A Psychologist's Thoughts On Love and Marriage-Orion Taraban, Psy.D. (Part 1)
2024 ж. 7 Ақп.
791 540 Рет қаралды
Part 1 of a Soft White Underbelly interview and portrait of Orion Taraban, psychologist in the San Francisco Bay area. Orion's KZhead channel is / @psychacks . Here’s a link to part 2:
• A Psychologist's Thoug...
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After reading many of these ridiculous comments under this video shows me that many of you fantasyland idealists didn’t hear this part -> 43:49 “The knowledge that we’re looking for is awareness for how reality actually works. Not how we want it to work…not how we think it should work…not how our society tells us it’s supposed to look, but how it actually works. Because if we can understand the principles and the laws by which reality operates, we can flow with those currents, and we won’t be vulnerable when we’re out on the open sea” - Orion This is as real as it gets…
Because we should devolve into our base desires (though Orion here hardly gets even that correct) and accept that we should manipulate each other into relationships- long term or otherwise? That's ridiculous. You've given the President Snow argument from the Hunger Games-- that's how ridiculous it is-- that's how much of a stereotypical douche this guy is. He's using the argument of a YA villain.
@soft white underbelly. What exactly drew you to this Orion guy? Interviewing him for over two hours, trying to defend him etc. How is he any different from the manosphere guys?
“ridiculous comments” “fantasyland idealists” @TheDisgruntledCubicleWorker I don’t know you. I have no desire to contend with you. I can relate to the temptation of choosing cynicism, believing it will provide protection. I have compassion for you so I will tell you what you need to hear instead of what you might want to hear… The glass half-empty mindset you are adopting will eventually yield more fear, confusion, doubt, isolation, mistrust, distress, anger, bitterness, and a dark blindness that causes even the most intelligent people to reject the very things that provide nourishment, growth, safety, and peace. Whether you think that truly marvelous people exist in your future or you think your doom is almost inevitable, either way you’re right. How you choose to look at that glass of water will be a self-fulfilling prophecy. “Your world” will change when you decide to exercise the courage necessary to take full ownership and responsibility for “your world.”
In your world view. As people have pointed out to me, there are other realities where this point of view seems horribly paranoid and self defeating.
sounds like you’re mad that the SWU audience isn’t a bunch of incels that didn’t grow up with a father so hang on to your every word.
I've been single for a couple years now and I have to say I am happier than I have ever been.
It wasn't until I became really happy with being single that I met the healthy and kind, loving man that became my partner.
We are not built to be alone . I hope you find someone to be with in the future. I enjoy spooning just imagine someone behind you showing affection ❤️💯.IT FEELS GOOOD
Amen
I have been for many years and can’t imagine ever wanting to be in a relationship again.
Do you have sex?
I have women friends who've fallen terribly ill with cancer - lost their breasts, endured the ravages of multiple rounds of chemo, etc - and their husbands stayed with them and loved them through their grave illness. If the only thing keeping a man around a particular woman is that she's sexy and puts out, what a miserable, shallow existence. It's not just about money, status, or sex. Real relationships are much more complicated.
It’s still transactional. That man is getting some value from that woman and those values can change with time. Same for women. That said, no healthy man is starting a relationship with a woman if sex isn’t involved. No healthy woman is starting a relationship with a lazy and ineffective man.
I agree! I think most long term relationships and marriages eventually get to the point where it’s not about “you” or “me”, but rather about “us”. Our society is too self centered to understand that.
I think he was talking more about getting their foot in the door after which they can integrate themselves with his life and feelings (like deeper than sexual) will develop. I think another thing tho that he didn't mention is there are so many less places to naturally meet men. So of course sex is the main tool to attract them bc it's what you can easily show on a dating app.
@@caleb5688 True. I’m so glad I don’t have to date now. Seems exhausting. I’ve been married 16 years…
Thats not what he said lol.
“ If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you “. George Bernard Shaw
Where was the truth?
And if they don’t kill you, they’ll just ask snarky questions, like “where was the truth?”.
@@LateNightCable There might have been some men's truth in there but, as you can tell by the comments, a lot of the women disagreed. I didn't see it as a snarky question.
ha ha ha ha soooooooooooooooooo true..especially today
Hmm.. thought that was Oscar Wilde. Who knows?
I’m a recently single after 30 years of marriage. This video made me very afraid of what’s expected for me to have a relationship in this era. I’m extremely grateful I scrolled through the comments, to see I’m not crazy.
Keep in mind that psychologists don't usually get people in their practice who are good at relationships.
Doctors don't get many healthy people in. Don't take a doctor's advice. /s
A better description title of the video should be "A psychologist's thoughts on toxic people in relationships."
@Carried 98True 😂😂
Statistically, most are not
@@BillyAltDel Excellent comment.
I met my husband over 20 yrs ago when he was a dish washer. We fell in love and the rest is history. There have been times when I was the breadwinner and other times when he is. (Now I stay home with our baby son and he works) I'm thankful I never gave a rat's ass about any of these games. We work hard together and lean on eachother for friendship and guidance. Thank God for good men!!
good for you, congrats. Todays dating scene, is nothing like it was 20 years ago or even 10 years ago
I believe it is u guys who would be best to give advice. What would be ur biggest tip on finding a good partner in life?
Same with us. We’ve been married almost a decade & got married after 9 months of knowing each other. I’ve always made more $ and hubby has done more childcare 🤷🏻♀️. Hubby is GORGEOUS ( now in a career and also a personal trainer & CrossFit coach on the side) - and for me: physical attraction has always the leading factor.
@@kinfe567: for me it was “find them at church”
@@kinfe567 The only thing that keeps a man is a man who wants to be kept. There's no theory.
I watched a bunch of Psychacks vids, but this video is still fascinating. This reinforces my values that i want nothing to do with this kind of game, god forbid i get into this line of thinking, even involuntarily, or associate myself with a woman playing this game. I am working on myself to improve my life (weight loss, mental health healing, getting a better job) and whenever i get back to the dating pool, i will filter HARD
This comment wins. Idk if I'd be with my husband of 6 years if I played the game described in this video.
So you aré rising your value before hitting the market again...
@@davidllamas2192 what I am conscious of is an awful lack of self confidence and paralyzing approach anxiety, am I unconsciously trying to increase my value, thus actually conforming to a system I denounce, probably to some extent, I did not raise myself after all lol. But the more I understand "the system" the more I understand how it hurts me, other men, and women got that matter, for giving up all agency and placing it in the hand of men. The more I understand it, the more i try to get away from it. Hopefully I will be aware enough not to get tangled in a kind of relationship I want to avoid
I think this interview simply underlines the transactional nature of biology. Which can be a tough pill to swallow, but not inaccurate. And it’s bound to exist within our giant pool of humanity, and only so much time on Earth. That doesn’t make women and men rotten for each other. But before we grant access to our soft white underbellies for the longterm, to develop more meaningful attachments, we must play certain games to get beneath the hard shell.
I’m a 65 yr old woman. I’ve been around. I’ve been in long term relationships and married. This has never been my experience, Thank god! I want to be nice, so I will say no more. Oh, could only watch about half the video, so my comment is about that first half.
As a woman, what do I want? From a personal, individual perspective: kindness, fidelity, loyalty, sincerity, and also a touch of humour and adventure, plus stability, trustworthiness...and integrity. There you go! (One woman speaking :) (Found a man who by God's grace reunites these qualities, plus others.😊)
Very happy for you. If you don't mind me asking, what does your husband want?
@@PhantomFilmmaker-jd9ho The same things, I would say...thank you for asking! - and playfulness, I would add!😇
Didn´t you forget respect?
@@maritaz7577 That's so fundamental that it seemed obvious...but yes, definitely respect must be there! 🙏
Heard the same thing from other women... who either ended up cheating or getting rid of the guy because "he was boring".
I think the divorce attorney was giving better relationship and psychological advice than this guy.
I agree!
You mean James Sexton?
Yes!!! I am 9 minutes in and it looks like pure sexual manipulation.
u not wrong
Amen
As a father of four kids this interview made me sad. I feel sorry for the current generation and the future that lies ahead of them. At least as far as relationships are concerned. Our society is plummeting.
Beyond help. It can't continue to exist in any form recognizable within several years.
It's definitely like how he describes in general, but UNDOUBTEDLY not how it needs to be, as he claims. There's plenty of good ppl still, it's just harder to find. No one needs to sell themselves as someone they're not to get a relationship. And if they do, it'll never be based in love. Sad analysis this man has and it's sadder that Mark is agreeing and propagating. Sounds like he's got some issues he's trying to normalize himself.
@mikemcleod7816 There is a remedy for this, its called suffering. Either you experience it in time and it doesn't destroy you or you are put in circumstances beyond your control. Suffering will bring you closer to God and realize what is important and what is not. I feel the world is headed for a great deal of suffering if we stay on this present trajectory of global tyranny.
you live blissfully ignorant. Which is why you could feel sorry for those that woke up.
