How To Deal With A Negative Complainer - Jocko Willink
2020 ж. 7 Мам.
323 902 Рет қаралды
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@jockowillink @echocharles
Excerpt from JOCKOPODCAST 225
Join the conversation on Twitter/Instagram:
@jockowillink @echocharles
Excerpt from JOCKOPODCAST 225
“How to deal with complainers” Jocko: “Jujitsu”
Covid: shuts the world down Jocko: Good. Perfect timing.
Murder Hornets arrive on US soil: Jocko: *smearing grease paint on his face with 2 cans of bug spray and an M16* "no factor"
@@summocommentaction3273 , 😆 A creative vision of Jocko emanating from the heart of something harkening from my teen years jumped out that was quite similar: ....Smeared with repellant/killing spray while, instead of grenades on a vest, donning canisters of flammable [bug?]spray delivered to nozzles on his back as well as his sides including limbs to cover his 3, 6 and 9 o'clocks - all attached to a single release mechanism with integrated igniters at each nozzle while he brandished a flame thrower out front as he walks straight in roastin' 'em with a grin and askin' which of the sting-seeking murmurings would "Want some?" next. 😆 ...His likeness could be inspiration for a graphic novel/comic book character.👍
Agreed
“Sir, we’re completely surrounded. Good, that means we can attack in any direction.”
@@ShadeTreeCardiology I've never read a comment that emulates jockos logic more 🤣🤣🤣
The most underrated tool of leadership, ears... 😂
That one stuck with me.
F-yeah.
Seriously the whole podcast should cost thousands of dollars, soaking it up while it’s not
Very well said
More like "most under-used".
"Intention has a strong smell". That's a golden nugget for sure.
It sounds kinda silly. But, honestly it is so damned true.
This is very literal if you say it during wrestling practice.
This dude looks a male version of Matt Damon.
LMAO 🤣! Even if I look like the cancer version of Matt Damon myself.
🤣🤣🤣. Laughed waaaay too hard at that. Thanks man
Funny stuff
Lmao -- to be fair I don't know a lot of dudes who look as masculine as a full grown bull shark.
Good job!
You can't fix people who don't want to win. I respect anyone who has the patience to deal with whiners
if someone has a basic negative approach about ANYTHING you do or say, you really can not deal with that if you are a more positive approach kind of person (thats the most neutral way i can put this and even this would piss such a person off)
@@Inus Can you further explain?
Ayyy I see you on Bugenhagen's channel all the time; small world
@@mrcoole7890 its basicly a positive minded person and a negative person trying to interact with eachother (on a emotional level). i hope this helps explain
@@Inus Totally agree Ian. When someone has decided within their heart that you can be of no help to their situation they make it a reality.
I started dating this girl and soon into it i realized 80% of her convo was complaining... That was over as soon as i found the nicest way to break it off. I told her i thought i was gay😂
👏🏽👏🏽 well played bro 😂😂😂😂😂😂
You're a legend 👊😅👍🥳
Hahah nice!
I am unashamed to say I have also played this card. My requirement was unfortunately both more immediate and dire (i felt) and in hindsight a little funny.
Weak
I hope @EchoCharles know we appreciate him always playing devils advocate and causing the expansion of the conversations! He really helps the lessons stick!
He humanizes the conversation
“I almost just hucked a knife at you”
Just a casual friendly thing to say.
Negativity can be so toxic and difficult to deal with. Trying to remove it from your life as much as possible is one of the best things you can do
Actually you're supposed to write it down in your planner and address it after investigating it.
Lol yeah you missed the point of the whole video
Utilize it to your advantage. Call it's bluff and represent. If you don't like a situation, you change it by confronting it and raising the stakes, not by running away from it. Did you watch the video?
Same tho. People who constantly complain about their lives really brings me down. I try to push them away cuz even if Ive listened, even if I've tried to help them, they refuse everything because they have a victim hood mentality. And they refuse to leave it. Can't do anything for people who are like boohoo my life is sad poor me...
Yeah. There are people so negative that these tactics don't work. Toxic negative people look for ways to be pessimistic about everything. It's in their nature.
Summary: Address their complaints in a serious, professional manner
Thanks. The video was 18mins of complaining. Lol. JK.
