An extended diary entry, a confession I hope I won't regret.
Twitter: / solar_sas
Second Channel: / @solarsands2
Patreon: www.patreon.com/user?u=3356654
Music in order of appearance:
Yume Nikki OST - Torinigen Beat (Extended)
TOBACCO - Berries That Burn
The Caretaker - Libet’s Delay
Goldeneye (1997) OST - el-Saghira Temple, Egypt
Hohenheim - Vestiges
Welcome to Isle Delfino - Super Mario Sunshine
Haircuts for Men - Vaporwave Collection Vol. II
Yume Nikki OST -The Pink Sea (Extended)
bl00dwaves - hotel vibes
Light Blending In - Light (ft. Sangam)
Sable Soundtrack - Exploration (Ruins)
1940s Hits Archive - Melody of Love - Wayne King (his instrumental version)
Kevin MacLeod - Virtutes Instrumenti
Chris Zabriskie - I Am Running Down the Long Hallway of Viewmont Elementary
C418 - I lack an emotion
Boards of Canada - Heard From Telegraph Lines
The Growlers - Problems III
Sources and Useful Links:
www.gunsamerica.com/digest/valerie-solanas-the-m1935-beretta-and-the-protracted-murder-of-andy-warhol/
www.nytimes.com/2020/06/26/obituaries/valerie-solanas-overlooked.html
www.insideedition.com/inside-the-many-tragedies-spawned-from-valerie-solanas-attempted-murder-of-andy-warhol-70636
www.newsweek.com/andy-warhol-diaries-when-why-shot-valerie-solanas-netflix-1686744
www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/nejmp2008017
www.theverge.com/2018/8/8/17661596/twitch-relationship-status-amouranth-women-donations-single
www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp/2016/07/27/the-tortured-internet-undoing-of-youtuber-marina-joyce/?hpid=hp_rhp-more-top-stories_no-name%3Ahomepage%2Fstory
www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-online-secrets/201607/youre-not-really-friends-internet-celebrity
www.cbc.ca/arts/will-the-mall-survive-covid-whatever-happens-these-artists-want-to-capture-them-before-they-re-gone-1.5850758
www.nytimes.com/2015/01/04/business/the-economics-and-nostalgia-of-dead-malls.html?
www.metmuseum.org/toah/hd/hopp/hd_hopp.htm
www.karger.com/Article/Pdf/85609
books.google.com/books?id=Glx...
If it makes you feel any better about your school experience, even before the pandemic, my highschool put me in a Spanish class ran by a teacher who didn't even speak Spanish.
How did that work?
@@airplanes_aren.t_real He basically used Edgenuity as a crutch while he did.. god knows what on his computer.
@@purplehaze2358 evolve, adapt overcome I guess Would be really funny to see someone try to teach something they don't understand I bet he would punish a student for trying to learn last minute like it wasn't exactly what he was doing
Imagine an English teacher teaching math.
All my Spanish teachers in high school weren't native speakers, and I wouldn't consider any of them even close to fluent. And this was in a well-funded California high school in the late '90s & early '00s.
he went from making fun of deviantart posts to making incredibly deep philisophical videos that make you lay down in bed and jjust think 'damn'
True
Real
I love that for him
Character Development
Wouldn’t really call it “master philosophy”, this is more of a personal, very weird rant about the pandemic’s effect on his mental health,
“a friend group you can rarely, if ever, participate in” so basically 90% of friend groups I was in as a child 😅
Bruh is 90% of the groups I'm Right now
I feel that
Same
so relatable, I was totally that guy who would just hang around a friend group and barely contribute anything 😅
Yes!
As an autistic person, I deeply relate to the message of this video. To me, socializing is nothing more than a necessity, a script that i've slowly learned and developped over the years that I repeat to people over and over and over again like a robot, and this, just to blend in. Everyday you need to analyze other people, what they say, what they do, what they want from you. Everyday is a confusing mess of attempting to translate people who have an entirely differently wired brain. And you pretend to be wired like them, because you were taught that this is the "correct way" of existing. So many times I've been told that the way I fundamentally function is "wrong". To survive the abuse, the bullying, the glares, the abandonement, you pretend. You smother your brain's attempt to stay healthy physically and mentally. And so you dissociate through a majority of your life, and just like that, you've forgotten about 80% of your whole life, because you're just a robot everyday. Until you break down. I've been pretending to be someone else almost my entire life, and I've just started to realize just how much of my life I've been wasting by wearing a mask around the wrong people. It's no surprise really that I've developped a deep fear of people early in life. And it's no surprise I've been strictly having friendships online during my teenage years. Today, thankfully, I'm slowly learning how to take the mask off. It's a slow process, painfull at times, but I'm finally feeling like myself for the first time in a very very long time. I've learned to enjoy my own company, and that it's okay to be alone to a certain degree. And most importantly, I'm slowly learning how to enjoy other people's company with no mask on. It's terrifying, but oh so liberating. I think I might be able to turn off the television soon at this rate. Thank you for this wonderful video, amazing message and editing as always!
the technique you used is called "masking", and is a survival skill that prolong usage leads to anxiety and burn out. Don't blame yourself for using it. The ideal of an "authentic self" is merely a human construct invented in the modern times. Before the need to “express our individual self”, we just merely try to survive. We are never really meant to find out what makes us stand out or "living meaningfully".
@@williampan29 Oh yes, I know that. Or at least I learned about it when I discovered about my autism a couple of years ago. It's very difficult to unmask, but i'm trying, for my own sake. The positive thing is that ever since I've been unmasking regularly, my mental health has been steadily improving, and meltdowns are getting rare. I still mask around most people, because it's a necessity sometimes, but I'm also being kinder to myself, trying to find balance. Thank you for your kind message! I appreciate it ^^
My thoughts exactly. I’m autistic also, and this is the exact reason this video resonated with me. Socialising is exhausting. Everyone else has been handed a book on “social rules” that I never got a copy of, so it’s all trial and error, making a fool of myself in the process, until I learn to talk and act like them just right. And by doing that for years, I’ve lost myself. Unmasking is painful, but I just can’t act neurotypical any more. I’m more “autistic” than ever before because I’ve completely burnt out. And because of that, people treat me worse than when I was masking. This world was not designed for people like us.
It is the same here. I have some friends irl, but it is hard. Whenever they tease me, I know they are joking, but it still hurts. I fear I am embarrasing myself, even if they don't say anything.
I had the same problem as you do. Until one day in high school, i started adopting this simple philosophy. IDGAF. I am not saying to go into your shell, I am telling you to start living more selfishly. STOP being considerate to people who do not give a shit about your existence. Be arrogant, be greedy, be selfish. I am not telling you to be an asshole either, it's just that you must start prioritizing YOU and your comfort first. You think the ice cream clerk served you too little ice cream? ASK FOR MORE. (politely duh) Stop thinking that you are inconveniencing them. Even if you do, fuck it, its part of the job. People start to dislike/hate you for this? Get ready for the best part. FUCK THEM. THEY CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES TO HELL. It doesn't matter who they are, if some people, "friends", relatives, coworkers, start to dislike you for your new sense of entitlement, fuck em. Of course, make sure to do some self-reflection as well to avoid being a c*nt. But otherwise if you know you are not in the wrong, pretend they do not exist. They do not matter. But what if these fuckers tries to interfere with your life because they dislike you? Well then, buckle up and get ready to defend yourself at ALL COSTS. Do anything, and I repeat ANYTHING it takes for you to defend and justify your sense of self. Put everything you have, your mind, your body, your LIFE on the line, because you do not want to go back into whatever you are previously, a pathetic spiteful weakling. And then, when people finally start giving you some respect and treat you like an actual human being, you can learn to be truly GOOD, (Not Nice, there's a major difference) Thanks for listening to my ted talk.
I feel you bro. The internet didn't used to be television, but it is television now. I don't know how old you are but I am guessing about ten years younger than me; I grew up alongside the internet and saw it grow from the early days. It's just so much of a different thing now. I don't just mean this in that jaded boomer kind of way, but it just used to be so much more personal and intimate. There was the potential for interaction. Now... It's just like TV. The stuff you read, the people you watch and listen to online are just like the TV celebrities of that era. They're strangers who you watch through this one way screen. The interaction is harder and harder to find.
The internet truly did have a "good old days" and they ended when social media opened the floodgates. Suddenly *everyone* was now using the internet. It had gone from something 1/3 of people used outside of work, to a staple. And the more internet and reality merged, the lamer both got... Between 1999-2009, things were great. By 2012 you could really start to see the difference. Guess the Mayans were right after all. :P Back in my day we'd say "internet is srs bizness" facetiously... but for most of the world the internet is serious effing business for real now.
