Your Reality | Award-winning short film on Gaslighting
TRIGGER WARNING!
Your Reality is a multi-award winning short psychological thriller that tackles the current topic of Gaslighting, with the goal to raise awareness of this dangerous emotional abuse and help you recognise its signs.
The film follows a successful young marketing executive, who after moving in with her charming photographer boyfriend is in danger of losing everything, as she becomes increasingly unsure of her ability to trust her own memory.
#narcissisticabuse #narcissist #gaslighting #indiefilm
Please feel free to connect with me on Instagram, I'm always happy to hear your feedback:
/ tatjana.anders
* Thank you to Velina for translating the film into Bulgarian!
* Big thank you to Brucu Savas @sevgi_icinde for the Turkish subtitles!
* Huge thank you to Ema Juniarsyah for the Indonesian subtitles!
* Thank you so much to Carlos Iván Chesñevar for the Spanish subtitles!
* Big thank you to Abdul Rahman Hasan Alshimali for the Arabic subtitles!
(If you'd like to provide subtitles for your native language, please get in touch via www.tatjana-anders.com)
Theme song: echowantshervoiceback.com/
Director: Top Tarasin ( / top_tarasin )
Writer / Producer / Actress: Tatjana Anders
Executive Producer: John Clarkson
DOP: Jacob Schühle Lewis ( / jeak )
Production: Dawn Sky Films ( / dawnskyfilms )
Actors:
Alicia - Tatjana Anders ( / tatjana.anders )
Mark - Kyle James ( / actorkylejames )
Sophie - MJ Lee ( / mjayleee )
Check out the full cast and crew on IMDb: www.imdb.com/title/tt10530534/
Check out my guided meditation to help you break free from the narcissist: kzhead.info/sun/kqWzgd6Fq6epeHk/bejne.html 💪 On another note - we're currently in the process of fund-raising for the feature film. If you're a film investor and would like to get involved, please message me via tatjana.anders@yahoo.com Wow! over 6 million views! 😍 Thank you so much for supporting our film and sharing it with your friends ❤🙏 For everyone who’s been asking me about the Official “Your Reality” Soundtrack Song - the artist asked me to share this link with you: distrokid.com/hyperfollow/echowantshervoiceback/your-reality-original-motion-picture-soundtrack-feat-blu-mo-special-version On another note - here's a video that I hope some of you might find helpful: kzhead.info/sun/fa2ynNGxhWapdJs/bejne.html It's about how to learn to love ourselves ❤, because when we are in an abusive relationship (no matter if it's romantic, family, or platonic) the narcissist often convinces us that we're worthless and no one will ever love us. And if we end up falling into their trap, it takes considerable effort and a few useful techniques to change our mindset. Also, we are currently working on a FEATURE FILM version of Your Reality. If you want to stay up to date with our progress, feel free to sign up to my newsletter here: tatjana-anders.com/your-reality-film/ Also, please like, subscribe and share with anyone who needs to see this film ❤ Here are some useful resources if you feel like the film hit a nerve: www.refuge.org.uk/ - domestic abuse charity lovefraud.com/ - great resources and a forum to get advice from people in similar situation blog.melanietoniaevans.com/ - incredibly insightful blog posts on narcissists and gaslighting "When love is a lie" by Zari Ballard (such a powerful book) * Completely unrelated: if you are a tea lover like me, check out my company www.teapro.co.uk - a loose leaf tea subscription, which takes you on tea discovery journey around the world. 😇 🍵💚
@Mike Haas totally agree! Thank you for your support Mike :-)
WOW THIS WAS REALLY GOOD I CAN'T IMAGINE GOIN THROUGH THAT.
Very accurate description of the dynamic.
So Great!!
Survivor! This is amazing. Thank you for doing this!!!!
Red flag number one is the confusion. A good relationship doesn't include confusion. Someone who cares about you won't ever play games with your head and heart like that.
i wish i had someone t talk to about this, i am almost 1million % my man is a very bad very bad narcissist, ive never known someoe could be able 2 control me in the ways tht he does, ive been and still am {no matter what he tells me} a very very independant young women and ive always did everything and i mean absoultly EVERYTHING on my own, never once had to depend on anyone and im a lil spitfire i dont know why i am so scared to deal with this, its so controlling :( can some1 help
Kerrin Lebrasseur so sorry you’re dealing with this. You should find someone like your friend or family to talk to about it in secret. You’ll need help from those who actually love you to be able to leave him, narcissists can be dangerous :( getting away sooner is better than later. You realizing who he is and needing to leave is the first and most important step. I really hope you can get out of this and be happy as yourself ❤️
that is the truest comment i ever heard
@@kerrinlebrasseur3955 I’m so sorry. I’m feeling the same
thank you
I told my daughter, it starts with backhand compliments. If they give you a compliment and back it up with an insult, RUN.
Good advice.
Good job mama!
These are the kind of guys that get the girl ... These are the kind of guys that windup with Everything ! : (
Matthew, not always entirely true. Though, yes, and true for both sexes. Because these kinds of people are master manipulators. Thankfully a lot of people are waking up to their tactics and less people are falling for it. So less of these kinds of men are getting the girl etc. These kinds of people cause tremendous harm.
Did he do that and I missed it? What did he say?
Sending love to all survivors of manipulative people and narcissistic abuse ♥
Tysm it means a lot to us😭
Thank you I needed to hear that ❤
I'm trying to get myself out
🙏🏽🙏🏽💞
@@kimberlyparkinson1997Praying for you! Don't warn the abuser, just leave at your first chance! No need of luggage or anything. Keep your passport or ID at hand, along with some money, credit card and/or your day to day jewelry. If you have a child/children, don't inform them either of what is about to happen. Make it feel as normal as any usual activity - a walk in the park or going to school. However, if the abuser is also your child 's father, you have to inform the police about taking the child with you and the reason for it. Otherwise CPS might take it into custody and you could get arrested. Stay strong! God will guide your way! There is life after toxic relationships!
The most painful is how they are so charismatic and sweet to everyone in the world, and at home it's like a completely different person and when you try to speak up about everything, you hesitate so much because deep down you just KNOW nobody would believe you - because they would never allow others to see who he truly is at home
Yes!
nobody needs to believe you tho, ok maybe your close ones who you really trust but defo not strangers. i had a narc grandma and the only person that believed me was my best friend and no one else would but i couldnt care less so since i turned 16 i stopped saying personal things to strangers or complaining as why would you i only said some things to my best friend but still never complain
Same thing happens with my mother, she is a narcissist.
True,people still ask me 10 tears after my divorce why i left such a great guy,no mention of the fact I'm still alone but the great guy had my replacment in weeks after 36 years,just shows you how people never look at the bigger picture,they just see the smiling charmer in front off them.
Covert narcissists are the worst! I was with one for 16 years. Nobody get it except the ones who get it. ❤
Definitely a red flag when they constantly make you believe your memory isn’t good. They want to make you feel like you’re crazy.
Reminds me of girl on a train.
It's even worse when you do actually struggle with your memory...
@@estarriknight absolutely! 😔
So true
OR they never remember. They constantly confuse you with, but I don’t remember that. I don’t remember what I said. I wouldn’t have said that.
Going to someone’s house for a first date is insane
In today's world!?! That's just Asking for trouble!!
I think that in this film they were concentrated mainly on the gasthlating problem. We don't know how long they were dating. The people like him knows how to hide their real personality
@@klaudiazabczynska5442 the film obviously portrayed it as a first date
@@klaudiazabczynska5442 we do know as it was clear it was the first date.
Facts especially "these days" and I'm a dude agreeing. Be careful out there male or female. Can't trust no damn body off jump, if ever. Bet that. Guns N Roses wasn't fooling around when they said Welcome To The Jungle...
For those of us raised to be subservient, people pleasers instead of our parents reaffirming we are valuable, leaves us wide open for this kind of abuse. This was a great short film showing how this beautiful, sweet soul was twisted into the narcissist web of lies & deceit. Every innocent young child should be taught awareness of this type of abuse. 😢
Spot on! Add little boys to the list, we are taught to take care of things we love and can become people pleasers too. Teaching from home, religion and all sorts of places come into play.
Exactly our parents set it up
@@mistiquefire3462 I'm not blaming parents bc it was just a time in society where many kids were expected to work, get married & have babies.
@@mistiquefire3462Agreed, Missy! As a 50-yr old Gen Xer dude, I am SO FED UP WITH BOOMERS not taking any accountability and THEM/THEN BLAMESHIFTING when convenient, throwing you UNDER THE BUS, as if you or I are the BAD "guy" or "GIRL"!
Yes! Being told not to argue, not to be disagreeable… this is where it leads.
