There are NO Justified Resentments - Wayne Dyer
Wayne Walter Dyer (May 10, 1940 - August 29, 2015) was an American self-help author and a motivational speaker. Dyer completed a Ed.D. in guidance and counseling at Wayne State University in 1970. Early in his career, he worked as a high school guidance counselor, and went on to run a successful private therapy practice. He became a popular professor of counselor education at St. John's University, where he was approached by a literary agent to put his ideas into book form. The result was his first book, Your Erroneous Zones (1976), one of the best-selling books of all time, with an estimated 100 million copies sold.This launched Dyer's career as a motivational speaker and self-help author, during which he published 20 more best-selling books and produced a number of popular specials for PBS. Influenced by thinkers such as Abraham Maslow and Albert Ellis, Dyer's early work focused on psychological themes such as motivation, self actualization and assertiveness.
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Thank you.
The resentment we carry is a heavy burden. Please share this video far and wide. Thank you.
what if you only have resentment for yourself?
This was a mid lecture. More Alan Watts stuff please.
This is NOT the "anti-vemom" to the "venom". It doesn't talk about how to address and heal from the real traumas that are the sources of the pain, suffering, "venom". 👎 1 should not have to "take responsibility" for traumas caused by others, and i know it means take responsibility for your own emotions and actions on how to handle it. BUT, that CAN'T HAPPEN UNTIL the person gets the love and support and help to treat the "venom" which is the source of it all. Otherwise the "love" given out from within still carries a desperation or resentment that is part of said venom.
@@starryeye6511 💯 I’d much rather hear you talk for fifteen minutes than the misguided dude in the vid
Loved this. Came at the right time for me x
That Teddy story made me tear up. When I was in primary school I was a pretty bad student. I was poorly socialized and didn't know how to make proper friends so I was often frustrated and acted out. By the first quarter of 5th grade my teacher noticed that I was intuitively intelligent but wasn't applying myself so she took special attention and helped me channel my skills into school. Ever since then I've been an over-achiever and it has taken me to great places. I'll never forget Ms. Higgins.
That is so great! God bless you AND Miss Higgins.
That Teddy story hits home. When I was a little girl my mom taught me that lesson with a cousin I had and didn’t like much. He was hyperactive and used to destroy everything. My mom tells me he will be staying with us a full day and I pleaded with her to not allow it because I was afraid he’ll destroy my books. She told me he was not going to misbehave and she was going to show me how. Well he came and as soon as his mom left and he was about to get into my books, my mom offered to read him a book. I remember to this day how still and hypnotized he was, he kept on asking for more books. When he left, my mom mentioned how he misbehaves because he needs more attention than he receives. I leaned a great lesson that day that to this day I remember clearly.
Wayne Dyer is a beautiful person. This is a beautiful message. The peacefulness that comes with letting go of resentment is life changing. Although the artist is very talented, the speed is disruptive to receiving Wayne's message.
I edited this to say the artist is very talented, but the speed of the visuals disrupts the message effectiveness
I am a 52 year old father of three boys, gulf-war veteran, 5th degree black belt and I consider myself a pretty tough guy. That "Teddy" story has me bawling like a 220lbs baby as I type this. Haven't blubbered like this since I was a very small child.
Sissy. Lol jk man. It was very touching and beautiful story
Beautifully said by a Real man👊
Only the toughest cry brother 🫡
I cried too - it’s a wonderful gift to be given that
Hilarious when men list their physical size when mentioning they cried
I spent the majority of my 20s being bitter and resentful because people who were close to me turn their backs on me and hurt me tremendously. I always thought I was aa good person who was better than everyone and believed I had some kind of moral high ground but I had to learn that REAL GOOD people show it through action, they don’t just sit around and claim to be a good person and they definitely don’t sit around and judge others. Forgiveness, understanding, and healing are painful processes but nothing compares to the years of suffering I have already endured being alone and angry at the world and god. I hope everyone find the strength to overcome their challenges and to choose love and happiness over all.
It’s wonderful that you have freedom from that sick feeling of resentment
Being a child and domestic abuse survivor, this hit right in the feels. I am resentful of so many things I know I have to let go in order for me to be free
Know that what you went through was in order to help you, no matter what it looks like. Like the lotus that blooms out of the mud, we also bloom from the muck. Be that one, the example of what transcendence looks like. Much Love and Light on your journey 🙇♀️🙏💛
U gotta ask God to help u forgive and let go of bitterness cuz that root has grown over the years and u don't have the strength to pull out that root of bitterness, only God can do it.
The anger is the disease.
