Relationships, Breakups and Expectations during UPSC : A psychologists's perspective.
My other youtube channel : / @clarityforupscbydr.sh...
Telegram Channel : telegram.me/mentalhealthforco...
Mansi Srivastava is a psychologist who has counselled many UPSC aspirants about the exam and mental health issues associated with it. In this conversation I talk to her about difficult issues such as relationships, breakups and managing expectations. You can contact mansi here :
Mansi's telegram : telegram.me/mansisrivastava17
Contents :
0:00 - Mansi Srivastava, Psychologist
0:53 - Mansi's experience while counselling aspirants
4:04 - How to Manage Expectations?
6:52 - Isolating ourselves in ORN rooms
9:52 - Relationships and how to Manage them
12:04 - Contact with people outside UPSC
14:29 - Dealing with Breakups
16:54 - Rebounds and Physical Relationships
I gave the UPSC interview on 2nd Feb, and this was my 1st attempt. Having gone through extreme mental stress, today when I look back I have only one thing to say: "Sometimes just staying alive is the best thing you can do".
Great
More power to you
I read your answers on quora.!
Please give me your contact I want to take some advice to you
Kudos to you for absorbing the pressure
As Manocha Sir Says ‘your selection after selection would be a best selection’ follow this my fellow aspirants😅
All Vajiram students can relate😅
Yes😂
What does that mean?
@@poornimadubey3028 will have to join V&R to know😀
Omg ..I recalled first lec of Manocha sir..in every batch he starts the lec with the same line 😂😂😂😂 "Thought of the day "
I had a breakup in May 2022, just one month before exam, she broke up without any explanation and said on the phone call that everything is over. The impact was devastating, but I somehow cleared prelims (possibly because I wasn't allowing myself to process the situation due to the proximity of prelims), but once prelims were over, the emotional outpouring began. I was unable to study for the mains for one and a half months and thus lost the game. Out of service in 2022. This year, I plan to give again. I learned a lot. People are cruel, so I advise everyone to avoid relationships. Emotional attachment will undermine your efforts. Only a few people are fortunate enough to have both.
You are true my brother, not everyone is lucky in everything. But you must have been lucky in many things. I'm sure you can make a huge list of them and that will give you more positivity 😊
Yes I learnt too late now in all my attempts he kept on coming going saying me to marry without thinking about my mental state. Now I left and when I look back 99 percent time i was lost and sad due to him and now I have only regrets of losing my dream to be an ias and tbh upsc is really tough and uncertain. I think I would had gone and exit earlier.
Emotional attachment is the main reason I failed.
I was unlucky or my fate was there to not qualify and become ias so he became as distraction
@@Ana-vd1rl It's not all fate Ana, it's our decisiveness. My ex also tried to come back after ditching but i never allowed her. Because I knew, if a man/woman can leave you once abruptly then why she will not again?. You shouldn't have allowed him to come back. You were more emotionally into him that i can understand. But you should have attached yourself more to to CSE. If your attempts are left then forget him and study hard. Best revenge is success.
"The space after a relationship is to find ourselves and not someone else." Thankyou for your sincere efforts, sir and ma'am....this conversation was of much help🙏
Forget about alll ...how beautiful she is...!!
Haha...you have clarity of focus😂😅
Simp
🤣🤣🤣
Clearly focusing on the important issues :P
@@MentalHealthandUPSC men of culture 😅😅
I got into relationship which was arranged marriage after prelims and prior to that i always refrained from getting into something like that so it was my first relationship but just before mains she left me citing trust issues. I focused on that relationship and on her also but she was never felt the way i did. This cost me mains and now i am not even waiting for the results. It was my first mains and now i feel like suicidal. Never imagined that something like this could happens with me. Anyways i know nobody will read this, this is just to remind myself that my life is more important than anything else.😢
Keep your heads up bro! You will surely bounce back stronger. Always remember my friend, no matter how bad the set back is we should always look to make a comeback.
@@piyushsingh4653 thank you bro.. it means a lot 🙏
@@krunalbhatt110 You are welcome brother!
@@krunalbhatt110 That's why we should never get into relationships before Achieving our goal. I made that mistake I suffered through depression the guy was double dating 2 of us. But when the truth came out he went back to her abused me even the other girl knew he is a cheater but both of them abused and blocked me now they are happy together. Since 2022 I was suffering but now I started to heal myself and let me tell you relationship of 10 yrs also break so choose wisely. Because after marriage everything changes I'm about to turn 30 in 2024 but I'm blessed that my parents supported me I was going through depression panic atta ks and all sort of mental issues. I even tried to end myself. Now I'm trying to heal myself. And following the path of spirituality when you get anxious pray to God 🙏 and the place where you stay in your city if there is brahmakumaris centre do visit the centre 🎉 I joined it along with my mom. Trying to be positive again
Time is a great healer. You are stronger than you think you are. Everything will fall on place. Focus on your personal growth. People are cruel, ngl. But we need to be kind to ourselves. You’ll be fine brother.
