If losing a child to an illness is one of the worst things that can happen to a family, Dr. Nadia Tremonti has made it her mission to make it better.
It’s not easy. But as a pediatric palliative care physician, she works to ensure that terminally ill children receive quality end-of-life care. Palliative care is sometimes misunderstood to shorten life expectancy, but it’s a method that increases quality of life, improves symptom burden and decreases medical costs. We follow Dr. Tremonti in John Beder's "Dying in Your Mother's Arms" as she works to make death less medical and more human. In the process she asks a critical question: When a child is terminally ill, how can we make the end of life a better one?
Read more: nyti.ms/3gPcXc2
Director John Beder: jbeder.contactin.bio/
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When my husband was dying none of the doctors would tell me he was dying, even though I had to fly our children from Alaska to California. It was a nurse who finally took me aside and whispered that it was time to get them on a plane. Had she not done that they would never have said goodbye to their father. Thank you to all the people in this video, you are heroes.
I've gotten the best advice from nurses.
That's usually because we spend a great deal of time in nursing school discussing the patient-centered elements of medicine, including end-of-life care. We also spend the greatest amount of time with the patients and their families, which places us in better positions to initiate conversations with families about sensitive subjects. If you are a patient or family member in a hospital, especially in an ICU, and a conversation is initiated about death or palliative care, it will likely either be by the nurse directly or indirectly through nursing consults.
Yes, it is kinda nurse job to inform, talk, discuss and plan. I worked as a nurse student but left due to health problems. Most of the nurse education is about planning, discussing, sympathising and not empathising, talking and informing. Decision is always taken by 2+ doctors (depends what care department u are) and the rest is left on with THESE special nurses. When it come to death and pallaiative care so it will be the nurse who will talk before and after the death and not doctors because doctors have so much bigger job and having to see and check up patients in every department. Nurse is the one who has good bond with her department, patience and thier families bec they spend yime with them.
Even if she did not feel you, nor felt for you - the love and the pain - be SURE God did want you, does LOVE you and cares for you SO MUCH that he longed for you so hard he stopped her from acting against your existence! If only you knew how much you are loved, you would cry and laugh with JOY!!! God BLESS you!
I lost my Dad to lung cancer nearly 6 years ago. When he was diagnosed, he had a lung tumour and a brain tumour. I looked up the prognosis of lung cancer with brain metastases and it was very poor. Once cancer has spread like that, then the person will most definitely die. Anyway at the beginning, I asked so many doctors and nurses if he was going to die and no one would give me a straight answer. It was so frustrating. Eventually, a doctor did answer my question. I told her to be straight with me because I deal better with cold, hard facts. So she said, "not today, not tomorrow, not next week." He had the brain tumour removed first and then had to wait for the lung op. In that time though, the cancer spread all over and he was no longer going to have the surgery, just palliative care. Not one medical professional told my Dad he was dying. My Dad was in complete denial and so when he was told very bluntly to "get all his paperwork in order", he ignored it. He didn't keep up with his life insurance and by the time the company called to renew his policy, he wasn't of sound mind to sign and and so there was no payout. He had paid into that for over 20 years. That left my Mum in so much debt and I had to help her pay the mortgage. When you have just lost someone, that last thing you should be doing is worrying about money. It's unfair. I know it must be so difficult to tell a person they are dying but not telling them makes it so much worse in the long run. These professionals knew full well my Dad didn't have long but kept lying to his face as they 'don't want the patient to lose hope.' Giving my Dad such sense of security made it all the more difficult for him and his family.
When my husband was dying, one doctor wouldn't say the word "die." I was so relieved when our main doctor came in and said "Your husband is going to die, probably in 3 days. Because he is young, it will take a few days for his organs to shut down." I will be FOREVER grateful to that doctor who spoke the truth. It helped my kids and myself process his, my husband's, death. To the families who let us in, thank you for showing your humanity. Thank you NYT for this Op-Docs. No one is every ready!
When one of my kid dying, i saw many doctors. They would not tell me the real thing that they knew. I finally met 2 doctors who told me truth and told me my baby is dying. I am forever grateful fot those 2 doctors who prepare me for the dearh of my kid.
Im so sorry for all of your losses 😔
right like I want the truth. With my grandfather the nurse would tell my grandmother one thing, then us another. Like ya I know there is a chance he might go home but its 0.0005% like come on it got her hopes up. My grandfather told us he was gonna die before the Drs did. We did have a amazing nurse that helped us with the decision to pull the vent and I will be forever grateful to her
I'm praying for you and your family. I'm sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for you and your families loss. I would want a dr to tell me too. I think having that false hope makes the loss even harder to handle when it does happen, , I would think anyway.
Twenty years ago this summer, we lost our twins. We had a doctor who was so kind and gentle, and he gave us the strength to let nature takes its course. Death doesn't have to be scary.
no, it doesn't *have* to be but sometimes it is. My mother died of cancer and while she was going through the dying process, she went into convulsions because the cancer had spread to her brain. This went on for hours. She was not in pain. But to watch your mother go into convulsions and shake and watch her eyes blinking as if she was being electrocuted was very traumatic. We were not prepared for that because the doctor had told us "it won't be anything scary". Well, it was.
@@redlikewineagain697 I don't like the idea that it's not "scary." I'd say it's downright terrifying personally. But the fear or any other feelings are all part of it and are all allowed.
I'm a twin .. im so sad but you are so brave. I'm so sorry.. my mom never wanted twins well I mean me a girl . My brother the first baby born is who she wanted .I'm sorry tho . I always wanted twins... im so so sorry tho
As a twin im so sorry for your loss. They’re together now
@@SharonVeeLeeI like to think that the not knowing what to expect is the terrifying part. That’s just my experience though. I had a near death experience and found it to be calming and peaceful while I was on “the other side.” It was the struggling to come back from that stillness that was painful and STILL is to this day. A lot of other people who are near death survivors have had the same experience. I highly, highly suggest listening to some of the stories of people who have died and come back, it’s oddly reassuring. My perception of the subject is that pain and anticipation is scary, but death is a kind release. It’s a form of mercy.
People who professionally deal with death, and aren't afraid of being honest with you, are invaluable. The loss is hard enough, but the gaslighting I've received from medical staff is downright traumatizing. I love what this woman is doing. Being honest about death, being prepared for death before it happens, has a wonderfully healing aspect to it.
Gaslighting is the absolute correct term for it. And it's extremely unkind to both the patient and the surviving family.
Gaslighting? Can you tell what comes under that?
@@Cat-hr9xpI'm guessing it's dismissing the fears of loved ones in order to lie about thr nature of the patient's condition, after which things take s turn for the worse. Or doctors dismissing symptoms/ patient feelings and misdiagnosing them, potentially allowing time to run out or leaving them in pain for several years
@@Cat-hr9xp "the patient is expected to make a full recovery" when they know that the patient will not make a full recovery. Its usually used in toxic domestic relationships, but once you know the definition you'll see it everywhere. My work's IT department is gaslighting the whole company by blaming our ISP's (we work remotely) instead of taking responsibility and passing the issue up so it can be resolved.
Its because it is clinically proven that obstructing the truth from the patient makes recovery more likely? If they want to have good results and be good doctors they have to lie.
“You are a good Mama”- the amount of compassion in that statement is overwhelming. When you have a sick child you feel like a failure and so helpless. To hear your efforts validated and affection shown is such a blessing. This doctor is incredible.
Yes mam....love fr Florida
I balled when she replied to her with that, I felt every emotion
There is also the need for this in vetenary medicine. My son was not ready for his dog to pass. The vet let me know when she was ready. I drove my son to pick her up and she passed at home with him It is the only way to die, human or animal
"I'd like to magically turn into a baby and die in my mom's arms, because there's not a place in the world with more peace and unconditional love." ❤️
As a mom who had her baby die in her arms I thank you.
So true,
Can you imagine if thats how we could go....
I love that
Omg... This just hit me in the feels! 😭 This Oct will be 10 yrs since my mom passed & I would love to be in her arm's right now.
“I don’t want a medical death, I want a human death.” That’s a powerful statement.
I LOVE when she said “do you think the reason the family is having a hard time understanding is because you can’t even say it!”
She’s a palliative care physician for dying children. That must be one of the toughest jobs on the planet. I would cry everyday.
Unfortunately it’s a facade. Don’t be fooled
@@debbiegum2226 I don’t think it’s a facade. I cried so often with my patients and their families. It was no facade.
@@debbiegum2226you are a fool. Shut up
Working in this environment would be torture. IMO.
@@bgipper4109 it can be. But I find it rewarding
I love when she talks about how she would like to die. It makes me feel much more at peace about my son's death. His life was so incredibly short, only 38 hours. But he died in my arms, with family around us. All he knew was love and warmth.
