Biden Claims Cannibals Ate His Uncle in World War II
Seth addresses Biden suggesting cannibals ate his uncle in World War II, Florida authorities seizing nearly 150 pounds of crystal meth from a home in Orlando and more in his monologue for Monday, April 29.
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Biden Claims Cannibals Ate His Uncle in World War II - Late Night with Seth Meyers
• Biden Claims Cannibals...
Late Night with Seth Meyers
/ latenightseth
As someone who works in education I felt that flask joke.
Travel coffee mug and you’re good to go! It’s even plausible if you can tolerate vodka and coffee.
🤣🤣 !!
Especially at the beginning of May!
@@chrisdraughn5941 whiskey & coffee is a bit more palatable imo but you do you!
yeah well also someone who watch’s the news i understood that joke
Kristi Noam joke sneaked past the Surprise Inspection. (The head writer pulled rank.)
No Country For Old Men reference
Kristi NOem hired an outside-South Dakota advertising firm to come up with the slogan: Meth. We're on it. I always thought it was a play on words, not literal. Hmmm.
@@oldauntzibby4395 😱😳🤣
@@oldauntzibby4395 seriously- irl - not fantasy comedy-- that was *a genuine slogan* pedaled to that dipshit psychopath and whatever minions bow down in supplicant support to her to her brand of stupidicide?
mos def abuse of rank like the goat that goat off-ed
The "woo" for the Boeing airplane parts joke was probably from a jackal who was happy that the Mordor jokes were continuing. You are still wearing that black ring after all, Seth.
noticed the ring still being there, too. Is that what it is? A LOTR reference?
I like the idea that Seth's ring rules over and binds the rings of his writers, but it is only wild speculation based on the fact that he can now become invisible.
Correction: Jackals are never happy.
Dor'lando took the brunt of the jokes today.
@@sparkythancztwise Good one! However, you must now be punished for cruel and unusual punning. 😎
When I first scrolled to this I read "Biden claims *cannabis* ate his uncle" and that's way more bonkers 😂
i am actually an uncle who was eaten by cannabis (metaphorically)
@@djbt2718 you should sell the rights to your life story!
I have to assume that when Joe was a kid some adult told him that his uncle was eaten by cannibals and he carried that horror with him his whole life.
@@kevanv "...and then, with his dying breath, he whispered, 'so much for your boats'." - a cannibal joke an uncle told me when I was a kid that I thought was hilarious
@@grankmisguided i can't remember my life story!
That flask joke smelt of Scollins.
Writing staff has become like a football team. All of a sudden fans are scouting writers from Kimmel…
@@_Pauper_ Well I didn't scout nobody, I founded the *_Scollins Fan League of the Americas!_* Sign up now!
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"
It might have been the spray tan
@@joachimschoder, Badum - tish!
Delores And Ethel are sitting on a park bench. Ethel turns to Delores and says “Did you fart?”, Delores says “Of course! Do you think I always smell like this?”
Simon Lebon from Duran Duran told this joke at a concert. Good one.
Missed you sooo much!
i like how people weren't sure if the Kristy Noem drug-deal gone bad joke was a joke at first. it would fit the GOP leadership profile somehow...
That was awkward AF.
Crystal meth comes in freedom units, but Colombian Marching Powder and Fentanyl come in metric?
Metric required for the cargo ship's manifest.
@@jimcarlson1858 An explanation I can accept with ease.
The meth was cooked up by some Redneck in his floor bucket. The coke was packed in a metric country. But to make Fentanyl, you actually need real chemists (who will obviously use metric units.)
Freedom units 😂 love it, I've not heard it called that before. Even funnier to call it freedom units when the imperial measurement system was invented by the British 🎉 independence! 🎉
@@litebreeze811 The majority of the Commonwealth, including the Brits, now use metric. We're just waiting for the US to shrug off its "Land That Time Forgot" tourism tag and get with the metric system, plastic currency and a thought about possibly looking into perhaps doing something about gun crime if it isn't too much of an inconvenience to the people who may have to look into it.
The joke about that governor’s dog really sounds like something out of surprise inspection
that joke died like a 14 month old puppy.
They “woo” so they can they can hear themselves when they show airs. “Hey, you hear that random ‘woo’? That was me!”
CORRECTION: in the statement "sometimes he's not right about everything", the "sometimes" is redundant. The semantic content remains unchanged with its removal from the sentence.
The wooo was an Airbus plant
high schools in NJ had metal detectors back in the 1970's, instead of arming teachers, they put in metal detectors - worked back then.