Whoever is that friend of yours shivin, i would like to tell her this: In my first attempt, i went through a worst breakup, just 2 months before the prelims! And it was so bad i Can't even narrate it here. I would suggest u these things only: - cry out loud!!! Whenever u feel, just cry, trust me this helps. The more u suppress it the.more your feelings will trouble u during studies. - seek help, maybe frnds or family, but do seek help. - put yourself as your priority, i know it sounds tough, but this takes time and trust me when u will find urself in this process, there is no way going back! - be your own frnd, even if u have thousands of frnds! The only best frnd u can have is u! - and time heals everything!!! Sounds like a movie dialogue and u might feel this is the end, u can't survive this process, but trust the time and the process itself. U will turn out to be a beautiful person inside out - follow hobbies, go out on dates with urself ( except the places which reminds u of him!) Hope this helps 🙃
Thanks for the this comment. Going through same situation.
Hey much love and thanks for typing it down … I broke up with my bf last month because it was so tough .. he never used to be there when I needed him … I was so frustrated bcoz of studies and then his behaviour..but now also I feel alone … it’s very depressing… I almost cry every day it’s getting so tough.. am appearing for 23 .. I don’t know how it’s going to happen
Same with me , my gf with whom i was for 4 years and given so much of my time , trust & everything, broke up with me suddenly Few things that helped me are : - Telling myself time heals, the issue will seem a small thing may be after 10 years but you will regret that you could have given the exam better if u lose too much time over this - Change my location enrolled in a library so that i see other people studying and feel socialised - Studying my favourite subject(s) that got me into/ excited for upsc prep in the first place , it is easier to do - Get 20 min of exercise, the body is easier to control than the mind is , the after effect of workout does make you feel better i remember crying and sprinting( it is not hard , if you spend 3 hrs on your bed cryin , i am pretty sure u can jog for a while) - Attempt prelims tests , if you have prepared well . While studying and concentrating might become difficult, answering a modern history fact that rouses your curiosity is easier - Talk to those people who were always there for you, you might have ignored them during relationship (eg: parents ,friends etc) - Please please go out,take time out locking yourself is not the option - Know about varied backgrounds of other upsc aspirants , i have met unfortunate upsc aspirants who suffered more than me (eg: losing parents , too many attempts , an even serious relationship being broken) . I saw that i am much previliged than them and if they got through that i can get through my prob also Last but not least , remember that the job you are preparing for is much challenging and has various opportunities , you are your first priority not ur bf/gf. Cry for a while and stand up again , we ought to serve the nation soon!! These are my personal strategies, sorry if they are silly i hope one or two in those might have helped others
@@harshitasinghbhati2176 it does feel alone. Bcoz emotional dependency is at its play here. It will take time, i won't say it will happen in few months, it's a process and a painful one. But the more u accept it and sink it, the more u will get better with time. Even after having frnds, we feel alone, I've been there (though I didn't had any frnd that time!). But right now, I'm at such peaceful place that all that past drama looks too tiny now. Take your time, don't force urself and don't be harsh on urself. After three years i still feel low somedays, but it's okay, that's the human behaviour.
@@priyathammanoharkoka4300 i agree, i invested too much in exercise and it helped!
He broke up with me just a few days ago because the relationship was hampering him "mentally, physicallyand academically" but all I did was support him no matter what during his prep. He couldn't clear prelims and maybe putting the blame on me. I never asked him to meet me continuously. During the whole relationship, we met only 12 times. The things doesn't end here. We kind off were more than what it is called a relationship. He disrespected the value of vermilion and seven vows. I feel shattered and disrespected. How could he just leave me like that? Couldn't he feel as to what a girl can go through? What will the society tell me now?
stay strong
Finally someone talked about the mental health of upsc aspirants. Thanks a lot!