My father was a narcissist. I met my abuser at 15 in high school, and we married before I graduated. This film was my life for 37 years. Praise God that I'm free. I had to move halfway across the country and hide, was granted a divorce, and started my life over. I'm working on healing day by day. This happens in more homes than you'd ever guess.
it also happens way less than people make it out to seem as a lot of people just label others narc for pointing out their bad behaviour and stuff ( not saying you)
ohmygosh!! May God continue to be your strength to persevere
***Hugs*** I'm happy you're safe now. xoxo
❤🙏🙏🙏
It’s my story also 😢
Dr. Ramani said the minute you feel like you have to start recording and saving messages like you're building a case....you're in trouble! And that is so true!!!
Exactly. I ended up putting the voice recorder app on every page on my phone so I could easily access it if needed. When the sh1t POS walked out, and tried to gaslight that as well, i had to make sure any communication was in writing
Yes if you start recording it’s time to get out.
I still have recordings that I kept from a 17 year marriage. But God found me, showed where I was and rescued me.
source please...
Wow
I love how in the beginning of the film, author included how her own mother calls her selfish. It all starts in the childhood with narcissistic parents
Yup
Sometimes it takes forever to realize your own parents were narcissistic...until you end up with one as an adult. Terrifying.
This observance is CRITICAL.
@@kateroonie8324 this is so true! I was with a bad one. Never again. Married total opposite.
Yes parents are not gods.
I was married to the ultimate gaslighter. I didn't know what I was experiencing as I was young. It was pure HELL. In the end, we were in marriage counceling and we spoke uninterrupted, him first, about our marriage life. The most SATISFYING moment was when I pointed out some of the things he said and he starts gaslighting right there infront of the councilors!! The female councilor said sternly, "You DID say those things. We all heard you." I was so grateful that finally, someone, validated my anguish.... and we divorced shortly there after with no tears shed from me.
Ugh. This must have been very relieving, I literally got goosebumps reading it. I wish someone witnessed what I had been going through as well because people around me always make it out to be like I wasn’t tolerant enough or like I was quick to anger. No one understands the effects of long term gaslighting and manipulation.
❤ congratulations on leaving ladies!!
Atta girl 💕
More power to you, my father gaslighted my mother more than 30 years. Now, she has separated her way after a lot of struggle, and still, she has many problems that need to be rectified. I can feel you. God bless you.
* counsellor
A reliable indicator to me whether I’m in the right relationship or not if how I feel about myself when I’m with this person. If I love myself even more when I’m around them and I see myself as a good person, that’s a green flag. If I can’t stop thinking there’s something wrong with me, that’s usually a big red flag. Don’t underestimate your intuition and don’t over analyze your thoughts. “Do I feel good about myself when I’m with this person? Yes -> Great, stay. No? -> Leave, now.”
Yes but the problem is with these kind of abusers, they put you on a pedestal and make you feel better about yourself than you ever have. They're ugly side doesn't start showing until they have you isolated, off balance and Confused and Confused. And you think they're the nicest person in the whole world, and so does your family and friends. So you think the problem is all you and you're messing up a good thing. And the reason why you don't feel good about yourself is because you're messing up such a good thing. And they have you, and everyone else, totally convinced it's something up with you and that you've changed. You're no longer than one they put up on a pedestal because there's something wrong with you. And they are the nicest sweetest guy and they love you so so so so so much. So you believe them. You often don't figure out the truth until you've suffered so badly.
Basically how I felt with the last two men I tried to date (and I use dating liberally because neither made an actual effort to)
My date of two months gave me a few compliments at the beginning and then the insults began.
Excellent point Julie. I would add, that not only feeling something wrong with me, but mostly feeling confused without reason. Confusion is that mental intuition red flag. It means we are not in harmony, We are downloading opposite from the environment without realizing it. It cause inner conflict, we are not in flow, meaning harmony, something is corrupting our vibes and harmony. And our body intelligence communicate with us through that confusion.
Right!!1 And if they are bringing out the worst in you, TIME TO GO!
Better to be single I tell you. Free, peaceful and happy
It can feel that way sometimes. However there are good, supportive men out there - it's just important to be able to spot and avoid the gaslighters.
Truly is
@@malgorzatawojtys9846 I’m afraid you might be right
Ain’t nothing wrong with being single. I love it. I appreciate this peace, self love and growing with in myself. I went through torment for 7 years. But I pray to God to open my eyes and he did. What I saw was when I was sad and down my ex was happy and that woke me up. What I did was leave, change my number. Close my fb all internet connection and never looked back. Also all friends he knew that I knew. 4 years now. I prayed, read scriptures, hear gospel music and did things that I like and love myself. Now if I did it you can do it too. Don’t never let anyone take your joy and peace from you. God bless us all!
@@mommabear7144 ❤
The fact that my gut just immediately reacted when he mentioned that she's late on the first date, made me a little happy to have developed a good intuition by now.
My argumentative ass would’ve been like “um so we said 8” even if I really was wrong.
Yess but is that because we knew what this was about, if it had just been a trailer for a romcom I wonder if we would have ignored it ?
@@Xyznnnnnnnn38 Probably. You always “catch” things once you know about them. It’s like, would you have known about that spider on your ceiling if I didn’t tell you?
I know, right?!? I’m like, oh man red flag! Maybe we need more of these as PSA. How to spot gaslighters. The problem is some are not so obvious. You have to collect data and then over time notice a pattern. But I’m so glad I am better at spotting gaslighting than I was before.
Can I ask why is this a red flag?
When they tell you they remember something you did, but you never done it. RUN
Something I haven't seen anyone in the comments notice or point out yet--when she lost her phone, he knew exactly where it was. Buried in thr couch cushions, where he hid it, after snooping through her phone to get her friends and family's numbers and who knows what else. That's why he didn't lift a finger to help her look. She left it in her bag. People like this frequently spy on and monitor you using technology. The tiny details in this are insane
Woooahhh good eye!
Yup! He has complete control. He snoops, manipulates, she's just a pawn in his game.
The constant little jabs, the backhanded compliments, the niceness followed by coldness. Oh so familiar.
It hits so hard!
My husband has been doing this to me lately & plays it off as he was just joking & makes it seem like I'm the bad person.
So so familiar🙄
Yup a narcissist that is so smooth so hard to detect especially the cheaters kind.
@@wendyvalencia7682 I don’t know anything about your relationship but if this film is reminding you of you and your husbands relationship, I think you should maybe ask yourself a few questions. Again I don’t know your relationship but I wish you the best 😙
The first thing he said to her about her lateness made my skin crawl immediately
I forgive you as if he’s Christ lol
Yeah I’d not have accepted a 2nd date after that comment.
Sadly for narcs I was one of those 20 year olds who didn't doubt the time we confirmed. "No we said 19h30" "um no." Not sorry . Narcissist family on the other hand is a whole other story.
Manipulation from day one.
What a dick! Plus he ate without her?!?!
The sad thing about this is that it’s commonplace and no one considers this abuse. It IS abuse, folks-it’s called emotional and mental abuse…
Yes, very much so!
This made me cry 😢💔 She went from being a high achiever with some much passion and energy for life to a broken woman, left with nothing.....and all because of some pathetic arse of a boyfriend. Most of us come to meet a few of them in our life. Mine happened to be my own father. Takes years to recover, some people never do.
Seasoned divorce lawyer here. Avoid marrying a narcissist at all costs! Vet very carefully before you marry one! The divorce will be brutal, especially if you discard them and cause a narcissistic injury! Stay safe out there!
How can you tell if somebody is a narcissist before you fall in love? Now I just supposed to run away at the very first sign?
Too late!!😵🤣
I had to call the cops on my narcisistic abusive husband. Divorce is on the menu I am already worried .
It's been x5 years trying to finalise my divorce, it's going to court at last on Monday. I am still petrified about the outcome. Good luck everyone else going through this! 💕
Care to elaborate? I've got an abusive wife who puts me down. Just last week the cops had to attend to our home because she lost it at me and started screaming and shouting. Smashing plates all over the apartment! Huge mess. Neighbours were scared and called the cops.
Sometimes being In a bad relationship can make you feel even lonlier than when you're single
Absolutely
So true.
🥺🥺🥺🥺😔😔
Omg.... so true!
Not sometimes. At all times.
This is very accurate with one exception. Usually 99% of the time there's no friends or family due to isolation. The gaslight will try to manipulate those around you or dominate those existing relationships. In time future friendships will either be fronts or initiated by the gaslighter
YES Exactly Xxxx
Yep and if the victim's a male he's no longer a victim. He's got anger issues and he's a loser.
He had her friend believing she was losing her mind.
My ex husband called an out of state friend after I left saying that I've lost my mind and that I need to go on pills... he was trying to convince people that I've known for years that I've lost it. So insane. So glad to be free
Yes, she still had someone she could reach out to and should have used that more.
