What You Get Wrong About Self-Esteem - Dr K HealthyGamer
Chris and Dr K Healthy Gamer discuss how to separate your self-worth from your accomplishments. How do you value yourself over your achievements according to Dr K? What strategies does Dr K recommend you do in order to feel good about yourself? Why does Dr K say you should focus on yourself above all else?
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Hello you savages. Watch the full episode with Dr K here: kzhead.info/sun/h6xphZZ8cGKiYKc/bejne.html! Get up to 32% discount on the best supplements from Momentous at livemomentous.com/modernwisdom
Can't wait for the full episode!
Alan Watts spoke about this experience (of waking up) at great length, should check out some of his lectures
Wish it was monday right now
4:19 how cool is that shot :O
Looks like a movie 🔥🔥🔥🔥
- Does that make sense? - No. Such a good interviewer
Yeah I loved that too😂
The world would be a better place if more people were willing to admit "I don't know"
And he probably did understand, but did a favour for people like myself
🗿
I think it's good to say "no, I don't understand" or "what's that?". To not know is the 1st step. If you never admit to not knowing or understanding, you will not even try to find out.
Dr. K is the best thing that happened to the internet in years.
To me and others is the therapist that help us who cannot have a therapist for some reason or financially cannot afford it
Some heavy clone activity coming out of India lately, this guy is uncanny. And they're both K's
@AuroraOctane you mean Jiddu?
Fr
Totally Agree
My worth is my action, not the result of my action
I agree with this statement. Personally I’m so paralyzed by the results that I end up not doing anything at all. This is kind of a problem of becoming too cognitive. We need to sometimes think less and do more. Life is all about balancing acts
Someone call the police … because I’m stealing this.
Also my responsibility is my action, not the result of my action
Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less. Humility is the highest of virtues as it breaks the ego and self obsession
I'd like to add, self love is also thinking of yourself in the right moments where you matter
@@spikeboy101 agreed. It's about the proportion to which we apply.
Very well put
Would you say that someone who hates themselves is a narcissist? Since they are really thinking about themselves and comparing themselves a lot and beating themselves down all the time? Basically they think of themselves a lot
@@tree490 oftentimes people that are self consumed have some narcissistic traits. That's not the same as Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
at the start he asks does that make sense? and chris just says no. idk why but i loved that tiny moment of just being completely honest despite it being a slightly awkward deviation from the default yes people give.
Agreed. And the "no" is only awkward if a person let it be.
Alternate video title “Dr. K calmly explains the essence of the Bhagavat Gita without ever directly mentioning it”
I can feel him physically holding back the word Karma xD
karm krte rho , fal ka kya hai , bazar se le lengay.
or stoicism
Who knew the ancients knee psychology.
oppenheimer reference
Dr. K pretty much summed up Ecclesiastes. You can't control anything, and the best things are the simple pleasures. The sun on your face, a good meal, time with your loved ones. Things that you can't control and are not promised. No amount of money, followers, work, or pleasure would make your life fulfilling in of itself
Was thinking the same thing😌
Meaningless, meaningless, like chasing the wind…
he learnt this from Bhagavat Gita " karma karte ja phal ki chinta mat kro " your dharma is actions stop thinking about rewards of your work
@@GE0N1I sorry I don’t know if this is what you meant but what does Ecclesiastes have to do with earning a reward?
Or Epictetus "Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our actions. The things in our control are by nature free, unrestrained, unhindered; but those not in our control are weak, slavish, restrained, belonging to others. Remember, then, that if you suppose that things which are slavish by nature are also free, and that what belongs to others is your own, then you will be hindered. You will lament, you will be disturbed, and you will find fault both with gods and men. But if you suppose that only to be your own which is your own, and what belongs to others such as it really is, then no one will ever compel you or restrain you. Further, you will find fault with no one or accuse no one. You will do nothing against your will. No one will hurt you, you will have no enemies, and you not be harmed."
“You are the bundle of sensory experiences that lives your life.” I like this wording.
I think this is cribbed from Hume.
@@midwinter78 I'm pretty sure this is standard Eastern Buddhist/ Hindu doctrine. Given that's his bias, I think it's more likely he got it from that than Hume.
