What a 15-year-old meth addict taught me about leadership | Brian Fretwell | TEDxBoise

2018 ж. 25 Мау.
2 543 398 Рет қаралды

How do you lead someone who knows what they need to do to change their life but-despite all your help-isn’t going to do it?
Brian Fretwell was confronted with this scenario repeatedly during his time as a teacher in the chemical addictions unit of a juvenile corrections facility. The honesty of a 15-year-old meth addict, and the wisdom of a mentor, reframed Brian’s definition and practice of leadership. Brian Fretwell helps people realize their value. He began his professional career as a teacher in juvenile corrections, empowering disenfranchised kids to do things they didn’t believe they could. From the Australian Outback to the Arctic Circle, today Brian teaches individuals, teams, and companies how to draw out their hidden potential. He got an MBA, ran a 100-mile ultra-marathon, overcame his fear of flying, and wrote a book because he didn’t think he could do any of them-and being a hypocrite isn’t his style.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

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  • When is Ted gonna talk

    @dabonsomeone5243@dabonsomeone52435 жыл бұрын
    • When he sees joe

      @liamlee7730@liamlee77304 жыл бұрын
    • After Yuri for sure

      @bridesheaddeserted@bridesheaddeserted4 жыл бұрын
    • For sure wilma

      @liamlee7730@liamlee77304 жыл бұрын
    • Liam Lee who’s joe?

      @t.g.1697@t.g.16974 жыл бұрын
    • Joe is teds best friend

      @liamlee7730@liamlee77304 жыл бұрын
  • This story had a 90% chance of revealing that he is Nathan.

    @chupacabra9357@chupacabra93575 жыл бұрын
    • Zain Chupacabra broooo I was thinking the same thing

      @tylerkemp3998@tylerkemp39984 жыл бұрын
    • He said I don't know where Nathan is today. He is the kid Nathan was hiding inside him 😯

      @user-qn3ey1fr9r@user-qn3ey1fr9r3 жыл бұрын
    • @@user-qn3ey1fr9r he ate Nathan? 😯

      @callmegary2622@callmegary26223 жыл бұрын
    • His name is Brian wtf

      @plate3352@plate33523 жыл бұрын
    • No tattoos

      @igo0di@igo0di3 жыл бұрын
  • That crowd sucked, jokes were killin it lol. This was a very good talk.

    @BPD-Bob@BPD-Bob4 жыл бұрын
    • Nah they were just to absorbed into the story

      @dafukfuktuos4728@dafukfuktuos47284 жыл бұрын
    • Ain't a comedy club lol, usually the more intellectual people you get the less sense of humor that occurs

      @benwolf5264@benwolf52644 жыл бұрын
    • @@benwolf5264 not having a sense of humor doesn't make ya smart, but whatever makes you feel better about yourself lol

      @BPD-Bob@BPD-Bob4 жыл бұрын
    • B Murph that’s not what he said. He said a lot of intelligent people don’t have the strongest sense of humor. This is a very true statement.

      @elid3273@elid32734 жыл бұрын
    • @ B Murph Oh i’ve seen a study like this somewhere... the conclusion the researchers came to was that the smarter people were considered smarter because through their childhood they studied and if they had the humor trait it was shown that they were less serious about their studying. Of course a sense of humor can be rediscovered as shown by a different study I saw a while ago. People that were said to be without a lack of humor and they were forced to interact with charismatic or funny or people with a sense of humor and remarkable enough they subconsiously copied their mannerisms in the first phase and like a while later they were said to have “gained a sense of humor”. You can classify a sense of humor as a lot of things but most of the time you can see that it draws to charisma or fear and I haven’t seen a study on humor that hasn’t been met with near unanimous support yet. So i’ll say that humor is the genuine subconscious reaction to a stimulus and with that in mind you’ll see that humans are really social creatures and when you leave them to develop on their own then there isn’t much control to how they develop their humor.. like a desert and a coast are to a buffer and pH, one has a buffer. You’ll see that the people you classify smart (systematic education wise) don’t fare much better as the people with experience, passion or the eccentricity. All ted talks i’ve seen were with people with the second kind. It’s probably just random chance though... this crowd was a tough crowd even by TED standards.... can someone check the sEm on that im too lazy

      @gbm6882@gbm68824 жыл бұрын
  • "People don't need our answers, they need our participation"

    @postmodernfreak@postmodernfreak5 жыл бұрын
    • igot all the answers fuk this clown..............................haha he now takes meds,harm mini,,,,hahhaa

      @infinitethoughts9964@infinitethoughts99644 жыл бұрын
    • huh? lol i legit didnt understand what you were trying to say xD

      @majik1468@majik14684 жыл бұрын
    • I read this comment as he said it...... spooky

      @jacktaylor6250@jacktaylor62504 жыл бұрын
    • @@jacktaylor6250 literally same wtf

      @kevincorley1750@kevincorley17504 жыл бұрын
    • @@majik1468 he's prolly a drug addict.

      @catedoge3206@catedoge32064 жыл бұрын
  • Plot twist: he is Nathan.

    @MK-vw9wz@MK-vw9wz5 жыл бұрын
    • Twist Plot: Is he Nathan?

      @jmfwarmi@jmfwarmi5 жыл бұрын
    • Nathan Drake

      @jmfwarmi@jmfwarmi5 жыл бұрын
    • Can't be, his teeth are too nice.

      @adamyoung6797@adamyoung67975 жыл бұрын
    • Also the tattoos?

      @eemotion@eemotion5 жыл бұрын
    • @@adamyoung6797 dental implants or dentures

      @vwoday1872@vwoday18725 жыл бұрын
  • for all the people who “don’t believe” a 15 year old could be a meth addict, please take a moment to be thankful that you were privileged enough and win the birth lottery of parents, a decent house, love, not having to be hurt enough to turn to drugs, and living in a “nice” and “quiet” area. not all kids have this privilege, especially kids like Nathan, who probably grew up without love, lived in a “bad” area. and turned to drugs and gangs as a way to cope.

