The Power of Radical Honesty - Dr. Anna Lembke
Anna Lembke, MD, is professor of psychiatry at Stanford University School of Medicine and chief of the Stanford Addiction Medicine Dual Diagnosis Clinic. A clinician scholar, she has published more than a hundred peer-reviewed papers, book chapters, and commentaries. She sits on the board of several state and national addiction-focused organizations, has testified before various committees in the United States House of Representatives and Senate, keeps an active speaking calendar, and maintains a thriving clinical practice.
In 2016, she published Drug Dealer, MD - How Doctors Were Duped, Patients Got Hooked, and Why It’s So Hard to Stop (Johns Hopkins University Press, 2016), which was highlighted in the New York Times as one of the top five books to read to understand the opioid epidemic (Zuger, 2018). Dr. Lembke recently appeared on the Netflix documentary The Social Dilemma, an unvarnished look at the impact of social media on our lives.
"Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence" (Dutton/Penguin Random House, August 2021), an instant New York Times Bestseller, explores how to moderate compulsive overconsumption in a dopamine-overloaded world.
To learn more about Dr. Anna Lembke and her book, please visit www.annalembke.com/
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It was an honor to work with Dr. Anna Lembke on another important topic. If you tell lies, you won't be able to trust yourself...and neither will anyone else. Radical honesty is the simplest way to overcome addictions, build healthy relationships and live a balanced life. The other best way to improve your life is to support After Skool on Patreon ;) Thank you. www.patreon.com/AfterSkool
I started a life based on radical honesty after waking up from a coma in 2005. Doctors said I'd never recover. However I recovered completely without medical aid or prescription drugs. I believe that radical honesty was one of the reasons for my complete recovery.
Isn't it a lie to tell people we were apes ? Isn't it a lie to be taught by all indoctrinated colleges like Stanford Harvard etc... Your honesty is not Radical it's simple cupcake news. Tell some real truth that will set people free from the tyranny that is upon us?
The BEST WAY TO IMPROVE OUR LIVES IS NOT BY PATRONIZING YOUR CHANNELING ACCOUNTABILITY. CONNECT TO YOUR SOUL YOUR HIGHER CONSCIENCE NOT AFTER SCHOOL SUCH A FARCE FOR INFORMED CHOICES FROM THE CORPORATION OF STANFORD LMAO. F STANFORD INC.
Train, say your prayers, eat your vitamins, be true to yourself. Be true to your country. 🇺🇸 - Hulk Hogan.
But all the rulers and rich people lie constantly and are rewarded for it. Are we sure this lady is right?
If you never lie to your children they will grow up stronger then you can ever imagine.
Interesting name
Concerning name...
Awesome name
The problem is that many parents are out to lunch and are unaware that they tell lies.😢😢
@@kirstinstrand6292 your right. When your in the habit of lying to others it's hard to change.
what i've realized from practicing this is that radical honesty is more than just telling the truth - it is about showing up in relationships as your true self.
When I started being honest, I felt so much better. You may forget all the lies and deceit, but the subconscious doesn't. Free yourself from the unnecessary burden of lying and you will feel lighter.
Accountability vs victim mentality also helps to make you feel lighter.
I totally agree with you. It is such a wonderful feeling to be honest to yourself!! Of course sometimes it can be quite hard to acknowledge things that you don't necessarily like in yourself. But it is still better to be honest and not faking.
@@Queen-ConsciousYawhat’s “victim mentality” to you? ☺️ thxs
What is lying? To understand what is lie you need to understand what is truth at first. But the problem is - you don't know the truth. You don't know anything.
Yes. Starting from you. To the world!
This so good! Anna is a remarkable MD clinician, public educator and person.
And so are you! Thank you for all you do !
hell yeah nigga dats it
So are you Andrew.
Nice, love the hubermanlab. Keep sharing the good work. Blessings- Cody Alan Cunningham
Bro is literally a living lexicon
I have been practicing this since I formed a relationship with my husband, I used to lie and exaggerate about everything. Then my husband called me out on several things and I realized that I was a terrible liar and most people were probably too polite to question me. I have never felt so calm, free and uncaring about the judgement of others. I own my mistakes, who and what I am....and it's wonderful.
You're a blessed woman with a husband like that. ❤️
If 100% honesty was practiced in marriage... 95% of marriages would end in divorce within 1 year
Thank you for sharing. I am just realizing how completely dishonest I am in so many small and bigger ways. It's humbling.
@@RenelleTheRealtorit s good to bé humbled. Because God resits thé proud but gives grâce to thé humble 🍀🤞🌷
Most of my lies are underestimating everything I do, so every people see what I do they are impressed. I'm not sure it's really lies because im not sure myself of my skills and I think people are just trying to be nice, because to me everything I do looks trash.
When I met my now wife, I told her at our fourth date that I will never lie to her, and I’ve kept that promise and we have a fantastic marriage that’s lasted for almost ten years now!
Well done..you are a true man!! I need a truthful man too :)
@@inalight. I’m absolutely convinced that the right man is waiting to meet you! Stay strong, safe and truthful!
But does she lie? 😮
Radical Honesty is one of the worst concepts to base a relationship upon. Radical Honesty is good in one's relationship with oneself, not with others, for a simple reason, extremely few people can overcome cultural and biological impulses in order to understand the value of having an honest person beside them, especially in romantic relationships. Most people love to live in a web of lies, that's pretty much how everything works and how everyone lives, people want to dream, people want mystery, radical honesty removes it at an unsustainable rate and the relationship collapses.
