How to Think Like a Narcissist
2023 ж. 14 Шіл.
53 193 Рет қаралды
The narcissist entertains simultaneously contradictory thoughts, beliefs, values, emotions, motivations, and other psychological processes ("dissonant thinking"). He therapeutically resolves the resulting dissonances by using several techniques and by self-imputing godlike perfection.
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These videos are the best class I've ever taken
Yes , for me too ...these were the best learning videos for me .
100%. I have learned SO much from so many of these vids. He honestly seems to be one of the only balanced and sensible speakers on the topic. So valuable! 🙏
Are there any healthy people out there at all? The information is illuminating but a bit disturbing given the current circumstances of society.
Extremely helpful to see how they have cognitive dissonance tolerance I’d been taking it personally, and I couldn’t understand how they could do this or be so nuts Now I see it’s part of who they are / how they work. It’s inescapable and cannot be fixed, reasoned with, punished or trusted. Say one thing, do another - they won’t ever see it as a problem
They do respond to actual, enforced consequences.
I can barely breathe . All the puzzle pieces laid before me for the past 7 years just fell into place. My monster was actually just EXACTLY who you described. Truly gobsmacked at ALL the strangeness... aggression and hostility that were in those moments. I will keep learning. Thank you so much for providing this education. It means an awful lit to me and I hope will help me heal. You caused a "light bulb monent". Thank you again!
Finally someone talking about narcissism in a non-narcissistic manner. I grew up with a highly narcissistic father, my biggest problem is not recovering as a victim, but as a perpetrator. I noticed the monster in me that is some how foreign, like it’s not a part of me but it has always been there with me. I have a tendency to manipulate although I don’t want to, I lack anxiety when threatened, I don’t have fear when in danger… but I’m very high in compassion (agreeableness). I intuitively managed the monster to the level that my pseudo-psychopathy and pseudo-narcissism are no longer damaging the others, but still I wonder, as a deeply caring person, how comes I have this “cold me” surfacing from time to time against my will. I have lost and blurred childhood memories, I have very high tolerance for pain, I struggle with intimacy, and I am a shape shifter in social situations even though I try very hard to stay consistent as a person. All those questions are answered by Sam, really appreciate it. I think now I know better how to live with my monster. Thank you!
See his video on covert BPD
Nobody else like Sam ❤
Thank heavens.
@@samvaknin :)))
Thank you for the information, but i will never be able to think like a narcissist. Because they have a mental disorder and thinking that way comes natural for them.
Professor Vaknin, just when I think there’s no way you can blow my mind again, and again. Well, after listening to this video, I was wrong. You are a treasure.
Ljmmr😅ou😅
Because of your videos, I am surviving 15 years of marriage to a narcississtic pastor. He is the covert. His mother smothered him with outlandish praise and made him feel that he is perfect, while squeezing every drop of identity out of him. His father was away in military most of the time, and mother made him believe he existed to tend to her needs. He is so sick and getting worse all the time. Thank you so much for the great teaching. Would love more on the spoiled and smothered covert. ❤
OMG yes, my ex had that habit to think at loud and I was shocked how chaotic and contradicting was his thinking. Actually it wasn't thinking, he was just trying different facts one by one and after some time he had feeling he's done with thinking and he got to some decision but it never was a result of thinking, he just would stop at some moment. Watching his mental activity was really torturing
Yes, it is amazing how they jump from one topic to another, leaving you so mentally exhausted.
