Is Asexuality Even Real?
In today’s episode of Assumptions we have Asexual people confront assumptions about their experience and thoughts around sex.
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🎥Crew
▸ Creator, Director, Writer, etc - Anthony Padilla
▸ Executive Producer - Alessandra Catanese
▸ Producer - Nicole Blacklock
▸ Director of Photography/Gaffer - Josh Kirkwood
▸ Camera Operator - Garrett McKenna
▸ Social Media Manager - Mallory Myers
▸ Post Supervisor - Mike Criscimagna AKA Mork Crispy
▸ Head Editor - Patrick Horba
▸ Editor - Ash Duckworth
▸ Sound Mixing - Major Latimer
▸ Sound Supervisor - Gareth Hird
▸ Sound Editor - Jandre Van Heerden
▸ Assistant Editor - Levi Villalpando
▸ Production Coordinator - Joshua Dozier
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0:00 INTRODUCTION
0:59 ASEXUALITY IS A DISORDER
2:39 ASEXUAL PEOPLE DON'T HAVE TO COME OUT
4:22 ASEXUALS DON'T DATE
5:37 ASEXUAL PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO BE ROMANTIC
8:21 ASEXUAL PEOPLE ARE REPULSED BY SEX
12:08 ASEXUALS HAVEN'T MET THE RIGHT PERSON
13:17 PEOPLE ARE ASEXUAL BECAUSE OF TRAUMA
15:57 ASEXUALS ARE TOO YOUNG TO UNDERSTAND THEIR SEXUALITY
18:32 ASEXUALS CAN ONLY DATE ASEXUALS
19:43 ASEXUALS AREN'T QUEER
20:48 ONLY WOMEN ARE ASEXUAL
21:45 WHAT WE WISH WE KNEW BEFORE COMING OUT
23:00 ACE REPRESENTATION IN MEDIA
25:04 ASEXUALS AREN'T SEXY
26:14 ASEXUALS ARE COLD AND EMOTIONLESS
come back next week for *I spent a day with COURTREEZY* MEMBERS WATCH UNCENSORED & AD FREE▸ kzhead.infojoin
@@mohamadsabah9530Memberships.. he just said it.
@@mohamadsabah9530because he is a time traveler
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts 💨
@@mohamadsabah9530 he likely uploaded the video as private or unlisted first to add some finishing touches. I do that sometimes. Unless ur comment was meant to be a joke in which case ignore me lol
@mohamadsabah9530 When youtube videos have sponsorships, they upload the videos as private first, and have the sponsor view and approve the video before it's made public.
I think something a lot of people don’t understand, aromantic is not the same as asexual. You can have a deep and personal relationship with someone just the same and not have sex
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts.
Yea, good luck with that stupid shit. Romance exists for the goal of having sex
Asexual doesnt mean not having sex!!
@@janabr7598it has multiple meanings…..
@@janabr7598Yes to this! I'm asexual as heck, but eventually I a) found a person I found attractive physically and mentally (took 24 yrs to find em!) and b) I learned about "responsive" desire and that is my forte with them, they often initiate. So cool to see so many different asexual perspectives and experiences!
Conservatives: " People have become way too open about their sex Lives" Asexuals: Don't have a Sex Life Conservatives: 😡😡😡😡😡😡
Well if you're not having sex you wouldn't reproduce and have a nuclear family, God's great gift to capitalism! 🙃
@heyyitsjude you're confusing people who don't want kids and people who do, those are two different types of people
Conservatives will tell you openly why they also consider asexuality to be "degenerate," and it's because they believe not reproducing is part of "degeneracy" which includes not having sex and having sex that doesn't result in offspring It was never about modesty or purity, it's about control and moving the world in a direction so that straight cis white men are on top and are able to kill anyone they don't like they consider to be beneath them
As a conservative no one is mad at asexuals lmao
@@Uhlegra you're not very aware of the people on your side of the aisle then
It's sad that a lot of people will just ignore other people's feelings because they can't comprehend them.
The best way to communicate with people is by seeing things from their point of view :) Also--just going to shamelessly plug--I'm hoping some of you might like the music I make too :)
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts.
@@p-__ nuh uh mine are
@@p-__bold accusation right here
@@TableSalt_very 😂
This is good and interesting would love a part 2 focused on asexual men
Yess I want ace men like myself represented🙏🏻
Agreed. I have a strong suspicion that my husband is asexual. We’ve been together for 10 years and had sex infrequently for the first two years of our relationship. After that, nothing. I would love hearing from Ace men because I’m clueless!
Same
@@drowe1316perhaps try talking to him about it? If he doesn’t know what asexuality is, maybe you could bring it up like “here’s an interesting thing I learned about today”
I was thinking the same thing
As an aroace (aromantic and asexual) guy, there's definitely this immense cultural pressure placed on us to be sexual all the time, which feels like the equivalent of someone trying to shove food down your throat when you're not hungry. I'm super happy to see more ace content on this channel and hope that it can clear up some of the misconceptions people have about us.
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts.
I'm a straight guy, presumably living in the same culture you are. I don't feel an immense cultural pressure to be sexual all the time. What are you talking about that makes you feel this way?
@@metashadow3924 it could just be the environment he's in, like university or high school where dating & hooking up is very talked about (depends on the country, of course). i've surrounded myself with fellow lgbtq+ people since i am asexual and was friends with people who constantly talked about their sex life and wanting me to try out one night stands even though i constantly said no
@@p-__you wish
Hello fellow AroAce
Should've had an asexual man included. There's a stereotype that it's purely a woman thing because men like sex and women like romance so women opting out of sex completely isn't surprising. I don't agree with the stereotype but it would have been important to combat with a male presence. I'm not asexual but I am on the aromantic spectrum (aka sex yes please, friendship is great, romance is cringe) and we're the opposite. Focusing on sex is considered a male trait but I'm a proud arospec woman.
Yeah I agree, I've actually met more asexual men in my life than women which definitely goes against the "stereotypical asexual" from what I've seen in the comments
Asexual guy here! I’m trans AFAB so probably not the same experience as a cis guy but I completely agree.
I am a Cis man and I am asexual. I have zero desire to be in a relationship.