Buddha defined the sense of self as this first before Hume
I really like Dr. K's perspectives. He is a real life monk practicing psychology xD "You can try your best, and do the thing, but you cannot control the result". Like mama never shamed me if I didn't get an A; she just asked "did you really try your best?" or "could you have done better?" Put the focus on the doing and methodology. If you focus on the results alone, your children will learn to cheat their ways through life, and that's not what good parenting is about.
simple man. see dr. k, i click.
i'm the same
This man is a treasure fr
exactly :D
Same
Dr K is astonishingly wise person combining scientific and spiritual knowledge. What a great person to look up to in todays world.
I wholeheartedly agree
Me too. I hope Dr K will have a life full of blessings.
I'm a fairly secularist person Dr. K is about the only one that I can listen talk about spirituality in a way that even skeptical self is like "alright, that actually makes sense, you might be on to something"
We already completely accept the clouds in the sky at face value whether they rain or not. Accept yourself in the exact same way that you accept the clouds and your accomplishments quickly become irrelevant. Stop putting conditions on self-love. You always have been good enough and always will be.
That's the most beautiful way of putting into perspective this subject I have ever read.
Except the clouds in the sky have a visible, physical, real presence in the world. I can look up at the clouds in the sky and accept them because they really do exist, and if I needed more proof all I would need to do is physically feel the rain. After all, rain itself is formed within the aforementioned clouds. While it is a pretty combination of words, the metaphor rings hollow due to the physical and objective truth of the cloud’s existence, as compared to the intangible and completely subjective and interpretive nature of one’s emotion.
This podcast really has evolved, Chris asks the best questions every time, the exact ones I hope he would ask.
And a lot of the times when i don't understand something Chris hasn't too, and he is brave enough and humble enough to ask for clarification, man i love that. And when he brings down the conversations to practical everyday actions with questions like: "Okay so what should a ... do in order to ..." . Such a great interviewer.
I absolutely love how these podcasts are bringing such fantastic insights and inspiration to the masses. I think Chris has cracked the code of what the internet is truly good for.
Masses? 😂
@@laurapavone3513 There have been 450million views on this channel. I don't know what a single "mass" would be, but I'd say there's at least 2 in there. 😉
One of the most important videos on youtube. If everyone understood this concept, people would experience a lot less distress.
My rule has been: Focus on the behaviour, not the result. I've found it to be helpful and inevitably practicing the behaviour gets me the initially desired result.
I love Dr. K but I HAVE to point out despite how much of a joy it is to listen to him speak, the quality of the audio, the video, and the set here are all so absolutely stunning and such a joy to experience I almost couldn't even pay attention to Dr. K's words for appreciating the effort. This is a beautiful video. Kudos and bravo! I'm glad you're in the position to be able to pour the resources you have into the art, and, as a viewer, thank you so much for doing so! It's obvious how passionate you are for this creation!
After watching the "making of" video, it's awesome watching the result. It's so beautiful. You and your team are spoiling us! How will I ever watch a normal podcast anymore?
2:59 then even if I achieve what I want, if youre relying on accomplishments to determine your self worth it will neVER be enough. So if your self-worth is tied to something external, it will never be enough, there's always another promotion, there's always another 150k dollars
If you cannot feel it you cannot control it, literally
Dissolve your ego
The more that you dissolve your ego the more content you'll be
You are a bundle of sensory experience that lives your life, and that's all you are, the rest of it can change And this is where I hate to break it to you, but a judgement by youR mind is not reality, a judgement by someone elSE'S mind is not reality
Fuck no they're thought's, Synchro: thoughts are not reality
Absolutely loved this. Thank you thank you
Good conversation. The problem is that outcomes are often the measuring stick of your actions' effectiveness. If you do your best but always fail, what does it say about you? Dr. K. is essentially asking people to believe in themselves and to remain open to possibilities. This is good advice, but it is a bit easier to be self-confident when you've already achieved some measure of success yourself, like he did.
I am still learning this thing myself. But to me, there is a hidden layer to all this. Where do you draw the line in blaming yourself or not. If your action leads to a direct outcome that you can control, then you should take accountability. But if it is not, especially given the circumstance, then you should be compassionate to yourself. This applies to you being seen or not seen, judged or not judged, liked or not liked.
If you _believe_ you are making the right actions but always fail, you have space to reconsider your actions. Then you can reflect and change course if need be. Then confidence grows as you realise you're on the right course of action. Is there something in particular you're confused about?
