9 Traits of Borderline Personality Disorder
Learn more about borderline personality disorder here: my.medcircle.com/3Ok4vDQ
MedCircle host Kyle Kittleson sat down with Dr. Ramani Durvasula to discuss how to spot the 9 traits of a highly misunderstood mental health condition, Borderline Personality Disorder, also know as, BPD.
She answers:
What are the trademarks of borderline personality disorder?
What does it feel like to have borderline personality disorder?
How is BPD different from other personality disorders?
How is BPD different than bipolar disorder?
What are the 9 traits of borderline personality disorder?
Do you have to have all 9 traits to receive a BPD diagnosis?
Dr. Ramani ends the interview with tips for helping a loved one who might have borderline personality disorder.
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth #MedCircle #mentalhealthawareness #bpd
Watch our full video series on working through the highs & lows of BPD (featuring Dr. Ramani) HERE: bit.ly/2Cg6uHT
SO, I watched this a year ago and told my therapist I have many traits like this and now I just got accepted into my full time program, thank you guys for helping, wow I am so grateful I came across this video.
To abbreviate the disorder as BPD (Borderline) can cause confusion with BPD (BI Polar). If these abbreviations find their way onto a chart the wrong treatment can be started, I've seen it happen.
Please get someone else to host. This interviewer is not just rude as he cuts her off unnecessarily and comes across as judgy with his reactions.
This interviewer is not good for this job. Please read the comments if u can’t see why 😔
Never Google your symptoms. Never KZhead your symptoms. NONSENSE! Why would you encourage self diagnosis???
I'm relieved to find out that I only exhibit 13 of the 9 traits.
lol same
Thank goodness.😉
Lol feels! BPD life fucking sucks. I’m just glad that I’m more emotionally stable now than I was at 13!
Finally got help a year ago. At first they left it as a mood disorder along with MDD and then official disorder of PBD along with MDD.
Same, same!
just starting to realise that it isn't normal to feel intensely sad, stressed, relaxed and happy all within half an hour
So what is "normal"?
Me neither. I thought everyone experienced that
Dam I do that
Gabe Waite, but the media spends billions making you feel thoes emotions in a single minute of advertising not to mention the movies?
No such thing as normal... This is just describing beings that have had something happen to them that has caused this and when we hide away from the root cause, can't handle or don't have the right support, then you get beings whom keep reliving the experiences that caused them trauma, through feeling they are still being treated this way and this is usually because they are highly sensitive to beings treating them lesser than they feel they should be. But because they are taught or told this is abnormal and then medicated ect, they then believe they are "unwell", when in fact they are just a regular human being whom hasn't dealt with whatever the mind/body has suppressed as to protect them from having to deal with what they wouldn't be able to handle at the time of the trauma happening and so with it being suppressed it Will eventually start to either come through in visions/flashbacks or different behaviours, even loss of memory, as to hide from it even more If they are not in an environment where they may feel safe enough to experience these emotions and flashbacks, as to let them be felt and understood then possibly released. Instead we have this world where they would much rather drug us and make us into easy to manage zombies. We are just a science experiment, as we always have been. But now we are also very valuable to those whom make a lot of money from keeping us drugged up and in need of therapies that these kind of beings (psychiatrists) use. We now know that we are highly sensitive to being lied to and can tell when we are being done wrong by in how we feel we should be treated. Is wanting better for yourself, to be treated better than what you have been treated previously, by being made to feel you're always in the wrong, really a bad thing? Is it wrong or natural to feel anger and frustration from always being told you talk too much from a very early age? or you're too soft? or to be normal and act like other children, by teachers and other adults alike? Or being told that the beings bullying you are only doing it because they are having troubles at home? Yet you are also having troubles at home, with arguing parents and being abused by someone close. also having a problem with incontinence which is diagnosed through a hospital at only 7 years of age and getting bullied for this because the head teacher decided it was a good idea to tell the whole of your year in an assembly, whilst calling you up so everyone could see whom they were talking about, then proceeding to try to make 7 to 8 year old minds understand how "Sarah has something where the bladder that holds the urine doesn't work properly and this makes her have accidents where she wets herself" ect, the bullies thought it was funnier and the name calling began. Also at around 3 to 4 in nursery they stood this girl on a table and started singing a song and saying thumbalina as to this girl sucking her thumb, when all she wanted to do was stay outside and play with the sand and water and be in nature, not in a class room being picked out because she used her thumb to sooth and calm her when she was either tired or in a place she didn't feel comfortable.... this is where it began and it never stopped... bullying all through school... Always in relationships where they always desired someone else. First true love always desired and longed for and ex of his whom he wanted but she wanted an open relationship where he wanted more and he always pointed out other womens features, like "woh! Look at the tits and ass on her" ect, also had a "cute girl at college called kat" and all whilst proceeding to point out your flaws. We tried telling our mother how we felt and she said it was normal for males to look around at other females, but why did it feel so wrong and hurt us so much? She stood up for him and so we got taught that we were yet again "over reacting" and to stop being so silly, along with putting others feelings above our own... Now that we are totally sober and not using any prescribed nor recreational drugs as to hide and be more easy to control or manipulate, we see and understand more of where our emotions/feeling/reactions come from. It comes from pure blind ignorance and we as beings not truly listening to one another due to not being able to handle our own personal fears/traumas and being stubborn in believing that we are unwel if we don't follow as society tells us to and fit into some kind of box/label. This girl was raised by beings whom were taught to shut up and keep going, not to validate their emotions/feelings with what may have caused them in the first place and this is where the damage carries on as they teach us the same, as they fear society and their own supressed trauma/s... It's all linked if we just take the time and courage to take a look into why we react rather than being drugged up and labelled unwel/unfit to live in society. Mental asylums are where we live but now it's out in the open, as we have accepted that the rich and the ones making money off of us are correct and the ones still being bullied and kicked around deserve it, even after all they have already been through.
She explains such a complexed topic in a way that makes it easy to digest. This Doctor is a remarkable woman and a joy to listen to
She is She has huge amount of educational videos about narcissism, her name is Dr Ramani, look for it in KZhead
Agree
*complex* topic.
Remarkable at what. Nobody really knows
And she’s smoking hot too. I’m crushing
Wow. I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 15. I have never heard it explained so well. She literally hit every part of what I feel. BPD is not fun. It is a daily struggle. I hate that I'm like this and am trying so hard to change it. My heart goes out to anyone here struggling with BPD because it really is so freaking hard. I'm so glad that I am not alone in my struggle. It makes me feel less crazy.
The biggest obstacle is accepting it. I accepted it 5 years ago and it was like an immediate switch being flicked in my brain. It wasn't a cure but it made dealing with it so much easier. I'm not 100% there but I've come a long way on my journey. One of the issues with BPD not brought up in this video is that BPD sufferers are drawn to each othe like moths to a flame. It's the intensity of relationships and immediate accepance that both people so desperately crave but the instability will ultimately doom the relationship. As someone who is self aware of it, I have been with partners who have it yet they hide behind depression/anxiety as they don't want to be labeled as having a 'bad personality' and to be honest, I don't blame them. The literal name for it is a large barrier for the sufferer to accept and get appropiate treatment. I'm with a partner now and she has BPD and she is forthcoming with it. It's hard but also very rewarding. That intensity is lovely if directed properly.
You're not by yourself. I'm not sure how to help ourselves, but at least we have each other.
Thanks❤ we can do this
Not possible. Your dr is child predator and head screwer
You are seen. I struggled a lot with DBT in the beginning, even wanted to quit two days into therapy. But now, 4 years later, I’m truly grateful that I stayed and worked hard. I still struggle from time to time, but DBT gave me the tools to handle my intense emotions better. I believe in you, you will be able to fight for yourself like I do. ❤
The worst part is when you just KNOW your reaction is innappropriate but you still keep doing it without any control knowing you slowly make the other person feel horrible especially when they don't know about the disorder and then you spend a lot of time feeling guilty and thinking about how bad of a human you are :/
I know 🥺😞
Eugh I know :///
Get some meds. It really helps
@@verameertens839 mine's not that serious so no meds for me yet i do understand the feelings
I'm thinking my husband has it. He behaves in certain ways, not every one of the traits and symptoms match though. Do they have to/?
“They want to be alive but at the same time they want to be dead because they cannot deal with the pain” wow. Just wow. That hit hard.
🥃💊💨
Right
This is me
Mood
Felt this hit me hard too… I suffer from bipolar 2 but can relate to this also
I ultimately lost my daughter to BPD a year and a half ago…she was 24 when she took her life. She suffered for so long and she had been in and out of psychiatric hospital/ drug rehabilitation programs. I tried so hard to save her and yet I couldn’t. My world is so dark without her💔
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve had a few friends do that and I had no idea they felt that way. My mother put herself on a suicide road with her alcoholism and her siblings helped her along with rejecting her out of the family and used what’s called mixed communication to make themselves look like they actually cared about her. When they were done with her then I was served up as the scapegoat, which I already was as a child. Hugs 🤗 and love ❤️ coming your way from me 😊
So sorry for your loss 🙏🏽Kelly .. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers
@@jai7184 Thank you so much 💜💜💜 I truly appreciate that 💜
@@alimccreery755 Thank you💜💕 it means so much to feel outside support especially when I typically do not reach out to my circle anymore. It sucks when you just need to open up about your sadness but can’t because you realize your grief makes others uncomfortable. So I keep to talking to my daughter and God… it’s just nice hearing (reading) something back💜
@@kellycarroll651 I’m listening and hear you. Hugs 🤗 and love ❤️ coming your way 🥰
My friend does exactly what this woman explained. I had to focus on studies, I was really busy, she snapped. In a flick of moment we argue, because I tried to reason with her. Only when she burts into tears she kept apologzing. That's when I seen how much serious is and how much she fears people will leave her. I stayed because I want to help her. I want her to know she is not alone. Thank you for this video.
