How To Handle A Narcissist, Sociopath & Psychopath - Dr Ramani, Ep 21
**This is my FIRST interview with Dr Ramani covering #narcissism. If you find it useful - you should definitely check out the SECOND interview by clicking this link: • Toxic People & How To ...
In episode 21, psychologist and author of ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving a Narcissistic Relationship’, Dr Ramani Durvasula, tells me:
-how to spot a narcissist
-what to do if you are in a #relationship with one
-the reason a #narcissist cheats
-how to win over your narcissistic boss
-the single most important way to prevent your child from becoming a narcissist
-what Dr Ramani makes of Donald Trump’s personality traits
-the difference between a narcissist, #sociopath and #psychopath
-who will charm you the most; a psychopath or sociopath
-how a psychopath would react if you told them they were a psychopath
-what to do if you think your friend or colleague is a sociopath
This video was originally recorded in October 2018.
Get the show notes at healthhackers.org
Dr Ramani's KZhead channel: / doctorramandurvasula
A note for new healthHackers listeners and viewers: Anything you hear or see within healthHackers content should not be considered personal or medical advice.
NEXT MOST-WATCHED VIDEO:
Take back your life from narcissistic and toxic people • Toxic People & How To ...
MOST-READ ARTICLE:
healthhackers.org/article-lis...
LET’S CONNECT:
Instagram: / healthhackers
Twitter: / gemmaevans
Facebook: / gemmaevansbroadcaster
Yikes. I was shivering at the end of this interview. Definitely want to stay away from these "people"! I like this interviewer. She let the Doctor speak without interrupting and asked thoughtful questions.
Thanks for watching Mike! Really grateful for your feedback :) Please do subscribe to my channel for more videos with interesting figures in health & mindset.
Powerful information.
Yup. Same here. This video scared the crap out of me. But I'm thankful for the information nevertheless. They're everywhere- friends, family, coworkers, boss- you name it. Gosh!
Das müsste
Problem they're hard to spot, because they can be engaging, smooth, funny, they're too good to be true, at the beginning, until you get to know them better, you start seeing the cracks, then they deny, lie, deceive, turn on you, everything the Dr said, they are mater manipulators, will make you crazy.
“If you see or sense even ONE RED flag, you’re better off spending the rest your life alone”
Yep
So true
AA K go as far as possible as soon as you can. It is the sad truth of many children raised by narcs or sociopath and unfortunately it is only when their out that they can completely realize that their parents aren’t normal.
AA K I hope that you can live free now. May God help you as I know how impactful it can be but it is not impossible to recover... God bless
True. And they are happy to gaslight all the innocent people all around you: it’s you, who is the narcissist.
I'm a survivor of narcissistic abuse, & Dr Ramani is the main reason I survived. I was going crazy for real & even thought about ending my life until a miracle happened & I found one of her videos, then another & another & everything started to make sense & I saw clearly what I was going through & what exactly happened. from a middle eastern country where therapy costs a fortune & I couldn't afford it; thank you very much doctor Ramani, you really saved my life. If heaven is real, it should be filled with people like you :)
Moetaz Soliman I’m so sorry to hear you went though such a hard time Moetaz. Thank you for watching and I’m really pleased that Dr Ramani was so helpful to you. Take care.
@@HealthHackers Thank you very much for your kindness.
Moetaz Soliman I feel the same.
Moetaz Soliman so glad you are still with us from a fellow sojourner from Canada.
It wasn't until I was alone that I had the time to spent time on KZhead. It was a very confusing and hurt filled time for me. I felt like I was hit by a truck. I came upon Lisa when I don't even know what I was looking for. Suddenly, it all became clear. I think she saved my life.
Narcissists cannt be confronted, they rage and blame you for everything and Dr. Ramani is right they are sorry for being caught not for what they did because the are lack of empathy and zero remorse.
Sorry for getting caught. Good one. The lack of empathy in a nutshell
Exactly
You become the enemy when you realize how evil they are.
You are correct! Rage and blame becomes part of the cycle. My mother was a narcissist, my ex fiance, my former boss, and now I just met a new guy who was a narcissist. I just dumped him when I made the discovery. I am flypaper to them.
Im all the 5 magnets and a RN which is also fits in these profiles. I have been involved x 9 years with a Narcissist and now i want out!!!! I was confused by his behavior and forgave many times. Oh my
The question “Why don’t/didn’t you just leave?” Has to be the most ignorant and inconsiderate question you can ask someone in any type of abusive relationship.
Agree -- but also I think the interviewer is posing the question to let others who haven't been exposed to this form of abuse to at least be able to gain some understanding, even empathise, with the victim. As in, a lot of interviewer questions aren't coming from their ignorance, but they're in order to provoke a response that allows some doubters and/or ignorant viewers to comprehend situations they have no understanding of ❤️ ///p
It may be partially ignorant but not inconsiderate, people have different experiences and have a little more self awareness of removing themselves from a toxic relationship before they fall deep in the rabbit hole. Others are not that lucky, doesn't mean they are mentally weak, there different variations of this kind of abuse.
We just assume. I used to go to group therapy and their was this lady in her 60s I think in a relationship with a Narc. Yet....she was the one in therapy. I asked her what made her stay instead of the otherway around and she said she didnt know. We have the tendancy to only say the bad shit about each other with no mention of the good qualities because Im sure her husband was an asshole but he was obviously doing enougg shit right if the thought of deserving better or rather being alone never crossed her mind. Some people handle their trauma different. Some will no longer stand for abuse and some think they deserve it. Some will make love to strangers and have kids with them and try to force something for various reasons. Its ignorant yes, but we are not that person. We dont know whats pulling them in or pushing them away. We dont know their traumas, either of them. So yea if you dont tell everything I cant consider your feelings or self worth or everything either of you have gone through. Theres so much more than someone being an asshole and the other just taking it. It would be ignorant of me to simplify it to such.
why?
I answer back -- because it took me this long to "Put the puzzle pieces together" hold him accountable, and God was watching.
Relationship with a Narcissist is one-sided and they call the shots, they don't care to talk about anything. They keep secrets of wrongdoing. Tell lies.
Absolutely true.
And that's just the tip of the iceberg.....😒
Learned this the hard way. After feeling that I was a failure at marriage... finally after 25 yrs I've been enlightened and I am on my way OUT! Thanks for this and other life changing videos to educate those of us who may not even know what the issue is! Praise God for your help!
Literally secretive about things that don't even matter.
Very interesting, especially as I've watched the Dr talking about the same topic on other channels. I found her comments about children and partners insightful, though a bit worrying regarding how they can undermine other people's lives. Well done to the presenter for asking the important questions about how to deal with these types of personalities in various situations, including at work.
My brother has narcissistic personality disorder, and trust me when I say they can do some severe lifelong damage... The only way you can keep them from also damaging you is to walk away.
Kelly Jacqueline Thank You!!!! I really needed to read that. My brother and my neice are narcs.
This is sad because we want to help, but in the process with damage ourself!
@@1963kungfupanda wow im only getting/waking up to this
@@1963kungfupanda I feel you 💯
Destroyed my life almost, now trying to get my health back! We have to build as well a satanic mindset to destroy those demons all the way!
She as much as alludes to the Maya Angelou saying, "When a person shows you who they are for the FIRST time, believe them!"
If you identify a narcissist in your life just run. 🏃🏻♀️
🏃♀️run like your hair is on fire!
🏃 I wish it was that easy. It's difficult to run from someone you are deeply in love with. Even if you know for a fact that you need to run.. I hope I find the strength someday.
