let's dig deep into LAZINESS. // Download Opera Desktop browser for free opr.as/Opera-browserxTiffany. Check out my Pinboard opr.as/Anti-Work-and-Labor-Mo...
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TIME STAMPS:
0:00 - intro
2:21 - narratives & myths about laziness
5:11 - myth about welfare
8:13 - sponsor
9:20 - productivity & work/life balance
12:59 - the importance of rest
18:36 - we're expected to push past our limits
21:32 - disability
26:29 - mental health
27:46 - ADHD
31:28 - final thoughts!
38:12 - neverending outro weirdo hour
RESOURCES & REFERENCES:
** "Laziness Does Not Exist," book by DEVON PRICE - bookshop.org/a/15495/97819821...
MrBeast: The Dark Side of Meritocracy | TheLetterFifteen - • MrBeast: The Dark Side...
Kim Kardashian's Business Advice (nobody wants to work these days) - • Kim Kardashian’s Busin...
A Killer Stereotype | Economic Security Project - • A Killer Stereotype
"Welfare as a Women's Issue" (1972) Johnnie Tillmon - www.publicintellectuals.org/j...
The Rich and Poor Under Reaganomics (Lexual Does the 80s) | Intelexual Media - • The Rich and Poor Unde...
How Hatred For Laziness Impacts Disabled People [CC] | Annie Elainey - • How Hatred For Lazines...
Rikki Poynter's channel - / rikkipoynter
Don't measure me by my good days | Jessica Kellgren-Fozard - • Don't measure me by my...
NotTheWorstCleaner (tiktok) - www.tiktok.com/@nottheworstcl...
What is ADHD? (Additude Mag) - www.additudemag.com/what-is-a...
mindovermatterwithemma (tiktok) - www.tiktok.com/@mindovermatte...
mynameis.april (tiktok) - www.tiktok.com/@mynameis.apri...
Reclaiming self-care: self care as a social justice tool for Black wellness - pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34478...
MORE INTERNET ANALYSIS:
Our Productivity Obsession (even during a pandemic) - • Our Productivity Obses...
Hustle Culture, Workaholism, and Toxic Productivity - • Hustle Culture, Workah...
Tiffany Ferguson (she/her), 27 years old. #internetanalysis #lazy #laziness
Business Inquiries: tiffanyferguson@select.co
This episode was co-written by Sheriden Smith!
FTC: This video is sponsored by Opera. Links with * are affiliate, meaning I am compensated monetarily if you join or make a purchase.
As a guy, it has always amazed me that women are expected to just ignore their periods and continue working/performing as normal
So change the expectations, deadlines, contract, change them.
Honestly, I can be on my period and live my life normally. Not everyone can but plenty do just fine.
@@laurenb6850 ah you're right but please don't forget us who are in immense pain, can't talk about it since no one wants to hear it (and I also don't wanna tell my coworkers or chef about my period), aren't understood, and often can't even find a medical issue that causes the problem. It's just so annoying😭
@@Arachne-qw1vr if that is an option it will be taken into account, until then let's all make capitalism a thing of the past, while also taking needed breaks 👌
Women already use their periods as an excuse for a lot of things, even if it's not serious.
One of the most eye-opening things I ever heard was when my boyfriend pointed out the mon-fri 9-5 schedule was based on half of the household literally being at home to tidy and clean. I always beat myself up for how gross and messy our flat was but as soon as he pointed that out I realised how unfair it was to assume we'd both have full time jobs but also have an immaculate home.
Preach!
exactly! also so many of the charts which we use to show how we have to juggle our time between different domains don't include a section for care work, maintenance tasks and the endless errands we must run.
dude you literally just changed my life 😅i live alone and i feel so shit about myself that my house is messy. especially if i don't take my only free time at night or on the weekends to clean and not relax and recover from the week. but you're right. those home tasks are called "reproductive labor" in sociology and it's all the domestic chores that people (typically women) are meant to do that is actually a full time unpaid job.
Feel u sis!
That is a very good point. This would mean, that if i live on my own, i should be able to work 50% and still earn enough to get through the month well... Sadly, only a few jobs will provide this possibility.
Is it bad that I kinda want to just stay home and draw? Capitalism is exhausting.
No that sounds lovely!
NOT AT ALL!
Capitalism is exhausting to the point when it doesn't pay right🤑
I don’t like when people want to turn art and hobbies into side hustles, as if making art for yourself isn’t enough. But I don’t want to sell my art. I just want to make it. And that’s okay! It’s worth doing even if you aren’t making money off of it
Not at all 🧡🧡🧡 and same
wow. the title alone is such a powerful statement. the fact that we glamorize working and being productive has only made people constantly tired, therefore unhappy...
The title is directly plagiarised from Dr Devon Price’s book of the same name!
@@TheSpiralLab she mentions that about 2 minutes into the video?
I don't think productivity is the problem. It's good to be productive, as it helps with providing us with a sense of purpose. That said, being productive doing something you hate isn't helpful. Like, if you love music and you practice for hours just because you love it, you are being productive. Productivity isn't exclusive to work
Café
...and it destroys the world we live in.
The Finnish language has a word for actively/purposefully being lazy: laiskoitella. It doesn’t have a negative connotation. There’s also a word for the feeling of wanting to be lazy: laiskottaa. This highlights quite well how fundamentally different our culture views laziness compared to US culture 😊
I love that!
as a swede i remain skeptical that finns would be that much more enlightened than us (not saying the word doesn't exist, but swedish society talks about laziness all the damn time)
I love that it rhymes with my name
@@the__void__spaghetti__girl is there some type of nordic one-upping going on between y’all?
@@shish420 yes 😆 and don’t mention hockey
Watching this from eastern Europe, it was always so annoying for me when I watch American police or medical shows how glorified it is to hustle, work all day, sacrifice your family life, even your health just to work. Those main characters were made workaholics as if that was a positive character trait. In various tv shows characters insist on keeping on working even when they get cancer, or even refuse treatment because it would prevent them from working. It is insane!
I hate hustle culture too, and I'm American. Corporate America treats work/life balance like its a perk, when it should be a human right.
It annoys us Americans too trust me. But unfortunately the cost of living is just fcking ridiculous, and therefore most of us don't have a choice but to "hustle" just to stay afloat. It's insanity and it's soul sucking.
I think laziness is when you literally expect someone to physically and emotionally take care of you for nothing in return. For instance if you are able-bodied and expect your loved-ones to do all or most of the housework and raising of the children without a break which is worse when they work outside the home or are in school etc... The difference is entitlement and expectations. I think that dynamic is abusive and it is forced. Nobody wants to spend every waking moment doing work, but many people (mostly women) are expected to do so.
... your comment is blowing my mind a little. Yes, that's the true definition of laziness!
i 100% agree with you. i have experienced this and this is true laziness and it does exist. i just wrote out a long ass comment explaining my experience and your explanation ties it up with a nice bow. this really resonates.
True! That’s another topic on my list actually, I’ve been watching a lot of TikToks about domestic labor and weaponized incompetence.
@@tiffanyferg I am excited to watch.
I suspect life wasn't as easy for men a few hundred years ago as it is for them now. And if they properly shared the work now, everyone's life would be better.
When I was diagnosed with autoimmune disorders I had to take the word lazy out of my vocabulary. I was no longer lazy but needed to care for my mental well being and health. It was all about preserving my energy for the things I wanted to do and what truly adds to my overall happiness. I have to say I’ve never been happier. Chronic pain really changes everything.
I did the same thing! After a few years at least xD Best decision ever. I am very skeptical if laziness even exists.
Compassion to you. Everyone will face a life-changing health condition at some point, even if it’s 'just' burnout from overwork. I wish we could all be compassionate with others’ struggle and rest even before we’ve experienced it ourselves.