My mom diagnosed with BPD & NPD - here to gain insight...ty
@@user-ty2xv6xw8j- this is what some professionals have hypothesized with my own mom, but she will never get help…. She’s blissfully unaware of herself & doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with her
"They want to be alive, at the same time they want to be dead-- because they can't manage that pain."
Sarah W facts
Nailed it!!
I think I might have borderline personality. Kinda scary. Or maybe I am so depressed I am trying to figure how and why. I don’t think I have bipolar two but the spectrum is so big. I am so confused. I Just want to be well.
VanessaSimon26 u don’t hv don’t say tht to urself u re normal and a human tht blood flows in ur veins so mood can switch this will make u not to b urself
@@VanessaSimon26 we have to learn to love ourselves I think most bpd were neglected
"People with BPD don't want to be dead but they also don't want to be alive." Wow, that's me exactly.
1) KZhead: Angels Visited My Little Girl This Morning. 2) *I BROKE DOWN IN TEARS* THIS IS WHAT JESUS JUST SPOKE TO ME!! JESUS IS COMING 3) I saw Old Lady In Hell! 4) KZhead: I'M NOT TAKING THE MARK OF THE BEAST, NOW WHAT? 5) KZhead: Sarah Boyanga 6) KZhead: Brother Carlos Oliveira ( He has a deliverance ministry)
Yeah, that one really hit home for me too.
I tell people that I joke about this when I say it, but deep down I hate myself for actually feeling that way. And I also love myself for being truthful about my thoughts and emotions. It's a fucking nightmare
💯💯💯
Tough isn’t it!!!
Hey fellow BPDs, I come to share a little thing that helped me a great deal, it touches mostly the identity issue, but helps all around. It doesn't fix everything, but it helps finding some stability. Find your core values, refine them and hold on to them, make that the foundation of your identity. I find it's a good anchor that helps stabilize that personality and better manage emotions and behaviors.
Thank you !! Right now trying to fit in with other people and are afraid to open up to new surroundings
Be very careful though because you can radicalize your feelings into your belief system and core values and feed into your disassociation and create a rather strong false belief system to further your anger. I’m currently dealing with this myself
I have values but sometimes I mute certain ones, I never truly know who the real me is, because the real me is so inconsistent in everything, all the way down to her minute by minute feelings or emotions. Is it possible or even worthwhile to define values when they’re changing so frequently?
How can a person do this with no sense of identity? That makes no sense.
I think something not talked about a lot is that many people develop similar traits when in an abusive relationship with narcissists. Infidelity can cause you to feel some of these things also and lots of times its a combo of the two
Yes ,I feel a deep seated reason for me is abandonment by my biological father combined with an abusive mother ,bullying and lots of death and loss from an early age. I feel so damaged I could just go catatonic sometimes.
THIS !!!!! Also, neglected as a child.
Oh my goodness! You hit 🎯💯 it on the nail ! I have always suffered with depression, anxiety, and the last few years I have realized I also now have PTSD. I just went through a breakup with my ex-boyfriend (whom I just realized is a narcissist) I was with him for 6 years, the last couple years, I have been having crazy outburst that seem to be getting worse and worse. I was just recently diagnosed with BPD. I truly believe, that his narcissistic personality has made my condition worse. I don't want to blame others for my illnesses, it's my responsibility to figure it out. I just feel like I needed to add to your comment. I 100% believe that that relationship has sent me into a spiral of insecurities and doubt.
My mother is diagnosed BPD. She once left me a voicemail where she started cheerful, by the middle was sobbing, and by the end was screaming at me. It was a 2 minute voicemail.
My mother was BPD. I relate to that kind of voicemail. Thankfully, she passed away not being made at anyone. I always lived with worrying about that.
I’m 64 as well and just recently realized that my mom has BPD. I spent most of my life trying to understand and help her not realizing that I was dealing with a mental disorder. She is 86 and as well as BPD she is now showing dementia snd is getting mean as well. Not sure how to help her now. ☹️
@@livondabeach2614 My mother is 61 with undiagnosed BPD as well as has had a brain injury leading to early onset dementia with major short term memory issues. Constant mood changes (happy, sad, angry to happy within one phone call), fears of abandonment (she's in assisted living, which mixed with Covid lock-downs is understandable), and physical limitations. Someone in a situation like this, the best unprofessional way I have found is to help them where they are willing to accept help. Whether that is basic needs like food and assisting with cleaning, or on goods days taking her out for coffee. There will be bad days, in my case there are more bad than good. But appreciate the good days as life is too short. And the people we love are still in there, just hidden by the vail of disease/disorders. I have tried discussing BPD with my mom but she wouldn't listen (she thinks it's just depression and won't accept further help), so I just appreciate the time I have left and help where I can. Good luck with your mom, even learning what they are experiencing shows just how much you love her ❤
@@thisismychannelleaveit thanks for the kind words and encouragement. It is hard for everyone involved but harder for those that don’t recognize this as a disorder. My father is constantly in verbal battles with her that nobody wins. So hard to accept that what should be the peaceful part of ours lives is filled with a different kind of challenge as we deal with aging parents. Good luck with your mom. Peace 🙏
My mother also has BPD and bipolar disorder so I deeply understand you. Sometimes, it's very scary. She used achohol to escape her issues which didn't help at all.
My husband once said of me "You're like a beautiful garden with landmines."
I've never laughed so hard reading a comment and related so much! You're husband sounds awesome!
Wow, that's such a gorgeous comment ...
Your husband just described exactly how I feel about the woman I am head over heels for. Everyone thinks I am crazy for putting up with her but the heart wants what the heart wants.
@@vikramji1743 A friend once told me he realized what our problem with women was. He said normal women bored us so we like the crazy ones. I gave it some thought and admitted he was right. We really did like the crazy ones.
My (now ex) husband always says "at least she's not boring!".
Just found out that i have BPD. At 29, now all my life makes sense. I've realized that since I found out I know exactly what and who triggers me, I was able to reduce the anger by distancing myself of certain people but as soon has they are with me and say smth that bothers me ( my mother criticizing me ) sends me into a crises of mood swings in minutes and feeling lots of anger. I only feel calm when im alone now. Lord, I'm starting therapy. Good luck, everyone ❤
good luck. you realize you have the problem. that's more than most
Thank youu 😊 life is good we just have to heal and focus on ourselves and who really matters. Good luck for youu too! 😊
Dr. Ramani provides an exceptional description of BPD and other mental health disorders. I continue to watch her videos to educate myself and learn the symptoms someone with mental illness is experiencing. This has been instrumental in my role as a Registered Nurse Case Manager in a mental health clinic.
That rug really tied the room together.
Marvin Davenport 🤣
lol
😂😂😂😂 that actually made me laugh out loud
I didn't notice until I read that 😂🤣😉
😆😂🤣😂😆🤣😂😂🤣😆🤣😂😆😆😆🤣
Yup spot on: “you wanna die, but at the same time you wanna live”.
As someone who has depression. That's soo true.
I felt this way to much
I don't want to kill myself, but if I could push a button that makes me never exist I would so quickly.
No I just want to die
For me that's the first 45 minutes of my day
As someone studying psychology whose diagnosed with BPD (now called EUPD) it was definitely interesting to hear the clinical overlap of conditions. That last part talking about a client’s dissociative shift that could have been perceived as DID was so fascinating. I do wish this video covered the ongoing awful stigma we receive though and how it’s a huge barrier for getting help. Services in the UK especially will actually refuse to treat those with BPD, and some even don’t believe the disorder exists. Somehow we’re judged and unseen at the same time.
That's so true, I have B.P.D..and it came from a narcissistic mother. I never got any help of anyone..back in the 70s..and going through my life has been a nightmare, broken marriages, violence, where I ended up in prison..it' s a chaotic life...and all we get is punished for being ill. Peace&Love&Light Namaste 🙏 ♥️
You are correct I’ve reached out for help from 4 different services who say they won’t help me because of my EUPD but they’ll help me with my depression and anxiety. I get medication for depression and anxiety but not EUPD. I’m left to struggle 😞
The reason that UK Mental Health services refuse to take on pwBPD is our increased risk of suicide. (My ex was a Community Psychiatric Nurse). If we were to commit suicide whilst under their care, it is classed as a failure on their part and an internal investigation will ensue. I had been in psych hospital for 8 months, completely psychotic. The day after I was Dxd BPD, i was discharged; no explanation, no pre-discharge planning and no follow up care arranged. I was tossed to the kerb like a leper. My GP tried to get me support for 10 years, to no avail. I have had to struggle through the last 30 years alone.