One of the reasons I grew attached to the internet was precisely because of this. The anonymity lead to people being either super real or as fake as they could be, and even with the pretend, there was a certain rawness you just don't see anywhere anymore. It's sad.
I feel like during quarantine this old feeling of the internet returned. I was lonely, and although I am most likely much younger than you, I felt the same way. I remember joining a little known forum about a game, and everything we talked about felt so real. It was the first time I experienced genuine interaction over the internet, and I realized it really wasn't just mindless bullshit. I wish I was around for when the internet was still personal, but I'm glad I was able to feel something similar.
Spot on. So the question is, what now? How do we find these real moments of fulfilment? Will we become a quieter generation of internet users? A generation that acknowledges the endless stream of updates and information, but chooses to show restraint? I hope so. Either way, the first step in solving a problem is identifying that there is one, and then taking the step to change it.
I wager we are close in age, and I totally get you. There was a magic talking to folks on random bulletin/message boards, using chat rooms like Yahoo, and the entire instant messaging culture of the '90s and '00s really helped the early internet feel much more grounded and real. Like, you could tell Bill built his fansite for some Sonic the Hedgehog comic book character, and he would almost always talk to people personally that emailed him. Honestly there is a massive parallel with the early internet and the younger days of capitalism where tons of folks owned their own businesses, and the internet of today being tho most corporate thing alive in a sea of corporate ran everything. I miss the wild west days of the internet. I would have said if you wanted to see the last bastion of the old net, check out VRChat, but now it's totally different now too. Got bought out. Man, the now sucks sometimes.
I've got to say, though the internet isn't wholly a positive development, I consider your voice to be one of the more honest, clear, and needed opinions. It is rare to have a KZheadr or really anyone who combines the depth and sincerity you do in your commentary, and it is appreciated. dw i don't think we are friends
With technology, "See you later" became "Call you later", and that went on to become "text you later". But to be honest, I don't know when is the last time anybody in my life has communicated when next they even want to talk with anyone else.
@Caleb OKAY None of it was good before fire either. It's not so simple as to point fingers at the surroundings. It's our own soul we can't manage. We lack the sensibility. Can't reconcile the lasting unfulfillment that is central to being human and swallow up delusions and ideology like breakfast to mitigate a pain we ought to simply endure as is.
Honestly, this video was surprisingly so relatable it's scary. At first, I thought it was about television Like you, I also struggle and still struggle to socialize with others. Throughout high school, I only really had one friend and we haven't spoken in nearly four years despite knowing each other since the sixth grade. In the nearly three years since I started college, I haven't made any friends. I don't go out much. I don't use social media because I despise its very existence. I briefly worked as a cashier at a Wendy's and I absolutely hated it. I hated being forced to socialize with the customers, complete strangers who could care less about me or my life and I couldn't care less myself. To me, they were the enemy.
if you don't use social media or socialize, what do you do?
Same for me tbh, I'm currently in high school and I've had one fried since elementary school who I rarely speak to as we live about 300 miles away now, I work at a fast food restaurant and find it very difficult to attempt to socialize with customers, but I need the money and don't know what else I'd do.
hopefully you're doing good now man
@@RedAnimationsYT I wish
Relatable as fuck.
When I was in college I put Monumentality on the TV at my house and 10 drunk people sat in silence absorbing that video. I doubt any of them would've sought out videos like yours on their own but when it was presented to them they were hooked. Your videos became a topic of conversation and a few of the people in that group became good friends of mine that I keep in touch with regularly. You struggle to make friends and form tight bonds but your content has probably helped a lot of people become friends.
It's simply insane how much Solar Sands's content has evolved over the years.
It really is from art review parodys to video essays
similar arc to vsauce if you look back at his old stuff too
yeah, but some videos are silly and annoying
@@cyphonrhythm exactly, he made mario farting
Its like vsauce all over again
"I try to interact but nothing feels real" duuuuude. That's the perfect way to put it into words. I feel this all the time
Nothing feels real to you because it's not your cookie cutter Internet dreamworld.
@@WhaleManMan, Incredible insight, doesn’t change the fact that that’s how it feels.
@@Jaydee-wd7wr Feelings of fear are not to be listened to. They are invalid.
i try to interact but nothing feels like i think it does for other people
Have you heard the term depersonalization? If severe enough it can be incredibly detrimental and it can be treated. I've experienced it. It feels like watching life from behind a window or something, you're a passive observer for your body going through the motions of life. Sound familiar?
It's incredible how quickly I went from viewing the pandemic as a dream vacation where I could game forever, to contemplating suicide because of how empty I felt without other people.
Tell me about it. the pandemic made an already loathe some high school experience just that bit more bitter, I got up in the morning because I had to, I went to school and learned because I had to… suddenly I didn’t have to do wake up so early, I didn’t have to do my school work there and then, I didn’t have to learn… yeah it’s safe to say my education deteriorated significantly and it stunted my well being drastically. Thinking back to when the days passed so fast, thinking back through the pain of my mind I endured in a room of strangers I’d known for years unable to speak; I miss it, for some reason I miss it.
@@edn2674 reddit response
I went through the same thing. Sometimes I feel like the mask mandates did more harm than good
It's unfortunate; my SO and I talk about how nobody else feels real. Meeting each other felt like meeting the only real organic human in a world of programmed NPCs. Solar Sands--behind these screens you have a lot of people who think and feel the same way you do. It's just that these comment sections allow for limited words, and the chance of being heard amongst thousands of others is slim. I wish there was something we could all do, but unfortunately we're all too far away to analyze tree bark, examine 100 year old tombstones, or find adrenaline inducing songs with some meaning. For now it'll have to be something reserved for me and him. Real people exist, and they are also struggling to find others like them.
"i am real person" - Npc 2022
@@Mr.presidentObama lmfao
I feel this way a lot ): It’s hard to really understand life. I understand how people think and how they reach conclusions, but I repeatedly fail to understand why they choose either the worst option or why they choose to disregard better options. Not to be a dickweed, but I’m a disgustingly emotionally intelligent person. I understand people and their decisions very well after talking to them briefly, and I can generally ‘get’ a person. It feels like I’m talking to preprogrammed NPCs because for some reason I’m the only one who is present in reality and engaged. I don’t know if it’s that ability to predict what people will say or what, but I never feel interested by conversation. The only other person I’ve met who made me feel as though I was interacting with a real intelligence scared the fuck out of me. However, they had a mindset that’s nearly the opposite of mine. I’d say my outlook towards life is generally positive and is guided by stoic philosophy. Their’s was just pure hatred towards anything and everything that did not or does not conform to what they want out of people. as a ps; I’m not writing this to make a point, I just feel as though this might be of interest to anyone scrolling through here.
@@sni3510 This, but I am sad and hateful. If we really have all the same capabilities as each other, then why don't we put in the effort or reward the effort that others put in? Why can't we all just communicate with each other effectively? I try to talk and others either can't do anything with me or in most cases even deny my experiences. This majority clearly isn't even on level 1 of Solars outline, they aren't even remotely conscious of themselves let alone the world. They don't want to interact with me, they want to interact with an illusion of me. I might as well be gone completely and they wouldn't care despite the lies they tell that they would miss me.
my, a little self-centered are we
"Substitute the guaranteed meaningless suffering for the potentially meaningful suffering" I needed that
Stealing this.
Joyful participation.
Powerful
Like doing sports, it hurts so much but is shockingly good for health.
This is literally the basis of budhism
Only Solar Sands would make a 40 minute video telling me to "touch grass". But in all seriousness, this video speaks to me in the same way I suspect Warhol's quote speaks to Solar Sands. I spent most of my life as a self-isolated introvert with few friends and willing to sleepwalk through my life just hoping loneliness would hurt a little less. It took me a very long time to learn to reconnect with people, and I'm still learning. Luckily, I graduated a year before the pandemic, I can't imagine the toll it took on introverted students. As a student, especially, I found it much easier to decouple from people, since you're typically still a dependent and don't have to interact with people to live. But last month I did something I never thought I would do: I got married. I'm not going to pretend that I have answers, or that anyone reading this cares for my insight, or even that it might apply to anyone but myself, but if I could write a letter to me of 10 years ago, I would say that circling the drain, not caring where the current took me, I was missing out on something. In the 8 years I've known my wife, the one thing she reminds me to do better than anyone is to swim, to reject the complacency of my anxieties and my comfortable routines; to do more. My life is much better for my trying to associate with the world and the people in it, even though in the end trying is all we can do.
congrats man
@@IHavAnAkimbonr Thank you
I touch grass alone often, I think the point is to get someone to touch it *with*...