As a person in their 20’s, it’s really not as bleak and transactional as he makes it out to be. I think his insights come from observing people with dysfunctional relationship patterns, i.e. the ones who seek psychological help.
How could one single person say so many wrong things in such a short period of time. The close mindedness is actually terrifying.
"closed-minded"
@@prestonbane4176 closed-mindedness *
You don’t seem like the most intelligent person around.. everything he said is right on the money-platonic and romantic relationships- this is how women behave and their motivations for doing so
He's not close minded. Those are the patterns he observed from his clients. 😂
You might feel him as close minded from your perspective but men who face those issues agree with his perspective
I notice he's not married.
Smart man
Yeah, he's not a big fan of marriage.
Single life Happy life
Correct
I think he prefers to marry himself.
As a man I can say I'm not looking for a woman who puts out right away. I learned early on once sex is involved you can skip over a lot of warning signs. Sex is important after a deep connection is reached. Sex early on feels cheap to me. She can look like a movie star and "turn my brain to goo" but if she isn't empathetic and kind her value tanks.
As a conservative woman, I am pleased to hear that because this video gave the impression that you almost have to out slut other women to be in with a chance to have a man.
Finally someone with common sense. Great comment.
THANK YOU!
Fellow guy here. Couldn't agree more. I also think sex is sacred. I'm not religious but do have a moral compass. It's the way we are able to exist. It shouldn't be taken lightly. We are not animals. A woman will ONLY earn her place in my bed if she can show me who she truly is first.
@@elainer8288 that’s not common sense. Hes explaining his values. Hook up culture is real.
I dated a man who followed all of this therapist’s teachings. He was financially successful, acted confident, and never “gave in” when I was upset. We had amazing sex, I cooked for him, and let him lead the relationship. I ultimately left him because I was so miserable and lonely. His demands on me were exhausting, I felt like I had to constantly “perform” for him and could never have an off day. When I tried to express this to him he didn’t care and wouldn’t change. One day I asked myself “why am I breaking myself to please a man who would never do the same for me?” If I married him sure, I’d have a nice house and nice things… but I’d basically be a live-in bang maid. And the moment I couldn’t fulfill that role… I’d be out. There was no love in that relationship. Ladies, don’t fall victim to this sad worldview. It will only hurt you in the end.
There's a lot of women out there who view men similarly. The moment he loses his source of income and cant provide everything you listed, he's out. He feels the same way you do in that he has to perform a role. What SHOULD be the arrangement of a relationship between a man and a woman?
@@Chrono826 I agree that many women see relationships as a meal ticket, and that's just as sad! The best relationships I've seen seem to be based on mutual admiration and support. Both members admire things about their partners (their intellect, kindness, adventurous spirit) both enjoy spending quality time with one another, and both feel fulfilled when they can support their partner in times of need (example: my mom was the breadwinner of the family while my dad finished school. My dad cared for my mom after her heart attack). I think the best way to find love for both men AND women is to seek out someone who you really admire, and who makes you feel good about yourself when you're around them :)
@@mothmustardseed1858 The problem with that is women by nature are hypergamous. When a man admires a woman it's seen as putting her on a pedestal, she loses respect and admiration for him, and begins to feel like she can do better. It's never been a easier time to dispose of a relationship for a new one. How do you suppose a man admires a woman without putting her on a pedestal? You haven't experienced that as a man.
@@Chrono826 I'm sorry you've experienced women treating you badly when you treated them well. But you can appreciate and praise traits in your partner without "putting them on a pedestal" and thereby devaluing yourself. That's what it means to show someone you love them. Sure, women don't want a partner who caters to their every whim and has no boundaries, but we like feeling appreciated and wanted. When a man I care about shows affection toward me, it makes my heart light up and makes me want to be around him more
@@mothmustardseed1858 Thanks. I appreciate it. I know I'm not alone when I say that men are frustrated with it all. Not saying you do it, but a lot of these women play games with their own and men's emotions in an attempt to get what they think they want right now and it's forcing us men to react and treat them more harshly in response in the long term. I struggle with how exactly women SHOULD be treated when all my life I was told men and women are equal and they deserve respect up until the bill comes or there's some benefit they can get out of something.
To those discouraged by this, just know that this isn’t the reality for a lot people. I myself have been in multiple relationships far from what he is describing. I’ve been with my current boyfriend for 6 years. We met in high school and he didn’t have anything to “offer” me at the time, we just enjoyed spending time together. Financially we contribute equally, he is sweet to me in front of his friends, we waited for each other for 3 years when we did long distance, etc. There’s hope out there!
Duh it was high school lol
@@anon7684 Yeah, she's clearly settling! LOL
I'm happy for you. This is not the reality for most people. Long distance is hard, especially for young adults.
There’s always an exception to the rule
Using ones own experiences as a counter argument in a discussion that addresses society as a whole is not a strong tactic. Especially regarding the dating world. I say this in full confidence because my marriage is clearly different from everyone else's in my life. If I were to tell everyone younger that every marriage will be like mind, the vast majority will come back to me years later with hate and anger in their eyes
Wow! Truly impressive video. I can't believe you were able to make a video from the 1950s look so current.
Biological psychology only changes so much. A lot of the trouble we are in today is from pretending these psychological realities magically went away. Unfortunately with enough wisdom we start to get it in our thirties
😂😂😂
🤣
😂😂😂😂😂😂 Hilarious!!! Love it!
Hahaha
This is a great example of why getting GOOD help with mental health is so difficult.
😂
That part 😂
Dayum 😅😅😅
Haha. Idiotic viewpoints
lol
I've been married for 26 years, never cheated and am totally happy. I did this by consciously NOT following this kind of advice. I pursued my wife for a year before the relationship got sexual. Before, I lived by this advice and all I got were a chain of damaged women. Find a woman with a strong sense of self worth and boundaries and develop them yourself. The approach he's talking about brought me 20 years of misery. It's cynical, transactional and, unhealthy.
Times have changed in the last 26 years.
@@gustavosoto4607 Um..I dunno. This stuff is not new. Lots of women used the good doctor's strategy quite aggressively in the 70's, 80's and 90's. I experienced many of them personally. Easy early sex that overtime became pleas for commitment and family. Most women found the men they laid down for almost never went to the next step. And many of those men that did, felt trapped, leading to unhappy marriages and divorces. After a number of lather - rinse - repeat cycles, many of these women became very disillusioned and hard -or- impossible basket cases. And before you say that it was harder to have sex in those times; it wasn't. It's harder now. Now, you have to complete an evaluation process on social media or an app. Back then, it was a conversation, face to face, in a grocery line or in the park or over a drink. Maybe there wasn't a 'sexual marketplace' but there was plenty of sex in stock. The real point is, if you want honesty and trust, you have to give it. There are still people out there who don't see human interactions as a market. The human race is fucked if everything is reduced to a trading mentality.
Your story is yours. It won't work for everyone else. The rest of us would have to look into your world and see if it's anything the rest of us would even want. Probably the high majority of men would not want your life. To the rest of us looking into your life could possible look like misery. But that's ok. If it makes you happy then continue. Your happiness isn't everyone else's happiness.
It's worked great for me! I subscribed to his channel around six months ago and applied his three techniques on "getting any man you want." The results have been amazing-my boyfriend is deeply in love with me, and I believe a proposal might be on the horizon. Thanks to Dr. O!
This. Amen.
Not what I was expecting from a psychologist, to put it mildly! Once I started following this guy’s train of thought, I realized he reminded me of those private equity guys who crunched the numbers and bought up properties and turned them into short term rentals. It ruined neighborhoods and housing became unaffordable - but hey, the investors made bank. And now everyone points fingers at the Boomers who managed to buy their homes, somehow missing the true culprit. It’s a fascinating look into this guy’s psyche, but yikes! I kept expecting him to start pushing crypto or NFTs!
The analogy he made about militirism and subordination was really concerning....
"I used to be an actor" and still are.
Last year I went through a phase of listening to this guy, and while he makes some logical points, the biggest effect his words had on me was making me feel suspicious towards my loving, supportive wife. His perspective encouraged me to resent working to provide our family with the stability we need in order to grow. At the end of the day, it’s your own choice whether you reside in the worldview Dr Taraban spins. Remember that he has a target audience, and maybe you’re not it. If you have high goals and morals, don’t be swayed by anyone who leads you toward bitterness
Yeah I used to listen to him too, I learnt to take the good and leave the bad
truth comes at a cost, but not nearly as high as attempting to hide form it
What do you mean with „high goals and morals?“. I am genuinely curious. What is it that he says that leaves someone with less of a goof moral code in your oppinion?
Just because you understand that part of the reason your wife loves you is because you provide a good life for her and the kids, doesn’t mean that you have to resent her for it. She was born a woman, she was hardwired to see the world that way, it’s not her fault.