I had a supervisor once who complained about my job performance non stop. She was convinced that I was lazy and incompetent. I met with her once and asked specifically what parts I needed to improve on in order to keep my job. I wrote each complaint down. We planned to meet again in a couple months to discuss how I had improved. Over the next two months I wrote down specific dates and times in which I took action to improve my job performance based on the things she said. I even wrote down names of co workers who were there. I actually didn’t change anything I was doing. She was actually completely wrong about everything she said about my work ethic. I simply documented all the ways in which my actual performance contradicted what she said and then gave her credit for what she perceived as changes. If I simply argued with her about how she was wrong she would have gotten defensive and my work life would have been a living hell. Instead I brought my notes to our next meeting, I got to keep my job and she never complained about me again. She actually offered me her job when she left the company. I promptly turned it down because I loved my job at the time.
Hi Nadia, I’m a Decorator by trade in the uk and been in a similar situation in my career and yes your absolutely correct ie sometimes challenging their accusations against you and noting them down and doing a opposite approach and do what they supposedly saying you don’t do, yet really it’s them with the issues and instead they prefer to poke the blame instead of looking at themselves whereas this is usually where the problem tends to lie in them. These things always annoy me with arrogance and always looking to insult a person. I praise your thought in rectifying and proving in your situation that this has never been about you but then, now sometimes this works but in the building industry and say daddy gives son a job and has No experience but is put in the position and power trip goes to his head then this is the trouble these days and this annoys me and shouldn’t ever be aloud but this happens and your approach would not work with those because they don’t have the intelligence to understand and can argue because they lack education so it’s a never ending battle. But the moral is, A note book, is a great tool to sort out the issues and remember them and either shut them up and find the reasons as to why they get like this, it’s sad. But hey we aren’t the problem it’s those that live with their own demons and you can’t correct them but you can win in many ways x
A supervisor should not be having to complain about incompetency. They should’ve corrected and approached you the way you approached them. I would be wary of leadership like that.
great advice! Thank you!
She felt threatened because your hot as fuck and she didn’t like it 😂
Just purchased your book Extreme Ownership, I think you've saved my life by opening up my eyes to my own failures. since starting watching your videos I've quit smoking and overall, taken control of my life. I've become a better me, because my eye were open.
Solid testimonial. And congratulations by the way - good for you. Also sounds like you just sold more of the man’s books for him. 😊
Jocko’s reply: well yeah, I know right!!!
I didn’t even know he had a book thank you for reading his comment now I’m gonna go look it up
That's cool.. once I started watching the videos I've also just quit all the sudden like 2½yes ago. Good Luck §ir!
I like Jocko's solution in addressing the complaint and providing a valid reason and answer instead of brushing it off
True, in most cases someone gets either too wrapped up in it or ignores it entirely
@@littletoe9412 then as a leader, once you've taken those steps and if the same person still persists, then a different course of action ought to be taken as you've mentioned. I'm referring to Jocko's reaction to the initial complaint. Take a step back assess it and address it with the party involved, explain why it is the way it is and if there is in fact a problem, do something about it. What may be irrelevant to you could be impacting the person bringing it up. It is empathy to a certain degree.
I am a negative complainer and I am working on trying to turn that around. I am working everyday trying to improve myself and get rid of this awful trait!
Complaining just reassures the universe that you’re not ready for the good. Have to speak life not death❤ ☀️
I love how echo’s voice & conversation style is in contrast to his badassness
Echo's grumbles and groans are a whole new language
😆🤣
12:45
Complaints comes from doubt and once you relieve them of that with sound logic that builds their trust in your leadership and respect for you
People rip on the buzz killer, but one important thing to note is that the complainer sometimes just happens to be "that guy" who has the balls to speak up about negative aspects that were imparted on a team that no one else will speak up about. So they're considered the outcast. Sometimes it should be viewed as constructive criticism and maybe that person actually knows wtf they're talking about and should be listened to. I've been in that position several times and hate to be the complainer but have had bosses listen and realize, holy shit that's actually a legit argument but I make sure I say that it's meant to be constructive and no one else will probably say this but....and lead into my argument. Upper mgmt in any agency/corporation generally has serious problems with understanding concepts/effects/metrics at the "field soldier" level, so people do need to speak up or change is unlikely to happen. This is the biggest corporate battle I face on an ongoing basis. The courage to speak up for the greater good is a rare quality in an employee, but necessary.