Well, you wrote a letter to me. That is the stage my life is at currently.
@@lesapolyana "Mom says it's my turn to touch the grass."
As a massage therapist in Silicon Valley, I see the anxiety and loneliness every day on my table. It’s a target rich environment of isolated people.
how much for cracking my shit up?, my back hurts 24/7, I would really like someone to crack my back like those chiropractors I see on yt.
I think that there are a lot of ideas in this video that wouldn't survive a dialogue with an experienced friend.
Yeah I sat here watching this with a just a half frown on my face the entire runtime. I'm obviously not saying their experience is invalid. But god it sounds so much like me when I was younger. I spent so long feeling like I was some sort of abberation, with no connection to others, an introvert who wished to be so far away and apart. Then I got therapy and meds, and now I realised I was absolutely never an introvert I just couldn't stand being around asshats in my shitty hometown. Then being around more people got me out of my shell, cue further self discovery which leads to self confidence, and all of a sudden I realise that I'm the only one in the group that sees myself as not a part of it.
A lot of these ideas survived for now about 8 years of therapy in my case. The fact that it is different for everyone watching it and many will not agree or even understand it is just a confirmation of how truly difficult communicating one's inner thoughts is
@@Mystikus2 I hope you find your experienced friend soon, 8 years is a long wait.
Yeah. While I am certain it's genuine, there's a fair bit of misguided, but still precious solipsism. The fact that they still relate so much to their 6-year-old self says something. I'm not sure what.
This video expresses sentiments I have been developing in recent months. I'm glad other people out here on this internet hellscape share similar feelings. Thank you for making this Solar Sands, it may be an important wake up call to many different people.
This was posted before anyone could have finished the video
@@EarlZero0 Well halfway through the video I knew what his thesis was so I wanted to comment on it before the comments turn into a valueless meme fest.
it certainly was. agreed
Essentially the point is , " Yolo you fucking nerds go out and drink once in a while, even if you hate greg. Get to know Greg"
I believe that most of us, the people on the internet, are lurkers. We never post anything, nobody needs to know what we think. I never make posts or write comments, but I feel the need to tell you this video you made is incredible. The writing and the editing is excellent and the subject matter is very interesting. This in particular is something I personally relate to alot. I've always felt a sense of isolation, and feeling as though I was watching life through a television screen, like I was a character in a video game. I am neurodivergent, but I am aware of reality. In fact, more so than what is considered necessary. And while there can be some problems caused by this, I've found a way to appreciate and embrace this side of me, it's oddly comforting. I want to thank you for this content, because it's a good presentation of a feeling that is not talked about. I want to say a quick hello to the people who might read this and share my sentiment. It is fascinating to exist.
Indeed
I commonly talk with my new friends but I miss my older friends that I new for a long time and it’s sad to say this but I bet my older friends aren’t talking about me but I am ok with that
Awe. This comment section is so nice. I am struck with the disheartening awareness that any time I spend posting a comment or trying to interact with people online, it’s really just for myself. To make me feel as though I am participating in a conversation, but when it’s really not so dissimilar to the countless real social interactions I struggle through, speaking aloud only to myself. It sucks feeling on the outside. I like lurking here at least. So much of the world doesn’t make sense. It’s all a big ole fever dream. I heard once that a silly dance is better than a serious one. :-) and idk, I’m glad we are here at this exact moment in time to watch this world on fire, and yet find a way to just cope through it anyhow. I see you, real human. I feel like a character too. Hate that bit the most. But might as well try to make the plot interesting, or some other bs reason we tell ourselves to make it worth waking up in the morning. :-)
@@Jonah10236 felt. I figure that time shouldn’t be allowed to erase love that we’ve had for friends and relationships in the past. I’m a lot better at letting people go now, but it doesn’t hurt as much 😅
Hello 👋 I hope your isolation is better or gets better Rant I can't get a job until I get on disability that can take months I live in the U.S but it feels as if I'm in purgatory basically needing one person up the chain to give me a yes then I can move then I can work and be able to re enter my hobbies and make friends ect if you red this thank you for listening
As someone who is an introvert who also has the continuous struggle of making friends and soon will be off to college, I thank you for this. It is crazy how I came to this channel initially as some middle schooler who liked to doodle characters and listen to art critics around DeviantArt to someone who questions reality, my future, and philosophy in general. It's crazy how I-- or we've-- grown.
To ease your worries a bit, collage is a great place to make friends! Just try to be more courageous. Good luck pal :)
I know it’s a weird thing for me to point out, but I haven’t ever seen proper use of em dashes (-) instead of en dashes (-) on a KZhead comment. I use em dashes all the time and I still don’t use them correctly.
Same, it’s always nice to watch a content creator grow with you. Also I’ve been going through the same thing in college and I’ve noticed that everybody I’ve met kinda feels the same, and also wants to make friends, they just are too scared to make the first move. (Although this could be due to me being a game animation major, artists are typically introverted from what I’ve seen)
You're probably a socially awkward extrovert
As a very extroverted person with a reasonably optimistic view on life and the philosophy of it, hearing you put so eloquently into words something I would never feel was flooring. I wanted to say this because my partner is an introvert, and I've never really been able to see it like he does. Even with that though, the moment at the end where you called yourself to stop watching TV... that was universal. Thank you for expressing yourself in this and allowing the vulnerability to tell what it really can be like for others.
I'm also a introvert and I have always struggled in social interactions, but i struggle while enjoying the interactions...(i guess i'm surrounded by a bunch of nice and caring friends). I have never watched any soap opera on tv or used any social media other then youtube. I guess i protected myself against thinking that real life is as boring as tv
You're going to experience it too, at some point.
The concept that no matter what, you can never actually "know" another person is something people understand on a subconscious Level, but this is the first time i see another person exclaim how genuinely horrifying it is
Interesting. While I agree that I can't fully "know" anyone, not even myself, I don't find that scary. In my experience, loneliness is cured (or at least reduced) not by full knowledge of someone, but by continually learning more about that person. The pleasure is in the discovery and mutual acceptance of each other.
@@shawntco that's beside the point. Anyone; everyone in your life, anyone you've ever lived with, talked to, loved. Even if you spend every second of your life with someone, experience every moment with them, you physically cannot ever truly Know them. You might think you do. You might have a strong approximation. But never the real them. In some ways, every man IS an island
@@cyan3714 I do get your point, but there's no point in being too fixated into that idea. I agree with the other comment, when two persons actively engage in meaningful exchanges, learning a little bit more about each other can be extremely fulfilling, even if you won't ever get to know that island at 100%. I think it is very similar to being terrified of the fact that even as science advances we can't be 100% sure if certain things are true or not. You can either enter in despair when seeing the long, never-ending road, or simply start to walk it and enjoy the journey.
@@Reiman33 that's a bit too extreme. In any case, what we need is commitment, and the truth is that most people aren't ready for that level of dedication to someone else. That does not mean that it should be forced in any way, that's how you end up with toxic relationships and disfuncional families.
