationship is the only healthy one I’ve really seen. I got to introduce them to my boyfriend and introduce him again as my fiancé. It makes me happy.
Bless them!!
Wonderful love that overcome all obstacles!!
I'm a child psychotherapist. From the children's perspective, there is nothing worse than making a child before you are sure that your partner is suitable *and* having a stable bond with them.
Thank God we have contraceptives and family planning programs to help us avoid unwanted pregnancies while being able to satisfy our needs and getting to know the person before any hard comitments are made.
My ex(childrens father) was in charge of everything. Me of silent generation. Statutory rape & resulting pregnancy in the shame generation sealed my fate to secure fathers responsibility -parentage. Only after e jean Carroll victory-verdict have realized he did unfairly coerce this innocent VIRGIN who wanted a truly white gown wedding. ---wich became reality of lyrics to. PUT ANOTHER LOG ON THE FIRE. wiser little by slowly FREE 😁🤗🥴🧐🤔😉🥰😂
@@user-mm8vw1ow1x I don't get the relevancy of your comment. Can you elaborate?
@@Sinoochkayet people decide not to use them and men don’t even know if the female they are with are on them 😂😂😂. Hence why we get so many I didn’t know I was pregnant women
I'm also a youth psychoterapist it's imporant that two people love eachother, and want to have children and are in stable economic conditions, otherwise children will suffer. That is why abortion is very important, oh wait most JP fans are against aboortion, ups.
My wife and I are eternally grateful that we waited until marriage to become physically intimate. Marriage is immeasurably difficult. It is even more difficult if you enter it casually and minimize the importance of all the traditional, well-grounded and well-established steps leading up to it. The best thing you can do to prepare for it is to try your hardest to know who you are as best you can.
So far I have done none of those things and I’m wondering what benefits it has. Other than figuring out who you are. That makes sense and is important.
I would NEVER advise anyone to not be physically intimate before marriage. EVER! I myself waited until marriage and I did not have good sexual chemistry with the man I married. And 13 years later it never got better. Not just my experience but several people I know too. Waiting to get married to move in is a totally different story to waisting to be intimate.
@melissaallred7574 what do you mean by sexual chemistry?
@@danieleromonselei doubt you will get a good answer from her. But the short answer is, if we assume their life was well built in all aspects except sex, and then she was never marriage material in the first place. In fact, it might be connected to the data Dr peterson alluded to. She had some sexual experience before and she was comparing the man to her "previous samples" That said, we don't know if she sincerely tried to improve things and maybe even looked for medical experts. So it could also be the guy's been lazy and took things for granted. Like i personally often would try new things and explore with my partner a lot which every girl i know liked. But i know many men can be very lazy about it
@@melissasmuse My wife and I married as virgins, we’re now in our mid 30s. We’re both fairly attractive individuals who had plenty of opportunities prior to marriage. We’re both glad we both waited until marriage (it’s a shared experience between us with nothing to compare, so we get to teach one another our wants and desires). Even after 14 years and children, sex is still exciting and passionate for both of us; like it’s newness. I think communication is the main reason we connect on all levels. I’m curious, do you both articulate your intimacy needs to one another? I know some guys can be lazy (it doesn’t take much to get us men to get in the mood but with women there is an emotional aspect you usually have to conquer). That said, if you truly love one another - why wouldn’t you feel comfortable sharing, meeting or practicing one another’s sexual desires? Sexual compatibility…What are you comparing it to? Being married comes with a level of vulnerability to where if you want certain needs met, there should be concern if your spouse simply doesn’t or tries to meet your needs.
Had I lived with my ex-husband before marriage, I believe I would have seen what a horrible choice I was making in being with him. I ended up married to him for 17 years and he was an emotional/psychologically abusive alcoholic. Things didn’t get bad until after we were married and living together.
How long have you been dating him before marriage? Has he been an alcoholic when you were dating or he hid it from you?
How long were you two together before living with each other?
Pretty sure you already knew he was at least a heavy drinker during the dating stage but you chose to ignore it and thought you could change him. Correct me if I'm wrong though
@@sharonjo7630 Read what she said, she was not living with him before marriage.
@@eadruna I believe that's called gas lighting, and it also seems like you are putting the blame on her. You don't necessarily need to be a heavy drinker to be an abusive drunk. That may have started later in the relationship for all you know. Living with him before marrying him would have likely made those red flags obvious, because you never know what someone is really like until you live with him.
My wife says she knew she was going to marry me after the first week we'd met, and she told her best friends at the time. Meanwhile it's been thirty years and we've been happily married for 25 years.
Man that really was from a different time. That would be taken very differently nowadays with folks my age, 20s. Lol.
Eh, don’t worry my friend. It’s still possible as long as there is love and romance. Although we may have to look for it a bit harder these days. Fiamonds have become more rare. At least in the west. Parallel to that concept you just really ought to know what qualities to look for, and not let yourself get hooked, despite clearly/or subtle seeing “red flags.” Kind regards a fellow 19/20 year old. :)
That’s lovely
Same story, I knew I would marry her after first date and told my dad already. I was 25 when we met, she was 22. We discussed life philosophy and expectations on our first date. I proposed 3 months into our relationship, married 4 months after that, 1st child another 5 months later. Second child 2 years later. Now together 7 years. Many of my friends who dated and lived together for years are now broken up.
Amen amen!
We got married at 22 and 23, after three years of long distance dating and engagement (my husband was in the military and stationed overseas). We were high school friends but started dating as young adults. We were virgins on our wedding night, and moved in together after our honeymoon. We've been married nearly 14 years and still going strong, after two kids, multiple moves, deployment, and some serious health scares. It's not easy, it's work, but we made a commitment to each other and now to our kids that we will do whatever is needed to make our family healthy and strong.
❤️❤️❤️
Bless you and your family
We love to hear it. But, you never put yourself into the situation that many women do. For attention or worse.
We got married at 18 and 20. We did it in front of our friends and family. Both of us were virgins as well. We have been together 13 years with 4 kids. We both desperately want more kids. We are together forever!
God Bless and protect your family🎉
I lived with my wife before marriage for a period of time while engaged, and I am personally glad I did so. I am sure it is different for other people but for me I am happy we did it that way. I am 100% committed to her and do not see divorce as an option. I went into marriage fully in love and knowing everything about her. But I guess part of it is that I always viewed relationships as serious precursors to marriage, not casual. Marriage was always the end goal. And I wanted to ensure we could get along in a domestic setting.
I think it’s the difference between moving in with someone you know you’re going to marry or you’ve decided already to marry versus living with someone you aren’t sure about and then the window for other options runs out while you are cohabiting.
Sex before marriage is un-naturally, on the womans terms. If the relationship starts out on the womans terms, the man is in the wrong position The "alpha" man is the head of the marriage relationship. Weak men make loose women their wifes. Then, they wonder why women file 75% of divorces.
Still a car. You're fortunate in your spouse.
I've known people who iived together so they could share the rent payments while they earned their university degrees. They had been dating for a few years and came from similar backgrounds. The tension and distraction of desiring intimacy but trying to remain virgins is very difficult for some people for physical reasons. By cohabiting and having the relief from aexual tension made studying easier. One couple graduated and got decent jobs. Then they got married. Thirty years and two grown children later and they are solidly married. Postponing marriage can cause some people to mainly marry for the sex. I witnessed a case where one young man pressed his girlfriend to hurry up and marry him so they could consumate their relationship. It wasn't long before he started pressure to do what he wanted. Ten years in and 4 children later the marriage was in trouble because of the gaslighting behaviour of the husband toward the wife. She stayed to keep the family intact for the children and later divorced him, as he was emotionally abusive toward her. She had warned him, but he ignored her warnings.