29 years ago today I have married the void not knowing that the void is malignant xx thank You professor Vaknin You are Golden
😪😪😪🤕... Always felt.. Why me? Why did I waited so many years to leave this toxic relationship. Tried to help him knowing his problematic behavior Nothing worked I just aged
So true.... my narc ex always insisted on being 2 people...and even after 3 years says I didn't see the real him and is stalking me demanding another chance. It was always "this is not who I am" you don't know the man I am... you met me in a bad moment and i am "not myself", "I never been like this before" I am in so much Pain inside that I'm not myself. Then when hovering after I left... "I can be the man you deserve" or "I am NOW the man you deserve...give me a chance to show you". The entire awful experience was the most disorienting of my life. And it was never ending...literally the SAME EXACT SCRIPT EVERY Single Time. Going no contact helped me see clearly how simple his script was. This "evil matermind" really only had like 10 sentences he would repeat. Sometimes he would also have a "secret" that he would attribute his behavior too that he has now JUST become aware...ie "now I understand ALL.... there are many things I Now understand that I want to share...etc... of course no explanation in 3 years ever emerged. He would repeat things that he wanted to believe like a Donald T. "I am honest and direct like You! We are the same!" "You only met me at the worst time of my life!" At the end I was both heartbroken and felt like a complete idiot at how this simpleton pulled the wool over my eyes.
That he misses and loved you never came to mind, huh?
❤Happy Saturday Sam, I just love you and your measages. To those just finding this channel welcome, you will learn so much from Sam❤️Feeling grateful❤️
I was duped for 13 years. Videos like this woke me up in January this year after she got super lazy and quit hiding her manipulative tactics.
This is incredible. AN EXPLANATION AT LAST so this is why .......WHY did none of it ever make sense as a child and all those years later when i met it again and it nearly destroyed me..Around these people i became awash with cognitive dissonance and confusion, nothing made any sense ,and im sure its something missing in me... my stupidity, some mental deficiency of mine because they seemed to know something i didnt .so i start to turn my mind inside out and back to front. trying to understand what iv missed. and obviously its delivered with such grandiosity., they must know what they are talking about....it must be that im lacking something ?.. that theres some cognitive deficit. in me..? The lights are going on Dr Vaknin !
Professor Vaknin, i am truly, truly grateful for you!
Ive been a subscriber for years! Your personality has really bloomed into an entertaining and very pleasant type. Its nice to see you smile.
This must be learned at school
Right??? That's exactly what I've been saying.
Thank you for sharing on so many topics regarding narcissism. I have watched many of your videos and find it mind-boggling how complex narcissism is as well as its effects on those who are related to those who posses this “disorder.”
I am gobsmacked at gaining more insight into this dysfunctional behaviour and why the contradictions, dissonant thinking and rasionalisations are driving me crazy. You even used the exact same words he describes himself as i.e. "pragmatic and practical".
Domnule profesor cu cat va ascult mai mult cu atat realizez mai clar ca nu vreau aceste specimene bolnave in viata mea. Cu respect va multumesc pentru efortul de a ne lumina mintile.
Dr. Vaknin, I’ve been a long time viewer of your channel and this particular video resonated with me. The times in which I find myself most torn in what I believe to be anxiety are during avoidance periods between myself and an intimate partner when she is being avoidant (particularly when she has traits of BPD or the full blown borderline/dissociative personality disorders). I’ve described this with previous therapists in the following way: on one hand, I inexplicably believe I have been caught doing something wrong which caused the avoidance behaviours in the first place. On the other, there is a part of me (no matter how small) that prevents me from the devaluation part of the cycle that would lead to a typical discard. I have often found myself to be stuck in this flux for months on end. Both ideas are equal contenders in my mind, and every point of contact that goes amiably well during these agonizing periods serve to alleviate some of the stress associated with the former idea. However, this does not ever fully relieve the nagging voice in the back of my mind that tells me something has gone awry in the relationship. No matter how I spin the situation in my mind, I simultaneously believe that she is both someone who loves/adores me and hates/conspires against me at the same time. My life is full of cynicism, which leads me to expecting the worst from others. However, I wish to believe in the anomalous good that I undoubtedly end up idealizing within my intimate partners. This leads me to verbally abuse and torment those close to me; their tears and sincere pain are the simplest avenue for me to understand that they still care about me.
Tears of sorrow are not a sign of affection.
@@3SRtales People do not cry tears of sorrow for those that do not matter to them.
shut up
@@Serenitynow2525 They’re crying because someone close to them hurt them. There needs to be some semblance of intimacy for people to hurt emotionally to the point of crying multiple times over the same person
The mug is awesome!
…But I was expecting Minnie. 🤷♀️ Lol. Thank you for another video, Professor.