    @makenzietibbs2360@makenzietibbs23605 жыл бұрын
    • Makenzie Tibbs exactly my sister started doing meth at this age maybe younger when she was sent to live with MY FATHER. My mom didn't know this about him when my sister begged to live with him because she was having a difficult time. She's sober know since she was 33; thank God, she's 38 now.

      @anolan93@anolan935 жыл бұрын
    • alicia nolan i’m so sorry to hear about that. it must’ve been really hard to watch your sister go through bad times. but i’m really glad she’s better now

      @makenzietibbs2360@makenzietibbs23605 жыл бұрын
    • why are you talking about this tf your name is makenzie no fucken way you lived in a rough area

      @spacegrass6632@spacegrass66325 жыл бұрын
    • Addiction doesn't discriminate. Living in a "nice" and "quiet" area will not prevent you from becoming an addict.

      @jennifers508@jennifers5085 жыл бұрын
    • my ex-girlfriend was 16 when she started using. people are so closed-minded and they don't know how real this stuff can be. smh

      @aylaburrell.7891@aylaburrell.78915 жыл бұрын
  • When he got emotional I bursted out into tears. Lost my mum to drugs. Maybe I should of asked questions instead of giving the answers. I will remember that the next time I am trying to help someone through a hard time, drugs or just life

    @RaceySpacey@RaceySpacey4 жыл бұрын
    • Yea, and hopefully when your children get older, you *will* ask questions if it ever becomes a vital topic that may save their lives as well. My deepest condolences for you 🙏 Yours and my daughter have the exact same name!! That's so cool. Except her name is spelled with ir instead of er at the end. I knew you must have been either from England or Australia by the way you said mum. I'm so proud of your country standing up to China for their threats!!

      @razorsedg3563@razorsedg35634 жыл бұрын
    • I am sorry for your loss

      @BrainFoodCafe@BrainFoodCafe3 жыл бұрын
    • I'm for your loss as well. I also got emotional at that part. I had to screenshot what you said too, it will be foundation for my business. I appreciate you.

      @marcuswashington6229@marcuswashington62293 жыл бұрын
    • Let me recommend to you the best tutorial on addiction. "Staying Sober!" A GUIDE FOR RELAPSE PREVENTION by Gorski and Miller.

      @charlesjnicholas1384@charlesjnicholas13842 жыл бұрын
    • *should have I mean no disrespect ofc. This is just what I do.

      @potatosmasher1072@potatosmasher1072 Жыл бұрын
  • literally every comment is people defending him over his breathing i havent seen one attacking his breathing

    @potatowizard6676@potatowizard66765 жыл бұрын
    • same yoo

      @Hadzoni@Hadzoni5 жыл бұрын
    • Haha legit!

      @Massive-Chooka@Massive-Chooka5 жыл бұрын
    • Could be a response to an internal dialogue

      @stevewondering6311@stevewondering63115 жыл бұрын
    • its annoying af

      @sterlingpinoy@sterlingpinoy4 жыл бұрын
    • bruh he breathes hella

      @noah-476@noah-4764 жыл бұрын
  • Where did Nathan Go? It's a question I've gotten numerous time about "The 15 yr old meth addict who taught me about leadership" "Nathan" (not his real name) may well be running his own business somewhere with the family, education, and future he hoped for, or he could be in a grave somewhere passing way too early. I've seen both outcomes with many of the kids we worked with at the time. I wonder if a better question is. Does it matter? Should I be less motivated by his brave action if his future turned out bad or more because it turned out well? If he was shot in a drive-by does it make his prior bravery any less important, less impactful, less courageous? I've been inspired by complete assholes and more than let down by absolute saints. As we all have. But, in each situation, we have a choice. Focus on the good we got, or the perfection that was missed. The story about Nathan is imperfect, like the rest of us. In that way, it leaves us with a choice about what we want to focus on. Which, in turn, will communicate what we get out of it. What do you think?

    @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell5 жыл бұрын
    • My feelers, thanks for reminding me that there's others out there that been have been through similar situations.

      @dashtothemax5353@dashtothemax53535 жыл бұрын
    • Doesn't matter, excellent response to the question and subsequent thoughts. Might be best you DON'T know what happened, tbh.

      @erikbarrett85@erikbarrett855 жыл бұрын
    • Woaahh you're even a good speaker through writing....

      @jadamajors1891@jadamajors18915 жыл бұрын
    • Man, you're the kind of guy I would let lead me! Great talk! I have learned a lot from this, thank you.

      @gaeldadon@gaeldadon5 жыл бұрын
    • I think Nathan matters.

      @FreeJulianAssange23@FreeJulianAssange235 жыл бұрын
  • my dad is a meth addict, im not allowed to make contact with him legally until i turn 18, I last saw him almost 3 years ago, and every day, one thing i think is "i will never see my dad again. i should have enjoyed that time i had with him 3 years ago, because i know thats the last time ill ever see him." i didnt even tell him how much i love him last time I saw him, i dont know why im posting about this, but to everyone who reads this please tell everyone you know how much you love them because you never know when itll be gone

    @DVPlushies@DVPlushies5 жыл бұрын
    • Dom Da Bom+ look It doesn’t matter if you didn’t say you loved him before you were taken away it matters if you know he’s loved you for how long you’ve been away. You don’t know my face, my voice, or or my personality but you can see my compass and love for my fellow human being

      @Civ-rg7zw@Civ-rg7zw5 жыл бұрын
    • You never know man. Maybe you'll meet him again.

      @arunt8411@arunt84115 жыл бұрын
    • You'll be okay man, you'll find ur father

      @Xxassass1n021xX@Xxassass1n021xX5 жыл бұрын
    • That's so sad. Alexa play party in the usa by miley cyrus

      @sergioi7377@sergioi73775 жыл бұрын
    • Hun your dad is gunna be ok you'll turn 18 and be best buds with your pops. Just because he does meth doesn't make him any less of a person, I know a lot of successful lawyers that use meth lol don't let what society thinks alter your mind. Idk you or your dad but this is my opinion. He's not going to die he's not going to jail unless he's a criminal, which idk.

