The ROOT CAUSE Of Trauma & Why You FEEL LOST In Life | Dr. Gabor Maté & Jay Shetty
Today, I talk to Dr. Gabor Maté. A celebrated speaker and bestselling author, Dr. Gabor Maté is highly sought after for his expertise on a range of topics, such as addiction, stress, and childhood development. Dr. Maté has written several bestselling books, including the award-winning In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction; When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress; and Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder. He is also the co-author of Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers. His works have been published internationally in more than thirty languages.
Dr. Maté generously shares his deep understanding of childhood trauma, vulnerability, grief, and emotional distress. He explains what real trauma is and how time doesn’t necessarily lead to healing, how vulnerability is ingrained in us since we are young and the importance of these formative years to mold our emotional health, and the societal expectations we always try to meet but have never truly given us real fulfillment. We also exchange thoughts on dealing with grief, how we struggle to identify with the people we look up to, and how childhood experience varies for every child even when they are raised in a similar environment.
Trauma is a wound that has not fully healed which can be triggered at any point in our life so it matters that we are able to find a common ground and stay firm in what can give us healing, emotional stability, and happiness.
What We Discuss:
00:00:00 Intro
00:03:12 How do you define trauma?
00:06:32 How is healing defined?
00:08:45 Time itself does not heal emotional wounds
00:11:38 We are all born vulnerable
00:13:55 The inherent expectations we all have
00:20:00 The societal standards we try to live up to
00:25:15 It’s not possible to love kids too much
00:29:35 Grief is essential for life
00:32:19 When the past dominates the present reactions
00:35:16 There is no healthy identification
00:42:11 Why are we set on things staying the same
00:44:38 No two children have the same childhood
00:50:19 The difference between loneliness and being alone
00:53:54 How do you see human nature?
01:02:24 Suffering has to be acknowledged
01:06:27 Getting closure and start moving on
01:10:04 Spirituality becomes commoditized
01:15:56 Dr. Maté on Final Five
Mate said: There is no reason to purposely expose a kid to pain because pain will come naturally. Our job is to help them through. Pain is inevitable. It doesn't have to be traumatic we need to know how to interact with them while they are enduring that.
right?! like you didn’t help your child learn to over come adversity if YOU were that adversity
It's also not a good idea to go to another extreme by discouraging the child -- whether covertly or overtly -- from expressing his or her pain and by expecting the child to behave more like an adult when the child isn't an adult yet and doesn't have the emotional or intellectual maturity to fully understand and live up to an adult system of ethics. That is what I'm still trying to deal with. I'm a very emotional person but it's difficult for me even now to express the depth of my feelings with just about anyone because my parents weren't nearly as emotional and didn't know how to deal with my emotions...so they didn't and the impression I got was that expressing or sometimes even feeling difficult emotions such as anger or frustration or sadness was somehow wrong. The fact that I was above average intellectually probably didn't help since I think it made my parents assume that I might be capable of reasoning like an adult emotionally as well when I wasn't. I became a "people pleaser" as an adult and I still struggle to believe that there might be people who could and would still be able to accept me even when I'm in pain (angry, sad, etc.) and in need of support instead of providing them with support.
-Come over and see 'Johnny DEPP PERSECUTES WOMEN ONLINE -ABSOLUTE PROOF'
PERFECTLY SAID. That’s why hitting/whooping your child isn’t going to make them stronger.
Well said !!!!!!
This man is the true definition of the word healer.
I agree.. I've done and studied lot of therapy in my life, researched and practiced many different systems, modalities, ancient or new, and yet when I first heard Gabor Maté talk about his work and ideas I immediately felt at peace.. Now that I've listened to him some more (I'm watching every interview to him I can find, I also watche the movie/documentary of some year ago, btw, beautiful!) and I have reflected on what I was feeling and why, I think his way to 'simply' acknowledge the wounded child we have (still very alive) within, their traumatic experiences, their needs that weren't met, the love they weren't given, etc, makes them finally feel validated, seen, loved, and then just healed. In fact, I feel really really well just by listening to Gabor sharing his ideas. It's so true that the best things are simple
I see what you did there. And bravooo!!! 😃
He is the true definition of wise
...... I worked along side Dr Mate for 3 years. A kindly, decent man but not a wise man. How people appear and present themselves might have little to do with how they are in person. As the Talmud beautifully puts it "We dont see people as they are, we see them....
@@1965simonfellows what years were you working with him
I VASTLY prefer these types of guests over celebrities…awesome podcast Jay 💪🏿
“Pain is inevitable, but it doesn’t have to become traumatic.” Love your children. ❤ 28:48
Wish my parents did. Interest in me , might of helped.
I am a dyslexic male. Come from 11 children in clouding myself. I was told that I was going to grow up to be a ditch digger. What at the time, I guess my father thought that was the lowest place to be. Instead I became a fishing guide, outdoors individual. The boys in my family consist of lawyers, one retired congressman, dentist. And my dads dad, and my mothers brother, and his son now were, or are judges to date. I could not fit into, let alone learn how to do these thing. I can say I do not know how I am still here today, due to my own wants not to be. All I ever wished for growing up, was to be held, feel loved, and told everything would be okay. Many issues I know that I am still dealing with. I been to numerous counselors over the years. Some helped. Most made things much worse for me. I enjoyed this video, and wish I had people like you to help me when I needed you. I guess I probably still need you and you help. That you for sharing your thoughts, and knowing, knowledge with me my friend. Also I am new subscriber to you channel, will continue to watch.
You are very intelligent and skillfull. Just keep doing what you are doing. You are a winner!!!
Counselors have not helped me either. When it comes to childhood healing I find the technique of rewriting old memories the most helpful. I myself do this through meditation but there are other techniques that can be found. Also I cling to my spirituality knowing I’m always loved and this human experience is temporary, with challenges put in my life so I can grow from them. I wish you many blessings on your healing journey ❤
i love you my brother . everything is gonna be ok .
Truely touching. You may not think your comment could be so comfort filled, but it is. I am the poorest one to come out of my family. I am the most unsuccessful so far. I will fight to change it, and this point I am okay dying this person. Mostly because I know I am good enough, now.
Oh my...a fishing guide... What a gift you have to give💖... All my brothers and my son...are avid fishermen. I grew up with my 4 brothers n mom.n dad always took us fishing. Loved it...still do. There is something very healing about being by or on the water... And fishing !
As Gabor wrote in one of his books: “It is impossible to understand addiction without asking what relief the addict finds, or hopes to find, in the drug or the addictive behavior.”
What's the name of the book in which this quote of his appears? Thanks in advance
In the realm of hungry ghosts
"Don't ask why the addiction, ask why the pain."