You must be a wonderful person to be able to do that. You are a real man!!
SPOT ON, DR. LEMBKE! After 25 years of alcoholism, snorting cocaine, injecting meth, I had to get seriously honest with myself, my family, my therapists, and my probation officer. It takes our own people to save our own people. RADICAL HONESTY IS THE FIRST STEP TO HEALING. (PERIOD.)
Radical honesty can only destroy your life in a world full of liars , nobody is more hated then the one who speaks the truth.
Better than letting other people dictate where YOUR life goes
The truth will set you free
But... They, the liars, need your approval to destroy it. It is always your life. I'm guessing you're not implying to lie to fit in with a world filled with liars. That would be disingenuous.
I've experienced this many times in the work field and personal relationships. People cannot stand to hear someone's actual honest opinion. I try to just keep quiet now but have no close friends.
Better to be hated for who I am than loved for who I’m not
Radical honesty is the antidote to the false self we create in a world obsessed with curated narratives. It's liberating to be real and authentic. Fantastic video, thank you so much! 💙
Damn, couldn’t have said it better myself.
knowing how to be brutually honest is really good, you can talk a lot, but if you are really honest people will care about your words(usually when you talk a lot your words lose weight)
@@anonimoqualquer5503 I agree, honesty not only makes our communication more meaningful but also ensures our words truly resonate with others
This calls to mind the general philosophical idea of authenticity. Honesty generates the resources for new people to do so more easily, generating an authentic environment, instead of an inauthentic one that forces us to lie just to get by in certain scenarios. Amazing video, thanks!
I have written authentically and honestly for 23 years on messageboards and in comment sections. I try to write creative, honest, truthful, wisdoms and truths that inspire the same in others. The empirical evidence I have documented for those years is mostly ignored, but otherwise usually ridiculed, gaslite, or questioned without any seriousness from the replies. Sadly, people seem to protect the exact opposite. On this video I wrote my rough impression of the Silicon Valley and the Stanford communities that I have gained from my writing and my work as a high-end designer-craftsman. Inauthenticity is the mask.
It is just another way of approaching what eastern philosophies have been telling us for thousands of years.
@@carefulcarpenter I think that was well said about the mask. As Michel Foucault said, one must write, as he tried to, to shed ones own mask in the process, to be raw and real.
@@luzgallegos6779 I think that's right, but one thing I might add, or simply ask your opinion on, is acting. I think what's presented in this video gives us a bit more in terms of really getting out there and being a part of things, while many Eastern teachings either do not or are quite ambiguous. Nietzsche once said that the world would be fixed if the traditions of the East and West united. What do you think?
@@PowerofThought_ "gaslite" --- don't you just love autocorrect!? ☺ Precisely why I wrote on messageboards. Comment sections do not even come close. I had/have to self-critique current thoughts, and past truths that I held dearly. Questioning one's own perceptions, assumptions, and beliefs is necessary for true spiritual and creative growth. To be an author, and to go on a book tour, is not very appealing. Bruce Lipton lives in our general community, and one time I ran into him at the local healthy food market--- we talked in the aisle for 5 minutes about bookwriting and custom designed woodworking. ☺ He said my woodworking will last far longer than any of his books will. True--- some of my work will be around in 100 years. ☺
Being 100% honest with the people in your life quickly sorts out the humans who truly love you and who is there to take your energy. All of my old relationships were created on lies in order to keep them from disappearing. I learned a few years ago that honesty and acceptance make relationships of any kind just so much more enjoyable and real... My ex hated everything about me, and I her, and yet we met lying to each other and to ourselves for years... Now the woman I am speaking to is just absolutely perfect. We have been honest with our feelings, our lives, our pasts... We fit like puzzle pieces. Ask for the right humans to enter your, and while you wait for them, improve who you are as a human being. If you discover yourself and become who you really are and are unafraid to show it, the perfect humans for you will find that energy and love you for who you are. And don't accept or keep toxic energy for the sake of comfort. It will kill you more painfully than a snake bite. Enjoy life! Good luck today.
once the lies and the shame are gone: YOU'RE FREE FROM ADDICTION AND NEGATIVITY.
Telling the truth is not painful. We are not wired to lie. The system of judgement and punishment is what's painful. This is what encourages children and adults to not speak their truth.
I needed to hear this today. I have not been honest with myself and who I am. Thank you for reminding me of how important honesty is to me and my development.
It's important for our civilization to not devolve into hell. Lying is the best way to create hell on Earth.
The Connections (2021) [short documentary] ❤
Wow, good for you!
Be honest with yourself first and then the results will show otherwise it may come out as stroking your ego and people just won’t really care what you have to say then
I like you already.👊🏼 Be Well.
This may be one of the most meaningful videos on KZhead, where thousands of people make money by showing off, influencing and getting people to buy stuff they don’t need from their sponsors. Thank you ❤
I completely stopped lying a few years ago - even little white lies like saying I’m sick to get out of work. I was never a big liar before, but even the little ones felt uncomfortable and I wanted change. Everything she talks about in this video rang true in my experience. Always telling the truth makes all relationships easier and more intimate, makes you more confident, and overall your true self feels closer to the surface than ever before. I highly adopting this practice for yourself!
