The Loss of My Mother | Video Podcast
Bethenny shares her very personal thoughts regarding the passing of her mother. Her stories and memories reflect both the happy and more difficult sides of their relationship as mother and daughter.
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Bethenny Frankel is the CEO & Founder of Skinnygirl Brand, a Best-Selling Author, Podcast Host, Television Host, founder of Bstrong, and the TikTok anti-influencer of Beauty.
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Sometimes death isnt about the person who died but rather about mourning the person you never had. Love you bethany. ❤
So true.
Wow so true
So true
It can be about both there were people who loved the deceased. Betheny wasn’t around her Mom for decades so did she know who she was at the end of her life. Betheny is still alive. Let’s celebrate her Moms life. Betheny had a platform to say her peace her Mom didn’t.
This is so true❤️🫶
When your first bully is your mom that feeling never goes away. I’m so sorry. Being a great mom to Brynn is how you’ve broken that generational curse. Stay strong.
xo
"When your first bully is your mom that feeling never goes away." Yup. The only thing I did was forgive myself for not being able to forgive my mother. She's refused to acknowledge or apologize for what she did. She's still here, but we don't have a relationship and that is for my peace of mind. I see her a few times a year during family stuff, but that's it.
Roller skating saved your life. Reading saved mine. Childhood should be a magical time. What a shame it is that so many children don’t have that.
I was beautiful when young; my mom was beautiful. My mom wanted to be a writer; I became a writer. Jealousy destroyed our relationship. She tried to hold me down in life at every turn. She undermined my confidence. Bethenny, I'm not trying to be mean here...but after years of telling therapists, "'My mom loved me...just in her own way," FINALLY a therapist looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Did she? Everything you've told me indicates she didn't. You don't treat people you love with abuse." I was stunned. I got defensive. I said, "Are you saying my own mom didn't love me?" I'll never forget her response, "I'm not saying you weren't worthy of her love. I'm saying your mom wasn't capable of love because she hated herself. That's on her. You have to let it go. You did nothing wrong." That freed me to an extent. Boy, I still struggle at the ripe age of 55....and am single due to the trauma. But I, at least, realize her inability to love me was not my fault. P.S. I too can remember two or three nice things my mom did for me. That's the sad part...I can only remember two or three nice things she did for me. We shouldn't be able to point to a handful of things. That's not a mother. Sorry. My point is you have nothing to feel guilty about. Nothing! Signed, someone who still feels unworthy of love.
similar situation here - it helps me that maybe some of our Mom's didn't even want a child - different times - I realized at the age of 54 that she will never give me what I need and since I realized that I am so much better - sending hugs from Germany
@@katjaxxx7353 My Mom didn't want any children but had 5 of us...She was brought up Catholic. XOX from America.
♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️ xox
Very similar situation here, too.😓. ❤
Thank you for sharing.❤
You broke the abuse by changing it for your daughter! Please give yourself grace❤❤❤
You did Bethany as I did with my children
😢
Actually, she's continued verbal and psychological abuse with Jason by fighting with him quite publicly about money and Brynn. The cycle continues. Just as B saw her mother's issues with men and money, Brynn is also seeing all of it now.
The best part is you stopped the terrible cycle to give your daughter the best life. 😢❤
Betenny loves her daughter. But she should be careful not to burden Bryn with her own personal traumas. It’s sad when she said Bryn had good relationship with her grandmother but she stopped calling her as much after she heard things about the grandmother. Bryn shouldn't be made to pick sides or feel guilty if she wants to have healthy relationship with her father and her paternal grandparents.
You don't know that.
@@vickytt816you are exactly right. B is continuing the abusive behavior within her own family... she doesn't see it. Herbown broken family, fighting over money and Brynn for 10 years with Jason, and now lavish Hamptons lifestyle of fashion and travel and all the things B wished she had. I think B is a very loving mother, but she does need to stop trashing Brynns father, stop talking mean about other people, own the anger and mean girl that always came forward on RHONY. Brynn is seeing ALL of that, and it's inevitably going to affect her, too.
It's totally clear! She also spent 10 years fighting with Jason over money and Brynn... that's continuing the family issues!@@bubbleofpeace
‘Maybe someday when I look back I’ll be able to say, you didn’t mean to be cruel, somebody hurt you too’ - Madonna
„My life goes on, but not the same, into your eyes, my face remains.“
Sending Hugzzz 🤗 & L💝VE Dearest Bethenny & Prayers 🙏 🌸🌷🌼💛☀️
She was a sick sick women, she loved you the only way she knew. When my mother died,it was a relief and and.very emotional roller coaster, it will get better, life goes on. It’s wild how our childhoods effects us. You are loved a lot now! Breathe that every day.
This is the therapy session that Bethenny needed. We’re all here for you. ❤
So true. ❤
Here here ❤ Huge respect for this
She debased all human dignity in airing her mother’s faults and mental health issues. It’s very low.