@deehine Awwww sweetheart, I empathise with you. I understand how tough your journey has been. I to went through he'll and obliterating good and bad things that came into my life. Not being able to distinguish, love 💔 from illusion. Let me tell you, I have gone within, done my shadow work..and it gets better. It never goes away completely it's a life sentence. Go to God, and pray 🙏 for deliverance. I hope you can get something from my sincere words. Peace&Love&Light Namaste 🙏 ♥️
@@deehine I’m so sorry you’ve been left to struggle too. I don’t understand their logic… they don’t want to work with us in case of us committing ss yet their refusal to help can push us to do it as we feel like burdens, nuisance’s one less problem if we were gone, but we are still human we are good caring people we deserve help as much as anyone. I’ve give up on me now I don’t care about me anymore, but it makes me sad that others are left to suffer.
This video about BPD, is AWESOME, the doctor is so “articulate” and thorough explaining what the BPD traits are!! 👍👏🏻🥇
as someone with bpd, it’s extremely painful and annoying feeling like you’re going to die when an inconvenience happens
Or when things happen in rapid succession..throws me off a lot.
Agreed. The littlest thing will send me into a complete and utter spiral, I hate it. I've learned to control it about 40%, so I am proud of myself for that.
FOR REAL
It's like having invisible burning body pain and no one can find out why. Its like the first time your healthy body stops moving as fast as our minds expect it to always work. Being prepared in my mind to accept, i have to heal, or prepare to need healing when i am stuck in cement. We are so perfect just the way we are. accept reality.
I take a lot of anti psychotics so my BPD symptoms are far less intense as they used to be but without them I think I would kill myself! My splitting though! Medication can’t fix! I’m in a situation at work where my Head Chef who I loved at first snapped at me once and I’m looking for another job because I now hate him! Until he says something nice to me and I love him again 😭😭😞
"I FeEl LiKe WeRe AlL lIkE tHaT" This is why I hate explaining my illness
Ikr!!! Or being told it's just cause "I'm a woman" Ugh 🙄🙄🙄
The interviewer doesn't actually believe this. He used a common questioning technique. It allows the educator to put the proper perspective "in the air" (reinforces and promotes good beliefs). In reality the majority are already in tune, the ignorant just have a louder voice. Vast majority of people are willing to help, understand and learn with compassion. Don't be tempted by victimization or pity. We can be part of the education process with dignity. Whining is not an efficient tool. Love ya!
Question Everything yep
Oh come one... every person does have traits of things, they're just seeking for the difference 🙄
UGH THATS EXACTLY WHY I CANT EXPLAIN IT
Thank you for the kind offer, I already have a diagnosis that's taken over 20 years of research. Personally I find writing and exercise with a change of scenery helps significantly, it allows many people to focus on their own lives in a more relaxed positive way. Have a lovely day, take care 🕊
I was diagnosed with BPD 11 years ago. It’s been a struggle and I know that it’s been hard for those that love me. It’s really no joke. This woman really explained it well.
Her intelligence and assertiveness is great. She clearly knows her field well ,she is a true professional.
She is dangerously arrogant in the way she presents a range of information about an exceptionally complex set of issues as though BPD is a defnite thing rather than what she mentions in passing so fleetingly if you blink you'll miss it: BPD is label which serves as a diagnostic tool. The other highly objectionable thing for me about this is the fact that she strongly implies that BPD is something you have for life. This is deeply toxic because it reinforces a prejudice which is evidenced to make the problems worse. She is sadly locked into an "us and them" power dynamic which frames people with BPD as essentially dependant on a system which needs people to be dependant in it to validate its own existence; psychiatry. I know she's psychlogist but her thinking and manner is outmoded, her awareness of the latest evidence is limited to say the least, and he overall attitude is just offensive. She is precisely the sort of mental health dinosaur that people who are extremely unwell will benefit more from the retirement of than fron her actual work. The very fact that she prompted you to leave the comment you have is a a major red flag to others on the field who know the subject well, because what you call assertiveness is actually arrogance, and arrogant mental health professionals are dangerous. I don't work with people directly as I'm a writer, researcher and educator, but I have a lot of professional "collegues" (parenthese because I'm self employed) who cover the full range from clincial psychologists and psychiatrists to pyschotherapists of every flavour, and just about every other type of mental health professional you could think of (and many you may never have heard of unless you are connected to the field profesionally and/or as a patient - please don't take that the wrong way; it is in no way meant as a desparaging remark; I'm simply empahsising that my world is chock full of people with a vast range of mental health expertise), and in my career I have come across people like this woman at conferences and heard them come out with some of the most prejudiced, ignorant, and downright offensive BS imaginable;' stuff which, if said about any other group than people with mental health problems would be considered hate speech. She is dangerous PRECISELY BECAUSE OF HER CONFIDENT, ASSERTIVENESS. True experts are far more cautious in how the discuss truly vulnerable people. She is arrogant. I'm an athiest but I'd actually pray I never get labelled with a PD and come under her "care". She's even wrong about really basic stuff like th DSM and ICD. It's truly scary that people like this get so much repsect.
Crissy samuels amen. And she also seems pleasant and down to earth and not pretentious in demeanor
You're spot on about me being angry, and about the impossibility of ever being truly objective about many things. I actually wrote an even longer rant as a direct comment on this vid, in which I think (or at least hope) that I qualified the fact that we're all subject to numerous self-serving biases and I am certainly no exception. The difference is that I'm not presenting myself as an expert in a youtube vid which many people are likely to take as an objective set of truths about BPD. This is the core of my issue: that the whole area of personality disorder is fraught with complexities, is a field of ongoing research which periodically provides breakthroughs, and that it is the confidence in their certainty of people like this which is dangerous, because people who know very little about the subject are likely to take her words as absolute truth. This is how the world of mental health expertise has been framed. In short, I'm simply highlighting the importance of being cautious about what we believe; of taking a beat to ponder on what's being presented as fact. I'm certainly not excempt from human fallibility, but this women acts as though what she is saying is certain fact when, in reality, much of is it is a bunch of oversimplifications.
I love your sensitivity toward her scientific approach, there's a good book called : About humanism in psychology by Bern Jager. His lifetime work * consisted of showing how the new 'scientific zeitgeist' was 'porteur' of the very roots of unbalanced and misplaced approach to psychology. By comparing art and science, exploring the mindset of various civilization, showing us to the very meaning of the importance of not eating the apple of the tree of knowledge. Human condition is not something that need to be only understand or categorize, it is something to be listen to, loved and honoured. Love is just too rare theses days. Any clinical therapist will tell you.. its the key factor in any human struggle
So Much More Of A Little Bit I know this is a loaded statement but I wonder if we would perceive her as arrogant if she were a man.
1: Fear of abandonment 2: unstable interpersonal relationships 3: identity disturbance 4: impulsivity 5: suicidal behavior(s) 6: affective instability 7: feeling empty 8: inappropriate and intense shows of anger. Followed by Shame and remorse and fear of abandonment because of their behavior and lack of control. 9: paranoia, "out to get you" or disassociative identity disorder. ...I needed a list to go off of, for reference. (I have a memory as good as a fish..)
Lol ugh I'm def borderline
@@beepboopbeep4801 I feel ya man. It's hard. Sooo hard. But manageable with positive thoughts and affirmations. ...I deleted all the negative stuff and emo stuff that I "love" because... you know what? ...it brings me down. Yeah, I can RELATE. ... but at what cost? My own mental health? My sanity? I'm done! I'm so sick and tired of being...sick. and tired. I'm ready to live again. Goodbye Facebook, hello God, sunshine, and therapy, and acceptance, and health, and happiness!
You go girl! I’ve noticed through the years I’ve gotten better because of behavior modifications … in other words … fight it
@@angierae403 With Heavenly Father, all things are possible. I trust Heavenly Father has a plan for me.
11:42 p.m .
I’m starting to realize after 27 years how my mother may very well be borderline. It’s conflicting and confusing in a sense, since she was objectively a good parent and mostly present. She used to fight a lot with our family and I would be the mediator. It wasn’t until I was about 10 years old that her rage started to emerge at the slightest thing. When I said or did anything she would explode. I started to be scared of her. Her doctors told her she has panic disorder, but I’m really starting to think with how she acts terrified of me abandoning her and is resentful of my independence that she acts out at me and claims I never do anything for her. Her moods sometimes shift dramatically, almost disturbingly. I would cringe and be so confused and terrified how she would go from screaming to acting normal and bubbly to other people. She goes from crying to laughing in the span of minutes. Sometimes she is remorseful and embarrassed of her rage, especially when she throws things or breaks something. Other times she will justify her anger for how I “don’t do anything for her” and used to hold all she’s done for me over my head, how she raised me and she gave her life to me. Her relationships with men in particular have been unstable at best and toxic and codependent. She is a bottomless pit where nothing is ever enough, no matter what I do for her. She doesn’t apologize until she finally breaks me down emotionally and mentally. Im realizing how manipulated I feel, how she is terrified of me abandoning her , and resents my independence as an adult with my own life and she even jokes she wished she raised me to be more needy.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Millions of us are going through the same thing, but we didn't understand it. God bless.
You described my mother, holy shit. 😢😮
You just described my mom. I feel so drained, and has came to the conclusion that she is never going to change the script for me, is incapable of feeling happy about small things, chronically discontent and anxious at the same time and selectively forgetful about all the good things I did her. Finally, I've emotionally distanced myself and breathing some fresh air of freedom
Dr. Romini always does such a nice, easy to understand presentation of different mental health disorders. I had a friend who I believe had BPD. I wish I'd seen something like this back then. It would have helped me to understand her and respond to her in a more understanding way. I felt totally out of my league with her in my ability to understand what she was going through.
I noticed in BPD that the sufferers always feel guilty. They may come off as manipulative but I don’t think they want to be that way.
