Alain de Botton on Love
2016 ж. 1 Мау.
2 567 494 Рет қаралды
The School of Life founder (and voice behind this channel) Alain de Botton lays out his ideas on love in the modern world - at a conference by Google held in London in May 2016 called Zeitgeist [many thanks to them for the film].
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Brought to you by Google/Zeitgeist #TheSchoolOfLife
Every time I watch a video from this channel, I feel smarter. It's such a good escape from the typical, delicious internet filth we get caught up in so easily.
Internet basically just promotes Loves = sex ...and thats all
+zaid daiz especialy on pornhub. lots of love promoted
+wolf e z tf bruh? Lolz
Karel Proot The silly usernames we create in our youth, HAHA
hell yea bitch dis go hard as hell FLOCKA
"We are dangerous and most of us are on the edge of insanity, the only people that look normal to us are the people that we just met". This man is literally giving away free truth. I want to hug this man so bad T^T
funny
That by definition crumbles on itself, if everybody is sort of insane, then insane is the new normal. The point is that how well you control that insanity. This guy is a massive fraud.
@@markarmage3776 ?? Jealous
@@markarmage3776 Without asking him directly, I can’t speak on his behalf but I would say ‘insanity’ or ‘madness’ in this context is subjective so it is defined individually. It’s not an absolute rule whereby human = insane. That would definitely fall on itself and would be as nonsensical as you’ve made it out. Feel free to correct me if I interpreted it wrong.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 perfect
"I love you, but I need to tell you about the cereal" - Alain de Botton, on the topic of love.
Pithy.
Alain de Seinfield
11:50
😂 that’s hilarious and unfortunately that would be me! I can’t stand when I hear someone chew.
@@russellolmedo 😂
Alain de Botton makes me, simultaneously, want to get back together with my last girlfriend so I can repair and restart our relationship with everything he's taught me, and start over with someone else much more stable and suited to me and capable of receiving and reciprocating loving understanding. But one thing is for sure - Alain makes me feel much, much better about moving forward.
Amen, brother. I had what sounds like the exact same thought process! I'll just add, this video made me feel a good deal more at peace with my last "failed" relationship; and for that, I am especially grateful. Great video, *truly* insightful!
@@sully1892 Happy to answer, bur sorry, not sure I understand the question. Is it, how did the video make me feel more at peace with my last failed relationship?
Going back to your ex isn't moving forward though. "Back" is back. Based on your comment however, your username checks out and fits perfectly. Good job in choosing it.
@@CosmosKramer you comment desurved a vote of confidence. I think you nailed it. Hope is good right NOW
I'm not commenting our your situation but I do applaud and love you reaching out and being open to being with a new person x
_"When you manage to move from seeing your partner as an idiot to seeing your partner as a lovable idiot, you've learnt a vital lesson about love which we all need to take on board."_ ❤️🌻
"Romanticism is the single greatest enemy we face against love"
Please explain?
@@nola8504 romanticism sets us up for failure in love in that it sets us up to have unrealistic expectations from our partner e.g. he/she will complete me, know everything I need.
Unfortunately redefining love will lead to more multiple interpretations.
@@nola8504 Here you go, Jodie kzhead.info/sun/prSIpa2xfHyklX0/bejne.html
What’s book his Alain the bottom in romantic?
best 19 minutes i've spent on youtube so far.
Me too.
Well then there are all those other videos by this channel, so I wouldn't rush to such judgement :).
Word.
I was nodding my head so vigorously for almost the whole nineteen minutes that I thought my head was going to fall off
Manon 😂😂😂😂
*nods head vigorously*
2020. Who still comes here and feels this is super relevant? This man is a gem.
2021 ,still relevant
Yep...July 21 and I'm back for the 4th time
Doesn't seem like people are looking for romance at all.
2022, and still relevant
@@vineetkaur7701 make that 2022
Man this dude liberated part of my soul
Imagine if all highschool and university teachers/professors were like this.
@@JohnDoe-wx2oo ong everyone needs it
"They're a little bit too healthy, they didn't satisfy friends requirement for suffering."
That definitely was the best quote for me as well.