The tricky thing is, we can't really let go of resentment because if we do, then there is no "I" to tell the tale. The "I" will therefore resist letting go though many clever, clever ways... Luckily, all we need to do is recognize that resentment is still there, that we (and no one) are not guilty for keeping it, but we'd love to think differently. We ask the Holy Spirit, God, or whatever we want to call it, for help, that we can look at things in a different light. That's all. We ask, wholeheartedly, and just make sure we're willing to recieve, to the best of our ability. The "I" gets to stay, and use it's functions, which means resistance won't be too hard (it will be there though, it just won't win the battle), but it slowly gives way to Truth.
@@Arcano_doce I needed to hear this today, as I’ve been feeling a lot of restlessness, fear, anxiety, worry and an overall sense of dread. Not feeling equipped to handle this thing called “life”, wanting to leave sooner rather than later. Such a hard thing to do, separate your feelings from what you truly are. But pointers like this help on the journey. Thank you so much and I hope you have an amazing day 🌅 🙇♀️🙏
No leaf falls randomly. Patience be with us all.
The Teddy story reminded me of my grandma. She was a primary school teacher for math and science in a public school of a small community in the south of Brazil. She told me that she would always look at those kids that were left out, that were not doing well in the tests, that wouldn’t pay attention in class. She would call them up to talk to them individually, and no doubt, they always 100% had some big problems of abuse and lack of love at home. She would see them, and give them the support and care that they needed. No doubt no matter where she goes, there are 40/50 y.o. People that recognizes her in the streets and shops of that town and will always remember Teacher Leda, and they all say how great a teacher she was to them. God bless all the kind teachers out there in the world that see and care about every children. Love is the answer, always! Ps: I loved that you used aang in the art 💛
@@ChucklesMcGurkOf course they are allowed to feel that. The message is that, once they can forgive and let the resentment go, they are free of that burden and can grow out of victimhood and finally take responsibility and their life into their own hands.
@@rahelglaus5721Yes that is correct. We are allowed of feeling resentment, but it is of no use, this is merely us cursing ourselves with prolonged torment. By letting go of our resentment, we are choosing to act out of self love and bless ourselves from now on, instead of cursing ourselves. This takes courage and strength indeed.
Yep 👍
As a Teacher, thank you, THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORDS. God bless you and Teacher Leda.
@@isabelmujica945 God bless you for all you work, Teacher Isabel
Yup! One of the greatest teacher. Mr Wayne Dyer!!!❤
His name was Mr Council, He was the librarian at my primary school and temp teacher. He understood the challenges of growing up with a mother with a mental illness. His kindness and understanding still brings tears to my eyes.
I’m the mom with who struggled with mental illness who is grateful for teachers like that.
The artwork and words with this video and Wayne’s voice make this so powerful. Thank you to the late Wayne Dyer and to the artist here! ❤
It’s 1am and have tears streaming down my face
This all makes sense, but it has to be applied collectively. If you’re stuck in a family who resent each other and you’re the one who lets go of that you will be attacked by the others who still resent you. I’ve been trying so fucking hard for years now to sort my family out and reach a proper understanding. I do everything I can to be kind and at my very best. Frankly these online motivational quotes sound lovely, but don’t really work. Be humble and work hard and you’re going to suffer and other people will shurk their responsibility on to you. In the end I’ve realised that I’ve got no choice, but to walk away, no matter how much I love them and try my very best for them, it’s never enough. I’m tired and I hurt and I really don’t want to resent them for how hard they’ve made my life, how much pressure they’ve put on me so the only option left is to walk away
I think you're doing the right thing. I walked away too. Perhaps they will learn something from losing you, but alas, probably not. I walked away too - I think of them now, years later, with something like pity and compassion (on my better days), because they can never be as I am - free of people who seek to cause harm. I carefully choose my battles - and actually don't have many anymore. Good luck to you 👍
Leaving the drama and allowing others to fully walk their path without trying to “help” is the lesson I finally learned. Now I live a calm life free of family and friends who I felt responsible to help.
Definitely, like he says at the end "How others treat me is their path, how I react is mine." In the case of poor company, you always have the option to respectfully decline to stick around and walk away instead :) a far better choice than sticking with it day after day and becoming resentful for your mistreatment, especially after trying and taking steps to correct it
They're not talking about converting narcissists.
Wayne Dyer has been one of the greatest teachers in my life. I miss him.
First book read was "Your Erroneous Zones" CHANGED MY LIFE decades ago.The latest piece of truth of his I've been chewing on, was when he said " when you change the way you are look at things, soon the things your looking start to change".❤ RIP DR.DYER.
Wayne Dyer continues to teach from the other side of the veil!! I love you Wayne!!!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
People harm one another, this is an unfortunate aspect of human reality. To pretend otherwise, to pretend that you have been hurt but shouldn't feel any pain is an illusion. Understand your resentments, understand that the people who wronged you were perhaps sick. Allow yourself to have resentment, allow yourself to understand it and grow from it.