@crybaby Girlfriend - They feel guilty after they come out of their cycle, which can last a few days up to a few weeks. But the problem is it only lasts for a few days, maybe a week, then they are back to screwing you and other people over. That's not to say their legitimate remorse is not genuine, the problem is it does not last long enough to correct the things they've screwed up.
@crybaby Girlfriend We don’t. At least, I know that I don’t. It’s an awful feeling to just feel that rush of emotion you can’t stop and see how the words you hurt affect the other person. I think one reason we feel so guilty is because being overly sensitive can in some ways help you be more empathetic and also know where to twist the knife in someone’s heart when you are angry. @Jack Spade Individuals with borderline usually don’t have long mood swings. Everything happens so fast, usually within minutes. I feel guilty immediately afterwards for yelling, and start crying, then get angry at myself that my husband always has to comfort me when crying after I just yelled at him and hurt his feelings. It’s pretty quick turnaround from my experience.
I think pedophiles dont want to be killed in jail and get a life sentence too, but you dont feel too sad for them. I mean, I get what you mean and i dont defend them, just saying this argument you brought applies to them as well, doesn't it? its hard to feel any sympathy for them at all, rigght? but this same logic applies, so either its wrong or .. we're doing something wrong
We are scared and insecure. That creates manipulative bahaviour .. we are sad after that we appear that way cause we notice it's off and bad but we cant stop .
At the heart of it; they are victims themselves. (Badly damaged as little children, and having to "go along for the ride")
God, she is so well spoken. Whenever she misspoke she restated the whole sentence not just the phrase. What an impressive person.
She's doing that because she's on camera and it gives the producers and editors a clean edit. It's the sign of someone that is trained to speak on-camera.
Her voice is annoying but she is smart maybe because she's indian like my ex husband lol they are insightful and many are very clever
She is stigmatizing this disorder and it is wrong for her to do so. As a medical practitioner she is not being bias whatsoever
@@emilykathleenn i don't find her voice annoying at all. I love listening to it.
And she’s not boring to listen to
Wow when she said that you want to be alive but want to be dead because you can’t manage that pain… that’s exactly how I feel. Like this world, my kids, my husband would be better off without a crazy, unstable person like me. I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder 2 years ago and feel it may have been a misdiagnosis. Everything this woman said explains me directly. Have a new assessment next Friday and hopefully we can figure out what’s going on with me.. praying for anyone still trying to figure out and cope with their mood disorder, whichever it may be 💗
I was diagnosed at 17 and now I'm 35 and only truly understand I have all these trates. This is so helpful, I can actually understand me. Thank you
24:04 *"Diagnosis really is a tool to drive treatment, not to label someone."* Wow. People need to know and remember this.
Really. thank you.
CheesecakeLasagna yeah after looking into what’s wrong with me and realizing that this seems to be it, I can finally try to start getting better
Well said!
Oh, I thought it is a trend to have a label. Mostly during reading social media comments. 🤔
Ppl with bpd need to hear this
Friend: I love your personality Me: thanks, its a disorder
I felt this on a deep level
Damn that hit hard :)
Pee pee
I love this 😻! They forgot were sarcastic 😂.
@@openmindz4628 pew pew
I don’t want to die, I just don’t want to live the way I am. At least now I know why and who I am. I have been doing therapy since I was in my 20’s. I am 72 now and I have 5 or 6 different diagnosis through the years. Last week my therapist tested me for Borderline and I answered yes to 9 out of 10 criteria. This video has been the best explaining the criteria and how hard it is to understand yourself and to be “normal”. I have drawn back from nearly all of my family and friends. I am learning about dialectical behavior therapy DBT. Thank you MEDCIRCLE for covering this Personality Disorder so thoroughly. I am a retired RN and realize how hard it is to get the correct diagnosis and treatment for Mental illness. Again, I thank each of you!
This is spot on. You have explained it so clearly snd I was eager to hear the suggested treatment. When you said Dbt I was delighted but also disappointed. We have been through 6 months intensive DBT group therapy and it was life changing but disappointed because I was hoping for a quick fix. Well done. This was excellent. Our household deals with these 9 traits daily and it’s hard for us but must be unreal for my daughter.
The best cliche about BPD I have ever heard is; “I hate you! Don’t leave me.” It resonates as truth.
Because it is not said as a frase. It's a whole behavior! If you're a professional or really engaged is pretty easy to see this pattern. Feels like it's always there.
Victoria Virginio So, “I think” what makes BPD so difficult to deal with/comprehend is that it is masked most of the time and then it manifests out-of-nowhere... So, I guess my experience of it is the opposite of what you are expressing... I will say that once it is identified, the fact that it can present itself at any time gives one the impression/anxiety that it will or can manifest at any moment...
There a book title with that saying... and discribes this disorder. Very good my ex has this disorder!!
This interview was ok. I’m both BPD & Bipolar. It’s a great time let me tell you. I have a slight drug habit, i used to go off on my partner, yelling & crying, mood is constantly changing. Uhhgg its a serious pain in the ass and of course therrs clinical depression w/it. I treat it though w/pharmaceuticals & DPT therapy
Tony Simmons literally creeps up on you
06:57 Fear of Abandonment 07:54 Intense Interpersonal Relationships 08:38 Identity Disturbance 09:55 Impulsive Tendencies 11:32 Suicidal Tendencies 14:11 Mood Shifts 16:20 Chronically Feeling Empty 17:39 Intense Shows of Anger 20:58 Extreme Paranoia When Under Stress
This is so sad. How can one help?
I think that just being supportive, sometimes you can't help doing anything, but listening to the person is a lot, even if it seems that he or she is still not okay. Not all people listens to persons with mental illnesses and it's a necessity we have. And well, if the person is not receiving professional help maybe you can help by looking for options and informing the person of the possibilities they have. It's a gpod start point, knowing the mental health or social services. One thing I did for a friends that wasn't under treatment was to talk kindly to her and offered some options. If the person is slightly interested sometimes you can tell him or her to go to one of the options, so they feel responsible (perhaps it doesn't end helping, if the person is receptive it helps that someone tells you like "okay, what if you go tomorrow morning and then you call me and we talk about how it went". A friend of mine helped me that way and thanks to her I'm doing therapy and it goes wther and then I helped my other friend doing the same and she is going to therapy aswell :)).
So helpful! Thanks
William Ker
Well fuck I have all of these lol
This has been the best insight into what my brother must have been going through before we lost him to this disorder 15 years ago
She is literally bringing me so much comfort. I think the more aware I am of myself the better I can learn to manage this. It is so hard 💔
I am on the same personal journey. Trying to learn myself at 26 years old.
What I really like about this woman is her easy going demeanor and her ability to explain such often confusing topics with such clarity and ease. Big Thumbs Up.
KZhead: Angels Visited My Little Girl This Morning. KZhead: *I BROKE DOWN IN TEARS* THIS IS WHAT JESUS JUST SPOKE TO ME!! JESUS IS COMING KZhead: I saw Old Lady In Hell! KZhead: I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THE MARK OF THE BEAST, NOW WHAT? KZhead Sarah Boyanga KZhead Brother Carlos Oliveira
Her subject matter expertise is astounding. Her delivery is direct but not pointed.
tiffsaver Agreed! Wish she was my therapist.
@@dianaford7635 Ever notice that many of these so-called "mental health experts" are nearly as crazy as their patients??
I had to chance to speak to her at the American Psychological Association convention and she was awesome 😊
1. Fear of abandonment 2. Unstable and intense interpersonal relationship 3. Identity disturbance 4. Impulsivity 5. Suicidal behavior/thoughts 6. Affective instability 7. Chronically feeling empty 8. Inappropriate and intense shows of anger 9. Dissoziative Symptoms Your welcome! For a better understanding I recommend watching the video. :3
^hero👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I don’t have a couple but most of them I do this was eye-opening
Thank you!!!!
I have everything but I don't want to get all these nonsense prescription drugs. I smoke weed and take occasionally drugs but whatever makes no sense
MillennialPodcast The treatment of choice is Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) as mentioned 25:55 of the video.
I am a new counselor in an in-patient facility. This is my first exposure to those with BPD. The learning response is really intense. Greatlful for this information. Wish me luck! 😆
This is my second video after learning about BPD, i cant believe how much this hits home for me. For so long i have felt this sadness etc. I thought it was just me.
I have bpd, I've been through the full DBT program. Using the skills, doing other therapy and taking my meds was all helpful. I've been in a healthy, loving relationship for almost 9 years, and I'm able to hold a job. There is hope!
Thank you for this 💯
How long did the "full DVT program" take you?
You are amazing and should be so proud of yourself. Well done
Thank you. What kind of meds, if you don't mind me asking. Full DVT program?
I am diagnosed with both Bipolar and BPD. As she stated, it is very complex to treat (and will require long term). I completed DBT upon learning of my BPD diagnosis. But I’d like to learn from you: what meds were you prescribed to treat BPD? Lamictal? Sepámoste? Both?! I really appreciate your response.
It’s a disorder of perception as well. They perceive abandonment, social slights and other negative reactions from people when they aren’t there. Extremely important.
That's a normal reaction to suffering abuse, and these people don't deserve you lording over them feeling great about yourselves. BPD is not real.
@@N0p3er5”these people” do not feel lorded over by comments like these. Trauma causes a variety of responses dependent on mentality and personality type, yes. But what makes trauma responses disordered are the inability to survive when dealing with them. BPD is a term to describe these developments in personalities seen in trauma survivors, and it’s very much real and needs addressing as to improve quality of life.