@@bobtom3625 Agree... but ultimately the narc will all of a sudden devalue and discard you without notice. That is what happened to me and they don't give a fu*k because they NEVER loved you
@@bobtom3625 You aren't in love, you are co-dependent. Get help.
I would LOVE to leave my cruel narcissistic husband but I am on disability therefore don't have enough money to survive without him. I agree if you can leave then DO IT!
red flag: when they call their ex and/or family members crazy, bipolar, unstable...and when they want you to move in, get engaged, risk having a child very quickly
Angela C I wish I knew this I now have two children to narcissists! I know now. It’s devastating
Yeah my narc ex boyfriend wanted kids asap, I dodged that bullet. I’m no contact now and I had to leave money on the table and I lost my credit, just cut my losses, no regrets. He tried to keep me tied but nothing pays for my freedom. Now, you can’t do that and just run away when there’s children involved, it’s tragic
Gasp! I think I had a near death experience with one.
Angela C yeah and they try to get you to move as far away as possible from them because “your family “ is a bad influence lol 😂 then when things are down to the “wire” the “I think I might be pregnant”! Statement comes out......that’s when I knew she was getting desperate to hold on to our marriage because it looked good for her to be married at ANY COST rather than be suddenly alone and having to explain why everything went so very very wrong......fortunately for her I was dumb and blind when we were married but once I wised up I got smart quick.🙂
And I was just that clueless. My guilt toward myself for falling for him was excruciating.
When my ex-nightmare/husband almost killed me…I was told by a psychologist that if I stayed with him, I would teach/show (by example) my son how to abuse his wife or significant other-because tolerating abuse is approving of and empowering abuse. That scared the hell out of me-and drove me to escape-for my son and me! My biological mother possesses the traits of the dark tetrad (I believe, through my own research and nightmare childhood). My biological zombie-like father is still with her after 45 years. I am the oldest of seven children-and every single one of my siblings is a chip off of our parent’s despicably toxic block! Parents, you have to do everything you can to get far away from a narcissistic partner! YOU ARE NOT HELPING YOUR CHILDREN BY TOLERATING (APPROVING OF) AND EMPOWERING ABUSE!!!
🙏🏻EXACTLY! 💛🕊🍃 GOD BLESS for Doing the Right Thing for your SON! 🕊🍃🙏🏻
Being a narsasist myself I totally agree with almost all of what has been said with a small caviat. I could not keep going on in life feeling I was on an emotional rolar coaster ride. It was exhausting for me and others around me. I was sick of me hurting others especially partners, the love bombing putting on a pedestal and then off the chart jealousy and control. When honest friends asked WTF are you on I had no answers almost like something had taken control of me and I was willing to surender to it. I was sick of my imature actions and I knew it was going to get me or others in trouble. The rage, anger ,upset blaming and labeling everyone else and refusing to look at myself. So I did , and wow. Confronting my buried trauma about my adoption. Being an only child. The inability of my parents to show me love even though they were great to me and gave me almost everything I wanted I couldn't shake the feeling of abandonment and the need I felt for adulation, being wanted being loved, being indespensable and being able to fit in. I took on many personality's like a camelion. Then one day I got it. Be yourself and take all that you have learned and try to help others who are suffering with simular symptoms. I try to be carefull who I engauge with as I feel three are lost causes out there but there are people who's trauma can be faced but only if they are tired of being on the carousel,realize life's not working and are committed to changing their life. If you feel you are like me, emotionally out of control and desperate for answers be honest with yourself. Observe your behaviour or even better if you know someone who has simular behaviour, observe them.like a case study. Triggers , thoughts, over the top condemnation and judgement. And start to observe how they affect and repel others. It's a real eye opener. Forgive yourself and know now you have to move on. Except the shame and shitty things you've done. It's a human behaviour but now you've evolved you have to take responsibility. The damaged child is no ln control but you still have to nurture it. Take a pillow. Imagine it's you as the desperate child you were. Hug that child and tell it you are there and you will protect it. Sounds silly but you will be supprised. I also found meditation essential to regain control and stillness of the mind. Sorry for the ramble but if you truly want to change you can. Love to all.
Thank you for this!
Glad to have a honest narcissist we need more like you we need more to be self aware sadly many are not honest they continue to hurt and manipulative towards others especially the ones like me that generally love and care I care a lot because of my real genuine empathy towards others so keep up the great work this can help others narcissists that don’t see anything wrong that there doing got to give them hope for change.
is not an easy journey 🥂
Could you maybe have borderline, not narcissism?
I just dumped a Covert Narcissist with my pride and self respect intact because I watched many KZhead on this subject. Thank you for the rich information. He fitted all the major traits.
“Consider yourself as being in the relationship alone and only expect shallow conversations” This hit home big time for me!!! Constant losing battle...”don’t go to them with an important decision” because in reality they don’t care BUT when you don’t your still wrong!
So true. I was alone for every major milestone in my life. I grew up in a house where my father never acknowledged me. I took this as being normal. I married the same type of empty soul. It took me a lifetime to get out.
A Ungar 😔can understand that, it’s so damaging. Glad you’re now free 💖
Hit home for me too. I don't care what they think. Protecting myself from their cruel, cold, arrogant behavior is what matters. I'd rather be as if single and am so much more peaceful and content. Adjusting expectations is the key to sanity.
Bible calls them as wicked, and Bible says beauty decieves of these people only becoz these are seeds of Satan(They will have pleasure in troubling God's seeds). 1. Narcissists will think and feel they are beautiful/ handsome because they are born and not made, so from childhood they will be like this, since they are beautiful and copying they will impress their parents and elders compared to siblings who are good souls, so only they are not easily spotted. 2. They will have Straight eyebrows(Eg. Of straight eyebrows Hitler, Prince Charles, Dawod Ibrahim, Godse, Kamal Hasan, Bin Laden, etc., Check with their photos), they will have NO photogenic face. 3. They will not help without hidden agenda so they will not like to give to poor and needy, they will always complain and fight with other Narcissists that may enter into your life, not because they care for you,but because they hate each other. 4. Narcissistic people will have many relationships simultaneously because they want to spoil as many good souls possible. 5. They will not talk much, most of the time they are silent. 6. They will not have empathy and sympathy. 7. They hate animals because animals scan and know them better. Actually, in this world like souls are hating each other just by seeing the face. So, never believe a person by his or her outward appearance, check for matching with ur eyebrow's shape before making any relationship. If you have arched eyebrows be very careful.(Eg. Of arched eyebrows Abraham Lincoln, Vivekananda, Princess Diana, Gandhi,Ambedkar, etc.,). Its the opposite souls that marry may be because there is no marriage in heaven as Lord Jesus said.
They want to invalidate. Every single time! 👹👺☠️ It never varies. They are your bullies biggest supporter. They want everyone to punish you. And then to gaslight your every instinct. RUN!!!
"Narcissism is a condition of insecurity that is brought on by parents who do not nurture their child's inner world".
I do not agree with this. Parents are not to blame all of the time. I know of a single mother with a daughter and son,. She is also a dear friend who i have known for 45 years. Her 2 adult children do not have the same father. The daughters dad died when she was 1. The daughter is married (23 yrs), has 3 boys and an amazing woman. She is in the medical field, works very hard, a good wife and mother. The son is a dead-beat dad, 2 girls that he does not see or support, different moms. He lies, feels entitled, takes advantage of his poor mother, is so emotionally abusive toward my sweet friend. He will not leave her house, steals from her, has no respect for her what-so-ever. He is a narcissist, no doubt in anyone's mind. Their mom is a sweetheart. I have never heard her say one un-kind thing about anyone as long as I have known her. People like her are hard to come by. To say that the way her son behaves is her fault is simply impossible. The only thing this poor woman is guilty of is caring about him. I know she is at her wits end because of him, i can see it. I feel terrible for her. Trust me, she did not create this monster! So, I have to say that the nature/nurture theory regarding narcissistic people and how they became this way does not always fall into the nurture category. I get so upset when I hear others blaming parents! Just my opinion.