@Buktownx Without people like you/what you describe, Verizon Wireless would have consumed by their competitors back in 2009/10. True story.
I agree...it's kind of like MGTOW.
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯so true!
Who is held accountable when things fall apart? Puts everyone in there place.
Great point. As far as sports teams or any team goes, the "whiners" are often the "winners". Some of the most successful athletes complain about everything as quite often it's just airing an issue that needs attention. This is often dismissed or confused with "karen" types (male &female) who just complain without any solution or even a will to change.
I sometimes find myself complaining, and I get frustrated because I know I can do better so I try to keep listening to great advice online. Thank you Jocko & Echo. This helps!
I had a great situation with a debbie downer and I did exactly what Jocko suggested. "Hey, man. Take over this operation for the week. Give you the chance to make an impact on what you're criticizing. If nothing else, it'll be a good perspective for you." He turned it down, then stepped down from his leadership role in our organization. For someone who was already being a lackluster leader, I was happy to give him the extra boot he needed. Obviously not the intended result, but it was great to see Jocko giving some good advice that I had already implemented.
@Tole Plays That sounds like a really negative thing for you to say. Why are you such a negative whiny person?
Most 'chronic complainers' I have met seem to have issues with life that they havent worked out yet. Either its the 'little guy' syndrome or they have been raised in a negative manner (parental negativity towards perceived 'wrongdoings') that it carries over to adult life. In some instances, there is a combination of the two and the fact they just might be an arse. If thats the case, there is not much changing in attitude thats going to happen, in my experiences.
This is the most animated i have seen Jocko be. I am glad he is opening up in front of The Lens more :3
It's cool that you noticed that. Few would.
@@monietz no my man. Joy is infectious
I love when Echo echoes Jocko softly into the mic.
The most amazing thing about this and taking the time to listen and taking it seriously, is a lot of times when you pull them into the office and let them have the time to complain, they back off a bit from their complaint and turns out the complaint was not a big deal. A lot of people just wants the attention for different some reason, and it could be a personal issue. So taking the time to listen is all they want.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️Keep up the good work! Super fan from Haiti 🇭🇹 🇭🇹🇭🇹🇭🇹🇭🇹
This guy right here is really awesome and has helped me to start transitioning into a more "glass half full" type of person so to speak..... Thanks man
It’s one thing to complain about legitimate issues. It’s another to whine consistently about everything.
Yes, that's the difference. We all know that person that can turn everything into some negative comment. "It's too hot outside." "It's too cold outside." "Why do we have a dress code at work?" "There's too much overtime at work, I'm tired." "There's not enough overtime at work, I'm broke." Someone brings a snack to share at work, "I hate that snack." Uhhhhhhhh!!!! Just shut up!!
He addresses constant complainers. They're complaining for a reason. Listen.
@@ItsTooLatetoApologize Explain to them why their complaint is bad if it's not valid. Most of the people who are just complaining will stop at the notebook when they realize you'll be back to bug them about the complaint later.
it's so annoying to deal with downers. everytime you give them a potential solution or idea, they're always like, "nah, idk, there's this in the way, or this.."
I work with a 21 year old guy who has openly told me he has anxiety and insecurities. He's constantly complaining, from the smallest thing always. I've given him time and chat to him for 6 months since he's joined us, but sometimes it is a bit frustrating. Maybe I should tell him to see a professional?
Do you have performance measures? I don't care how a person, if you're not meeting you will be coached out.
You might have to tell him I've got time to hear what you say but now you have to take some advice and hit him with some truths and steer him in the right direction. Listening is not enough if someone is trapped in a negative cycle they need help.
Roger that guys! Thank you so much. Hopwfully lockdown has helped quiet things more enabling us all to listen better.
I have been using this quarantine to cultivate some much needed discipline Jocko. Listening to the Akira remix of Discipline Equals Freedom every morning when I workout before sitting at my PC for online classes all day. Everyone else I know is just sleeping, drinking, wasting this time. Being negative.