“ don’t be swayed by anyone who leads you toward bitterness “ wise words.
As a psychologist myself, I'll just say that if any of you want to be in a fulfilling relationship, listen to everything this guy is saying... but don't forget that the purpose of your relationship is to rise above all that. He's talking about the game, not the winnings.
Sorry not going to be nasty slut to attract a man. If a man needs that to gain interest, then I guess I’m not attracted to men anymore.
💯%!!! I’m no psychologist but the demoralised society we live in takes away from the end game these days due to women holding the keys to sex and handing it out so easily because they want sex and trying to have their cake and eat it too and by proxy lowering their value. In disrespecting themselves they disrespect their man and the value they hold they hold. No man wants a women who’s been ridden like a train and their behaviours determine how they respect a man and the relationship, status and lifestyle he offers for procreation with a woman.
There is no winning in that game. Too much adversity with no rewards but more pain. Not motivating.
There are no winnings, just institutionalization for those who seek it 😂
The winnings are exponentially great for women bc even if a marriage ends they get a cut of the trappings they didn’t have before getting married. The winnings for men are exponentially poor bc they’re stuck with a woman who will lose her physical desirability with each passing year and major hormonal event (having kids, menopause) and who now has a legal claim to the trappings he’s worked hard to build. In the past this was offset by a wife who was loyal and kept peace in the home. Now this is nonexistent. Thankfully men are catching onto this in large numbers and the decline in marriage rates reflect this. This has a negative net impact on women bc now they face things like - single motherhood, developing a career to be financially self sufficient and build wealth for retirement. The marriage rates declining puts women at a huge disadvantage in life…
Steps 1) instantly put out in a demoralizing and humiliating way and be prepared to do this for a very long time before he even "catches feelings" 2) keep up #1 and add now becoming a servant 3) never complain or have needs of your own (aka don't be a "problem") So easy and fun--Ain't love grand 🤩
🤣🤣🤣🤣 💯
The type of women who do this are mentally ill (borderlines) or are in the seggs work industry. And guess what happens when she feels slighted by a man 😂 she’s gonna take her revenge
If a man isn’t working of being the best version of himself, then he isn’t the one. I hope everyone is working on being better version of themselves. Stay safe everyone!
period
🙏🏿❤️
If I actually believed relationships were like the way he describes them, I would rather live and die alone.
It's true for the most part. There are major consessions to be made in any successful relationship.
It's modern life bro. Marry abroad, or stay single. American relationships are phuuuucked
@@michaelweyenberg6238 It in fact is mostly not true. This talk is not about concessions. It’s a hellscape of zero sum game theory and transactional emotional sexwork. He’s simply smart enough to play and profit from playing the role of the red pill intelligentsia high priest who gins up and riles up the base of bitter, fearful and jaded men to maximize billable hours with this populist dystopic blackpill nonsense.
@@michaelweyenberg6238 It in fact is mostly not true. This talk is not about concessions. It’s a hellscape of zero sum game theory and transactional emotional sexwork.
@@michaelweyenberg6238 He’s simply smart enough to play and profit from playing the role of the red pill intelligentsia high priest who gins up and riles up the base of bitter, fearful and jaded men to maximize billable hours with this populist dystopic blackpill nonsense.
What I’ve learned from this video and the comments is that women definitely don’t like being generalized.
No one likes that.
😂😂😂
Honestly no one does!
True that! And the fact that you have the ability to observe that and take note (i.e., empathy) means you are light years ahead of 99% of the men in the comments. 🩷
It’s funny you say this because the woman that Mark had on last week had a bunch of angry men in the comments, and I couldn’t figure it out. She was completely on the men’s side the whole time EXCEPT for her thoughts on porn. She was singing their praises and they still couldn’t get past the porn part.
“ The truth is rarely pure and never simple” ~ Oscar Wilde ~
And Oscar should know! 😅
What I gather from this presentation is that Orion places great value on the fulfillment of lust for the men and greed for the women. I don't that as reality but rather a superficial and delusional social paradigm. While it sounds practical to compete in this CULTure, it has little to offer a life of peace, long term happiness, and purity. "The most practical thing to do in the world is to be spiritually-minded." The spiritual masters and teachers guide those who are moved and attracted to their love and wisdom, which is so often unconventional and requires courage and determination. There is a choice to be made and the experiences of the consequences of making.
Young people today are NOT "spiritually minded"; and as time goes on it becomes harder and harder to raise a child that is "spiritually minded".
The title of the video is " a psychologist thoughts about love " i didn't hear him talk about love throughout the video not even once , all he was saying is women should be sexy and available, men should be rich and successful Nobody is loving nobody here , they are here for either sex or money
great comment
sounds like you only listened to 10 mins got angry and went back to tik tok.
@@Laughing_Individual i finished the entire video , and i'm still not convinced by what he is saying + i don't have tik tok A woman shouldn't be a slut to get a man she wants that's actually kinda humiliating
Because in the end that's what most relationships come down to. It's been studied over and over and over again and always reaches the same conclusion. Love is just a male fantasy
What hasn't been studied is how men will feel about women after equality becomes a reality. It take a thousand years for a new language and the original language to become unintelligible to each other. It will be a long time before men view woman as equals.@@sleeper9638
Women want to feel safe .. but I’m old and I think it boils down to feeling safe with a person who has your best interest at heart .. social media wretched our perceptions
I'm old too, and so happy to have grown up in the times that I did. No social media 😊
No they don't, 80% of divorces are initiated by women, the most common reasons being "I'm bored".
I’m so sick of seeing these stupid in depth ridiculous videos explaining how to essentially manipulate women… LIKE HELLO BROS THATS NOT WHAT WE WANT- All these damn Andrew Tates completely confusing the shit out of young and old men… Womens needs are way more basic than what any of these fools say. Just be a good person, have emotional depth, and just like you said BE SAFE TO BE AROUND. but no they’d rather manipulate us and use all these ridiculous tactics that simply won’t work long term… it might work for a few nights but it will always end painfully. I’m so sick of this toxic advice just being EVERYWHERE you look especially if you’re a young man. 🤦♀️
TRUST.
@@Dshlit well think about it, with more context that could be a valid reason
As a psychology student I found this interesting. My take is this : This guy speaks a lot of truth, but doesn't consider cognition, the functional properties of unconscious thought. Like how a person has the ability to acknowledge their own desires/instincts and redirect them, or how you can think about the consequences of your actions before making a decision and act in your own or others best interest..... essentially, we are not doomed by conditioning, instinctive behaviour or attachment style. While he says a lot of compelling things, they must be understood in context and from multiple angles...... And the biggest problem with the behaviorist approach (which seems to be what he is leaning on) is that it's reductionist, it takes complex phenomena and boils it down to simple causes. Things are always much more complex than that.
how a person has the ability to acknowledge their own desires/instincts and redirect them... The point that I think he's trying to make is that in today's relationship market people have no interest in redirecting their desires/instincts.
@@SPECTRE_Island Which is a fair point to make, but other factors are not taken into consideration, which may make his claims misleading. This is why interdisciplinary approaches that consider other facets (genetics, cognition, personality, social conformity, developmental/environmental/cultural differences) need to be considered. This makes arguments less biased and less reductionist.
@@drm4819 I agree with you. I am a Neuro student and I noticed there's much to be desired here in explaining WHY people behave this way.
I think this comment above is appropriate "really means. Men don't "fall in love" with strippers and prostitutes like a drug...they may become consumed by lust, endorphins, and adrenaline highs, but love? No. Neither do all men fall into this stereotype. I've worked with countless men and women who qualify various trauma responses, compulsions or addictions as "love," because they don't have a frame of reference for what they're really experiencing"
@@consciouspreconception334 Well put. You highlight perfectly the dangers of being reductionist.
Can people go watch Dr. Ramani on recovery of Narcissistic abuse please 😅
I follow her 😊. He sounds like a narc.
As a trauma therapist of 30+ years I've found that many people have a very skewed understanding of what love really means. Men don't "fall in love" with strippers and prostitutes like a drug...they may become consumed by lust, endorphins, and adrenaline highs, but love? No. Neither do all men fall into this stereotype. I've worked with countless men and women who qualify various trauma responses, compulsions or addictions as "love," because they don't have a frame of reference for what they're really experiencing. Regardless of one's spiritual faith (or lack thereof), 1 Corinthians 13 in the Bible perfectly encapsulates the definition of authentic love, both for oneself and others.
why'd you have to tack a bible reference 🤮 onto an otherwise good comment...
@@craigslist6988 lol I knew someone would say that! Truth is truth...and in all my years of searching it's the only single passage I've found that describes the concept of love perfectly. Trust me, I've searched elsewhere. 😉
Well said. A woman may be able to have sex with whomever she wants, but she can not have a healthy relationship with whomever she wants.