He may not have had asexual men volunteer for this video
I am demisexual (I normally just say asexual though for a multitude of reasons, but I'm comfortable putting it here atm), and I hadn't met anybody who was openly asexual until maybe about a year or two ago. She hates me now.... And I've finally made friends with another demisexual (which is a guy), and also have a friend who has made it obvious to me that he is also asexual, though I havent asked him about it or talked to him about it, he's made it clear by messages like "oh you're asexual too). It's definitely seeming to be pretty common in men (just about as much so as women). But uhm... Not sure if I'm the best example. I don't end up having long lasting friendships with females typically. But yeah, its a weird stigmatization that people think men can't be asexual.
5:11 "if you take the sexual part out, that's what a friendship is" was a very hurtful statement to me as an asexual (who isnt aromantic!) i feel like that's a bit of their internalized acephobia, if you take the sexual attraction out of a relationship, that's not just friends, they're still dating. Romantic attraction exists. And relationships don't need to involve sex! At all!
Absolutely. As someone who’s dating a bi-demisexual, I completely disagreed with her statement. Hearing that immediately flipped a switch in my head
she probably isn't aware of the word platonic.
How would you define romantic attraction though? I'm 100% sure I'm asexual, but still wonder about my romantic orientation. What does romantic attraction is? Isn't romance subjective, even?
@@channary2550 demisexuality isn't the same as asexuality though, so it would make sense why your partner and the woman in the video feel differently about romantic attraction and what a relationship consists of... Especially since a lot of demisexuals/gray-asexuals who are in relaltionships DO have sex with they boyfriend/girlfriend. You can't deny that physical intimacy and sex are the main difference between friends and two people who are in a relationship. It's also not a difference of commitment: you could very well commit to living with your best friend, even have kids together by adopting for example, and it still would be a platonic relationship. But that's just my thoughts, and the hours and hours of talking about friendships and relationships with my straight and bisexual friends.
@@wikia3266 yes but demisexuality is still a part of the asexuality spectrum. Of course it isn't the same and I'm aware of that. Let's just say a person is in a non-serious relationship with physical intimacy involved. Is it safe to generalize that they are just friend with benefits? In another context, if a bisexual dates only men, does that make the person straight? A relationship without sex is not always just a friendship. Sure, you may see it that way but to most, it sounds like she's just invalidating these types of relationships. Speaking in a bigger picture, Asexuals already struggle to make their orientations valid and this is why.
i find it so strange how people don’t think we exist. the thought that asexuality isn’t even real never even occurred to me as something that people believed
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts 💨
They are so obsessed with sex they find it incomprehensible.
It's because sex is so overrated (media, movies, music, society in general)
I'll grant you asexuality is more feasible than bisexuality. Still not really convinced of either though lol.
@@TryingtoTellYou i dunno how to convince ya but it is very real. personally the feelings come naturally, i felt shocked when i found out that my opinion on sex wasn’t “normal” and i am unable to see the appeal. it never comes to mind as something i want out of people lol
Alice Oseman (creator of "Heartstopper") is also asexual and aromantic. One of the characters, Isaac, is aromantic and asexual. In the comics, Tori also comes out as asexual
She has also written the book "loveless" that really explores asexuality and aromanticism through its main character. It's a really great read!
Tbh, most of her characters come across as completely asexual. I think since she is ace, that's all she understands how to write.
@@katrineknudsen1380 YESS LOVELESS IS MY FAVORITE BOOK
@@jijittersI thought she wrote attraction quite well
@jauxro Her show is the most sexless, pure thing on tv. It's famous for that exact thing. It's the main reason people praise it which is very messed up.
After watching this video, I think I might be on the asexual spectrum. I've been married to my husband for almost 11 1/2 years, we've been together almost 20 years and have an 8 year old son. While we do have sex and I enjoy it for the most part (while it's happening), I've never once craved sex nor do I miss it when I'm not engaging in it. I have always found men physically attractive and have had crushes on boys/men growing up, but never in a sexual way. I've never looked into asexuality much before this, because I pretty much never looked into it and had most of the same assumptions as those presented in this video. If anyone has advice on the matter , it'd be greatly appreciated as this is literally the first time that I've even considered this being a thing with me.
I relate to almost all of that ❤
ace lesbian here and i 100% relate
I am experiencing nearly the same, but my partner and I decided to end our relationship because (among other reasons) he was distraught by the fact I never initiated sex nor seemed into during the act. It’s affirming seeing videos like this and reading comments like yours :)
@AusyJo Thank you. My family and husband just assume that I was prudish. My husband is accepting to a point, but will occasionally ask me to initiate. Since I do love him, I do try from time to time for him, but ultimately am uncomfortable doing so. It's also hard because as emotional and effectionate I am towards my son and family, it's always been hard to show effection in romantic/sexual way (despite loving and caring about him deeply)
@@Michelle-DiPalo same same same! I still love my partner deeply, but I could not convey that sexually in a way that worked for him, so we just agreed we weren’t sexually compatible. I think you’d learn more about this from the book, “come as you are” by Emily Nagoski. She’s a sex therapist who had a patient in our similar situation: loved her husband, but didn’t love the idea of having sex with him. That book may have given me my first inkling that I may be ace… Still need to look more into it!
Anthony, I realized I was ace because of your "I Spent a Day with Asexuals" video, and it's been an incredible nearly 4 years of personal discovery because of that. Thank you for that video, and thank you for bringing everyone back for this video! ❤
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts.
I am aromantic and asexual, but I love my platonic relationships. I would absolutely live with one of my best friends, adopt a child and take care of them with my best friend. I think that's so cute, so fun, and I think it would be a very healthy atmosphere for a child to be raised in. I believe in long lasting friendships more than long lasting romantic relationships.
Despite me not being aromatic & asexual,, I absolutely love this idea! I think it would be a very fulfilling lifestyle
that sort of incredibly close platonic relationship is called a queerplatonic relationship and each partner is called a “zucchini” in the relationship:)
@@simplymarvelousliving ooohhh, I didn't know about that. I do know that an aroace "crush" is called a squish though, which I absolutely love
Right? Why can't you just marry someone as a friend.