Siree Shindle it isn’t so much to blame the parents but that is where the actual trait develops. A narcissist by the clinical disorder is a individual who has an emotional stagnation when they are very young. Therefore they grow up and although they mature in adults thinking process and intellect and experiences they have the emotional intelligence of a child. This is why their communication is much in a reflection of a child. Them throwing tantrums when they don’t get their way. Resulting to mind games to get their way. Feeling entitled. The constant need to be accepted or validation and have their ego stroked or fed. All of these things in many ways children do. It looks different with an adult but the motivation, where it comes from is that place. So this isn’t to blame the parents because the parents could have done the best they could do and failed in some areas (like maybe working a lot and not being able to always be there time wise) then a void of some form of abandonment takes places when they are young and then boom you have a trait where they seek attention and validation because of an insecurity. That’s how it happens.
Do not agree
That is absolutely not true. I have a narcissistic daughter. She got more love and nurturing than the other two children put together. She DEMANDED it and accepted no less....literally since she could walk. When I gave her and the other two a snack, she wanted one for each hand. My other two children would skip off happily with their snack...she stood there with her snack in her hand and held out the other one wanting one for both hands. I thought it was cute for awhile...that she knew what she wanted even as a toddler. She was such a mama's girl and made no bones to anyone about it. At 1 year of age, she literally sulked with me and would not let me touch her for a week after I brought her sister home from the hospital. The only time she would come near me for a week was to try and yank her sister off my breast. No one else could handle her but me, her Mother. I really attributed it to her IQ being so high and that if I loved her enough and was patient enough, she would be okay when her intellectual, emotional, mental and physical maturity finally all synced. She also has a genius IQ and is a master manipulator, or so she thinks. EVERYTHING is about her...one way or another. Even when she makes it about someone else, you can bet she has a reason. She hurts and or destroys everyone in her path....especially those who love her...or rather those who try to. So don't try and tell me it is nurturing... it may be in some cases but not in all.
@@sireeshindle7010 I think parents can forget to nurture aspects of their children inadvertently. If she was a single mom, she may have been too busy to attend to the emotions of her children, and children are not always upfront about what's going on at school, for example. Sometimes one person just cannot do everything, esp if their kids are close in age. I find it esp interesting that her children are so opposite each other, that can also be a sign of inequality of attention OR different coping mechanisms for a lack of attention. I often see a very perfectionistic child paired with a dysfunctional sibling who acts out. Both have figured out that those are ways to receive attention.
“Being in a relationship with a narcissist is like looking in the mirror and doesn’t reflect back!” Wow! Thank you Dr.Ramani, you are amazing
An eye 👁️ opener for sure
'Narky theys' reflect wonderfully _ they don't reflect you cause they get organism when your in pain _ it's that simple. That's how they get organism _ I'm not kidding. Like how u like to go dairy queen _ they like to stick their fingers in your eyes.
there is only one way to deal with a true narcissists.. leave.. go as far away as you possibly can, as quickly as you can.
Yep...people gotta choose their pain...I chose the pain of being alone for however long I'm going to be because i REFUSE to volunteer for that shit EVER AGAIN!!!! 🙌🏽
Makes you wonder about half the suicides in this world, how many of them were because of people like this.
Good point!
damnnn
Yes, my husband committed suicide to avenge his NPD father.
I had suicidal thoughts during my recovery. I only knew them for a few months as well.
most of them will be the victims of these monsters
Not only is she brilliant, she has amazing hair.
Josiah Kato Lol
yea josiah kato cause thats where her knowledge come from lol
So true
It's nice when someone is both intelligent and pleasant to look at, yes.
@@d.w.stratton4078 Yes, attractive women can also be intelligent. AMAZING!!!
Spot on! This woman saved my life, and helped restore my sanity! "Being with a narcissis is like being in a cult, they brainwash u!!" So true... I always went against my gut for this man, making one excuse after another!!! God lives in ur gut listen well !!!
🙌🏽
Narcs are always in relationship with one person, themselves.
Oh, she's so right about the superficiality stuff. They're very shallow-it's booorrringg.
Wendy Seas they are soooooooooooooooo boring lawd.......they have almost nothing to say especially nothing intelligent
I like what she said, "its like looking in a mirror and not seeing your reflection." Exactly. It's natural to want connection with your spouse but I felt so invisible and unloved because there is nothing there. Seeking connection with narcs is absolutely exhausting and useless.
Omg, I know right? =.= I always wondered why I would get so bored talking with my cousin. It would ALWAYS be about silly things; all the hair she gets on her cloths from her dog, her going to the salon, etc. Nothing deep or philosophical there.
But not boring at first, exceptionally interesting, because you are hearing their spiel for the first time not the 50,000 time when you finally escape.
They love to really devalue people and patronize people . To make them feel less than. And act superior to boost their self esteem.
"your kids are screwed anyway" I love her brutal honesty
After my 20 year experience of a covert narcissist - the worst type because they're so hidden - this interview is exactly dead on. Well done.
So sorry to hear that, Odette. Thank you for watching and commenting.
@@HealthHackers Don't worry. Now have my Narc glasses on, so am playing from a different viewpoint. No longer an unknowing victim.
🙌
8 years for me. Wishing you healing!
I dont think anyone could describe narcissism any better. I praise God every day that He opened my eyes to this truth after 10 years and 5 attempts at leaving my relationship with a narcissist. All of this is spot on! I started to become numb to the abuse and at times felt like I was unauthentic. But it was necessary for my own sanity and survival. That is NOT what God intended for a marriage!!
I liked the way the doctor says things clearly but make her way around to prepare to say there's no hope to a partner of a narcissist.
IF U HAVE EVER RUN ACROSS ONE...AND THESE.DAYS YOU WILL..but they DEVASTATE NORMSL PEOPLE ON PURPOSE....AND IT REALLY TAKES A TOLL ON THEM....
I had to walk away from everything to get away from my narcissistic ex. Nothing is worth staying in such a vampiric relationship! One thing you don’t do with any of these types is share your deepest fears or secrets. They WILL use it against you.
Sorry to hear this S Ventor. I'm hoping you're in a far better place now!
healthHackers absolutely! It took lots of therapy but I’m happy and in a healthy, empathetic, loyal and loving relationship. Get out and get help. There’s a reason why you attract these people.
Thanks for asking 😊
😃🙏
Pay attention! pay attention! RED FLAGS are red flags!
Dr. Ramani and her expertise has been a blessing in my life.
Cliff P. That’s great to hear Cliff!
Yes! I'm obsessed.
Dr Ramani is my hero
@Sophia Donaldson She is indeed
Good for you 🙏.
So true. He found some books on narcissism at my house and was enthralled by them. He started reading one and said at first how much he recognized himself in those pages. Then he said...actually I recognize you in these books. These books are nonsense. He had no remorse at all about anything. No idea of how people can hurt . Liars . He knows I sussed him out...he admitted to being a sociopath...but that he's changing. Because I changed him he says. Then....same behaviours as usual.