‘being yourself around another person is a curse we should spare anyone who we care about ’ 😂😂👍
So this is what the narrator looks like!!
*writer *narrator *philosopher Sorry just had to correct that and explain more, have a nice day
i was surprise myself
Orgil B I thought he looks like Adam Levine or someone like Bradley Cooper.
what did you say he is cuter❤️
yeah i didn't knew either!
He summed up all of his videos on romanticism in under 20mins, absolutely insane ;)
He's a genius!
Next Einstein for LOVE!
or he is an idiot
I feel like some of Alain's comedic tone here should make it into more videos. I really liked it.
Half the time, it doesn't even seem like he's trying to be funny. It's like he doesn't expect the laughs. He just states facts in such a clear and honest way that shows how absurd they are.
@@Baqsam99 I think that's a common method among some of the world's greatest comedians. Just state the facts so clearly that it's just funny how ridiculous it really is.
I love his voice and language style xxxxx
The idea of being generous in one's "interpretation of the behaviors of the other person" (treating a partner as a child) is also known in relationship psychology as "positive illusions" and has been found to be a primary indicator of long-term relationship duration. Absolutely love this channel and this video is one of my favorites to date. Thank you for your work Alain.
it might be an indication of long term relationship but it is an awful concept. people should behave right, they are not excused for bad behavior, ESPECIALLY ADULTS, i won't pretend that my partner is a little child, and i would hate if he'd do that to me. my partner is keeping me on track and helping get my shit together, ESPECIALLY when he corrects my wrong behavior, and it is my responsibility to correct him too. we are in a long term relationship and we are so not cutting each other slack, we are kicking each others ass! and that is how it should be!
That sounds like a battlefield.
"people should behave right" good luck with that. Can you do it? Do you have such an absolute control of your own mind and emotions that you dont let anything get to you? Have you never taken your frustration out on anyone? Can you perfectly pinpoint the exact reason on why you feel the way you do? because if you can, congrats, you must be part of a .0000000001% of humanity.
soulure l
I didn't finish watching the video yet, but why is that treating the partner as a child? Why is that not just being kind and patient with your partner?
Alain De Botton is gorgeous and smart. I am embarrassed to comment here but I have a major crush on him.
Sunny Midnite yes, as soon as I heard him speak and saw his passion and spirit... it got to me too...
Sounds like such a cliche
@@joyce7550 good daddy issues I guess. Brilliant, playful, handsome, fluent, focused, beautiful voice, what could possibly be wrong with that?!
I must admit, he is a mental turn-on! Let's write an ode to Alain de Botton!
Sonia Khatri me too
This man's every word, he speaks, should be written in double comma's.
This should be taught in schools! Or at least played.
The romantic movement should be taught in high school history
It is, as well as the classical movement, which can be seen as it's opposite in many ways (and that Alain obviously adheres to); in french schools in french literature (Alain mentioned Madame Bovary, which is a mandatory read in most years)
I did not learn anything of worth until I started doing homeschooling. In Australia, our distance education department is still connected to the government but, I am able to view my curriculum in more detail. I was also able to do Philosophy and Reason, I subject I would not have been able to do in a mainstream school. I was also able to email and call my teachers and they would actually do their best to help me.
And here I am, writing an essay based on this video. Thanks.
hhh our teacher played this in class
finally the gorgeous voice uncovered
Anyone else wish they could "come to him later" when he address the crowd.
👋
😏👍
+Demolition Man Marcos
Me!
Some people say we only use 10% of our brains. I think we only use 10% of our hearts.
Those people should go to school.
Deep
I think we dont even know what we are using. (or maybe its just me who doesn't know) I am a nerd, studied computer science, atheist, and spend way too much time thinking about everything, life, society, science, politics. Maybe a little sparkle of autism in me. I have always seen myself as a rationalist and prided myself in my the capacity of my brains to think rationally. My friends tell me to follow my heart instead of my head. In my actions though, i feel its the opposite. I don't think much before i do and even less so before i say things. I just act on impulse most of the time. Exactly those friends who say i should use my heart instead of my head are the ones who seem very capable of rational action and thought out speach. When they talk about their believes and world views though, they seem very irrational.