Minnie has been discarded and is patiently waiting for the hoover.
@@3SRtales😂 true
I just love all the videos of this amazing and talented Professor! He really is my saviour and teacher.
This is monumental! Thank you, professor Vaknin!
I know of a famous author whose last work was an "autobiography," a document of narcissistic self-delusion and rationalization that is still taken seriously as history by many, and in the Introduction spoke of his future. But even as he wrote and submitted it for publication, he had saved up prescription barbituates for months in order to commit suicide directly afterward. Another person I know has been very problematic for me. He is constantly spouting off information like a robotic encyclopedia but is utterly flummoxed if you know as much or more about the subject as he does. He can't carry on a conversation, because he never really thought about what he read or applied it to the here-and-now; he did not acquire his information as a way of reaching out to people, but only as a way to impress--to make himself seem like the smartest person in the room. He makes promises to do things, important things that you depend on, but then doesn't follow through or will procrastinate for years, ghosting you. When you track him down, his excuses and rationalizations always involve some grudge against you based on your lack of appreciation, something you were completely unaware of (for example, getting a parking ticket the last time you met for lunch, years before his promise). If you settle the issue, he just immediately brings up another grudge. The man is a grudge machine. If you really do manage to get through all that, suddenly he brings up the fact that his mother slapped him when he was 5 years old (60 years ago), implying that you should stand in for his mother and he needs sympathy. The man is insane!!! I have to stay away from him, if I want to stay sane myself.
Wow!! Absolutely incredible!
Thanks for the advice with the playlist👍🏽found it
Thank you, I appreciate your insights. Maybe a video on how to cope with a society that has a collective narcissism? Thanks
very valuable vaknin
Ill be honest I have taken on the narcissists characteristics and used the "its an experiment" attitude consciously and the stances and grandiosity never agreed with me and I hate dissonance. I was angry that it actually works that women are interested in me because of my forced display of narcissistic qualities. I dropped the charade and I was attacked straight away as showing weakness. This has made me machiavelian in my outlook but, never malicious, or at least not till pushed to extremes by obvious manipulation. Now Im actually free from all those mechanism which were adapted by me purely to "fit in"/be successful. It was more influenced by "business mindset" buzz frazes than my actual self. It didnt fit nor suit me.
Envious of that external object of Sam's superimposed image on that mug
just watched an Agatha Christie mystery called "The Fourth Man.." a perfect example of narcissistic takeover of one's psyche!
Wow you are Great in explaining This… Now i understand 👍
Thank you I kept thinking that we could work through issues & for years I was as vulnerable & honest as I could…but it hasn’t made any difference If anything I’m just got more & more confused Thank you for this vid
Woow info ! Thank you dr sam !!!
💥As Mushashi advocated, you have to become your enemy to defeat them‼️
my pet narcissist will be actively doing X and look me right in the eyes and tell me "I'm the kind of person who would never ever do X" 😂
Like we say in Quebec Tabarnak!!! Evrything make sense now ! Merci
Thank you (again) Sam for this pinpoint insight. By listening to your description of the way the Narc copes with cognitive dissonance, I began to realize that my sweet Covert-Narc made me experience her own trauma. And I did not have those Narissitic coping mecanisms in place. She loved me and tortured me ... Dear Sam would you be so kind to elaborate on that part : "how the narc makes you experience her own trauma and what t odo about it when you are not (hopefully) a narc. Maybe something to do with mirror neurons ? Thanks
Search the channel.
Thank's
This makes me wonder that when Narcissists have such contradictory thoughts and actions then how come they excel in life in so many fields? 🤔
Dissonant thinking prepares them well for paradoxical thinking which is a prerequisite for excellence.
Thank you for this video. Does this dynamic/thinking style applies too to borderline disorder?
No. Search the Borderline playlist.
I would buy one.
These words are almost verbatim my ex narcissist would use
The pieces of the puzzle are visible now, at least I won't die Stupid, Thanks for your work and insight
Your comment made me laugh 🤣🤣 True. Good point. At least i wont die stupid( oooohh my god!!! )
Could you make videos about sadistic psychopaths? More on Covert borderlines?