I’m so sorry Lizzie. Such a precious short life, only 38 hours. Thinking about you and your son. Thank you for sharing your story 🤍
Lizzie you said that so beautifully about your Son, it really made me stop and think. I hope you and your family are doing well, thoughts are with you ❤
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm truly sorry you loss your baby. You are honoring his life when you share that. I wish you love and healing.
Perfect
Exactly! Your son had a tiny canvas of life to paint on. 38 hours small. But he painted a beautiful picture for you, a masterpiece.
When my grandma was in the hospital with lung cancer, the doctors knew she wasn't going to make it. It was so bad they didn't even try chemo. But they didn't tell either her husband or her daughter (my mother) or her son. The shock when we got the phone call that she passed was horrible, because I genuinely thought she was gonna live. It was unfair to give us false hope.
That is horrible!!!!! I am so sorry that happened to you and for your loss! 🖤
Sorry about that; as an ICU nurse I fell partially responsible when patient’s families are lied to and don’t give death as the best option or will they never because it is considered unethical in medicine to give the blunt honest to god truth.
@@rtc600MAYBE WHERE YOU COME FROM !! IT'S CONSIDERED VERY UNETHICAL NOT TO OPENLY DISCUSS DEATH, WHEN IT'S COMING, ON THE NICU' s WHERE I'VE WORKED., BOTH IN THE UK AND AUSTRALIA .IT FAILS THE BABY AND THE PARENTS NOT TO BE OPEN ABOUT THEIR CHILD'S PROGNOSIS. YOU SHOULD BE SO ASHAMED. I'M DISGUSTED..
@@jacqueline8559 @rtc600 operates under rules she has no control over and does not agree with, that's why she said she feels partially responsible when families are lied to and aren't given death as the best option.
"I'd want to die in my mom's arms. There's no place more filled with unconditional love." This doctor's answer for how she'd want to die was so sweet, yet powerful. She'd want to live healthily to 100, but she'd magically turn back into a baby in her mother's arms at the end. 😢 I think for some faith-based perspectives, this is why people make analogies to dying in God's presence or his arms. Everyone wants that final comfort, security & unconditional love. (Now excuse me while I go cry & reflect on that for the next hour).
I went to check the comments to see if someone was as profoundly touched by this as I was… :,)
I held it together until she said that. I'm not a crier, but that got me going too.
I really felt that.
Let it go and move on. Rest in peace
Not at all. I am a born again Christian as Jesus told Nicodemus You must be born again to enter heaven and I couldn't care less if I die in some strange country on a dirt road as long as I died hopefully after witnessing to some lost person about Jesus or doing anything that glorified Jesus.
"id love to live to 100 and have everyone around me be healthy, and then id like to magically turn back into a baby and die in my moms arms. theres no better comfort and unconditional love than a mothers arms..." that broke me.
Me, too!
I don't know what it's like to have a mother, or unconditional love. But it sounds like the most amazing feeling ever. I had foster parents who adopted me and the mom was profoundly abusive. What's it like to have a mother, a real one?
@@ijustrealllylikecats Im so so sorry, i really am. the foster care system is so broken and useless and most of the kids who have to go through it can take better care of themselves and their siblings over the foster parents. I am so grateful for my mother and I wouldnt trade her for the world. Explaining what it feels like is difficult. I suppose the best way to put it is that having a mother is like having a guardian angel...and that doesnt really help explain it but
@@kirstron2390 That is the best way to explain it.
@@kingdomfreedom8323 thank you 😄 i had a brain fart at that moment and couldnt formulate a better answer
Thank you to the families who allowed people to film them in their worst moments. Your contribution is appreciated and respected. Your angels are resting in peace x
Bianca Taylor 100%!
This was my first thought when realizing what this video was about. The generosity to share the worst moments of your lives just to help educate others... what a selfless act. Thank you to all the families in the video as well as to the doctor.
Thank YOU for this valuable upload. Sending ❤❤ From Redding CA.
Amen 🙏
I appreciate all of those who can share their vulnerable moments to teach us that we are all the same in the end. We all lose loved ones, we all die, and it’s never EVER easy. Virtual hugs to all of us. Surviving, just to die, shows our resilience.
She’s right! Many doctors don’t prioritize therapeutic communication during the dying process because it’s not a priority. It’s a sad reality
They don’t but they should definitely practice!
I always thought it was weird that we could just put animals down, when they suffered, but human beings are always kept alive as long as their body allows, no matter how much they are suffering. I wish we could be a little more humane in that area also.
Agreed. Euthanasia literally means "a good death". We always euthanized our pets before the pain became unmanageable or became an emergency situation. They passed peacefully at home.
My childhood friend had a severe head injury when we were about 23 yo. He ended up on life support. His mom never took him off. He was on for more than 21 years. His sister, who is also my childhood friend, thinks she did it to torture him. I feel the same. It is so sad that he had to suffer for all those years 😭😢
@@simplysarah0310 why would she want to torture him?
@@simplysarah0310 this is so horrible. I think she did that because she just prayed and hoped for a miracle or something like that.
@@katherinepeace3564 She abused them as children. She was heartless.
I am a father that lost a son in 2011. His name was Lincoln. He was a good boy. I was lucky to have him for 3 months and a day. I miss him. This woman is a blessing.
His name is precious 🤍
Oh my God I'm so sorry dude. Just know he's watching you and protecting from the other side 🖤
Sorry for your loss
💫💫
God bless you and your little boy 🤍
On a happy note: my son was born at 23 weeks, he's 3 months old now, and just got of his oxygen in the NICU, he's getting ready to come home in the next week or so.
Congratulations!
Congratulations!
congrats!! may God bless you , your baby and your family
That is so wonderful..hold tight to that precious baby boy..
Congratulations
My baby spent 3 weeks in the NICU, and at one point was the sickest baby on the unit. I was so grateful to the doctor who was very honest with us. She didn't pretend it was going to be fine. She warned us that we could very well lose him. It gave us a chance to really spend time with him and focus on him and the time we had. We were the lucky ones. He made it through that first night, and slowly got better. He was the miracle. He's 7 months old now, and still, every moment we have together is precious to us. The people who do this work are angels. If you can donate to your local NICU, do so. They're wonderful people.
❤ 0:02 😮😢😢😅😊
Giovanni’s family gathering to celebrate his life and wrap his mama in love was a thing of beauty.
The intimate act of leaving her beloved child in the arms of this doctor while Mama got up to grieve for a moment. To me, speaks volumes to what this woman is conveying to these mothers without words.
That moment gave me the same feeling too.
Yes! My heart breaks for her. I wish every doctor would have a high level of emotional intelligence to be honest and humane when it comes to death…especially children.
This might sound foolish. If there was ever an honor higher than... say becoming the President, this doctor should be heavily considered. They're experiencing death on the daily. And somehow, manages their emotional state. It's the toughest thing I've ever seen anyone do. They're almost like... the angel of death, but as the video depicts so well, we shouldn't perceive that as a bad thing.
Where was this in the video please ? I watched the whole thing and can’t find that scene.
@@sonyafly Right around 4:19.
Also worth noting that this doctor is in Detroit and caring for some of the most underserved moms and families in the country. Everyone deserves this kind of care.
Underserved?Why have more babies that taxpayers are responsible for?
@@bnyob3463 Because they can and there's nothing you can do about it. Women were made to be taken care of and their are widows and women with children that should be able to stay home and raise their children and that is beneficial to society. Any parent should be able to stay home and raise their children, that money is worth it. Wars and armies and armed services that are constantly employed are not of any more value that parents raising their children. Not to mention, you have no idea what kind of assistance that these families receive and whether they have jobs are not. It's just really none of your business. You don't like the American way, then leave.
Wow
B Nyob you do not belong here. Go watch some more NASCAR. If I had to guess, you are probably a Trump fan. Bless your little heart.
Detroit is a very segregated city and racism is rampant. During the Covid outbreak many Blacks died because hospitals turned them away and told them to self quarantine at home where they ended up dying because they couldnt get tested, no test to CV confirm Covid meant dying at home due to non treatment. The mother told the doctor her baby interacts with her by smiling and pulling at the mom. What does Dr. Death tell the mom? She tells her to prepare for her death!!!🤔🤨If you withhold the meds that are keeping the baby alive, yes the baby may die! If I'm dehydrated and you refuse me water, eventually I will die from heart and kidney failure. If I need a blood transfusion and I'm refused a blood transfusion, I'm going to die from hypovolemia!!! If a loved on codes and the family has a "do not resuscitate directive" that's acceptable because the person actually died. But for doctors to HELP a person die by withholding artificial nutrients such as hydration via IV or another form of hydration, just seems strange and soooo white but not right!
I never really realised how badly my dad's fight against cancer was until my sister called, crying, to tell me he was dead. I was 12 and uncomfortable in hospitals, and it made sense that they wanted me to go to school normally and didn't really force the issue when I said I didn't want to fly out to another country to visit him that upcoming week-end, but maybe if someone had been upfront and honest about the situation, had looked me in the eye and told me "your dad might die soon" rather than let me ignore it, I could have been there and told him how much I love him one more time, and actually KNOW how it all ended. Now nearly a decade later, I still don't know if an operation went wrong, if he passed in his sleep, if there were any last words. And I still can't forgive myself that my biggest concern at the time was not wanting to catch up on homework when my mum suggested the one time that I come visit for a week. I wish people had been more honest about death, more direct. I wish my mum hadn't tried to spare me from it so much that ten years later I still feel blindsided by the pain of missing him and all the regrets lingering.
This may not help but I'm praying it does. You are thinking about what you don't know still and what you didn't know at the time. By rights guilt should come when you know you've done something wrong and do it anyway. You did nothing wrong. You did what was usual because no one told you differently. I don't know whether you are a person of faith but if your dad is in eternity, he knows you love him and he knows you loved him. He knows you as God knows you because they are together and your dad is made in God's image. Try not to rely on your knowledge or lack of it and the feelings you have when you think along those lines because you will. Everybody always thinks most about what they don't want to think about but come back to and think about the one thing you know for absolutely certain: your dad loves you and you love him and that's what matters. I am so very sorry and I am with you in spirit. I was not physically present when my father died and I miss him terribly. That's okay and yet, on another level, it is not okay and it never will be but we will get through because we are supported and cradled in their love. My prayers are with you.
This brought me to tears. My mother died of cancer March 2020. She had battled it for so long, and I was planning a trip with my husband and children for the next week to see her, knowing she was in her last weeks. We wanted our children to be able to say goodbye to their Grammy. However my dad called me on a Sunday morning the day before she died saying that I should find a flight out sooner. He knew. He knew I needed to say goodbye to my mom. But, I have a fear of traveling, and had to hype myself up to go early. Instead of taking a flight out Sunday afternoon, I got one early Monday morning. She was still alive when I got on the plane. However, when I landed, my dad was the one who picked me up. And that's when I knew. I had missed it. I still regret to this day my hesitation. It was on my behalf. Not the doctors or my dad keeping it from me.
@@baxtercol I'm so grateful to you for saying this. I cried so many times to my husband saying I didn't get to tell my mom I loved her. It haunted me. He sat me down and said, "Honey, you told her you loved her every day. She knew you loved her, she heard you speak it, and you showed it. And she went in peace." This has helped bring healing.
this happened to me with my mom's passing. T
You -- and those around you -- did the best you could do at the time, based upon what you knew and who you were then. The 12 year old you is not the 22 year old you. Please spare some kindness for the child you were then, as well as the adult you are becoming now. As you go forward, you're learning what is important to you now in relationships. As a twelve year old, of course you were concerned about homework. That was what was most pressing then. It's not to late to talk about your grief with a counselor, spiritual or religious leader, or in a support group. Please also know: You can still tell your dad how much you love him, any day, anywhere. Much love to you...
This is so powerful.The statement “you’re a good mom” filled me with so much love and emotion- I cannot imagine how important it was for her to hear that.
As hard as it can be to accept, I believe that terminally ill people should be able to pass on in a painless and peaceful death, instead of being put on ventilators to keep them alive whilst the patient and family are in pain. This doctor is absolutely amazing and we need more people like her
Absolutely!! my father who was dying of cancer was in such pain would say "They put dogs down when they are suffering but they cant for people?"
Hospice is wonderful but sometimes they don’t make it :(
@@kathymanna4772 my dad says the same. We don’t allow animals to suffer, but why do we allow people to?
Absolutely. I think physician assisted suicide should be available to anyone on hospice and is something that we need to destigmatize. People should have control over their life AND their death. It's so hard to watch someone suffer up until their last moment and so to take away this idea that we MUST live makes it easier for those people to pass on in quietly. I wrote my final class thesis on this topic and I was greatly disappointed by how little other people (including the professor) understood this issue and how unwilling they were to change their mind.
Why don't we be like her?
Can you imagine having her job??? She's so strong but she looks like she's permanently holding back tears.
Yes, but she knows how incredibly important it is.
I couldn't do it but someone has too. I remember my rotation in nicu as a nurse, I loved the babies but was glad when that rotation was over
I noticed that too. It is a hard vibe all time. I hope she get long vacations.
She's an angel among us, but still a human. That is a saint.
Having worked in palliative care of children I can tell you people like this are more common than you think and actually helping someone through the worst is actually not as awful as people believe because you just have to have a big space of compassion for others to be able to do this and actually many humans have this.
19:29 "there's not a place in the world of more peace and unconditional love." This part really struck a chord with me. These babies who have been through so much are going to die in the arms of the person who loves them most, and they're going to be loved into eternity.
"I feel like if we wait until the family is ready to talk to me than we have woefully failed this family"... Wow. As a nurse that wishes she saw more of our palliative care teams in critical care- thank you @NYT for this insightful opinion piece
This really hit home. I was 18 when my mom got cancer again and I just wanted to know how long I had with her left. In her final days there was a hospice nurse who sat with me and her. I wanted to know if she was going to die soon and how much time she had left, the nurse explained her breathing changes, why we couldn’t give her fluids to help her, and other questions I had. I remember when I got the call that her breathing had changed and they told me I should come down, I immediately went to her. Within ten minutes my mom passed away. Just me and her in that room together. Watching her take her last breath was incredibly meaningful to me because I was there for that moment for her. I’m so glad that nurse gave me the truths I needed to hear at the time.
Hospice nurses can be so helpful. When my grandma was dying, they really helped my grandpa feel better about her death and what would happen. I am so sorry you had to go through that, but I'm happy you and your mom could have a good death experience
Carly Crays thank you ❤️ yes hospice nurses are definitely angels disguised. It takes such a strong and caring person to be in those positions.
I’m so glad you had that nurse. I’m so sorry for the loss of your mom, especially so young.
Eva do Couto thank you 🙏 it was the hardest thing I’ve gone through.
My mum was in the er when she died, she had blood poisoning in that time, but the doctor in charge was really caring of all the patiences in that room, we stay untill she pased and he taked really calmly of her condition. The day before i caled an ambulance and she was admited, and she die the next day. For the sickness ( artritis) she had we knew she was going to die, but it was really fast, at least she was sleep then and shes not sufering now
This makes me think about when my grandmother passed away. Before she died she kept saying all she wants is to see all her grandkids together. She was in a nursing home and has well over 40 grandchildren (I’m not even gonna try to count). The nursing home staff (my aunt and cousin worked there as well) called the family on Monday and told everyone we needed to come there. On Tuesday the whole floor was filled with her children and grandchildren. She passed away with all of us surrounding her bed and overflowing from her room. We were all able to talk and sit with her while she transitioned. It was a sad but beautiful moment and exactly what she wanted.
Now that is a beautiful moment! While I was reading, it felt as if I were actually there, and was watching you guys move in and out of her room, each sharing that moment in time with her... Thank you for sharing. And may God be with you all. ❤
Roxanne Rodriguez Thank you so much. One crazy thing about that day is I’ve always felt weird being around bodies after people have passed like at funerals but all that went out the window that day. I laid in that bed with my grandma just like I did when I was small and it was a very comforting feeling. I’m glad I had that final moment.
That’s so beautiful. I’m crying. I’d do anything for my Grandma.
That's beautiful. My grandma passed in a nursing home just as quarantine started. And no one got to see her unfortunately. It was heartbreaking and we all wish we could've gone to see her. You are blessed with the memory of your grandma being happy seeing her family together. Cherish that. ❤
I struggle with such an idea of doing the same, how to hold the tears and not cry? Such a beautiful thing to do for your grandma. But trying to imagining doing the same for mine, I seem to struggle though with my emotions when it comes to the time of passing. I haven't been able to go to funerals because I know I would just cry and cry and cry...
I have been fortunate enough to work with Dr Tremonti for the past ten years. She does an amazing job for her patients.
She seems amazing! Ive been reading the comments and that seems to be the consensus. Please thank her for her kindness and empathy!
I think she is wonderful. I have watched this video many times. I love listening to her speak and what she says is so enlightening.
I love this woman's approach. honest, direct, but compassionate. in the medical field this nuance is an art and a talent.
Palliative care is NOT "giving up". It is acknowledging that someone's time is done, and helping them through to the other side in any way that we can. Death used to be very normal in the West. It was embraced by our society. The dead lived on through their families and in remembrance. We've come to have very wrong ideas about death (in the West) that have caused us to hate, fear and futily attempt to avoid it!
Can you be more specific? What are the "very wrong ideas" about death (in the West)? I think most people are more afraid of the suffering and pain that is involved during the long drawn out death process.
Many older generations looked forward to heaven, these days not many believe in God and therefore have no real grasp of what comes after their physical body dies.
Yeah like lack of faith good morals and religion
@@brandyrosenberg9089 not everyone wants or needs religion to find comfort with death. Many atheists are perfectly content with the concept and accept that it’s just apart of life
You're right. It's about the person who is dying. And helping everyone else through it. Mostly in little ways.
"I want to live too 100, with everyone I love healthy, and than i'd like to magically turn into a baby and die in my moms arms. Because I think there is not a place in the world with more peace and unconditional love." Im not crying you are!
It depends on who the momma is, honestly... in a perfect world, yes I'd agree.
Get on with it already.
Me too... And I'm crying in italian :)
@@emotivebounce SAME!!
@@Im__A__Fan lol... ❤️ Cazzate a parte...La doc è davvero una grande.
Giovanni was a handsome lil guy. I hope he's in heaven running and jumping and climbing, where he can breathe and his heart beats strong. I hope he feels the warmth of a sun that never sets on his face and he is surrounded by all the other little children who had to leave this world too soon. They are the lucky ones, because they will always be pure and innocent. They will never feel heartbreak or despair. I hope they're laughing and playing and watching over their families, waiting until the day they will be reunited with them like the angels they are. #RIPGio
As a hospice nurse for 21 years I thank these brave parents and health-care providers. My heart is with you.
I'm sure many people thank you too. 💕🫶
Anybody gonna talk about how amazing the moms are to share their tragedies with us just for the sake of education? Thank you ladies! Your stories will not be forgotten and you are VERY much appreciated! ❤❤❤
Excellent point! Love your empathy for these mothers and their families. You are beautiful.
@@TheRepublicOfJohn What a nice thing to say🙏🏼
You are so right!!! It’s the first thing I thought of when they started following them. I could never grieve with the cameras around me!!🥰🙏🏼🥰
I know right they must be very strong to be able to open up about a topic as sensitive as death especially if they themselves haven't been able to process it yet.
didnt even think about that, thank you. pray these women find healing and renewed hope
This is the type of compassion and realness that unfortunately is sorely missing in our healthcare today. Replaced with corporate greed and personal gain. Thank you for being a true doctor among doctors.
@@scott7937 It's a lot easier to be realistic about death when the patient is old.
@@pricklypear7516 there's hospice available to people of all ages from children to elders.
Exactly! We are lucky to even see a real doctor any more! Med staff really doesnt have time to care
She’s talking from a different experience than you. You had a good one She had a bad one
@@Sonsbitchesall I never even had one let alone bad. My point was the Dr's herein are amazing and cared! I wish it were still the case but since the pandemic in 2020 and illegals coming in (in our boarder states) there are few who care like this anymore
my son passed when he was 20. the neurosurgeon gave it to me straight. you can see the moms face when she's telling them everything to expect without giving them false hope. no matter how old your child is, it's best to tell the family honestly but tactfully. it helps your brain to start processing the news. my prayers to the families.
i am an adult and I wish I had you in my team of doctors. None of them seem able to look at the bigger picture and allow me to humanize my own death. You are a blessing to these families.
I am sorry so sorry? Your own death?
I feel the same.
it absolutely kills me that the first mom is in her work clothes. people shouldn’t need to go to work when they’ve got a child who’s likely to die at any moment, we as a society should take care of them
You don't know their situation so please do not judge you don't know the situation we have enough hate and hurt in this world so judging is the last thing we need to do we need to love and heal not point fingers with negativity.
@@jennifercardoso4815 i’m not judging her or being negative. i just don’t think people should have to work while going through something like this if they don’t want to
@@Lucy-fn9rj I'm sorry I thought you were trying to judge her, I misunderstood ❤️
Well that is society as it is - what are we going to do to change it? How about stop imposing more life to suffer and die?
@@Lucy-fn9rj some people have different strategies to cope. Some busy themselves, The if I don’t acknowledge it, it is not real or happening mentality. I’m sure she could well get time off but most likely cannot afford it but also realizes sitting around waiting for death would consume her. It is an incredibly difficult journey a wish none of us have to travel.
This doctor is stronggggg... I couldn't handle this job... It'd break me.
it breaks so many people eventually. I hope she stays strong
It's like she is almost at the line of sociopathic but clearly not because she has empathy and sympathy which makes her brave
Meh, I have medical professionals in my family and some of them say they’re desensitized to it. Don’t worry they are trained for this and see it everyday.
Trang Nguyen that’s what I was thinking
@@TrangNguyen-wc6ke You can train for situations like this and to handle your feelings and death can become your friend. But in the end it is always sad and effects you in some way.
The way the mama of Giovanni handled everything with such Grace and dignity- bless her!
I've been an RN for 23 years now, and I believe dying can be a beautiful experience, and should be. I have witnessed too many deaths that were of those suffering. We must not be afraid to talk about it. No one gets out of here alive. This doctor is phenomenal.
I never thought that a death could be anything other than painful and difficult. My heart and mindset were changed when I lost my partner nearly 30 years ago.
I work with the dying, and have had a stillbirth. When she said, "the more you fall in love, the more his life had meaning," that hit me so hard. I have never heard it said so well. This is so moving and I am so grateful for her work. Having a good death, and making a good death possible, matters.
Beautifully said.
I don't believe there is any way to not fall in love. Impossible, imo.
I thought that was good too. I was thinking while watching, this is a good approach, but you need a dash of hope (maybe even possibility of miracle) to be tossed in with the direct and honest approach. And I thought this is how it was best done. It was not just about "humanizing death" it was also showing that the life, no matter how short lived is valuable. And it was so great to hear the mom at the beginning say she was going to be grateful for the time she did have. Such hard stories, no perfect solutions, but definitely a better way here. I also found the stats to be encouraging about the post--death grief and extended life expectancy. Lots of silver lining in retrospect I guess to an otherwise hard and sad topic.
I'm so sorry.
This is so incredibly sad but is an incredibly necessary conversation to be had. This doctor's confidence, humility, honesty and empathy for her patients and their families is so admirable. I really hope she continues educating others and sharing her knowledge with fellow healthcare providers the way she's been doing. ❤ we definitely need more specialists like her in the field. 👏 wonderful and informative documentary
totally agree
Beautiful 😁
I'm fine with the idea of palliative care physicians, but maybe the U.S. could do more to deal with childhood mortality too? I mean for a wealthy industrialized nation you rank around 12 in the world.
@@seanwebb605 I totally agree
LOVE your comment...you have a beautiful heart bless u
Giovanni's mom . . .I pray God fills you with peace and comfort every day as you think about your beautiful son. You are so grace filled and lovely. Even in the face of this hard, hard thing.
Nadia is innovative and her philosophy on death is so valuable. Her presence is more of therapist than a doctor. But then again, that makes her the best doctor.
So it’s not about normalizing death, it’s about doctors acting human to their patients and being honest. I love it. The healthcare system is this country is downright awful. This is how ALL doctors need to act. They use too!
I disagree. We have issues as a society about death. Everything dies. Most people ignore this fact, deny this fact or believe it is somehow negotiable. Laying it all to rest on the feet of physicians seems very unfair. Those doctors you want to "act human" were (for the most part) raised in the same society as you and I. I am a pediatric nurse; I have coached both families and physicians through the death of a child. This is something that takes practice. It is never easy. Honestly, there are some families and some doctors that reject or get angry with forthrightness. For those individuals, I can only hope that honest assessments will someday be recognized for what it was. (And don't get me wrong, I've lost patients whom I rigorously fought the concept of them dying.) That all being said, I am guessing you've had an experience (or maybe more than one) where someone you loved died and you were not expecting this. I am sorry this happened to you. Truly. I hope that you find your own way to celebrate the relationship you had with your loved, find ways to smile when you remember them, and find a way to say goodbye from a point of peace. Be nice to yourself. Take care.
Well death IS NORMAL.
I wouldn't put this all on doctor having to be honest with us, it's us having to be honest with ourselves and understanding that sometime our loved one needs to go even when we're not ready for them to go.
Nah I love not paying for someone else’s problem. If you need a doctor get health insurance, work hard so you can afford it. I already pay enough taxes as it is I don’t wanna pay for your health problems. 🤷🏻♀️
@@kimmyymmik *I come from a country with good healthcare! Our taxes aren't higher, they're just not used in excess on the military. Would you rather your money be used to heal or attack?
I had to re-read the title. This is what our healthcare needs. Empathetic doctors that will hug you and say it's time instead of hiding in their office or sending out a nurse. I can't imagine that this job is easy but she's amazing. She wants these families to have every last minute....to the last minute. She is kind to those who have hope. She doesn't hurt those people. I never had a doctor do that for me.
You are being recruited into a death-cult. An intensivists job is to RATION health care dollars. You've all just been emotionally manipulated to accept that they will NOT try to save Giovanni's life. WHY? Because the billionaires running the hospital corporation don't want to spend the money. Notice, they did not tell us what was so bad that COULD NOT be corrected. I don't think this is how the Manhattanites kid would be treated. This is classism; it's also communism. Wake up all you people calling this Doctor "wonderful"- she is smiling while denying care. The greater good cannot be the priority or we are each worthless. Collectivism is a Marxist, communist idea. In America, we believe that every individual is worth fighting for. Turn away from anything and everything presented to you by the NYT company. They are leading you down the garden path to the end of American freedom and liberties for the benefit of the Globalist "Liberal" World Order. There is not a lot of time left, we need your help waking others.
The title makes little sense. the feature is about palliative care. The humanity of death is not really in question.
Same here! I thought it was something else
When my friend was doing chemo she had a great doctor. He told her that she only had 2 to 3 months left. He also told her that it was his standard answer. He made sure that she understood that he was just giving her the time to make her own arrangements. She lived 7 more months. He is a good man and a great doctor.
I’m a adult oncology and palliative care nurse. To be in paediatric palliative care you really have to be a very special person. I’m strong but I don’t think I could do it. These are the people that deserve medals and accolades, not athletes and movie stars.
I’m a nurse working in a pediatric long term/palliative care setting. Healthcare can become so institutionalized and policy driven. I want to work with this woman.
We need this as a culture. We need more death acceptance, death planning. We need to understand and plan in order to heal. We need to make death as easy, and comfortable, and as good a thing to go through when it's time, as is possible to do. I applaud this doctor and anyone else doing this job, for doing what they can to make an incredibly difficult time more comfortable not just for the families, but for the babies. "Most people don't want a medical death. We want a human death."
Yes, I agree with you! leaving this service/acceptance of death to greedy funeral homes, where their aim is to fleece grieving families rather than trying to Console them!!! By the time your loved one is dead it Is too Late to Accept Their Death. It is a process That must start when the person is still alive🧡🧡🧡🧡
let’s not get too comfortable though.. you know :d
Yes, agree 1000%.... We should all be educated on death. I mean really learn about it. Death is NOT a bad word. Its natural, and something we ALL will experience at one point or another. Being educated on death makes it much easier to deal with when it happens because at one time or another we all will have known someone either a family member or a friend who will have passed on so to learn and know that it's a normal and natural part of life will help ppl to deal..
I agree... a year ago my mom was on palliative care for a stroke, and then on hospice care, but they told me that it was because she just needed more care. My mom was a bit of a high maintenance person, even before the stroke, so I just attributed to that even though I knew what hospice was. I didn't think it meant that she was dying. If I had known that, I would have treated her last few months differently, instead of hyping her up to get better (i.e. "just think of all the trips we'll be able to take together mom!"). I feel so awful when I think about how insensitive I must have sounded. My dad was in hospice at the same time, but he had cancer, so it was clear to me that he would pass away. When he passed it was very peaceful, for both him and us. Just recently, this happened with my dog. The vet kept suggesting treatments for his heart and kidney disease, and acted kind of ambiguous about it. When I had a different vet see him, she calmly and kindly told me he didn't have very much time left at 17 years old, and the kind thing to do would be to prepare for his death, to make it peaceful for both him and me. It hurt so bad, but it was such a relief at the same time.
It's a innate fear in humans, no matter how beautiful or natural death may seem, at the end of the day our biology prevents us from accepting it. Especially the death of ur child. But it's very true that we need to have better institutions allowing us to grieve and go through the motions that the death of a loved one brings
Being disabled, having a auto immune disease, being chronically ill- I can tell you that I'm okay with my upcoming death. Others do tend to "GASP! Don't talk like that!". We are still part of this ecosystem, still animals and are not somehow separate from the circle of life. Love what this Doctor is doing and wish more physicians could adapt this style. Much Love & respect to all these parents & Dr T. from Colorado!
Hi there I broke my spine I can’t hold my bowels I empty out 20 times a day I can’t live like this I hate waking up
@@tinacollins9213 I'm sorry what your going through 😔.
@@tinacollins9213 Im so sorry you are stuck in this position Tina. I truly hope that there is help out there for you hon. Much love
this made me sad, but also happy. i hope you have the fullest life you could ever imagine with everyone you love next to you
@@tinacollins9213 how are you doing
Precious little Giovanni. Your life holds such meaning and so much value. and everyone in your short little life has gained a sense of kindness and compassion that they would never have gotten without you. And to that momma, my prayers for you. my hugs for you.
Thank you to these mothers, allowing us to see such a vulnerable chapter of their lives.
I watched this randomly just weeks before my baby girl was born too early and died two days later. I honestly thought of several moments from this documentary while my baby was dying in my arms. And it brought so much peace. And the NICU doctor was so kind, so gentle, and really helped us understand it was time. She reminded me of Dr Nadia. Our baby had a fatal condition diagnosed weeks before birth (after watching this film), so we knew it was unlikely she would make it, especially given that she was born a micropreemie.
I’m so sorry you went through that
Bless your sweet baby girl in heaven
My heart goes out to you and your family.
Sending healing light and energy to you, your baby and your loved one.
God bless your family. Gone, but not forgotten..and you will see her again.
My son passed away at 5 weeks... I needed this woman more then I can put into words.
I'm so sorry! The only person that can truly help you is Jesus, your son is in heaven with Jesus and you will see him again momma, I am so sorry for your loss and could not imagine the pain! Stay in God's word and he will guide you to peace
Stay strong honey I'm truly sorry for your loss I can't begin to imagine the pain...I got you in prayers, lots of love,
@Almost Censored Why are you spamming this?
@@kaitd8639 dont use god. People can heal themselves just fine without some myth to push them forward. Death is human and so god is not human. A god wouldn't understand nor would it be beneficial. Allow us to cope without living in the dark ages. Thank you.
I am so sorry for your loss. There’s nothing worse than loosing a child
When she described how she wanted to, die, I started to tear up because without a doubt, I would want the same thing. Realistically though, I’d want my parents to pass peacefully without having to live their last moments in a hospital, and without going through the loss of a child. When I am inevitably in the situation in which I am caring for a dying family member, I can only hope the doctors are as honest and compassionate as Dr. Tremonti was.
The funeral at the end made me cry. We have to applaud the strength if these mothers, who fight until the end for their children.
That precious little moment that Giovanni made that sweet sound. We heard you sweet baby. We are praying for your sweet mama. Your life mattered
@Marina Mansfield then cry
@Marina Mansfield cool cool, as long as you let it out 👌🏿
I was sad yet enlightened, then I read your comment and I actually welled up.
He had trisomy 13 or 18, right? I am not being mean or horrible, I swear. I really want to know: When diagnosed in pregnancy with a genetic disorder, or some horrible defect, like anencephaly, and you know the neonate will not survive, why would it not be preferable to terminate the pregnancy? I know that many opt to be induced into very early labour and delivery, so there is the reality along with a “birth,” and sometimes the neonate lives a few minutes. No option is without pain and trauma, but women can die in pregnancy and delivery, and most of us are aware of the risk and gladly take it. But, to risk for a fetus/neonate whose condition makes him/her incompatible with extra-uterine life, well, I don’t understand this. Which is why I am asking others to offer me their thoughts. I fear I’ll be attacked for asking, and if you need to do this, that’s okay. But, I honestly want to know other points of view. Thank you. And if you choose not to attack me, thanks for that, as well.
@@JaimeMesChiens i had a patient with t13 she carried to term so he could be baptized, he lived about 30 mins
“I want to live to 100 and everyone around me be healthy and I want to magically turn into a baby and die in my mom’s arms” i think that’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard someone say
Agreed
yeah, she is very special
That's the swan-song for the death-cult you are being recruited into. An intensivists job is to RATION health care dollars. You've all just been emotionally manipulated to accept that they will NOT try to save Giovanni's life. WHY? Because the billionaires running the hospital corporation don't want to spend the money. Notice, they did not tell us what was so bad that COULD NOT be corrected. I don't think this is how the Manhattanites kid would be treated. This is classism; it's also communism. Wake up all you people calling this Doctor "wonderful"- she is smiling while denying care. The greater good cannot be the priority or we are each worthless. Collectivism is a Marxist, communist idea. In America, we believe that every individual is worth fighting for. Turn away from anything and everything presented to you by the NYT company. They are leading you down the garden path to the end of American freedom and liberties for the benefit of the Globalist "Liberal" World Order. There is not a lot of time left, we need your help waking others.
I cried like a baby at that part
Agreed
My husband works in the ICU for a major hospital in our area. The hardest part of being a nurse that first year in 2020, was watching families not understand how bad of a situation their loved ones were in, and that the patient would not go home no matter what was done, but the families still did not want to make a choice to utilize hospice because they didn't want to feel the guilt of "letting" Papa/Dad/Grandma/Mom/Husband/Wife/Brother/Sister "go". He absolutely updated his Advanced Care Directive and Living Will. A number of nurses he graduated with ended up with PTSD from this exact situation -- having to keep bodies alive but the person "just isn't there anymore." It's heartbreaking how isolating death and dying can be. Bless these families for allowing us to be part of such a sacred and unbelievably personal moment.
Covid working ICU nurse here. Covid was probably the WORST thing I’ve ever seen. I was simultaneously doing Neuro ICU at the same time. I got used to the typical neuro patients that may not live or will live with machines forever. But Covid got to me so much. You could literally go down the line and count the deaths. I saw a handful make it out of our unit. Of those handful of patients that made it out only another few made it home and returned to normal life. The others IF they made out of ICU needed ventilator support, probably for life, because of all the damage Covid caused. So yes. PTSD. Running out of body bags so we had to wrap them in sheets. No morgue space because the funeral homes had no space or the family couldn’t pick one out of shock and grief. We had to put them on top of one another in our morgue. I hope I never have to witness anything like this again. His also has made me to revise my advanced directive. I don’t want to suffer like those I saw suffer.
How beautiful to know that this woman is out there blessing so many families. “The more you fall in love the more his life has meaning.” I wish I had known that before I lost my son, when my heart was trying to protect me by keeping my distance. When I held him in my arms as he took his final breath I realized how wrong I was. I instantly loved that little boy with everything in me and I was only cheating myself by not soaking up every moment with him when I had the chance.
Doctors should really learn to say the word die, it's not a bad word.
Yesh
i'd rather them be straight forward than to give me more false hope than i would already have
there are so many better words to use that make it easier for the parents. that doesn’t make “die” a bad word it’s just easier for everyone. the parents will get the message but choosing more sensitive ways to say it is just a considerate thing to do during a horribly hard time for the parents
Yea but not even you would want to hear it from your doctor when you're already thinking it. I know what your saying but a doctor is here to reassure us with positive news even if it's just a tad positivity. They try to keep your hopes alive because tbh most of us know that 'this is the last time Amma see my loved one' but hearing that from a doctor is a heart heavy
It might not be a bad word but it is a traumatizing word for some..
“That’s the only thing I could do..love him until bed time comes.” :(
I just want to give that mom a hug and hold her. If you're reading this, you are a wonderful mom and everyone here holds you in their heart ❤ With all the love 💘
So sad 😭💗
Jesus I was practically balling when I heard that. 😭😭😭
It must be hard to love a child knowing they’re going to die. You don’t want to get attached. But in the end, those moments you got to love them will be something you never regret
this woman is a saint. The type of care she offers her patients and their families is in unequivocal. I hope to be blessed with this kind of care ..when I would need it the most.
Not a saint; the opposite. An intensivists job is to RATION health care dollars. You've all just been emotionally manipulated to accept that they will NOT try to save Giovanni's life. WHY? Because the billionaires running the hospital corporation don't want to spend the money. Notice, they did not tell us what was so bad that COULD NOT be corrected. I don't think this is how the Manhattanites kid would be treated. This is classism; it's also communism. Wake up all you people calling this Doctor "wonderful"- she is smiling while denying care. The greater good cannot be the priority or we are each worthless. Collectivism is a Marxist, communist idea. In America, we believe that every individual is worth fighting for. Turn away from anything and everything presented to you by the NYT company. They are leading you down the garden path to the end of American freedom and liberties for the benefit of the Globalist "Liberal" World Order. There is not a lot of time left, we need your help waking others.
This physically hurt my heart. I understand that death is part of life but as a mother, the thought of losing my child is too devastating to bare. These women are so strong. I don’t think I’d be able to live on without my daughter. Thank you so much for sharing one of the hardest moments of your lives.
“I want to live till I’m 100, with everyone I love healthy. And then I’d like to turn into a baby, and die in my moms arms, because I think there’s not a place in the world with more peace and unconditional love. “ So sad.
This hurt not sure why but it hurt bad
I know! x 😭😭😭😭
I don't think it's sad. A bit melancholy maybe, a bit morbid, but wouldn't the best way to die be to die after a long life and in a place full of love and comfort, and for it to be as painlessly as possible.
It may be a peaceful way to go, but as a mother who lost a child I can tell you it will take the mother's peace away for the rest of her life.
uclmu2008 I agree 100%, also am a loss mama and I’m glad someone else thought the same as that was my instant first thought was that it would take the moms peace away for life, that’s not something you ever get over you just learn to get through it but you’re never the same after and carry it with you everyday and the doctor is foolish if she doesn’t think so
I dare say that more than humanizing death, this physician is interacting with these individuals with empathy and compassion and being honest with them in a firm bit gentle way. This is the way all palliative care should be conducted. Period. This woman is simply behaving the way that a physician SHOULD. Bedside manner should not be something that’s up for debate. It is something that should be mandatory. Excellent bedside manner.
I think this is a more important take from this video. Despite some ppl here said death is normal, not all ppl can accept the loss of a loved one easily. It's more crucial for the doctor to console the parents than anything.
AMEN TRUTH WITH LOVE ..GOD WANTS good but nor evil no hate honest over rated life is no joke dying is no joke we the people need more togethernesss faith caring the world should and can be a better place.i believe....GOD BLESS US ALL AMERICA..WHERE ARE YOU WERE ARE WE ..WHY ISNT PEOPLE BEING STRONG WHY ARE WE LETTING BAD GET WORSE..HELP US ALL LORD WHO NEED YOU..THOSE OF EVIL AND. CORRUPT ITS A SHAME WE NEED MORE LOVING CARING PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD STOP THE HATE AND LIES..CONSIDER LIVES..
Unfortunately, not every physician is going to be capable of doing what Dr.
Funny that this is a special discipline of medicine when it should be the core of all medical treatment.
#Donna The one thing we cannot escape should be this easy to deal with. Brava, Dr. Nadia!
The first real traumatic experience I can recount from my life happened when I was about 8 years old. I was in girl scouts, and one of my friends had a 3 year old cousin that had leukemia. In retrospect, I think the girl scout leaders handled everything with us very well. They tried to explain to us what cancer was, and what death was, and to comfort us and the girl whose cousin was dying so that we could all support her and eachother. But I remember that that was also the moment I realized I was mortal...at 8 years old. Admittedly, I'm high functioning autistic, and so I can be a pretty sensitive person even if I try to keep it inside. I also have chronic anxiety. So I think even if this situation was handled in the kindest and gentlest way possible it still would have affected me quite a lot. Just simply knowing that I could die young, or that anyone I loved could die young really terrified me and had a huge impact on my life. Even now at 24 I'm still a very very cautious person and I still often worry about my family and my friends and myself. I've been trying to heal myself by exposing myself more to the idea of death as something that is sad, but that shouldn't be feared, and that you CAN find good in...or at least find a sense of peace and acceptance with. I knew this video was going to make me cry going into it...but the way I just burst into tears and absolutely sobbed at the part where she said that the way she'd want to die was as a baby in her mother's arms, because there is no better, or more comforting, or more loving place to spend the first or the last moments of your life. I'm still crying as I'm trying to write this tbh. All I can think about it that little girl. Maybe she didn't get to live long, but I'd like to think she died being held by her mother, and told how much she was loved. And I think for the first time in 16 years, I actually feel a little less scared of dying. I haven't felt this sort of feeling in so long. It's like my chest is warm. I can literally feel it in my heart that something very deep rooted within me is starting to actually heal. I don't think I'd still be here sobbing like this otherwise. I know I said I was sensitive but I actually don't cry that often. Thank you for what you do, and what you're trying to do. Strong, good hearted people are so, so, so valuable in the world. You just did something not even my therapist has been able to do. And you do so much more for the people who sadly have to struggle with these losses.
That’s how I felt when I worked in a dementia care home with hospice patients! Learning that with the proper care, life can go on until death & that death is a peaceful and normal part of life really helped me as someone with autism and hypochondriac anxiety for most of my life
We need more people in health care like this... I had a stillborn in 2010 & the Dr & nurse where the coldest people ever. Having someone with more compassion for people would have made my loss easier
As a mom who carried a terminally ill baby full term, my heart hurts for Giovanni's mom. Going into the doctor's office and having cheerful moms, nurses, and doctors treating you as if nothing is wrong is a strange kind of torture. "He sounds perfect" says her doctor. What a punch in the gut. Bless her heart.
My NICU docs tried to rush me to make a decision on how to care for him since he was going to die anyway. As i was still in the recovery room after my c-section they were bothering me, my husband kicked them out. I later had to cuss them out & let them know they should care for my son as they would ANY other baby in their care, & anyone who disagreed shouldn’t even attempt to step foot into his room! SMH that i even had to have that conversation.
My heart hurt for her so much seeing that appointment. I just wanted to sit with her and give her a hug, hold her hand, cry.
The stunned look on her heart-broken face spoke volumes.
I'm so sorry, thank you for trying.
I agree with you. The doctor was detached and did not show appropriate compassion. It made me very sad, too.
The world needs more physicians like this. We had an oncologist like this with my dad. Losing him wasnt easy, but knowing helped honesty helped.
I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. 💔 I lost mine 05/15/2018. I have struggled every day since. He was my best friend. So, I can empathize with you. The day he died we had such compassionate doctors and nurses as well that made his transition out of life as comforting and with as little pain and suffering as possible. It truly does make such a difference when you have HONEST, but empathetic, compassionate doctors and nurses when that horrific time does come, who don’t just treat them like just another patient and have no empathy because they have seen it so much they become numb to it. And, I know they have to distance themselves and not let every death effect them so intensely, or they would not be able to do their jobs and it would be very bad for their mental health. However, they can still give the best care possible and make an effort to make the ending of someone’s like as humane and comforting and possible. Sending you love and care. ❤️
When my mom started the dying process I was still young - early 30s with a dad that died two years ago, no brothers or sisters, no husband or wife and no kids. And it's still that way. When my mom got really bad unfortunately i was in hysterics. I got a call from the hospital to leave work because all of a sudden my mom took a bad turn for the worse. I cried and cried. They had to actually sit me down and take care of me too. I am a Godly woman. I place my life in the hands of the Lord but, in that moment my faith wavered. I remember waiting for my friend to show up and be there with me and I asked one of the nurses if I could still keep hope. That woman looked up at me and she said " Always keep hope, you can always always keep that." Even now years later - I am sure she has forgotten me but she gave me permission to hope and pray that things could change - even though medically it seemed it couldn't. I wish I could thank her today. I won't ever forget that.
I lost My Mom though cancer and I know the Drs meant well but they had a hard time being honest with Us and not giving Us the whole picture. She had bone and lung cancer and waited way to long to go to the Dr. They really wanted to give Us a lot of hope and that was sweet but when She died , it was even more devastating because We had so much hope that She would make it. I don't know if knowing for sure She was going to die would have Bern better either. I wanted them to do every single thing They could to save Her and I guess anyone questions if that is prolonging the suffering r not. I can't imagine how hard it must be to say the words to stop when it comes to your child and let them die in peace.
This is so beautiful. I lost my mom one month ago today, and one of the greatest comforts was speaking first to the pallative care doctor before Mom went into hospice.
I'm so sorry for your loss 💜
I took a Death and Dying class in college and it was one of the most helpful classes ever. It helped to prepare me for losing my husband to cancer at a young age and how to tell our small children. Death is a regular topic in our home.
My daughter, Muriel died 7 years ago tomorrow, I was so appreciative of the hospice nurses that told us the truth. We got to enjoy her last year because of the respectfulness of our hospice nurse. I taught my 5 children that "death is part of life" and it seems to have helped them, including Muriel.
@ROM LUNDY absolutely heartless reply to a grieving mother.read the room. Gross.
I'm truly sorry for your loss... Can't even begin to imagine what you're feeling. I hope you and your family are all well. Sending you lots of love.
@ROM LUNDY talking about God in a comment soooo lacking with mercy, empathy and understanding...
@@youtops2023 I agree that the comment was unnecessary, but it isn’t completely “lacking mercy”. Let’s try not to bring the negativity there. Have a beautiful day! ❤️
@@elegantdressed I guess I meant that that's not what a mother who has lost a child needs to hear. Somehow the previous comment assumes that the mom doesn't believe in God... Yet that's only my point of view. However I can totally agree with you on the most important thing which means less negativity :)
I struggled with the birth of my daughter. She had moved very little & the words were spoken by the nurse, that I would not be taking a baby home. I gave birth to a beautiful girl with long curly eye lashes & a head full of curly black hair. I was allowed to sing to her in the morgue (I wish that was different) but I rocked with my daughter & sang to her. I appreciate those nurses immensely
I’m so sorry for your loss, and I’m also so happy that you were able to have that moment with your baby girl. You are so strong, wishing you peace and love.
My deepest condolence.....🙏🏽❤️🙏🏽🥺☹️😩😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
My heart goes out for you 💔
😥
We have the same story xx
We need more of this. Come speak to all our families. I’ve seen people after 2 weeks on elective life support and all there muscles are gone, their mind is elsewhere, pain, medications withdrawal, swallowing problems, bowel problems, etc, etc,. I’ve seen healthy people rotting on life support before dying. I’ve checked the pupils of a patient, and seen nothing. An utter nothingness. First time I saw it I jumped back. The eyes are the window to the soul. The soul had gone….
The family and friends of Giovanni are wonderful as they lovingly say farewell to his earthly life. The doctor of course is amazing and real. Thankful for all that shared their experiences
I would have given anything for a doctor like this to talk to me when i found out that my sweet baby wouldn’t live long after his birth. It’s been almost 17 years I still miss my boy every day. Thank you to the wonderful nurses in the NICU who give such love and compassion you all have a special place on this earth.
💐😭🙏
so sorry for your loss. Its really sad that so many terminally ill babies are euthanized in utero rather than allowing them to be born and giving parents the chance to spend what little precious time they have left with their babies in palliative care. We need more doctors like this, who dedicate their lives to creating better and more humane alternatives than what we currently have now, which is automatically offering abortion in the case of a baby with fatal abnormalities, not to mention the fact that doctors so often get things wrong and many babies who were written off to die in the womb, actually go in to survive or there wasnt anything wrong with them at all! wishing peace and healing to all those who have experienced these tragedies.
I am so sorry for your loss. What condition did your child end up being diagnosed with??
@@erinhansen614 my son had a lower urinary tract obstruction that caused his kidneys to not be able to function, due to the urine being what makes up most of the amniotic fluid his lungs were very under developed. Shortly after his birth he went into Multi system organ failure. His heart just stopped My doctors unfortunately caught the problem to late all they could do was offer a late term abortion that I decided against.
My sister is a hospice nurse and she’s told me that the hardest part of working hospice is when you have younger patients because they almost never come to the acceptance that they’re dying
I have worked with hospice for just over 8 years and it is very hard to lose young people. Many times, people die from things they caused by self-harm or neglect. It is hardest to comprehend that people don't seem to realize what they are doing despite the warnings. Of course, we do get those patients who are born with or naturally develop terminal illnesses. Losing young people just seems so wrong.
A C what type of self harm or neglect is impactful toward your life? if you don’t mind getting into the details. i’m intrigued
A C what kinds of self harm/ neglect things?
Lauretta Ndemanu cutting yourself. Drinking excessively. Taking pills or hard drugs and overdosing and not being able to be revived. Being beaten badly/unable to wake up or breathe on there own afterwards and dieing after being in a coma from a head injury
@@endlessbubblebath drugs and drinking.
I cried so hard watching this. I will never forget these women. ❤️
Sounds like you have the potential to be a great nurse.❤
I always seen myself doing some type of work like this. I have two 8 year olds and I still see myself helping mothers and fathers with their children. What a wonderful brave occupation
My daughter lived for a week. She would be four years old this month. I’m really thankful for the palliative care team and fantastic NICU nurses who helped us make the kindest decisions for our little girl.
So sorry for your loss 🙏🏽
You are so strong , rip to your angel ❤️
My condolences 🙏🌈
So sorry for your loss, hope you're doing well
I'm so sorry for your loss. The pain must be beyond my comprehension. Without a doubt your child is with the Lord in heaven.
The way she stroked the sick babies hair and comforted the mom shows how much love she puts into each patient and the passion she has for her job
Bless this women when she cried with mother, when she spoke openly, the truth it shows this idea is much better than locking the child to machines and locking them into a world of death. We need to change the way we live with death. The ones leaving this world will be at peace. The ones left behind are the real patients who need us to care and help them get thew and hopefully move on with life, to have memories and worship the life shared even at small levels of time and activity that it covered. Celebration of life is also in the Celibration of death. All faiths have a thought on what happens after life so hold that up and give cheer.
As a mother who lost their baby boy at birth, I can't even begin to explain how comforting it was to hear Dr. Tremonti describe how she would ideally like to die. "I want to live 'til I'm 100 with everybody I love healthy. And then I'd like to magically turn into a baby and die in my Mom's arms, because I think there's not a place in the world of more peace and unconditional love."
I used to be a nurse in a NICU. God bless this woman. We need more people like her.
I agree one hundred per cent. She’s such an amazing and caring woman!!! I also say: GOD bless her; she’s honest and isn’t treating her patients as just another number………😊😊😊😊
Why don't we cabome like her?