Is he too old to know about Tinder? How many Tinder hook ups lead to loving, faithful, long term relationships?
@craigslist6988 because the biblical explanation of love is accurate, whether a person is a Christian or not. There are universal truths found in religious theology and philosophy and you don't have to be a believer of that faith to recognize that. And people are allowed to be themselves in their comments. Don't be a douche trying to control others. Take what resonates with you, and leave what doesn't. That's what all people do throughout life. Nobody asked for your judgement (hence your abusive emoji).
He's talking about the game of seduction. Some people remain at this phase without ever really experiencing shared vulnerability. Someone might get past this stage and allow the vulnerability of attachment while their partner won't. For the relationship to bond past this, both partners have to be willing to care, be vulnerable and invest in mutual love. If people remain in seduction, it becomes manipulation in the long term. If you care about and love someone, you stop playing and don't want to manipulate. What you want is to know the person, care for their vulnerable side while encouraging their strengths. It takes courage and respect to balance this together. Those who don't feel it can get there are never letting themselves feel vulnerable so all they know is manipulation. This is the reality. If you add the multiple dysfunctional homes many grew up in, it makes it difficult to find someone who can get past the manipulation stage. This first stage of flirting is manipulation to show what we think will be most appreciated. This is normal at the beginning. What isn't normal is to remain there to try to get what you want and thinking of who's going to be next when this no longer works or isn't exciting enough compared to what's next. This is about never intending to invest below the surface. Any couple I've seen worth calling a couple were both invested in much more than the superficial. I've had 2 such experiences and have had a chance to compare to other ones that were not. This speaker has seen those who are counting on the transactional part only of the exchange to maintain a relationship. Without genuine self investment or shared vulnerability, the fragile original attraction will end and the relationship doesn't continue. Think about anything you may have done and invested of yourself into that brought strong feelings of joy, accomplishment or sadness and pain in your life. I can assure you that strength the feeling of joy or sadness experienced were directly related to how much you invested yourself in it. It's the same for love. The depth at which you offer of yourself and receive from the other person is the real investment. Unfortunately, some will try to make you believe they are invested but truly won't really offer much. Those are the narcissists and sociopaths of our society. They are master manipulators. It's a sport where they absolutely want to win by bringing the other person to give all they can while making them believe it's a fair exchange. If you're the slightest bit naive about these people, you get caught in their game. They are void of emotion and vulnerability because of the dysfunctional environment they come from. One way investment doesn't work.... ever.
thank you for your words
thank you
Damn. The truth shall set you free!
this should have more likes
I appreciate your thoughtful comment. Thanks for taking the time to write it. Sure, the formula he lays out might be OK for some, and if it is, sweet! As long as consent is involved, I say live and let live. With regard to this video, I did find myself chuckling/laughing at the over-the-top simplistic, black & white, stereotypical ideas for the best way to snag and keep a partner/spouse. Most of us humans are way too complicated, way too nuanced for this formula to work towards an *actual* fulfilling, enriched partnership. Anyhoo, that’s just my two cents, and you know what they say about opinions…😉
This should be titled "Relationships 101 for the narcissistic manchild"
Or the gold digging Barbie doll?
He is basically describing and recommending that all women should behave like a typical female narcissist. That’s why it works so well for them…
I've been single for like 5 years and after hearing this I'm not sure I'll ever want to put this amount of stress on myself.
If you don't want all of these problems of selfish, dramatic and unconscious women, you should not use dating apps. If you're a woman who is tired of getting used and lied to, of putting forth effort to receive nothing in return... stop it. "Settle" for someone on your level, actually below your level because women dramatically overestimate their attractiveness. You are certainly free to "never settle". But you will never settle. Your life will be incomplete, frustrated and full of prostitution and no love.
@@SubvertTheState Woman are not victims
Single life is sooo much more peaceful.
I been single for 5 years tooo and I can’t find anything good out there
@@lizkim1546 enjoy your ride while it lasts.
"A man might simp.. powerfully" I don't know why that statement was so funny to me, but I chuckled out loud.
I was pretty young when I met my wife but sex wasn't my primary attraction. I really liked her intelligence, personality, values and independence from Pop Culture. She did not follow the crowd and fiercely defended her ideas and values regardless if they were popular or not. Later on sex was a big deal but only after I felt bonded with her.
In my mid forties, married with kids. Absolutely recommend men focus on a purpose that transcends you the person. It will prevent you from focusing on those lustful urges.
As a psychologist that deals with a lot of people's issues, he points out a lot of the unhealthy needs in both men and women, which are all true but there are healthy or general needs as well (he drops them here and there). What I can get out of this is the importance to be aware of these things so that you can manage it within in yourself. But also when life happens people's hurt side comes out and it also helps to understand and be patient and navigate through the unhealthy tendencies that can come out in your partner.
Real needs aren't actually healthy or unhealthy, they just are. Desires can be healthy or unhealthy depending on the situation, but can usually be broken down into legitimate needs and interpretive associations.
He didn't address men being partners to women at all, just being providers. Low value women only want a provider. A woman that can provide for herself and others and that is attractive as well isn't just looking for a provider.
@@Sara-world 1. You'll notice this video is just a part 1, and the guy has a channel with hours of content. 2. Becoming a man has to start somewhere, just like women's choosiness has to start somewhere, and the capacity to provide is on top of the list for a reason. 3. Partnering comes after attraction, it makes sense not to put the cart before the horse. 4. Women's wants don't just exist in a vacuum. A man isn't looking for a provider, even if he's poor and the bottom of the barrel, so pricing yourself out of that exchange doesn't get you much. My points could be presented in a more sensible order, but only because they follow the order of concerns in your comment.
@Sara-world what you deem attractive probably doesn’t even interest the average guy. Stuff like having a career and being a functioning adult.
@@xandercorp6175 Good point about needs neither being healthy or unhealthy. I would even take it a step further and say that the healthiness of a need or a desire is determined by the action or response we have towards them.
I was broke and homeless when I started dating my would be wife in 2015. She graduated from college that same year and the only income we had was the allowance her dad gave her. I later join the military and got injured in 2020. I had 6 medical procedures done and I ended hating myself. She loved me through it all. Long story short; we are still married with 2 kids and we are not broke. God has been faithful.
That's a great story I wonder if the roles were reversed you would do the same for her as she did for you.
From your name it seems you're a Muslim so it makes sense that your wife must have feminine and stuck by you. A western woman would have divorced you right away and taken half ur sh1t
Yeah he would, but you would never for anyone. My asumption ;) @@violenceandperfume
Does government compensate you for your injuries and so on? Or are you employed now? I ask those questions because you said you aren't broke anymore.
A woman supporting a man is not the norm. Nor should it be. When you rob a man of taking on a masculine role in the relationship then it breaks down and unfortunately respect is typically lost. I would say ya'lls situation is not successful for 90% of couples
Stability. Kindness. To be seen. A friend. A strong support. To be valued for her self. What I as a woman need. Even if my relationship needs to be with myself.
Nobody is entitled to respect. Respect is earned, and to my awareness women tend not to respect men who cannot control their sexual impulses and fall for any woman that will get him off. So it's not as if such a strategy will get the relationship off to a healthy running start in the first place.
On the flip side, what about men that "attract" women just by spending money on them--which for most guys is pretty much how it's done?
@@devilsoffspring5519Is it, though? I might just have different experiences, but that doesn’t seem to be the case, to me.
@markprothero2666 Respect is the DEFAULT. Are you telling me you look down on every person you meet until they PROVE themselves to you? What a load..
@@lisahinton9682 I agree. Respect is the MINIMUM. If you walk around thinking every person you meet owes you something before you're willing to put anything out there yourself... well good luck.
Respect is definitely EARNED. You can be pleasant and cordial to most people, even to those who don't deserve respect.
Healthy relationships have boundries and self respect with intimacy being a part of and not the center piece of the relationship.
Guess you never had that one woman blow your brains out.
The title of this video should've been "A Psychologist's Perspective On Attraction According To Motives". This is all I heard from him so far.
Is he even a real psychologist tho?🫠🤣
I see you're a female. As a guy, everything he said is 100% accurate; if you're not trying to be part of the 56% divorce rate, that is
“According to motives” Yes the guy was simply saying what motivates men and women on a primal level to seek each other out! Just to get the ball rolling so to speak .
Good observation. The guy is mostly A KZhead personality. His channel is mostly a scam directed almost enterally at the incel community. "How bad woman are, etc.
Omg! Seriously I can't even! Glad to see others agree!
I am definitely not his target audience. I listened to 5 minutes and felt physically ill. His information directly contradicts the principles that my healthy and happy marriage and family were built on. I am still wildly attracted to my husband after 11 years and deeply respect him. None of this life we have together is based on these ideas or principles.
same
What luck you have found. Never leave each other. I say the same thing to my happily married friends. You don't want to be out here with us.
