Part of my 2018 comedy special "Noob" where I do standup about paranoia, bad handjobs, failing to buy drugs, online gaming and meeting new family at Christmas. Not suitable for under 16s.
Link to my channel where you can watch more of my comedy: / dianespencercomedian
Website: www.dianespencer.tv/
Facebook: / dianespencerfun
Twitter: / dianespencerfun
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I am a stand-up comedian, I post a full standup show about once a year, I'll post short jokes from that show and the occasional vlog so please subscribe so you don't miss anything.
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Filmed at the Museum of Comedy.
Filmed by Dan and Rob who were great.
Interview at the end by Kevin Shepherd.
Glad this came up - the entire time I was like "this is a lass who has truly been down to the morning camp and pull up the flowers so that the nectar may flow freely. Thank you for your service! lol"
The nectar!! 🤣🤣🤣 Ah how have I missed that all these years! You are a poet
“He’s heard all my stories and it wasn’t time for poetry” 😂
Thank you
When she says go deeper but you’ve run out of poems :)
"Gathering the flowers " is a new one for me.
I recently discovered your channel and have spent a good deal of time catching up. I appreciate your candor and am quite impressed with your delivery. You have a new sub, bells and all.
Wonderful! Thank you Ragnar, welcome to the group!
You are just so awesome. Can't stop binge watching your channel. Keep it up.
Thank you so much Sridhar!
As a northerner, I always find it delightfully amusing to hear a southerner imitating a northern accent - absolutely nailed it, too :D
This happened in a pub called the Blessington Carriage in Derby and the lady in question... I laughed so much, my face hurt as I left.
@@DianeSpencercomedian I can well imagine - I think I'd have died of embarrassment, personally, but it's good you could see the funny side x'D
Same thing in the States, but then there's the lobotomy scar too. That's a bit tougher
Northern accent? She was only in Derby, certainly not Northern, that's still the Midlands tbh.
@@Wickerrman South Midlanders would say that Derby is dangerously close to the border with the north though...😊
early 40's married guy here, & the "2 types" bit is spot on!
I am a recent subscriber to your channel and have become enchanted by your amazing humor. I just keep watching your videos and laughing. Thank you for posting and ease keep them coming! (No pun intended. LOL)
LOL - cheers Steve :)
"He's heard all my stories, and it wasn't the time for poetry." Haha I swear, Brits make the best sarcastic replies.
Thank you
Yeah they do!!!
I tell you what, your actions and great delivery made the story much more funnier. Really good material
Thanks
@@DianeSpencercomedian No problem, if you ever tour Australia i'll be more then happy to but a ticket to your show
I would love to come back to Australia - lovely country, both Kev and I really like it, but we've never been together.
@@DianeSpencercomedian Once covid-19 passes hopefully you both can. Have a blessed day
So much brilliant hilarity packed into just six and a half minutes! But "Granny had hands like that" and "wasn't the time for poetry" almost done me in, LOL. And a redhead, too!
Ah thank you so much the Real Joseph Turner! I'm very happy you enjoyed this :)
This was super hilarious. Thanks for one of my best laughs in 2020!
So glad you enjoyed it
Shame the Audience didn't think so, she ain't funny.
@@alanjeffs-ep8lqthe audience seemed well entertained to me. Perhaps because the audio focused more on the performance for the video it might have sounded flat to you. I can enjoy comedy on its own merit without waiting for the crowd to cue me when to laugh.
I've never heard of "gathering flowers" or "sanding the chair leg" 😂🤣
"Gathering the flowers" has to become global... it will make it seems so much more elegant and appealing to the ladies.
You have now😀
I'm glad you like my words :)
@@DianeSpencercomedian I will NEVER forget "sanding the chair leg!" I am saving that for the hereafter when I can share it with my late wife. Thank you.
@@DianeSpencercomedian .
Great delivery . When you can’t help but laugh during telling you own jokes, I laugh even more with you.
Thanks Dawn. I love watching the audience and when they giggle, I giggle.
@@DianeSpencercomedian Funny stuff. Take it from me, a man has to do something with EVERY erection If a man doesn't take care of them they will get upset and not return.
@@DianeSpencercomedian Of course, of course. The only thing better than a great joke is seeing someone else enjoy it! (Folks, when she says it's better live than at home in a recliner watching KZhead on your laptops... that's the reason why. Comedy is grand in general, but even better as a group activity!)
Loved the war medic and the kids in the cave lines, quality writing.
It's great when KZhead recommendations turn out well, she was funny and pretty damn cute as a bonus.
Cheers
Very cool, thanks regards Ronald.
I come back to this video from time to time, when I want a reminder of a perfect bit. Truly, seven minutes of sublime comedy.