@@newtexan1, While you are entitle to your opinion, Bethenny has always talked about her childhood and upbringing over the years on RHONY and interviews. Perhaps Bethenny just needed to get all of this off of her chest. If we the fans are going to want Bethenny to be authentic, we shouldn't be critical of her when she is. We ALL process things differently.
um, no. this is not therapy. this is bethenny oversharing for $. bethenny needs REAL therapy.
You don't just grieve for the loss of your mom but also for the loss of that "tiny bit of hope" the little girl inside you held onto, the hope that your mom would be the mom you always wanted her to be. I grieved more for that hope being gone than anything...I'm so sorry Bethenny...it hurts like nothing else, it's indescribable.
Wow, so well said, I've been there too. I was neglected also but I was my mom's caretaker the last 6 mos of her life. All my pain had to be water under the bridge. I see and share all your mixed emotions Bethenny. You're so lucky to have Bryn. 😿😽
I hope you don’t mind I took a screenshot of your comment because it hit me hard. My Mum is almost 98 and although she’s still here this is exactly how I feel. “It hurts like nothing else, it’s indescribable.” So accurate .
You said it perfectly.
Aptly said ❤
It truly does. 😢
I am truly honored to have had the opportunity to hear this piece of your story. Thank you.
I was in my fifties when I read a sentence in the book You Are Not Crazy, It’s Your Mother, that changed my life. It was “you are not unlovable because your mother didn’t love you, your narcissistic mother was unable to love you”…it hit home. I had spent a lifetime trying too hard to be worthy of love from people who abused me. Finally I realized I was worthy of love, starting with loving myself…a statement I always felt was ridiculous but now understand. It’s been a journey, but finally at age 66 I know I am worthy. Period.
AMEN!!! Thanks for sharing your story ❤.
What you experienced is called MOTHER HUNGER. Look that up. My childhood was very much like yours, with BOTH parents. It is NEVER too late to have a happy childhood, Bethenny. You're smart, strong and most importantly, you are READY. This event has cracked you wide open. Take the hint and focus solely on your healing. You will get through this. I promise. Much, much love. XO
Beautifully said 👏👍❤️
I agree totally. Mother Hunger. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. You will be free.
@@Kristina-rs3pf You said so much in so few words, I hope they mean as much to Bethenny as they do to me. 🤗
I never heard that word be4 ..like it
Yes , MOTHER HUNGER is a real thing! But Bethenny, turning around being the mother you always wanted is so healing. ❤Love you so much!!
It sounds like your mother had a personality disorder, likely as a result of the trauma she suffered as a child. I hope you're proud of yourself for breaking the cycle of abuse that you both survived. If you can bear it, please give young Bethenny a long, nourishing hug. She deserves it ❤
Many people just don't want to be a parent, it's nothing that requires a diagnosis, it's just life.
@@chiefswife1212both can be true!
The duality of your mom's parenting must have been so hard, not knowing what to expect, getting intermittent, infrequent rewards and not being able to count on a parent for support. You've done an amazing job surviving and thriving in spite of all the awful experiences.
I suffer from bulimia and I have since I was 12 years old. I am now a 43-year-old mother of two and bulimia is still the most important thing in my life. This opened my eyes to the pain my children must be feeling
I am so sorry. How awful. Can you get help?
Hoping that you have some trusted friends or a therapist to turn to.
Let the pain surface and then relax into it and let it go. You're clearing it out and leaving space for light and love. Very therapeutic no matter how hard it is. Your mom did love you, it was her pain and trauma that was never processed.
"Ive been alone my entire life and Im alone now" really broke my heart
I get what she means. I have two adult children who are everything to me emotionally. But I just don’t connect with my few friends in any deep way. I care about them but I don’t need or miss them when they’re not around. I’m an only child and my mother was an abusive nightmare most of the time. I was terrified of her but I was also terrified that I’d lose her. I won’t go on cos it’s too complicated. But I think I know what Bethenny means. Peace ❤
Same here
I've always felt a connection with Bethany. Those that understand what I'm saying, understand exactly what I'm saying ❤
Me too
Bethenny has no idea what it feels like “to be alone”.
My heart breaks for you Bethenny. You're healing your relationship with your mother through your relationship with Brynn.
Poor Bryn. She has already been SO traumatized. Brynn is SO in love with her mom, that she is not seeing clearly. This is normal. The fact that Bethenny could not wait to tell her side of the story for complete strangers until she was older, shows what a true narcissist she is. And I dont' mind Bethenny. But it's traumatizing to see how she treats Brynn. How she snags the pen out of her hand aggressively. Do you think Brynn would EVER say no, mom, don't take about my dad, I'm not ready. Brynn will allow her mom to do and be ANYTHING she wants. Kids would rather stay with their heroine addicted parents shooting up than be without them.
@@alexissmith5523Exactly. Bethany has her own demons and she's now disparaging her own mother to Bryn to make herself look, comparatively better. Luckily, Bryn has a wonderful, sound, father and extended family on his side.
this is so mean to Bethenny!@@alexissmith5523
@@susansmith493 Same as above. She is so strong and been through so much Pain! Unless you have been through what someone else has been through. She's down the best she could! How dare you judge her!
She's done the Best she could.