It is f'in sickening.
I'm a younger male and I agree. This video's advice and outlook is based on a very narrow view of things. In fact, this man has created something of a narrative to "save" men and women from. Grift territory.
you are the exception
"Successful men are men that other people want things from." This resonates with me as someone who is moderately successful in life. I rented out my house and moved abroad. It's truly eye opening how little the satellite "friends" are quick to leave you out of conversations, travel plans or even text you to say hello when you have nothing to provide for them anymore.
I have been single since 2018. And I am the happiest I’ve been for quite some time now. Other people cannot ‘ make you happy’. You have to do the work yourself to make yourself a better human being.
Completely agree. All the best to you.
Completely agree!
Yes! I've been single since 2019 and it's the same! I tend to feel lonlier when I'm in a romantic relationship. When I'm not, I can build up my friendships more and spend more time on the hobbies that feed my soul.
Try going gay. More fun and pregnancy proof.
Single for 15 years been raised with two older sisters and mum bought us up. I'm happier then ever after years of wanting a relationship now I'm good being free and able to do as I please Why risk that fishing or hunting. Things happen naturally normally feels more real
I'm watching this video for all of 2 minutes and already I am thinking "When relationships go bad,this is the guy every man wishes he was buddies with"
"they're all crazy you just got to find one that's worth the crazy"
@@Prometheus669 Oh! 🤣
@@Prometheus669good look
The influence men have on each other is stronger than tungsten steel.
@@jomae647 its not gay if you kiss my neck bro
What's great about this is it reveals a lot about his perspective on life and humans, and those who want to follow his nuggets of wisdom must have a desire to live a type of life that he speaks about. Mark also reveals himself in elevating this type of speaker, and backing him as speaking facts. That's ok too - it is his platform - and he resonated with this speaker and created a part 2. That's just one aspect of Mark. I watched this as a portrait of Orion. I am glad to know humans like him exist, and I am glad to know from the comments here that there are other humans that exist that resonate with Orion. I do not want to deny his reality. For me there is a blessing here, I also get to nourish my mind with other humans that resonate with me, Orion does not. I know people he speaks of exist, I also know that people exist who are entirely dissimilar to him, and dissimilar to those who view what he speaks about as 'helpful'. I align with people who don't follow his world view nor aspire to do so. His portrait content is helpful to the extent that he confirms people seek him out for his advice and so aspire to achieve what he peddles. Personally for me most of his content has red flags all over it, and I doubt his part two content will persuade me to paint them green. So let me conclude by saying thank you Orion for being a great teacher, and consolidating for me what a red flag sounds like and in behaviour looks like. I have no need to diminish you or elevate myself. As a post script - the portrait of Caroline, through all of her life experiences - shows me how kindness can remain in a human, that has every reason to have not a drop of it left to give - and yet there is Caroline demonstrating her kindness for me to learn from and resonate with- thank you Caroline for being a great teacher.
I like this perspective!
I appreciate your post. I would say that both you and Orion get to resonate with like minded individuals. Absolutely he is talking to those that don't have what they want and are in the market place searching. Not the ones that are settled. This is only for those that want more then they have and are hoping to transact for it in the marketplace. The message, messenger, and buyer are all in cahoots. They may achieve the best possible transactional relationship possible. Relationship and Love have no relation to each other. True love is never wasted for its value is not based on reciprocity. If your in a relationship for love then your doing it wrong. Love is not about what you get.... its about what you give with no expectation for a return. Love only requires one participant. Relationship requires two transacting value. Two totally different things.
I dont understand how women deny their own nature? Do you truly just not see it? Or do you avoid it and lie to protect your feelings? Seriously, I don’t get it?? Women ask why they aren’t respected- to put it bluntly: many women lack logic and reasoning, self awareness, or any sort of accountability. Behavior reminds me of big toddler I say that meaning no offense- just seems so obvious to me as a man.. I don’t understand how women either don’t see it or deny it? Maybe it’s a blind spot?
He only provides his perspective a few times, and he's clear when he does. Otherwise he is basing his claims on the science in his field and his professional experience.
@@Beaver.17 and science in fields is ever changing, and in this field rarely absolute. That's what makes life widely fascinating. We do of course have our own experiences through which we can navigate the world.
He mentioned Patrice O'Neal two or three times. Everyone should listen to the Black Phillip Show at least once in your lives. Not to take anything there like "the truth", but because it was the birth of a lot we see nowadays. And lot of influencers are repeating Patrice almost verbatim without giving him credit.
Thank you comment section you saved my precious time.
It’s just women complaining about him pointing out female nature? Echo chamber of other women just like you- not sure how relieving that can be.. but knowing women they like being lied to as long as it protects their feelings
The sanity I gain in staying celibate more than makes up for the absence of intimacy and human touch in my life.
* involuntary celibate
@@jcv2020*self report
No it doesn't. Stop lying to yourself.
@@ivangotyokes I'm here to defend get off they back ur da liarrrr u dnt believe in peace? U get peace when ur alone n thts when u grow ...like ur personality n traits not ur c0ck growing bc sometimes sex is put on a back burner for more important life matters
....here here! After decades of too much promiscuity, going 10 yrs w no bf whatsoever ...time is an illusion😂
Thank you for the interview Dr. Taraban & SWU
Did we check this “doctor’s” credentials? 😄
The title of the video says he has a PsyD degree, which means he's an actual psychologist. I saw in another interview (I think it was on "Whatever") that he earned this degree in 2016.
Right??? Was he a pimp before a psychologist???? Cause damnnn....🥴🥴🥴
I've listened to about 25 minutes of this and all I can say is it's rather sad. Despite what he his saying, there are indeed humans in this world who attempt to love unselfishly and who understand that genuine love is not rooted in lust or games. There are indeed relationships that include sex but also are built on friendship, honesty, and genuine caring etc. While I don't doubt that a lot of people fall into the category of what he is describing, I also know there are many who do not and thank goodness for that.
You've hit the problem with his message right on the head. These strategies and theories may work for "love" that's based strictly on ego satisfaction (which I do not doubt is the majority) but they fall flat when talking about a real mature, vulnerable, consistent, stable relationship. Someone who would otherwise love you just as you are will quickly run away when they notice you modifying your behavior for the sake of maintaining power over them. I've watched a decent amount of his content and I find it abhorrent that his general message to men is that romantic love is not real and that all dating is based on transactional games.
OMG you nailed it. This is so fucking shallow I can't believe it. Disgusting, soulless nonsense.
Every adult relationship of any kind is transactional to a large degree...you’re living in the world of Disney and Hollywood romcoms...time to grow up and face reality. Unconditional love is for animals and children.
You have to consider what love has been defined as in our culture and what people actually do are VERY different things. When I love without lust or games, I find that my partner is only present for their benefit i.e. for lust and games
@@vettie"real. Mature love is extremely hard to find. You said it yourself. This is why am purple pill there needs to be a balance in society between the red and blue pills (left and right) liberals and conservatives. This is what really benefit societies in the end. However today we just see extremes. Liberal Progressives and woke are taking things too far too fast. Toxic Feminism is also destroying society. Modern women only want transactional relationship. They don't want equality. Only benefits not responsibilities. Positions of power. Not blue collar work or trades. 90% of women want the top 10% of men. The remaining are almost invisible. Hypergamy and divorce just because of boredom are at an all time high. So yeah there's no maturity. Just all transactions. This is why men are going MGTOW or becoming passport Bros in record numbers
As a women this message makes me feel terrible! I asked my husband if this was true and he said it is an extreme and primal view. He said he fell in love with me because of my heart and my morals. He said he wanted a quality woman.
Every man falls in love for all the other reasons. This man is speaking about seeking out a mate and courting at a primal level. A man won't fall in love because of sex but attraction is important and understanding how to use it to get the most ideal mate is precisely what this guy is speaking about.
You shouldn’t expect an objective and honest answer from your husband on such a question/topic, naturally he’s going to tell you what he thinks you want to hear ( if that happens to be the truth then good for you)
...men/husbands definitely never lie to women.
@@dekev7503you’re right!
your husband is good at lying
I think more than anything, this guy loves to hear the sound of his own voice.
It's an interview about complex topics, did you expect one word answers? 🙄🙄🙄
They lost me towards the end talking about why women love “assholes”. First, we don’t. Second, a man who fights back against bad or manipulative behavior in a woman is what I would consider a well-balanced person with a backbone. I’ve been in two very long-term relationships and I love that they would state when I was behaving badly. It helps me to grow as a person and that most definitely is not being an asshole…it’s being a confident person who sticks up for themselves. An asshole is a narcissist or someone who is dishonest or uncaring. And it goes both ways. The key is having someone who lovingly tells you when you’re off base or not behaving well.
If you look at relationships transactionally… all you’re gonna get is a transaction
There are no continuing human relationships that do not have a benefit for both parties long term. We once had a concept where one party benefited. That was called slavery.