Being a sociopath is more glamorous than being a narcissist because it has a connotation of danger to it. The more overt narcissists will happily admit to being sociopathic, if it's framed the right way, or they say it themselves, because it makes them feel like they have a bit of that Ted Bundy, Richard Ramirez, Charles Manson dark charisma. But they'll probably then point out that's not all there is to them, and downplay it after getting some kind of weird validation from it. Narcissists like the idea of being seen as deep and mysterious. Yet their idea of depth is nebulous and superficial. It's like one of those optical illusion pictures that implies depth, but is infact 2D. But they all seem to see themselves that way, as having this enigmatic trait of depth, without understanding what it is. I think they hold onto this as a tool to pick themselves up when they're going through envy. Say, someone has won the attention of someone they're interested in, or has achieved something that pokes their inferiority, they refer to this 'depth' as a trait they have that the person they envy doesn't have, to remain superior. Narcissists always see narcissism in others. When narcissists find articles about it, especially the articles that aren't too analytical, they'll use the material as ammo in arguments. This is especially true of the more covert narcissists who always feel attacked.
This One Nailed it; 👏 Bravo, Well said.
When I had my final blow with my Xnarcopath I told him what he was, not sure if he knew what one was or knew if he was one. He didn’t take it well and immediately called me names and his true self came to the surface. His an covert, but at that time became overt. I saw a demon in his face and was confident I had made the correct decision to leave him. I was in love with him at the time, hard thing to do, but I know I would have been dead if I stayed. I just watched the movie, “The Wife,” that would have been me. These narcs, of any type, are horrible people.
@@wakeup721 Good for you for getting out of a bad situation. That's a mark of character you can rely on to help you in bad situations in the future. Question: What were his personality traits that you admired?
Yeh they shift back and forth on their position. I used to point it out and try to reason but its not use, just stressed me out because its like talking to a drunk. This is no rational, sane person. They are mentally ill. I just don't engage anymore. It's all superficial as Dr. R said.
Favorite line: "There is a difference between knowing what your doing is wrong, and having empathy for the people who are impacted by your actions." Nail on the head!!!
They're such excellent manipulators, they are able to quickly discern what your greatest strengths/weaknesses as a person are, and reflect those qualities back onto you. So, often when you first meet a narcissist, there is a perceived spark, right from GO. And many times you might believe that you have just met your soulmate, that's how convincing and manipulative they are. I've lived it. After 8 years of crazymaking, where I blamed myself and thought I was losing my mind, I finally woke up ... when I began to love myself and came to expect that people treat me the way that I want to be treated. After I did some work on myself I went through yet another Hoovering episode with my ex, and her first manipulation, her first attempt to manipulate, deceive and use psychological abuse on me immediately triggered suspicion on my part. Once you learn to love yourself, their deceptions will no longer be effective because you simply won't deal with it. So, as I said, her very first attempt to twist things around on me and make me out to be the abusive one threw up a huge red flag. I realized that she likes doing what she had been doing for 8 years, on and off, at that point, and I found it unacceptable. I realized what a horrible person she is and that she'll never change ... and THEN I found out all about narcissism and connected the dots. She checked every single box on the unofficial Narcissism Checklist. After that realization, I haven't looked back even once ... because I haven't lost anything by losing her. Narcissists don't have the ability to love you, so severing ties with one isn't even slightly painful; it's actually addition by subtraction.
Dr. Ramani: "Being in a relationship with a Narcissist is like looking into a mirror that doesn't reflect you back." A picture paints a thousand words. This picture, Dr. Ramani paints, from one angle, says it all. And this is any kind of relationship with a Narcissist.
That's not how the metaphor works. You've got it backwards. She spoke words therefor no picture . She paints a picture with her words.
This is the truest thing I've ever heard
Its very much the opposite. Think about manipulation as being able to relate. Their are all manor of ways to relate by mirroring speech, body language, pitch/tone of voice, likes, dislikes, empathy toward values, empathy toward excuses, cognitive biases. Its actually all about mirroring. Narcs have no ego, they create one. The are in Sam Vaknins words...a hall of mirrors.
Energetic pairing, if you had a normal childhood, it's much harder for you to be caught up by a narcissist
Yeah. It's not a fair world.
So true.
Very true
I agree with the idea of energetic pairing, but in a weird way having a normal childhood can put you at risk too - a lot of people don’t realize they’re involved with narcs because they’ve never seen behavior like that and so they can’t even fathom that someone could be that evil.
@@pettylabelle7944 I agree. I say this all the time… I’d never encountered a person like him. So in the beginning I was constantly questioning whether there was something wrong with ME, was I being overly sensitive, is what he’s saying and doing normal, etc. I lived a VERY sheltered childhood which just made adult life more difficult because I didn’t even have that many relationships to compare what I was currently going through.
I’ve had multiple narc friends and bosses in my life. I’ve been used for all I could offer and then shamed, blamed and thrown under the bus. I definitely have post-narc abuse PTSD. I used to doubt myself and question what was wrong with me. These videos have helped so much to make sense of all the confusion. Still recovering and hyper vigilant to avoid these people. My recovery and journey back to self is the most important thing.
L Row, I hope you will find some warm, honest, forthright friends-- a friend I made when I was 24 helped me to "unlearn" so many toxic things I had believed were normal. And once you meet someone like that, you notice how quiet your mind is when you are around them, you learn what safety and healthy love feels like. I hope you will stay hopeful and keep an eye out for these kind people. It can take some looking, but they do exist!
A. K. - thank you. I am hopeful.
So amazing to find this. My sister is like this and I have lived with damage in my life for years because I didn't realize what was going on. She always accused me of what she was doing and made me doubt myself. I had no one to turn to. I am old now and have not had contact with her for about 6 years. Finally my life is normal and I am beginning to understand what happened. It still is very sad because I always wanted a sister. I just didn't have one in actuality. But when I got away from her I was told I had gotten rid of emotional cancer. I agree.
Betty I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. Have you watched my second episode with Dr R? It’s ep 41. You may also find it interesting. I’m happy you’ve found normality now. Best wishes. Thanks for watching.
I Can RELATE.... IT'S Sad WHEN IT'S Your ONLY Related Left And You Have To BE Strong And Love Your SELF 🥰💯💅
Best advice ever!!!! Never heard someone so straight forward!!! Its basically narcisstic psychological abuse that causes post traumatic stress and depression which makes you totally sick every day!!!!
Thank you Dr. Ramani - I have been with one of these guys since I was 15 years old. Thank you for validating my feelings are not crazy. Those who have never lived with one of these evil people cannot understand. But you get it.
I get the feeling the Dr. gets it on a personal experience level. I can sense she’s lived it...
Anyone who has never lived it cannot comprehend what it is life to live with a narcissist.
Leave him.
It will turn your nervous systems inside out. Family, friends, colleagues. I wish I’d know about this years ago including childhood.
Me too!
Me too! I feel my brother’s abuse over 20 years since childhood has caused my severe autoimmune arthritis, fibromyalgia, and anxiety. I finally stopped contact and just by chance, he encountered me at a relatives home. He lied about why he discarded me and we couldn’t resolve anything as usual. He twisted everything to blame and shame me. He started shaming me about how our children are suffering since I’ve blocked him on my phone. We agreed he’d make me arrangements to see my kids with my husband. Since I share contacts on my phone with my husband, I decided to unblock him so he can communicate with my husband. So I’m not sure why called me today. It really made me furious. Just seeing his name appear on my phone made my stomach turn. He started texting asking about Christmas at his house because his children want that. I agreed, but I should have told him to communicate with my husband like we agreed. I feel pressure by my enabling mom to speak to him, but no thanks. He said himself he doesn’t want to take steps to heal our relationship, yet he wants me to pretend nothing is wrong. Ridiculous
Me too
Love that the interviewer asked great questions and allowed the Dr to fully anwser without interruption. Great video!
Wandering Free Thanks so much Wandering Free! We have another episode with Dr R due for release later this month. We think you will like it! Hit subscribe to get notified. 👍
X will not go for counselling, they are afraid to be found out about their character flaws and judged for them.