@@MarilynCrosbie really good points
Now I understood why I couldn't hide my craving for marriage with my current boyfriend and I wait for the day it will come. I just want certainity and that he values my presence and support enough to say "yea, we will stay together for real now. No looking around when tough times will come. No hiding, no running away"
He may not be the marrying type.
@@thinktwofold just to inform you,I broke up with him after he did outrage for 4th time and started to mistreat my cat.
@@martakeczek6476 Whenever I hear "waiting for marriage" I cringe. Not because waiting for marriage itself for intimacy is a bad thing, but because a lot of women don't understand what makes men willing to marry in the first place. If you're intimate with men prior to marriage, it's going to be harder for you to get married. You'll find lots of men promising you to marry, but trying to be intimate with you 2-3 months into the relationship and leaving within a year. Men are made more independent from a young age as they start receiving less affection, receive minimal emotional support and eventually none. As a result, they don't feel the same need to have somebody there long term. A lot of men also believe that loyalty is established when a woman is young, so they're less likely to want an older woman as their "one and only" if they can't think back to when you were younger, wanted by lots of other men, but the only one that could have you was him. Most men that are looking to marry these days are looking to do so quickly, and they're looking to lock down women that are deserving.
Sorry to hear that hun
You did the right thing. I hope you find someone who treasures you as you will them
Marriage isn’t a springboard for you to dive into a shallow pool of your own personal happiness. Marriage is a platform of stability from which your future generations can all deep dive into happiness and success.
Marriage isn't JUST a platform of stability for future generations. There's Men that have taken their own life thinking just that. Your personal happiness is meaningless, all you are is a tool to provide stability to the next generation.
@@jpPID True enough! But the poster didn't actually say that personal happiness was meaningless, nor say that all you are is a tool. Presumably, be neither a narcissist nor an "echoist." As JPB said, the proposition of marriage is that "I will treat you like you're me." (16:10)
I hope you don’t treat your husband or wife as you treat yourself that could be very destructive for your partner. Especially since most of us truly do not know how we are to walk in all the glory that God created us to be , a man, woman who reflects his image and his likeness. Most people are self destructive
If you are able to have future generations that is lol
0:25: 🚫 There is evidence that cohabitation before marriage is a bad idea, as it increases the likelihood of divorce. 4:37: 🔑 Early sexual behavior and multiple partners are markers for anti-social behavior and predatory psychopathy. 9:33: 💔 Commitment in a relationship is necessary to overcome the difficulties that arise due to differences and challenges in life. 13:18: 🔥 Living together without marriage lacks commitment and leads to ambiguity and uncertainty in the relationship. 18:15: 💍 Faith is necessary for moving forward into the unknown and committing to a partner in marriage. 21:18: 😕 The speaker emphasizes the importance of commitment and faith in life, and criticizes casual relationships. Recap by Tammy AI
Hey everyone. To those that don’t know, your relationship can be different from someone else and there are countless relationships that have succeeded after living together before marriage and countless relationships that have succeeded doing what Jordan Peterson recommends. Heck, people can even say they are glad they moved in together before marriage; so no, they did not succeed in spite of moving in together before marriage. In no way is this decision a “lack of commitment” like the guy above puts it.
@@_Sloppyham lol you are very invested in being wrong.
Imagine marrying a girl, then finding out she's a crazy one after it's too late... Its a lot harder to hide the real you living together.
@@Vasana612 most the time that only happens if you don't actually get to know the girl or her family. There are some easy ways to rule a girl out.
@@Vasana612 You can argue against what the data says is objectively true to make yourself feel better, or you can accept the facts and attempt to understand them.
I love this! As a kid I prayed that God would protect me from men who would hurt me, that I would only date men worthy of marriage (not expecting to have that happen on the first try). I also made the choice to wait on sex before marriage. My husband and I dated for 7 years before marriage without having sex or seeing each other naked or any of that silly nonsense that take a backseat to what is truly important in love and friendship. Neither of us had cold feet or nervous butterflies when we walked down the aisle and moved in with each other. We have now been together for 20 years, 13 years married, and are still each other’s best friend and greatest support system. We have been through ups and downs, even extreme things like me having postpartum psychosis, us being without an income for 10 months, and starting a business with only $10 in the bank. We didn’t give up on each other, because that is not an option when your relationship isn’t built on m the physical or in a test lab.
Reading your story made me so happy! Thank you for sharing! God Bless and protect you and your family always!
I wish I could get an edited version of this that has proper comma pauses. Explaining things as you develop the thought process like this is extremely challenging. Massive props for even agreeing to do such a thing on camera.
Jordan always been inspiring, my relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, Really love her so much, i can’t stop thinking about her. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated because i literally can't envision my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her~
Your feelings are understandable, It's always difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation when my wife of 12 years left me, i couldn't just let her go. I did all I could to get her back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back.
@@Margart526 Wow, how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do i reach her?
@@ddirtdid Her name is MONICA ERLENE MORA, and she is a great spiritual adviser as well as a caster and healer.
@@Margart526 Thank you for this valuable information, I just looked her up online. impressive.
You are grieving, and grieving takes time.
So basically what he’s saying is that if you aren’t married and live together, you aren’t committed to the other person and still open to other options. You’re not willing to go through thick and thin with them but only the good times. Marriage is and agreement that you two will stand the test of fire and whatever life throws at you together. You’ll settle your differences, work through things, and be faithful to each other
in theory, in praxis a totally different thing
Exactly. Thats all nice and pretty IF you love each other truly AND you’re both not selfish assholes who can actually communicate and solve problems, not just demanding the solution. And that’s a skill, meaning it takes effort to learn it, meaning not many people can. “You’re still open to other options when you’re living together and not married” - of course I fucking am. You can be lovely if I see you once a week for couple of hours, but unbereable if living with 24/7. Also, am I supposed to marry someone after knowing them for, say, a month? Can you really know who someone really is after a month? A year? Will I really know them after such time? Different people open themselves up at different pace. It takes time. Jumping into marriage purely because of “love”, especially at a young age when you don’t really know what true love is, is almost a sabotage on yourself. That’s why there is so much unhappy marriages and so many divorces. Congrats to all of you who did get married early AND are happy with it - truly, I am happy for you and hope I can learn from you. But realise that you are a small percentage, realise time and people change, and advices that might be best for you are not necessarily the best for todays youth
@@marcinz.3570 But are you OK with living with someone you have only known for a month? What if they are crazy?
@@blank_line No, Im not. sorry I was writing in rush so my response might be a bit chaotic. But what you’re asking is my point exactly! Are you willing to marry (live with) someone FOREVER after only, well, actually whatever time of knowing them, WITHOUT living some time together first? What if they are crazy? Publicly seeing each other or even spending some times in each other houses is completely different than actually living together. You don’t date without saying hi, you don’t live together without dating, you don’t marry without living together. It only makes sense. Jumping the living together part is another essential stepping up of the relationship. You wouldn’t jump into marriage after one date without talking to them (getting to know the “public” them). You shouldn’t jump into a marriage without living with them (getting to know the “private” them)
@Marcin Z. this is a very good point. It is difficult and risky to trust anyone to live with them in any case, married or not. Ugh, a stubborn dilemma As a Muslim, I can't help but think it is wrong to live with someone without legal commitment, though Thank you for answering. I will revisit this question again in my mind 🤔
This one hits home for me... it literally felt like he was describing my entire young adulthood... 😢
This man is a giant, as a Canadian, and a Christian, I couldn't be happier he's with us ✊🏾
Not technically a Christian, but to be fair, he is more qualified to be called a Christian than most other people in the world.
