The Worst and Best Ways to Tell Someone It’s Over
Breaking up will always be something of a mess, but that's not to overlook the far better or distinctively worse ways we might do it. One of the nicest moves is to stop trying to be 'nice' and to concentrate instead on the key ingredients of the good break up: directness, explanation, clarity and a lack of ambiguity.
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“The intensity and suffering exacted by a heartbreak depends not only on the core fact that we’ve been left; it also decisively depends on how we’ve been left. Our hurt can be hugely intensified when we’ve been left badly - just as it may be rendered a great deal more bearable when we are fortunate enough to have landed on a lover who has learnt the psychologically-rich art of mature break-ups.”
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What is the music in this video? Completely forgot about the musician. It's not Erik Satie is it?
Thanks The School of Life, I've been for a video like this for a long time ago.
@@shark2075 debussy claire de lune
WrathOfTheGods it’s Debussy’s Claire de Lune
Does this work with... "Friend-zoning"? There's an adorable girl who wants me, but I've already got someone.
Sometimes the partner breaking up still loves the other person, but knows it's not going to work out. It can be super painful
That's where I am.
Feeling you
very painful
I still don't understand why it won't work out. My BF told me it won't work out and I don't know why. How come. 🤔
@@eatsushi8991 because love is not enough
The irony though is the nicest break up will make you feel the worst because you're afraid and devastated to let that mature person go, and the worst a breakup is makes you feel better in the long run because the faster you can accept that person was no good and move on
The Legend Øf Jax I still feel terrible after being broken up with a month ago and I hate how accurate this video is but it does make sense. It would have come to this at some point but I don’t think I would ever be mature enough to make that decision before it was too late. Ultimately, I’m grateful for being let go sooner than later. I just need to keep reminding myself that when I’m feeling down.
ikr
@@chrishirecat I agree :)
It's like a sense of freedom when you leave someone toxic. It's like you have always known it was toxic, though you just had to pretend to have it together. Once it's over it makes walking away easy, and living life more enjoyable. The truth to why a partner became dreadful. Usually it's the individual that can self reflect, this individual can walk away and rewrite their karma. The other will stay and repeat the same behaviors, like nothing happened.
So true! I remember after I was broken up with in high school, I decided I wanted to try and make my ex hate me because I didn't know how else to process the pain. Years later, she allowed me to apologise and come clean and that felt incredible to re-establish peace. Fast forward to this year, I broke up with someone with whom I shared the truest love I've yet had in a relationship, and processing it was agonizing because we were very intimate and mature. I am glad, though, that there was no drama--just the heartbreak of coming to terms with the reality that neither of us are walking down the same path as we were when first we met. Either way, I feel blessed with the memories.
1) give a clear reason why you're breaking up. 2) leave no option of coming back... No nonsense, if you're breaking up then be coherent 3) do it in person 4) don't play blame games, say things as they are and that's it
Number two is an issue for me. I understand the problems with suggesting there's any possibility that the situation will change, but at the same time, I think it's hard to honestly say that something is definitely impossible, no matter what may happen in the future. It might be easier to say that it's unhealthy for the dumped person to wait for such possibilities.
@@Anthropoid3 Trust me,nhaving the lingering thought of a possibility is MUCH WORSE than the alternative. It might seem harsh at first, but if you truly loved the person or respect whatever you had, the best option is to assume it as so. I've been on both sides of the spectrum and I learned the hard way. Being the bigger person in situations like this is hard, but that's precisely why few people do it and so many people go with their lives creating pain for others while acting narcissistic and selfish without even realizing it.
drubio - Yeah, I can see the argument that it's more considerate, but if a lady told me there was no chance of ever getting back together, my question would be, "how can you be so sure?"
It's not about saying directly "There's no chance of us coming back", It's about delivering the message (and your reason) with no intention of leaving tidbits. It's about being coherent. Whatever the reason was for the breakup, the person breaking up should be coherent and stick to that intention. No gray areas, no "perhaps we will meet in the future", no "It's not you, it's me".
Okay, that makes sense to me. :) I think the whole on-off nature of relationships just confuses me. Like, people have whole spectrums of potential feelings and interactions with each other-- you can feel the love one day and not the next, want to spend some time with someone one day and not the next-- but we set up these social arrangements where we're either "together" or not, for the sake of mutual understanding and avoiding emotional turmoil. That can be a good thing, but then these black-and-white constructs we... construct... don't always line up with the nuanced underlying reality, so we end up having to force things into the proper categories. Are we together or not? Is there a future possibility or not? But of course there's usually at least some future possibility, because who the heck knows what the future holds? But we have to act like there's not, because indeed, that's what works best with the artificial systems we have created in an attempt to minimize heartache. So, I'd say you're right, one shouldn't imply there's a future possibility, but at the same time, I'd say there usually actually is some possibility, if we're being honest. So, avoiding that truth when breaking up is a bit of an artifice, but perhaps some artifices are inescapable, since deliberate relationships are artificial social constructs to begin with. I don't know, sometimes I think maybe free-love hippies have some good points. :)
Break ups hurt, but just remember that this too, shall pass.
yeah I have been telling myself that for a year, lets see how I will be in 2020
Michael Jay - Value Investing it may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass
Just find a good video game, lol
I feel like half of my self..
Fall in love with gtx 1080ti.
I remember being so angry and hateful towards my ex, but honestly, watching this video shows me that she handled it really well. She invited me over, gave it to me straight, told me she cares about me as a person, and said we shouldn't contact each other ever again except in case of emergency. At the time it seemed extremely cold hearted and I was immensely bitter towards her (esp. cuz I wasn't expecting it) but looking back she handled it so much better than most people would (ghosting, cheating, "it's your fault!!!" etc). We're still in no contact, but if I could, I'd at least thank her for being a good person about it. I took it EXTREMELY BADLY at the time lmao but now I know I was kind of a baby. lol.
You handled it as well as you could. That's all you can hope for.
I'm in a "no contact" situation with almost my exes from the shorter relationships. It came natural, I don't even have contact information for them. Exceptions are an annoying guy that "wants to be friend" with me and my last ex. With the annoying guy, I set boundaries multiple times and they weren't respected, multiple times. With my last ex we never set boundaries explicitly. We almost never talk to each other, but when it happens 1) it has a reason 2) we keep it nice and short 3) it's never too often.
