Dark Souls bosses are dangerous on the battlefield, but can they survive corporate life? Brian David Gilbert unravels and ranks which Dark Souls boss is the best at business leadership.
Thanks to Boss Fight Database for the use of their comprehensive videos: / davidthebarbarian1
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Removing a fake mustache to reveal your real mustache is such a power move.
Not as powerful as the line behind it.
Gene Parmesan vibes
Joel Haver vibes
You watch Ryan George
@@simonwyzik8661 I do, yes
I just realized how hilarious it is that Artorias is considered an average manager, but his dog Sif is an exceptional manager.
Jon is an average loser but his cat is an exceptional loser
Sif as any dog is a perpetual emotional con that you know it's there but fall for it anyways. Think about it would you like to be told you're doing overtime by some boring old knight or a wolf with fluffy fur and a sword?
@@minaashido518gardfiel?
My sister's cat is keeping me from thinking about a pun...
Artorias is the guy who just runs of to do his own stuff and then comes back to work like nothing happened.
My title is “Crucified Sun Guardian,” and I must say, I sound RAD as *HELL*
lucky, I got the crucified aerobics instructor
My title is “Luminous Golem” and that is a boring title
@@ThefifthBishopofGord Honestly, give yourself some credit, that ain’t half bad
@@sergiocruz162 okay
"Burnt bone Collective" ... give me your bones. I want more pelvises.
comrade brian does advocacy for worker co-ops (2019, colorized)
and unions! union strong!
"I'm not your friend, and you have no say over what I do with my body" is both the most powerful and quotable phrase BDG has ever said.
which is saying something
I beg to differ. God has cursed me for my hubris.
I stopped the video and liked for that sole reason alone. I don't like Polygon, but holy fuck this man is very good at being hilarious.
A quote I will now be stealing as a woman with bodily autonomy. 😏👌
BDG BDE
"I'm not your friend, and you have no say over what I do with my body" - Subscribed.
The moustache does look stupid though
@@meris8486 No u
@@meris8486 You may be right but his videos are stupid too
@@meris8486 uno reverse card
It’s been a long day... since when we began
The best part of this video is that the 5 C's of being a good boss are actually really applicable to real life bosses
Especially the last one
@@DaveTheVader you have clearly always been a boss
“Which is why I’m including an HR index.” Aldrich Devoured of Gods: *Nervously sweats*
"im not dancing this season." nothing has crushed so much in me so quickly. i am devastated.
you know he's lying
It’s best it was done early because now you have time to heal and love what he’s evolved into. Mr. Hatcher.
He ain’t dancing, but he is emoting very physically and violently
"I am devastated," thank you, Raymond holt
bdg has gone from 90's suburban mom to cool midwestern dad within a single month
Why is this so accurate...?
@@castafiorept7309 because it's true
You mean '90s.
who needs parents when you have bdg looking like both of yours, right? is he planning to adopt us all or something?
I'm expecting him to come trotting up, jorts and socked sandals, with a big grin saying something like 'hey there, sport!'
It’s a shame that the Ivory King was put in the “good boss-bad guy” list. He used to be an all-around great guy but after that whole Old Chaos business he really let himself go. At least he left management to Alsanna who has plenty of common sense and clearly values the company.
I love the fluidity between the take where Brian still has the wig and moustache in his hand, and then turns to a new shot where he's got a mug held in the exact same position. It almost feels like he magiced the wig and moustache into a mug...
BDG went from looking like my son to my dad real quick
wait
Beautiful Daddy Gaymer
From son, to dad, to daddy?
From you’re profile pic I’m assuming neither matter to you.
@@Netheraptr or maybe it a fucking joke and you shouldn't be so insufferable, you tool.
"You have no say over what I do with my body" PREACH
He's looking at Georgia
that line sounds like every 14 year old girl on tumblr after her first short haircut who thinks she’s a soft boy right now
Reminder that a baby's body isn't yours and that killing babies is not a right
my sympathies for getting transphobic AND anti-choice replies on your actually good comment dude
@@curiousteddie lmao it's almost impressive
"Under no circumstances should you be in a work setting and described as gaping." Me, a sex worker: 😅
under one circumstance should you be in a work setting and described as gaping
Pat saying "hey yo can I gape in here?" At the end sent me, I didn't hear that the first time I watched
"I'm not your friend and you have no say over what I do with my body" is going to be the title of my book.
Title of your sex tape
What sex tape?
Sounds like something a fat person would say Coming from a fat person
@@th3randomn3rd74 Well to be fair my book is an erotic thriller
Brian David Gilbert is incredibly lanky for carrying the entire weight of the game journalism industry.