You are missing the point. The point is that resentment never actually helps you in any way. You don't have to feel anything to learn from things that happened to you. All resentment does is hold you in a bind of learned powerlessness. There is no changing the past, and you can learn all the same lessons without holding on to things. He's not saying to not feel pain in the moment, he's saying don't hold it and don't assign it to things out of your control long term
@@dxfifa , My point is that: resentment is normal and healthy; while staying resentful for years and years is unhealthy. I have a background in the recovery world.. Too often people in recovery are told that when people have wronged them that it is still their fault. There is nothing more self-centered than to think that even if people screw you over that it's still your fault. Just to be clear: I say that this is a nuanced topic and deserves a full dissection. Resentment is normal and moving beyond them is even better.
thats the hard part. my uncle went to jail for 12 yrs b/c he r worded three of my little cousins. its hard because it DOES feel justified even if he grew up tough
Recognition and moving through something is a path to a new way of being. I see the wisdom in your words and the stepping stone of allowance and authenticity that eventually leads to dropping the blame. You're not missing the point. You're taking your own path to the same end.
Nonsense
The "Teddy & Mrs. Thompson" story made me cry. So poignant.😢💖
The Teddy story hit me right in my feels. Esp the part where he tells his teacher "thank you for making me feel important and showing me that i could make a difference". I feel like we need to wake up everyday and be that person for ourselves. Believe that we are so important and so capable of making so many lives better just by being us. Best wishes to everyone here, hope you have a great day today:)
This video came back up at the right time in my life. I forgot I had seen it once before until I heard the story about the butterflies. Then when I heard Teddy's story again, I could relate so much to what he had gone through. Although I was 17 when my mom passed, life at home was no walk in the park. I soon finished school and went down a less than desirable path. I'm still working towards my bright future and am learning more each day. Thank you for this beautiful lesson. I will make sure I spread love today and every day.
I truly wasn't expecting rhe Teddy story. As a teacher and dad, it makes me think about my actions and who I am. I hold myself to a standard of not doing harm and encouraging my students and kids to do their best, but I know I fall short. This story has me in tears and I thank you. I know I can do and be better, and stories like this remind me of that.
don’t forget to forgive yourself too - the resentments we hold against ourselves can be the sneakiest kind. ♥️
Same man. I’m better than most at it but I fall short and can be better about it.
Same, I'm a teacher too and this made me cry because I'm falling short for my students right now and I want to do better. Oof it's so hard to be human. Maybe no justified resentments can apply to myself too.
@@abby999Aren’t they tho!!
The snake bite analogy really resonates.
Thank you, this was beautiful and touching. Rest in peace, Dr. Dyer; thank you for what you have shared with us, which resonates beyond your living time here.
What a timely and beautiful message. I believe this can work for shame as well as blame. In that case you would be both the teacher and student. When we are gentle with ourselves and stop blaming ourselves so harshly, we can find the energy to take a step toward what is in our hearts. For me that looks like picking up a thing or two from my clutter instead of beating myself up for being a perpetual mess. Or allowing myself to make mistakes instead of berating myself. No one is perfect. We're all just waves. Takes courage to learn to surf. But it's more fun than getting stuck in the undertow. Just don't get discouraged when you fall. It's all part of life. No shame!
I’ve often enjoyed some of the things that Wayne Dyer has taught, however, this time, while I agree with most of what he saying, it doesn’t apply to everyone. Yes, we need to let go of the venom that is left in our system because of what others do to us, but that doesn’t mean that we have to accept blame for it. He notes in there that we have to accept responsibility for putting ourselves in the situation and accepting our part of the blame. This is not always the case. As a child growing up in abusive foster homes, it was not my choice to be abandoned by my parents and shoved into the system. I was not to blame for the abuse that was poured out upon me. Fortunately, through the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I can apply the Lord’s teachings of forgiveness, and allowing the Atonement to heal me from any resentment. But accepting blame in order to do that, that’s not good counsel for an innocent victim who’s suffered abuse at the hands of others. 🙏🏻
It is important to see the whole picture. When I take care of my side of the street, and not focus on the other, I am then able to forgive and let go of all sides. All blame goes away....
Well if you have no faith in yourself there's always jesus
There are always exceptions. The exception does not make the rule. Your experience is the exception here. Brother Wayne’s road map to self-transcendence/actualization is one most adults will find instructive. ✌🏾❤🕊️
As you grow older, and learnt from past experiences and making changes, you know exactly that those events needed to happen to make who you are today. But of course it's not 100% fact
@@TheKingterri Please re-read what I wrote. I never said my experience was the rule. I do agree with what Wayne Dyer says, but as you said and I inferred, there are exceptions-my abuse experiences being one of them. Sadly, your reply is indicative of a bigger issue in society where people see what they want to see, have patience for other people who don’t see or say the same thing. This is usually done by just skimming through what’s been written/said by others rather than really reading and absorbing and thinking about what they have or are trying to say. Please consider that next time before replying. Given your comment is actually quite well worded, I have a feeling you’re above average in intelligence and wisdom. So, I have no doubt others will be most grateful to hear your input-especially if they know that you truly understand and care about what they had to say. Thank you and God bless. 🙏🏻💝
Wayne Dyer....great spiritual guide...do miss his talks on human behavior!