I had went no contact for a few months in the beginning of a breakup. It was mutual, although occasionally broken, but which I'll soon regret. However I'm still in touch with them now. When the break is clean, when it's clear that we are over each other, then I don't see why we can't have a word with them and know how they are doing...
@@Serena-or7sl you sound overly entitled and honestly boring
It's okay to be upset, especially if you loved her ;) It's hard hiding it sometimes
His voice is so calming. He makes my nonexistent heartbreak seem a lot better than it really is. (I’m early)!
LOL, sweet!
Yes, you didn't even get a chance to reject me and I'm already over you, lol.
Same, Girl of Many Vloggities. School of Life gives excellent advice. I will have impeccable manners if I am in ever this situation again.
@@coreycox2345 trust me, NOTHING prepares one one for heartbreak or life.
xoxXOXO I, true, but one can aspire to grace, and sometimes achieve it.
My partner broke up with me out of the blue(he had not once expressed that he wasn't happy). He let me think he was coming over to surprise me, as we live far away from eachother. But when I opened the door he said it. I didn't think it would, but it gave me issues with my mental health. My psycologist says I have suffered some type of "shock-trauma" - the shock of a trauma happening when I thought something joyful was about to happen had fucked up my brain. It quite literally was in alert-mode which caused night terrors etc. several months following the breakup, even though I was fine emotionally! Please think very carefully about how you handle another persons heart ❤️
Same had anxiety because of a break up specially when i discovered she was actually cheating on me. Like wtf would she even make it hard for me to break up even though shes seeing someone. She treated me like an atm.
The same happened to me. Followed by severe insomnia, panic attacks, which I never had before.
im near the stage where, I, me want to break up with possibly the best person in my life. idk why. but my heart feels like it is nit happy, despite how much i trust, care and love her... despite how far we come over a number of years. sometimes it is not your fault, it is just our hearts, they are crazy and cruel. she is honestly amazing, and i feel like i probably will regret this... i just. im not happy ,an, im really not. i cant put my finger on why, but leaving her seems like such a relief of a solution. ik it will completlely hurt her, and i dont want to see her in pain. im stuck, but ik it has to be done. nut idk if i can
@@youssefemeloul4311 Imagine seeing her walking down the street with someone else... How does that make you feel? Also please open up to her about how you feel, don't be ashamed of how you feel, just dont exclude her 💓
youssefe melloul I know exactly how you feel! My brain cannot understand why my heart wants to leave
The pain of breaking up goes away eventually, either you stop caring or get used to it. Nothing lasts forever, and that's a good thing.
I think it's just easier to get over someone toxic than someone that breaks up with you the healthy way. At least for me. The fact that no one did anything wrong and yet the relationship is ending because life happens.. It's just so sad to think about
You described just what i’m exeperiencing right now, a beautiful and meaningful story (even if it was a short one) ending because of unresolved things in her past. It breaks me thinking “what a missed opportunity”.
Yes, it is.😢 I was also left alone for one "not so nice text-message" after almost 4 years together. We really had the sweetest relationship. He didnt respond my messages and call for one hole month, than told me with an e-mail, that he desided, it is better, that we dont see eachother any more. He thought, he is not the right man for me, but I think still he is. 🙃
@@AngeliqueMdePaz oh I'm sorry :( I had a similar situation. Awesome long relationship, one day he told me he could never see his life without me and after literally 3 days he decided a break up is best. Waited till the weekend to lay me down "softly". Been 5 years and several boyfriends but I can honestly say I'm over it and can see the flags that have always been there, I was just too blind to see. I hope your pain heals and you learn to trust again&find the most perfect person for you to make it last with.
@@bluekidmiha778 Thank you so much. 💓 Really, in the moment I have nothing in mind, that has to do with another man or a relationship. I only want to overcome "IT" as soon as possible and be happy with myself again. I have to find a way to make it and I will. Maybe I have to write a song, a story or a book. All the best for you! Hug! 🤗
Was completely the other way around for me. Healthy relationships were healthy. I was glad it happened. But the toxic ones left me traumatized for years
I wish I had understood this fifty years ago. All the heartbreak and pain I could have saved by simply having courage, and choosing not to be a coward, to call myself liar for my "kind" evasions. What a good and humane lesson!
Graeme I'm about to make this decision and I fear and plainly see so much how the innate want to be nice maintain order can lead to a lifetime of lying to yourself, I'll remember your words. I'm glad you can look back and reflect with clarity and self forgiveness in hindsight.
I have been with my boyfriend for 11 years, even though I don't love him. I'm a coward and I know it, but I just cannot bring myself to break up with him, I just have this image of his hurt face looking at me, and I just can't do it.
@@beachpuss how is it going? cant break up becos he is too nice?
@@rabinrai5203 Thank you for asking. I managed it in the end. It was so hard, but it was affecting my mental health. I am so much happier now, people have commented on it.
@@beachpuss ok glad its worked out for you.
To all who comment that they don't have a partner, so what use is it to watch a film about breaking up: a) they probably will get a partner one day b) the lessons on breaking up are, in a sense, general lessons about breaking difficult news.
Exactly haha ,i dont need 'a plan to break up" as a reason to watch this video either. Anyway nice video as always.
I feel the long distance love break up which do feel the same as mentioned though never be wasteful of each other’s money and materials, I miss him now....😔😔😔😭😭😭
B is too true !!
And sometimes we need to "break up" with a friend.
No offence but people do this for attention Hate attention seekers
I knew from the first chord that the backround music was Clair de Lune by Debussy. That felt good...
TheArtist Its kinda hard to focus on what the narrator was saying because of this piece lol
Thanks for letting us know the name :D
I love that song. I feel like its used in a lot of films. It was also featured in season one of Westworld. I think the song has to do with dreams.
Cyan Cyberpunk not a song, a piece :)
yasss haha
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." ~Dr. Seuss
It's the best way to forgive yourself if you realize your mistakes.
@@Ominous89 Forgive nothing. We are human, we are destined to make mistakes. Beating yourself up because you exercised humanity in its purest form is counter-intuitive.
"Cry because it's over, then smile because it happened"
when my girl tells me this i start crying, or when i remember it...the saddest is the happiest
More like Doctor Zaius
Love this style of animation. Kudos to the animator.