Don't students carry binders and math sets that would cause the alarms to sound?
Boeing employees in the audience?
I'd say it was more likely an Airbus employee.
Wow. Someone in Florida uses the metric system.
This is the most chaotic monologue ever
0:18 surprise oddly enjoyable wrenching belly-laughs straight out the gate
Wait a sec, aren't you the, "Head writer?"
No, Alex Baze is the Head writer
@@MariaVosaThis is the only show where I know the writers’ names!
@@kicsms_science3729 He's the only guy who actually owns up that he has writers. And is brilliant for doing it.
This is the only show where I can match writers' names to faces
A DRUG DEAL GONE BAD! YES! LMAO, 3 drug jokes. nothing like the double callback.
Head writers deserve to be on Surprise Inspections too, you know.
Tbf - how the hell do you joke about a person who kills puppies? The final joke saved the monologue, I think the writers are still a bit in vacation mode 😄
@MariaVosa - Not defending Noem in any way. But a 14 month old dog is not a puppy, it's a young dog.
@@wickedcabinboy Puppy is defined as a juvenile dog. Juvenile is defined as an organism that hasn't reached full size, adult form, or sexual maturity. These are all gray areas about when it is adult or a puppy, and you clearly thought you saw enough black and white to comment without sources. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puppy
@@lazurusknight2724 - So, you've discovered through Wikipedia that words may have different meanings. How very modern of you. The use of the word puppy to refer to a 14 month dog is analogous to using the word baby to refer to a 15 year old human or foal to refer to a one year old horse. It isn't an accurate description. It's also a loaded word used to excoriate a worthless, sociopathic woman, not for shooting a young, adolescent dog but for shooting a small, warm and fuzzy baby dog. It's not necessary to mischaracterize the victim of her killing unless your only goal is to intensify the feelings of hatred. It's a shame that your vocabulary is so limited. I suppose as you grow up that your vocabulary will improve. At least I hope so.
@@wickedcabinboy Time to jackle the Jackles: I see your knowledge of dogs is casual and limited. That being said, you really wouldn't have to be a vet to know that a 14-month-old dog could still be considered a puppy reliant on the breed--you could have Googled it, you know. Like, really. Just Google "puppy is how old" and it'll confirm what anyone with dogs in their life has known. (I wouldn't be so harsh and salty in tone, but your response back to Lazurusknight2724 invited me to be condescending. Them's the breaks.)
HA! And here you weren’t expecting a moment of silence after that dog joke!
🥲 ... we missed you
Cannibals ate my homework.
In Gov. Gnomes defense, a 14 month old dog is like an 8 year old human.
Off topic: the cicadas/cicadas have arrived here in South Carolina! How do you like yours, salted or chocolate covered?
When the gods gift you a snack from the sky, you eat it
That news is so old, it doesn't count as news anymore.
Chipotle doesn't have bathroom keys they have codes
A correction! See Seth, you can't quit on us.
Definitely depends on the location though, I'm in northern AZ (close to Vegas) and even worked at a Chipotle for a while. None of the ones I've been to had keys or keypads, just the push-button inner lock you'd expect anywhere
#Correction🐾
0:43 Nice Seagal joke.
HOld up.... Florida has authorities?
The Scranton Welcomes You sign is now displayed in the Steamtown mall, because people kept pulling over on the side of the road and taking pictures of it. Thanks Michael Scott.
Aaand we are glad you are back. For a moment, I thought you had been hanging around that snarky Brit and decided to pick up his lazy habits of working two days a month......Great to see y'all!
The Boeing joke was Scollins, for sure
I think it might have been Bryan
No, you've NEVER offered me a ride in the Lotus before.
If there's not a corrections on Friday my week is gonna be ruined
Correction: There's no such thing as a "14 month old puppy", all puppies by definition are less than a year old.
No it depends on breeds, dogs become adults anywhere from 12-24 months
Seth’s show becomes more like Craig Ferguson’s Late Late Show every day 😂
Hmm wonder if there was any empty classified document folders in Orlando home too?
1:41 "The American Lung Association released The State of the Air report. Apparently it's loaded with dangerous particles such as smoke, pollen, and Boeing aircraft parts." Jackals: "Better open it outside, and collect the scrap metal for recycling." "Explains the high postage cost." "Big business REALLY doesn't want people reading it." "Printing subsidised by rubber glove, mask, and steel-toed boots manufacturers"
Please upload these before Closer Look. 🦊
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣, 123 testing the Chimo harassment, 123, testing.... testing....
Correction, one would whoo if one had inhaled a free floating Boeing bolt.