      @michxo9443@michxo94435 жыл бұрын
  • The anger and authenticity in his voice is heartwarming. I felt that.

    @catedoge3206@catedoge32064 жыл бұрын
    • Made me shed a tear

      @trent2kg813@trent2kg8133 жыл бұрын
  • '' Our deepest fear is not we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure ''

    @sebcrakpot1234@sebcrakpot12345 жыл бұрын
    • For me this is true. Almost every time in my life when things were going good I willfully and consciously sabotaged it.

      @BladeRunner-td8be@BladeRunner-td8be4 жыл бұрын
    • Thanks Coach Carter.

      @danthadon87@danthadon874 жыл бұрын
    • @@BladeRunner-td8be I've done that and now I'm jobless smh

      @nicechoicee@nicechoicee4 жыл бұрын
    • Yeah probably not bro

      @TheBaron97@TheBaron974 жыл бұрын
    • @@danthadon87 😂😂😂

      @whatwhat4226@whatwhat42264 жыл бұрын
  • The first time I see a public speech gets so emotional

    @itsenzo3000@itsenzo30005 жыл бұрын
    • Hoping that's a good thing.

      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell5 жыл бұрын
    • It is, don't worry!

      @itsenzo3000@itsenzo30005 жыл бұрын
    • Brian! Amazing speech, many struggle with addiction in my area. It is a real issue, good work and again amazing speech.

      @benlogic8592@benlogic85925 жыл бұрын
    • It's ENZO Barney gang

      @cognagepole8062@cognagepole80624 жыл бұрын
  • Y'all unsympathetic af, this talk was amazing.

    @moonlace1560@moonlace15605 жыл бұрын
    • Very nice of you to say.

      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell5 жыл бұрын
    • I reckon that to truly appreciate this talk, taking meth beforehand might be a good idea.

      @z00h@z00h5 жыл бұрын
    • z00h If one could even sit still during a 14-minute video.

      @spelzsamizminespelz@spelzsamizminespelz5 жыл бұрын
    • Le Penseur - don't knock it before you try it* *always read T&C's or consult your doctor before taking any drugs.

      @z00h@z00h5 жыл бұрын
    • Empathetic*

      @Bruh-ud1mm@Bruh-ud1mm5 жыл бұрын
  • This talk was amazing and I truly wish the best for Nathan and his future.

    @EricChamplin@EricChamplin5 жыл бұрын
    • As do I

      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell5 жыл бұрын
    • @John Palumbo Nathan is not the real name. If you look at Fretwell's comment in this video you will find a clearer picture.

      @jeffreyhuang3814@jeffreyhuang38144 жыл бұрын
    • @@jeffreyhuang3814 wheres the tatoos

      @jacobmiller3933@jacobmiller39333 жыл бұрын
  • “Leadership isn’t a me thing it’s a we thing.” Well put. Thank you.

    @tessellatiaartilery8197@tessellatiaartilery81975 жыл бұрын
  • His audible breathing was due to nervousness (fear of speaking in public.) His delivery: loudness & melodramatic, indicates how deeply this speaker was moved by his experience. It was a learning he still feels intensely. True emotions are hard to disguise unless one is skilled in: professional acting, polished public speaking and lying. If you chose to focus on and critique his breath or 'bad' speaking, you missed the entire meaning of the speech; good leadership means questioning, not just those you try to lead, but yourself as well. All the time! Even if one never plans to lead, manage, supervise, counsel, mentor, parent, employ, minister to or address others. When we FIRST ask ourselves why we feel a certain way about another, we open ourselves to: 1. Potentially understanding them.. and growing, 2. Probably discovering something deeper in ourselves.. and growing. Growing = living. When a living thing stops growing, it's dead.

    @tacopie310@tacopie3105 жыл бұрын
    • Sean de Haast most insightful and intelligent thing I have heard from a comment in a long time

      @bryanortega8963@bryanortega89635 жыл бұрын
    • Exactly brother

      @slipkik8781@slipkik87815 жыл бұрын
    • Thanks. Peace!

      @tacopie310@tacopie3105 жыл бұрын
    • Sean de Haast Actually his whole speech says he's lying, nervous, and not committed to his words.

      @scottmacleod9830@scottmacleod98305 жыл бұрын
    • highly underrated comment

      @colourized8494@colourized84945 жыл бұрын
  • I really hope Nathan sees this and contacts him

    @trinityfrank2526@trinityfrank25265 жыл бұрын
    • Trinity Frank me too. Thank you Trinity. I think that would be cool.

      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell5 жыл бұрын
    • was just thinking this same thing too. i've been in a psych ward and i know the staff can't really keep in touch with the patients, but it would be cool to try and find him, see where he is now.

      @ryliemab@ryliemab5 жыл бұрын
    • not allowed to :/

      @notsoprogaming9789@notsoprogaming97895 жыл бұрын
    • Trinity Frank there is no Nathan

      @imagineifeverythingwasraci5318@imagineifeverythingwasraci53185 жыл бұрын
    • yeah come on man... there never was a nathan in the first place

      @noahomen@noahomen5 жыл бұрын
  • He was almost there. I was actually thinking I was going to hear it this time. But, alas, it ended like every other one of these talks that I've heard. The therapist (or what ever he was) was asking this kid what he wanted, and finally the kid broke down and told him. I need to hear the talk where the answer is "I don't know doc. I have no friggin idea what I want. Or what I want to do. Or how I want to spend my years here on Earth." But I never get to hear that talk because, apparently, everyone else knows what they want. Or what they want to do. I know what I don't want to do. I know how I don't want to spend my years here on Earth. But what do you do if you don't know what you want? I'm 58 years old now. I've been a meth addict since I was 25. I'm still trying to figure that out, that 'what I want' thing. But I'm running out of time...

    @akizmetkat999@akizmetkat9995 жыл бұрын
    • You can do it, hang in there somethings bound to come by.

      @breadnbutter3817@breadnbutter38175 жыл бұрын
    • Try something each day that is different, maybe it will spark a thought, feeling, ect. that might lead you to your answer. Jump up and down and scream, go outside and make a mud pie, throw things, jump a rope, walk, listen, read, play 20 questions, 💋your self. Sorry, just don't give up.

