A Skill That Will Make You Future-Proof (99% of Employees Are Not Focusing On This)
My newsletter: benjaminantoine.substack.com
Regardless of how technology develops I think human connection is something which we all crave.
Learning the language that other people speak is key to navigating the social landscape. Some want to give others would rather take, some are motivated by helping others would rather be helped.
Without practice skills atrophy. The less you practice the worse you get. And although you might not think of it like this - communication is a skill. The way we interact with other human beings is a skill.
Chapters:
00:00 - Intro
01:30 - Social skills
03:16 - feelings
04:35 - Speaking to people in their own language
06:45 - get so good
08:20 - The rise of the generalist
10:10 - Critical Feedback
#socialskills #communication #dealingwithpeople
Merry Christmas everyone🎉.
Thanks a lot, to you, too! 🙂
Sincere content. Taking notes is even more important when you meet the respective people seldom. Another important skill is also to _receive_ feedback. The recipient must know that good and thorough feedback is given to help him/her improve. Have yourself a merry Christmas in good company.
Thank you and same to you. merry Christmas :)
Most people are not interested in solving the root cause. They want to get a solution that eliminates the current issue. When managers say: I would they mean that you need todo exactly like said. When managers say: We need to they mean that everyone else need to change as suggested When managers say: Our staff is great and needs to take on responsibility they forget to set boundaries and are then surprised that that staff does not adapt to this new requirement especially after having experienced many of the “I would” messages My summary: If management wants change they need to lead, train and coach. Just requesting change is not enough. And like you said: those that are loudest to criticize are most likely the ones that really want changes for better of the company and people but they are the most challenging to listen to and work with
Interesting video. Although happily retired now, I was at some level of management throughout much of my nearly 50 year career in manufacturing. What you say is spot on. Working with all types of people is a learned skill. The most successful leaders in my experience were those who grasped both the essence, in some detail, of the business side of what they were managing (IT, manufacturing, etc.) and the nature of the people doing the work. This garnered respect from the people they managed or worked with. Being respected goes much further than being liked.
Agreed!
People do not understand the importance of relationships at work. It does take time though. When you first start work it is all about expertise and getting the task done. You do have to work on the Emotional Intelligence part of the job. This was an interesting video and thanks for posting it. Hope you have a happy Christmas.
Thanks a lot. Merry Christmas to you too
I started taking notes on conversations with friends a while ago after becoming frustrated that I'd forget >90% of what we had talked about the last time even though I really cared about what they said. Makes it a lot easier to deepen the conversation quickly.
It makes a big difference
My future boss had a problem talking to people and his approach and attitude to workplace problems were shocking. His answer to every problem was "I don't care". His written style was unreadable, this is due to communicating through email. I'm an ex career British Army SNCO, I worked for a German company, while there I managed to work my way to management. I was asked by one of his uncle's to mentor him and pass on my experience dealing with personnel and how to manage, plan and communicate effectively.
In my work (research institute), providing feedback is essential, and we've really suffered during the pandemic. People either stopped giving feedback at all or started to "shoot from the hip" (sometimes to the point of trolling) because non-verbal personal communication was largely absent. In general, there seems to have been fewer inter-personal irritations, but conflicts tended to escalate quicker and further because mediating voices couldn't be as effective. Really, inter-personal communication (and consequently, skill) has still not returned to normal, and this something I see elsewhere as well, and may even be at the root of present political radicalisation.
Yes I do think the less interactions you have the worse you become at interacting. And to your point about covid I think the fact that so many people are working from home has had a knock on effect in terms of social skills.
Yes, unfortunately, it seems that the world has largely lost its social skills during the pandemic. Now if you want to have social interactions of a similar value or quality like before, you have to be an expert in this field.