@@theasexualvampire13 there are actually people who do, and I think that's totally awesome
like yes it is real, some people just cant comprehend it cause sex is everywhere in the media and they themselves are also obsessed with it 💀 so the idea that some people don’t feel that attraction is incomprehensible to them
It's just sad to imagine that some people experience a world without intimacy
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts 💨
@@tomekk.1889 asexuality doesn't mean no intimacy
@@tomekk.1889 what makes you care enough mate? Just let people live their life.
we have intimacy, sex isnt the only form or the best form of intimacy :) @@tomekk.1889
On the intimacy thing. People find it confusing that when they might look at someone pretty and think, “I want to have sex with them.” I might look at them and think, “I want to cuddle up on the sofa with them and snuggle under a blanket whilst watching Doctor Who.”
Yes! I always found the idea so foreign that other people could just look at someone and think, “I want to have sex with them” like whaaaa
the sexual spectrum is huuuuge, as well as the asexuality spectrum within that! ❤
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts 💨
😭😂😂😂 dude just stop. Nobody cares
@@randomshit65you clicked on the asexual video clearly you care about it to some degree even if it isn't in a good direction
Pankos!!
The human sexuality is indeed massive with tons of nuances.
The ace community is still so overlooked even by other LGBTQ people. I came out to two of my friends a couple years ago, one of whom is bisexual, and they both laughed and said "That's weird". My parents constantly deny my asexuality as well and tell me I'm too young to know even though I'm literally an adult and my peers have sex all the time. They think it's a phase I'm going to grow out of. I say all of this not because I need pity but to emphasize how important accurate representation is to our community. I really appreciate all the work you do to shed light on overlooked and misunderstood communities like ace/aro people, Anthony.
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts 💨
I’m gay and I’m one of those that thinks it’s weird (not in a bad way) that there’s people out there who are asexual. So are you just not aroused ever? Like do you ever get horny? If you do, what gets you horny?
@@dougfoster445idk what there is to be confused about. just like how your brain receives a fix of hormones when looking at men their brain doesn't receive a dopamine fix at the thought of doing something sexual with a particular person. some asexuals want to have sex and have neutral/positive outlooks of it, they just don't get sexually attracted to somebody. others are entirely repulsed by sex and both interpretations of the label are by definition valid.
It's not a phase, despite what others say. You are living authentically and I admire your strength. I just turned 49 and I hid my pan gray ace orientation for decades. I forced myself to provide my partners with what they wanted and lost myself in the process. I waited until I was 46 to come out as being on the Asexual spectrum. I had already come out as pan many years ago. I say this about myself not to diminish what you're experiencing, but to let you know that you should live your life your way. Please continue to live authentically, because the masking and denial takes its toll. You're young, but that doesn't mean you don't know what you don't want in terms of your sexuality. You've got this! 🙂
@@nickyheart well it’s confusing to me because I don’t know much about it. Shouldn’t be surprised about people being confused about it. It’s a little different than a sexual preference like gay and straight. It’s like some people like pizza but others hate it but regardless, everyone needs to eat is how I thought about it. But I may be ignorant. The one person I ever knew who was asexual actually found out he’s gay after he came to terms with it. So I have limited experience with asexuals
I am aroace and I think it is always so funny to hear other aroaces explain allo attraction to eachother, because we all dont know how it feels
I was thinking the same thing!!
Yes, we explain it through science and psychology, I've seen threads of people doing that
lmaooo yes! like the blind leading the blind. it always get a chuckle out of me, but it's interesting hearing others explain how they percieve it/how they've been told or informed it's percieved.
I was jealous of my friend who identified as Asexual because she was stereotypically not into ANYTHING but like, puzzles. That made me feel like if I wasn't like her, I was "faking" asexuality. But then one day I realized, it was as simple as just saying I was asexual. There was no specific way I NEEDED to act. I was interested in having close friendships and watching romantic media, but I only wanted the friendships for myself. And that was enough.
Mama, I identify as ace but I love me a steamy fanfic 😂 a good number actually hahah
People like to assume I'm 100% pure of mind. I was a band kid in American public school. I have witnessed hentai (unwillingly). I WISH I could be pure of mind but I'm not. I know the rules of BDSM to protect myself from certain people (those who don't follow the rules). Sex jokes can be funny. So there is pressure on me to act innocent and all this shit and I hate that. No one can give me a proper explanation as to why they want me to act that way, so when people are like "I didn't expect you to know that" I just roll my eyes.
🙏🙏🙏
No i appreciate you saying this cause I’m recently discovering and gaining a lot of confidence that I’m ace. I’m starting to say it without hesitation, owning it. But then I hear many of the things these ladies are saying and I don’t find myself relating to them as much as I’d expect/hope, making me question if I’m truly ace. But I keep having to remind myself it’s a spectrum, and they’re only 3 points in all the possibilities. That we aren’t all alike, that we can think/process different and still be ace
@@HalwenGreenleaf*hugs* honestly, quite the same
I've know I was Ace for a long time, but I'm super romance driven, so for the longest time hearing those "you just haven't found the right person" comments really hurt, and I just felt like I was all wrong. I've always been attracted to people, just not sexually. I'm so glad that my bestie discovered asexuality and taught me about it cause I would have been in a very much darker place without the understanding of myself.
that statement "you haven't met the right person" made me think i was demisexual and I would magically change when I loved someone in a relationship for 6 years now, I'm asexual completely lol
I'm like you, and I'm SO lonely. I want a boyfriend, but no one wants to date me because I don't want sex. So what I tend to hear is, "You're offering your heart, mind and soul to me, but that means nothing because you won't give me your body." Like, I understand and appreciate the guys who are like "listen, this just won't work for me and I don't want to hurt you." Bless! Thank you for not wasting my time! But it's the guys who phrase their rejection like "nope I just wanna fuck you" who I absolutely hate, and I find those dudes more than the considerate ones.
@@sentientplant9658Nah, they ain't shnic, like, you should definitely have the relationship you want with your boundaries, the fact that they want sex and that's a deal breaker, means they aren't worth it, I hope you find people who do see your value more than just your body ☺️☺️
being gay/ace is a choice
@@ville__ It's not. One does not choose to not be sexually attracted. That doesn't make any sense lmao.
This is going to sound weird but I lost my best friend because I revealed I was Asexual. Some people just can't understand us and treat us like freaks. I've never revealed this information to anyone else in my life because I fear further rejection. I appreciate this video so much.
whatttt you dont feel sexually attracted to everyone??? lemme guess, next your gonna tell me you like garlic bread and cake.