Me single and being hallucinating of going through a breakup after giving pre2023...but it is helpful
😂😂😂😂😂
Thank you Mansi and Shivin. You were of a great help to everyone out here. Dr. Shivin your UPSC guidance is of much importance to all of us. Hope to see you pass with glorious colours through the Civils this year. All the best👍👍
Well said !"Enlightened self interest and diversification of your connection is not only for international relations '"
Thank you so much shivin for doing this for us.. mental health is the most important thing as far as upsc preparation is concerned.. and some people will come here Will ask for notes and strategy and they will do it for the rest of their remaining attempts..
This video presents life as the basic structure of the UPSC syllabus! 😅 Cannot be Amended..!!
Thank you for this channel. Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel seems to move further away and you feel you can never catch up. Then comes this channel and this guy's efforts. Now I understand what the whole hype is about. His efforts at reorienting us in our journey reminds me of the 2012-13 time when smartphones and internet did not weigh us down and we were happy doing our thing in own unique ways and were rewarded for the same. Nowadays we are chasing too much perfection and burning ourselves out. So, thank you sir. Love and best wishes from a little sister. ❤️
Dearest shivin Bhaiya Take this as a big congrats . What u have done here on this platform bout mental health , is very very worthy . U have proved what a well read, wise person can do, u have accurately realised such a huge problem and addressed it professionally. Many people are highly read but they still one understand the importance mental health should be given ,the support students need. UK there's so so less guidance available on this by proper professionals for free and normal people don't have any access to them. 95 % janta ko pata hi nhi how our issues should be handled properly. I really do hope you always follow your heart like this , proud of u to have actually created this video series. We need many many people like you!! Congrats again on the fantastic efforts u have put in this 🎉 Now Bhai, this is the legacy seniors should give juniors and one day I hope to carry this forward . Thanks again for everything Bhaiya 🤗🌻
Thank youuuuu So much Shivin And Mansi ❤️
Thank you for this video🙏 keep up the good work. Sometimes changing place, city/town, state also help. When one relationship changes which is so intimate and other things like your surrounding remains same, it gets v difficult to overcome. To concentrate on study , change your study place , set up permanently.
This session was truly valuable 🥺☺️. Sometimes , we upsc aspirants don't even know what we are going through & how to reciprocate. The social circle cutoff & roller coaster rides of relationships. Often we are guilty of coming into relationships & think of ending / taking a break when second person don't understand. This session is for the rescue . Retrospection & communication - were the two lesson to take back home.
Just had breakup a month ago. The worst phase I've been into whatever happened afterwards. One suggestion to all of them. Don't stalk your ex over social media, or through your friends. I know one cannot move on completely, but regular stalking won't give you anything but pain.
You are not alone, I am facing same issue
I'm in a v bad phase of my life. Please tell me? How to overcome it Is it normal. Because recently a guy cheated on me we were together for 1 year thn I came to know that he already had a gf with whom he was in a relationship for 5 years. So basically he was cheating both of us. I reached out to her showed her all the proofs. And the guy too confessed that he did cheat but I'm shocked to know that the girl accepted him again. And they are together now.. This is most disgusting they both played with my emotions I had suicidal tendencies heartbreak 💔 panic attacks anxiety. And they don't even regret of doing this. Everyone is so fake the world is full of fake people.
@@Msharma30 in a similar situation right now. She cheated on me 2 days after our anniversary and 3 before ny birthday. She cheated one day before she was coming to meet me and stay with me. We broke up when she was literally on the way. The other guy came to even drop her. We had everything planned for the anniversary but yeah, some people are just cold and cruel. So, if I would have controlled myself for 4-5 hours, we would have stayed together and in turn would have cheated emotionally and physically to the other guy too. I said I wanted to talk to the guy. The guy did tried contacting me but ig she told her own 'manipulated story' to him. Eventually, I talked to him and he seems he doesn't care about it. This crushed me beyond anything. Still not over it, not able to study properly cause she left without any sort of closure. Sometimes life is just cruel.
@@celia4149 seriously that's how they manipulate. And now they don't even regret doing that. It completely broke up 💔
@@Msharma30 how are you handling it?
Thank you two. Do the next episode on anxiety, not just exam anxiety but other types of anxiety issues like a panic attacks. One issue i face before exams is of messing up my sleep cycle.
Thank you so much shivin sir.your guidence is a Boon to me.The one who guiding in a holistic manner. Thank you so much.
I helped many people in life, loved people but the most sad thing was that they were only using me and one person even made a drama of love. People give more importance to money than people. This Exam has taught me a lot. Thank you Shivin Sir for this conversation 😊
Thankyou very much Dr shivin and Mansi mam.
Rebounds shows the weakness of character.