@@Reiman33 once again that's not what i meant. The issue goes both ways here. Just as you don't know others, no one else actually knows you. You can't exactly communicate yourself or your thoughts. And the further away someone is, the more the mutual understanding becomes distorted. Miscommunication at the wrong moment can be disasterous, now imagine that everywhere, all the time. That's why i always try to think through every word in a sentence before i say it. Minor changes in a sentence can keep the surface meaning the same, while completely changing subtext, even without you realizing that can convey a whole different thing than you intended. Consent isn't the main issue here. The real problem is when you *want* to be true, but can't
a few years ago, i went over a year feeling like nothing was real. i came to learn it was called depersonalization/derealization and it was brought on immediately after a traumatic sexual assault experience i had while i was with a former friend. it felt like i was watching my life through a tv screen, or that i was in a dream. it felt like everything i saw was a two dimensional image and i wasn’t in a physical 3d world. everything felt so muted and lifeless that i often had thoughts of suicide, thinking that that would make me “wake up”. fortunately i never went through with it or self harmed, but it was an extremely difficult year to get through because no one would take me seriously. eventually that feeling went away and now i rarely have it, but since then i’ve secluded myself to my room for many years. part due to my self image issues, part due to not wanting to be hurt again the way my former friend hurt me, and part because i’ve always had a small social battery. i always thought i was “happy” living in my room through a phone screen but really i was just comfortable. i was comfortable that i didn’t have to put in effort and that i felt like i couldn’t be hurt again; when in reality i was hurting myself. the only thing that made me realize how awful this lifestyle was was when i became diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder. my condition was so bad that i was hospitalized because the doctors thought it was “a miracle” that i hadn’t gone into a coma and died already. at that moment i realized that if i *had* died, the only memories i would’ve had of my life were the blurry nothing-days that bled into each other. that the last memory my parents and family would have had of me were of me rotting away in my bed and phone. to not make this post drag on even longer, i decided then that i’m not wasting my one chance to experience life like that. i’m taking my health seriously, i’m losing weight, i’m getting back into old hobbies, i’m limiting my screen time drastically, and i’m working towards a career/future i want for myself. it’ll take a long time before these changes become habit but i’m determined to see everything through, even after getting covid a few weeks ago. it’s hard to socialize. it’s hard to connect with people, even scary sometimes because you never know what their intentions might be. but *every* decision you make in life will be hard and will have consequences. socializing is hard, getting your health right is hard, but wasting your life away behind a screen is hard too. it might not take effort, but knowing your life will be filled with meaningless static and no real connections or moments is a very hard realization to live with. so choose your hard. choose which hard you want to go through. choose which hard you can live with. choose which hard will be worth it. choose which hard will make you happier in the long run. sorry for the long post but this video hit something deep. it perfectly described my situation, but also made me see things from a different perspective, different ideas, and even new artists i’ve never heard of. thank you so much for making this video, Solar. not only is the editing and quality absolutely amazing and engaging, but the message and perspective you offer really resonates with many people. i hope everyone that comes across this video, or comes across my comment and has similar experiences, will benefit in some way from it.
Beautifully said!
I'm happy for you
Even if you're a random comment, I'm incredibly happy for you and proud of you! Good luck with everything you're working towards, u got this
Cool didn’t ask
TLDR
I watch this, the video ends, an ad plays, I close the KZhead app and open discord. I tap random channels without reading anything. I close the discord app and open instagram. I scroll aimlessly without watching anything. It’s the most miserable cycle, like a corpse trapped in a cave or something. It’s just trapped there, not decaying
This is a beautiful video. I have many words about this and how much i feel this. But i feel like that doesn't matter. About a hundred other people have already said that, regardless they truly understand or not. But i do. No one will even read this. I'm going to leave it unsaid because only I can understand how this video spoke to me. Truly. Thank you.
I’ve read your words.
self pity?
Man this is the most relatable video I’ve ever watched. I went through serious depression this summer where I started to feel the effects of living in continued isolation. I started to feel the consequences of being a compulsive loner. And I found myself stuck in an endless cycle. I know interactions over the internet are never the same as real life ones, but it’s great to know I’m not alone in this.
That's what the lockdown and covid where designed to do.
I recently have gone through the same thing. I managed to get better though, after many philosophical books read and months of yearning for death, I’ve come to realize that social experiences are a key human experience but aren’t necessary for happiness. I find meaning in knowing I live on a beautiful planet, and nothing is final. Often walking in nature and feeling the breeze and sun is enough to be content. Rigorously working out and eating well is also key.
Even if I don't meet or talk to anyone outside, I feel like the time spent alone walking through a quiet park or wondering about in a shopping trip or even the moments of thought between the concentration on driving there is immensely more valuable than sitting and staring at the same, stale site 24/7.
@@livingmasquerade1418 Of course you can! As long as you treat KZhead with the creative values of movies and TV without using the platform as a means to numb your own emotions. Self-awareness is key.
"watching TV instead of living life" or feeling that the real world is fake is something I've dealt with throughout my life. Turns out that's a symptom of trauma and it's called depersonalization 😅
I’m a loner and I love aloneness and loneliness. I’m 31 at this point and largely socialize because it feels like I have to. I daydream about being alone again. This has been helpful. One loner to another, thank you for the curated glimpse. It’s moved me. What an interesting thing.
The philosophy of “life doesn’t matter but you should still live” resonates with me a lot, especially after watching everything everywhere all at once. It’s such a good movie, I encourage everyone to watch
Great movie! And here am I thinking of niponic contributions such as Evangelion and Berserk.
Under our current social relations you either watch tv, or end up on tv
Isn't it called optimistic nihilism
@@monsieuralexandergulbu3678 I've been using it for years and never had a term for it, thanks. Life doesn't matter, but mattering doesn't matter either, so who cares? You do you and enjoy yourself, sure noone will remember you in a million years, but they won't remember anyone else either. You're the main character in the story that is your life, so treat yourself like it.
@@Winasaurus yeah Alao if you should watch the video from kurzgesagt about optimistic nihilism if you didn't yet
I'm a Marriage Family Therapist in training and this video is everything that motivates me to provide therapy. Like a lot of people in the comments, I didn't thrive in public school. I was awkward and was never properly taught socialization skills. I rotted away watching it all happen before me, distracting myself with screens and was too lost to even think that things could change. I want to help us; these people, that for one reason or another, got swept away and didn't have anything to grab onto, or anyone to grab them. I want us all to feel alive, to feel present and with hope. I'm not religious, but there is a quote that summarizes what I believe. "God is what is found in the connection between two people." Love to anyone that reads this. There is always someone who cares.
You're too good for this world...I fear for people like you with such a big heart. Take care of yourself friend.
A younger version of myself would have found pain in your words, because I was so convinced I would never find love and become alive, to be an actual person. I thought I was too incomplete to find someone who could make me whole. It was true, in a way. That version of myself never found anyone. I had to give up on love and become whole first, to love my own life and treat it with the same respect I wanted to give to another. By having gratitude for the opportunity to grow and enjoy my own interests, I became whole first, then someone found me when I wasn't looking. It worked out because by that point she was a person, not a goddess. Of course love made everything better (when it wasn't extremely painful), but by then I was already alive. So even when someone truly believes there's no one who will ever care, they can care about themselves. It makes them much more attractive, and the practice is valuable when it's time to care about someone else. But most importantly, there's no need to wait for anything. Lonely people can immediately start caring, developing a life, and being whole.
Can I give you a piece of my mind as someone who has been in the system? You can't help anyone. You can only be a tool for people to use to help themselves. You really don't matter. If you think you do, you shouldn't be a therapist.
@@thedanespeaks hope your time in the system wasn't too terrible. You cant force a horse to drink water, obviously, but at least i can be a catalyst to the people that do want to change. Its hard for everyone.
@@kriskronkle5203 I was once in that situation (not as a professional), and really the most you can do is talk, that is, try and understand that person and give them advice (as Solar Sands is doing here). Of course, as a professional therapist you have more tools and knowledge to guide the client's process than I had as a "friend", but it ultimately comes to each person to figure theirself out. In my experience I tried to help and give them advice, tried to make the person see the problem, but to no avail. After some time of interrupted contact I met that person again and they ended up thanking me for trying to help at that time. They theirself had to realize the problem and the cycle involved in their suffering before they could change. I like to think that my words at the time helped them help theirself, if only to make it happen sooner. So yeah, the world needs more therapists and psychologists, those physicians of the mind/soul. You do matter and you do help, it is only that you have to understand what the client is going through and what and how to say things, and help them believe they can change and understand and accept themselves not just rationally, but on an emotional level first. Also, help them develop the skill of autoanalysis and do something with it, help them solve complexes and all that stuff. Change what needs to change and embrace the Jungian shadow as to what is a part of oneself. Throughout the video I thought how good of a work Neon Genesis Evangelion is, but I might not have to tell you that. If I do, go watch the 1995 series and the 1997 The End of Evangelion movie. Another recommendation I think is able to help people either start to heal themselves or at least become better, more understanding people is the novel The Tunnel, by Ernesto Sábato.
The video was going great but the point about we not being able to know what's going on on other people's head, and that being evidence for intimacy being fake, is terribly strange to me. Like sure, we don't even know ourselves that well, knowing others inside and out would be pretty impossible, but isn't that the entire point of socializing? We have an infinite curiosity for people we care about because we can't predict their every thought, not despite of it, it's a waltz of two individuals that try to dance while simultaneously creating the song, isn't that beautiful?
everything is so beautiful in this world. As someone who hasn't talked to anyone irl in years I don't understand this video. I want to be a person that makes others day, so when I do get to meet someone I don't care if they are "real" or not, I accept them for who they are and be on my way. I don't even have friends, so when I can talk to someone I cherish it, I don't care because I am grateful I get to meet anyone at all.
If I had seen this 5 years ago, I might be thrilled bc I would feel like you described. I don't feel like that anymore. I enjoy being with people. Glad I went to therapy, she helped me on this and I keep working on my social skills and insecurities and I feel secure on my own skin.