      @catdooley4616@catdooley46165 жыл бұрын
    • Are you reaching for the meth because it feels good and gives an escape from reality? Perhaps you have a serotonin imbalance in your brain (at this point with the meth, you likely do). People who reach for drugs (personal experience) usually have a mental illness, trauma or health deficient beforehand. To correct this, we have to come off the drug and see the therapist or psychiatrist and lose the weight, exercise, take our vitamins, eat lots of fruits and vegetables. Finding the motivation to do so will be the hardest part- because you’re starting lower than before you began the drug...hence needing support from drug counselors. But eventually you will see an increase in the quality of your life, you’ll see the beauty in the sky or a child’s laughter or a strangers conversation. Perhaps trying to rewire your thought patterns by mindfulness and meditation, or spirituality.

      @cjw4christ@cjw4christ5 жыл бұрын
    • You can’t find joy and satisfaction in anything outside that high until you train your body to live without the high- then you will experience life, after a little hard work and adjustment.

      @cjw4christ@cjw4christ5 жыл бұрын
    • You’re never to old to change and the day you’ve run out of time to be something or someone else is the day after you die because even up to the second on your death bed before you die there’s always something that can change in you. No longer live by your age but by your heart.

      @lucasreichlin6908@lucasreichlin69085 жыл бұрын
  • I almost cried when Nathan admitted his fear. I had that same moment in my method addiction where I had no hope and was so scared.

    @raymondmaglaris4149@raymondmaglaris41495 жыл бұрын
    • "Method addiction"

      @Ninnimuggins@Ninnimuggins4 жыл бұрын
    • @@Ninnimuggins nice one 👍

      @raymondmaglaris4149@raymondmaglaris41494 жыл бұрын
    • @@Ninnimuggins methadone*

      @matthewtrenhaile5858@matthewtrenhaile58582 жыл бұрын
  • How can people comment on the public speaking abilities of this man when he is crying over a child addicted to drugs? It's really easy to laugh or poke fun when it's not your son addicted to meth finally opening up to someone about a potential future, instead of a potential death sentence. Please have a little bit more compassion.

    @mariannewhite383@mariannewhite3835 жыл бұрын
    • So I

      @jefurholder4093@jefurholder40935 жыл бұрын
    • hey, at least they're making fun of his breathing, not making fun of nathan

      @captainobvious1750@captainobvious17505 жыл бұрын
    • marianne white how? I heard of a study about how it stands with empathy in first world countries: result.. Only 2 in 10 people feel others, but they love their cars, pets, smartphones etc.

      @Nowhy@Nowhy5 жыл бұрын
    • Love this comment

      @ragemayne7219@ragemayne72195 жыл бұрын
    • Happy too see that, ppl should think about themselves maybe they'll see the light

      @yokata7333@yokata73335 жыл бұрын
  • I like the passion in his speech i dont mind the breathing.

    @Creezi@Creezi5 жыл бұрын
    • Abdi Hoto Chema Spa Ghett haha älskar din profilbild😂

      @fabianhvit9172@fabianhvit91725 жыл бұрын
    • Same here

      @hannahbradley2769@hannahbradley27695 жыл бұрын
    • I didn't mind his breathing either. What mattered to me was the passion with which he spoke

      @derstru777@derstru7775 жыл бұрын
    • I didn't notice breathing

      @sonias9722@sonias97225 жыл бұрын
    • What breathing

      @kittysmasher2219@kittysmasher22195 жыл бұрын
  • "It's our light that we're most afraid of" Inspirational quote.

    @fatcatz777memez4@fatcatz777memez45 жыл бұрын
    • Facts

      @jmoney3752@jmoney37522 жыл бұрын
  • "I want to have a family" Exactly what I had in mind.

    @xuantungnguyen9719@xuantungnguyen97195 жыл бұрын
  • I didn't hear the breathing until I scrolled down the comments. Dammit guys!

    @ziadmohamad1445@ziadmohamad14455 жыл бұрын
    • The Claynadians same

      @katherineparker5443@katherineparker54435 жыл бұрын
    • Same

      @sarangtamirisa5090@sarangtamirisa50905 жыл бұрын
    • Me too. I guess they didn't really listen. It's very emotional to me. And I have learned.

      @nosxman@nosxman5 жыл бұрын
    • Same

      @artificialstoat1761@artificialstoat17615 жыл бұрын
    • Yea for real

      @jesuspieces5480@jesuspieces54805 жыл бұрын
  • Wow he had to breath, shame on him guys.

    @shotbyryanjames@shotbyryanjames5 жыл бұрын
    • I'm working on holding my breath for 14 min next time. :)

      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell5 жыл бұрын
    • But you can't talk if you don't exhale

      @trinityfrank2526@trinityfrank25265 жыл бұрын
    • I didn't even notice it until people pointed it out. I still don't care. I focus on the words

      @adubz9204@adubz92045 жыл бұрын
    • Brian Fretwell You were amazing.

      @Beautifulcoil@Beautifulcoil5 жыл бұрын
    • +Brain Fretwell nice

      @r8573@r85735 жыл бұрын
  • Oh...I read "Math addict" 😓

    @allieknapp8720@allieknapp87205 жыл бұрын
    • Allie Knapp same

      @veronicam.5295@veronicam.52954 жыл бұрын
    • Loll

      @zarnzarnzarn3120@zarnzarnzarn31204 жыл бұрын
    • Nerd

      @pcadamtaylor4262@pcadamtaylor42624 жыл бұрын
    • Allie Knapp me 😂😂

      @Layla.63@Layla.634 жыл бұрын
    • Same here was waiting for him to say the kid was some sort of human calculator or something because of meth

      @swaggerspazzer6148@swaggerspazzer61484 жыл бұрын
  • the best and most passionate TED talk i have ever heard in my years of watching from the classroom setting; thank you.