I am happy as a Muslim too.
Not technically a Christian because he does not believe in God. Mind you according to most historical accounts neither did Jesus.
@@criticalthinker8007 "Most historical accounts"? Which?
@@spirituallysafe for start all books of the new testament before the final four gospels where decided and added. Except for revelations all the books are old than the gospels.
I just broke up with my girlfriend of 2.5 years last week, and we had been living together in a house I bought for more than half of that time. Our relationship was not on solid ground before we moved in, and things just got worse afterwards because other problems kept arising . Once the breakup happened, it was hell, especially for her because she was the one that had to move out and completely uproot her life. I will never live with an unmarried partner again, and I don't recommend it to anyone. Edit: Considering input from commenters and my own reflections, I don't want to condemn living together so much as I want to provide a cautionary tale of moving in with someone who you are not in good standing with. Definitely don't live with someone unless your relationship is in a good place and you've been together for at least a couple years.
Hey everyone. To those that don’t know, your relationship can be different from someone else and there are countless relationships that have succeeded after living together before marriage and countless relationships that have succeeded doing what Jordan Peterson recommends. Heck, people can even say they are glad they moved in together before marriage; so no, they did not succeed in spite of moving in together before marriage. In no way does this decision have to be a “lack of commitment” like Jordan Peterson puts it. If you’ll notice, OP was already having issues before moving in together. He then makes a leap in logic that you shouldn’t live together with your unmarried partner, even though y’all could not be having issues before moving in together and would have a much higher chance of having a successful relationship.
@@_Sloppyhamyou shouldn't. Tradition exists for a reason. Committing to someone for life before living together or allowing the possibility of kids is the only way to have a healthy lasting relationship amd a stable family. There is no other way to read the facts.
Regardless of being married or not, you glossed over one, of many, factor of the failure. "our relationship was not on solid ground before we moved in". This is the number 1 reason why relationships fail within the first 5 years. People need to realize that a piece of paper and ring don't magically make yourself and therefor your relationship perfect.
@@CasuallyAuthentic they make a good relationship better. Marriage is always better than non marriage unless you don't want a long term relationship in the first place.
@@adamb8317 Do you even understand this "tradition" you speak of. You do realize that marriage is a relatively new social construct, right? And that is was created as an institution to bind a woman to a man, as in make her his property (like a car, sorry Peterson) and then exploited for the last 4k years to ensure control of the masses first through the fake Christians and then through State.
My husband and I didn't live together till two years after we dated. We had kids from different marriages and we wanted to be sure everyone got along. It also gave us time to learn one another's flaws and deal with this in our own space. I think that is why our marriages last cause we already learned to deal with one anothers flaws in the safety of our own space.
I'm confused on the marriage lasting if you're stating that they didn't.
My wife and I were both virgins when we got married. 33 years later, as recently empty nesters, we are still happily married.
It's incredible how often Jordan Peterson says things that completely blow my mind.
And often it's things we already knew or had heard, but couldn't assimilate until he said them in one simple, logical, mindblowing sentence. I'm SO grateful for that.
What blows my mind is that he wants you to sign a marriage contract with the same government that's trying to ruin him. What a brilliant idea!
@@bruha321 If you got a better way run for office. You'll probably get the votes, as everyone else is batshit insane.
Married at 21, 4 kids by 28, still together 42 years later. Just celebrated mothers day with out 4 kids, 1 'adopted' daughter and 8 grandkids. Never lived together, and only ever been with one another. Still wonderfully married in retirement. As a teacher for 38 years until I retired, I sadly saw the negative impact of the deterioration of Marriage in the lives of the children I supported and taught. Glad Jordan is speaking out about this.
"Deterioration of marriage" has nothing to do with living together before marriage. Jordan doesn't know what the hell he's talking about, although this would CERTAINLY not be the first, or the 500th, time for him.
she was $$$ depend on U ?
@@dmitryspivak4586 www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/
@@dmitryspivak4586 So you hold the truth then, tell us all about it
@@swimminginthecesspoolofstu2070 If she was, then it's proven the male being the provider makes long lasting relationships?
Married 40 years…seven adult children. More than once one or the other of the two of us wanted out. So grateful for our mutual respect for our vows.
This man is such a wonder to listen to. Allways! You can even eventualy disagree, which is difficult, but you allways listen to him eagerly and without any hint of boredom. Treasure him.
That last sentiment in the closing of JP's speech here is powerful: "Machiavellian, Psychopathic, Narcissistic, and Criminal at worst" is a great way to describe the Internet's obsession with modern casual dating culture.
it is not even casual “dating” anymore…you can swipe left and be in the sack an hour later with the understanding that after sex you will never see each other again And now, there is a new term both sexes are using with pride: “body count”
True
Jordan is just jealous because he is in a boring monogamous relation ship and wishes he would get a new vagin, so now he is bitter and argues against it.
My husband and I dated 2 years. We waited to have sex until marriage. This forced us to get to know each other pretty well before getting physical. We volunteered in ministry together as well which was great because we got to see how the other operated under pressure. We’ve had a great adventure together building a life.
the fact that you volunteered in "the ministry" before marriage infers that you are religious. Would you say it is fair comment that divorce is less socially acceptable to you? So many religious people are miserable in marriages but are not able to get divorced.
Working under pressure is indeed a great way to observe your future partner to be. 👍
@KT Was Here divorce should be socially unacceptable.
Christian sex. Yawn.
Make sure that, if you have kids, don't bring them to ministry, you know ministry loves children, if you know what I mean
Excellent analysis as always! Thanks, JP!
Thank you for saying so clearly why "it's just a piece of paper" is so infuriating.
Its not that you "Shouldn't" live with your partner before marriage. It's that you shouldn't feel you need to in order to know they're the one to marry because that just means you have to convince yourself. Im 26 and barely dated because I never found someone I could imagine marrying. Met a girl last december been dating 3 months and I already know this is the one for me because. She treats me as an equal and never gave me a reason to doubt her love. I don't need to live with her to know I'll gladly work through any issue we face together.
Be careful of 'equality'. Same poles do not attract.
She may very well be the one for you. But 3 months isn't very long. Just keep your eyes open to protect yourself. Buying insurance doesn't mean you want something bed to happen.
Im not going to try to convince you of anything, you will find out yourself, good luck
@@Panzerfaust-ux8xb I call bs , majority people last because of similarity
@@natethegr8230 I appreciate the concern man but I don’t need to keep my eyes open for other girls while I’m in a relationship. Thats just having one foot out the door. You can invest yourself into one person and still be prepared it might not work out. Gotta take a risk of being vulnerable and getting hurt to build trust with someone.