Mine was happy to go to couples therapy. He said he wanted me to see how good I had it and then I would change. Of course he discovered each therapist was stupid and didn't see things his way. I left knowing I'd be on financially thin ice but I know how to live with less and I'm very glad I left. I earn $214- a year to much to receive food stamps. No public assistance. My heat is on low in the cold months and I dress for it. I put up with higher temperatures than most U.S. citizens find comfortablein the warm weather. Life is better without him.
"Consider yourself to be in the relationship alone" interesting....before I even knew he was a narcissist/sociopath the night he discarded me I opened up how I was feeling about something and cried, his complete lack of empathy prompted me to say "i feel more alone in this relationship than when i was single" well that triggered him to abandon me with no warning right before my birthday leaving me with nowhere to live. 2 months before it was all your amazing and well get through this together, then it was I'm texting my ex and it's all your fault cause you say I make you feel unattractive and you dont trust me. So glad I made him run away after 4 months and not years with children. The abuse was enough to make me suicidal, I dont think I would have lived if I endured much more.
Oh dear Jessica, that sounds upsetting. I’m glad to hear you are free of it now.
Jessica you are beautiful! Keep going and live that AMAZING life of yours to the absolute FULLEST!
Yes u do feel alone in it, u feel single might as well be single then....now I'm single again after 16 years and it doesn't feel as bad as I felt in that toxic relationship 🙌🏽
Advice for victims or survivors: pls don't waste your time trying to hold them accountable. I did and my chronic illness relapsed as a result of it. Neither could I hold him accountable. It's okay if you didn't stand up for yourself (I wanted to do it for my dignity and self respect) but some times it's better to save yourself than try to have the last word. Good luck, fellow empaths ❤
My gay narcissist ex-husband sat in couple therapy, our 3d session: "I know a good marriage takes a lot of work. I just don't want to be bothered." And to this day, 30 years after the divorce, he insists his homosexuality had nothing to do with our divorce . . . because he was willing to put up with me. I'd love to see Dr. Ramani discuss parental alienation.; our daughters are a sad, hot mess.
Laura Lowder I’m so sorry to hear this Laura. I hope the video was of some comfort. I have a new episode with Dr R coming out on Sept 20. Hope you can come back and watch.
Dr Ramani Durvasula is smart and very helpful for anyone who has crossed paths with a Narcissist. I had a Narcissistic Orthopedic Doctor. I left his practice after a year. When I listened to Dr. Durvasula's videos I realized that he is a Covert Narcissist. He does not take care of his patients, he neglects them. Her videos helped reassure my decision to leave. Thank you!
As she has said a million times...the number of NARCISISTs. has exploded in thr west...STOP AND THINK WHAT HAS CHANGED...ONLY ONE THING..
@@agustasister5624 Please be more direct with your thoughts. What one thing has changed?
What other symptoms did your doctor had that led you to believe that he was a covert narcissist?
That's scary, when your psychologist is one of these people.
@@victorialadybug1 He was my orthopedic doctor.
I love this doctor, I’ve watched her so much on the medcircle as well.
Same with me even I first saw her on medcircle
@Sophia Martinez, waw you are so cute and beautiful, I would be attracted to you even if you would have been narcissist 😉
I love this doctor. She doesn't pull punches. She's describing life in this brave new world of narcssisum as the new norm. I no longer want to work because of this, companies seem to love these qualities. In the military they screen for NPD, with people in command. I'm practically a monk now, I can't take this new norm. 12:29, I came to that realization dealing with a narcissist mother, and golden child sister, and the relationships I've had with narc women, and it saddened my heart. It's like being raised by puraunna, and living with them, but your not one, so you can be eaten at any moment. When I first started to get this information, I realized that I learned the behavior and had to reflect back almost 40 years to try and determine how it effected my life. I got myself in therapy, and went no contact with my own family. Now I'm alone in this world,. because I now screen perspective friendships and relationships for this personality and it's frightening. Those are the conversation I had to have with family and girlfriends. Damn, doom & gloom is what my narc mother called me after she sensed I was on to her.
You're getting attacked by them Narcissist because you're the chosen one from the most high and they know it. Protect your energy my friend
It’s 100% what I experienced with a narcissistic husband. Verbatim. His motto was the Miranda act: everything I said to him was brought against me in a court of law - even petty stuff was twisted into a boomerang . Yes, leaving a narcissistic partner will be painful, humiliating, costly, damaging and expect that the partner will magically convince all your previous friends that you were evil. Nothing good ever comes out of these relationships. No silver lining. This partner will even manage to turn your own once loving parents and siblings and friends into your enemies although they knew all about the dysfunctional relationship. That’s equivalent to trying to remain still while in the middle of a tsunami.
Oh wow UniverCT. You’ve had a tough time. So sorry to hear that.
Married to his diabolical twin.
I'm currently on a dr. Ramini MARATHON right now! I have been in a relationship for 4 years with a narcissist and I was doubting myself all the time and I was going crazy but a few days ago I found her and everything just clicked in place and revealed the big picture. I'm forever grateful for her to bless us with this information!
Amen to that !
My mother married my dad because she had just wanted to get married to someone, and he came along at the right time and place. As their daughter, my childhood was pure hell.
So sorry to hear this Hannah. I hope the video was useful in some way.
This woman is saving my life. I love her frank approach; that’s what you have to be with ppl like me who’ve been surrounded by narcissists their whole life and almost thought behaving like that was okay for years: frank open and honest.
My elderly father was forced into marriage by a narcissistic psychopath/sociopath. She isolated him to exploit him financially and he almost died from what she did to him. She had manipulated health and social services into believing he had advanced dementia - she was drugging him- and portrayed herself as a loving wife. She convinced everyone his adult children were 'jealous'and has never accepted her, but we were able to rescue him when she had him put away.
This video was very reinforcing I've been in a Narcissistic relationship for fifty years raised my children now see the brokenness in all of us. Thank you
Leola McCallister thanks for telling me Leola. So sorry to hear what you’ve been through. I hope you come back to watch Dr R’s second video on HealthHackers.
Oooh dear,,, very bad!! Glad you at last got out and hope your kids are ok
I am currently in a marriage with a narcissist and I doubt myself for a decade but I am starting to see the light....everything you said was spot on.... this person is always constantly looking for validation
Oh my goodness Charlito, sorry to hear that. I hope Dr R’s wise words were helpful in some way.
@@HealthHackers Her words are very helpful and head given me great insight... I'm soooooo grateful... this was a complete breakdown on what I've been dealing with for years and no one would believe unless you witnessed it with your own eyes
@@DJ_CHARLITO_THE_GREAT Well, I believe you. And I'm sure many others commenting here do too. Did you see my latest video with Dr R? It's a follow-up from the one you just watched. Here it is: kzhead.info/sun/nt2BirWigaZpaJs/bejne.html
The problem is that there's to many people these days who are narcissists and sociopaths, especially in the workplace. It's not just with romantic or family relationships. Every place I've ever worked has had at least 1-3 bullies/sociopaths/narcissists in employment. These types of ppl make it very difficult for me to work around and have to deal with on a daily basis, and eventually I end up quitting that job as an end result. True empaths are far and few between. It's sad narcissism has taken over so many ppls personalities.
Saddam Hussain once said that he'd rather be feared than loved by the people, because fear is more reliable than love. I don't know if he really was a psychopath, but I would guess he came pretty close...
"being in a relationship with a narcissist, is a bit like being in a cult. . . like brainwashed" (15:10)
😔
The professor really knows her stuff. First time to hear a clear distinction with examples of the subtle differences between sociopaths and psychopaths.