Heart is only an organ that pumps blood
I find this very effective in general: "let's stop treating our partners as adults and start treating them like little children" I believe people respond to kindness better than they do to demanding or criticism
I learned this 6 years ago watching this video for the first time - still try to do this every day
Alain, I'm sure you would drive me absolutely mad in real life, but in these metered doses, you are completely BRILLIANT. I can't tell you how many ways you have helped me get out of entrenched areas of thought. I've been listening to School of Life videos every day since a friend sent me the one on appreciation of short term love. Can't believe I learned of you a month after you were here at Powell's World of Books. Hope you loved Portland enough to come back. =)
My girlfriend wants to take me to powells! Would've went if I knew Alain was gonna be there! Please come back to Portland!
I love how after all this time following the channel, watching these long form content I can pick up points that were established in previous videos, sometimes multiple times, even dated back to the very beginning. You should definitely do more of these. They are fun as hell.
As with most things in life, balance is key. Basing love off romantic feelings only will not be enough, and using a completely rational approach is also not enough. You need both. The intuition/feeling and your ration. I have been in both types of relationships: guided by ration and guided by feeling. Something was missing in both, and I believe mainly it was a balance between these two approaches to a relationship.
faintmelody Intuition is a tool but has little to do with love. Intuition and rationality are indeed needed but not for love. What if I said I think and intuitively believe I love you. Is it credible? Never met you but your comment shows grace and your picture beauty that makes me love you. You would think I am crazy. But I can say I rationally and intuitively believe this video is good and intelligent, perhaps my favorite and sound credible.
Ricardo Murillo Intuition is a bit more complex than that... I think an intuitive feeling about whether something feels right can be a good indicator of how fulfilling a relationship can be.. Sometimes you have a lot of doubts but you go for it anyways because it seems "rational"? Those relationships can be a bit dry I think. Of course things can't be exciting all the time and we can build love and deeper emotions with time, even if we didn't feel a spark in the beginning... But I think a strong spark is meaningful, and it doesn't have to mean that you dive headfirst and completely irrationally into something... I think a balance between ration and intuition is possible, we just need to practice it.
Intuition is indeed very complex and not well known or used. It uses experience but also a certain kind of energy. However love is blind and very likely your intuition and rationality are not at their top during love decisions. That is where luck plays a very strong part as well as your friends and family that have a more distant approach.
K
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this is really what it means to love: to be generous in the interpretation of the behavior of another person
I never want his videos to end so I pause and go away and come back to them to feel like it’s longer
Want more Videos like this.
My new ice breaker for any conversation, "So... How are you mad?" Thanks Alain!
He speaks so fast yet his message his very clear and elaborate. I like his way of explaining things that intermittently involves humour
My god! This is such an amazing talk. Wow...
OMG that broken arm/broken soul example was so good. :D
Thank you Alain for everything. your existence in this life will never be forgotten. you are one of the very few philosophers I truely believe in. your message have reached me all the way to Saudi Arabia ! can you imagine! I love you and I love your work..i just feel more at ease and calm about life the more i watch The School of Life videos :) and often times i find myself going to the Book Of Life just to read even more :) you rock ! the coolest philosopher ever ♡
Love is about hard work and when you get older you realize this, compassion and kindness are key
Sure as hell wish someone had told me this when I was in high school - and insisted on my watching it once a year until I could recite it from memory.
Dear Alain De Botton - one of today's best thinkers and actually I think he is a genius. So underrated. Love him.
Where has this man been all of my life?? Wow! He is just right about everything. We have so many expectations of perfection on love that it ruins relationships.
Alain de Botton is a marvelous combination of both intelligence and humor. 😊
Absolutely brilliant. I am very happy that i understood a lot of this from past experiences. I learned that my "instinct" was going to lead me to be unhappy and be miserable in my marriage. When i met my wife, i didn't "click" with her or feel intensely towards her. I looked at her as a person, outside of the conext of my feelings and saw an amazing human being, 3 years later, i am happier than i have ever been in my life and i love her more and more everyday, and it feels like healthy love, the kind of love that builds you up and makes you a better person, not the kind of love that is self destructive like the "love" we have towards someone we instinctly feel comfortable with in the beginning.
This is what love is about!