Thank you for telling us not to test-drive. Thank you for telling us we're not a car or an object. Thank you for telling us that marriage is not just a piece of paper. Thank you for telling us that we are not just "... the best we can manage at the moment" or that "you'll do for now." Thank you for showing us the pathway to misery, anxiety and what no hope is built upon. Thank you for resounding that kind of faith I believed in, which I thought was extinct, and I was the only stupid left practicing it. It is true that once a person has had multiple partners before he is with you, that habit is unbelievably hard to shake-off for that person entirely because it has become resilient and resistant to change. That's why they say once a cheater always a cheater. And that person will always be wanting what he cannot have or that the grass is greener on the other side. It is hard for such a person to remain faithful, loyal and true to one person for life. I wish all men had your viewpoint Jordan. You are a very rare man. This world would be a better place if everybody thinks and acts like you. There would be less or no breakups, heartaches, divorces; and no one playing with hearts as if they are objects. There would be happier relationships. No one wants to commit anymore. And no one fights to keep a love alive and wanna make it work. But your marriage shows that it can be done. You're a man of your word because you actually preach what you say. And that is remarkably admirable. Thank you for sticking by your wife through thick and thin, thru hell and back no matter what... Your life is a symbol of everything noble. You are like an angel come down to earth to show man that they can transcend. Much blessings to you and your family.
Amen sister ❤
You said it all perfectly. 😔
Bruh. Someboddy putting someone on a huuge pedestal. And now let's fuck around.
Stop allowing yourselves to be test driven then. There's 2 parts
Well women also do test drive a man before marriage
Excellent lecture, having lived in San Francisco in the late sixties and seventies and witnessed live in relationships before they ever became de riguer among so many, I have witnessed the emotional destruction of live in relationships first hand. There are reasons every major religion condemns this. It wrecks havoc among society. There is no security if people decide that when things get difficult they can just walk out.
There are reasons why there are few religions Every single one of them is fake the guys that made the devices that we are writing this on proved that long ago So yeah....
I drove up to Auckland to see Jordan on this night. It was so different and amazing to hear him in person. Can't wait for the full talk to come to youtube.
I'm 27, single, virgin, fairly attractive, and I personally love the idea of waiting until I get married to live together and to have sex with my husband. It's so exciting for all the right reasons, and no one I've spoken to about the subject that feels differently has been able to convince me otherwise (like saying you need to see if you're sexually compatible, or what if they have bad habits, or a health issue that you won't want to deal with forever, etc.). That's why I'm working to be a better individual and why my future husband should also be someone that's worked on themselves and is on my level of maturity and dedication. If a man isn't, then they're simply not for me. What's sad is that I haven't been able to find a single man that seems to understand the importance of this kind of information to build good values that could prove to me he'd be a good mate. But, I suppose until I find one, I can also work on myself, and am happy I found Dr Peterson to be one of those guides I go to to learn to be better, happier, and wiser.
@Nana Kwame Let him cook lol
good
@Tyler Lee I'm rooting for you 😆
@@MPresheva Well this is awful advice...no dont just accept the first guy/girl who throws themselves at you, have some standards. Better to remain single than to settle for a less than ideal spouse because you're afraid of "time running out"
@MaudlinBlase You're boastful 😂 "on your level" And you cannot find a man ?! As a virgin?!!! Maybe you should stop looking for a certain type of dudes.
My biggest regret in my personal life was living with my now ex husband before marriage. It ruined everything, I was taken for granted, I was a “wife” when it was convenient and a throwaway girlfriend when it wasn’t. Don’t live together ladies, have patience and faith you’ll meet the right guy under the right circumstances.
Your biggest regret should be ignoring flags. The whole point in cohabitation is finding them and it sounds like you found one, married him anyway and as the "ex" implies, made the wrong choice. Even if you hadn't lived with him before marriage you were destined for divorce.
I hate to say this but he was probably going to treat you that way either way. He just was a terrible person to you, and that was not going to change simply because you live together first or not. He was a bad person and I'm sorry you had to go through that.
@@IFBBProYeo Do you think a loser would hang around if they weren't sleeping together before marriage?
@@mnotlyon I think any man can become a loser at any time. How many men have become despicable people after a woman gives him her home and v!rginity? MANY.
@@IFBBProYeo The man you just described did not become a loser. He was already a loser. That man is not husband material.
Depends on the couple and dynamic. Plenty of individuals have lived together before hand and are still together in a happy and functional relationship. I am one of those individuals. We moved in together to see if we were comparable as live in partners and we found it so! Talk it out with your partner to determine if it’s the right choice for you or not. And divorce doesn’t mean failure. In a lot of cases it just shows incompatibility, especially if throughout life we change as we grow and that compatibility before hand is no longer a thing and both parties no longer attempt to collaborate to make it work.
noooo dr peterson has factual evidence to the contrary. his source: trust me bro
@@croozerdog Yeah I would like for him to actually provide evidence for his key claims.
It's about the mindset and the ability to compromise with your partner, there are plenty of people having a happy, strong relationship even though they lived together before marriage and plenty divorcing who never lived together before marriage
@@croozerdog LOVED this. He succumbs to so many fallacies in his discourse I can’t even. He really wants to believe that marriage is necessary
Obviously there are always ouliers in every situation. But Dr. Peterson is talking about the vast majority of situations where true commitment is necessary and trying to live together before that diminishes on the importance of commitment. Hey good on you guys that it worked out but obviously not every case is the norm or the exception.
Excellent argument against co-habitation . . . I'd like to have this completed by explaining how the commitment of marriage, when both partners can hold on through hell and high water, results in a unified whole that is greater than the sum of its parts. I found within my first marriage a relationship that was far better - and made me a better person - than I could have imagined beforehand. It also informed my relationship in my second marriage, which so far is working pretty good! And it would be my prayer that everyone might have that experience, even if only briefly, at least once in their life.
I’m so happy to read your comment. Marriages that end are not always a waste. In fact they rarely are. I’m glad to read that you aren’t jaded enough that you lost faith in marriage and that you are actively engaged in a good relationship again. So much loss comes from divorce but so much can be gained from even a bad marriage if one looks to find the lessons and the good it held. Another hugely important part of your comment is about if BOTH parties stick together come hell or high water. Everyone has their personal agency. You can’t make someone stay that doesn’t want to or won’t do the work but you can move on from that loss and try again. Hopefully it goes even better if it didn’t work out the first time. Best wishes to you for every success this time around !
I think the general idea of marriage is to settle in with someone that you can love no matter what but the concept of "hooking up" and having a number of bodies somewhat makes people addicted to that flow and idea of getting bored and switching in between people and not realising how important it is to understand to actually get to know someone know their flaws weaknesses and still love them.
I feel bad for people who are stuck in that cycle, like genuinely, not just being condescending towards shallow people. If you've been in love for real then I don't really need to explain it, but there's some things you just can't understand until you've been with someone long enough.
I tried the whole hookup shit when I was a teenager and it wasn't enjoyable to me because I did not feel connected with anybody I was having sex with. I'll never understand how people can just live like that
this is so beautifully put
it makes me fall in love with marriage in some way. Thanks. I'm moved, here.
I was told I don't know about love just because I did not have alot of sexual relationships...lol
As a man who has shacked up too many times and has been unhappily married for 15 years, I can say the biggest problem we discovered was that, if you aren't ready to get married, you haven't yet established boundaries. Once you live together, establishing those boundaries becomes harder and the likelyhood that you will end up with a family before those boundaries are eatablished increases every day.
Everyone has to respect boundaries even if it’s family etc that’s how things work out
Good insight
Absolutely, also keep money separate 👍
No lmao I never felt pressured once to start a family while the gf is living with me you're easily manipulated
Loosers gonna loose.