What helps the most in such circles is to always remember that I am dealing with people who are sick, just like I am. And since "it is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society," we all must be profoundly sick.
My face is a mess, so many tears rolled down with the Teddy story. Don't even know why it moved me so deeply.
As a Mom, I have tried so hard to give love and slso to my late husban. Since his death 19 years ago things have difficult. Right now they are the most difficult ever and I had given up, allowing myself to fill with anger and resentment. Last week, while visiting my daughter who has poor mental health and my Grandaughtet who live in Europe, I was attacked at 4am in my tiny motorhome. I received a black eye as a man punched me through s window he had just torn off. My daughter's reaction was to become almost catatonic. There was no comfort for me, just a sense of guilt, for upsetting her again. I was so hurt and of course the anger and resentment flooded into my shocked brain. I felt I just couldn't do this any more. I just couldn't take anymore of my daughters illness which has gone on for 20 years. I sobbed and sobbed in despair because I am such a useless parent. My eldest son no longer speaks to me either. And yet, I tried my best. Then I listened to this video and I saw how all that anger, hate and resentment was just poisoning me.
Sorry to hear that happened to you, sounds a horrible experience. I guess we have to try really hard to accept our weaknesses and failings and flaws and those of others in our lives. We can only do our best and maybe focus on one hour at a time.
Man i’m so glad I saw this today. Blame & Resentment have no place in my heart.
After I lost my father 2 weeks before starting 8th grade, in my 1st quarter I was sick and out of school, and looking back my immune system must have been trashed from the stress, and my teacher decided that I was cutting class and failed me. Even though I had a doctor's note. Then when my mother had the school change my class to a different teacher, that teacher pulled me aside the end the year. He told that he saw great improvement in me but had to lower my grade because the other teacher failed me. Those were some of the worst teacher I ever had.
Im so sorry to read you were treated this way. You deserved so much better. Im sending you lots of love from Wales and cwtches, warmth and encouragement for the little boy you were back then. Im sure your father would be very proud of your strength and resilience ❤
Who’s cutting onions 🥲 beautiful message ❤
Right here 😢😢😢
This is a beautiful story! Everyone needs encouragement!
Wayne Dyer had such a great way of telling stories to teach life lessons. Thank you for keeping the stories alive!❤
💯
The thing about that story was that we all have that, out of all our teachers we all have that one teacher that truly believed in us ❤
I haven't cried that hard in a long time. This one really hit different
I don't know much about Wayne Dyer except that I listened to his audio recording of the Tao Te Ching for hours and hours, over and over again. Just his voice gave me peace. I think that's the ultimate example of what he's talking about here. We never knew each other and never will, but because he was filled with love he could give me love without ever meeting me. I know I need to work on being the same way.
Heard that peopke showed up naked when he presented his first book which was called Your Erroneous Zones in 1980's 😅 They thought it was Errogenous zones 🤣
@@pinkifloyd7867this is hilarious
Fault means accountability blame means responsibility. Resentment when justice is not served.
Letting go is the hardest thing ever.
Wow, that's such an amazing story. I don't think anyone that watched this didn't shed at least a little tear
I watched the whole thing and didn't at all. I'm all cried out, plus I feel dead on the inside....soooo nope
@@3rdeyefocusedI understand how you feel, not many things make me cry anymore. However I do believe this story is very inspirational.
@@3rdeyefocused well at least your 3rd eye is focused
I'm not crying, just washing my eyes! Thank you for such a beautiful example of what we can be.
Same! ❤
Yea, I had a little dirt or an eyelash get in my eye during this video.
That story took my soul out 😭🥹
So beautiful, thank you. People can only behave at their own level of consciousness, and when we act in unskillful and cruel ways to others, it is an indication of our own suffering. I choose compassion & love over resentment & hate. When I start to feel the embers of blame, resentment or anger towards those who have mistreated me, I say a prayer for them, “may you be healed, may you be at peace”, and I say the prayer for myself as well. All is love, and love is all.
You found IT. So happy for you. The world needs more of what you have to offer. 🙇♀️🙏💛
What about pedophiles who abuse kids their whole lives . I was that kid , then my daughters were those kids . I really don’t care that he was suffering to do that stuff - he made multiple CHOICES to abuse. This happens to so many people and they feel they must be doing something wrong by being angry or resentful. I understand that resentment keeps you imprisoned to that person , but I also don’t believe that the formula of looking at the other person and seeing it was only their level of consciousness at the time that allowed them to be cruel is healthy. Maybe for smaller acts of cruelty, but s. Abuse ? That kills another’s soul and it lasts a lifetime for many while these people “who are only acting from their suffering “ keep harming people over and over.