When her friend said on the phone: "He's very sweet, he just cares for you", that triggered me. Holy shit. It's always the same bullshit with people like that, Oh I just care for you, while completely ignoring the well-being and wants/needs of the person they're manipulating/guilt-tripping. But of course they're always the good guy, no matter what. 🥴
I’d love to see one about parental gaslighting….cuz that’s a whole different kind of physiological power.
Yes, can you please do a film on that?
same here. I remember my mom trying to get herself a good story to feed on after my first breakup with a boyfriend, even then I refused to give it to her, told her no you weren't interested before and now no thanks.
Going thru parental one now after all these years, it's really screwed my head up
My whole life.
Ohhhhh lordy it is!! 😥 Doctor gaslighting is also a problem
So that's how a vibrant young, thriving woman becomes this docile, numb victim! No one really knows what happens behind closed door. We only see the end result. We don't see the process. Everyone thinks the guy is the nice one when in fact, he's the abuser. I can definitely relate!
It is mad isn’t it... this film is really useful for some of us who are a bit too naive...
They start out wonderful answer to your prayers !! By the time they turn to get control... you just want the other guy back . Not this nasty one
Yes they fool some with their false persona yet look closer and you see the anger and contempt come trough.
They can be real charmers at first. But you don't show up at the guy's place after dark. Bad choice.
It really does happen just like this! 😥
It was just after the end of my marriage that I figured out what gaslighting was and that I has been subjected to that psychological bullying diluted during 13 years. I was a good looking, smart girl with a PhD and I lost completely my self confidence by being told I would never find a job (after leaving my position as a university professor), being a terrible mother and criticizing every aspect of 15 people (his family) dinner parties I used to organize, cook and serve on a regular basis. It took me years to recover, a lot of antidepressants, psychotherapy, and finally a new job. The professional recognition I achieved and the support from my growing kids were key to rebuild my self confidence from scratch. I agree with the comments that says this movie should be taught at school to teenagers, so they recognize the dangers of gaslighting as soon as possible.
Onwards and upwards as my dad used to say! ☀️
Cos and their felon cocaine perps conspired to gaslight me over and over. Filmed most cuz like u said, build a case cuz no one will believe.
Yes. The film certainly was spot on. Except that I would edit out when she utters, “God-D*#%!+” Taking the Lord’s Name in vain is such a turn off. I didn’t like that they just had to have at lease one foul thing to conform to the edgy & culturally acceptable vibe of the world.
I'm Sorry to hear it mine was after a breakup. Xxxx
Lilian, congratulations on your new job. Your comment gives me hope. I'm going through something similar. Left my job as a nonprofit grant writer and bookkeeper fifteen years ago, unaware that I was being manipulated into quitting so I'd be financially dependent and unable to leave. I got my Master's after that, but never applied for jobs; it was a full-on mental block by then and I started to believe I was incapable of making money and supporting myself. I've been healing for years and really want to re-enter the workforce, to contribute and do something useful to others, but I feel that society tends to assume that a resume gap is the result of laziness and a lack of desire to work. I don't know how to explain the abuse, or even if I should try. May I ask how you explained your period of unemployment on cover letters and in interviews?
It's amazing how, if you're in that situation, it takes so long to recognize the problem; and realizing what's going on is only half the battle. Getting out of it is the other half because it's not as simple as just packing your bags and leaving. Heart-breaking.
YES it does. Xxxxx
So true!!!
It's because they know how to make a really great first impression. You just can't believe that your first impression was wrong and you keep waiting for the person you *know* they really are by that first impression to come back. The moment someone is overly charming, seems too good to be true, they are probably a narcissist.
His backhanded comment about the risotto being cold. I would’ve left. I’m so sorry for everyone who has gone through similar situations. Sending love to you all
A normal person would've just heated up the food and be quiet about the non problem it is!
Right!! Thank you!!
I think it’s more calculated, a form of degradation to chip away.
It’s calculated. He lied about the date starting at 7:30 instead of 8 because he was testing her to see if he could get away with these small manipulations. The “cold risotto” was to make her feel guilty and have to make it up to him. My ex used to consistently be anywhere from 10-30 minutes late for dates, and I’d just be sitting alone waiting for him. He never apologized for it. The one time I was late, he made me feel so guilty about it, I apologized like 10,000 times. Looking back, I hate seeing how easily I was manipulated.
My ex was late to everything. At one point, we sat in the car as New Years was counting down so she could adjust her hair/makeup. When we eventually got into the event, the Champaign was done and everyone was moving on to the next club or whatever. She also consistently showed up late to dinner. Even when I lied and told her it was 30min earlier than actually reserved. I was almost always late to my own birthday parties. I get what this clip is trying to convey, but it seems shallow/ignorant when contrasted with my lived experience.
The part where her friend says you're the least selfish person I know is so crucial. Because narcissistic people only target at those kind of people. I was one of those people until I got a bad experience with a narcissistc person. Now I have to force myself to be more selfish and show myself respect that I suppresed for sooo long because of this person. Don't let anyone break you. They are the selfish ones, not you.
This is so true! I think it's very important to understand that narcissists are really good at screening their victims and they always go for the "easy prey" who are usually loving, kind and selfless people that enjoy putting others before themselves. I'm so glad you've regained your self-respect and self-love. I think it's truly the best weapon against narcissists.
Exactly right on 👑💕💕💕
This has happened to me too, the narcissists twist all of your good nature to be evil and they try to act like you're a fraud when it reality it's projection from them onto us.
It's not selfishness. It's boundaries.
Its crazy because I've been there too. I read somewhere that the narcissist is actually parts of yourself that you repressed for so long and if you don't accept those parts of your ''shadow'' they will manifest in your life as a person until you learn to be both light and shadow. because you can't be just good all the time.
I think this needs a follow up sequel to help facilitate some positive reinforcement for those who are victims of this abuse.
It's called living and learning. You think people should get some soothing thing when that is not reality. You are part of the problem.
YES I agree it's terrible it really is. Xxxx
Everything was on point except for the end where the friend discovers what he's truly like. 2 years after getting away from my abusive ex and people still don't believe me about how bad it was
Yep, my daughter won't talk to me after I told her why I left her STEPmother. My daughter thinks I'M crazy and I'm lying and I did things I told her my ex did. My mother didn't believe me either until one day, I sent a text t o my ex in front of my mother. The ex immediately texted my mother and flipped the whole story around not knowing my mom saw what I texted. Its crazy!
YES 👍 I agree. Xxxx
@@letssee9 so sorry 😓 I can relate completely
They charm everyone except those closest to them.
I’m a stranger in Australia, but I believe you.
It's really telling that I recognized EVERYTHING he was doing: 1) Silent Treatment 2) Pre-planned smear campaign 3) Projection 4) Moving too fast 5) Waiting for a milestone in their relationship(moving in, marriage, pregnancy) to show his true colors. 6) Ignoring her boundaries 7) Negging 8) Devaluing 9) Gaslighting EDIT: take a screenshot of how she looked in the beginning and then at the end. I always tell people in relationships to examine themselves in the mirror: if you look worse than you did before you met them then you’re not being treated properly! Edit: Thank you for the likes, I’m sorry that you all going through this and I’m glad you’re recognizing the signs. I’m proud of all of you! 💕💕
there's also the point where she is confiding in him about losing her projects and instead of empathizing he starts gloating about himself and his success. I don't know what this is called but its very frustrating when people do this. (overshadowing? trying to make her feel less than?)
@@alliewalsh1 I think it’s similar to gaslighting but could be stonewalling or dismissive and redirecting the attention to himself since people like this always have to be the center of attention
@@ServantStatusMinistries yeah I definitely think it’s about redirecting and centering the attention on themselves now that you mention it. It can go the other way too like I know someone who does this even with pain. I used to dislocate my shoulder often and would be in excruciating pain but somehow she had it worse by having a headache?? Just weird belittling shit to make you feel insignificant and make themselves feel powerful I guess.
@@alliewalsh1 I would say what he's doing about dismissing her problem is a character of narcissist probably (cmiiw). And yeah I saw people do that very often liek when you're telling your own problem and they would just go "ah it's not that bad as my problem" then they will start talking about them That's why I don't talk about my problems to people, because neither they won't understand nor they would ever want to listen 🤦🏻♀️ And I know it's not a good thing to just let your feelings bottled up, but I guess for me it's better than try to get sympathy for people who don't even willing to in the First place
@@Yuqideqiko I was thinking this reminded me of the covert style of narcissism. And no it really isn’t good to keep things bottled up! Maybe I can recommend speaking with a therapist as they can be very helpful and are payed to respond to you without talking about themselves. It’s quite relieving. If you can’t afford therapy it’s really important to surround yourself with people who listen as much as they talk
The part where her friend takes her side but she immediately starts giving excuses for him is too relatable
Mine did the same thing
Mine also did the exact same thing
Yes too relatable for me too
My sister does this all the time. I always ask her why she's making excuses for someone who treats her like trash.
