5 things I learned about confidence in my 30’s
2024 ж. 20 Қаң.
860 Рет қаралды
benjaminantoine.substack.com
Confidence is difficult to isolate and hard to pinpoint. It's more complex than just improving a skill.
In this video I break down what confidence looks like for me and the most likely reason you think of yourself as lacking in confidence.
#confidence #selfconfidence #makingachange
Good morning all. What has your experience with confidence been like? Do you think it’s a skill that can be learned or is it more of a belief that requires self reflection?
Good morning, Bejamin - confidence can gain stability due to experiences and basically is quite delicate. Think of the Dunning Kruger effect; the smarter you are, the more you question yourself. To me it's hard to take those adults seriously who strongly believe in their greatness up to overestimating themselves like teenagers. I wish you a pleasant amount of confidence in every situation - and now a delightful Sunday!
I guess torsten is right with his opinion
Vielen Dank für die Zustimmung, Kristian😊
For me confidence and calm have grown with age, experience, and less regard for other people's opinions and feelings about me. *I like those who like me* and there is no time, energy, and interest for the rest. In fact, they who are nasty aren't many, since I've made a point of thinking about them with their names (as say Henry, Millie, and Carina), not generalising - then I've dropped them from my context. Did wonders!
Great video. I’m very confident myself, but I’m guilty of overthinking thing 😅 Nice voice too by the way.
Ahh yes. Overthinking is very annoying at times!
100% agreement from me. A man's voice is so important! My hubby has the most charming southern drawl (Swedish) - one day he imitated an angry man speaking an other dialect, and our little dog got very upset and wanted to defend us against that stranger! That's what I call a good instinct, better than overthinking! 😀
Confidence has also an "eye of the beholder effect". I learned early in my life I can fake confidence (lie) and others around me are very thankful to not have to use their brains anymore and just follow. Even though leading people is a bit of work (the work they don't want to do), but in exchange things are mostly done the way I want it and others are doing it. (self-centered and lazy) So I got used to faking confidence and learned that I can lead and take the right decisions and so forth ... resulting in REAL confidence. Since I am not really confident I don't make the mistake of seeing myself as flawless so I still have the sensibility to check in with everyone in a one-on-one session and ask them about their own ideas they want to see implemented and then I proclaim/order the team to set them into action, mentioning whos idea it was. If the outside would not be so reluctant and slow (mentally) - I would never be this confident.
I think you’re right that it can be a reinforcing cycle. If you pretends to be confident and people respond as if you are, then you might start to believe it…it’s still a bit precarious as some people will see through it and end up shattering the process you’ve made
This comment is very funny - "if the outside would not be so reluctant and slow (mentally) - I would never be this confident." You made me smile - you sound like my hubby, let me just guess, you clim up a ladder to fix something, but you then call your mate to bring you the tools you forgot to take up with you, and you're too lazy to climb down and fetch them yourself. That's the "red" personality in "Surrounded by Idiots" (Erikson) - endearing! It is true not everyone is happy leading people, and I don't like it at all, but I'll do it if I feel I must. But very tiresome it is. You sound like a very good leader and you look to it that not the whole bunch is not just procrastinate in their laziness and procrastination! 🙂 Keep up the speed! Kudos!
@@DNA350ppm thanks for that book tip, just went over the four types on Eriksons youtube channel ... I am a tiny bit red, not as lazy as you mentioned, not as much exploiting others as the dude on the ladder, but confident. Most of my personality is of the yellow type, I am inspiring my team to go onto the ladder AND tell them not to forget their tools. 😅 even lazier than the do-all-alone- red type
@@whattheflyingfuck... Wow! Now I truly believe you are most of all the yellow type - you were openminded enough to check the referens - 100% reds know everything already so they don't have time to check any new ideas ( 😀 ) - you are a great inspiration, my friend! *Every reason to feel confident!!!* The green ones are not sure it is a good idea, sounds too strange with the colours and all... And the blue ones don't get beyond checking the validity of the first sentence, because there was a couple of imprecise expressions there! 😀 But all people with some humour are more colourful than just one colour/type. I enjoyed your sentence "even lazier than the 'do-all-alone' red type" - there's much insight in that! (high five!)
Nice to see my 'second hometown' of Vienna here :) Being sort of a people-pleaser, it can be quite hard to stay confident in corporate environment where ones boundaries are often crossed intentional or unintentional, and hard are hard to set due to the frequent leadership changes one has to endure there. Trying to be bit more stoic in that regard, but it's often still a challenge to keep confident one day to progress somehow after some nasty set-backs. Confidence does indeed spill to other domains, do like that observation. And one might be able to use that to an advantage to use other domains to grow more generally confident.