This was like a knife stabbing the very essence of my being. It struck so close to home. I'll resist writing a drawn out rant, but dang. What an amazing analysis.
Now people know how I feel when I hear The Word.
As an introvert who realized their null impact on life, who watched as their friends found other people to hang out cause I was too scared or "bored" to go outside, this video really hit deep and gave me the answer that I really didn't want to hear and acknowledged. That I can't keep living like this, that I had to live with this fear of society and still take part in it, that finding a job, learning to drive and making connections is something that I will end up having to confront sooner than I want but later than I should've cause I postponed them for so long already This is live and I have to take part in it; and to be honest, making an impact is something I've always wanted to do. Guess is time to break myself open for the world
Too bored to go outside? What? Lmao
@@HerohammerStudios when you're too scared or anxious about going out you come up with any excuses just to get out of actually getting out. But yeah, now with a new mindset I can see how dumb that can sound
The Indominable Human Spirit can conquer any obstacle
Quirky introvert
Good luck sam. I hope it goes well for you.
Everything at the end of television
For someone who skipped college and went straight to work, my social life died Hella early. I had a lot of friends in high school and even won "Most Creative Senior". I had girls, friends, etc. But every since I dropped out of art school it's been Hella lonely and I haven't had the real drive to be social again after 5 years of isolation. So covid didn't change anything for me lol
This is the same for me. I’ve been trying to go and reach out using the internet and trying to talk to people one on one. I had no confidence but it’s been coming back. I’m a creative writer and artist and when I share with people, they seem to get a kick out of it. Not all the relationships last, but it helps to go and just talk. Granted, I mainly talk to girls, and they might just be surprised that I’m not sending them dick pics and instead, art doodles lol But I still find that it pays to try to talk to people. I’ve been so horrified of growing older and leaving nothing behind. And that’s only going to get worse the older I get.
I watched through this video and the biggest thought that passed through my mind was,"This is me." In some way, this video was my version of the Warhol quote. It's funny, this video is all about how little we can truly understand one another but clearly me, and a lot of people in the comments, see this as a sign. This video is proof that we are able to connect on a deeper level, that we all feel the same ways. I had a rough childhood but in high school I found a group of people that I was able to connect with, and a few I had deeper relationships with. But through time our differences caused us to separate. Right now in college is the worst time in my life in a lot of ways. I haven't found any new friends at college, and the friends I have left from high school are missing that connection I had. I am deeply, crippling lonely and anti social and I spend vast amounts of time on the internet. It feels like my life is passing before my eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I doubt it but this video might be enough to make me go back outside. To finish my dating profile, to start skating again, to try and find those deep relationships. TL;DR It's time to go outside. Edit: I did go outside. It sucks out here. Edit 2: I was feeling good and I was making progress but then I had an experience that reinforced the harshness of the world. I'm not going to give up. For a moment, I had planned a much kinder edit to this post. Edit 3: I finally learned to ollie and I got a girlfriend. Things are going way better for me. Edit 4: No girlfriend:( but can still ollie AND manual now.
did you go skating again? I'm glad you were able to go outside!
@@coralia.i9702 I did! It wasn't great, I still can't ollie but it's an improvement. I've been heavily depressed for the last month (still am lol) but this video and the comments gave the energy to start getting back on track.
I mean if you're seeking or reprieve from alienation you might want to try finding something like a local garden or take up a hobby and focus on making small talk. The better you get at small talk, the better you get at different kinds of conversations. You should also try to not worry so much about looking like a fool or someone strange. Strangeness can be charming.
@@josejaimes-ramos1546 I get a solid amount of social interaction, it's just all that interaction is with people I already have pre-existing relationships with. I really struggle connecting with new people. But I'm working on it. I am a strange looking and acting guy so it's difficult to not feel strange but I'm working towards being comfortable with myself. Thanks for the comment. I'm confident I'll be a fully-formed, self-actualized person one day.
Finding love is a paradox. No one living with the absence of love ever thinks they’ll find it… until they do. If you wanna find someone who you’re comfortable socializing with, you gotta do a lot of uncomfortable socializing first. You’ll know you’re in the right place when the TV turns off, and you’re as comfortable with the people around you as you are alone.
Yes love is like- i have been waiting for this person all my life (Slavoj zizek qwote)
I lost her. There is no second her.
It sounds right. I'm not very comfortable spending too much time with people, but my girlfriend is an exception. I can spend any amount of time with her and it simply never makes me feel tired.
@@sgtpepper91 people aren't unique and are always replaceable, always remember that.
@@zZwingli not much remains of me, I'm not even thinking about other people
Man there were points where this vid was TOO relatable to where it made me depressed but you turned it around at the end. Thank you for your sincerity. As an introvert, I like hanging out with people, my issue is I'm terrible at putting in effort to maintain those relationships. With work, school, and now trying to be healthier its sadly very easy to forget to talk to people or check in with friends. This vid inspired me tho, I'm gonna start looking around for trivia bars to go with my bf.
this is legitimately one of, if not the best video ive ever seen on this website that ending monologue actually made me cry thank u for making this
Make no mistake about it my friend: you are a highly unusual and unique person. And that's a compliment in case there's any mistake about that. Being 54 and in a similar boat, I can assure you, the more unusual you are the rarer it will be to find people you really connect with. I've met one, my best friend, hell my only friend, that I've known for 32 years. But that's the way it goes for people like us: very few friends, but the connections are deeper than the kinds most people have.
It's insane the amount of fleeting thoughts about everything are contained in this one video
...And solidified into an actual coherent idea
Is it insane, or perhaps it's the most sane explanation for the ideas and concepts being conveyed in this one video
to me it was like a ramble of nonsense that I do not care about, It was also very irritable how he raised his voice and almost screamed sometimes he sounds so angry throughout the whole video
@@hourparh587 anything I don't care about sounds like a ramble of nonsense so maybe that's why it sounds like that for you.
@@hourparh587 Understandable, but what'd you expect from 'an extended diary entry'? He's practically baring his thoughts to the public. Most people don't exactly have coherent thoughts, it's more like a neverending process of synthesis.
I have never realized how close to home this message you gave from a simple video title. It was enlightening, to say the least.
I never comment on videos I watch. Even though this video's message hit me like a truck, my first thought after finishing it was to just click like and move on with my life. I guess I'm just very passive about a lot of things. I don't start conversations, I hate writing emails, and I always just listen and nod, hoping that the social interaction will come to me. And even when it does, I eventually feel overwhelmed and bored, and go back to my comfort zone, even though it doesn't really make me feel all that comfortable. And the cycle repeats... Hopefully I will take something from this video and reconsider how I look at life. That it will require a lot of difficult changes to make the world feel less like the same thing over and over again. Or at the very least I know that I'm not the only person who feels like this! I appreciate the honesty above anything else, even if it's through a funny glowing rectangle.
The production quality of the newer Solar Sands videos is amazing - it's really a testament to the power of not uploading regularly.
All my meaningful relationships, including romantic relationships, have formed unexpectedly and seemingly at random. I just sorta reach out, and 99% of the time fall flat on my face, but as you said, the more you reach out, the more you come to expect such results, and it's never easy, but it's less painful. Those meaningful relationships were worth the pain. To those who are introverts, be it self isolation, or exclusion from social groups, just know that reaching out will usually result in nothing, but you have to reach out if you ever expect to reach something.
Kinda sounds like fishing ;)
Well said. I'd like to add, keep reaching out because there may come a day you can't anymore. You won't want to regret not trying harder while you can.