You're so kind. It's better live if you get the chance!
@@DianeSpencercomedian I’m sure that’s so! I’m American and promise to line up my next visit with tour dates of yours. I can’t wait.
@@DianeSpencercomedian maybe you can help me out diane...
@@DianeSpencercomedian You sound very posh.
Rrrrrrrrrrrrr.
“Hang on kids, we’re gonna get you out of the cave” 😂
Not seen this lass before, fabulous routine, soooo funny. I'll have to check out more, can't believe this is new to me, I've obviously been missing a treat. (gawd bless you sir.....brilliant)
LOL, glad you liked it
Diane you are the absolute greatest. Pure and simple.
The part about getting the children out of the cave -- brilliant!
Thanks Larry, I'm so topical lol!
The only comic who's specials i'll watch 3 times and still not get bored.
Gathering the flowers... Excellent!
LOL, thanks Gilly
Omg.... Rolled the comforter and forskin together... I laughed out loud and scared a cat with that comment!
It was definitely a bedroom "incident"! I can't really classify it as anything else XD
My wife and I are dying laughing at this. Spot on. Spot on.
I'm 32 and I can't believe how fun life can be if you just laugh at the shit everyone goes through, no kid would ever think this is what adults do😂
That's the spirit!! I love this - just laugh at stuff
Yes they would and they do. That's why they leave home. Because (A) they've caught their parents at it and (B) they're looking for someone not related to do it to and /or with them.
Brilliant! My wife and I have always thoroughly enjoyed your routines, but especially this one. Cheers!
Awesome :> and great that you have your own channel. less lurking for pieces of stand up gigs, more concentrated enjoyment of the comedy itself *thumbs up*
Thank you - I like having a channel too. I can be my own gatekeeper instead of waiting for permission.
I lost it at the kids in a cave line.
Changing hands without missing a stroke is advanced hand jobbery.
You are so kind
@@DianeSpencercomedian HAHAHA.. you're hilarious and that made my day, thank you.
Handcareery
Popped up at the top of my page and now I need to watch all of your videos. You killed it. I need to see you live!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Thanks Eddie :) I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Whereabouts in the world are you?
Diane Spencer Stand-up Comedian I love in Tennessee in the USA. I really enjoy your stand up. Thank you very much for sharing it with the world
This popped up in my recommended for some reason - laughed my ass off! Why have I never heard of you before now?
Not sure, but happy you're here :)
'My Granny had hands like that.' You just won the day.
Lol! Wooooo!
I showed this clip to my spouse and she LOVED it! 🤣
🤣🤣🤣 wonderful - it is the handjob giver that connects the most to this bit I feel
That's a genuine funny lady! Love how she cracked herself up! Lol
Had me in tears I was laughing so hard, best bit I've heard in long while
Thank you!
You must be easily amused.
Wow comedy gets you going like that!
Haha! Just proves lots of women just can't give handies. With rhythm and consistency, 3-4 minutes tops.
"Gathering the Flowers" LMAO
Don’t give up soldier!!😂😂
Oh ma ma ma gawwd!! Did I get a heart from ma crush?? 😍😍 your sense of humor makes you unbelievably attractive ❤️❤️
100% one of the best segments in standup :)
Thank you ever so much, it's more raucous live!
you are hilarious and delightful. thanks for the laughs!
You are most welcome Mike G :)
She's damn funny!!! I'm wondering why I've never heard of her before...but better late than never!
Welcome :) Glad you like my jokes
The elderly couple at the end is #goals😅
This was great! Thank you for sharing this
Glad you enjoyed it!
Came for the thumbnail (wow ...) stayed for the fun stories, win-win!
Wonderful! I'm glad you like my stories. I have more on my channel!
lmao, she is really funny! great to see, because lately i have seen so many comedians that just are not funny at all.
I'm glad you liked it
“it wasn’t the time for poetry” 😂 😂 😂
Didn't quite understand that phrase. Can you please explain.
I thought she said he's heard all her stories and it's no time for perjury!
Super awesome , 👌. Not just the content but the way of Delivery, pauses and the face expression 😀
Thank you so much. I love my job
You are now my favorite stand up.
How wonderful
With that accent, hair and face, my flowers would be in the vase in under a minute
Hahahahhahahaha!!!
Diane Spencer Stand-up Comedian. Hi, Diane. I’ve worked and dated a Brit for several years. Ive always loved Brit humor! Do you bring your show to America? Connecticut specifically.
@@jaym3064 hi Jay, going to the States is a plan, but it's probably still a way in the future. With more people supporting me it becomes more of a realistic opportunity 😊 thanks for writing, Di
Diane Spencer Stand-up Comedian terrific!! I’ll be the guy holding a vase with flowers in his lap 😂😂. Cheers!