Being around a narcissist is like death by a 1,000 drops of poison spread out over time. The manipulation, control, gas lighting, blaming, triangulation, drama created by the narcissist, rage, non stop talking, lies, deceit, empty promises, arguments, and demeaning remarks leaves you exhausted and stressed out and we all know that stress can kill you. Leave if you can to save your life.
Between my father and my wife, I don't think I've had five sane years in my life and I'm closing in on 60.
oh goodness. Sorry to hear that.
So sorry to hear that.
That has to be terrible for you to go through, Not fair for you to continue on with this. I pray you find the way to go forth and to handle what you have to deal with, as of now. Guess when we were younger we were not told about this problem so did not understand it, but now we do know, and it helps to understand and learn more about how to protect ourselves. Videos like this are wonderful for this. Then we can move forward with counseling ( if we can) and just knowing in this way what the right action may be, for us. Each of us is different in how we can handle it all. Or when we have had enough. Only each of us can figure this out when the time is right. My mom knew I would come to her with everything about my life, as wanted that relationship, but she undermind me and repeated things,(even things not said) and then she' pretended to be me' or 'take over my personality.' Learning to be better with people than she used to be, and how to wear jewelry and just 'copied'. I was with her every day before she passed away, and no one else, but she' ignored me' then and I was shocked as sometimes we did have our close times and at all tiems,( when we needed to be close) she sort of acted angry at me. Before passing though when she needed surgery and she has MERSA Staph, and that is not a good combination at all,, but she told me " I am very sorry how I have treated you and things I said about you and to you, but''' I was angry at myself''', as I could not do all the things I used to do when younger" So her anger at herself caused her to be this way to me and hurt me in many ways. After thinking about it, I think she wanted me to tell her it was "okay to have hurt me and she was forgiven?" But instead out of some anger, I said " But I know mom, yet when you did that it did upset me " So I did not give the correct answer. I always end up trying to figure out all the time now, if I am saying the right things to people or not and if I hurt them or if they will be upset. That is a terrible thing for me to 'stop doing'. But "beating yourself up all the time, needs to end" That I know. We all need to end that. Enough is enough, Bless you waaaaste.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
No, But I am living next to one who has tried to make my life hell - but heck now I am fighting back, taking my power back, and seeing the truth. Thanks for posting.
If you see a person who is abusive At work, you know that that individual treats people at work with far more respect than those that he eats and sleeps with.
walter kersting eek. I’d not thought of that before.
healthHackers I got that from Dr. Phillip C. McGraw and it certainly stands to reason.
And when you think about it, church is sort of work and so is school. Probably applies to any activity outside of the house and away from the family.
@@walterkersting1362 yikes!
Dr Ramani, you’re the very best at DESCRIBING the world of pathologies we all are exposed to and especially for the ADVICE you freely give us! Blessings of the highest to you! Thanks so very much!
Thanks so much for watching and commenting, Sheila!
Totally agree , blessed beyond words for her brilliant work !
Not many people in this world calm me down like listening to dr. Ramani. I could listen to her talk about anything.
So true!
I love the "your kids are screwed either way to be honest" Ain't that the truth.
Yep. As a single mom to get them sane through puberty, a hard challenge. The narcissist dad is grooming both kids, playing the innocent. Being me, being genuine, I have to set boundaries like never before. The narcissistic patterns are surfacing more and more, my re-active state gets pushed on. Horrible. I go into mindfulness. As a mom, you can't even enjoy the normal patterns of puberty. There is always the question "Is this normal puberty?" When I feel my re-active state come to light, I know it's not. Not a nice way of being a mindful parent.
@@liesbethdevries4986 I've worried the same about my boys but fortunately I was the stay at home, primary parent through the formative years and his parenting was just a mimicking of mine. I have a open honest relationship with them and they know they have one parent they can rely on and trust fully. Everything started blowing up about him around two years ago and my boys haven't spoken to him in a year because of how he has treated me and the lies and broken promises to them as well. At first I felt awful he wasn't in their lives but now I see it as a blessing because he is unable to manipulate and influence them in any way. Before they stopped speaking to him, he was manipulating my 12 year old whenever he would visit him to feel sorry for him! He caused all of this strife and made all these selfish decisions but wanted to play the victim, so pathetic. My psychologist tells me as long as they have one dependable empathetic parent as a mainstay they will be fine. I wish you much strength and resilience to get through this and all the best for you and your children! 💚
Im so scared. I have 3 kids with this guy
rose faulkner Stay strong and keep your ultimate goal in your mind. You will get where you need to be.
Yes, they keep secrets and that is such an important point!
I think I'm a little proud to leave both a narcissist and a psychopath.
Thankyou. 60 yrs, never any improvement no matter how much one tries to please. You are so right. thankyou
Thanks all. Dr Ramani is a wealth of knowledge in this area. Great interview.
She is 200% correct. I felt as if she did talking about my life. It’s such a painful phase in life. It’s as if I didn’t exist except when he needs something for his own benefits
Sushma - thank you for watching. Dr R is great, isn't she. I'm so sorry you went through a painful time.
I am in a "waiting for them to die" situation, after 35 years, i think the light at the end of my tunnel is subject to a cave in... ugh
🙏Dr Ramani is So On Point with this Disease because not only does she constantly confirm mine (and others) opinion that my ex wife was a Narcissist (to the point of taking me to therapy to try to prove that I was the problem) and the phsycatrists and Therapists told me to be “careful” around this type of personality😊 but, also ,on how this Is disease is what parents are instilling in their children in order to “get a head in life no matter what “ “step on anyone it doesn’t matter “ “whatever you do we will get you out of trouble” (even if you did it) and “we will do anything for you” type of attitude and “narrative” that is breading more and more and more narcissist as the days go by.🙏
I agree but just one thing; if you call disease to a personality disorder it sounds like it could be cure and it's not a disease and there's no cure for that. I tell you because if you talk with anyone about it and name it disease is quite unavoidable the other person might feel pity about the narcissist.
He checks all the boxes. Didnt seek help, didnt need it and likes who he is and didn't need to change. He's a covert narc and helped his relative leave this earth earlier than he should have. I suspect he stole money from this person so he had a motive to expedite his demise.
Meeting a narc was one of the best things that's ever happened to me. I was leaving my fiancee when I was "forced" to falling in love with a narc. It all happened so quickly! One month later and after having gone through hell (I won't expand on this but you can all imagine), I realised how much more power I gained by walking away from him. Thanks to that my eyes are wide open now, my standards way up and my boundaries in the right places. I am so grateful I met him but also had the courage to walk away even though I loved him with all my soul and the only idea of not being with him was torture. He instigated feelings I didn't have to start with so in the end, those feeling are illusions. I don't live in illusions, I'm very practical and that connecion was simply not doable as I was feeling confused and sick to my soul. I feel like I dodged a bullet! I'm so proud of myself and now viewing these videos gives me the confirmation I needed to make sure I don't go back to him if he hoovers me.
This is great to hear Ana. 👏👏
My sister is a psychopath and is one scary person. Everything that Dr. Ramani said about them fits her to a tee. My sister scares the crap out of me, as she has tried (and usually succeeded) in hurting me in profound ways each and every time we have had any interaction. She is SO smart, and the master of what I call "the long con," setting me up WAY ahead of time to have a major loss in her favor. It helps to be able to watch one of Dr. Ramani's videos about this. About 10 years ago, I realized that staying far away from her is the best thing for me to do because, even when she is apologizing for doing wrong, THAT is part of the next "con." I have felt bad, on occasion, about cutting her out of my life, but now I know it was definitely the right decision. Thanks, Dr. Ramani
Married a narcissist. My kingdom for a time machine!