I thought I was free, truthful and being my authentic self until I watched this video, It was like a bullet to the heart, tHaT hurt like crazy. but in a good way.
I have always been radically honest my entire life and it's always been extremely hard for people to deal with. And I'm highly diplomatic also I don't just blurt stuff out well I didn't used to when I was younger I'm 70 now and just say whatever I want to. People have always had a hard time with me. I'm that one in the room that stands up and yells wow look an elephant! When everyone else is trying really hard to look in the other direction. The good thing about being radically honest is that you have to be honest with yourself also.
absolutely. We must live with our words, choices, and actions; how others feel about our own honesty is ultimately irrelevant - honesty is what enables me to feel good about what I said, did, or chose. Thanks for sharing!
With honesty, you could finally rely on other people being good. Finally, people will actively be good and the entire world will become much better.
Honesty with others can be used as a tool or a weapon. But most importantly, we should not deceive ourselves
I love your content. I think many people here would benefit from it. Please continue to upload 💛🙏
Be honest with self. And don't expect it from others. Learn more from Robert Green.
Oh cool to see you here I very much enjoy thinking about your videos. Funny how these bubbles exist :)
The Connections (2021) [short documentary] ❤
Radical honesty was the way I was able to overcome a big chunk of my depression. I am responsible for my happiness, I am accountable for my own well being which leads me to feel good. AA is a great place as well, I went to a number of meetings when I was starting to use alcohol as a coping mechanism. Higher power doesn’t have to be exactly God. For me it has been myself, my higher wiser future self.
"higher wiser future self" - I like that! ^_^
I'm 40 days sober and a month into intense outpatient treatment for alcohol and opiate addiction. I've been aware and ashamed of my substance abuse for years, but it took me losing my job and fully hitting rock bottom to finally get proper help. I've never thought of myself as a victim, I've always blamed myself. A lot of us have trouble letting past traumas go and forgiving ourselves for mistakes we've made. I can honestly say that getting sober has been the toughest thing I've done, but it's worth it. I still have a long way to go with battling other non substance abuse like too much internet time, but at least I can face life with a sober mind and work on healthier ways of maintaining a mindful existence to push forward to a brighter future. Honestly with yourself is so fundamental.
keep going
It was the hardest thing you’ve done AND it was worth it. You have a long way to go AND because of your strength to step in that direction, you have a brighter future ahead of you. You deserve to be where you are. It gets hard sometimes, and that’s okay. We just have to keep on sailing :)) Just a thought: consider replacing “but” with “and,” my friend. In logical operations, the word “but” is equivalent to the connective which signifies “and”. In other words, the only difference between these two words is our mindset... The word “but” serves only to imply, but not denote, a contrast in ideas when used as a connective. See what I did there? Everything you said is true and very valid. Please don’t negate yourself. Congratulations on 40 days. I trust that you’re now at 70.
I'm so proud of you. I'm 10 days off cannabis after 38 years of heavy use. I get the shame. Hang in there!!
@@jennw6809 This guy was actually addicted physically and mentally. Cannabis addiction isn't addiction it's low will power. Even still there's no shame in cannabis like there is with being a drunken opioid user.
@@rawbmar1166 I'm not trying to compare the addictions, but I respectfully disagree with your statement about "low will power." We obviously have radically different views -- and I won't try to change yours. But I come from a family with alcoholics and opioid addicts, it's just that cannabis was my drug of choice, like it is for many with ADHD. And I'd also point out that you don't know the shame I feel from being scapegoated and abused in my family.
Anecdotally speaking, radical honesty has saved my life and that's understatement. I had domestically abusive childhood and I found my coping mechanisms early and eventually one of the coping mechanisms became drugs and I did that every chance I could. This would lead me to go into schizophrenic episodes that would last about a year. During that time, my usual sense of I, sense of self remained but I had to share my body with other consciousnesses who were some another versions of me. My mind was fractured and I was barely hanging on to reality. What I eventually noticed was that all the voices were LYING to me, so I surmised that to get out of my predicament, I have to be 10000% honest and that way, Id be sure that that was my original voice(because all other voices were lying to me). And eventually I got better and healthy again. Ever since then, I do not lie anymore. And sometimes telling truth has some immediate negative consequences but I have to still be truthful to keep my mind operating normally.
Very interesting, thanks for sharing
The Connections (2021) [short documentary] ❤
Wow an amazing Story, thank you for making and sharing your journey ❤
As someone who has tried this repeatedly throughout his life and is suffering a burnout cause of it, i can tell you it's not all sunshine and rainbows. As beautiful as it may sound, complete and radical honesty is seen as a weakness in eastern european cultures. Exposing your "true self" like this makes you an easy target to exploit. Some see you as a sucker, others as weak or mentailly ill, or the traditional insult in the homophobic and toxic eastern/balkan cultures "what are you? gay?". Honesty may be important, but in a nihilistic culture or one of lies and superficiality, it's important to know who you can be honest with... and in eastern europe very often that answer is "no one". Hence the burnout. So.. yeah, be honest, but also don't be naive. Understand the world you're in and don't expose yourself to just anyone. Build trust first.
I have been following the simple, yet powerful, credo of “you can’t lie ever” now for about 16 months. It actually has not been hard and it’s been super rewarding. I feel better than I ever have in my adult life. For me, it took a massive crisis to get to that point. Hopefully, this video will inspire others to try it without having to go and hit rock bottom.