@@aimhigh3701 Hey man. Can you tell which illustrator and editor do you use in general for this channel? PS: I am in the process of starting a mass based channel, however very low on funds and hence would like to understand how it gets done individually. I know it's not exactly what you as an illustrator/animator may prefer. But kindly reply.
Scrambled Greg I like your minimalistic style.
I agree!
love your animation too
@@aimhigh3701 in between massive sobs I wanted to particularly say thank you for the illustrations and the animation. It's so breathtaking - the colours, the drawings, they match perfectly with the theme of the vid and also the soundtrack. it's a piece of true beauty to me, really. I'm deeply touched. I hope I can make something this relevant and touching one day. thank you very much!
Part of the intensity of love is being vulnerable, knowing youre not in control, giving all of yourself and knowing you can be hurt anytime. "Why would she leave me, cheat on me, lie to me, hurt me?" Theres now only disappointment and anger, of being taken advantage of. Everyone whos been in love goes through this. The only way to avoid this is not to fall in love, But that would be an empty life. As Tennyson said, Better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all.
I struggle with that quote. What love is worth. You look to others who have found that 'healthy' connection to another being, and wonder what you're doing wrong, and if doing it at all is where the problems began.
beautifully put
I disagree . "Owner of a lonely heart... Much better than an owner of a broken heart " lmao
@@asideofaioli4630 I had that situations like i can't keep one person i love, like like how the hell my cousin do it, he even got married to her, that was a plus to everything, but it turned out that he is stupid. Thats how he is doing it, keeping her
"we accept the love we think we deserve" But remember you deserve more, you deserve better. Never settle for anything or anyone. Some breakups are important.
Wow so profound omg 😱 so keep breaking up over and over again because “you deserve better” even if what you have is great nice advice 👍
@@Bobby.B619 if the relationship is toxic and abusive, isn't it better to break up? Just because someone loves me doesn't mean i feel loved by them.
@@OA2605 There's a huge spectrum between toxic/abusive and okay and good enough relationships.
nobody deserves anything, u conquer it or u dont.
@@OA2605 Absolutely but that's not what the comment said, it said to never even give relationships a chance, which sounds incredibly lonely if you ask me.
Every frame in this video is a piece of art in my opinion.
Yes!! Such an amazing art style.
I was thinking the same thing, like it's some profound cinematic work. :P
It's just OH, SO beautiful! I was looking for this comment, actually :)
School of life hands down has the best art presented in their videos. What makes them even more special is they’re all unique from each other.
It’s beautiful. They’re cinematic films. Stunning production.
I developed post breakup anxiety, nightmares and lost a lot of weight to the point that I almost became anemic. It's hard, it really is. Accepting that someone fell out of love with you really messes with your heart and head.
It ruined me.
It's tearing me apart in everyway right now... But I sure know imma be fine
@@bonginkosilucky7513 Im in it together with you
How are you guys holding up nowadays? I’m swallowing the same just now. I would never believe i wouldn’t be able to sleep & eat out of a break up. Life is just so unpredictable 😢
@@EstudioEmmanuel Hello 💖 first of all I’m sending you a lot of love and healing. Wow, 3yrs, well when I posted that it was 2020 and I lost 25lbs, it was bad, a lot of pain, a lot of crying, a lot of blacked out nights, throwing up and so on… but here I am! I am in such a better place now, I been learning how to love myself and know my worth! It wasn’t easy, and, after he broke up with me we got back together, then broke up again, and got back together again 🤦🏻♀️ ANYWAYS! If I’m been completely honest we officially broke up on February of this year (2023) I haven’t seen him since then I am 100000% okay with that! I had to learn the hard way that he wasn’t the person for me (it got physical) I still remember the night he put his hands on me, I had found messages with some other chick. Anyways! My good friend rescued me, she drove an hour to come get me because I felt like I was in danger. Now that some months have passed I can assure you that I DO NOT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THAT GUY. I started working out, eating healthier, I also promised myself to go 5yrs been single and I’m starting college next year in February. So, IM SO HAPPY 😁 I always felt like my life would end without him but it is just beginning 🥹
I'd also add: try your best to preserve their ego and be clear on your reasons and also listing their positive qualities, so they're not left asking questions "am I physically unattractive? Am I bad at sex? What if it's this reason? What if I'm just a bad person" you don't want to damage their self confidence to the point of them feeling unworthy of any other future relationship
This! Young couples need to remember this especially!!! There should be a flashing light around it, in fact
If the break up is a surprise, either the breaking partner hasn't communicated well throughout the relationship or the surprised one failed to listen. I think it's fair to communicate our doubts before we make the irreversible mind shift so that we can break up together if that's the inevitable conclusion. It also allows our partner to adjust their image of the relationship to reality.
Ehh…. I saw things changing but figured it was an ebb in the relationship. It wasn’t and ebb. But a beginning to the end. Multiple times in the past I tried getting her to talk. She would let things build up. Then explode over something small. Every time I asked if there was anything else . She would say nothing particular. Which absolutely drove me nuts.
@@briteidea08 Yup, you're not alone.
I agree with this. Having a partner break up with you without even communicating what they feel is wrong until the last second can leave you in shambles. They don’t give you a chance to change or compromise
This video is so sad :( I want to break up but i dont have the courage. Its so sad to be loved but dont love back, and to love and dont get loved back.
I'm in a similar situation, it's hell.
Vampire , did u break up? Please update
@@narakaren2571 Nope i couldnt. Im too afraid to hurt her, to make she thinks shes not beautiful, and make her lose hope of ever find romantic love. I have low self esteem so i trully understand how is to feel broken and ugly, i just couldnt do the same to her. I like her a lot, shes my best friend but i dont feel any attraction to her and i have to make excuses not to have sex all the time. I know its not fair and she should find someone who loves her like she loves me.
@@MrJegerjeg :(
@@vampirecount3880 just think about it, your partner is living under impression that you want to be with her. This is basically cheating, just not with someone else. Please gather the courage and let her go. It takes 30 secs of courage to do it. And it will take a huge burden off your chest. I can't imagine if my partner was doing this to me for a year, I would be devastated, I would feel more respected if he told me earlier rather than later. Just make up your mind, and if you decide to break up, decide the date and time, sit her down and give her rehearsed respectful talk. Let her have the time to find someone else, stop wasting her time.