Same. When your body is unpredictable along with your energy reserves, you learn to live in the now & embrace only the truly important things as being worth your time & energy.
Totally relate I have arthritis and the toll it takes on me. I take 4x longer to recoup myself. I feel ashamed and not participating with work, family and friends the way I have in the past. It has become more aggressive and I have to reevaluate my life.
Thank you for this. I am in the same boat and trying to get where you are. I do manage not to do things, just because I find it extremely hard to muster the energy, but I always feel guilty about it. It helps a lot hearing from others.All the best to you.
The night owl thing is so true. i always go to bed at 2-3 and wake up about 10-11ish. My dad would bust into my room around 9:30 if he came home from work to get something and start yelling things like “ive already been working for four hours while youve been sleeping” and it always confused me about why he was so mad because we were sleeping the same amount of hours just at different times. Ive had multiple friends shame me as well some of them saying things like “what do you even do with yourself that late?” like they cant even fathom anything possible past midnight lol
THIS. I'm the same way and have to deal with the same crap. Not being a morning person does not mean that you're lazy or never get anything done.
I never understood that "what do you even do at that time of night?" mentality because it's like, well, you just do the same things you would do in the day.
so mad at this! as a kid i'd tell my parents how it didnt really matter if you slept from 10pm to 6 am since it's 8 hours or from 2am to 10am since it's also 8 hours
i always feel better when i go to sleep before 1:00 am and wake up before 9:30. but that's me. everyone's body works differently. ialsooversleeptothepointwhereitfeelslikeachronichealthproblemandialwayswakeupwithaheadacheonnonworkdayscauseifisleeppast10:00igetaheadachebutialwaysalwaysdosleepinbecausei'mjustsoexhaustedallthetime anyone else?
Daylight is correlated with productivity as before the invention of electricity working at night was implausible and our ancestors had always woken up at the crack of dawn to make use of the limited working hours. This inherently leads us to associate the night with rest and sleep and the day with work and productivity
Burnout from an unhealthy relationship with productivity can *force* us to be "lazy." I pushed myself so hard in college that I physically and emotionally collapsed, giving myself pneumonia and severe anxiety. I prided myself on taking extra classes while working multiple jobs and volunteering and socializing, sleeping and eating very little. I hit my limit at the end of my senior year and barely scraped by my last quarter. Six years later, and I am still recovering from how unrealistically hard I pushed my brain & body those four years.
Sounds like my last semester of college... So glad I don't have to relive that again, I don't know how I managed.
Isn’t is sad how we feel the need to push ourselves especially as a student (already a full time job). And to do more. Go faster. As if we aren’t doing enough… I’m so sorry you went through that. I’m glad you are slowly healing each year and although I don’t know you, you’re doing great. I realized college is taking a toll on me too this year (my third) I’m gonna either fail out or drop out of college at this point. And idk how my parents will react. I just can’t push myself any longer. One day there will be a noticeable shift in the way people view school/ work and the education system will change for the better hopefully. Get all the healing you need I’ll pray for you!
I'm currently relating to what you're saying. In my uni, all exams for all subjects are within ONE WEEK and I've already done 4 exams these past few days, and I have 2 more left tomorrow and the day after, and I'm already feeling burned out
I'm going through the exact same thing! I've been off work for 8 months and some days I can barely able to complete simple tasks and beat myself up for not being productive
I thought it was just me. I have not been the same since my senior year in college.
I'm a night owl, always have been. I remember vividly growing up and being regularly bullied by older women for "being young and too much on my phone and self inflicting insomnia (AKA laziness bruv) and depression". The deal is- I didn't even have a phone growing up!! It's so common for older folk to bully younger people for having sleep disorders. It's so petty and pathetic.
Haha this literally happened at work (retail) to me today. Had a vile older couple in - probably late 60s, early 70s. After being told to make sure I do a good job because they’re old and I need to go the extra mile for old people, I told them old people are generally ruder than young people. They got super triggered which was funny because they seemed to be happy to make jokes at my expense, trying to get a rise out of me for some reason, but couldn’t take a little honest dig back! I said I can’t wait to get old myself so I can be horrible (obvs I won’t but I just wanted to see the reaction) they said I was horrible in a jokey way, paid for their stuff and left. Then I kid you not, they came back later, and paid for more stuff they didn’t need I think, just because clearly they’d been thinking of something to say lol, they asked how old I was and said I wouldn’t get to retire until I’m reeeeally old, with a smug look lol. I was like lol ok 🙃 Now I’m wishing that I’d said something like “you’ll be long gone by then” but didn’t think of it at the time.
Yeah I hate when people do stuff like that. Like, sure, if I were on my phone all through the night that probably wouldn't help, but lots of the time that's not the primary issue
Lol same dude. I’ve always been a night owl and been told it’s lazy. It’s just your body’s natural rhythms. I’m my own boss now and set my own hours, and I’ll stay up til 2 am getting things done, but bloody hell don’t ask me to think before 10 am
I had trouble sleeping growing up being a teen that lost one parent. I would go into class totally exhausted and fighting to stay awake. Being rather shy, I didn’t want to be disrespectful to the teacher or anything. But the only time I fell asleep sitting upright the teacher thought to try and humiliate me in front of the class for being « lazy » and give me detention for « playing video games all night ». I didn’t even have a console. This guy just wants to punish kids based on his own assumptions.
In plenty of situations, people from older generations talking to people of younger generations essentially boils down to putting them down to feel better about themselves. In this scenario they be like: "I'm better than you because . . . *spins wheel* . . . because I go to bed earlier!"
I was called "lazy" my entire teenage years. I had a chronic illness but still went to school, had a part time job, and did everything my parents asked of me. Why was I called lazy? I liked being alone and reading during the nighttime hours before bed. I was never lazy, just an introvert. Edit: I'm 20 now, raising a sweet boy completely on my own, working in a high-paying position as an LMT, and have had my own apartment since I was 18. I STILL get called lazy because my job allows me to be financially successful with only working about 3 days a week. Sorry, I don't want a job where I can't be home with my baby.
People call you lazy and other things when they see you are doing good without overworking yourself while they are not doing well even after working 45+ hours a week. They are simply jealous of your life and wish they were like you. Don't let their words effect you. It took me a while to understand people who are happy with their life don't call others names and people who do that are actually struggling or have some issues.
Slay
What is an LMT?
Late to the video, but this is a great overview. As an ADHD doctor mom to 4 with a big online presence and busy clinical practice I’m constantly in a state of negative self-speaking for spending an occasional day not working. It’s hard to avoid and I think content creation makes its significantly worse bc your brain is always “on” - looking for ideas, planning the next thing, etc. let’s take back the lazy day. A day of needed rest. 👏👏👏👏
Oh my gosh, you're like my favorite! But you deserve a break!
I've always held that laziness isn't a personality trait. It's a symptom of illness, injury, exhaustion, or emotional trauma. Seems like this video might agree, time to watch.
I've been told "must be nice" when I said I was bedbound due to disability (it's not). I've had people act as though I'm lazy because I need a nap every day (my meds make me need extra sleep). And then there's the whole thing about how a capitalist society sees disabled people that can't work as a burden, because we can't make money for some immoral billionaire. I've had people imply that because I have hobbies (I sew, mostly by hand in bed, I crochet, knit and hand embroider), that I must be able to work. But I don't know of any job willing to let me work for five minutes at a time, or just not work at all when my left arm decides to join both my legs and just not work at all for a couple weeks. Sometimes my right arm will join the party and I have no arms and no legs that work. So my pieces usually take months to complete. I still struggle myself with the idea that I'm lazy. And the societal narrative of disabled people as burdens really doesn't help that at all. I've even been called a "useless eater" a few times in the past couple of years. Three guesses who came up with that phrase.