🤣
It's important not to resent narcissists. I've seen a lot of people hurt by narcissists that refer to them as being less than human because of what they're lacking empathetically, or devising ways to get them back for their selfish treatment of others. The thing is that to be immune to narcissistic behaviors you have to understand narcissists. Real understanding neutralizes your ability to hate. A 'know your enemy' kind of understanding isn't a complete understanding. You wouldn't, for example, hate a baby for their selfishness(unless you were a narcissist yourself) because you understand egocentricity is their natural state. They need that to be that way to survive. It increases the likelihood that they will grow up to adulthood. You wouldn't resent animals for having sharp teeth, it's their natural defensive mechanism. They didn't select to have them. I think that hatred towards narcissists is predicated on an idea that they can change, and should recognize their actions are hurting others. But, from the moment their actions do consistently hurt others shows they do not have the capacity you want them to have. Someone empathic getting upset with a narcissist is like an artist getting frustrated with a man born blind for not grasping their descriptions of their latest painting. As Doctor Durvasula said, they can't go through fundamental change, they can only be made to adapt their behaviors to be less harmful. They can be helped to be in our world, but they'll never be of it. This is because from the standpoint of their organism the fundamental characteristics of their persona are their survival mechanism. They were steeped in the influences that gave them this mechanism since birth. This is their way of being. You can't ask someone to be conscious of the parts of them that started developing pre-consciously no more than you can turn around to look at the back of your own skull. When you confront a narcissistic individual about their flaws, they will turn it around on you with a superficial understanding of the traits of narcissism, or they will turn it around to make you feel like you unlocked this in them, or someone else did and they need your help to change, or they will admit to the traits that they can twist into somehow being complimentary, such as if you accuse them of being dangerous, they might twist that into feeling like you're calling them a 'bad boy' and use it to try and be more impressive to women or something like that. Or, especially with the ones who had excessively praising mothers, they will seek the opinions of their many associates who don't have deeper relationships with them because they'd prefer the shallow opinions of the many rather than the more meaningful views of the few. They'll tell you that everyone else loves them, therefore the problem must lie with you, and that's how they shield against your often true observations of their inner workings. But they will never concede in a self-reflective, objective way, because to do that would be counter to the survival mechanism instilled in them by their own narcissistic parent who inflated their childs ego with hyper-praise in order to increase their own self value, by being someone so great that they birthed a special child. To acknowledge character flaws in a more than superficial way is alien to their basic view of themselves. You cannot examine the parts of your psyche that developed before the faculty you use for self-examination. It would be like trying to consciously unlearn language. It's not doable without physical brain damage. Therefore, understand how they work, avoid or handle them properly, and don't let their actions fester in your mind because that's just counter-productive to your healing.
This is a great comment. There’s a lot of hurt people out there getting on a high horse trying to claim emotional and moral superiority over narcissists-this in itself is narcissistic. I choose to have compassion for narcissist and people with BPD. Instead of using all this information as a weapon against them, I choose to simply educate myself and use it as a tool of self-liberation.
This One Can’t change them even if you understand them!!!Its in them
This One Just get smart and stay away!!!!!!
This One Well explained in short no different from the Scorpion and the Toad story. As the Dr. said, I-NPD is pandemic to healthy relationships in general. The Millenial generation have grown up with daily electronic self-mirroring or self-trained narcissism then are liked or followed by repeating the same existential NPD behavior daily. NPD will likely eventually be a ‘norm’ and not a disorder in the DSM for the future. Social Media has become the electronic validator to promote detached superficiality.
What an astute observation! Thank you!!
Wow I needed doctor Ramani when I was a young girl getting married, but she might have been in grade school I'm so glad I met you both on KZhead because you have cleared up a lot for me. I like how sure you are aware of yourself especially when you said "the narcissist cuts across all three personalities". Shivers 😱 I get the impression that dr. Ramani has been there and has no desire to let anyone else go there. She cares about all of us
Sugar Free Thanks for watching Sugar Free. Dr R does indeed care. I’ve just recorded a follow-up episode with her about her upcoming book. It’s called ‘“Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility’. I’ll be releasing it on Sept 20. I hope you find it helpful.
Thank you Dr. Ramani for pointing everything out clearly. I left my job because my boss is a narcissist. He was very manipulative.
I've never felt more validated for being a recluse. People suck.
I know how you feel I'm happy alone . People these days are self absorbed and like acting superior. It's not just narcissistic people who are difficult. Everyone is difficult.
Thank you for this timely video. Dr. Ramani is brilliant and as soon as I discovered her months ago, I listen to all her videos. She has helped me more in these few months in healing through understanding the narcissistic relationship I had been involved with then the psychologist I had over the years. Thank you.
So sorry to hear you've been through a rough time. Thanks for watching :)
That's so great to hear! Thank you
I too discovered Dr. Ramini recently and I have to say that she is right on point regarding how to treat narcissistic personality traits.
I try to watch one utube clip a day so I don't get tempted to start to feel sorry for my ex. He is so convincing and has so many people feeling sorry for him. He has lied about me, told people I have 'another man' and said I was difficult to live with. He denied the violence etc - even though his kids witnessed it. Truth sets us free!
I have a narcissist friend but I don't quite to know to deal with him. What I have learnt so far is to not tell personal secrets to them because he will tell the secret to others, at the inappropriate time (well given secrets are not supposed to be retold to others) And they only like to call you when they need you, but they may not return your call when you need them. I think it's like they want to be the center of attention, and I probably should not feed it to him anymore.
BBB I had a narcissist friend for over ten years. I always thought if I held him at a distance, I would be okay. I mean .. we weren’t dating, right? My advice: run. They still get in and have a similar impact to a romantic relationship.
Get out now. Look up Sam Vaknin and you will see what you are dealing with, you are just a tool to a narcissist, they are indifferent to your or your needs.
This was one of the best things I've heard in forever. Really hits home. Thanks Dr. Durvasula, wish I would have heard of your earlier.