Everything is a transaction, welcome to adulthood peter pan.
Well said
@@Matthew-nm1siI don’t agree I believe they are exchanges not always a transaction
And if you look at a relationship as an investment you will end up used and alone
He is basing this off the people he sees. There is a whole other base of people who simply fall in love, get married, and stay married.
There is also a massive base of men who dont have access to women, unless they pay sex workers. Many average or below average men are invisible to women
And then they suffer silently lol.
@@macdeeb Some probably, not the happy ones though. Those are the ones I'm referring to.
The few people that I know that stayed married for 50 + years, it was always some years of pain were they felt like they weren’t going to make it. It’s never simple.
@@SystemChannel Of course it's not simple. Of course it's not roses and hearts daily. Neither is single life. Married 48 years this March 17th. I know from experience.
Mad Respect to Dr. Taraben--he's truly one of a kind. He dilutes very hard truths into a soft, non-abrasive format that cannot be logically argued against. People still try, though.
I agree.. but if you listened to all the women in this comment section…😂😂😂 idk why they get so dang triggered with anything and everything- especially if it pains women in an unflattering light
*distills
@@n3rd66 If you don't think reality has to be "watered down" for some, we perceive things differently, lol.
Didn't even look at the channel name when I clicked to this. lol Exemplary. And a good reminder that I need to go back and take notes on everything Taraban's done. Thanks, man. Subscribed.
He sounds like he is describing narc personalities types of people in dating world. Good luck peeps !!!
Most women behavior are narcisist brother
Totally
Yes, probably because he's one himself!
with the rise of tiktok and other social media. american thinking through these social media apps is spreading even in 3rd world countries. this is probably why a lot of women living in cities are getting into hookup culture.
You sound like a KZhead commenter and not a professional anything! Good luck
Both parties have to be in a healthy mental state for a relationship to work. I was independent, living on my own, ready to date and settle down. I met my husband, and he fit the bill, but once we settled his true colors came out. I learned through the years that he's a very angry person, with a lot of trauma. (And it stems from his family, who just shoves problems under the rug.) I spent 5 years trying not to rock the boat, trying to help him, and it was useless. Our marriage was dead by 2 years, and I left. Only then did he start doing the work on himself, to work on our marriage. What did I learn from this? You can't help someone who can't help themselves, even if it's your partner. If one of you is not in a healthy mental state, there is nothing you can do to achieve a healthy relationship. And that realization is heartbreaking.
.... who's healthy minded these days?
Same here
Thank you for telling us that. I agree with you.
I'm halfway through this interview, and realizing that I understand even less about people than I think I do (which is saying something as I have never even landed a first date at 31). Much of what he is describing is the polar opposite of how I want to be: it's stunning actually.
It’s pretty interesting how polarizing this interview is and I was so intrigued listening to this. I didn’t personally relate to most of it, but I do get where he’s coming from and it makes sense from a logical POV of modern society.
I can tell you my dating scene changed when I started treating women like I was looking for a friend first, not a fuck-buddy. I understand this dude relays the nature of the scene well, women have choice, men don’t, women used to stay for security now they don’t need you for that etc etc but he’s missing 80% of daily life with another human. If you can’t be friends with your wife, it’s gonna feel weird in 5 years and one of you will want divorce more than the other. If not you’ll both grow in life together, day by day. As friends.
he is self-absorbed, such think mostly of themselves in relationship, and in today's age, it is bad deal for other party.
He is not missing it. He covered the incentives people have to get involved with each other. Compatibility is a second order aspect of any relationship. First comes attraction and he did a splendid job at laying out the things most of us really want from each other, doing it with no holds barred, which is why some people feel uncomfortable. He unapologetically explains the transaction that stands at the ground of any relationship, something people really rather not acknowledge as it exposes a not so flattering side of them. Too many people just have not integrated the awareness of their nature into their personality.
@@nikeisagreekgoddess4135 I agree with his picture, but it renders relationship as permanent transactional battle.
@@michamichalak6200 You are giving it the negative connotation with "battle". It isn't. In fact he has provided extremely high quality essays going over how struggling against your partner in a relationship is not a good choice. There's something about "transaction" that people really dislike when applied to these subjects and it is unfounded if you make the effort to understand how desire and attraction work, plus how critical these two are for any relationship to even begin to make sense.
@@michamichalak6200 any relationship is inherently transactional whether you like it or not. Dunno why you people are so averse to reality.
I’m a therapist and for those who don’t know there is a difference between a therapist and Psychologist- in that therapists have to live and work in the gray area of lives whereas Psychologists tend to be consistently black and white. Like this man here. That being said, I do a lot of couples work and yes, in the beginning of relationships it can seem very transactional, and he’s correct about these things on a VERY basic level. Especially with sex. And i am not surprised he’s talking about ego. Love, however, encompasses much more than that and it’s extremely complex. Truly it’s possible to have a long lasting relationship but it takes communication, safety, comfort, abd shared values.
And sex. What does a woman bring to the table over what another man can provide let alone a dog? Nagging? Criticism? Giving him a list of things to do for said sex?
Nah therapists are very new age, idealistic and wish washy. It’s a very feminine, coddling practice that doesn’t help anyone especially men. Therapists shouldn’t be talking about love like we live in a Disney fairy tale, stick to the reality, the biological and primal drives that dictate our actions and interactions with others.
He's single so he is like a guy with 20 years experience in a field but it is actually 20 times 1 year experience.
@@Steelhorsecowboy i am living for this explanation and now my head hurts a little less thank you
imma go back and listen again but now that i think of it, homie didn't mention love ONCE lollllllllll, they should rename the title!
This is on point for the particular ‘caliber’ of people that he is describing. Not all societies value the same thing and many have a different set of values.
Why is everyone hating on this? I find this insightful. The real unfiltered basic thoughts that somehow rule people's actions in varying degrees whether subconscious or aware at a level. Ive seen this all in true life.
Probably because there’s a lot of motte and Bailey cognitive fallacy. He makes some very salient obvious correct points…. Then comes to deranged conclusions because of them.
Its fascinating how most people who are involved in dating/relationships today will readily admit that dating and relationships are absolutely terrible (at least in America), and they have far more failed relationships than successful ones, but somehow they are still completely convinced that they know what it takes to have a successful relationship (often saying some stupid pop-psych BS like 'communication is key!'). The cognitive dissonance is absolutely astounding.
It’s one thing to proclaim that one is an expert, when one is not, but…do we not learn from mistakes? It CAN be the same in business. You have a bunch of them fail to take off. You learn from them. After a bunch of failed relationships, especially if there are patterns you can sort out, you can say “I did this and it led to this. I do not suggest that. I did this instead, and this happened multiple times.” I can tell you, I have been rejected by way more women than I’ve been in relationships. Some of those times, there may have been lessons I didn’t figure out, or even no lesson, but sometimes I did. I would not have been in relationships if it were not partially from the “mistakes” I made. I’m no expert, but anyone who has repeated this process on a larger scale than me is sure to have some great advice
A “specialist” in human behavior using the Ken & Barbie analogy… groan.
I thought that analogy was spot on. @@rdw2457
My mother and father met in the 80s, well after the sexual revolution. They weren’t religious, but she wanted to wait until marriage and he was fine with that. She made him laugh, she was passionate about her interests, she was opinionated and brave-he admired that about her. She admired his patience, his kindness, his generosity. They got married. She was the breadwinner of the house for a while while he finished his phd. He stayed by her side for many health problems. When she is upset, he cares about her feelings. She listens to his needs. Love is about admiring someone and wanting to be by their side. Love is not power, sex, and money. I feel awful that this therapist is teaching so many lost, hurting young men that they're only loveable as long as they're "useful," and that they should not be generous with their love. He is perpetuating a cycle of male loneliness and resentment.
Yeah quite frankly, f*ck this guy. Also, women want very individual and personalized things because they are nuanced humans that have lived interesting lives and have unique personalities and desires. Maybe treat them like a human being instead of talking about them like they are an enigma or a gender role that is only around to fill men's needs. Please DO NOT listen to this caveman.
He's just explaining reality, not love. I'm happily married, and we laugh and admire each other's many good qualities. There's no contradiction, and what he says is overwhelmingly accurate. Tell me, were you attracted to - and eventually marry - a useless man? Why would any woman want that?
@@xandercorp6175 The person you responded to didn't even realize that their own father wasn't useless. They think that their mother helping their father when he was working on his PhD proves something, not realizing that she was making an investment... in an obviously potentially useful man. People like this definitely cannot be saved.