I stopped telling people when I'm not able to get anything done in a day due to chronic pain. I've gotten, 'that must be nice' plenty of times, or some anecdote about how they were sick at one point (with a cold or something) and just realized that they had to put their nose tot the grindstone and 'push through'. Good times.
Your mother-in-law? That's the person in my life who never passes up an opportunity to make passive-aggressive comments about my laziness. But now that I'm a doctor and a respected member of the capitalist framework, I can be a little "lazier" at home and avoid the same level of judgement, even though I definitely worked harder before when I was home studying
I was mostly bed bound for 3 weeks due to falling at a wedding a few months ago. And it was not “nice”. I can’t believe people would say that to you! The whole time I had my injury I felt so bad that some disabled people just have to live like that.
@@ronifurr you get used to it. And there are things that help that aren't worth getting for a short term injury, but are definitely worth it for something more long term So I have a bed desk (like the tables in hospital) that holds anything I need, including a laptop that I watch KZhead on. I can crochet, sew, knit and embroider in bed while I watch videos. I also have a bed like a hospital bed that can recline and sit me up, so I'm comfy. So it's not as bad as your three weeks would have been. But I'd still rather be able bodied, tbh. I'd rather be able to work and not be poor. I enjoy my crafting, but that is something I do to replace the fact that I can't work (and sometimes my arms also don't work, so I can't do any of that for weeks at a time, and that really sucks).
It's wonderful you embroider! Most people do not have the time or skill to personalize their items. You fight those boring grey captitalist robots with every stitch you got. 🌻
I struggle with mental health and I found that if I give myself at minimum one day a week to just not, I function so much better overall. Not socialize, not do chores, not worry about what I'm eating. Just let myself to do whatever makes my lizard brain happy. Sometimes I just nap or watch mindless TV. But it is a great reset and it make the business of the rest of the week feel so much more manageable because I know that at least once every week I'll be able to just stop for a day.
Yes that’s so important! I find I usually stuff my weekends with lots of chores and errands which obviously need to get done at some point, but all that busyness takes away from using some of the weekend to properly rest!
@@tiffanyferg yeah I find it easier to spread it out over the week. Feels like less when it's only a couple things a day and I get a day off
It's funny that our cultural hatred for "laziness" comes in part from Christian/religious concepts, because literally within the first few pages of the bible, it talks about how God rested on the 7th day after creating the earth... And then he commanded humanity to do the same. 🤦🏻♀️
@@lilymulligan8180 hmm I wonder if Dante's definitions of sins is partly to blame here
I do this too as often as I can! I say I need an “off” day, like a day off of life lol 😂
As someone with ADHD I’ve often found myself working harder than anyone to achieve so little. I’m taking not seeing anyone for months to build a career for myself, and spending hours everyday to try get myself to start my work but putting it off by working on other stuff cause I can’t bring myself to do it. Or hyper-focusing and not being able to stop to the point of neglecting showering and cleaning, to then burn out and not be able to finish. And watching my life fly by with nothing to show for the hours of work
That cuts deep with me too
Autistic human with the same experience here. I’m often UBER PRODUCTIVE at work but I’m always the first to get fired because my productivity alienated people- both coworkers and my family because of Hyperfocus. Then I sit at home depressed because of rejection sensitivity while my poor home gets bad. Then I Hyperfocus and clean, then I get a new job where the process starts over again. I wish I could just exist in a medium state where I don’t go from one end of the spectrum to the other- like a balanced home/work existence
Yep and you feel like shit coz u feel like you've done lots of work for little results
Are you me
Working hard and getting little result made me terrified to do anything bc I would be so exhausted after doing my best but hated myself for my non existent accomplishments So I don't want to even decide anything bc it's no use...
It’s occurred to me that part of the pressure to be early risers comes from the fact that most adults tend to sleep less and wake earlier as they approach old age. Teenagers (the perpetual punching bag of the prior generation) go through a phase where they tend to wake later and stay up later. So “responsible, adults” are early risers and “entitled, lazy teens” are night owls.
Then I must be a 36 year old teen 😂
your circadian rhythm changes in adolescence & teens get sleepy later. they biologically cannot go to sleep earlier! they also need more sleep than younger kids or adults!
I think part of the problem is that society has evolved faster than our species. So there's a bunch of us that are naturally out of sync with societal expectations and timetables because it's naturally beneficial for our species to have vigilance at different times. Homo sapiens may not be monolithically diurnal - so there's swaths of the population that are still on "delayed" circadian rhythms. But "normal business hours" are favoring daylight hours and so school systems and sleep patterns are expected to bend to that same timetable.
You just summed up my youth
There has been some research around how being a night owl is actually a part of our evolution to help protect the community. This was because we needed people to always be up and protecting those who were resting.
Yes! Especially teenagers. They need to make middle school and high schools start later! My kid starts at 730 AM and it's rough
@@mama__megs Oof, I feel their pain. My first high school started at 715 am and I was toward the beginning of a long bus route which meant I had to be at the bus stop at 615 am. Then our family moved and my new high school started at 830 am, which seemed much better until I found out marching band practice was before school and started at 645 am. Even now, in my thirties, my brain is not fully present before 10 am and I'm struggling with in-person work hours that are a bad fit for night owls.
Would make sense. I have adhd and anxiety (thanks to ocd) and I cannot go to sleep before 6 or 7 am without suffering night terrors 80% of the time. It just makes me nervous that everyone in my home is asleep at the same time. I feel like someone is going to rob my home or that someone will die in their sleep. Meds do work best but also being a night owl just works for me. I find the day hours too stimulating for me. Too much light, too many sounds, everything is too much.
Omg LOVE! That makes me feel so specialll 😭A similiar theory is put forward about how like 10-20% of people have always had ADHD because it's necessary for communities to have farmers who can do the exact same things daily, and people who need to leave/go outside the village are important bc the community couldn't survive with everyone being routine driven agrarians...I think the teen thing is bc when you're a teen you legit need more sleep for your brain to function, like a baby but unironically.
@@mochhhhee Have you tried napping in the day when everyone is safe? That's your best sleep solution imo Maybe it would help you to sleep in a space that you'd be woken up in if someone came in, like the living room facing the door (my dad used to do that), or you could try sleeping facing their hallway/doors, or even like a baby monitor. WHen I was little I was obsessed with the idea that my mom would die in her sleep, so I'd ask her to tell me when she was sleeping so I'd always try to go to sleep at the same time for that reason. You could try sleeping in the same room as one of them? That way you'd see if anything happened. Even into our late teens if something scary would happen my brother would sleep in my room lol.
I totally relate to having a “productive hobby” I am currently making portfolios to apply to art school so it feels like drawing has become another kind of work I’m stressed about.
This was how I felt about almost all of my hobbies when applying to colleges... sewing, drawing, writing, reading, they were all a means to an end goal and it completely sucks all of the enjoyment and creativity out of such endeavors. If you can, do early admission applications in November (those deadlines should be coming up soon?), use the common app, it is your best friend, trust me on this, and do your FASFA application as early as possible to get the most money. Ideally, you can get applications done before winter holiday break, leaving the rest of the year for you to look into scholarship opportunities and applications, plus then you know whether you’ve been accepted or not way earlier. All of this coming from a freshman in college, I believe in you, you’ve got this!
I get that. I’ve tried being an artist in the sense of that being my career and it took the joy out of being creative. I’m an art teacher and now I make my art for me or a loved one.
This is why I decided not to pursue art in college, though I have such mad respect for those who do!
nothing sucks the joy out of our creative souls like monetizing it.