"Emotional over dependence" I found it👍
I think I got a counselling 🌼 Thank you so much guys❤
This is absolutely relevant stuff ! Thank u so much shivin
Thank you so much for this🙌.Really appreciate the effort.
Loved watching the video. Thank you for the insights.❤
Great convo ....Ma'am was really honest...pls bring another session with her
I was too experiencing some mental issues like anxiety etc.. But for past 3 months I have been doing this Hare Krishna mantra. Seriously..it is very very helpful. Can try it out.
Much appreciated brother...thanks to mam as well !!
Sir, you bring such a quality content... Focus of real questions faced by any upsc aspirants... And your style of comparing study is awesome
Had a breakup a few days ago. Its earth shattering for me. I have my 1st attempt in May this year. I also have a background in physical anxiety and my relationship helped me make sense of a lot of things (since it is one of the most meaningful things to do). Now that it's gone, it is very difficult to function. Both mornings and evenings and everything in between is spent thinking about what happened over the past year. I was having a very bad afternoon right now on the way back from my coaching since I saw her passing by with her friend. I came back frustrated and resentful and I don't know how but this video got suggested to me! Thanks Shivin and Mansi for this video. It was like a mini councelling session. And good to know there are so many like me. Every topic discussed in this video has phased through my mindspace over the past few days.I must say everything seems gloomy as of now but I hope to be on the better side of things soon and excell in my exams.
Try having ur girlfriend being good friend with your flatmate. I had to change my batch
Admitter in coaching for state civil services, Rajasthan
I hope you're okay now. Time will heal everything.
Thank you very much sir... it's very sensible of you to post such content...
You touched the untouched topic....really ..
Loved the questions you put forward Shivin!
Out of words ...thnks a lot sir and maam 😀💕
Thank You for this video! Needed it.
Brilliant conversation 👏
This is what I need from last two days
Thank you so much sir ,need this most !
i mean what r u doing is kind of revolution for me .keep doing
I needed this, thanks.
Thank u so much for helping us sir 🙏🏻🙌
Hey Shivin, Please take some time out and make a video on how to take care of physical health like you know the eating habits,physical appearance, etc. Iam asking this as whenever I start paying attention to this aspect, I feel iam neglecting my studies. This is my general query and Iam not a upsc aspirant.
People's are attracted to attractive Distraction of Distracting attraction 😊
Thank you for this conversation
After watching this , so much relief I felt ....and stop getting regret 😊
Helps a lot Shivin Da Luv from Bengal ❤️
Thank you so much for this video.
Really good initiative, useful discussion thank you
Thank you so much both of you
Wo doctor kitni khoobsurat hai ❤️.
Thankyou so much mam and sir✨
She can cure my stress even without turning volume on ! Innocently beautiful 🙏
*Sir u r nxt big thing in this field*
Thank you sir.
Fortunately I'm very mature in this era... Not by age but by experience... One thing which she told like we should not depend only our relationship with whom we love but we also have some friend... Coz in case if you have to go from this situation breakup n all.. Then you can easily overcome from that shittt... Btw... I already follow this rule... And that's why I think I m very happy I m Perusing MBA but my Boy is doing prep. For UPSC... He is so protective for me or I can say he's over possessive... Which I really don't like... Sometimes I explain to him with love sometimes I scolding him... He has watched me on social media like what I liked with whom I m getting interact and all... I don't know how much he know about articles of polity but he know each and every comment done by me 😂 Nahi actually he is so good in study and very serious for his career and relationship as well... And you know what Shivin sir sometimes get jealous from you when I tease him like... Yarrr Shivin sir kitne sahi lgte hai I wish vo relationship me na ho i'll propose him he is my crush now... 😂😂 Unke apka science and tec. Ka batch le rkha hai... Meko batayega yarr Shivin ki gf hai pakka sach me vo aise kar rhe the ye bola n all... So that mai kh saku ki hn thik h fir jane do Shivin ko 😂😅 Btw.. I really love your teaching style vo tareef bhi krta h apke padhne ki maine bhi kuch classes li hai apke science and tec. Ki just for gaining knowledge ❤ Btw... Thanku Shivin sir for this conversation for UPSC aspirants My Man has recommended me to watch this... 🥰💗 This yr. He's gonna to sit in this examination it is his very first attempt I wish to Mahadev uska ho jaye I just want to see him as an IPS officer jiske liye vo kafi hadddd takkk pagal h 😍❣️🙏🏻
You are a gem
You need guts to ask about rebound. Thanks a lot Dr. Sahab.
its really a good take sir 😊👍
Thankyou so much for this session.