@@jennykelter9518I agree. My mother was violent and cruel. And I have difficulty not being angry at her. It caused me to develop unhealthy coping skills that have kept me in chains. I practice self responsibility but when triggered Its one step forward two steps back.
Because some of us have way more to forgive. Because muscles 💪 only grow through resistance.
This video came about right when I needed it. I’ve been experiencing lots of big life changes this year and doing my best to navigate them with the same grace, patience and compassion I’d want to be given. I first discovered Dr. Wayne Dyer early in college when our library had a book sale. His interpretation of the Tao was 50¢ and found me at a time in life where I was struggling immensely with mental health. I’ve read and reread that book and others many times. His book opened my heart and mind and spoke to my soul. His works are a big part of why I’m still here today. Rest in peace, Dr. Wayne Dyer❤
If you feel resentful, dont feel guilty about the resentment but know that no emotion can last forever constantly. Its okay to feel this emotion and dont forget to look past it too and focus on things you are drawn to. When you are ready you will search for Bliss. Resentment will not last.
That teddy story reminded me as a young boy for what I went thru with my father on his own terminal illness and all battle we shared. Miss you father so much Hope u all r safe my friends Namaste ❤
Ty for this video It did wonders for my for what im going thru now
Wow, I didn't think id be in tears but when that story about Teddy came into it it had me. I lost my mum last year and have had resentment since but have been working on many different ways to over-come it. It was a beautiful story to hear - thank-you
Sending love to you ❤The story made me cry too. Hope you're ok 🫂
You didn't cry alone. I'm right here crying with you.
Learn and act accordingly 👉The Connections (2021) [short documentary]💖
Thank-you I'm good, the goddess/Gaia/Mother Nature has me. What will be will be. Its just difficult at times reminding myself that all is a delusion despite the trials and tribulations that we face. Life can throw a curve ball and knock you hard and that puts things in a different perspective @@emmalewisart641
Right here with you, brother ❤
Taking responsibility doesn't mean what happened was your own fault, but it does give you your power back in the situation. I used to scoff at this ideas of not being concerned with blame and resentment, but now I can completely see that entertaining these feelings and ideas have only kept me stuck in a place of misery and inaction.
I'm not crying a bird just flew into my eye!
Having negative emotions with being unable to take any action against aggressor is bad. Wow truly inspiring!
This was & is something so beautiful in its eloquence, it will touch me forever…RIP & safe travels.
Wow that story is a tear jerker
I usually don't weep at merely reading or listening to tales, but that story of Teddy and his teacher made me all teary eyed, sobbing and feeling my heart ache, which is good, because it relieves me of repressed and locked sorrow inside of me. 🥺💓😭❤️🩹🕉🌊🌠 And that is because of the universal truth, love and beauty of this story. ✨️💖💎 A deep story indeed. 🌌
I am a young lady and this channel alone has taught me so much wisdom thank you to everyone behind the scenes !! And remember guys “there are no justified resentments”. Much love and Light to anyone reading this Xo
I think I might have to rewatch this everyday
I was 36 years old when I finally stopped blaming my behavior on others. I was at a rehab & tired of the way my life was going. Everyone who knew me told me I was justified in having the resentments I had against the 2 people I had them against. One was my father & they knew the story behind why I had the resentments & all agreed I was in the right. I even had people calling me up when I was at detox & rehab telling me I should not be where I was and that I was 100% justified to behave the way I had towards this person. This made it difficult for me to change in the years leading up to this because everyone in my community & family hated my father. He made it easy because he was an angry, violent jerk to almost everyone else as well. Deep down I knew what he was, but I also knew that what I had become was not good either regardless if it was only directed towards him. It was eating at me in ways I could not see yet. It was a teacher that helped me out. I was 36 years old and he was my 6th grade teacher. We crossed paths a few times as adults & I knew he was in a 12 step program because I was required to attend a certain amount before I got my license back years prior to this incident. Because of this I called him when I was in detox before I went to rehab. He came to visit me and said he would help me out when I asked him. He brought me notebooks & told me what to do to get started & kept telling me regardless of what others do, we are responsible for our own behavior & how we react to situations. He told me how we react & behave are really the only things in life we have total control over. Slowly I started to learn this. I came home from detox & rehab 8 weeks later & he talked to me a few times a week and gave me the advice that helped him thought it. I knew him when he was younger & always angry & mean to others. I saw a major change in him over the years that went far beyond him just quitting alcohol & drugs. I was willing to learn because I couldn't take the pain anymore due to what my life had become. I had every justification known to use to justify how I drank and how I behaved. If you had my dad, if you had my job(which I did well at and made excellent money at) If you had to deal with my boss, my wife, my brothers, my neighbors, and on and on the list went. Slowly he taught me what he did to move beyond thinking that way & by doing the things he told me to do I slowly started to change. I finally did not have a head filled with anger & resentment. He also told me most anger is actually fear in disguise & had me list all my fears as well & went over those with me. I am almost 60 years old now & my life changed for the better since then & I have never looked back. I got a job dealing with mentally disable people and helping them work out behavioral & relationship problems was a part of this job that I never would have been good at if he did not help me to do the work I had done to change. For over 20 years now I am the guy others in my family call to help work out disagreements & internal