“Why I’ve been alone my whole life “. All of this hits hard, but that last sentence is the life many children of abuse later live. why our walls are impenetrable. The hope is to find a way through it and offer grace to those who are on our team. Thank you Bethany. Truly.
Your words and your relationship with your mother are so similar to mine in many ways. My mother insulted me on my wedding day. She couldn’t help it. She was so insecure. She threw out a bunch of insults at my sister at her UC Berkeley graduation, she was so jealous and embarrassed that she hadn’t gone to a prestigious college like she wanted to. She lashed out at all of us, putting me down, saying horrible things to my sister about how the whole family was supposedly “so disappointed” that she didn’t “get her MRS in college. What a waste of going to Berkeley.” She couldn’t help herself. She was incapable of joy for anyone else. I always wanted so badly to make her happy and make her proud of me. We all did. When I got the call that she died I was on the phone with the realtor telling me we got the house. I felt like “Of course she had to ruin this for me too.” And I felt relief. A huge sense of relief. It was finally over. I would never have to try for something that was never going to happen. And I miss her so much. Nobody enjoyed talking sh*t more than her. If I ever wanted to just spew pure vile, I knew I could call her and she’d eat it up. I’m writing a graphic novel about all of this. And it’s really cathartic. And if it’s any good I’ll send you a copy because I think you can relate. Love you, and happy Mother’s Day ❤
I think that for those who have had terrible parents, when they die you grieve what you will never have. It’s so very final.
Absolutely.
Yes probably…. But I realized in the last years that it is only a monologue… since I realized deep down she will never change I feel so much better bc I also don’t try anymore.
@@katjaxxx7353 If you can get to that point, then it's definitely for the best. Some parents can't be the parents we want or need. As children there's no way we can understand that, but as adults we can free ourselves by realising it fully and only accepting what they can give.
yep complicated grief.
With estrangement we might live in the fantasy that someday things could be different. With death it puts an end to the fantasy/possibility.
It's pretty ballsy putting this side of you on display and I appreciate you for this. Grief is SO complicated. When I was 29 (I'm 45 now), my mom died and 6 days later on the day of her memorial, I found my dad dead. Their deaths provoked so many emotions like anger, abandonment, blah blah blah. I'm really sorry Bethenny, my condolences. I'm not a therapist, but sometimes our parents really drop the frickin ball, and its ok to be pissed. Definitely give yourself compassion. Yes you'll endure pain, but I promise it will get easier. The grief comes in waves, including the anger and resentment. Treat yourself kindly ❤️
My mom died 2 years ago. Similar story. Elizabeth Taylor look alike. Stunning. Vain, with an eating disorder. We're fortunate that we could survive it. Yes, difficult and even traumatic, but.. it helped shape us into independent, resilient, truth seekers. Therefore, I'm grateful for her flaws, which helped me become the woman that I am today. Rest in peace mom. I miss and love you 🩷🩷🩷
My elderly parents died in 2011. Part of growing up is forgiving your parents for real & perceived failings. Time does heal & walking in nature every day helps...& be kind to yourself & others always.
This is your mom’s gift to you. The gift of your healing ❤
Bethenny, your Mom's demons are not yours to carry. Hearing all you have gone thru, until this moment, shows how strong of a woman you are. You have had a second chance for a happy childhood thru Bryn, helping, loving, and caring for her the way you do. Lean on her, and Paul now. You will be ok. Grieve as you should, but hug yourself, because you could of gone down a dark road, and you have accomplished so much, even against all odds. I admire you. And look in the mirror, because you are stunning, bright, special. Never forget that. Your Mom RIP, but regardless of her sad life, she brought into the world a wonderful woman that gives so much to others. Sending hugs to you and Bryn❤.
As I was thinking of what I wanted to say to Bethany, I read your posts and others too. I could not express my feelings any better than yours, so I won’t even try. 💗
So well said!!! 👏👏👏
Crying my own eyes out. I longed all my life for a nice, quite relationship with my mother insrof walking on eggshells every minuteof the day. Nothing I ever did was good enough. But in the end I took care of my mother the last 2 years of her life. Priceless, cheerished time..even though it wasn't easy. My mother died a year and 5 months ago. I miss her so much. I would give anything if she was here cussing me out. I haven't even been able to go clean her house out. BUT.. I found peace last week. Thank you God. I know she did the best she could. No matter what, she brought me her only child into this world. I love you Mom. May you keep your peace Bethany. Time does help heal. So proud of you and Bryn. Love, hugs, and prayers, Bethany.
I think it’s more difficult when a parent passes if the relationship is as complicated as yours was. So much hurt.
The fact that you are a good mom is a gift from your mom because you did everything to be as different as night and day.
Love to you Bethany, I see your emotions. I’m the daughter of a Narc father, also mourning the little girl that had a shit childhood.. you were a victim, not your fault. Your distance from her was protection for your heart. So much love to you and healing. You were parentified.