I do not understand. I come from a family of addicts and I never turned to drugs as a child sexual survivor
It normally skips a generation
I am a sensitive person and can definitely relate to how hard it feels to be in the world right now.
❤🙏
I feel like I'm not living. I'm just enduring the world around us and it takes so much energy.
I agree 💯 percent it takes a lot of energy.
I’m an empath and over the last 10+ years I’ve been disheartened by people’s behaviors. I’ll never understand why hurting another brings them so much happiness.
Me too…😢
This might sound so pathetic but if you believe in the power of prayer would you mind praying for me? I’m extremely depressed. I suffered a very high level of trauma as a child. My worst fears from childhood have come true and it’s rocked my world. I’m beyond miserable.
I've been through what you're going through... A total loss of self and having to find a new what for... It's painful but can be an enlightening journey when we allow the pain and breath through it... My prayers are with you. Strength pours out the other side, just hold on for the ride.
Hugs and love, prayer to you. Remember these words, you are loved and you matter. Hugs my fellow human being.
Prayer for your peace, comfort and healing 🙏
Notes: Children are born needing unconditional love and acceptance. Children shouldn't have to work to make their relationship with their parent work. They need that. Children need the freedom to experience all the emotions. In our society we are taught to suppress emotions. Children need free play out in nature.
that is true, but how do you arrive at those 'should'-statements? that is also very very interesting and difficult path...😊 human morality
Sounds like a fantasy to me and isn't realistic for most kids for most of the time in human history. This is some utopian ideal which is totally unrealistic for most people.
He needs to get rid of Oprah on that opening. She so evil not even coo
@@heladar It sounds like fantasy to you that all children are born needing unconditional love and acceptance? This is a psychological fact. If prospective parents don't know it, or don't agree with it, they shouldn't have kids.
@@ReaghanReilly no I meant that its unrealistic to expect unconditional love without anything in return, so all expectations on the parents and none on the child. Almost no human has that or had that in previous times and people still worked it out. Trauma is part of life and its a learning experience to learn how to cope with that. Children need limits just as any other human being that is part of a society. And who are you to be in a position to judge who should have kids and who shouldn't? Soem of the greatest people this world has ever seen came from tragic family circumstances. As for the initial comment: Surpressing feelings is a lesson everyone needs to learn. It's not all about how you feel. Facts don't care about your feelings, emotions serve a certain purpose and of course you should learn how to handle your emotions, but its devastating for humanity if everyone makes their own feelings the roadmap for how they act. Mass killings, rape and other cruelties are the result of people incapable of dealing with their emotions and suppressing them when necessary.
To never fit in.. to always feeling I can't handle societies expectations..to feel like a dreamer walking a foot above the ground.... To knowing that it's ok to be me that I'm not a freak. Accepting ourselves as beautiful wonderful people regardless .. I'm ok with that. I'm ecstatic. I think I just grew wings
❤❤❤
I relate to what you're saying very well. I often feel like a piece from a jigsaw puzzle which somehow ended up in the wrong box -- and that somewhere out there (in another country, in another time, on another planet, in another galaxy, and/or in another dimension) is the puzzle which is missing the piece that is me and where there is another person who should be here in my place.
@@OreadNYComg! i feel the same way. i'm trying to figure out what to do with my life because i can't understand it. I feel that i don't belong here... this is not for me! jajaja
❤❤❤
Beautiful and so relatable how you expressed these depths of waters, so known and safe to us, where not many swim!!! These depths were we never seem to drown.. While strangely at the surface, where everyone is to be found, where the water is shallow, mimicking the world.., we've become used to drown merciless everytime.. And how, with the right help, we now learn to swim in shallow water, with the depths in the back of our minds, expressing them into shallow waters, and it's all ok.. You're right, we've grown wings.. Wings of liberation.. Like a safety jacket against drowning.. When we free ourselves from trauma, we save ourselves from the curse of drowning in the same patterns..
This man has helped me big time!! from last week all I'm watching and listening on KZhead is Gabor's lectures. Day 4 of being sober and counting....
Congratulations 🎉🎉 I wish you the best
one little advice , stop counting, and good luck! you can make iit
I hope your staying strong and sober iv just started my own journey myself to rid my addiction 4 days going good. Stay strong you'll smash it just believe in yourself ❤
❤ I'm working💪 on it great job 👏 im on 12 days no smoking 🚭 ugh that's a struggle but I have Much more to work on also
Love and encouragement to you all! You deserve the BEST of your desires! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
45:57 "Having said that, the other child who doesn't become an addict hasn't neccessarily escaped". This is me. I didn't become addicted like my sibling, but I also never truly escaped. I have never felt so understood before in my life.
Agreed - I have 2 other siblings who both have addictions as a result of our childhood. At times I’ve envied their ability to escape their pain through drugs, alcohol, gambling.
@@LeslieJacobsondumb lol
Lol ur just ignorant
@@armandos3022that's not nice. You are not in this persons shoes.
That's really interesting, and I wish I could explore and understand your situation. I'm actually the child that ended up with addiction, now almost 7 years clean from 20 years of high-functioning (mostly) addiction to numb myself and avoid my recurring traumatic images, pain, sorrow - deep, deep painful sorrow that would just have me burst into tears wherever I was - it's still ongoing
What a gift Gabor Maté is to the world.
Very much so. Good clarity.
Yes!
❤️❤️❤️
Listening to Gabor Mate makes me love humanity. His way of talking about the human species is so interesting and passionate. Thank you Jay for having this conversation recorded !
Too bad he doesn't narrate his books himself on Audible. Such a big loss. His voice and the way he talks is such a big part of his work.
@@aptkunltd Yeah, I would buy his audiobooks if he narrated them.
Yes!!!
@@BlondeManNoName He narrates Hold On To Your Kids in Apple Books
We need more Gabor Mates everybody !!