There's no such thing as failure or success, just actions, if you're doing what you love and that gives your life meaning, that's what's important. You have to choose whether you pursue personal fulfilment or economical success, two very different things andrarely they go hand in hand
Thinker1985 wrote, _"The problem is that outcomes are often the measuring stick of your actions' effectiveness."_ The **imposed** measuring stick. This is a crucial distinction. Just because someone may resort to this or that outcome as a measure, doesn't mean that it's a sensible or relevant metric. Think: _"If you do your best but always fail, what does that say about you?"_ Perhaps nothing at all. Suppose I work out 3x a week and I'm doing the very best that I can, but despite my most conscientious efforts, I gain little or no muscle. What does that say about me? Nothing. It may point to a biological dysfunction of which I'm unaware, in which case it would say something about my body, but not about me per se. Think: _"Dr. K. is essentially asking people to believe in themselves..."_ I don't get this sense about his perspective. My understanding is that he's asking people to realize that 'who they are' is not in any legitimate way attached to the outcome of 'what they do'. There can be some correlations that may, or may not, strongly suggest causation but for the most part... we do what we do for a reason, and that reason needs to be detached from the outcome -- at least to the degree that if we get what we were hoping for, or if we don't, the outcome says absolutely nothing about our worth. Think: _"...it is a bit easier to be self-confident hen you've already achieved some measure of success"_ Except that this is circular reasoning. 'Success' is not something you can control. That's the point he keeps returning to. So to address your take on this: you're imposing 'success' as the metric by which you measure your self-worth. Dr. K. is saying not to do this because, as he noted, if your sense of worth is tied to outcomes that you cannot control, you're never going to be a happy, fulfilled, contented human being. Offering my perspective here in the hope that you'll find something therein helpful to your understanding of all this. Cheers!
Can't wait for the full interview. New setup looks great btw.
Majority of sufferings in our life comes from a sense of identity that we have imagined in our mind
I liked how Chris is trying to do something different. This podcast is not only educational anymore it's also entertainment. Sometimes it feels like I am watching a movie. I would love it if he brought that unreal thing, mad to shoot movies and games❤❤❤
You know the Man is brilliant, when after he's made a statement, and the exact question you're asking yourself is what he addressses, Mad respect to him
This was very powerful and eye opening. Thank you Chris.
Beautiful to watch Chris. Great to listen 🙌
Dr. K:” Can you control me?” **Pulls out a VooDoo Doll** Chris:” Yes.”
haha, that's a great one. if i had coffe in my mouth i would have spat it : )
The studio is so 🔥🔥🔥hard work paid off, feels like im watching National Geographic episode 😮
Loved this talk 💕
This is gonna be one of the best episodes yet
It's annoying how straight forward and simple it is, ask them out, be authentic, just let go of the outcome
What a great talk and scene!
Thank you for this.
This is powerful. This is the shit that makes sense to me and truly helps me. Re-shaping the way I see things in a deep and intellectual way.
This background of this view is just sublime. Your videos and quality have truly gone to the next level Well done Chris and team
Thank you for making this video ❤
Need more relaxation, I appreciate the tips. Now I need to focus for a bit so I can remember them. Thank you both very much, fan of both of you.
Truth spoken 👏
Amazing love Dr K content always ❤🎉
Really insightful conversation on self-worth and accomplishments. Entrepreneurs often face burnout by tying their identity too closely to their business success. A helpful strategy is to schedule regular non-work related activities that bring joy and fulfillment, reinforcing that your value isn't solely linked to your work achievements.
Detaching your acomlisments from your self worth can truly be a double edged sword.Although never could think of any high achiever doing it
You can sleep at peace when you've given it your all .... but ofc external outcomes determine results in the end
Wow, this set is stunning! Great fit for Dr K…
He's absolutely spot on about this
“We always choose what we do, but we never choose what we feel. The more we try to control what we feel, the less choice we have in what we do.” Artem Boytsov
Great convo and set atmosphere
Loved this clip❤❤
Dr K is the best of us.
On an unrelated note, the video capture here is incredible. Just wish you would upload it in HDR.
You have the best guests cause you're the best host. All your questions make each conversation the richest to watch and hear in the media. Greetings from Mexico.
This is Fcking Gold!!❤
Chris, because you remain real, humble and OK to be vulnerable it takes these interviews to another level and is a cornerstone of why Modern Wisdom is blowing up. Dr K going into his Indian accent is a classic MW moment. P.S. How fun is that Camaro SS!