This is easily one of the most beautiful combinations of animation, music, narration and meaning I have ever seen on youtube.
man hell yes I'm crying because the music is beautiful, I'm crying bc the animations are stunning, I'm crying bc the content of the video is full of care and beautifully put together, I'm crying bc I was broken up with with not much gentleness and consideration and this video seems to reclaim the dignity and care I need and deserve, I mean... *standing ovation*
AMAZING, I'ma break up rn!
Did you actually, or was that a joke?
@@lailajamilasmith all the sudden, something stopped me. I'm single 😀
Wail Boutahra Lmaoo heyyyyy
😂😂😂
Man I hate when they try to make YOU do the dirty work by being a terrible person... if we could just have a good mature conversation when both of us are an emotional wreck.. do a vid on that next.
Unfortunately the mature conversation should come well before the emotional wreckage occurs. Call it relationship maintenance or M.O.T. When you're both emotional wrecks it's WAY too late.
It's just the easy way out, and some people just can't get the courage to,.
Moses Emmet this!!!!
I have always dreamed of the day me n him can meet n talk to each other. I want to ask him a true n clear reason. But I will never have that day. Its over for about 4 months (for a half-of-year relationship)
people don't have the preparation and decency to give someone 24 hours to do whatever for 1 last ride. I liked that bit in Rainbow, I'm sorry, I'm getting married tomorrow, but we can do whatever you want today. This is my farewell tribute to you. Also too financially/emotionally unstable to accept the need for this loss.
This hit me really hard today. I broke up with my girlfriend, who I lived with, about 3 months ago. I handled it horribly. I had some residual feelings and we had sex regularly for months after the breakup. We lived together and couldn't get away, so we sort of slipped back into the routine we had acted out for years. I made her coffee in the morning and dinner at night, and she folded my laundry. It's been the worst I think I've ever felt because I did everything wrong and we both suffered. More, though, she suffered more than I did because of my selfishness and lack of clarity. I wish I could go back and do it all differently...
Wow
i was in a 10year relationship. In the last year we both felt something was not right. She asked if I was interested in doing relationship therapy. I agreed and was happy because this would mean we could work on this relationship that wasn't going well. We made an appointment and had to wait a little more than a month for the first visit. When the day came we both sat down and there she told me out of the blue, she wanted to quit the relationship. My heart was broken, going to a place where i thought we could fix things but leaving in tears. She basically payed someone to dump me, and that after 10 years together. it's almost 2 years now. Couldn't even finish the first 2 minutes of this vid because the pain is still there.
They live longer lives at the expense of ours
I‘m really sorry
I thought I was at least a kind person in break-ups... damn the truth hurts. I really struggle maintaining my position in break-ups, when the person you love most is in pain and you can fix it by not leaving. I hope I can be stronger in the future for them. I’ve so much to learn. Thank you TSOL x
Same. Whenever I start explaining the situation and my unhappiness, the tears and sadness make me feel so sorry for them but also so loved it then makes me wonder "doesn't love fix everything? If she loves me this much, can't we work it out? How can I let go of someone who wants me this much?" and then I back down from the decision. So I end up not being able to break up in a mature way, and it ends after some bad event.
1) Don't wait "for the right time" (e.g. after the bday or holiday). Do it when you are sure that it's doomed 2) give a clear reason why you're breaking up and the most relevant and specific problems. 3) Don't be deceivingly nice since it raises the thought of why not try again even though you're through with it 4) sharp break, be direct and not wishy washy, no hints or reconciliation 5) be honest of who you are and what your problems are. Being in a relationship with you is surely quite stressful and no one loses a perfect person
I am such a clumsy lover, I am too scared to hurt other people that I remain in misery until hopefully, they break up with me
They’ll be driven crazy at the end and then the kind of person like you’ll blame them on being crazy.
They are hurting, though, because you're miserable with them and have one foot out the door already.
i am too but have changed
Stakeitup - you inevitably hurt them more so it isn’t a noble cause at all - and you make yourself a coward which will lower your self esteem. Respect yourself and others enough to speak the truth. Best to you.
I feel you man..
I have a really hard time breaking up with people. I get very emotional and start crying. I hate breaking someone's heart, especially someone I still have love for. I love my wife but I don't feel we are right for each other. I tried ending it one time but she refused to give up and I gave in we decided to try to work it out. I feel like our lives have been stalled since then. I still love her and there are parts about our life together that I enjoy. But it doesn't feel like enough. I feel like it's a mistake being together because I can't see our future together. Each day feels like just stalling until I gather the courage to end it rather than building our life together. She has a big fear of abandonment from her father leaving when she was very young and I know it will destroy her. I'm so conflicted. I want to break free but at the same time when I think about it I am comfortable where I am. But I am not moving forward. It's almost out of laziness that I stay. I feel pathetic sometimes. Someone please give me some helping words. Thank you.
I relate to this, I've been with my partner for 2 years and we've had lingering issues from the start that I knew would hinder us if we didn't solve them. Here I am 2 years later and its worse than ever. When you said things feel like they've been "stalled" I understood exactly what you mean. It's been 3 months of this feeling, it just doesn't feel the same. Not only have things always been in some sort of negative pattern, but now I feel we've lost the passion between us because of the hurt that has happened. I truly wish you all the best and am sending you courage. Life is too short to stay with someone because you fear what may happen.
I'm in the exact same position with my boyfriend. Reading this was very helpful and comforting to know I'm not alone. Thank you
@@madisonhowland6697 Thank you for sharing your experience. I hope you are doing ok out there. Sending love and courage to you.
@@jaym3566 And Madison, i can't relate but oh my God u both made me cry reading this. Its so honest and brave admitting the deepest thing some soul can say. U two deserve the best and are not lying for yourselfs and truly feelings. I wish I could help u, but u guys are those who helped me. Sending love from Brazil ♡
@@narakaren2571 Thank you for your kind words. Sending love to you from California
I am guilty of deceptive niceness
Same here...
damn bruh same...
Uggggh dont do that it just hurts so much more
It's so brave that you can admit that
it takes some courage to admit that, so now you know what to work on. honestly it is the most excruciating thing from the other side...
Don’t do it over text message! My ex should see this video.
or snapchat. :(
Don’t you hate it when they break up with you on social media and you had no idea-
For some reason I think 99% of the ex's should watch this hehe
Same. Mine of 5 years did it over text on Christmas Day.
Why so you can see me in person so I can possibly be murdered?