Lol when I was in 6th grade we had a project where we had to give advice to younger kids in 6 words or less and I said “love’s just chemicals in your brain”
I was in the exact cycle you described. You described it so well. At some point the comfort doesn't bring happiness anymore it just brings comfort. You want to break the cycle but there is so so much momentum. The days melt into eachother and I'd always pull my curtains so that I wouldn't even notice the difference between night and day. It was during quaratine time and I wasted many of my days. I got darker thoughts. And I still don't know how or why, but I kept going. Eventually I went to school again and it was easy to see how horrible I had become at socializing after complete isolating for like 2 years. The impact is still here. Interacting is just as hard. But it's better now. I have a more positive look on life, and learned that, for me atleast, a relationship with yourself is most important. At the end of the day, you are alone with yourself. You die alone, with yourself. Most of the time, you are with yourself. And if you hate yourself, then life isn't going to be great. I hated myself. More than anyone probably ever has hated me. But I'm working on it. I don't hate myself as much, and I'm learning to love myself and learn things about myself. I am trying to interact aswell, not seeking that much from it to avoid disappointment. It's silly but because of that and my isolation I went to my home from school multiple days with the biggest grin just because I had a small conversation. It's insane. Maybe I still am a bit naïve but I found that for me a more positive outlook, while still acknowledging the harsh unforgiving truths of this world, works best. I'm happy now. And so grateful. It's because of my parents and sibling that I am where I am today. I opened up to them when things were rough and when K wanted change. It took 2 years for me to built the courage to open up but I did it. And I'm glad I did. I am even more glad that they were understanding and wanted to help with giving advice. My sibling answered my questions not with answers but with questions, so that I could decide the answers for myself. Because everyone has a different outlook on life. My way of living works best for me now. I now enjoy small conversations but don't seek deep relationships, because I don't feel the need for them and maybe because I am scared for opening myself up, just to get hurt again. But that's okay. We humans are imperfect. I truly believe that if you try to do your best to be a better person, you are good. I don't think you'll read this because it is quite long and boring and honestly I wouldn't expect anyone to read it which is fine haha. But I did enjoy writing this, and I did partly because of this vid. Even though like you said it won't mean that much, I'd still like to say: thank you for your videos. I enjoy watching them.
I've got the horrible combination of being an introvert and being clinically depressed to the point that I can't even find a reason to move or take care of myself, so everything you said is painfully real. I so often find my self trying to interact, and just not being able to. I don't like being alone, because then much worse problems arise, but interacting with people terrifies me, and I'm unable to move from where I am. I find myself crying in the middle of my floor where I collapsed, unable to move, and the only thing that ever gets me able to move is the fear that someone is going to see me. This was a really well put together video, and you've got an amazing perspective on things.
OMG! That sounds so bad. Just so you know, I am like you.
CRIPPLING ANXIETY GANG
Imma keep it real with you chief. Maybe life just isn’t for everyone.
Learn to be afraid God will see you too and force yourself to move like your life depends on it, because it does. Start small, get used to that, then start small again. You'll get stronger the way a tree grows.
I'm here with you, looking at the carpet. But remember, Gravity is made to support us, not hold us down. There's alot more to see than the end of the road, and the bottom of the pit: there's a horizon out there made for a journey, and a midnight sky made for the comfort and beauty of sleep. I once wished upon a plastic star That I pinned to the top bunk of my bed That I wouldn't wake up again. My sister took away the star one day, And I felt my hope was taken from me. But then I felt the carpet on the floor, The movement of air through my body, The taste of my tongue, And wished for a new wish. And I've been wishing ever since. I say this all in the form of poetry, because words can't espress the parts you and I cross over one another. And my words can't give you a solution. All I can do is speak, shout out to the void, and have faith the darkness hears me.
Solar Sands, I have been watching your videos for many years now and I can tell you this is one of the best videos I’ve ever seen. What you’re saying reminds me of sentiments me and my brother have shared over the years. We are both autistic and social interaction feels like a game with a lot of rules, which makes it easier to just watch, like watching TV. Thank you for making me feel less alone.
This video got me wondering if Sands is autistic as well, and if he knows about it.
This perfectly encapsulates all the feelings I've had over the past year. This intense self imposed isolation is the worst it's ever been and I can't live this way for much longer. I have to go out and make friends and do things or die trying. Thank you for your channel and wise words
This video gives me goosebumps. Amazing video, an interesting point of view and critic not of the situation, but life itself.
11:45 I work for Kraut bro, he hired me because he liked my art so much, and when I was working hard to get good at art during quarantine, your channel was one that I most frequently came back to. It's neat to see that honestly.
Love Kraut :D
Yooo fellow msm bro
This is probably one of the most influencial videos I've seen in the last couple months, maybe even years. I have not cried in a long time, and I still didn't cry now... but it did make me want to cry, and I'm not even exactly sure why it made me feel that way. Just the thought of the growing current problems (mainly lonelieness), the cycle that was mentioned in the video, the fact that life can sometimes feel so "shallow" and sometimes so deep... it's kind of all of the things that make me feel anxious all combined into a beautiful and extremely expressive video.
This is unironically one of the most "literally me" video of all time
You are pretty weak mentally
it really does make me want to try. I am homeschooled this year because i couldn't handle high school. I got crippling anxiety and i couldn't deal with it, so i ran. Next time, instead of running away from the danger, I'm going to run toward it. I sat by myself at lunch for the two days I went. People talked to me, but it seemed like they were doing so as a joke. But it's time to face everything head-on. It's time to be a part of the world. It's time to turn off the television.
@@LLC89 good luck with that, I genuinely hope it goes well for you
Thanks for the incredibly impactful video. A lot of it resonated with me since I also willingly withdraw myself from most everyone else. While I don't agree with all of the advice you gave, I do feel gratitude for putting yourself out there. Your experiences feel a hell of a lot like my own, so I feel like I understand the reasons why you gave it. Catch ya on the next vid.
Ever since I watched your video on liminal-spaces I’ve just been hooked on your channel. I love how you mix Internet culture, music, art and psychology in your videos. Your videos are well thought out and very interesting.
This is one of the most depressing videos I’ve ever seen. I’d give it a 10/10, another masterpiece
This was really daunting but really moving. Got me to put my phone down and work on my shortfilm at the very least. Also the section of the video about the "war of the sexes" was depressingly true. No one tries to understand each other and bases their opinions on them on outliers.
this video is a true piece of art. i can see and feel you putting your whole self into it, your pain and your suffering. i know that there will be many more meaningful moments for you. thank you for making this.
recently I realized how much I've been replaying the last 10 or so minutes of this video into helping spark that 3am "get your life together" motivation in me, thank you for all your work, solar ♡
Just before the pandemic happened in my second year of highschool, I was genuinely feeling like I was nearing "the height of youth" that I"ve always longed for. Too bad that never happened, and now I feel just as worthless as ever
If it makes you feel any better it only gets worse
"There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is to die, Morrel, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of life. Live, then, and be happy, beloved children of my heart, and never forget, that until the day God will deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is contained in these two words, 'Wait' and 'Hope'." I don't believe in an afterlife or superfluous "greater universal cause" but the only power you have, truly, is how you let your experiences shape you. You're young as hell. Whatever sisyphean boulder has got you down, just remember you're at least building back muscle. If you let it crush you, then you will be truly alone. We all have boulders too.
The "height of youth" you wanted is nothing more than a hyper reality, a fake version of reality too warped to be accurate. Life is mundane but fulfilling and meaningful, you just have to accept that it won't be what you wanted initially. Also like literally everyone has parts of their life that sucked, that's just how it is. You don't always get what you want.
"height of youth" is a false reality by tv and media. I was a sophomore in hs in 2015-2016. It was not that great. I mean relatively, it was one of my better years but hs in general was a big drag. Senior year was great but I always felt like I should have been more social and connected with more people. Truth was that I didn't like most people and I had this fake reality that I should be living but in the moment, I couldn't enjoyably connect with anyone that knew how to "have fun" I mean even throughout college, this fake reality that existed in my head had continued and i was also distraught when COVID happened during my first year at university. But throughout all that, I've learned a lot. I'd say the best way to feel better about life in general is to have goals, work towards them, and share a positive energy with the people around you. Good things will come from it. Don't have crazy expectations or be desperate for a particular outcome. Be grateful for what you have and make good use of the time in your day. I think most importantly, do not associate your worth to anything material or anything you have no control over. For me, I now associate my worth on working towards my goals (a clear distinction between associating my worth with achieving my goals- I honestly don't really care if I achieve my goals or not- but I would just love to see the opportunities and what the world can provide through my effort. Secondly, patience is key. If you peak in hs or college you are failing in life. A few weeks of hard work, a few months, a few years of being miserable means shit. Not saying you shouldn't enjoy the social privileges of hs or college, but never feel like shit for missing out or associate your worth by how many friends you have or how many parties you go to or your body count. Like put in the effort, make experiences and memories, but if nothing comes of it, so be it.
Stages of watching a Solar Sands video -Oh wow that’s an ominous idea. I wonder where it’s going! -Wow that’s an interesting concept! Can’t wait to hear where he’s taking it! -Complete and total raw human existential dread.
kinda true
totally true
Personally, i think it's ok if you do nothing, and just die without leaving any mark, it's fine, just enjoy it, do what makes you happy, and be happy about what you have, even if it's as simple as sitting there and watching KZhead. it"s not wasted time if you enjoyed it, and life is meaningless after all, WE give it meaning, the universe is vast and nothing matters so it's ok to just watch the screen till it goes black. No one will remember after 50 years of my passing, and it's ok, cause i'll remember me till the day i die; i know me better than anyone and i love me more than anyone ever can, so it's ok to be on my own, and leave on my own. SO what ever makes happy.