There are several videos on both topics.
I like your laugh 😂😂
When you say precise everybody says racist envy. But when you say be specific truth, nobody says racist envy.
Do the contradictions explain the push/pull?
Too beat them....🎉🎉🎉
There‘s nobody home to beat.
Sam, what does shoshoneem mean? how do you spell it? I tried to google, and Shoshanim apparently means lilies? you can't be calling everyone lillies every day? lol
The godlike narcissistic is imago is like that Greek titan ATLAS, carrying and holding the whole world on his showers...pretty grandiose that guy ... :)
What? Wait I think you are misunderstanding what "grandiose" means here
Profesor. Isn't it right that ambiguity tolerance is part of rational inteligence? Is It different from cognitive disonance tolerance?
Ambiguity is not the same as outright contradiction.
After recently being 'discarded' by my gf of a little over a year, which came out of nowhere, im pretty sure she is a borderline/covert narcissist that 'monkey branched' to a new 'supply' because i finally stood by my boundaries after being disrespected many times. 4 weeks later she moved out of her apartment and in to a house with some 'new friends'. Yeah ok. Up until then, after stumbling upon videos like this, i never heard of either one of those terms. Bottom line, the thing that pisses me off the most is reading/hearing about how vulnerable, fragile and insecure these people are. Like im supposed to feel sorry and have pitty for people like this because they cant help that all they know how to do is manipulate and take advantage of genuine, authentic people that have compassion and empathy. Maybe we all need to start thinking like a narcissist so good, caring, empathetic people like us can stop putting ourselves in the position of being manipulated and abused. In this day and age, if you're nice and caring and compassionate, people are going to walk all over you. You know what they say, if you cant beat them, join them. FTW
Agree so true, the pushed narrative is heavily psychopathic all on its own
This all true. The way I see it, in the end it all comes down to the belief in god. You either turn into a narcissist, psychopath or sociopath or you hold on to your spirit with the belief that one day you will find peace and that immoral actions and evil deeds will be judged. When I struggle with this, and living in a harsh world without the proof of a god IS A STRUGGLE, I try to stay very quiet and observe the little things given to me out of the blue. And such things do arise. For instance, once I ran out of money and a lady I do chores for, didn't have change to pay me, so she gave me a 50 dollar bill and told me "keep it, this is for next time to". With that I made it exactly as long as I needed to to make more money. Or I was trying to sell my house, it was on the market for ages, and one day when I thought that was it, I am going to go into foreclosure, a couple rang my doorbell and I sold it. I often ask myself, if there is no purpose to my soul and kind heart, why was I given one? There has to be some reason.
Hi Sam Are narcissists the only ones who interact only with internal objects? Can other disordered people interact primarily with internal objects?
Paranoids, to some extent. Psychotics confuse internal and external objects, too, but in the opposite way to narcissists.
@samvaknin oh okay, thanks for clarifying. Does the psychotic genuinely believe they are interacting with external objects, when they are just interacting with their delusional projections?
I saw a female NPD take some magic 🍄 and it took her into a feedback loop of laugh/cry/laugh/cry/laugh/cry etc. when psilocybin peak was reached. each state took about 2-4 seconds and she would just be stuck like that in a loop. It seemed like there were 2 completely opposite characters trying to fit inside one body. It was like she was completely unveiled for a few minutes.I was left in total shock as I've never seen anything like that in somebody while on shrooms.I wonder if this could be related to reaching their actual "inner core". Further study could be useful of psilocybin effects on these disorders and if they could actually have some treatment properties like they do for PTSD.
Watch my video on psychedelics.
Which video of yours best describes what the narcissist should do instead of assimilating the entire world into himself?
Narcissism is not a choice or a decision.