I went to college for art (I am now graduated and working as a game dev) and the chronic burnout and productive hobby mindset was real. It took me YEARS to slowly unlearn and heal from the struggle of "I always need to be working on art and it always has to be good enough to be a portfolio piece to get a job" which would then extend to "I really want to try [x new art medium], I wonder if I can make an etsy and sell it?" It can be really hard on your psyche in the long term. Finally landing my first industry job (and getting some proper help for my mental illness) was the big push I needed to get out of the "always grinding" mindset. Now I don't work on additional portfolio work unless I have the time and am not feeling too burned out, I occasionally draw and write just for fun (consistently reminding myself that this is for me and doesn't have to be amazing), and I relax when I need it. College/art schools are tough. You will have to push yourself and probably spend more time than is healthy working on art. But if you stick it out it can become much better. Just don't ruin yourself along the way. If you feel yourself shattering under the pressure, take a semester off or drop down to a part time student status. Don't listen to people who say you aren't working hard enough; many people who aren't in a creative feel don't understand just how soul-draining it can be when you throw all of yourself into it 24/7.
Good to know... Being a disabled person does not equal lazinness.❤️
No it doesn't. It's even worse when those abusing the most for that money end up outpricing others from living. Just exploitation have too much evidence now to back up that statement as being true. As our for debt Slavery health care system shows... 1 injury for a worker (hardwork has kill many) means extreme poverty, losing everything and still not getting quality care now unable to provide for yourself. Vicious international cycle. It's truly a shitty set up. Unresolved medical issues means lost jobs. Mark disabled on a job application? Test how many job callbacks one gets. Going on indeed will definitely show this each time I put disabled by the definition on an application no callbacks. Moment I don't a callback. Tested this. ♡ Definitely not "lazy" very capable our society has been trashy and rather shitty as a dying planet shows.
@@zestygurl Looking for a job as a disabled person is so disheartening… Especially when the company prizes themself on being inclusive. In the end it’s always the same story, the same disappointment, the same feeling of uselessness
Who says that it does?
@@krombopulos_michael You wouldn't believe how many do.
@@krombopulos_michael Too many people... I have EDS and get that crap from my shitty government.
This video nearly made me cry. Thank you so much for talking about this. As someone who struggles with major depression, severe anxiety, and ADHD, I have been called and viewed as lazy by both myself and others. It’s so nice to feel validated and hear that I’m not a bad person
As some whose been diagnosed with all 3 as well, i feel exactly the same
Same here
I'm a neurodivergent person with exhausting levels of anxiety. It feels like nearly every action is 10 times more mentally demanding for me than it is for a neurotypical, mentally well person. I'm still trying to dismantle the voice in my head that judges my performance by neurotypical standards, and also by the standards preset by having grown up as an academic high achiever. Overwhelming myself to the point of physical illness has been a part of my life since middle school (wow I'm just now realizing how depressing that is!) I currently have a part time job with the perfect schedule where I only work 20 hrs a week and I'm in college. I see other students getting by with far less free time than me, working longer hours, working later into the night, taking more classes, and I wonder, how can I be so tired when they're doing way more than me and they're still making it to class everyday while I have to use accomodations to take a day off every week? What right do I have to complain? I'm living with my parents and they're paying for my college so I don't even have to worry about money. I'm working by choice because it's a job I love. So why do I still feel like I'm being sucked dry day to day? I have to remind myself that I have disability accomodations for a reason. I'm literally mentally disabled. This world is not set up for me to succeed in, so the fact that I'm doing so well in school and found a good job in the first place are already huge achievements. The final piece of the puzzle is figuring out how to maintain the sanctity of my rest and stop feeling shame over it; to really appreciate what I've been able to accomplish instead of agonize over what I haven't. I'm sure many people can relate if they have experienced any kind of disadvantage in life, not just disability. That's why radical rest is such a crucial concept to me. And it really is changing things! Older generations are so terrified of gen z because we are proving to be so staunch in protecting our boundaries of how much energy we're willing to expend. When we engage in radical rest we become increasingly difficult to exploit. It's a powerful thing.
I relate so hard. I would beat myself up constantly how 'well this is not hard for anyone else, they all can do ____ just fine, so obviously this is a character flaw in me that I should feel bad about. Everyone else can do this so why can't I?' There is so many things that I struggle with that I felt like I shouldn't. Internalized ablism is a bitch aint it? It took me a long time to really believe that no, I am not lazy or selfish for needing accommodations. My wife has drilled into my brain that what other people can do does not matter- if you cant do it then you cant do it and that doesn't make you a bad person.
I relate to everything you said, it truly is challenging! None of this is a competition
I'm a grad a student in my late 20s, but just wanted to tell you I relate to *SO* much of your story about being (I suspect) neurodivergent and beating myself up because I can't manage the same levels of productivity as neurotypical people (not to mention people who don't deal with depression and anxiety like me). Sending good vibes and thank you for sharing
I don't know if this is a weird question but I also deal with a lot of anxiety and I suspect I'm neurodivergent so I was wondering what kind of accomodations help you? I really relate to that feeling of everything taking so much more effort than it should to do and being exhausted all the time. I always hear people talking about accomodations and getting help from school but I can't even think of what would help me so I don't bother to ask. So yeah, if you're comfortable talking about it, it'd be really helpful to get an idea of things I could do / ask for to make my life less overwhelming lol
@@jogold867 the most helpful thing for me has been flexible attendance, this will look different based on arrangements made for each class, but it basically means you can take days off when needed and the professor gives ways to make up for any kind of participation credit or test. I also know some people request for more flexible deadlines and things like that. A lot of the time a school's disability resource services will walk you through the process and suggest accomodations based on what you tell them. I will note that often disability services want you to provide a diagnosis or written description of your problems from a therapist/psychiatrist/counselor. They might give you a form to send to a mental health professional to fill out or something. I was lucky because I was already seeing a therapist but if you're not currently, I think counselors that work for the school could help navigate all of that, too. This is all assuming you're going to a public school in the US, I'm sure it's different everywhere else. But also don't be afraid to set up a meeting with a disability resources officer or a counselor and simply ask them to walk you through the process. Every school is probably a little different, but you can't go wrong with just asking questions! I hope this is at least a little helpful. Accomodations don't solve everything but they definitely make it all more manageable!
As a woman with ADHD, I see the way we weaponize laziness as a society as being so incredibly harmful, especially to those who are neurodivergent. I've been called lazy my entire life when really, I'm trying so fucking hard all the time, it just doesn't manifest in socially acceptable ways (like I can play The Sims 4 all day but can't bring myself to go to the gym when I know I should). Additionally, as a Black woman, I used to experience a suffocating pressure to outdo & outperform those around me to not bring shame to my people (side note: race also has so much to do with who we perceive as lazy) while at the same time struggling to do even basic tasks due to my ADHD. Haven't finished watching the video yet but looking forward to hearing you touch on all of this! (Also hope you mention the Nap Ministry, she does phenomenal work re: promoting intentional rest.)
So glad you brought up periods! A study recently showed the level of pain for an average period is the same as a mild heart attack. I also feel somewhat guilty a couple days each month while I watch movies all day in horrible pain, how awful that we feel that way
The ADHD and laziness conversation used to trigger me so much when I was younger. I got diagnosed in early grade school and struggled silently. Back in the mid 2000s, people didn't even think ADHD was real. It was brutal going through school and not having any friends that could relate
Some people still think that, my dad is one of them 🙄 sometimes I get so angry thinking of the life I might have if I’d understood what was challenging me sometime before being damn near middle aged
@@JC-yy8iv My Dad too
Same 😩
same, diagnosed at 11 yet not medicated til 23 lol
@@sarahjeannexd did you notice a difference? What changed?