In Bhagvad gita krishna says that " you do the action and surrender the result of that action to me." He means do not take pride or feel ashamed of the result as they both incur bad karma. Which will become an obstacle in attaining salvation.
This crossed my feed at a funny time as the zen book I'm reading just went into passages on the core concept of this discussion. "A man rings like a cracked bell when he thinks and acts with a split mind - one part standing aside to interfere with the other, to control, to condemn, to admire. The illusion of the split comes from the mind's attempt to be both itself and it's idea of itself, from a fatal confusion of fact with symbol. The mind must stop trying to act upon itself, upon its stream of experience, from the standpoint of the idea of itself which we call the ego." - The Way of Zen, Pg. 134 We have ideas and beliefs, but we are not those ideas and visions of what we should be. We simply are what experiences the present.
Self esteem is generally how you view yourself as compared to others, especially in a social situation. Educate yourself well, take opportunities to travel, and hone your public speaking and debate skills. Its just a muscle that needs to be trained like any other. The hard part: getting started and staying at it.
The hardest thing is staying at something, i agree with that so much, even starting is a little easier in my opinion .😅 Why do you think public speaking and debating skills are important? Should someone prioritize them over other skills?
This is astonishing....
All you can do is to do or engage in certain conditions that will promote good outcomes (good as they ought to, as our nature do). I love his talk in the Diary of a CEO, to sleep you don't sleep you just manipulate the conditions that will put you in the state of sleeping. Guess this is the same in farming as well as training ourselves whenever dealing with the unknown or chaos
Dr. K is one of the few KZhead creators who talk about self-efficacy and self-actualization from a truly balanced and holistic perspective as opposed to the "grindset" bs.
Coolest podcast set up I’ve ever seen
The trouble I always run into when I start to dissolve the ego is: why do anything? It's a continuum, and one I start marching down. So instead I tirelessly pursue success. And I achieve everything I want for the most part, but it doesn't change much. Except I can measure some aspects like money and titles which feels comforting. Not even good, but comforting.
Thank you for this beautiful video. I'm at psychotherapy for a while. And I'm thinking of these things in the last few days. It's absolutely astonishing to understand how simple the real truth is. But making this accomplishment is a very hard road to go. There a lot of tears and fear on it. But the result is definitely worth it. So, thank you a lot, Dr.K and Chris, for this conversation!
Love Dr K
2:39 "You dont control that all you control is what you do." Suddenly, Phenomenalism seems a lot more plausible to me now
Fantastic - also love the virtual set idea including risk snd execution 👌👌👌👌
I only don’t love who I am because I’m not doing the things that the person I want to be would do. I’m not aligned with who I want to be, so until I make progress, I’m likely to continue feeling that way.
You are judging yourself against the person you want to be, not who you are today. Like the Dr says, you are only in control of what *you* do, so do as much as you can every day to feel happy with your actions. But be realistic with yourself. If you are not Usain Bolt, you can’t break the 100M world record. You can only take the actions that you can take; you can’t decide the outcomes of those actions
Also consider the opposite: things you're doing that you DON'T want to be. Sometimes we have more immediate control over stopping something negative. It might even free some space for the positive things that might have been obstructed.
Whoa Chris, digging the new forest surround 👀
Dr. K just distilled the crux of Bhagvad Gita there! We are ever a catalyst of great or sorrow happenings, all action flows through us and there is no place in the universe to claim doership over any of it. No claim over a reward or result, we can only strive for being the best vessel for creation.
looks so lush !
man i love these videos. you guys are legends. the part about needing to piss really spoke to me as i'm homeless
A therapist, a psychiatrist and a neurologist walked into a bar... how can we get Jordan Peterson, Dr. K and Andrew Huberman into a podcast!!
Super helpful 🎉
i think it’s only with an ego, identity, or sense of self that compassion can exist because it requires the concept of self in relationship to other (another person, a pet, etc). i think ego to a degree balanced with the feminine is healthy. ego allows us to be responsible for our actions and can give us a healthy sense of purpose to be in good relationship with all the things around us.
Another great video, thanks so much for sharing this!
Grad school taught me this lol. Came in having something to prove, left with realizing that game is just a game, it doesn't define my worth.