fights they have going on. I was also the guy at work my peers called on for help because they respected the way I behaved & reacted to difficult situations. I was referred to as the mature, responsible & intelligent member of the team I worked with. It did take me a few years to get to this point as nothing happens overnight, but by changing I first started I did to notice a few relationships healed relatively fast & did notice some positive benefits immediately. Once you change people also start reacting differently to you in a more positive manner. It may take some time to notice because the dynamics of relationships do not always change overnight. I learned that holding onto what I use to consider a justifiable resentment only created damage to my life and caused problems immediately. The moment I catch myself wanting to hold onto a resentment or getting angry with someone I work on it right away & would never think of returning to my old way of thinking and living. I am the guy in the neighborhood others call on to help solve problems when they occur & I have told all the younger guys in the neighborhood I am willing to help them learn what I learned to get on this side of things. When I tell the younger & older folks in my neighborhood I use to have an anger problem & put a lot of work into changing to get to where I am now they all reply the same way "we could never view you as someone who had a problem & could never see you getting angry with anyone. You are the most leveled headed person in this neighborhood." There was an incident two years ago where a cop wanted to break a car window to drag a teenager out of to arrest over something minor. I asked the cop in private if he would give me 5 minutes to try to get him out as it was not his car to begin with. I told him I was a retired Mental Health Worker. He said "you have 5 minutes and no more before I break the window." The teenager knew me from around the neighborhood & he let me in the car when I asked him. I sat and talked with him. I explained really quickly a few things I went though years ago & asked him to walk out of the car with me. I had also asked the cop to "gently" cuff him rather than being rough" and he said he would if I could get him to walk out of the car. The teenager was still being apprehensive & I held out my hand to him & told him he could do this & I would walk over to the police cruiser with him. He finally took my hand & then opened his door. I came over to the other side, took his hand again & walked him over to the cop. The cop was amazed! I told him sometimes having a little patience can go a long ways. I walked him over to the cruiser and the cop held up his part of the bargain. The cop actually thanked me two more times before leaving with him. The teenager was out on bail two hours later and I had several neighbors thanking me the next morning for what I did. I did not feel I deserved any thanks as I was just passing on what others had taught me & always let the teenagers who have violent episodes happen in our neighborhood my door is always open for them if they want to talk. The most powerful & the best change I ever made in my entire lifetime was to learn this & to get rid of any resentment the moment it starts to become a thought. It has helped me change for the better in ways I never dreamed of. Once you understand 100% that your behavior & your reaction to situations is something you control and is not the fault of anyone else you will notice your life changing for the better immediately. Once a person stops blaming their life and choices on others they truly start to grow & will notice how their relationships only get stronger with the people they currently have in their lives. I also do not let others in my family or circle of friends try to blame me for how they are behaving. If they get angry & try to blame me I remind them I am not responsible for their behavior, it is only they who have this control. I had a relative recently call me at 3:30AM when they were drunk & angry. The next day they said they did this because "so & so" said I did & said "so & so" so it was their problem and mine because they believed I did something negative against them. I immediately told them "NO" This is on you because you choose to call me at 3:30AM about an issue that was hearsay & you are trying to blame the person who told you and then me because I "MAY" have done what he told you I supposedly did. I said NOT at all, you made all the wrong decisions and allowed a lie to make yourself act bad and to behave in a horrible manner. He finally realized it was his fault & apologized. This was my father, he never apologizes and was the one who created most of the resentments I had when I was younger. He spent the first 10 years of my life in and out of jail & prison. When he was around he beat me and my mother senseless. When I was big enough & old enough to fight back I always did which only turned into us beating each other up all the time. I never started one of these fights but always helped escalate them into something much bigger. I moved out at 17 years of age. He will be 80 years old this summer, he spent his 75th birthday in jail and still creates havoc where ever he goes, except around me because I immediately let him know his behavior is in his control not mine & remind him to stop blaming his behavior on me or others. It is sad he still behaves this way and never really tried to change it is actually pathetic to hear an almost 80 year old man blame his mistakes in life on his parents and anyone else he can justify blaming when there is no justification in his case. It has made his life much more difficult than it ever needed to be. He actually creates resentments out of nothing and creates fake situations in his head to be resentful about. He just replies "I thought so & so was thinking that about me" he literally creates problems out of nothing because it is what he has done his entire life & rather than take responsibility when he should, he just blames someone else for it or creates a phony situation in his head to justify it. I have watched people change by getting rid of resentments and I have watched people not change because they keep all resentments and even create some when it isn't necessary. I know how I would rather live. If you have any problems with this issue feel free to leave a comment & I will try to point you in the proper direction to change. You will be glad to did. Thanks for sharing this video on this very important topic that doesn't get discussed enough.