"God bless you sir, do u like that ?" Ahhh hahahahahah XDXD I can't !!!
Eliza Doolittle fluffing after she left 'enry 'iggins 'ouse XD
Always enjoy watching Diane
Excellent set! "...nice to know I can still roll socks!" I died.
Lol :)
Funny and beautiful, wonderful👍. If Diane was beside me I keep my eyes wide open🤣
Funny as hell,reminds me of my wife in the morning 😁😁. Keep doing your thing, hope u visit the states!!
LOL! Thanks - I hope so too
Love this bit, a very creative take on the subject matter at hand, as it were. Nicely done
Thank you! I was very nervous performing this in front of my husband for the first time, but thankfully he thought it was hysterical.
@@DianeSpencercomedian Hello again. Not surprised your husband found this hysterical, it's an extremely funny and well performed piece, I'll waffle for a while, if I may, to add a little perspective to why I'm talking about it so positively. Now, I'm no stranger to wank jokes and stories, been hearing them for many decades, the art of the humble wank story IMO took a stellar leap with the excesses of the Derek and Clive stuff back in the seventies, loved it then and still love it now but to the relevance of that, well, I've been listening to 'edgy' and 'blue' comedians for decades and yet in this piece, you've still managed to find and work with a very unique perspective, add to that the various 'characterizations' and it all adds up to a very well crafted and extremely funny performance, I'll be checking out and recommending more of your clips for sure, thanks again for the laughs
Awesome! She is great, so funny..😂😂😂
Thank you Mikael!!
Redhead sanding a chair leg is still better than others picking flowers! ♥️
LOL! Always look on the bright side :)
@@DianeSpencercomedian Is there another way to look at it? I happen to have my esthetic preferences at a very, very small percentage of the total females of the world. And beggars cannot be choosers.... 😭
"HANG IN THERE KIDS" 😂😂
"Guilty as charged" just cracked me up
Brilliant i laughed till i cried as i can relate to that 😂😂😂
Thanks Wallace!
Diane Spencer Stand-up Comedian you so welcome I watch all your shows and I love someone who can say it like it is and just hit them with it. Love it. ❤️
This was great, hilarious.
Glad you liked it :)
Outstanding storytelling. Simply sublime.
Thank you so much for that comment. I really prize storytelling, so yeah - made my day :)
Married 26 yrs .. I vaguely remember this
Yes, and it's hard to see the funny side, for me anyway.
You got something to remember?
You are great funny, picking the flower's, love it thanks
You're most welcome :) Thanks for watching
You had my wife almost shitting herself in laughter! I gotta check out more of your stuff.
Nice
Most piss themselves. My condolences on your wife’s IBS.
Relatable comedy, great stuff
This is just brilliant. Cheers from France
Lived in France when I was young Yes its true they are all sex mad😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄
Just found this and glad I did! Thank you, great laughs to start the new year!
Lol! You're most welcome :)
Good evening.love your work, as always...... a persistent smile .... Dan
Thanks Dan :)
Jajajajajajajajaajajaja.. "Guilty as charged" 👍
Wow I needed this. This was by far the best stand up i've seen in a while. Maybe i'm getting coronacrazy but my bodily reaction was pretty violent and I got actual tears from this bit.
I am genuinely very happy at this. I hope you have a lovely day!
@@DianeSpencercomedian To avoid the lactic acid build up you need to exercise those particular muscles more often. Problem solved. It's like when one hasn't ridden a bicycle for a while and starting again, the legs are sore until one gets used to it again.
Brilliant! I`ve just found this lady and instantly subscribed.
YES!! I'm reading your comments backwards, lol!! Moving back in time :) Sorry, I only get to answer these sporadically :)
Oh man I'm so grateful the algorithm suggested you to me! Love it!
I'm so happy you enjoyed this! Thank you very much.
@@DianeSpencercomedian no, thank you for being hilarious!
One of the funniest damn things I’ve heard in a while. I’m deceased
Thanks Jeremey :)
Really? You can't have listened to much comedy. Further proof....as if it were needed.
The algorithm is finally showing me good comedians, loved this bit
Thank you! I perform around the UK :)
@@DianeSpencercomedianperfect as Im UK based. Are you performing before Sep or only in Sep for your 'sweet and sore' show ?
This was all kinds of funny, but the voices just made it perfect.
Thank you Curtis :)
This was so so much funnier than I thought it would be
I'm delighted I surprised you! Thank you for writing
from now on when i "close my eyes" i'll be seeing Diane Spencer!........for the next while anyway
😂
I know, a sassy redhead with a glint in her eye and a sense of humour, talking about bashing the bishop, ooops there we go!!!!