His talks are relieving. Romanticism puts too much pressure on us.
"didn't fit my pattern of madness..."
It's brilliant right?
@@xw6475 yes.
12:00 Greeks vision of love 18:40 readiness for love: you are crazy, your partner is crazy You don't understand yourself, They don't understand themeselves
It's taken me a lifetime to recognize these things....so much brilliance in less than 20 minutes
I don't think any other video has contributed so much to understanding and improving relationships than this one. I know the quality of my relationships (romantic and platonic) have changed post the wisdom of Alain and I'm sure it's the similar for many others. Emotional education is so underrated these days. Kudos to sharing such quality content! 👏
This is literally the best video I've ever stumbled upon!
I love his wisdom and insight- and such a crisp presentation! Thank you!
Just brilliant, brilliant! Thank you so much Alain!
This deserves so many more views. Absolutely brilliant!
This is resonates so much with how I feel on a daily basis in my relationship. It's just a shame that my husband doesn't understand or use a lot of this and it's so unbelievably tiring to be the "emotional adult" in all of this and constantly forgive what I know he does not understand. That being said, Alain always reminds me of a somewhat balder version of Prince William.
I love the originality of your content and delivery in all of the School of Life videos! Thank you!
I love how simple and matter of fact you are able to educate. You're videos are so great, I've loved everyone I've seen!
I have never written a comment on any video. But this one is truly amazing. This man is speaking heavenly words. Some of us never really understand what love is, we remain sad, broken hearted, bothered, but don't really question the idea of false love we have sewed in our heads. We should really learn how to love openly and beyond the predefined boundaries.
Comments are an easy way to show gratitude to creators for the time, effort, cost, etc. that they invested and for-which you benefitted. Comments don't need to be profound. Just a "thanks" or whatever. Please consider doing it a lot more! *It could be argued that sharing a vid is an even easier way, which could, possibly, benefit the creator even more! I say, don't just be a taker! We have heard it before, but not enough people take the initiative to like/comment/share. Do it!!! 🥰
So organized, so concise, and so helpful! Amazing job
Alain thank you for this tribute to love! Wonderful and revealing plenty of simple but precious truths.
Alain thank you so much for your wonderful lecture! Indeed, you are a genius.
I absolutely love listening to Alain. Such refreshing takes and he presents them in an even more refreshing way. Had a smile on my face the entire time, I even applauded at the end!
"Because this is really what it means to love, which is to be generous in the interpretation of the behaviour of another person." I love this phrase. So true. Some was a bit messy in this speech, but this quote really reached me.
Intellectual and emotional genius. How inspiring. Thank you.
Thank you so much, for the cleverness honesty and courage...
I feel so engaged when I hear Alain de botton speak.
This is such an important video for so many millenials / gen y. I agree with so much of what's discussed. It's also refreshing to hear an insight of as to what parts of these ideologies are healthy /unhealthy and why
This was beautiful, his explanation was spectacular.
Alain is absolutely brilliant!
This whole channel is so awesome! Thank you so much! keep up the good work
He’s serving up gems 💎. Familiarity rarely equals happiness.
"Familiarity breeds contempt"
Like always Alain delivers it masterfully
The laughter says so much.
The comment on criticism tragically does not only effect couples but teacher and student relationships. Students will threaten a teachers job because their criticism is too harsh, then parents will also support the childs or young adults point of view instead of the educators perspective on the topic which is the correct one. I have seen threats in American schools and I have sadly seen a teacher lose their job In Bolivia. The reactions seen in social media outlets on how some people consider themselves bullied because they are being criticized of their incorrect thoughts is exactly how students react to teachers criticism. "You are too harsh on my beliefs so you are unfit to educate me". I would like to add that I greatly appreciate and enjoy this channel and its contents, although I am not well versed with poets and philosophers; these videos give a thorough and easily digested amount of information. More than enough to grasp ones interest to seek for more. Keep up the good work Alain and hopefully you will be able to keep presenting and be able to upload those as well. For those who can not make it. A huge Thank You from a student in Virginia and some alumni.
Brilliant exposé on what love is, how to find it, how to know when you've found it, and how to maintain it. I learned so much from your teachings Alan. Cheers!