Good morning seth meyers fans
Good to know Boeing jokes are still around 😂
Seth needs more than a kilogram of feni to have a quote: good time.
Your headwriter needs more stimuli to get his creative juices flowing
Correction: that's a photo of Trump as Rocky, not a painting.
Your best friend is hosting SNL this week, you should drop by just to make Andy jealous.
Dua! Lipa! Dua! Lipa! She needs to be on if for no other reason than to compare their matching tattoos.
Boeing made themselves a joke a long time ago. I just never thought it was that bad.
Less gun restrictions but more metal detectors, cops, teachers with guns at schools. what has this country come to?
Correction: all dogs are puppies, no matter their age.
Seth got a new wedding band ....story?
I don't get the cannibals / Scranton tough town joke.🙄
Ok, call me a jackal, but my Dad was stationed in New Guinea during WWII. He had pictures of natives who were known to be cannibals ( And yes, as a kid this made me scared to death of the Jungle Cruise ride at Disneyland 🤣😂🤣).
Seth, you look dashing as always, but did you have a stressful vacation? Your hair turned grey… you haven’t been getting enough of us, I imagine. We ground you❤
Who's the new guy? He looks a lot older than the old host. Oh, that's Seth? Just how long were they on vacation?
And seth you and your crew do an amazing job we missed you I'm from northern ireland and I don't want to see another trumpmageddon Yeah it's not a word but it feels like it will be in november and what the hell is up with autocorrect is there an auto autocorrect lol
PNG has cannibals… it’s a fact, I worked there. It is a real issue in PNG.
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You can make a lot of money from the market regardless of whether it strengthens or crashes. The key is to be well positioned.
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I wanna go to a show and say woo and a bunch of other weird things to see what Seth does…
Are you sure this was a monologue? Sure felt like a Surprise Inspection to me.... How bad were the rejected jokes if these were the winners??
So what is it then, is it an Chemo, or is it an Chimo dog? And me , what or who i am?
Good stuff as usual, but bit of a let down with the dog and drugs(???) I mean, I might be slow but that joke made zero sense to me… Other than that, good to have U back Seth & team, 👍❤️ Where is Wally though?? 😜🤪😂
I'm assuming it's a joke relating to drug detecting dogs
Do Chipotle employees do the second half of their shift in the john?
Well of course the *head* writer would write a drug joke.
Reminds me of an old man in the nursing home. Utterly embarrassed for this administration.
How is this guy on late night TV..???
why didn't you *out* the "airplane parts" offender? Duh, not Boeing, not the dope who said "woo", the one *wrote* that "joke" oof
wooo, instead of "ahRrrrerrroohh!" kzhead.info/sun/gcaFaMZlfHuDl2g/bejne.html
I took Biden's comment to imply that his uncle's body wasn't found because nobody wanted to go look for it on an island with cannibals. But I guess going along with how MAGA interpreted it is funnier.
i dont understan that drug dealer kristi noem joke pls explain in corrections
well New Guinea had reports of cannibals all the way up to 1964 or so, so as weird as the claim sounds; it could be legit.
Why does anyone 'woo', such a weird non-laughing thing to do.
Hey Meyers, if u ever take 2 weeks off again, ok, but I'm going to b pissed, OK. Bye.
Per Wikipedia, WWII Allied POWs were really cannibalized in some parts of Japan.
They probably ate ‘em.
Biden’s uncle was on the same plane as George H W Bush?
America has advantages, namely excess debt, high benchmark interest rates and taxes that continue to rise
Fentanyl. Not Fent'nall.
Why DO so many pronounce "nyl" as though it's spelled "nol"? Then again, why should it be pronounced as though it's spelled "nil"?
@@markstevenson6635IDK but I need a Tylenyl!
Aussie here, our mouths just fell open when Biden dropped the ol’ racist war stories from the Pacific.
You should hear the one about how he and Corn Pop beat up Crocodile Dundee and stole his knife.
Doesn't mean it's not true. You're so offended. There are present day cannabis in South Africa. It happens all the time.
Why? Cannibalism was a fact! As an Australian you must know about the Australian Patrol Officers who were sent to PNG in the 1950's to stop the practice. There is no proof that Biden' s uncle was a victim. Papuans normally ate the flesh of their dead relatives. It led to a deadly brain disease. Biden was not being racist at all. However, his comment was unnecessary.
Or maybe his uncle really was killed and eaten by cannibals. Or not. Islands in the South Pacific are the last places where cannibals still exist but nobody can get anyone to admit it. But people are still contracting Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, a prion that is only transmitted by eating the brains of infected people. Dead giveaway.