    @aliciasheridan1477@aliciasheridan14775 жыл бұрын
  • At 10:18 you start with a quote: "It's not our darkness that we fear, it's our light that we are most afraid of." For me personally I would argue that "It's not my darkness that I fear, it's losing my light that terrifies me."

    @Dr.Geeves@Dr.Geeves5 жыл бұрын
    • Great to know you have found yours. Fantastic perspective.

      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell5 жыл бұрын
    • Thank you for the quote

      @Kasper623@Kasper6235 жыл бұрын
    • I have to agree. I think it's entirely plausible that Nathan had had his light extinguished so many times that he had to bury it so deep down so that no one could kill it entirely.

      @soniaruns@soniaruns5 жыл бұрын
    • I have been a Paramedic for 15 years and I have been in the hole where my light was only a distant candle, but it was still there. Loosing that light terrifies me.

      @timandshannon03@timandshannon035 жыл бұрын
    • wouldn't losing your light mean you had given in for the darkness? Then it would mean it's the darkness you fear the most, if we think it as a battle between darkness and light. If we give in for the light, darkness fades.

      @freezEware@freezEware5 жыл бұрын
  • This really hit me. Been struggling with addiction since i was 14, im currently 17 and my use has been almost daily for the past year. It would've and still would help me so much to receive the type of attention and care this teacher gave to nathan because theres lack of. Many addicts are missing conection and support and overall a loving enviroment. I wish more people approached the issue like this man because many of us are not the lowlive pieces of shits that are slaves to their drugs, even then most of those people are a product of their enviroment. We are people that are hurting. Being perceived as less than makes it impossible to get help. It means a lot to reach out like this and Im positive he left a huge mark on nathan, bless this man and his compassion. 💕

    @tassiarae9165@tassiarae91655 жыл бұрын
    • Tassia, So glad this connected with you. You are worth being seen, heard, and known. I truly hope you can find the beauty within yourself that becomes worth fighting for. It means a lot to me to have you share your story. You have affected this person, and I hope you know you can, and likely already do, affect many more. Keep fighting. It's worth it. You are worth it. You are loved.

      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell5 жыл бұрын
    • Yeah, and neglect and judgement can be a killer, but thanks to our society, people have been discouraged from believing that people will be led by anyone fit, by any objective standards, to be led by.

      @richardlitwin4046@richardlitwin40465 жыл бұрын
    • Brian Fretwell oh my goodness you’re a beautiful human being. Thank-you for being a light in the lives of those that need it :)

      @zain4019@zain40195 жыл бұрын
    • this post hits a little too close to home. I hope you're doing well :)

      @staysafe_eatcake6587@staysafe_eatcake65875 жыл бұрын
    • You are wise, Tassia. So much love to you, beautiful human.

      @hollytroy@hollytroy5 жыл бұрын
  • I teach storytelling to individuals and organizations and have been looking in vain for a great TedTalk to show people how to tell a compelling story and then tie it back to their work. You did it brilliantly, seamlessly, and beautifully.

    @newsucnuse@newsucnuse5 жыл бұрын
  • he had to fight his tears so hard. its amazing how emotional he talked about this heartbreaking happening. what a man. this derserves more views.

    @yunokawaii1772@yunokawaii17724 жыл бұрын
  • Wow, this was pretty moving. It brought out a few tears in me. I’ve struggled with addiction and homelessness for a long time. Thankfully, I have a home and have stayed sober for about three years now. But that question, “what do you want?” That was something I struggled with and kept hidden like Nathan. I’ve had a couple good drug counselors and they would always ask questions. Good job to the speaker, I would’ve been proud to have someone like him helping me during my tougher days.

    @bjornragnarsson8692@bjornragnarsson86925 жыл бұрын
    • Lars Fjelde congrats on your sobriety man keep fighting the good fight

      @HomeGrownPyro1@HomeGrownPyro15 жыл бұрын
    • I have 8 months sober and I can relate to this whole thing, what do you want, what are you hiding from, what are you scared of. He very well could have helped save this young mans life. All addicts really want is someone who understand them with no judgement

      @ragemayne7219@ragemayne72195 жыл бұрын
    • You are a legend, much love

      @montyparata4914@montyparata49145 жыл бұрын
    • god bless! keep coming back (and by god I just mean your HP)

      @ifellforyourdreamsx3@ifellforyourdreamsx35 жыл бұрын
    • Wow! 😮 Thank you everyone! And congrats to Rage Mayne on your sobriety! Everything you said is so accurate. You see, the praise and encouragement I have received here means SO MUCH to me! Not only does it encourage me to stay clean, but I rarely receive praise when I share my past with people. I’ll be ridiculed or cast out of social circles. It’s hard making friends that have never used once they know your past. At least where I live. So to receive everyone’s support, love, and encouragement means a lot to me, man! Thank you all! 🙏

      @bjornragnarsson8692@bjornragnarsson86925 жыл бұрын
  • You are truly a beautiful speaker. Loved this Mr.Brian Fretwell

    @Bruncleboxtop@Bruncleboxtop5 жыл бұрын
    • William Mett people thank you William, that is very nice of you to ssy.

      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell5 жыл бұрын
    • You let your emotions run free and that's when you know the story is good. I'd listen to you speak over any politician or professional public speaker any day. Loved it.

      @AtomicMonkeybutt@AtomicMonkeybutt5 жыл бұрын
    • @@AtomicMonkeybutt Politicians sound so boring anyway. They're saying sentences we have heard thousands of times before

      @elpolog.7163@elpolog.71635 жыл бұрын
  • Dang you can see how important Nathan was/is to him in this talk, there's so much passion, it's quite moving.

    @djjazzyjeff1232@djjazzyjeff12325 жыл бұрын
    • Thanks for noticing.

      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell5 жыл бұрын
  • Brilliant speaking skills and delivery of the story

    @theelephantintheroom69@theelephantintheroom695 жыл бұрын
  • What a beautiful human. It warms my heart to see that we still have compassionate people on this planet. Thank you sir ❤

    @rlee3538@rlee35385 жыл бұрын
    • Thank you Rlee, nice to have a beautiful person like you comment as well.