Finally, someone who gets it
It's so interesting. As you mentioned: Everybody is an individual with different perspectives and own thoughts. I experienced the exact opposite of what you are suggesting. I was a really outgoing and social person before and met with my friends after school everday and stuff like that. But at one point I realized how much I actually hate it and how miserable I have become because of it. Being stuck at home and fully commiting to the television effect basically healed me mentally. Real life was more of a trance state of lies, than doing anything else on the internet. I have become more selfaware of my existence and meaning of it and became much more thoughtfull. Even others said that I have become a better person over time, even though I became more introverted. But the people I was still outgoing with felt more connected to me. As much as I hate to say it, but years after this realization, the months I was stuck at home during covid, were the best time of my life so far. I have become so much better at managing a healthy balance of internet consumption and activites in real life and giving more genuine thought to my actions and what they mean. My former hunger for social interactions and attention would have eventually been my downfall as a human being, if it hasn't been for my growing happiness in isolation. Obviously, this does not apply to most people and many should experience more of the real life, even though it's sometimes worse, but a balance is always healthy.
I had this realization at one point in my life. From the minute I saw the title of the video I felt a pit in my stomach because I knew watching it would air out those feelings once again because that is exactly how I phrased it. I had no idea about what happened to Andy Warhol, so it surprises me to hear that he was shot and lived and felt this way too. and thought of it in the same way. It really does get better if you try hard enough, especially if you put yourself in a situation where you have to perform or end your current way of life. I have never seen someone put what I felt so succinctly. Excellent work.
As someone who has been in a successful mairrage for about 10 years (but apparently I can't spell it!?!) love is a choice, and my wife and I both acknowledge it isn't magic. There are no soulmates, and there is no perfect relationship. A good quote I heard lately is "There is no 50/50, we're both in it 100%" and I really vibe with that. Real love is deciding that you have someone's back, that you'll pick up the slack. And you're the one who's falling behind and piling up their plate, you have their back too, so you do everything you can, not just for yourself but for them too. It's difficult to believe in something, but if you're in a truly solid relationship where you both care about each other equally in my opinion it's difficult to doubt it. It's easy to get into a trap of thinking "is this magical enough? is this real enough?". It's freeing to realize that it always was enough and constantly looking for perfect actualization is the real distraction.
I think I've overcomplicated life, and a lot of people my age have too. Find a good job. Find love and family if you desire it. In the end, all I know is that I need other people around me, so I'm not stuck inside my head.
Thanks dude.
But my idol Slavoj zizek said that love is like you were waiting for this person your whole life
As someone who has fallen madly in love before I know that it is real but a relationship and especially marriage in this day and age is just so intimidating, I feel like I'm never good enough since if I can't even take care of myself how am I supposed to take care of other? But at the same time no one is perfect and making an effort while moving toward a goal seems like the right thing to do so I'm torn
These past couple years are probably the only reason I’m still alive. I’m in the process of an autism diagnosis and I’ve been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. It’s been difficult navigating life before making these steps, but people became more open about mental health during the pandemic and it’s changed my view of it. I’m slowly getting better. Who knows if I’ll make it a year from now, a month, a day, a decade. I may choose to end my life at any point. It’s just a matter of finding a reason to keep going. My reason that I continue going is because I don’t want to be done. I don’t want this to be it. I haven’t done enough. I’m still young. I still have places to go, people to meet, jobs to try, experiences to partake in. I may feel like I’m floating through life, but when I finally get to breathe air, and exist, and feel here. It’s truly worth it for me. There’s this song called “dinner is not over” by jack Stauber where he basically says dinner is not over, and desert will taste better when the dinner is complete. Death is more meaningful when you’ve lived a full life. I want to make sure that I get to experience that. That’s why I’m hanging on
But Solar, life ISNT a TV. We may not be able to truly understand each other, and the screens we have between us are created by our minds and are unavoidable yes, but we can still communicate through them. by mutual understanding and acknowledgment of the situation, we are able to connect in deeper, unspoken ways, even through a blurry screen. The anti-thesis to this video is one word: Initiative. We aren't mere observers, we can choose to play, we can choose to not be alone. Did you ever have a moment where you felt you have bonded with someone? it can be a shared terrible experience, a funny moment, a profound conversation, or even something dumb like chatting online with a stranger. If its something you end up remembering years later, then these are moments of genuineness, they cannot be faked. These are the moments, where we connect in level 4. They are too complex to understand or explain in words that is true, but they are there non-the-less, they exist.
Thank you.
Isn't this sorta what he says at the end of the video?
,,,@@DAM1EN_ I think Solar explains in this entire video that he lives life watching it through a screen. He understands this is false and wants to leave this world view to seek greater meanings. But at 36:00 he claims he will look for "potentially meaningful suffering". Watching the 36 prior minutes of the video, I interpret as him as still feeling like he's watching TV but with hopes of good moments on screen. Then video ends with the claim that he will attempt to change and see the world without this feeling. That implies he still normally sees life through a screen, despite knowing better. I'm attempting to give evidence to support what he seeks, my claim is that life to begin with isn't a TV. If one thing cannot be another, and you cannot have two opposites true at the same time, that means that either life is a TV or it isn't. You cant see everything through a screen and choose suddenly not to when convenient. I believe life cannot ever be a TV to begin with precisely because you can choose to leave it.
Damn dude this is seriously some of the deepest and most relatable content I've seen in a long time. Even as an extrovert all of this stuff still applies. Pain is inevitable regardless of who you are. Thank you for sharing yourself with the world.
I had kind of an opposite experience. I'd always been gregarious and loud and extroverted and during the height of the pandemic I had a very hard time being separated from my constant socializing, but after a while I didn't miss it anymore. When we started getting together again I felt distant and awkward and wanted to go home. On one hand I no longer feel addicted to social interaction, but I've almost developed an anxiety about it. Walking into a house party now seems horrific. I don't know if I'll ever go back to the way I was before and I wish I was able to watch my personality develop naturally instead of becoming mutated by a pandemic. I wonder who I would have been if I hadn't had the social side of me just absolutely nuked.
You'd probably be entirely the same.
At the risk of spouting platitudes, we aren't just billiard balls smacking around the table. Every moment in time has an opportunity attached to it. Perhaps the time away has allowed you to see that the gregarious side of you may have just been a front. (I'm just a stranger and cannot wish to speak for you, merely sharing an outsider's perspective, as I used to be an introvert, pre-pandemic, and now am looking for every chance I get to just CONNECT with someone, anyone.) Perhaps you are like me, a naturally lonely individual who simply had a means to circumvent that loneliness until the pandemic. In a time such as this, where we all had nothing but time to process, but not the means to process in our normal ways, may I suggest searching yourself in the name of finding that which you are NOT, rather than searching for what you are, Searching for what you are leaves room for only one answer, and an inevitable disappointment when you find out that you don't fit into just one box. Searching for what you are not will leave some room for the parts of you that spill over and can't be neatly explained. I wish you well, Stranger. May your life be filled with blessings, both those desired, and those never even hinted at in your wildest dreams.
Welcome to the club
I also felt the same way. As someone who used to be convinced that I'm an extrovert before the pandemic, I've come to realized that I do - and has in the past - enjoy doing things that can be considered as being "introverted". Though, I do not think that I'm really an introvert, or even an extrovert for that matter. Extrovert and Introvert are really just 2 polar extremes on a scale, and we are all somewhere in the middle of that line, maybe leaning towards one more than the other. So, I believe that you have not actually changed, but rather that you just become more aware of the more introverted side of your personality.
Beautiful, ingenious, touching, candid, serene, sincere. You've done it, have my gratitude. May you fail vigorously in future!
this is a great video, really well done-- i really like the implication of the object from the intro being the letter to your future self. i had to actually think about that. damn
Your confession about social loneliness is very similar to how I feel a lot about my own ways of how I socially interact. I don't really like people and don't like talking or interacting and most people I know and actually talk to are people online.
Same, wonder why
I am confusion
I barely even talk online
I have a feeling it’s a feedback loop. I have a thriving social life but have found that when I was the most alone in life, I didn’t like people and thus avoided them. I’ve found that I tend to like people when I have consistent interactions with them. To break the cycle, you may have to just get out there and stick with it for a while.