15:30 Um... why is sleeping until 8 or 9 seen as "sleeping in"? Granted I'm a bit of an insomniac (diagnosed with mild insomnia), but to me, waking up at 8 or 9 is actually early. I'm lucky if I can go to bed by 2am some nights. Seeing 8 or 9 as "sleeping in" is genuinely wild to me. To me, "sleeping in" is like 11... or even 12. "Sleeping in" is missing the morning almost entirely and waking up ready for lunch.
Yes, it's perfectly reasonable to sleep until 8 or 9. Crazy how it's "lazy", according to the capitalist hellhole we're in, to actually get the amount of sleep you need to function healthily.
I agree, I don’t consider 8 or 9 to be late at all! It’s different for everyone but yeah I think generally anything past 10 or 11 starts to be considered “sleeping in late”
I'm the same way. Sometimes I've fallen asleep at 6am or 8am and woken up at 4pm or later, which I'm not proud of, but I'm neurodivergent (Dyspraxic) and have dealt with depression and anxiety before, and have chronic pain due to joint hypermobility. I get tired very easily but struggle to get to sleep.
The internalized ideas I had about laziness only made my disability so much worse. Turns out I had a disability, and just trying to keep up with everyone else because I was 'supposed to' gave me several successive burnouts with permanent consequences. But yeah, I don't *look* disabled, so I must just be lazy. 🙄
I relate to this so much. Pushing and pushing yourself to do things that are extremely difficult for you because of your disability, punishing yourself for things that 'everyone else can do' being a huge struggle. How your symptoms and traits get misconstrued to be character flaws is why I was suicidal for half my life.
Joelle, I hear you loud and clear. That's exactly what happened to me. It ended with a mental breakdown. Im getting through it, and work less hours elsewhere now. At first I felt embarrassed and ashamed I just couldn't keep up, but I'm working through this too. Loving and supportive people around you helps. Best Wishes, Joelle 🙂
What do you have ?
Also literally i feel like a sign of ADHD is “everyone hates you for no apparent reason” and then you realize they hate you for your ADHD behaviors.
they hate me bc i have little in common or dont fit the mold of a "normal girl".
@fuzzymelon1261 me too i feel like a fake human sometimes or an alien just trying to copy others likes or behaviours but it doesnt work because i dont really understand it and they(most) dont understand me either i think. i didnt think i was really a weird person before but im trying to come to terms that i might be. or it might be the very small town i am from and that the environment maybe doesnt fit me because i have later have found some artsy and ‘’weird’’(?) fun people i vibe with outside my home but they live so far away lol
I work from home, for myself (freelance artist) and my schedule is pretty much 3am - 11am = sleep. Noon - 6pm = working. 6pm - 3am = free time for taking care of everything else. I tired so hard to change to be a “morning person” and it made my productivity worse. It took me longer to get things done. I was exhausted throughout the day. I was irritable and depressed. I just stick to my schedule. It works for me.
Being diagnosed with adhd in recent years has given me the opportunity to realize just how bad American society (don't wanna speak for other countries) is about accommodating learning disabilities. The lazy ND stereotype/stigma is frustrating as hell and I still feel it on me. I'm lazy if I don't meet peoples expectations or if I forget something or if I'm not 100% responsible for my own actions. It's tiring. And then I need a nap but I have all this hw so I'm never sleep and never do the hw and then I'm stuck in this loop of shame and regret ;) but I guess I'm just LAZY huh
man. felt this. neurotypicals just can’t even fathom their brain being wired in this way so they just chalk it up to a surface level laziness.
It's not just the US, I can confirm. I also have ADHD and our society in general is not nice to us, that's why it's so common for ND people to have mood and anxiety disorders.
100% the puritan work ethic has been disastrous for American society
Omg, been there!
It's not just the US. Am Neurodivergent and I live in the Philippines, when I have a problem with catching up they just tell me to "pray to God and all your problems will be solved."
it's actually insane that you posted this today, cause I've been laying on my bed procrastinating all day.
sameee😂
Same! I thought I’d bounced back because I had a few days of productivity (finally), but then I took 1 day to go outside for a break and bang… I was back in burnout for the past 3 day. But I’m heading to Scotland tomorrow for a festival, so that novelty is building up a bit of energy in me
Same 🤣🤣
I’ve been trying to gaslight myself into thinking that it’s okay for me to have a “lazy day” but it’s so hard when i know i have a bunch of deadlines for school. So yeah, i felt like sht today.
when i'm doing my hobbies i often catch myself thinking im going too slow. but like, why? who cares how slow i crochet? i make fewer mistakes when i go slow. and yet i get embarrassed if i'm not going fast enough.
Hobbies are only there to make you happy, there is no wrong way to go about your hobby as long as it brings joy into the world. Not being about your hobby competitive feels so good!
I think the same. But there's this pressure as well to turn it into some business opportunity? And that stresses me out even more. Like why can't my hobby just be my hobby. Why do I feel like I need to monetize it somehow.
laziness does not exist was the first book my therapist recommended to me and it has changed my life!!!!
Bullshit
Thank you for addressing welfare and disability! I looked them up during COVID to see if it was a good option for me and the rules made no sense. Bills cost 2000, welfare gives you 1500, but if you get a job making 500 you lose welfare?!??!
Same happens in Finland... It's infuriating!!!
The way disability pensions don't actually pay for disabled people's basic needs is one of the most infuriating things. How else are they supposed to make the rest of the money? Will it just fall from the sky? Well I guess whoever ruled that disabled people should be paid this little always had everything handed to them and actually thinks money falls from the sky whenever you need it.
have u noticed any change since?
Britain is the same. It has a very bad psychological effect, being given a task that is impossible.to do and being made to feel that you are at fault for not being able to do it. Not being allowed to remedy the poverty situation or punished ,literally , for attempting to. I was getting disability and child benefit for a few years. their dads mother sent £10 a month to pay for photos of their grandchildren . the social security saw this on my bank statements ,classed it as "unearned income" and took money from our benefits for a few months . They were always doing horrible stuff like that. The uk system is really cruel .
As someone who's only figured out they have adhd this was a powerful thing to realize for me. I've put myself down all my life or have been put down by others for being 'lazy' and I am finally done with it. I am not lazy, I am highly ambitious and self-conscious but I have difficulties with executive function and that doesn't mean I am worth any less than others. Now, I focus not on moral judgements but on finding ways to get things done while also caring for my mental and physical health. And it's helped me be more compassionate and honestly more efficient, and a better communicator when it comes to others as well. What good does it do me to pass judgement on someone? It only hurts me because I feel the same shame if I mess up. It's much more productive to figure out how we can get The Thing done instead. Thank you for always choosing amazing topics and presenting them beautifully. As a history student I adore that you included the welfare queen moral panic in this, for example. Your videos are outstanding and brilliant, and I could comment essays like this one on every single one, haha! Edit: I also appreciate you citing/ shouting out your sources and being so critical and balanced when it comes to issues like class. You should be an 'industry standard' for video essays.
I’m glad you enjoyed this one! Thank you for sharing a bit of your experience 💛💛💛
"Laziness Does Not Exist" read to me as a self-help book to end self help books - a total antidote to the hustle culture mentality that has dominated social media lately. What really stuck out to me was the idea that laziness does not really exist because there as always an underlying reason for "laziness" - the need to rest, mental or physical illness, or procrastination. Understanding the root of what is causing perceived "laziness" can help you forgive yourself and live a more fulfilling life. For me, I'm a recovering perfectionist so procrastination is really IT for me. Devon Price's diagnosis of procrastination as a sign that you truly care DEEPLY about something, so deeply that you don't want to mess it up, was so helpful in breaking those cycles. Thanks for adding to this important topic, I think the discussions of ableism were very apt!
Yes! I’m a therapist, and I tell my clients this all the time! Thank you for this! Love your content 💕
Same! Many of my clients have never even considered laziness doesn’t exist.