Worst two breakups for me, they refused to say why. Even years later, I'm left with the feeling that I must have done something appalling, but still can't quite put my finger on it.
jesus christ this is too relevant at this moment.
Hope things are better now.
When there's abuse involved, breaking up is a relief! "It's finely over, thank God & I'm still alive"!
Exactly how I'm feeling! Got out of it alive and without a child! 🥳 Good riddance.
The abuse for me was entirely mental and social. I deleted all of the friends she made me get and also deleted her from my life. That was 8 August 2000. Men have feelings also. I was so badly emotionally damaged that I promised myself never to allow not even the smallest possibility of the events of 1999 and 2000 ever happening again. If this means I will never have friends nor a girlfriend again, so be it. The rewards of having a girlfriend and friends are not worth the huge risks involved of dredging through 1000 evil people to simply find one good person that may become a friend or a girlfriend. I am not willing to play those horrible odds again for such a small reward. I have been just fine without friends, a girlfirend, and aquaintences for nineteen years. Loneliness is far from the wore thing we can experience. It is actuallly quite comforting when compared to the horffic emotions a fake girlfriend and false friends can inflict upon you. I will never be social again thanks to her and her minions.
@@indridcold8433you give her way too much power this way. You basicly let her dictate your life 20 years later...
The best and more mature way to break up is by "ghosting". Someone did this to me once and it worked like a charm, because now I'm emotionally unavailable and I don't need to break up with anyone else ever again.
Davi de Assis Man, ghosting is a fucking bitch. Not even gonna lie. Especially if they give no reason whatsoever except for you make them nervous and they need space
Whats ghosting?
narji ss Breaking up with someone through just cutting off all contact with them without necessarily giving a reason. Basicaly just suddenly disappearing out of someone's life
I hope you'll get over it, that's really unfortunate man..
Only good reason for ghosting is if the person found out the other person was cheating. Just disappear while the cheater wonders if they got caught with no answer, knowing the cheater doesn't deserve one
Between Debussy, this calm voice over and its emotional content, and the subtle minimalist animation... I don't know which one of my heartbreaks - caused and suffered - is tearing me down to tears ... Love this channel.
Could you make a video about how to break off a friendship? Since friendships require less fo a commitment than a relationship, often the other party doesn’t see why the friendship needs to end just because it’s not prefect. “I don’t enjoy spending time with you,” are the only words I have to be direct, but they sound way to harsh.
If that's how you feel, just say those words. It comes down to compatibility of personalities, much like this video states, so just say so. Make it clear so everyone is on the same page.
I'd say just make sure they understand that your enjoyment of their company (or lack thereof) is a reflection of your subjective tastes and not of their quality as a person. Although personally, I've never found it hard to avoid spending time with a friend/acquaintance. I can always just say I don't feel like hanging out, or, if I get caught in a conversation, say I gotta go. But maybe you're much more likable than me. :)
I agree, it’d be a very interesting video
Señor Pants yes! We need this video! 👍🏼 I’ve broken up w long time friends and I’ve justified it by realizing that friendship is voluntary and if it’s no longer serving one or more person, it’s ok to leave.
Good idea. There are also those ambiguous situations where you are not officially in a relationship with somebody, but you are more than friends (you may have hooked up a few times), and have been flirting with each other for many months. I've been in this situation and although I've still liked the other person, I've found it emotionally draining, with the mixed signals, the not knowing when you'll see each other again, the not really knowing quite what's going on or what you're doing. You can't really 'break up' with them because you're not in a relationship with them, but at the same time you don't really just want to let things drift. You want closure.
Thank you, The School of Life, for making these videos. They always hit home in the uncanniest of ways. I wish I had seen this one a few weeks ago. Instead I bargained with myself, and let a broken relationship last until my partner became the bigger person and took the burden upon herself. She handled it with grace, and I'm somewhat relieved. But now I wish I hadn't been such a coward, and wasted more of our time.
this channel makes me wanna get my life together LOL
This has been very insightful, and has made me realize why when my ex broke up with me it did so much mental damage. Even though I'm better now, my ex didn't do a single one of these things right, and this has made a lot of sense of things for me. Thank you for making a wonderful video!
I've had the mature experience of a tasteful breakup with my last lover. It was simple, honest, yet still hurtful because I was so sad to part ways. Like the narrator said in the video that one must be allotted the time to privately piece themselves back together after the event. I've already had the feeling of him coming to terms with it days before and on the day of, he needed not to say much because I just knew. I can only thank him for being so kind to me.
There is an even more mature way to break up. First step back from the relationship and spend some time away from each other. Let the other person know something is wrong but they still have you around. By having an adult sit down (if you are both not feeling emotional) and reflecting on what has happened you can work out of this relationship is truly for you. By the way, sometimes people CAN change their behaviours and can make it work long term. That’s only if damage has not been done already and the relationship has lost some of its trust and honesty. You need to sit down and talk about it like adults - tell the other person what you think is wrong and why you have had those feelings. Sometimes it’s a case of just having a conversation. Other times it needs a couple weeks for it to settle before the other person gets it. Sometimes it’s a sharp break needed.
The part where they both hugged for the last time broke my heart
I did it irl with my ex. Never saw him or texted again. 4/10 experience, the feel remains long.
Thank you for this video! I had a hard time after my first serious breakup and developed some unsavory behaviors and insecurities. I'm not ashamed to admit I am not perfect because seeing this video helped me realize how much I love my current girlfriend and how I need to act to keep her. Thanks again
My ex dumped me in the most respectful way possible, and basically did everything in this video. She was my first serious girlfriend, the first person I said 'I love you' to. The pain is still there, however I feel no hate, I am just grateful to have experienced such a lovely time with her when the relationship worked. I learned my lessons. I really hope she is doing well, however I told her I wanted no contact at all... to help me move on. I have never felt such an ambiguous feeling before.
The problem for me is bringing myself to that courageous point of actually taking the step - it's like I'm waiting for some proverbial deadline that will make this easier and make it make more sense. It's a proper war between heart and mind, and I am not surprised that sometimes people botch it up - because itis so dam hard!