It’s so jarring how sometimes the people you think would be accepting-or the people who would have been perfectly accepting of you if you came out as gay, which is more well-known-will not accept you if you come out as asexual. I experienced this with my parents-they didn’t reject me or kick me out or anything, but my mom reacted very badly, arguing with me about all the usual stuff (you haven’t met the right person yet, just s late bloomer, you’ve been on dates before, etc) and then immediately outed me to my dad the second he came home. Before I had a chance to even get a word in, she immediately said “Nico THINKS she’s asexual.” “Thinks,” she said, as if there was no way I could actually BE asexual! Honestly, when the question “what do you wish you knew before you came out?” was asked, that’s my answer. “I wish I knew that people who would be accepting of you if you came out as gay would NOT accept you being ace.” But here’s the thing: I don’t think it would have changed the timeline of me coming out. I came out pretty much the second I found a good opportunity to work it into a conversation after I figured out that asexuality was a thing, and maybe I would have waited a little longer, but then when I found out I was non-binary too, I remembered the negative reactions I got to coming out as ace, and I waited 7 years. I came out in 2020, and it was less “I’m finally out now, yay!” and more like “ehh, the world is on fire anyway, might as well.” So if I anticipated so much negativity, it would have made it much easier to react to, and I probably would have come out at the same time, but been more able to roll with the punches. Getting negative reactions to coming out is never fun, but if you can anticipate them, it’s easier to make the decision of when and how to face it… or “if,” I guess, but I recommend facing it anyway. If your friends don’t let you be true to yourself, they’re not really good friends anyway. The friends I still have in my life are those who do let me be true to myself, and it was worth it to find out who those friends were.
Sexual attraction is a motivater for people's actions fairly frequently. They people felt like you couldn't relate to them.
If you ask me, they were never your friend. That's the kind of reaction one has when your friend tells you they killed an innocent person, not that. People need to get over themselves
I'm sorry you were treated that way 😔
This is really great! It's weird how this format of a group of people with a common attribute just talking amongst themselves is so refreshing. But when I think about it, usually minorities have to explain themselves to someone who is part of a the mayority.
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts.
Yes, the Jubilee shit is so exhausting.
@@heyyitsjude True. I used to love those videos but I haven't watched them in ages because all they do is argue. They try to find the most controversial topics and the people on the most extreme sides of said topic, and it definitely is exhausting to listen to.
being gay/ace is a choice
@@thespankmyfrank it’s unproductive at best and really problematic at worst. They sometimes do a terrible job, in my opinion, at finding people who are experts in these areas and have already spoken on these subjects on a platform or in debate. For example, with the feminists vs men’s rights activists, the latter was the debate bros who come ready with statistics and misinformation that, if you haven’t been exposed to it or don’t understand feminism academically, could stunt you completely. Not to shade the women who were there, but they seemed like well intentioned women whose understanding of feminism was very minimal. Why not bring thought leaders or academics prominent on social media who are educated on these issues?? Also, what is the goal in making people of an identity group argue with people who hate them about their right to *exist.* (the trans people vs anti-trans). Like I said, just feels like unproductive chatter under the guise of “understanding” people who are different than us! More often than not no solutions are proposed (even if they exist in discussions outside that video), and no minds truly changed.
Would love to see one about invisible disabilities 😮
Such as?
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts 💨
@@smashyrashyChronic pain comes to mind
@smashyrashy invisible disability is a subsection of the disabled umbrella term it is considered anyones disability which is not readily seen or also can be described as connecting to the mind
@@smashyrashy i dunno, neurological disorders, chronic pain, other physical problems that aren't noticeable, stuff like that.
I'm 49 and have been out as a panromantic grey ace for about two years. I encourage y'all to live authentically, because masking is exhausting and in my case led to depression. Visibility is important and thanks for giving us a voice. I would love to see another discussion featuring ace men, non-binary, and trans asexuals. Perhaps asexual couples?
I think especially when it comes to the vulnerability of your body in such an intimate and intrusive manner such as sex. It is NOT something to compromise!!!
I completely agree, because emotional repression is bad regardless of your orientation.
I'm 50 and only recently accepted (and luckily my partner is very understanding and with our age and disabilities he's gotten less interested in that aspect) that I'm panroace. I have identified over the years as bicurious, bisexual, pansexual, and finally realized that I really don't like the act itself. I like cuddling and sensuality, but the act to me is a chore to get through. I think that as we grow and learn to listen to ourselves, it's OK to recognize and reevaluate ourselves. 💜🌻 Thank you for sharing!!
Hello fellow ace 👋 I concur, a large portion of the community is nonbinary and men often have an even harder time coming out. I also really appreciate middle age aces who are out. As someone in my 20s, it's so helpful to be able to imagine my own future
being gay/ace is a choice
As an aroace man, I kinda ignored the whole romance and s*x thing entirely until people my age started having children. When I explained this to my family (parents and siblings) they were pretty understanding so I think I was lucky in that regard, my dad even suspected I "didn't like people like that" years before I figured anything out.
I am also aroace, and I relate heavily to ignoring it for years. Like those topics didn't exist to me for years at all until high school where everyone was talking about relationships.
Why don’t you adopt if you want kids? I’m adopted and I’m glad I was. What a horrible life it would have been if I never got adopted. Plus I don’t want sex so I’ll about especially since I want children in the future
We need more people like jyaden animation who comes out and shows their world
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts 💨
yes I was so happy when she made that video
fr, her video was the first time i heard those terms and im now comfortably aroace :D
illymation also came out as ace if i remember correctly
@@Ejpon OH YEAH i forgot about her, love her :)
Haven’t watched yet but glad to see a Jubilee style video that actually empowers the marginalized group rather than forcing them to defend themselves against literal bigots. I hope this can replace that format!
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts 💨
Too bad he used a clickbait ace phobic title and thumbnail caption
@@franjkav it probably helps draw in bigots/skeptics who would usually ignore content like this at least
Its great hearing other Asexuals talking about their experiences and how they see the world, and how much I can relate
I really like this way of describing being ACE "It's like if you're a straight man and someone says to you 'hey you just haven't met the right guy yet', we do not have that feeling"
being gay/ace is a choice
@@ville__ then why r u on this video? Like choose something that is for you, like some shitty football practice or smth abt cars?