I do think there exists a negative sort of laziness. When you force others to do things for you which you are just as able to do. For example, when dormmates at uni would literally take my food from the fridge instead of going to the shops and buying some themselves, and even worse using my cookware to cook it and then dumping it, unwashed, in the sink. Thos people are truly disgusting and lazy. I wouldn't call resting or choosing to do unproductive things lazy.
i can see where you have laziness in mind for them it sure is rude, but not everyone got the upbringing to not use what isn't yours, to clean up by your standards, or that when they have no food they shouldn't resort the thieving from you. Put up boundaries with them they do not use your cook ware, they must clean whatever dishes they make in 24 hours max, they do not eat or steal your food at all if they disobey this you don't mind kicking them out via court order if need be. Check your local court for renter eviction as a renter (ie roomate eviction) see what the fee is and have it saved per room mate so you can pay the state & force them out fast. And next time you accept a room mate they must pay the eviction fee to you in order to move in so it's your form of renter insurance.
We got a dog and I hoped she might help my sleep schedule. Turns out she’s cool sleeping in as long as I want. 😂 The only schedule she insists on is 5pm dinner. Just like me!
Hahahaha I wish my dog would sleep in, he’s a morning pup for sure!
I suffer from depression with a mood disorder and ADHD. I have felt like a lazy person my whole life. I’m 36 now and a stay at home mom and I constantly feel guilty that my house isn’t spotless (it’s usually quite chaotic instead) since I don’t work. This has been really nice to hear
Sending you love ❤️❤️
Get your life together
@@marvin2678 no one asked, marvin
"I am one of the most driven and determined people I know. I push myself beyond my limits all the time, everyday." I am this close to tears after hearing that. As right this minute I am so exhausted and past my limits I have a headache, my eyes hurt and I have back pain but I have to push through because I promised to do something and if I don't I will be unreliable, and untrustworthy airhead once again. This is the part of disability no one sees.
As someone who works in the legal field, which for whatever reason has mega heightened levels of hustle culture, I thoroughly appreciate this video 💕
I relate to this SO MUCH, especially as someone with ADHD and a chronic illness. The worst part is knowing what you need to do, but feeling too tired, too fuzzy and drained to do anything productive. And yet somehow I'm able to play the Sims. This is not fun or pleasant. This is not a dynamic I would choose for myself.
I relate a lot to your comment, as a serial procrastinator
@@juliee593 Hello fellow serial procrastinator :') Sorry you're dealing with that too. It's a huge stressor in life!
What illness?
With regard to adhd, I actually became more productive after my diagnosis bc I started to let my brain work in the way it wanted to instead of fighting it all of the time as well as fighting my other chronic illnesses
Exactly! For me strategy has been an indispensable part of treating it, the way I think of it is the meds get me to a point where I can actually implement the strategies, but learning to work with my brain and not against it is the real core of treatment
Yes! Precisely the same with me 😀
I've been living with cancer for about a year now and im a lot younger than the other patients ive met, but thank you for acknowledging us because cancer fatigue is so horrible on top of everything else. I am still working and I want to continue to do my best until I can't but I just cant stop feeling slow some days
you are amazing for trying to push through. i wish you all the best and hope your treatment goes well
Same here. I started working again because i was feeling useless but im still dealing with treatments. Its getting hard to manage. Lots of love to you ❤
Sending love 💜
LITERALLY LIKE THERES SO MUCH TO DO ALL THE TIME AND IT NEVER ENDS!!!
Omg, I wish someone would tell this to my dad. I'm a senior at an engineering college and I'm a lab tech there. I've had a job consistently since I was 13 and he STILL wants me to do more. And the sleep thing is so real. My dad gets up between 6 and 7 every day, even on weekends and vacation, and he gets up right away to go run. His idea of a vacation is hiking up entire mountains for 2 weeks at a time. He expects me to be the same way. When I had just gotten my tubes taken out, a 2 hour major surgery, he questioned why I was in bed all day 3 days later! I was so sick that day, and I had just gotten of the Oxycodone they gave me, which made me throw up all day, but I guess I should just be doing things all day. I love my dad and I really admire him and appreciate him for everything he does, but honestly I feel bad for him because he has been brainwashed to think this way. Like Pavlovs dogs.
I don't really understand the brainwashing comment. So much is the 'normal' expectation of people matching your own experience. Pride in a loose way, but necessary. It's the starting point of how we reach out.
To be honest I understand the brainwashed comment through the lens of having their dad value work more than health, like, having such major surgery and needing to heal? What we are most occupied with is usually what we value most, and he valued her productivity more than the need to rest, or he thought that she was being lazy and that getting out of bed would fix the symptoms or the pain. I also have parents that value hard work a bit too much, and it can be dehumanising to have your entire worth as a human be judged by your productivity and willingness to go againstyour own needs in the name of discipline, so I kind of relate to it.
So unkind from his part to be expecting you to do stuff after a surgery! On the other hand, I'm a lazy proud young lady but I would get off the couch to go hikking for two weeks even if I struggle studying or doing chores
he seems to lack empathy or the ability to imagine and put himself in someone else’s shoes im sorry for you about that but i hope you have a good relationship outside of those situations❤️🩹
The parts about disability and welfare really hit home because for most of my life my mom hasn’t worked. She has gotten her income through alimony, disability, and child support. She is not able to work a full time job because of her disability, which was agreed by her and my father when they divorced, but now he guilt trips her for not working. If she were to get a job she would get paid less anyway because she would lose her disability benefits. And this video made me re-examine myself because I have thought of her as lazy before, but I now understand that she just didn’t fit society’s mold of a “productive adult.” She is one of the most resilient people I know and the fact that it took me so many years to realize that is beyond me.
Seeing the clip of the home cleaning video got me. My god, that mess was so depressing to watch. And yet I could feel like it was my bedroom and I felt my own anger with myself when a cleaning task is cripplingly overwhelming and blaming myself. I can see my home getting that bad and not out of laziness but a sense of helplessness.
Thank you so much for this video. As a disabled person who still has living caretakers (for now) I am faced with the reality that in the future I am likely to be homeless. Even with full disability income and a housing voucher there are simply no places that a person can afford. This is why the streets are so full of disabled people. It is a brutal terrifying thing and it doesn't have to be this way.
I felt nauseous this morning and this video convinced me to take a sick day from my WFH job, thanks Tiffany
I have always been a night owl. I now work playing music at a dueling piano bar, so my work hours are suuuper late. I get done around 2AM and when I get home, I still have to eat a meal after playing a show from 7-2. So after commuting, feeding the cat and comforting her after I've been gone all night, and making & eating food, I'm usually getting to sleep between 3:30-5AM. So I unapologetically tell people that I'm not available until after noon or 1PM and when they raise an eyebrow about how I could ~possibly~ sleep so late, I explain, and it makes a lot more sense. I never understood why the only acceptable schedule was one where you woke up between 5-7 and went to bed at like 9 or 10PM.
It also sucks because the "productive world" has these set daytime hours (most jobs, store hours, medical clinic hours, social events etc) and if your schedule doesn't adhere to them, you're placed outside of society in a way, so it makes it harder to go about your life without judgment or the guilt of not conforming to what "normal people" are doing
I personally got lazy due to my parents and my first boss. My mom always expected a perfectly clean room, and I couldn’t do that due to serious depression. She called me lazy for it, so I started to hide my messes. She found out, and Her reaction caused more trauma. My first boss then expected people to work all day, no talking, and if we had nothing to do we had to think of anything just to look busy. It was shit. I’m still very traumatized, and can never relax a bit at work. It gets to the point that my coworkers tell me to slow down, even my new boss mentioned I was doing almost too much. Really sad to think about it.