Man seriously i broke off with my girlfriend which i was with for 9 years last Saturday i kicked that ball around for maby the last two years i lost my feelings for her but she was always the sweetest girl i've known so i acted like it was a phase saying goodbye back felt like a lie and such a huge burden kissing her felt like kissing a aunt who you didnt really wanna kiss it tore me up and i waited for so long untill i broke i talked to my mom and and some of my close friends and family and decided to end it. After two days it truly sucks causing so much sadness in her life i hate myself for it and i cant stand to be at home by myself in typing this from the couch at my moms place in so uncertain about my future in lost by body feels like a piece of clothing that doesnt fit right i cant eat had two rough nights and i chose this its terrible im having doubts but i think she deserves the world but i cant give it to her and that breaks me because she is the sweetest most caring girl i know i hate myself for being unable to have that be enough for me im broken like Ive never been and everybody tells me its gonna be better but i feel like im gonna be miserable and alone for a very long time now and i care for her so much and i have so many fond memories about her so its like a rollercoaster i regurly break down crying having her face imprinted on my memory of her being suprised i did wanna break up even though i know she must have noticed something she takes it very well but having someone that loves you so much and telling her you cant reciprocate those feelings anymore really breaks a sane man down i like to think of myself as being very rational but this is the most irrational i ever felt i wish i could tell her just come home my sweet girl but i know within a month i would hurt het again even though i know it would be easier to set myself aside make her happy and dont feel this grief anymore but i hope people are right an time will heal even this and one day even find love again but right now i need to search for myself again because i lost myself along the years i already knew what i Needed to do even though i didnt want it and made up excuses i know what was up and its not gonna be easy but i think you already know what you need to do and made up your mind already and just like me you trying to hold on to something that already is long gone
Also i felt more emotions these past two days than the past two years i cried like a little kid it maby felt a little bit like a out of body experience maby its a coping mechanism to protect yourself but man i know what i Needed to do i was just making up excuses holding on to something thats was gone and could never come back be honest explain you care but you can not give what you think your partner deserved
Update: its been almost 6 weeks now since the breakup i took on mountainbiking trying to get healthy i try to go swimming when i can in the evenings being alone is ok now im suprised how fast that took to get used to im doing quite well still get check ups about her via via because i still care for her alot and i wanna know she s okay had a emotional phone call last Tuesday she told me she got back to my place after work and suddenly realised this wasnt het home anymore when the key wouldnt fit she just was on autopilot she tells me she hopes i come into her work with flowers to come back home these things are soo confrontating and than to tell someone you shared your life with that isnt gonna happen makes me very sad so it was a real rollercoaster but she got some strength from hearing my voice she really misses me and off course i miss things too but its better for both of us in the long run so im getting better i just hope she will be too
@@rickgage8034 I think i currently am at the recieving end of your situation. I still kind of hope its all just gonna turn out fine but maybe at this moment she is just trying to be nice to me like its said in the video. In a way I'd like to believe that she is just at your spot right now, because that would make sense of her actions. If that is the case then what you wrote down here was really helpfull for me. I on for my side started to work through all the time in our relationship and i am more and more accepting that the things I miss about it... Dude I missed them since a long, long time already. In a way it really sucks, because i thought if I'd just love her enough - even though she doesnt seem to be able to feel the same way - if i just stay strong, it would pass like a phase. But i took a lot of damage in that time and beeing faced with the reality, that oll of that was for nothing is really hard on me. For me in a way it is a core believe that if you truly want something and work long and hard and enuring enough on it, then you can make it happen. And i think i made it pretty far in life since i started living it that way. But in this case it made things worse for me than they needed to be. And that hits me hard. On the other hand though Im starting to come to terms with the fact, that i've lost what i am missing now since way before the breakup. In the last months of beeing together, i started to fear how bad it is going to get, how much i will have to suffer before i finally accept for myself that it is over. How much i would regret not trying everything and giving up. And this outlook has changed. Knowing that there will be no more pain comeing from this asymetriv love. Knowing that this is the worst itll ever get. Knowing that in the end i kind of already learned to live without her love. It makes me look at the future with a little bit less fear and more optimisim every day. Especially since i now have so much more time, energy and mental space not beeing traped in this endless loop of not feeling to be enough. Maybe your ex-girlfriend is also feeling like that in the moment. Maybe the idea of that helps you as well.
With 2 breakups this year (one initiated while on travel abroad and one where I was ghosted) under my belt, this video answered and projected everything that has happened. So on point.
worst: lingering, pointing out their mistakes / flaws, niceness that leads them on, evasive / indirect signals. best: direct and clear break, no pointing out flaws, explain in convincing ways why the relationship doesn’t work out, why as a couple it is just not compatible. Also, do not fear being hated, do not fear you’re abandoning them, or fear that you’re a bad person. Do not fear making the “wrong” choice. You can’t know that ‘till later. Do not fear being alone. Do not romanticize the pain. Do not fear hurting someone’s feelings. It will happen regardless but the more decisive, the better. And ask yourself seriously, “Does it plague your mind?”
I dont want to hurt her feelings. I dont really know if break up is the right decision. But i am gonna be courage
i knew i was bad at breakups but this video really described it in such a clear and concise way, i love it so much, i am not perfect and often times i can be pretty bad but i think i strive to be better and this channel helps, thank you ❤️
You tell the person that you love them, but you’re not in love with them. Take some responsibility for the failed relationship and hope that the person sees it too.
Practical advice like this would have been so good to learn in school. I've hurt myself and other people way more than necessary because I just didn't know what I was doing or how to do it.
I find that the “reason”-part is where most people who have broken up with me tend to lack. I’ve been left three times: two times from old partners, and once (just a couple months ago) by what I thought was one of my best friends. All three times fast, clear, no lingering or mixed messages. But also, no reasons. Not even when I specifically asked for them. I find it an extremely brutal thing to do to someone to leave them full of questions. When I’ve broken up with partners I have always explained why very clearly. Not accusingly, just clearly. It’s so cowardly to not be able to face up to someone and just freaking tell them “you are wonderful, but I am not in love with you. I care about you, enjoy spending time with you, but I don’t feel so and so”, or if something happened that ruined it or whatever, the person likely has a sense of if, but when you don’t get to actually hear it, maybe ask those haunting “what about this and that”-questions you will surely have, it’s really really really hard to let go and move on.