Hey now, don't dis my man Jim Sterling
@@twinostrich8045 that was the response i didnt know i needed.
@@schoo9256 You're welcome, I suppose
have you seen those thighs?
Yhatzee crowshaw wants a word.
“He’s the kind of guy who sends you an NSFW link at work and then reports you for clicking on it”. Please tell me that’s never happened.
Honestly love that he pushes back against parasocial relationships so strongly in the beginning of this one. I'd forgotten about it, but it's an important thing for a public figure to do.
“I’m not dancing this season.” Yeah ok we believe you
Me: Looks at the PowerPoint from the "Perfect Pokemon Rap" presentation. Me: "Yeah... I give him 3 videos."
As of today it’s announced he will break that in his next video, yes they announced this, this isn’t a joke.
pursuedcomic3 the Zelda cooking video right,
Ok I believe you
I'm really grateful BDG put the acronyms for his boss criteria at the bottom so I could totally forget what each acronym stands for
@@Moths05 Just say fucker
@@peachabutt no
@@thepan4ever fucker
@@peachabutt *H O W D A R E Y O U*
It's such a good touch
14:58 "Santiago, Sunken Giant" sounds so accurate and badass it's almost scary
My job title is apparently “Joyless Mistake” which is the most accurate description I have ever received
I'm so glad BDG evolved into Ned Flanders
Holy shit you're right
Now that I’ve seen it, it’s clearly the best choice.
i hate you
I was thinking young gomez addams
There's no way this is even his final form.
it's so good to see you again you beautiful man
This is a weird anime crossover
Hey dan love your vids almost as much as I love bdg
Hi RT!!!!!!!
Daniel what's your boss title
Somehow I'm not surprised that you would be watching this.
2:58 "The kind of boss you can chat with at the Estus Cooler" Had to watch this video a couple times to discover that gem
I’ll never forget at work one time a coworker was trying on a pair of slacks (I’m a wardrobe consultant) and the waist band was too loose. My tailor said, “it’s good in the legs but you’re gaping” and I _LOST IT_ and then had to explain to a 60 year old tailor that someone took the bad guys from a video game, ranked them as managers, and said “under no circumstances should you be in a work setting and described as gaping.”
Brian: I’m getting mustache surgery Pat: It’s gonna be okay *after the surgery* Brian: **wakes up** where’s pat? Doctor: who do you think gave you the mustache?
Thank you for this beautiful head canon.
The transplant killed him?!?!?1
Thanks for telling me his name is *_Brian Gilbert_*
Thicc Boss no mustache no life
Thicc Boss it's Brian David Gilbert, you deserve to know that his name is three first names
You Mortal FOOLS!! The moustache only gives him power to rule over the Kingdom of Jorts
24 Memories ah, a fellow jortian, I see
J̴̧̰̦̿̚͝ȯ̷̫͋̚͝͝r̴̛͔̠͓͂̈́͘͜ţ̸̫̝̈́s̴̠̮̰͑ͅ ̶̥͐̉w̶̹̼͈̮̖͑̌͒́͠ị̸̳͎̿̎͊̀ḻ̴̛͉̍̓͛̕l̵͚͓͉̀͗ ̸̧͇̞̺̼̇͠r̵͇̺̾̄ì̵͍͎̯̺͛s̴͖̿͒͒e̴̮̘͍̗̊̎̚̚̚
Fear the jorts
Step 1e. Fear
Jortanians, truly, the rulers of the officevorse
I feel like Gael would be a good Boss. He helps you in the end, and tests you to see if you're worthy of taking on the company. Plus, his helper treats him like he's family
He ate everyone else in reality
@@NihilistCoomerLordnobody's perfect
3:17 is that an abyssal dragon in your armor or are you just happy to see me
"If you kill him, you might become him." Didn't realise this is The Santa Clause
AwesomeKitten K I really like that joke. Like a lot
underrated movie
*flashbacks to Danny’s song on the movie*
Kill him to absorb his power. This is the way of Santa.
OMG A FELLOW GREG!!! HOPE YOU'RE HAVING A GREAT DAY
'I'm not your friend, and you have no say over what I do with my body' BDG, king of audience/creator boundaries
Top comments with no replies are depressing. Thank me later.
@@isiabet8049 yeah I agree
@@isiabet8049 I think it's nice. The replies on top comments will almost always be worse than the comment itself, for statistical reasons if nothing else. Seeing no replies is like knowing that everyone appreciates it, and nobody is self-important enough to feel the need to spoil it with their own stupid, entitled opinion. Of course, now I've gone and helped you ruin that, so oops.
@@neolexiousneolexian6079 idk, to me it sort of feels like you said a joke, but no one but you really laughed? They all cracked a smile but now you feel stupid for doing anything more than that. Idk.
9:58 this needs art
“Gaping with surprise as Steve unveiled the new prototype.” Booyeah!
Also, I’m Ajehy, the Torturer Sun Guardian… basically Smough 😝
the lack of dance is more distressing than the moustache
VampireofEmotion bring back dance!!!
"i'm not your friend and you have no say over what i do with my body" is iconic and we stan a king who sets boundaries
Stalker WOOO
@@featherycoffee1401 what?
@@ninjabunny101 don't you know what a Stan is? Stan - *St* alker F *an* Comes from an Eminem song from the same name. It's honestly a VERY bad thing that people used to label stalker-ish obsessive creeps but the K pop community and the Mctwt just ran with it and changed its meaning to just super fan. Which is weird, because now we can't pick out bad things people do, and now criticise "stans" and there will always be the counter-argument that "not all stans are bad", which is inherently wrong, like saying not all criminals did illegal things. That's what a Stan is, check out jawsh for pretty much everyone who's not a stans take
@@honkstheclown8631 yeah, that's why I said, the k pop *and* mctwt communities. :)
@@featherycoffee1401 are you calling this commenter a stalker? that’s a bit of a yikes from me, man.
I swear they put the ads in at the ✨perfect✨ moment to show the peak of insanity
Jacob the crucified conqueror. That gives me such a good idea for a boss
"Spend all day on Reddit and then send one email at 5 and peace out." *Sweats nervously in receptionist.*
*fuck around on Reddit
Please, don't parasitically invade receptionists and sweat inside their bodies. That's disgusting.
Kinda a yikes here
@@theblackbaron4119 What's disgusting is your kinkshaming. He and the receptionist are both (allegedly) concenting adults, they can do whatever they want in their spare time. Yes, even invade each other's bodies with *[redacted]* and sweating up a storm in there through vigorous frictions.
I do that, it's just that I'm unemployed as well
“The best boss is you... and all of your dead friends” As an archaeologist specialising in human burial I have never felt more validated. I and my skeletons thank you BDG.
... what.
After finally completing all of the mainline souls games, I can confidently say: this is pretty funny
“The best boss... Is you” “Be your own boss and earn 20k a month” Hmmmmmmm
Why don't you join me?
Why don't you join me?
In an interview a month ago, I was asked what qualities I liked in a boss. I answered the five C's (almost) verbatim I have my first job in an office now
I'm assuming CGTTOAMF was the part that forced you to put that "almost" in there. If it wasn't, you have power inside of you and deserved that job anyways.
SLICES! DICES! BIG OL' CRUNCHERS!
What did you actually say for the last C though I'm really curious
Can just really go to town on a motherflipper
@@ondrejsaska3201 Specifically capable of beating the hell out someone who can cause female parents to perform full rotations in the air
my boss title generator name was "knot-ridden dragonrider", which just makes me sound like a furry
Mine was burnt orphan
I'm "forsaken mistake"
Joyless archivist is mine, though i think the joyless is a given
@@gunthereinritterdesheilige8436 Gunther, The Archivist
Damn, you right. That sucks, sorry man. I have either Luminous Beast or Forsaken Beast and I don't know which sounds better.
7:59. Something I learned in my guitar class this year is that the guitarist for maroon five went to my high school, so that's pretty fucking cool, I guess
0:04 is the best intro I've ever seen
when he said “i’m not your friend” i really felt that 🤘🏻😔🤘🏻 edit: i’m not saying that it’s a bad thing at all!! this is just a dumb joke! (i definitely think it’s important for ppl to realize they aren’t friends with their favourite creators just because they enjoy their content)
That shit hurted 😢
Like a dagger in my heart
I felt it like a healthy reminder that even though we love his content we are random internet strangers and need to respect his space 🤘😔🤘
Now I am depression
@@AnaRodriguez-cg1bc Hello Depression! I wanted to talk with you for a long time. I have just one thing to say: Fuck You.
"When has the duke led you astray before?" Brennan Lee Mulligan has broken this trust forever.