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 05:41 🌱 Trauma is not what happened to you; it's the wound that is sustained as a result of what happened to you. Trauma is a psychic wound that can be healed. 08:57 💪 Vulnerability is essential for growth, and time alone does not heal wounds. Healing involves becoming whole, and it requires letting go of defenses. 14:02 🧒 Children need unconditional love, freedom to experience all emotions, and the opportunity for spontaneous play for healthy development. The current societal conditions often fail to meet these essential needs. 20:02 👶 Children raised with a more natural and nurturing approach tend to have healthier self-identities and resist societal pressures to conform to external values. They find purpose and remain grounded. 22:59 🧰 Unlearning past behaviors and developing a different perspective can help navigate the world more authentically and effectively, even in a society with contrasting values and expectations. 23:41 🧠 Identifying and addressing the trauma in one's life can help break the cycle of repeating the same patterns as most people do. 25:32 🚼 Mollycoddling children isn't about loving them too much but about projecting parental anxieties onto them, which can make kids anxious and ungrounded. 28:45 🧒 Children don't need to be deliberately exposed to pain, as life will inevitably bring pain. The key is to support them while they endure pain, helping them move through it. 35:01 🙇♂️ The challenge is to balance authenticity and attachment. Over-identifying with roles and labels can limit personal growth and authenticity. 46:07 💪 Sensitivity in children varies, and their reactions to trauma are influenced by factors such as birth order, family circumstances, and coping mechanisms developed. 46:21 🙏 Acknowledgment of suffering is the first step in healing, and it's important to listen and fully acknowledge the pain and trauma. 50:29 🌍 Loneliness is a perception, and there's a difference between being alone and being lonely. It's essential to be open, vulnerable, and willing to connect with others to combat loneliness. 53:33 💡 Human nature isn't rigidly defined, but human potential is based on human needs. Meeting these needs leads to healthy development, while frustration of these needs can lead to negative outcomes. 01:00:55 ✌️ Acknowledgment of suffering, especially on a societal level, is crucial for healing and reconciliation, as seen in the example of post-genocide Rwanda. 01:07:51 🙅 Don't wait for external apologies or validation for healing. Acknowledge your suffering, look for wisdom and healing within your culture and society, and don't become dependent on external factors for healing. 01:09:47 🤔 Forgiveness is about releasing hatred and resentment that limits you, not necessarily condoning the actions. 01:10:28 🌟 Spirituality is a sense of connection to something larger than oneself, transcending body and ego. 01:11:20 🌿 Indigenous people have a profound connection with nature, emphasizing unity with the environment. 01:11:47 💫 The medicine wheel in indigenous traditions involves emotional, physical, social, and spiritual aspects, promoting wholeness. 01:16:00 🦋 The best advice on healing and trauma is to "be yourself" and stay authentic.
Thank you ☺️
Wow ❤
How does one forgive the person who is constantly a reminder of your pain? How do you forgive them if live with you ? How to do rise above there accusations and insults?
Well summarised! Thank you
@@crystalH30 - Cut the ties, get out, and steer clear in the future. Then forgive them from afar. From Tahiti if need be.
It breaks my heart to see how many of us were sexually abused as kids and how that affected us as adults. But one thing i know each one of us is a freaking SURVIVOR.
Amen and we do not have to give the ones who treated us bad one more minute of our life, our energy, our thoughts, our time or our futures.. These people are destroyed people and we did not cause that. Now we can pass that pain on or we can reject it and the damage it does, instead we can decide to leave the guilt, the burden of it all and walk forward leaving it with the ones who caused it and choose to stop punishing ourselves.and to stop allowing anyone else to treat us badly. Your inner child needs your unwavering love now and you WILL ALWAYS be there for you.
Besides that, most of the people I know, who experienced trauma, are very sensitive and soulful. I pray for everyone in pain. Blessings❤️🙏🏻
@@timtimsen3967 true, pain seems to do some things to people that somehow sets them on a sped up or increased evolution path of inner growth & understanding like it hyper sensitizes a person, opens up their minds, gives increased emotional intelligence to alot of people who've gone through very different experiences maybe yet it does seem to force a extra level of subconscious and conscious awareness .
I was also abused
@@michaelcirillo-ov3my I'm so sorry, you deserved so much better.
I’m a Indigenous person from North America, I also live in Vancouver, Canada. I really liked how Dr. Gabor talks about acknowledging your own suffering and pain, it’s what I have been doing the last couple years since these residential schools have drastically effected my life. It’s what I’m showing others in the Indigenous community now they can do by being that example of it, by slowly going back to my traditionally ways. Thank you for that acknowledgement on these things Dr. Gabor.
Jajóm (thank you) for sharing, Peter. Many of us in the Taíno Indigenous community are going through the same process now, especially after being told we went extinct more than 500 years ago. We are with you and the rest of our siblings from Turtle Island.🙏🏼
🎃
It always grips my heart when I hear about these tragedies - sending much love and healing your way!
Bravo for your courage, Peter! I, too, come from Vancouver and see and understand the trauma your culture has suffered. Best wishes!
This is so beautiful and imperative. As indigenous peoples we are connected to our ancestors, nature and the spirit realm on a cellular level. We are the microcosmic energy here to learn to transmute suffering. This is my fav topic to discuss. I see beauty in all things especially in trauma 🕉️
"Don't wait for the world to apologise, acknowledge your own pain", no one else can ever truly know. From here we move into understanding, acceptance and then choosing to heal. The first step is realising you have pain especially if it's been there all the time. So very appreciative and grateful for the change you're making to the world, Gabor Mate. You are like a tissue picked up in the middle, all the corners follow.
Yes. As per Carson McCullough's novel , The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter. Jay Shetty brings such wonderful and helpful guests...
“Vulnerability is our capacity to be wounded” ❤
❤
I resonated with “Being alone is a fact that we can embrace and make decisions about. Loneliness is a perception with an emotion charge to it. You can be alone and not be lonely. And you can be surrounded by all kinds of people and feel Lonely. It’s just how you chose to perceive it. Suffering has to be acknowledged to heal. You have to understand your trauma. Don’t wait for the world to acknowledge ur suffering acknowledge it yourself so you can finally heal. Release ur heart from the cage trauma cause.”
So well said
@@ronilda2231ö
As a highly sensitive woman who struggles with BPD I finally feel understood by a doctor 🤯 thank you!
May you always be blessed understood and loved 🙏🏼💝
Me too. He makes me cry as I feel validated by his words. He is a healer.
Yes, me too. I used to have so many triggers and it really was like every reaction was of the same intensity or more (due to accumulation) than the first time. I didn’t want it to break up my family and hit rock bottom, that is when I started therapy and learning about trauma for the first time in my life. This man is a gift 💝
@@erinchillmusic8930 couldn't agree more that he is a gift! I'm so thankful for youtube supporting people like this 🥰 to share their voice
I have BPD too, stay strong, you got this ! You are loved. I really wish you the best in life
As a mother working through my own trauma alongside trying to grow a healthy human… this is the podcast I’ve been needing!!!!! An amazing start to an amazing day
i'm so proud of you, especially of the fact that you're a mother too trying to heal yourself. i'm so glad that you won't have to pass on your trauma onto your children. thank you for trying to break the cycle. you are a hero, rooting for you!!
@@sk-hx7dv thank you so much!!! It’s been a huge part of the journey to have support so thank you 💗🤗
I am with you! As a single mom and in a new relationship I'm seeing so much trauma i have not healed from not just in my marriage but trauma from childhood. And it was real trauma not just a difficult experience.