I do take with me that social skills is indeed important, but alas, just that is so dependent on the environment You have to grow/put up with. If it is a friendly environment, then it is of course easy, even for introverts. But in antisocial or indifferent/ignorant ("detached"?) environments, where everyone only minds his/her business, this is a war zone where You only learn how to "defend" Yourself. Unfortunately I find friendly environments to be utterly rare (and I know three countries), and the skill to find THOSE is in utter need. But in general I think all this is no new phenomenon, not at all. The Pandemic has only made these stone-age old problems extremely clear. People have always been difficult to deal with, and that continues, as we see: we have more wars and quarrels again about very stupid things. Because: people won't even try to listen or understand, they want You to understand but in a one-way fashion. That is of course not "speaking their language" and certainly demotivating, when You hear all this people talking buzz or conspiracies. I am SO tired of them, so I withdrew for the most. It is pointless to be with those persons, and so sometimes, You need to make a cut and start somewhere else. One thing i doubt is that "documentation" or a diary is key to success. The very fact of writing down things is if at all only good to keep Your own mind shipshape, if that is possible. So many events still make no sense regardless You write them down or not. I learned at a late stage of my life that so few people write diaries because they are both unable (i.e. untrained) AND unmotivated to write down the "daily madness". My grandmolthers who grew up between 1900 and 1940 in Germany were like that. They war warm-hearted but the events of German history and their own lives left them only baffled and speechless - and that is despite they were talking LOT everyday. Long after they are gone now, I found out how much they had NOT told me about long periods of their lives, entire decades are missing, and I cannot ask them any more. Today, I only can try to trace something by studying the general history of their time. BTW also lots of people who DO write a diary destroy it before they die: they do not want others to read it ... and one might think that this is "natural" personal privacy, but at the same time, this is also: anti-social. Even reading for Yourself is essentially anti-social, born from an anti-social environment where nobody would even listen to Your questions, to You switch people for books etc. My house is a private library ... guess why. The best point of this video is about making compromises, between Yourself and "the others". Always try again, but also never expect anything. Thanks for the video
Thanks a lot for your insights Jan. The experiences of your grandparents are indeed very extreme and unimaginable for most of us today. I think most people think of keep a diary as just writing down events and things that happened that day. That's not really very beneficial...I'm talking about it more in the sense that when trying to understand complex ideas or concepts it's often only when you sit down to write about them that you realise you actually don't understand it all. So it is a tool for retention - helps us to remember better and also to understand things better. I rarely read back what I've written, it's more about trying to gain a better understanding off something
@@britingermanyok that is what I also did all my life: trying to get a better understanding, and I think, just like You, most often I ended up in NOT understanding it =) despite knowing all details. So that is how mad this world can be. One might know many details about a war etc ... but can it ever be understood ... I doubt that. So in the end the writing excercise is an attempt to get some more mental clarity, that's all.
I think that people like to know that they have meaning and that their efforts are appreciated. As you say the world has become so busy and so online, I think people can feel disconnected. When you take the time to remember those previous conversations, people feel they matter. What motivates is interesting as you say, because it can be linked to good or bad memories. If someone is unsure then praise may raise fears that they cannot meet future expectations. I think with real feedback it comes down to trust. If you have a good rapport or you as supervisor are seen as firm but fair, the feedback can be taken in easier.
Good points! Are you perhaps speaking the "green" language? (Thomas Erikson kzhead.info/sun/gLuderhweJ6gfIE/bejne.html )
Excellent. Glad I found this channel. Also, enjoyng the style very much.
Glad to hear it🙏
Hi Benjamin, I will listen to your words later; now it's Christmas ... And I do wish you a very merry one - fröhliche Weihnachten!🌲🌟👍😊
Merry Christmas Torsten! Have a good one 👍🏻
Frohe Weihnacht, Ben, und ein gutes neues Jahr !
Danke dir Michael. Same to you. Have a good one👍🏻
This was really a good one! Interestingly, several YT-Channels that I follow turn into something like what you do now. And interestingly, it seems that many people seem to appreciate this. I know I do. Thanks - I will try out how I can incorporate some of what you talk about here into my life.