I liked Alex hormozi’s goal setting method where you have a outcome you want and a hypothesis of how a will lead to b, and then your actual goal is the list of actions and tactics that yiu 100% control that make up the inputs of A that then lead to the hypothesized outputs of B. And so you basically just judge your self on the execution of inputs you can control but not on outputs but you reevaluate your hypothesis every quarter or so, and iterate from there but you can always this way be like “I’m crushing it and making progress” even when the out come dosent work. He also said it’s better to go in the direction of the cheese in general than to set the goal to reach the cheese only. Cuz maybe it got moved and you can’t see in a dark room
Chris Williamson and JRE feel like the only straightforward and honest podcasters. Like, dr K asks something and Chris says it doesn't make sense. Ah a good conversation.
I feel like people make a big deal about everything. KZhead made everything too big and gave people anxiety. Just do what you know you have to to achieve.
Aka "Focus on the process not the results" :-)
That was deep
It doesn't matter whether a person has no self worth (most people do not), an inflated sense of self worth, or anything in between. Life is to be gotten on with; to be endured until we finally make our escape. None of us asked for this ridiculous existence we call the human experience. None of us has any choice in when, where, or how we check out - okay, if we're doing something stupid, we shouldn't be surprised, but other than that. It's just avoidance of pain and a marathon until the end. There's no real meaning or purpose to life, which is probably the meaning and/or purpose to life. We exist; we make the best of it, and then we clock out.
What is the right answer if someone ask us who are you aside from our name, profession , status etc? What is an ego in simple term ? Great background 👍
I like this guy.
Amazing production. The mandalorian tech really adds Up to the podcast. You have inspired me to make a video about you, which i just published. I Hope you like It!
7:11 he been sitting cross legged the whole time 💀
Compassion IS soft- in the way that carbon is softer than iron. But if you put them both together, you get steel.
Did you install a LED or projector wall like a volume stage behind? looks amazing
Your questions are inquisitive in the best way possible 🔥
Focus on your actions & not the Outcome - Bhagwad Gita
Do the next right thing. And remember that’s what “karma” means. Doing.
To Be is To Do
Love it.
Our achievements are what we are worth. You’re a human, there’s not much special about you if you don’t do anything. People claim that we have inherent value for some reason yet no one is interviewing the bricklayer that never finished school.
"...yet no one is interviewing the bricklayer that never finished school." "There is a reality of how people treat you, but that doesn't make you who you are. How people treat you, is how people treat you." 8:18
Self worth comes from the self understanding. That you do not need the approval of others. You may have to deliver for others. But thats different to needing a pat on the head. No conditions of worth required. Self awareness of your own Ego and learning how to control it. Less of some things creates more of something else?
Science, among other things, is about predicting and controlling the consecuences of actions on the world though.
Zoloft completed me , Thank you Zoloft
😁
I can accomplish all kinds of things.. like build the microphone and building you are sitting in. What you cannot do is control other free willed beings.
Indians have said, "Karm kiye ja, fal ki chinta na kar"
You can’t control the extern results, but you may influence them alot. Because you do a great job. If you refuse to accept that your help give you additional value, just because you are afraid of your own perception for the bad days, you make a decision based on fear. Not good. And if you make your choices to avoid surfering, and you try always to control your mind and emotion, you lose the game of life. Surfering is part of the game, it is sometimes a door from where the new you emerge. Don’t kill your humanity by fear of life
Yes. You will have those feelings anyway. They are part of the human experience, and they should be. But when you learn this way of thinking as described in the video, those feelings don't control you. You can observe yourself suffering, and have compassion. And then, you can move forward. We can have a positive influence on other people, but we can't control it. Sometimes we do it when we don't realize. Sometimes we can put in a lot of effort, but the other person actually needs something else, or someone else. You shouldn't tie your selfworth to the outcome. Because both positive and negative outcomes will happen, and then your selfworth gets thrown around.
Thanks for your answer:) In my perspective, there is a time (we can hope) where you will be on the top of the wave, surfing easyly with life. Because you have success, because you reach your goals. Probably it won’t last, and their will be lot of up and downs.. but I think we should enjoy this moment and also realize what we have accomplished. The Ego has succeeded! If it was aligned with your passion, with your higher self, well done! And you should be proud of what you have done. And inevitably it gives you more confidence in your intuition, in your strenght. So in my perspective, be free to nurture your esteem with it (but not only) and just know that the game is not finished. There will be down times, know it, embrace it, and know what you’re capable. It will give you more ressource when times becomes harder..
Hey Chris wake up,dr.K is greatest