Great job! Unfortunately, I got the hard way, too. On the other hand, my great pain was easier to get through because I stopped lying. Not lying to people was socially challenging, but the not lying to myself and progressively rediscovering the truth in my mind was actually pretty hard. With deep reflection and a no-BS attitude, that's been going well, too. Your comment really spoke to me. Good luck and have a great life!
@@Daniel-jv1ku thank you for the share. It seems many people have to hit a crisis point for implementing a change as big as this in their life. Maybe it’s not really possible without a crisis of sorts.
@@no_saviors_3128 Imo, it is possible. I'm disappointed that I didn't change before.
There's good reason "Don't Lie" made the top ten rules for how to have a free and prosperous civilization.
One of my most important steps towards a better, more conscious life, was (starting to) understanding my own responsibility, every day, every encounter, every reaction, inside and outside. Thank you for this interesting video and talk!
The Connections (2021) [short documentary] ❤
As a member of AA, and having benefitted from working the 12 steps, I agree wholeheartedly! One can work the steps for any ongoing problem. My addiction was a spiritual sickness.
"The truth will set you free"
I feel this very hard right now. I asked my wife for a divorce one month ago because she does not want to communicate in radical truth at all. I have CPTSD from abusive adults growing up and wasn’t allowed to point out anything that was actually happening. For a year now, my hyper anxious wife has avoided all “real talk” of any kind, doing everything she can to distract herself. I feel very sorry for her as she’s going through a really difficult time but her refusal to connect with me by being truthful and opening up has taken a huge toll on me.
How have things progressed? I’m sorry you were going through this.
@@coltond1079 that’s kind of you to ask. Honestly much worse. We’ve been separated for more than six months and the only time we talk is her demanding I do favors for her. She’s acting so entitled and without empathy that I no longer feel empathy for her either. Once the divorce has gone through and I am no longer caring for her 50+ plants and her parrot, once I am fully emancipated for caring for her and many months pass, I may be able to feel empathy for her again and maybe we could be friends. Not likely though.
@@clearsky4003 why are you being mean right now?
As someone who made it a point to always tell the truth as much as possible (starting with myself) from a young age. I still don't understand why so many people lie so often about the most mundane things. Do they really care that much about what other people think? Is it the years of them lying to themselves that makes telling a lie seem insignificant? Along with the fact that lying is so commonplace. 9 times out of 10 I’m immediately distancing myself from someone when I sense any lies, deception, manipulation, etc. from them. It is often sooo easy to spot and I need people in my life like that as much as I need cockroaches running around in my bed.
I think people first learn to lie to protect themselves and then it becomes a habit.
@@djadelaney Ahh, I can see that. That then points to an extreme lack of self awareness among people and that’s even more alarming.
In my experience, it takes courage to be honest. And as much compassion as can be generated.
Shout out to all the artists whose creative illustrations add so much to these videos. Well done and thank you!
its a software bro... there is no illustrader
Honesty Is the principle I've lived by in the past 6 or so years, and I believe it's the secret to happiness. I do believe it is contagious to those around you, but it's really hard to share that honesty with those around you who may be incredibly enshrouded by their own blanket of lies and comforts. It causes my interactions with them to often feel unfulfilling and full of my own conversational omissions so that I don't burst their bubble. It's something I want to get better at so that I can share this great thing I've found, but don't know how to do.
Great thought, but the truth is you won’t burst their bubble, nor can you change their mind. They have already been demoralized, and have joined group think giving up their autonomy and aren’t capable of seeing it, so don’t worry about it. It’s just part of a very long process of indoctrination that’s been in operation for decades. There may be a few that aren’t there yet, but people invested in a victim mentality, supported by a group that supports perpetual victimhood, will almost never leave the comfort of that group or admit they have been fooled no matter how illogical or dangerous that ideology is. The fear of that admission, and being ostracized and cast out, then being on an island without that support, having to stand alone, and having to develop your own critical thinking skills is just to great. Only a matter Nof imminent life or death will get their attention. Always be honest and speak the truth, no matter what others think or whether they accept it or not. That’s the very definition of being “authentic.”
Yes they can, but you don’t understand the methods of indoctrination or brainwashing, and the effects that has on your ability to make conscious decisions and process information. He’s being very optimistic, as I am, hoping there are some who have the ability to recognize what’s happening, but many won’t or can’t. It’s the same process for people who get swept away in a cult. It’s no secret. Sometimes facts seem pessimistic and you worry about offending those who confabulate. They aren’t doing it consciously, or on purpose. It’s fact to them because it has to be, or they will suffer an injury to their whole existence and ideology. By that point they are offended by almost everything, always looking for something to be victimized by even if it’s the air they breathe, anything that will put them at odds with who’s to blame; their perceived common enemy. It’s just a protective mechanism they probably aren’t even consciously aware of.
@@phoenixrisin2269Very well said. Thank you! Never compromise yourself, or truth, just to fit in, be accepted, or to not hurt someone’s feelings. Because if you do, eventually some honest person will come along, and you will be known as a dishonest person & “friend”.