I LOVE your profile picture
@@ville__is being straight a choice?
The trauma thing hit hard- I was SA’d as a child and my mom (who told me my whole life sex was top 3 if not most important part of a relationship) told me when I told her I didn’t want/like sex that I just feel that way because I feel awkward due to being SA’d. I don’t think I’ll ever tell her I’m asexual because I’m married and have a child and she would never understand (husband knows and understands/we have what works for us, he’s the actual best thing to ever happen to me because my mom made me think I’d never be loved).
Sorry for what happened to you as a kid; I'm glad you have a partner now who's good for you and treats you right and respectfully!
I’m so happy you’re living a fulfilling life now. Gives me hope ❤
As a Sex-Repulsed/Negative ace, I wish we could see more representation in these conversations, but hell, I'm just glad to be seeing more ace conversations in general at least. Keep it up! :D
honestly, that sounds more like what I would expect an asexual is, someone who feels like a homosexual for the other gender and a heterosexual for their own. so I guess they went for the less obvious ones? but yeah it would have been interesting seeing more perspectives, I knew close to nothing before Anthony's videos.
As an asexual I love seeing more conversations about our sexuality, but there are male presenting people who are also on the asexual spectrum and I’d like to hear from them as well.
being gay/ace is a choice
@@ville__ I'm gonna assume you're a man, so when did you decide to become attracted to women?
Honestly yeah. I'm an aroace man and I've only met one ace man in my life (never seen an ace man depicted in any media). Ace men don't really get much representation. It's a real shame
"You need to have sexual attraction to feel love." That's ridiculous. So, whenever someone says that, they're sexually attracted to their parents? Their siblings? Their kids? Or do they not love those people? What about their friends and best friends?
Hii I'm asexual. My opinion on the matter: I'm sex adverse, but I don't think I'm completely against finding relationship if it happens. Asexuals are not innocent, I'm so dirty minded, I just don't want to have it myself.
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts.
Speak for yourself… we are not all the same
Exactly, there's a misconception about asexuals being innocent and not wanting relationships. There's a spectrum so not all asexual have the same experiences for instance some are sex adverse, and there are others that are not but merely don't desire it as much or at all, some may have sex with their partner, and some may not. I'm also a sex adverse asexual but I'm also germophobic mostly of other people's germs. If I don't like drinking from the same straw as someone, why would I like kissing someone? No matter how much I care and love someone, I will never feel the desire or feel comfortable being intimate with anyone. Due to my aversion, I can't tell if I even get romantic feelings or if it all just platonic feelings, I might be aromatic as well and not just asexual. But I'm not innocent, I still have a dirty mind at times as I imagine most adults do to some degree, I've done it solo, but do I ever want to do it with someone? heck no. I'm not this way because of trauma, there's nothing medically wrong with me, and I'm not this way because I'm shy around people, it's merely something that I have no interest or desire for to begin with.
@@azarahwagner2749I think they were.
@@azarahwagner2749they literally were speaking for themselves 😂
OMG FIRST I GET A VIDEO ON BEING TRANS AND NOW ASEXUALS!!! Literally made for me
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts 💨
Anthony farts are better than yours@@p-__
I KNOW!!! ME TOO AHHH!!!
I’m 30 years old, and I’ve only recently opened up about my sexuality. I think I have always been asexual- I just never had a name for it. I remember there was a time thought I could be a lesbian? Because when I’d try to have sex with a guy, it took “too long.” Unfortunately I’m not attracted to women in that way either. I am married, and I have two children. Sex is possible for the asexual, (and yes, it can feel good for us too), it just.. I think a key difference for me, is that while orgasms are great, I can literally name a dozen other sensations or activities that I enjoy more.
like eating cake or garlic bread 😉
@@HenyaStudentor playing video games, or watching a movie, or watching this new an*thony upload 😂❤️
being gay/ace is a choice
@@ville__ so being straight is a choice too? Stop this bullshit, you dont choose your sexuality, you just discover it.
hearing shelby talk about being sort of afraid to be with an allo partner because it could be a problem made me feel so seen. i feel very lucky to be with an allo partner that is very understanding and kind about my aceness, but before i told him i was absolutely terrified that it would be a deal breaker. reminder to all with this fear that there are people out there who will accept you and won't let it get in the way of a loving romantic relationship!
being gay/ace is a choice..
I’m a straight cis man, and I have been interested in ace people before, I haven’t actually dated someone who identifies with it, but that’s just because I haven’t really been in many romantic relationships as a whole. I’ve had concerns about how the dynamic would be and i feel like I’d be really scared of making them uncomfortable or make them feel pressured if we do ever have sex. The way that I started thinking about it though is that if you guys get to the point where they’re willing to have sex with you, it’s because they do love and they trust you, and you can still make it at least relatively enjoyable for them (depending on the person). This video has definitely helped me kind of understand more of what people who are ace kind of think about the whole thing, I’ve asked about my friends who are ace, but hearing more peoples perspectives really helps show the spectrum aspect of it. Anyways that’s my Ted talk, thanks for the amazing video!
They’re many ace people that have sex and they like it. But there are others that do it for their partner but don’t like it. However they’re others that are sex repulsed. It really depends on the person. Finding someone not hot and not having sex are two different things
being gay/ace is a choice
@@ville__ A choice almost nobody would have made if it was a choice.
@@ville__ How is that a choice?😂 straight people falling in love with someone isn’t a choice either
@@ville__ ah very nice, way to add to the discussion
I'd love to see this same concept done again but with a group of asexual men. Or even nonbinary asexuals. It'd be interesting to see the spectrum of aces between the different gender identities.
Asexual here! Asexuality doesn’t mean just hating sex. There are sex positive and sex indifferent asexuals. Being asexual means you have little to no sexual attraction or little to no sexual desire. This is why demisexual people are on the ace spectrum! Sex repulsion is a facet of aceness but it’s a spectrum like every other sexuality there is.
Being ace is a choice.
I've told a lot of people that I'm asexual and aromatic. They just don't get it. They always say "you just haven't found the right person yet." Sex terrifies me, honestly. It doesn't sound fun to me. And, dating is a chore in my eyes. I'd rather be alone.