What a great public speaker and a truly fascinating rendition of modern ‘love’ ... thank you 🙏!!
Thank you for this truth and sense of humor about the most intense of human feelings.
This lecture makes me feel so relaxed inside. Don’t have to search like madness to my twinsoul, it is as good as it gets and it is the same with everyone else.
Romanticism has ruined love! I love this video and your insights on love and beyond. I only regret I didn't hear all of this sooner!
I'm in awe of his brilliance ~ and his irresistible sense of humor. And his sparkling, all-knowing eyes. :) Thanks for posting !!!
What a spectacular insightful masterful teacher! You were born born for this life lesson. Thank you for sharing your insight and perspective.
"How are you mad", well my younger brother keeps a list, so I can just redirect her to him.
Lol! :)
Sir the words you say rip out of my own mind. love your simplicity on explaining complex things.
Absolutely Brilliant, as usual Mr. Botton. And Thank You So Much for the U.S. Shop!!!
Love listening to Alain,makes some complicated material very easy to listen to and learn from,keep it up Sir.
Thank you for a wonderful introduction to your ideas! I really enjoyed it and couldn't agree more. Delivered with just the right amount of humour!! Sharing with my teenage boys hope it help puts 'things' into perspective for them nice and early. 😀
My face lit up 10 seconds into the video connecting his voice with the other school of life videos. I finally have a face to the voice
Wow Alain, great moves! Keep it up! Proud of you.
Incredibly poignant yet lighthearted. LOVE this!!
Amazing! This is like a crash course in how to love for the modern world! Everything he says hits the nail on the head, this should be required viewing. I would enjoy seeing videos focusing more on the new platform of dating and romance (the Internet) and how it seems to be skewing our romantic ideals and standards. (in fact you guys may have done that already). Anyway well done all around for the work you guys do. This channel remains the one I constantly go back to and I refer to it as the education of the soul. De Botton is a genius!
Goodness gracious. Never heard anyone speak the truth and say it in such an elegant way. I feel like he just opened closet to a whole bunch of hidden things I have contemplated but never wanted to say. This is both refreshing and frightening to listen to because I know listening to his speech is changing my perspective in a profound way.
WOW WOW WOW, what a brilliant speech, loved everything he said, and gave me epiphany.
Phenomenal on every level. Bravo! Love.
School of Life, please get your videos subtitled in all languages!
English, at least! Then it's easy for us to translate it into other languages
+Birdy Edwards I totally agree, in fact I would definitely volunteer to translate those English captions or transcripts into my native language (Spanish). This channel is full of interesting messages that I believe should be spread to the widest audience possible.
+1 this Idea. I wanted to translate it to Persian but without a synced english subtitle its really hard to do
I so very much want to watch this right now, but I'm seeing Alain speak in Sydney in 2 months on this very topic, so I don't want to ruin it by hearing it early!
Thanks for shining a light on love!! Bravo!
Thank you so much for this. I would not believe how helpful this is!
"True lover would be able to read through the bathroom door what was wrong" 😂😂😂😂 I mean seriously this guy makes me laugh everytime..
🤣🤣🤣
So much to learn and understand. Thank you for everything you do Alain De Botton! "We are all a little bit crazy." " How are you mad? Should be a standard question at a dinner date." " Only a lover, deep in a relationship, invests in mutual enlightenment. Not your mother, not your friend." "Be incredibly generous about our system of interpretation of behaviour, we don't look like children as adults, but we are."
Just fantastic! I love your point of view Alan and you have articulated it so well. I wish I knew this when I was younger!
I being able to watch this for free is awesome. Thank you School of Life.
This was a heart breakingly informative stand up comedy
I think disney also has fault, they set this principles on little girls.
Yep. And Hollywood movies too.
Well, all society does, since as he says it comes from the XVIII century's, implicit or explicit ways, we might too, unconsciously
Nicole Bonilla he actually talks about this in one of his talks I believe!
Yes. Definitely
This is stupid reasoning. Do u believe in living according to Disney's interpretation of a girl???
That's one of the best talks I've ever heard.
Pessimism is the most generous and kindly emotion that you can direct towards your partner.