Oh Bethenny, you never had anyone to protect you. You always had to do it yourself. I'm so sorry that so many people, who's job it was to love and protect you, hurt, abused, and neglected you. Take all the time you need to really let yourself feel all of that. You're an amazing person, worthy of love and protection. You're a great mom and person. I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of this. You're mother gave us all the gift of you to the world. We're crying with you and we love you bethenny. ❤❤❤
Her mom was meaner then mine which I nvr thot could be I wanna hug beth😭❤️🩹🙏🕯️this is helpin me heal beth ty u beautiful 26:31 💎 ily🙏
I lost my mum 22 months ago, even though I’m 54 years old and mother of 2 sons now grown men, I still grieve like a child who just wants her mummy. Obviously I have to hide this from everyone and be strong and support everyone, but secretly inside that’s how I feel. My heart and thoughts are with you at this very sad loss xxx
Why must you suppress? Please don’t ♥️
You are mourning the loss of your childhood. A child never should experience what you went thru. ❤
If you feel you have to hide it then do as you think best. I can't help but wonder if you'd feel a life-altering weight removed if you didn't hide it, though. ❤️ to you.
I’m 75, lost my mother 8 years ago in May, and I still have tears at times. Imagine that at 75! Like all mother-daughter relationships we had our moments. But, I got over it, and chose to look at all the good. And, there was LOTS of good. No one is perfect. No one.
Xoxo
This is truly just as therapeutic for listeners as it is for you to release it. You are so strong and inspirational. Thank you for sharing this.
I’m so sorry for your loss. The loss of your childhood because your mom was basically a child herself. I pray for peace for you.
xoxo
The fact is that you did not experience care & support consistently - from either 'parent'. She may have written u nice letters & been witty & kind - but it was on her terms & the blow hot, blow cold just leaves a kid walking on egg shells; which is toxic. Yes grieve as no matter what it is your right to grieve the loss of your mother. But please don't pile pressure on yourself by not also acknowledging the regular meaness & rejections interspersed with care (put downs that you did not deserve). Also, I hope, B, that it isn't true as noted on another podcast I watched, that u have been made to take down & stop yr podcasts about yr divorce experience. It is your experience & as u have stated it will help other women who are going thru similar awful times (as I did many years ago). You have a right, surely, to talk about your experience from your perspective. Thats free speech. Otherwise u cant help others because u dont have free speech ! For those of us who watched all the really big historic events - watched you trying to navigate them as best u could - it shud b that u have the right 2 speak yr truth (to support others). Ive no idea y the divorce podcasts have all disappeared, but I truely hope it isnt that you r having 2 consult lawyers (again) 2 glean yr right to speak about yourself, for yourself. @@bethennyfrankel
Bethenny I feel your pain. My mother died in 2018. She was 95. After her death I discovered she was a covert narcissist. I learned why I had no self esteem, no boundaries, and a commiserate people pleaser. I too am alone. I am 71. I am just now realizing I am a survivor. I am tough and so are you. Much love to you Bethenny!
😘☮️
Bethenny I feel your pain lots off lOVE ❤️ from Ireland 🇮🇪 ❤
My mother died in October. She was abusive and a narcissist. I forgave her years ago and when she died I only felt sorry she had a miserable life. My therapist said it's going to hit you, that there's no hope of having a relationship with your mom. I haven't experienced any emotions either way. I lost my hope of having a mom in my twenties. Sorry you are hurting. Wish you the best.
Maybe you’ll find that if u get married or something!..
You’re so not alone.
@@stepcollazo8134 That's not how it works. If you're dealing with trauma, marriage can sometimes make it worse. You have to grieve and heal for what you will never have before you can have a healthy marriage. If you don't, chances are good that you will find a partner who exhibits many of the toxic trait your parent(s) had.
Thats weird of your therapist. No one knows how you will or won’t feel. Sometimes people are able to process things, not everyone is subconsciously avoiding or ignoring something. My mom died when i was 15 and dad at 25, and i truly am at peace with it. I do t like it but im truly at peace with it. Therapists cant predict anything for us
I completely agree with you Lauren, to be told of an impending meltdown or heartbreak is so damaging. I was once told that I would never get over my ex by a therapist, it worried me so much, 15 years later I am still cross that I was told that, plus it wasn't true.
Your raw honesty helps all of us heal through difficult and similar childhoods. Your story is our story too. We’re not alone. Thanks for your ability to share TRUTH w/o apologies is liberating for us all. Bless you at this very hard, tender times. 💛🙏
When my Dad, a long time alcoholic, was dying...I came home to help take care of him. He was having many strokes but was so full of clarity in between. When we were alone, he said " I know there were things that were worrisome to you." I said, " But we're ok now, right Dad?" It was only a few words but it was 50 years of therapy for me. I am glad you are finding your therapy
Like you, I had an alcoholic dad who was abusive, cruel, selfish, vicious at times, neglectful and self absorbed. Combine that with a weak scared mother who failed to protect us. He got sick and I showed up for him after an 18 year separation. I nursed him for 9 years until he died. I was healed by knowing he didn't break my spirit and my humaness allowed me to forgive him enough to be there for him! I survived and thrived. His words of guilt and sorrow were hollow but I accepted he was damaged. I loved him anyway. We heal if we get out of our own way.