Divorce isn’t necessarily an indicator of a happy marriage. People can stay together and still be thoroughly miserable. I lived with my husband for 10 years before we got married (although he did propose to me within three months, bless him), and we’ve been together 18 years in total now.
Fully agree, IMO a lot of religious folks stay in unhappy marriages due to the fact they see divorce as against their beliefs, not because they are actually happy or in love.
@@pnwhomestead9327 I can DEFINITELY vouch for that! I grew up in a church that followed the cult IBLP. They ALWAYS pushed getting married before moving in together, always having chaperoned dates, no dating before you're 18 etc. Now that I'm older and have left that place, many of my other peers from that church also left. The problem for them is that they got married before they left and every single one of them are divorced. My fiance and I have been living together for about 8 years now, together for 9 years, we got engaged a year after we started living together. I couldn't imagine trying to start a relationship with someone else. I went against every belief my church and my parents had. Yet I'm the one that hasn't been divorced, stuck in a loveless marriage and I genuinely enjoy my significant other's company. There's a lot of things you learn about someone when you live together. Whether you're married or not isn't going to change if you can or can't handle living with someone.
I began dating my wife at 15, we had sex 3 months into our relationship, moved in together at 18 we lived together for 5 years before we got married. Never had kids, she's been my only sexual partner. We've been happily married 7 years now. Everyone's path is different.
As we grow we carry more “baggage” and that can affect how we are when living and dealing with others which is why it’s important to handle our baggage, find some self-worth and confidence and hope for the best parter in life to come forward. Sometimes when we’re young we get more wisdom and life insights from God than we would at an older age. May you have continue to have a blessed marriage ❤
@@lousdinovembre I am not a religious person. That said I agree with everything you've said. If you are single, you should definitely work on yourself, stay off porn and learn to love and be comfortable with who you are. I understand my situation is different than most. My biggest advice if you are married is to constantly work on being a better partner. You can't stop growing and improving just because you are in a relationship. Cheers and God bless
I was 19 when I took one of Prof. Peterson's classes. I'm 30 now, still love hearing the man talk :)
How awesome to have had him as a prof. At such a young age.. I’m 43 and diving into his books and talks!
I'm sorry you had to take up student loan debt to listen to this nonsense
@nadjak3410 you sound bitter and ignorant
I find him very preachy and over thinking. Never trust statistics or someone that throws the odd shot out there. Statistically, what’s the other side of the argument?
I didn't live with my wife until we cut a covenant before God and man. Not because I didn't love her, but because I did. I wanted to give her something on our wedding night, not take something from her beforehand because I couldn't control myself.
That is done and spoken like a true gentleman. I hope your marriage has thrived and you get to raise more mannered spiritual awesome sons and daughters ❤ My parents were not married by church, only by state, and with separation of their own assets. They have been best friends all their life but guess where their lack of faithful vows led them to… sad and divorced by 60. And they will remain so for the rest of their life I swear. People find atheism so fun and free when they’re young, well, who is there to guide you and tell your story once you arrive at the last stages in life? If not by faith, with love, then nobody is there. Same for my uncles and aunts.
If more men and women were like you our society would have so much better off.
@@blondegiraffe2023 Thank you 😊
Odd to define it as talking
@@MALICEM12 you realize that is a mutual “taking” as both are virgin.
I LOVE THIS!! ALL THE GRATITUDE AND RESPECT!
Interesting, I had never though of mariage this way and I'm very glad to see this perspective. However I think one could argue that having this mentality of "being stuck" with the other person could also make you tend to avoid fixing the problems in the relationship since you know the other person won't leave you anyway. So it either doesn't apply to every couple or either is incomplete in my opinion.
This is why asking tough questions, seeing if you can both improve, seeing if you both sacrifice for the other willingly, DURING dating is so important.
He is intelligent and adorable at the same time! Whoever finds him offensive simply needs to re-examine their thinking 🧐 Especially women, how is it that you find Jordan offensive? I’m a 57 year old woman and think he’s delightful 😊
I tell you why people might find him offensive. He is just telling the truth. And for many people it is hard to admit the truth. Just as for many people it is hard to admit their mistakes. It is way easier to live in excuses and lies because you dont have to confront yourself. But without confrontation you cannot heal and be free. There is in bible something like this: Seek the truth and it will make you free. And todays world is full of lies. Wish you all nice day.
@@tomasurge6145 People find him offensive when he goes out of his way to communicate delicate subjects in a harsh manner to provoke outrage.
I’m a 30 year old woman and I agree with you. I love him.
He tells the truth, and people do not like truth, so they hate him.
its probablyh the time he said that woman who wear red lipstick to work are responsible for any innapropriate behaviour towards them in the workplace since it turn on the primal brain and it scientifically a colour which makes you more attractive. In an interview one time
JP is so wise and speaks from the heart. I'm a 27 year old man, been single most of my life and desperate enough to make changes with a strong desire and passion in my heart to marry the right woman, to pour my love into her, and start a family with. Divorce is not in my vocabulary. Been working hard these past few years to one day provide and protect. God willing, i pray of meeting her soon.
You are right. Seek god first and all else will be given to you. Watch out though...you may well be given the exact opposite of what you thought you wanted but it will be very very good for you regardless.
Watch a lot of George Bruno, he'll keep you leveled and from making a mistake when you're venturing out. Dont be desperate enough to forgo vetting a woman properly👍
@@wordforever117 i would rather say seek urself and not god. Inner exploration is more imp
Take responsibility for your own actions and self. What do you look like? are you attractive? Successful? Are you someone that even deserves half of the things you want (considering all the other men out there, similar to or better than you????) if not, change that.
@@sensei_poo Yeh but you would be wrong. There is no "yourself" without God. Nothing at all makes any sense with God, nothing has any purpose without God. If you seek "yourself" with out God then all you will find is absurdity, pointlessness and indifference.
Thanks for sharing your knowledge and experience. I liked this video a lot
explain all the divorces then? they got married expecting to be together for life, but then got divorced. we can also look at goldie hawn and kurt russell as an example of 2 people who are committed to each other but never got married. Marriage is a government contract that leads to financial hell when you do fall out of love or whatever you want to refer to it as.
Young people, for your own good, listen to this advice and save yourself years of pain. Don't wait until you're old with many emotional scars and trauma to realize this man is actually right.
Yeah exactly.
💯
Oh my goodness yes, this is so true.
The baggage of intimate ex-lovers , the baby mama/baby daddy dramas, child custody/child support battles. Those things will affect one’s future marriage.
I was told I was too young to be in love, in College. If I had followed the love and stayed I would have saved myself 25 years of regret, in and out of relationships, still thinking of that person. As I got older I started asking more questions. Then realized same people telling me I was too young were actually married themselves in their early/mid twenties and never divorced (now in their 70's), so much less trauma, a chance to build community and family. You can get yourself in some pretty serious situations going in and out of relationships, and the "in between relationship time" can put you in situations that can be downright dangerous if you grew up in a family where everyone seemed to get along and very few divorces, being too trusting because you don't know what is lurking... If you meet someone you really like, take it seriously. Ask the right questions. Do not sleep with them right away. Take your time. Get to know their family, as well. Do not move in together "to try it", "to save money", "because you don't need the piece of paper". Don't fall into the "common-law" trap. It is not marriage. This is the road to several ex-partners, loneliness, feeling like "time is gone forever". Commit. If I could go back in time I would. So much regret. Also, teach this to your children....the ones who have the long-term marriages, teach this to your children, actually sit down and talk with them about it, don't assume they will be like you, with very few partners and a long term marriage. Once you start down the multiple partner road/no commitment it is hard to go back and it starts at an early age. Save them from the "co-parenting from hell" because they lived together and not married, then realized the guy was abusive, had to leave. This has been my number one worse part of my life. Now in a position where I will follow this advice, with the awareness that I might be alone/unmarried now for the rest of my life to salvage some self-respect, while dealing with the fact that I have all of this past attached to me. Also do not let your children buy a house together with someone they are not married to...advise them. Teach these things while they are growing up. Set the guidelines for what is healthy and unhealthy by actually talking about it. Also, guide children about how to earn money from a young age so they are self sufficient and do not need to be supported, but can choose once married "as a family" what is best for them when children arrive (as a committed family). Thank you for listening.