@@Window4503 I 100% agree. It really often is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Hop on meetup. Join a group or two. Put yourself out there. Meetup is great because every city has at least one "introvert" group where everyone is pretty much in this boat.
During the pandemic I realized something rather painful. Whether all my friends and even my girlfriend were feeling awful with the isolation, I was happier than ever. I didn't have to refuse any invitations for hanging out. There was nobody hanging out. No parties to attend, nothing. I could live a life of cooking, buying groceries and staying in my room without being judged for it. I felt guilty for it. Now things are back and I was "removed from paradise". I don't really know how to feel about it, but I did get to find a job outside my main field of knowledge because it's exclusively home office. So yeah, this realization did make me embrace this side of me.
Love is real. The issue is society incorrectly portrays it as something that happens to you, something your in or out of. In some ways maybe that is true, but in the most accurate sense love is a choice. You must always choose to continue loving someone. Marriage is the most extreme example of this. My wife and I have hurt each other and disappointed each other more than once. We could have let these things separate us and just said we fell out of love. The reality is you will never have a perfect relationship. So instead we chose to love each other in spite of these things. So yeah that's all love is. It's a continuous choice you make every day to care for someone despite their many flaws.
i just want to say thank you, so so much for making this. its helped me alot.
a youtube video really is the perfect way to talk about loneliness. talks to all the right people
Alpha 😮
@@Bickyball chi 😮 big fan 😮
I don't comment often and this is really just meant as a personal bookmark but this channel features some of the greatest KZhead content I've ever experienced. Solar Sands holds an essential spot on this platform and to me and I hope his work reaches more and more people.
Agree
this is so true, I have never been more existential consistency on a channel
keep in mind, this used to be a channel that made fun about posts on DeviantArt... and look at where we are now
I deeply deeply relate to this video. Thank you so much for giving me some enlightenment
I really love how far you've come on your channel, i've been subscribed for about 5 years now and your art things i love and hate videos really helped me improve. and i love your new stuff too, just wanted to say that 👍
Wait so do you love or hate his videos?
@@moejuggler6033 oh i love his videos he just made videos called "art things i love" and "art things i hate" and i mixed them lmao
Your essays are so touching. It’s like you open up my chest like a surgeon and put your hand around our hearts. It’s being so KNOWN by common human experience that is still not truly present. We will never meet and are completely different but the way you describe socializing is so attached to so many people. Loneliness and hopelessness seem to be the human condition. You’re violently honest and that’s a nice thing to have in this network of lonely people pretending to lay themselves bare.
But after watching these touching essays, i wonder what actually changes, in my case, I'm like an incel of friendship, i can't think of what terrible thing i did, it's too much work to make people like me, and suddenly they don't like me at all
Last minutes of this video just burst me into tears I was that creepy child in primary school, had extremely low level of socialization in Middle School and literally couldn't make myself to talk to any girl in high school being more attracted with videogames and philosophy It was quite okay for me and I felt myself fine being lonely. Surely Internet became my closest "friend" and that "circle" of actual lonelines, parasocial relationships and permanent escapism was very familiar to me I never felt myself completely understanded despite all my attepts of eplaining all that stuff in my head to others, even closest ones But the reality of country I live kinda helped me to socialize while university years and now i'm school teacher and I'm fine with a huge number of every-day social interactions And I really want to say to everybody who now steps on that path of breaking the "circle" that this path is bearable It certainly will be painful, awkward and full of anxiety, but the goal definately worth any sacrifices And even if you'll drown, you at least will know that you were swimming to shore
Keep it real. I've just discovered your channel and I admire that you are looking to cut through the noise and ask real questions of your viewers and yourself. Thanks for sharing
i think once humans /this generation(s) overcome this hurdle of retaining sanity/joy/social life while still using the internet regularly- the world will b awesome!! And I think it's inevitable. We're just in an adaptive period right now. But I think it will result in a golden age of communication and change
That's a very well edited anxiety attack you got there, son.
I seldom feel 'old' but this video made me feel REAL old. I've gone through it - I had no friends at school and did not like people. I was isolated for over 5 years due to the financial crash. Eventually I scraped together the cash to move to a small city and got involved with some activity groups, another 5 years later and I feel I have very fulfilling friendships. Sometimes it takes a few false starts as the group isn't for you - bad demographic, etc. But turning up to things, talking to people and getting to know them is key. It takes time, but just turning up is half the battle, people appreciate it and it requires no social skills. Turn up to something weeks in a row and people will start to wonder who you are.
Becoming a regular somewhere always helps with breaking the ice.
This video was powerful. Whether or not you agree with it is another matter altogether. As for me I do feel a lot of the things said in this video apply to me and because of that it does resonate with me. As much as one stranger who will never know you in any substitutive way to another. I hope the suffering in your life is at least enjoyable and worth it. Thanks for the video I truly enjoyed.
Absolutely loved the video and you putting ‘Problems III’ in the end was the cherry on top. That song came in my life at a stage where I realised I do need to turn off the television. It has been a roller coaster of a ride since then, but it was worth it. Thank you for this video.
I'm glad that the ending of the video didn't disappoint me, as I was preparing for it to about half way through. I think meditation is worthwhile to look into for anybody who feels like they relate too much to some of the negative feeling emotions described in this video. It won't fix everything but I think it will assist in allowing you to see beyond the TV more frequently. That is all.
I relate with you when it comes to not necessarily relating to the video, it's unfortunate how many negative feelings there are in life nowadays and processes like meditation or even excercise do help many focus on positives
Meditation 👍
Fr meditation is so good. People paint it as hippy nonsense, but it's natural. Ancient peoples meditated for mental health. It's arguably a totally natural process that we were designed to do. At the very least, take a breather and try some introspection. Light an incense candle. Take a nap. Our brains need rest and reflection.
as a hikikomori who is finally trying to come out of my shell, this video resonates with me. I've had a terrible event happened to me 3 years ago, and it completely destroyed my will to participate in society and I've locked myself in my room since however I've started to wanna try putting myself in the world again, I'm even starting college soon (excited to meet new people🤗) I'm still nervous, since I haven't made new connections in years but I'm feeling hopeful for the first time... this video helped me gain a little more confidence, so thank you☺️ edit: thank you guys, sorry if I don't reply but I see them 😭 but I got a job since I first turned into a shut in so I'm doing good! thanks for the best wishes!!
Good for you, wish you the best dude! 😄
you can do it!
Good for you, I'm confident you'll do well!
Hey you know what? good job dude! What you're doing takes a hell of a lot of guts. I almost fully fell down that hole and i can say, it sometimes takes a lot of time, so don't be too hard on yourself if you don't get instant results or if you backslide, but i can tell you that I'm so happy I did try, so i hope that in the end you will be too.
@@pine-solismylemonade5542 thank you so much!🤗
I just wanted to say that the writing for this video is absolutely incredible. As someone who has dealt with social struggles my entire life I resonate so much with what is discussed and I actually began to tear up at the end. Well done.
this video hit too close home, kinda cried a couple of times watching. when the pandemic started barely anything changed in my life, and now that I have a social life I kinda miss the days where I could stay at home, do nothing, not worry about trying to get a job... I really don't want to play the game of life. I'm thankful for my friends, without them I'd be an hikikomori, but damn, it's so hard.
Dang, that last bit telling introverts to get out in the world really struck a chord for me. My life right now is in a liminal zone between leaving high school and getting a job. Instead of college, I'm doing things like volunteering at a local park, drawing, and (you guessed it!) losing myself on the internet. I live in Virginia but have an obsession with tornado sirens. The longing to meet others who share my interest hurts at times. But for now I just gotta face my fear of the unknown, enjoy the friends I do have, and get a job.
Don't find friends who share an interest. Get friends who care to learn
my brother is tornado siren obsessed, but he is 6 years old
solar you are one hell of a video essayist sheesh this was great. I love how you weave so many artistic disciplines under one overarching theme.
I know! It’s amazing!
All of this. Just… all of this. Feels really good to hear someone else is on the page i’m on. Thank you, L. 💚
Future me, I can hear Solar about to cry at the end so now I’m crying
You know the trying to understand segment reminded me of a quote from somewhere. "Each person has 3 hearts, One heart they show to their family, the other they show to their friends. But the third heart they keep secret because there is so much truth in that heart"
God, hearing your voice break in the last few minutes is absolutely heart-rending. I love this video. It's such a beautiful encapsulation of everything people have felt this past year. Hope you're doing okay.
One of the best videos I've seen in years, one of the best videos I've seen ever. Truly your highest achievement thus far. Fantastic work.
This was the most genuine, authentic, personalized video on KZhead, thank you man.