Using the BDG method to evaluate my Manager Beth, who got sent to us when our normal manager had to cover a different hotel, but is now not leaving and is our new manager. CV: Beth managed to sort our entire linen closet in about a week using three employees she brought in. Legend. Our hotel is in much better condition since she joined, and she’s balanced job responsibilities better throughout staff. CF: Beth regularly sends our housekeeping group chat reviews about the rooms, both bad and good, asking us to pick up where we lack or congratulating us with doughnuts when we do well. CE: Beth treats us all with equal footing. Just because you’re older or you’ve worked here longer doesn’t mean she’s going to cancel someone else’s holiday for you. Beth works on a first come, first serve basis, and tries to get everyone settled in a fair way. CL: Beth buys us doughnuts and drinks, makes sure we have freezer space, keeps up with our lives and checks in when we’re not doing okay, going as far as to offer help. CRGTTOAMF: I have been harassed at work three times. Beth has sworn up a storm and defended me two of those three times. The third she didn’t know about. Though customers are on a two strike basis, she typically assigns me rooms as FAR as possible away from the room of the customer who harassed me.
He comes in two forms. TWINK AND TWUNK
um, BDG is a twank xx
Big otter vibes
a twunk is not determined by body hair but by noticeable muscle mass. I am an expert in gay trust me
I strongly believe we in the comment section would all greatly benefit from you deleting all your social media
twear
Why does Brian look like he works at Disney circa 1930?
I'm laughing so hard
he doesn't work at Disney. he's Walt
I feel like he's about to sell me a used car
"Knot-ridden grave robber" is perhaps the most vile collection of words, and i will use it religiously
It's funny because the Ivory King is the corrupted form of a guy who was actually incredibly good before circumstances changed, and I feel like that describes more than a few managers.
Can you please rank the Pokemon from least to most edible?
Muk's totally most edible
that already exists though: i.redd.it/kolk9c7ujfl21.png
Ditto.
KonyHawksProSlaver Okay great, now ALL of them
@@vanelly5652 if you Google edible Pokemon there's more charts
"this is BDG and he has two forms. twink and twunk."
Thwimp and thwomp
R Booth fwimps and fwomps
R Booth i need you to know this is the funniest reply i’ve ever read on youtube and i’ve been laughing at this on and off for two hours now. thank you so much.
TWUNCH
Love that the Rotten is the best boss for once hahah.
Joyless Golum? One has never known the truth to be so sharp as the sword but also the tongue
"Joyless Mistake" I thought this was supposed to give me my Dark Souls Boss name, not my actual nickname.
omg i saw that matchup and felt instantly bad for anyone who got it
At least yours makes sense, I’m the crucified grave robber,
Jacob Oh dear. I do feel bad for you. My nickname is the knot-ridden mistake and I don’t know what knot-ridden means.
Mines not so bad, odorous throne watcher
Mutilated Serpent Spawn I have no opinion
BDG: *says violation* Me: *Has an OSHA flashback*
Having PTSD flashbacks without a proper on-site coping mechanism. *that’s* a violation!
@@SpiralSine6 VIOLATION! VIOLATION! VIOLATION!
2:38 best theme on google slides no doubt
"The Joyless throne watcher." A man who has crawled his way to the top, but realizes all that he has left behind and the means to get where he has gotten has left him hollow...
I feel like _Great Grey Wolf Sif_ has the same energy as _Hyena w/ gun_
Or just straight up wolf link
That grey wolf can *get it*
a rougher Okami Amaterasu
Great Grey Wolf Sif is Hyena with a gun's dad
No it is POKÉMON
The wig and mustache gag was perfect and I am in love with that joke romantically.
I know I'm wayyy too late to this video but that little flourish in the music at 1:06 goes OFF
What
The four kings are more like the bosses in Office Space. When the main character doesnt hand in his TPS reports and they come in one after another asking the same question and you give each one the same reply.
As a 5’11” individual named joy, my name of joyless giant gives me great satisfaction
my name is joyless graverobber
LOL, that's awesome
@@mango-ju4go mine is Sunken Blacksmith
@@christopherstiles8192 I got gallant mistake... -__-
A fellow Joyless Giant I see
Ned Flanders talks about Dark Souls for 15 minutes
Diddlydoo.
Prepare for ReNeducation by HR
7:24 You sure are making assumptions about his title
"Knot-Ridden Serpent Spawn" ...so basically, a snake that is tied into knots in many place? Am I a frigging Serpentine Balloon Animal?
The fact that my dark souls boss name is Jimmy the Joyless Orphan ironically brings be so much joy, as I can just imagine you walking up to the orphanage not expecting a boss battle but little jimmy is lookin real joyless today and he just starts swinging at you. Fighting him isn’t very hard, the main challenge is just dealing with the moral repercussions of killing a sad, small orphan in order to progress through the game.
Same vibe as Sif
Bro I'm joyless orphan too and believe me, I will revive you
im the accursed mistake LOL
Listen, if the orphan didn't want to be drop-kicked into the next life, they shouldn't have challenged the guy with a sword in armor. They started the fight, and I'll fuckin end it.
im joyless aerobics instructor. even in dark souls im the normalest one there
"Do it for the duke." Brian's attraction to Duke Mirage continues.