And just to tell you... You're doing great. We as moms are doing our best!! This was definitely needed today
even moms need to heal their inner child too :)
"My purpose is that people are free." I stopped the video to cry. I watched this video hoping to feel less lost in life, and my guidance came with these words. Thank you both for putting this together. It was worth every second.
No liberty. In this world. So not good help: For healing..... 😮
@@andyclausen5521all good things on eart-h are to be found within your own h-eart ❤
It's amazing for me to be 63 & only in the last few years have I realized how my childhood kept me trapped in thoughts & beliefs about myself based not on the truth; but on how my infant self perceived events back then, I finally understood my mother's yearly months spent away from us were caused by her mental illness and consciously I'd known that and accepted it as beyongd her control; yet an abandoned feeling haunted my whole life, from waking up in an orphanage at 4 years old, without my sisters or parents there. My sisters were in other classes according to their ages & I did not know why I was there without any family. Mom didn't choose any of that nor did my dad who had 6 little girls he could not watch & work to house & feed. I left the hurt realizing they'd always loved their kids but they'd been raised by really unloving parents, Dad's mom died when he was 2, kicked out of a house of 13 kids at age10 & Mom's whole family suffered with bipoar illness and more mental health issues too.. Letting go of thinking/feeling subconsciously abandoned has helped me so much. (He came to get us all as soon as he could)..We can set ourselves free.
Dude
It's about the liberty of ourselves.@@andyclausen5521
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporesss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporesss
There is so much gold in this interview, so many crucial takeaways, but one thing I just want to highlight that I so appreciate as a viewer is how much Gabor always makes a point to make clear the definition of what it is they are talking about, to make sure we and they are all on the same page. That is SO important when talking about any deep topic, and I very much appreciate his attention to language.
Me too! I really love how he explained the meaning of words.
That's what keeps us aligned in loving.
Yes 🙌🏼 including examples!
I truly agree with u..
100%
OMG!! I needed to hear this!! As soon as you said there are people who are so sensitive that they can’t stand living in this world it resonated with my soul!! Because this is exactly how I feel and I hate it! I hate this world because it is so wicked, dangerous and scary. I loved this entire video so much. Thank you!
I feel the same! Constant fear. I deleted fb and listen to podcasts a lot. Oh and mediate. Good luck to you. You are loved ❤
I too feel the same. More fear in me. Hating this world but still trying to love a little which is too hard
You have to get out of that victim mentality. You cant make anyone responsible for how youre feeling.
Highly Sensitive People make up 20% of the population.
~ you better find something you REALLY LOVE!!! CLUE: it’s your Life Path, Mission. HAVE FUN! That’s an ORDER!😉🙏🏽
The zen in his voice!! I could listen to him all day! He makes me feel calm 🙏🏻 Such wisdom 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽
Yes, was thinking the exact same thing.
Yep, when I'm really down and out I fall asleep listening to Gabor talk. Very comforting!
Glad to know I am not alone....His voice is definitely therapeutic.
Absolutely 💯
Thank you for this wonderful video! I have incurred so much losses trading on my own....I trade well on demo but I think the real market is manipulated.... Can anyone help me out or at least tell me what I'm doing wrong?
Mrs Tonya Ann Sharon the bitcoin trader is legit and her method works like magic I keep on earning every single week with her new strategy
@@danolexiewicz9246 Money is an issue that everyone has for a better and luxurious life, Life was hard for me until I started trading bitcoin and am now earning $78,435 per week.
@@katnerinealexa1453 Wow buddy, that's more than a mouthful of profits you're making. How do you achieve this feat consistently? You must be a genius in trading.
@@chrisjohn6745 Anyways not actually, what I know about trading almost borders on zilch lol. I make huge profits on my investment since I started trading with Mrs Tonya Ann Sharon her trading strategies are top notch coupled with the little commission she charges on her trade.
@@katnerinealexa1453 Wow what a coincidence i invested with Tonya Ann Sharon too?
Thank you for your validation. My wounds get triggered and pain emerges as if it’s happening right now. I have been accused of living in the past. I reply with I don’t want these memories to occupy my body. My entire body hurts. I write poetry to express my pain. I have been in counseling and medicated, 2 docs have validated my pain. My family never validated my family abuse, instead accused me of being mentally ill and a selfish centered liar. My one male sibling said he believed this year 2022. Im 69. I have 5 male siblings. No sisters. He’s the only one willing to listen, but even though he believed me he never said how horrible for me to have experienced that alone with no one to protect me. I had to pretend I respected my parents all my life. They are dead now, but they still haunt my dreams. They still pop up with specific triggers. I am proud that I left an abusive husband when my two children were 2 and 4 and raised them as a single parent and stopped the abusive cycle. My adult children are loving kind hearted people that I am so lucky to be their mother. Two of my poems “My face is a roadmap. My face is a roadmap of paralyzed fear It lost the contour of shine Where sadness appears. My face is a roadmap To my story afraid to unfold My face is a roadmap Of all the tears buried beneath the road. My face is a roadmap Where once there was light Molesting father , narcissistic mother and brother Darkened it to ashen abysmal night. For years my hidden molestation is what I thought shredded my soul that didn’t compare to the narcissistic abuse my mother and Christianity bestowed. Trampling my heart, lungs, and vocal cords. My face is a roadmap Of Christian demise Respect honor your parents at all cost Are the lies. I didn’t fight back, l didn’t utter a word. I didn’t even know what was a healthy loving world. My face is a roadmap Aging lines of frequent attacks From a shell of a mother Reminding me You’re selfish Self centered Regardless of the mountain of love showered to Her impenetrable heart sac. My face is a roadmap Wiped out by the tidal wave of trauma Voice smothered to the depths of all that Surreal drama. Good days I’m grateful to be alive, Rough days I struggle to stay to survive. My face is a roadmap 69 years Mixed with the joy of my children Loss of parental nuclear family love foundation Stained with tears. It took years layered with abusive narcissistic tasks To turn my roadmap Into a pretend happy mask. My face is a roadmap It conceals Reveals A generation of trust built on sand A broken trust in me Constantly needs A helping hand Today, I author this piece to drive out my fears I want to claim happiness What’s left of my years. My face is a roadmap Also shows joy It came with a price I’d pay again and again To have my precious girl and boy. There is a truth to a portion of my heart undefeated That truth my two children saved With love over their years They repeated. My face is a roadmap Blake stares To a far away place Where all children are gently loved Always kept safe. “ My most current poem “I was a little dandelion I was a little dandelion, standing all alone. We always grow in mass bunches, What strangeness is this, I moan? Tromping heavy treaded boots smashed flat my tiny little head. If only I was a giant sunflower I wouldn’t be left lying here lifeless, dead. Surprise! Fooled the cruel tromperwalkers, I slipped right through their tread Thriving to a world unsafe I stand strong to what’s ahead!”
I found your poems very moving and they resonated a lot, thank you for sharing them. x
Allow the adult child to speak and do now all the things you couldn’t & didn’t as a child…..be your own super hero=Be the Change you want to see 💛🐛🦋
I'm sorry for what you went through in your life. Beautiful poems... releasing the pain. ❤️
@@yvonnebreiner2319 thank you kindly.
@@Fiawordweaver Wow! Your poems are so beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing them with us and i wish you a complete healing 💚.
As a child I was subject to constant abuse from a very early age right up until I left the home. Coming to terms with the trauma is really the hardest issue. I was in addiction for 25 years and self sabotaged every good relationship that came my way. As an early adult violence was my communication and I fought for attention and fought for affection. Fight or flight is all I knew. Unpacking your trauma is key to your recovery as the older we get the more it will consume you,so much so as Dr Gabor says will manifest into illness. Put one foot infront of the other if that’s all you can do right here right now , take life on just second by second if you have to and know you are worthy, you are wanted , you are loved, you have a purpose.
Thank you for sharing. I wish you well.
@@LisaDavis1 Thankyou :) if someone can relate to my story in just the smallest sense I hope I’ve achieved something positive. Through abuse you self isolate and loneliness is your friend. Stepping into the light and taking your power back is such a freeing and monumental change for the better. ✌🏽
Thank you for this comment. From your story I can relate very much, almost like I'm your younger self. If you don't mind sharing, what was the age when you "woke up" in?
This gives me a glimmer of hope for my niece. She is so angry at the world and won't stop hurting herself and those around her. She has every right to be angry. I hope she comes out alive.
@@Hadas705 I’m now 45 it wasn’t until really recently I took ownership of my life, the more aware you are the better.
❤ “vulnerability is necessary for growth”
Mate: “It hurts so much, at some point, to be yourself.” I feel this inside, but Dr Maté’s explanations help me see that I am not weird or strange. Thank you!
yes, especially born as a nation that majority of countries have bad image on and not be respected .THIS IS THE WORST....because even they can change passport to be different nationality but they cannot change their DNA and real nationality inside their bodies.
Nicely said , I feel the same
"Identifying with anything limits your growth" one of the many true things spoken about here. Wow.
Can someone explain further?
Don't turn into the mob after the game. Whatever happened to sportsmanship?
Attaching your identity to something (besides your self) will limit you -- because it's something that's not genuinely part of you and it disconnects you from your true identity.
The phrase "identifying with anything limits your growth" suggests that when you strongly attach yourself to a particular identity, belief, ideology, or concept, it can constrain your ability to develop and evolve as an individual. By identifying closely with something, you may become rigid in your thinking and less open to new perspectives, experiences, and opportunities for personal growth. Essentially, it's implying that being overly attached to any single aspect of yourself or your worldview can hinder your potential for expansion and development. @@maryanmartinez4935
This man is legendary in his field. Every interview is upgrade to my soul. Thank you so much for your work. Thank you Jay 🙏
I’ve seen many interviews with Dr Gabor Maté, trying to absorb the wisdom he shares, and this interview is by far the best I’ve seen. It feels as though Jay approaches this material with genuine interest and curiosity; there is a humility and warmth here that I truly appreciate and makes for a beautiful conversation.
He was able to open up and share and be vulnerable, that in turns gives us courage and hope to do the same
Thank you Dr Gabor Mate. I discovered you six hours ago on another podcast and am elated. 50 years of grief has held me prisoner to not healing. Today, in my darkest hour, I now feel safe. Addiction has beey my life. Acknowledging myself today. I suffered a horrific childhood and have spent my life trying to have my biological family (whom i am estranged from) fighting for their love, validation. Simply wanted to belong and have heritage. Dr Mate, you have changed my life. Thank you
“The moment there is a ‘have to’ there is resistance.” Dr. Mate’s declining to participate in creating resistance has great understanding behind it. I know that I shut down as soon as I feel pushed. Someone told me once that you cannot push a piece of string - it folds back on itself…but you CAN draw it toward you. Addicts can’t be pushed into stopping. As in my case, they can be drawn by the experience of seeing recovery and acceptance in others. That simple distinction saved my life and has given me 38 years in recovery and healing. Thank you both for this beautiful conversation between seekers. 🙏💜🇺🇸
🙇♀️🙏🏼🕊🌿🌾
Wow.. great words. xxx . with suicide... dont make it a permanent solution to that temporary problem.
Triggers are gifts that offer us to see the unhealed wounding within us so we then are given another opportunity to heal it with love and forgiveness ❤ Forgiving yourself for carrying these toxic emotions for as long as you have is a great place to start 😊
💯
feels more like truncheon
Should be no issue of you forgiving yourself as you are not the one that put the trauma in your life that wired your amygdala and limbic system to be triggered in this way. But it does create awareness for individuals to do the work they need to do in order to heal these issues. You are not the one that installed these toxic triggers and therefore you are not the one that need apologize for them.
What a beautiful representation of the human spirit. Trauma can be heald! You aren't just damaged goods that nobody would want, you're in pain and need some kind words and self care. Gabor is a lighthouse.
My parents threw the Tough Love book at me and i was in foster homes at 13, then prison at 19 😢. They were children from WW2, so I understand neglect. I'm a INFJ HSP which I found out at 44 and all I wished for was love from my parents. I've made it out but it's cost me my connection with them. This is the experience called life, I'm not being held back 🙏
I feel the same, absent parents, booted out of home at 16. Im INfj Too i think. I went to a healer and she told me I was craving love and id say it was from my parents. Gosh they really mess you up. The only thing that has helped me get through it is raising my three sons with love and care.
🙏🙏
Same here ... INFJ and told to get out when I was 16 ... I never got the love, approval or acceptance ... no matter how hard I tried, even as an adult ... The only thing I now regret ... is that I didn't give up on the hope, many decades earlier ... the problem wasn't me ... the problem was Narcissist parents ... who were incapable of love, approval and acceptance ... Despite it all ... I am a loving, caring, empath 🙏
Curious what is INJF HPS? Your story is like mine i was kicked out of my house at 18 and a day with no life skills. Never asked back. Sex abused by neighbor never heard by my parents..acted like it nevef happened..also prison time x2
@@GreensnGuitars MBTI personality type is introvert, intuitive, feeling and judging. INFJ's are usually highly sensitive people (HSP ) too. Understanding your nature will help you throughout life. Good luck
Dr. Mate states that our level of Sensitivity defines us - who we are; I've never realized this - it is so true. It's no wonder that very sensitive people feel out of sync with the world at large
Well said
"It hurts so much being ourselves", is such an accurate phrase on why we deviate so much from our authentic self. I have a certain fear to seek out my authentic self because "what if my authentic self is a bad person?"
I believe a more relaxed version without the baggage
One of my primary school's classmate broke his arm while we were playing football and then he kept it private for the idea of being right infront of his parents, after like three months everyone around him would notice his bent-arm, so long story short he eventually ended up being rebroke for cure. That's why I think trauma and privacy must lives in the same house, in the other hand vulnerability and healing must be super friends
My FA ex broke up with me couple months ago and she couldn't pin point why she was feeling that way... She had such a tough childhood growing up and more i listen to these podcasts i cant help but think of her remember her and feel bad for her makes me wanna cry. i hope she finds healing and is loved unconditionally.
All healthy love should have “some” conditions to it and these need to be expected and addressed in a healthy adult conversation. These are called boundaries ,which include emotional or physical abuse ,meeting each other’s needs,etc….
Healing requires the vulnerability that caused the trauma when it was denied or used against us, and that's really difficult, to feel all the softness and pain again, but we'll get there 💙🌠
For openers, perhaps assessing one's level of Sensitivity would be appropriate; doing this could save years of misguided therapy. Most of us benefit from therapy, yet, the more targeted it is, the more positive the results. The dialogue between these two men is profound; thank you both for sharing your collective wisdom. I now have a new perspective of my life.
ifYOUwouldlisten - Thank you!
but doesn't that makes us open as target of exploitation again?
@@vivvy_0 i guess thats where we need to have a newly differentiated system where we open ourselves up again but know who to let have acess to us and who not to ever again
@@cherylelancaster8791 💙💙🎇😊
Wow, this man is right on when explaining ‘triggers’. It is like every time I am ‘triggered’. I react with the same emotional intensity as if it is for the first time all over again. It sort of explains Borderline behavior too which is based on ‘triggers’. and Borderline is often related to childhood trauma
❤so true
I'm wondering, degenerative arthritis is also related to childhood trauma?
@@user-vs7dv7ei9v in one of Gabor's teachings I think he said it does
no but reumatoid arthritis is related, and all autoimmune diseases @@user-vs7dv7ei9v
@@user-vs7dv7ei9v😮
I'm not suicidal I just don't want to be here. Have been feeling this for a very long time.
I know what that feels like. I hope you can help yourself out of this phase.
Be your best friend
Me too! Even as a child, I always kept saying to everybody that I want to kill myself! because I was born, I've been suffering ever since! I always felt that was different from the others! I had ADHD! At the time they didn't notice! The teacher used to call me stupid idiot retarded I could not learn! So I suffered all the time depression as a child! being bullied, my brother, my father was schizophrenic. He used to beat us so much.! that's all I remember beating and beating and beating! We were afraid to open our mouth! If we answer back, we get smacked right in the mouth thank God he didn't break my teeth! And I was very outspoken! Because of my problem so I used to get more than the others! And right now after the Covid lockdown! The people above my apartment they made horrific noise! And I'm very sensitive to Noise! And they draw absolutely insane! So I had to take medication! Because it was insane! Noise, horrible! I think the Chinese people did this too people in jail! they would put dropping into a metal or a tin can! And the drop falling on the metal will drive them crazy! my apartment was terrible! I can hear them having relations on top of me! And I've been locked down for Four years! all alone yes, me and my phone! I don't know if the phone did something to me because of the radioactive! Because that's all I did! no one else to turn my family rejected me! I talk to DrGabor many times and I even spoken Hungarian! Because my parents left my country when I was 10 months old! so I asked him to please help me give me something for my anxiety! Anxiety is destroying my life! I'm afraid of everything! please help me my beautiful Dr please! Thank you🙏
Please stay strong. I am praying gir you ♥️
Being kind is our nature! That is so true. We get so carried away by the pursuit of success and fame of this industrious world that we forget our true natures.
I learned so much from this, also Dr Gabor's voice is so soothing and calming 😌 his energy is so calming and he's so calm and grounded. Beautiful to see
I completely agree. 💖 can I recommend you look up Carol Tuttle’s work to understand his energy type, it’s an amazing body of work she has.
What a beautiful mind that’s always looking to help people get ahead without suffering though does change the way it’s dealt with .An unselfishness to the point of employers , world requires more open minded men like Matto❤😂
Thank you so very much. I'm 62 have had lung cancer twice and I feel like I'm a chicken in a Nest ready to learn how to fly after hearing this. I am so very grateful. Thank you!
Biblical scripture explains the origins of human suffering quite simply and profoundly. A few examples are: Genesis chapters 1-3, Romans chapters 1-2, Galatians chapter 5: 19-21. Freedom comes through the love and salvation of Jesus Christ. He loves you and died and rose for you....💙💙
You've played a major role in me recovering from things I thought would genuinely kill me. I'm not out of the woods yet, not sure if I ever will be, but you have helped in ways words cannot convey
Without question, this has been my ALL time favourite podcast "on purpose". I have been following Dr,. Gabor Maté,s interviews, via many podcasts, over the past few weeks. THIS has been extraordinary. Jay Shetty, your questions were oustancing, and Dr. Mate, your responses mind blowing. I will be watching this episode again, in order to allow all of this wisdom to penetrate deeply into my bones and soul. Absolutely birlliant. Can't wait to dive deep into this book. So much to learn, about primarily myself....and thus, others. Thank YOU both so very much for this incredibly profound conversation. Thank YOU❤
❤ I agree definitely worth a rewatch! So much valuable information. Definitely like the part of acknowledging your own suffering...mind blowing
Honestly, I have never seen or heard of a man with such a power for clear thinking! A man true to himself. A man whose knowledge he takes with modesty and passes on as simple fact. He is deep and discerning, and delves into roots of words, into studies by colleagues, he brings forward truths that can simply make this a better world! He has, to me, ascended to the level of prophets and great teachers! Thank you both! The harmony and smoothness in this interview was a pure pleasure!
“Vulnerability is essential for growth” 💙
This made me cry in relief. It validated the journey I am on. 🙏 Listning to Dr. Gabor Mate is so healing. ❤
In other words, if you found your passion and are not currently working towards that, trauma is the root cause and it made you lose yourself. Aka don’t feel bad about yourself for not *doing all you can* more like love yourself for doing what you’re able
I grew up in the seventies in a humble working class family and neighbourhood. Went to school, spent all my free time outside in nature... At 48 I still don't buy into Capitalism and although a slave of it to some extent, I feel like I have to play the game, to survive, but I don't live in that world, I feel an outsider to it, my values are still those of my childhood, family, nature, health, simplicity, friendship... A humble yet healthy and contented life
This podcast was worth listening to. The childhood trauma is something that happened inside of you and not to you. 🔥acknowledge your own pain and look for the wisdom within your healing. Forgive the person to release that cage of hurt you have kept inside for so long. ❤
This Dr has just spoken to me in ways I've never heard before. He understands the human condition and is so authentic. Very deep philosophy from a scientist. Recovering from trauma is a long journey but possible
Scientist, Dr, Teacher, mentor, author, and BEST HUMAN ♥
Adult autistic 50 year old woman here and just finding Dr. Mate. My parents beat my siblings and myself with belts, hairbrushes, their fists, and as a result my siblings were violent towards me as well. I feel I narrowly escaped with my life but have gone on to suffer health problems. Fibromyalgia, migraines, insomnia, IBS, early menopause, anxiety, break downs. All the talk therapy did not help, EMDR no help, and now I'm trying micro dosing. It's helping a little. Some days I wish I was not here.
Sending love to you. You will never see know how far your light goes into the world the impact you have and how much it would dim without you. ❤
The love of Jesus heals all wounds. He made the ultimate sacrifice to save us from sins which are the hurts of others in this world. Call on Jesus. Repent of your sins. Forgive others who have hurt you. Jesus will be your lifetime partner to help you with all your problems. I pray this helps as it saved my life. God bless you.
Sending love! You are purposeful!
Sending love and healing 😢to you
I wish you, strenght and courage!
So thankful for people who have platforms and can spread this knowledge. I spent years being sick, diagnosed with POTS, heart issues, neurological symptoms that resembled MS but left my neurologist baffled. I kept telling my neurologist I think this is related to my trauma. He dismissed me over and over again and I eventually stopped going to him even though he was a doctor with good intentions originally trying to find the root cause with tests and MRIs etc. but I left and recently did somatic therapy and ketamine assisted therapy and my symptoms are gone: normal heart rate, no fainting, no neurological issues or tremors
Aww you talked about my country in Rwanda, i have lost my 2 parents at 3. Now i have a little girl and she is my SUNSHINE and we live in Canada❤🙏🏾
Thank you for defining so many things! Framing trauma and healing was an ah ha moment! "Trauma is the wound and Wounds can be healed". "Vulnerability is our capacity to be wounded and without vulnerability we can't grow". Makes sense!!
During and after our divorce. I was grieving hard. Unfortunately, I did not realize my 3 children were suffering much more than I was. At the time I unknowingly did not meet the emotional needs of my children. I was angry that my husband wanted a divorce. Then I made things worse. I worked none stop trying to make the home feel like a home where the father was there. Working and working but not meeting my children's emotional needs. I believed I was placing my children first. I think I was just meeting my own needs. That was a huge mistake. This is the first time hearing this .
I swear Dr. Gabor is the only person to say exactly how I feel and is amazing at explaining feelings and why people react and do the things we do. It makes me feel a sense of peace due to never being understood and not understanding why I feel the way I do. I am a mother and have trauma and trying to seek help and resources to heal myself so I can be the best mom. This man has helped me alot! Thank you for sharing all your knowledge.
Often wondered if I was just playing the victim mentality, I'm good at working hard, continually allowing myself to be distracted, my drug was school and work. After A LOT of work I still felt I was just 'playing the victim' - but hearing him today made me realize that I'm not just playing a victim. From the way I think about food, work, and even stepping outside my own door and the subconscious choices in romantic partners I'm drawn to 'toxic' because that is what felt normal for so long. It is nice to finally put that to rest that it is ok to say that I had hard with X, Y, Z - because the physical symptoms in my body and the subconscious decisions of my mind are symptoms of the past. I'm getting better and better at making more intentional decisions that resonate with my true self, but it definitely has taken work. My therapist said about 6 months ago, "This is the first time I have seen you allow yourself to be at peace and not be uncomfortable with being so" - it took me til last month to agree with her and it was such a restful feeling.
Thank you for sharing. Well written and relatable.
Same. OCD and obsessive cleaning and working, exercising until I am rail thin, then shutting down and gaining 15 lbs. in 2 months. I don’t know if it is trying to gain control, when I grew up at the mercy of a raging abusive alcoholic. My drug is adrenaline and cortisol. Binge eating and obsessive exercise. Maybe one day I will find my peace. Congratulations on your success
@@kcflygirl29allow yourself freedom from yourself. Love yourself a lot. Love yourself more than you love validation. You will find the answer.
Even his voice is so soothing, not only the meaning of the words
Thank you! Now I do not feel so lonely when I hear, that there are many who cannot stand this world right now. Sometimes I feel all the pain, bad news, cruelty and violence, in my body, as if someone was stapping my back or shooting me - and I sit at home or in the office. I hear animals crying, nature crying, I can harly move myself those moments.
Me too, this world is falling apart...
I felt this comment to my core 😢🥰
I am a lost soul too. I've withdrawn from the world as it is just too evil and cruel for me. I hear nature crying as well. Knowing I'm not alone in this is somewhat comforting and extremely troubling.
Well written with a vulnerable truth xx
I feel you. I’m a gay trans man and not only do I have trauma from my childhood and teen years, but I’m traumatized every day by the disgusting, hateful, cruel stuff I read, from people who hate trans people. Every day, a new anti-trans law passes. Every day, we see the effects of climate change worsen and no one seems to care about attempting to slow it down. Every day, Inflation gets worse and I continue to struggle to pay for basic necessities. My main issue currently is: How do I love myself when they world hates me, just for being who I really am? How do I block out the false, hateful, misinformed comments and not let them affect me? I don’t have the answer to those questions, unfortunately
I can not express how much this episode of your podcast comes at a perfect time for me and for what I'm working on for my personal growth. Just thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
Sammmeee❤
"If trauma causes a disconnection of oneself. Healing is the coming together of the self, becoming whole again" _Dr. Gabor Mate. A truth ringing, solidifying moment where things just make sense. I am so grateful to be present to absorb moments such as these when a truth is spoken, where the heart and mind are one because there is no oppositional feeling or thought, it just is.
This was easily the most influential episode you’ve ever done, Jay. I never knew who this man was until now and I can’t believe how much insight I gained from the hour and eighteen minutes. Doctor, you are so wise. 🙌✨
Gabnor Mate is astounding exceptional and people focused. Highly reccomend this wonderful Dr he is a human and truthful and filled with wisdom intellect and a sense of humor. Well rounded and with navy disciplines in medicine, psychology science and hands on field work is what makes is journey rewarding for both himself his patients and those he meets .
Read the book, and this conversation was so good. Dr. Gabor's perspective on trauma and healing makes so much sense and his method of compassionate inquiry has been a great way to approach or take a step towards our own healing. I'm learning the value and importance of returning to my authentic self and not betraying it. Thank you both. Life-changing 💪
I love how they allow each other to get their point across without interruption 💝💝💝💝💝
It’s absolutely refreshing, isn’t it? I see respect for each other and for themselves.💜
Brilliant. He is so soothing. You can feel the peace radiating off of him.
I have to pause the video a million times to digest the wisdom and knowledge that they are imparting
I have never felt so emotional or connected during a TALK! Thank you two for making such a soul awakening conversation possible.
Best friends like being at a Christmas party..iam alone but not lonely
Same here!
Grass root trials in local Rwandan communities were encouraged in truth and reconciliation as there were no judicial structures left after the genocide. Powerful cultural communal wisdom, acknowledging of suffering andforgiving of neighbours to healing communities thats still ongoing in order love side by side and thrive. I spent almost 2 years in Rwanda in 1994-1996 as a project coordinator to rehabilitate health centres in the aftermath with a charity. It was 'the worst and best of times' in terms of finding my purpose and healing.
The advice of Dr Maté resonates deeply with me. I first have to give up my addiction of alcohol. It is a heavy weight that prevents action and the ability to operate on a higher vibration. His wisdom will definitely help break through. Thank you Dr Maté and Jay.
Me too, jasmine. We can do it. God Bless
Left a toxic relationship in May. Why did I stay for so long? My journey to walk. Just ordered the book. I wish there were more therapist that learned this information. When they ask, "are you eating?, sleeping?" Come on lets get to the bottom of WHY. Great Podcast guys!
Thank you for bringing Gabor Mate on. He is pure, raw, honest, highly experienced, specialized and knowledgeable. Lately, by your choice of certain guests, I wondered if the world got you. It's my wish you have found the meaning back and continue bringing us real rolemodels. Wonderful interview x thank you
Dr Mate is a the true definition of a Boddhisattva. This man is giving so much to the world to ease its suffering. Immensely grateful for you sharing his work.
Dear Jay and Dr.Maté, thank you so much, I’m so grateful to live at the same time as you! You are truly two diamonds of human beings. I cried when Dr. Maté was answering the fourth question… “My purpose is that people are free…” I’ve rewatched it more than 10 times! Bravo, brilliant!
Gabor Maté's book "Scattered Minds" was a revelation for me. I'm certain "The Myth of Normal" will be huge too. I never understood why I was the way I am - I thought I was just broken - then I understood my ADD and learned to work with myself. It's no exaggeration to say Dr. Maté is part of the people, knowledge and tools that have saved my life.
The question is, how do we get past our anger related to this neglectful, abusive, abrasive, dehumanizing, shaming/guilting and deliberate exposure to pain type of upbringing; especially when it's come from almost all family members (including extended family)? It is truly systemic in my family, and I feel like it's rotting me from the inside out.
Sounds like you may have to distance yourself or cut ties to heal those wounds. Remaining in the dysfunction won’t allow you to do that. I hope things are getting better for you ❤
@@ajmarkray I have had to do that, but I still have feelings of guilt for doing so (on top of the feelings of anger). It's definitely a process. Thank you for your kind wishes
Im going through the same. I feel a lot of toxic shame and I have to establish healthy boundaries and also re establish that who I am is fundamentally enough. With anger im just embracing it. There is healthy anger thats a boundary. Im just sitting with anger and feeling it and the more I do this the more I see its necessary. My anger now is must friend, there's nothing wrong with it
same
I would encourage you to find a trauma informed EMDR counselor, or somatic counselor….they will help you process some of the trauma in your mind/body. You did the hardest thing…you separated yourself from the things that are continuing to bring you harm. It’s so difficult because we want to be loved and accepted…this is the opposite of what we want/need yet it has been the only way I have been able to truly heal parts of my heart. I am proud of you for sharing your challenges, I’m grateful to all who left a message here (you are not alone) and I am trusting that you will keep putting one foot in front of the other as you seek to be more whole. ❤
By far, this is THE BEST INTERVIEW Jay, please invite him again. So full of wisdom
I’ve watched and/or listened to this interview at least three times and still believe it’s one of the best long-form interviews online about trauma and wellness. Thanks Jay!
The enlightment of this man is almost overwhelming, I can find peace and connect to my true self only by listening to his words
Dr. Gabor Mate is pure gold!!!! Less words but when he speaks “WOW,” he doesn’t ramble; each sentence is more impactful and insightful than before. 🙏🏻
Yes to this definition of healing... "The integrity of a person who is no longer split off from themself. " So well articulated. Thank you Gabor and Jay for another illuminating conversation.
Vulnerability is a capacity to be wounded
So true what Dr. Mate says. From 37 until almost 60, so identified with narcissistic abuser victim, then narcissistic abuser surviver, I was frozen in time. This attachment is over identification, as Dr. Mate educates. Also, as Jay explains. I must take away the good I learned during frozen time, the "molting times" and now who am I, knowing I have a greater identity... Fascinating interview
Agree, I found this part the most fascinating about attachment to identification.
This by far is one of the most helpful things I've ever heard in my entire life. I resonated with so much . Always believe - Know your own truth. My main motto. I feel like this book is going to be a game changer in my life. I'll give a review after I finish. Came at the perfect time. I was laying in bed depressed about my life and where I'm at today. Love the last part about resistance which helped with another issue. Thank you both for this great message. ❤ Also I no longer want to identify as a victim. Often I hope to share my pain to help others with their pain. So the pain has a purpose.
I’ve read What happened to you ? And it’s different for everyone when it comes to trauma.. trauma can be serious and can stay with someone for life and they have have no idea what actually happened to themselves or why they feel so broken , other people know how to heal and they don’t really teach others how to heal so I am thankful for all the books I read and KZhead for certain use, what still needs to happen is that many “more” humans reach out to help each other..
I love how a lot of their conversations resonates with my soul and and almost echoes my deep beliefs about everything❤
I recently read gabor mates book "when the body says no " as i recently went through testicular cancer and it actually filled many gaps in my thinking and perspective of life ,emotion managing,and needs that have to be met ! I wm also one of the more sensitive kind of people and you helped me a lot . THANK YOU IF YOU EVER SEE THIS I'M GLAD THAT I DISCOVERED YOUR BOOKS AND YOUR GREAT PERSPECTIVE !!!!
Like most others I see here, I feel it almost necessary to acknowledge and appreciate this profound conversation. It can only happen in a setting where there is intelligence, curiosity and most importantly, humility. It's been a while since I forgot my worries long enough to be truly absorbed in something..but this helped do exactly that.
Yes indeed! Humility Curiosity Intelligence.
I come back to the podcast from time to time and it is such a pleasant surprise to see Dr. Gabor Maté as your guest! I absolutely adore everything you both do and I admire both of you for your mission to help others. You both have helped me a lot. I hope I meet you someday. Can't wait to hear this conversation!!
Trauma is the wound that sustained. That was deeeeep‼️ 🤯
I could listen to this man all day. Huge love and respect ❤