I used to do the same thing
The coaster thing is extremely well done because I’ve been there fearing I’d get scolded for watermarks. The constant asking over and over again of having done something wrong and the constant state of confusion and fear is exactly where I was. I’ve left that relationship since, but I’m still recovering from it. I can see myself in her as she sank deeper and deeper into depression with the inevitability of losing confidence, stability, your looks… I deeply believe these individuals are possessed by demons.
I'm glad you managed to get out of that relationship - the recovery takes time, but it's only onwards and upwards from here. 🤗
@@prelinasingh636 me too. I was completely isolated myself. I had cut off all the people who love me and was in a state of self imposed prison because that’s how the relationship evolves. You’re so busy doing things to please the narc that you don’t even have time for yourself. When I got out, the first thing I did was live in a messy room and it was catharsis for me. It’ll get better, hang in sis!
It is demons ..
@@angelarocke6585 100% facts
YES I know the feeling it's heartbreaking. I agree 👍 Xxxx
Basically the main way you can tell is if you catch them doing something and they deny it and say that it never happened. Or they say you are crazy. A good example for you, and I am literally kicking myself as I am writing this. The same day that the Narcissist proposed to me, he also gas lighted me. I knew it, but ignored it. I didn’t even know what the term was at that time. We were at a aquarium. I was kneeling down and playing with sting ray’s. I looked up to get his attention and he is staring at a girl. It was a very creepy stare too. I even called his name multiple times and he didn’t hear me because he was locked on her. I finally felt so disrespected that I stood up and touched him to get him out of his trance. It upset me. When I mentioned it after we left, HE COMPLETELY DENIED IT. He said he wasn’t staring at anyone and that I was seeing things. Well, that pissed me off. I knew what I saw. I thought about it all day and tried to process what he had done. Then that night, he took me to the beach and proposed. So as you can imagine, that threw off my better judgement and I thought I was just being paranoid. Well, I wasn’t. Even though him staring at another girl wasn’t that big of deal, him denying doing it, was. Him saying it didn’t happen was a big deal. The problem is that we blow it off and we ignore it. Then it just keeps getting worse and worse and worse. Before you know it we are stuck in a special kind of Hell that we cannot escape. So don’t do what I did. Don’t ignore your gut feeling when you know something is wrong. Don’t justify and excuse behavior when you know what you have witnessed. Read about gas lighting and the manipulation tactics of a Narcissist. There are MANY. It is hard to imagine that someone would WANT to manipulate someone like they do, but they do. Additionally, If you ever suspect your partner is cheating on you give it a try and remotely access their phone. I had to follow my instincts and get in touch with this private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com who gave me unrestricted access my partner device.
I went through YEARS of this and it made me give up on so much of myself
Now phones have digital lock. How to just confirm our guts. Besides he Never leaves the phone. He robbed all the patrimony of my family. Long story is not paying the minimum as less than interest. Someone can help to think. Depression took over
Good for you girl. Didn't know you could do that. You remind me of my sister! You should be a PI!
She was explaining his extreme overreaction to her friend, and then moved her glass onto the coaster, knowing he’d flare up if he saw that. Wow.
I noticed that too
That was the introduction to the entire horror.
It's the little things. 😬
i thought she had ocd or some thats why she did that
What are you saying? She wanted him to get upset, slap her and abuse her? So it’s her fault? Is that what you mean?? Wow to you too!
Little digs, constant critiques. They are miserable people and want you to think you’re the cause of all their problems. Then they get people around you to think you’re the cause of the problems too.
True experienced it
why why do they do that? what a pathetic life goal to have
Constant
@@vvelvettearss They can’t feel superior unless you are proven deficient. It’s pathological. They feel strong by making you weak. A healthy person can’t sustain balance and perspective with constant assault. This is exactly how militia break down prisoners of war.
@@steviecrow914 yes I'm aware. I was with...lets just call him a jerk, he wasn't as bad as this guy but one time mentioned "but you're shoes..." and some other things and to that kind of criticism i think "fuck you I don't comment on your shoes you don't get to comment on mine" I left him eventually but I guess I have trouble understanding why some humans make this life goal like..seriously are they happy doing this with their time ? I guess they never learnt how to be nice huh In my view no loser has the right to critique anyone else this is why I avoid relationships so I don't have to put up with that shit that here I had a relatively stable life and by letting this person in I've opted for it being a miserable one because a dribbling insecure adult child with nothing better to do has decided to amuse themselves by "trying to put my down " HAHA no wonder my ex got frustrated. it was rough BUT I'm very gunshy and avoidant and I've always kept distance from people's opinions and influence and always will so that helped me maintain things. he never purchased power over me by his criticisms oh he tried I'm sure but "you're psychotic (because I speak up when I need to), "you don't drink THAT much" (I literally almost never touch alcohol NEVER except in times of extreme extreme stress and I hate it anyway and guess who caused the stress hmm?? ) So i gave as good as I got and even now I wouldn't take criticisms from anyone they can go fuck themselves and apply their own advice and stew in their tantrums :D They can only exert as much power as you give them they are just WORDS. But physical is another matter . It comes down to what you said maintaining healthy balance and perspective and not letting yourself be "broken down" the first sign of trying to influence me and I'm on my way out, society will fuck you up let alone insecure overgrown children with an angry 10 yr olds brain But I know people are in impossible situations and really send them my best wishes and prayers and that they find the strength to make themselves leave either physically or gain the mental strength Sorry for the long spiel I guess I had a lot to say haha I find myself happier being mostly a hermit
when i was in a relationship like this 2 years ago, it honestly makes you feel foggy, u suddenly start feeling unhappy, anxious, like walking on eggshells. all the time. youll do everything eventually to prevent it from happening again. once he eventually left me, i kept those habits & formed a whole new perspective of myself, as someone who’s a burden & a problem. Im still healing everyday but i regret not leaving him early on. All the manipulation, the comments, the back handed insults, still stick fresh in my mind. Im learning to love myself again, but If you are in a relationship like this with ur gf/bf, you deserve to be treated with all the love and kindness you can get. It’s not love, its manipulation.
Holy shit! As a survivor of gaslighting and mental, emotional and physical abuse, this is so incredibly SPOT ON!!!!! You can see all the cycles of abuse and how she slowly starts to lose herself and question her own worth and sanity. Believing she's the problem the whole time and not realizing that he's the one doing it to her. My personal situation was way more intense than this but this is a PERFECT example of what and how it happens! Thank you so much for making this! I'm a peer support specialist in a program for women and I'm going to be doing a class now on this video. Thank you so much!
Yes, it’s relieving, healing, triggering, and spooky all at the same time (watching this). I’m so glad this was made. I hope they do make the feature film and tons of people see it. It’s impossible to explain to people what growing up with 2 narcissists (diagnosed) as parents is like. I ended up getting targeted by others like she did (how she mentioned her mom called her selfish when she wasn’t; my parents did things like that all the time). I became a doormat and have had to work extremely hard for over 20 years to even understand what was right and what was wrong, what boundaries even were and then how to set them and keep them firm, and so much more. I’m working on becoming a social worker and therapist to stop things like this from happening to others as much as I possibly can. I’ve spoken out on it for years. No one deserves to be treated like this, especially by those who birthed you. We are all equally valuable and full of worth. God gave us that great worth, value, and dignity when He created us. And no one can take it away from us, because they didn’t give it to us in the first place. 😉 I’m so glad that you and I have healed so much and continue to. And that we aren’t afraid to speak out anymore. I’m sending you so much sincere love. ❤️ Please keep speaking out. In many ways, we have even MORE valuable things to share than before it happened, because we have radars for this, are strong, and can help protect others. Much love. 😊💕❤️
So, this was probably the most uncomfortable thing I’ve watched this year. Why? Because it is probably happening to thousands, if not millions of people everyday. Very well done and hopefully this raises awareness.
Thank you Aaron, I really hope it can make a difference 🙏 Thank you for your support
She had a career, imagine to those doesn't have
I wish I would’ve recorded my ex. And left sooner. I see all the red flags now looking back but unfortunately gaslighting is really effective
I have been in a relationship just like this for the past 11 years, I'm not the person I once was and realize how miserable, sad and depressed I am, no one knows the real truth, I hope to one day get out for good and be happy not have to watch what I say all the time and have constant anxiety
Yessss!!
I would LOVE to see a short film about how narcissistic abuse can cause the victim to become more angry, hostile, irritated and lash out at times. It would be even more accurate to show this bc not all victims become quiet and numb. Some victims (personal experience here) will flip bw the depressed, numb and silent victim to a victim full of anger whonlashes out and yells and acts crazy bc of the abuse. Show how the narc uses this to "flip the narrative" and confuse the victim even more and guilt trip the victim. Just a thought. Otherwise, great short
Yep this is super accurate. In my experience I could be very confrontational when he would try to confuse me. Completely out of my character I would lose it, start hitting myself, yelling or sometimes hitting him (he was 6”4 and strong so I had no chance of actually hurting the guy) but then it gave him the perfect evidence to back up his claims that I was the abusive one and that I needed help.
omg this comment
This is called reactive abuse :( Look it up.