Yes thank you. My ex broke up with me two weeks ago while he was on a trip out of country. Knew I had anxiety and such about the trip but did my best to support. When it came down to the breakup it ended up being me calling him crying bc he had pulled away during a conflict and never called me at day he said he would to resolve it and didn’t call back that night. The next day I called him crying after waiting more and seeing he was active on socials and said I feel like you don’t want to be with me anymore and you’ve abandoned us. He says “I love you, we are just different.” And that’s all the explanation he gave before going in to try and lighten the mood with memories while I just tried to process and have our last moments. So much confusion on top of the heartbreak caused by him making me call and giving no reasons. It makes u go back over every moment and try to find why- but u can’t know.
The best way to break up is to be mature about it, and end it on friendly terms, where both of you can move on and start new.
Lol what kind of women have you been dating dude wtf... I have stayed friends with an ex after a breakup and I wouldn't get vengeful unless he'd been cheating or been abusive which I have experienced but even then I just moved on, why bother trying to get back at someone what would that fix. If anything i've experienced men getting vengeful to the point of threatning with suicide if I leave him, that's happened twice to me. Really there are all kinds of crazy people out there gender doesn't have anything to do with it I just suggest don't date unstable people... Anyone sane can take a nice breakup without turning psycho and everyone wants a nice breakup if the relationship has to end.
soda.. u just dated needy people who thought you are the only girl out there and they'll never find someone else again.
@The Fuzz Guys get violent AND vengeful when dumped and/or rejected. Much more dangerous.
It’s amazing how skilful the words are always used and how sense of humour and wit are applied in stating the facts about breakups, not really beating around the bush but could have been more straightforward. No point playing with words when discussing about serious and complex topic as breakups...as it not only needs clarity but clean cut.
This clarity of how to break up should be taught to everyone.
I've watched this video through different points in my relationship I believed there was a time I could fix all the problems, stop all the fighting and love each other through the pain... I was wrong. I took it as enduring through the problems would make us stronger when really it was time to just call it quits.
My partner recently (last few months) initiated a breakup which I was completely taken aback by. We’ve been together since I was 19, now 35 and we have two children together. I’m currently flirting between all the stages of grief in breakups, sometimes I’m in denial, others I’m bargaining to save what we had, others I’m agreeing or oddly accepting, and sometimes I’m faced with a wave of depression when reality hits. I hear this too shall pass but I’m struggling rn
I hear you. It can be an emotional roller coaster as well as grief coming in unexpected waves.
Its been two more months. How are you doing?
I needed to hear this right now. I know breaking up was the right thing, and cutting off all contact is the right thing to do as well. Maybe someday when feelings aren’t so raw we might be friends again.
This video remains a very powerful and moving piece of art. The colours, the animation, the minimalistic outlines, the music choice and how it's been edited to fit the narrative, and of course, the words. I came across this video many years ago at the onset of a very painful being-broken-up-with (by someone I really loved at the time), and it gave me such solace, and closure. It answered many questions I had terrorising my thoughts, and it gave me clarity I don't think I would have achieved otherwise. Watching it again after so long made me tear up a little bit, and filled my heart with warm joy. It's crazy how life goes on in spite of nearly anything.
5 year relationship with my now ex fiance went south... and she decided to do the breakup over text. We were highschool sweethearts, made it through semi-long distance and college. Its been 3 weeks. I still absolutely love the shit out of her but it is what it is, she's gonna realize she missed out big time when I get out of my rut and work on myself and become better🙄💪 I really do wish that she had done the breakup in person. Sure it would have been painful but at least she could have held my hand, looked at me with those beautiful brown/hazel eyes and told me honestly how she felt. It just really messes with my head and makes me feel so much less valued.
Literally exact same thing happened to me Thursday. Wednesday night we had a little spit. But talked it out. Kissed went to bed and Thursday morning while I was at work she decided to end out 4 year relationship and used the classic "it's not you it's me" when she left I didn't know who the person I was dating was. She was most likely talking to someone els who influenced her because that isn't the woman I loved. I saw a side of her I've never seen. So now. I've decided to be a warrior in a garden instead of a gardener in a war. And show her a side of me she's never seen. Keep your head up. It may seem like everything is falling apart. But it could be falling into place. Be patient. Focus on your goals. A knight in shining armor is a knight thats never seen battle. 💙
The point is that if you had worked on yourself while you were with her, you wouldn't be in this position now. Be better for yourself, then attract the partner who's at your level and the one you deserve and can hold onto.
Keep your head up. I can tell that you loved her very much and still respect her. Move cautiously when you move on. A lot of the times we patch our pain by drinking or sleeping with new people. Have fun being yourself again, but take time to heal and be mature about it so you learn as much as you can
People only want in person break ups so they can get back at the person and try to physically hurt them for breaking up with them.
@@malielou17 that's your experience.
The visuals though. The music and everything juat perfect. I love everything about this video
I’m currently struggling to get out of a relationship that isn’t bad or toxic. I just don’t want to be in a relationship anymore, and I can’t help but to feel like a horrible person for it.
hey man been struggling with the same issue. Did you go on with the break up or just yk stay in it?
the animation and everything just melted me, I broke up last month with some remnants that I cleared last week. It's not easy but it's not the end of the world either. I would suggest anxious people like me to calm down; Things will be okay!
To me, the worst way to tell someone it's over is not even telling them
This video helped me end a relationship healthily. Thank you so much 🙌🏽.
This video is art, and made me seriously sad about past, usually not so peaceful, break-ups. Thank you guys!
This video came out on my birthday, also came out on the time when I needed answers. Thank you School of Life.
I think when you don't love someone anymore, telling them the truth and being honest and doing it face to face is the right way to end it. The directness, the honesty behind it will allow the other person to come to terms with time and you as a person to move on as well.
I'm doing the evasiveness bit :( I hate to hurt someone. Directness is a must. This was very helpful and soothing.
I don't know if I've ever said how much this video helped me during dark times. It was so difficult for both of us but now I'm more than sure I made the right call
Just went through a breakup recently, this video really soothed me as he went through the lists. I was worrying about it and depressed but it seems we both handled it well
I still love her, And I miss her so much But I had to go as I wasn't happy
You made the right choice
I’m watching this because I think my boyfriend, of 4 years, and I wanted to break up with each other but don’t know how to and don’t really want to start it. We became so comfortable with each other that we often upset each other because the “romance” ain’t there anymore. Until now, I think we’re just trying to get along with one another. 😔
Did u break up?