The adhd half finished things is sooo relatable to me. Our bathroom got like incredibly dirty bc No one cleaned it for literally like 2 months so like 2 weeks ago I spent literally 7-8 hours deep cleaning, like scrubbing the baseboards with a toothbrush. I spent two hours making our tub/shower absolutely spotless. By the end I had a full trash bag sitting in the middle of the floor for a week and a half. That's just one example but it's almost everything I do(at least cleaning related) hyperfocus for hours, but then only get 90% of the way done. It's so frustrating
My entire family has different struggles with mental illness and the autism spectrum, and when I was still living at home a phrase that we started repeating was that "Laziness is a dirty word' and while I still definitely don't always get on my own back for being ""lazy"", the perspective of the things we consider being "lazy" actually being reactions stemming from real and a valid (specifically mental in this case) problems and not just some character flaw have been very helpful in my life so far.
I think true laziness comes with a sprinkle of arrogance or entitlement.
what do you mean?
Yep. Know some truly lazy people. They usually suffer from Main Character syndrome. "Oh, I know my big break is just around the corner, so I don't need to actually TRY at this job." "Oh, I'm going to replace this mediocre partner with someone richer and hotter soon anyways. So I don't need to TRY at this relationship (In the meantime they can pay all my bills tho lol)."
Rich people calling others lazy be like:
I used to get sick after almost every semester in uni bc I had been stressing myself out for months at a time. I was sick for the majority of my honeymoon bc I was coming out of the stress of wedding planning and social events. One thing that I have taken away from the pandemic lockdown era is a generally “lazier” mindset - despite the challenges those years actually improved my mental health overall from where it was before! My self-criticism, exhaustion and overwhelm have definitely been reduced.
Soooo happy that you acknowledged ADHD! I battle with myself every day because I feel lazy, and because every always tells me « just get up and do it! » No, I can't, my brain won't let me.
Really appreciate Tiffany's content. It's in long form but it has to be. Tiffany talks about things in a digestible way. Mentions other creators work. Talk about different life experiences.Tries to create a balanced perceptive. Honestly listening to her is like listening to a friend. She's good. Glad that there's creators like her.
Resting is still a huge struggle for me, productivity at all times is all I've known so even "resting" tasks relates to work and how I can use that time to create work for a video. The burnout issues are real, it's something I still want to work on but it's definitely an uphill thing
I’ve been putting off creating work documents which are due tonight (technically due two hours ago, but theoretically my boss won’t account for their absence until Monday). I need to do them, but it’s like I hit a wall. Burnout and depression, and subsequent lack of motivation and energy, are a b*tch. Really needed this vid❤ Wish me luck.
truly thank you for this. i’m a full time crochet artist with adhd and i struggle with the feeling of productiveness and laziness (i’ve been called lazy so much growing up) and now i’m going to stop calling it laziness (although i have gotten better in recent years) and more like lack of motivation and even just sometimes a need to rest to not have burnout! it’s wild to even think i’m being lazy when i literally am running my own business and simultaneously being a content creator + all the other jobs including with it and literally making the same, if not more, than i did at my manhattan office job when i had to commute basically 12 hours a day for 😅 truly taking all this to heart to have a better and less pressured mindset for sure. great vid as always!
All of this is so true! I remember in school, everyone always compared how early they woke up and how late they went to bed, and then if you had a really small amount of sleep, everyone would give you attention, and that felt nice. Its so toxic!
As someone who was diagnosed with autoimmune arthritis at 23… my perspective reeally changed a lot. My joints hurt so bad and my hip was so swollen that I had to leave work (I was a baker) and I got an office job sitting down. Thankfully medicine helps me be 95% pain free but that really opened my eyes, especially since my whole family except my mom acted like I was making it all up. And my mom and other family members are on disability for various reasons, my mom for mental health, and it’s no walk in the park, she struggles a lot financially and mentally/emotionally, but can’t hold a job due to her schizophrenia and bipolar. And yes I’m all better now, well mostly, I live alone in an apartment and have had a full time job always. Rest is important. It’s so annoying how others can look down on you for taking time to yourself.
Personally, it's not so much "hustle or productivity culture" that makes me feel guilty about not "doing something" it is parental. My parents criticized me for not "doing something". Seriously I'm 35 and still get shit about just chilling (eye roll). The mom-guilt factor was so ingrained that I never saw it. My husband was the one who called it out. He saw the connection that I didn't. Now that I do, I'm getting better at realizing the guilt factor of why I'm beating myself up for not "being productive"
I'm really fascinated by the channel Costuming Drama where she works a regular fulltime job and then regularly mentions how she has a really weird circadian rhythm and so is always up and about at 3am and apparently has decided to just run a youtube channel making incredibly involved historical outfits.
I was listening to a podcast that said, “it’s important to live life by design rather than emotion. Basically, sticking to a routine is what allows us to be the healthiest version of ourselves (especially when you're fighting these demons ex. OCD for me). I’ve had to overhaul how I approach taking care of my brain (exercise, journaling, studying etc) by practising mediocre consistency. Now I try to put in consistent 50-60% effort into my habits - to make sure I do it I began recording it and posting it on my youtube channel. After a really bad depression phase I started to believe I couldn’t change and I’d feel that horrible forever. Historically I have a habit of going too hard, not being able to sustain the Herculean effort, giving up and hating myself. So now I’m trying to give a small, consistent mediocre effort everyday. And its crazy how it adds up.
Part me always feels like I'm not doing enough, but the other half of me is saying it's okay.
The way you mentioned PMDD and brought someone on with EDS has made me feel soooo seen. Thank you for including disability in this discussion, I was always a 'lazy' kid but now I realised the amount of pain I was in wasn't normal and that's why I couldn't get tasks done. Thank you for discussing this
Right on! I've recently realized I'm somewhat disabled by depression/anxiety/paranoia. NOT laziness! Capitalism is a reformist variation on slavery
You don't even know what capitalism actually means lol
I appreciate this!! I was called lazy my entire childhood and teenage life due to undiagnosed ADHD. Executive dysfunction and lack of focus made it look like I didn't care, that I didn't "feel" like it. I absolutely internalized it, made jokes about it. It resulted in YEARS of therapy and have had to untangle a lot of self hatred and negative self talk- I've only started getting better in the last 3 years out of my 31 years of existence. I appreciate you bringing this up in the video. Thank you.
Love this. And thanks for reminding me I have to take out my bathroom trash 😂 It’s just too many things in my brain at once. My parents used to always say I was “lazy” when I was really just overwhelmed. I am learning my limits, and give myself more grace. And on days when I am more present, I’m able to do more.
"my parents used to always say I was 'lazy' when I was really just overwhelmed" In one sentence you've managed to shine a big light on my own struggle and help me understand my past. Thank you :)
I don't know why but last week out of nowhere I had an "A-ha!" moment when I realised I might have adhd, and after that I saw 3 videos from KZheadrs I follow, talking about or touching on the topic of adhd. It honestly explains so much in my life. I don't even care if I have adhd or not (still think it'd be beneficial to seek help), moral of the story is: just be gentle with yourself and others. You don't know the full story to why you or others act the way they act, you are worthy no matter what, be patient with yourself. And pay attention to yourself
Yes be gentle to yourself and others. It's true, we don't know their backstory. They could have some sort of illness or trauma.
Love the way you've tackled this. A big part of my own mental health journey has been about "giving myself permission" to rest. Not rest so that I can be more productive later, not a hobby that I can monetize, not working towards some personal goal, just rest. Just being - as we are human beings, not human doings. We are the ones who have to choose to separate ourselves from the values that have been imposed on us. As someone who has workaholic-tending family members, went to elite schools, and participates in American working culture, it's a certainly a challenge, but it's gotten easier over time. I had the chance to live in Europe and got the impression that work was just something people did, not their whole identity (obviously not true for all Europe but at least some parts). People seemed much more free to relax and just enjoy life with no "goal" or "outcome" or "upward trajectory" expected. Would love to see you expand to cultural comparisons (as much as you feel comfortable), which might give people hope that things can be different.