I was expecting adults, my nursing teacher worked NICU, wasnt expecting that sharp turn. 😕
I work in critical care transport I 111% agree with you We’ve seen countless babies suffer
An intensivists job is to RATION health care dollars. You've all just been emotionally manipulated to accept that they will NOT try to save Giovanni's life. WHY? Because the billionaires running the hospital corporation don't want to spend the money. Notice, they did not tell us what was so bad that COULD NOT be corrected. I don't think this is how the Manhattanites kid would be treated. This is classism; it's also communism. Wake up all you people calling this Doctor "wonderful"- she is smiling while denying care. The greater good cannot be the priority or we are each worthless. Collectivism is a Marxist, communist idea. In America, we believe that every individual is worth fighting for. Turn away from anything and everything presented to you by the NYT company. They are leading you down the garden path to the end of American freedom and liberties for the benefit of the Globalist "Liberal" World Order. There is not a lot of time left, we need your help waking others.
As healthcare workers we’re taught how to keep patients alive. We’re even taught how to bring someone back from the brink of death or how to prolong it. We’re fundamentally taught to first do no harm, but yet we’re not taught how to help people have a dignified death or die peacefully. Palliative care rotations should be compulsory for all healthcare professionals. The ending is just as important as the beginning. This is truly inspiring, thank you!
If I can go through my life with even an ounce of the bravery, composure, compassion and kindness that Dr Tremonti demonstrates, I will be a very lucky person. The mothers featured in this film are also so brave to share their stories with us. Thank you to everyone involved sharing this with the world.
It absolutely breaks my heart when babies, newborns, and children have to go through stuff like this. The world is so unfair 😥😥😥
My mom’s first baby died at birth. She had an incomplete cranium. This was 40 years ago; my mom still sobs every time she talks about it or remembers her. It ate at her. She never got to see the baby because the doctor thought it was “better” for my mom. I wonder if the little thing died in my mom’s arms, would mom have moved on with life peacefully? Clearly she hasn’t properly dealt with that loss because no one wanted to talk about it then. It still eats at her that she never got to see the baby. Why it was up to that doctor to decide this was the better option for mom and the baby, we’ll never know.
thi8a that’s so sad.. I’m sorry for your mom ❤️
I've been there twice with two of my children. I got to spend half a day with my fullterm stillborn daughter 22 years ago. I did not know I could have taken her home for a while, no one told me this was an option and I am still haunted to this cay that I only got to spend half a day with her as I had to leave her behind in the hospital for her to be collected by the undertaker. One year later I had a son and he stopped breathing when he was 5 months old and we discovered he had a rare genetic condition which meant he was incompatible with life and he was going to die. I spent the next 10 months living everyday as if it was his last. He was at home with me, was not on any medication and was the happiest little boy ever until one night his heart stopped and we ended up in hospital. He lived for another 16 hours before he went to sleep in my arms. I literally felt his heart stop beneath my fingers and although it was heartbreaking it was so peaceful as he was surrounded by love for his entire life and I let him go when he wanted to go. I did not let the doctors keep him alive on a ventilator for my sake, I let him chose when to go. What hurts me most is none of my family ever talk anout him as if he never existed because they find it too hard. I love talking about him but no one ever wants to talk about him which makes me so sad as he did live for 15 months and he will remain in my heart forever.
JMK thank you for sharing this. Wrt my mom, she first told me when I was a kid
Ceyda Efe thank you.. I am too ❤️
@@thi8a - Thank you x
Our culture has come to view death as a medical failure rather than life’s natural conclusion. Death seem more like an option than an obligation. This physical and emotional distance becomes obvious as we make decisions that accompany life’s end. Suffering is like a fire: Those who sit closest feel the most heat; a picture of a fire gives off no warmth. Doing something often feels better than doing nothing. Inaction feeds the sense of guilt-ridden ineptness. We ask ourselves, "Why can't we do more." All moves, end in abdication. To those who are in this specialized work, I commend you. Definitely not for the faint of heart. I used to sit with hospice patients who had no family or friends in their final hours. It’s very bittersweet.
at its worst, the ignorance of death even up to the voluntary denial of its full weight and reality causes us to become indifferent to the dying. ignoring the reality both impersonal deaths and personal deaths causes many to in our society die in the "dark". cruelly but understandably some would rather look away, but even unto the end they are a person and they deserve not to pass alone, ignored, or unspoken to.
We have to accept that it's a part of life. It also helps to think that that soul may have more important work to do in the next life and their body is tired of this life. Like they're trading in an old vehicle for a new one. The body is the vehicle for the soul. Even the dying person must have peace and equanimity while passing. Death is a natural part of life. Why should it be so traumatic? It's because we have so many ego-based attachments - my house, my money, my family, my friends, my job, my business, my husband, wife, mother, father etc etc. Everything is invested in one's identity. And yes many doctors do treat death as an option or a failure of medicine and that's their egos talking.
@@meera2531 For me death is traumatic if the pain is unbearable. If there's pain and obviously in all deaths there's pain/extreme discomfort so I'm basically scared of suffering not what comes after or the end of my physical existence.
@@kaiyote7924 I was actually thinking the other day about how a lot of people keep that emotional distance from the death of loved ones, but this also causes all deaths to be dehumanized.
@@shroomyk there are actually a few vids on youtube about it. ranging from mondern funerary practices to old timey days of actually having visitation from family to give final goodbyes to a already deceased loved one. death is very much a part of fhe fragility and temporal nature of life. its kind of odd how we viscerally avoid and sometimes even outright deny the reality of the one thing every single living being on the planet will coexist with and encounter. i personably think our avoidnace of it and those who are experiencing it to be a bit selfish at times.
This doctor has the perfect manner - proving that being direct does not mean being clinical. Its hard to do in children's medicine but its absolutely essential, and ultimately kind
What an extraordinary healer you are. People are so afraid of death, they really do alienate patients of all ages who are dying.
That poor woman, being joyfully told that her terminally Ill baby "sounds perfect!" .... seeing her face when she got back in that van..... I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone , I wanted to reach through the screen and hug her.
That doctor was super cringe during the whole appointment being so cheerful and clinical. It was so cruel.
And how she was crossing her arms while talking to her. It made me upset 😔
That doctor, imo, really was putting on an over the top, super chirpy, tone of voice and attitude, whilst that poor woman just wanted to be dealt with respectfully and honestly. She looked heartbroken when sitting in the car going back home.
me 2
@@lifesjourney65 but how do u tell parent their child dying how is she supposed to act, her job is hard but i dont want some one to lie to me.
I work in the funeral industry. This video is so massively important. I wish more doctors were like this. As mortuary student, we study the acute awareness of child terminal patients who can understand that they are dying, and how drastically impactful medical institutions are in the role of the grief process that begins in both the patients themselves and their families (most often long before death actually occurs). Death typically is not discussed until we step in, which is less than desirable more a multitude of reasons. I wish more doctors would follow suit of this woman. She's doing an amazing thing. Breaking the glass ceiling on the death and dying process would make "the end" a lot less stressful, for a lot more people.
Same! I’ve been a death care professional for almost 20 years.
I completely agree with your comment wholeheartedly. What Dr. Tremonti is doing is bringing closure to these families. Often, people associate palliative care with older individuals - those in the 70’s or 80’s. However, children with terminal illnesses also need palliative care. As a medical student, I believe that palliative care (for ALL ages) should be taught and discussed more often in the medical community, especially to physicians. As Dr. Tremonti stated, many physicians will avoid the talk of death with their patients and their patient’s families because it makes them feel uncomfortable. I feel like part of the reason why it makes doctors feel so uncomfortable is because they practice the ethical notion of beneficence - to do good and promote the well-being of others. Doctors take an oath to ensure that they follow this ethical principle of beneficence. But what kind of beneficence are doctors practicing if their terminally-ill patient are suffering and progressively deteriorating aka dying? When it is finally time to address the elephant in the room (death), it won’t be a “good death” for the patient and the family will be emotionally unprepared. Death is inevitable in the medical community, and it is something that doctors should stop avoiding when the time comes for their patient. I believe that being transparent with a patient on death and dying and providing them appropriate palliative care when the time calls for it IS part of ethical principle of beneficence - to promote the well-being of your patient.
@@letsgetethical-ur2tm é um assunto difícil de ser abordado. Eu me lembro que quando meu pai ficou no hospital houve um momento em que eu tive que conversar com o médico antes de ver meu pai. O médico foi muito gentil e enquanto ele dizia que meu pai não estava numa situação ruim eu sorri pensando que ele iria sobreviver. E o médico quando viu o meu sorriso tentou ser mais Franco e disse que as chances eram muito baixa dele se recuperar. Ninguém quer dar esse tipo de notícia. Eu acho que nenhum médico estudou para perder pacientes, mas assim são as coisas. Depois que ele me deu a notícia e me deixou sozinho eu conversei com o meu pai. Não tem o que entender ou sentir é uma dor indolor não saber o que esperar do futuro.
Great documentary. Thank you to the families and the doctor for doing this and allowing us to be a part of your lives during the hardest part.
I can't imagine this type of loss. Thank you for allowing a glimpse into this world. I know I have always been funny about death but the way the dr just said that. I remember the feeling of holding both my kids for the first time. That was the strongest and most unconditional feeling of love I have ever had