Fox news Russia news station. Benedict Donald duck.
Until the 1950's New Guinea tribes practiced cannibalism. Australian Patrol Officers were sent in 1957 to educate the tribes about the dangers of eating human flesh. The prevalence of a brain disease spread throughout the highlands and it was traced back to human flesh. After New Guinea was separated PNG tribes adopted the yearly celebration of Single Sings where mock battles are fought. The last case of cannibalism occurred in 2012. I lived in PNG some years ago and my gardner's father had practiced cannibalism. There is no proof that Biden's was a victim of cannibalism. However, in the first half of the twentieth century, cannibalism was accepted in parts of New Guinea.
Making jokes about Queen Elisabeth is what got Seth suspended for 2 weeks last month.
The II. Queen Elizabeth died while Shakespeare was still writing.
@@aaronleverton4221this comment is great. You include the reason why the clarification is unnecessary in the clarification. Chefs kiss level Jackal.
@@apollyon1 PTSD from reading too many "Queen/King of England" comments.
But the take-away from this is that while Queen Elizabeth I died a long time ago, drug-fueled orgies are what killed Queen Elizabeth II.
And the take-away from all this is that while Queen Elizabeth I died a long time ago, if you try to talk about what led to the death of Queen Elizabeth II, KZhead deletes your comment. Oh, and that jackals rule!
123..., google harassment test, Chimo harassment test......, 123...... 123.... Google rope on Jail testing..., 123 testing Google Harassment Rope, 123.... Google Jail rope test..., 123........
I’m sorry… Biden *what-*
There really were still cannibals in New Guinea and New Jersey back then.
Biden claimed his Uncle crashed on New Guinea during WW2, intimating he died and was eaten. This was at the WH Correspondence Dinner, so certain skepticism is warranted.
@@sherinameless1618 The New Jersey ones were far more accessible.
It's a possible scenario. Especially during that time. There is still 1 cannibal tribe in New Guinea
It may or may not be true(most likely not), but it absolutely feels like a story you’d hear as a kid from your family only to find out there isn’t much truth to it as you get older. I don’t get the offense to it that some people(Americans) feel, but I do understand how it can be taken as slightly offensive by people from New Guinea who don’t want to be thought of as or labeled “the cannibal people”.
Sethy has a new ring... Renewed vows?
black feels like a bit of a weird colour if that's what it was for?
@@peerblickdicht8401 I know... But I know some men with black wedding rings... And he did have a wedding band before, didn't he? 🤔
@@peerblickdicht8401 you know what? I think the black ring is ontop of his wedding band... The mystery continues...
@@peerblickdicht8401 doesn't kimmel have a black wedding band?
@@11cabadger I have no idea! Are you thinking it might be a Strike Force 5 thing?
Make American great again put Trump in jail. Past your jail time.
I'm comment #8. I'm not late. Just fashionably
Holy Crap! Did you film this in an empty studio?!
Joe did bite his wife's finger once...
No, really! A moose bit my sister once...
Mmmm... maybe some of the jokes were funny, I personally didn't find any funny
😂😂😂😂😂
Do we really have to vote between these two guys? There has to be a third choice
You can vote for anyone you want. But only two options might have a meaningful impact on the election, otherwise you might as well stay home. Personally though, I look forward to voting Biden back into office.
Don't blame me; I voted for Kodos!
News of the week. Scollins creams his pants as a cannibal is getting reelected 🤣🤣🤣🤣
1st!
Yikes that set fell flat
That's what happens when you take off for two-weeks - you lose your understanding of what the common people find amusing. I hope Seth has learned something from this.
@@sherinameless1618 man's entitled to a vacation and the occasional flop, god damn. 🙄
A 14-month old dog is not a "puppy". It's full-grown at a year.
Depends on the breed; Google says anywhere from 12-24 months
@@luckygreentiger Hmm. OK. Still feels like calling a strapping 17-year old high-school linebacker a "child".
There's no love, like your love And no other, could give me more love There's nowhere, unless you're there All the time, all the way 💋💋💖💖💖 😘😘😘
You can't tell me it's not worth trying for Just can't help it, there's nothing I want more Oh, I would fight for you, yeah, I'd lie for you Walk the wire for you, yeah, I'd die for you You know it's true Everything I do I do it for you
You'd get more laughs if you were funny.
Oh well, great to see Seth's writers come in at the bottom of the bunch again. You would think with all the news they might be humorous if not funny but they failed as usual.