@@TheSimpleTruthOne Absolutely. People may say to humble yourself; which to most means to lower your opinion of yourself and shrink down. It’s partly because the word came about as a philosophical term in a religious era to help squelch pride which is one of the 7 deadly sins. It actually means having the ability to recognize your strengths and admit your weaknesses, knowing that everyone has the same value, likely in different areas than your own, and you should always strive to serve people in whatever capacity you may contribute to. We should all be striving to present the truth as we know it, and let people determine if you’re full of it. I think just the act of being honest and truthful as you know it is an act that may inspire someone to stand up and speak their convictions; and Im positive it pisses many more people off, but you can’t worry about that. Today it seems a lie is easily accepted as the truth, and the truth is considered a lie many times. Hopefully people will come to terms with who works hard at keeping us divided and why? Until then, try and be as authentic as you can. I believe it was MLK who said never, never be afraid to do what is right especially, if the well being of a person or animal is at stake. Society’s punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul if we look the other way. Those may be words to live by. Take care my friend. 🇺🇸
@ Joseph Flanagan… I learnt a simple line: ‘live to shine’. If I do this, others will see ‘the light’, not ‘my light’ but a reflection of their own light. I accept that most are looking the other way, or have their eyes (minds… hearts . . .) closed, but know that my only responsibility is to be true to myself (as best as I can be, as I, like everyone, isn’t perfect, and am here, now, to live and learn). As Albert Camus said, ‘to be happy in this world, don’t be too concerned by others’.
Be completely and utterly honest with yourself, but be-careful of how honest you are with others. Honesty comes at a cost.
No, honesty is generally the best policy. Just be careful of how OPEN you are with others.
@@AntithesisDCLXVI as an honest person who doesn't care... you have to lie a lot if you want to have social life... example, how you comment politics when you know its all a show? how you comment science when you know covid was bullshit and the earth is flat? and the list goes on... In short you have to lie... or if your like me you can say the truth... but you will be socially excluded I guarantee you. It is a great filter for finding trustworthy people tho... but there's not many these days.
@@AntithesisDCLXVI Exactly
@@AntithesisDCLXVI Absolute honesty isn’t always the most diplomatic, nor the safest form of communication. We are very emotional beings.
@@OnlyThisMoment Stop trying to be a politician. That said, with diplomacy in mind, lying is a great way to make enemies. Lying is like playing the game of life with cheat codes. Telling the truth takes real skill. There's always a way to be honest and respectful simultaneously.
This is a v much eye opening videos and takes on radical honesty. It's clear cut to what it is and how to work our way out of the bad habits of lying. I myself, am working through this, as a child with emotionally unavailable parents, violent siblings, it is pretty tough for me to now heal from that that events. The number of lies I told, it's uncountable, and only the recent years I learned that being honest is the way of living a peaceful life. And yes, with my backgrounds, it isn't easy to be honest, and I am working hard toward it anyway, and I am proud of myself for making this far, for now.
Radical honesty has gotten me in trouble. Its destroyed relationships and I feel despised by people I once appreciated for who I am. I realise that these are not good people for me to be around. The lesson here being. Just because you are trying your hardest to do the right thing, doesnt mean everyone will get that. And their admiration might turn to hate because you chose to live your own truth.
Thank you for the beautiful video. My awareness about Honesty is that, you Cannot SAY the truth, you can be TRUTH.. Our subconscious mind is a recorder that includes more than 80%, sabotaging believes and programs. Truth can't come from the mind, because mind is always a lack of awareness and truth. When you connect with our Real essence, Honesty is arising spontaneously, without any practice on it. Honesty is part of the pure Consciousness in the highest level of self realisation.. Blessings and love
I'm on my journey of authenticity right now and the way you've explained it was exactly the same way I've been going about it. When ppl in my life ask what the change is, I usually give a few words in response because its a lot bigger than that. I'm glad i was right in the thought that humans are complex creatures and there is more to our behaviors that we ourselves don't know " why" we do something unless there is a self awareness of what we are doing. This being a 15 min video is proof of that, and I'm so glad to have this as a reference to send others who I can see are trapped in the same version of escapism, dissociation, or "survival mode" as i like to call it. Because I genuinely believe this video can help people. What a great video, thanks for sharing your insights
I am autistic and lying for me is both illogical and very difficult. I grew up with a mother who was obsessed with outwards appearance and forced me to lie about trivial things as a consequence, this is why today I absolutely despise lying and liars. Nitzsche’s quote is so spot on, it is seldom the lie itself that is the problem, it is the loss of trust that follows the lie, and this is why lying in my view is an illogical action, as the costs will most likely surmount the benefits.
I called my ex promiscuous as she lied about posting certain pictures and was on multiple dating apps. Broke my heart and still does, and I love her over everything but logically I know it will never work. Life hurts man, and I don’t know how to completely let it go. Don’t know if I ever fully can even a year later. But I don’t regret this learning experience but the only two words I can think of to describe a golden tongue without actions to follow is “soul crushing”.
Once I was in that situation I met this one woman whom specializes in addiction. She told be about how addicted/mentally unwell people take the stance in one of three positions namely the victim, the hero or the complainer. I took this message home and assessed every conversation I had with other people with this in mind. it has been a true revelation and made me a better person after I noticed I behaved in such a way. I am clean, have a job, have friends and occasionally make new friends. it bettered my life and also gave me the ability to reflect on myself in order to improve who I am and how to express myself
🌈
"Trust is something that takes time and effort to build and can be destroying in an instant." This quote always gives me a sinking feeling and want to steer clear of attempting to trust. But overall, there is so much good stuff in this video.