Gosh this man is filled with so much wisdom it’s incredible. I’m a 26 year old male that was living that playboy/psychopathic/sociopathic lifestyle, using the blessings I was gifted with for pure evil, merely gratifying my impulsive pleasures and it lead me nowhere but toward destruction for all parties involved. So much time wasted on nonsense, my life was put at risk, chaos, gosh like he said.. nothing like being committed and BEARING all the responsibility and building something worthwhile. I’ve decided to change my ways.. this man certainly assisted in elucidating that path. Forever grateful.
This woman's ability to listen without interrupting is truly exemplary. Just astonishing!
hilarious, love your work
Lmao
When Jordan speaks, what you owe yourself is absolute listening without interruption. More so, if a question pops up in your head, next thing is he is explaining that further. A genius he is.
I believe that's his wife!
passively misogynistic comment
This is the best reasons I have ever had for marriage. The world needs this.
As someone who isn't ever going to get married and doesn't believe in forever. I didn't wait and I have no regrets. Been together for a long time now and no end in sight. Been there for each other through the roughest patches of our lives and never wavered. Marriage never felt necessary and I very much like remaining my own person.
Cohabitation before getting married saved my life. The mask dropped the moment we moved in together and only got worse. I can't imagine what my life would have been if I'd married him.
Agreed
This is valid!!
There are red flags that should be seen.
Dumb as hell
Cohabitation is Technically Marriage, just no legal recognition. Nibba be humping you daily, that is what marriage is.
This talk is worth more than a million dollars. If we all adhered to and lived by this, 90% of America's problems would vanish! Thank you Mrs. Peterson and Dr. Peterson.
A million bucks huh? That’s absurd. You Jordan Peterson fanboys are something else.
Well he's Canadian...
@@G.GordonMidi Sadly, it is your mentality... that values wealth over stable, loving family... that results in so many unhappy people, who are incapable of a loving, lasting, stable, family relationship. Most people realise that when they look back over 60 years... of materialism... and realise their values were all wrong... but it's too late by then! And if you listed to Jordan, you would know that women want and need a long, stable, living relationship. It's selfish to treat them as expendable, just to try and satisfy our lusts... which doesn't benefit anyone in the long run.
@@TheWraith7 If you can't establish whether a woman had the same values as you, and compatible, by courting them... as millions have done successfully... you lack the basic principles that underpin a long, stable, marriage. You should try listening to Jordan, then thinking about the facts he presented.
@@TheWraith7 Data?
OMG I literally thought women are cars before this. You changed my life
Not a surprising statistic really. The only people who wait until marriage to cohabitate now are typically religious and in religious communities divorce is less socially acceptable. Reckon there’s a lot of unhappy married people who feel they can’t divorce due to the judgement of their religious community
Much needed advice for youngsters. I was made fun of at school when I said I would get intimate with my man only after marriage... and not hook-up with anyone until I was finally married. It was considered silly, orthodox and outdated. But thankfully, my family and faith helped me stay true to that and it was the best decision ever. No man deserves your intimacy unless he has proved he is ready to be committed and loyal to you. So girls, value yourselves please. Marriage is a beautiful institution... find a partner who values it too.
lets give the same advice from the male perspective: guys, never get married, this hoes ain't loyal bro, the moment they thing they got you, they will start getting bored, they will start cheating and then the best part of all, they initiate the divorce. And look up the statistics brah, women win in 90% of those cases, they will take half of your net worth and destroy your life. Is that worth it? nah Just take care of yourselves, look good, get money, get good at what you do, and they will come, thirsty looking for validation and give you tail, without even having to be married. So guys, value yourselves please. No woman is worth losing your life over. Divorce is at an all time high and women are both incentivized to go for it and highly benefit from it. so, maybe instead of both extremes, there's a middle ground out there. We you date for a little while, maybe have sex, date exclusively, move in together, live together for 1-2 years, get engaged for a few months and then get married if there were no major red flags and you couldn't "work things out together". Because honestly, the main thing guys want from women is sex. And if we follow your advice, in 80 years there will be breading factories. Human breading factories. As most guys's needs will be meet with AI robots. So the population levels will tank. Current society protects women to much, and there's very little actual incentives for guys to marry. Very many incentives to not do that. Now, would I marry a girl? If she meets my criteria, and does things my way. Yes. If she's constantly "no sex before marriage", I'll go: "don't talk to me ever again and have a nice day :)" Like, I might not be the smartest guy in the room. But I ain't a moron.
You are so right!! Good for you for sticking with it!
If you are happy with it, then that's great. Doesn't mean, that it is the right choice for everyone. Advice for youngsters: make your own choices and do what you personally think is right for you.
@@Guckkasten85 I guess you've missed his points...
So true!
As someone who's had several partners (all in a 'steady' relationship) before marrying a man who was a virgin until our wedding night, I can only second what Dr Peterson is saying. Sleeping with multiple people destroys your soul and hampers your earnest joy in being with your spouse. I am so happy that I found a really wonderful man who is strong, steady and faithful. I can trust him fully. Now married for 12 years.
That's interesting. Since you were not a virgin...did it hamper your earnest joy with your husband? And how did you overcome that?
how do u know for sure he was virgin until the wedding night? :D
@@polpol1005 Because his penis still had the tamper-proof seal on it when she decked his drawers.
@@polpol1005 watch his reaction when he sticks it in
that's extremely unromantic, and perverted.
We have been living together for 9 years and have 2 kids without being married. We are also each others firsts and he is Danish and I a Belgian. When we found out all the paperwork and hoops we had to jump through to even get married here, we just decided to not do it. But our bond stands regardless and it is as strong as anyone married
ok.... so peterson says living in with someone raises the chance of divorce, but if you actually look for the study independently on your own, it cites the difference between actively choosing to live with your partner or "we talked about it in the past but it just happened. Theres a major difference between actively choosing something vs letting life move you.
I'm a 34 year old virgin. This is such a vindicating experience, thank you Sir. 🙏😊
Man or woman?
god bless you
Keep your values. Keep your standards . I applaud you ❤️
We are 32 sir 😃✌️
Amazing. I’m your age and I wish I’d waited. Some advice: don’t ever, EVER give your body to people who don’t deserve it just for the sake of it. There are some losers I wish I could undo and take back my body from them. I’m not sure if this is a religious or a personal devotion, but I’m so proud of you.
Such a great wisdom that was known throughout history. Marriage is truly a sacred and special thing that means so much more than we think on the surface. If I can go back I wouldn’t even kiss my bride until our wedding. Not to be legalistic or weird but to save the specialness for the ultimate moment. Living together and infidelity causes you to spoil the experience before being in the context it is meant to be in. This is a great discipline that is worth the effort it takes to create.