There’s this friend I had and I’ve started getting after it but he’s complaining 24/7. This video is a godsend.
love that line coming from individual with decent intuition and intention does has a smell which leads to stupid actions in some, specially when you observe behavior. well said
When I was bold enough to question authority in the office environment, the answer, invariably was "ours is not to reason why".
Jocko is cool as fuck but love how humble and genuine echo is
This is fucking next level stuff. Had a job interview today and didn't nail it at all, should have listened to you guys more beforehand. Love your channel, it's empowering.
"im just playin devils advocate" is th answer of every annhilator
It took me a long time to realize that people don’t really change their personalities and behaviors very much after they reach adulthood. You either accept them as they are and deal with it, or you separate from them. At least Jocko has some ideas on how to deal with them. But, changing them?. Not going to happen
ralph holiman not typically but coming from a young guy who’s seen many older men say the same thing...only to be humbled or shocked into changing sometime down the road, I know it is possible. Just not common
Narcissists don't change, neurotypicals can
A thing about 'writing it all down' and 'memory': The act of writing a thing down from a conversation requires your mind to access additional parts of the brain, 'Im not just using my ears and comprehending, Im accessing my fine motor skills to re-interpret my comprehension..." when that happens, you brain grants that detail/fact whatever your writing a higher importance, and it becomes easier to recall. Im sure Mr Willink has a good memory anyways, but this is a neat hack to give EVERYONE a good memory..
I’m not a leader i hold no leadership positions professionally ... but these tips and tricks to life are amazing I’m running around delivering packages for Amazon rn but I take it seriously and use all these things I’ve learned from jocko and they ALL WORK! Like I said I don’t lead but I know that I am an important part of our team we have and I strive to take on responsibility where I can ! People have taken notice and it feels good to be one of the ppl that can be depended on to get the job done ! 🤟🏼
Good for you brother hope you’re still getting after it
"Intention has a strong smell" I like that!
A shift of perspective from complaint to question
"How to deal with a negative complainer" Jocko: "plays with a combat knife at the beginning of the video"
Awesome stuff. Makes me sad about the all crappy leadership I have seen without the ability to point out how to improve it.
Excellent guys! Totally awesome!!
Thanks for sharing, video awsome as usual..
I hate that i was a current entertainment for a stupid relationship that took a tool on my mental health but im too strong to let that take a toll in the end, i learnt the lesson life is too short for pity and fu#k off toxic people when you see life through a broken lens.. which lets say im one of those - "people who are spiritually minded tend to suffer from anxiety and depression more. You know why? because their/my eyes are open to a world that is in need of repair. They literally have an increase ability to feel the emotions of people around them. "!!
Awesome advice and really great topic
Top notch stuff. Respect!
How to deal with a person that is nominally put under you, but is often working with your boss and uses that to skip on other responsibilities he/she has, undermining you in the process and ruining team dynamics?
This is how the world has worked since the beginning of time, younger or less wise people listen to older or wiser people on experiences in life and that’s how things progress as people learn these wisdoms at a younger ages and gain even more wisdom using the wisdom they got and now can pass it down to the younger generation. God I love this podcast
Great advice for parenting as well!
I had a similar situation, where me and a few people in my team had a few issues with our producer's plan for our project. My reason was that they weren't approaching it in a smart way, and would take valuable time from the project. But the subordinate that was siding with me wasn't complaining for those reasons, they were complacent because they wanted the easier solution for themselves. I mean people have their reason for why they dont like someones idea, but i think the most important reason is how that idea impacts the bigger picture, the overall project. I feel like if its something that only you get affected by, then you should just suck it up. Is it best to just go with it, even if you dont agree with the plan as much as others? And if you are in a leadership position and someone in your team came to you with a complaint that only affected them, do i convince them to ignore it or try to find another idea for the plan?
Checking the graaaamm😂😂😂 hilarious Jocko
I just love f*king love Jocko... "actiooon".
Great job on the efonline website, Echo!
I'm sharing this on Facebook.
Some people just have too much of the heart whilst others do not.
When the complaints were good, I just used the complainer's points to correct errors in our projects before we started on them. Plugging the wholes in a project before you even start is always good. Everyone should have someone on the team, who can find obstacles before they happen :) Giving the complainer the job to fix the errors if he's qualified is also a good way to go.