It's all in the wrist, keep the arm still. Thanks for the skit, brilliant.
LOL!! Kevin laughed at this too :D
splashbunny "It's all in the wrist". Only if he has a little dick.
Still laughing a year later, absolutely brilliant.
Brilliant and so funny. We all need some laughs in life.
What a lovely comment, thank you Steffi, I appreciate you writing that :)
Every time I watch this I almost fall off my chair and want to share it with someone without other family members seeing it so I don't get into trouble.
Trouble
Trouble?
Goodness me, this is absolutely brilliant! 😆
Thank you! It's fun to do in the clubs 😀
Lol wow, can't believe I haven't seen her stand up before. I was dying 😂, one of the very few to make me laugh out loud.
Hi Manuel, I'm so pleased! Thank you for taking a chance on a new comedian, I'm very glad I could make you laugh out loud.
She now appears on GB News. I will see her in a different light!
That posh accent was amazing. And my abdomen clenched itself when you turned into a battlefield medic. Lmao.
LOL!! Glad I make you laugh :)
Omg!!! She is so funny 😂😂😂
I just about died when you said "guilty as charged"
:D
Me and the wife just had a great laugh 🤣 your great
How wonderful
"Gathering the flowers" progressed to "Sanding the furniture". SAVAGE but hilarious!
Thank you :)
@@DianeSpencercomedian You're Welcome!
Guilty as charged. That was super !
Very glad you like it :)
Sooo funny and so true. I almost feel guilty for my poor wife after 23 years of marriage... almost ;-) ... LOL, keep these funny vids coming!
LOL! Show her this video! Then she and I can become friends :D
If you’ve ever cut that little piece of skin under your tongue going down on her, you don’t have to feel bad. You’re even. 😂
@@zenofthemomentshe does so much for me, but I spend one evening on her and that little fold of skin under my tongue is broken and scarred. I can only presume it’s the same for her, but I’m scared to ask. So I just presume it is and thank her massively for every…event.
Don't need to see the rest of her other bits. Am sure its pure gold. Your hilarious 🤣 😂 😆
i saw the rest of her other bits. pure gold just as i knew it would.
I'm relieved!! That would suck if people were like "that was great, don't need to see the rest"... *Diane takes down 9 hours of video* lol
whiping his nose on your leg, yes i missed you too :D
:)
I'm honestly amazed Taylor Thomlinson hadn't already thought of that because she's the only other one who could come out with a line that good.
Ha! Very hilarious. Good storytelling and excellent timing. Consider me a new fan!
Thank you Ramone!
Hey Diane, you are a very funny and glamorous lady👍🏻 We need more like you in the States! That part about two pumps and squirt ( comedy gold ) New sub here!😂😂🇬🇧🇺🇸✌🏻️
LOL! Thank you Alan, I'm very glad you enjoyed my work :) I hope to come to the States one day.
Watching this again!!! Brilliant dear!!!
How wonderful! Thank you Steve!
This might be one of the funniest things I've watched!
How wonderful!
@@DianeSpencercomedian how are you coping with the virus?
one of the best comedians!
Thank you :)
OMG! I hope I did not wake the neighbors from laughing so hard.
I hope you did... XD
I love you Diane, you are one of the funniest people that I know! I hope all is well in your's and Kevin's kingdom.
Ah you are so kind
@@DianeSpencercomedian The Book of Mormon, that's awesome! I would like to take Mrs. Badger to see it, sometime. We just visited a cousin in the NL, for the first time (good times). Be good, unless it's not on the agenda. 👋
You're so raw, thank you!
So is my husband... ba dum!!! XD Thank you Mike
@@DianeSpencercomedian Does he do stand up too? If not, he has no bragging rights ... other than you married him ... which is plenty actually ... anyway!... I love HONEST comedy ... when a comedian puts themselves out there ... the audience (WE) connects and that's not common from what I've seen anyways ... you have a gift to be able to do that and unlimited courage!. I sincerely hope you find the success you deserve. You should be up there with the best of them and I wont drop names but I could think of a few who should give you their seat ... lol :-) oh and ummm best wishes on a long and ... successful .... marriage ... :-|
@@DianeSpencercomedian and so ... since I know NOW ... that you're married. ... I just want to apologize for those few ... umm ... dozen times we committed adultery ... IN MY MIND ... and for those few times when you couldn't finish ... I think you were just having a bad day or something ... cause I was my usual pro status .... I felt bad ... but ... wasn't gonna let it ruin my evening... ;-) CHEERS!