My husband and I waited until marriage, we were both virgins and everyone told me it would be awkward and not fun if we waited, but it was absolutely perfect.
Ridiculous traditionalism.
@@veraleighton1530 Would you please elaborate as to why your view of "ridiculous traditionalism"? Genuinely interested.
@@veraleighton1530 why? Somehow they end up lasting and being happier than progressive thinking on this.
Translation "You don't commit because of the evidence. You commit because of faith." *You* *dont* *commit* *because* *of* *Evidence* *You* *commit* *because* *of* *THE* *POSSIBILIY* *OF* *A* *HAPPY* *MARRIAGE...* Sooo what are you waiting for *Marry* *UP* *said* *1* *senator....* Pay off the Student Load, that it is never going to pay off by that *College* *Degree.* What is holding you up *from* *commit* *you* *Thy* *Faith?* Whats the matter, *Life* *flashing* *through* *your* *eyes?* *Marryup* *MarryUP* *MARRYUP!*
Bless you, Jordan Peterson. You are a positive force in this difficult world.
Full with wisdom, rationality and compassion. Paterson is one of the most influential thinkers of our time.
So grateful my wife and I saved physical intimacy until after marriage. Reserving something so personal, so intimate, so precious for a time until after you've fully committed to one another makes so much sense. It makes for a stronger, stabler relationship of trust upon which to build a family.
So you would've broken up if you had sex 1 week before marriage? Lmao this is ridiculous
@@ep3989 Don't know where you're getting that from but it was and is important to us to reserve that intimacy until after we're committed to one another in marriage. Laugh all you want.
Wow. That’s great!!! I’ve never moved in with a boyfriend before. I agree what u said, that women are not cars, that u gotta test drive before you buy them!!! It may sound old fashioned, but I don’t really care what people think😬
@@chrisbeus9509Don't cast your pearls before swine. She wouldn't understand anyway.
@@ep3989What's your history smartie?
My spouse said she will only move in with me if we are going to get married. She moved in. We got married. Then we have 4 kids. 16 year wedding anniversary coming up. We’re in this for life. The most important decision you can make in your life…is your life partner
You're in it for life cause you have everything to lose. She has everything to gain through divorce. 80% of divorce proceedings are initiated by the woman. These are facts whether you want to believe them or not.
I stand true to this 💯
11:16 lol I bought 6 Cars in my life and never road-tested one of them. I did the same with my motorcycles, never road-tested one, and I had 4 of them. Your right. It's more than a piece of paper. It's a commitment and a big responsibility. We had our ups and downs. I never road-tested my wife and knew she was the one for me. My wife is a Nurse. Married now for 38 years. I was 16, and she was 15 when we first met. Married at 24; it was love at first sight and still is. She wasn't my high school sweetheart. Priest told me my Marriage would never last right from the get-go,what a dork. I'm buying a sports car soon, and I'm not road-testing it. My wife and I will be cruising up and down with the top down and the radio on. Six-speed standard shift 2-door roadster rag top with a gasoline engine rated at 220HP No time for dinky electric cars, Hybrids, yes, total electric, no. Never slept with anybody but my wife, nor did she. Sex is a bit of an issue now. You can't always get what you want But if you try sometimes, well, you might find You get what you need Ah, yeah🤘👩❤💋👨
This is awesome 😎 👏. If sex is a bit of an issue, try making sure you are both brushing and flossing (brush your tongues especially) and just spend a night snuggling on the couch focused on just talking and kissing (lots of kissing) after a movie and paying close attention to each other and no one else. There are TONS of nerve endings in the lips and lots of chemical reactions take place and hormonal release from kissing. I guarantee it will be quality time well spent but probably will lead to way more than that! And if you don’t already, stay away from the porn. That wrecks a guys timing and ability to perform properly. Major turn off for many a lady. I know this is unsolicited advice but you did bring it up. Also, a leading lecturer on this subject advises people to take not mentally if what things impress your partner and get them fired up. He advises to actually write it down. Like if you wore a certain shirt or cologne and got lucky with your spouse. Or you had a heart to heart talk and that brought you closer together and fired up the passion. He states the obvious but we forget over time to do the obvious and it helps to write it down because it increases likelihood of us putting it into practice. Also you could show her your public comment here if you haven’t because I think it would make her feel pretty special. I have a feeling though that you probably tell her often, how much she means to you. It’s another compliment to her and your relationship though, that you went out of your way to express it on a public forum.
I moved in with my now wife 6 months after we started dating because we lived 2 hours away from each other. Was the only way we could give our relationship a chance - we’ve had a decade of happiness and look forward to the rest of our lives.
Just be careful because now you're well within the danger zone of shit hitting the fan and the relationship tanking. Stay strong.
@wanker2us wally ... exactly. You have to stay humble and aware 💯
there are exceptions to every rule.
I don’t know your story, but please don’t say that is the only way to build a relationship. My husband and I lived 6 hours apart until we married, and I know many people who lived further apart than that until they were married. Long distance dating is possible.
good for you . the first 10 can be easy . each 10 after that gets a bit more challenging .
I wish I had a man like this to give me the faith I needed to act rightly when I was young. I only ever got commands. I’m glad we have him now.
Yes, the spirits of love and good faith, instead of commands and "that's just how things are", which are so dispiriting and confusing
@@alvareo92 It just shows the danger of not understanding why you believe what you believe.
I love how down to earth he is and how his logic is just so sane! And true
Omgoodness 💯 I wish I’d seen this before but don’t think it would’ve made so much sense without experiencing it !
I love how soft spoken Mrs. Peterson is. She seems like the embodiment of motherhood - warm, wise and kind.
Also damn near silent. She just smiles and waves as her husband talks about how he wouldn’t have been able to work it out with her if he wasn’t legally bound to her… she feels almost plastic, because she doesn’t give her own opinions or perspectives. Granted that may be because her values closely line up with her husband, but don’t act like you got any personality from her out of this video. She is basically a smiling NPC the whole time
@@JohnSmiths101 that is what most men want and like. A plastic doll in the shape of a woman but not with the personality of one.
@@JohnSmiths101 your an NPC too.
@@JohnSmiths101 That’s so on-point! She’s an NPC in his low-level play-through. My husband and I were intimate long before we got engaged, and moved in together two months before our wedding. I “knew” it would work out because we are both committed to our relationship; we respect each other; we listen; and we started with decent role models. Twenty years later, I was right. But I was also lucky. I have friends who are divorced now who did nothing wrong; their divorces were unforeseeable. That’s the way life goes. Anyone who says they have the key - don’t buy anything from them. They don’t know any more than anyone else. We each know more about our personal relationships than anyone else.
And also: To my own children I am the embodiment of motherhood - warm, wise, and kind. And yet I am never a pushover. For one thing, I wouldn’t want to model that for them. Motherhood is much much more than acting a part.
My wife and I have been married for 50 years. We can relate to the faith and commitment part, and no we did not cohabitate before marriage. We wrote letters to each other for 4 years in different cities before we got married.
Beautiful
That's a great story but life in the 70's is very different than in the 2020's.
@@jayjonah83 my husband and I married 15 years ago and did not live together. We dated for a year, got engaged and married 6 months later. Still in love with each other. It's not always easy but if you put each other first it works and it's wonderful.
@@jayjonah83 people are the same,,,
@@jayjonah83 sometimes, I wish it was the 70s
Brilliant as usual! God bless you, sir!