A friend of mine is asexual, they're super chill honestly.
being ace is a choice..
I'm 20 and on the asexual spectrum so it's definitely annoying hearing people tell me "I used to be that person then I met someone and it changed things" or they would make me feel bad about it but I personally don't see any benefits in sex..just more risks plus so much can happen that I'm not willing to do nor trust people like that so I'm glad rhat I'm not alone.
Being a ace male I really relate and identify with the reflections that are happening here, so yeah it seems all of it is something everyone out of "norm" has to hear from others. I'm also heteroromantic and I have to agree/mention it became far more harsh to find partners that really commit to a serious relationship, not only that but seems that hearing the word "asexual" is like a instant discard for many even when they don't ask/want to know more about it or the person you're talking to, idk if this is something that happens to many aces but it's never pleasant to be thrown aside effortlessly 😞
It does happen. Before I formally came out as a Panromantic grey ace, I was married to someone who had issues when my disability prevented me from being as active as he was. He cheated several times. In the last couple of months, he would refuse to help me get to the ER. He ghosted me. He took a few things in a laundry basket and disappeared. I was just thrown away for being me. In the long run, it ended up being a blessing and helped me come to terms with who I am. I'm sorry you're struggling and I hope you find a wonderful person who cares for you and respects your asexuality.
@@bellememorie Thank you for the words, also for sharing your experience and I'm sorry you had to let go of someone you really cared for, hope your life nowadays is going in a great way! ✌
Nah it’s a thing. I’m homoromantic and it’s definitely been like an “automatic disqualification” card in my personal experience.
@@bellememorieI’m so sorry that happened to you. What an awful person
I found out about As3xuality in 2021 before the Pride walk in August. It was my first one I attended. I joined the volunteers for LGBTQ+ community and I was at the beggining of the pride march with others with flags. I was holding Ace flag, a girl next to me had Ace and Aro (aromantic) flag. IIt was also my coming out that way and pretty much public cuz pictures were taken. There were also people from Asfera-Polish Asexuals assosiation. I learned more this year about us Aces. Last year I was there as well with flag. Still feeling like that. Never had a BF/GF or any relationship outside frienship. Fellow Aces! Be loud and proud! BTW Any Polish Aces in the comments? Greetings!
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts.
The Polish ace arrives. Hi :)
I’m half Polish ace if that counts lol
being gay/ace is a choice
I'm polish and ace as well, Pozdrowienia z Chicago!
Had a game night playing cards against humanity and i won with “bisexually curious” and they asked me if I was and i was like “dude I’m barely regular curious!” There are so many ace flags that i missed growing up🤣
A lot of these topics hit home for me as an ace person. So thanks for getting this out there. Hopefully people will start to see us and our experience as just another variation of humanity rather than something that makes us broken.
It was over a decade ago in high school that I was really grappling with my orientation. A friend of mine asked me if I had a crush on my closest male friend because to an outsider’s view sometimes it did seem like I liked him. I was experiencing somewhat romantic feelings from being emotionally close with him, but wasn’t sure if they were just affection for my best friend. My friend didn’t understand that answer and flat out asked me if I wanted to have sex with my crush. It was a real shock because I had never considered it and I realized that maybe the people around me did think that way in their teens already. I had thought books, TV, and media were all just exaggerating for young folks and that kind of desire came later. So it sent me into another identity spiral and feeling like something is wrong with me. I ended up going on a deep dive of the internet trying to word what I was feeling. And after hours of looking and reading, I stumbled across AVEN and first got a detailed explanation of asexuality and the spectrum. My whole life was changed just knowing it was a thing that existed and that I wasn’t alone. I was left utterly fascinated by the LGBTQ+ community who I had assumed would never really apply to me and subsequently read up on several other identities. If it wasn’t for that representation from AVEN, I don’t know where that would have left me.
Im aroace, and I totally get what you mean about the media and its depictions of teen relationships. For the longest time I thought it was exaggerated and that teens didnt REALLY think/have sex that much. Imagine my surprise when I found out that my peers did in fact have sex lives lol The same goes for romance too, I often thought that teen romantic relationships/crushes were an act to seem more adult. However I now know that their feelings are very much real, its still hard to wrap my hear around it sometimes tho haha
I learned last year that people actually had a desire to have sex. I thought people did it because it was something you do when you are in a relationship. I did not that people actually enjoyed it. I still don’t understand it.
being ace/gay is a choice..
I really love seeing content around asexuality. The I spent a day video was how I figured out I was ace, for years I thought I was broken, a prude and I had my friends at the time think I was really weird. Its really comforting to know people feel the same way as me.
I’m a biromantic asexual and I’m honestly scared of watching this. I’m so incredibly tired of people dismissing my identity. And they also constantly mix up asexuality and aromanticism, it’s so annoying and invalidating.
For real. I still want to be in a romantic relationship. I just don't wanna fuck the person. Apparently that doesn't register
@@sentientplant9658I'm straight and my significant other is asexual. We've been together for more than two years and we love each other more than anything. I do have sexual needs but I don't mind staying celibate since the feelings for my partner clearly overweigh them. So I'm pretty sure it's possible you might find someone :)
By using combinations we can mathematically prove it exists: OS = opposite sex; SS = same sex; "+" = attracted to; "-" = not attracted to. Now let's see all the possible combinations of the "+" and the "-" : OS SS + - Heterosexuality - + Homosexuality + + Bisexuality - - Asexuality
that's such an easy way to explain it, tysm for educating this comment section haha
being gay is a choice..
@@ville__ then being straight is a choice too
Shelby coming out as Ace actually led me to Anthony’s original video which taught me about asexuality and introduced me to the concept of being grey asexual and demisexual. I was pretty new to the world of LGBTQ+ and Anthony’s videos helped me learn about so much of the community. Since then I have discovered that I’m demisexual and I probably never would have known without Shelby and Anthony. So thanks!😊
the original i spent a day with asexuals video got me to realize i was part of that community later! i'm glad you keep making these fantastic series (i spent a day with and now assumptions), genuinely, this is fantastic! thank you so much for all you do
Somehow people always expect you to engage in relationships. When I tell people I'm ace, their initial reaction is usually something like "But you do fall in love, right? You're not against relationships, RIGHT???" like I'm dead inside. I don't really experience crushes, and I'm not interested in dating or having an intimate relationship, but that sounds like magic to some people...