I made a decision that I would focus on deep personal connections as my strategy for making new friends. I dropped all fake friends and joined social clubs that relate to things I like to do. I quickly found out that I struggled to find an abundance of new friends because they, like me, were still wearing the false self mask. I then met someone going thru a bad divorce she asked me some personal questions about my life and for some reason I shared with her the struggles of my divorce. I had not shared this information with anyone. It felt so good to finally release and share with someone on a truthful level. I had no idea how powerful telling the truth can be if you want to find friends that you are deeply connected to. Until watching this video, I thought it was the shared experiences that led to a deeper connection, but that is only part of the equation being truthful with yourself and others is the magic ingredient, at least for me. Thanks for the video.
That was an excellent presentation and illustration!!!! From my own experience, being an honest person starts (and ends) with making the conscious decision to being honest with yourself. And remember, you can only try your best each day. If one day you fail don't be too harsh to yourself; there's always the next day, it's a learning process and radical changes take time.
This is a brilliant video. Thank you so much. The truth has become a truly rare commodity in the world today. Those of us who are honest are attacked by those who collude in preserving lies.
Being honest helps people develop integrity and an overall sense of self-worth. Everyone deserves that whether that actively seek it or not. That integrity is a humane right that many people give up.
Fantastic. Inherent in radical honesty is the 'Principle' of humility, the two go hand in hand. Wonderfully liberating combination.
What a wonderful lecture. Thank you so much. I have been able to be honest with myself for nearly three years. It is a wonderful feeling that I don't have to fake positivity and lie to myself that everything is fine in my life. To be honest to oneself is the first step to make any change, and live a fulfilled life!!
I really like this video. I was always taught to be an honest person & because of that people tend to dislike me for it. I am ok with being disliked because of my honesty.
Being radically honest has gotten me shamed, blamed, and bullied by people that would rather be victims to their experiences versus take accountability for what they did to cause the harm they experienced. In order to change your life, and the cycles you find yourself repeating l, you have to take responsibility for it. You can be a victim in certain aspects while also being responsible for what happened. There’s such a power in that truth.
I felt called out so many times in this video, as usual. I LOVE THAT! I'm an ADHD-INFJ, so it can often be difficult for me to narrow my attention. When I watch these videos, I find myself tuned out, and when I say tuned-out, I mean that my brain is formulating/imagining those experiences the video had brought to my awareness; but as the videos continue to play, what oddly brings my attention back from being tuned-out in my thought cloud is when I hear something related to an answer/clue that winds up helping me better understand a poor experience from my past and current situation. My brain'll be like, "Hey go back, go back, go back, that sounded like something you've experienced. Rewind it and let's see what new connections we can make." haha
Oh really?? I'm an 79e673w6863 which basically means I don't care what type of personality you are lol
yes when i watch these types of videos i start daydreaming about experiences that they remind me of too. i think this video in particular was so well written because it followed my train of thought and answered the questions i was beginning to formulate. it was like one epiphany after another lol
so well spoken
Everyone needs to hear this!
Dr Lembke podcast with Huberman helped me on my path to sobriety. It was being honest with myself about my responsibility to and for myself. Over a year sober now and the work continues 💪👍
An extremely thought provoking episode! I had many self realizations during it. I am grateful for the insights from such an inspiring human!
As always many thanks and deep respect to After Skool along with Dr. Anna for this beautiful inspiring content! 🙏 My understanding for truth and lie is, Truth is 1 and a lie is infinity (as there is no limits for our mind to think and recreate) so basically if we are on a pursuit of lies, there is no finish line, therefore no peace to mind.
Thank you Dr Lembke! I absolutely love your work and find you so amazingly helpful and relatable ❤️
Dr. Lembke your videos are so encouraging! Thank you for teaching me as I pursue joining the addictions counseling space!
Thank you I'm honestly grateful to watch this
Disclosure porn? You decide. Awareness of my own inclination for lying by omission and plausible deniability have been eye opening for me. Reflecting on my strategies for avoiding vulnerability led me to realize the incredible strength and fortitude I had applied towards avoidance and doubly so, the effort to cope with living unauthentically. Turning those efforts towards simple acceptance with love for my own experiences changed my perspective inexorably. Noone knows us better than ourselves and no other (that matters) expects us to be anything more or less.
This brought unexpected tears. Thank you.
I think that's just directed at those who over-disclose with those whom they have no real connection in effort to get them to divulge something similar, thus completing the circuit of insanity in the instigator's mind Speaking from personal experience, as both the inflictor and inflicted. Another very fine line to walk when you're trying to get healthy again, I'm just glad I was able to recognize my behavior before it became a habit I agree with your sentiment as well tho🎉
This is one of the best videos I’ve ever seen. I am constantly seeking videos that will help me reach an aha moment and I never get one. This video has really struck a cord with me so thank you.
I honestly find this video amazing and powerful.
Thank you so much for putting out the best content on the internet over and over again! I just automatically get the audiobooks of whoever you do a video of and they are all life transformative if you put in the work to make the changes and make them permanent. I really can't say thanks enough! Absolutely love you all for what you're doing!
Thank you so much.
She's awesome. Beautiful insights. Grateful to have heard this.