Yes! Then the victim can feel even more crazy because they’re exhibiting abusive behavior that wouldn’t exist if they weren’t being abused in the first place! So that’s why many people see a toxic relationship and say “they’re both toxic, they’re both abusive, they’re both to blame” not necessarily true. Reactive abuse is the correct term.
@@cherrypop4675 Yes exactly! I got told “it takes two to tango” extremely misinformed. It’s been 6 years since I left and I haven’t been remotely violent to myself or anyone else. Whereas I know that his behaviour with the girlfriends he had after me has been just as violent if not more so.
Things began to disappear, no explanation. Friends slowly faded away... My beloved cat I had to give up and not one sympathetic word The list goes on and on... This is why I haven't been in a relationship in over ten years.
Very anxiety inducing when you have lived with, or are currently living with a manipulative, gaslighting, narcissistic individual. They try and reduce you to a shell of what you once were and can not stand seeing you happy and thrive. For those who have successfully removed themselves from this type, I applaud you ❤
I have experienced this from my family and my ex girlfriend . Verbal abuse being manipulated and gaslighted. I moved several miles from home. Little or no contact. The scars may never fully go away but I’m at peace.
I've often said 'I'm sorry' when I should have said 'fuck you' and moved on. I saw this in a meme...sooo true
so true! so much easier said than done though!
@@TatjanaAndersI completely agree. Awareness with videos like yours is a step in the right direction. I spent 10 years in a marriage very much like this, and I said 'I'm sorry' ALL THE TIME. Once we all realize that we have absolutely no reason to be sorry, we can all then say...'FUXK YOU' Thank you for your response❤
One time a guy asked me out, I said no thank you. He punched me in the face and gave me a black eye. Ever since then I don’t say what I think anymore, I simply say what will allow me to safely leave the situation. If I said “f you” to this guy, I imagine he might have broken more than a few blood vessels.. this is part of the reality of womanhood. It sucks but unless you can throw a punch like a man, it’s probably best to escape rather than speak your mind. Just my experience.
@@msi8311 I am so very sorry you experienced such horrible aggression. You NEVER deserved that. God bless you❤
@@msi8311 and why you didnt report to the police ?,that he punched you
The part where he even called her friend and was basically trying to establish himself as the "kind and caring" boyfriend despite being the manipulative one...that part really made me choke up.
My ex boyfriend did that to me. Send my gf an email. Making me look like I was out of control. She answered him back. “ Have you talk to her about it ? I have nothing to say to you . Either you tell her about your email or I will “. He was trying to get me to loose my friends . I should have walked then. It took me 3 years .
My ex now dead husband did the same to me when I filed for divorce. He called my best friend and asked her about my temper. She did not fall for it. Her husband told her that she needed to call me. She did.
All Relationship R Different To Each other & Family and Friends 👩❤️💋👨
WOMEN? I’m a man and I think my girlfriend is gaslighting me too: “I didn’t say that” is her favorite phrase, even though I know she did. A lot of MEN have to deal with narcissistic behavior from their partners. (Example : Will Smith from Jada.) .
Flying monkeys...
Usually, when people are dating narcissists, the truth about the narcissist rarely ever comes out and the narcissist lies to all of the friends and family of their victim, making the victim look like the crazy one! This video is great because it shows that someone close to the victim saw the truth at the end!!!
The purposely not helping her look for her phone when she’s going crazy peeved me so bad !!
Yup,at first i thought he may have hid it from her😮
They do that u know
He hid it
He was totally enjoying the moment. It was what he was building towards.
"In human psychology it's the little things that make the biggest difference..." Great line for a film about gaslighting.
Right? 😂
great.. little things.. sound like we ADHD are doomed.. 😢
That line was very foretelling to me
Lol..I missed the red flags bc I have the attention span of a squirrel..lol. Now I see all of the red flags over two decades later from life experience...an expert if you will.
Right from the beginning she was apologizing and doubting herself. If you ever catch yourself doing that, stop. Trust yourself and check in with yourself. If something feels off it is, that's a good indication that you need to proceed with caution and keep your wits about you. Never explain yourself either. Stand firm.
She came from a home where she was used to being gaslighted by her mother. She makes a comment about how she's not good enough for her early in the video. Gaslighters pick there targets very specially and she was open for this. He then slowly "groomed" her until she was undehis complete control.
Narcissist abuse is real kzhead.info/sun/msakftB6hXSQdHA/bejne.html
I wish I knew this 3 years ago
I always felt this way even in my young adult years 😭
Apologies have a place. But I completely agree with you. If you find yourself doubting your intuition or putting yourself down...you gaslighting yourself first. We teach people how to treat us by what we allow. I'm preaching to myself here.
The worst thing is the silent treatment 😢and no matter what you do its never good enough!and the constant affairs in front of your eyes is so painful 😢why do we stay so long,im so ashamed of myself for staying almost 28 years,and i hate that i still love him after all the hurt he has caused 😢
I saw first-hand how my ex-brother in law was gaslighted by my younger sister. Despite the multiple affairs she had with men, he still forgave her but after enduring much pain over the years, he finally filed for divorce....I'm so happy he stood up for himself.
Are you still in touch with him? I hope so.
@@funch357 Not anymore, he has a new family now and lives overseas. I'm just glad he left and I'm no longer in speaking terms with my sister too....she's a true blue Narcissist. You know, I personally know some men more than women that are bullied and domesticated by their wives....it crushed them really hard and most are mentally affected....sad but true.
Awwwww that's terrible to hear I've been there too it's very painful. Xxxx
Thank you for mentioning this. Men are also targeted, too. A recent research study actually showed that in many ways men can be even more sensitive to emotional abuse. Abuse towards anyone ever is wrong. When my very, very narcissistic (diagnosed) father was appalled by my younger sister’s behavior (acting exactly like him) towards her then fiancé… it was literally spooky. Truly cannot describe the awfulness of having 2 diagnosed narcissist parents, and then watching your sister refuse to heal (although I was targeted) and slowly but surely became as narcissistic as they are. It’s not possible to express the heartbreak after sooo many years of doing everything I could to get through to our parents and then trying to get through to my sister that she didn’t deserve the treatment either, and I hoped she’d allow me and others to help her heal. She literally couldn’t speak multiple times when I tried to talk to her about it, and she was already well into becoming a narcissist. People try to use “narcissist” as an insult to people who are unkind, but not narcissists, and I try to explain that it’s so much worse than just being unkind. I’m glad there is much more awareness now (none when I grew up), but people doing this all over the place have lessened the impact of the word “narcissist”. I often have to say things like “No, they are literally diagnosed narcissistic personality disorder. There can be narcissistic traits in people, and that’s not good, but narcissistic personality disorder is on a completely different level. It’s evil.” 💔
This should be a requirement for junior high/high school students to watch. Male and female. More awareness is important. Great film.
Thank you Liz!
Yaaaassssss!
It really should be! Help young people learn the signs. This scenario happens at all ages too, imagine how much better it would be if this type of sickness was fought off early.
@@juliahartley-barnes975 totally agree!
I’ve been saying it for years.
When he turned her own best friend against her. That was the part that did it for me.
That is real and happens
@@karadanvers6136 In my case my sister is the one who gaslight me. Today she said something bad to me and after that she leave home. And then I spent all evening outside of home watching anime and then she saw how my little sister who just came back from hostel was upset due to seeing my sad face ( My intention wasn't to make anyone sad. I just wanted to spent some time alone ). But then my elder sister came to me and starts arguing with me because I made our little sister sad. I told my elder sister that "You hurted my feelings and you didn't give a shitt so why should I care"?? I'm the middle one and my elder sister never loved me or neither cared for me. She always loved and cared about my younger sister and would probably kill me too. So I've recently detected this red flags and now I've decided to completely cutt off all my connections with them.
mine was a roommate. it was 4 of us in the apt, she turned my best friend against me. in the end she saw who she really was, but it was too late for us. damage was done.
@@makizenin1840 it’s hard to cut off family but sometimes it’s self preservation.
@@karadanvers6136 I agree but I'm tired of this same toxic sisterhood cycle over and over again. I used to be a good sister when I didn't speak for myself but now I'm a bad sister because I chose to speak up for myself. My whole family is garbage🗑. It's so toxic to live here.
My heart goes out to anyone that has and hasn’t survived ❤ I hear you.
I can’t be grateful enough that this popped up, and that I watched it.❤ saved my sanity. I’d tell the story, but it doesn’t matter. All I know is that I’m not crazy and should’ve listened to my gut. I’m gonna be ok. Thank you.