You are so amazing, Mr. Peterson. Wishing i would've known someone as intelligent and honest as you, when i was young. Thankfully, am not dead yet, ...and I know of you now!! :)) Cannot get enough of your stuff. You ROCK. THANK YOU.
I wish this was taught to me as a young person, both my parents married and divorced multiple times. I fell into that same trap; making poor choices for myself and not working on myself. Choosing people who also were not very healthy. I finally got it right, long term marriage with the attitude that we are going to make this work. If we go through a period of not liking each other, oh well we will stick it out until we like each other again. I am not one of the lucky ones that figured it out the first time, I’m ashamed to say but am forgiving myself and have a much healthier attitude towards marriage.
I'm glad that you made it through such tough time and I hope you are proud of yourself for being willing to learn and change to better yourself. If you dont mind me saying, I find the first part of your opening sentence interesting. Because what are the chances that a young person/couples would welcome that advice or maybe rules (religious or just cultural) that would stop them from living together? I feel the chances would be slim. There are religions that teach to what Jordan is saying but those religions are commonly seen a oppressive or the rules just ignored. Just sharing my thoughts.
@@aishahfirdaus2983 My parents were 16 & 17 when they had me and you’re right had they been raised differently I believe life would have been different and I most likely would not be here. Thank you for responding so respectfully, I understand what you are saying and wish our culture was different. I am actively working to connect with GOD and can see things differently. Have a good day 😊
@cedar.summit Thank you for your comment, I’m working on it.
I understand the shame of a divorce and anger and the self for having chosen a bad person. We have to forgive ourselves and move forward🙏🏽
Jordan missed an important point: Waiting for marriage is a sacrifice, and investment in a relationship you value. Hooking up or living together isn't that much of an investment compared to waiting for marriage.
what if I've dated someone for 9 years
@@-JaggedGrace-Although I'm no relationship expert, if you are looking for marriage then your current situation appears to need some course correction or it may not be the relationship you are looking for. Dating is supposed to be the get-to-know-you phase before either a permanent split or the melding of two lives.
@@stevelux9854 I meant, do you think is it bad to move in together before we get married because we want to be together more often?
@@-JaggedGrace- I'm not sure "bad" is the word I would use, though it does incur additional risk as JBP mentioned in his video. Usually we think "our love is a special love", and understandably so as it usually includes a little bit of craziness, but statistically it's unwise to move in together. Sure, there are cases where it seems to work out, but the odds are what they are. If it's important, if your relationship is important; proving it by making it official will help it to last. There are no guarantees, so I would suggest doing whatever improves your odds.
Thing is a woman can be "a car that is taken on a test drive" as long as it is mutual. You test drive her ,while she test drives you. Afterall its about learning about each other. It is reasonable to fear, getting tired of each other from early cohabitation before marriage. That said it opens the door of "if you can not hold interest in the partner before marriage, then there is no certainty marriage will stop this issue", this metric was fine when divorce was taboo. Though i think a metric that should be used is, if things are to work out. Pushing each other to their limits to accertain "Is this what i am looking to endure with for years to come" if the answer is no. Then that is a lot of time saved. Time is irreversible, but everything else is up to the couple to change their mind on.
There are narcissists, liars and psychopaths even in conservative couples who follow a certain faith and who do not live together and do not have sex until after marriage. I grew up in a conservative family, my parents did not live together, they only talked a year before the wedding. Immediately 3 children were born. My parents didn't divorce even though their 31 year long marriage was a mess. We children are traumatized adults, one of my brothers is an alcoholic in his 30s, he's been drinking since high school. I have emotional trauma due to the tension in the family and it is difficult for me to get close to someone. What do you do when after the wedding you discover that you don't get along with that man? Stay? Deserve? You have a "commitment"...
And that is the problem. He is actually advocating blind faith. Sure, there may be less chance of divorce, but is it worth it if one person is being traumatized and living in misery? Maybe a higher chance of divorce is a good thing.
@@JaimeWarlock No, every couple before marriage must do marital counseling, that's the most important thing. The therapist tells you: you have trauma, you want to enter this marriage out of necessity and not by choice. My brother divorced after not even a year of marriage, they had a long distance relationship for a year, when he moved in with her and they got married, it didn't last long and they divorced because they were different and my brother had a lot of problems behavior. Not to mention that he moved to another continent, he gave up the job he had to go to her. It's different when you stay at home with your partner, it's very different. There you can see him as much as he can.
I think there are other variables at play that predict divorce better than whether they live together before marriage, like levels of religiosity. Likewise, number of sexual partners predicting divorce can also be at least partly explained by religiosity. Two people who are highly religious and remain virgins living separately until marriage probably have a far reduced chance of divorce because they are highly religious, not because they remained virgins and lived separately. I dont remember the exact study, but the correlation between number of sexual partners and divorce actually showed that having 2-3 partners before marriage reduced the chance of divorce compared to only 1 parter or greater than 4 partners. This makes intuitive sense because sex & money are the two primary causes of divorce and if you marry someone only to find out you are utterly incompatible sexually, its going to take a very strong moral force to keep that marriage intact. I reckon you find a similar effect with cohabitation, you dont truly know someone until you spend every day with them for long enough that they aren't just putting on a show and only showing themselves on their best behavior. I think this is very much a case of correlation =/= causation but it's incredibly hard to tease these variables apart.
It's not moral force, it's stubbornness and religious trauma.
I am 66. This man is pure wisdom. That does not mean I acted the way I should have. But I now know all the things he says are true.
Nice
So true! Amen
I am 66 and I think JP says some stuff that is true and also much that is not true.
A good marriage is like a long lasting friendship: a lot of good and bad adventures together, going in the directions of both partner's wants and needs.
As an unmarried father, have many thoughts. First, reacting to 10:00 . If things get rough enough, surely it is beneficial to break a relationship apart. I've been with the same partner for way over ten years and we have children. The commitment to them and myself is to do everything to keep the family together even when difficult times happen. Now if things were to get really bad, there is a point when the impact of an unhappy relationship on the children would be greater than their initial pain of living through their parent's separation. I do not believe a public ceremony of any kind would make me think deeper before breaking the family apart. The family itself is reason enough.
as a child of separated parents, no, the impact of yr unhappy relationship in yr marriage is not greater than the impact it is for one parent to leave. my parents hated each other, but both loved us kids and thats ALL i cared about as a child. Sounds selfish, but their bickering were their problems, not mine, I wasn't part of it, or the reason. I wanted them to man up and work it out bc personally iiii have loved them both very much. the pain of them leaving unable to work through it set me back in all my beliefs for the future including belief in true love
@@tanyakorotiuk7176 I can't speak from experience as you did. I believe your case.
You are correct for limited circumstances, especially when one parent is addicted to drugs or alcohol. Cases where the parent cannot be consistent with showing love to the child and being available to them.
i live with my girl unmarried for over 5 years and we function just fine we function amazingly honestly both of our past relationships we struggled with people thinking we are "weird" and "robotic" in our thinking, we might be on some kind of spectrum tho, but we dont know
I married my husband after living with him for 6 years but we enjoyed every stage of our relationship. 4 years bf&gf 2 years engaged and now 6 years married with 2 crazy kids ❤️ everyone is different but always make sure the person you love is authentic, honest, and on your team!
You were lucky. There are consequences when it fails.
@@thinktwofold he settled for her.
It does not honour God whether it works out or not
@@paulineobianuko3390 Nobody asked.
@@paulineobianuko3390 💯 true