Thankyou soo much
Very nice initiative....keep it 💐 💐
Imp session must go beyond the limits.....
4:09 Exactly i don't have any backup any option 🙂
That's why my friend married to psychologist !
around 90 days left for attempt, going through a bad break up, tried to maintain status quo but failed. trying my best to concentrate but I keep imagining that one incident out of your control and boom you lose an attempt, an year.
you will be losing 2 years my freind, rethink. now conecntrate on the 1st line again and on your life.
Be emotionally intelligent my friend. An officer should be emotionally intelligent and you're our officer.
@@hackerbot9798 thanks man
@@kusumgocher05 trying to be, it's not easy to deal with emotions, after all we're all human, I'm sure with due course of time I'll be fine, this is not the 1st time, I have had a history of clinical depression and was under prescribed medication under a psychiatric. . However problem with medication right now is it numbs you all onenwould feel is sleepy, so I'm trying to put myself together & jump back to preparation. Thanks for the concern ma'am.
Same case bro. How can a girl forgive her bf who cheated on her? Please tell me? Is it normal. Because recently a guy cheated on me we were together for 1 year thn I came to know that he already had a gf with whom he was in a relationship for 5 years. So basically he was cheating both of us. I reached out to her showed her all the proofs. And the guy too confessed that he did cheat but I'm shocked to know that the girl accepted him again. And they are together now.. This is most disgusting they both played with my emotions I had suicidal tendencies heartbreak 💔 panic attacks anxiety. And they don't even regret of doing this. Everyone is so fake the world is full of fake people.
Amazing✨
Very helpful
Thank uh bro
Awesome ❤️
Her smile is enough to fix anyone's mental problem 😅.
Brilliant..
Great!
Thank you sir Sir please share geography strategy
Wow❤️
Thanks
Good session
Thanks :)
What about those who failed invested 3-4 years but still think they can do it I hope u can understand these people mental stress . How to deal please guide us
App plzzz medical test in upsc k bare m video bnayie taki preparation krte tym health ka v dhyaan rakh se ...
Now here's a question for Mansi mam "Are there instances, Where one of your client/patient get attached to you or vice versa ?"
My mental got cured by looking at ma nsi for sure... She is so cute... ❤️
Good afternoon Sir 😊
Are jaishankar sir Ap yaha welcome
AUM 🕉️🇮🇳JAI HIND🙏🏻SELF CONTROL IS STRENGTH ✨
When i crack mains 3 times she with me after say tumre pass dimak nae h you never clear this exam
More than three year breakup but I miss a lot
Damn even i am going through such
Sir make a video on how to stop habbit of mastrubtion.. I have given up getting rid of this habbit
Chant by reading Hanuman chalisa daily , start with 3 times then 7 times then 11 times. Do it untill these thoughts subside ...Do it with devotion.
I have completed my graduation mid of 2018,for last 4-5 years I didn't do anything,I don't have any work experience,just preparing on my own for different competitive exams,but not able to get selected,recently I cleared the pre of a state level exam..Now I'm worried whether in interview they will 😟 reject me just because I don't have any work experience..sir plz help me, should I keep prepping( bcz I feel I can crack civil services one day) I'm 28 right now.
Focus on state services more. They're easy to get through than UPSC CSE ! Prepare well, practice enough and let no one deter your dream of becoming an officer !
@@pessimist6366 thanks 🙏
Every upsc aspirants should listen to acharya prashant
@@JB_._ vedant scholar, spiritual teacher. IIT IIM graduate, ex-civil servant. largest wisdom video library on KZhead. Videos on every topic related to mind
She is soo cute girl 😊
I have an unrelated question sir....i have been doing PYPs like you said, analyzing them, and the options as well. But it's taking way too long. I've done like 3 papers only since january. It's taking so long that i've started doubting if it's really worth it. Please tell me it is.
PYQ is the Veda
@@tamalisaha.1889 sorry mate?
@@pranaysirvee4420 she is telling that pyq are un avoidable..
@@mukeshegg4123 have you done them? How important they are?
@@pranaysirvee4420 yes, I completed economy, polity, geography pyqs... It helps in understanding how the level of questions is asking in upsc also what kind of questions are being asking, we will get to know what is important and what is not
Dr.shivin paychology me hi MD karlen neet pg deke
didi behan sister i love you too much then me i am depression person can you counseling with me for that God sake ❤🎉.
What to do when ur situation doesn't support you but u have to crack a competitive exam..also u r failing in exam and hv to start again...and situation doesn't support u financially and other ways
Sir, conversation Hindi me kigiye