There comes a time when you need to forgive your parents in order to have a healthy life. It’s time.
100 percent
She won't. Her entire being revolves around anger, resentment, jealousy, emotional abuse. Her therapy discussion with Dr. Matt on her podcast showed so much. Listen to it.
Premature forced forgiveness without processing anger is actually known to be very harmful. There is research on this and it can cause serious retraumatisation which becomes embeded and is harder to overcome Dr Jeff Brown a specialist in trauma talks about this in his books. Never impose your own opinion on forgiveness to a traumatised person - you have NO idea about their life because you do not walk in anyone elses shoes. You are not a qualified professional therapist with trauma training. Be very careful what you say about forgiveness to a traumatised person when you are not trained.
My Mom was an unhappy lady and it was how I was raised. She married my father knowing he was an alcoholic. Her excuse to be unhappy and a martyr. She loved me , but could only show it in providing for me. It took me many years to take control of my life and realize I got all she could give. I learned it is up to me to not follow in her footsteps. I am so content with my life. I'm 84 and pity her life, what a waste. I tell all those I love how I feel. I choose to be happy.
I always liked and admired Bethenny, she's a no-nonsense chick who's smart as a whip and she doesn't take mess from anyone. A strong woman holding her own raising her daughter, I luv it!
Bethany….what you are going through is absolutely a re-trauma. The same thing happened to me. Just walk through it and feel your feelings. Thank you for being so raw and vulnerable. You’re helping others. 🥺❤
I was stunned at the depth of despair I felt when my mother passed. It shocked me. She had a full life, she was 87. It wasn’t unexpected, yet her loss…was profound.
I hear you Julie. 😢😢 im sorry. My mom is alive and 90. Im already grieving
Yes...same. overwhelmed with grieve and still think of my mother almost everyday...we hadn't spoken in 9 years...then she died. So awful
@@christopherone1 im sorry. Hope you are finding some peace
Cried with you, sister. Your hurt mother was caught up in the cycle of hurt and hurting. I am so proud of you for breaking that cycle of pain and being the wonderful mother you are. You might feel broken right now, but what you did was to break this generational curse. Be happy about what you did with this pain, you somehow did not allow it to continue to Bryn. You are the kind of rebel we all need to be. Keeping you in my prayers.
My heart goes out to you. I also had a complicated relationship with my mom. You are mourning the loss of the relationship you wished you had. Praying for healing. ❤
Bethenny, This touched me so much. I was born in 1973 and I had a VERY similar relationship with my mom, who passed in 2009. It wasn’t addiction that had my mom, it was mental illness. Roller skating was my life, too. The music & lights helped me forget she was neglectful & abusive but for some reason I STILL wanted her to just love me. I stayed away from her because her outburst were dangerous & I did the same as an adult. I cried like a baby and listened to the Carole King song with your TikTok post because that’s ALWAYS how I felt - she was too far away. I won’t go on about it because I don’t want to trauma dump, I wanted to send you love and healing & let you know how beautiful your words were. ❤️🩹
Bethany so sorry to hear your sad news. As our late Queen said "Grief is the price we pay for love". Take care of yourself. I really think this was cathartic for you to talk all about your troubled childhood 😢. Peace be with you hunny bunny, hugs to you and Brin ❤. Love as always from Rosie O from Devon, England 🏴
You are not a bad daughter far from it. You were born thank God with a survival instinct. I admire you so and I’m so sorry for your grief.❤️
Bethenny I met you out one day and you were nothing but pleasant. I’m a fan for life. You truly inspired me to start my show here on KZhead. Is it on the level of yours NO but it’s a start! May you be blessed and may your mother’s soul rest well. ❤❤
Cool name and concept.
What a lovely comment
Oh, we know about your show 😂
She's very down to earth. I'll check out your show
Thank you. I lost my mom in June so I can totally understand how Bethenny feels. My mom is (I refuse to use past tense) a great mom and that loss catapulted me into the crisis that is my show lol.
I struggle every single day with the quilt of distancing myself from my abusive mother. You stopped the cycle of abuse! Your a GREAT momma! Xo
Same here..i have decided to go minimum contact..however even thatis difficult due to the lack of responsibility on her part. Smh.. don't feel guilty. You deserve happiness ❤
Bethany I am in tears. You are describing me and my mum. She had a stroke and I moved into care for her. The cruelty shames me. I’m in my 50’s with grown children but around mum I became a child. Desperate for her love. Incredibly sad as well. I decided to show her exactly what I had always craved. Unconditional love. But it came with a huge price. Take care. Please cry and go through grief. We tend to avoid that tunnel as the pain is sheer anguish. But if we don’t grieve. We don’t recover. It’s incredibly hard to grieve for your parent and yourself at the same time. But you can do this.
Write everything - all of it, get it out. It will be a bestselling book…. Your voice is a powerhouse we can all relate to and learn from. A thousand hugs 🥰
Yes, I think her memoir would be so interesting once she starts her healing journey. Her story will resonate with many unfortunately.