😊
Better than before, after you're through it. Maybe finally yourself. I'd recommend Richard Grannon but you will find the coaches you need once you start looking.
Exactly I'm sorry you went through it I did too. Xxxx
Living with an abuser really does feel like you're in a psychological horror film. It's a surreal experience I would never wish on anyone. Please, if someone treats you like this, man or woman, get help and leave at the safest opportunity. It never gets better.
YES 👍 Indeed it does. Xxxx
She used to tell me that if I left, she'd kill herself and it would be my fault... Kept me around for a long time with that; till I was too worn out to even feel like a human anymore, then she finally moved to the next victim... Fortunately I learned a lot and have been better than ever; I have actual boundaries now and I stay away from people with that Emotional Plague
It's only getting worse
Right the four staples in my head says it all.
@@andrewvanoort8539my ex scratched his wrist with a knife when I called him out on his bullshit with receipts. Scariest shit 😮
He’s draining her energy and sucking the life out of her. I love how Mark calls her friend as if he’s concerned about her. See how he does that? Makes himself look like a great guy to everyone in society. Meanwhile, her life begins to fall apart, but not by her own will..he’s put up a facade that has everyone believing she has issues and his life is under control. He has completely robbed her of her potential. She starts failing at work and starts drinking more. This is a psychologically dark place to be. This is right where he wants her in order for him to maintain control.
I better increase my energy because I have low energy due to lack of sleep/anxiety people might think im a narcissist
THIS! This was what my ex-husband did to a tee! Call or talk to people about how I was having "issues." He was very charismatic and we'll spoken in public settings. This vid is too creepy real.😔
The worst part about that scene is not so much how he is viewed by people around her, but how isolated she became. First, her friend thinks she is the problem. But even worse, the woman knows she can’t trust her friend anymore because she might run back to the boyfriend if she says the wrong thing. Her network for help just dwindles down and leaves her without safe people to help get out of the abuse and she ends up feeling more alone and distrustful of her safe people.
So true!
The saddest part in one of these situations is sometimes the gaslighter doesn’t even realize what is going on. Hell I’m still questioning my own sanity after my last relationship. Everyone, her and her friends kept telling me I was a crazy gaslighting pos. I actually started to think I was. I’m still not sure what happened. I can’t tell up from down anymore.
I am showing all my kids this when they hit a certain age. I wish I had seen this many years ago. Mental health would be better in today's society if it was taught in school. Respecting ourselves is so important. Thank you ❤
It's the responsibility of the parents to teach their kids about this stuff. The schools can't do it all. Kids can't even read and do arithmetic these days because teachers are focused on teaching what parents should be teaching their own children.
YES 👍 Xxxx
I think this should be taught in school as a mandatory subject. So many of us lose ourselves to gaslighting without even realising it. This is gut wrenching.
I agree 100%. This should be thought in schools!
Yess!!
I agree, though there would be some sort of irony with that since most teachers are narcissists themselves.
I agree
Yea definitely many of us don’t realise this till years later 😣
You can literally see the light and life being sucked out of her. Every area being effected. I’m a shell of who I used to be. I don’t even want to go out the house. My brain is mental mush. Edit: wow ladies, Im praying for everyone under this comment thread. We can and will recover. Love and light 💖💖💖
You need a little time to process it, and get over the breakup and abuse. See a counselor if you can. You will get over this and be SO happy that your away from them. Life will feel good again, maybe even better than ever! Give yourself time, be patient with yourself.
My relationship ended in July and I'm still picking up the pieces of my life. I even sought professional help to process it all. It's left me voiceless and totally broken.
Me too. The covert/shy narc never really gives up. I'm 38. He's 73! We were & r meant to b dog walking friends. The shame of being abused by an elderly person is debilitating. Already I ve mentioned such a good year ago- ppl just said I could easily overpower him & that I should just hit him. In the meantime I ve learnt all there is & realise he's 100percent a shy narc with an angry side he can't release so he manipulates & makes me anxious & ill monitoring me. I just go along with the friendship now. I feel used, breadcrumbed & trapped. There's NOTHING online about grown adults being sexually abused (it's always a joke but it's not clearly) by pensioners. He makes me feel v guilty for him & literally before I'm even awake he's leaving missed calls. It's embarrassing. I keep trying to guide this bk to friendship and he allows me to kid myself. I ve now no other friends at all & everyone in the village assumes we re together. If I complain I'm crazy or a gold digger. I ve slept til lunch time. I have changed so much. I fear if I do hit him I ll hurt him and he ll parade a bruise around to get me into trouble or to sleep with him. If I ever allow that I'm over. Over. Gross.
@@donna6368 hey Donna. Greetings from Dingwall-Scotland ❤️
Pray read scriptures and hear gospel music. God will help you. But you have to leave and never look back. Praying for you!
Living this is truly a nightmare. Getting over it- just as hard.
From being a little girl raised by a mother with severe narcissistic traits to becoming a woman that has learned to put myself first; this film was a gut punch. It’s also a bold reminder that I’m on the right path of being single and childfree.
I don't want to be childfree, but I also don't want to have a child inside an abusive relationship, so kind of...
Confusing, it's kind of confusing
Indeed. Xxxx
@@marsviolets4651 Trust me. I understand. That’s why I made the executive decision that I did lol. I rather be part of a village of other childrens’ lives. I can be in their lives and have a positive impact without being their mother.
Same, girl, same! light and love!
Moral of the story:little things really matters and one should never ignore little signs.
so true!!
YES! 💯
Listen to your gut instincts. Don’t make excuses for them.
Listen and end it when the signs are there it gets worse when you stay longer
And note that this is one of the very things Alicia and Mark talk about at the beginning; the little things.
Her first mistake was meeting him at his place for a first date. You can't allow a stranger to have complete control over you and your surroundings.
Omg these are words everyone needs to hear!
Mine forced me to live with his parents. He had people ganging up on me when we fought. I felt so alone.
@@briannalee1998 Thank you. I hope so, too.
@@ashlieprussey5426 Wow! I wish you well and hope you got out of that situation.
First problem was that he invited her there for the first date. He wanted to control the situation and the surroundings.
This is the reason why I am terrified of the dating world after losing my husband. As alone as I am...a relationship with a narcissistic person would be hell.
Every tiny detail is so spot on. Except the friend finding out and being horrified. They don't usually believe the "kind, caring man" could ever be a monster.
The problem is it’s sometimes easier to see narcissism from the outside, when you’re not the one in the so-called relationship. You make excuses for them and blame yourself.
So true! That’s exactly why made this film!
That’s because your parents made excuses for their negative behavior towards you and then blamed you it’s sick & sad
@@tanit7741 I don’t know, maybe. I had a great childhood though, both my parents were very caring. Their relationship with each other wasn’t great though, but they never split up.
Trauma bonds suck!
Exactly. And the worst thing is that even if they abuse you just can’t leave. It’s like a trauma bond. Right after I was raped he came into my life. And now he’s abusive but I can’t leave and I’m trying to.
7:24 the detail of her moving the glass tells a lot. He probably argues with her over the smallest things,so she unconsciously tries to keep things in order. She's always walking on eggshells with him. Very realistic behaviour.
Nice catch. I didn't notice that.
That was the most triggering part for me. I do it all the time 😞 it's like I developed ocd among other things..
Same. I have to be careful all the time because he argues with me over the smallest things.
I can relate to this. Always on eggshells 😒😪
I think anyone who has been through this recognized what she was doing. The worry she felt at not using a coaster. Hurts my heart to relive a moment like this.
Every person in the dating game of life should see this movie. It should also be shown in high schools all across America. Although I am past the dating era of life, I did notice it's message transcends romantic relationships. It certainly applies to immediate familial relationships, too
Absolutely! I could only pick one specific case for this short film, but it can happen in any relationship (family / work / friends etc.)
I was so sorry for her when her friend said she should see a therapist. 😢 Her hope for help died in that second.
I used to be in an abusive relationship and now when I date, if a man is too rigid or tries to correct me in a belittling manner no matter how small the statement, or shows the slightest bit of irritation or anger early on, I literally run for the hills. If they’re like that in the beginning it’s only gonna be worse later.
Exactly. I just had to ✂️cut this guy off yesterday. He was so agitated, defensive, and angry! All right before our first date. Not going down that path again....don't ignore the warning signs/red flags everyone!
Same, I had a guy try to correct me on a fact that I knew to be true. Once he googled and realized he was wrong, he backpedaled so fast and apologized but I was immediately turned off by his need to be *right.*
if only every woman had as much caution, sense, self-love and self-respect as you, there would be significantly less domestic and other kinds of relationship abuse in this world.