Forgiveness is freedom... ☮️👍
No-limit Person. I remember listening to Wayne Dyer lectures almost every evening before sleep. He introduced to some of the greatest spiritual teachers 🙏🏿 He lives on…
It’s extremely difficult to watch this without saying “yeah, I’ll show this to person X, that way they’ll see how THEY should behave” - which in turn is, of course, a form of resentment. For this advice should be for whoever is listening, not someone outside of ourselves.
I was teddy but that teacher never came. And boy did I go through 42 years of hell. But I made sure I fought to be in my sons life and he’s doing great. Thank u God
Now that was a GREAT story
Admirable idea, and something i believed once. Then realised i was gaslighting myself in toxic positivity and depriving those that gave me reasons to resent, the opportunity to learn and grow by bathing them in validating compassion. And the behaviour got worse not better. Its false virtue to pretend its all my fault and i can love my way into another person changing. The bhagavad gita nails it on the head. The sutras i feel give a different teaching to this talk - punya vs apunua. Really, i wonder how the boys teacher relates to this idea of resentment, on basis of the examples given in the opening part of the video.
I don't think you need to go so far as to give validating compassion in order to not resent. You definitely don't need to pretend it's all your fault. Nothing about this video gave me those ideas.
@@wendylcs4283 its where he references the yoga sutras of Patangali, which say we should cultivate loving compassion to oppose our natural instinct to feel anger or fear. Its good not to carry around our baggage. But in the moment events are playing out in our lives, we must respond honestly with our feelings. This is true virtue.
I personally have had to walk away with complete no contact from someone who caused me pain and own my contribution and responsibility to the toxicity. I have to face the future with compassion and better understanding of why I put myself in the position and try never to return to that pattern.
@vjastrix Thanks for this comment. I got some very uncomfortable feelings watching this.
Teddy's journey reminds me of the very first book I ever read from cover to cover. It was called Dibs in search of self. It showed me the importance of accepting others from where they are on their journey and not on ours. Dibs story saw him grow to trust in others and most importantly he learnt to like himself ❤
Such a beautiful story. Thank you so much for this! 🙏🏽
Beautiful. . This one was a challenge emotionally.
The teacher did gods work. Not gonna lie I almost shed a tear.
almost
Very nice stuff... forgiveness doesn't mean you take back the person who wronged you, it means forgiving them inside your heart with recognition that they contributed to your maturity so that you feel lighter and welcome new things and people.. learnt the hard way
Try convincing rape victims that, mate.
True
Friggin teddy got me crying in the middle of the bus
Sometimes bad things simply happen and they are beyond anyone's responsibility.
The only resentment I carry is the resentment towards myself. I am a chronic underachiever and have only myself to blame. Inferiority complex or depression as it may be called is the worst resentment of all.
Find a way to let it go. Try some shadow work. Try eft. Forgive yourself, set yourself free.
Whether you think you can, or cannot, you are correct. - Ford Read the book "The Secret" And also "The Four Agreements" They will change your life, I promise you
As long as you are alive, you have time to change, even if you have to seek help to get out of your rut! Acknowledging the problem is the first step.
one of the only things that helps me be less judgemental, angry and resentful of myself, is to imagine a girlfriend, or a twin sister, or a very close friend, basically, someone you love, and see how I treat their underachievements, their flaws, their shortcomings, and so on. And then ask myself, why can I not treat myself at least half as lovingly. Some of us lack the self-respect, the self-love that developed more fully in others, and I am not sure how/if I'll personally ever get there. But I am at least trying to respect myself as I'd like others to respect those I love. (a lot of times I forget :)
This hits the root. People we don't love ourselves, are uncompassionate and unkind to ourselves. And so we cannot do and be those things to others either. To be complete we must be loving from our core inside to the outside. And there is not one without the other.
I needed to watch this talk today, it gave me a more focused direction on my slow and painful road to recovery from mental health issues that have literally robbed me of remembering most of my past and made happiness elusive. I am scared and anxious nearly all of the time and despite making progress I’ve never been able to turn off the fear. I had and still have a lot of resentments... my journey continues 💛
The anger is the disease. Give it up.