I was very impressed with the inclusivity of a number of points, given the nature and reasoning behind why people lie could be a month long diatribe, if you talk fast, don't sleep, and embellish a bit to keep the flow moving. Many lies lack rhyme or reason, but the inclusion of social media exacerbating this behavior, and the effects of the AA stories that glorified and intensified an association to fondness of the periods one was intoxicated, is akin to the overall effects of the cleansing of history, and deification of pertinent figures. You forget the impossibly vast crosscut that was human, visceral, and negative. I was drug along to 2 AA meetings by a person addicted to them. Odd story. Both were two hours of just that, tale after tale, the glorification of a mental image one knew to be well scubbed of negative correlations. Both times. After leaving, never had I wanted a drink more. The nature of addiction itself, highly misrepresented. This device in my hand is the most ignored, socially accepted, and prosperous addiction that universally exists. And it's recognized on a legal level as a necessity. I didn't truly carry a cellphone with regularity until November 2018. Now, I realize I'm far too dependant upon it. But I digress, great video.
Your comment is very on point! Look into the history of AA. It is very much tied into "Rockefeller medicine," etc. Making people believe that they are 'powerless' is one of the main goals of AA, and everything Rockefeller. The Corbett Report's "How Big Oil Conquered the World" and "Why Big Oil Conquered the World" are very good places to start. Additionally, Dr. Jennifer Daniels' interviews re: Rockefeller medicine, Dr. Nancy Turner Banks' "AIDS, Diamonds, Opium and Empire" and Eustace Mullins' "Murder by Injection" are also excellent resources.
Also, let's not forget organized religion. Organized religion was the government (literal meaning - mind control) before formal governments existed. Organized religion was also gossip/backstab central before the internet existed. Apparently one must take down one's predecessor (or appear to) to keep things moving in the 'correct' direction and get everyone bought into one or another system of control. Just my thoughts.
Kill your tv? Tune in, turn on & drop that phone
Honesty a poem by David Whyte from his book “Consolations.” “Honesty is reached through the doorway of grief and loss. Where we cannot go in our mind, our memory, or our body is where we cannot be straight with another, with the world, or with our self. The fear of loss, in one form or another, is the motivation behind all conscious and unconscious dishonesties: all of us are afraid of loss, in all its forms, all of us, at times, are haunted or overwhelmed by the possibility of a disappearance, and all of us therefore, are one short step away from dishonesty. Every human being dwells intimately close to a door of revelation they are afraid to pass through. Honesty lies in understanding our close and necessary relationship with not wanting to hear the truth. “The ability to speak the truth is as much the ability to describe what it is like to stand in trepidation at this door, as it is to actually go through it and become that beautifully honest spiritual warrior, equal to all circumstances, we would like to become. Honesty is not the revealing of some foundational truth that gives us power over life or another or even the self, but a robust incarnation into the unknown unfolding vulnerability of existence, where we acknowledge how powerless we feel, how little we actually know, how afraid we are of not knowing and how astonished we are for the generous measure of loss that is conferred upon even the most average life. “Honesty is grounded in humility and indeed in humiliation, and in admitting exactly where we are powerless. Honesty is not found in revealing the truth, but in understanding how deeply afraid of it we are. To become honest is in effect to become fully and robustly incarnated into powerlessness. Honesty allows us to live without not knowing. We do not know the full story, we do not know where we are in the story; we do not know who is at fault or who will carry the blame in the end. Honesty is not a weapon to keep loss and heartbreak at bay, honesty is the outer diagnostic of our ability to come to ground in reality, the hardest attainable ground of all, the place where we actually dwell, the living, breathing frontier where there is no realistic choice between gain or loss.”
Thank you SO MUCH. I was wishing to find AT LEAST a few comments that could challenge the philosophies here- very important aspects that I felt were ignored in ways by the ideas and data presented in the video. You've addressed some by way of this comment. Thank you, thank you, I'm grateful for the variety in thought.
This is so good. Amazing work, Dr. Anna Lembke!
Always life enhancing here. Thank you from Vermont! ❤
This is an incredibly well articulated and illustrated video. So many of us need this wisdom, particularly the bits about empathy without accountability and for me personally, disclosure porn; if you’re over sharing for manipulative gratification then you are not really being truthful or authentic: You are addicted and indirectly virtue signaling. Featuring profound wisdom from Donald Winnicot, Lao Tzu, Friedrich Nietzsche etc: One of the best After Skool videos hands down. Bravo, Dr Lempkey. Bravo.
This was a great listen, thank you!
Excellent, Dr. Lembke thank you.
This is a work of art. God bless you
YES!!! Telling the truth is VERY PAINFUL. An Buddhist once honestly said, “Start knowing what you really know, and stop believing what you really don’t know. Somebody asks you. “Is there a God?” and you say, “Yes, God is.” Remember: Do you really know? If you don’t know, please don’t say that you do. Say, “I don’t know.”. . . False knowing is the enemy of true knowledge. All beliefs are false knowledge."