@@kaylam5579 It's a label, used by abusers, to abuse people with psych drugs and blame them for their trauma. That's the reality of it. If someone needs a label to make excuses or have a weird security blanket, so be it.
That's right,how we perceive,child abuse victims come to mind,PTSD type stuff.
@Zamb1gulator plenty of individuals receive treatment and counselling without medication... no medicine in the UK is currently licensed to treat it and many individuals overcome their symptoms in therapy. As an adult it absolutely is your responsibility to account for the way you respond to your trauma, if there wasn't any personal accountability whether being directed towards help or being imprisoned for dangerous acts - no one would be protected and the world would be burning. The people hurting others could just 'blame their trauma. Grow up.
I thought I was BPD until I realized I was with a covert narcissist. Once that relationship ended and I healed, I was fine. It's not me
Me too! As I healed from that relationship those symptoms went away!
I’m going through that I think. I feel so off my rocker, emotionally. Can’t tell if it’s cptsd or bpd. But I was screened and they said I don’t have bpd. I’m at a loss.
@@Cheybits in the first six months or so after I was discarded by a covert narcissist, I was like you feeling so unstable. But it was the cognitive dissonance, grief, being truly abandoned, having ones life turned upside down without warning. What I have come to realize over time (it's been two years now) is how fortunate I am for being out of that relationship. Oh he tried to hoover me back, and I was kind to him but said no I cannot ever trust you again. Keep watching Dr Ramani videos, she will help you to understand and be stronger every day.
I'm going through this now. I am NOT the same person I was 15 yrs. ago, he is. I've spent 15yrs trying to make him happy. He's happy with everyone else and hates me.
@@Cheybits when you are in a relationship with a narcissist you will develop issues such as BPD. So take what they told you with a grain of salt and give your self time to heal. Overtime you will probably find that you don't actually have BPD it's just the PTSD from being with the narcissist
Having borderline AND bipolar, this video felt so validating. It's... so tough. Therapy has never helped that feeling of emptiness.
The problem is I need help, but my moods change so fast that one minute I'm open to getting help and the next minute I'm in a superiority complex and I can't. I don't think I'll ever get better? Lol
Get the help. If you think you don’t need help with something like this, then I think that is a telltale sign that you should seek a psych professional. Doesn’t make you crazy nor “un-normal”. It makes you saner and smarter than most who don’t. Wishing you all the luck in the world.
Oh my god me reading this just scared me because that’s exactly how I am. One moment I’m like yeah I want to go to therapy to get help and get better. The next moment I’m like noooo I’m good I’ll be fine Im strong don’t wanna look stupid spilling my guts to a stranger
@@MindYourBusiness23282 honestly spill your guts to me if you want, my Instagram is @morganalexissxo if you ever need anything
@@MindYourBusiness23282 honestly spill your guts to me if you want, my Instagram is @morganalexissxo if you ever need anything
Same. I'm on and off with getting help but the help has never been great either. The mental health system sucks.
i have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder by a professional, and watching this video almost made me cry. it’s all so true. when she was talking about how these people (including myself) feel empty, it made me wonder if there are people that really do feel whole. it’s almost unbelievable to me. i always thought everyone felt empty in a way. it breaks my heart. but this woman was spot on, and i really did love this video as a whole.
I understand you completely! I'm just rewatching this video now, and I remember when I watched it the first time, I was determined to stay in control of how I'm feeling about what was being said, but then when she got to that bit about emptiness - specifically the hole at the bottom that everything just escapes through - I actually, literally burst out crying. That is so, SO real to me, and just like you, I can't wrap my mind around it what it would be like to feel whole, it's a completely alien and abstract concept to me. I suppose that's what self-discovery is about as well - learning that others are truly "other" and different than us, even when it feels totally incomprehensible. Just like realizing that most people don't feel like they're on an emotional rollercoaster at all times, and that they don't let each and every little thing get to them - I used to think everyone is affected by basically everything just to the same degree that i am, but that they are better at controlling themselves and hiding it. And then I realized that no, apparently people have it easier because they just don't care about every tiny detail, real or perceived! What a wonderful life that must be... Sorry for the wall of text. But I guess I'm in a mood :)
A personal question, did you have a narcissistic or drug/alcohol abusing parent?! For those of us who feel that chronic emptiness that might be the cause and leading us to have BDP
Hey kristin and cats! It really is very sad to first hear the deepest things about you listed out--I remember the first time I fully accepted my diagnosis and I couldn't stop crying. I started a DBT program and still see a DBT therapist, and will probably for the rest of my life--it really helps.
i completely agree. i feel like shit after watching this now because everything she said was true.
Am I the only borderline over here who gets pissed off at all this shit???? I wanna smack everyone in the comments, and even the man in the video!
she's so calm and soothing.
live laugh love at me having bpd and npd, how much i truly madly deeply love myself is crazy and how much i can hate myself at the same time is CRAZY. we are one of a kind here
"you never know what will set the person off" dawg even *_i_* dont know what will set me off
17.11.20. From UK. This is total nonsense and it in no way represents the truth. Heres some of the sworn gathered evidence that has caused us to experience death threats from the establ. Not spell checked.We were told not to resove the publics MH issues cos the work was costing the system jobs and threatening the charities and Universities. We now experience poverty. Meanwhile 3 miles from here ten people have been given loads money 'For Watching Movies' When you add the other distractions you have an image of both the 3rd Reich and the Roman Empire tactics.. Te formula never fails. If you add a bit of aspproved religion then you have the public enslaved. We ought to know, we bore the brunt of the violence aimed at stopping us exposing what we found. We spent many yrs involved with the media and we know what they think like. 20 yr Heres some of the 1000pp evidence crrptn in UK which has been obstructed by f-bk. Twitter. Yahoo. entire Press. The only media allowing this to be revealed is Google. Suppot them.Mental Health System Corruption. A minor addition to this sorry story is we had a leaflet thro the door which said if you are a victim contact Winchester Police HQ as they had been 'HIGHLY TRANIED by the HOME OFFICE. We have 12-15 yrs evidence of being threatened in courts, councils. political orgs and medical services so we tried to outline the history. To our shock/horror after ten seconds. the character said THIS IS HIGH LEVEL INFORMATIUON SO IM PUTTING THE PHONE DOWN. To be honest we expected it as we had 12-15 yrs of their behaviour. This all started when we were sent mental health clients who were described as impossible. Their med record was a roll about five inches across. They were full of drugs and not only that had been badly treated by people who at this time we wont mention. They had recd over 20 yrs of drugging but still had orig symptoms and cause. They neede 7 hours of techniques that work and we had to teach them how to deliberately revert if there were social services about otherwise they would be persuaded to go back to the abnormal state. Other clients had recd up to eight yrs private as well as NHS incompetence and if we had not got to them that nite they would now be dead. One of them a dancer from Covent Garden had been off work for a year and had a GP b/f. We had her back at work within two weeks after having done one 6 hour session . We then got police attacks. Previously the CHC has told us - "Nental Health Is Clean Floors And Startegic Toilet Rolls And No One Is allowed To know Anything About It So Dont Bother Writing To The Dept Health Because They wont respond". All of these people were featured in huge photos in the local press but when we tried to tell the press what was the We are very wary of the publics vision of people. The local press in this area also owned the press in our former area. We noticed that the newspaper each week was publ huge phtos of councillors and others and painting a picture of mass heroism. We knew by then that most of the articles were lies and we caught up wiith one particuar hero at the Coucil inspired CHC meeting. The CHCs were hoodwinking the public on Mental Health issues so it baffled us how this particular woman was being hailed as perfect. We manager to start asking her questions and to our alarm she blurted out- " Dont Bother About Helping The Public. I Used To Do That And Look At Me Now Im A there so thats when we found that the Educ System were doing cover ups re Mental Health. That continues to today. Another example of the being perfect hysteria was to do with the local Mental Hosp whose staff and clients were coming to us for remedial work. The Psych Mngr when we complained about this stated "comstate of the clients coming to us we got no response. We then found that friends ours who were teachers were involved in the press and in fact theor children were journalists petence has no value in mental health" and put the phone down. We then got onto the staff at the Hosp, thet said -- "we dont blab but she has caused deaths here and its been hushed up by the local police. council. courts. coroner" Then there was the usual stabbing. We knew the victim, a psych nurse ( we call them establ drug mill shepherds which is same as Social Services). and we also knew how clueless and dangerous she was but lo and behold the local press said she was a saint and better. The core issues incl- Appeasement. Suppression. Journalism. Art. Sport. Drama. Education. So far every HM prefix org looked at is corrupt. That means no Govt. So far 26 Universities corrupt and the students are backing it same as in 1933. Its a mirror image of that era. You never ever learn do you and you dont mind paying either. Why do you think the virus appeared..We are now experiencing more Police biolence . They say they are representing the HM Religion. Our very first clients told us this-'Dont Try To Expose This Situation Cos The Royals Are Behind It And You Will End Up Dead' Every prediction was accurate incl that of the virus. The indictment ? Establ Manslaughter.30.000 deaths over 35 yrs.
@@JohnSmith-dr9vl you seem to be responding to the wrong video.
Feel that
THIS!
Learn ur triggers n learn them so u have a little stability
Dr. Ramani needs her own KZhead Channel..