As an Ace person. This makes me super happy! Thank you Anthony!!!
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts 💨
Lmfaooo you don’t need validation, just be you. Simple as that.
@@randomshit65blud what? You're absolutely insane
Same here. Ace rights!
@@randomshit65in a world where people get hate for being themselves, it's nice to get a little validation sometimes
Makes me stupidly emotional to hear these conversations that describe my experience so completely on such a widely viewed platform. Thank you Anthony & huge thanks to your team for this ❤❤
When you announced this episode with the Assumptions announcement I got so excited! I myself am asexual and was so excited when the "I Spent a Day With" episode came out. I'd be so happy to see you do an episode of assumptions with Aromatics next!
I'm so happy that there is a new episode on this subject to bring visibility and debunking about it, so glad to be represented and to have videos like this I can share 😁
Definitely not just women. As a 29 year old male, I can't tell you how many people just assume something is wrong or there's some hidden reason that I'm not interested in sex or a partnership. I don't feel lonely or like there is any kind of deficiency in my life, I'm just doing my own thing and I'm pretty content with that.
I would love to see a video for aromanticism! There's not much aro content that's separate from asexuality, pretty much the only creator for that is Nik who was one of the guests on the aromantic episode, and still that episode was focused on romance repulsed aromantics, so a more general vid would be amazing :]]]
being gay/ace is a choice
“Heartbreak High” has really great male asexual representation for anyone interested.
So grateful for this conversation. Makes me feel more seen. I hope more of us can come out as ace and form a solid community 💜
I didn’t know that I was aroace until adulthood mainly because I didn’t know these identities existed. For so long I thought something was wrong with me, which caused a lot of mental and emotional turmoil during my life, but I just didn’t know what I was yet. So glad ace experiences are being discussed so that nobody has to feel like they’re wrong. I’m so happy and confident now with who I am because I know who I am 💜💚
This video is really important. I have been struggling to understand my partner's asexuality and this opened my mind up to a lot
I came out as ace before your first asexuality video. But I became open to having a partner after it. Almost 3 years into a wonderful partnership with my ace partner. It was wonderful seeing so many different representations and that there’s so much happiness in being single or partnered ace.
I really appreciate this. Directly asking asexuals about controversial questions is super enlightening. As someone who is demisexual (sex positive), I feel heard and that other people understand and feel the same too.
Hey Anthony! I just wanted to say, thanks to your first video about being ace, that whole interview, I learned that I was ace myself! Just a little reminder that your videos mean a lot to people ❤
It has helped me so much to learn about asexuality and finding out that there are people who feel the same way as me. I used to feel like I was somehow broken, like there was something wrong with me. But now I know I'm not the only one and it's absolutely okay to view sex differently than other people around me.
thank you so much for this video anthony, you help so many people feel validtated, calmer and help people understand themselves. your content is amazing and so sweet to see
i love videos like this because somehow, in the everyday life, it can be really forgetful how valid this sexuality is and how it’s not something bad and harmful. Being a teenager in highschool surrounded by horny teens can be tough if im not sometimes reminded that it’s okay i dont feel this way too.
Thank you Anthony for making another video about our community. Much appreciated 🖤🤍💜
Not only do I love the ''spent a day with'' series, because it gives you the insight on a certain group of people who you're curious about, but nervous to ask questions toward. But this new set-up REALLY helps, because it feels like you're including in an actual conversation with people you may or may not be like minded with. It makes you feel less alone and more included, so whoever came up with this idea, great job! Keep this going! and also, thank you :)
Hearing shelby say it made things harder is even more heartbreaking given recent context 💔 sending all the love to shub
To the girl who mentioned Koisenu Futari, I want to say THANK YOU. It is a great show and many more people should watch it. The aroace representation in it is amazing.
My sister is married to an allo partner in a non-sexual, romantic relationship. If you don't want to compromise on ever having sex, don't give up looking for the person who will do that for you. ❤
this is honestly made me feel like im having consultation and its good to know that im not the only feeling this kind of feeling
this was very cool to see! your videos are about having conversations and bringing different people to light with your platform and i think this is a very neat way to expand and advance that. im aroace myself and i love seeing myself through other people in the content you bring. i recently got into a queer platonic relationship with someone who is arobi, but we have almost identical ideal relationships (that being a life partner basically) and its very lovely and i think its very neat how aspec people like us can bend societal rules to fit our own lifestyles and fit each other into a more quality way of living. it would be cool to see if you could explore qpr/qpp's in your videos as well! either way, always love the content you put out anthony, keep it up
I'm an Aromantic Aegosexual, meaning I’m aroused by erotic content, but I have no interest in having sex with another person. I also don’t really care about romance.
I love romance and enjoy audio or erotica content. I need to be mentally stimulated and emotionally connected to a person but enjoy my solitude and space. I don't desire relationships but if it happens then cool and I can think, watch, talk, read, please myself but don't have any interest in sex nor do I want to engage in it. I'm not sure if there's a term for it but I'm am also on the aegosexual spectrum too!
I've always considered myself bi-romantic demisexual. I have equally as much sexual thoughts as romantic thoughts, but the idea of ACTUALLY doing it completely different. Like, why do I have to get naked to love you or be loved? I'm perfectly content with just watching a movie and sitting close to them. I'm also completely set on never having children and I hate the idea of sharing a bed with someone. People, especially on dating apps, don't understand this, so I just tell them I'm bisexual but not looking for sex, only a serious relationship. It's all so annoying and I literally can't find anyone who feels the same as me - has physical attraction to others but doesn't feel the need to have sex.
That’s really interesting. If you don’t mind me asking, why do you like sitting close to someone but dislike sharing a bed with someone?
I’m really happy to see my community represented like this. There’s so many misconceptions around us.
LOVEDTHIS SO MUCH! Hosting a video with Asexual people just talking about their experiences and thoughts is so helpful and encouraging! I hope this clears up a lot of confusion for people that don’t understand this sexuality. Would love a part 2 with asexual men or new people to keep the conversation going!
Loved this video so much I can’t even explain it. Never have I felt so validated in myself and how I express emotion.