This is awesome. Listening to the complaints, try putting them in charge, =building relationships within the team. Don't be a victim to complaints, if you do it is your fault. Gets back to extreme ownership.
Ive found that the only time i complain is when im not allowed to take charge of a problem. If you give me free reign ill use the anger and dissatisfaction to solve it and hyper focus on it to achieve a goal expediently. Simply put, complaining for me stems from being in a powerless position and being unable to take control of an issue. For example waiting foe s-1 to do their jobs. How to fix it? Let mw fucking get u the paperwork u need from mol instead of waiting for it to trickle down the COC. Gears always broken? Let me inventory the gear to fix it, clean it or put in a maintenance request. Inefficient and impractical countermeasures to covid? Let's speak to medical professionals and logistics personell to receive the proper training and supplies to fully understand and equip ourselves without jeopardizing combat readiness.
Extreme responsibility is a tool that puts you up no matter what the situation is contrary to the belief that it weakens you because everything is your responsibility. Because, when everything is your responsibility, you can control everything (mostly), but when it's not suddenly everything is outta control and you're in chaos.
Fucking awesome as someone who’s 21 and growing into a leadership position and dealing with these issues.
Jocko advise is great if you live like jocko
15:06 made me laugh so hard... “He’s checkin’ the...... G R A M”
I must admit, Jocko starting with a knife in his hand is a strong move.
If we didn't have a pen and notebook we were officially out of uniform and we're corrected accordingly. My favorite correction was to have my Soldier show up at my door every hour on the hour in full battle rattle so I could inspect him. He was dismissed when I got sick of looking at him. I felt that if I briefed you and your not taking notes and I have too repeat myself we are going to have problems. When I meet with the Godhead I get one opportunity to understand the mission.
This literally only applies to working relationships. Try this game with one of your chooms and watch how fast you lost friends.
I need this
Damn I love Jocko
One of the most irritating tendencies nowadays is working with a bunch of complainers at work, and no one (including the boss) can effectuate actual direction and drive, basically toxicity; but then (and this is the kicker) if you complain about the fruitless whining and loser mentality, *you* get "called out" for "complaining."
Good stuff gentlemen.
Very nice. Thanks
"He's checking the GRAAAAAAAM". I was dying of laughter to that. lmfao
Worst case is when it's pure ego and they are impossible to reason with. If you outrank them, cool, otherwise it can get pretty pointless.
Most people don’t care about your concerns. Many only use your concerns as banter for their own entertainment and gossip. My philosophy is to be seen and not heard. I act and behave out of what believe is true and don’t draw attention to it and definitely don’t seek validation for it.
“HE’S CHECKIN THE GRAMM” 👁️👄👁️
Cool thanks homie
Huh, something I got right already. I used to be a meme at my old work, for always carrying a physical note pad around and making lists of shit I had to do. Cause it was the only way for me to not forget anything, and I didn't wanna forget anything.
The other end of that scale is when people are actively thrown under the bus or made to look inferior for daring to complain. So they don't. No one does. The place gradually implodes because nothing is fixed or improves unless management happen to specifically notice and do something. The wheels fall off. I worked at a place like that. The Manager was too busy playing mini golf and screwing the secretary to listen to anyone below him. Any legit complaint was brushed off or thrown back in their face. A massive job went out wrong, client rejected it. Owner cracked the shits and got rid of manager.
I dig you two... over the last couple of years I've learned some incredibly pragmatic things that has helped me, even if I hadn't quite figured out how to apply it yet... so, here's where the "but" comes in: Human nature is such that some people are so proud, broken, and irreconcilable, that leadership strategies and ego checking will not make one iota of difference. There ARE people who complain JUST TO COMPLAIN, to stroke their own egos, and nothing will ever change that. Evil EXISTS, and sometimes, it needs to be cut out like a cancer.
Love it!
I like how they decided to end the video with echo going "... umm... Cool, yes, agreed." 😂
JOCKO: Speaking edifying and potentially life changing words... ME: What KNIFE is that? Dang...would you TURN it a little more!? Sheesh! Is it a ZT?... No... WTH Jocko? Get your priorities straight man. Really though... Absolutely beautiful content. Real, dedicated help. Very much appreciated.