Robyn MARKOW Yes! Why is this not a thing yet!
Because she writes books, she is an author. You know how people put their information and creativity into the world before KZhead.
She does have one
You're so right! ( Hey, lots of us would save a LOT of $$ in lieu of paying for the time with a therapist/Psychologist! ) 👌💕
She does
I was going through trauma and very scary toxic relationships..my family: "she's got BPD". No. I'm surviving. Literally. I begged for help and they ignored me and said to "make it work" with my abuser. They still think I have BPD. I'm like.....no. I have CPTSD.
Can Dr.pores send to me in UK?
I also think I most likely have CPTSD, but as I was reading about it I realized that my mom likely has BPD (there was an article comparing them). Those two are very different, but I guess people who have never even heard of CPTSD wouldn't know. I only learned that it exists like 6 months ago and I learned why therapy for anxiety and depression hadn't worked for me, I was being treated for the wrong thing/the wrong way. I hope you manage to get the support you need and deserve.
Dr explains things so well…Thank You both!
I think one of the vicious cycles of BPD is that these bouts of intense rage make people want to avoid people with BPD, which, in turn, makes them feel more abandoned. But you get tired of walking on eggshells around them and being the target of their outbursts and paranoia. It's exhausting and stressful in and of itself.
Yes it is. I’m worn out from dealing with my 99 year old mother this has been going on my whole 73 years.
Bless you 💛
Exactly. That’s why I had to cut my relative out of my life. I’m not a dumping ground for anybody’s rage and I got sick of hearing “you’re insensitive”. YES these people are mentally ill but the world is insensitive FFS. We all have choices about who we let into our lives.
The good news is its actually manageable if the person goes through the proper therapy.
@@thegrandpencil4374 that’s great. But my mother is 99 and there is nothing working with her it’s everyone else treating her badly. She says she has never done anything wrong in her life. It’s really sad.
any borderlines who internalise their anger and end up just sitting with it and taking it out on yourself?
yep.
Here, and it's exhausting.
You might want to check out Quiet BPD, its the internalisation of the manifested angry emotions. This tends to exacerbate issues with self worth because you're constantly beating yourself up! On the journey too but keep with it, it gets better and more manageable
Yess
I think theyall take it out on others
I'm so grateful for this video. I have Bipolar and BPD, but i have psychopath tendencies (without the criminal part..i think)so my emotions do not bother me, and my boyfriend has BPD so i'm all over youtube trying to figure out how to help him. I look forward to more content. Thank you.
I'm subtype one and sometimes overlap to subtype two. I got answer for so many of my questions. Thank you doctor and the channel.🙏🏼🧡
We lost our daughter to suicide. Her battle was so incredibly overwhelming everyday. It was her way of ultimately escaping her world of emotional chaos. She left behind two beautiful babies. This is a video I will share with them one day to explain the pain their Mom was in.
I am so sorry for your tragic loss 💔
I’m so sorry. Wishing you and your family the best ❤️
I am so very sorry for your loss 💔💔 ❤
So sorry 😢🙏🏻
🥺💜
In America, there should be a clinical psychologist in every high school
Better yet, catch it in elementary school before it gets out of control.
Yal already have a school counsellor the uk have nothing don’t get cheeky
A good one though...as there are many with the “title” who can actually make things worse 😩 I think empowering children and parents early on, on mindfulness, questioning thoughts (we aren’t our thoughts, and all thoughts aren’t true), questioning narratives we apply to others intentions, taking things less personally, learning emotional intelligence.... much of this behavior is ingrained early on. Core wounds of “not good enough”, “I’ll be rejected”...and more, are very powerful. Once those are addressed and people are empowered to change their thinking, that’s huge. Definitely getting help and support early is good.
Yeah but personality disorders really shouldn't be diagnosed before people are adults because their prefrontal cortex isnt developed yet. But it would be good for like anxiety and depression and stuff.
Yes
Wow! This is me to the letter. I was just diagnosed with BPD and watching this really confirm it 😮
She understands these topics extremely well.. that’s pure experience 👍
As someone with BPD, having a gym routine allows me to function pretty well. I can stay focused and aware of my emotional state and control my behavior. Developing a gym routine helps with self discipline in this way. It teaches focus, dedication, commitment, it helps develop self respect and respect for others, and it helps develop the mental skills for gaining self control.
I agree a gym routine is good, I’m 39 and been working out consistently since 22 and I have BPD, but I don’t get the “it teaches you respect for others” part. If anything I just get super high off of it, it does keep you in the present sometimes, marijuana is far better for self awareness and being mindful in my opinion. Working out is just good all around but again, I don’t think it teaches that much. We’re all different though
Thank you!! My 23yr old son has just been "diagnosed" as having BPD, and I am searching for ways to help him. I wondered if setting up our gym and getting him to use it daily would help, and then I read your comment. Do you mind if I ask you if you have used therapy to help. And if so, what kind/style? We are on a fixed income, so cost is a bit of a barrier, but I just want to help him. 🥴
Yeah it’s annoying the ‘hAvE yOu TrIeD ExErCiSe?!’ trope but it’s legit!
This so important! I always remind my hubby to keep his routine and things in his day he enjoys but drives him because it really Helps his overall mood
I’ve heard this from a lot of people that are like me, but what do you do when one of my friends they call them alters hates and I mean hates the gym any kind of work out. Hell she even stops me from having s** because it can be strenuous and Physical, and sweaty. So what do I do??? I don’t want to be here, I pray for my time but they want to be here. My life is so frustrating!
as someone with bpd, who else cried when she said we want to feel whole but there is often a small hole where it just keeps falling out
Done that before, so I couldn't now xD
Yes. I have literally felt all my life like I was born with a crack that can never be mended or "filled"
I just wish my family understood an believed this.
i cried when they hit us with they “i don’t wanna die but i don’t wanna live like this”
100% bawled..paused, and had an epic meltdown. Then watched the rest. Omg! Spot on!!
I’m so grateful not many things many things make me mad, but when something does oh boy
1. Fear of abandonment 2. Unstable and really intense relationship. 3. Identity disturbance 4. Impulsive 5. Suicidal behavior or attempts 6. Affective instability 7. Chronically feels empty 8. Inappropriate and intense anger 9. Under stress may experience paranoid systems....
Thank you for summary.
I have them all I'm scared I have a lot of feelings n I don't know what to do I have almost cried
@@hdrcs0099 cry anyways. The sun will still come out tomorrow.
I'm so confused I don't know to keep my friends or leave them I already have a separation from my family hard to talk to them no one understands me n I'm tired of being left behind my life don't feel like it's life been wanting to die for years I battle with being nice n extremely mean I battle with trusting my closet people I don't know if I can have a relationship with anyone people turned me into this I used to be nice now everything seems intents no I don't feel like my old self I feel abandoned n to stop it from happening again I'm willing to stay alone no friends no girl friend no nothing but me I'm just scared to be a loner but my life headed there n I don't know how to stop it I guess if I can't stop them from abandoned me I'll abandoned them first
Thanks for the list it saves me watching the video 😅
1) fear of abandonment; 2) unstable and intense personal relationships; 3) identity disturbance; 4) impulsivity; 5) high rate of suicide attempts; 6) affective instability [moods all over the place; over-react to everything]; 7) reports feeling empty; 8) inappropriate and intense shows of anger [others 'walk on eggshells']; 9) transient stress experiencing paranoid symptoms.
She perfectly described a person addicted to cocaine.
Very interesting, however, with Borderline Personality Disorder, i believe that there could be many varying degrees of each of these distinct features, depending on the severity of the BPD, and for each individual that has it. I was told by a Psychiatrist years ago, that there were many varying degrees of a certain mental disorder, and that helped me, TO NOT ALWAYS ASSUME THE WORSE, AND that everyone who has this specific mental disorder, DOES NOT always HAVE a SEVERE CASE OF IT. THAT THERE ARE DIFFERENT LEVELS. I AM THINKING THAT WITH BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER, THAT THE SEVERITY OF THIS DISORDER, DEPENDS ON THE SEVERITY OF THE ABUSE AND ALL OF THE OTHER CONTRIBUTING FACTORS, THAT CAN CAUSE A PERSON TO GET BPD. I KNOW PEOPLE WILL EXEMPLIFY THE SAME SYMPTOMS, BUT PERHAPS SOME PEOPLE LESS THAN OTHERS, AND SOME PEOPLE MORE SEVERELY THAN OTHERS, THAT HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER. JUST A THOUGHT.... DOES ANYONE KNOW ANYTHING OR HAVE ANY INFORMATION ABOUT POSSIBLE VARYING DEGREES OF BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDERS?
Thanks !
@@trishah.3134 They did make a video about the 4 different types of BPD, which does make a big difference. And yes, there are varying degrees, however the syptoms remain the same. You don't need to be cutting yourself or attempting suicide for example to have BPD, BUT it is very likely that people with BPD atleast have suicidal thoughts. You also don't need to be having a lot of sex with strangers or have spending issues, but you do most likely need 1 type or impulsive behaviour which could also be binge on food instead. All mental issues have degrees of them, nobody said otherwise, but this video is just trying to explain the basics I think.
@@yulana990 Thank you for that information!