They use silent treatment too
Why I wanna think like a narcissist because I don’t wanna ruminate anymore I don’t wanna feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I don’t want to look at the ceiling anymore, not knowing what to do with myself. I wish open till four years ago. I stayed by myself because I was okay. I didn’t want any more till I got into this relationship and now all I wanna do is not wake up feel like I need help sick, ruminate and sick of feeling uncomfortable in myself and I’m sick of one and it’s a come back to me and love me when it’s not gonna happen
Shalom. Why is saying you don’t trust the can and can’t specifications somebody says racist? When you pretend that what somebody who lies about specifications is somebody you need to believe everything he says, like 9 million bicycles, but you don’t believe and you want the specification liar to get punishment, would the specification liar still lie, when you in front of him record what he says. Would he see that as distrust and I am going to get punishment so I deny everything, I mean when you shoot first, before he can lie about specifications?
Prof Sam, Is a mistress the toy, so wife can remain mummy and non sexual? Is the mistress an outlet for the narcissists sadistic tendencies, so he can role play perfect model husband and dad at home - mechanically and routinely, while living a double life? Will he tend to play this role at home to allow the double life? Or do the wife and children also get abused? If a narcissist turns mistress into an adored toy..will she eventually become a mother? What explanation is there for him to not lovebomb the mistress but test her and treat her ambivalently until he is sure she is trustworthy, discreet and unlikely to abandon?
Search the channel for playmate. Generally speaking, the mistress is the toy and the partner is the mother.
@@samvaknin Thank you, sir.
They decide until death comes besides them. Even then they hide that too. Mine passed one month after our last conversation!
can u make a lecture about the narcissist in earlychildood? what is his behavior like at hre ages from 2-9 perhaps? if the parents were self aware of this disorder, can they see anything during these years? i woud assume if one could, they may be able to teach empathy? please explain Thanks Dr. Vaknin
maybe i can answer this as i look at it in writing and say to myself, " even if they did something or didnt , it's their own vices & disorders that keep they from seeing anything wrong or anything right for this matter " ??
They dont have the inner landscape to stop the narcissism from forming if they wanted to... Is that correct ?
Correct.
It will be close to impossible to spot NPD at such early age.
Professor, I have a question - I understand that what creates the narcissist is the mother/child relationship early on and I fully get why that might happen when the mother is cold and not loving. What I don't understand though is the dynamic behind the other scenario - the one with a mother who "suffocates" the child with her affection. In that scenario - is the child's inability to become his/her own person the main trigger/foundation of narcissism? The fact that the child feels deeply "imprisoned" within the relationship with his/her mother?
Search the channel.
@@samvaknin Thank you, Professor. I will.
Actually in Farsi we also say "salam" it means hi. I think it's the same word. but why "shalam" not "salam"? Anyway... interesting
is that cofee or nothing ? .. lol
The mask is off somebody gotta do it more they do it strips all of layers they sick. reverse it getting hot truth make them shout if you're strong speak it 🎤👑
They need to be medicated with personality disorder. Wouldnt ya think ?
Search the channel.
שלום שושנים:)
So you can't reason with God... Are they closer to godliness than "normal" people are?
Can there be father splitting?
Yes. But much later in childhood and with nowhere near the same effects.
Holy shit this is Jordan Peterson precisely, it's uncanny. He literally says he studies and talks about Evil and the Nazis because he's fighting it. I think you may have missed one response to dissonance or contradiction: "You misunderstood me, or took me out of context". Is that a form of gaslighting? Peterson constantly says he's being misunderstood and never apologizes, playing the victim. And he precisely says that you shouldn't trust what someone says but look at how they act: he's talking about himself. Jordan Peterson is a massive lying narcissist. What is he hiding? That he's a cryptofascist esoteric Hitlerist and Crowleyian neo-gnostic Satanist. No, I am not joking. Read Maps of Meaning, Troy Parfitt's "The Devil and His Due" and Nicholas Goodrick-Clarke's "Black Sun".
🤨😂🤣
No, you're just reading into it.
@@JohnWayne-86ed Why do you think otherwise?
Oh I love the coffee mug ❤
@@11kravitzn He just has a tight ass personality, but deep down I think he is well intentioned. Search for a video called 'jordan peterson: how to persuade the people', it's about 5 min long. Don't be so paranoid about him.