      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell5 жыл бұрын
    • Brian Fretwell love and hugs to you 🤗

      @rlee3538@rlee35385 жыл бұрын
    • Memes I feed to my mom before bed

      @sussybakagaming2613@sussybakagaming26134 жыл бұрын
  • Damn someone gives what could be a life changing story and all ppl can think about is his breathing ...this is America I guess ...glad Ted doesn’t have anyone of y’all speaking

    @unitedstatescitizen1035@unitedstatescitizen10355 жыл бұрын
    • Always gonna be haters...and cool people like you calling them out. Thanks Ald.

      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell5 жыл бұрын
    • I don’t hear the breathing, am I missing something?

      @jesusfreak1700@jesusfreak17005 жыл бұрын
    • It’s not him it’s the mic he’s using also commenting wont help anything sorry

      @amanipk@amanipk5 жыл бұрын
    • You don't have to be glad. You can be certain.

      @pokethebear1344@pokethebear13445 жыл бұрын
    • Word man. It's a shame. This was an impassioned speech

      @bustinbinden@bustinbinden5 жыл бұрын
  • This has to be among THE BEST lessons I have heard in a long time. Thank You.

    @princesskind712@princesskind7125 жыл бұрын
  • I've been an addict over 20 years, now I work in a men's detox center, the best people to help, are the people who have been there, I love my job more then anything

    @VIRGILSHELTONII@VIRGILSHELTONII4 жыл бұрын
    • Cool, i think about that too, sometimed

      @goneburnforher@goneburnforher2 жыл бұрын
  • Nicely done. Also, breathing didn't bug me lol.

    @TheLemonyBard@TheLemonyBard5 жыл бұрын
    • Thanks Lemony.

      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell5 жыл бұрын
    • Brian Fretwell You're welcome! 😃

      @TheLemonyBard@TheLemonyBard5 жыл бұрын
    • The Lemony Bard 🤣

      @TheDigitalKing82@TheDigitalKing825 жыл бұрын
    • TheDigitalKing82 we

      @jefurholder4093@jefurholder40935 жыл бұрын
    • Look up misophonia

      @joshshirk5356@joshshirk53565 жыл бұрын
  • Nice talk. I teach guitar and this made me think I need to ask my students more questions instead of telling them everything.

    @ladybeard99@ladybeard995 жыл бұрын
    • "so when you plan to get fame and rich to give me credit"

      @creep8627@creep86274 жыл бұрын
  • Brought me to tears 😢 I hope Nathan has everything he wanted in life & is drug free. confidence and self-esteem have so much to do with how we live our lives so make sure to build people up 🙂

    @aprilwilliamson1471@aprilwilliamson14714 жыл бұрын
  • I really thought he was almost crying. his acting was top notch. and a beautiful talk. Thanks TED.

    @BrainFoodCafe@BrainFoodCafe3 жыл бұрын
  • this is really powerful and great

    @julietfraser@julietfraser5 жыл бұрын
    • Awe, thank you Julie, that's really nice.

      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell5 жыл бұрын
    • Julie Tea you are powerful and great 🧞‍♀️

      @jesusfreak1700@jesusfreak17005 жыл бұрын
    • The speech or his breathing?

      @NordicBuddhist@NordicBuddhist5 жыл бұрын
    • zack heinzman the powerful breath

      @joshbrown8274@joshbrown82745 жыл бұрын
  • Really dont think anyone complaining about his breathing has actually been on a stage before, especially a big one like this. Love the video, love the passion and that i can hear the emotion in his voice

    @user-be8gq2eh2e@user-be8gq2eh2e5 жыл бұрын
  • What a beautiful message, thank you.

    @FootlessJo@FootlessJo5 жыл бұрын
  • You are a brilliant speaker! you nailed all the elements of a great speaker. For years i have told my brother on ways to change his life, but i never asked him questions!! thank you for this! we all have the wisdom within us

    @dianadahham7635@dianadahham76355 жыл бұрын
  • Guys stop posting comments about the *you know what* because it causes more people to hear the *you know what* , together we can rid the comment section of people talking about the *you know what*

    @popfizz55@popfizz555 жыл бұрын
    • I love u

      @roo0bie@roo0bie5 жыл бұрын
    • popfizz55 Good call

      @jeanniehicks5240@jeanniehicks52405 жыл бұрын
    • "triggered heavy breathing"

      @jasonrivers9858@jasonrivers98585 жыл бұрын
    • Your comment is what the comment section needed, thanks.

      @A1rPun@A1rPun5 жыл бұрын
    • I hear these words in SpongeBob’s voice...

      @DisemboweledWeed@DisemboweledWeed5 жыл бұрын
  • Thanks for sharing this story, Brian, and the powerfully simple lesson we all need to learn.

    @lynnefranklin7807@lynnefranklin78075 жыл бұрын
  • The intensity of this story was absolutely amazing. Such a strong message. Thank you. Nathan, wherever you are, I hope you're truly at peace.

    @JinxMarie1985@JinxMarie19852 жыл бұрын
  • Wow this man speaks with so mich emotion that you can feel what he went through and what the kid went through. Bravo very well spoken

    @DbladeMedic@DbladeMedic4 жыл бұрын
  • I hope nathan sees this.

    @siobhane1661@siobhane16615 жыл бұрын
    • hes dead

      @TheWormzerjr@TheWormzerjr4 жыл бұрын
    • @@TheWormzerjr the sad truth..

      @antx8339@antx83394 жыл бұрын
    • Wait...he's Dead?

      @lmhmomma@lmhmomma4 жыл бұрын
    • dead-seal Same! And I hope he’s alive 😭

      @AjieA@AjieA4 жыл бұрын
    • He is Nathan

      @ofwgkta562@ofwgkta5624 жыл бұрын
  • Hit me hard... Damn.

    @algallero3310@algallero33105 жыл бұрын
    • Rad reply Al, glad it did.