Fantastic. Repost worthy. Namaste. 🙏🌟😇 Miss Wayne's brilliance very much... ❤
R.I.P Wayne Dyer....Boy how thw tears have just flooded my face
If someone has abused you and you are really affected by it, this is something beyond your choice or supposed justification. It would seem to me that actual pain or harm is beyond justification or non justification. Contrary to the video: Most resentments are justified, and by seeing the truth of them you can then move beyond them and heal.
I agree trauma is no joke...
Agreed
@@CZARNicholas-ht9dq guess I am going straight to hell and my abuser will be in heaven
@@chamicelsI don’t think an abuser has a straight path to Heaven. And forgiveness sometimes is too hard. But if you can, try at least not to keep thoughts of revenge, or how good it might feel to see your abuser suffer. Maybe you you can already do it. I think it’s a good beginning. Concentrate on your own healing, on moving on. I hope you don’t live with your abuser right now. If you do, concentrate all your efforts on how to get away from this situation. I don’t know how old you are, but if you’re young and your abuser is an adult, try to find someone you can ask for help. I don’t think you’re condemned to hell if you’re dealing with trauma. I really don’t.
You miss the whole point! It’s your self that is set free! Keep your resentment and you have no one else to blame where you end up in life, just yourself. You can’t blame your abuser.
Acceptance transcends understanding
I shall call these tears "fountains of Wayne".
That was a beautiful story
Beautiful 😭
Is someone cutting onions?
Wow ... I am speechless. Thank you.
Resentment is a layered emotion. Resentment is a natural response to being abused and neglected. Judging all resentment as bad or wrong is a form of emotional neglect. If you're resentful bc someone else is resting, it's bc you didn't set boundaries around your own rest. If you're resentful towards your abusers, it's bc you weren't allow to set boundaries with them. Very different sources of resentment. Resentment is the feeling of frustration, judgement, anger, "better than", and/or hidden envy related to perceived unfairness or injustice. It's an emotion that we often experience when we fail to set boundaries or ask for what we need, or when expectations let us down because they were based on things we can't control, like what other people think, what they feel, or how they're going to react. - Atlas of the Heart
I love this, and I believe the timing of this message is critical. At a time when the world is chomping at the bit to cast hateful stones, everyone in our society might instead try truly facing our internal defensive demons. A resentful ragon is just lonely dragon. We need to coax them out into the light, where they can glisten, and to tolerate and to embrace these many dark corners and use their shadows for good. We need all the dragon trainers right now that we can get, 💜💜💜
Predator or prey ,you choose weakling
Lol yes, isn’t it great we even get to choose! But true, some days turn out to be better choice days than others.
“Detach yourself from reality” While I “get” overcoming misplaced resentment, sometimes it’s completely justified
All resentment is misplaced. You seem to be letting being “justified” get in the way of what may be a better path. There are better and worse courses of action, and even “justified” ones are often not the best. I am not saying I am perfect, but the advice in this video is perfect. Great advice is sometimes hard to apply.
Holy shit, idk why I'm fighting these tears but damn. I can listen to this story everyday
The story of Teddy, made me cry. Such a beautiful story. ❤😢
This was great. Wayne Dyer was one of the best! He's a goldmine of wisdom, please do more video with him. 😇
He was a charlatan , selling a special brand of snake oil psycho babble.
He said : No one can make you stressed, anxious, or depressed without you consent , a nonsensical statement that he pretty much plagiarized from Mrs . Eleanor Roosevelt, who by the way was as beautiful as she was smart . Which was not at all.
AND THAT STATEMENT IS NOT AT ALL TRUE !
Thank you so much for sharing this video, the touching story and the beautiful artwork. I am in tears. Bless you. ❤
I could not stop tearing up..
Thank you!!! I really ❤ love this after school videos!
WOW - terrific art especially at 4:26 :)
Let go of RESENTMENTS; embrace ACCEPTANCE.
Thank you for my many tears - a former teacher.
His book Real magic changed my life. I still listen to it on the regular❤
That’s a lot of wisdom for 15 minutes
Absolutely beautiful story and incredibly illustrated 🙏❤️👏👏👏
Thank you!
Beautiful! Just a little attention goes a long way!❤
Good on you! That’s a lot of steps. I’m on my own journey to better health and it’s so great to have those nature experiences to remind us of the experiences we are able to enjoy now that we are getting healthier. Recently did a nature trail with 400 stairs and was sucking wind hard but the view and sense of accomplishment were so worth the temporary discomfort. Congrats on your progress!
Justification: those who deceive and cheat--- they justify in their minds that they have taught you a lesson about life.
Wayne is probably the most important teacher I have come across in my lifetime so far. His books and recorded presentations are all worth your time. ❤
Tears for Teachers and Teddy, wonderful drawings! Keep it up !❤
I've read three of Doctor Dyers books; fascinating, and motivational words, and themes.