Yes I agree. If you can gain confidence in one area you have evidence that it’s possibly to achieve it in other areas
@@britingermany yep, it took me some confidence to extend my BahnCard into 2024 with all those rail strikes, delays and works in Germany, haha. Still know my travels will work out between Vienna and NL somehow, but the news about yet another GDL strikes does stress me still way too much at times. It is mostly to answer: 'can I meet expectations in both places', though surely others will understand a strike is really beyond my influence. Heard the argument over and over I should get a drivers license and car, as argument against going by 'old fashioned' train, but really its pointless to drive around or park in Vienna and have my reasons not to own a car or doing the 1100km rides the places I live in.
@@algemeennut6683 I much prefer train over car travel. So many benefits 👍🏻
awesome advice about overthinking and making decisions, thank you!
Glad to hear and thanks for watching 🙏
Yes, it is studied and they found out that when a decision is complicated to make, people who were thourough and took their time to consider all aspects, weren't happier with their choice than people who fired from the hip, and just did it - as a certain slogan has proclaimed. 🙂 I always get to regret that I have not followed my intuition.
Such a great topic and words shared. Thank you always with the deep thoughts. I also am very much bad at math, we’re talking dyscalculia. Growing up I was so embarrassed by it. Then something happened, there is a kind of confidence that allows you this sort of “universal confidence.” It was the confidence to accept that I am just having a human experience as long as I move with truth and love it’s ok to not be great at everything, or perfect under a false social construct that’s been ingrained in us to all be equal at everything…like robots. Which is why the confidence to know I’m having a human experience at all times sort of allows me to be in any situation not feeling “unconfident” about myself. We are all having our own experiences with strengths and perceived “weaknesses”, and self discovery. Remembering this makes it soooo much easier to move around with a strong sense of Self… Confidence!✨✨✨
Thanks great! Age and experience helps a lot as well
Good morning, Sunday treat! You pick such interesting topics, Benjamin! To be grounded in the age one actually is - that's a great stabilizing factor in confidence, which still always varies and swings, from situation to situation. Our context today is difficult for many, when in our Western culture we are almost demanded (!) to be young and youthful to the extreme. Let's reclaim that each age has its advantages and delights, from an internal perspective at least, which should suffice, shouldn't it? 😀
It should indeed🤗. I am enjoying the 30’s a lot 😉
@@britingermany Great - you are on the right path and I love that you share your experiences! My 30's were full of huge lessons! Never a dull moment! All the best for much Lebensfreude!
What a lovely fresh take on confidence! Being in training and development, always believed that sparks of inspiration and curiosity lead to possible development of confidence. Over confidence & thinking could be a grand adversaries. Thank you for your thought provoking content - always love your ideas 😊
Yes I think “getting out of your head” and taking an interest in the things around you is a great start👍🏻
Benjamin, this is a very interesting video. Thank you! I should like to add one thing which I feel is very important in building one's confidence in life, and it is this: Avoid being around people who are too critical and negative of one's abilities and person. A healthy and positive examination of a person's abilities is one thing, but highly critical and negative examination, often given to a person unsolicited, is something very different. Such criticism should be avoided at all costs. In my opinion, a person, both as a child and as an adult, needs to have a _realistic_ understanding of his/her abilities. Excessive criticism, often proferred by siblings and close friends, can have a very damaging effect on one's confidence. It is usually not confidence-building; furthermore, in extreme cases, it can take years for the person to recover and regain a sense of equilibrium and proportion.
Totally. That has a big affect. Relationships can become negative at any time.
@@britingermany 👍🏻
Great vids man love your insights
Thanks a lot 🙏
Very interessing. I struggeled in my self confidence when I got very ill. In my thirtys I was very strong at my own. Built a house, had born two strong daughters, was always working in my profession. Succesful. Than the touch down. What I want to say, is that life is not living linear.Our was of life to have confidence is to take all the different challanges life offers you. If you take it and integrate it in your life you get confidence again. Work with it, in each Part of your life. Sorry I made a lot of mistakes 😂
No problem I understood the gist of it and I agree. Life is not linear but even though I know this it’s still sometimes hard to deal with
looove your videos
Glad to hear it 🙏
At 65 years of age I'd say the "greatest confidence" comes with the deepest personal challenges ... and yet like faith it can waiver, But if facing the challenge is "successful" so much is learned of oneself.. What diminishes confidence if lack of belief , trust , value in oneself. What's that Latin phrase " Illegitimi non carborundum "
Beautiful
I would suggest acting classes for improving confidence aka "Sicher auftreten bei völliger Ahnungslosigkeit." ;)
Sounds like a plan 👍🏻
What happend..the numbers go lower and lower on your channel?
Because I am not making videos about Germany anymore, the audience is not interested and so KZhead kills them.