50 years ago today I started 'going out' with a Covert Narc. Of course at 14 years old I didn't know that! We married 2 years later and have separated about 6months ago. I thought I was living with a nice guy who had anger/frustration issues but really I was living with a nasty selfish, unloving, abusive man who was his real self with me at home and was just playing a part of 'Mr Nice Guy' when he was out with the public. He abused me in every way possible and ALL the signs were there when we dated but of course I didn't know what I was looking at. We produced 3 great kids but sadly one of the boys has become a bully and someone who treats women and his mother as less than a man. The other two have been damaged by the years I spent with their Father but they aren't Narcs. My eldest son's first memory is of me getting beaten up by his Father and my daughter has anxiety issues from the abuse which took place in the home - much of it from her Narc brother who taunted her not to tell on him 'or else'. What a mess! Should I have left is the question I ask myself but it's too late now as I didn't. I recently found a pill in the bottom of a cup of tea he had made me. After he left with-in one or two days I went from being a woman who was nodding off to sleep all the time to someone who had vitality. I have never again spewed in the sink after my morning cup of tea nor did I feel nauseous in the morning. My friend described it as a cowards way of control. Whether he was subduing me or trying to finish me off I will never know but I know my health has improved 500% since he left. He abused me in so many ways - every way possible - and then some. I've been told I have 'abused wife syndrome. So at 64 yrs old I am starting to make a life on my own where I am not being constantly 'gaslit' nor do I have to walk on eggshells. Financially he has left me with nothing much. He has taken off me as much as he was able then discarded me like you would an old rag, however I am thankful! Because I was sexually abused by 2 family members during my childhood and then I started a relationship with this Narc I have lived pretty much all my life being abused BUT none of them were able to break me completely. Recently my husband speaking in a demonic voice said to his daughter & one of his son's, speaking of me - "I am going to get her (me) under my control!". That encouraged me as I know that he didn't have me completely 'under his control'! He was always jealous of the way I could connect with people and he treated my empathetic heart with disdain - unless I was having empathy for him! At the end of this I am not bitter, I am quite strong, I am sane and I am a woman with a love for people and a deep abiding faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. He never could break my relationship with Jesus and he did try. While he 'looked' like a Christian I doubt he ever has been. It's all been a game - an act. Sadly one sons will have to find out the hard way that people aren't on this earth to be bullied and treated as less than him. Men are told in the Bible - the Word of God - to love their wife like Christ loved the Church - that He gave His life for her. My husband and son don't know how to love sadly. They think love is taking for themself. I'd encourage anyone who is in a marriage with a Narc - covert or overt to seek help from an experienced person to make steps toward freedom. If you aren't married to one but you think you are in love with one - RUN!!! You aren't in love with the person you think you're in love with. You are in love with the persona they show you - but it's all an act! There is no real substance to the person. They will break you, abuse you, gaslite you, lie about you, be disloyal to you, try to control you, sexually abuse you and maybe even murder you. Mine nearly killed me a few times. Not long before he left I found a pill in my cup of tea he made. After he left I was no longer falling asleep all the time - nodding off for no reason and nor have I vomited in the sink after my morning cup of tea nor suffered from nausea in the morning. Until I found the pill I never suspected anything! I knew the cup of tea was the reason I was so sick but I never suspected anyone could be putting anything in it! Not once did I suspect that. I don't know what he was doing for sure but I do know that he was destroying me and trying to get me under his control - and he didn't. He was stopped by One greater than himself. My life has been spared. He has financially crippled me and left me bascially with nothing but I have a life and I will use it until I leave this world and one of the things I WILL do with it is warn other women to not fall in love with a Narc because it will turn into a nightmare! There will be no happy dream fulfilled - never ever.
Finally found a proper interview with dr ramani
yay! what a lovely comment. Thanks!
My Xnarcopath was superficial, it was like groundhogs day with conversations. I didn’t realize I was the one carrying the conversation into different and interesting topics, if I hadn’t we would have sat and stared at each other. He would use Seinfeld scenes to communicate-it was so weird and confusing, I had never watched that show and only after I did watch some did I realize the correlation. Now I’m finding it difficult switching from not monopolizing the conversation. I’m so uncomfortable with people wondering am I talking too much, am I not talking enough. I don’t want to be alone, but being around people causes me to tense up. I’m sitting there and then realizing my body is rigid and stiff. Yes I’m hyper vigilant. It’s a struggle.
*Groundhog Day
Dr Ramani is absolutely amazing! I have been struggling do to a relationship with a narcississt and its nearly impossible to find a therapist in my area that specializes in narcissistic abuse and this woman has helped me so much! I get chills because I relate to everything she is saying
Dr Ramani is so phenomenal, I could hear her talking for hours
Gosh. This is amazing and on point. She is describing a narcissist I know to the T. This is such a a wake up call. Thank you for putting this interview together
Thanks for watching Jeannette!
Dr Ramani I love the way you explain things so clearly. Thank you. I have concluded my ex-partner is a sociopath (fits all the criteria). I put my life on the line for this guy and he told me 'you ruined my Life!' He would apologize and tell me all the things I wanted to hear and I suddenly realized it was all an ACT! I really loved this guy but when I realized it was all a sham, I was not broken hearted, just very relieved. Am now clearing up the mess and luckily have some good friends. They mess with your head (and heart) BIG TIME!
Helen Bright Hi Helen, I’m glad you enjoyed the video. I’m also glad to hear you have good friends around you to help support you now. 😁
Good interviewing style here. I like how the interviewer asks meaningful questions and then listens to the response. She doesn't dominate or compete with Dr. R, who, as usual, gives thorough but focused answers.
Andrew C. Comments like this make me very happy! Thank you Andrew 👍😁
@@HealthHackers : You're welcome. I guess some credit goes to the editing, too. Dr. R has plenty to say.
Andrew C. Thanks. I do the editing too. 👍
Dr Ramani is the best and really knows her stuff. Very informative, easy to understand and has a great KZhead channel. Great interview.
My narcissistic ex would cause an argument before I would go and do anything with my children even though he NEVER wanted to spend any time with us. Horribly abusive.
So sorry to hear you’ve suffered Verum. Thanks for watching Dr Ramani’s video.
Thank you and thank you for your work in helping individuals that find themselves in such a terrible situation.
Verum bellator yes my ex husband would do the same thing and also make me late for everything unless it was extremely important to him. He would create an atmosphere before we even got out the door and if he did come he looked bored and was never off his phone leaving me to deal with the children x
LOL
It's been 5 years since I suffered a psychopath abuse (100% mental nothing physical) and believe me, to this date I look for a way to go back to normal
I love this interview/ Video, my doctor told me that my ex husband is a Sociopath together for 12 years and had twin children.... I had no idea at first, and because he is a policeman of 34 years and still is to this day... I thought I was safe in the relationship, how wrong I was... So abusive and he cheated on me and was trying to take my house from me too.. So you were right with them being a conman too... Also having a Convert Narcissistic Mother, I fell for this type of person.. My doctor did say to me I am so glad that you are out of the relationship because they are dangerous.... It was funny, but not at the time it took me a very long time to get over him and to move on with my life... Years later I am just seeing everything about theses people.... with the help of a support group I am in and watching all of theses videos on KZhead, I am now able to spot theses people for who they really are.. Where before getting help I couldn’t..... So thank god for talking about them and bring theses people out in the open, for all the world to see..... Thank you....
I thought a sociopath was just a social psychopath. Sociopaths can hold a job but their life is reckless in other ways. Spot on about the Narc and Sociopath mother I've seen Narc mothers who train their kids to believe appearance is everything, but sociopath parents in one way or another can be very negligent, leaving their kids on door steps, in cars, around strangers etc.
I agree. I learned in graduate school that sociopathic personalities end up in jail because they lack the sophistication of the psychopath's, but they are still charming and glib.
Dr. Ramani you are my new favorite! you really have a handle on this condition your right on point with everything you say love you.
One red flag for energy vampires and narcissistic individuals is when you start to pick up on how many completely damaged or sick or crazy other people are in the person’s environment. Of course we have all been told about a long string of crazy ex’s, but also watch for people who are surrounded by illness; roommates with chronic illness, business partner’s who experience a psychological break down, best friends who have killed themselves, etc.
This is information I wish I'd had as a teenager. Thankfully I searched out books and therapy because I knew my parents were toxic and had quashed my self-esteem and I was fed up with being unable to set boundaries or be comfortable being assertive. Narcissistic parents do a lot of damage and it took me years of work to stop being a 'people-pleaser' - who are attractive targets for other narcissists to hone in on -and heal from narcissistic abuse. This was before the internet was commonplace and narcissism wasn't well-known or much discussed. The best thing I did besides self-work to heal from narcissistic parenting was to minimise contact with the remaining parent, my covert narc mother. I am glad that there's now wise, knowledgeable psychologists like Dr. Ramani on KZhead and hope that those who have dealt with narcissists will be able to utilise the great insights and advice she gives.
Thanks for watching and commenting. There are others here who can really relate to what you’ve been through. I hope you have a good network around you and continue to go from strength to strength.
She truly is so informative & ger videos have saved my sanity and my life I have tremendous gratitude for Dr Ramini & her brilliant work re - all things Narcissistic
Dr. Ramani is awesome, always insightful.