Putting them in charge has solved negative troops more times than I've saluted....
I once had someone call be out for that, after telling them that what they wanted was impractical. So all the line managers are stood around in a semicircle while I explained that he was wrong but I will continue and show you why he is wrong, 300 tons of pressure suddenly releases with a clatter and bang and he processed to claim what I did it in badness. Even when explain in great detail why he was wrong he still couldn't except it. Moral of the story, not all negative complainers are doing it on badness, you may just be wrong all the time.
What I run into where I work is they may listen to you but they never do anything about it. You might as well be talking to a wall. Most of it is because management does not have to deal with the problems we have to deal with, so they really don't care.
I thought this exchange was one of their better videos. In a way I expected them to crap on the complainer in this given scenario, but Jocko is completely correct here in that (in my words here), often times the people who "complain about complainers" are just being lazy essentially and not conducting themselves in their leadership role with as much energy and care that they should be. If you have a subordinate, or even a family members who is making the same complaints all the time and you choose to do nothing about what's bothering them and instead complain to other people about how they "complain all the time', it's pretty clear to me who the actual prick is in that situation, and it's not the original complainer. A complaint is just someone communicating an issue they're having. Not everyone is doing it to be a prick. What other way is there to express that you have an issue with something you perceive to be improper or inefficient than to make a complaint? Now, I do know there are some dishonest people out there who complain about nonsensical stuff that is not an issue in passive aggressive attempts to discredit other people or to spread around negativity to others to try to hide their own lack of contributions or their own faults and shortcomings, but that's super easy to spot and you can just call that out. Definitely shouldn't put everyone into the same box because in each case, a complaint was made. Great video here, big thumbs up from me.
What about that old phrase though, but I think you guys are shining light on the idea of this old phrase “ The squeaky wheel is the one that gets greased.”
Complaints / criticism are useful. Even someone being attuned to finding fault is useful, if you can calmly consume the data. Of course, it's a problem if they can't really explain their problem and you don't have enough in common with them to be able to intuit their reasoning... But that's not very common. On average, you're probably better off hearing more complaints - especially those that people hold in, that are nevertheless going to be affecting their work and maybe their gelling with the team. What someone doesn't agree with, they obviously won't commit to.
Imagine getting screamed at as a child by Jocko Willink. I would both love and be terrified to be his son
Debbie Downer and Karens’ why are these negative labels identified in the feminine, perpetuating a negative connotation on females? Plenty of male winers out there! Great video though, I learned a lot from this video, so I appreciate you!
The only people that can even understand complaining is a complainer. I can understand a legitimate complaint. But a person who constantly have a complaint, No one have time or the enough paper. I think you got off point. Plus, stop interrupting each other.. Let the other one finish the thought
Was asked a couple of years back by the Debbie Downer Why are you polishing your boots ? My answer "Because we're meant to" I should have answered, because it gives me a sense of pride and I like it. Now we're on the same unit, to say the attitude is toxic would be an understatement. I have pulled the thread and it has completely unravelled, seeking to clear up communication and having an open unit wide discussion has been seen as back stabbing...followed up by him with a 1 on 1 discussion ended with him venting, refusing point blank to see any positives from the situation. Our unit leader is out injured at the moment and we're having the role filled ad-hoc with overtime. I've said my piece, offered the olive branch and still nothin. Only time will tell but I will Ork with anyone but refuse to become soaked in the negativity.
The worst part is that MOST bosses are not anywhere close to trying to listen. I then make it an opportunity for my OWN leadership practice. - "Hope for the Best. Plan for the Worst".
If one person whines, they're a whiner If two or more people whine, you're not listening.
i like the second council a lot
Excellent! Also, if in a toxic situation with a bully boss, an employee can write down verbatim what their boss is telling them and show it to their boss and ask them if they would like to initial it before taking it to their boss. Shuts it down!
Constant complainers usually are not helping their situation. Probably trying to make other feel bad. Bad for everyone. I have done it but if the people who can change the situation ignore it. What good does it do? Hurts yourself usually.
I smell Echo's intentions from about 500 miles away