It will be the very best therapy. X
@@Darima2*fortunately
Also, give yourself grace. You overcame all of this and became everything you lacked for yourself and for your daughter (your greatest legacy). Just extraordinary.
I'm a 40 year old woman and not a mother by choice for the most part. My mother has always been loving and still is. She is amazing. She brought me life and helped save my life when I was in the depths of my alcoholism. I'm now 6.5 years sober. Last week I finally heard the story from my uncle of how her mother disowned her for getting pregnant with my brother and marrying my dad, a divorced man. By the time I was born my grandmother (her mom) was back in her life. But hearing about that pain...I've always loved my mother but now I've heard some of her pain ..and I know it was too painful for her to share with me. For mothers day I spent it connecting with her brother and she was so happy (because he moved away to an island when I was born). And today I got to have coffee with her and hug her and realize even more why I'm so grateful for her. Hoping for peace in your life and your heart, B.
OMGosh. Yesterday was Mother's day. After I clocked out from work, I spent the evening reflecting on my mother. She left this world 6-1-94. She barely made 59 yrs old. They diagnosed her back in the early 70's with manic depression. She would have been diagnosed bi-polar now. I was born with a job. She was not the mother she wanted to be. Very fractured. Big hugs Beth.
As someone who grew up in a very similar situation…. ALL OF YOUR FEELINGS ARE EXACTLY WHAT YOU SHOULD BE FEELING… I felt the same guilt when my dad passed but it was impossible to deal with him while he was alive…. My mom is 80 and I still can’t talk to her till this day I feel overwhelming guilt that she could pass anytime but she is still vicious and nasty to me and I have to protect my kids from that… For some reason, OR, NONE at all, some of us have a very cruel childhood and our parents tried to destroy us…. And yet here we are hanging on to guilt because we had to go no contact for our own sanity and protection…. 😢😞It’s something only those of us who have survived this dynamic can truly understand
Ditto 🇨🇦🐝
I went "no contact" with my mom too. Its hard...but necessary sometimes.
I’ve finally found someone who understands the emotions I’ve HAD to live with all my life. The pain of parental estrangement, the pain of my own resentment. The pain of being unlovable and damaged and alone. The baggage of parental BLAME and the sense of responsibility that being their child brings because they’re your parent. It’s inexcusable. No one should ever have to grow up and go through their ENTIRE life carrying parental blame, abuse and estrangement simply because they were born. Thank you for sharing your story. It most certainly has impacted many adult children carrying similar experiences, including mine.
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Your raw and heartfelt testimony touched my heart. I understand many aspects of your persona despite the fact that I don’t “know” you. I shed tears with you as you spoke your truth. This is part of your healing and grief process. May God bless your path ahead in being the mother you wish you’d had. Chin up. This too shall pass and has passed. ❤️🙌🏽. Blessings and my condolences to you from California.
xoxo
You can hear the pain in her voice. Hope this was cathartic for her.
Bethenny, everyone grieves differently. Please remember it doesnt happen all at once, but in bits and pieces, so take all the time you need. Im so sorry for your loss dear one. P.S. thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. ❤
I get it. You’re mourning the loss of what could have been, what should have been but wasn’t. It took me 15 years after my mom passed to see who she really was, a human who did what she did and that’s on her, not me. You have accomplished so very much. You took what life threw at you and created a life your mom couldn’t. You’re an amazing woman and you are lovable. I grew up in Nassau County, in the ‘70s. My dad loved Belmont Racetrack and I worked at a bank where all the trainers had their accounts. I hope you find peace in the coming years. ❤
My mom was a big fan of yours, Bethenny. I lost my mom a year ago in June. My mom identified with your story because she went thru so much as a child. My mom was a very strong person-like you- and thrived in spite of it. AND like you, was a very good mother and broke the cycle. Sending you a hug.
I recently lost my mom. She was 68. I still cry everyday.
I’m so sorry, Bethenny. 😢 My mother was a narcissist and an addict, and a lot of my childhood was similar to yours although I had a father who was emotionally immature and codependent but really tried to provide stability for my sister and me after she left. When my mother died of a drug overdose in 2011, I experienced all the same grief you are feeling now. Part of how I feel still today is the loss of the potential relationship we could have had if she wasn’t sick. It’s like you lose a parent and the fantasy of the relationship you never had. Your inner child is really going through it! I also feel guilty and like a bad daughter because I couldn’t repair it. I have a daughter, and like you l, I poured all the love and mothering into her. Keep doing this. It’s healing. My daughter is 35 and she’s my best friend, and so is her husband. Just know you aren’t alone, and it wasn’t your fault. I’m crying with you right now and I understand.