      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell5 жыл бұрын
    • Brian Fretwell, this hit me hard as well. It's people like you who stick to it with these troubled souls & build the future so kids like him can go on to do the same. Your speech brought a tear or few to me & I respect your service to the community. Keep doing your thing. 👏👍

      @chronologious9657@chronologious96575 жыл бұрын
    • Chronologious thanks. Glad to hear you were positively effected by it.

      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell5 жыл бұрын
  • "leadership isn't a me thing, its a we thing" - so true

    @crappycrapcrap9490@crappycrapcrap94905 жыл бұрын
    • Glad that resonated with you.

      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell5 жыл бұрын
  • it's teachers like him who can change a kids life. personally i've never had a teacher that came close to being as passionate abt their job as much as he is but i've still had a few good ones and i am beyond grateful for them. his passion for helping Nathan reminds me of the teacher from Freedom Writers.

    @mia-yn8ey@mia-yn8ey3 жыл бұрын
  • This seriously had me in tears. This both moves and motivates me. That shows that even in the darkest places, light can be found. And that people society tends to label as “gangsters” or “criminals” are still people too even if they’ve pushed that side of them back. Great job Brian!!

    @matttheman3923@matttheman39235 жыл бұрын
  • Kinda like teaching advanced students, you let them learn for themselves. A teacher isn’t an answer key, but rather a guide.

    @y33tboy97@y33tboy975 жыл бұрын
    • Yea, what Private Private said; your comment definitely belongs at the top.

      @KustomiseT@KustomiseT5 жыл бұрын
  • Beautiful performance, like he was reliving it. So real and heart-felt. Thank you

    @cobblecattt@cobblecattt5 жыл бұрын
  • One of the best Ted talks I've ever seen, this guy really knows how to talk

    @JawJX@JawJX4 жыл бұрын
  • Only clicked to make sure he wasn't talking about me

    @rolandotokes8531@rolandotokes85315 жыл бұрын
    • lmao

      @tommychoppa7564@tommychoppa75645 жыл бұрын
    • Same

      @biggac3827@biggac38275 жыл бұрын
    • Get out of my head

      @jasonarcher6364@jasonarcher63645 жыл бұрын
    • Dead af

      @kalebarthurs6179@kalebarthurs61795 жыл бұрын
    • his name is Nathan lol clearly

      @whiteboiburner2933@whiteboiburner29335 жыл бұрын
  • Absolutely inspirational. Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt story with the world and showing us that leadership can be such a simple concept if we simply try to not have the answers, but show up.

    @shawnasimcik8356@shawnasimcik83565 жыл бұрын
  • Well done my friend. Extremely grateful for have discovering this talk. The underlying message is very transparent, one many can learn from and most importantly begin to implement.

    @atturnec360@atturnec3604 жыл бұрын
  • This just made me realize, that there really is more then just what we see in life. More to life then the same repetitive roads, an towns, an building's. Hard to put in words this overwhelming feeling.

    @Lola-lh5kl@Lola-lh5kl4 жыл бұрын
  • So moving, I got goosebumps, such a great speaker, Thank you

    @serendipity0080@serendipity00805 жыл бұрын
  • This video was a breath of fresh air. Lots of them

    @SethWolfeOfficial@SethWolfeOfficial5 жыл бұрын
    • Now, That was funny, Seth Himself! Brian Fretwell has been taking the breathing comments like a champ & launching his fair share in return, so I dont feel bad that this one actually got a laugh out of me. I'm the least witty person I know and couldn't be any less brave, so me giving a Ted talk at some point in this lifetime... Don't hold your breath! I'd either put everyone to sleep or have a panic attack and hyperventilate till I passed out. So I'll leave it to and would like to thank the professionals on this one... Bravo and thank you to you both for the funny and inspiring kickstart to my day.

      @babybellasmama@babybellasmama5 жыл бұрын
    • look i like a joke as much as the next person, and i feel that everyone should know when something is a joke or serious, but you need to know the time and place as well. not the time, nor the place

      @kadenstowe8841@kadenstowe88415 жыл бұрын
    • he felt so compassionate to this experience and he even talks so pationately of a time in his life; to take some time off his day to talk to a huge platform of people about that. but the only thing you got out of this video was: how he was breathing.

      @aliciasheridan1477@aliciasheridan14775 жыл бұрын
    • Hahaha

      @amandalynnagain@amandalynnagain5 жыл бұрын
    • Cracked a smile at that one.

      @travv88@travv885 жыл бұрын
  • The titles of the ted videos are spot on 24/7

    @Mrtaco-bs1lg@Mrtaco-bs1lg5 жыл бұрын
  • Absolute heartbreaker of a story and such a riveting speacher and actor. The audience is just like "WOW; what a moment!"

    @daplaya20@daplaya205 жыл бұрын
  • This was just great, thank you!

    @bryanramirez4827@bryanramirez48275 жыл бұрын
  • Great job Kevin and greatly applicable. So many leaders I see talk and mandate and direct the work. They embrace the Title and Position of a leader, not the true job.

    @steveclark6514@steveclark65145 жыл бұрын
  • Jesus christ man. Im at work and had to hide for a bit cause I shed a cold tears to this. 4 and a half years clean in June so long as I make it. This hit home. Thank you

    @badger297@badger2972 жыл бұрын
  • This elicited an emotional response, which in turn has provided inspiration. Good talk.

    @curtheisler1200@curtheisler12005 жыл бұрын
  • Thank you Brian. I learned in sales the person asking the questions is the one in control of the conversation. I love what you have to say and have many drug addicts in my family I realize you can't change them but questions can provoke thoughts. Actions and plans start in the brain through thoughts. Meth is a drug that causes people to obsess maybe if we can get them to obsess over the right thoughts. It's worth a try. It doesn't matter where Nathan is today. What matters is you tried to make a difference and even if he when back to meth at least he knew someone really cared. God bless you!

    @michellesherratt4981@michellesherratt49815 жыл бұрын
  • Look at the internet tough guys typing their sarcastic comments because they're too scared to stand and talk in front of an audience.

    @Offensive_Username@Offensive_Username5 жыл бұрын
    • @Agent J You do know that he was being sarcastic right?