Same
Maybe you actually did something that warrants criticism. You are not perfect, no one is. If you can't take even the slightest bit of criticism with out getting super defensive then good luck being with anyone that isn't a complete pathetic whipped simp
Honestly, I was disappointed up until the last scene. They successfully lulled me into the mindset that I was watching the situation from an objective outside perspective, so I thought the film was barely scratching the surface of Gaslighting, and I felt quite alone because I had been hoping to find a story that I could really relate and connect to. But once I saw that final scene and understood that the film is exposing her perspective alone, I saw the entire film differently. They are trying to demonstrate how you end up justifying your partner's behaviour in your mind, how you minimise it, how you end up seeing them as the 'good one' and yourself as the 'bad one', that they are a success in this relationship and you are the failure, and you don't see things for how bad they truly are. Once I reached the final scene, the film finally spoke to me in the way that I had been hoping for when I clicked onto it.
Very true
thats very true. its crazy how i would make excuses for them / their actions and always end up feeling as though i was the one falling short.. even when everyone around me was telling me differently, i couldnt see it until the damage had already been done
Moving words
Whenever I find someone make me feel guilty for lacking knowledge its usually narcissism. You lose the battle when you get offended. Especially with coming late, I just ignore the accusation altogether. I only talk to them if necessary and if you dont get offended or try to get acceptance from them, they can’t really find something to accuse you with.
I had the same experience watching this. The last scene pulled it all together.
Mark's obviously feigned sincerity and cold disposition once Elisha moved in actually sent a chill down my spine and brought back more than a few memories. Excellent film, and well deserving of the award(s).
I was married years ago to a man who I began to fear his coming home. I tried to be what he wanted and cooked, entertained and loved him till I couldn’t. I felt so alone and did not dare admit it to anyone as he made me feel so undesirable and worthless. I never let another man close. No one deserves this. I pray women today are much stronger and seek help so they heal and love again.
The day she moves in and jokes “I hope you’re not having second thoughts” (after he scolds her many boxes), the silence is SO loud in his absence of reply. The casual way her plea for comfort and reassurance is just ignored made my heart leap.
Yep
Yes I noticed this too! My ex would do it to me
@@zionhulbert8489 same then he married someone else without breaking up with me you have no idea when i got to know about it i felt like someone shot me right through my heart--- i was so naive then i got my answer and i felt so satisfied and free..
@@Elif_sh I'm so sorry you went through that, & congratulations on your freedom 🤍 it is the most amazing feeling after living a toxic life with a narc
okay i think people are definitely over exaggerating… he did not scold her the dude was just joking around with her
This is sooooo in-depth. She literally fell from a woman of substance to a woman of doubt, insecurities, and medicating. He isn’t just a narcissists, he is a narcissistic sociopath.
and complete CONTROL FREAK and sadist, even to the point of DESTROYING HIS VICTIM. It's FUN for them!
I was with one so high spectrum I think he is a psychopath he was wayyyy worse than this guy in the films. The harassment and stalking to me and my family was so bad I had a nervous breakdown.
😢😢😢🙋🏻♀️
100%. And they don't need to be sociopaths to do that, though. Narcissist traits are utterly dangerous in the long term.
OMG
This gave me hair standing chills. Once you see it, it can never be unseen. 4 years I went through this, repeated cycle of hell.
As a survivor of DV, this hit hard. I learned what gaslighting was because of that relationship I was in. This is a shockingly accurate account.
He KILLED her light, her soul, and he shine. My shine is gone too, and it is hell trying to get it back. More people should see this short film
Story of my life with a narcissist right now.. 😢 💔
when did we lose who we used to be? can we get ourselves back again? i can barely even remember now… what is was like… being me…
@@kristineskinner6224 same, i dont remember if i used to laugh ... is so scary once one is damage how your pov of life change
@@kristineskinner6224 Being happy...feeling safe and relaxed around someone.
For everyone who is reading this comment... You cannot let that one person ruin who you are n who you want to be! Do not let that person dictate ur life, ur happiness! You did not work so hard all your life so that the one toxic person could come n ruin it for you! Be happy! Love youself enough! Laugh n take care of yourself! Live your life the best way you could! You are here for a reason! Be the best version of youself! Don't stop loving yourself coz someone else doesn't! Who are they to judge!? Do things that make you happy then only you will be able to spread happiness around you!
Narcs aren’t just partners. They’re parents and bosses too. Keep a journal if you suspect you’re being gaslit. Document your interactions with said gaslighter: date, time, what you tell them, and what they say. Documentation is gold when dealing with any gaslighter, (especially an abusive boss should you go to HR or a lawyer) It takes time to leave an abusive situation. Minors with abusive parents have to wait until they’re adults. It can take months to find a new job or new place to live. Keeping a journal helps debunk the gaslighting, which preserves your sanity in the meanwhile.
I used to do that. I just can't anymore. It was a catharsis for me but then I realized I was being buried by spiral notebooks. I have thrown away hundreds of them, not even joking. You can't write it all down - and if you do, you can't possibly keep it all. Then it turns into rumination and that's HORRIBLE on a person.
@@brooke5395 Thank you for the perspective. It shouldn’t be lots of notebooks. It’s more like a ledger instead of a traditional journal. Keep your feelings out of it, best you can. Recording with your iPhone works too.
I finally retained a lawyer for my work situation. Even though I reached out to HR, they always sided with my boss.
Wow I never thought of documentation for sanity thank you
I couldn't get justice despite my meticulous documentation. My coworkers even thought I needed a lawyer, but they're still rotten they only take slam-dunk cases if you're not paying by the hour.
The never-helpful "advice" from him while he helps her spiral into the darkness is too real! Its like having your face held under water while he tells you how pretty your hair is 😢
It was my reality for more than 2 years. Notice, that manipulation doesn't start like one-two-three. Never. They will make you helpless first. Then the rest comes. I've been there and I classify myself as a classic Stockholm syndrome victim. All I can say now is healing takes hell of a time. It's not even healing, but some kind of awakening.
Did you notice how she picked up the glass and put it on the coaster? She was probably previously insulted over not doing so, and now she is just used to being overly careful not to do anything wrong to avoid getting into a fight or upsetting him. I still find myself panicking when I drop food or do something subtly wrong, I have to remind myself the narcissist isn’t here anymore and I am safe. That was such a nice and subtle touch there. This short film is too accurate.
YESSSS!!!
Wow, good observation
Or, trying to gain control or something...anxiety, OCD -- all ways to try to gain control when you don't have it.
Ptsd
When I came out of my relationship I could hardly remember what I liked to eat, or wear, or watch on television. It took me a while to rediscover myself bit by bit before I stopped just doing everything his way. It took a couple of years to regain my confidence, but now looking back, I was so young and inexperienced, and I was being destroyed bit by bit without realising. I do think that marriage has been traditionally set up, from the moment a bride is “given away” by one man to another and becomes “Mrs Him,” to enable husbands to exercise this coercive control. In my seventieth year, quarter of a century later, I still wake up every morning rejoicing in my freedom even if it’s just to choose coffee over tea!
By the time I left the relationship I was “an alcoholic” and “bipolar” who needed to take their meds. A year later I can go without a drink for weeks and I can stop at one. A year later I am not on meds Bc i don’t even suffer from depression. Gaslighting kills
Thanks so much for sharing! It's so true, they make you out to be "ill" and "crazy", because it makes it easier for them to get away with all their lies. Glad you managed to leave and feel better now! Sending hugs your way!
@@TatjanaAnders thank you and honestly this video helped me and I’m sure so many others!
@@JayThe0 I had a similar experience. I'm really happy to hear you are doing well. 🤗💜👏
@@Muchjoy.. I hope you are doing we too, I had no idea I wasn’t alone before this video….
Similar story here... Now, in a healthy relationship, there are no constant mental breakdowns. For a while I really thought I would end up in a mental institution.
This is about narcs more than about gaslighting. Because there's also control. And undermining. And manipulation. And crossing boundaries. And a lack of any accountability. Or providing any help. Or anything else you might reasonably expect from a relationship, that's mutual and based on give and take. . But, this film showed *exactly* how the Gaslighting happens, how deeply damaging it can be, and how easy it is to perpetrate when coupled with deceit from someone you trust, and a dark ulterior motive. (ie a motive of control and dehumanizing.) Painful, but very illuminating film!! Thank God and Thank You!!❤
Ive been away from my gaslighter 18 years and boy did this trigger memories and anxiety. I thought i was all better.
God, the way her light is gone and she's just an empty vessel... I remember when I was like that. If the short film continued he would get bored with her because there was nothing left and make her feel like it's her fault that he's leaving her. This video really makes me appreciate where I am in life now and how far I have come from healing from all the abuse.
I'm so glad you managed to leave it behind and are happy! Kudos to you! ❤
yes exactly! I have even photographs from the period where I look like an empty vessel just like in this movie. And family and ex boyfriend enjoyed it together making me think something was seriously wrong with me...