I also had a horrible childhood with my mother. She had a violent, abusive father who gave her (out of 10 children) the worst physical, emotional, and I believe sexual abuse. She did not want me as she had a son and daughter, and I was an accident pregnancy. She never let me forget that fact. She would not tell me she loved me, and made no secret of why I was born. She physically abused me very badly and I never could understand why. My dad was a very good man, but he worked nights, and slept during the day. He didn’t know about the abuse, because she did those things when no one else was around. She died in 1982, and after she died, my mother’s brother and her niece told me a little about why she was the way she was. My grandfather had mental problems and my mother, one of her brothers and one of her sisters also had these mental problems. I have struggled with the way I was treated by my mother all of my life and am still trying to put it behind me, and I am 70. It is very hard, and this is why I never married or had children. I did not want to repeat the way I was treated. It is something that stays with you all of your life. I pray that someday I can forgive her and I try every day. I pray for you too. I wish you healing and the ability to move on. It is hard, but we have to try. 🙏🏼💕
I pray for you. No child deserves that.
😢💔😞
Ditto,never married,no kids! Youngest of five! My parents,poor things so much abuse with both!
Dear Bethany: My arms are around you in spirit. “Not love able” resonates so loudly within the silence of my own mind. I thank you for being so thoughtful and understanding what we need as mothers and daughters, truth, truth, truth. Lies keep us locked within the narrative that makes us sick. Blessings for you and Brynn always.
You. My dear have broken a generational curse!!! You are not a bad daughter at all in fact you were such a smart daughter. As you distanced for protection but did not turn your back on her. So smart that you are living your life now doing everything you can. To not. Be like her!! God sent u a beautiful ray of sunshine. Your own daughter and you will fight for her you will teach her share with her. There is. Real pure luv for once. This pod cast was so real u put your ❤ out there. Please feel all of us sending hugs. Sending pure RESPECT!! Remember who u r Bethany. A wonderful caring loving mother. A divine child of God. Ba fantastic business woman funny bright n filled with luv to give. Visit this childhood trama. Bury it with your mom. And. Live all your days with joy at who you turned out to be. It’s a true miracle ♥️♥️♥️♥️🌹😘🌹🌹🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
This is the most powerful, tragic, honest raw podcast I’ve ever listened to. You have been through so much and what sticks out to me is the amazing mother you are to your daughter. Remarkable that you have the love intention and foresight to even get there. You are amazing. Thank you for laying your heart out there . Let the healing begin. You deserve it and more ❤
My mother has been mean to me my entire life. I recently realized it’s because she’s resented me since birth. I’m the one who stole her limelight and she was no longer the center of attention. It makes me sad because I’m 57 and I’ve never known what it’s like to have a mother who loves me.
Same... My mother totally resents having me and married at 17... She resents her whole life and choices she made for the past 58 years.. Still married to my invalid Dad and at her age now 76 she STILL RESENTS ME AND HATES HER LIFE... I went thru alot of shit in the past 28 years trying to figure out my mother and TRYING to have a mother daughter happy relationship to not avail... ITS NEVER GONNA HAPPEN and Ive finally accepted that... After 28 years...😔🙄
@@cantstanditanymore I did the same thing. Always forgiving her and TRYING so hard to have a relationship with her. I was so nice to her. I would buy her little gifts whenever I was on vacation of something I knew she’d enjoy. I would have birthday celebrations for her at my house. I always tried but she would still find a reason to be mad at me. Or accuse me of doing something I didn’t do. And then remind me of how ungrateful I am. Thanks for your reply- it helps me know that I’m not the only one.
I hear u my sweets I'm in the same boat 😢
My mom's always accusing me of taking things of hers I didn't. I had to move back home at 46. It's so hard!
@@roccop913 Good luck!
Give yourself grace and compassion. Such beautiful words to tell oneself. Thank you for sharing.
Grief is so crazy in the sense it is very very very very likely each grief does NOT go as expected
When abused children grow up, they have a hard time going back to the nightmare of abuse and more often torture. Adults are often those young children who contnue to grow up but are basically stunted in the same place and times of scattered memories and nightmares of the abuse. During this grieving process, you began to grieve for that child, to comfort that child, and to make sense of things for that child. You protected and sheltered that child for so long and now you have slowly begun the healing by nurturing that child through talking about your trauma in this very podcast. May you continue to find peace through your journey as you heal the little girl that was always and is still so precious.
Grief is love with nowhere to go
Beautiful❤
You are such an amazing mother and person … we do heal and we do better with our own children that’s breaking the cycle!!!
I miss mine so much she was a great mom,kind ,loving, funny.All the best to you during this sad time of life.
thanks for being real B, you’re helping women everywhere with your vulnerability
Heartbreaking. I'm so glad you shared your life and sorrow. So glad you can release this. Praying for you.