I’m grateful that you clearly state these diagnosis are not for labeling people. These videos can be incredibly influential on how the general public addresses traits in those they love. Especially when someone is unknowingly dealing with a mental issue and hasn’t yet resourced effective enough help. A previous video of yours was sent to me by an ex partner. He told me I was a narcissist and he was in danger to be around me. He was convinced I was a helpless villain and our relationship was forever hopeless because I was essentially a bad and dangerous person. Therefor I’m just grateful to see this video be more compassionate, and management focused, rather than exclusion focused as the other seemed. Thanks for reading.
By “video of yours”, I meant one by another interviewer of Dr. Ramani.
now I know who I'm dealing with and I will do my best to tend to her and help her get counseling.
I wish this lady was my therapist
Same here (and wife/GF) lol
@@TheFusedplug Lol yeah she’s attractive
Same, I wish I could see a therapist who’s really good at what they do. (Not saying most of them aren’t! Just saying lol) I live in the middle of no where and there are like no therapists let alone good ones!! 🤷🏼♀️
I have such a fear of opening up to people because I've convinced myself if they actually knew me they'd never want me & that's what made starting therapy so hard for me but... One day at the time & we can survive this. I hope you get some peace & I wish she was my therapist as well... Very calming.
@@basicallybeautybyshayy4510 Awwh I feel you 100%. Starting therapy is a big step in the right direction though, wish you the best! We've got this :)
This psychologist is absolutely brilliant! She articulates everything so well.
Lorraine H I've seen her before. She is smart, but she lacks humility. I would not trust a doctor without humility, especially in the field of mental disorders. There is so much that remains unknown.
@@marcusonesimus3400 I agree.
she is just passionate. she loves to share her knowledge. I don't feel lack of huimilty.
@@rebekahreynolds4913 Maybe you didn't see a second video on the subject featuring her, in which she blamed the condition on heredity and a lousy upbringing-----with a distinct emphasis on the latter! She appears to place great emphasis on the character flaws of patients, which though an easy path to pursue, seems to me a trifle judgmental. She has lots of head knowledge, but i really wonder whether she has lived with an afflicted person throughout the development of the condition.
This Dr is wonderful, compassionate and knowledgeable! She has a Utube channel that is very helpful to a large group of people.
Excellent video!! Was diagnosed years ago and I can attest DBT was the best treatment. It is, indeed a lifelong challenge, but there is HOPE!❤ THANKS. I have now subscribed😊
this video is SO HELPFUL. thank you
"diagnosis is a tool to drive treatment, not to label" I love that she says that because to be honest, that's all that matters, not being able to label yourself as something but being able to properly treat it and live a functional life. took me years to understand this.
Trisha paytas could really be needing that quote right now.
@scott m : ) thank you, i appreciate that
True but at the same time there is often SO MUCH RELIEF to finally have a name for what has been incredibly life disrupting & thus, know there is help & that one is not alone. You are not your label..it doesn’t define you but it sure helps knowing.
@@sweetpeace5 exactly how i feel
Agreed...
When you've been abandoned already by everyone early in life you will be paranoid and suspicious of people in your life.
Yeah and deeply betrayed
THIS. It's really hard to be told YOU have a disorder when it's what life has done TO you. Some of us HAVE been left by everyone, and it's NOT our fault. Additionally, people need to stick together, more, regardless, and they're doing this less and less, these days - the CORE of our unhappiness. People SUCK.
BPD is caused by trauma.
Bingo
If one can notice with awareness that these processes contributed to the pervasive pattern, then what are we doing to rise above? (Build Mastery?)
It’s exhausting having family with BPD. It’s just easier to be away than try to maintain such an intense relationship. But this is helpful to understand it better.
A lifelong commitment to almost daily therapy. There’s no way that my family member would even consider it. Especially since she can’t acknowledge there’s a problem at all. The problems are every person around her plus the ones she’s successfully destroyed relationships with. The problem is literally never her. I give up.
I was exhausted the third time he said "Wow."
Borderline sounds so hard to have. My heart goes out to those with BPD 💜
I fantasize about what it’s like to feel normal
It’s very difficult 😢😭
Thank you. It’s hard out here 🥲
There was quite a long period when people with BPD were considered “untreatable” bc their huge issues with abandonment and the need to embellish and dramatize made it extremely hard for them to drop the game playing, the exaggeration and drama, in order to benefit from traditional therapy. But then some psychologists began using a technique called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with these people, and they saw results bc the treatment is ‘in the moment,’ it doesn’t involve looking at family behaviors or constellations or histories. _CBT has been proven to be as successful as psychotropic medications for a large range of disordered thinking and behavior, including BPD, PTSD, suicidal ideation, alcohol and other drug issues, and eating disorders!_ This makes me really glad, as a psychologist, bc everybody needs to be able to feel hope. But the joke about how many psychologists it takes to change a lightbulb is totally appropriate for _all people,_ not just those with significant psychological or psychiatric issues....it only takes ONE psychologist, but the bulb really has to WANT to change! So if you have BPD, there is hope in finding equilibrium, and in being able to sustain relationships, and the amount of hope is in direct relation to the person’s commitment to treatment! If this is your issue, please find a CBT therapist and see what therapy does for you....you have NOTHING to lose!!
It really sucks!! 😭
I have a child with this disorder. Dealing with it has been a challenge for their ENTIRE life and mine. Also, the relationships with their siblings have been very strained because of the one sibling with BPD "copying" the siblings' personalities or traits. Also, sending inappropriate texts and pictures to the siblings' significant others. And we have been through 17 suicide attempts. This child has a genius level IQ, so it makes it EXCEPTIONALLY difficult to handle, along with Asperger's. This child is also dangerous to others. I have had a knife pulled on me for asking them to help with basic chores around the house. They have attacked their siblings with weapons as well. It's absolutely horrific and incredibly difficult.
it's not typical to diagnose kids with BPD, so I would be a little wary of that diagnosis. Since you said they're autistic, as well, I'm wondering if the symptoms that are attributed to BPD are actually just autism symptoms. Ofc that's just what I'm guessing from what info I have, I'm not trying to correct you or anything, so take this with a grain of salt.
Simply outstandingggggg my goodness she elaborate and expands the diagnostic criteria like waves of the Atlantic ocean ❤🎉🎉🎉
Gosh... I’d do anything to get to talk to a professional like her😐
janikaanniina same
Why? And about what?
You okay? :-)
Me to I need to talk to her and I would like to talk to you
Kata Na about my mental health, because she seems to take things more seriously than where I’m from...
Trait 1 06:56 Fear of abandonment Trait 2 07:51 Unstable and really intense interpersonal relationships Trait 3 08:35 Identity disturbance Trait 4 09:56 Impulsivity Trait 5 11:33 Suicidal behavior or thoughts Trait 6 14:11 Affective instability (moods are all over the place) Trait 7 16:20 Feeling empty Trait 8 17:33 Inappropriate and intense shows of anger Trait 9 20:54 Transitive stress-induced paranoid ideation, other psychotic symptomatology or dissociative symptoms (paranoid, psychotic, and dissociative symptoms) 24:08 "You need five out of the nine to be diagnosed with BPD." Typically traits 1, 2, and 6, plus a couple more. 24:45 Advice when you know someone with BPD 25:25 "The best way to start is not to approach a person who has BPD on the "you're all over the place" or "you're acting crazy" or something like that, but rather maybe focus on one of the other co-morbid symptoms."
excellent.
god bless you!
Thank you. Very helpful.
My x scores All 9 😥 .... Wish she whould have accepted some help .. but. Im glad I got out!
I appreciate what you did here, thank you! 😀
I have diagnosed BPD. I appreciate her for trying to solve the enigma of this crazy illness. I resent how just because society doesn’t know enough about BPD such people are considered toxic and disposable. Once healed, a borderline’s love is intoxicating and eternal and loyal unto death. Nothing like it. Also to the host, unless you are a doctor , stop using the term “manic” and other therapy terms so loosely don’t “misdiagnose”‘people’.. let’s be gentle and tender and non judgmental. Thank you for trying everyone ❤❤❤❤
This is awesome! I have boarder line personality this is so correct it’s everything I feel too it can be kinda hard to deal with frustrating because no one really understands unless you have it!
In literally in tears because someone is finally voicing how I’m feeling... thank you
Read books on it you will find tools to help u
I read I hate u dont leave me I cried reading it didnt know i was bpd till i read it then i sought help
I cried soooo much after watching this too! It finally feels like I’m going in the right direction giving a name to what I’m struggling with
Hm I would communicate with a person who has good intentions. More so older and wiser
Me too. Love you.
when he said “i feel like we’re all a bit like that” i knew i was gonna dislike him
I actually thought he deliberately asked that because that's the type of ignorant thing many people would say. But meh, I don't like him either actually.
Why? I approve of him making sure that people don’t misdiagnose themselves. Everyone can get a little attached or obsessed at the start of a relationship
But he is right.
He is right, he is there to interact. Chill out guys
he asked that on purpose smh
Wow she is amazing. I have this.. 100% all the traits. Thank you for explaining 🙏
I don't know if I've always been suicidal, I know when I started thinking about it (or, at least, I can recall the age I was when those thoughts were very frequent), and it's been for several years 'till today. I remember clearly the first time I told someone about it: it was my first long term relationship, I told her that I wanted to die, I was 17yo. She cried and made me feel guilty about telling her, I don't recall what she said (maybe trauma response), but I know from that moment onwards I definetely shut down. I could joke about it, or at least make it look like a joke. Recently I "took measurements" with one of my kitchen knives, calculating the angle to let the blade slip through the ribs and reach the heart. It's not about being selfish, it's about being tired, it's the overwhelming desire of retirement and peace and restfullness. I know I'm expendable, I'm the one sitting in the corner of a room, I'm quiet and invisible. I wasn't a very loud kid, sometimes I could get strightforward and angry, especially against teachers and adults. As a kid I realised that life was a very lonely fight, even if you're right or you just want to help your friends/classmates/collegues. I've "fought" alone my whole, short life, I don't know if I could actually kill myself, I'm so so tired it's not even a struggle. I don't struggle with suicidal thoughts, they're there with me, they walk with me, they go to sleep and wake up with me, I'm used to them. It's reality.