Thanks a lot. I’m glad to hear that 😀
Frohe Weihnacht Ben. Spannendes Video ... ich hatte ein DejaVu (weil ich ungefähr das gleiche vor ca. 40 Jahren gehörte hatte ... von meinem ersten Abteilungsleiter in meinem ersten Job).
Haha das ist ja krass! I thought my manager was one of a kind. 😉
Brilliant as always Ben, sort of came just in time for me, joined a new company and it’s a big one in Germany so I’m kindly a little overwhelmed with everything. Appreciate it brother. Merry Christmas. 🎁🎄
Merry Christmas to you too! All the best with the new job💪💪
Very enjoyable and intelligent presentation. I have only started keeping a diary in my senior years. Time seems to speed up with age, and spending five minutes logging ones thoughts and events of day - gives that day value , and helps put the weeks and months of ones life into some sort of context. I am not sure about keeping files on individuals, perhaps that's a German managerial thing. I think your observations on constructive criticism excellent.
It certainly does. Only started noticing that in my early 30’s…people say it never slows down so I can’t imagine what it will be like when I’m 60.
Love the video. This is really concrete advice and something that I struggle with and am improving. Just subscribed and hoping to learn more valuable insights. Also, I noticed at point 12:45 'rerspect' typo in your slides (practicing constructive feedback:) )
Thanks a lot. Thanks for the critical feedback and glad to see you watched until the end 😉
Good morning. Thanks for another warm and insightful introduction to Sunday morning. I might be overly simplistic when exclaiming that the invention of the “dumb”phone was the beginning of the end for social skills and social (human) interaction. Seasons greetings from Dubrovnik.
Thank you for the seasons greeting :)...it's not easy but it's up to us to decide how to use the latest technology
Thanks for your comment - I feel the sunshine flowing in from between dark clouds! Aren't your type a mixture of yellow and warmth!? (kzhead.info/sun/gLuderhweJ6gfIE/bejne.html)
The way we work with that in our department. Is that first ppl have to fit company figures, like language skills or history of employment like what did you do till today. After that candidates get an interview with the head of the department. But independent from that the person gets a chance to have a brief interview with the members of the team the person is about to enter. Then the team members give feedback on their future team member to the supervisor/ leader of the department. And they decide on each other’s feedback if it is a match for the team or not.
That sounds like a great approach
A very interesting video. Many interesting points raised. But, as it is Christmas Eve, I would like to take this opportunity to wish you, Benjamin, a very Merry Christmas and a very happy and successful New Year. May everything go your way in 2024! Frohe Weihnachten und ein glückliches Neues Jahr!
Thanks so much same to you ☃️🎄all the best for the new year
Trying to find out and learning the language that other people speak, following Ben's 3 bullet points, and initiate discussion on these, to enhance my skill. Hope nobody gets very annoyed with me here, but if you are annoyed - let it out! 😀 Perhaps it at least has a positive on Ben's algorithms! Have a very cosy Xmas or however you like it!
Thank you my dear. Merry Christmas to you 🎄
@@britingermany 🙂 All the best, our colorfull content-creator! 🎄
Very useful video. Thank you from Down Under.
Thanks a lot
:) i wish you a happy xmas and relaxed holidays in just in case already happy new year and a great year ahead for you greetings from bavaria
Thanks so much and same for you. Wishing you a white Christmas ❄️☃️
Schöne Weihnachten! Hoffe es fegt Dich bei dem Wind nicht weg!
Danke dir! Ich halte mich fest 😉
@@britingermany 🥰 Der Wind ist echt schon leicht gruselig!
I crave physical human interaction with you 😇... but hélas, I need to deal with the digital interaction only ... Happy New Year to you ... keep on making many more videos in 2024 🎄☀🎄☀🎄☀🎄
Haha. Thanks a lot. I’ll do my best to keep it up
This topic is extremely interessting. Is there a book about these ideas? I really would like to learn more about these different types of people and how to best communicate with them.