We met many years ago... I was a guest on your talk show. It is so ironic that your mom died when I was in FL for my niece's wedding... and stayed with my narcissistic mother - reluctantly. I figured out that she was a narcissist 17 years ago. On my aunt's death bed, she told me, it was never me - my mother was abusive to me as an infant. She was a baby having a baby... she had her own trauma - not to excuse it, but to understand it. I read the book, "Will I Ever Be Good Enough - healing daughters of narcissistic mothers". It was a game-changer. However, even after years of therapy... as one of the people commented, I have never lost HOPE wishing I would get one drop of love from her. I'm 57, and she's 79... let's just say that after I read what you posted on IG about your mom (Sunday night) - after my mother yelled at me for no reason... the very next day, her hostility and rage hit its peak. I literally said to her, "let's acknowledge that you never wanted me & has spent my whole life reminding me of that." I knew enough to get myself therapy since I was 20... but the scars from the abuse are so deep. I can relate to so much of what you describe and even what many people here have commented here. My father enabled her abuse - until he passed last year. I have gone out of my way to break the cycle & know that I have with my own children. I tried to be the mother I wish I had - it helped to heal some of that trauma (as you have with your daughter). It most certainly has impacted my relationships- both in work & interpersonal. Never feeling good enough, over-giving, over-doing, over-working. The narc's lack of accountability, the inability to EVER apologize for one's own actions or the harm or pain inflicted on others while being a constant victim, addict, negative about others - is exhausting. Even thought we can acknowledge their mental illness - it doesn't make it any easier to really heal from it. My new year's resolution was to work on forgiveness towards my mother, yet she lures me like a predator, waiting for the opportunity to strike a dagger thru my heart. You must appreciate how hard it has been all these years to find a card to send for their birthday or mother's day that reflects your relationship with them... because they all reinforce what you never had - but yearned for. I hope you can find some peace of mind, heart and spirit now that she has passed. We all deserve it. We don't asked to be born. There are no tests that one must pass to become a parent. Kids do not come with care labels. There are no safety nets to protect children from emotional abuse. It takes great strength & exposure to other "norms" to learn that yours was not healthy.
I've never heard B say "I loved her and I worshipped her" that is a powerful statement even though you also felt like she ruined your life which is valid
❤🙏2 beth😢
Thats the dichotomy. Love and hate...
Bethenny you are a strong,beautiful, successful, accomplished mother and woman, we all appreciate you everyday ❤I know you lift me up most days when I watch you on here! Ty for sharing with us as hard as it is for you to have done this. You are so appreciated and loved!
Thank you for your vulnerability, transparency and sharing your story.
Thank you for being so honest. You’ve helped more people than you will ever know.
It is sad when there is not a good ,loving relationship between the parent and child. All the best , you need healing.
There is nothing like losing the person who knew you from your first breath. Regardless of how close ( or not ) you were with your mom, it's a painful, emotional experience. The task of grieving is really important. Prayers of comfort sent up for you Bethenny.
There are No words except Bless you for being who you are. You are Real.
I knew your father and it was clear that we wasn’t a “family man”. You are so brave. This was so hard.
🌲🌲🌲🪻🌷🌻I know I’m a total stranger but I AM SO PROUD OF YOU for opening up about what I personally know to be the hardest thing I’ve ever tackled. This is so beyond brave! It may not mean much but if nothing else please know you have healed a part of some random girl in North Carolina. I had this mother and an alcoholic father. My dad wasn’t physically abusive but verbally, insane! Thank you. I pray God helps you heal from all of this with peace that surpasses all understanding!
As the daughter of a narcissist mom who was the meanest person in my life I commend you for being able to maintain some sort of relationship with her! I have always loved and followed you! Thank you for sharing this, my own mom may have passed away last year and I haven’t even begun to process it. I just refuse to go there! Bryn is your guardian angel, and you are a fantastic mom! Sending love!!❤❤❤
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Bethenny, thank you for sharing this and being so vulnerable with us. I relate so much and understand this deep grief. The wrestling with the abuse, the little glimpses of love with bouts of neglect.
Thank you Bethany. This helps many others. I have no words but to say You are so loved. To have Grace for yourself is the most healing gift.
You gave your mama the ultimate gift. You gave her Bryn.
What??
I lost my mom when I was around your age now. I am so sorry. I will be praying for you. God bless you.
❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing B. Sending you so much love. You have so many people who would love to be there for you.. be your friend.. when you're ready. You have STOPPED the cycle of abuse with your daughter and the loving and supportive relationship you two have. That is HUGE!
You spoke so well I cried through your whole story
So sorry for your loss!! You're a good mom and changed the next generation.
xo
I’m sitting here totally entranced by your story. Do you realize how strong you are? ❤ So very sorry for your loss.
You’re going thru a season of purging your emotions and unresolved trauma, and thats so important. Thank you for sharing ❤
Wow. This must’ve been very cathartic for you. Thank you for sharing this. This is a great way to work through your grief. And people are sincerely interested and care.
I have not met you in person, but I feel absolute empathy for you, your mother, and Bryn. You are cared about Bethenny!
Dear Bethenny, CPTSD, Complex Childhood Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I’m 62 and just facing and healing from my traumatic childhood, you’re not wrong!!! You cannot fix this overnight, it’s a process, I’m so sorry!!! Sorry for your loss, sorry for abuse, please be patient with yourself!!! Keep journaling, walking, talking… I want to hug you and tell you you’ll overcome. Sending prayers of healing and love.
Moved me to tears. Always liked you B, Godspeed through this journey.
To say that this is someone breaking a generational cycle is an understatement. Much love & strength as you process the grief and memories Bethenny. Thank you for showing your real self to so many that can relate.🙏❤️
Thank you for being vulnerable and open. You are not alone and there are so many people needed to hear this.