Watching this. I actually cried. I always feel like nobody understands me. But here they're basically talking about me! It's like they KNOW me. BPD suffers just want to be loved and accepted.
Yes agree...but I must love and accept myself.
@@spiritwalker9903 totally. I do. But I am always looking for someone to show me some love. It stems from childhood lol
@@umarsattar1540 yes mine too
@@spiritwalker9903 aww I'm sorry to hear. We're beautiful! And I don't know you, but you are not alone ❤️
@@umarsattar1540 thank you...I see the truth of who you are.
My father committed suicide in 2019. I find myself seeking out these videos because I want to understand what he was going though better. He was abusive and unpredictable and really scary throughout my childhood, but he also had sides I miss dearly. He treated me like an extension of himself, not a rea person, was so reactive and angry and scared the shit out of me, so many difficult effects to this day. He treated my mom like a dog and then begged for her back again and again. I chose homelessness as a teenager rather than live with him and then he bribed me back to live with him when my mom left. Begged for her back again, then cheated on her and killed himself when she left him. Refused therapy and was dishonest with all people attempting to help him, none of us knew what to do. We all just wanted off the roller coaster ride so bad. I miss him terribly. It makes me so sad that he was so full of chaos. It makes me angry that he drove my brother to heroin addiction, and abandoned all of us. I love him and I hate him. I miss him. I am relieved he is gone. His chaos remains
God bless you❣
Someone, many years ago, made a statement to the effect "It doesn't end when they go in the ground!" Processing takes a long time...be patient with yourself. Clean house...i.e. friends and family who do not add positive points to your life.
So sorry to hear all of this but it sounds like you have found forgiveness.
I am so sorry. What an extremely intense upbringing… what kinds of help have you attempted to get to process all that, and how have they been for you?
Huge long hugs to you.
I’m so sad yet feel so validated by my experience with my ex boyfriend. 😢 at least I have answers. Thank you.
My ex husband (whom I am dating again 14 yrs later) and child are borderline. I am so glad to hear that they can go from severe anger to laughing in minutes. It is so challenging, more so as my ex hurts himself during these anger bursts and it is frightening! I feel validated here, thank you
Same....my wife has been struggling big time since having kids. When it's good and stable life is good. But when it's not it's miserable.
Everybody complaining about the man but I like what he's doing. He's bringing up the ignorance around BPD and having her respond to it.
This, like wtf people? Shits kept very professional, they both talk about what they're going to talk about beforehand
Thanks, exactly
But she is lying.
Yes. However, I feel he could be a bit smoother and believable in his empathic moments. Sometimes his interruptions--which are totally normal for the host to conduct in an interview--are a bit jarring. So he is learning more here than you or I, hopefully.
He’s a judgy prick. He needs to keep those facial expressions and snide comments to himself. They really need to get someone else to host this very much needed information.
psychology should be a core class let’s educate everyone thinking bipolar disorder is yelling while ranting to their friends.
Bipolar disorder is different than borderline personality disorder just btw
The term you are using is the establishments way of kidding you. YOU NEED TO WAKE UP. 17.11.20. From UK. This is total nonsense and it in no way represents the truth. Heres some of the sworn gathered evidence that has caused us to experience death threats from the establ. Not spell checked.We were told not to resove the publics MH issues cos the work was costing the system jobs and threatening the charities and Universities. We now experience poverty. Meanwhile 3 miles from here ten people have been given loads money 'For Watching Movies' When you add the other distractions you have an image of both the 3rd Reich and the Roman Empire tactics.. Te formula never fails. If you add a bit of aspproved religion then you have the public enslaved. We ought to know, we bore the brunt of the violence aimed at stopping us exposing what we found. We spent many yrs involved with the media and we know what they think like. 20 yr Heres some of the 1000pp evidence crrptn in UK which has been obstructed by f-bk. Twitter. Yahoo. entire Press. The only media allowing this to be revealed is Google. Suppot them.Mental Health System Corruption. A minor addition to this sorry story is we had a leaflet thro the door which said if you are a victim contact Winchester Police HQ as they had been 'HIGHLY TRANIED by the HOME OFFICE. We have 12-15 yrs evidence of being threatened in courts, councils. political orgs and medical services so we tried to outline the history. To our shock/horror after ten seconds. the character said THIS IS HIGH LEVEL INFORMATIUON SO IM PUTTING THE PHONE DOWN. To be honest we expected it as we had 12-15 yrs of their behaviour. This all started when we were sent mental health clients who were described as impossible. Their med record was a roll about five inches across. They were full of drugs and not only that had been badly treated by people who at this time we wont mention. They had recd over 20 yrs of drugging but still had orig symptoms and cause. They neede 7 hours of techniques that work and we had to teach them how to deliberately revert if there were social services about otherwise they would be persuaded to go back to the abnormal state. Other clients had recd up to eight yrs private as well as NHS incompetence and if we had not got to them that nite they would now be dead. One of them a dancer from Covent Garden had been off work for a year and had a GP b/f. We had her back at work within two weeks after having done one 6 hour session . We then got police attacks. Previously the CHC has told us - "Nental Health Is Clean Floors And Startegic Toilet Rolls And No One Is allowed To know Anything About It So Dont Bother Writing To The Dept Health Because They wont respond". All of these people were featured in huge photos in the local press but when we tried to tell the press what was the We are very wary of the publics vision of people. The local press in this area also owned the press in our former area. We noticed that the newspaper each week was publ huge phtos of councillors and others and painting a picture of mass heroism. We knew by then that most of the articles were lies and we caught up wiith one particuar hero at the Coucil inspired CHC meeting. The CHCs were hoodwinking the public on Mental Health issues so it baffled us how this particular woman was being hailed as perfect. We manager to start asking her questions and to our alarm she blurted out- " Dont Bother About Helping The Public. I Used To Do That And Look At Me Now Im A there so thats when we found that the Educ System were doing cover ups re Mental Health. That continues to today. Another example of the being perfect hysteria was to do with the local Mental Hosp whose staff and clients were coming to us for remedial work. The Psych Mngr when we complained about this stated "comstate of the clients coming to us we got no response. We then found that friends ours who were teachers were involved in the press and in fact theor children were journalists petence has no value in mental health" and put the phone down. We then got onto the staff at the Hosp, thet said -- "we dont blab but she has caused deaths here and its been hushed up by the local police. council. courts. coroner" Then there was the usual stabbing. We knew the victim, a psych nurse ( we call them establ drug mill shepherds which is same as Social Services). and we also knew how clueless and dangerous she was but lo and behold the local press said she was a saint and better. The core issues incl- Appeasement. Suppression. Journalism. Art. Sport. Drama. Education. So far every HM prefix org looked at is corrupt. That means no Govt. So far 26 Universities corrupt and the students are backing it same as in 1933. Its a mirror image of that era. You never ever learn do you and you dont mind paying either. Why do you think the virus appeared..We are now experiencing more Police biolence . They say they are representing the HM Religion. Our very first clients told us this-'Dont Try To Expose This Situation Cos The Royals Are Behind It And You Will End Up Dead' Every prediction was accurate incl that of the virus. The indictment ? Establ Manslaughter.30.000 deaths over 35 yrs.
well, that could be a depressed, dysphoric or psychotic bipolar episode. But you know best, eh?
I was diagnosed at 26 and it all came together for me as to why i behave the way I do. Im prone to being gaslit and am drawn to narc ppl. I get burnt from them all the time and ive never been able to keep a job for more than a year. Im 52 now and i have now moved back to Canada on my own and while i thought i was ok before, i just resigned from a toxic workplace where my ex boss targeted me daily and now there is an exacerbation of borderline behaviours that i have to deal with via therapy coupled with a toxic friendship that ended just a few days ago.
Listening to this has me very concerned that my son was misdiagnosed. Growing up, he went through the list of "approved" diagnoses based on his age. ADHD, anxiety, depression, insomnia, mood disorder which was later updated to ODD which was later updated to Rapid-cycle, mixed episode Bipolar disorder. We had an entire spectrum of the emotional rainbow in a matter of hiurs or even a single day. He was on way too many meds and I had already requested the Psychiatrist make a major adjusment to his meds when he turned 18 and could take other meds or to put him on medical marijuanna if it ever became legal in our state for psychiatric use. Unfortunately, before his meds could be changed or a more in depth diagnosis could be made, he turned 18 and refused to go back to the psychiatrist or psychologist. Most of what was described here is what we've delt with for his entire life. It is SO hard on both the person and their families. My son always tells me he hates me and doesn't ever want to see or hear from me again then call the next day, or even the same day a few hours later, like nothing happened or in tears because he hates his life and thinks he should've never been born! I just wish there was something I could do to help him but he won't allow it. Says my "help" is what messed him up to begin with even though we only sought help when his outbursts became dangerous. Oh, and nothing is ever his fault. It's always someone else's.