@@confaffalator That is a very fair point that I considered after writing. I will say, they met when they were young, before it was clear which career my father would pursue. My mother fell in love with him long before she had any idea of his financial potential. You and this therapist are correct in that humans want partners who are "useful" to them. Who benefit their lives in some way. Money and sex are two ways to bring benefit, but there are so many others that this man never considers. When my parents met--my mother did not offer my father sex (though other women would) and my father didn't offer her money (though other men could). There was the potential for those things sure, but other factors bound them together. Sex and money are VERY valuable and are part of a happy life--but a relationship is cheap and fragile if those are the only things binding people together.
If you go back to our great grandparents in the greatest and silent generations you will find countless examples of these love stories like your folks. Many of them met and married at 18 yrs old. Some were GIs just getting sent off to war, some were farmers and marrying meant taking on being a farm hand on top of hard labor of housework (before modern appliances.) The title of this video should be "The psychology of love in a modern and materialistic society".
Really enjoyed the insight here. I appreciate the uncensored nature
I’m 43 years married and his take is primal & abrupt but accurate. There’s a lot more to relationship making than the “bullet points” in this video(health, sickness,death, living life,etc..) that’s plays into a person’s mind and behaviors that prompts decision making.
Any woman who can be as slutty as possible merely to get a man's attention, will never trust that man if she gets tired of being super-slut. She also has the ability to be a super-slut with anyone, because what's real doesn't matter. It's a performance.
Christ on a bike...all of this is exhausting. Choosing to be alone & happy is very emotionally freeing
It is for me
Speaking from a guy this guy is saying the cold honest truth especially with how a average looking girl can sleep with almost any guy if they approach it the right way. The girl that want a relationship from a guy is the hard part because they need to actually provide some sort of value to the guy.
Christ on a bike...LMMFAO! Never heard that before. 😂😂❤
Christ on a bike 😂, I'm gonna start saying that now
It **really** is better, at least as a woman.
I’m legitimately happy in my 8 years of marriage because I’ve owned up to all my crap and got a support group behind me. Now I can love my wife and finally have a good life. This guy boils it down to sex. That mindset is why men give up so easily. This teaching is the problem.
Im realising that people have little to no concept of what love actually is. And this guy seems to be one of them. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Well I guess it's hard for females to acknowledge the harsh truth. It's quite convenient and self comforting to hide behind self lying talking points
He is not talking about love.... he is talking about relationship and contractual marriage. Although those things can exist together, they don't need each other to exist. Many can love without a transactional relationship, and the transactional relationship can have zero love. Orion has another video where he defines love in the same way that you do, except using Shel Silversteins Giving Tree instead of first Corinthians 13. So I agree with you that people call a great many things Love that are not actually love. I love you can mean... please dont leave me.... forgive me.... dont get mad at me.....say you love me too....make me happpy.... give me what i want..... all of them are not real love. Perhaps one of the best is the take by CS Lewis. "The value of True love can never be wasted for it was never based on reciprocity."
20 min in and a common saying comes to mind; "Anybody who speaks in absolutes is an absolute fool". 😔
💯💯💯
I agree
I couldn't do 20 minutes 🤣
His example with guys asking politely for sex and 100% of the women said no backs his claims. I personally don't let stats dictate my dating decisions or how I move through the world but a lot of people do.
@@MrCenterOfTheWorld Stats from decades ago no less...
Sex is a very small part of being in a relationship. Being emotionally connected, sharing interests, caring for one another, enhancing each other's lives in some way is far more important. Sex without these is meaningless - you might as well pay for it.
I totally agree 👍. Couldn't have said it better myself.
Two words for you, my friend: _Tracking software._
Well put❤️❤️❤️❤️
is he saying otherwise ? also why tf do we constantly understimate the importance of Sex in relationships i will never get it ffs
@@btchiaintkidding7837 but why do women have to come on to a man first to prove her worth? That’s what ain’t cool about what this guy is saying. I know my sexual worth. I want to know if a man has the emotional intelligence to deserve my sexual worth.
The production of this video is so topnotch, clean, minimalist. Captures the essence of the speaker---a person of integrity, authority on the subject, exudes credibility. Congratulations, production and concept designers!
Thank you sharing Orion 🙏🏽 Everyone deserves love, *and needs to study this video to create and maintain healthy relationships ❤
You know the video is worth the watch when the comment section is so heavily divided. Ironically I’d have disagreed or refused to believe a lot of his points 3 years ago but nowadays, having been in a relationship with a woman for the past 3 years, observing and hearing stories about her and her friends, I recognize a lot of truths. The homies sent this in a group chat and we found that we experience a lot of what he touches on. Be opened minded people. Not all women or men are like this but I think a fair chunk are.
Dr Taraban is getting destroyed in the comments section but it is all personal attacks and shaming language. It is interesting how there is no actual valid criticism. It is all just moaning and complaining that Dr Taraban makes them feel bad about themselves.
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 He knows what he's talking about and I say this as a female professional, same credentials in a similar discipline. Can't stop binge watching his work.
I agree! 10 years ago I would have frowned at what hes saying. But within the past few years I have definitely experienced some of the things he talks about. I find this video interesting and truthful. Ppl don't wanna hear harsh truths. I don't see anything wrong with what he's saying...but then again I might be the one with the personality disorder. 😮
I think he's missing a lot. A relationship based on meeting the guy's sexual needs, being an awesome host, housekeeper, etc., etc. will break up any time the guy wants to replace her with a newer model (younger, prettier, etc.). Men do this all the time. Familiarity breeds contempt. A man could even love his wife very much, but no longer feel passion for her. He may feel somewhat guilty, but many men switch partners if they can afford it, when the wife ages. A woman is better served by establishing a lucrative career that she's good at and looking for a guy who wants a partner, not a whore, mother, and acolyte combined. If she follows his advice and essentially gives 20 years of her life being the fantasy ideal woman, she should negotiate a good prenup, because she's likely not to have this crap relationship forever.
@@evelynwaugh4053 I think the problem with your strategy is that if a women establishes a career she will probably be around 30 - 40 when she is ready to get married and will consequently have a long list of previous ex boyfriends. This may hinder her chances of finding her dream guy because she is older, more traumatized, and may be outcompeted by younger women. And the types of guys that are likely to settle for more older, masculine, boss babe type women, are likely to be spineless low-testosterone beta males who will ultimately repulse her long term. Dr Taraban's advice is for women looking for her dream guy. Your advice will ultimately result in women having to settle for low value beta males.
the first 1 minute is pure gold❤
Paused at 12:36 I came to check out this video after it was referenced in Mark's latest update as one of the videos that was percieved as more "problematic." Don't worry I'll watch the whole video, but as of now I'll give my morally neutral opinion on why there might have been some backlash: From what I can see so far, this guy is displaying one of the key identifiers of emotional insecurity: perceiving a relationship between two people as a power game between two people. In a healthy relationship and even in healthy dating, people are not fishing OR hunting - they are getting to know somebody as an individual. They are not trying to "catch" or "attract" somebody, they are trying to MEET somebody who likes them for who they are. Orion seems to be missing that aspect and refers to men and women as if they should BOTH be viewing the opposite sex as an idea or an object rather than as a human being. Edit 20:27 - I changed my mind, I'm not watching the rest of this. His whole baseline here is that men are "falling in love" with strippers and prostitutes, but like....no they're not. They are falling in limerance, not love. Love is being attracted to someone because of who THEY are, limerance is being attracted to someone based on how they make YOU feel about yourself. He's a psychologist in 2024, how does he not know the difference?? This is kind of an important distinction. This guy is either a sociopath or has NPD, because he seems genuinely incapable of viewing relationships through a lens of genuine intimacy and connection. His philosophy comes from an extremely insecure attachment style, which dictates that you can only keep people around if you consistently present a false version of yourself that will be perceived as useful and/or entertaining. Coming from a happily married adult, this advice is not only bad but extremely dangerous for young people. Please reconsider keeping this video up. This guy is a literal incel.
This is very concerning that this is the kind of relationship advice that educated doctors are giving and people are paying to get 🤦♀️🤦♀️ this world is fucked
I agree! But he does have some good videos of a different topic.
exactly... very far from the truth.
It's come to this from enduring false narratives of shallow romance.
@@mgu1N1n1 I think also from people in general becoming too promiscuous, making everything become so superficial.
Nobody said love was pretty. Intimacy/love/attraction is a nasty part of human nature. You have women falling in love with toxic men, and men falling in love with toxic women under the guise of love, but really it's just physical attraction. Love is very animalistic, and not as modern as we'd like to believe from romance fiction.
I see a lot of negative comments, but so much he says reflects my experience. I was raised by very strict, religious parents to be eternally polite. This set me up for nightmares. I have been through hell with "wholesome" women. The "harsh" reality he tells us of is just the reality I have observed. Everything he says reminds me of what I learned from Professor David Buss many years ago as an undergrad. I wish I could have listened to Buss with greater seriousness and had Taraban's knowledge set into my mind when I was in high school. It would have helped me tremendously. My life has been so painful that I've given up on finding love and even a casual relationship. It's been painful and lonely and I know I am like so many others.