That's re-Duke-u-lous. Duke you want to try again?
Duke.
Forsaken Sun Guardian just sounds like Sephiroth exaggerating on his resume
22 seconds in and already a twist. you gotta love this man.
BDG evolution Season 1: twink intern new to polygon, bad anxiety Season 2: BDG with even more BDE and funky 70s music
Brian david energy
I was thoroughly convinced that BDE stood for “Big Dad Energy”
went from twink intern to twink english teacher
"Now you might think you are small, and insignificant, and also dead..." This is the most honest call for working class solidarity I've ever seen.
“Under no circumstances should you be in a work setting and described as “gaping”.
These vids are so well made
I was convinced that BDG had a fake mustache on under his fake mustache And I’m still not entirely convinced that it’s real
Maybe it's just a mustache that he drew on himself with a marker.
Watch the video he put up on his personal page about making Jorts. The mustach is real, and it's hysterical
should I put this on r/wooosh?
Borys Barski what the fuck where is the wooosh
Borys Barski don’t be so obsesive about r/wooosh post only funny situations, also there is no wooosh
I'm just scared about how that wig turned into a cup.
Wow, I didn't notice he didn't have a cup at first
I mean he does say the world of dark souls is frightening and murky when it happens
His dad powers activating
Looking back at Unraveled, this episode is so underrated. Its one of my favorites, I feel like it has to be a top3.
“Adam, the Nightborne Orphan” Is oddly prophetic
Top 10 anime betrayals "You're not my friend"
It was a serious heel turn
I may not be a fan of the moustache personally, but the utter savagery with which that intro was delivered makes me not give a damn. Keep doing what you do, Brian. -James, the Burnt Conqueror
He went from instagrammable nerd to that teacher that's so smart it's cute.
#Conquerorsquad unite
Couldnt have said it better myself James
-James, the Burnt Conqueror Sent from my hot tub
Dude, your videos are really fun. Also, "Alexandra the Rotting Magistrate" sounds badass, and I will proudly call myself that on the internet from now on.
I finally, recently completed the DS series so i could finally watch this video and it was very worth it
a wise man once said "Comedy Gold usually comes from people on the brink of psychosis" and i think hes right
Jennifer Muhly that explains polygon, mbmbam, and John Mulaney. Excellent work
hi brian, this was a good video. thanks, joanna sent from my hot tub
Son of a bitch
GET OUT OF THE HOT TUB!!
desolate mistake is a pretty accurate description
"constantly works from home and ends all his emails with 'send from my hottub'. " ngl, that is a mood. that is a vision. that is a GOAL.
Are we not gonna talk about Pat's phenomenal joke of "Yo, can I gape in here?"
Everything pat says or does adds ten years to my life
@@rachelrachel9152 talk about a woke bae
He fucked me up when he said "They're nude from the waist up, and nude from the waist down.
@@fuckwit107 "it's a horrible line i'm sorry for writing it"
“I fully expect my boss, Tara Long, to put me out of my misery when I stop being useful.” - Brian David Gilbert, 2019 “Then I guess this is your last unraveled.” -Tara Long, 2020
He....He was right all along... Brian David Gilbert is a god amongst men and we should always see him as such
I came down here to make this exact comment, but if course someone got there first 😂
oh my god
good to know enough people are still rewatching this video to give this comment 1.4k likes
@@gunop11 amongst....
"Seath the Scaleless is a real sweetheart", the guy that kidnaps people to turn them into monsters and also the guy that creates abominations that are thrown away into the world as failures of his research? That guy?
My Dark Souls boss name would be "Nightborne Mistake", which makes perfect sense as I was actually born at 3 AM
Just something that makes it easier to remember the 5 Cs: Cv = clear vision Cf = consistent feedback Ce = cherishes employees Cl = compassionate leadership Cgttoamf = can go to town on a mother fucker
oh we love this
His management acronyms are so realistic no one can remember them, just like the real ones.
Saw this at 999 and just had to put you over the top
CGTTOAK = Can Go To Town On A Karen
yes
"I'm not dancing this season" Proceeds to dance in every other episode this season
proceeds to invent ska this season
Proceeds to skank harder than he's ever skanked in his life in this season.
"I'm not your friend and you have no say over what I do with my body" is the mood I've been in the past few years.
I arrived to the party late and didn’t realize there was any my stash controversy. Yes Brian, I don’t actually know you, so do whatever makes you happy.
"Under no circumstances should you be in a work setting and described as 'gaping'." - McDonalds Training Manual, 2019