I can use belief as a place holder for what I do not know...without belief, ambition and motivation may wither and die....(some may argue that is good/positive) however, in this example: Columbus sailed West on his 1st voyage with the "belief" he would eventually end up in the East....on his subsequent voyages, virgin crew members had varying degrees of belief...but Columbus no longer needed belief, he had Faith....even when they ran short of water and food after very poor wind delayed them....most of the virgin crew lost whatever belief they had, and wanted to turn back and did not even believe Columbus and the few sailors who where making a 2nd voyage....Columbus on the other hand, no longer needed belief, he had faith (knowing w/o seeing) they would eventually make it, even when land was not yet in sight.... but to your point, its more empowering, to yield to the state of unknowing, by acknowledging it, than clinging to false certainty. Break out of the habit believing what of one side of the brain is manufacturing all day long (BS and LIES) and become aware that the other half of Brain which is buying it is the source of most of mankind's troubles....False knowledge... Identify with the witness...the part of being which notices what is happening with the mind, body and thoughts and actions. The Witness is True Self.
We live in a world where people prefer comforting lies over unpleasant truths. Fortunately for me, I prefer the latter over the former and it has changed my world and those around me for the better. Great video.
This is easily one of my favorite channels… and after this video, I love it even more ❤❤ Thank you so much for featuring Dr. Lembke, and (as always) for making ‘brain nutrition’ as digestible as captain crunch🎉🎉🎉🎉
Thank you very much. Since I started to be radical honest with myself and with others I really started to feel a transformation of my character into the best version of myself possible
It's a very academic way of expressing basically the same message that some of the most hated figures on the internet are trying to preach, take FULL accountability of your life, the best and the worst, hold yourself accountable for your fuck ups, and also celebrate and compound on your seemingly minor progress daily, and before you know it people aren't that depressed anymore.
As an ex 8.5 yeah meth addict, so much of this is true, especially the point on the denial mind trap that is at the foundation of ongoing addiction. That’s just how you roll in the addicted state. And yes honesty is both a preventative and part of the ‘cure’ of and for addiction. This is a very valuable presentation for anyone, addicted or not.
im smoking the res from pipes, just finished my last cig and am losing the battle to go pick up. i start a new job tomorrow, ive done meth daily for 9 years. would you be able to help me?
Thank you Dr. Lembke and After Skool…great video!
The Algorithms brought me here. I stayed, listened, reflected then shared… Thank you so very much Dr. Anna Lembke. This is chocked full of nuggets. Please continue to share…
The world does not like people who speak their minds, it prefers compliant individuals. People who speak truth get jugded.
Thank you so very much for this, this new generation needs this message!
This is absolutely true. I decided to go this way years ago and it just works. It's something magical and funny also in speaking absolute truth and honesty to people's faces. They are so used to be lied to even in good intentions that honesty breaks ice. They may not like what they are hearing but knowing that it's honest and without games does wonderful things with them. And me. It sorts people too. Dishonest person will not stay in my inner circle long.
I guess this is what I needed to see tonight. It reminded me of all the good parts of AA/NA that I’ve been missing since walking away from the fellowship in 2020. Still clean/sober, enjoying new experiences and living well enough, but kind of stagnant spiritually.
Love your videos keep it up 🙏🏽❤
That part about empathy without accountability could be a video all it's own. Beautiful video. Seriously.
Wow! Thank you, Anna! I appreciate you, your passion, your honesty and perhaps most importantly, your work. You and your work are helping to make the world a better place, and that’s the truth.
I am so glad I found your channel.
A great message! ❤
I've never been able to lie and always been honest. Yet I find that I'm alone and people don't like me. So nice to know that honesty isn't always the best policy
So the other end is being popular but at the expense you have to lie to gain that? Screw those ppl I enjoy my honest solitude 🎉
Literally alone or just a few friends?
Absolutely loved this and will share with as many friends, colleagues and clients as I can. Your work is so profound and yet you put in such simple language, it's easy to grasp. It was a delight to meet you in Las Vegas last year at the Addictions Conference and I continue to use your material to inform my work. Thank you!
This is a blessing. Thank you!
Being a radical honest person, i can tell that it makes you incompetent in a world made out of lies. Yes, you may get close friends but there would be none in your buffer zone. Further there is a direct opposite relation between honesty and social accountability. You feel guilty of being honest, when being open about social reality.
I agree. As a radically honest person, young me had a terribly difficult time growing up. Frustrated at how everyone lies so easily. At how they tried to keep my mouth shut. My questions unanswered.
Brilliant! I came across the concept through the book and workshops by Brad Blanton, and an Oregonian personal improvement camp back in 04.. the entire experience changed my life. In my early years I told about being sexually abused by my stepfather but was emotionally ousted from my family. Fearful adaptation caused me to be a people pleaser effectively cutting myself from truth seeking and telling..I couldn’t have divulged this before the camp but now my life is flourishing 🙏🏽
Thank you for this amazing information. I am struggling to find my words and path with someone whom I love and adore. This insight and perspective is invaluable. I downloaded your book and will be listening while at work and hopefully be able to connect with that special someone I have in my life. Thank you!
this social trend of victimhood is deeply corolated with covert narcissism. this combination is actualy a quite hard one, as telling the truth is nearly impossible for some of them as they are not able to be honest to them selfs. its a dangerous trend for our society because it sets a state of blame but not finding solutions. im still glad to see that this observation is not just in my head and other people see that too. it all starts with your self... honesty is a gift
"When we hear another person's thoughts, beliefs, and feelings, it is more difficult to project on to them our perceptions of who they are. It is harder to be manipulative." - bell hooks (All About Love: New Visions)
Thank you so much for your consideration and presentation of the things that matter.