Nara karen Unfortunately, yes. We finally took a break from each other. But I guess good thing is that we’re still friends....? ☹️
This is the kind of humans we need to aspire to be. Kind and trying to find yourself in others ❤️
Such a beautiful video with a very important lesson to leave someone in the most mature way. I love it
Very eyeopening. My ex pretty much did all of these things mentioned in the video making our breakup as bad as possible. Not intentionally but she simply did not have the balls to go through with the break. This is why I completely ignored her email 5 years later when she attempted to apologize and have never heard of or spoken to her since. The worst part is, the bad breakup really ruined my memory of our relationship and it took me a lot longer to pick myself up from the floor. A lot is said on how to attract a partner but more should be said about how to break up with somebody you once loved.
What if you're just not that excited about your relationship anymore? What if you CAN still enjoy holidays together? What if being together is better than being alone, seeking for a new partner? What if your partner is hinting at having kids when you don't want them, and her time is running out? What if you care about her more like a relative (mother, sister) than a girlfriend?
Alain's voice make everything so much bearable. My aching heart is calming. 😌
Life is desperately short. So true. This is why it's hard to let go of someone, people are terrified to go through the trials of life alone. But True Love is about giving not receiving.
I'm gonna throw my 2 pence in since everybody here seems to have conflicting views. The thing that hurt me personally the most was when I was been dumped without knowing I was actually being dumped. If it's over, say categorically it's over. I was dating a girl that messaged me saying things that were so vague and cleverly worded, that kept breathing life into the idea of "us", my hope's stayed way too high for far too long. Things like "you are awesome guy but I'm not sure the time is right for me" or "I do like you alot i just feel I need space right now". Or even "I was having a good time but i just wanted to take a step back to make sure of what I want in life". THIS is how we all get fucking hurt. If its done, tell me its fucking done!! Hurt me! Call me an asshole and walk away!! I'll get over it a hell of alot sooner than if you use kind words to string me along and keep me on the fence. No staying friends (which never works let's be honest), no let's see how I feel next week. Just end it and walk away. I really would wish that other person the best for being honest enough to state their true feelings even if it hurts. I've for respect for that. Rather than clinging on for weeks thinking theres something when there isn't. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Doesn't mean you have to be heartless, but do be direct. Anyways there's my opinion. Take the clever way of wording things, and the "soften the blow" compliments, say exactly where I stand. We'll all move on with our lives alot sooner.
Some people just can't take the hint, it seems. The thing is, nobody (99%) don't want to be an asshole. I'm in the situation of trying to tell someone that the relationship is over but they keep bargaining with me. It's really hurtful. I don't want to be harsh to them because I still love them. I've said "I don't see future for our relationship". I've said "we've better quit it". I've told my reasons. I've expressed my sadness and willingness to move on. How is this still not enough?? Don't you see I only feel pity for you at this point when you keep sending messages. Needless to say, pity is not a good foundation for a relationship.
Imma vent here, sorry. I said "No", "It's over", "This is not working" in many possible ways, out loud and written. (she thought verbally was more serious while for me written was. I've done both anyway to make her comfortable). We would have short periods of no contact and then she would write back to me and say nice things and ask for reasons. One time even her friend has written me to ask me for one extra chance. I like her and I love her and I wish her all the best and I want her to be happy, so punny me I fell for her and I texted her back and accepted late night facetimes. Now I think I may have not, but I really really really tried my best. Also we were friends before and I'm sad this had to end like this.
Amazing video. Next level animations!
Beautifully portrayed. Thank you so much❤from the bottom of my heart!😊
Thank you for this reassuring talk. I am glad in hindsight how I handled my break up, with respect. I hope they are very happy and found someone so well suited for them. ❤
I am coping with a breakup of 6 yearsold relationship. This video is a blessing, for all the insights and the comfort. Thank you, School of Life
hello do you need help on how to get your ex back or restore someone you love
there is a love specialist who helped me get my ex back after 2years of divorce
+1⃣2⃣0⃣4⃣5⃣0⃣0⃣1⃣6⃣6⃣2⃣
Ahhhhhh Claire de lune. ☺️
same here
A man of culture
Salvador Aceves 💕💕 kzhead.info/sun/qa-PZ6dpf32MgpE/bejne.html
i knew it.
Salvador Aceves Yeahh
I really love the animation for this video! It's so well done and full of symbolism!
The animation is so incredible beautiful. I would love to see a whole movie like that.
Almost 3 and a half years after the break up, I still feel hollow and empty inside. I've tried dating other girls, hitting the gym, going to social events and all. Yet, nothing seems to help. I don't know what to do anymore.
How are u man?
Please get some counselling, it will help
I'd suggest therapy it really helps!
We need to know who you are doing!
Tell its over by sending them this video
Thought the same
😂
lolol this is terrible
I found this very soothing while dealing with (immensely delayed) heartbreak…
My relationship is going great, yet I cried bitter tears during this video.
I've never had a boyfriend, but still been dumped plenty of times.
Check the name you use on YT. I expect that beneath the surface you're a really nice person but using a name like that is a warning flag: fun but risky. It all changes as we get older. We don't have to leave it all to fate and feelings :)
@@RustyOrange71 But it's not the name she uses in real life though.
I don't mince words. I just told my LTR that he bores me, he's too clinging. I like to go out , travel, etc. He wants to sit in front of the TV watching the crime channel. Sorry, I am not going to pull punches. I want him to leave my home ASAP
Heyy @TheSchoolofLife, wanted just to drop by, that this is art. This video is not only very good “one of the lectures of school of life”, it’s something more.. 🤗 Beautiful.
Great music choise and a great video again. Just what i needed. Thank you! 😊
I always felt one thing to say was “I can’t give you what you want” was helpful…
I've been broken up with, and I broken up with others. Being broken up with is a slap in the face and it hurts like hell, it's extremely painful but the pain itself lasts a shorter time than what I'm about to explain: Breaking up with someone when they have no intention to. When they think things are going fine, whereas you discover something that you just don't like about them or some glaring compatibility that they seem completely okay with. You think and think and think, and eventually, you realize you cannot love them anymore and that you have to leave them. And the fact that they don't see this or don't even care is crazy. The second thing I'm talking about is usually when you're in love with someone who's just using you and is completely fine with things not being great. I hate those relationships. I need to learn to not cultivate them or at least nip them in the bud when they start to bloom.
Thank you School of Life. Great job.