There was only one time i actually told people i was asexual, friends at the time but fell out of friendship due to unrelated reasons, and one of them said "youre not asexual, you just havnt found the right person." I was so upset with this person...because they just couldnt understand that i had 0 intetest in sex but i still want to be in a relationship. A lot of people think relationship = sex..its frustrating.
being ace is a choice..
@@ville__No it isn’t. You can’t control your sexuality
@@ville__why tf r u under every comment under this video yapping this bs 💀
This video was so good and meant so much to me, thank you Anthony and everyone who took part in this video
this group of people just seemed so sweet and it was a pleasure to see them discussing asexuality from someone who is questioning her own sexuality and trying to understand if i fall under the ace umbrella, lots of love from me!
I have been struggling with feelings like this (in my first real relationship atm) and this makes me feel much better about what's going on with me
Me too!
On the first day of the term, my previous psychology professor said ace people where traumatized and r@pëd as children. I was a closeted aroace. I walked out that same day.
Fantastic video!! Thank you for shining a humanizing spotlight on such a normally undiscussed topic.
So glad to see another video on asexuality! Like many of the comments said though, it's important to have some male representation due to further stereotypes. :) I wanna share some anime/manga that have ace characters and are acknowledged: Yagate Kimi ni Naru (Bloom into You) - lesbians, but the mc might be on the ace spectrum, also an aroace friend Watashi wa Kabe ni Naritai (I want to be a Wall) - platonic relationship between an aroace woman and gay man Kimi no Sekai ni Koi wa Nai (Is Love the Answer?) - many aces finding each other and figuring themselves out Another one that I enjoy, and people theorize that the main character is aroace - Kusuriya Hitorigoto (Apothecary Diaries)
About representation, the best representation I've seen so far in media is the book Loveless by Alice Oseman. It goes into detail about the feelings surrounding coming to terms with being ace and it's so so good. Thank you for this episode Anthony! As an asexual person (aro-ace to be precise) this makes me feel really seen
Thank you for this episode and for your other videos on asexuality and aromanticism. They've been fantastic resources with being able to hear about other people's experiences and comparing them with my own. Thank you for your dedication to talking about something that's often forgotten 💜
being ace is a choice..
Loved this episode, thank you for this series!
thank u sosososososo much for more asexual content. i really appreciate a large channel spreading the word to hopefully show more ppl that it exists!!
'You're just a straight person trying to feel special'. Fuck that hit me in the soul. I'm pansexual and in (currently) a straight fronting relationship. I can't begin to describe how many times such hate has been pushed at me despite the fact that I have dated every fucking gender under the sun. That invalidation is an isolating struggle.
As someone who has always had an incredibly high libido and genuinely loves sex, I found this conversation incredibly fascinating
That's how I feel (as an ace) listening to conversations from people who like sex, lol 🤣 Thank you for keeping an open mind and listening to the convo! 🙂💜
@@minntaaka Fair enough!! 😂
@@alessandradatanasio4568as someone who's always forced herself to have s*x to satisfy her bf's, this video was incredibly helpful! I love seeing how everyone is different, yet still accepts us. I'm not sure if I truly accept asexual as a label, man I hate labels. But I'm definitely into romance, and dating- where I really connected, is how they see s*x as a chore. It feels exactly the same for me! And the football analogy was dead accurate for myself personally. Thanks for being open minded and taking the time to watch this video. It's helped me, and though I can't be sure it's helped you in any way, I'm glad you're here ❤️
@@CrickBritt I am so sorry to hear you’ve felt like you had to engage into intercourse with your boyfriend to meet his needs at the expenses of yours. It shouldn’t be like that. And I can’t even imagine what it took you guys to figure out this aspect of your life in a society that venerates sex to an unhealthy and toxic degree. What is my cup of tea might not be yours and vice versa, and I don’t see why that should be a problem. But I’m glad to read so many comments like yours of people that, by watching this video, felt seen and understood. That’s why we need more open conversations like this ❤️
being gay/ace is a choice
This was a fantastic episode. Loved hearing their perspectives, but I feel like there is also a good opportunity to do a second part with even more diverse perspectives like gay men, trans folks, older people... whatever it's, this is great and I'd love to see more.
As someone who never even cared too much about finding out myself if I was anywhere on the LGBTQ+ spectrum, mainly because I'm already on the Autism spectrum so I know I tend to think differently, not having any sexual attraction / interest at all was in itself a second though to me. But listening to this conversation is pretty much giving me confirmation that I very well might indeed be Asexual, even though that might not change much in my life, I think that from now I'll have more certainty about it. So thank you for this new series, it was very interesting to hear various perspectives and thoughts on the subject in this discussion format!
What I just would want people to realize about asexuality is that everyone is still individual and you don't really know much about the specific Ace you are talking to just because you know what asexuality is, or know a lot of ace people. Just like you might know about women but that doesn't tell you much about a specific woman. There is such a range of what an ace person is comfortable talking about or doing, and it is so important to communicate and ask appropriate questions if you have someone who is ace in your life. I am asexual and married to a demisexual person. Part of our relationship has been growing together and strong communication.
i think this is a nice in depth take at womens approach to asexuality in general. its reassuring as an asexual man, but we do deserve our own episode in the future to discuss this from our own side, as i think theres a stark difference in the shaming of asexual women vs men. with women its their expectancy to be a mother, many asexual women are mothers or go on to be mothers, its a spectrum and is a very vague term that has different meanings to many, more people are on it than you think. with men its not having drive, being lazy/shy (isnt always the case, i have no problem talking to women, ill admit i used to when i was a teenager cause i felt the pressure from peers. ive since then learned how to have great friendships with women like i did when i was a kid. the vast majority of women ive gotten close to have been very accepting and reassuring of my asexuality.) i hate personally the box most young men are fit into, which is if you arent constantly trying to find a girl youre a loser. super toxic expectations, which are ironic when you then hear the expectations these same guys have for women, which is to be inexperienced. i do feel romantic feelings, theyre very similar to platonic feelings though and never sexual. its more just about caring deeply about the person and finding comfort in being around them as selfish as that sounds.
Thanks for this type of interviews Anthony:) I enjoy watching this while doing other chores^^
thank you so much for making videos like these!! asexuality doesn't get a massive amount of attention and so these kind of things make me feel really seen and valid :D
I came out as asexual in 2020 and dude it was harder to come out as ace than it was to come out as a lesbian