Brother, sincerest regards to you on your travels. I wholeheartedly agree and understand your comment. These disingenuous, pejorative, shaming comments are disheartening and shows the disconnect that we have, and how upsetting the truth can be. Of course it is, because nature is cruel and indifferent, yet beautifully magnificent in its design. I’ve had my share of heartache and disappointment from those same “wholesome pretenders” (RIP Alan Roger Curie). You’re led to believe one thing about them, but learn that what they claim does not align with how they conduct themselves in between the sheets. It fills you with rage at how they swindle us, or how we allow ourselves to be hustled and cheated. You look for answers, you come to KZhead, and down the redpill rabbit hole you go. Some of it entertaining rhetoric from grifters, but in my opinion, most of it is informative and teaches us the truth about who we are as mammals and what we respond to on a primitive, carnal level. And that truth ain’t pretty, flattering, or endearing to what we try to portray ourselves as. Instead of trying to deflect and fight it off, we have to be honest if we want better results.
The hate in the comments is from men who believe a fairy tale and women who are unable or unwilling to admit the truth in his statements because to admit he's right would mean women lose power. Women subconsciously crave the psychological upper hand because they are the physically weaker sex. Men need to be strong, women need to be manipulative and deceptive. Women rely on the sweet and innocent perception of them by society to make it easier for them to get what they want, so knowledge of the dark side of female nature is a perceived threat to their control. Most will lie about and deny anything that threatens their upper hand.
yeah he's trying to speak to people that have had issues with bad people, and get it to seem to you like this is just the way "women" are as a generality. to push you towards redpill content. it's all bullshit and after a while living in that media space you'll figure that out too. what makes this stuff work is that there's unfortunately a lot of shitty PEOPLE out there regardless of their gender lol hope you get along out there brother, it's a tough world a lot of the time
@@jamescheaye927 great summation. Unfortunately, a lot of animal nature is unflattering. The cuckoo kicking out the eggs of another bird and laying its eggs in the nest instead. Or lions eating the kids of the previous lion of the pride to bring the lioness into oestrous. Unfortunately, the human animal has an unfortunate set of patterned behaviour too with respect to the exchange of resources for intimacy.
Wow, how much I can relate to your comment/story. I was brought up in a very strict Christian household where I had to get married by 18 to a Christian church going man. I lived 16 horrible years with him following rules, being submissive, COMPLETELY losing myself. I am SO grateful to my current husband who took me out of that life and showed me what TRUE LOVE feels like, looks like, I can't even describe the joy I am in now living with this man. This psychologist hit everything on point.
The very last few minutes where he explained what an asshole is, was absolutely on point. I was left in awe as he described who I am, but am working on trying to change.
If all men think the same as this one, it's the end of the world! Putting the whole emphasis on sex and body usage, and materialism it's just an empty sad way to view relationships and make women to not even consider getting in one ever again. So so sad!😔
wow it's like you didnt pay attention to anything that was said and boiled it down to the most brain dead take you could think of
Makes me want to be a lesbian 😮😊
I've watched his channel and have literally never gotten that from any of his content.
@@thedailyjules_I disagree
Thank you for saying this
I realized all that years ago & said no way. And I have been happily single & sexless ever since & I never looked back.
This guy should be banned for life. No men want the way he described. If you fuck a man in a slutty way. He’ll put you as a slut only. Not someone they wanna marry. And they will chose to be with a women when they find a wife behaviours
Two things here that don't ring true to me: #1: women can have any man they want. #2: Love and sex come in hand in hand. I've rejected women that I don't like since highschool. They didn't get me as a man. And the women I've actually cared about deeply, I struggled or refused to look at them sexually, because they were too "sacred" to me.
I love this. These conversations are invaluable. Just in time for those who are ready to receive it. Thank you ❤
What we have here, is a NPD that also is a psychologist. This is the type of person that when you go to your first therapy appointment, you walk out at the end and never go back. To think people like this are actually considered to be “help”. He is so enshrined into the patriarch mindset that is deteriorating more each and every day. I would also guess that’s he’s right leaning and of the Jordan Peterson mindset. A dying people. Things are changing. Either move with the times, or be buried in the change itself.
Peterson is bigger than ever. I go on job interviews for software engineering and the program managers know about Peterson. Sorry to burst your bubble.
you said it!
@@123lowpBecause he appeals to frustrated young men that can’t get laid. For instance, engineers.
@@fvr12345 ouch
@@fvr12345he appeals to men in general because HE IS TELLING THE TRUTH I dont understand how women deny their own nature? Do you truly just not see it? Or do you avoid it and lie to protect your feelings? Seriously, I don’t get it?? Women ask why they aren’t respected- to put it bluntly: many women lack logic and reasoning, self awareness, or any sort of accountability. Behavior reminds me of big toddler I say that meaning no offense- just seems so obvious to me as a man.. I don’t understand how women either don’t see it or deny it? Maybe it’s a blind spot?
His view is made from a specific type of person who is coming in for psychology services.
What he is saying is accurate though
😂
OOnly for a certain demographic
OOnly for a certain demographic
About 90% act like this nowadays
He described the kind of men that I find disgusting.
I'm not even sure what kind of man he is describing. He's complaining that porn is ruining men's standards, but then advising women to get a man by acting like an exclusive pornstar. So...is porn bad or not? He needs to make up his mind. This what makes the incel ideology so toxic to both genders - it is awful to women because it sees them as sex objects, but it is even more awful to men because it tells them that they are gross animals who society needs to revolve around because they are incapable of being anything other than gross animals
@@DSS712 he describes the mentality of a weak man, of a man who is not honorable, who has no dignity, who falls in love with borderlines and prostitutes because they have low boundaries when it comes to giving seggs and then lies to himself that they did it cuz they couldn’t resist him to protect his own ego. I don’t care how much money a man has, this is the nature of a low quality man.
social media like tiktok and instagram ruined the dating world
The dating pool has piss in it😂
@@bluedogjackiepoo and floating turds and empty burger king cups...nasty af
Lack of religion/old values did it. It never use to be cool to knock up a high schooler or to have a side hustle. Most people would have called that a low life man. Now culture says that's cool. People are afraid to work on one relationship so they have fun escape all over. Nothing serious but fun.
@@tjjones-xj7kq You're right about the shallows but religion is not going to solve that, on the contrary it has produced a ton of harm over the centuries. What society needs is a good dose of eugenics, not more organized religion. This way you get rid of the shallows.
@@roses6564 I was following you there for a bit and then you took a hard turn!
Funny how a lot of the comments disregard what this man is saying but take a look around… more and more people of both sexes/genders are beginning to walk away from relationships because they just aren’t worth the work, risk, and the hassle. If what he was saying wasn’t at least partially true, the dating market would not look like it does now, marriage rates wouldn’t be plummeting, and sex work/OnlyFans wouldn’t be lucrative. People have to realize that dating, relationships, and marriage are not what they were 30 or so years ago - the times and technology have drastically changed so it only makes sense for our relationship norms and expectations to change as well. It’s easier to win the lottery than it is to find two people who invest in a relationship and stay invested in the relationship equally. If you like your partner more than they like you or the other way around (even if just slightly), your relationship is not going to last.
As a man its just exhausting. I dont have the energy to be treated like a disposable choice anymore when someone gets bored or wants a different flavour. It's difficult to build intimate and meaningful connections because they never get there. I started dating before dating apps, and the culture has changed so much. From respecting one another and making an effort to build something mutual with open communication to just another option a swipe away if I say something not perfectly. Always feels like a performance to sell myself. It's all so fake. Just shallow and empty experiences.
@@EhEsDeeEf Ah yes I agree, dating apps are the epitome of the Paradox of Choice, at least for most women. The more options one has to choose from, the more difficult it becomes to make a final decision. On dating apps, the average man will take what he can get whereas the average woman will only pick whoever she deems attractive enough and meets all of her ever-growing list of requirements. The smallest mistake and she is quick to drop you as she knows she can easily have 10+ guys interested in her at any one time and line up a date with a new guy the very next day. I’m over selling myself to someone that isn’t even interested in buying. When winning the game is a constant uphill battle, the best strategy is often simply not playing.
My mum wanted a divorce, for more than the last 40 years of her life. She just couldn`t get one. since she couldn`t afford to. Nowadays women are getting more educated, getting better jobs, and can support themselves economically. And because of that, they don`t need a man. in the way they needed one before. That`s why more and more women are choosing to be single, and enjoying all the freedom it gives them these days.
Notice how none of the comments are based on any logic
@@EhEsDeeEf agree completely
Take this guys advice with a "grain of salt". He's a psychologist used to dealing with the more socially challenged members of our society.
He's a psychologist, which is not the same as being a therapist. For all we know, he doesn't deal with any people in real life. Technically, he's speaking theory.