      @fancyninja8446@fancyninja84464 жыл бұрын
    • Who are you talking to lol

      @maxbenson8900@maxbenson89004 жыл бұрын
    • I don't see any internet tough guys in here. Almost all the comments I've seen here are nice.

      @pleaseenteranamelol711@pleaseenteranamelol7113 жыл бұрын
  • Brian I love your passion, tenacity and care of all the Nathan’s you come across. I’m glad you’ve come to see that when we reach out to connect with someone and help them, they return the gift and we grow because of it as well. Fantastic talk.

    @alisontunny9362@alisontunny93625 жыл бұрын
    • Thanks Alison. And you are correct, it always comes back to us.

      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell5 жыл бұрын
  • This guy made me cry wtf. Amazing talk

    @TheTuberQ@TheTuberQ3 жыл бұрын
  • Excellent work, Brian. One of the first steps in growth is accepting new methods and learning from them, even if it's reluctant acceptance at first, as you put it until you can come up with something else yourself.

    @jdevlin1910@jdevlin19105 жыл бұрын
    • Rinky Dink you could even say “new METHods”

      @johngetthatmoney-doe7824@johngetthatmoney-doe78245 жыл бұрын
  • CRUSHED it, my friend. Well done!

    @kibbeewalton@kibbeewalton5 жыл бұрын
    • Scholarship in a new Somalia

      @abdullahimohamuud4892@abdullahimohamuud48925 жыл бұрын
    • Thanks Kibbee,

      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell5 жыл бұрын
  • Authentic and genuine Brian. You moved me with your honesty and passion, Don't change a thing!

    @flowerlove2985@flowerlove29855 жыл бұрын
  • I can sense the empathy in this guy n it honestly made me cry... I’ve been thru addiction n rehabs n counselors n some most REALLY do care. I’m very empathetic n it’s beautiful but at times it is sooo hard

    @stoltzfus75@stoltzfus755 жыл бұрын
  • every word you said I'm holding on to.. thank you

    @imslick5024@imslick50244 жыл бұрын
  • beautiful. confidence, courage, vulnerability.

    @CassandraDarling@CassandraDarling5 жыл бұрын
    • Very kind of you to say Cassandra

      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell5 жыл бұрын
  • omg. this was really powerful. i can tell how much he was moved by just telling the story...

    @n4ko@n4ko5 жыл бұрын
  • You never gave up.Wonderful. God Bless

    @gessed@gessed5 жыл бұрын
  • I don't usually cry listening to people speak but this did me in

    @oddflacko5063@oddflacko50635 жыл бұрын
    • Id do you in. No cap.

      @breezewoodz8477@breezewoodz84775 жыл бұрын
    • Same

      @diegobotto6245@diegobotto62455 жыл бұрын
  • "What do you want?" Very powerful. Society is too busy telling them what they need to consider their wants and needs. Thank you for this.

    @purpleflametarot39@purpleflametarot395 жыл бұрын
  • one of the best talks about leadership ive heard. Hands down.

    @vanfrance9725@vanfrance97252 жыл бұрын
  • u can sens his remorse and his hurt and this story is amazing

    @AndrewFlameiing@AndrewFlameiing4 жыл бұрын
  • your job seems or seemed highly challenging good job buddy

    @retroassassin5481@retroassassin54815 жыл бұрын
    • Retro Assassin we

      @jefurholder4093@jefurholder40935 жыл бұрын
  • One of my favorite speeches thus far I hope to work in probation possibly one day and am quite attached to rehabilitating juvenile offenders and this is one lesson I hope to hold throughout my entire career. Thank you so much for sharing this story❤️

    @jacquelineaccardi161@jacquelineaccardi1612 жыл бұрын
    • Me too

      @jmoney3752@jmoney37522 жыл бұрын
  • Well done! I loved the rawness and emotion and the narrative about the meth addict, one, who like most addicts, just needs to be seen and loved and cherished as, first and foremost, a fellow human being. And, in the space of unconditional love a true leader creates, perhaps have the courage to face the real pain the addiction's been masking all along.

    @AustinHillShaw@AustinHillShaw5 жыл бұрын
  • one of THE BEST ted talks i’ve listened to

    @digitalfroot@digitalfroot5 жыл бұрын
  • My Goodness, God bless you sir! I think you’re an awesome role model for these children!! Keep up the great work!! I respect you for your compassion for troubled children!! 🙏🏼🙌🏽✊🏽👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

    @dianamattia40@dianamattia405 жыл бұрын
    • God bless you Diana.

      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell5 жыл бұрын
    • Brian Fretwell Thank you!! Same for you!! I think you’re an inspiration!!! 🙏🏼💯🙌🏽✊🏽

      @dianamattia40@dianamattia405 жыл бұрын
    • Amen god bless

      @locco3586@locco35862 жыл бұрын
  • love the emotion

    @shubniggurath3109@shubniggurath31095 жыл бұрын
  • Excellent! I've often felt listening...true active powerful listening was the most powerful aspect of communication but now I see that coupled with honest questions you have created the most effective way to reach people and change lives. Thank you

    @Linda-zd6wu@Linda-zd6wu2 жыл бұрын
  • Never thought about it that way. Awesome message, and will definitely try to apply. Thank you sir!

    @Sarah-by3fb@Sarah-by3fb5 жыл бұрын
  • Had me crying when he finally broke Nathan

    @rustic_russian5102@rustic_russian51023 жыл бұрын
  • Jesus Christ I almost cried, what a powerful message

    @Raven-wb2lb@Raven-wb2lb5 жыл бұрын
    • Thank you.

      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell5 жыл бұрын
    • I did cry 😅

      @alyciagibson@alyciagibson4 жыл бұрын
  • As someone who lost a close friend to drug abuse, this was deeply touching

    @inorganicabasica7569@inorganicabasica75695 жыл бұрын
  • This is a video worthy of putting to a playlist to be watched later in life or to link someone this video. I recommend making such a playlist on KZhead, for the videos that are worth seeing again.

    @KustomiseT@KustomiseT5 жыл бұрын
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