I don’t have any book recommendations off the top of my head but there are no doubt many out there
Perks of a music degree is that you have to work with folks in person in bands and orchestras which just cannot be done online, you're trained in stage presence/performance and our networking is going to a pub 👍 hehe we're good
Sounds good. Definitely something wholesome about taking part in a group activity like that where everyone has to play their part to create the final piece. probably a lot to be learned from Orchestra's
I want to better at the language-skill Benjamin is referring to. A basic categorisation is found here kzhead.info/sun/gLuderhweJ6gfIE/bejne.html - harmony or dissonance, what makes music interesting to you? Bach or musical?
@@britingermany shame employers don't understand that when they see "music degree" and just assume I did fuck all because it's easy for 6 years
@@DNA350ppm what makes music interesting to you is an extremely hard question to answer, I love learning about history, people, culture and society. Like it's such a fundamental part of the human experience I can't even begin to summarise,
@@DNA350ppm the colours thing is interesting but I'd be too careful to stick yourself in a box like that
Before I clicked on this video, I was afraid you'd say that the "future-proof" skill was people / social skills. Kinda sucks for autistics. Still, you shared valuable insights here with concrete, enactable methods to improve those skills, so I'm glad I watched your video, since it certainly wasn't a mere counsel of despair. If I may offer critical feedback: I recommend you proofread the text you put on screen; there were a lot of typos in this video. A simple spell-checker would catch most of them. Those easily corrected errors detract from what is otherwise a smooth, professional, and beautifully edited video.
I appreciate the critical feedback, thanks for watching 👀
People with ADHD, autism , dyspraxia, dyslexia etc , neurodivergent, mental health issues .
I thought the long-hours culture had gone out of fashion. A German car worker on the production line working a 35-hour week is not going to be keeping a diary, and neither should his boss, who would be sent round the twist with this approach.
I suppose that depends if the production line worker wants to progress in their career and maybe do something else or if they are happy doing that job for the next 30 -40 years...
Red hot temper here - you could fry an egg on your top-capsel (topplock in Swedish, on the top of a combustion engine, you know...) - guess you are surrounded by idiots in many contexts, so this is especially for you with a sincere Merry Xmas: kzhead.info/sun/gLuderhweJ6gfIE/bejne.html (you'll have many laughs)
Welp, as an autistic trans person I'm well and truly f-ed. I might have more developed social skills than a lot of autistic people but I still mess up and miss the cues on a regular basis, and as a trans person I have a big shiny target on my back in the current political climate pretty much worldwide. So this overall development verges on apocalyptic for someone like me.
Hang in there💪
I managed to position myself so I could take early retirement at 38 ( no I didn't win the lottery or marry money ) The best part of my life now is, I really don't have to give a shit what other people think, say or do anymore.
Wow good for you you. Well done. What do you do with your time now?
You have no idea how envious I am... 😄
I actually spend alot of time wondering how I ever found the time to go to work! lol...actually I spend much time just finding interesting things to do about the house and gardens, and love travelling.
I really do realise I am blessed - never take anything in life for granted, or become greedy - they are the biggest precursors for a fall. Work hard, play hard and show respect to all those you cross paths, with and life should, in most cases, be good to you.
Sounds like your manager is a sociopath... Writing down and mapping out people... 😅 Yeah, but why not. Sociopath are really goal oriented. How to make other feel good in order to get their trust, motivate them to do yourself a favor, benefits from them. Convincing them to do this and that. Convincing them to pursue their dream, which you yourself implemented in them... 🎉😊 Merry Christmas
I think we may have different understandings of there term sociopath...merry Christmas
There is very little worse in the work environment than having a sociopath as a boss..................avoid like the plague my friend, you will never win nor be happy.
A recycled Xmas present for you, a tip of Thomas Erikson's, book Surrounded by Idiots, as we all, every one us are, aren't we! This was again a precious video. Looking forward to 2024 with many videos from you, Benjamin! kzhead.info/sun/gLuderhweJ6gfIE/bejne.html