@@TatjanaAnders Any tips on how to handle jealously??? Never been in a proper relationship but I would not like It in general I am possessive over most things food money ect my items. I’m not violent or aggressive but how do I get rid of this toxic trait. I don’t like it when certain friends hang out with others (even though I never say anything). If I had a partner I’d be so unhappy and secretly stressed. I know physically controlling and doing stuff like is wrong but doesn’t mean I like it either. Any tips????
@@andrewdodds8908 I think you have to find the root, why I you feel that way. There must be a reason why you are feeling the need to be that possesive, why are you feel instantly "betrayed" if your loved ones have a good time with others. Maybe, you feel like you are not good enough and they will leave you for someone else. I think seeking professional help is always a good option, it can help you understand how you work (subconciously) and why you feel that way. After that, you can work towards a solution and some self-healing because most of us have buried problems and most of the time we are not even aware of that. I wish you all the best and I hope you can find a solution to your problems.
😢😢I just burst out crying...all too familiar!
When you feel "crazy" and "alone" in a relationship then you are probably being abused. You can escape even if you don't think there's a way out. There's always a way out. It will never get better.
That’s exactly how you feel! You are called crazy, useless, weak and a liar when you try to confront them. I left after two years and never looked back. There is always a way out. Some days I just wish I haven’t waited two years to call it quits
My ex used to do this to me. He would hide my things then tell me my memory was getting bad. Then I would find my things later on. I could write a book on the topic
Wow! Thats exactly how it feels 😔
It can be psychological escape when this is the case, these narcs prey on sensitive or anxious people, and make it feel like they're the problem. Why would someone take up for themselves if they feel like they're at fault? Exactly. I think that is what keeps them in that place...
This how alot often get away with it
This is one of the best depictions of a covert narcissist I’ve ever seen
Me too
the scene in the bed. “did i do something wrong?” hitting home.
Accusations from a narcissist are the closest thing to a confession you’ll ever get.
I'm framing this quote
100%
1000%. I would feel insane because everything he was accusing me of would be exactly what he was doing. Not just with cheating, but with any of his hurtful or destructive behavior. Or I would tell him something and he would argue how I was wrong and stupid but then someone else would say the EXACT thing I said and he would AGREE. like, verbatim, even. It was such a baffling nightmare.
All those people who have experienced gaslighting, silent treatment, future faking along with betrayal.... Stay strong. You've learned what many don't.
Future faking! So true.
Thank you x
That Part!
Thank you
I'm not sure if I learned through that
Wow, this hit me hard ! I had 7 years of a relationship like this, she was a beautiful redhead, just like the actress in the short film. It took me many years to recover, and I still feel the effects of it today. When the red flags start piling up, there’s a point you have to cut it off before the relationship is progressed and you just stay for the good parts.
My ex step monster was red head and terrible hid her dark side when dad around I now trust no women! I'm a girl!!!
Sadly I can relate to this. I spent 10yrs married to a narcissist. The effects of gaslighting and narcissistic abuse is damaging. I’ve been free of his hold for 5 yrs now, and had 4 yrs of therapy - however the long lasting effects of gaslighting are still there. I will be teaching my daughter all the red flags 🚩 possible so she never ends up in the position I did. Great film!!!
Oh, I recognized another warning sign too, right in the first minute: He paid her bills but he doesn't consider it as a matter of course. He expects her to text him. A normal gentleman would rather say: It's ok, don't mention it.
That’s so true! I never thought about that before!
@@jamiemurphy487 It seems as he considers her as a "material girl". He buys her something and she has to behave like his lapdog in return. Later on, he even claims that she doesn't have to work any more because he earns enought...OMG!!! In what century are we right now???
I've caught co-workers doing this to me and I say "No thank you" but they say "we are friends"...it's actually a ploy to find out what they can about you so they can use it at a later date. I can't stand people paying anything for me as it makes me feel indebted to them. A true friend is about loyalty, trustworthiness and trust...0 friends at this point in life and I'm happy with that as I don't have to constantly be on guard for who's going to stab me in the back next. There's also the constant competition going on as if they are trying to prove they are better and throwing things in your face.
@@zippyz4170 This isn’t necessarily true. I offer to buy my friends things all the time, because they are my friends. I am a giver and there’s nothing wrong with that and there’s no strings attached either.
@@spydersmom1 I was just stating from my own experiences at work. People at work aren't my friends...I do my job and then go home. I'm friendly and kind to my co workers but I've learned when it comes to money pay my own way. Maybe its where I live or how I grew up but man there's a lot of maliciousness where I live. I'm a giver but there's too many takers around me. People use the kind people to feel better about themselves...after a period of time they start minimizing you and interrupt you while you speak...its a way of making you feel small as if you are unimportant because they are insecure. Too many life lessons...I'm just passing the information along should anyone else have these experiences and not know whats going on.
I like how they showed how she perceived the argument to how it really happened. Many times people are stuck in abusive relationships and they think "maybe it's not that bad" or they are stuck in a constant state of shock or disbelief. And the abuser makes them believe they are crazy so they don't know if it really happened the way they remember.
Well said!
Abuse needs to be a part of family discussions first, then high school classrooms. Many adults have no clue. I didn’t!
Yeah psychological abuse is no joke , terrible rut to be in .
The reason that she can't remember is because she is drinking. She loses some of her memories of the events. In some situations however narcissists will deny and change their stories, which has nothing to do with memory loss due to drinking.
@@nusaibahibraheem8183 she is drinking, but that likely isn’t the only reason she has memory loss or remembers it differently. The alcohol makes it harder to pin down. They convince you so often that you’re broken, that your memory is wrong, that you’re a liar, that it can alter your memories even when you’re sober. Memory isn’t the way a lot of people perceive it. You can block out parts, add in parts that were suggested, and dissociate entirely and have absolutely no idea it’s happening. You’re also more likely to take up the behaviors they repetitively accuse you of, because you believe them so strongly. It’s absolute torture to go through.
Towards the end of my 3 year relationship with a narcissist I began filming her when she was on a rampage, because the gaslighting was so bad I couldn’t tell what was real anymore. I forgot I did that until almost a year after the end of the relationship, after a lot of therapy and healing. One day, I stumbled across a video and played it, not knowing what it was. What I saw horrified me. She was a cruel monster but by the end she had me convinced that I was the sick one, the crazy one, etc. It was like watching a memory that never actually happened, it was so different from my recollection
I'm 16 and I've never really been in a relationship, and had no idea this could happen. I just realized this is what my dad did to my mom and I feel awfully bad. My brother (taking on my dads personality) does the exact same thing so I'm hoping we can mold him into something better. Thank you for spreading the word
Just send him off. To a boarding school/college. Best option they never see they'd not catch up with these same habits. Imo. I've had a similar story, but in my case my narc ex is also included. So when I see anything off I run without second thoughts. Makes me believe now I have big trust issues.
@@tula__ just wondering though but there are boarding schools that are considered pretty good/atleast ok in reputation but are actually horrible once you live there for year or more and all the superficial facade of ppl fades away it starts with all the bullying, shallowness and even sexual assaults going unnoticed Due to there being no proper child counseling/sex ed etc in school and probably many colleges too to put the kids on right path so only option would be to call the cops which many ppl don't do due to wanting to save the schools reputation and childs future and also staying away from the law that isnt very helpful.. (obv depending on country all that could really change a lot tho since there r countries that offer the bare minimum of it).. So it would be better to send ppl off knowing what kind of kids are in the school because bad social conditioning can be any where and only thing that can save kids from that is giving them good social conditioning strong enough to resist that from parents/siblings loved ones/psychologists and even small things like entertainment..cuz there r kids that have ok social conditioning at home but not strong and well explained enough With difference between good and bad, morals and why its so and its consequences hence the social conditioning from outside of house eg. From school,college other bad ppl outside can end up changing ppl for the worse too.. So regardless of Where the person is sent they really need to be communicated with regularly (tho it gets hard in boarding Schools especially if they are strict for kids and dont let kids talk to their loved ones for long or daily) and also they should have some number of good ppl in their lives to remind them of the differences... Otherwise change in the social conditioning is like a well on a one side and a valley on the other to jump into.. So wherever the place the person really needs to have a will to absorb the good things too... So there really are multiple facets to everyones situations its not really a clear answer always.. Tho at least when they are kids we have an option to take them to a good child psychologist..unlike adults which cant really be taken easily..
Trying to 'mold' or change him probably won't work. They usually just don't get it. Just be aware of the situation and remember not to ignore your gut.
@@tobyfitzpatrick3914 quite true tho it also depends on which stage it is..and sometimes tho in rare cases they do change but its usually via unpredictable life experiences..If its gone past a stage when they get desensitized to guilt,shame n concience it gets harder to help change especially when they get older... Obv tho earlier intervention of good child psychologist might help but thats if you are able to find a good one and the child/sibling etc is willing to cooperate.. Conclusion there isnt always a foolproof option to solve this issue.so protecting ourselves first is a must..
There are some really bad people out there.