I'm autistic, possibly have ADD and I'm afab (get a period) so sometimes I literally need 11 hours of sleep in order to function and then still need a coffee to really get started
the realization that I wasn’t lazy and just very depressed weirdly filled me with relief
this speaks so deeply to me. i’m a college marketing student and i don’t have to spend a lot of time on studying and homework regularly. but if i choose to do a hobby or relax instead of finish my homework i get so anxious. i feel lazy even though i do crafts and make gifts for people. my mom put a lot of pressure on me in high school to constantly be improving myself. get a job after school, practice my instrument, etc. and i was miserable. idk how to shake this internal pressure off myself but this video helps a lot
Just had to say that I too had night sweats for weeks before my wedding. I've done a lot of hard things in my life, but the stress of planning a wedding was ROUGH and all-consuming. Very glad you both gave yourselves permission to truly rest and recover afterward. I did not do the same and had a full mental breakdown a month later.
I am older than most of your audience and recently found out that I have ADHD. My relationship with my mother really suffered. My dad thought teasing me about things that I couldn’t do like my mom and my sisters. Today, having a better understanding of what hinders my brain helps to enlist tools. And when I can just veg out, I do and don’t feel the need to defend it.
We owe it to ourselves to have "downtime". As with most things in life there is a line we can cross when in our "lazy" moods. I think we all strive for balance but struggle with attaining balance.
omg i relate to this SO MUCH it hurts. i've always been the do everything child and am strugling to cope with adulthood, i feel deceived because it feels like nobody talks about how hard the first years of twenties are
After my first year in collage, I started a new job during the summer + I did a summer class in collage + I needed to find a new place and move. After I finished the class and moved I had plans to travel with a friend and than my family, so I had to plan that as well. I told myself that this will be a rest, but the "productive" way of rest. And then I broke my foot. I had to stay on my parent's couch for a month, without moving too much and just "be lazy" cause I couldn't move. I think that it was a good thing eventually. It was my body's way to say STOP and just do nothing. I still felt guilty just laying on the couch (nowadays I would have probably worked remotely , but then it wasn't such a thing), but eventually I leaned it to it. I went back to my second year of collage with new energy and motivation. Since then I try to notice those situation and remind myself to rest, otherwise I'll break my food again. It works (sometimes)
Good comment, what do you study ?
This section about disabled folks and their capacity reminded me of unpleasant occurrence I had at work... For years I've struggled with high-functioning depression, too anxious to actually let my body fall apart and get rest it needed. When it transformed into a regular depression, I started therapy and actually going to through my feelings, and I started having worse days, I've started getting terrible feedback at work. 'We all have worse days', my superior said, 'but when *you* have a bad day, it's very noticeable.' I pushed myself into a hole where everyone expected such grand things from me, when I actually put myself first, it became a problem. Since then I'm anti-productivity. Always remember to put yourself first, and don't let others suck you dry.
Thank you SO much for this. I've been called lazy my whole life whilst dealing with depression, anxiety and PTSD from an early age due to growing up with a very ill parent. My ex verbally and physically abused me for my 'laziness' while I was working full time and attending university. Some days I struggle with every day tasks and I carry the guilt of feeling 'lazy' every day. I wish people knew how difficult things can be.
When I realized I was experiencing autistic inertia and difficulty with task initiation and executive functioning and it wasn’t just that I was lazy, it was incredibly liberating but it also it is requiring me to actively work on dissociating with the laziness label because society definitely does not see that and any inaction is seen as lazy… thank you for the video Tiffany!
(response to 20:57) My father actually died of end stage cancer in early December. He had been suffering from this cancer for around 3 years at the time, and he worked through all of it. He always understated the chronic pain he was in because he felt that if he didn't, he wouldn't be able to adequately provide for my family. He worked so hard, but because of all of the medical debt, it never truly amounted to much. Our society is so upsetting.
I recently got back into watching you again and I forget how intriguing you make topics and how focused I am when listening to you. You are doing a great job!!
I hated that as a kid I always had to hear that I am lazy and chaotic because I did not wanted to clean my room. Now that I live on my own I can say that I am neither of those. I was just owerwhelmed and did not know where to start and what exactly was expected from me.
something that has been on my mind: i was a very privileged child. my parents grew up poor (or so they tell me), so after they worked towards a comfortable level of affluence, they made it a point that their children were well-traveled as some sort of status symbol. the “vacations” became so frequent and so filled with activities that my holidays away from school were often just as stressful as school. i am grateful to have had those experiences, but i might have been happier had my parents saved that money and let us just relax at home.
I love messages like these; resting and self care is something I have always needed but it always seemed to come as an afterthought. I was exhausted yesterday and the day before from being around people. They just keep talking and talking and it makes me angry and I can't focus. It didn't help that I talked about some trauma in therapy a couple days ago, so that trigger set me off. Last night I left work early and went to bed early, put my headphones in and didn't worry about doing my usual bedtime routine because I was mentally and emotionally drained. I keep a daily checklist of habits and gave myself a pass from completing it (I use an app that if I don't complete each daily task I get points taken away). I feel so much more refreshed today.
I love watching and listening to your 'video essays'. The fact that they're also available on Spotify just made my day!!
I've been feeling really really crap today about my job, life, my productivity etc. This video was just what I needed! Thank you so much 💓
Thank you for posting this Tiffany. I havent watched the entire video yet but I’m a flight attendant and the nature of my work causes me to feel fatigued and jetlagged on an almost daily basis, and after 3-6 days of traveling around, living out of a suitcase, going through multiple altitude changes, being in an extremely dry and pressurized cabin, working anywhere from 8-14 hours a day, talking to 400+ people daily, sometimes only getting 10 hours of total rest (this includes to and from the airport to the hotel, showering, eating, winding down, etc. to start all over again the next day), I seriously need up to 2 days to just veg out and not do anything when I am finally home. And i always somehow make myself feel like shit because those two days spent recovering are sometimes the only days off that I have before I’m on the road again. And I haven’t finished half the things on my to-do list that I wanted because of my exhaustion .. I am always forgetting to cut myself some slack and quick to call myself lazy..
yet again, a tiffany video getting uploaded right when i needed to hear a particular message: i'm beating myself up so much today/not getting as much done as i think i "should" because i'm on my period and in a lot of pain. sigh, high five to everybody else out there who's also trying to unlearn all the toxic productivity thinking and give yourself a break!
I filled out the survey for this and I’ve been looking forward to the video!
You have no idea how much I needed this message today! I love all of your videos, but this one arrived In absolute perfect timing 😭💖
I've been looking forward to this topic! Very much relate to the people who said they wouldn't judge anyone else for being lazy but still feel guilty when they are. I'm down for reclaiming laziness
Not me as a learning disabled person buying into the myth of meritocracy because if I show that I'm struggling in any way, shape, or form I equate to being lazy even though I'm working twice as hard to act 'normal' in society. Nope, not me. I also think that the thought of 'busy' needs to be expanded. I'm on short term leave right now because I lost myself during the Pandemic. I don't know how to adult properly, and that I'm still working, but I'm just working on myself at this point, without the added duty of going into work. You can still be working without being traditionally productive.
As a person with fibromyalgia and a job I push myself unto, and sometimes beyond, my endurance every day but I still get frustrated I can’t be more productive. I also get frustrated when people tell me I’m “lucky” I can go home early when I have no choice and it’s costing me so much money. I forget, sometimes, how much strength I really have: